Seriously, finding things out through FB?

(63 Posts)

Brother is at the hospital after been attacked by someone his room mate knows and I only found out because my brothers friend has taken him and commented on FB about it?!

Its not like my brother doesn't have a phone so he could phone us. His mate we have know n years too.

It was also FB where I found out a relative had died and then when the funeral was. Why cant people just pick up a phone?!

Oh, hes ok btw. Just doing tests now as he is prone to fitting. Nit something that family should find out about on FB

FredFredGeorge Wed 18-Sep-13 22:42:17

Maybe he's just not that close to you?

PeppiNephrine Wed 18-Sep-13 22:44:55

Because they don't want to call you?

SuperStrength Wed 18-Sep-13 22:45:31

Shouldn't you be be more worried about the fact your brother has been hurt rather than the way in which you found out?
This is not about you, it's about him. If you were my sis I'd be seriously unimpressed with you..

HaveALittleFaith Wed 18-Sep-13 22:46:17

My SIL posted about her engagement before she rang DH, had time to ring their Nan and other sister though hmm

The last thing I would want to do if I've just been attacked is start phoning people about it. Your brother is probably in shock.

littlemisswise Wed 18-Sep-13 22:47:17

YANBU. I found out my niece had given birth via Fb. I had knitted lots of clothes and blankets for her and bought her a swing, yet no-one (wasn't expecting her to meaning my mum or my sister) could be arsed to phone or text me. I was really hurt if I am honest.

Glad your brother is ok.

CocacolaMum Wed 18-Sep-13 22:48:55

you text/call someone, you have text/call everyone.. you post on facebook and within minutes everyone has been informed and you can get back to the matter at hand.

Easy decision.

TheRealHousewifeOfSomewhere Wed 18-Sep-13 22:53:00

It's crap.

A close friend of mine found out that her mum had died through her niece's fb status.

Her sister did call her less than 5 minutes later to break the news but her niece had got to fb first.

PoppyWearer Wed 18-Sep-13 22:57:51

We had to impose a Facebook embargo after the births of our DCs for this reason - we couldn't trust one side of the family not to post the news before the other side had been told.

I've also had to tell off a family member for posting news of a death before all relatives had been informed.

As a general rule, I think births are only ok to be announced by the parents on FB and deaths only in certain specific cases.

WreckTangle Wed 18-Sep-13 23:11:10

A close friend of mine found out that her mum had died through her niece's fb status.

Now that is shocking. That is unforgivable IMO. I cannot even imagine logging in to be faced with that sad

Op, was it your brother who put it in FB? If not he can't really be blamed. Hope he's ok.

I stated he is fine. This was posted after I had spoke to him!

It wasn't him that put it on FB but his friend who was with him who could have easily rang anyone of us when he was writing it all over FB.

Never said it was all about me. Its not like I saw it then posted here straight away. I have been intouch and spoken to him and his friend which is how I knew he was ok. Then I posted about FB

lisad123everybodydancenow Wed 18-Sep-13 23:13:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iaintdunnuffink Wed 18-Sep-13 23:14:36

Brother is hurt, being treated, shocked and in no position to phone. Friend is ewaiting in hospital, in shock & wants to communicate to a wide audience.

I've been in hospital with planned treatment and not felt up to calling close family.

My brother rang his friend who then took him to hospital. There is no wider audience as my brother doesn't have FB. All other A&E visits he has have we have been text or rang.

ToffeeCaramel Wed 18-Sep-13 23:31:40

That is shocking RealHousewife
There is a boarding school I read about in the news where a pupil died and the parents found out via the school website shock

HoneyDragon Wed 18-Sep-13 23:35:21

In fairness to your brother he probably thought he may as well get checked over then call when he had something to tell you.

Friend was a plank though.

Minshu Wed 18-Sep-13 23:43:40

It's the way of the world now, unfortunately. I found out about my brother's impending divorce via FB updates from ex-SIL. Learning of a family member's death that way is appalling!

He normally gets in touch as hes going. He has fits and finds himself down there alot.

I found this out at half 9ish and spoke to him and made sure he was ok before starting this. Its not like I saw the FB comment and didn't bother about him and just complained here

Tellinthetruth Thu 19-Sep-13 02:30:21

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Tellinthetruth Thu 19-Sep-13 02:35:22

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Tellinthetruth, after immediate family were informed I "announced" the loss of my father on Facebook. It meant everyone knew without me having to hear "in some ways, it's a release" or similar from many people. It may not be how you choose to express your grief, but it helped me with mine. OP yanbu to be hurt by your brother though.

Blont Thu 19-Sep-13 04:23:28

I don't get the fuss over this 'protocol of who gets contacted first'. When things like this happen people aren't thinking straight, so shouldn't have to abide by some kind of stupid hierarchy in terms of who gets told when or how. It's just important that everyone gets told reasonably quickly.

ZenGardener Thu 19-Sep-13 04:27:01

I didn't think you could use mobile phones in a hospital so perhaps that's why your brother hadn't called you.

SlightlyItchyBraStrap Thu 19-Sep-13 05:49:45

I found out my sister had gotten a divorce on fb. She changed her name on there and a mutual friend noticed and asked me about it. I called my sister to ask if everything was all right. She had been divorced for 3 months.

She was surprised dm and other dsis hadn't mentioned it to me, apparently everyone else knew.

Tee2072 Thu 19-Sep-13 06:23:45

I found out my aunt died via Twitter because my brother was so upset it didn't occur to him that it was the middle of the night here so my mom hasn't called me.

I knew she was dying so it didn't upset me as much as it might have. And my brother apologised for being thoughtless.

That's what it usually is, I find. Lack of thought.

justmakingdo Thu 19-Sep-13 06:38:10

When my Mum died we phoned immediate relatives, then I posted an RIP Mum on my FB.

I didn't want to face ringing everyone to tell them, was upset enough as it was. My Mum was terminally ill though so it was just a matter of time anyway, it wasn't unexpected

FamiliesShareGerms Thu 19-Sep-13 06:38:12

One of the reasons I am still on FB is that I would never know who was engaged / married / pregnant / parents / injured / promoted etc without status updates.

Sad, but true

SillyTilly123 Thu 19-Sep-13 07:00:18

I found out my mam had died via fb (it was expected but she lived away from me). I got a message from my best friend saying "sorry" I was like okay hmm then another message from my cousin saying "sorry for your loss". I quickly checked my mams fb and yep there was a status done by her partner saying she had died that morning. He had apparently tried to ring me but my mobile phone was off, however he could have rang the landline or even a fecking text would have been better than fb. angry I was soooo mad.

Then he "forgot" to mention to the vicar she had a son (they didnt get on) so her funeral was ruined because we were all fuming about that...but thats a different story.

NicknameIncomplete Thu 19-Sep-13 07:15:48

I would be a bit annoyed at your brothers friend. He should have rung or even text you if he didnt want to talk. It would have only taken a few minutes.

Altinkum Thu 19-Sep-13 07:30:46

We posted on Facebook about our gran, with 17 sons and daughters who live far and wide, (all immediate family was contacted) not to mention gran side and then papa side and then grans first husbands side, then cousins, friends and family etc....

I'm glad we did, over 500 people attended her funeral.

We are not thick or twats,! It was just easier to do it this way

YANBU, it's inappropriate. I also hate it when someone writes something along the lines of 'so thrilled to hear about your new baby boy' on someone's wall before the new parents had a chance to put something on there themselves.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Thu 19-Sep-13 08:51:38

I wouldn't announce a death on facebook because older members of my family aren't on there. But pretty much everyone I know announces births/pregnanciest/engagements on facebook and I think it's lovely. People used to put an announcement in the paper - this isn't that different really. I don't follow why anyone would be hurt about that?

I think the brother's friend was probably just very shocked and it's natural to post on facebook about something like that. It is a pity the brother didn't ring, but if he's in hospital he's probably not totally on the ball. I'd be worried but not hurt, I don't think.

I found out that my MIL was pissed off at me because she found out her son (my DH) had been beaten up via FB. My DD had posted a message asking all her friends if they had been out that evening and if they saw anything.

I was too busy making sure that my DH was alright to make phone calls. My MIL never came to see her son or grace him with a phone call to check if he was okay or if there was anything she could do for him. My DH now knows where her priorities lie.

I like FB for this reason. It depends on the quality of your "friends" though, I suppose.

There have been events that we have asked for a FB blackout, but recently, a RL friend found it easier to play out her early labour and subsiquent death of her son via FB, she didn't want to discuss it and still hasn't properly, yet.

My Mum collapsed in the street and within 30 mins we had been tracked down and got to the hospital as she was thanks to FB.

Hospitals don't have signals, I wouldn't leave someone vulnerable in our A&E to make a call. A don't see what difference it makes, you won't be driving etc when your checking FB, so it could be deemed safer than a txt or call.

mouseymummy Thu 19-Sep-13 09:08:31

I get it sp. My mum announced the birth of dd2 on Feb before I had the chance to tell all my family. She also announced I was having a girl on there too.

I've found out loads on fb. Does my head in. Takes a minute to send a group text.

PurplePidjin Thu 19-Sep-13 09:16:16

My cousin recently got engaged and announced it on fb. She lives 4,000 miles away.

Her mum was over here visiting and didn't find out for a further week hmm

Oh, and she didn't think to warn me. Good job i have a brain and know how to pm!

DameDeepRedBetty Thu 19-Sep-13 09:17:51

We announced dbro's death on FB, but only after contacting everyone as far as first cousins. It was the only way to be certain that as many of his old friends who he'd lost contact with as his alcoholism became more and more of a problem would get to hear about it and be able to attend the funeral. I was terrified that there'd be no-one there but immediate family which would have been devastating for our mum. As it was lots of his old friends did make it and although it was heartbreaking to be reminded of the person he'd once been, it was also lovely.

PrincessKitKat Thu 19-Sep-13 09:24:40

I found out about my Nan's death on FB. It totally knocked the wind out of me.

I understand the hierarchy (if it had been one of my uncles/aunts, fair enough) and I also understand it's some peoples way of dealing with grief, letting people know funeral arrangements etc. but this person must have literally put down the phone, and got on FB to 'share'. Give it a couple of hours, FGS.

To me it was totally inappropriate. Sharing news of her death so quickly amongst the check ins at Frankie and Bennys & photos of babies and cats showed no respect for my nan or other family and it felt like it had been done for all the 'aw hunz, u ok babez?' drivel from strangers hmm


I'm not close to my sisters but my family still had the decency to at least text before I found out via FB about their accidents over the past few years! Well, Mum called me in a panic telling me that my sister had been hit by a truck the first time and the second I had a text from my sister who had crashed her car warning me that it was on FB but she was okay.

How difficult is it to just phone to let siblings/parents know before telling 'the wider world'?!

FreudiansSlipper Thu 19-Sep-13 10:06:29

i totally agree

of course close family should have known before it was put on fb why would anyone disagree with this

unless that was the only way to contact people which was not the case

people like to gossips and use fb to be busy bodies some information does not need to be known be everyone and it is important the certain people are informed before others

GrendelsMum Thu 19-Sep-13 10:11:36

I think your DBs friend was probably very shocked and upset, and didn't sit down with your DB to ask about the phone numbers of relatives he should get in contact with. From my own experience, when a couple of friends were attacked, phoning their family did not even occur to me at any point.

cantthinkofagoodone Thu 19-Sep-13 10:19:07

My sister and her dh are fb and twitter addicts. I found out that she was engaged and that my neice's name from fb. She called to say she was pregnant though but only found out from Mum about the baby.

There was a dramatic pregnancy but she would always check in at hospital whenever she had to go in for a bleed or reduced movement but I did call and tell her that her family shouldn't be seeing this on fb, if it really is serious we should get a phonecall. Baby was fine in the end though!

Dobbiesmum Thu 19-Sep-13 10:26:16

It's thoughtless in a lot of cases. Plus the fact that it's habit to many people now to get their phones out and check in to FB or Twitter, especially if they're waiting around for something or someone. i bet that's what your brother's mate was doing SP, mooching around on his phone waiting for your DB to get sorted out..
as an aside, I do know someone who announced her divorce on FB and changed her relationship status. Problem was that her DH didn't't know either, he was as shocked as everyone else....

BrandybuckCurdlesnoot Thu 19-Sep-13 10:31:14

YANBU. This annoys me too and I know it annoys a lot of family and friends. This is why I always make the effort to ensure close family and friends are informed directly before anything is posted on FB.

BrandybuckCurdlesnoot Thu 19-Sep-13 10:32:43

Glad your brother is ok OP

Dobbies Her husband didn't know about the divorce?! shock

Brothers fine, just bruising. He stayed at his friends. I'm meeting him today and I'm off to get some of the expensive stuff out of his house.

Ginformation Thu 19-Sep-13 10:43:31

My parents and I found out my brother was missing presumed dead via ceefax. Our elderly next door neighbour phoned to ask what was going on as The Sun had contacted her for a reaction. We didn't have a clue, no one had contacted us.

I get your rage SP. Just wait til he is home before opening a can of whoopass on him grin

Dobbiesmum Thu 19-Sep-13 10:46:15

Nope, he didn't have a clue she was filing for divorce until he got a message from a friend who saw it on FB! Poor sod was gutted. She lost an awful lot of friends that day.

cogitosum Thu 19-Sep-13 10:51:03

When my ds was born dh's niece posted it on fb before I'd had a chance to tell everyone (or post anything myself). It was quite sweet she was so excited but I wasn't pleased as I would've rather told people or announced it myself.


Gin No rage, he wants me to go with him to get his stuff out. Hes gone to the police as I suggested.

Hes only 14 month younger than me and about 1 foot and half taller yet he knows he needs me when shit is going down grin

I'm normally first person he is in touch with when he has a hospital trip.

The relative dying I know that family did it out of spite. I'm no longer counted as part of that family as mum and dad divorced.

Gin No rage, he wants me to go with him to get his stuff out. Hes gone to the police as I suggested.

Hes only 14 month younger than me and about 1 foot and half taller yet he knows he needs me when shit is going down grin

I'm normally first person he is in touch with when he has a hospital trip.

The relative dying I know that family did it out of spite. I'm no longer counted as part of that family as mum and dad divorced.

Phone site is doing the long please wait thing then posting it more than once!

VanitasVanitatum Thu 19-Sep-13 13:42:45

Know how you feel SP, Facebook is a really impersonal way to find out things like that. Hope the situation gets sorted ASAP

SarahBumBarer Thu 19-Sep-13 14:42:27

Yanbu in this specific situation but lots of other posters BU. FB is just how things are done now. Move with the times.

With minor exceptions I'd rather post something on FB (free within my mobile phone dataplan) than text loads of people having to reply individually to them with the same old bloody queries etc. Much easier on FB where everyone can see each others questions/responses etc.

PrincessKitKat Thu 19-Sep-13 16:52:42

Ah, now I have unlimited free texts and only a 1Gb data bundle, which is why I would take the time to personally let people I care about know their close relative was hurt, in trouble or had died.

Whether being U or NU in this situation is clearly dependent on your price plan.


Isn't 1GB alot? I have 500mb which I think is half of 1GB? I actually have no clue

PrincessKitKat Thu 19-Sep-13 17:30:43

I was just being a cockwomble SP.

I was trying failing to show that I personally felt using the parameters of a phone bundle as your reason for passing on personal news through FB, rather than calling or texting family was a fairly upsetting sign of the times. And not one that I want to 'move with' thanks.

But yes, 1Gb is a lot! I could pass on infinite deaths, births and serious injury posts should the need arise smile

Glad your brother is ok.

Love cockwomble grin

hotritenow Thu 19-Sep-13 17:59:30

We found out my husbands nephew died on FB..and it was our daughter who was in another country who told us....none of my husbands sisters or brother bothered to pick up the phone and tell us....

Dorris83 Thu 19-Sep-13 21:08:09

SIL announced the birth if my DS before we'd even told all of my family... I had literally given birth less than an hour before and MIL had excitedly text all of her closest family members.
I was amazed that she'd done it and set MIL on her grin

It came down within 5 minutes, I don't think anyone important saw it

It is mostly thoughtless action though, rather than spite. She was just excited

YANBU - and don't see why 'thoughtless' counts as an excusable reason either. Admittedly it's a better 'motive' than spite, but still.

Perhaps a posting for 'God and the world' to see is more efficient than individual contacts, but it feels impersonal & gossipy - more a "look at the drama" than anything else. Efficiency is what one should strive for in business, not personal, networks.

Glad he's going to be ok and hope they catch the people who did it.

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