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Friend of DH arriving on a Sunday at 7.34am

(145 Posts)
Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 07:44:09

My DH is a nice person. (read, mug.) friend was supposed to come over yesterday to talk about a business they are in the process of starting up. Friend cancelled. last minute.

Friend tried to re-arrange for today - no time given.

Today, we are child free, we went out for the night together last night. As our youngest is 12 weeks old, our lie ins are pretty precious to me.

We also have in laws coming over for Sunday lunch, so busy morning.

So when friend tries to rearrange, DH says non - committal 'oh mate, we're pretty busy tomorrow, got parents coming for lunch and busy morning.
Could possible spare an hour or so before but another day would be better.'

Response: 'ah ok.'

Then this morning, 7.15am - DH gets a text - 'Hi mate - I'm on my way. Be with you at 7.30ish.'

So now he's downstairs!!!

AIBU to be so fucking angry I ripped DH to shreads this morning and would honestly like to go down there and explain to this prick exactly how unwelcome he is?! Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fucking fuck fuck fuckprick.

HKat Sun 15-Sep-13 07:46:46

YANBU. At all. I would kill them both.

littlewhitebag Sun 15-Sep-13 07:48:21

I's not really your DH's fault though is it? The friend was on his way before he could agree it or not. If they need time to discuss a business and this is the only time they have then maybe you just have to accept it even if the timing is not ideal.

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 07:51:49

It is his fault because he should have said firmly yesterday that today was not a good day. And personally if it were my friend I genuinely would have said sorry, 7am is not a good time for us. If they are so presumptuous as to arrive and expect that it is an appropriate time, they have to take the risk of being told no. Seriously. Who does that?!?! And it is a brand new business. He could come any other day, any other time.

MrsLouisTheroux Sun 15-Sep-13 07:53:52

Why so angry?
Yes it's inconvenient, yes he's uninvited, yes it's weird but how is it your DH's fault?
Why are you having a go at him?
It's happened and your DH didn't know what to say to him so he's here. Let them get on with their meeting - at least it's not in the middle of dinner.

Chottie Sun 15-Sep-13 07:54:50

Please do not go downstairs and make coffee etc. Stay in bed or have a nice bath / shower. I can't believe this person either confused

MrsLouisTheroux Sun 15-Sep-13 07:55:17

Maybe your DH doesn't really mind him coming over now.

Sirzy Sun 15-Sep-13 07:55:42

Friend is a twit. Don't see what your DH has done he hardly knew he would turn up so early.

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 07:57:40

Ok so maybe I am being unreasonably angry with DH -BUT I told him yesterday that today was a no go area and instead of saying so he said he could 'squeeze him in for an hour or so' to be fair I am mostly angry at the friend, but can hardly tell him that, can I?!

NoobytheWaspSlayer Sun 15-Sep-13 07:57:50

7.30 on a Sunday? WTF?

I think this is a MASSIVE red flag about going into business with this guy. If he thinks 7.30 on a Sunday is an appropriate time to talk business what else will he think is ok?

Marcheline Sun 15-Sep-13 07:58:25

Mental.

I'd go down there and just tell him that now is, surprisingly, not a good time, and could he make an appt with your DH for another day.

I would seriously be reconsidering setting up a business with someone who doesn't understand social mores enough to know that one DOESN'T do this! What else does he do / might he do in the future?!

Marcheline Sun 15-Sep-13 07:59:40

X-post Nooby. Great minds!

CaptainSweatPants Sun 15-Sep-13 07:59:50

Why don't you go back to sleep & leave them to it?

Maybe your feeling extra sensitive because you're missing your 12 week old

MrsLouisTheroux Sun 15-Sep-13 08:01:02

So DH did (sort of) invite him over?!!
I take it back. Your DH and this man are PITA.

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 08:01:48

I agree that these are red flags.

He also invited DH to Magaluf for 3 weeks after our baby was due, couldn't understand why DH said no! they are both married and he is mid 30's.

oh - and lets be clear here - they might be talking 'business' but they are also planning on fitting in a fair amount of FIFA! i'm going to make them peel potatoes in their 'meeting'.

idiot55 Sun 15-Sep-13 08:03:28

Numpties

Stern words needed later re his choice of buisness partner

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 08:04:39

yes Louis - he said 'sunday is not great day, v busy but could potentially squeeze you in for an hour or s, anotheer day would be better though' did NOT give a time and friend didnt confirm or suggest time until he was on his way.

WF Sun 15-Sep-13 08:09:02

Ridiculous. Where's your DH's priorities? If he can't stand his ground this early on in a business venture then it doesn't bode well.

Have I got this right? Your DH communicated that today wasn't a good day, and the partner still appeared?? At 7:30 am? On a Sunday?

1. Red flag re someone who can't read hints
2. Your DH needs to mature and step up to prioritising what is important

I would feel exactly like you. Even without a 12 week old. YANBU.

Lilacroses Sun 15-Sep-13 08:13:29

7.30 on a Sunday? That is ridiculous unless you are meeting someone for a run or something.

The mate is a cheeky inconsiderate git.

I would be telling him that too and as for FIFA, no way in hell would that be happening.

GerardButlersSecretLover Sun 15-Sep-13 08:20:10

Make sure you give them all the vegetables to peel not just the potatoes!!! grin

littlewhitebag Sun 15-Sep-13 08:22:14

I am probably being the devils advocate but if your DH and he friend are setting up a business then surely it meeting on a Sunday morning shows their commitment to getting this going. I would bet Sir Sugar had meetings much earlier than that when he was setting up his businesses. Let them get on with it. You can still have your lie in with no baby to worry about.

McNewPants2013 Sun 15-Sep-13 08:26:23

It is early, I would just go back to sleep and let them get on with it.

what's the business they are setting up

Bluestocking Sun 15-Sep-13 08:28:33

I'm with littlewhitebag on this. If they are actually trying to set up a business, then they need to have this meeting, and if your DH has a busy dat then it's sensible to fit it in first thing. I really can't understand what your problem is. Stay in bed and let them get in with it.

thistlelicker Sun 15-Sep-13 08:31:29

Are they setting up a business in teaching ppl how to play FIFA ?

Worriedkat Sun 15-Sep-13 08:36:00

I don't think the friend IBU. Your DHs text suggests that you have a busy morning and lunch but he can spare an hour before. Doesn't that suggest very early morning, ie before your average Sunday morning time of 9am onwards??

Communication slip up....

fuckwittery Sun 15-Sep-13 08:39:52

Your dh's friend is mental, the appropriate response to your DH's text would be ok, what time. NOT turn up at 7.30am on a sunday!!!

ipswichwitch Sun 15-Sep-13 08:42:31

I would be tempted to go and remove the FIFA and announce that if he's going to turn up so bloody early on a Sunday morning, there will only be business discussions, not arsing about on the computer. If your Sunday lie in is going to be ruined it certainly shouldn't be by pissing about on computers. But then again I'm a right grumpy cow when my sleep is affected!

Ragwort Sun 15-Sep-13 08:44:19

Agree with littlewhitebag - sounds as though your DH and his friend are really motivated to get together and have a chat about the business. We run our own business and often have to work at very irregular hours, we don't switch off outside the hours of 9-5 and I am sure most succesful entrepeneurs are more interested than working than having a sunday morning lie-in hmm.

Why does it even bother you, so long as you don't have to get up and join them, can't you enjoy the lie in on your own?

You sound rather controlling, I would hate my DH to tell me what I could or couldn't do at 7.30am on a Sunday morning.

meganorks Sun 15-Sep-13 08:45:58

I can understand tour annoyance I would be livid. But in fairness don't think its your DH fault. Any reasonable person would have interpreted yesterdays response as come another day. And no reasonable person would think any time before 9 on a Sunday is acceptable (and to be honest I would want someone to say what time ok on a Sunday)

Rosiebells Sun 15-Sep-13 08:48:10

Roll over and get cosy in the middle of the bed..... Ahhhhh, now doesn't that feel better.

TwoStepsBeyond Sun 15-Sep-13 08:50:14

I love my sleep and I love snuggling with DP when there are no DCs around, so I completely get why you're so pissed off. Have a word with your DH about boundaries and family time, running your own business can have a tendency to take over all your free time so you need to make sure that both he and his partner understand that, while you're behind them on this venture, some family time is important to you and your baby.

DidoTheDodo Sun 15-Sep-13 08:50:15

Personally I'd much prefer this time that 11.00pm on a Sunday!
it's your DH's meeting - can't you just snooze through it (and give him the baby)? And at least they are showing a commitment to the business - isn't that better than delaying things interminably?

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 08:53:15

Ragwort.

We have a 12 week old baby and an 8 year old.

They were both at GPs last night.
We do not get lazy lie ins together anymore. This is what we had planned.

I also expect him to help me get the house ready/ food ready for lunch when his family are coming.

I said to him yesterday that today was not a good day for those reasons. That is not control, that is courtesy. I think suggesting that is un called for and unfair.

And lets be clear here - this was not a pre arranged time. This friend decided that 7.30 was the time he would arrive. Didn't even run it by us, just arrived.

Oh. and they have been playing FIFA basically since he arrived.
Loudly.

That is not 'dedication to a business'.

Mckayz Germany Sun 15-Sep-13 08:58:12

I would go and take away the power cable for the Xbox/PS3 etc and go back to bed with it.

I would be killing my DH if he had done this. Don't give a shit if it is controlling.

Go down and tell friend that his hour is up and if he is to inconvenience the family any further on a Sunday morning he gets to peel potatoes.
What arses. Both of them. Your husband would be a fool to go into "business" with this man.

GirlWithTheDirtyShirt Sun 15-Sep-13 09:01:40

I wouldn't answer the door to anyone at 7:30 in a Sunday. Nor would DP.

thistlelicker Sun 15-Sep-13 09:02:17

Op u admit its the friend who just turned up so unfair to blame hubby for that! Shout down and ask him to bring u a brew in bed and give him a look that tells him ur peed for them playing FIFA !

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Sun 15-Sep-13 09:04:27

If the friend was that dedicated to the business he wouldn't have cancelled yesterday would he?! OP I feel for you, this is not acceptable at all, it shows a lack of basic manners, and IMO to turn up without confirmation it's ok at any time of the day is rude, let alone this early! Go and remove FIFA from them, and give them an end time for this 'meeting'.

petalsandstars Sun 15-Sep-13 09:04:29

Yep. The hour is up and you are both busy. Bye bye

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Sun 15-Sep-13 09:05:25

Oh and also agree that DH can take some of the blame here. He should have said no when friend text, and he also shouldn't have answered the door!

DidoTheDodo Sun 15-Sep-13 09:06:39

Is it just me that thinks that 7.30 isn't actually that early?
I'm definitely a lark - maybe your friend is too?

Trigglesx Sun 15-Sep-13 09:07:27

He should have at least kept to the business at hand and not gotten busy playing FIFA. If they are going to go into business together, he must start as he means to go on - setting boundaries on your private time and keeping business to business rather than playing.

JoinYourPlayfellows Sun 15-Sep-13 09:09:16

"I think this is a MASSIVE red flag about going into business with this guy. If he thinks 7.30 on a Sunday is an appropriate time to talk business what else will he think is ok?"

This "business" is a complete load of shite. And it is going to be used as an excuse for these two boys to have lots of playdates together that you aren't supposed to be allowed to criticise because they are "entrepreneurs" hmm

This loser just fancied coming over to yours this morning (probably to get away from his own children) to play FIFA.

Tell him to get fucked.

NOBODY calls to somebody else's house at 7.30 on a Sunday without a very good reason and a prior invitation.

Mckayz Germany Sun 15-Sep-13 09:09:34

Dido, 7:30 isn't early for me when the children are here. But if they were at their grandparents like the OP's are then yes 7:30 is really bloody early.

If it was me I would, hand on heart, go downstairs and unplug the game, turn to him and tell him he is out of order and needs to leave.

tell him H will be in touch to arrange a meeting in the week.

Friend is a fuckwit.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 15-Sep-13 09:13:58

YANBU - not at all - and that's coming from someone who is always up at the crack of dawn!

Your DH's friend is rude - but he did text to say he was on his way, your DH should have text back 'Don't be daft - see you later in the week'.

It isn't a business meeting - it's FIFA playing. Childish & ridiculous to act like it's an 'important' meeting.

My DH would be going into business with this guy over my dead body and he'd be told to find a backbone as well.

SamHamwidge Sun 15-Sep-13 09:16:09

I wouldn't dream of turning up at that hou on a Sunday!

Some people.just have no clue.

Agree with other posters, earplugs in and go back to sleep, speak to dh later when his dickhead friend has gone home.

arethereanyleftatall Sun 15-Sep-13 09:16:18

Your dh is the one who lost his lie in, not you.
Be careful about blaming him for things,which aren't his fault. He'd just getting on with the situation.

Mckayz Germany Sun 15-Sep-13 09:17:45

It is her DH's fault. He should have said yesterday that no Sunday is no good for me. And then this morning not answered the door.

JoinYourPlayfellows Sun 15-Sep-13 09:19:39

"Your dh is the one who lost his lie in, not you."

Maybe, just maybe, the idea was that they would spend the morning in bed TOGETHER.

Individual lie ins are not hard to come by.

They had arranged the elusive DOUBLE LIE IN!

Both of them in bed together with nobody to get up for. Maybe a bit of nice morning sex.

I would fucking swing for a block who showed up at 7.30 to play computer games in my house.

Floggingmolly Sun 15-Sep-13 09:22:45

Your dh didn't actually put him off, though, did he? He told him you had a lunch planned for guests and a "busy morning", but could squeeze him in for an hour or so... The friend could hardly be blamed for taking him at his word and assuming he had to get the meeting over with before the busy day kicked in, although should have called before he set off.
I get the impression your dh was perfectly fine with this; so if you're pissed off it's him you actually have the problem with.

arethereanyleftatall Sun 15-Sep-13 09:23:39

But isn't it his choice whether he has a lie in or has business meeting/plays FIFA?
op still gets her lie in.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sun 15-Sep-13 09:24:00

What joinyourplayfellows said.^^

I wouldn't be that mad at DH I think, as he basically did say Sunday is not really a good idea. His friend is a freak.
I don't even want to see my own flesh and blood at 7.30 on a sunday. In fact ds only (gently)woke me up half an hour ago since he knows its Sunday. And he's seven.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sun 15-Sep-13 09:25:44

"This "business" is a complete load of shite. And it is going to be used as an excuse for these two boys to have lots of playdates together that you aren't supposed to be allowed to criticise because they are "entrepreneurs" hmm

This loser just fancied coming over to yours this morning (probably to get away from his own children) to play FIFA."

Maybe start your own "business" with a mate? grin

WhoNickedMyName Sun 15-Sep-13 09:27:35

Your DH us a wet blanket, his friend is pretty clueless and they've spent their "business meeting" playing FIFA.

I do hope your DH isn't mug enough to actually invest any money into this venture.

And YANBU to be annoyed at both of them.

BashfulBunny Sun 15-Sep-13 09:29:43

I'd be livid. A nice cosy, rare, lie in ruined.

Your DH needs to grow a spine and learn to be more clear. Your friend sounds like a self centred arse (3 week holiday to Magaluf leaving you with a brand new baby?!) He needs to get a clue about thinking about others and grow up if he thinks going to someone's house at 7.30am on a Sunday and playing FIFA instead of having a meeting is acceptable.

I wood have serious second thoughts about your DH going into business with this guy. Your DH doesn't stand up for himself and his interests and the friend will clearly put himself first. Definite red flag.

JoinYourPlayfellows Sun 15-Sep-13 09:31:13

"But isn't it his choice whether he has a lie in or has business meeting/plays FIFA?"

Um, no.

I think it is unspeakably rude to arrange special time like that with your spouse and then allow a friend to show up in your house for a pretend meeting.

arethereanyleftatall Sun 15-Sep-13 09:35:27

if it's not his choice what he does, then that is controlling.
I suspect this was 'arranged'by OP,, not by her Dh.
Using the nice/mug side of his personality, do to exactly what she wants.

Bluestocking Sun 15-Sep-13 09:37:56

Actually, on further consideration, I think you may have a bigger problem than your DP being a bit of a mug if he would rather get up at 7.15 on a Sunday to play FIFA with a friend than "have a lie in" with you.

JoinYourPlayfellows Sun 15-Sep-13 09:39:26

I don't think you really understand what the word "controlling" means.

Hint: it does not mean a woman having the temerity to ask for something that is important to her in her marriage.

This couple had an agreement to spend the morning in bed together.

That is pretty rare and precious couple time.

You don't make an arrangement to do something special with someone you love and then let somebody else ruin it by inviting themselves over to your home.

You just don't. It's a shitty way to behave.

It's as if this guy showed up to talk business when they were out for dinner for their anniversary.

pigletmania Sun 15-Sep-13 09:40:38

It's not really your DH fault, more like his friends for having exceptionally bad manners. Go back to sleep and leave them to it!

pigletmania Sun 15-Sep-13 09:43:29

My goodness give poor dh a break, so all your partners are perfect hmm. A mistake was made, what is done is done! Op should have a calm chat with her dh, to make sure this does not happen again. It is also friends fault by just turning up, not asking if it's ok to

Mckayz Germany Sun 15-Sep-13 09:45:01

Arethere, are you reading a completely different thread to me?

The OP and her DH decided to go out last night and then have a nice lie in. The idiot DH then doesn't bother telling his friend that today is no good for him or telling him that no 7:30 is not ok!

JoinYourPlayfellows Sun 15-Sep-13 09:46:37

Is the pretend business partner still playing computer games in your home?

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 09:48:59

I have just come down and asked DH to go to shop and get some potatoes. I suspect know I might be being a bitch but I am not going to let them get away with this. I wouldn't mind as much if it was genuine but they have played FIFA the entire time and still going strong.

Just been making small talk with 'friend' (I've not met him before) he said 'had real trouble parking this morning, think everyone on your road was still in bed! I suppose I did get here a bit eearly - but that's me, up the the lark so thought now was as good a time as any! Left 'the wife' on bed hahahahahaha'

ExcuseTypos Sun 15-Sep-13 09:49:48

I would be livid with both of them.

When he got the text this morning you're DH should have replied 'today is not convenient. Do not come. I will rearrange later for another day'

I also think this is a massive red flag. The friend sounds like a prick to me.

TwoStepsBeyond Sun 15-Sep-13 09:50:48

I'm with you Join - the only thing I prefer to actually sleeping in the morning is a kid-free sleepy fumble with DP. He gets up early for work/gym/running every weekday and at least one day at the weekend the DCs wake us up (he loves his DCs coming into bed with us for a cuddle, I just give mine a quick cuddle and send them off to watch TV!)

On the very rare morning that there are no DCs, no work, no gym I would be fucking livid if I'd been expecting a lazy morning, some sleepy sex, cup of tea in bed etc and what I actually got was being woken by a text and someone at the door, only to be left awake and alone in bed while he played games under the pretence of doing something important.

I would be seriously questioning his priorities that he didn't want the kid-free morning I had envisaged and if he had really wanted the lie-in but had been coerced into it I would have less respect for him as a result.

ExcuseTypos Sun 15-Sep-13 09:51:11

You're not being a bitch!

Tell the friend you are expecting guests for lunch and you've both got lots to do.

Ragwort Sun 15-Sep-13 09:55:57

I think it's rather ironic that the OP spends the time ranting on mumsnet instead of enjoying a peaceful lie-in on her own - no kids and no DH - sounds idyllic grin.

ChasedByBees Sun 15-Sep-13 09:56:07

I'd be furious. Are they still playing FIFA? I think your DH is as much to blame for the FIFA playing and he could have said no to the first text.

ChasedByBees Sun 15-Sep-13 09:59:01

The business partner is an inconsiderate twat.

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 10:00:10

Ragwort. I have been in bed on mumsnet. Couldn't get back to sleep because of the nosy cheering/laughing from downstairs.

I have to start cooking soon anyway. I was hoping DH would help by doing some of the cleaning etc ready for lunch.

I am going to give him job after job until friend takes the hint and leaves.

WeAreEternal Sun 15-Sep-13 10:01:52

While DH is out I would say to the friend, "we'll you have been here for several hours. I hope you managed to discuss what you needed to. Now as DH explained to you yesterday we have a busy day today, which we need to be getting ready for, so if there is nothing else I think you should be getting back to your wife"

I would then hand him his coat, and switch off the games console and remove the power cable and stand patiently by the door, glaring at him until he walked out of it.

pigletmania Sun 15-Sep-13 10:04:55

In that case op it's your dh fault as well for not getting him out ASAP. Tell friend your busy today. Try and get partner alone and tell him to cut this vist sharpish!

pigletmania Sun 15-Sep-13 10:05:44

Oh yes weAre good idea grin

Hissy Brazil Sun 15-Sep-13 10:09:55

I reckon you need to open the door and say, oh well we really must get on, and you'll have to get going, otherwise you'll be laying an extra place at the table.

You should have told them to wrap it up after an hour, or the minute that FIFA stuff started.

Dont be a mug in your own home!

You need to ask friend to leave.

Tell him it is not on to visit people at 7.30 on a sunday morning to play Fifa.

JoinYourPlayfellows Sun 15-Sep-13 10:34:16

I'm the "business venture" person in our house, so I'm far more likely to be the DH in this scenario than the OP.

I just asked DH what he would do if someone I was planning to work with showed up at our house at 7.30, when we were meant to be having a child-free lie in, to have a "meeting" and we started playing computer games.

He said he would "tell them to piss off" and be really pissed off with me for letting them in.

He's pretty mild-mannered. grin

And no, I don't feel "controlled" by his expectation that I treat him with consideration.

This person has no boundaries (and neither does your dh it would seem).

Your husbands cue to wrap up the meeting game play was you asking him to nip out for potatoes. He did not take the hint, but left you to "entertain" this mate. What twats.

Silverfoxballs Sun 15-Sep-13 10:44:17

Intrigued as to what this business start up is.

Both of these men sound like pains in the backside.

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 10:48:31

He took his mate with him to get the potatoes.

The FIFA continues.
He has told mate he will need to leave at 11 so we can get on. I am still so angry but judging by some responses on here perhaps I am BU.

Business is IT (they work together doing similar) - some sort of diagnostic/help desk type thing.

JerseySpud Sun 15-Sep-13 10:50:14

Fairy as someone with a gaming husband you are not being unreasonable.

I would be having a go at him and the friend now.

What?! How is your DH going to cook/clean/get ready for his parents if he's playing with his friend until 11?

This has made me angry. Tell the friend to get out.

JoinYourPlayfellows Sun 15-Sep-13 10:55:28

So his friend is going to take up 3.5 hours of your busy Sunday?

PLAYING FUCKING COMPUTER GAMES?

And you think you are being unreasonable?

I think you need to take a closer look at who is the mug in your relationship.

Hint: it's not the guy having his mates around to play FIFA all morning

kim147 Sun 15-Sep-13 10:57:53

He's not related to Sheldon is he? An understanding of social rules. Like Sunday morning is sacred.

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 11:01:29

Join - he has not done this before. And trust me, he is going to get the bollocking of his life.

And actually, I don't think IABU, but I have been told by some that I am controlling and being very unreasonable, so I was trying to be at last vaguely objective.

cozietoesie Sun 15-Sep-13 11:01:30

From sad experiene, if I had someone turn up for a 'new business' meeting at 7.30 on a Sunday morning, i would be assuming that they were likely still drunk from the night before and hadn't really been to sleep. You might just check what time he opens the first bottle/can of beer. And check any business plans formulated this morning with a fine tooth comb.

NoelHeadbands Sun 15-Sep-13 11:03:47

What a pair of idiots.

Floggingmolly Sun 15-Sep-13 11:06:53

I'm not sure that's entirely fair, cozie! The dh more or less told him he could squeeze him in for a couple of hours, and implied it would have to be before the planned lunch took place. I still thnk op's problem is entirely with her dh.

Cancel lunch.

Seriously.

Your dp has been up since 7.30 playing computer games rather than help prepare.

I would be fuming and simply leave him to do lunch and take a book to a coffee shop.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 15-Sep-13 11:14:35

YANBU

It sounds like the friend has some sort of social boundaries issues.

When they get back from the shop tell the friend that next time he wants to call on your DH that he chooses a less anti-social time.

You are perfectly at liberty to do this as your morning was disturbed not just your DH's.

Then when the friend has slunk off. Feel free to bollock DH.

kim147 Sun 15-Sep-13 11:16:07

Who sends a text at 7 in the morning saying they'll be there soon?

goonyagoodthing Sun 15-Sep-13 11:21:58

I am quite looking forward to the bollocking he is going to get (and deserves actually).

LaLaLeBouef Sun 15-Sep-13 11:26:41

For god's sake do not dare to cook lunch! Leave it to DH!!

pigletmania Sun 15-Sep-13 11:34:35

I dont blame you op, this was meant to be your child free time together and your dh and his friend ruined it. They were not even talking business but playing fecking games. Yes I would be livid tooat my Sunday being ruined

LadyClariceCannockMonty Sun 15-Sep-13 11:39:53

Please give us a verbatim account of the bollocking, OP!

YANBU. Your DH's friend is inconsiderate and sounds a bit thick, not to mention a bit sexist ('the wife'? hmm )

And your DH sounds like a child. Takes his mate with him to buy the potatoes? Spends a 'meeting' playing games unless you come down to ask him to do the household chores?

Bollock away grin

I would have yelled STFU repeatedly until the console was silenced. I would then have called DH upstairs and told him to ask the person to leave. If he refused, I would have put on my dressing gown and evicted him myself.

pinkstinks Sun 15-Sep-13 11:53:40

Why did either of you answer the door?! You should have just ignored it and the text.

lunar1 Sun 15-Sep-13 11:58:13

I can't believe you are still making lunch.

McNewPants2013 Sun 15-Sep-13 11:59:48

I change my view.

As much as he has the right to do what he wants, but to me it now reads that he put his friends before you.

diddl Germany Sun 15-Sep-13 11:59:59

Why didn't your husband text back-"don't come round"?

When they get back, go out & tell them that you will be back at X time to eat lunch with ILs.

Oldraver Sun 15-Sep-13 12:12:00

OP..What was you reply to the smal talk off friend ? as that was the ideal opportunity to tell him he was out of order

arethereanyleftatall Sun 15-Sep-13 12:12:54

What does being fuming and angry and giving someone a bollockibg actually achieve. Answer,a miserable day.

I honestly don't get it.

your morning was fucked up at 7.30. So, do you a] spend the morning fuming on MN, being bitter,, then strop around, and ruin the afternoon.
Or b)) think fucj it, that plan has gone, then do whatever you fancy doing, and enjoy it, buy aunt bessies for lunch and enjoy life.

I just don't get it.

Tryharder Sun 15-Sep-13 12:19:52

I get that its a bit annoying in the grand scheme of things, yeah

But your kicking off at your DH and your anger is a bit OTT.

It's not you that's lost your lie-in.

YABU

Chill.

Trigglesx Sun 15-Sep-13 12:20:32

Perhaps the best thing would be to sit down with DH and say "look, obviously this morning has not gone well. I think we need to set some ground rules about this type of thing so there are no more future problems with this." And then agree to certain days/times that are "no business meeting/FIFA" times.

Point out to him calmly that you are disappointed and annoyed that you both lost out on some lovely child-free time together. (Let him draw his own conclusion about what he may have missed with that grin)

pigletmania Sun 15-Sep-13 12:45:34

Talk about it calmly later on and take parents out to lunch like astro pub or something

JoinYourPlayfellows Sun 15-Sep-13 12:46:52

"And trust me, he is going to get the bollocking of his life."

Glad to hear it. He really deserves it.

Lol at "astro pub"

I would like that.

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 12:51:32

We are back on track. He is contrite, done all cleaning, peeled all veg and v apologetic. I don't think my anger was OTT. We are adults, clearly we discuss things rationally, didnt have screaming match but I have made my position clear.

I did make a snide joke to friend who suggested next Sunday for next one(!) that I hoped it wouldn't be at 7 am next time and would be at his house.

Has it occurred to you that this whole business venture is just code for two blokes playing on the computer together?

StuntGirl Sun 15-Sep-13 13:00:59

I am incredibly laid back about this sort of thing, my partner spends 4+ days a week out of the house on his hobby which I actively support and encourage, he goes out on far more nights out than me and 'a few pints in the pub' often turns into him crawling in at 2am. I don't care, because we both do our own thing and are very happy with it.

I'd have gone down after an hour and pulled the plug. And his mate would be out the door sharpish. And they would never make the same mistake again.

I hope you can have a discussion about how this 'business' is going to affect your family life together.

AnnaBegins Sun 15-Sep-13 13:01:43

YANBU and I'm glad to hear he's now gone! My DH's parents do this, turn up super early (they live an hour and a half away, no idea how they manage it) when I'm not up yet and our only shower is downstairs so I then have to walk past them in a towel and he never tells them it's not appropriate to turn up that early at a weekend!

However, do you really think your DH should be going into business when both him and friend show so little dedication to it that they would rather play FIFA? Businesses take a lot of work and sacrifice and this doesn't sound like they have that mentality.

clam Sun 15-Sep-13 13:25:34

Hang on.... re-wind. Inlaws coming for lunch?
Lock the bedroom doors! wink

Ezio Sun 15-Sep-13 13:36:11

You shoulda hid the controllers.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 15-Sep-13 13:41:39

I'm on Team Outraged. Husband needs to grow a pair. Instead, he's playing FIFA .

Going into business with this flake would be a very bad idea.

StuntGirl Sun 15-Sep-13 13:57:12

I think the 'business talk' is a pretext for hanging out playing games/drinking in the pub/etc to be honest.

everlong Sun 15-Sep-13 14:18:14

But your DH said he had a busy morning and that he could spare an hour before.

Seems pretty logical that the friend would show up at that hour given the conversation.

Men are. Not mind readers as much as women expect them to be.

Trigglesx Sun 15-Sep-13 14:45:24

Yes, he said he could spare an hour. His friend apparently showed up at 7:30am and stayed until 11am. Bit more than an hour - and according to the OP, they spent almost the entire time playing FIFA, not dealing with business stuff, so hardly urgent enough to interrupt a day off for.

Floggingmolly Sun 15-Sep-13 15:11:40

Maybe your dh was glad of an excuse to opt out of the stress fest that was lunch in your house?
There really should have been no need to clean the house and go shopping for potatoes on Sunday morning?

JoinYourPlayfellows Sun 15-Sep-13 15:30:51

"Maybe your dh was glad of an excuse to opt out of the stress fest that was lunch in your house?"

Well that would just make him a complete cunt, wouldn't it?

Opting out of the "stress fest" that was lunch for HIS PARENTS.

And sorry, but it doesn't take a mind reader to know that you don't invite yourself over to anyone's house at 7.30 on a Sunday morning without prior agreement.

"An hour before lunch" means, give me a shout after 11am and I'll see if I can fit you in before 1.

It does not mean in any civilised part of the world that you just announce your arrival at 7.30.

zatyaballerina Sun 15-Sep-13 15:32:29

I would have kicked him out as soon as they started playing fifa, a genuine business meeting at 7.30, ruining your first child free lie in.... I could almost forgive, ruining your lie in for a very loud game of fifa, not acceptable.

I would suggest you draw very firm boundaries with this 'friend' now, people who have no consideration for others as he has shown don't take polite hints. You have to tell him straight out what is and isn't acceptable.

CrapBag Sun 15-Sep-13 15:40:36

"Just been making small talk with 'friend' (I've not met him before) he said 'had real trouble parking this morning, think everyone on your road was still in bed! I suppose I did get here a bit eearly - but that's me, up the the lark so thought now was as good a time as any! Left 'the wife' on bed hahahahahaha'"

This bloody friend knew exactly what he was doing!!! He knew damn well it was far too early, but sounds like he does as he pleases anyway as he was probably expecting that your DH would not turn around and say "well turn around then, its far too early and I can't do today"

Did they actually plan to talk business? Hours on bloody Fifa first thing on a Sunday morning when they are suppose to be discussing a new business? This man sounds like a bloody pita.

OP, YANBU and I can't believe anyone would think that you are.
I get arsey enough when my neighbour plays his fucking trombone/cello/trumpet at 9.30 on a weekend morning when I am having a lie in. I would not tolerate anyone visiting at 7.30am!!!!

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 17:47:57

Clam - this is my olive branch lunch - hence the house cleaning!

FloggingMolly - I have had past issues with in laws. This was first time back in my house. We had run out of potatoes. I was cooking a roast. I hardly think that makes me a crazy slave driver.

clam Sun 15-Sep-13 19:34:02

How did it go, fairy? Did she manage to get upstairs to your dsd's bedroom for a tidy up?

Fairy1303 Sun 15-Sep-13 19:38:21

She polished her shoes, sewed a name tape on her socks and offered to take laundry home. In the grand scheme of things I think it went well!

clam Sun 15-Sep-13 21:32:56

Did you let her? Take laundry home, I mean.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Sun 15-Sep-13 21:34:57

Oh Fairy I didn't realise it was you from the MIL thread! You really do have a time of it don't you?! You need to befriend some people with no concept of boundaries and unleash them on your DH in retaliation!

Katisha Sun 15-Sep-13 21:37:55

Oh crikey you have the MIL! Has she got over herself?

quesadilla Sun 15-Sep-13 22:47:40

I would also be livid with friend but I don't think your DH is at fault: he gave the clearest indication possible short of being blunt that a Sunday morning wasn't going to work. I would never take what your DH said as an indication that it was ok and I don't think most people with an iota of sensitivity would either.

My DH had (note past tense), a friend like this who used to show up uninvited with his wife at some point more or less every weekend. They just couldn't take subtle hints. (DH also comes from a country where dropping in is more acceptable.) Eventually it dawned on DH that he had to tell them to ask if they wanted to come round. Funnily enough they stopped coming around after that.

Some people just need things to be spelled out in neon capitals before they get the message.

Fairy1303 Mon 16-Sep-13 03:01:02

Of course I didn't bloody let her take laundry! I wouldn't have let her polish the shoes either but just came downstairs from changing the baby to find her doing it - she had bought her own shoe polish with her!!

She is not completely over herself - a few snide remarks about the laundry issue, quizzing me about which leggings DSD wore to trampolining this week - not the M&S ones?! Because they go with a specific dress!!!

Generally though things have calmed down.
I have decided to keep it so that they visit purely a guests - this is the first time they had been back - DCs went to stay sat night and then they came for lunch and then left. There was talk of every Sunday but I said that was too big of a cimmitment!

Anyway. Perhaps PIL are reason why DH befriends boundary-less people?!

Fairy1303 Mon 16-Sep-13 03:01:30

Apologies for thread in a thread!

Fairy1303 Mon 16-Sep-13 03:03:11

Oh and she made a point of thanking me for my concern after DH told FIL to take her to doc for her depression! But she is feeling much better now she is swimming more often thank you,

Monty27 Mon 16-Sep-13 03:11:14

YASNBU!

And someone upthread said it's not DH's fault.

I make it his fault.

I'd be reading the riot act. But then that's me. confused

ChasedByBees Mon 16-Sep-13 08:03:29

Sounds good progress with the MIL OP.

StuntGirl Mon 16-Sep-13 09:26:19

I didn't realise it was you with the nutty mother in law OP. I think you need to ship the lot of 'em off to Siberia grin

SarahAndFuck England Mon 16-Sep-13 09:37:33

This is you isn't it?

With the 'depressed' mother in law who won't leave you alone and steals your eldest's swimming costumes?

YANBU about the friend, the hour he arrived or the FIFA playing once he got there.

Running a business can be a 24 hour thing, you have to put the hours in to make it work. But I don't think playing FIFA for three hours quite fits the bill of putting in the hours for the business.

And YANBU about the in-laws either.

clam Mon 16-Sep-13 12:29:47

I think I'd have gone into whichever room they were playing FIFA in and said, "oh good, you've finished your business talk. DH, there's stacks to do before your the guests arrive, so can you make a start on a, b, c, d, e and f then? Thick-skinned friend, we'll see you again soon, not quite so early next time."

expatinscotland Mon 16-Sep-13 12:38:33

Your DH is wet.

AllThatGlistens Mon 16-Sep-13 12:41:53

Oh bloody hell is that you OP? I really think you need to tell the lot of them to fuck off and your DH to toughen up!

You have considerably more patience than me, that's for sure grin

AnyFucker Germany Mon 16-Sep-13 12:47:46

You are a mug to put up with any of this

If you had a child free night and opportunity for a delicious lie in, you should have spent it shagging each other's brains out, not letting some arsehole invade your space

My H would have replied to the initial "on my way" text with "Don't bother mate, the door will be locked."

if by any chance he got over the threshold I wouldn't have hidden in my bedroom too scared to say anything, you should have gone down and turfed him right out of your house

if you tolerate this, it will keep on happening and your H sounds like just a big a dick as his mate is

CrapBag Sat 21-Sep-13 09:14:05

Move!

Move far away and fast to get away from these people. wink

Sorry, not helpful but I remember your MIL post before.

I wouldn't have let her back in so well done you for doing that. Can't believe they wanted to make it a weekly thing, probably just so she can check up on you and keep plugging away at trying to take over with the washing etc. She hasn't really learnt though has she if she brought her own shoe polish and waited until you weren't in the room to do it.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sat 21-Sep-13 11:39:16

confused

Weegiemum Argentina Sat 21-Sep-13 12:09:15

This is why we live 4 hours (including a ferry journey) away from mil.

She still does about half of bil's family washing, etc etc etc. he lives 5 mins away.

Never, ever.

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