To think that if you keep your house at 16 degrees..

(105 Posts)
PosyNarker Wed 18-Sep-13 20:29:57

You ought to tell your guests prior to a 'black tie dinner party'?

Somewhat inspired by a Good Housekeeping thread. I get that people are really struggling, but interested in the MN view because I'm visiting this friend shortly and he's now a lot better off!

I was invited to a dinner party by a good friend who is relatively, if not indecently well off (est £40k pa). He's was at the time single man in a rented flat.

Anyway, he invited a group of us round for aforementioned dinner party and given our social group it was all a bit tongue in cheek but people did dress up. He served goose (ffs), home made pate and a selection of wines. We also took some fairly decent wine given we knew what he was planning.

All very lovely except...he doesn't believe in spending money on heating. It didn't occur to me that he wouldn't turn it on, especially as he knows I'm a bit of a hot house plant, so I duly turned up in the LBD and sat in my coat all night.

AIBU to think that if you invite others over and keep your house at a radically different temp from 20-22 degrees, you ought to warn them in advance? Or not specify black tie?

I am going to visit him soon and wonder if I ought to be asking about the central heating before I go!? He's not particularly an environmentalist (although that's part of it), but he genuinely doesn't feel the cold the way I do (shorts for casual unless snowing, that type of thing).

AnyFucker Wed 18-Sep-13 20:32:18

Just put a jumper and trackies on

Why are you socialising with him though, you don't seek to like him very much

It sounds like a particularly dire episode of Come Dine With Me, tbh

purplewoofer Wed 18-Sep-13 20:33:26

I would be happy if our house was that warm in the winter. But we can't really afford to heat it - house is old and draughty. However people who come round are aware and we never specify a dress code and have lots of blankets!

Spatsky Wed 18-Sep-13 20:34:19

Did you ask him he would mind turning the heating up as you were dry cold? Wouldn't need to ask but so e people do need prompting.

A an aside, I'm not sure 40k is indecently well off personally.

Spatsky Wed 18-Sep-13 20:35:18

Very cold, not dry cold

PhallicGiraffe Wed 18-Sep-13 20:35:41

Did you ask him to put the heating on? Men's core temperature is a lot higher than a women's, he probably felt perfectly warm and didn't realise you we're cold.

carabos Wed 18-Sep-13 20:36:05

We were friends with a wealthy couple who kept a freezing house. Not only that but they entertained a lot and always in the conservatory, which was huge, Victorian and Arctic.

Their bedroom was like an oven however and Mrs used to spend most of her evenings in it grin.

We aren't friends with them now.

I would wear warm clothes and take mulled wine.

thehorsedentist Wed 18-Sep-13 20:36:51

16 degrees is not cold!
It has to be in the minus figures before I wil loosen my purse strings and turn the heating on.

I almost passed out in a friends house the other day as they had their heating on and set to 23 degrees.

PosyNarker Wed 18-Sep-13 20:37:06

i actually really do - he's my best friend. For all kinds of reasons though, I've visited his parents house and he spent a hell of a lot of time are ours, but never really spent much time at his. The main reason was he was renting a room and we had a house (although he's actually older).

It was a bit like that and I really felt for him, but he genuinely doesn't get that most people won't sit and eat a meal in short sleeves at 16 degrees! He thinks I'm a bit precious and that my house is much too warm.

(To be fair now he's moved away - thus my point about seeing him soon - when he comes we make sure there's a topsheet so he can throw off the duvet, open the bedroom window and turn off the radiator in the spare room). We keep our house at 22 BTW - nothing mental!

Jan49 Wed 18-Sep-13 20:38:16

But 16C is fine. 20-22C is overheated. I think 21C is the recommended temperature for elderly and sick people.

If you're going soon and it's the UK, it probably won't be very cold. Just take a jumper or whatever since you feel the cold.

PosyNarker Wed 18-Sep-13 20:39:34

Phallic I did and he did, but it was still bloody cold!

Spatsky I didn't say he was indecently well off. I say, well off, but not indecently. At the time I actually earned a shedload more than he did (and yes, was well off, but still no indecently grin ).

decaffwithcream Wed 18-Sep-13 20:39:40

Bring a hot water bottle next time, all done up in a LBD cover.

MildDrPepperAddiction Wed 18-Sep-13 20:40:43

It's his home so he can have it however hot or cold as he likes. For what it's worth I'd find 22 degrees in the house too stuffy. Our house is usually 18-20 degrees.

Bring a cosy jumper and thick socks!

Teeb Wed 18-Sep-13 20:42:46

Agree with others, I wouldn't find 22 pleasant really, not unless it was the real depths of winter and I could have the windows open at the same time. What that shows you is that the temperature of someones home is personal to what they themselves find comfortable, so yabu

BrokenSunglasses Wed 18-Sep-13 20:42:54

I would freeze at that temperature, but that's the kind of temperature my closest friend has at her house too. I do not go to her house without a thick pair of socks and a hoodie.

Some people just don't feel cold unless its the middle of winter and the temperature well into single figures.

I'd want a friend to tell me, but I don't think any of my male friends would think to. It simply wouldn't occur to them. My house is usually warmer than most people's and it has been commented on, but it's never occurred to me to warn people.

VerySmallSqueak Wed 18-Sep-13 20:44:00

He probably thought it'd get uncomfortably warm with extra bodies.

Do you not take an extra layer when you wear something 'skimpy' just in case? I always do.

In future just make sure you've got a vest on!

PosyNarker Wed 18-Sep-13 20:44:11

Mild I could live with your 18 degrees, I really could. But he keeps his at 16 (and tbh won't shove the heating up outwith that unless you really whine). I genuinely think he feels the cold differently from me, because as I say, it's not austerity, it's not environmentalism and he struggles with our house if I leave the heating on (even though the 22 degrees is for the lounge, not the bedrooms).

I guess I just stock up on sweaters before our visit. Fair play though, I expect him not to complain that we should open all the doors ar 20 degrees!

pianodoodle Wed 18-Sep-13 20:46:06

If you're used to 20-22 degrees 16 will feel cold.

We're at 16 in this room now and it feels slightly chilly but I think we need another week to acclimatise to the cooler weather before I consider turning it up smile

VerySmallSqueak Wed 18-Sep-13 20:46:30

I don't really know what black tie entails tbh,but surely it wouldn't be offensive to fut a smart layer on rather than sitting there with blue lips and shivering?

(Even if it was offensive,I know it's what I'd do!)

PrincessFlirtyPants Wed 18-Sep-13 20:46:52

I don't think you'd like my house. I turn the heating on a few times a year just to male sure it still works! My DH has the windows open even when it's snowing. I used to have the heating on all the time.

Bring a pashmina/cardigan to wear if it gets cold.

PrincessFlirtyPants Wed 18-Sep-13 20:47:28



PosyNarker Wed 18-Sep-13 20:47:45

Broken I think that's a really good point. People obviously get used to their 'usual' but it actually wouldn't occur to me to tell someone in December that they ought to dress for 'indoors' - maybe it's because I work in an office? (generally warm, although a few days ago was an exception but that's by the by).

trinity0097 Wed 18-Sep-13 20:47:58

I think if entertaining you should have a warm house. If you can afford to entertain then you can afford the small amount to have the heating on for a few hours!

pianodoodle Wed 18-Sep-13 20:48:19

22 seems very decadent!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PosyNarker Wed 18-Sep-13 20:49:27

Princess You're right I probably wouldn't grin

You see I have my pashmina on hold right now and it's still 11 degrees outside through the day (am in Scotland)

MadameLeBean Wed 18-Sep-13 20:50:19

16 is arctic. Yanbu

I struggle at work with the aircon and have to wear a wool jumper inside in summer!

froken Wed 18-Sep-13 20:50:54

I think most homes would need air conditioning to keep them at 16 degrees with a room full of people, the oven on for cooking lots of food and candles lit.

PrincessFlirtyPants Wed 18-Sep-13 20:51:18


I feel the cold (actually got raynaud's) but get really warm if I am cooking and always turn the heating off.

VerySmallSqueak Wed 18-Sep-13 20:53:21

Was the homemade pate worth it?

<licks lips>

Faithless12 Wed 18-Sep-13 20:54:02

DH has the heating set to 16C even in the darkest depths of winter (he has put it up to 17 once when I was cold and ill), it never changes unless it's summer and then he turns it down.

Spatsky Wed 18-Sep-13 20:54:03

You didn't say but not, you said if not which where I come from would mean you were saying they probably were indecently well off. It's pebbly a regional turn of phrase difference and ot, but just explaining why I made that comment smile

Thesimplethings Wed 18-Sep-13 20:55:00

I have my heating set to come

FreddieStarrAteMyHamster Wed 18-Sep-13 20:55:33

I personally hate anything over 17c

I agree totally with you on this. Thermostats set to come on to keep us at a toasty 22 degrees here! I detest being cold.

MrsOakenshield Wed 18-Sep-13 20:56:21

16 is freezing, especially if you're not moving about.

Fair enough when you home alone. But I always put the heating on if I have visitors. I want them to feel comfortable. I have a friend who refuses to have the heating on until October, and even then doesn't have it on much, has wooden floors and a 'no shoes' policy. Sorry, but that's all very unwelcoming.

I want to hear about the homemade pate too.

PosyNarker Wed 18-Sep-13 20:57:31

Lunatic No, everyone else took black tie to mean, umm, black tie. So men in traditional suits, women in cocktail dresses with pashminas or cropped cards if they'd thought to bring them.

Honestly, I don't think it was 16 degrees now I think of it. There were 12 of us there in one room, it's a kitchen diner (so oven on). He claimed 16 degrees was his 'default temperature' but I maybe that was the warmest room!

Thesimplethings Wed 18-Sep-13 20:59:34

I'll try again hmm

I have my heating set to come on if it goes below 16 degrees. I find that comfortable as I hate being too hot.

Despite the low temp I still pay over 200 a month gas and electric angry

PosyNarker Wed 18-Sep-13 21:03:40

Very He's a very good cook. We actually had a bit of a competition going when he was local (he's now abroad). It was a nice pate and goose for that matter.

Faithless If you both agree on that, or that this is what's necessary for your family finances then that's fine. As a personal view (and I've made this abundantly clear to DP), the heating goes up when I want it to.

FredFredGeorge Wed 18-Sep-13 21:04:34

20-22 degrees is not normal! If someone invited me to their house and that was the temp I'd be asking them to open the window or put a fan on!

But YANBU, he should've ensured it was a suitable temperature for his guests - mind you when I was a single man in a modern flat I never had the heating on, the insulation and the neighbours kept the flat so hot it wasn't necessary, so I'm surprised if it really was that cold!

SeaSickSal Wed 18-Sep-13 21:08:36

Some people just like it cold. When I was at boarding school the girl in the bunk bed above me kept the window open no matter what the weather. I used to wake up to snow on my head and pillow.

16°???! My nose would be running.

This is interesting. Apparently, under "normal conditions", room temperature is 21°.

valiumredhead Wed 18-Sep-13 21:22:25

Arf@40k being indecently well offgrin totally depends on your out goings. Our income is more than that but I'm leaving the heating off for as long as possible and couldn't afford to keep the house at 22 which is tropical imo.

Thesimplethings Wed 18-Sep-13 21:24:27

If normal room temp is 21 why do SIDS recommend a temp of 16-18 in babies room?

I find 16/18 comfortable, anything over 20 is hot. Granted I'm always on the move with two toddlers and living space is always a bit warmer due to body heat/cooking etc. I usually wear a vest top and light cardigan/jumper/shirt. At bed time I sleep in the nude and am always warm and snug.

22 heat for me would be stuffy.

Talkinpeace Wed 18-Sep-13 21:29:04

Did you have a thermometer with you then?

22 degrees is profligate with energy - jumpers are cheaper

we keep ours at around 19 - but it gets a bit cooler in the evening after the heating goes off at 9 (cooler bedrooms are healthier)

littlewhitebag Wed 18-Sep-13 21:29:38

I like my house to be 20 when i am sitting about watching TV but it is too warm if i am doing housework. I also like my bedroom to be cooler as i can't sleep if it is too warm. If i was wearing a flimsy cocktail dress and it was 16 i would be freezing.

LynetteScavo Wed 18-Sep-13 21:31:04

I want my house to be 22'C.

If it was, DH walk sweat and look like this . angry

We have our heating to come on at 17'C. hmm

IsabelleRinging Wed 18-Sep-13 21:32:14

16 degrees is cold, our house is not a warm house and it has to be about -2 outside before our living room reaches 16 without the heating on.

If you are too hot at 21/22 degres how on earth do you cope in the summer when it is 22 or more on most days? Weird!

Yika Wed 18-Sep-13 21:32:17

OP, YANBU. I also recently went to a dinner party where the house was freezing and it's really my only memory of the evening - I didn't enjoy it at all. I was tired after a day at work and wanted to relax and feel cosy but I just couldn't get comfortable sitting making small talk in such a cold environment.

But then again, hardy types have been known to complain about the tropical heat in my place (ancient heating system that cranks out full blast all winter).

Xmasbaby11 Wed 18-Sep-13 21:32:43

16-20 is normal. Anything over that is hot, for me at least.

I work with international students who are mostly from hotter climates and they turn up the heating in the classroom to 24 deg. This is uncomfortably hot for me, even wearing a short sleeved shirt. However, any lower than that, and my students put on their duffle coats! So it does depend what you're used to.

Having said that, he should pay attention to the comfort of his guests and turn the heating up if they are not comfortable.

Xmasbaby11 Wed 18-Sep-13 21:33:54

I would ask about it in a jokey way and bring lots of layers. Make it clear you find it cold and give him the chance to turn on the heating.

StuntGirl Wed 18-Sep-13 21:34:39

Are you always this precious about how other people run their homes?

StuntGirl Wed 18-Sep-13 21:40:56

If you are too hot at 21/22 degres how on earth do you cope in the summer when it is 22 or more on most days? Weird!

I don't sad I spend all day sweating terribly, I go bright red and blotchy and have awful, itchy, painful heat rash EVERYWHERE. I come home and have a cold shower and wear as little as possible. I eat cold foods like salads which don't require the oven on and sleep on top of the covers at night.

If I could not be this way, believe me I would. Cannot help how god made you sad

sonlypuppyfat Wed 18-Sep-13 21:41:54

If he feels perfectly comfortable at a lower temperature it wouldn't occur to him to turn it up. If you are cold now what are you going to do in the winter

Crikeyblimey Wed 18-Sep-13 21:43:47

Just to add my twopenneth - our heating comes on if the sitting room is less than 21 degrees. This is comfortable for sitting around for me. I notice if it goes below 20 (after the heating has gone off at 10pm) and I'm still up. The radiators in the rest of the house are set lower so everywhere else (especially bedrooms) are considerably cooler.

I don't like to be cold and find 21 is comfortable.

I'd be inclined to dress appropriately for a cooler room as I hate being uncomfortably cold (I'd much rather be too hot if I had to be).

sonlypuppyfat Wed 18-Sep-13 21:43:53

Stuntgirl I am just like you I've never felt as ill as I have this summer

Teeb Wed 18-Sep-13 21:45:58

I'm with you stuntgirl, I've found this summer really uncomfortable in parts. I also think though there's something really stuffy, and claggy about heating, would much prefer to be warm through layers and socks. On a different note, car heaters are the devils work!

valiumredhead Wed 18-Sep-13 21:46:06

Stunt, I'm the same. Hate the heat.

valiumredhead Wed 18-Sep-13 21:50:30

I love a house heated by a wood burner or open fire, but ch is stuffy and makes me feel quite ill.

samuraispider Wed 18-Sep-13 21:50:55

Jeez! I'd suffocate if the house was 20 to 22. Ours is set at 18.

Have you considered not going? It would probably do him a favour.

Mintyy Wed 18-Sep-13 21:53:17

Yanbu. You are not a good host if you don't make your guests feel comfortable. 16 degrees is very low by most people's standards.

valiumredhead Wed 18-Sep-13 21:57:00

OP if he's well known for having a cool house what made you think he'd turn the heat up?grin

pigsDOfly Wed 18-Sep-13 21:57:16

I think there must be something wrong with me. If I'm sitting in the evening I can't have the temperature less than 22 or I'm shivering and then I've often got two jumpers on and socks or slippers.

My central heating instruction booklet advises a comfortable temperature to be 21.5.

My thermostat is set at 16 overnight because at that temperature my central heating will not come on (also instruction booklet guidelines).

My 22 degrees is provided by a ground source heat pump so I am very environmentally friendly with my warmth grin

It is an old, rambling house so there are planty of draughts to stand in front of if anyone is feeling hot!

valiumredhead Wed 18-Sep-13 22:31:32

I have to turn my heating off at night, or down to 5, or it clicks on and wakes me up.

gallicgirl Wed 18-Sep-13 22:36:32

16 is cold and if a work place drops below 16 degrees staff should be sent home. As I recall 18 is recommended for babies rooms, not 16.
I reckon 18-21 is a fairly typical range for homes.

However a good considerate host should make guests feel comfortable and that means turning up heating. One night isn't too much to have a warmer house and I'd be mortified of a guest was so cold they had to wear a coat so yanbu.

Notcontent Wed 18-Sep-13 23:19:03

16 is cold. It may be fine if you are running around doing housework,etc but not if you are sitting down.
For me 21 is perfect. At night I turn our heating right down - hate sleeping in a warm room unless unwell. But I do have a very warm duvet!!!

FitzgeraldProtagonist Wed 18-Sep-13 23:35:51

Heating? Now? NO WAY! Miserly...

whois Wed 18-Sep-13 23:36:02

If you are having people round, especially to an event where they will be wearing short dresses and have bare arms then turn up the heating!

I would find 16 too cold to sit around in a party dress.

whois Wed 18-Sep-13 23:39:27

I am happy to ask hosts for jumpers/blankets/socks tho if in cold, and I get cold if we are just sitting still on the sofa.

DaleyBump Wed 18-Sep-13 23:45:06

Our flat gets to minus degrees in winter because we would rather eat than freeze. 16 degrees would be like summer here.

Charlottehere Wed 18-Sep-13 23:45:50

Oh the dilemma! Really?

DaleyBump Wed 18-Sep-13 23:45:55

But yes, he should have put it on for others. Especially after seeing you sitting in your jacket all night.

DaleyBump Wed 18-Sep-13 23:46:22

Was that to me Charlotte?

BreakingBadger Wed 18-Sep-13 23:47:52

Hehe, I knew this would be a 'my house is always 2 degrees and we all huddle down with blankets, you extravagant woman' thread grin

16 is really cold. YANBU. I'm sure he found it fine and would be mortified to think his guests were uncomfy - did anyone say anything?

Charlottehere Wed 18-Sep-13 23:48:10

Never have heating on over night... Makes us I'll...sore throats

Charlottehere Wed 18-Sep-13 23:48:45

No Daley.. T op.

DaleyBump Wed 18-Sep-13 23:50:03

I thought it was a bit quick grin

NoComet Wed 18-Sep-13 23:59:26

I think I would have been heading straight home, before I lost the feeling in my feet.
16oC equals socks and boots, not anything I'd wear with a posh frock.

I have learnt to wear two pairs of socks to my no shoes, wooden floored DFs in winter.

Jan49 Thu 19-Sep-13 01:16:36

If you are too hot at 21/22 degrees how on earth do you cope in the summer when it is 22 or more on most days? Weird!

In winter I wear winter clothing so I'd feel overheated in a house heated to 22C. Whereas if it was 22C on a summer's day I'd be dressed for summer. Also on a pleasant summer's day you'd have windows open whereas someone who felt the cold and heated their house to 22C in winter is probably not going to have the windows open.

Morloth Thu 19-Sep-13 01:19:56

16 degrees is not cold inside.

I wouldn't think to tell people, much the same way they don't tell me if they are going to have theirs up and stifling.

Our aircons keep the house at 16 in winter and 25 in summer.

I like to still feel the seasons.

CoolStoryBro Thu 19-Sep-13 01:40:19

Our heating thermostat is currently saying the temperature in our house is 21°. The heating isn't on (and wont be for a while) and I'm wearing a vest and thin pj bottoms. Tonight we will all sleep with a window open. I can't imagine ever heating the house to be this warm!

CoolStoryBro Thu 19-Sep-13 01:41:12

As an aside, do those who do keep their houses that warm in the winter, do you find you get sick much?

goodasitgets Thu 19-Sep-13 02:57:26

I'm torn on this! If everyone was cold I would turn the heat on/up
It's 16c in my house now, I have a vest and pj bottoms on and I'm comfy
But my friends feel the cold, so I always put the heat up and make sure there is blankets/socks/extra duvet if they come over

Retroformica Thu 19-Sep-13 07:11:44

Didn't he room get warmer over the course if the evening?

Editededition Thu 19-Sep-13 07:23:56

If this man is a genuine friend - just ask!
'Are you planning on putting the heating on, or do I need to wear a sweater' is not a rude question in any way.

I would actually say that, given the weather fluctuations at the moment, it is not even a weird question to ask. There are a couple of people I would make the enquiry of, if visiting in the past week.

livinginwonderland Thu 19-Sep-13 07:27:25

Our heating isn't on yet (can't afford it) but even when it is it's only set to around 15-16 degrees. We can't afford to have it on higher than that, and even when it is on, it's usually for an hour in the morning and a couple
of hours in the evening.

I would find 22 degrees to be far too hot to just sit and eat or whatever. The key in this house is lots of blankets, hot water bottles and extra socks! It's cosy smile I also use DP as a hot water bottle as the man seems to radiate heat.

There is no way I could sit in a room at 16 degrees dressed in black tie gear, I'd get very cold pretty quickly. My thermostat (at the top of the stairs) is set to 20 degrees, with the bedroom radiators off completely, and I still have to wear a couple of layers to stay warm if I'm not moving much.
OP I don't think you'd have BU to ask him to turn the heating up in the dining room. Seriously, a guest should not have to sit at dinner with their coat on and it would only have been one room for one night. Surely he could've done that. But if you know he lives in a chilly house I'm a bit surprised that you didn't tell him you wouldn't be dressing up because you'd not be warm enough. Then just turn up in jumpers, fleeces and ugg boots wink

MrsOakenshield Thu 19-Sep-13 09:39:28

we don't get sick much. We don't have the heating on overnight unless it is absolutely bitter, and the radiator in DD's room is adjustable so I often keep it off in her room, especially if she has a cold - though she does like to be warm than not (she's 3, not a little baby, so feel more relaxed about her room being a bit warmer). I try not to have the heating on in the day if it's just me and DD, but at the weekend when we're all home and it's getting cold we stick it on - it goes up to 20/21 degrees then switches off. DH really really feels the cold, even bundled up, and our house is old and daughty, whatever we try to do to minimise it.

I grew up in a cold house with miserly parents who wouldn't put the heating on much and all it did is give me memories of being cold a lot and determined that I wasn't going to live like that if I could afford not to (they easily could have afforded not to).

MrsOakenshield Thu 19-Sep-13 09:42:12

oh, and I hated the hot weather too! I just don't like extremes, I guess.

ethelb Thu 19-Sep-13 09:42:17

WHO recommend 18-21C to reduce mold and condensation, which worsens the respiratory diseases.

And I do hate, hate, hate the assumption that people who are cold should just put up with it a though feeling cold is some moral weakness.

Thesimplethings I think there's a difference between recommended night/sleeping and day temperatures.

DeWe Thu 19-Sep-13 10:00:44

It's warm compared to my df. He keeps it at 13. Be thankful.

MistressDeeCee Thu 19-Sep-13 13:04:23

My uncle was like this. In his case he would never put the heating on because he was so mean. As soon as we grew old enough not to have to do the dreaded family visits his house & sit there shivering for hours, we were off.

People can heat their house as they like, or not. But its pretty bad form not to take those youre inviting into your home into account. Then again that requires being thoughtful and some people just arent, their home is their castle & theyll stick to their guns at whatever cost. Id be subtly mentioning how cold it was last time/will heating be on. A real friend wont hit the roof due to that question. Anyway if you sat there with coat on last time, he should know. Whether he takes a blind bit of notice, is another matter entirely.

valiumredhead Thu 19-Sep-13 13:11:18

Oh I don't know, people who hate the summer are told to be quiet and not complain all the timewink

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 19-Sep-13 13:14:58

16 degrees is freezing.

Our thermostat is set to come on at 20 most of the time, although we do turn it up to 22 if it feels really chilly.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 19-Sep-13 13:18:03

No we don't get sick much. The windows get opened daily and are open a crack in the bedrooms at night unless it is below freezing.
The DSs and I all have mild asthma so make sure we haven't got damp and condensation is a big part of keeping the house nice and warm.

MrsDibble Thu 19-Sep-13 13:23:25

22 does seem very high.

I think it's true that 21 is recommended for elderly and infirm.

16 isn't that cold, but if you were cold you probably should have asked him at the time if he could put the heating on.

That said, black tie dress code is probably an unusual state of affairs and one would normally turn the heating up a bit if planning a dress code that involved people wearing almost nothing.

I wouldn't have my house at anything like 22 degrees of the time because it encourages germs to breed. Anecdotally the Mums I know who live in old houses like me and don't overheat seem to have families with fewer colds that those who have really hot houses. BUT I would expect my family to wear jumpers in the house during the winter - it's quite annoying when people go about in a t shirt / cotton jumper and then say they are cold. If he has told you you need to wear something as silly as black tie (silly for the women if it's cold) then he should have taken that into account.

Mumsyblouse Thu 19-Sep-13 13:43:12

People experience temperatures so differently though. I went to a friend's house a while back and in the evening, I was extremely chilly. In the end I had to ask my friend for a blanket/extra jumper. She was fine with it and didn't feel the cold, she also wears thin tops and a tiny cardi when I'd need to be in a snuggly dressing gown to be warm.

I think it's extremely rude to have people over for dinner or a formal occasion and not think about the fact they might be in fairly light thin clothing and whack the heating up. But if it's an old friend and you are over for a coffee, I think it's fine to keep your coat on if you are chilly. Hopefully they will take the hint!

16 would be like a torture to me, I'm cold most of the winter and I hate it. I find it quite funny that people on here say 18-21 would make you stuffed up- this is the temperate of most offices and many people's homes and indeed the weather for half the year. In many colder countries, they have the thermostat at about 23/24 and in my husband's culture it would be considered rude not to heat your house very well when you have guests (but it's a very cold country so it's a bit different).

curiousgeorgie Thu 19-Sep-13 16:22:18

40k is definitely not indecently well off. At all!

IsabelleRinging Thu 19-Sep-13 16:41:42

I doubt the difference between 16 and 21 degrees makes much difference to the survival of germs. And besides, being cold makes you more likely to succumb to a virus than being warm, why do you think we catch more colds in winter?

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Thu 19-Sep-13 16:44:59

I think it's quite rude not to heat the house when you have guests - I always turn the thermostat up for them. Sometimes when it's windy the heating doesn't make that much difference and I have to get jumpers/blankets for people, but I do try to keep it warm enough. If we light the fire the living room is usually toasty.

I have been a) the friend who begs the hostess to turn the heating up (in my defence it was freezing, we were all wearing thin dresses and there were a 2 month old and a 10 month old in the house too), and b) the guest who goes to her bedroom, turns the radiator off, opens the window and pants. My SIL really feels the cold and wears padded quilted coats indoors, to the point where my PIL get silly about it and whack the heat up to about 25. I have been known to sneakily turn the radiators in the living room off because neither DH nor I could cope.

My thermostat is currently set at 18. The heating comes on early in the morning for us getting up, goes off at 7am once we leave the house. Comes back on at about 5.30 and goes off again at 7pm once DD is in bed. I do turn it on or light the fire during the day if we're here all day, though. I've got today off and when I got up the thermometer in the kitchen said 14.5, so I felt justified in turning it on!

PosyNarker Sun 22-Sep-13 21:46:34

Sorry - disappeared offline for a bit. Glad I was not being totally U. To be fair, he is a really good mate, so I did ask him to put the heating on and we have ripped the piss out of each other a bit since he also thinks 22 degrees is decadent grin

Everyone is a bit different, when I go to GPIL I need to open all the windows, shut off the radiators etc or I'll get no sleep. She is fairly elderly and feels the cold though, so I wouldn't ask her to turn down the heat in the whole house for us.

Oh and not sure why a few folks seems to think I think 40k is indecently well off. I earn more than that myself and I don't think we're indecently well off, just mentioned that it's not a money thing. I have visited friends I know to be skint and yes, I took the jumper and kept my mouth firmly shut about heating.

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