AIBU re babysitting neighbour's kids at 39 weeks pregnant

(32 Posts)
sandwichyear Mon 16-Sep-13 03:36:45

My neighbour and I often do reciprocal babysitting for the odd daytime appointment etc for an hour or two. She has 2 kids, aged 3 and 1. We have one aged 3. When we go out in the evening we get a 'real' babysitter, but the ones we use are usually working/ at college etc during the day. They don't tend to use babysitters that often and don't go out much in the evenings, although they do occasionally.

I am 39 weeks pregnant, having a c-section in 4 days. I'm pretty exhausted, finishing up work, coping with a toddler, trying to get everything sorted before baby arrives and generally v uncomfortable with painful hips/ breathlessness/ tiredness/ all the usual late pregnancy stuff. My neighbour has just asked me to babysit for her kids one night this week for 3 hours while she has an early child-free dinner with her mother. She doesn't want to book a babysitter as she says she 'trusts' me more. her kids are pretty hard work (as are all kids of that age I guess) and I know that there will also be a HUGE mess afterwards that I will have to clean up and I'm finding the bending/ lifting of housework a lot to cope with atm. AIBU in thinking it is a bit off of her to ask me at this stage or should I just suck it up? I don't really want to say no, as we will probably need to ask them to babysit in an emergency for us if I go into labour before the c-section this week and don't want to cause bad feeling. Am I being unreasonable/ precious/ a bad neighbour to not want to do this?

TheQuietCricket Mon 16-Sep-13 03:42:15

No YANBU, she is perhaps being somewhat thoughtless but it's surely not worth falling out over.

Just be straight with her and say you are shattered and wanting to rest up as much as possible in the last days before the impending birth. She'll probably realise she is asking too much of you at this stage of your pregnancy.

Don't babysit, be honest but all smiles about it. You never know when you may want her help after the birth.

fuckwittery Mon 16-Sep-13 03:46:44

You could offer to do it when the kids are in bed, or offer your DP while you rest up?

twofalls Mon 16-Sep-13 03:48:11

Yanbu but just say you are really sorry but you are exhausted at the moment and have loads to do before your csection. She is bring a bit thoughtless but an apologetic no should suffice

TheFallenNinja Mon 16-Sep-13 03:50:44

Knock firmly on her forehead whilst shouting "Hello, McFly" until she realises.

Mouserama Mon 16-Sep-13 04:12:28

Ninja grin

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Mon 16-Sep-13 07:30:42

Just say no, I'm sure she won't take offence

PrimalLass Mon 16-Sep-13 07:33:02

If you say yes, say you'll do it in her house.

Just say no, or offer your dp as suggested. I cannot imaging anyone being annoyed by saying no given your days away from having your baby.

If you do agree to it make sure she understands that you are baby sitting her children in her house and that if they play with toys etc that because you are so close to giving birth yourself that tidying up after them is just going to be impossible and if she doesn't mind coming back to mess (which no doubt she is aware how much her own children make) that you don't mind 'sitting' with them but that is about all you'll be able for at this stage.

Otherwise just say no, it's not possible as you don't know if/when your own baby might decide to make it's own appearance <act surprised>

bluestar2 Mon 16-Sep-13 07:40:05

grin grin ninja I love it.

I think she is prob a little thoughtless but if you are honest there won't be a prob. Just tell her no but nicely.

MrsWedgeAntilles Mon 16-Sep-13 08:35:51

Has she made plans for what would happen if you went into labour while you were babysitting? Or if your waters broke? Surely she doesn't expect you to look after her kids, even for the time it took her to get to you, soaking wet from the waist down and contracting away?

What if her DCs have an accident? Could you wrangle 3 children into the car to get them to the GP or the hospital?

You've got to that 'anything could happen in the next half hour' phase of your pregnancy so I don't think YBU at all to say no. I'd be sorely tempted to go down the Ninja route, but on balance I think, like others have said, it would be best to be lovely about it.

whois Mon 16-Sep-13 08:49:28

Not U to ask you, but also totally R to say "no, afraid I'm not feeling up to babysitting at the moment, what with being so heavily pg. hope you find someone. I can give you the number if my babysitter if you like?"

Dubjackeen Mon 16-Sep-13 09:31:12

YANBU. Does she realise how close you are to due date? Just tell her nicely you don't feel up to it, with such a short time to go until your du date.

MrsOakenshield Mon 16-Sep-13 09:38:45

no, I wouldn't do it, but equally when we have a babysitter in the evening, paid or a friend, everything is tidy and DD is in bed, if not asleep - I would never expect my babysitter to have to tidy up! But anyway, even if she could guarantee that you wouldn't be doing that, you're far to PG to be babysitting for anyone else, surprised she can't see that.

steppedonlego Mon 16-Sep-13 12:36:52

Suggest turning the early dinner into a later dinner, and you'll sit round her house making sure the DCs are fine whilst snugly asleep in bed.

kiriwawa Mon 16-Sep-13 12:45:09

Do what steppedon said. Tell her you're too knackered to do daytime care but you'll do an evening once the kids are in bed for a couple of hours. It doesn't take 3 hours to have dinner with your mum either!

Nanny0gg Mon 16-Sep-13 12:48:51

Don't do it.

You need all the rest you can get and you may have a C-section booked, but have you told your baby? grin

She'll have to find someone else this time.

PomBearArmy Mon 16-Sep-13 13:39:08

Just tell her no, that you're too tired, and don't offer a compromise, it just opens the door to tedious negotiations.

Having dinner with her mother is not an emergency. She can take her children with her.

Bumpotato Mon 16-Sep-13 13:45:47

I babysat for my neighbour when I was overdue. She was absolutely stuck and had an important meeting at the school to go to. She made me a lovely lunch when she got back.

But for a social, er no, I wouldn't.

ringaringarosy Mon 16-Sep-13 13:48:52

Just say no!shes probably just being a bit thoughtless,just say actually im really knackered and im trying to get everything sorted for when i go in in a few days its just a bit hectic at the moment.

DIYapprentice Mon 16-Sep-13 13:56:26

Just say 'I'm so sorry, I'd really love to help you out, but I'm so shattered at the moment I just can't.'

Retroformica Mon 16-Sep-13 14:00:26

Tell her you are havi g braxtons and feel awful. Remind her you are 39 weeks

sandwichyear Mon 16-Sep-13 17:16:12

thanks everyone. thing is- if I say no, can I then impose on her if I do go into labour suddenly to babysit my DD or is that really out of order? If not, we don't have any other options!
(btw- I would never fall out with her over this, or be anything other than really nice about it...)

Thanks!

kiriwawa Mon 16-Sep-13 20:34:30

Yes of course you can! Labour/CS is a big life event. Having an early dinner with your mum isn't!

Cerisier Wed 18-Sep-13 01:18:42

I don't think it is worth falling out over as she sounds a helpful neighbor usually.

Why can't DH go over and hold the fort for her? I think he needs to step in and offer here for your sake.

If he can't for some reason then explain you can't bend and tidy, you'll be happy to sit there and keep an eye on things but she must do the clearing up the next morning.

Cerisier Wed 18-Sep-13 01:19:35

*neighbour

sweetiepie1979 Wed 18-Sep-13 03:24:42

Yes of course you can call on her to be honest I think your making a bigger deal if this than you need to. Just tell her your not fit to look after the kids your too pregnant and just want to lie down she will understand!

MrsMook Wed 18-Sep-13 04:19:41

I've gone into labour both times at 39 weeks, so no. If something did happen, I wouldn't want the additional stress of having her needing to return before I could get to hospital. Between that, the discomfort and need to do things, they are all sound reasons to politelt decline. I'm sure that wouldn't compromise any arrangements is she's needed to support around the birth. (My only plan was my friend due to lack of avaliable family)

good luck with the birth and recovery

Pitmountainpony Wed 18-Sep-13 04:51:11

Just sweetly say no. You will pay back for babysitting she will do for you at a later date. She is thoughtless to think you would want to do this right now......so you have to be direct with thoughtless people. They just do not get it, ever, often.

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 18-Sep-13 08:42:55

Course she trusts you more - you are free compared to getting a babysitter to come

Tell her no as so close to birth and you are shattered

flowery Wed 18-Sep-13 08:46:00

"can I then impose on her if I do go into labour suddenly to babysit my DD "

Um, at 39 weeks have you not asked her this already?!

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