So, I offered a fellow mum ...

(137 Posts)
MoistJoist Thu 12-Sep-13 07:58:25

... a brand new (school-branded) uniform set for her DC as she had been unable to order any in time for the start of the school term. I gave it to her last week and she promised to pop the money for it round the following day. She didn't, and I did not hear from her until I received a text yesterday saying she had ordered more uniform for her DC as, after she washed and dried the new set I gave her, they came up a little tight, and that she will return the set to me tomorrow (presumably after her DC has worn it for the whole week ...)

I'm not sure how she's washed and dried it as I have washed the same uniform set (part of the same batch I ordered, and cleaned according to the instructions on the label(s)), tried it on my DS (who is a smidgeon bigger than her DC) and it came up just fine i.e. it is his size. There is every possibility that it may not see him through the entire school year if he goes through a growth spurt, but it is his size.

I'm not really sure how to respond to her text. I'm not close to the mum, but our DC have been cared for together for years and are good friends (and will be in the same class at school, which they are hugely excited about), and I have always liked and respected her, albeit from a distance. I don't think it is worth falling out over this (especially as I am not desperate for the money), but AIBU to consider her text a little bit cheeky, given that it was a brand new set and she'd promised to pay me for it? And WWYD?

NynaevesSister Thu 12-Sep-13 08:02:04

Reply to her what a shame especially as it was the size she asked for. Never mind, as it is so new she can easily sell it on to get her money back. Also I would be inclined to call her and talk to her. I presume you're not able to take it back as it has been washed?

WireCat Thu 12-Sep-13 08:02:12

There's nothing you can do.

Use the uniform on your own child.

Runningchick123 Thu 12-Sep-13 08:03:22

Text her back and say 'as you have agreed to pay me for the uniform then just pay me and keep the uniform, if its too small then try selling it to somebody who has a smaller child'.
The uniform is no use to you and is now 2nd hand so she should pay for it and learn to wash her clothes properly so they don't shrink.
If she had bought it from the shop she would have paid for it and couldn't return it based on the fact that she simply didn't wash it correctly causing it to be damaged.

ZenGardener Thu 12-Sep-13 08:05:32

Perhaps she felt awkward about taking it and didn't know how to say no.

Did you not buy it for your son to use? Perhaps she felt you were being over-generous.

Just accept it back and use it. No need to fall out.

RhondaJean Thu 12-Sep-13 08:06:26

I'd text back right now and say its fine, I will just collect the uniform at the school gate this morning.

ZenGardener Thu 12-Sep-13 08:08:01

I'm confused. Did she ask you to order it from the shop for her? And now she is refusing to take it? Or is it a spare set you have ordered for your son and decided you could manage without?

I can't tell from your OP.

lollylaughs Thu 12-Sep-13 08:08:11

Why did you have a complete extra set?

If it fits your dc just accept it back and let him wear it.

Don't offer her anything again.

CaptainSweatPants Thu 12-Sep-13 08:09:56

It's a non issue

It doesn't fit so she's giving it back

Not cheeky at all

HeySoulSister Thu 12-Sep-13 08:10:40

Set? So it's a jumper?

lollylaughs Thu 12-Sep-13 08:10:53

And what was the reason she didn't order her own child's in time? That is just strange - she has known the start of term date for a long time. What would her child have worn if it wasn't for your offer?

People have different definitions of what fits. She says it doesn't want it.

Just take it back and use for your Ds

ohforfoxsake Thu 12-Sep-13 08:13:20

Depends in how much it was and If you can do without the money.

I'd reply by saying 'Its no good to me now you've shrunk it and I won't be able to get a refund if I return it.'

You could try taking it back - the shop may refund you as it's shrunk, or you could exchange it for a larger size for next year.

I think she's a cheeky cow. It's her responsibility to repay you.

LIZS Thu 12-Sep-13 08:13:54

So it had already been washed before her dc wore it ? Text back and say , you can only accept it back if it hasn't shrunk so that your dc can't wear it (check against the rest) but that you hadn't considered it being just a loan.

Tuppenceinred Thu 12-Sep-13 08:15:53

Yes it's bloody cheeky and I don't know why some here are giving you a hard time. You SOLD her this uniform to help her out and she hasn't paid.
As long as it's in good condition and you'll use it I'd take it back straight away and use it, and make a mental note to be a bit careful with her in the future. If you won't use it then maybe speak to her (not text) and remind her that it was sold to her. Depends how much aggro you can be bothered with.
But yes, she's a cheeky cow and knows it.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 12-Sep-13 08:17:32

As you said your child is a bit bigger than her child, presumably the uniform will be too small for your child and therefore useless to you?

If I could afford to write it off, I would.

If I couldn't, I would pull her up on it and say that you weren't lending her the uniform, it was agreed that she should pay for it and therefore you would still like paying for it and she can then do what she wants with it.

I would, in either case, not offer any assistance to her again.

SoupDragon Thu 12-Sep-13 08:18:01

If it has shrunk, complain to the supplier.

SoupDragon Thu 12-Sep-13 08:18:48

Why did you have a complete extra set?

Do you only have a single set of school uniform? confused

ExitPursuedByADragon Thu 12-Sep-13 08:21:55

Cheek. As she has washed it that implies ownership so she should pay up. And check how she washes stuff!

marriedinwhiteisback Thu 12-Sep-13 08:23:13

Just take it back and write it off to experience.

Jaynebxl Thu 12-Sep-13 08:26:27

It needs to go back to the shop, whether it is you or her who takes it. It hasn't survived a week so it isn't fit for purpose.

elcranko Thu 12-Sep-13 08:27:37

If you could take it back and exchange it for a bigger size despite it being washed then do that - you'll have a bigger uniform for when your own DS outgrows his.

If it can't be taken back then it is useless to you and the other mum should pay you for it IMO.

MoistJoist Thu 12-Sep-13 08:31:26

The set consists of a jumper, shirt and fleece (everything else i.e. trousers, socks etc can be generic). I had ordered 3 sets from the (school-approved) national supplier a few weeks back.

Her DC came over for a playdate and the mum said she had been unable to locate the web page where the uniform could be purchased (easily done as our area can be described as being part of Greater London or (incorrectly) a neighbouring county - the uniform was listed under the latter). I showed her the webpage and said that orders were usually delivered within 10 days, so it was unlikely her DC would get it before the start of term, but that as I had ordered 3 sets, she could have one, and I would order another (as I would already have 2 other sets, I could manage with these for the 10 days it would take for delivery). She said that it was very generous of me and she would drop the money round over the weekend.

This isn't a case of crossed wires - she clearly said that she would drop round the money for it over the weekend. When she didn't, I assumed that she was busy and would drop it off another time (easy to do as her DC started school on Monday and my house is right across the road from the school).

I haven't seen the uniform since it was given to her. As she said it was tight after she washed and dried it (whereas my sets, which I have also washed, are not), I suspect she may have washed it at a slightly higher temperature or more intensive wash. That, or we could both very well have different perceptions as to what is "tight". Either way, I can't find out if DS can use it unless I accept it back and put it on him, following which if it has shrunk or is tight, I can't very well then call her and say she has to pay me for it as DS can't use it (well, I could, but I would consider that as "cheeky" as her text to me ...)

It looks like I shall just have to suck it up and take it back.

StupidFlanders Thu 12-Sep-13 08:31:30

I'm confused by some replies.

If I didn't have a uniform for my dc (weird) and someone offered to help me by selling me theirs, I would buy it. Which would mean it was mine.

She has washed it and dried it. No shop would take it back (if it did really shrink she washed it wrong). She could try asking the supplier.

Editededition Thu 12-Sep-13 08:32:20

I would text back and say you are slightly confused by her message, and if she saying that the uniform has been shrunk in the wash and won't now fit your own DC

If the answer to that is yes, then I think the reply needs to be that she will need to replace it.
Unless you are actually happy to write off the money?
Shops don't replace clothes which have been shrunk by poor washing.

StupidFlanders Thu 12-Sep-13 08:35:22

text back: thats a shame- you don't want a shrunk uniform and you've already ordered another set.

Then tell her to contact the suppliers? I don't think that's cheeky.

lollylaughs Thu 12-Sep-13 08:36:10

^Why did you have a complete extra set?

Do you only have a single set of school uniform? confused^

A complete set to me would be trousers, shirt, tie, jersey, blazer, socks and shoes. So no, don't have extra of all of those. But after I posted I see that 'set' can be referred to as a jersey only.

Yes, the other mum is cheeky so if it were me I wouldn't offer her anything in future and put this down to bad experience. The OP did state that the money wasn't the issue, its the principle.

Tell her that's very unfortunate as your sets didn't shrink, and that you'll get the receipt for her so she can complain to the retailer about the quality and hopefully get her money back. Meanwhile, can she reimburse you for your initial outlay as she forgot to drop it round when she said she would.

Tuppenceinred Thu 12-Sep-13 08:36:59

Then it's a case of "I think you've misunderstood, I sold you the clothes. I have already ordered and paid for replacements. Please could you drop the money over and I'll give you the order details so that you can contact the supplier about it shrinking".

Morgause Thu 12-Sep-13 08:37:01

Say you'd prefer the money, as agreed, and you've already ordered a replacement.

expatinscotland Thu 12-Sep-13 08:37:52

Next time, don't offer or get the money at time of exchange.

TripleRock Thu 12-Sep-13 08:40:02

Have you already ordered a replacement 3rd set for your DS?

If not, just take it back.

Yonihadtoask Thu 12-Sep-13 08:42:02

Tell her that's very unfortunate as your sets didn't shrink, and that you'll get the receipt for her so she can complain to the retailer about the quality and hopefully get her money back. Meanwhile, can she reimburse you for your initial outlay as she forgot to drop it round when she said she would.

This. She is taking the piss. However it could lead to her falling out with you, so it's up to you in the end.

MoistJoist Thu 12-Sep-13 08:43:07

What makes it more cheeky is that she sent me the text yesterday, saying she would drop the uniform off by Friday - I'm presuming then that her DC will have been wearing it all week. She had told me last week that she had simply bought generic uniform with the school colours for her DC, so there's every chance that's what her DC has been wearing. I doubt it though, otherwise she could have just dropped off the set whenever she dropped off/picked up her DC from school (given that I live so close), rather than scheduling return for Friday afternoon after the school day ... hmm

Either way, I don't see how i can "interrogate" her about her washing, what her DC has been wearing to school etc without appearing/sounding churlish ...

I can afford to write it off, but I don't see why I should have to. No good deed goes unpunished etc. grin

SavoyCabbage Thu 12-Sep-13 08:45:27

I would just tell her that you have already ordered your replacement.

Say that you thought the washing instructions were a bit over the top when you read them but you followed them and now you are glad you did.

AgathaF Thu 12-Sep-13 09:00:57

I think you can ask her how she washed it - you need to tell her that you will have to contact the supplier and see if they will refund you since, if it is too small for her DC it will be too small for yours. She needs to know that you are out of pocket unless you can get the refund.

LeGavrOrf Thu 12-Sep-13 09:05:22

Tell her you have already ordered the next set, and that she agreed to pay you the money. You don't want a worn set of uniform, if it was too tight she should have told you before her child wore it to school for a week.

She has got a cheek. You did her a favour and now she has changed what was agreed. Say you want payment for the uniform.

pinkdelight Thu 12-Sep-13 09:05:44

You don't have to interrogate her. If she's texted you saying she'll drop it off with you, just reply saying no, thanks, it's no use to you shrunk, so please drop the money off instead as agreed. You're not being cheeky. She is and you shouldn't let her get away with it. Keep it light and it won't spoil the relationship.

MoistJoist Thu 12-Sep-13 09:06:56

And yes, I've already ordered and received the replacement, which I've also washed (too bloody diligent, me!). I guess I could try and return the set she brings back, but that depends on the condition of it ...

Bah, all too much effort, TBH! I'll be writing this off and be a bit more wary in the future.

Thanks to all for opinions (and for the person who apparently can manage with one single set of uniform, you'll have to share your secret with me! Although, I guess if I could do the same, I'd never have found myself in this position to begin with! grin)

sunshinesue Thu 12-Sep-13 09:10:47

You need to establish if she's shrunk it. If she has she's a cheeky mare but if she hadn't and it's just a case of it not fitting as different idea of fit/her child having a different shape body to yours she probably thinks she's doing the right thing returning the uniform in it's original (albeit laundered) condition. Especially if you said you'd "make do" without it.

HitTheNorth Thu 12-Sep-13 09:12:20

She has been very cheeky! If you can afford to lose the money, chalk it up to experience and keep her at arm's length in future. Not worth creating a big thing over, but at least you know what she's like now.

choccyp1g Thu 12-Sep-13 09:12:40

Have you considered that maybe someone else gave her some old uniform which she is now planning to "return" to you, while keeping your lovely new stuff for free?
[cynical emoticon]

LeGavrOrf Thu 12-Sep-13 09:13:16

It doesn't matter in the slightest if she has shrunk it. That is of no interest to you, she agreed to pay the money and that was the arrangement. I don't see why you should write the money off, ask the cheeky ratbag to pay you.

It's sad that you do someone a favour and they take the piss.

sunshinesue Thu 12-Sep-13 09:15:24

Ah, just seen you've got a replacement. In that case tell her and that you're banking on her paying you to cover your costs. It's her tough luck and if she's a decent person she'll suck it up.

diddl Thu 12-Sep-13 09:19:23

Not your problem tbh-just ask her when you will get the money!

I don't understand why you should have to write it off though. She agreed to buy it, she shrank it, her problem.

If you don't intend to ask her for the money back I would at least let her know that she's taking the piss to prevent her thinking you're a soft touch. I wouldn't worry about upsetting her as she clearly has the hide of a rhino to ask in the first place.

bishboschone Thu 12-Sep-13 09:25:57

Do you think maybe she got a free set from somewhere and doesn't need yours? I went and bought dd a new set yesterday and offered her old sets to the school to give to someone . Is this a possibility?

Maybe the branded uniform is too expensive, she's found cheaper elsewhere and in order to avoid embarrassing herself has made an excuse, then washed the uniform to back herself up?

Shamoy Thu 12-Sep-13 09:28:16

I'd reply and say 'oh no, when you said you'd drop the money off at the weekend I ordered a replacement set for ds which I've already received and washed. I really need the money to cover that I'm afraid. You can't send back items if they've been washed or worn so I'm not sure you'd get a refund, but I can give you the contact details of the supplier if you think it's shrunk and faulty so you can try to get a refund that way?'

sparkle12mar08 Thu 12-Sep-13 09:28:18

She's banking on you saying, oh that's a shame don't worry about it. That way she gets a free set of uniform. I'd lay money on the fact that that's what she's after. Don't let her get away with it. I like the suggestions along the line of "I'd prefer it if you dropped off the money as agreed originally, I can't take it back if you've shrunk it." If she then says oh it's not too bad, you reply with "In that case I still need the money if it's useable and you're keeping it." Cheeky woman.

IComeFromALandDownUnder Thu 12-Sep-13 09:28:55

Cheeky...very cheeky.

Oh that's a shame x as I have already ordered and received a replacement set when you wanted to buy X's set. I will give you the receipt so that you can chase it up with the supplier.

I am outraged on your behalf op. You are not a bloody shop. Do not take the uniform back.

sparkle12mar08 Thu 12-Sep-13 09:31:01

I think she's going to stall and stall you, I really do. She has no intention of giving you the money and if you refuse to take the uniform back she still wont, and she'll have a free set to sell to someone else. But then I'm cynical. You've been had I'm afraid.

ZenGardener Thu 12-Sep-13 09:50:58

Ok, I understand now. We have more than one set of uniform but I don't have a brand new set sitting in a drawer that I could sell to someone, if that makes sense. At the start of term I already had everything washed and labelled, ready to go.

I agree with the others, text back and say "That's a shame, I have already bought and labelled a new set for DS but I will give you the receipt for yours when you drop the money off and you can try returning it to the shop smile"

Worth a try? There's not a lot she can say.

Iamfrankieheck Thu 12-Sep-13 10:13:50

She is being very cheeky!

I would reply saying:

Sorry, but I have already ordered a new set so don't need yet another one (esp if u have shrunk it because if it doesn't fit your child it def wont fit mine) I can wait till the end of the month if you're stuck but will need the money back xx

I think that is MORE than reasonable...

SavoyCabbage Thu 12-Sep-13 10:18:09

You definitely need to tell her that you have bought another set and you don't need it back. Don't let her make you feel bad. You have done nothing wrong. You were helping her and now she's taking advantage of you.

AaDB Thu 12-Sep-13 10:23:11

She is very cheeky. I would text back that as she had worn and washed it, you would rather she paid you for it as originally agreed. I'd also mention that you have already ordered replacements and don't need her set as well.

TeamJesse Thu 12-Sep-13 10:25:37

"Hi, oh gosh, did we get our wires crossed? Hope you don't mind if we stick to our arrangement - I ordered another set to replace the one I gave you, so really don't need that one back (especially if it's shrunk!); perhaps you can sell it or pass it on to someone who needs it?"

ModernToss Thu 12-Sep-13 10:35:45

She is being outrageously cheeky.

I really don't know how people's minds work sometimes.

MintyChops Thu 12-Sep-13 10:48:35

So so cheeky of her and awkward for you. Something along the lines of what Agatha suggested would be good, it reminds her that you have paid for it and have a receipt, ie that it's brand new. Perhaps it will shame her into offering to pay you. I would be very annoyed with her but don't think I would want to fall out/ have a big showdown.....

IEatDates Thu 12-Sep-13 10:52:45

I would text back 'But Ive already ordered and recieved the replacement uniform.'

She clearly thinks the uniform she (hasnt) bought from you is too small, wont last long enough and bought the next size up.

Tough tits.

Balaboosta Thu 12-Sep-13 10:53:27

I don't think it's shrunk. I think for some reason she's making that an excuse. Maybe she's realised she doesn't really need it, she's got hold of another one and now doesn't want to pay for this one. I find it difficult to gauge the quantity of stuff were going to need and it's easy to end up with too much.
I would challenge her on this and only suck it up if you get nowhere. She bought it from you. If she's changed her mind you need a better explanation. Just say "I don't understand, you said you needed it". Or just say its too late you've ordered replacements. (Have you?)

Floggingmolly Thu 12-Sep-13 10:57:14

Tell her she owes you the money, the cheeky cow shock
She'd have known as soon as she put it on her child that it didn't fit, in which case she should have given it back immediately. Why did she wash it at all? confused
If she's shrunk it in the wash, she's got an even bigger nerve trying to pass it back.

WilsonFrickett Thu 12-Sep-13 10:57:35

OMG, I never cease to be amazed at people's cheek! She bought uniform off you - on the basis she'd drop the money off the next day. She's now ruined it in the wash so she wants you to take the hit! It just wouldn't occur to me to do this...

IEatDates Thu 12-Sep-13 10:59:50

I must admit though, it sounds as though she's broke...

Oceansurf Thu 12-Sep-13 11:00:55

Ohh I would definitely make her keep it and pay for it!

You giving her a brand new set is basically her buying it off you (even though she hasn't actually given you the money yet)

If she's washed it and wrecked it, that's her problem, not yours!

Say you're confused and no, you gave it to her, you're just waiting for the money for it please. If needs be, tell a little white lie and say another set has already turned up for your son to replace the set you gave her.

Can't believe the cheek of some people!

I've read this thread and I have a question:

If the friend had bought a generic uniform and it had been worn, why would the one that MoistJoist given her need to be washed?

I'm thinking that the uniform that MoistJoist gave has been worn already and since it was washed (quite possibly at a higher temperature than the fabrics can handle) it has shrunk and wouldn't fit anyone.

If it were me, I'd be requesting that the friend contact the supplier and tell them that they have to get the uniform replaced as it is no longer fit for purpose after one wash and that it shouldn't shrink etc. and see what they do.

MoistJoist if you still hav the receipt for the most recent purchase, couldn't you contact the supplier yourself saying that this batch appears to be 'faulty' and you'd like your money back?? <chancing your arm here of course>

Let us know how you get on.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Thu 12-Sep-13 11:10:05

You are right with "talk about no good deed goes unpunished"!

Personally I'm pretty comfortably off and pathetic confrontation wise so I'd take the hit and see it as money well spent to never let her take advantage of me again.

Phrase to practice....

"oh dear - what are you going to do?" for when she comes to you over the next 7 years with inevitable childcare / uniform / money / lunch box crises.

SPBisResisting Thu 12-Sep-13 11:10:56

Lurking on another sense of entitlement thread!

cfc Thu 12-Sep-13 11:15:50

Hang on, this is easy - just text her back and say "oh dear - I've already bought and received the one I ordered to replace the set I sold to you" and leave her to fill in the blanks.

She probably doesn't realise how cheeky she's being. There's been a few instances where I've had dealings with friends like these or indeed, where I've been that friend!!

fluffyraggies Thu 12-Sep-13 11:19:32

I bet it hasn't shrunk also.

I recon she's found a cheaper alternative and decided she doesn't want your set, OP.

But if shrinkage is the excuse she's going with then we have to go with it too.

''Oh, sorry, no, i don't want the set back as i've replaced it already, and i need the money to cover that.''

Keep it simple.
I wouldn't get into the in's and out's of receipts and refunds from the supplier. Keep that ball in her court.

CocacolaMum Thu 12-Sep-13 11:22:40

I would tell her she owes you the dosh, you have since bought an extra set for your child because she bought that set from you - why should you be out of pocket?

Justshabbynochic Thu 12-Sep-13 11:24:34

I'm also wondering if she's having money problems and maybe got given a free used uniform from school or elsewhere.

fluffyraggies Thu 12-Sep-13 11:27:13

May i be extremely nosey and ask how much you are out of pocket OP?

Not that it changes a thing. Just that some branded uniforms can be stupidly expensive (nearly £100 for the blazer at one of the schools where i used to live) and i'll get even angrier for you if it's one of these.

MrsFruitcake Thu 12-Sep-13 11:33:23

She's being a cheeky bitch, not a single doubt about it.

It is worth falling out about - she owes you money, end of. Ask her for it back.

Although, in all probability, I'd be seething if i was in your situation OP, but DH would calm me down and tell me to drop it and let her win, which is what usually happens, because he says life is too short. hmm

Distrustinggirlnow Thu 12-Sep-13 11:56:41

YY what fluffy says. I don't think it's shrunk at all I think she's found a cheaper alternative. Maybe she can't afford the 'branded' uniform so has brought the generic uniform for BHS or wherever...

Maybe she is embarrassed to tell you the real reason so has made up the shrunk story as a way of not having to pay you.

Like fluffy says, keep it simple, you need paying for the uniform as you have ordered and paid for a replacement.

Alternatively, suck it up but be careful in the future. You sound lovely and I'm sorry she's messing you around. I bet if she came to you and said, sorry OP but I can't afford to pay you for the uniform this week can I give it to you a week on Friday, you would of happily agreed.

Here's a thanks from me smile as I've helped people out before too.....

Snoopingforsoup Thu 12-Sep-13 12:06:31

I would actually just say politely, 'oh sorry, I'm a bit confused, I understood you were buying this off me because you were stuck. You told me you'd be dropping in the money?'.

Don't let her walk all over you over this. She is being very cheeky indeed. You have done her a favour and she's taking the piss.

You may not get your money, but you should gently point out the original agreement.

It is hard to do, but she needs a bit of a jolt! If someone had done this to your friend, what would you tell her to do? Whatever that advice is, follow it up yourself.

SlobAtHome Thu 12-Sep-13 12:30:54

Agree with those who say don't let it drop.

No matter how broke you are you pay money you are owed.

I've been there. You pay. You cut in other areas (food is the easiest) to pay your debts, esp to kind friends.

SoupDragon Thu 12-Sep-13 12:35:46

oh sorry, I'm a bit confused, I understood you were buying this off me because you were stuck. You told me you'd be dropping in the money?


No don't accept the uniform back. She bought it from you and it's now hers to deal with. Why would she have washed it if it hadn't been worn? And since she's washed and used it, it's hers. Make it clear you expect payment because you have now bought a new set to replace it. If it's too small she will have to sell it on.

Maybe she's trying to fob you off with her old set of uniform so she doesnt have to pay for the new set, and then keeping the new set?! And is using the 'shrunk in the wash' excuse to explain why it's smaller. And clearly been worn?

expatinscotland Thu 12-Sep-13 13:56:48

Think you've been had here, OP, and tbh, I think it's entirely worth 'falling out' with someone over because cheeky pisstakers are not and never are friends.

DialsMavis Thu 12-Sep-13 14:55:32

I don't think it matters if she is broke. We are completely skint sometimes and it doesn't turn me into a sneaky, piss taking so and so! YANBU

HeffalumpTheFlump Thu 12-Sep-13 15:12:34

Completely agree with pp. She agreed to buy it off of you. You have already ordered, received and washed the replacement. You need the money she owes to cover that replacement that you would not have needed if you hadn't helped her out. There's no way you should just take it back. I don't think the size of the uniform is relevant at all, it's simple she owes you the money as agreed.

If she is willing to take the piss like this she isn't your friend anyway, but there is no need to fall out. You are simply asking her to do as she agreed, you aren't being unreasonable at all. Stick to your guns op.

Easyonthetonic Thu 12-Sep-13 15:17:33

Text her what Soupdragon said and see what she does.

Even if she wont pay you, the original arrangement needs to be reiterated.

piratecat Thu 12-Sep-13 15:21:32

you have to say 'hi, if it's shrunk then it's not going to fit my ds and will be no good ti me either'

BinarySolo Thu 12-Sep-13 16:49:06

I don't think it matters if she is broke. We are completely skint sometimes and it doesn't turn me into a sneaky, piss taking so and so! YANBU

Yep! I'd fall out over this. Yes life is short, too short to waste on ungrateful, entitled gits.

expatinscotland Thu 12-Sep-13 17:16:52

'I don't think it matters if she is broke. We are completely skint sometimes and it doesn't turn me into a sneaky, piss taking so and so! YANBU'


JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 12-Sep-13 17:22:34

"She's banking on you saying, oh that's a shame don't worry about it. That way she gets a free set of uniform. I'd lay money on the fact that that's what she's after. Don't let her get away with it. I like the suggestions along the line of "I'd prefer it if you dropped off the money as agreed originally, I can't take it back if you've shrunk it." If she then says oh it's not too bad, you reply with "In that case I still need the money if it's useable and you're keeping it." Cheeky woman"

I agree with that sparlke

NoSquirrels Thu 12-Sep-13 17:49:34

Definitely reply along the lines of "Oh dear, sorry to hear it has shrunk. I ordered another set when you agreed to pay for that one, which I've already used, so I do need you to pay for that set. Do you want to drop the money tomorrow and I can give you the order details so you can complain direct to the supplier?"

Do not "suck it up". It is not good behaviour on her part, and you don't need to "keep the peace" - you're not in the wrong.

OhTheDrama Thu 12-Sep-13 18:10:45

Something similar happened to me a year or so ago. My DD and her best friend both joined Brownies together. We were told that we could get the uniform from the shop or order it online. I duly ordered two sets from the online shop. The mum of the other girl rang me in panic the night before they made their promise, she hadn't managed to get a uniform. I told her she could have the other set and told her she owed me X amount. Gave it to DD to give her friend at school and she wore it that night.

Was still waiting for payment a month later and text the mum, got a text back to say that her DD had changed her mind about brownies so I can have it back. I told the mum that that didn't suit and as the uniform was unworn I'd need payment from her and that she could recoup her losses on ebay. The mum is really funny with me now but I'll be damned if I was letting her away with it. I would text her back some of the great replies you have already been given. Please do not write this off!

MoistJoist Fri 13-Sep-13 18:46:35

Wow, loads of responses on this! Thanks for the support - it's nice to know IWNBU in thinking her text was a tad cheeky smile

Well, earlier this evening, I sent her a text along the lines of,

"Hey X. Hope you and DC settling into school routine ok. Re: the uniform, I'm a bit confused as I understood you were buying this off me and told me you'd drop off the money to me last weekend? I've also already ordered and received a set to replace the one I gave you. If it has shrunk after you washed and dried it, I don't think it will be much use to my DS given that he's a smidgen bigger than your DC. However, we're around for the rest of the evening if you want to drop the money or uniform off. MJx"

The way I see it, I've been polite whilst letting on that I haven't forgotten what was originally agreed. However, the ball's in her court now as to how she responds/what she drops off.

MammaTJ Fri 13-Sep-13 18:48:51

I look forward to cheeky bints reply!

Ifcatshadthumbs Fri 13-Sep-13 18:54:28

Good text although I suspect you won't see any money for the uniform though.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 13-Sep-13 18:55:55

You've taken a route which doesn't make you feel too confrontational which is fine. But I agree she'll probably drop the uniform round.

phantomnamechanger Fri 13-Sep-13 18:59:22

if you want to drop the money or uniform off

so you just told her she can drop off the uniform, that she has ruined and you wont be able to use OR get a refund on???

Justshabbynochic Fri 13-Sep-13 19:07:10

I think OP said she was fine with taking a loss, that she doesn't want to fall out with UT (Uniform Taker), but did we agree it was cheeky.

We've all agreed it's cheeky.

Just wondering what you'll do/say if she drops off the uniform & no money?

Good text msg though :-)

epic78 Fri 13-Sep-13 20:27:58

Let us know what she does op. Hope you get the money.

softlysoftly Fri 13-Sep-13 20:42:54

Even if she hasn't shrunk it she should have tried it on before washing as that makes it unreturnable. Tell her that when she no doubt turns up with the useless uniform.

In fact take a look at it and say "yep no good for DS either now it better go to the school fete box, I'll just have to write the cost off"

Nice and PA makes her feel uncomfortable not like she's got away with something.

Tenacity Fri 13-Sep-13 20:55:45

She will probably drop off the uniform, whilst laughing inwardly about how she's got away with it...

Retroformica Fri 13-Sep-13 20:57:57

If it was new and unused, she should have returned it new and unworn so that you could return it and get your money back.

Can you text 'I've still got the receipt so should be able to return it to uniform shop if unworn' . Pretend you hadn't quite read all her mesg

yegodsandlittlefishes Fri 13-Sep-13 20:59:43

Yes, hold it up and if it isn't usable/returnable, ask her to drop it off to the school office for them to sell as second hand uniform! (If they don't do that at your DCs' school, it sounds as though now would be a good time to start and this woman would be perfect as the volunteer to run it on the school's behalf!) grin

ZenGardener Sat 14-Sep-13 00:10:00

Let us know what happens <nosy>

Hope you get the money!

YeahWhat Sat 14-Sep-13 00:22:42

That a really good text OP.

I hope you get your money. I think her original text was really cheeky.shock

BinarySolo Sat 14-Sep-13 03:01:42

Hope you get the money, but I suspect the cheeky mare will just return the uniform.

Cerisier Sat 14-Sep-13 03:17:35

Wow she is cheeky, but it will be her loss that you can't help with lending kit/ after school care/ other stuff. You know now that she will take the piss and will keep your distance.

I hope she does pay for the uniform, but, like others, I don't think she will.

sashh Sat 14-Sep-13 07:38:12

I'm thinking she doesn't have the cash but does have a credit card. So she is not able to pay but can order uniform even if she ends up paying over the odds for it.

LouiseAderyn Sat 14-Sep-13 08:33:46

If you let this go, you will always feel pissed off about it. She has shown that she isn't your friend and you can't go back from that, so you might as well get your money! She is taking the piss - don't let her.

MoominsYonisAreScary Sat 14-Sep-13 08:46:12

She is a cheeky cow yanbu

LazyGaga Sat 14-Sep-13 08:58:00

Why oh why oh why did you say ".... or uniform..."????!

You know what you're going to get and it ain't money.

Could you cancel your order for the replacements? Or return it when it arrives? I'm guessing the supplier is John Lewis?

championroar Sat 14-Sep-13 09:03:14


Didn't finish my post.

I'm guessing that there's nothing wrong with the "shrunken" uniform and it will be perfectly usable for your child.

I would leave it as a valuable lesson, and a warning on how this mum is going to be over the next few years. Tell her lie that you've taken it back to the shop and got a bigger set for free.

SarahAndFuck Sat 14-Sep-13 09:09:14

I think she's been really rude.

She may have washed it before he DC wore it, as some things feel much nicer once they have been washed.

But she agreed to buy the uniform, it's not your fault she shrank it in the wash.

If she has the cheek to bring the uniform back rather than the money she owes you then you should have no qualms about asking her how she washed it and ruined it.

hermioneweasley Sat 14-Sep-13 09:15:11

If she tried to drop off the uniform, have the receipt ready and tell her you're out of pocket but if she washed it as per instructions and it's faulty, here's the receipt to send it back.

And now distance - as expat said, cheeky pisstakers are not your friend.

MoistJoist Sat 14-Sep-13 09:19:48

Still no response from her ...

I don't know her very well but, the more I think about it, I genuinely don't think she's horrible or malicious. It might just be she sent her text without thinking or had forgotten that she agreed to pay for it. I'm always happy to give people the benefit of the doubt, and don't think 30-odd pounds is (to me) worth a huge ruckus (although I appreciate that I am lucky as others may not be able to write off such an amount so easily). If she returns the uniform, I shall accept it with a smile, but make a mental note about being a bit more wary in the future smile

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 14-Sep-13 09:32:24

If she's just thoughtless, then hopefully you've made her think

Charlottehere Sat 14-Sep-13 09:41:27

It's not worth it...let it go, lesson learned ie be wary of her in future

Jinsei Sat 14-Sep-13 09:53:16

Well done, OP, you sound more than reasonable. Hopefully the other mum will realise that it isn't on to give the uniform back, but if she doesn't, you'll just have to chalk it up to experience. And make a mental note not to help her ever again!

Bowlersarm Sat 14-Sep-13 10:02:23

She has been very cheeky. You are not the designated uniform supplier! You did a good deed, and now are (possibly) having to pay the price, of her careless clothes washing habits.

Hmmm. Well you clearly need to be the bigger person here, but she isn't being at all fair or reasonable.

Snatchoo Sat 14-Sep-13 10:32:27

Moist you are being far too generous.

No one 'forgets' after a week that they agreed to pay for something! And now you have given her a perfect get-out by saying she can drop round the uniform OR the money.

Bet she doesn't contact you and then leaves them on your doorstep when you're out.

YeahWhat Sat 14-Sep-13 10:56:11


Honestly, What do you think the chances are that she forgot?
Hint, it is less than 1 percent smile

It's easy for you to let this slide but people like your grabby friend will never learn if noone calls them up on their behaviour.

She isn't embarrassed about stealing taking your stuff - so why should you worry about feeling embarrassed about asking for the money? It doesn't make sense for you not too.

I bet that if you don't do anything it will bug you for years. hmm

MoistJoist Sun 15-Sep-13 16:16:05

So, the mum dropped something off and it was .... <drumroll> ...

... the MONEY!

I did ask how the uniform had shrunk and she said it had been washed/dried incorrectly and had shrunk so that it was tight on her DC, and admitted that with my DS being bigger than her DC, it probably wouldn't fit him anymore! I also said I'd be happy for her to pay me back at a later point if easier for her, but she was fine with paying me back now.

She seemed ok, albeit appearing to be in a hurry (as she'd been driven over by someone who was waiting for her, and had to get into town). All in all, a civilized (even if short) conversation.

It's a shame about the uniform as she's been left out of pocket, but I would have been as well so I'm trying not to feel guilty about that - overall, I'm just pleased it's now resolved.

Thanks to all again for their opinions/responses smile

HeffalumpTheFlump Sun 15-Sep-13 16:26:44

Glad she gave you the money, but I cant quite believe the cheek of her that she was trying to get you to fork out for a uniform that she shrunk! Cheeky cow!!

PTFO Sun 15-Sep-13 16:27:08

Me thinks she has seen this post, either way you got the right result!

bishboschone Sun 15-Sep-13 16:30:25

She must be seriously rubbish at washing to shrink uniform . It's made from pretty indestructible stuff..!! Anyway glad you got
Your money.

Snatchoo Sun 15-Sep-13 17:06:26

I am gobsmacked! Didn't see that coming!

TootiesFrootie Sun 15-Sep-13 17:09:44

That's great.

(I can't believe you offered to let her pay you back later... Will you never learn!!! Stop being so nice grin )

Maybe she is a Mumsnetter, saw this thread and realised how cheeky she was being grin.

fuzzpig Sun 15-Sep-13 17:48:53

She is soooo an MNer!

expatinscotland Sun 15-Sep-13 18:09:59

Hurray! Must be some uniform, to shrink. Haven't heard that one in years. But hey, result!

If her uniform order had arrived on time she would have shrunk that instead of the one you sold her, so she would have been in exactly the same position either way.

ExitPursuedByADragon Sun 15-Sep-13 19:52:10


hermioneweasley Sun 15-Sep-13 20:45:52

Result! Can't believe she was going to try and pass it on to you when she admits she had shrunk it through incorrect washing. Cheeky cow! Wide berth in future OP

SlobAtHome Sun 15-Sep-13 20:50:56


zoobaby Sun 15-Sep-13 20:53:37

Hmmm. I wonder how future encounters will play out now.

intitgrand Sun 15-Sep-13 21:15:42

No good deed goes unpunished sad

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