to be a bit miffed at their ready acceptance of this new relationship?

(95 Posts)
Liltzero Wed 11-Sep-13 09:07:53

For many years 3 couples and their children holidayed each year in Scotland. This year's holiday was cancelled because my STBXH and one of the other wives decided that they were in love and started a relationship (awkward!).

So now 2 divorces are proceeding, homes have been divided and sold and 4 children are getting used to the idea that their Mums and Dads are separated.

I discover yesterday evening that STBXH and new girlfriend are planning another holiday in Scotland with their respective children. Fair enough - but what got me annoyed was that couple number 3 are joining them!

AIBU to think that couple no. 3s ready acceptance of this relationship is disrespectful of both me and the dumped husband? They know about the considerable distress the breakdown of our marriages has caused us.

auntmargaret Wed 11-Sep-13 09:12:34

Whose friend was couple No 3 originally, yours or your STBXH?

Hegsy Wed 11-Sep-13 09:12:49

YANBU, I wouldn't be happy if it was me and certainly I have all but cut my 'dads' family out of my life after their ready acceptance of his 'fiance' who he left my mum for, the 'fiance' who is a year younger than me! Ok there were lots of other compounding factors but that was the straw as they say.

mmmm maybe I'm not the best person to answer this but I think I would feel really betrayed by this, but maybe they want to be friends with everyone and felt put in an awkward position?

kiriwawa Wed 11-Sep-13 09:13:01

Ooh tricky. I can understand your upset - must feel like a horrible betrayal sad

However, it seems a bit mean that the kids can't go on holiday with their friends because some of their parents have behaved badly.

FitzgeraldProtagonist Wed 11-Sep-13 09:15:03

Not really. I think they have accepted it as a relationship with future, which for that upheaval, you'd hope it might me. Are trying to maintain their friendships in difficult circs and keep the regular holiday for their family. Seems like they are moving forward. I can see why that might grate.

Tasteless, but what was the other husband like? Just thinking...

Crowler Wed 11-Sep-13 09:15:17

That's fucked up.

Can we know more about who was friends with whom first?

CremeEggThief Wed 11-Sep-13 09:15:53

YANBU. Couple no.3 don't come across as very loyal.
thanks for you.

FeliciaDoolittle Wed 11-Sep-13 09:17:05

I'm afraid it's in this kind of situation you find out who your real friend are. Sadly, couple number 3 look as if they're on the wrong side of that line.

I'd be utterly pissed at them. YADNBU.

They may well feel awkward and want to try to keep friendships with all of you. How you deal with that depends on how much you value their friendship.

Ezio Wed 11-Sep-13 09:17:11

Thats shitty, and i mean real shitty.

Ezio Wed 11-Sep-13 09:17:43

But atleast you know now, they were never your friends.

WaitingForMe Wed 11-Sep-13 09:20:48

I think it's nice. It's what is unquestionably best for all of the children involved.

AnaisB Wed 11-Sep-13 09:21:24

Yanbu to feel miffed, but i don't think couple 3 have done anything wrong either.

Liltzero Wed 11-Sep-13 09:27:37

Wife of couple no. 3 was more matey with the OW, so I do understand and am completely cool about her maintaining that friendship.

I think if it was me and the situation was reversed I would have left it another year before continuing the tradition of the Scotland holiday.

freddiefrog Wed 11-Sep-13 09:30:20

YANBU to be upset, but I don't think couple 3 have done anything wrong really

We're currently caught in the cross-fire of some very close friends' very acrimonious divorce.

They are both our friends, we've only ever known them as a couple and we don't want to take sides, so it's very awkward and I don't really know what to do for the best at the moment.

HangingGardenofBabbysBum Wed 11-Sep-13 09:37:50

I think it's nice. It's what is unquestionably best for all of the children involved.

This. Absolutely.

It's got to be about the children and continuity of any kind to normalise things as soon as possible for them. You need to hide your hurt feelings and see that this not as a personal betrayal bit a way for the children to have a great time with familiar faces.

BillyGoatintheBuff Wed 11-Sep-13 09:39:35

Oh cripes! Yes I'd be proper miffed at couple number 3!! Massively confusing for their kids surely, although of course maybe not if they are old enough to understand it all. I would be proper pissed right off with it all.

SaucyJack Wed 11-Sep-13 09:44:22

YANBU.

If it was for 'the sake of the children' then they should've booked it with you and the other husband and your respective kids.

Crowler Wed 11-Sep-13 09:49:52

Sorry, but putting myself in the shoes of wife/couple 3, I would care about my friend's kids but I would certainly prioritize my friend above their child because I would assume the parents were doing their job and sorting the kids out.

Bonsoir Wed 11-Sep-13 09:53:38

I understand you are pissed off, OP, but I think you need to get used to it. The rearranging of friendships post-divorce does not fall into a nice tidy set of social rules.

MimiSunshine Wed 11-Sep-13 10:26:05

I don't think YABU to feel upset by this but I don't think couple 3 are BU to maintain the friendship or still go away with them.
H1 (your ex) and W2 are still their friends as hopefully so will you and H2 be.

It sucks though and if I was you I'd be feeling like it was completely unfair that they get to carry on as if nothing's happened and I'd be now left out of events and holidays I'd enjoyed.
BUT this holiday could well have been H1 and W2s idea in an attempt to make everything normal and cling on to couple 3 as if to say look everything's fine, it was all worth it

hardboiledpossum Wed 11-Sep-13 10:30:54

Goodness what an awful situation for you. I would be devastated, its rubbing salt in to the wound

YoureBeingADick Wed 11-Sep-13 10:36:00

as hard as this must be for you- cheaters/OM/OW are still allowed to have friends. they hurt you and of course no-one would expect you to remain friends with them but their other friends don't have to suddenly drop them if they still like them as people and enjoy their company. sorry, I know that wont make you feel any better.

squoosh Wed 11-Sep-13 10:40:38

YANBU.

I'm laughing at the idea that they are doing this to support the effected children.

They can do as they like of course, but they would no longer be friends of mine.

ArtOfficial Wed 11-Sep-13 10:41:53

I think that would be difficult for the children actually

Surely the absence of their own Mum and Dad will be very noticeable for them

Its all very sad really

squoosh Wed 11-Sep-13 10:44:42

Exactly artofficial, totally insensitive to the children. Same holiday, different parents. Not very reassuring at all!

AmberLeaf Wed 11-Sep-13 10:49:08

I agree with squoosh/artofficial.

I can see why you're pissed off with couple n3 and I think Id distance myself from them.

Halfling Wed 11-Sep-13 10:56:43

This will not make any of the affected DCs happy.

If anything, they will be even more miserable because of the absence of the other parent.

Don't send your DCs to this holiday.

Alwayscheerful Wed 11-Sep-13 10:56:56

Couple no 3 would have shown more compassion to arrange a holiday with you and your children and the other husband and his children.

I think they made a selfish decision to carry on as if nothing has changed.

Someone mentioned the lack of social rules for rearranging friendships post divorce, hopefully you won't be joining them when you have a new partner!

I feel for you OP, try and start a new tradition with your children.

Liltzero Wed 11-Sep-13 10:57:14

*It sucks though and if I was you I'd be feeling like it was completely unfair that they get to carry on as if nothing's happened and I'd be now left out of events and holidays I'd enjoyed.
BUT this holiday could well have been H1 and W2s idea in an attempt to make everything normal and cling on to couple 3 as if to say look everything's fine, it was all worth it*

@mimisunshine: you are a wise woman! Being left out of events and holidays I once enjoyed is 'part of the problem' I have with this plan and you've just shown me that! Thank you thanks.

WafflyVersatile Wed 11-Sep-13 11:02:22

I'd be pissed off but I don't think they've done anything wrong.

If someone is upset it doesn't have to be that SOMEONE MUST BE BLAMED!

YANBU for feeling put out but TANBU to arrange a holiday with whoever they want.

kiriwawa Wed 11-Sep-13 11:05:44

Would you want to go on holiday with the other dad and couple 3 OP?

Zoe789 Wed 11-Sep-13 11:09:17

Jesus! sorry for blaspheming there but you are not being U. That shows a staggering lack of sensitivity. To you, to the children, even to their own friendships!!! are they selected or are they just falling off a shelf for convenience.

springydafty Wed 11-Sep-13 11:15:35

Nice???!!!

There's nothing NICE about this situation. It's horrible and tacky. so the kids are supposed to just about-face and accept this vile situation, as though it's normal? There'll be some pretty lump carpets, if so. Kids find this stuff just as upsetting and 'wrong' as the adults - it wouldn't be 'nice' to present a fucked-up situation as though it's perfectly ok. It would be a head fuck.

Crowler Wed 11-Sep-13 11:31:48

Hey kids, last year you might recall that last year it was Mr & Mrs. A & Mr & Mrs. B.

Well, we've switched things up a bit this year and it's now Mr A & Mrs. B. Other than that, not much has changed, so let's carry on.

Gross.

Summed up nicely, Crowler!

I agree it's insensitive. I would have suggested skipping this year and seeing how things are next year.

But, I would put the blame more on your ex and not Couple 3, who probably don't really know what to do at this point.

Summed up nicely, Crowler!

I agree it's insensitive. I would have suggested skipping this year and seeing how things are next year.

But, I would put the blame more on your ex and not Couple 3, who probably don't really know what to do at this point.

avolt Wed 11-Sep-13 11:48:16

Agree, it's a shocking disregard of your dc's feelings.

Couple 3 - it's possible they might not know what to do for the best, but really, if a good friend of mine had done this, I don't think I could stomach going on holiday with her.

How awful for you. I think you are well rid of the lot of them.

Dahlen Wed 11-Sep-13 11:54:12

I agree it is insensitive of all concerned.

However, if there's one thing life has taught me it's that most people will do whatever it takes to disrupt their own lives the least. The only ones who make an exception for that are very close friends and family (and even then not always).

I think couple 3 are barking though. I mean, how awkward!

medhandthekiddiesvtheworld Wed 11-Sep-13 11:54:13

maybe couple no3 feel sorry for the children and want to offer them some support and normality?

cuillereasoupe Wed 11-Sep-13 12:07:09

Ugh, grim. I cut off friends in similar circumstances - not that they'd necessarily done anything wrong by inviting the OW to come and stay but I just couldn't carry on as part of the same social circle.

MexicanHat Wed 11-Sep-13 12:25:47

YANBU. Actually I think it's disgraceful behaviour!! - shame on all the adults going!! So sorry OP that is really shit...........

Poor you Liltzero They are being insensitive pricks, the lot of them.

Just remember that they will have a weird and awkward time of it, how much more of a reminder of what they have done and what they have thrown away can they get?

I think they are all crazy for wanting to do this - I think it will be miserable for all concerned.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 11-Sep-13 12:31:36

"I'm laughing at the idea that they are doing this to support the effected children."

I know, it's ridiculous.

We'll just smash their homes to smithereens.

Make them watch their mother/father fall to bits.

See their other parent with make a new "home" with a grown up they've known for years.

But somehow a fucking HOLIDAY with some of the same people as last year, but the very, very, very notable absence of two important people is going to make them feel better.

Anyone who would do that to their children is a total fucker.

HangingGardenofBabbysBum Wed 11-Sep-13 12:49:15

You know what? Shitty things happen to everyone. I think this holiday models to the kids that, though two parents have 'fallen apart,' there is life and civilisation after seismic events.

Of course it would be great if no marriages ever broke up and nobody got hurt, but bewailing the choices of other people keeps you stuck in misery.

The chances are the 'new couple' won't last anyway, statistics are stacked against them.

But whatever, don't make the children feel weird about moving on to the next phase.

I holidayed last year with an Italian family that included the ex wife, her new husband and two of his girlfriends. Nobody was uptight and all the children were well-adjusted and comfortable. I really believe it was down to the adults being relaxed and leaving their own baggage at home.

It's only a holiday,OP. try not to see it as further betrayal, maybe have one of your own whole they are away. But please don't make them feel bad for going.

Crowler Wed 11-Sep-13 12:52:12

JoinYourPlayfellows is winding me up even further.

What a load of shite.

I would guess most people have had occasion to fancy a good friend's husband/wife over the years. It doesn't mean you should leave your respective spouses, get married and try to pretend it's normal.

Crowler Wed 11-Sep-13 12:53:17

I holidayed last year with an Italian family that included the ex wife, her new husband and two of his girlfriends.
Sorry, do you mean like, swingers? or girlfriends as in platonic? I'm confused.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 11-Sep-13 12:53:17

I think it models to the kids that you can treat people you are supposed to care about like utter crap and then carry on as though it never happened and they don't matter in the least.

Horrible thing to put children through.

MimiSunshine Wed 11-Sep-13 12:54:58

Loltzero you're welcome. That feeling is completely understandable.
Your ex has now ensured that your choice to attend events abd holidays has been taken away from you as if W3 is more pally with W2 (OW) then that's where the couples friendship will go.
The thing is everyone looking in on the situation will find it utterly bizarre and what none of them seem to realise is that by going back to Scotland they are effectively carrying on existing traditions.

The absence of you and H2 will be hugely apparent and will hang over them the entire time like ghost of Christmas past, they may all put their happy face on but it will be a facade. Only made worse when one of the children miss the missing mum(my) or dad(dy) and start acting up

MrsOakenshield Wed 11-Sep-13 12:55:42

but 3 couples are made up of 6 individuals. Generally, you don't become friends of a couple as a couple, do you? We might socialise with couples but they'll be 'my' friend + partner or 'DH's' friend + partner. So it depends who was friends with who to begin with, which you've clarified as wife 3 being friends with OW.

No easy answers. Can't be easy for mutual friends being caught in the crossfire.

Lastofthepodpeople Wed 11-Sep-13 12:59:16

I think the friends are maybe being a little insensitive but it's the new couple that are being inconsiderate.

Like one of the other posters said, do they think the childen aren't going to notice that this holiday their mum and dad are excluded? It's only going to highlight the separation to them. I think it's selfish and shows a complete lack of sensitivity to the children.

If they do want to all go on holiday together, then a completely new holiday tradition and location would be a better idea (without couple 3 at first certainly) so the kids can get used to the idea.

MrsOakenshield Wed 11-Sep-13 13:03:10

btw, I can understand you being miffed but I'm not sure couple 3 are in the wrong, as such - doesn't mean they've completely thrown the towel in with the new couple.

Zoe789 Wed 11-Sep-13 13:05:25

agree with mimisunshine, let them go on their awkward holiday. book yourself in to a nice boutique hotel or a hotel with a pool, please go somewhere nice when you have no children. my x and I didn't split over OW and it still feels weird letting them go off for a week, so my heart is gargled for you. brew

JedwardScissorhands Wed 11-Sep-13 13:05:32

YANBU to be upset, but couple 3 are not BU to holiday with the new couple. Life changes, couples split, and the way this is being handled seems to be good for the kids' involved. You are still allowed to be pissed off about it though.

Noteveryday Wed 11-Sep-13 13:07:15

I think it will be really fucking grim for the children actually.

And couple no.3 are misguided. How old are the children? Hope they are not too little and would be hopelessly confused and upset. Would be better if teenagers who will tell it like it is.

I would suggest not to let your children go, but he may well turn it into you being the baddie who will not let your kids go on such a lovely holiday.

HangingGardenofBabbysBum Wed 11-Sep-13 13:09:25

Crowler, yes, I wasn't sure at first! He was dating one, she left and another one turned up, they all seemed pleased to see her. They were both charming and there was no awkwardness.

Much more civilised for the DCs.

kali110 Wed 11-Sep-13 13:15:55

Its not couples 3 fault. It must be hard for them too.my friend is friends with my x. I honestly did feel weird and lityle betrayed at first however she was friends with both of us and didn't want to take sides. If i was in that position then i would probably be the same.

Noteveryday Wed 11-Sep-13 13:23:09

I think they could still be neutral and not go on the holiday this year, to be fair. In fact it seems to me by going on this holiday at this point that they have taken sides.
Also if I was DH3 or DW3 I would be a bit worried about the other couples roving eye/s smile (joking. A little bit)

Abra1d Wed 11-Sep-13 13:30:07

YANBU,OP! This is awful.

SeaSickSal Wed 11-Sep-13 13:36:10

I don't think there is anything wrong with this at all. I think that expecting people to take sides and undertake a vendetta on your behalf is destructive as it would also be destructive if they did so.

As long as they are prepared to also extend the hand of friendship to the ex-spouses too and treat them with respect also I really can't see the harm.

I think they're just being adult about it.

Liltzero Wed 11-Sep-13 14:00:18

Thanks for all the comments wise folk of mumsnet. Much appreciated and given me plenty to think about. Chortle @Noteveryday last sentence! The children range from 9 to 3. So far they've taken all the change very well because fortunately they have been saved ALL of the adult emotional mess. I just explain to my DS x2 that "Mummy won't be coming to XYZ (restuarant / day out etc) because Daddy is now in love with OW" It must be easier for them in some way because OW has always been a feature in their lives.

squoosh Wed 11-Sep-13 14:01:43

Poor you Lilitzero, an absolutely shitty situation that you are handling admirably.

Liltzero Wed 11-Sep-13 14:04:20

thanks @squoosh

fabergeegg Wed 11-Sep-13 14:11:55

It does seem very unfair and a bit much. You seem to have been edited out. I very much doubt it has anything to do with the welfare of the children, or this situation would never have been allowed to arise in the first place. It's heinously selfish to split a family simply to make adults happy. I can see why this might be the best thing for the children, but quite possibly not - they can see who has been left behind and I expect - and would hope - they have a problem with leaving people out. Especially those they love. Regarding the third couple - they're rude. They should have the courtesy to speak to you about it and at least express regret. If they were any kind of friends, they would be offering to go on holiday with you.

I understand why you're miffed and you're definitely not being unreasonable. But would you really want to go on being friends with such awful people?

Crowler Wed 11-Sep-13 14:29:36

Liltzero I'm so sorry that you're going through this, how are things between you and the OW?

There's a tidy middle ground between a vendetta and going on holiday with someone, IMO. I think a bit of loyalty is in order here.

Abra1d Wed 11-Sep-13 15:06:19

I just can't imagine that the children would be happy in this situation. It sounds like it's lovely for the 'new' couple: they get to keep the holiday, the other couple, and the children.

Not lovely for everyone else.

Just selfish.

springydafty Wed 11-Sep-13 15:13:06

Granted, I'm poking my nose in, but do you say "Mummy won't be coming to XYZ (restuarant / day out etc) because Daddy is now in love with OW" as if it's just one of those things? Or do you add on that it's not fair but we have to accept it type of thing.

I've had my fair share of trying to explain the unexplainable (unless you tell them the absolute truth, warts, gremlins and all confused ) so I do know about every nuance being hideously weighted and trying like buggery to come up with the right word or phrase. But daddy going off with mummy's friend is shit. I hope they get that... without dissing anybody of course! Got to be careful we don't diss one parent eh even when they deserve it and perhaps the truth ought to be told

Liltzero Wed 11-Sep-13 15:38:35

@Springydafty - leaving it very factual and non-judgemental in the expectation that when they are a little older it will dawn upon them just from how high a height their Mummy has been shat upon from!

phantomnamechanger Wed 11-Sep-13 15:54:04

Wow, what a mess. Sorry for you OP and no I don't think its very fair what they have done. All those happy memories. Rather awkward, I would have thought, when someone starts to spout "do you remember last year when...."

phantomnamechanger Wed 11-Sep-13 15:55:12

By the way, I would think your situation is pretty unique therefore you could easily be ID'd by one of the other parties if they are on here.

intitgrand Wed 11-Sep-13 16:00:35

I never get why people thinkthat if they fall outr with someone,then all their friends have to do so too.You don't own your friends!!
They were previously friends with your ex and previously friends with his new Missus , so why would they not continue to be friends.It has nothing to do with them.
TH kids will enjoy it and give them some continuity.

GibberTheMonkey Wed 11-Sep-13 16:00:45

What's even weirder is they've gone to the same place. Why not go to Cornwall or something so it feels like something different not just a holiday with people missing and the wrong people in bed together.

Op I really feel for you and your posts show you in a good light

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Wed 11-Sep-13 16:00:49

YANBU how fucking weird will that be for the kids involved?!

springydafty Wed 11-Sep-13 16:01:31

<pokes nose in further>

I think you should - make it at least a little bit clear that daddy running off with mummy's friend is shit.

squoosh Wed 11-Sep-13 16:05:23

Also OP, often in these situations one person in the pre-existing couple is more keen to remain friends with the 'new' couple than the other person, awkwardness may await everyone in Scotland.

kiriwawa Wed 11-Sep-13 16:08:01

No springydafty - the OP should absolutely not do that. The kids will figure it out (and the older ones probably already have the gist) but it's not fair to ask them to take sides.

OP - I think you're being really dignified and handling it really well. A very very similar situation happened to a friend of mine and what has boiled my piss since is that her ex acts as if he's the injured party.

Weegiemum Wed 11-Sep-13 16:17:14

It will be grim for the kids.

My mum had an affair with my dads best friend. Everything we ever did was weird.

Weegiemum Wed 11-Sep-13 16:17:16

It will be grim for the kids.

My mum had an affair with my dads best friend. Everything we ever did was weird.

springydafty Wed 11-Sep-13 16:39:18

imo she absolutely should - say something, that is. Otherwise they'll go off thinking the agony they feel is, well, just part of life... because people fall out of love with mummys and daddys and find someone else to love. And that's fine. In fact, we can all pretend nothing has happened at all and we can all go off on holiday as if nothing has happened. Then of course there's the idea, firmly rooted in childhood, that, should they want to love someone else other than their spouse, they can do that because it's fine. Just one of those things, normal life.

imo, with kids the other end of the spectrum, they don't work it out for themselves. By the time they're old enough to work it out they're far too wrapped up in themselves to bother.

Betrayal should be flagged up imo. You can do it in a way that states it as it is. It is preposterous to suggest that to say something is forcing the kids to take sides. .

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 11-Sep-13 16:44:59

"Betrayal should be flagged up imo. You can do it in a way that states it as it is. It is preposterous to suggest that to say something is forcing the kids to take sides."

I agree.

Something really horrible has just happened in this family. The children will know that.

Their mother is entitled to talk about it honestly, and it is better for all of them that she does.

Liltzero Wed 11-Sep-13 20:01:04

@Crowler I haven't seen the OW since February when I literally bumped into her in WHSmith in town! Being British we had a very British 'How do you do?' completely nonsensical brief conversation before going our different ways!

waltzingmathilda Wed 11-Sep-13 20:17:37

One way to look at it is:

6 adults went on holiay and took their children - now 4 adults go on holiday and the same children are going .... the only losers are the two adults not invited.

waltzingmathilda Wed 11-Sep-13 20:19:09

One way to look at it is:

6 adults went on holiay and took their children - now 4 adults go on holiday and the same children are going .... the only losers are the two adults not invited.

waltzingmathilda Wed 11-Sep-13 20:20:15

One way to look at it is:

6 adults went on holiay and took their children - now 4 adults go on holiday and the same children are going .... the only losers are the two adults not invited.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 11-Sep-13 20:44:51

Well, the two losers not invited and the four children who will really be missing them and feeling awkward as fuck about the new "family" being imposed upon them by parents who are acting like overgrown 13 year olds.

So that makes 6 losers out of ten people.

And that presumes that the other four really enjoy weird social situations.

Xales Wed 11-Sep-13 20:47:32

Ouch that is going to be fun for a pair of loved up, 4 kids between them to look after. Like to see them conduct their love affair with that lot on a holiday.

It is harsh, unfortunately it is the third couples choice.

Book yourself a lovely relaxing treat and look like a million dollars when they come back haggard and knackered grin

DadOnIce Wed 11-Sep-13 20:53:12

Maybe the children want to see each other, and enjoy spending time on holiday together... and, once the initial awkwardness has worn off, will actually be just as accepting of it as Couple #3 have been. Or not be especially bothered.

ADishBestEatenCold Fri 13-Sep-13 00:32:19

Where and when is their Scottish holiday taking place? Maybe some of us who live up here could sabotage it! grin

(just visualizing 20 other Other Women turning up to put the cat among the pigeons grin grin )

Mimishimi Fri 13-Sep-13 02:49:42

I'd go too .... With the dumped husband grin

Ezio Fri 13-Sep-13 07:06:51

Mimishimi, That would annoy the loved up fucks wouldnt it,

"We dont want you, but how dare you move on with each other"

phantomnamechanger Fri 13-Sep-13 16:41:57

I really do not understand those saying life carries on as normal and it will be good for the kids to all see their friends and do familiar things. The kids may not like each others parents anymore! eg OWs kids may blame OPs DH for the break up, or vice versa. All the things they do and all the familiar places they go - memories of last years photos, but different because a major person not there. worrying about that parent home alone, knowing how devastated they are.

I taught 2 boys - one of their dads had shacked up with the others mum over the course of the holiday between Y7 and Y8. Boy one was left at home with his devastated mum, feeling boy 2 had replaced him in his fathers eyes - as his father was off playing happy families with boy 2. The 2 boys regularly tried to kill each other at school!

I could understand wanting to keep things the same for the kids if one parent had died and the remaining parent was taking the family to the same old places as some sort of comfort to be found in happy memories, but this is just odd. Also, the kids will wonder- were all the previous holidays as happy as they thought? how long had OW and OPDH been lusting after each other? was it all a façade.

justmyview Fri 13-Sep-13 17:17:52

I sometimes think that by trying so hard to be non-judgemental (usually a good thing), people like couple 3 condone a relationship which shouldn't have started

Maybe it would be good if people were a bit more judgemental / less accepting?

phantomnamechanger Fri 13-Sep-13 17:25:08

I agree justmyview - if I was in couple 3 I would have invited the dumped spouses & kids to holiday with us and gone somewhere else, made sure they had time to themselves and help with the kids, maybe even helped out financially with the holiday costs.

MissStrawberry Fri 13-Sep-13 17:26:18

phantomnamechanger -I doubt the OP cares if the cheaters see this. Why the hell shouldn't she seek support anyway she wants? She did nothing wrong.

phantomnamechanger Fri 13-Sep-13 17:28:42

she did nothing wrong, no, but she may have other threads she would prefer they did not see, that's what I meant - or maybe she has namechanged because this thread would out her.

MissStrawberry Fri 13-Sep-13 17:31:58

Point taken, pnc.

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