To be pissed off that DP is making himself scrambled eggs on toast now, while I am making a roast chicken dinner for 1pm?

(80 Posts)
Shutupanddrive Sun 15-Sep-13 11:52:11

As well as being in my bloody way when I'm trying to prepare the veg!
He hasn't had any breakfast, so has decided to have scrambled eggs on toast now. 4 slices of toast and god knows how many eggs.
Aibu to think he should have had breakfast earlier?
Or just bloody wait?
Or at least have less food?
Don't know why I bother, grrr angry
He thinks it doesn't matter as long as he eats his lunch

NoelHeadbands Sun 15-Sep-13 11:54:08

But it doesn't matter if he still eats his lunch does it?

HildaOgden Sun 15-Sep-13 11:59:11

He is an adult man,if he wants to eat breakfast then follow it with lunch,surely he is allowed to make that decision for himself???

He is your partner,not your toddler.

Oldraver Sun 15-Sep-13 11:59:45

Maybe he doesn't want to eat a big roast at 1pm..I wouldn't nor would any of my family (I know some people still do this)

diddl Sun 15-Sep-13 12:01:48

It doesn't matter as long as he eats lunch, does it?

Shutupanddrive Sun 15-Sep-13 12:03:16

Well I wouldn't let my children eat an hour before a meal, so I don't see why he can't wait. I think it's quite disrespectful, as I'm making an effort to do something nice - followed by blackberry pie

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 15-Sep-13 12:03:52

Wait and see igf he eats his lunch. He is a grown man and not a child so presumably he knows what his appetite can take.

But yes, I'd be annoyed if he didn't then eat the lunch

Gruntfuttock Sun 15-Sep-13 12:03:54

To be frank it wouldn't be the end of the world if he decided he'd prefer to have the scrambled egg now and eat the chicken this evening. The chicken will keep and you can cook fewer vegetables and he can have freshly cooked ones with his chicken this evening. It's his home and he should be able to do something like this if he wants to.

My daughter and husband have a cooked meal at lunchtime on Sundays and I have my dinner in the evening, It harms no one, wastes no food and we're all completrely happy about it. I can't stand eating if I'm not hungry and it doesn't make an iota of difference to anyone.

DaddyPigsMistress Sun 15-Sep-13 12:04:59

He can just have a small portion of lunch and have some later no?

Is he in the way in the kitchen?

Will he leave the eggy pan in cold water in the sink to congeal?

I'd be annoyed too, more by the faff than the eating, and by the bad example if the DC are watching.

Shutupanddrive Sun 15-Sep-13 12:05:33

Actually it's not his home, and I have invited my parents and brother round too to all eat together at 1pm so I am annoyed. I know it's not the end of the world, but I'm still annoyed

Be annoyed if he doesn't eat his lunch.

NoelHeadbands Sun 15-Sep-13 12:09:32

I think it would be disrespectful to make yourself something and not eat the lunch that someone else has prepared, but if you can eat both, I'm not sure it matters if you have the breakfast an hour before, or 4 hours before

HumphreyCobbler Sun 15-Sep-13 12:09:45

I would be annoyed too.

Eating a meal with family at 1 is hardly out of the ordinary? FOUR slices of toast is loads for anyone. If it was one quick bite because he is starving then I would be more understanding.

If someone is kind enough to cook me a meal then I would make sure I wasn't going to eat another full meal an hour before.

Shutupanddrive Sun 15-Sep-13 12:10:23

Yes he was in the way horry and has left crumbs everywhere in his half hearted attempt to clean up

SilverApples Sun 15-Sep-13 12:10:42

You do sound more like his mum than his partner. grin
Our kitchen is tiny, so I'd be annoyed if someone was in my way if I was cooking, but that's about it really.
If you are all eating together, maybe he's fortifying himself before all your relatives arrive. DS (18) does this when faced with a challenging social situation.
If he's not hungry, he puts up with inanities and polite conversation better.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 15-Sep-13 12:11:41

For a guest in your home to get in the way while you are cooking for them so they can cook a snack is rude. He'd better clean the pan!

Idespair Sun 15-Sep-13 12:11:50

Yanbu, it's rude and disrespectful if someone is cooking something for you to be ready in 1hr to start stuffing your face with something else. If he was really hungry, he could have had just a slice of toast to tide him over until the roast dinner was ready.

To say nothing of getting in the way of the cooking - I need all my jobs when doing a roast and all the work surface area.

Shutupanddrive Sun 15-Sep-13 12:11:56

Thankyou humphrey glad someone agrees! smile

Idespair Sun 15-Sep-13 12:12:05

Hobs not jobs!

SilverApples Sun 15-Sep-13 12:12:13

So he gets to clear up after the meal. Seriously, crumbs?
You sound a bit stressed. Do you like your own family?
Do they like your DP?

NoelHeadbands Sun 15-Sep-13 12:12:20

Now leaving a mess is something else entirely, I'd be livid

Viviennemary Sun 15-Sep-13 12:12:48

YANBU. I hate somebody in my way in the kitchen. I just say get out. I know that sounds awful. blush

Shutupanddrive Sun 15-Sep-13 12:13:34

I feel like his mum sometimes silver which is probably why we don't live together! What time is wine time? 1pm?

Gruntfuttock Sun 15-Sep-13 12:14:56

OK, I've had a think which is not like me at all and read your later posts, OP and I've changed my mind. You are definitely NBU to be pissed off with him under the circumstances and he could've just had one slice of toast for breakfast so he'd be good and ready to eat a lovely family lunch at 1pm.

DragonMamma Sun 15-Sep-13 12:15:47

I would be a bit annoyed if my DH did that and then wasn't hungry for lunch.

We don't ever eat at 1pm though, we stopped it years ago when we realised it was a massive hassle. We generally eat anywhere from 2.30-4pm and have brunch around 10.30ish

SilverApples Sun 15-Sep-13 12:16:20

You are cooking a full roast dinner for visiting relatives without a bottle to hand?
You are doing it wrong. Wine time was when you entered the kitchen.

Rooners Sun 15-Sep-13 12:16:32

I think I'd need to go back wayyy further in terms of context, at least till this morning or last night and why he didn't get up at a proper time.

Also if he knew yesterday that you were going to do this.

Rooners Sun 15-Sep-13 12:17:26

Is he being passive aggressive and trying to sabotage your meal/seeing your folks/etc etc

or is it just an accident?

JenaiMorris Sun 15-Sep-13 12:17:37

This would piss me right off. You're cooking a lovely lunch for everyone (including him) to enjoy and he's filling up on eggs and toast.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff Sun 15-Sep-13 12:17:44

Thoughtless and greedy. I'd be decidedly pissed off. If he needs something to keep him going, a bit of toast will do, and make a lot less mess.

QuarksInAPearTickle Sun 15-Sep-13 12:18:21

Yanbu I would and do get very cross at my DH for doing things like that!

Make sure he cleans up his mess without getting in your way!

Shutupanddrive Sun 15-Sep-13 12:18:47

Yes he knew yesterday. He has just been 'doing stuff'. Putting petrol in car, getting his stuff ready for work, on laptop etc

diddl Sun 15-Sep-13 12:19:26

I think though the faffing in the kitchen would piss me off.

And one slice of toast & no eggs would be plenty if lunch is an hr away?

Shutupanddrive Sun 15-Sep-13 12:20:24

No not passive aggressive, we all get on well. Just greedy and couldn't wait until lunchtime! Better go and open the wine set the table. Thanks for replies, back later smile

I'd be pissed off too, it's disrespectful of the effort you're putting in and the plans you've made for lunch. I imagine he'll tell you that he's not hungry just as you're serving the roast.

Shutupanddrive Sun 15-Sep-13 12:21:39

Did that strike through wrong way round but i'm sure you get the gist!

flipchart Sun 15-Sep-13 12:23:33

I really couldn't be bothered to get worked up about this at all.

Surely you can eat what you want.

I'm sure he will eat lunch as well and enjoy it.

Back off. If someone was annoyed because I was having a hungry day they would get on my tits tbh.

DoJo Sun 15-Sep-13 12:27:03

Well I wouldn't let my children eat an hour before a meal, so I don't see why he can't wait. Do you think of him as on a par with your children when it comes to doing things he is told?

mrsjay Sun 15-Sep-13 12:29:33

I would be majorly pissed off if my dh came in the kitchen to make something to eat an hour before dinner, especially if i was faffinf about with pots and pans it is thoughtless imo yes he is a grown up and yes he can eat what he likes but I dont get why he can't just wait it is a wee bit selfish too enjoy you rlunch though dont let him spoil it

digerd Sun 15-Sep-13 12:49:07

YABU. DM complained about Dad that every time she said dinner is ready he would disappeargrin
My dad never cooked. He washed up and ironed his own shirts in later life as DM moaned about the 14 + shirts a week she had to iron.

He's cooking it himself and not expecting you to . Men need lots of protein to keep those lovely muscles well fuelled smile

HangingGardenofBabbysBum Sun 15-Sep-13 12:54:39

I totally agree with OP. If he knew that lunch was at 1, and he's under your feet while you're coking, then the adult and civilised thing to do us to wait.

Actually, he should be helping you cook for the other guests.

It would annoy me; he's hardly likely to starve if he has to wait, it's passive aggressive bullshit.

Those who say OP is treating him like a toddler? He's acting like one. I want to eat NOW!!

Trade him in for an adult with good manners who appreciates food and your efforts.

And don't wash up his scramblies pan!

AaDB Sun 15-Sep-13 13:23:55

Yanbu. He is selfish, greedy and a pita.

If it isn't his house (and therefore not his eggs/bread etc) then that's doubly annoying.

But by doing this he is volunteering to wash up all the roast dinner pots, right? wink

teatimesthree Sun 15-Sep-13 13:41:12

I would be super annoyed by this. YANBU.

Idocrazythings Sun 15-Sep-13 13:51:45

Yanbu. Of course he is not on par with the children, but it's all about respect. Doesn't sound very respectful to me. I'd be really mad. Why couldn't he eat breakfast earlier if he has been up and pottering. Rude.

Cat98 Sun 15-Sep-13 13:54:26

YANBU! Would annoy me too.

LovesBeingOnHoliday Sun 15-Sep-13 13:58:17

I've had to learn to let this go with dh as he's tge same, think it comes from being hungry as a child.

I would be very pissed off if he didn't eat it if it was a big deal like yours with guests.


Bloody rude!

flipchart Sun 15-Sep-13 14:05:54

To me this is small stuff and I wouldn't sweat it.
It's only food and as long as he eats his meal all is good.

I have been known to eat an hour before DH has put food on the table and the other way round'

I can't see how he is being disrespectful. Everyone who thinks so is making a drama over a couple of eggs and toast.


I'd be irritated too OP. You're going to the trouble of making a roast lunch so he could at least keep out of the kitchen (unless he's helping) and have the respect for your efforts by not taking the edge off his appetite with so much egg and toast. Being full up with breakfast will mean he won't appreciate his lunch as much surely. I hope he set the table for you and will also be doing the washing up BTW.

CaptainSweatPants Sun 15-Sep-13 14:10:23


& who can eat 4 slices of toast with eggs & a roast dinner straight after?

It's a bit grim isn't it?

YoureBeingADick Sun 15-Sep-13 14:11:14

why isn't he cooking with you? and if it's because he is a guest and has been invited for dinner then why is he hanging about over an hour beforehand helping himself to your food?

word beginning with C and ending in ocklodger springs to mind.

SilverApples Sun 15-Sep-13 14:12:06

OP, come back and tell us that he cleared his plate like a good boy, made polite and interesting conversation with your relatives, complimented your cooking and did all the washing up.
I like a happy ending.

flipchart Sun 15-Sep-13 14:28:01

word beginning with C and ending in ocklodger springs to mind.

Eggs and toast. Get a bleeding grip!!!

One thing about MN, Drama can be made out of fuck all!

Jolleigh Sun 15-Sep-13 14:28:13

OP - we need to know if he ate his Sunday dinner! smile

I'd be mildly annoyed, but if he then didn't eat the meal I'd prepared I'd be majorly annoyed. My OH does things like this frequently and I could honestly strangle him when he does. I do the cooking (his food is truly disgusting if it's more complex than a toasty) and another one that gets me is when he complains that he's hungry at odd times and expects me to go and prep a full meal, even if I'm not. He's a pita but I'm sure I do something that must get right up his nose too wink

LaLaLeBouef Sun 15-Sep-13 14:29:51

Did he eat dinner?!

yegodsandlittlefishes Sun 15-Sep-13 14:31:54

Oh, if DH did that some anchovies or marmite or peanut butter (maybe all 3) would mysteriously find their way into the scrambled eggs. I think he did try it once. About 20 years ago.

Tee2072 Sun 15-Sep-13 14:32:30

Agreed flipchart.

flipchart Sun 15-Sep-13 14:34:13

That's very mature yegods

I'm glad my DH is tolerant and doesn't sabotage my food.
I would think he was an immature dick if he did that as well as wasting food.

FrauMoose Sun 15-Sep-13 14:37:48

I think being grownup involves having consideration for/awareness of others. Its inconsiderate to prepare a large messy breakfast when somebody is preparing a big lunch - for which there'll be visitors - due to be served in an hour's time. If you neglected to have breakfast earlier and are suddenly famishing after physical activity you quickly grab just enough to keep going - a couple of bits of toast or a banana.

flipchart Sun 15-Sep-13 14:52:02

Somedays I have hungry days.
I could do what Op's partner has done ok maybe not 4 slices of toast and then eat my lunch. It's usually after I've had a night out.

I'm just laughing my head off at the cocklodger comments because somebody eats an hour before a main meal.
What next LTB?
I don't get why it's inconsiderate along as he tidies up afterwards.

But like most threads that involve a man doing something that an OP doesn't approve of things get blown out of all proportion (i.e cocklodger, behaving like a toddler) then all the mad suggestions like is he being passive aggressive.
oh wel,l never a dull moment!

SilverApples Sun 15-Sep-13 14:56:27

Well, they don't live together, so she can always send him home.

mrsjay Sun 15-Sep-13 15:02:17

can't see how he is being disrespectful. Everyone who thinks so is making a drama over a couple of eggs and toast

because she is trying to cook dinner and he is in there making bloody eggs it is just annoying and disrespectful to somebody who is cooking YOUR dinner ,

yegodsandlittlefishes Sun 15-Sep-13 15:04:05

flipchart when my husband tried that( however long ago), I explained to him that for the hour before cooking a roast dinner, it is all systems go. No room for pans of eggs or extra bodies who are not helping. He got the point, and now he'll ask what he can do to help. DH also knows I'm allergic to eggs and hate the smell of them cooking, so it would be doubly self centred of him to get up late and fix cooked food for just himself (in our small kitchen).

ZenGardener Sun 15-Sep-13 15:06:09

Also wondering if he ate it or not!

I have to admit I made scrambled eggs earlier after reading this thread smile

Nagoo Sun 15-Sep-13 15:06:17

YANBU. Yes he is a grown up, so he should have got his breakfast at a reasonable time to be able to enjoy the lunch that the OP has spent time and effort making for her family. I'd be proper pissed off. If he was choosing his own food for the day, then when he eats is his business, but when she has told him 'big lunch at 1pm' and he decides that he'll go in her way to make his own food, he's telling her he doesn't care that she has prepared that 'nice' meal for him.

mrsjay Sun 15-Sep-13 15:08:25

that he'll go in her way to make his own food, he's telling her he doesn't care that she has prepared that 'nice' meal for him.

^ ^ this I know people will say oh its dramatic blah blah but i agree with you it is self centred to go and make yourself and getting inthe way of somebody cooking a big meal for a lot of people,

NonnoMum Sun 15-Sep-13 15:08:58

I would be annoyed too.

Disrespecting your plans. Getting in the way. It also undermines you as alpha-female in the house.

I have a grown up stepson who will only eat his own food. So, sometimes after a lovely meal has all been cleaned up and the kitchen 'put to bed' will saunter into the kitchen and make himself some odd concoction using all sorts of random pots and pans, which will be cleaned up not to my standard.

a grit-your-teeth and bear it problem rather than a dealbreaker. Probably similar for you - although your partner should know better about annoying a woman in her own kitchen.

Shutupanddrive Sun 15-Sep-13 15:12:23

Update! Yes he did eat it followed by blackberry pie.
He is now doing the washing up while I am sitting drinking wine with parents, dc's watching a film
Think I will let him off then smile

flipchart Sun 15-Sep-13 15:13:20

Bread in a toaster
Eggs, butter, salt and pepper in a bowl mix, put in a microwave for 1 minute. mix, micro a few seconds more mix eat.
Bowl and plate in the dishwasher, carry on helping.

That's how it works in our house without people falling out.

Dh never seems to mind and I don't mind if he gets something.

If he said he doesn't care about her cooking the meal, well that is a different topic and is indeed disrespectful.

SilverApples Sun 15-Sep-13 15:15:49

A happy ending OP, how nice! thanks
Tell him before next time, so he doesn't cock up twice.

mrsjay Sun 15-Sep-13 15:21:05

least he ate it just tell him next time not tog et under your feet,

Jolleigh Sun 15-Sep-13 15:21:11

Shutupanddrive - great news, we'll let him off wink

Flipchart - I'm a bit of a scrambled egg mum used to microwave them and it seriously has put me off for life envy Pan made with a bit of butter, milk and horseradish for me ta wink

Shutupanddrive Sun 15-Sep-13 15:26:45

He's still washing up, on the 3rd bowl of hot water haha

Glad to hear a happy ending. Hope he dries and puts away too wink grin

Frikadellen Sun 15-Sep-13 16:02:16

I would be annoyed too.
If hungry at that point have a slice of toast and a cuppa then you will be ready for lunch

McNewPants2013 Sun 15-Sep-13 16:09:22

If I am hungry I will eat, if not I go behond hungry and it puts me off from eating.

He shouldn't have got in your way though.

BooCanary Sun 15-Sep-13 16:35:43

Glad it worked out in the end OP.
I think YWNBU, it would drive me insane. But then I come from a family where respect is given to the person slaving away to provide a delicious meal.

Unlike in DHs family, when (despite 20 minute, 10 minute and 5 minute warnings) often FIL, BIL (and sometimes DH if he has been led astray) don't turn up for ages after it is ready as they were busy doing crucial man things. They seem to believe that us poor women/slaves must understand they can't be rushed just because someone has had the bad planning of not psychically realising 3 hours before that they would be looking at a car engine/fettling with some tools/still in the pub at 2pm. hmm

BooCanary that would really get my goat. I used to get irritated when I'd give my ex-BF a countdown to when I was dishing up dinner only to have him still be sat at the dining room table on his laptop until I was about to serve it. It irritated me further that I actually had to explain to him that the least he could do was make himself and the table ready. He said if I want him to do something I should just ask as he doesn't take hints. Perhaps I thought as he was a grown man he would realise without being told that I'd need a clear table to put the food on, and that cutlery would also be useful angry I didn't expect to have to treat him as though I was house-training a child hmm

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