To be frustrated that I can't think of a polite way to say...

(32 Posts)
mameulah Tue 10-Sep-13 19:24:12

'...there is absolutely no way that you are taking my baby to the park (or wherever) The very idea of it horrifies me.'

Long, long story and I haven't actually been landed in this uncomfortable scenario yet, but I am sure the ugly moment isn't far away.

There must be a mumsnetter or two out there who have found a good way of dealing with this problem.

tia!

Sirzy Tue 10-Sep-13 19:26:07

Who are you saying it to?

just say "no"

littlewhitebag Tue 10-Sep-13 19:26:58

If it hasn't happened why do you need a way to say you won't allow it to happen? Am bemused. confused

pictish Tue 10-Sep-13 19:28:04

Depends who it is!

My guessing it is to MIL, either way we need to know the 'long long story' or else YABU.

zatyaballerina Tue 10-Sep-13 19:30:33

If someone asks you just tell them you're not ready to be separated from the baby or that the baby will be upset if separated from you. If it's a specific person that you don't trust, a simple 'no' will suffice, if they push it, you have plans, can't interrupt your routine etc...

pictish Tue 10-Sep-13 19:38:43

My first thought was mil as well.

sooperdooper Tue 10-Sep-13 19:45:14

Without a back story this makes no sense whatsoever!

picnicbasketcase Tue 10-Sep-13 19:48:37

'I'm sorry but no. I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone taking my DC out alone.'

mameulah Tue 10-Sep-13 20:05:07

Yip it is my mil. The long story is so long that I wouldn't even know where to begin. Suffice to say my sil hasn't spoken to either of her parents for more than ten years and my dh only just stays in touch with them. My il's are inconsistent in their behaviour and I wouldn't trust them with my handbag, never mind my baby. Please, please don't turn this into a mil bashing thread. I absolutely KNOW that if I listed all the details then you would ALL understand. I just want to have the right words up my sleeve. I absolutely know I am going to need them.

AnneUulmelmahay Tue 10-Sep-13 20:07:44

No that doesn't suit me

No I am not happy with that suggestion

No thank you

RobotHamster Tue 10-Sep-13 20:07:46

"im not comfortable being away from him yet"

Or get your DH to deal with it? Does he have any suggestions on how to handle her?

Famzilla Tue 10-Sep-13 20:11:28

"no"

Seriously, both sets of parents, SIL, DB, best friend etc all asked to take DD here there and everywhere. My answer was always "hmmm no". Not sarcastically, just that with an apologetic look on my face. No one has ever asked me why.

Loa Tue 10-Sep-13 20:11:44

No.

Why don't we all go - ( if you do fancy a walk)

Not hear- reapidly if necessary.

Oh not - that doesn't work with x, y or Z we have to do.

Oh I'm sorry that won't work - and walk off.

If your DH only just stays in touch how will it descend into MIL taking baby to the park?

If you don't trust them how would you even let them look after your baby?

You don't. Simples.

daiseehope Tue 10-Sep-13 20:16:57

Say no nicely but firmly, do not give in. you'll regret it!

mameulah Tue 10-Sep-13 20:20:46

Thank you everyone, I just want to be able to nip it in the bud so that they know not to ask again. Anymore suggestions would be much appreciated...

LimitedEditionLady Tue 10-Sep-13 20:22:19

Say no baby is not at the stage in which they csn be away from parents for periods of time,that you would worry that baby would be unsettled and that wouldnt be nice for them either.Id say lets all go and she can push the pram etc but that itd be better for mum to be nearby.

mameulah Tue 10-Sep-13 20:25:21

I know, I know but even the thought of her pushing the pram. And what makes it more complicated is that they know my Mum and Dad get to do heaps with our baby. But my Mum and Dad are ace!

RobotHamster Tue 10-Sep-13 20:29:21

Am I the only one who's feeling nosy wondering what the backstory is grin

grumpymummamucker Tue 10-Sep-13 20:31:32

Why even the thought of her pushing the pram if you are there? this makes it sound more like you don't want her to have any contact at all with baby rather than worries about her being alone

mameulah Tue 10-Sep-13 20:36:12

grumpy You've got it, but I know that isn't going to happen.

The backstory really is that they showed very little interest in my dh and his ds whilst growing up. In the whole time I have known my dh he has asked for two things from them and they, on purpose, made him feel awful because of it. And frankly they have had their turn, royally stuffed it up, and can get their hands of my family. If you asked my dh about childhood birthday parties, holidays or happy occasions he has nothing to say.

Actually, while we are on the subject how do I make sure they don't come to our ds first birthday? Please, please don't give me a hard time. I find their company SOOOOOOOOOO stressful. Them being there will mean that I have a horrible time, and I won't be able to invite my parents. Not because of them but because of me finding it too awkward.

LimitedEditionLady Tue 10-Sep-13 20:42:17

Well maybe they are trying to make an effort now?You wont let them even push the pram when youre there?well why let them be around at all then?

I struggle to understand why you're even contemplating them in your life. You're in control here.

LimitedEditionLady Tue 10-Sep-13 20:44:22

If you hate them enough that they cant even go to the first birthday you shouldnt have any need to feel bad about it or explain.just dont invite them.If your dh wants them as part of babys life then thats his right too and if its not harming your child then you should respect it.

Vivacia Tue 10-Sep-13 20:50:32

You could say it's just you three for the birthday, or ask them 'round for a special meal (at a different time to any other celebration) or have them there when you have lots of moral support.

To be honest, I'm struggling to picture a situation so bad but you are still contemplating contact.

Floggingmolly Tue 10-Sep-13 20:51:17

If your dh only just keeps in touch with them, will they even ask to be alone with your baby? If they genuinely had as little interest in their own children as you say, it's unlikely.

NeedaWee Tue 10-Sep-13 20:53:35

surely the more people who love your child makes his/her life richer

its not all about you you you OP believe it or not

mameulah Tue 10-Sep-13 20:55:25

Fingers crossed you are all right. When I first met my dh and he said they were 'odd' I thought that they couldn't possibly be, and that me, he shiny new girlfriend would 'fix it'. I wish I had listened. They are odd, my most generous description of them would be that they are thoughtless and selfish.

I know it sounds odd. But it is!

"Suffice to say my sil hasn't spoken to either of her parents for more than ten years and my dh only just stays in touch with them"
I'm not really sure why, given the above, you feel any need to be polite to them. Wouldn't it serve you better to be as impolite as you can be? (In which case, I always find 'fuck off' fits the bill.)

namechangesforthehardstuff Tue 10-Sep-13 22:36:33

Is that you SIL? It sounds like you. Especially the bit where BILL told you they were 'odd' and you wish you'd listened. We should both have listened before we got involved you and me grin

So what I do is say 'oh yeah that'll be lovely one day. Not yet though eh?' And I smile and nod. And DD is now 3 and one day she'll be 18 and then if they want to take her to the park they can ask her...

mameulah Tue 10-Sep-13 22:55:51

Glad it is not just me!

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