To think oh "STFU" and give no further consideration to this "parenting concern" from ds's Dad?

(121 Posts)
Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 11:46:13

Apparently he is "concerned" that ds eats coco pops for breakfast twice a week as its nothing more than "sugary air". Ds usually has eggs or bacon or toast on the other days but these coco pops are a REAL issue apparently. We have had two heated phone calls about it in the last 24 hours hmm.

He's my ex by the way.

FamiliesShareGerms Fri 13-Sep-13 11:48:17

Well, they are "sugary air", albeit fortified with vitamins.

Are you really arguing about the breakfast, or about something else?

WorraLiberty Fri 13-Sep-13 11:48:37

How old is your DS?

It sounds as though he might not believe it's only twice a week?

pianodoodle Fri 13-Sep-13 11:48:39

How old is DS?

I'd be saying "wind yer neck in" whether dad was an ex or not probably smile

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 11:49:35

Ds is 10. And it IS only twice a week if that as he's not a big cereal eater.

SofaKing Fri 13-Sep-13 11:50:12

I,would sweetly agree, then swap them for pop tarts. They are more than air and sugar, they are sugar, fat and scorch risk in one convenient package!

moondog Fri 13-Sep-13 11:50:13

Dads can't win can they?

extracrunchy Fri 13-Sep-13 11:52:09

Haha moondog I was going to say exactly the same thing...

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 11:52:11

What's it got to do with being a Dad? Should I have said ds's other parent so there could be no accusation of gender bias?

Mumof3xx Fri 13-Sep-13 11:54:12

Really? That's pathetic

I've seen kids who get given a chocolate bar for breakfast now that I would complain about

We always have about 3 cereals to choose from ds1 tends to go for weetabix but ds prefers something chocky

moondog Fri 13-Sep-13 11:54:33

You mentioned the father.
People come on here and whinge that dads don't give a shit.
Then they whinge when they do.
It's all so exhausting.

treas Fri 13-Sep-13 11:54:41

Well he's right shock - they have no nutritional value.

What if you had an issue with something your ex was doing with you dc - would you put up and shut up or raise it as a concern?

YouTheCat Fri 13-Sep-13 11:54:46

This one is being a cockend. It's nothing to do with being a dad and everything to do with exerting control.

JakeBullet Fri 13-Sep-13 11:56:04

Depends....I hate chocolaty and sugary cereal with a passion....DS naturally LOVES it so it is a real "once in a while" thing....MIL keeps a box when he stays there.

If it isn't an every day thing then I don't see an issue with it personally.....not that this is what you are asking anyway.

Is this a power struggle over something else.....just him being difficult? Or is he usually pretty good and expressing genuine concern.

I am on good terms with DS's Dad and we can talk and agree/disagree things easily But I know some men are very awkward with their ex partners/wives and when all else fails will criticise the parenting.

burberryqueen Fri 13-Sep-13 11:57:32

well he is right that they are crap but on the other hand it seems a bit cheeky or controlling for him to dictate what you serve for breakfast.
sorry that is not much help grin
start serving gruel.

YouTheCat Fri 13-Sep-13 11:57:48

So long as your ds isn't having to forage in bins for food, what you feed him when he is with you is between you and your ds.

When he is at his dad's then that is his concern and none of yours.

JakeBullet Fri 13-Sep-13 11:58:07

I think the issue is whether he is expressing genuine concern and caring or if he is attempting to wind up the OP by being an arse. Sadly there are plenty of men out there like that.

HeySoulSister Fri 13-Sep-13 11:58:50

What does he feed him when he has him?

Mumsyblouse Fri 13-Sep-13 12:01:48

I guess if you don't comment on his parenting, he shouldn't on yours. However, my husband does comment on things like crap cereal even though I do continue to serve the less sugary ones, he hates cereal and does offer alternatives himself when it is his turn to do breakfast/I'm away.

BrianTheMole Fri 13-Sep-13 12:02:24

Well its not a great breakfast really. Do you normally get on with ex about parenting decisions?

NatashaBee Fri 13-Sep-13 12:05:03

I would ask him for a menu plan every time your DS goes there, so you can review the nutritional content and suggest healthy alternatives for anything you don't approve of.

Hawkmoth Fri 13-Sep-13 12:08:39

Wagon Wheels are better.

ImpulsePineapple Fri 13-Sep-13 12:08:44

Can you just not tell him it's none of his business what happens in your house, and that you will not interfere in what happens at his house, then refuse to engage.

Why are you talking to him on the phone twice in 24hrs? Seems excessive.

OP, I think I understand. If he's implying you're a shit parent because you give him Coco pops twice a week, tell him to call SS.

Let's hope their laughter down the phone doesn't hurt his ears too much.

If he's genuinely concerned about the Coco pops, then maybe a compromise can be reached?

PartyOrganisor Fri 13-Sep-13 12:10:00

Well as a parent I would really grumble if my dc were given that sort of stuff. That would really annoy me as I see that sort of stuff as just sugar, additives and more sugar.

So I do understand where the father is coming from.

The question is: Is his dad really into healthy eating? If this is just a one off comment/stand off, then yes YANBU as he is clearly looking to create problems.
If he is really keen to healthy eating, would never give his dc cereals like this, would cook food for him etc. Then YABU.

Balaboosta Fri 13-Sep-13 12:10:29

I should be so lucky that my ex (even before he was my ex) gave even one atom of attention to what his children eat. Embrace his interest in DS and direct to other (more important) areas of DS's life. Or just stop with the coco pops because he wants you to and thank him for his concern.

Oh sorry, JakeBullet got there way before me!

Balaboosta Fri 13-Sep-13 12:12:00

Me, I have embraced coco pops cos they are the best midnight snack known to humankind

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 12:19:00

Well ds is autistic so trying to introduce different options is rather problematic and I don't always have time to cook a breakfast, so I kind if think coco pops once or twice a week is not a massive deal.

Ex doesn't have him to stay as his place isn't suitable, we both agree on this.

My ex used to threaten to go to court for custody over our DS all the time, just to try and be abusive and controlling over me even when I fled left.

He would find the simplest things to "use" against me, and would repeatedly call me an "unfit mother."

He used to get me so scared that he'd somehow find a way to take DS from me.

That's why this scenerio stuck out to me because it reminded me of how my ex used to bully me. This may, of course, not be the OP's ex's intentions at all, but it does happen.

Mumof3xx Fri 13-Sep-13 12:22:24

If he can't provide a suitable place for your ds to stay how dare he kick off over coco pops
Mans a joke

YouTheCat Fri 13-Sep-13 12:23:29

As your ds is autistic then your ex should have some kind of understanding of the difficulty in getting decent food into your ds.

Once or twice a week he's having cereal because there isn't time to cook a breakfast (this can easily happen no matter how organised you are). As your ex isn't the one having to manage the mornings (and I remember how stressful that can be with an autistic child) he really should butt out.

burberryqueen Fri 13-Sep-13 12:24:39

agree with mumof3 actually how dare he then?

FourGates Fri 13-Sep-13 12:28:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeeBee Fri 13-Sep-13 12:28:13

Tell him he is welcome to deliver whatever he feels is suitable and you will support him in his parenting efforts.

FourGates Fri 13-Sep-13 12:28:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mignonette Fri 13-Sep-13 12:29:26

Is he called Jamie Oliver?

mignonette Fri 13-Sep-13 12:30:20

Oh and cocoa Pops now come in crocodile feet shapes. Super cool.

WorraLiberty Fri 13-Sep-13 12:31:19

Are there any concerns about your DS's teeth/weight/health?

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 12:33:06

grinAt is he JO?

No, no concerns re teeth, weight etc. Ds is in fine shape, he goes scooting or cycling while I run up to 6 km two or three times a week.

SaucyJack Fri 13-Sep-13 12:33:08


Last time I checked, breakfast cereal was an acceptable breakfast.

Ifcatshadthumbs Fri 13-Sep-13 12:35:39

Four gates, eggs and bacon are not unhealthy IMO and actually a high protein breakfast is an excellent way to start the day. The OP didn't say it was a full, greasy fry up.

Coco pops are shit though.

SubliminalMassaging Fri 13-Sep-13 12:36:45

YANBU to tell him to bog off and mind his own business, providing you are completely prepared to do the same with any parenting decisions he makes while DS is with him.

Are you?

YouTheCat Fri 13-Sep-13 12:36:52

Yes but if you run out of time, isn't it better that a child has something, even if it is coco pops, rather than nothing?

PostBellumBugsy Fri 13-Sep-13 12:37:50

OP - you know better than us, if the "concern" is genuine because he is really horrified by coco pops or if he is trying to control you.

I don't like coco pops, but in the great scheme of things I do not think a child having coco pops twice a week in an otherwise healthy diet is a bad thing or one that should be a cause for concern.

Personally, I am impressed by you cooking breakfast on the other days! Can me & the DCs come & live with you? smile

I've had these kind of issues with my ex-H (I even have an ASD DC too) and it has usually been about him trying to make me do what he wants, rather than about the actual issue he raises.

littlewhitebag Fri 13-Sep-13 12:39:37

My DD has always eaten that type of cereal. She won't eat anything else. She is almost 16 now and is tall, healthy and slim with excellent teeth. You are doing well limiting it to two days a week. Your ex is being silly.

BrokenSunglasses Fri 13-Sep-13 12:42:09

I don't think you should just ignore him if he is a loving and involved parent.

For a variety of reasons I don't like it when my ex, who I have a good relationship with, feeds our dc on McDonald's and pizza all weekend. I didn't realise I was supposed to stop giving a shit about my children's diets just because they are spending the weekend with their other parent.

Your ex has a point. If you ignore him then fine, that's your choice as the RP, but don't expect him to pay any attention to anything you say either.

DeWe Fri 13-Sep-13 12:44:09

Dm wouldn't let us have rice crispies. She said there was more nutrician benefit of eating the packet.

Having a heavy breakfast makes me feel very sick, so they were one of the few breakfasts I could eat without feeling sick. So I stopped having breakfast at all. Dm wasn't too impressed. no pleasing some people and now rarely have breakfast.

PartyOrganisor Fri 13-Sep-13 12:49:37

Well if your ds is autistic and has some issues with food, then I can see how having other 'quick fixes' rather a full cooked breakfast is going to be harder.

BUT you still haven't told us if this guy IS into healthy eating. Not just for his dc but for himself too. Would that issue have been there if you still had been living together?

Or has it become a power struggle between 2 parents that didn't get on very well? (both from your ex and from you)

I wouldn't want to comment re the unsuitable place to take his ds with him. Lots of things can happen, we know nothing about the circumstances of the dad nor do we know how affected by autism the child is, all of which will have some impact.

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 12:49:59

I think there is an element of control and while he is a loving parent the practical stuff has been left to me from day one. He rarely lifted a finger when we lived together. He intermittently gets these bug bears about things and will bang on and on and on about it till he gets his own way. He was MUCH worse when we lived together.

He also drinks quite a lot too and I do find it hard to take parenting directions from someone who has never done the hard stuff really (though he would say he has, but it was probably about 3%!) and who thinks nothing of pissing off 6 weeks travelling.

In that case, Sparkly, carry on. You're doing an incredible job. thanks

YouTheCat Fri 13-Sep-13 12:59:32

So he's not that involved with the actual job of parenting but still thinks he should be able to dictate?

Ignore him. If he calls, don't pick up. He can text if it's something urgent and then you can choose to get back to him about it.

Is he drunk when he's called you?

Snorbs Fri 13-Sep-13 13:00:59

I'd write back with something like:

"Thankyou for letting me know your views on DS's breakfast. I have given the matter careful thought and, in particular, have weighed your opinion along with DS's opinions on food choices, his overall health and the importance of a varied diet. As a result I have decided not to change DS's breakfast choices at this time. Yours etc."

Then refuse to engage in conversation about it and insist that if he has a problem that he should put it in writing. Keep it short, keep it business-like, don't get into an argument.

unlucky83 Fri 13-Sep-13 13:01:17

Depends on your relationship with X -but you might explain to X that this seems like a relatively harmless way of allowing DS treats - after all better that you get all that sugar etc within a meal rather than as an extra on top of a meal ...
Cocoa pops twice a week with a balanced diet is not going to do you DS any fact might be a good thing...
MY DD1 at 6 was excited when I was giving birth to DD2 - because she got to stay at a friends and have Cocoa pops for breakfast! (Never had them at home)
Now at 12.5- if she can be persuaded to have breakfast at all ...she might have weetabix - nice and healthy - except unless supervised it will be with 4 heaped dessert spoons of sugar (and sometime even sprinkled with cocoa powder) shock Coupled with a can of squirty cream for lunch hmm - I think giving her the occasional bowl of cocoa pops for breakfast might have been a good idea..

PostBellumBugsy Fri 13-Sep-13 13:01:39

Agree with shabbynochic, sounds like you are doing a great job - just carry on!

I have found with ex-H, it is easier just to agree to stuff to get him off my case and carry on with what I'm doing. Like your ex, he didn't do much while we were together, does even less since we divorced and just likes to throw his weight around from time to time. In my view actions speak louder than words and putting the hours in show real love & care, not just jumping on a soap box from time to time.

FourGates Fri 13-Sep-13 13:01:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 13:33:01

No he's not massively into healthy eating for those who asked. He's into heavy drinking though!

Makqueen2 Fri 13-Sep-13 13:35:00

My ex is the same.

Only he feeds ds a diet of such shit when he's with him that he gains a lot of weight.

Then he has the cheek to ask me if I am feeding ds organic when he's here.

OctopusPete8 Fri 13-Sep-13 13:37:52

Even if it was everyday, you'd think he was having mcdonalds every day he sounds like a nutter.

burberryqueen Fri 13-Sep-13 13:45:04

sparkly so the guy is an alkie who cannot look after his own child?
pfffftttt - just carry on...ignore...

MikeOxard Fri 13-Sep-13 15:28:47

The man's a twat. There's nothing wrong with cocopops. Most kids eat kid's ceareal for breakfast every day. Tbh if I was worried about his breakfasts at all, it'd be the cooked breakfast 5 times a week being too many calories, but if he isn't overweight then that's obviously not the case. I'd tell the ex to jog on. It seems to me that controll (or at least influence) is the issue here, not breakfast.

Topseyt Fri 13-Sep-13 15:56:58

I must say that I admire you for doing a good cooked breakfast several times a week. Coco pops on the other couple of occasions will do your son no harm at all.

Your ex sounds like an arse with a rather loud bee in his bonnet.

It is a shame he has nothing better to do with his time than go banging on about coco pops. I would tell him to STFU. If he still pushes it then just ask yourself when you last heard of a court or anyone else in authority taking action against a parent over coco pops. He wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

EldritchCleavage Fri 13-Sep-13 16:46:16

Well, your DP sounds unreasonable. But for DS's sake, could you try and get him eating a chocolate wholewheat cereal instead, which would be slightly better? E.G. chocolate mini Weetabix or something.

PomBearArmy Fri 13-Sep-13 18:42:44

My ex was a back seat parent too. It's very easy to dish out demands when they're not having to do any actual parenting isn't it? And it's bizarre how they focus on the tiny inconsequential things.

My DS is autistic too, I know how tough it can be to get them to eat what they don't want to eat. And my DS eats nothing at all for breakfast, he won't have it. If he ate like your son I'd be dancing around our roof like Mary Poppins!

For an easy life you can fob the guy off, tell him you've taken his thoughts on board and you'll do your best, while carrying on as normal in the knowledge that Coco Pops are not the devils own cereal, or tell him if he's that bothered he can be at your house at 7am Monday to Friday with suitable breakfast provisions prepared.

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 18:49:12

grin At dancing round like Mary Poppins, that was my favourite film as a child.

I love your suggested letter Snorbs grin.

He wouldn't eat Weetabix, would make him gag. The only cereals he will tolerate are co co pops, rice crispies or cookie crisp hmm. I kind of alternate between those three when I am buying.

He usually has: cheese on toast, poached eggs on toast, boiled eggs and soldiers, ham and cheese toasties, or maybe sausage or bacon and eggs, not all at once obviously and the bread used is always whole meal.

Hissy Fri 13-Sep-13 18:56:31

Don't take parenting direction from him then! Who the fuck is he to comment?

My ex never rolled up his sleeves either, and as a consequence he knows that he can FTFO before he says a single thing about how his so is raised.

Fwiw, as long as your son is thriving and well, that's all that matters.

Imho banning foods creates a NEED for thé child for have to have whatever it is you've said they're not allowed to have.

Your DS is about to become a teen, when he does, the amount of calories he will need will be greater than those needed by a grown man.

Don't engage with your ex on this, what you feed your son, on the money you spend on food is up to you.

You can't tell him what to feed DS on his mini watch, likewise he has no business meddling in your life.

TobyLerone Fri 13-Sep-13 18:59:25

Oh, tell him to piss off.

I'm not sure why you got any sort of a hard time on this thread. He's being a meddling pisswizard and should butt out.

Unless you bitch about what he feeds your DS when he's with him, he has no right to try to tell you what to feed him when he's clearly getting a decent, balanced diet.

kangarooshoes Fri 13-Sep-13 20:01:06

FFS, he is right, they are sugary air, and twice a week is too much.

But calling twice in 24hrs? That is unreasonable.

But so is coming on here for ammunition that "he's being unreasonable" when you could have ended it quickly:

Dad: "I don't like boy eating crap for breakfast."
Mum: "Me neither, and I see we both want a healthy boy, so shall I buy some porridge oats?"
Dad: "Great, shall I collect from swimming?"

But that sounds much more grown up than you're being...

AmberLeaf Fri 13-Sep-13 20:10:36

Kangarooshoes you didn't read the thread did you?

meddling pisswizard grin love it.

OP Keep calm and carry on.

TobyLerone Fri 13-Sep-13 20:13:42

Missing the point, kangaroo.

OP could easily have said "shall I buy some porridge oats?"

Or she could refuse to give in to his attempts to control her despite them being separated/divorced, and give her child whatever the hell she likes for breakfast.

Lancelottie Fri 13-Sep-13 20:15:22

Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa to making a nice pot of porridge for an autistic child with food issues.

Yep. Good luck with that one.

To be fair, though, Kangaroo didn't suggest actually feeding them to the boy, just buying some.

17 years in, here, and boyo has never yet managed to tolerate porridge, or even 'wet' Weetabix.

Bogeyface Fri 13-Sep-13 20:23:07

So he never has him to stay over, never did any child care when you were together so presumably has never actually served him breakfast? Also then, he has never had first hand full time experience of living with a child with Autism where saying "Just give him Weetabix" isnt that simple?

Tell him to piss off.

And dont drip feed!!! wink

Bogeyface Fri 13-Sep-13 20:25:18

Dad: "I don't like boy eating crap for breakfast."
Mum: "Me neither, and I see we both want a healthy boy, so shall I buy some porridge oats?"
Dad: "Great, shall I collect from swimming?"
Mum: No, he wont be going swimming because we will be stuck at home scraping uneaten porridge from the pan and dealing with his fainting fit due to low blood sugar as he didnt get any breakfast.

kangarooshoes Fri 13-Sep-13 20:35:55

Sorry, I didn't realise there was more to it, as I based my reply on the OP. The OP doesn't mention autism.

Cocoa pops are sugary air.

But, with your extra issues, the grown up thing would be to smile and nod, ignore and get on with being a great mum.

needaholidaynow Fri 13-Sep-13 21:21:20

My DP and I voice our concerns about things to do with our children, such as "I think he needs a thicker coat on than that" or "He shouldn't be eating that" or "You haven't put nappy rash cream on when he needs it on" or "Why is he not in bed yet?"

Put short, we parent together. That wouldn't change if we weren't together. If one of us wasn't happy with something as the other parent, I'd like to think we'd both be able to say something to one another without being told to "shut the fuck up"

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 21:24:07

grin I honestly didn't mean to drip feed. I wanted to get opinions on it as a stand alone issue but then obviously some of the advice wasn't at all practical and believe it or not I actually forget ds is autistic a lot of the time, he just is what he is iyswim?

As for porridge? << goes grey with terror at the meltdown that serving porridge would induce in ds>>. He'd sooner throw himself under a bus than eat it, sad but true.

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 21:25:22

And actually IS sugary air twice a week really THAT bad? confused

TobyLerone Fri 13-Sep-13 21:31:45

Nope. My DS is 13 and had breakfast this morning for the first time in weeks. Homemade banana bread smothered in Nutella hmm

Bogeyface Fri 13-Sep-13 21:40:46

It kills me that the same people saying "its sugary air" will happily post on other threads about McDonalds and Nutella.....because thats packed full of nutrients isnt it?!

Nah, twice a week and no meltdowns is fine imo. My kids had sausage sandwiches for tea because ~I couldnt be arsed to cook, no food issues here just a lazy arsed mother grin

Sparklysilversequins Fri 13-Sep-13 21:48:02

Oh I would LOVE it if my dc would eat my banana bread. They turn their noses up at it in favour of shop bought fairy cakes!

TobyLerone Fri 13-Sep-13 21:49:27

I'm very lucky with DS. He will eat anything (and everything)!

FreudiansSlipper Fri 13-Sep-13 21:59:20

i wonder what is really bothering him i doubt it is the coco pops he is having twice a week

the ex when he wants to get at me will go on about ds vests being too small smile every fucking time

kali110 Fri 13-Sep-13 22:14:23

Yes both should be allowed their input on what goes on with their child, however considering the child isnt even able to stay with him think the op gets more input.
Op i wouldnt worry aslong as your son is healthy and eating. Personally if my child wanted to eat small bowl of cocopops every day but was having healthy diet the rest of the day id be fine. My parents were constantly trying to get me to tey diff things for breakfast. Put me off so much i stopped ( and still rarely) have breakfast. I cannot stand anything sloppy (can only eat dry cereal) especially things like porridge weatabix or ready break etc even the smell makes me sick . My mum would have happily given me coco pops to get me to eat something.

Hissy Fri 13-Sep-13 22:29:11

There is only one thing worse than a helicopter parent, and that's a seagull parent.

spends most of the time doing fuck all, swoops in, craps over everything, and swoops off again.

Crap dad's like that don't get to say fuck all when it comes to parenting.

When he's manned the fuck up and actually assumed proper responsibility, THEN he can proffer his input.

In a perfect world, a father does what needs to be doing, puts his child's needs above his own, and is an active and equal parent for his child.

This 'man' isn't that man. FAR from it.

Stfu is all he's due.

It sounds very controlling to me, but then I have just had similar conversations with my ex on another matter. It is pushing boundaries. My advice is to keep a log of these "complaints" and how you responded. My legal team are convinced my ex will try to file for residency on grounds of my poor parenting so by keeping the log I will be hoping to show that the many minor complaints are vexatious rather than serious concerns.

Onebuddhaisnotenough Fri 13-Sep-13 22:40:24

Hissy says all I want to say.

Back seat, sea gulling, nob ending part time parents. Tell him to focus his bloody energy on finding somewhere decent to live so that he can start being a proper parent to your son. THEN he can start criminalising the coco pops.


MistressDeeCee Fri 13-Sep-13 22:41:16

oooo Coco Pops today then if you'd caved in on that OP what would he think of to nag about tomorrow? It'd go on..& on..& on. Control freaks are always banging on about one thing or another to do with their hunger to change and control. Yep, he needs to stfu

Hissy - very well said. & ' seagull parenting ' I've not heard that one before! Love it...

Bogeyface Sat 14-Sep-13 00:19:01

Another vote here for "seagull parenting"

spends most of the time doing fuck all, swoops in, craps over everything, and swoops off again.

I wish I had the ability to condense 10 years of bullshit into one sentence, I really do!

YouTheCat Sat 14-Sep-13 00:20:57

That is a brilliant expression. grin

Misspixietrix Sat 14-Sep-13 00:37:59

^EXACTLY What Hissy just said. My Seagull parent flew in today to literally shit all over us and leave Dd in tears! I went batshit at him angry. When you have the DCs for more than once in a bloody Blue moon. When you have actually took them to the dentist etc. THEN you get to comment on diet health etc. Until then FO to the Far side of F! He sounds like hes just trying to bait you OP by being a nitpicking twat. Dont rise to it like I did earlier blush

TobyLerone Sat 14-Sep-13 07:37:16

He literally shat all over you? I hope you called the police.

burberryqueen Sat 14-Sep-13 07:38:47

grin @ "literally shat on you" - jeez what a nasty man

TyrannosaurusBex Sat 14-Sep-13 08:00:30

BBC2 did a short series a few years ago where a scientist/mum of twins did research into most educational toy etc. One programme set out to find out whether the likes of coco pops for breakfast a couple of times a week was harmful. The conclusion was that it was not a big deal and waaaaay preferable to barely eating any of a more nutritious breakfast. Don't THINK it was sponsored ny Nestlé grin

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 14-Sep-13 08:01:22


There is only one thing worse than a helicopter parent, and that's a seagull parent. Spends most of the time doing fuck all, swoops in, craps over everything, and swoops off again

I am so stealing that smile

Sparkly ignore ignore ignore... ignore some more. This, I suspect, is a lot more about him being a controlling twat than what DS is actually eating. Seagulls are best ignored smile

However, (in my not so humble opinion - LOL) coco pops are terrible for breakfast as they are just sugar and do horrid things to your blood glucose levels, so best avoided whenever possible. However, I also know 'food' is very difficult with some children who have SN's and you do what you have to do. Are there any other 'quick' protein based breakfasts that DS would find suitable?

- Cheese & ham
- Full fat yogurt with berries
- Avocado, cheese & seeds (food doctor do some really nice ones!)
- Left-overs

That kind of thing? Or are they all a big fat no-go?

Misspixietrix Sat 14-Sep-13 08:03:47

TobyLerone and BurberryQueen no not literally Sorry I was a tad okay very! emotional last night blush He may as Well have done though the stress he causes. He told his 7yo Dd he was going to disown her If she disrespected him again hmm. Sorry for hijacking OP. I know Dentists dont like coco pops but I hardly think a treat once or twice a week is going to seriously Damage Ds's health. smile

Misspixietrix Sat 14-Sep-13 08:09:22

The hmm was aimed at the ex by the way I dont want to start any bun fights unintentionally flowers. Oooh OP wasnt they a thing about Special K being full of sugar a while back. So really Cocopops Isnt really that harmful is it? grin

ipswichwitch Sat 14-Sep-13 08:12:22

Well when he's actually done some parenting then maybe he can comment on/criticise yours. They're coco pops not crack cocaine, and as long as a diet is pretty healthy the rest of the time, I don't see once of twice a week being a major issue.
Fwiw, my nephew is autistic and I know how difficult it is getting him to eat anything. SIL would be overjoyed at him eating breakfast never mind a decent cooked one.

MoominsYonisAreScary Sat 14-Sep-13 08:21:37

That discribes ds1s dad down to the ground. I really cant get all excited or judgy about sugary air or whatever a couple of times a week.

TobyLerone Sat 14-Sep-13 08:25:47

Oh, misspixie, I was being a pedantic arse and I'm sorry flowers

Your ex can join the Pisswizards' Club, of which my ex is Grand High Pisswizard and the OP's ex is Treasurer.

Misspixietrix Sat 14-Sep-13 08:35:05

IpswichWitch grin at "They're Coco Pops. Not Crack Cocaine". TobyLerone No need to apologise smile. I've called him many names before under my breath but I'm definately sticking with Pisswizard in future! My DM sent me a text where she was sarcastically calling him "His Lordship" and it autocorrected to "His Lordshit". Saving that one too!

TobyLerone Sat 14-Sep-13 08:38:43


Misspixietrix Sat 14-Sep-13 14:15:40

OP has he left you alone today?

babybarrister Sat 14-Sep-13 14:58:11

Yabu - totally unsuitable 'foodstuff' - please stick to the other breakfast!

Sparklysilversequins Sat 14-Sep-13 22:04:58

Just a phone call to dc. With never a mention of co co pops. But this is normal, he rings up nags me about something, I get all stressed out and worry about it then it never gets mentioned again. I am beginning to manage it better now and not get so stressed out. MN helps.

Seagull parent is a PERFECT description grin. I may say it to his face one day if I feel strong enough to deal with the foot stamping tantrum that will ensue.

There's loads of you on here who understand the knobbishness behind his "concerns". It's very helpful to read.

Sparklysilversequins Sat 14-Sep-13 22:05:47

grin "His Lordshit"!

NoComet Sat 14-Sep-13 22:11:26

Given a non milk drinking DD2, I don't object to sugary air if it's sugary air and milk.

Misspixietrix Sun 15-Sep-13 08:10:39

Oh he will always be knobbish towards you OP sad he knows it's the only thing that will rile you. Mine does it with exemplary fashion angry

Lweji Sun 15-Sep-13 08:11:28

Given a non milk drinking DD2, I don't object to sugary air if it's sugary air and milk.

Actually, milk is not that essential in a diet.
And certainly not that it justifies being given with sugar loaded cereals.

It would be better if you could replace with yogurt or cheese and give some more long lasting carbs with them.

My DS also hardly drinks milk and has some sugar loaded cereals and milk sometimes. It's part of a generally healthy diet. I just don't justify it by the non existent need to give him milk.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 15-Sep-13 08:14:18

I think yabu....especially if DS is he? My DH is lovely but around nutrition he's full on and his opinion is just as important as mine....whilst you and your ex aren't partners you still need to work together on some things and if your ex feels this food is shit (and he's right) why is that a bad thing? Why can't he express his opinion?

Sparklysilversequins Sun 15-Sep-13 08:30:16

No he's not overweight. I run 6 km three times a week and he accompanies on his scooter or bike. He's in great shape.

All this said earlier in the thread.

LisaMedicus Sun 15-Sep-13 08:44:42

Bad mother here - I would rather ds went to school with something in him, so he will sometimes get coco pops or generic equivalent. I also have been known to give him milkshake out of desperation. He's doing okay. He likes broccoli as well. Just not for breakfast.

But it isn't about the cereal. It's about DO AS YOU ARE TOLD, WOMAN, AND KNOW YOUR PLACE isn't it?

Only on mumsnet could there be such angst over coco pops

OP my eldest son is severely autistic (& for years would eat no meat, fish, cheese, fruit or veg- nor coco pops come to that). My approach with parenting advice for him is that someone is only entitled to an opinion if they do hands on stuff with ds1. Then I'm interested. Someone who has never served ds1 breakfast doesn't get an opinion on breakfast. Actually DH does most breakfasting with ds1 (that's his morning job while I sort everything else) so I don't have a big opinion on it & when I'm doing it ask DH what ds1 will eat at the moment ( ironically porridge is a current favourite grin )

I would just ignore him if he's carrying on trying to get a rise out of you. Tell him to take it up with SS if he's that concerned.

Incidentally being autistic ds1 eats different food at respite than at home etc (although he's much better at generalising than he used to be - and following a very long term sensory programme now eats most foods). Food issues very comm

Common in autism & really you have to look at the whole diet.

TobyLerone Sun 15-Sep-13 09:24:25

But it isn't about the cereal. It's about DO AS YOU ARE TOLD, WOMAN, AND KNOW YOUR PLACE isn't it?

Exactly this.

babybarrister Sun 15-Sep-13 14:39:34

Two wrongs though don't make a right - choose your battles!

TobyLerone Sun 15-Sep-13 14:44:50

With a controlling ex, if you give in to a tiny thing like this, it leads to much worse. You have to stand up for yourself in the small matters.

TobyLerone Sun 15-Sep-13 14:46:33

Also, giving a child coco pops for breakfast 2 days a week as part of a normal, healthy diet is not a 'wrong'!

YouTheCat Sun 15-Sep-13 14:51:26

I can't see what is so wrong with the occasional bowl of cocopops.

Baby, have you actually read the thread? Are you aware of the huge issues some autistic children have around food?

whitesugar Sun 15-Sep-13 15:02:20

You are doing a fantastic job on your own against the odds. I advise you not to take phone calls from that knob. Don't engage. If he rings just say "up to my eyes, text me". You don't have to answer just because he rings. Be permanently unavailable for anything other than arrangements for contact. If he criticizes you just text and say " thanks for your observation but I am not in the habit of taking advice from a pisshead".

You need to make it very clear that you will be parenting as you see fit. If you keep entertaining his phone calls you will still be trying to defend your parenting choices in 10 years time. Trust me the issues will be more serious when your son is a teenager so make a stance now. Tell him that you will only accept text or email communication unless it is a serious issue.

Don't ever rise to the bait when he gets on his high horse, just be eternally polite. Coco pops for breakfast twice a week - I think I will phone social services! Ignore him.

babybarrister..Two wrongs though don't make a right - choose your battles!

OP is choosing her battles. She choosing a breakfast she knows her ds will eat when needed rather then her ds having a meltdown.

PomBearArmy Sun 15-Sep-13 15:23:41

Yes, I think her ex would be better advised to choose his battles! Even if her son was having sugary cereal 7 days a week, at least he's eating breakfast. Mine won't eat until noon!

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