Opinions on men watching porn/masturbating. - isnt that what SINGLES do?

(44 Posts)
Corrigan92 Tue 17-Sep-13 01:53:54

I'm talking father of your child, lives with you, long term thing. opinions on looking at pics of other girls, internet porn and masturbating, isn't that one of the reasons FOR relationships? that you have each other for that kind of stuff? not there right hand and a laptop screen ...opinions guys!

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 17-Sep-13 01:56:39

I am not a masturbation substitute. Nor is my boyfriend.hmm

Corrigan92 Tue 17-Sep-13 02:05:49

I am neither for or against just wonderingmopimions as it came up in a chat with a few friends. there view was that surly if they are turned on they should satisfy each other as they are in love and was disgusted at the thought that another woman on a screen could be doing that instead...

badgeroncaffeine Tue 17-Sep-13 02:29:32

I'm male and in a relationship. I no longer find my partner attractive and we rarely have sex. I find myself doing the things I would do when single really...admiring other women etc. I should just end it with her, but she's a very kind person and I don't have a better option lined up yet.

LabradorMama Tue 17-Sep-13 03:57:30

Wow badger, you sound a right catch.

Blont Tue 17-Sep-13 04:27:24

'Yet'!

picnicbasketcase Tue 17-Sep-13 06:16:53

Better option. Yikes.

I don't think necessarily 'single = porn' and 'relationship = proper sex with an actual 3D human'. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many threads where women are offended after checking their OH's Internet history or walking in on them.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 17-Sep-13 06:24:27

FFS badger. do her a favour and leave now. She'd be much better off without you.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 08:21:59

Nope, that's what wankers do.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

I'd be creeped out at the idea of being a porn substitute, but I don't see why there's an assumption all single men watch porn, either. They don't.

PaulSmenis Tue 17-Sep-13 08:26:48

Badger, do the honourable thing and tell her that you feel this way. It's not fair to string people along like that. If you were honest about this, you could both find people who are more suitable.

To answer OP. I'm a woman and I have a sex life with DP, but it doesn't stop me from masturbating and thinking about other people. I don't look at porn, because I prefer reading naughty stuff. So, I don't think it's all pretty normal.

PaulSmenis Tue 17-Sep-13 08:28:30

Sorry, I meant to say that I don't think it's unusual and it's pretty normal.

kali110 Tue 17-Sep-13 08:32:25

I dont think so at all.iv been with my bf 4 years and it dont bother me.helps when im not there!

kali110 Tue 17-Sep-13 08:34:18

Plus i wouldnt walk out on my relationship because my bloke was doing this!agree with paul, normal for men and women who are not single.

meditrina Tue 17-Sep-13 08:35:58

If OP had wanted sensible answers I suspect this would be in Dadsnet, or Relationships, or perhaps chat. For the answer surely has to be that there is no single answer for all 'men' - or all women come to that. Each couple needs to sort out the parameters of their relationship in a way that works for both of them and offends neither.

PaulSmenis Tue 17-Sep-13 08:36:49

I think so kali. I love DP and find him attractive, but I still 'flick the bean' over other people. Sorry. TMI there. blush

BuskersCat Tue 17-Sep-13 08:38:21

come on now don't feed it ladies.

I hate porn, I find it disrespectful to everyone involved. masterbation doesn't bother me though, sometime you want to have a bit of selfish relief

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 08:39:55

YY, I was going for what buskers said more clearly.

PaulSmenis Tue 17-Sep-13 08:40:57

I don't like porn, but I do wonder whether men and women are wired differently in this respect. Women I know tend to read filthy stories, whereas men watch porn. That could be because porn is mostly made for men though.

Saying that, I have watched gay porn and it was hot.

gamerchick Tue 17-Sep-13 08:42:23

Don't tell me OP you're outraged that your other half masturbates to porn?

Porn use is a personal no one size fits all thing and some woman have huge problems with.

Masturbation is everybody's right.. can be used for a range of reasons and none of their partners business when it's used normally.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 08:46:19

I don't think they are, paul (wired differently). Just FWIW.

PaulSmenis Tue 17-Sep-13 09:14:34

Do you think that it's more of a social conditioning thing LRD?

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 09:16:39

Yes, probably. I think different men and different women are more and less visual/verbal. Loads of men like dirty books too.

It's a separate question from opinions on men (or anyone else) watching porn, though, IMO.

PaulSmenis Tue 17-Sep-13 09:21:15

There's a lot of variation in porn though. I think there's a lot of difference between a man masturbating over an image of a naked woman and a watching hardcore video.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 09:23:32

Dunno. Don't think it matters.

DaleyBump Tue 17-Sep-13 09:24:17

Fucking hell, this again.

Lots of people in healthy relationships watch porn and masturbate. It's normal and private and you should be staying out of it.

Badger that's as absolutely disgusting comment. Leave your wife, she deserves much better.

rainbowfeet Tue 17-Sep-13 09:24:49

I think it's perfectly normal within a relationship as long as it is not several times a day & he doesn't leave 'evidence' shock laying around ewww .. A conversation with a friend regarding her hubby's 'love sock' sprang to mind!!!

According to polls only approx 20% of women in a heterosexual relationship orgasm through penetration so it's not just about men although it doesn't seem an easy subject for women to talk about...

PaulSmenis Tue 17-Sep-13 09:29:26

Idk LRD, there's some utter filth out there, as in really wrong stuff that involves poo and things like that. I would be pretty freaked out if I found out DP chucks one out over that.

Just out of curiosity OP, if a man is in a relationship and masturbates without porn and thinks about a colleague, friend or someone on telly would that be better than using porn?

SaucyJack Tue 17-Sep-13 09:32:31

I'm a woman in a relationship and I still love nothing more than taking the laptop to bed when I get an afternoon to meself.

Corrigan92 Tue 17-Sep-13 10:09:28

I completely agree with most of you I was just wondering others opinions as a lot of my friends are disgusted with there men when they do this but I think there's nothing wrong with it to which they think I'm crazy! if he's looking at pics of your best mate or something then yeah that's wrong but reandom else I don't see the problem as long as its not anything below the belt, excuse the pun such as children, rape etc then I don't see the big deal some women make! however to the first commenter I can't tell if your being sarcastic or sincere either way that's just not right of you feel that way why string her along just to hurt her more in the long run

festered Tue 17-Sep-13 14:31:46

I am in a relationship. We both watch porn on occasion and masturbate. We also have a good sex life.

I masturbate when he isn't around-we have different sleep/work patterns and it helps me sleep.
He does it whilst I sleep sometimes. I'd much rather he did that than went and slept with somebody else-people have needs and if I cant satisfy for whatever reason then Id rather he saw to himself lol

silkboots Tue 17-Sep-13 14:46:14

I think knocking one out now and again is perfectly acceptable

PaulSmenis Tue 17-Sep-13 14:58:58

In this case DIY is better than hiring someone else to get the job done! shock

liquidstate Wed 18-Sep-13 09:50:20

I give my DH my bravissimo catalogue to keep in his bedside drawer. grin. I think masturbation is healthy. Not too sure about porn though.

For women it is different as we can visualize in our minds more. Thank you Michael Fassbender/Richard Armitage etc for all the hours of pleasure you have given me.

MyBaby1day Wed 18-Sep-13 12:36:37

Well not sure, I think women do it too tbh, but if I was with someone I'de demand he want him to gives his attention to me and me only. Badger that's appalling.

Calloh Wed 18-Sep-13 12:47:40

My husband and I had a massive row about this recently. He had said that he didn't watch porn and told me he didn't want me to do it as I wa obviously fantasising about having sex with the men in it - not how porn works for me, it's more of just a general turn-on.

I then discovered that actually he watched quite a bit of porn and thought he had deleted it from his browsing history.

I was upset because a) he lied and b) he was being a hypocrite. It was weird thinking that he might be fantasising about having sex with other women as that is what he thought I did. But the actual just watching of porn to get oneself off is not really a problem for me.

SelectAUserName Wed 18-Sep-13 12:52:15

Prefacing this with an acknowledgement that what follows is a generalisation:

There are still people - probably more women than men - who buy into the hearts 'n' flowers "we should be everything to each other" view of romantic relationships that is peddled from young teens onwards. A lot of those women therefore take it as a personal insult if they find that their partner uses porn, in a "why aren't I enough for him? Would he rather be with someone who looks like Porn Star X than me? OMG he's cheating!" self-doubt sort of way, without understanding that the pleasure their man gets from masturbating to porn isn't necessarily better or preferable to spending sexytime with their partner, it's just different and fulfils a different need at that point in time. No pressure, no worries about performance or making sure their woman has had her customary 27 orgasms, just a quick down-and-dirty release.

I think many couples have a healthy relationship with porn and use it as an adjunct to their physical relationship, whether that is together or separately. It becomes a problem when one partner is turning repeatedly to porn rather than be intimate with the other.

I'm happily married and still have enjoyable sex with my husband, but I use porn occasionally, mostly written erotica but tbh I would use more visual stimulation if there was more ethical porn available. The main thing that puts me off is the knowledge of the trafficking/control/drugs etc involved in the industry, which is why I tend to rely on 100% amateur sites such as Zoig.

Calloh Wed 18-Sep-13 12:55:01

YY Select fair trade porn - that'd be fab

Same page as SaucyJack and Festered.

Both my husband and I watch porn on occasion. Sometimes together, sometimes separately. And we have an active-happy sex life.

Pogmahone Wed 18-Sep-13 13:22:15

I have a MUCH higher sex drive than my wife of 10years
So i like to masterbate lookin at porn, it doesn't mean i love her less, but its stops me "doin her nut in" always tryin to try my luck, i'm thinkin of gettin myself 1 of those fake vaginas as a treat to myself �� can any1 reccommend 1 lol

Pogmahone Wed 18-Sep-13 13:24:11

Thanks , never heard of Zoig , must check it out ;)

whois Wed 18-Sep-13 13:44:37

I think it's normal for both men and women to masturbate and watch/read porn while in relationships with good sex lives. Masturbation is different to se with you learner and fulfils different needs, or is useful when your partner isn't available eg asleep or away. It doesn't mean you love your partner any less.

I'd probably be a little freaked out if I caught my DP watching poo porn or something, but probably better watching it than asking me to take part!

LessMissAbs Wed 18-Sep-13 14:16:17

OP, you must know an awful lot of dodge men! Do you know any that actually have hobbies, such as sport?

kali110 Wed 18-Sep-13 19:53:11

Why must op know dodgy men?

WorraLiberty Wed 18-Sep-13 20:00:29

Why does having the odd wank mean they can't be into sport?

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