To think this man at the cinema was plain nasty?

(807 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

WombatCat Mon 09-Sep-13 23:57:27

Dh and I watched a film at the cinema on Saturday night.

There was a young man a few rows back from us with very vocal Tourette's. Obviously it was distracting to most people around him, but once the film started I didn't find it an issue. However, one man decided to tell him to shut up and "isn't there a special showing you could go to?"

Quite a few people appeared to be in agreement with him. I now wish I said something.

buss Tue 10-Sep-13 00:03:28

that's awful - what a bully

kikid Tue 10-Sep-13 00:08:45

aww come on , if you had 'very vocal tourettes' the last place you would want to be is a quiet cinema surrounded by people?

ChasingDogs Tue 10-Sep-13 00:08:52

I'd have said something, but I'm a gobby cow and in all fairness, I'd only have spoken up if if was an obvious vocal twitch- I'd have ignored it and any tension otherwise (not sure what that says about me- that I'm an arsehole probably!).

"No there isn't a special fucking showing, so shut the fuck up 'cause you're noisier than the guy with tourettes" being one offering from the top of my head. Something like that in future maybe?

I've several times had to hush groups of teens or even adults in the cinema who seem to think they're there on their lonesome and so can make all the racket they wish. Generally they're so shocked to be told to shut up by a stranger that they do just that.

Cinemas are so bloody deafening these days that the bloke with the vocal twitch behind you is the least of your worries. The volume they play the audio at is wince-level. Gits.

Elsiequadrille Tue 10-Sep-13 00:16:20

Yes, he was plain nasty.

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 10-Sep-13 06:38:01

Do you actually know that he had 'vocal tourettes'?

We went through a stage with some local youths where they would pretend to have tourettes (I know one of the youths, so I know that he didn't have tourettes)

WombatCat Tue 10-Sep-13 07:41:40

Well it wasn't just shouting out swear words, he had vocal tics, with loud squeals, whistles and grunts. It sounded like he was trying to repress them.

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 07:55:05

tbf the price of the cinema if I had paid to see a fil for it to be disrupted with squeals, grunts and shouts I would be pretty pissed off too

my gran has a nevous cough tic thing and I can switch off and not hear it but my mum can't and the cobstant coughing drives her mad!

claraschu Tue 10-Sep-13 07:59:48

Do you think it is ok for someone with Tourette's to go to somewhere it is important to stay quiet? What about a violin recital, the opera, the Theatre, or a yoga/meditation class?

I think the cinema is loud enough that he should be able to go, and people should be accepting of him.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 10-Sep-13 08:02:08

Of course its ok for someone to go anywhere that the public are allowed to go.

No matter what the disability

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 08:02:28

Some people are just fucking nasty.

BrokenSunglasses Tue 10-Sep-13 08:11:32

The man was nasty and should have kept his mouth shut, then taken it up with the cinema if he genuinely couldn't enjoy the film.

I can understand him being pissed off though. Noise in cinemas is distracting, and it can easily stop people being able to enjoy the film. Cinema tickets aren't cheap.

comingalongnicely Tue 10-Sep-13 08:14:24

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mignonette Tue 10-Sep-13 08:15:39

My local cinema does have screenings for parents of children w/ special needs. They advertise them as suitable for people w/ Autism.

However If you want to attend general screenings why not? I'm irritated by all the ranked masses of people chomping and slurping like a field of cows chewing the cud. I have left screenings because once that noise gets into your head, I cannot block it out.

Tourettes? No problem for me.

sonlypuppyfat Tue 10-Sep-13 08:16:40

Too right the cinema is my special treat and it is very expensive I don't want it spoiling by anyone

NecessaryWeevil Tue 10-Sep-13 08:24:49

"TBH as NotYo says, given the price of cinema tickets nowadays & the fact that we tend to view it as a treat I'd be just as pissed off with him as I would with a group of noisy teenagers."

Except a group of noisy teenagers can control the noises they make, so they would be deliberately spoiling a film for others, where a young man with Tourette's cannot help it.
He has every right to enjoy a film just like every other person.
I hope I can bring up my children to be tolerant of disabilities and understand that being disturbed in a cinema for an hour or two is absolutely nothing to get worked up about at all.
In fact, attending a cinema screening and being disturbed is probably a walk in the park as apposed o actually living with a disability.

Hate these threads, really shows up the intolerant shits of the world.

Shakirasma Tue 10-Sep-13 08:26:58

If somebody else's disability is spoiling your enjoyment of a film, speak to the cinema staff to arrange a re-visit.

The implication that people with distracting disabilities shouldn't impinge on others enjoyment is fucking disgusting.

NecessaryWeevil Tue 10-Sep-13 08:29:20

"Too right the cinema is my special treat and it is very expensive I don't want it spoiling by anyone"

Ah, OK. So people with disabilities should be shunted into their own special screening so they don't upset others hmm

chateauferret Tue 10-Sep-13 08:35:11

I wasn't under the impression that OP's viewing was disrupted by a guy with Tourette's, which is a recognised disability anyway, but by a guy who was Being A Twat, which isn't. Did I misunderstand that?

Suelford Tue 10-Sep-13 08:37:44

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Shakirasma Tue 10-Sep-13 08:38:11

No, you are correct Ferret. It's some of the replies that are plain intolerant and nasty.

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly Tue 10-Sep-13 08:40:07

He was rude, yes. But its not as simple as that. He has a right to enjoy a film just like every other person, but what about the people who then can't enjoy it? Does one outweigh the other? I don't know the answer to that, but I do know its isn't an obvious one.

BrokenSunglasses Tue 10-Sep-13 08:47:36

I'm all for tolerance and understanding, I really am, but when that is expected to extend to wasting people's money, it crosses a line.

No one has the right to expect someone else to literally waste a lot of their own money in the name of tolerance. Whether its nice or not, people should have the right to decide whether they want to tolerate their enjoyment of an expensive activity being spoiled by someone else.

A night out for two at the cinema costs about £30 for two people by the time you've bought a tub if popcorn, and that is a huge amount of money for some people, and it's not cheap for anyone. That's a lot of money to spend to sit there feeling annoyed that you can't do the thing that you have paid for.

NecessaryWeevil Tue 10-Sep-13 08:50:19

Like I said, I hate these threads.

OP, YANBU at all, the man was plain nasty.
Perhaps there should be special viewings for intolerant fuckers, so they can enjoy their popcorn in peace hmm

Shakirasma Tue 10-Sep-13 08:50:27

So when is the guy with Tourette's supposed to be able to go to the cinema then, or should he not be allowed?

comingalongnicely Tue 10-Sep-13 08:50:31

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Fontofnowt Tue 10-Sep-13 08:51:37

Some of the replies are very revealing.

Would it be so completely out of the question for those that value their undisturbed film to just ask for a reissued ticket?
And then maybe spend an hour contemplating an illness like that?

I'm ok because I have non verbal tics.
Don't sit beside me though or you may get an unexpected cuddle.

MrsHoratioNelson Tue 10-Sep-13 08:51:48

This is difficult because it is annoying to have the film disturbed, but its entirely possible that attending this film was part of the man's ongoing treatment. Betting used on situations where you have to control the ticks if possible must be important so that you can live something of a normal life. It's not unreasonable to be annoyed, but its downright rude to be so vocal about it.

As someone else said, Being A Twat is not a recognised disability. If it were, all those disabled parking space threads would be even more heated wink

Shakirasma Tue 10-Sep-13 08:53:18

I am getting so fucking angry here. Special screenings???

With people please THINK about what exactly you are suggesting?? really????

NecessaryWeevil Tue 10-Sep-13 08:54:47

And do you know what, our local cinema has special screenings, but they are during weekdays, so fine if your child is not at school, or the disabled person doesn't work, it's fine, but what are you supposed to do if they are at school, or work?
I'm pretty sure a trip to the cinema won't count as exceptional circumstances to take your child out of school, and I certainly wouldn't take a day off work to go to the cinema.

Lets hope in years to come, people will look back and regret how intolerant they have been to fellow human beings.

ILetHimKeep20Quid Tue 10-Sep-13 08:56:13

There are special screenings for children with autism. It's not really that much of a stretch to suggest the same for adults

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 08:56:38

This is a really difficult one.

I have a disability myself and have been in situations where I've had to think about how making amendments for me would impede on others. I have epilepsy so when I was younger I didn't go to night clubs. On a 'fairness to all level' I could have gone and made them turn all their strobes and flashing lights off as I had "as much right as anyone to be there" but I never ever would! I wouldn't expect other people's experiences of things to have to be altered to accommodate me. I never put myself in a situation where my disability could potentially affect others because I would be considerate of their rights as well as my own.

So, with regards to the guy with Tourette's, if it was me it would never even occur to me to go to the Cinema. I would accept that it is an environment that requires silence and that people have paid for that experience and so would never jeopardise it. I would wait until the DVD came out and buy a bag of popcorn from the supermarket smile

I just think that when someone has a disability, me included, we have to accept we have to live our lives a little differently and that there are things we can't do - or we could do but only at the expense of others - and just graciously accept that.

I would never have been mean to the man in the Cinema, but if I'd been the man I wouldn't have gone in the first place.

NecessaryWeevil Tue 10-Sep-13 08:56:39

Heaven forbid that anyone would be self righteous and tolerate disabilities hmm

tabulahrasa Tue 10-Sep-13 08:56:55

Autism friendly screenings aren't put on so that other people aren't disturbed by disabled people. hmm

They're set up differently for people who have specific issues with sensory input, so the volume is lower, the lights are left on low rather than off...they're designed to meet the needs of one group of people, not some segregated showing for anyone with a disability.

Shakirasma Tue 10-Sep-13 08:58:14

And can I also add, special needs screenings are adapted to make the showing more tolerable for the audience, re sensory issues etc.

They have got nothing to do with segregation, which is what some of the selfish arses on here want.

cashmiriana Tue 10-Sep-13 08:58:59

I recently went to see the RSC on tour: theatre tickets aren't cheap, and seeing world class Shakespeare in my home city is a huge treat.

The performance was completely and utterly ruined by a constant stream of noise from someone a few rows back from us. It became obvious during the interval that the person concerned had some level of disability and that the behaviour was involuntary. However that does not alter the fact that live theatre was being interrupted every few seconds by shouts, squeals and hissing noises, plus the noise of the person talking to their carer.

Unfortunately the reality was that it completely spoiled the performance for me. It also spoiled it for my elderly father who is deaf and wears a hearing aid, relying on the induction loop in the theatre. He simply couldn't hear the performance over the noise of this other person. He's disabled too. In this situation, does the other person's disability 'trump' that of a deaf person?

So what's the answer? I really don't know.

Fontofnowt Tue 10-Sep-13 08:59:06

Special screening.
I don't want to go to a special anything.
Just like I would suck it up if you had a cough or a weak a bladder or a greedy snack habit I think you can manage my leg twitch and my arm jerks.
I'm almost 40 so used to people with less than sympathetic reactions but it does still suprise me to see shit like special screening or special rooms.

Did anybody give the guy a chance to actually watch the film. I mean he may well have left of his own accord if he struggled to contain it.

Bit harsh to just jump on the guy like that. Maybr the medication was not wuite kicking in or he and his gamily had worked out techniques etc. Cinemas are so loud it can't have been that hard to hear the film.

Sure cinema would have reimbursed anyone who had a complaint.

Nancy66 Tue 10-Sep-13 09:04:19

Some of the reactions on here are a bit OTT

The man in the cinema was rude but I understand the sentiment.

The cinema is expensive and the thing that's absolutely key is being able to hear/understand what's going on . So if that is disturbed by anyone: crying baby, noisy kids, ringing phones, hacking coughs or man with Tourettes then, yes, it's annoying.

On the bus, in a shop, in the park, in a café? He'd have had no right to say anything.

At the cinema where, perhaps he'd paid £40 for a family, I think he has the right to expect to hear the film and concentrate.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Tue 10-Sep-13 09:04:51

Fucks sake, why should people with disabilities be given their own screenings. I would rather there was a specific screening so all the intolerant fuckwits can go.

Fontofnowt Tue 10-Sep-13 09:05:07

Exactly that.
We are acutely aware and embarrassed already so if weknow we are disruptive we tend to fuck off and wither somewhere.


littlemisswise Tue 10-Sep-13 09:05:14

OMFG this thread is awful!

The man was plain nasty, incredibly intolerant and disabilst as are a lot of posters on this thread!

Will some of you have a word with yourselves? Do you think that diasbled people should be shut away and never seen? I really, really can not believe what I am reading! You should be fucking ashamed!angry

ThisTimeItsPersonal Tue 10-Sep-13 09:06:16

It can't be easy going out when you know you have such an easily recognisable disability.. And to be shot down like that is horrible!

I think people need to remember that disabled people can't just stay cooped up - its not fair. Okay maybe its a bit difficult sometimes, but as the OP said, the noise wasnt bothering her, so it really can't have been THAT bad?

And the volume they play films at now - i cant even hear the lip smackers and drink slurpers anymore!

Pagwatch Tue 10-Sep-13 09:12:11

I can't think of the last screening I wentto that didn't have people using their phones, getting up to go to the loo, talking during the film, bunches of teens shouting out or messing around etc etc.
It's funny how they never get shouted at.
Shouting at someone with disabilities is just fine and dandy. They are not 'us'.

I am absolutely gobsmacked by the attitudes on this thread. I thought I'd seen my share of intolerant bollocks on here, but this is just shock

So people with Tourette's shouldn't be allowed in the cinema? What a load of disablist bollocks. The sound in the cinema is so fucking loud anyway its hard to hear anything over it.

aww come on , if you had 'very vocal tourettes' the last place you would want to be is a quiet cinema surrounded by people?

Why? Why would having tourette's stop you from being a film lover or wanting to see a film?

They have to put up with people looking at them and staring at them and being angry at them and intolerant ever single fucking day of their lives. Being disapproved of in a cinema is just a drop in the ocean and the comments on this thread show why.

My child has autism and makes noises - should he be banned from the cinema as well? Go and fucking well read the "This is my child" campaign the lot of you who have made shitty comments because you're attitude is way worse than one person in a cinema.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 09:14:37

I just think that as non-disabled people should be courteous of people with disabilities, people with disabilities should be courteous of others. It is a two way street.

Like I said, I have a disability myself so am in no way prejudiced or a disablist (great word if you made that up) I just think all people should be considerate of others.

I see myself just as equal as anybody else and this means I treat people how I want to be treated and I don't believe other people should have to 'suffer' (I can't think of a better word) just because I have a disability.

I am different and I accept that I can't be like everyone else and do what everyone else does, but I'm no martyr about it. I just get on with life within my limitations and I don't expect others to have to bear the brunt of my condition.

littlemisswise Tue 10-Sep-13 09:20:06

Disablist is in the dictionary, Writer.

I am disabled, too. I want to do exactly the same things as everyone else. The only thing I can't do is walk with out sticks.

That man had every right to be in the cinema. If the rude man didn't like it he should have left, he should not have asked if there was a special showing he could have gone to.

NecessaryWeevil Tue 10-Sep-13 09:20:11

It's not just the cinema though..
If I take my ds to get new shoes, or if I have to take him to the supermarket (you know sometimes you can't avoid it), I spend the time ignoring the head shakes and comments " should have left him at home", so I suppose it's not too great a leap to see that there are some who would want complete segregation.
Some of you should be hanging your heads in shame.

I know MN leave these threads standing because it's "educating" those who don't understand, but this is shocking.

midlandslurker Tue 10-Sep-13 09:22:27

Has anybody considered the fact that the supposed"rude man" also had a disability ?

Maybe he had problems with auditory perception,ASD or a learning disability.

The fact of the matter is both people were disturbing the rest of the audience which personally would have ruined the evening for me.

People sleep through their babies crying, or their kids banging in doors or miss parcels cos tv was on yet somehow one person Stifling a few tics suddenly they loose ability to zone out.

Pagwatch Tue 10-Sep-13 09:25:40


I think the mans behaviour was rude. Maybe some underlying condition might explain that but that would not alter the fact that this thread is liked with people who think shouting was fine. Which bothers me more than the bloke in the op.

Weller Tue 10-Sep-13 09:25:58

I just think that as non-disabled people should be courteous of people with disabilities, people with disabilities should be courteous of others. It is a two way street.

I think in the past this is what institutions where used for. I would never be able to leave the house if I had to consider that my child will not have some effect on others. This is awful reading

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 09:28:35

It must be really hard when the disability is hidden, like Autism and aspergers etc. My friends daughter is 7 and she is on the spectrum and when we are out in her public although her behaviour to us in now perfectly understandable we see other people looking, rolling their eyes etc and it is difficult. We know that all they see is a 'naughty child' and my friend tries to shrug it off but can see it upsets her.

I think what is needed is more education,even in schools, about disabilities and how they affect the person physically but also how it can affect their experience of life.

Did anyone here watch Channel 4's series last year called "The Undateables" which was basically about people with disabilities. I'm surprised they were allowed to show it actually, it didn't sit very comfortably with me. However, it was also really interesting to get a true picture of how their disability affects their life and the prejudices they come across. It was quite an eye opener.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 09:30:28

Sorry Weller - it wasn't meant to read as awful, so sorry if it did. I probably sounded like a generalisation when I just meant that I wouldn't want to think my disability was affecting others. Sorry if any offence was caused.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Tue 10-Sep-13 09:30:46

The lad would of relaxed as the film went on and his tourettes would of calmed down. He was probably nervous about making a noise, which in some cases makes it worse. What that man did would of made it worse. How did the poor guy react? I am very angry we live in a world where some people think its ok to treat people with disabilities like this.

Put it this way. If you were say, on the bus and someone on a wheelchair was getting on, which does tend to slow the journey while they are being assisted on/off would you find it acceptable to have a go at them? Even if you were in a rush?

mignonette Tue 10-Sep-13 09:31:55

For all those who cannot watch a film without grazing like cows-

Your eating noises disturb other people far more to be honest.

Please lets have special screenings for people who want to stuff their faces w/ junk food at a cinema so the rest of us can watch a film without a slobbering ,slurping, crunching, rustling additional soundtrack.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 09:34:41

You're right mignonette - that's why I always make sure I shovel my popcorn down at an alarming rate whilst the adverts are on!! Everyone thinks I'm just being greedy but really it's because I know how annoying it is when people have to listen others eating during the film smile And I always find the more quiet you try to be the more louder you think you are.

hermioneweasley Tue 10-Sep-13 09:40:20

I have never had my cinema or theatre experiences disturbed by someone with Tourette's or tics. I go fairly regularly so it must be pretty rare.

If on the odd occasion my viewing was disturbed by someone with a DISABILITY I would be thankful that it was only a few hours of my life, and not my ENTIRE life that is disrupted by involuntary tics.

I cannot believe the attitudes on this thread. I would have asked the cinema to remove the man harassing the disabled person. His shouting harassment at someone woukd spoil my enjoyment of the evening.

Tweasels Tue 10-Sep-13 09:44:46

Ah, another thread to highlight the amount of twats on here. The joys.

Just a little pointer to those of you who think how much you paid for your cinema ticket is more important than being inclusive and non discriminatory.

The screenings for those with ASD are for them to enjoy a film without being judged and discriminated against not so you can have your popcorn in peace hmm

Of course there should be special screenings, it's about increasing access.

Too many people feel like they can't take their children with disabilities anywhere.

And that's not to say that people who have disabilities shouldn't be 'allowed' to go at normal times - it's just that there should be more accessible activities, not less.

It's also perfectly okay if you can't hear the film for whatever reason to leave and get a refund. (Without causing a fuss or being a twat)

LadyClariceCannockMonty Tue 10-Sep-13 09:44:50

The man was rude and hurtful. He has the right to be annoyed at unwanted noise spoiling his cinema experience, but should have approached the cinema to ask for a refund or free tickets for another showing, rather than being unpleasant to the man with Tourette's.

Pag, 'It's funny how they never get shouted at.' They do if they have the misfortune to be at the cinema with me. I'm the first to tell talking/phone reading arseholes to shut up/switch it off grin

mignonette Tue 10-Sep-13 09:45:44

Writer grin

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 10-Sep-13 09:46:53

If someone wants to go anywhere where other members of the general public go then they have to accept that some members of the general public have disabilities that may have symptoms that could potentially disturb others its a fact of life and you just have to cope with it.

This does not change just because you have paid to go there.

MrsOakenshield Tue 10-Sep-13 09:47:18

some very calm, interesting comments from Writer, thank you.

I notice that no-one has answered a pp's conundrum over one person's disability (a man with vocal tics) trumping another's (elderly man listening via a hearing loop).

Can I ask a genuine question, and not be screeched at in reply? A disabled person, whatever their disability, should be able to go to any public place, such as the cinema, pay their money, watch the film - exactly as anyone else can. Right. If someone is being disturbing in the cinema, yapping into their phone or to their mates or whatever - I will go and ask them to be quiet or take it outside. In the spirit of treating a disabled person as any other member of the paying public, could I do the same if they are making a disturbance?

I don't think I could. I agree with the theory that a person with Tourette's should be able to do exactly as anyone else does and go to the cinema - but I can't behave exactly as I would to any one else making a disturbance. They are not the same. They just aren't. And that to me is the conundrum and one I don't know the answer to.

I would very interested to hear what people think about this.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 10-Sep-13 09:49:38

I would feel like a total cunt saying to the cinema staff

"Oh there's a disabled bloke in there making noises,I want my money back"

comingalongnicely Tue 10-Sep-13 09:51:14

Really? You'd rather sit there & seethe?

I'd quite happily do it & come back at a later date.

hermioneweasley Tue 10-Sep-13 09:52:53

Mrs Oakenshield, your comparison is ridiculous. Someone with vocal tics has no choice and no control - they are involuntary. Someone talking to their mates or playing on their phone has complete control and could choose not to be a rude arsehole.

Do you see the difference? Neurological condition which causes involuntary vocal tics vs rudeness.

AmberLeaf Tue 10-Sep-13 09:55:28

Has anybody considered the fact that the supposed"rude man" also had a disability

Maybe he had problems with auditory perception,ASD or a learning disability

Maybe he did, or maybe he was just an intolerant Twat like some of the people replying here?

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 10-Sep-13 09:56:16


No one persons disability does not trump another's both have to just get on with it and accept that sometimes another persons disability may make there's harder to manage in a particular situation.

As to the disabled person creating a disturbance it very much depends what you mean as to it being acceptable to tell them to stop symptoms of that disability or things beyond there control then no you can't,and if you do then as well as being a wanker you could potentially be breaking the law.

Its not a conundrum its quite an obvious really.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 09:56:37

I agree with you comingalongnicely - I would accept and understand that the guys tics were not his fault, but I wouldn't be prepared to sit through a film I couldn't hear or was constantly being disturbed. I would also go and ask for a refund and return at another date.

quoteunquote Tue 10-Sep-13 09:56:41


I wish all the vile people would leave the planet.

Tweasels Tue 10-Sep-13 09:58:13

*"Really? You'd rather sit there & seethe?

I'd quite happily do it & come back at a later date."*

Why would being in the vicinity of someone with a disability make you "seethe"?

AmberLeaf Tue 10-Sep-13 09:58:17

If someone is being disturbing in the cinema, yapping into their phone or to their mates or whatever - I will go and ask them to be quiet or take it outside. In the spirit of treating a disabled person as any other member of the paying public, could I do the same if they are making a disturbance

Do you understand that the disabled person making a disturbance doesn't necessarily have any control over what they are doing?

It really isn't a fair comparison to make.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 10-Sep-13 09:59:35

Really? You'd rather sit there & seethe?

No I wouldn't seethe at all. But then when I go out in public I accept before doing so that other members of the public will also be there and some of those may have a disability that has involuntary noises as a symptom.

So it would not bother me in the slightest.

usualsuspect Tue 10-Sep-13 10:01:03

You would ask for a refund because someone in the cinema had a disability?

Have I read that right?

I've read some nasty stuff on MN but fucking hell that takes the biscuit.

AmberLeaf Tue 10-Sep-13 10:01:43

Scenario A; people chattering disturbing you = they have choice and control, so fair to ask them to shush.

Scenario B; man with vocal tics disturbing you = he can't control it so has no choice, this is where you should offer acceptance of that fact and put yourself out a bit.

Dawndonnaagain Tue 10-Sep-13 10:04:07

The attitudes on this thread made me leave this place once before.
Most cinemas have more than one screen showing the same film. If you don't like it, go to another one. How do you think the person with tourettes feels.
I usually talk about my dd on threads, because she is a wheelchair user, but I have, as those who know me well, are aware, three children with disabilities. I have spent the last three months putting things into place for my son at uni. He has AS. He has a few vocal tics and some full body tics. He is very clever (going to do Lit) but only if given the opportunity. We have had to organise an escort because he may hit someone by accident, or make an involuntary noise at the wrong moment. His big brother has had to stop people from hitting him back in pubs, he won't go to clubs with his peer group. He is a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, I say this to demonstrate that he has done all he can in his power to learn some sort of control. It's helped to an extent. He needs voice activated software on his computer because of his tics. He needs to sit away from others in lectures (I dare say they'll complain, too). A two hour visit to a cinema is obviously too much to ask? I experience the cruelty of many people on a daily basis. Many of you here are those people, because you've paid your tuppence so can criticise and mock.
My children will grow up to be tolerant, kind, clever members of society. They will probably all work in academia, but they will be contributing, not just financially. I think that that is more than can be said for many of you on here whose only contribution is: 'I paid for it, so I'm entitled to it', and then off to moan for two days about those people being allowed out, whilst you get on with your perfectly normal, very cruel, judgemental, very small minded lives. Oh, and on top of that, you make your insidious little comments on threads like this, thereby bringing your particular brand of bullying and intolerance into other peoples homes. What delightful little souls you are.

Pagwatch Tue 10-Sep-13 10:06:36


The man didn't go over and ask the young man anything though did he. He shouted out intending to embaress and humiliate him.

I have had people come over to me in a queue and ask if I can stop DS2 making that noise. My answer tended to be 'if I could stop it, if he could stop it, do you not think I would?'. I have also explained that his noise would reduce if his stress levels drop so if they can wait a while the noise would diminish.

He doesn't make noise anymore but likes to go to the cinema. He struggles with noise around him and people moving around. We tend to be at children's showings and experience a lot of people who let their children get up and down, ask questions loudly and kick chairs etc.
Would I be reasonable to ask all of them to be quiet or do I assume that out in the world we mix with all sorts and that is the choice we make at a public screening? Like finding ourself next to the dozen shouting teenagers or the bloke who shouts loud jokes at the screen. Or the endless bloody popcorn.

PartyOrganisor Tue 10-Sep-13 10:06:51

So someone with a disability isn't allowed to go to the cinema now....

wow just wow

and sadsad

KnitFastDieWarm Tue 10-Sep-13 10:07:05

I can see this one from both sides tbh. On the one hand, he has as much right to go to the cinema as anyone else. On the other hand, I have Asperger's syndrome and I would find the noise utterly, completely unbearable because I'm unable to filter out background noise. Perhaps the bloke who shouted (and don't get me wrong, he should have done so) has sensory processing disorder or something that makes it impossible for him to filter noise?

Because of my sensitivity to noise, I tend to watch films at home. And I think if I had Tourette's, if probably do the same - for my own enjoyment and relaxation as much as anyone else's. My condition doesn't trump anyone else's, and vice versa, as I'm concerned.

Tweasels Tue 10-Sep-13 10:07:45

I'm generally all for freedom of speech etc but I think that mumsnet should maybe ban people who have these vile opinions.

I know previously MNHQ have said they feel "we" educate these twats well enough so it's a good thing but I'm not so sure.

Anyone who "seethes" because they have to be in the same place as someone with a disability needs to find a forum more suited to their intelligence.

KnitFastDieWarm Tue 10-Sep-13 10:08:22

Should NOT have shouted, even ;-p

(I'll get my coat...)

mignonette Tue 10-Sep-13 10:12:06

And when you go along to your new screening w/ your refunded ticket, what will you do when there is another disabled person in the cinema?

Get another refund?

Repeat Ad Infinitum?

MidniteScribbler Tue 10-Sep-13 10:14:32

I'm someone who finds noise in a cinema extremely distracting. Whispering, chip packets, coughing, etc, all drive me nuts. Which is why I have been to the cinema twice in the last five years. It's my problem if the noise of other people in the vicinity annoy me, so I just stay away. I don't get to demand that the rest of the world adhere to my standards.

PartyOrganisor Tue 10-Sep-13 10:15:11

Knit as someone with AS you knows that you are sensitive to noise.
As someone with AS, you also have a disability that is/has created issues for you, incl things that you can't stop yourself from doing even though NT people might be able to.

So at the cinema, if someone had physical tics, was grunting and swearing, would think first 'oh this guy probably has Tourette/some sort of SEN' or 'this guy is just an annoying twat.'?

Personally, as an NT (and parent to a child with AS), I would have got up and move seats with dc1 if this was so annoying that dc1 couldn't concentrate anymore.
After all it's also his disability that is causing the problem.

WorraLiberty Tue 10-Sep-13 10:16:31

Please lets have special screenings for people who want to stuff their faces w/ junk food at a cinema so the rest of us can watch a film without a slobbering ,slurping, crunching, rustling additional soundtrack.

This ^^ absolutely.

What is it with people who can't sit for an hour and a half without food? confused

As for the OP, I would have asked for my money back and put it down to a bad experience.

It's no big deal.

Fontofnowt Tue 10-Sep-13 10:16:46

I have been asked to sit still so many times it is worrying.
Once I was told (I shit you not) that I should strap my arms to my body above the elbow to minimise the movements.
That was said at a school play my DS was in.

I'm lucky that my verbal tics are few and far between but I can assure anyone who thinks the fella telling the lad to shut up may have had a small point the ONLY thing he did was to make the lad feel worse about his condition and more self conscious and far less likely to venture out in normal life again.

BoredNinja Tue 10-Sep-13 10:21:10

I haven't noticed any posts saying that the man was justified in shouting abuse.

People have said that they personally would find the noise of the man with Tourette's distracting (and being distracted is not a judgment or a criticism, it's just a fact that can't be helped). Some would leave quietly and attend another time, some would stay.

I've obviously missed the posts saying that disabled people shouldn't be allowed out confused. There seem to be a lot of people reacting to something that hasn't actually been said.

Yes I would ask for a refund and go another time.

Not because someone had a disability but because I couldn't concentrate on the film - notice that's I couldn't concentrate on the film, it's not about the person with disabilities. Sure, I'd try moving first, I'm a bit deaf so would move closer to the screen.

I provide respite occasionally for the LA (foster carer) and have taken a child with asd to the cinema - an early children's showing which was very noisy anyway.

It is possible not to be a twat and still want to be able to hear a film. And to choose to leave if you can't hear it without causing offence and ask for your money back and going at a different time.

BoredNinja Tue 10-Sep-13 10:25:42

Oh, and OP, of course the man was nasty and there's no justification for him shouting abuse like that. I do feel for the guy with Tourette's, who presumably faces attitudes like that every day.

Nancy66 Tue 10-Sep-13 10:27:02

BoredNinja. Was thinking the same thing. Nobody, not one person has said that disabled people should stay indoors.

KnitFastDieWarm Tue 10-Sep-13 10:32:19

Absolutely! As i mentioned, that's why i dont go to the cinema much. If it really bothered me, i'd get up and move/leave, which is what shouts bloke should have done regardless of if he was NT or not. There's no excuse for being rude and shouting, and I certainly didn't mean to excuse his behaviour towards the guy with Tourette's, just suggest a possible reason (other than inherent twattishness, which let's not forget, has very little to do with whether you're NT or not ;-p)

KnitFastDieWarm Tue 10-Sep-13 10:32:50

That was to Party btw smile

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 10:34:11

Yay another thread with lovely disablist comments

littlemisswise Tue 10-Sep-13 10:34:41

Tweasels I agree with you.

CuChullain Tue 10-Sep-13 10:35:43


A sensible post in a sea of hysteria!

usualsuspect Tue 10-Sep-13 10:35:43

Where should people with disabilities go then?

Somewhere where you don't have to see them?

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Tue 10-Sep-13 10:35:54

Eh, who cares? Wouldn't have bothered me. Once the film was going it's not like you'd even have heard him unless you were trying too. Especially if it was a superhero movie!

I'm far more distracted by phones, they light up so bloody bright they instantly draw your eyes away from the screen!

SparkyTGD Tue 10-Sep-13 10:36:30

Yes he was nasty.

It is against the law for cinema's (along with other 'public' places) to refuse entry to someone because of their disability. Its just something people have to be tolerant about.

I realise it would disturb viewing but so does people getting up to go to the loo, kids making a noise etc, the cinema isn't exactly a peaceful place grin

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Tue 10-Sep-13 10:36:56

Oh and the rare times we get to go to the cinema, I always need a bathroom break. Health related.

Glass houses, etc.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 10:37:20

I'm with you bored and Laurie

Tweasels Tue 10-Sep-13 10:37:51

No one has said people with disabilities shouldn't be allowed out but there have been many people saying that they feel they shouldn't have to tolerate being around people with a disability. In case you missed them, here they are.

tbf the price of the cinema if I had paid to see a fil for it to be disrupted with squeals, grunts and shouts I would be pretty pissed off too

TBH as NotYo says, given the price of cinema tickets nowadays & the fact that we tend to view it as a treat I'd be just as pissed off with him as I would with a group of noisy teenagers.

I don't think I would have said anything, but if it was really bad I'd have walked out & asked for a refund or a re-schedule.

Sorry, but the cinema is meant to be an escape, not be locked in a room with someone else's problems & stressing out.

Too right the cinema is my special treat and it is very expensive I don't want it spoiling by anyone

Whether he can help it or not is irrelevant - he must know he makes loud, distracting noises, and that therefore he will be deliberately spoiling a film for others if he attends a showing.

It could be argued that sitting in a supposedly quiet place & disturbing people is unsocial. As I said, if it had annoyed me that much I'd ask for refund etc. I don't expect to go to the cinema & have someone making loud & disturbing noises, sorry if that doesn't fit in with what you're willing to accept.

If that means that "special screenings" are shown, then surely that's all for the good?

I Hate these threads, really shows up the self righteous of the world.

Really? You'd rather sit there & seethe?

I'd quite happily do it & come back at a later date.

I'm sorry but this attitude is wrong and needs to be challenged

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 10:42:25

But why should others people's experiences/enjoyment be ruined?

Ok, it isn't his fault and we all accept and understand that, but why does that mean people shouldn't be allowed to concentrate on and enjoy the film?

I really don't see what the problem is with people saying they would want to come back at another time so they could watch it undisturbed?

SparkyTGD Tue 10-Sep-13 10:48:17

I think the problem is Writer that then the cinema might start to have an issue with the people with disabilities (who are as entitled to go to the cinema as anyone else) causing them to lose money.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 10:50:17

That's a good point - I doubt that any cinema would actually give the refund based on this scenario anyway. It would be dangerous ground I imagine.....

Fontofnowt Tue 10-Sep-13 10:51:15

Most aren't saying they have a problem with someone leaving and returning at another time (a couple are shocked by it but I don't think they see that as unreasonable) personally I think it's the best option for those who really really really are sooo distracted by tics that they would lose enjoyment and make it worth their while to return.
Myself and others are a bit uncomfortable that some think it's ok to segregate and close off though.

KatoPotato Tue 10-Sep-13 10:51:47

Horrendous. Some of the responses here aer maddening and saddening.

As a previous poster has said, with all the slurping, chomping and stink (nachos? seriously?) of some people nose-bagging their way through films, the cinema is hardly a quiet place, but is your life really so badly affected by not having a silent experience of watching fucking Wolverine.

MrsOakenshield Tue 10-Sep-13 10:57:07

thanks for your replies. I think some people have misunderstood me - the conundrum, to me, is that on the one hand a person with Tourette's should be treated the same as anyone else with regard to attending the cinema, in this instance, (which I totally agree with) but on the other hand they are not the same and therefore the same parameters don't apply (which I also agree with).

I sometimes feel on these threads that I'm not allowed to think that there is a difference, that I'm expected to treat everyone the same but in the knowledge that they aren't.

I also not saying that I would ever speak to someone with Tourette's, I absolutely wouldn't, ever. But, it would disturb me and possibly ruin my viewing; I wouldn't actually do anything about it (and I certainly wouldn't ask for a refund, how ridiculous) other than probably leave and hope to find the money to go another time. A minor inconvenience to me, of course - but I think that those saying that someone shouldn't even, silently and to themselves, find it annoying, are being a bit silly. Whether it's purposeful or not, someone making a noise in the cinema is disturbing others. It's how you choose to deal with that that matters.

Fontofnowt Tue 10-Sep-13 11:06:15

I can be 99% sure the lad thought long and hard about going to the cinema.
Your reaction is what I would consider normal, it may be a bit of a distraction but nothing major and no fuss needed.
I used to have more verbal tics when I was a nipper and my major one was shouting 'shusssssh please' when told to be quiet (a mimic of school assembly instructions) it rarely crops up now 30 some years later but on the odd occasion (when told by the bloody automated phone things to remain silent to be put through to operator) I tic and shout it.
Now when I was six and doing it every 3 minutes through assembly despite it being hilarious for my little pals I was sent out to stand at the door.

A bit extreme nowadays but it can feel so restricting it's nice to think that people can tolerate a little quirk or two.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 10-Sep-13 11:07:36

MrsO you've got that a bit wrong you don't treat someone exactly the same you make reasonable accommodations and allowances for them to enable them to attend.

ginslinger Tue 10-Sep-13 11:09:46

considering the lengths Mumsnet is going to to work on the This is My Child campaign, it's a bit fucking rich seeing some of the attitudes on this thread.

I'm really angry


comingalongnicely Tue 10-Sep-13 11:16:17

katopotatoe - "but is your life really so badly affected by not having a silent experience of watching fucking Wolverine."

Why do you go to the pictures Kato? Is it for an immersive, larger than life experience that you couldn't achieve in your own home?

Or is it to spend the time listening to other people making noise, pissing you off & ruining the experience for you?

Sorry, I'm tolerant & don't think people should be segregated, but I also don't think it's an unreasonable expectation to go to the cinema & be able to hear the bloody film.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 11:19:10

what tweasels said.

Shocking attitudes.

you don't have the right to demand people with disabilities don't enjoy the same things as you do.

Bottom line.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 11:19:45 disabled people are allowed in cinema..but only if they are nice quiet acceptable ones?

Disgusting attitude.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 11:20:21

Smacks of lovely person who told me I can take my disabled DD to a cafe but not to a quiet place like the theatre.

Very sad that there are still so many selfish attitudes out there.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 11:23:54

Not getting further involved on this thread though.

many personal things going on right now and can't be bothered trying to educate the selfish and ignorant yet again, just to receive a ton of abuse.

MidniteScribbler Tue 10-Sep-13 11:27:21

*Why do you go to the pictures Kato? Is it for an immersive, larger than life experience that you couldn't achieve in your own home?
Or is it to spend the time listening to other people making noise, pissing you off & ruining the experience for you? *

Because I enjoy a larger than life cinema experience without the world pissing me off, I got a big screen tv, a foxtel (Aussie version of pay tv) subscription and a popcorn maker.

But, I've never once been disturbed in the cinema by someone with a disability though. Arseholes that can't possibly be disconnected from their mobile phones for two hours, teenagers who think that it's ok to talk through the movie, people who don't read the book first asking their companion for an explanation of what is happening, people who can't survive two hours without food in crinkly packets and entitled parents who refuse to take crying babies outside have all ruined my cinema experiences in the past. Never someone with a disability.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 11:28:30

"Why do you go to the pictures Kato? Is it for an immersive, larger than life experience that you couldn't achieve in your own home"

perhaps the man with Tourettes would also like this experience.

Except some would say he is not allowed.


DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Tue 10-Sep-13 11:28:59

I hate threads like this, makes me realise how much it's ok to fucking hate the disabled ... Would write disabled people but don't think that's what alot mean, don't want to think of disabled as actual people who are the same as you.

I particularly love the fact that people are ignoring the OP who said the guy with Tourette's wasn't actually disturbing her from watching the film, but the shouting man was.

Cue majority piling in to ignore problem with angry man and all agree how disgusting it is that anyone with a disability should be allowed in just in case they might disturb more than the kids throwing popcorn, the couples making out, the people going in and out...

Way to go. Hope you are proud of yourselves. Except of course you are proud of yourselves aren't you... Wrapped up in your armour of entitlement and 'I deserve it' thinking.
Dong know why I bothered writing actually.

comingalongnicely Tue 10-Sep-13 11:29:41

Sorry Fanjo, I've already said that if it was an issue I'd ask for a re-schedule, not sure why you think I should sit somewhere I'd obviously be unhappy & uncomfortable?

If you thought that was a "disgusting attitude" you'll hate this one - it's no t my problem, I go to the cinema as a rare treat & don't want it ruined by someone else's problem.

I'd work round it by leaving - I wouldn't be rude & abusive to the person, but I would expect the cinema to reimburse me as they're responsible for ensuring I can watch & hear the film.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 11:31:10

comingalong..well, until you change the law against Disability Discrimination it IS your problem.

my heart bleeds for you with the struggle you must have knowing that maybe once in 10 years you might have a cinema outing ruined by someone with a disability.

How do you cope with that struggle.

comingalongnicely Tue 10-Sep-13 11:31:34

It's all hypothetical anyway. For what it's worth OP YANBU - the man was out of order & rude.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 11:31:37

utter selfishness.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 11:33:07

am off out..enjoy

comingalongnicely Tue 10-Sep-13 11:34:13

I cope very well thanks Fanjo, sleep like the proverbial baby. Thanks for asking though. thanks

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 11:35:39

i'm sure you do, as you have such wonderful self esteem.

CuChullain Tue 10-Sep-13 11:37:56


As a previous poster has said, with all the slurping, chomping and stink (nachos? seriously?) of some people nose-bagging their way through films, the cinema is hardly a quiet place, but is your life really so badly affected by not having a silent experience of watching fucking Wolverine.

Christ, what cinema do you go to? Generally I find that all the noise, chatter and chomping are during the adverts and trailers and then things settle down once the BBFC certificate comes up. From there on there is expected silence, sure now and again you get some twat on a phone or someone chatting to their neighbour and I have no issues leaning over telling said people to shut the fuck up. Not everyone goes to the cinema to go and see 'fucking Wolverine' or some other Jerry Brokheimer crash bang CGI explosion fest, people also like to see quieter more subtle films, where silence is required to get the full naunce and emotion of the film.

Its a tough situation, the chap with touretts is certaintainly not making noises on purpose but I think it is unreasonable to imply that anyone who finds said noises irriating or distracting are somehow utter selfish heartless bastards is going too far as well. As many have pointed out, cinemas are not that cheap these days and not everyone has the opportunity to just return another time if they found their film had been 'spoiled'.

KatoPotato Tue 10-Sep-13 11:37:57

'Why do you go to the pictures Kato? Is it for an immersive, larger than life experience that you couldn't achieve in your own home?'

Now that's just cringey! I go because my DM is usually happy to babysit for this occasion, and I like popcorn.

Pagwatch Tue 10-Sep-13 11:43:07

The irony of these threads on a site with the 'this is my child' campaign is always disappointing Ginslinger .
But the problem with the campaign is the people who need to read it are the ones who won't.

Thepowerof3 Tue 10-Sep-13 11:46:31

I think the cinema is too loud and expensive for my liking

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 11:47:34

Yes..the counter campaign "This is not my child, or me, so fuck em, as long as I am OK" is in full swing wink

Now i really must go out and stop reading this thread!

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 11:49:26

Of course he should be allowed to go to the cinema - but other people are 'allowed' to feel annoyed that they can't enjoy the film if the tics are disruptive.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 11:50:55

yes they are "allowed " to feel annoyed.

But not to insist he can't go, or complain and ask for him to be removed.


drags self off kicking and screaming

Thepowerof3 Tue 10-Sep-13 11:53:50

I feel sorry for someone who has to try desperately to suppress tics, I have no experience of it but imagine it to be very difficult. The more we force people out to 'special' screenings the less inclusive we become, I thought we were trying to get better as a society not worse.

If I went to see a film where the only thing i noticed was other people I'd ask for a refund. Cos the film would obviously be shite.

But then I'm used to watching tv with dp talking crap at the computer so kind of immune I guess.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:00:44

Fanjo - I haven't seen any one say he shouldn't have been there or that he should have been removed? Or if they have, I missed it. And if someone has said that I would be shock

Fleta Tue 10-Sep-13 12:01:26

I sing in shows.

Last year a lady contacted me - she wanted to come and see it but she had some issues with regards to involuntary movement and noises. She said she was really nervous about affecting other people's enjoyment.

So - I worked with her - I sold her a ticket and blocked off a small number of seats around her, so if she did have a twitch she didn't need to worry about hitting people. I put her - with her consent - in the side block where the acoustics aren't as audible - she was worried about noises affecting other's enjoyment.

She came - she had a superb time - and not one other person complained/left because of her.

Special screenings my eye.

Fontofnowt Tue 10-Sep-13 12:10:08

Fleta did you cordon off the area and employ a bell ringer?

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:14:05

Isn't that just an adapted version of a 'Special Screening' hmm

By doing all that it was great in that it enabled her to feel like she wasn't affecting anybody else (which is what she wanted) but she was still being singled out as 'different' wasn't she? She was still having different treatment because of her disability?

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 12:19:06

I'm fucking furious and so saddened reading this.

My son, aged 9, has Tourette's, amongst his other disabilities.

My beautiful, highly intelligent little boy has verbal and motor tics.

He also has compassion, emotional intelligence and morals that clearly far outweigh some of the cunts on here.

Should I tell him he can't go to the cinema incase he disrupts others? Fuck that. Autism screenings are great, but they're designed FOR them, not to keep them away from apparently normal people.

Ignorant twats and their disablist comments make me fucking rage.

Where are you Mumsnet HQ? Time to put your campaign into action on the boards I think.

Fontofnowt Tue 10-Sep-13 12:19:12

It may have been nice to say....
I'm sure people won't want you castigated and isolated because of something you can't help.
I'm sure you have a friend accompanying you because you have experience of public places so I can recommend an aisle seat for you in X area where it is less busy and X performance because it tends to be less busy.

Or not.

5madthings Tue 10-Sep-13 12:19:21

Jesus some vile attitudes on Herr.

The man should not have shouted.

The person with tourettes has every right to go to the cinema!! If it disturbs you then leave, but maybe stop and think for a minute that you CAN leave, the person with a disability doesn't have that choice, they can't escape from their disability, they have to live life with it. So maybe its no big deal if you are a bit distracted at the cinema because chances are it will be a one off, unlike for those who live with disability day in, day out. Their lives can be hard enough, so a little big of kindness and understanding can make all the difference.

5madthings Tue 10-Sep-13 12:19:37

On here....

PartyOrganisor Tue 10-Sep-13 12:20:16

Writer, if I read well people have very careful not to say that he shouldn't have been there.

But a lot of people felt it was Ok so say they were annoyed, enough to ask for a refund and/or get very grumpy about it.
Which in my view means exactly the same.

That there was someone in the cinema with a disability that stop them enjoying the film and that wasn't an acceptable thing.

Forgetting that going in a public place they WILL encounter people that might 'annoy' them. They WILL encounter people who have some SN. And that they have learn to accept it, live with and even be oK with it.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 12:20:23

In fact I'm hiding this, too fucking upset to try to educate the absolute twats that pop up here.

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 12:21:11

There is nothing wrong with adapting something for the comfort and convenience of both the person with the disability and other members of the audience.

Special screenings are only done for children with autism as far as I'm aware. They are special because the lights are dimmed rather than off and the sound is lowered. I am yet to come across this service for adults with autism.

I really can't see how that is appropriate for a man with Tourettes.

Maybe if people were generally more tolerant and had some empathy everyone could enjoy the cinema?

PartyOrganisor Tue 10-Sep-13 12:23:12

AllThat sadsad

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:23:31

What are the vile attitudes???

Where has anyone said the guy had no right to go to the cinema???

People have said they would find the disruption annoying, but that is miles apart from say he has no right being there? And if anyone has said such a thing then surely they must be in the extreme minority of the 150 replies or so??

Quenelle Tue 10-Sep-13 12:25:29

Several people have posted that the man should have considered the disturbance he would make to others, so presumably they think he shouldn't have gone.

YY absolutely Amberleaf - man with vocal tics disturbing you = he can't control it so has no choice, this is where you should offer acceptance of that fact and put yourself out a bit

Fleta Tue 10-Sep-13 12:25:34

Font/Writer - none of what I did was my idea. I told her it wasn't necessary. I fit in with HER requirements to ensure she still felt able to come.

As far as I was concerned none of what I did was necessary. But if by doing so I made her feel happy surely that's the point.

I'm not sure how I've done the wrong thing there. Maybe I should have just told her there was nothing I could do and she wouldn't have come confused

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 12:28:42

Well lets see writer, what about the suggestions that there should be special screenings for adults?

So people have said they wouldn't want him there, and suggested he'd be better segregated.

That clear enough?

Fontofnowt Tue 10-Sep-13 12:28:56

Sorry Fleta that was unfair of me.
Your post read to me like you were showing a kindness to the poor jerky lady.
It was likely my interpretation of it and not how it was meant.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:30:50

I guess disruptive noise can be frustrating in whatever context - irregardless of why it is happening. However, even if there is a genuine reason for the noise that the person cannot help (I.e a hungry baby that is is screaming) that doesn't necessarily mean it is any less frustrating. I just accept that hungry babies cry, just as people with Tourette's will have Tics and that's life.

I completely agree with whoever made the point about people with Tourette's having to live with the condition and never being able to have 'time out' from it - maybe the guy who shouted in the cinema should have thought about that! What he said to the guy with Tourette's was unforgivable, he should have been thrown out in my opinion.

WilsonFrickett Tue 10-Sep-13 12:30:57

Jesus fucking wept. This is my child my arse. This is my child as long as he only goes to the cinema at 'special times', more like.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:32:31

Sorry allthatglistens - I saw that people had mentioned showings for children with Autism but I didn't realise they had also mentioned there should be screenings for people with Tourette's. I thought that was just a comment made by the guy in the cinema who had done the shouting.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 12:34:49

Dya know what?

All this reinforces to me is how I have to educate my disabled boys about how to treat some neurotypical adults with dignity and respect, because they clearly don't have the advantages that my boys do, and how lucky they are to be such sweet, compassionate, intelligent children.

I'll be sure to make them aware that not every adult is as blessed as they are.

And under my anger? I mostly feel pity for the ignorant and I'll-educated, who will never get to experience the world in the way that my boys do.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:36:10

Fleta - maybe I came across wrong too then, sorry. I think what you did was brilliant seeing as you were doing it at her request. I.e she voiced her worries to you and you did what you could do to help her enjoy the show, absolutely nothing wrong with that!

I was just trying to say that even though she was able to enjoy the same show as everybody else (as opposed to a showing just for her) adaptions still had to be made. However, like I said, this wasn't because you or anybody else was being discriminatory, but because she had approached you and you wanted to allay her worries so she could enjoy herself. What you did was very thoughtful.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 12:36:18

It's ok writer, I just get so incredibly fucking angry with the disablist attitudes, and vented at you. Apologies for that, it's such a touchy subject for me and thousands of others.

Fleta Tue 10-Sep-13 12:36:29

Thanks Fleta smile

She actually approached me at an event and we got talking and she said how she never got to the theatre because she didn't feel comfortable. I asked her what would make it doable for her.

Fleta Tue 10-Sep-13 12:38:42

FOnt. I meant to thank Font. Not myself #facepalm

Thanks Writer I certainly wouldn't have done ANY of what I did had she not wanted it.

I hope the adaptations I made were for her IYSWIM - not because I thought they HAD to be made for anyone else. No different to me than booking the removable seats for someone in a wheelchair.

hermioneweasley Tue 10-Sep-13 12:38:42

Aargh - as many posters have already pointed out, the autism showings are for the benefit of children with autism. They are not for the benefit of keeping disabled kids away from the "normals". I am actually smiling to myself at the thought of tic disorder and Tourette's special showings, now that would be disruptive!

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:40:44

Don't worry about it allthatglistens - it is a difficult subject.

I have had some very hurtful things said to me in the past about my disability and probably very unfair things, so maybe I'm just used to some people's views now. Not much shocks me - though implying there should be special screenings for people with Tourette's does..

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 12:43:04

Maybe we should just have specialist 'arsehole' screenings, I reckon we could fill cinemas throughout the UK! grin

Fontofnowt Tue 10-Sep-13 12:43:50

I feel a bit of a fraud too, I have HFA and Tic disorder so although I tic a fair bit and can be embarrassed by it I tend not to give a fuck anymore so the idea of a big cinema room full of us middle aged ticcers is my idea of a party.

Pagwatch Tue 10-Sep-13 12:45:06

Don't call them 'arsehole screenings' though. Can you imagine the google result?

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 12:45:23

Yes, Allthat! Special screenings for terminal arseholes. grin

Make them watch Danny Dyer films on a loop.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:47:29

When I told one woman that I had epilepsy, who was actually a nurse, she said to me, "You must be mistaken my dear, you're too normal to have ^that^"

Another lady I told was gob smacked, had this incredulous expression of her face and shrieked out, "You wouldn't think it to look at you would you??!" Let's just say she got a very sarcastic response back!

I've met many people with opinions on what I should or shouldn't do, including them voicing the fact I shouldn't be allowed to be near children... hmm

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:48:22

grin @ Pagwatch!!

Do it, I dare you!!!

AvonCallingBarksdale Tue 10-Sep-13 12:50:35

Wow, just wow to some of these responses. As it happens, I went to see the new PErcy JAckson with the DC a few weeks ago -there was a young man making quite a few involuntary noises during the film. Tbh that just mixed in with all the other myriad noises at the cinema. Film volumes are bloody loud anyway. And even it, even if it had have distracted me, so what? It's 2 hours out of my life. Live and let live. I hope the guy at PErcy JAckson enjoyed the film as much as us.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 12:52:23

Wasn't expecting this thread to make me actually lol but it just has! grin

Erm.. Yes, perhaps we should come up with a better name blush grin

Pagwatch Tue 10-Sep-13 12:52:27

Nooooo. Not after innocently googling 'adult swing' for DS2

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 12:53:47

Hahaha!! Ugh I can imagine the results you got Pag! grin

AmazingDisgrace Tue 10-Sep-13 12:54:21

Shocked at some of the comments on this thread. The guy with TS was unlikely to tic throughout the film and even if he did so what? It's less noticeable than the constant rustling of popcorn and sweets, or the slurping of drinks.

Do you really want to isolate people with disabilities even further? My son has TS and goes to the cinema a lot. Tics wax and wane with severity and quite often he'll be able to sit through a film with not a single vocal tic. The poor guy in the OP was probably desperately trying to suppress his tics.

Some of the comments on here make me sick. angry

AmazingDisgrace Tue 10-Sep-13 12:54:21

Shocked at some of the comments on this thread. The guy with TS was unlikely to tic throughout the film and even if he did so what? It's less noticeable than the constant rustling of popcorn and sweets, or the slurping of drinks.

Do you really want to isolate people with disabilities even further? My son has TS and goes to the cinema a lot. Tics wax and wane with severity and quite often he'll be able to sit through a film with not a single vocal tic. The poor guy in the OP was probably desperately trying to suppress his tics.

Some of the comments on here make me sick. angry

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:54:22

I'm going to do it - just because I need a giggle!!!

candycoatedwaterdrops Tue 10-Sep-13 12:54:24

Of course there should be segregation................for the ignoramuses of the world! Seriously people, you are going to a public place, so you maybe just maybe will encounter other members of the human race. Some members of the human race are disabled. If it annoys you, then you'd better stay at home and save up for a private home cinema system.

hermioneweasley Tue 10-Sep-13 12:55:05

Fontofnowt - sorry if I offended. I am sure it would be awesome!

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 12:55:35

Oooh that's a good word!

Ignoramus Screenings? grin

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 12:57:57

See! That's so much better than my fish wifey 'arseholes' response! grin

They'd obv have to meet certain criteria to get in, maybe we could issue them with special badges too so other people will be aware to treat them kindly grin

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 13:01:53

Well I googled Arsehole Screening and bizarrely enough, images of 3 actors came up: Jim Carey, Steve Martin and the guy who played the Evil Emperor of Rome in Gladiators grin

Pagwatch Tue 10-Sep-13 13:15:20

Hahahahaha !

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 13:16:26

i think Arsehole screening is what is needed before people can post on MN tbh wink

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 13:20:50

No one is screening mine! shock

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 13:23:03


Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 13:24:16

I can see it now, the next Crazy Thread :

AIBU to think it is inappropriate that we are required to have our arseholes checked as part of the MN application process?"


WombatCat Tue 10-Sep-13 13:24:35

Sorry if my post has upset anybody. That wasn't my intention.

I was disgusted that this man made such a sorry show of himself and was very rude and ignorant. The fact that some people seemed to be in agreement with him left me further dismayed.

Whilst I regret that I didn't say anything, I didn't want to embarrass the man by drawing anymore attention to the situation.

If people are intolerant of others and the many forms of variations that the human species display, then you'd be better off not venturing into public places.

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 13:24:50


FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 13:26:18

<looks at everyones biscuit>

Wombat, your post was not upsetting smile

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 13:30:37

Fanjo, if it's red in the middle you should go to the doctor's. grin

Wombat, the only upset was among a few posters who have a problem in putting anyone else above themselves.

But we're all looking into special screenings for them. grin

KatoPotato Tue 10-Sep-13 13:38:21

They don't like the assumption that they'd go and see 'fucking Wolverine'

confused ->biscuit

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 13:45:58

Oh good lord I don't want to screen arseholes grin

Luckily, it would appear they all share the same symptom of spewing verbal shit so I think that would be enough criteria for me wink

I should probably bow out now, the puns only get worse!

BabyX Tue 10-Sep-13 13:47:16

This is why I never go to the cinema. Not because of people with SN, just because of the whole human race on display to me with all their foibles and selfishness. I can never concentrate till at least a third of the way in as all I can think about is the chair-kickers, the narrators, the binge-munchers, the coughers and farters...

Just not worth it.

It's like swimming. Why would you want to do that with a bunch of filthy strangers?

Pagwatch Tue 10-Sep-13 13:51:36

In fairness at least most people in the cinema are not peeing right next to you.

AdmiralData Tue 10-Sep-13 13:53:54

Baby X - so true. I hate the fuckers who play with their phones ... LOUDLY.

Wombat, I wasn't upset by your post, I was upset by the utter nob jockeys who came on the thread to agree with the stance of the bloke in the cinema.

On the bright side I've been able to update my "utter twat" spreadsheet with a few new names.

FreudiansSlipper Tue 10-Sep-13 14:04:21

how spoilt could the film have been

either we live in a tolerant society or we do not, either we accept at times for a reason that is beyond anyone's control others many have an effect on us

but it is so inconsequential for the vast majority of us in our everyday life how can it really matter that the odd performance/film

If someone is being disturbing in the cinema, yapping into their phone or to their mates or whatever - I will go and ask them to be quiet or take it outside. In the spirit of treating a disabled person as any other member of the paying public, could I do the same if they are making a disturbance?

The difference is that the person yapping on the phone or talking to their mates are doing it voluntarily and can stop doing it if they want to. Someone with tourettes, for example, can't voluntarily stop tic-ing. If they could, then they wouldn't have the disorder.

Ask yourself - if there was a seat taken and two people sitting down, you could ask both of them to get up, but if one was paralysed they couldn't. Would you expect them to stand up because you were treating them like anyone else?

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 14:07:40

Could you go and ask someone making noises because of their disability to be quiet or tke it outside in the spirit of treating them like everyone else?

Yes..if you were a massive arsehole.

Sorry. .had to be said.

havingamadmoment Tue 10-Sep-13 14:08:58

If I was sat next to someone with tourettes I wouldn't say anything and I wouldn't make a fuss simply because I would feel crap if I did.

It isnt as simple as getting a ticket reissued though we dont have any childcare so going to the cinema is really a once a year thing if that. I would be upset and really disappointed but its one of those things you cant change.

Fleta Tue 10-Sep-13 14:10:45

If someone is being disturbing in the cinema, yapping into their phone or to their mates or whatever - I will go and ask them to be quiet or take it outside. In the spirit of treating a disabled person as any other member of the paying public, could I do the same if they are making a disturbance?

That all depends. If the disabled person is nattering away to their mates/yapping on a mobile phone then by all means ask them to be quiet. If the disabled person is making a noise because of their condition then absolutely you shouldn't say something. The former they can help. The latter they can't.

Wuxiapian Tue 10-Sep-13 15:07:45

YANBU! Wombat.

How awful. People can be so ignorant.

I took my Aspergers DS to the theatre when he was about 7/8 as he loved classical music and it was a production especially for children. I went with an SN group. My DS, of course, was very excited and would shout out (just one word) every few minutes or so. Unluckily we were sat right behind a couple, who, after about 10 minutes, turned around to us and said, " Will you just be quiet?!". I was very upset about this - one of the party replied "He's disabled and has every right to be here, just as you are."

Why shouldn't the Tourette's sufferer enjoy himself, too?!

I would be understanding and not even comment. Where's the compassion in this world?!

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 15:15:57

I said early on that I would be pissed having paid to enjoy the film and it was disrupted.

I don't see that as disablist.

I wouldn't leave, I wouldn't askthem to leave, I would tolerate the noise but I would be pissed off really as I don't go very much.

I didn't ever say there should be special screens or disabled people shouldn't go out.

I don't see anything disablist about being annoyed at a noise disruption :/

sonlypuppyfat Tue 10-Sep-13 15:19:23

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 15:22:12

whats your solution then sonly <waits with baited breath>

At the risk of getting my fanjo kicked can someone please explain why they're not interested in special screenings. confused

I ask as I'm currently negotiating with a fostering group to do exactly that. We already have one arranged at our local cinema for children with autism. We now want one for a whole range of children with disabilities - and my mate who looks after adults is trying to get one for adults with disabilities.

The cinema have been really keen so far, a lot of the earlier showings are empty anyway.

Is it just that you think that it's patronising or that you think people should just have mixed showings and not complain?

Cos that's not my experience - we want separate showings so the arseholes who tut or look disapproving aren't there.

It's all very well saying they shouldn't be arseholes but frankly it makes the people with disabilities more comfortable and able to relax if there's no tutters.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 15:24:42

special screenings are good..if they are to provide a better environment for the person with the disability.

They are not good if suggested so that the person with the disability is kept away from "regular" people so they don't annoy them.

HTH smile

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 15:25:08

(wasnt a sarky HTH either)

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 15:26:41

ie dimmed lights and noise turned down for person with autism.

Having them so that people can be free from tutting arseholes is just WRONG too, as there should be tolerance, not segregation so the tutting arseholes never learn to accept those with disabilities

Of course it's wrong that there are tutting arseholes.

But it would just be nice if the children/adults could go somewhere there was automatic catering for their needs and acceptance without always having to put up with it/argue back etc.

I'm not arguing with you by the way. I'm just pretty keen on getting these special screenings at the moment.

MrsOakenshield Tue 10-Sep-13 15:32:29

for those quoting a part of my first post, please could you read the rest of it and my subsequent post. I am not an arsehole, I am trying to think this through and understand a situation which is outside my own experience.

<makes note never to think things through on MN again, or even learn from MNers experiences again>

I've not been to the cinema for years, but could be enticed back only if there were special screenings for people like me; people who can sit quietly throughout, go to the loo before it starts so we don't get up in the middle of the film, don't mess with our mobiles, don't chat to our mates, don't loudly munch bucket loads of shite "food", don't slurp drinks, don't kick the chair in front, and don't take up more than our fair share of space. Yup, I'm intolerant, which is why I far prefer to sit in the comfort of my own home with a DVD than put up with other people. I'd love a special "everyone STFU and keep still" screening grin. Oh, and they can turn the sodding volume down a few notches too, I don't want to end up with impaired hearing!

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 15:34:22 would be nice, but it shouldn't be needed, it is sad

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 10-Sep-13 15:35:14

Hullo all,

Can we remind you all of our talk guidelines?

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 15:44:32

I dont think there is much of a solution and lets face it, it isnt likely to happen often.

but I think some people are being painted as disablist when all they have said is they would be annoyed at a noise disruption.

Debs75 Tue 10-Sep-13 15:44:39

I have only read one page but god some of you lot need segregating.angry

SPecial showings are lower noise level and lights still on as this can help people with autism feel more relaxed and less likely to panic. They are not intended to segregate people so the disabled child does not annoy the other paying guests.

IME the really rude people who tend to shout at disabled people or mutter under their breaths are not disabled or 'suffering' with a learning disability they are just self-centered twats who think they are more entitled.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 15:46:41

NotYoMomma..well if you read the OP, the people being annoyed were kind of supportive of the utterly rude disablist man.

Instead of being rightfully outraged as all decent people would be.

I mean this thread should really just have been full of posts saying what an arsehole that man was,, in a decent world, not defenders of his annoyance.

usualsuspect Tue 10-Sep-13 15:53:34

Notyomomma, your first post on this thread was disabilist.

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 15:54:07

the man was rude - no one is disputing that

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 15:55:59

no it wasn't disablist. I said I would be pissed. I would, but I wouldnt say anything and I would toerate it because I am not an arsehole.

tell me how it was disablist.

usualsuspect Tue 10-Sep-13 15:57:33

If you can't see why,there's not much point explaining .

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 16:01:04

no really I would appreciate it if you would. I am absolutley all for people going to everyday things like everyone else. I dont think special screenings are appropriate.

however people can feel annoyed with the fact that noise is disrupting their experience without being disablist surely?

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:02:21

well, maybe a nice thoughtful person would keep that to themselves on a site where people with disabilities/children with disabilities post wink <small hint>

usualsuspect Tue 10-Sep-13 16:05:23

Lots of posters on here have children that grunt,squeal and shout.

Do you think that they want to read how pissed off you would be if you encountered their children?

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 16:05:33

I also mentioned about my grans coughing tic (I will describe it as a tic as she has had lots of tests but it seems to be a compulsive trait rather than something causing her to cough)

I can actually ignore it quite easily to thw point I dont notice she is doing it, but my mum really really struggles. she can't help but notice and cant switch off from the fact she is coughing

it is just something you have to accept as part of life. we would never segregate granny for others convenience!

so I wouldnt say I was disablist, but I can understand it can be annoying, having had the discussion many times with my mum

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:06:01's basically saying, if you go to the cinema with your child it will piss me, and lots of the audience off. Lovely to read.

MrsOakenshield - I responded to the bit of the post you wanted to think about. I was answering your question. It just seemed a bit daft to quote the whole post.

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 16:07:59

I said squeal and grunt as that was what a previous poster had used to describe the noises and how she thought it was a tic rather than just a disruptive person actually.

seriously, people cant be privatley annoyed without being disablist? I just cant get my head round that

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:08:17

For example I bet your granny would be upset if she read lots of people saying she pissed them off with something she can't help

{can't believe am having to spell this out)

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:08:40

it's not "privately" annoyed if you post it on here to me, who has a disabled child, is it?

hermioneweasley Tue 10-Sep-13 16:08:47

Notyomomma - it's pretty petty to say you'd be annoyed at having a cinema outing disrupted. People with disabilities have to live with them and their disruption all the time. Even if a cinema outing is a rare treat, I would hope people could think "gosh, that must be frustrating for that person, how fortunate am I" instead of wallowing in how their "immersive cinema experience" has been spoiled.

Have people lost all compassion?

There was a case of a young man who died from Tourette's. His tics were so bad he couldn't even sleep and he died. I expect that was a lot more distressing than a slightly disturbed cinema viewing FFS.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:09:21

But if you don't get it, you don't get it. Keep on being "privately" annoyed in a public forum.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 16:09:44

Makes you wonder doesn't it Fanjo? sad

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:10:27

it does, Allthat.

Don't let em get you down though thanks

hermioneweasley Tue 10-Sep-13 16:10:32

Notyomomma - are you also "privately annoyed" at those lucky disabled people who get to park near the front door, thereby reducing the available spaces with a short walk for NORMAL PEOPLE?

SantanaLopez Tue 10-Sep-13 16:11:37

Man was an arsehole.

Let's hope karma kicked his ass.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:11:42

Havent braved cinema yet. It won't be easier to do so having read that much of the audience would be "privately" annoyed by any noise DD makes, even if they knew it was because of her disability.

hermioneweasley Tue 10-Sep-13 16:13:05

Fanjo- let them be "privately annoyed". Twats.

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 16:13:14

it is a discussion though about a particular situation and people are reading whatthey want itseems.

we have disabled people in my family but sometimes you do feel annoyed despite loving them and trying everything to protect them. its not disablist to admit that.

sometimes you dont think about much more than 'oh I wish they would be a bit quieter for a bit' without meaning you hate disabled people and are intolerant.

Oblomov Tue 10-Sep-13 16:13:26

This is difficult for me too.
I have an autistic son, but if I paid a babysitter and went out for a meal , and it was ruined by bad food/bad service/ badly behaved children, I would be most cross.
Likewise, as we rarely get to the cinema, if it was ruined that much , by someone, I would be cross.
I am trying to figure if I would say something. To the tourettes person, or the person on the phone, or anyone else.
I probably would. I would probably say " I am very sorry, but I can't hear".

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:14:58

sometimes you dont think about much more than 'oh I wish they would be a bit quieter for a bit' without meaning you hate disabled people and are intolerant.

But that IS intolerant, if they can't help it.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 16:15:27

I've just had to collect my DS from school who was wailing because he has misplaced his coat which stressed him out so much it massively kicked off his tics. Took me, his TA and the class teacher 30 mins to persuade him out of the cloakroom.

I can only imagine how privately annoying it must be to have a film (a whole 2 hrs?) disrupted by a person with uncontrollable, tics like those my son suffers with hmm

flowers and cake right back at ya Fanjo smile

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:17:07

Well, oblomov, we are obviously different, because if I went out and had paid a babysitter and i couldnt hear well due to someone with a neurological disability, I wouldn't be cross at all, but would just think thats how it goes, and I would never dream of saying something to them.

Does your son go to the cinema? Maybe he doesn't make noises. But if he did, and couldn't help it, like my DD who can't speak, it would be fine to confront him and be cross?

Mind you , my DD wouldn't give a toss if someone said that to her, as she wouldn't understand, she would just be pleased someone spoke to her and squeal more with happiness.

hermioneweasley Tue 10-Sep-13 16:17:37

Oblomov - what exactly would be the point of saying "I can't hear" to someone with INVOLUNTARY TICS?

I would have thought that someone with an autistic child might have a fraction more compassion.

And will everyone stop equating people with vocal tics to people who are rude or "badly behaved children". It's like equating a wheelchair users with people who are too lazy to walk.

MrsDeVere Tue 10-Sep-13 16:20:03

Do you want to know how many expensive days outs and treats have been spoiled by fuckwitted non disabled people saying and doing fuckwitted things?

Everyone who is NOT me should stay at home in case the impinge.

News for you lot who think its ok say 'well I paid for my ticket so I have a right to be annoyed' may well be pissing somebody else off without knowing it. Not being disabled doesn't exempt you.

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 16:20:15

But Oblomov, I very much doubt the ticcing would even be that loud. Tbh it would get worse if the person felt stressed.

Do you not think that by saying that to someone with a disability they cannot help, you might also be ruining their night out?

Different if you go for a meal and it's crap or the service is bad, so much different.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 16:20:21

My eldest has Autism and Tourette's, so if someone had the audacity to complain to him he'd probably spend the next hour explaining Tourette's Syndrome to that person in extreme detail, whilst continuing his involuntary tics.

He'd make a fabulous educator, methinks grin

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 16:20:26

thats what I am trying to say obv but I dont seem able to try and get it across without digging myself a bigger dickhead hole sad confused

Pagwatch Tue 10-Sep-13 16:21:38

If anyone came over to complain to DS2 he would say 'shhhhhhhhhhh!'

buss Tue 10-Sep-13 16:22:28

'I paid a babysitter and went out for a meal , and it was ruined by bad food/bad service/ badly behaved children, I would be most cross. '

so would I...but making allowances for a person's disability is different I think.
I would be happy that the guy with tourettes felt confident enough to go to the cinema. It must be awful to worry all the time about how people may react.

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 16:23:14

If anyone came angrily complaining to my ds, he's probably bite them and throw all 12 stone of himself at them.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 16:24:21

My son doesn't really acknowledge it yet, he has the approx cognitive age of a 6yo, but I'm waiting for the day he realises that some people will view him as a nuisance, or weird.

That's a very hard thing to have to try and prepare your child for.

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 16:26:11

Luckily, in one way, I doubt my ds will ever be that self-aware. He's only recently stopped stripping off in public if he gets wet. He's 18.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:27:38

My DD thinks being angry is the funniest thing ever...which makes discipline she would giggle and attempt to say "very naughty" and "hello" noisily

AvonCallingBarksdale Tue 10-Sep-13 16:28:38

Gosh, now I'm puzzled by Oblomov's post confused
That seems to be a strange reaction from someone with an autistic child. Would you not just think, hey ho that's the way it goes sometimes, the same as, I guess, you would hope people would think if it was your child making a noise involuntarily.

buss Tue 10-Sep-13 16:29:12

notyomomma - if you are 'privately annoyed' be a person's disability then you are lacking in tolerance at best....

sonlypuppyfat Tue 10-Sep-13 16:32:52

A lot of saints on here. Can't even be privately annoyed now

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 16:33:14

but I would tolerate it because they cant help it, I wouldnt say anything, I wouldnt tut as that is appauling, I would just get on and watch the film.

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 16:36:18

If you're expressing your annoyance on a public forum, you aren't being privately annoyed.

If you were privately annoyed none of us would know about it would we? confused

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 16:39:26

im talking about a hypothetical situation. personally I most likely wouldnt be bothered because I can switch off to stuff like that (like my gran) but I can understand that it would annoy other people.

I am not saying 'disabled people annoy me' or anything of the sort that you seem to imply hmmconfused

usualsuspect Tue 10-Sep-13 16:40:04

If people with disabilities annoyed me, I would post about it on a forum that had parents of disabled children as members.

usualsuspect Tue 10-Sep-13 16:40:43


FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:46:10

usual, i nearly flamed ya there grin

FreyaSnow Tue 10-Sep-13 16:47:51

Somebody has to go to a special screening, don't they? It clearly isn't inclusive of everyone if somebody who needs a quiet environment to hear the film and somebody who can't be quiet are in the same showing. As there already are special showings for people with hearing impairments, it seems more sensible for those who need a quiet environment to go to the special showing.

NotYoMomma Tue 10-Sep-13 16:47:59

but people with disabilities don't annoy me. I have just said that but you choose to ignore that q

noise at the cinema (any noise) annoys me greatly but I would tolerate it as they cant help it.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:49:16

people with disabilities don't annoy you. As long as they are nice and quiet.

Pagwatch Tue 10-Sep-13 16:50:43

So that would be a special showing for the man who shouted?

The young man with Tourette's was not needing quiet.

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 16:51:36

Are we back to Ignoramus Screenings? grin

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 10-Sep-13 16:52:05

So behaving and thinking like a reasonable person is now considered to be saintly?

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 16:52:45

polishes halo

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:52:54

Intolerant screenings ARE actually the answer quiet carriages.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 16:53:22

i'm so saintly, I don't post to people with disabled kids that their kids noises really piss me off <also polishes halo>

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 16:54:23

Now quiet carriages really piss me off - because they are anything but usually. hmm

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 10-Sep-13 16:56:13

Us again,

We'd like to draw everyone's attention to our recent This Is My Child campaign.

In particular this quote, "I wish people would stop referring to Tourettes for added comic effect in trivial conversations. The reality is that Tourettes is heart-breaking." Gunznroses".

As ever, please report any posts that you think break our talk guidelines.

zatyaballerina Tue 10-Sep-13 17:55:13

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

LegoDragon Tue 10-Sep-13 18:01:20

The person in question could well be a Twat (with a capital T!) but DD1 is socially awkward and is sensitive to noises. If a man was making a noise through no fault of his own, we would end up walking out (which is fine with us btw, the onus is kind of on us) due to DD1 not physically being able to cope. As she has got older, it's become obvious she's very awkward as a result of her disability and I can almost imagine her doing this as she doesn't have the grasp about it being his own disability and his right to enjoy a film as much as all of us.

But... If he is a Twat (and I admit, the above is unlikely- but quite possible with DD1 whatever I do) then it is disgusting. Dfriend has Tourette's. I think telling her to stop ticcing would be like telling someone to stop breathing or whatever, it's natural- in her case, it's not what the majority do, that doesn't mean she can stop it and it doesn't mean she SHOULD have to stop it. She has a disability. She is a human being and has as much right to enjoy watching a film as me.

zatyaballerina Tue 10-Sep-13 18:06:49

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 18:12:46

And you just can't see how it's disabilist to suggest that someone with a disability should not be able to enjoy a cinema trip like everyone else? hmm

And with that, I am off... to the cinema as it is £3.75 on a Tuesday. Going to see Riddick. grin

But he might not have known. I mean he might have taken his medication and it was kicking in, or he's been receiving therapy of some kind and was jut trying to utilise what he had learnt ( if they do that) he wasn't physically hurting any body and he might have just needed a few mins to settle down etc. surely we can place some trust in an adult to regulate/ control himself as best he can and know when it is or isn't working.

Unless he was standing up and yelling at the too of his voice over all the sound affects I genuinely can't see how he really could have disrupted it that much. The man shouting would have been more disturbing.

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 10-Sep-13 18:23:16

Hi Zaty

We removed your post as we felt your comment "someone who came in knowing they would be disturbing everyone" implies that the person with Tourettes was purposefully being disruptive, and that they wanted to disturb others, rather than their unconscious noises and tics being part of their syndrome. We have deleted your other post for repeating these sentiments.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 18:23:45

Ah yes, you see, when we become parents of disabled children, we automatically become saints hmm

So, we should all just take our children off to special screenings, ya know, away from 'normal' people who don't want to accept that actually, as human beings, our children have just as much right to be there as anyone else?

Because heaven forbid that some 'normal' people would be able to distinguish that everyone is different, and we must be tolerant, kind and understanding of others.

And yet oddly, my autistic, Tourette's DS can comprehend that fact. Odd.

hermioneweasley Tue 10-Sep-13 18:25:13

Zatya - I didn't see your original post, but if you are suggesting that people who make involuntary noises due to a disability should not go anywhere where it is the convention to sit quietly, then you are absolutely being disablist.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 18:25:15

Thank you, Mumsnet, for the comment and the campaign.

I hope this thread stands for a long time as a perfect example of the ignorance and disablist attitudes we have to contend with, every single day.

hermioneweasley Tue 10-Sep-13 18:27:31

What AllthatGlistens said

Nobody would dream of making these comments about physical disabilities. The campaign to highlight hidden disabilities is clearly so, so needed.

FreyaSnow Tue 10-Sep-13 18:34:43

Pagwatch, yes. People who have issues with noise, like the angry man, could go to the special screenings already in place for people with hearing impairments. They are very quiet screenings and have subtitles.

strokey Tue 10-Sep-13 18:37:00

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

MrsDeVere Tue 10-Sep-13 18:40:38

Freya but if he did that he would complain about the subtitles annoying him or the onscreen interpreter distracting him.

Because people do that too. hmm

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 18:42:15

It can be hard, my toddler DS is just going through assessment and is v likely to be more severely affected than my elder DS.

So we are now getting the usual looks and comments re our elder DS as well as comments about the younger..

'Oh why is he still in a buggy? There's nothing wrong with his legs!'

Then we invariably get asked why our middle child, a girl, is 'normal' - "why isn't she disabled then?' Ffs.

(We're waiting for wheelchair services to sort out a Maclaran Major, he's outgrown every buggy on the high street.)

DS has the mental age of an 18month old and a severe aversion to walking, but the height and weight of a much bigger child, which I'll happily explain if asked, and despite this, he's a lazy child, or naughty hmm

This forum saved my life, in so many ways.

It got me through both DLA and Statementing processes successfully, and in one piece emotionally.

It has also highlighted that there are still an awful lot of woefully ignorant, intolerant people out there, and how much we still need to fight to educate people, as well as somehow managing to do the best we can, for our children, to give them a better place to grow up in.

The women on here with disabled children aren't saints.

We're mothers who love their children and desperately want to give them everything they possibly can to make their lives as safe, comfortable and happy as possible, whilst dealing with exhausting full time care, frightening, worrying hospital appointments, poor schooling, inept medical staff, poor financial provision.

We do it day in, day out. For our children.

It can be heartbreaking and so frustrating to see the sheer ignorance, day after day after day, especially here, which for a lot of us is a safe haven.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 18:42:58

Strokey are you fucking serious?

strokey Tue 10-Sep-13 19:15:04

Yes and I STILL don't see whats so wrong about that. Being able to hear the film is a pretty fundamental part of the cinema experience.

I wouldn't say anything to him though. Id ask for a refund.

candycoatedwaterdrops Tue 10-Sep-13 19:49:02

shock at the number of people who'd ask for a refund. Wouldn't you feel like a right cunt saying ""can I have a refund please, my film was ruined by a disabled person making involuntary noises?"^?? I'd write it off as one of those things. I'm physically disabled and getting out is not easy but if I encountered a person making involuntary noises at the cinema, I'd shrug it off as one of those things, which it is!

littlemisswise Tue 10-Sep-13 20:00:03

I read the OP and a few of the more shock posts to my DSes (16&18). They knew their were some nasty people in the world because we have had some shit ourselves because of my disability, but both are gobsmacked by this. They did say had they have been there they would have told the man in the cinema to sit down and shut up, or get out!

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 20:12:28

And unfortunately, even after having your post deleted for being disablist, by Mumsnet, you still can't figure out why. Some people apparently can't be educated. Sad really.

Wuxiapian Tue 10-Sep-13 20:18:00

Some people will continue to fester in their own ignorance, Glistens.

needaholidaynow Tue 10-Sep-13 20:23:43

It's the ignorant, noisy groups of pre-teens/teenagers that just won't STFU that should get thrown out!

Not someone with Tourettes. They can't control it! Where's the compassion?

happycrimblechuckie Tue 10-Sep-13 20:25:56

I go to the cinema every Saturday and it is SO loud that you be hard fetched to be disturbed by anything let alone a Boy/Man with involuntary tics and squeals, what is wrong with this country that we still feel at liberty to ostracise (sp?) people who are just plain diffrent, nothing else just diffrent to the absolute normal, WTF is wrong with a bit of noise during a film?

slapandpickle Tue 10-Sep-13 20:38:52

I have ASD and a medium sensitivity to noise related to that.

No way could I tolerate a guy coughing and grunting in the cinema. However neither can I tolerate the noises of NT people wheezing, muttering, giggling and munching. Both make it impossible to concentrate on the film.

If that rude man couldn't tolerate the guy's tics he should do what I do and wait for the dvd release rather than being a dick. Saying something was the height of bad manners. You expect other people to make noise at the cinema & involuntary noise is much more forgivable imo... which is why I don't go. Fuck the popcorn eaters and drink slurpers :D

I feel really bad for the guy with Tourettes

littlemisswise Tue 10-Sep-13 20:42:27

Just to clarify my post of 20:00, my teens were referring to the rude man when they said he should shut up and sit down, or get out.

They, and I think that the man, and any other person with a disability should be at the cinema or anywhere else they choose to be.

Suelford Tue 10-Sep-13 21:27:26

To put some legal knowledge I've been falling asleep over revising into action, I think the concepts of actus reus (the act) and mens rea (the intention) are at play here.

One side is arguing that, of course, making noise in a cinema isn't ideal, but the intention of the noise-maker needs to be considered. Is it merely inconsiderate (e.g. someone answering their phone and having a long conversation) or involuntary, and thus justifiable?

And the other side is treating making noise/distractions in a cinema as a 'strict liability offence', where the intentions don't matter, only the end result.

Personally, I'm ridiculously harsh on anyone making noise at the cinema. Popcorn-rustling, can-opening, mouth-breathing, foot-tapping... I hate it, so I do the very British thing if sitting there seething in silence, having the experience ruined and immersion shattered.

But going to the cinema is a public experience; why not watch the DVD if you value silence so strongly? Well, I do, a few times a week. But you can't get the latest films on DVD, and I don't have a massive screen and a few dozen huge speakers, so I can't match the cinema yet .

I think dismissing people's genuine irritation about having their expensive treat spoiled isn't going to win any battles for the anti-disablist lobby, especially because the 'disablists' on this thread, have no problems with disabled people, just with distractions regardless of the source.

PartyOrganisor Tue 10-Sep-13 21:32:32

I have being wondering if people will ever learn until they themselves, perhaps not even just a child or close relative, actually have some health issue that are limiting what they can do.
Some sort of 'until I walked a mile or so in similar shoes than you, I can't understand what's all the fuss about'.

hermioneweasley Tue 10-Sep-13 21:43:23

Suelford, I am not a lawyer, but I believe the relevant legislation is the Equalities Act. Reasonable adjustments need to be made for people with disabilities in the provison of goods and services, and they are protected from harassment.

I believe mens rea is a term from criminal law, and this is a civil matter.

Happy to be corrected by someone more knowledgable though.

And people so lacking in compassion that they are irritated at having "their expensive treat spoiled....regardless of the source of the distraction" are wholly lacking in compassion if they can't stop for a nanosecond and realise how many many many times worse it must be for the person who spends their whole existence ticking.

WilsonFrickett Tue 10-Sep-13 21:48:51

suelford I really hope the Equality Act is on your syllabus.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 22:26:51

Oh dear Suelford I can only assume you haven't revised the Equality Act yet.. I believe that trumps people 'enjoying expensive treats'.

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 22:30:36

I have returned!

Riddick was rather good and the only disruption was the woman to the side rustling her massive bag of crisps... and then burping loudly.


AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 22:38:43

Ah.. But was she wearing an arsehole badge? Lest you discriminate in any way! grin

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 22:41:43

I don't think she was.

It was a huge bag of crisps though. The burp was funny... just as it all went quiet. grin

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 22:45:56

Oops! I do hope she didn't spoil people enjoyment of the film <whistles innocently>

Not a noise story, but to my eternal shame (and my DH's never ending amusement) I did once trip whilst going to sit down at the cinema and managed to fling an entire tray of nachos -with sauce! Into a woman's handbag. blush

Again, woman with the nacho, jalapeño and salsa covered bag, I am truly sorry and thank you for being so gracious about it!

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 22:53:03

Hahahaha grin

I am quite tight fisted when it comes to cinema snacks though we did get coffees today as it wasn't any more expensive than Costa.

Suelford Tue 10-Sep-13 22:56:04

Well aware of the Equality Act, thanks... just using those legal concepts as an analogy, not writing some judgment on the exact legality of this situation.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 22:57:40

That's what makes it worse! I was pregnant and craving them so it was quite the treat <wails>

Of course I felt awful about the poor woman's bag, and offered her cleaning/ replacement which she declined, she was lovely! But my poor nachos!

Didn't set foot in a cinema for quite some time after that, still makes me cringe now blush

What was the film like anyhoo? I watched the first Riddick not long ago.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 22:59:14

I'm sure all of us parents of disabled children will be very glad to hear that suelford

Dominodonkey Tue 10-Sep-13 23:03:59

OP YANBU - the man sounds horrible.

But genuine question - why are those suggesting leaving and asking for a refund being called names such as ridiculous and prejudiced.

Not sure where people on this thread go to the cinema but every cinema I have been in to see an adult film has been very quiet. I totally appreciate that in the scheme of things me not being able to hear the film properly is not that important. However, like the man with Tourettes ,discussed in the OP, I did go to the cinema to watch the film. If I were to leave (quietly, certainly not shouting abuse or aiming comments at the person) and to ask the cinema for the chance to see the film at a later showing how am I being unreasonable?

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 23:04:03

It was really good. Nice bit of humour in there and plenty of people getting killed in ever more inventive ways. grin

I go to the cinema a lot. I do like Cheap Tuesdays.

I had about 14 years of only being able to go very rarely and I'm making up for it. Ds would not have tolerated the cinema even if there had been autism friendly screenings. It would definitely end in a meltdown and sensory overload and not a very nice experience for him really.

Dominodonkey Tue 10-Sep-13 23:05:53

Sorry meant to add that surely this is an entirely different scenario to complaining about someone with additional needs in a restaurant. The purpose of your visit here is to see and hear the film.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 23:12:22

Thing is with that Domino, and the point other posters raised earlier, is where would it end?

Not being sarcastic at all, but if teenagers are being rowdy, would I get a refund? If there was a drunken idiot causing a scene would I get a refund? Unlikely.

So you can't really separate the issue, and it is against the law for the cinema to discrimate on the grounds of disability so I genuinely can't see how refunds would happen confused

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 23:15:37

YouTheCat I miss the cinema too, eldest DS isn't too bad in that scenario but youngest DS wouldn't cope at all and because of his violent tantrums and being non verbal we can't leave him with anyone else to go together, so DH usually takes the other two on his own, we've never been to the cinema as a whole family sad

Still, it's probably best that I'm not let loose too often, especially if carrying food grin

Glad you enjoyed the film!

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 23:15:44

I got some lads thrown out once for throwing popcorn and generally being dickheads during Transformers 3.

That really did spoil the first 20 minutes of the film and was on purpose. I didn't expect or ask for a refund though.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 23:17:31

As someone wise said earlier. .how could you ask for a refund because a disabled person made involuntary noises, without feeling like a lowlife. I couldn't.

Dominodonkey Tue 10-Sep-13 23:17:32

all I am pretty sure you would get a refund in those circumstances actually but I do see your point.

In the two examples you give the cinema staff should have ejected the offenders and if they do not then they are responsible for you being unable to see the film.

I can see why some people are concerned that this may lead to discrimination from the cinemas though.

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 23:18:10

Allthat, ds is the same - violent meltdowns and so it was just me and dd going to the cinema and ds would stay at home with his dad. But it was a very rare occurrence.

Harrin Tue 10-Sep-13 23:19:21

I had a similar experience recently when I took my sisters to a kids film. There was a lad of about 12 with sn who was flicking his drink and some of it hit a little girl in front, which he found funny and started giggling. The 2 women in front kicked right off and some of the things they were saying were disgusting, one of them being that they shouldn't take him to the cinema if he has sn. I was gobsmacked but like you op I didn't say anything because there were already 4 people kicking off in the middle of a kids film! The lad ended up so hysterical he left which I thought was sad. I can understand being unhappy but it's the things people seem to think it's fine to say that never fails to shock me

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Tue 10-Sep-13 23:20:12

Honestly the only thing I can think of that I wouldn't like WRT to a disabled person in a cinema is if their involuntary tics caused them to smack me or something. But then I can always move. [shrug]

Phones in cinemas give me the rage. Not disabled people.

Toomuch2young Tue 10-Sep-13 23:21:14

I knew when i opened this it would be on Tourettes.

I have tried so many times to educate mumsnet and so many others in real life about tourettes yet still get so much abuse.

This poor guy was probably trying desperately for a slice of 'normality'. I've thought for a long time about trying the cinema but am too concerned my tics would disrupt others. Clearly I'm right to think like that. Iv never been to a theatre or anything like that.

Trying not to tic is like trying not to blink. The longer you hold it the more uncomfortable it gets. Tourettes has had me hospitalised, sedated, years of medications and procedures. Broken bones, constant bruises, aches, pains, unable to sleep, abuse from strangers frequently.

Please tell me which part of this is funny.
I'm sorry if this seems irrational. I can usually talk and educate in a calm way but some of the things iv read on here just make me feel like a sub human. My body is tired and iv just about had enough.

Where's people compassion? I hate that people's kids with TS may have all this to come sad

If 2 hours of slight disruption is the biggest problem in some people's lives they should be very, very grateful.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 23:21:35

Why oh why cant posters see that saying they would ask for a refund because of the noises that other posters kids made is horrible to read and pretty mean spirited to post. <head desk>

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Tue 10-Sep-13 23:21:41

Harrin that's disgusting. sad What a lesson to teach the little girl. sad

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 23:24:18

Toomuch..sorry you had to read this. Some people have no tact or shame or thought for anyone other than themselves

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 23:25:12

Exactly, Fanjo.

So what there's a bit of noise or whatever it's hardly the end of the world and I'd bet my bottom dollar that people don't sit in silence if they watch a film at home.

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 23:26:37

Oh TooMuch I'm so sorry you've come on here and read this shit sad

Thankfully it's in the minority, and there's been a tonne of support as well, unfortunately it's only vile posts that stand out for their sheer abhorrence.

I'm so sad to think you haven't experienced things like theatre trips etc because of the way other people may react, and it does make me worry for my boys, but I live in hope that if we keep talking, keep educating, that one day, it'll turn around.

flowers and an un-mumsnetty hug for you

Toomuch2young Tue 10-Sep-13 23:28:53

Thanks Fanjo, I suppose the good point is the equal number of good, kind people who show understanding. I think those of us touched by disability and difference have much more understanding of others.
I'm lucky also to have friends who can see past the tics.
Mustn't get so emotional over MN threads sad

Toomuch2young Tue 10-Sep-13 23:32:24

Thanks allthatglistens I really hope things improve, i often think they are and people are getting more educated and understanding. I think us ticcers are quite resilient and good humoured generally. But then just takes one idiot person, ill thought out joke, or crappy posts on mumsnet and it feels gutting all over again!

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Tue 10-Sep-13 23:36:41

I can't deal with the 'reasoned prejudice' that people display on here, and in real life.

Its all around me, everything I try and do, try and arrange, 9/10 times it will be made so hard that I have to make myself ill trying to persevere, and I have to keep on trying because I cannot let this society leave me isolated, locked up and pathetically grateful for any tiny crumb thrown at me.

Everything is so fuvking hard, and it's relentless. Most nights, I wish I was dead, as that's the only way things will ever stop being such a battle - but I have to carry on for my little boy. So I get up and do it all again the next day.

Being disabled is so fuckkng hard. And threads like this make it even harder. Mumsnet has been a lifeline for me, and yet I never know if I'm going to get understanding or cruelty and derision. Asked for help a few weeks ago on one of the boards, people couldn't pile in fast enough to tear me apart...

Life is so unutterably grinding, and I'm sorry to drag my baggage in, but that's what people need to understand... That life is HARD, everything they take for granted we have to FIGHT for, so when you are cross or feel somehow badly done to by having to have a disabled person be in your presence, being all disabled and stuff... Maybe you should think what your reaction does to that person, a person who has probably had to ensure negative reactions so many times a day.

FanjoForTheMammaries Tue 10-Sep-13 23:40:22

Double sorry you wish you were dead.

Seriously, PM me any time you want a listening ear x

YouTheCat Tue 10-Sep-13 23:45:36

Double, that is so shitty.

Why do people treat other human beings so bloody badly? angry

FreudiansSlipper Tue 10-Sep-13 23:46:00

I am so sorry you feel that way Double

its not fair and i hope that at least one person changes their way of thinking after reading your post

AllThatGlistens Tue 10-Sep-13 23:49:12

flowers again for you toomuch and for you too double

Naive of me, but I wish I could believe the people that posted their ill thought out, ignorant bile on here today could read your responses and actually stop to think, just once about you, and others who live with this reality every day.

It's all to easy to judge when you have no experience of disability and how utterly exhausting it is for the person afflicted and the people that love them, who want to do anything possible to help take some of the pain away.

I'd give anything, the last penny I had or the last drop of blood in my body for my boys not to have to live with this crap, but they do, and I have to do everything I can to help them in every way possible.

So, I try to believe that perhaps one person has read this, and the real, valid experiences of the people who've posted about how difficult it is, and feel some iota of shame, or realisation about the hardships people face every day. sad

Thankfully, for every idiot that's posted, there's been a lot that have responded with huge amounts of support. I hope that's helped take a tiny bit of the sting away, not that you should ever have had to have read it in the first place sad

Fuck me, I've heard it all now.

Special screenings and people feeling cheated because they spent some ££ at the cinema and they were disturbed by someone with a disability?

Jesus - In what world would this be acceptable?

Some of the dialogue here makes me hang my head in shame for being part of such an intolerent, cruel society.

I'd ask for a refund. I'd expect someone shouting abuse to be removed so I could watch my film. I'd hope the other guy would ask for a refund too so he could go see the bits he missed.

But my local never removes the irritating half drunk loud idiots who giggle and talk loudly.

Toomuch2young Wed 11-Sep-13 07:22:52

wheresmycaffeine oh goodness, is a lot more to Tourette syndrome than 'shouting abuse'. I hope your DC never develop a condition which makes them have actions or vocalisations they cannot control. People with coprolalia (the swearing part of TS - only 10% of us with TS) we don't just 'shout abuse' and it would of been illegal for the cinema to remove the man for his disability.

Bein compared to 'drunk loud idiots' for a neurological condition is beyond offensive and you should be ashamed of your ignorance. I suggest you read some of the above posts.

I was talking about the nasty man who shouted not the poor guy. I hope he'd ask for a refund too.

Toomuch2young Wed 11-Sep-13 07:27:30

In that case please accept my apologies for the misunderstood

MrsDeVere Wed 11-Sep-13 07:32:50

Doesn't it make you glad you took the plunge and included your child in the 'This is my child' campaign?

NO. It really doesn't. It makes me wonder why I fucking bothered.

Toomuch2young Wed 11-Sep-13 07:36:15

Because mrsdv for every time we educate someone that's hopefully one less person whose going to be ignorant and narrow minded.

It just seems like a long fight doesn't it x

Although to be honest, the level of shouting and abuse tolerated in establishments towards staff and other people is quite high. I've never worked in a cinema but my friend has, I've worked in other customer facing jobs, and what money seems to pay for is quite disturbing. And the more they spend the more they allow off a person.

She's been called all sorts
I've been called all sorts
Customers have been called all sorts, but still they are allowed through the doors. Guess that explains why no one thinks anything of one or two customers being offensive.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 07:47:13

Glad didn't tbh.

Got a mail from MNHQ which basically said although its not nice to read people dont like the noise ( from disabled people) it's not disablism and not deletable.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 07:48:28

So a real firm stance is being taken on making people and their children with disabilities feel supported and welcome here.

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 07:49:39

Well I don't like the noise from twats.

How is it not disabilism if someone can't help making a noise due to their disability?

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 07:51:45

Apparently it only is if they say people with disabilities shouldn't attend.

Bit they can complain hmm

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 07:55:14

"We understand that this sort of thread must be extremely frustrating to read at time. We do think there is a distinction between saying that you'd be annoyed at being disturbed at the cinema, and saying that people with disabilities shouldn't go the cinema, though obviously there are many shades of grey between this."

And the 'noise in the cinema' referred to in thr post I had reported was from someone unable to help it because of their disability

I will probably get deleted. But I was very shocked in light of recent campaign.

lisad123everybodydancenow Wed 11-Sep-13 08:02:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 08:03:07

But surely if you complain about the noise from someone with a disability that is because of their disability then that would imply that you don't think they should be there? confused

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 08:08:21

Well I thought that Youthe

DownstairsMixUp Wed 11-Sep-13 08:16:55

How sad some of the attitudes on here. Of course it must be a bit meh if you are in a screening with someone with tourettes but imagine what it's like living with it, being thought of the way some of the posters here think of them, that makes me sad. If it REALLY bothered me that much (but it wouldn't) I'd just ask for a refund and a different showing. No big deal.

Also it isn't just as annoying as chatting teens, or people on their phones etc, this person can't control it. I sooner get peed off with the people scoffing popcorn like pigs with their mouths open making a racket than with someone suffering something like tourettes!

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 08:21:50

Mentioning asking for refunds is not the best attitude either sad

usualsuspect Wed 11-Sep-13 08:25:31

I don't think so either,Fanjo.

I can't imagine why any one would think it was acceptable to ask for a refund.

Wuxiapian Wed 11-Sep-13 08:36:49

I would be embarrassed to ask or a refund!

But isn't that the problem? People don't say anything.?

Surely staff should have done something about the man who yelled! Where were the free drinks/snacks for the Tourette's guy and his family. Or the seat upgrades. ?

That would have been the decent thing to do surely. That's the real problem. That its become normal for people to see someone yelling or swearing at someone and not do or say anything.

I mean I've had customers be nasty to me but been made to continue to serve them. They were only barred when they committed a more serious offence.

Otherwise what's the point of all these "staff will not tolerate abuse offenders will be asked to leave" signs if nothing actually happens.

DownstairsMixUp Wed 11-Sep-13 08:46:59

Of course it isn't - and as i stated, I wouldn't personally do it, as something like that would not bother me. But have to face facts that there ARE still people that would get the hump (like shouty man) and if it does bother them that much, well, just leave the cinema and explain the situation rather than choose to be horrible to someone in the cinema. :/

lottieandmia Wed 11-Sep-13 08:49:23

I'm glad to see the disablist posts have been deleted before I got a chance to read them.

Weller Wed 11-Sep-13 09:02:41

I am hoping that those who have said they would leave and ask for a refund it is because they have not found themselves in this situation. I am sure some of those poster would not stand, grab their bags and coat and leave en masse because a disabled person is in their presence. Of course some would but again I hope some have just not thought it through.

AvonCallingBarksdale Wed 11-Sep-13 09:04:44

Anyone who's honestly saying they would ask for a refund/be pissed off at someone making involuntary noises needs to step back a minute and think. How would you reflect upon your behaviour that day? "Ah, yes, I went to see a film and 2 hours of my life was slightly disrupted by a disabled person making noises that, for some reason, irritated me more than the constant crunching, munching and lunching that usually goes on in the cinema. So I told the disabled person to be quiet/complained/asked for a refund. Go me! hmm Only now, looking back I feel like a total shit for having so little understanding and compassion."

Writerwannabe83 Wed 11-Sep-13 09:16:26

I think it is just one of those situations where people will have different views of it. Anybody with Tourette's has the right to be in the cinema, absolutely, but other viewers also have the right to be able to watch and enjoy the film. I think if there was lots of noise and disruption from a person with Tourette's it wouldn't be the cause that that might annoy some people (I.e his disability) but just the fact that it would make it harder for them to focus on the film, which obviously they really want to watch. I would really hope people would be compassionate and understand that it isn't the person with Tourettes fault, but compassion doesn't mean they wouldn't feel a bit hmm. I think that the man in the original thread who did the screaming was just disgusting and I can't believe that someone would actually do that - he should have been thrown out!

People have said that if their enjoyment/experience was too badly affected by the disruptions they would just come back and watch ianother showing, and I can understand why some may choose that route as a muchs better option that shouting and causing humiliation to the person with Tourettes. I wouldn't ask for a refund though because that would imply that the Cinema were in some way at fault - which obviously they aren't as like I said, anybody has the right to enter a cinema regardless of any disability.

I have never met anybody with Tourettes but I imagine there must be certain degrees of it and I can't imagine that somebody who has the condition would actually be able to cause enough noise to completely ruin (in some people's view) a showing? I have seen other posters talk about tics being intermittent and that they can settle down etc so I can't see that for 2 hours straight (or however long the film might be) a viewer would be disturbed? But like I said, I don't know much about the condition and am happy to be enlightened.

The whole scenario in the original thread is just dire really and hopefully karma will bite that man in the bum. I would never wish ill health on anybody but maybe a dose of nasty public humiliation for him might help him re-think his ways. I wonder who he was at the cinema with, can you imagine how disgusted you would feel to be associated with him?! Unless they had the same vile atittude of course. It is just sad to think that a person could be so, so nasty and purposefully hurtful to another!

MorrisZapp Wed 11-Sep-13 09:19:37

I don't go to multiplex cinemas, because I can't stand the constant noise intrusion from others, ie the munching, crunching, phone use etc mentioned by many on here.

I only go to smaller, art house type cinemas where people care about film and treat each other with respect. This probably makes me sound like a wanker but I'm too old to sit silently fuming at other people's rude behaviour, and DP gets embarrassed when I tell people to be quiet etc.

If I heard vocal tics etc during a film it would ruin it for me as it would distract from what I was watching and listening to. I might decide to leave and come back another time. Everybody has the right to go to cinemas, and everybody has the right to decide that they'd rather come back another time if they aren't able to enjoy the film for whatever reason.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:23:41

Why do you feel the need to say you'd have to leave the film on here though, knowing someone with Tourettes is posting on thread and has been pretty hurt by it?

Just don't know why people are feeling the need to say this, whether it's their "right" or not.

What happened to tact.

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 09:26:05

I wouldn't feel bad about asking for a refund. I wouldn't ask the disabled person would I? Id ask the management. Id leave as soon as I realised I wasn't going to be able to enjoy the film and ask for a new ticket at another showing.

The same as if the noise was from kids or poor quality speakers or anything.

Doesn't mean I have no compassion for disabled people. I actually feel very sorry for them (but apparently they don't like that)

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:27:25

Lovely thoughtful post there.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:30:28

So nice for people affected by disability in themselves or their children to read that people will be leaving if they go to the cinema and secretly asking for refunds.

I feel more.sorry for you, if you can't see why your post is wrong.

Writerwannabe83 Wed 11-Sep-13 09:31:24

But isn't the point of a discussion for people to be honest with their thoughts and try and explain themselves? Why discuss such a subject if certain people aren't allowed to voice how they feel?

Not one person has said they would leave the Cinema just because the man was disabled, they said they would leave because they'd struggle to to hear and concentrate on the film.

If someone isn't enjoying being at the cinema because they can't hear the film then why shouldn't they be allowed to come back and watch it another time? It isn't like they are saying, "I'm not staying here because someone disabled is in the room" - I.e they have just seen a person in a wheelchair and just walked out. They have said they would leave because their viewing experience was being effected. I think one point being made is that even if there is a genuine reason for the disruption that doesn't mean they shouldn't have the right to be able to return at another time if they do wish?

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 09:32:55

Yes, what did happen to tact??

Why is it ok to call someone an ignorant twat void of compassion for having a different opinion to you?

Oh yes, you are trying to educate

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:33:55

No. Sometimes there is more need for decency and tact than honesty.

Especially when some posters have talked about wanting to die and feeling they cant go out.

Can't believe I have to actually say that.

MorrisZapp Wed 11-Sep-13 09:34:38

I suppose I felt the need to say it because this is an open forum, and people who leave cinemas because of distractions are being called shits, vile etc. I don't think I'm vile or a shit.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:34:46

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:36:18

Well I havent called anyone terms of abuse

I do think it's awful to post such things but yes it's am open forum so go you and have your say..never mind if it hurts people.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:37:22

As long as you assert that right to leave the cinema, thats what counts. It must be a real issue for you.

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 09:38:19

You are making an issue where there isn't one. Everyone has agreed that OP WNBU and that the guy was very rude.

Lots of people say they would inconvenience themselves by leaving the cinema rather than expecting the disabled person to. But that's terrible too, according to you.

Would it be OK to leave and NOT ask for a refund?

MorrisZapp Wed 11-Sep-13 09:39:53

What strokey said.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:41:04

IMO there is an issue if such posts are making people very hurt and upset and wanting to die.

Bottom line.

Weller Wed 11-Sep-13 09:41:52

I could not imagine a life when people would purposely move away because I was a distraction in their lives, I would even find that more hurtful than the rude comments. Do people believe the person with Tourette's will not notice people leaving.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:43:51

What Weller said.

A lot of people have been very hurt by these posts about leaving.

It is either disingenous, deluded or just insensitive to call it a non issue.

Writerwannabe83 Wed 11-Sep-13 09:44:26

In my past I've had horrible things said and done to me because of my epilepsy. I've had boyfriends leave me because of it and long term friends distance themselves from me because of it - to which they admitted was because of my condition and now knowing how to cope with it. I've been turned away from Universities because of it, I've had the right to be in my career judged because of it, I have people refuse to get in cars with me, and I've had people tell me that I shouldn't be around children. And that's just the start. I've lived with people's opinions for 14 years now and although yes, some of the, have really hurt me, I understand that their 'views' simply come through lack of knowledge about the condition and the fact that they don't know what it's like to live with the condition - the latter they can't help. I'm very fortunate that my condition is hidden so thankfully I don't have to live with people's judgement 24/7 and I really feel for people who don't have that option. What the previous poster said about how she wants to die was very upsetting and hopefully a bit of an eye opener.

People who don't have to contend with health problems every day of their life will never know how lonely it can make you and they can never understand that sadness of being made to feel different which It is awful. I think I hold on to this thought when people express their 'views' on me as it makes it easier for me to be more tolerant. I listen to them, try and educate them and then walk away.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:44:28

Have said my piece.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:46:01

Yes it's healthy to walk away writer..I will try to do so thanks

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 09:52:31

You are NOT educating at all. You are doing NOTHING for disablism.

You are winding people up and accusing them of things they have no intention of.

That has the opposite affect, I promise.

If someone is genuinely void of compassion, they you being sarcy and sad face all over the place isn't going to make a difference.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 09:56:12

Yes I can see it has no effect strokey.

I wasnt actually trying to educate in fact.

As I know already there is no you said.

hackmum Wed 11-Sep-13 09:57:21

Several years ago I went to see a National Theatre production of Under Milk Wood. Seats were quite expensive. The play was marred for me by the fact that the woman next to me kept whispering to her husband throughout. I turned to her after a bit and said, "Would you mind not talking?" She said, "My husband's blind and I'm explaining to him what's going on." I felt crap, of course - who wouldn't? - but it doesn't alter the fact that having someone whispering throughout a performance is incredibly irritating.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 10:01:31

Hackmum..but you got over it?

I love the fact strokey is banging on about my sarcy and sad face not being educational. .if people saying they dying doesn't move you then why on earth would I bother trying to educate you with a sad face. A lost cause.

Off to do something productive.

DownstairsMixUp Wed 11-Sep-13 10:01:44

Well everyone is entitled to their opinion. You can leave the cinema whenever you like and obviously people will notice but I wouldn't assume I knew why they'd left. I have walked out twice once because I felt I'll and second time the movie was terrible! The first time there was really loud kids as It was harry potter (yes I'm a big kid) I certainly didn't leave because of them I was just Ill. You can certainly remove yourself from situations without making it obvious why you are leaving I think.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 10:03:00

Keep on the fight for the right to moan about the involuntary behaviour of those with disabilities and make them feel important fight

MorrisZapp Wed 11-Sep-13 10:06:13

Not one person has moaned about the noise made by other peoples involuntary behaviour.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 10:07:18

Saying youd be irritated and leave =moaning.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 10:08:29

This is pointless. .am out. More important things to do.

MorrisZapp Wed 11-Sep-13 10:09:38

I've left the cinema many times, for many reasons. My friend left once because a man tried to wank on her hair! I've left because the film was crap, because I felt ill, etc etc. I've always left silently and with as little disruption to others as possible. I don't think anybody notices or cares. For all they know, I'm just nipping to the loo anyway.

I've never seen staff at my local ever deal with anyone. They are pretty much all kids working and there always seems to be irritating people who play on their phones talk all through the film, giggle or throw popcorn at each other. And never has a word been said by staff.

Would be interesting to know what company policies are with regards to behaviour in the screens. I mean there's no way it should have been allowed for someone to verbally abuse another customer. That's partly why my friend left because of the complete lack of training and the fact that no one cared about any thing.

Are staff even trained to deal with difficult customers or given any kind of security back up.

SusanneLinder Wed 11-Sep-13 10:33:39

I am a support worker and take a disabled gentleman out to the cinema every week. He has poor walking and communication skills. He generally is very quiet in the cinema but occasionally shouts at the cinema, or sings to a soundtrack he likes grin. I touch his arm to remind him if he is getting too loud, and he knows to be quiet. He has been subject to stares and eye rolling, had popcorn and ice cubes chucked at him. Usually by people making more noise than him with popcorn munching. angry

Personally, I accept that if you have a cinema full of people, there is going to be noise on some level.If you accept that, you will be less annoyed. If you want total silence, then wait for DVD and watch on your own when family is out.

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 10:36:44

Oh get off your pedestal Strokey, you got a post deleted yesterday for saying that if you had a child with disabilities that made lots of noise you wouldn't take them to cinemas or public recitals etc!

Don't be so fucking condescending, enough people read your post before Mumsnet deleted you for being disablist.

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 10:37:24

Yes, Morris, they did, and the posts were deleted.

The comments were made though.

MrBloomsMarrow Wed 11-Sep-13 10:44:04

If I remember rightly, This is my child came about as a result of a similar thread where the OP was complaining about a child with SN spoiling her enjoyment of a panto. I think it was kungfupanda who made some extremely eloquent posts. The gist of it was that, if someone has a disability that may be disruptive to "normal" people and the normal people insist on their right not to have their experience disrupted, it means that in reality disabled people will never be able to attend mainstream cinemas or theatres as they are massively outnumbered.That's the reality. I think she spoke about "donating time" to ensure that disabled people are truly included and not just tolerated as long as they don't annoy anyone. FWIW, it did actually really make me think very hard and made me realise that I'm not actually as tolerant as I thought I was.
And for those of you talking about leaving and asking for a refund, that's your right but suppose everyone did that? The reality would be everyone walking out and leaving the man with Tourette's on his own. Bet that'd make him feel great.

See I don't think people would really ask for a refund purely because of that one man who no one really would have even noticed a few mins into the film.

Any disruption to that film showing would have been caused by a complete lack of staff doing their job to ensure all cinema customers had a good experience. By allowing that man to shout at the poor guy , not only would it have upset and made the tics worse he also drew everyone's attention to it, and anyone who agreed was given carte Blanche to mumble and moan amongst themselves ensuring a group of wound up angry people. That's what caused any disruption and any reason to ask for a refund.

The situation was perfectly manageable with no disruption. Removal of the nasty man, and of anyone else being abusive and disruptive.

hazeyjane Wed 11-Sep-13 11:00:52

I actually feel very sorry for them (but apparently they don't like that)

Fuck. That. Attitude.


AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 11:03:52

Strokey seems to make quite a few controversial comments.

And despite what he/she thinks, none of us are bothering trying to educate Strokey, I think there's more than enough posters reading the posts to be able to form their own opinions and draw their own conclusions wink

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 11:23:21

That's my point, it gets peoples backs up being called all sorts of names.

Its not going to make many people change their points of view though.

Its just you venting. Boring.

WombatCat Wed 11-Sep-13 11:23:37

I would like again to apologise to those who have been distressed by this thread. I feel somewhat responsible as I posted it in the first place.

I suppose it depends if he had any idea that the guy could not control his tics.

My father (who is a complete arse) would not know what Tourette's was or a tic if it bit him on the end of the nose and would automatically think it was someone being stupid.

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 11:33:37

Well absolutely strokey I think most of us are aware that there are some people out there that don't wish to be educated or have their opinions changed, which is absolutely their right, as you've highlighted so beautifully.

Womba you haven't done anything wrong at all, if anything it's helped to raise the profile of the campaign a little flowers

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Wed 11-Sep-13 11:53:40

Genuine question (as in, wanting to learn here sort of question.) DS1 is disabled but you can 'tell' by looking at him so people stay away. Sad but true. sad

He doesn't tic etc so I want to ask, and I don't know how to be polite so I just will.

If I were sitting with someone with involuntary tics and they slapped/kicked/hugged me and my MH issues went off, does that make me disablist? confused I know that sounds like a stupid question but it's the only situation I can imagine being nervous around a disabled person. (Due to my own disabilities and fear of being touched.)

Also to ask a second question, if a blue moon happened and I was say kicked/hugged by someone with tics: What is the right response?

I want my sweet boy to be accepted, and I want others and their children to be accepted too. I just know I'd probably become very frightened in this scenario so am rambling and asking for a virtual 'head's up' for something that will most likely never happen. blush

Marne Wed 11-Sep-13 12:02:15

The bloke was nasty but on the other hand I can see how it would be annoying after paying so much to see a film, couldn't he have moved further away from the man instead of having a go?

My dd has ASD and does have tic's, will screech, shout out random things and I have never taken her to the cinema (tbh she has never asked to go) but I would like to think she could go if she wanted to.

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 12:07:33

Good q specialagent, I think the key here is that everyone with Tourette's is so completely different!

Motor tics vary drastically, I can only give you personal experience of my DS.

He doesn't touch anyone, but when he is over-stimulated, excited or stressed (so watching a new, exciting film is actually a v good example), he will involuntarily fling his arms and legs out and jump to his feet, accompanied by snorts and grunts and head jerks.

He has the mental capacity of a 6yo and would apologise if he had accidentally hit someone whilst his tics were active, and I will briefly explain the situation and naturally check the person was ok.

Thankfully that particular situation hasn't arisen yet but I'm fully prepared for when it does.

I've also tried v hard to prepare my DS that inevitably some people will not understand, and will judge, point and stare, but I'd hope that the majority of people would understand.

I also pre-empt situations by pre warning people that my DS is likely to start to tic if he is stressed or emotionally aroused, the majority of people are curious but accepting, and so far I feel we've been very lucky in that respect. smile

PartyOrganisor Wed 11-Sep-13 12:07:47

stroke you are totally right when you say
* it gets peoples backs up being called all sorts of names*

No one likes to be called names.

The thing is though, the people on this thread who have been very vocal are parents of disabled children who are called names on a very regular basis because of their child's condition. Parents and their children who get looks and side comments about their dcs on a very regular basis.
So yes it does get their back up to read that people would want to get a refund because what they read (and I have to say that's what I read too) was:
that person who has some SN is annoying me and that's not OK. So I am asking a refund because I have been annoyed and I deserve to watch my film in the 'acceptable environment of a cinema' ie one where noise of people eating popcorn is acceptable but the grunts of a person with Tourette isn't.
If you take that point to the end, it also says that it would be on part with bad acoustic or 'antisocial behaviour' such as a group of people making lost of noise and being a nuisance. But is it? Is it comparable?

In both cases though, the cinema would then take measures to avoid that as it would have some influence on their reputation + how much money they make. It would be seen as the cinema responsibility.
But what is the cinema suppose to do? Refuse entrance to someone with SN because of the disturbance, not because of the SN of course not. But because they are disturbing other viewers.
Would that be the right thing to do?

Imho, the cinema IS a public place. You are bound to meet people from different walks of life. You are bound to meet people who will behave in a way that annoys you. And not just people with SN.
So I tend to think that the best way to deal with it is to change my behaviour, my expectations and work on my compassion and patience because I will meet people (or their behaviours) who I find annoying all the time. Works so much better that way smile

Having said all that, it doesn't excuse name calling from any 'camp'.
But it does explain why some people have such a short trigger.
And why they DO need to be venting from all the hardships they have.

PartyOrganisor Wed 11-Sep-13 12:13:42

No it wouldn't be disabilist because you couldn't control your fear of being touched anymore than the person could control his tics.

That's an issue of meeting the needs of 2 people with some particular needs. That's all.

I like AllThat approach. By letting people know, if someone has some genuine issues such as yours, they can take action before it goes out of hand.

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 12:20:30

Well, it works both ways doesn't it? smile

I want my DS to be treated well and likewise for others, if he accidentally hurt someone (it'd have to be in a confined space but it could happen) and I hadn't warned them that he may tic or jerk, which is with rapid, uncontrolled movements so can be painful if he caught you!

Then that would make me responsible and would really distress my DS as well as the other person, and I'd feel terrible.

I will never, ever, apologise for my child's disabilities, but I will always make sure he and others around him are in as safe an environment as possible.

As I said, I haven't encountered this scenario and hopefully won't, we're extremely lucky that he goes to a small, wonderful school where everyone knows him and treats him completely normally, and he has a fantastic support network.

The wider world is a huge worry we have yet to attempt to conquer, we'll hit that hurdle as he gets older I guess and hope we've prepared him enough confused

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 12:33:19

I have not read all of this thread (410!!!) but would like to add that there are screenings that accomodate special needs such as Autistic screenings where it is more acceptable to make such noise and also HOH (Hard of Hearing) screenings which are normal screenings but have subtitles, so majority of audience are hearing impaired and therefore would not be "bothered" by his uncontrollable outbursts. The cinema should be inclusive of everyone and a certain level of tolerance MUST be shown towards people you are unintentionally distracting you from the screen due to uncontrollable disabilities, although i understand that with the inflated ticket prices nowadays it is annoying to have your "treat day" interupted.

Fleta Wed 11-Sep-13 12:38:27


where are you based? Im producing a concert soon and you'd be more than welcome. It's going to be noisy with audience participation so you wouldn't need to worry for a minute you were spoiling if for anyone

(I hope you don't think I'm being patronising - just I love theatre and want everyone to be able to see it)

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 12:47:23


With respect..the special autism showings are not to segregate people with autism to somewhere its more acceptable to make noise but have lower sound and dim lighting etc.

It is not acceptable to suggest the man with Tourettes goes to a hearing impaired showing so people can't hear his noise.

Seriously can't believe you suggested that.

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 12:56:54

Oh lord..

So is that where I've been going wrong? I should be taking DS to hearing impaired screenings now?

Honestly, I'm just having to laugh at the absurdity grin

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 13:01:24

HOH screenings are absolutely no different to standard screenings, but the people attending them are often more tolerant towards people with disabilities and also they tend to be less busy. I personally love attending these as i like the subtitles - Did not mean to sound patronising at all

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 13:02:39

I appreciate your polite reply party

Telling people they are cruel/twats/disablist if they choose to leave a film that they aren't enjoying is making things WORSE for disabled people.

Its fine to want inclusion, but that cant extend to expecting someone to remain seated throughout the film in order not to upset any disabled person.

That's more than most people are willing to do in my opinion, and by asking (especially in the rude way some are) is going to make people lose patience.

Fontofnowt Wed 11-Sep-13 13:05:40

I have uncontrollable motor tics.
I'm 30+ and have developed many ways to avoid my tics being forced on others, I don't use public transport etc.
If I go somewhere like a cinema I would try my best to sit at the end of a row with my pal beside me so it doesn't affect anyone else but if that wasn't possible, the cinema is packed and I'm shoehorned in beside some NT's I try and make light of it by saying to the person next to me that I have tics and they may get an unexpected cuddle.
If I were ticking all over and it wasn't settling I would leave.
I also sit in a way that should minimise any risk of a jerky contact.
If it happens despite that I would feel mortified and apologise so, personally speaking, a smile and a laugh from you would be enough to sooth my embarassment and if it were to trigger your MH issues then I would understand.
You likely have your own arsenal of apologies and explainations if you have a bad reaction from physical contact, I would be able to empathise.

Course these youngsters who are learning their specialities won't have as many avoidance techniques yet so more patience and tolerance would be the biggest help.
I could have used some when I was a little 'un smile

usualsuspect Wed 11-Sep-13 13:09:18

You can excuse it any way you like.

But imo if someone's disability annoys you so much you have to leave, then you are disabilist.

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 13:14:10

May i also add that my previous comments were more aimed at people who avoid the cinema as THEY do not want to be in a situation where they are embarassed by doing something to annoy other cinema goers or avoid cinema going as they worry about how their actions will be percieved and tolerated by others. I was simply stating that certain screenings are in place at most theatres to cater for people with disabilities and that by attending these screenings they could relax and enjoy a movie in the theatre in a more tolerant enviroment without having to deal with people like the arse-hole mentioned by the OP. I am NOT saying they should be excluded from standard screenings but merely stating that there are options to view movies, should they so wish, in a more tolerant enviroment.

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 13:17:50

I understand what you're saying 2ndry but we could continue in a vicious circle like that forever unless we work to change attitudes.

If someone with disabilities wants to attend the specialist screenings, that's great, if they don't, they shouldn't have to, and shouldn't have to worry about idiots being intolerant either.

That's what needs to change.

Awomansworth Wed 11-Sep-13 13:18:29

usual Very true...

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 13:28:51

The thing is most disabilites would not affect the enjoyment of other cinema goers, somebody making persistant loud noises, whether they are deliberate or not, would ruin the enjoyment for other cinema goers. Even if you realised they were involentary and were tolerant, as i predict a good majority of people are, you would still be distracted and your enjoyment of the movie altered. Fact. If I paid £16 to go and see a movie and was distracted the whole time by someone making lots of noise, be it by distrepectful cinema goers or a disabled person I would not enjoy the movie to the same extent. I would be tolerant of the latter of course, but it would still distract and annoy me.

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 13:32:24

What Im saying is I don't have to apologise for leaving. Or excuse it. Doesn't make me disablist, as it has nothing to do with the disabled person. It could be any audio disturbances

You are saying that I should not leave the cinema even though I might want to, incase it offends a disabled person. Thats asking too much Im afraid.

usualsuspect Wed 11-Sep-13 13:34:54

I think you should leave ,yes,one less intolerant person in the cinema is a good thing.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 13:35:05

le sigh

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 13:38:52

Would you sit there and not move if a baby was screaming their head of in the seat next to you for the whole movie? Wonder how tolerant you would all be then.....Would you be "ageist" to move or not want to sit there? Their noise is also involuntary.....

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 13:39:10

Well unfortunately 2ndry, I'm not prepared to segregate my child because he has a disability that may annoy others.

Heaven forbid they'd ever have to walk a mile in my little boys shoes.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 13:39:13

le sigh again

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 13:40:51

Your argument makes no sense. A baby can be soothed, although I'm not sure why someone would take a young baby to a cinema confused

A disability is not something that can ever go away. Tourette's is involuntary and uncontrollable.

usualsuspect Wed 11-Sep-13 13:42:21

If they don't get it ,fanjo, they don't get it.

You can try and educate politely or otherwise , won't make any difference.

The excuses just keep on coming.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 13:42:54

so true usual. I have run out of words to say to them lol

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 13:43:17

Have to say though usual, it's giving me a whole new level of education in ignorance grin

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 13:43:37

just hope they are showing themselves up without any help from us grin

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 13:47:09

Well.... I do think some of the posters on here have done a stirling job of showing why the campaign was so badly needed, intentionally or not grin

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 13:47:52

I was simply stating that any kind of persistant noise in an enviroment where it is customary and expected to sit in near-silence is distracting. Kids screenings you expect a fair amount of noise, but for adult or late night screenings you just dont. It's not about being intolerant, its about having your enjoyment of a film spoilt through distraction, be it from a person with or without a disability, makes no differntce to the the distraction it creates. It's not being intolerant, you can be the most tolerant person in the world, but the cinema is a place where noise is not acceptable.

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 13:48:27

I guarantee you that because of the bizarre reactions and unreasonable expectations of some people on this thread, there will be some who are decidedly LESS tolerant than they were before reading it. Myself included.

You are doing your cause no favours at all. But Im not sure if you genuinely care about attitudes, or just love an excuse to feel self righteous/hard done by.

Fanjo...weren't you going to... go??

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 13:49:02

i did go, and do other stuff, for several hours, strokey, but thanks for asking

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 13:49:52

wow, you will be LESS tolerant. wow.

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 13:50:21

Ahhh I see smile

So people who munch away on food loudly, use their mobiles, teenagers chattering, someone with an uncontrollable cough or sneezing fit, or someone with a disability that may have verbal tics/ make noises all need to just not go then?

Gosh, you'd almost be better off just staying at home..

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 13:51:55

maybe next time strokey will act like the guy in the OP, rather than just leaving in disgust and/or asking for a refund, just because we asked people to stop making people with disabilities feel unwelcome in the cinema.

Oh no, what have we done.

littlemisswise Wed 11-Sep-13 13:52:55

I am so glad I have brought my DC up to be considerate and tolerant human beings.

I dread to think what some of you are teaching your children. Do any of them have children with special needs in their classes? Are you teaching them that it's OK to be intolerant of them too?

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 13:53:15

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AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 13:53:50

Ahhh Strokey how will the world manage now that you've announced you're going to be even more intolerant of disabilities?

Such a logical, reasoned response, that the angry replies from parents of disabled children would naturally cause a person to become even more intolerant of disabilities.

Best not upset Strokey anymore ladies grin

Debs75 Wed 11-Sep-13 13:54:11

2ndry the 'special' screenings are not a segregation tool they are they so people with ASD can watch a film with quieter soundtrack and in a lighter theatre. This can help reduce their anxiety. With their anxiety reduced they are more likely to enjoy the film. It is in no way intended to be so their behaviour doesn't impair others enjoyment of the cinema.

Also special screenings are usually day time so an adult with Tourette's out with a group of friends may not be able to access them

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 13:54:59

Well unfortunately for you 2ndry, and luckily for my son, there is such a thing called the Equality Act that protects my child from disablist attitudes like that.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 13:55:20

bingo, 2ndry just said people with disabilities shouldnt go to cinema out of consideration for others. I do believe that meets MNHQs new stringent definition of disablism and should now be deleted.

On the flip side surely if no one leaves or complains then that's worse? I'm not talking about complaining about people im talking about complaining how things were (or werent) handled.

No one removed the abusive customer. Surely he should have at very least been asked to be quiet and apologise.

No one did anything to help the Tourette's guy. They left him in the same seat/next to or near the guy who had yelled at him. Cinemas are rarely that full. Half the sears have bags or rubbish dumped on them. Him and his family could have been given better seats with more leg room so he could be more comfortable. Or given free tickets etc by way of an apology.

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 13:56:52

Gotta love 'em, haven't you Fanjo? grin

Or maybe just show them the pity we feel?

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 13:57:32

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FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 13:57:58

yes..a few posts ago 2ndry was advocating tolerance and compassion..such a rapid turnaround.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 13:58:24

Well I can't speak for Fanjo, but I'd imagine she'd relax a little more knowing her DC have a better world to live in grin

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 13:58:56

yes..I'd enjoy my usual life without being fucked off at arseholes occasionally tbh

littlemisswise Wed 11-Sep-13 13:59:05

It won't be though, Fanjo. It'll be classed as her opinion and be allowed to stay!angry

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 14:02:21

I have 2 severily disabled children, 1 wheelchair bound (9) and 1 who is deaf with SN (16) and he often makes loud noises and sounds - Which is why if you read through my other posts on this thread i suggest HOH screenings as the tolerance of other cinema goers is much higher and i am not distracting people there and can relax and enjoy the movie without worrying that arse-holes like the man in the OP making comments or doing the usual "tutting"

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 14:02:28

Ah well, if it stands, it's a perfect example of the prejudice and discrimination disabled people everywhere face, illustrates it beautifully.

Really highlighting the campaign well!

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 14:02:40

well, you would hope not, but it wouldn't surprise me with the disappointing lacklustre response to this thread by MNHQ tbh.

Weller Wed 11-Sep-13 14:03:07

How must some of this read for a person with Tourette's? inclusion takes all member of society. obviously some of the people who have posted have never been made to feel so small by a person comment/ glance or leaving/ moving away from them because of their or a loved ones disability. It tends to leave you with a sod it attitude.

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 14:04:05

People with disabilities should not be segregated unless they choose to attend specialist screenings!

If they don't want to, why should they have to put up with intolerance??

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 14:04:25, now you tell us hmm

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 14:04:28

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2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 14:04:58

I specifically stated that no persons should be excluded from any screenings, i just don't think you have read my posts properly but i am also of the opinion that noone should be expected not to be bothered by persistant noise in an enviroment where sitting in near silence is expected can be expected not to be bothered by it, be it noisy teenagers or someone with a disability - Your tolerance may differ but the distraction is the same

usualsuspect Wed 11-Sep-13 14:05:09

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FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 14:05:53

yes i agree usual

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 14:07:09

My son has Tourette's. exactly the disability being debated. Are you telling me that he should not attend normal cinema screenings incase his tics start?

Not gonna happen

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 14:08:45

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FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 14:10:13

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FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 14:10:13

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strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 14:10:29

2ndry says it all.

Apparently not ALL parents of children with SN feel the same then. Im relieved.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 14:11:08

how jolly handy.

le sigh,

le merde

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 14:11:14

Oh Strokey you do make me giggle grin

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 14:11:50

No glisten, you take your son. Thats your right, just as its my right to leave if I don't like the level of noise.

HOW can that be wrong???

AllThatGlistens Wed 11-Sep-13 14:12:32

I never, ever said choosing to leave the cinema was wrong, read my posts smile

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 14:19:31

Firstly Fanjo i find your remark extremely insulting, and if you read through all of my posts from message 410 until now you will see that i have not been insulting at all - And if suggesting attending special screenings such as ones for Autism/HOH offends someone then i did apologise for that already, i am simply making people aware that they exist, hence why i said i attended the HOH ones previously, which i do with my son regularly. My son can be noisy as he talks when he signs and is unaware of the volume of his voice, and now being older the tolerance he receives is much more limited than when he was younger. I do expect tolerance, and on the most part he receives it, but i would not want him to be an annoyance to other cinema-goers or to have him approached like the man did in the OP - If he is being hyper and loud I wouldnt take him, it's not appropiate - It is about balance

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 14:23:31

firstly. Nothing. biscuit

PrincessFlirtyPants Wed 11-Sep-13 14:29:08

shock shock shock

There is some very bizarre views still raging on in this thread, I see.

How many more people are going to come along and educate the parents of children with SN that there are screenings they can 'take their DC's to'

Yes, keep them away from the rest of us, that way society can remain ignorant towards those with disabilities hmm lets keep it as them and us, eh?! FFS.

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 11-Sep-13 14:37:51

We understand that tempers are running high, but troll hunting is still against our talk guidelines - if you have doubts about a poster, please do report them to us, and don't bring it up on the thread.

tabulahrasa Wed 11-Sep-13 14:38:35

2ndryschoolmum2010 - if the HOH screenings are useful for your DS that's great, but someone with tourettes doesn't need subtitles and shouldn't have to be finding a screening with a more tolerant audience just so they can go to the cinema.

They should be able to go to any screening that suits them.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 14:40:05

oh we have reported the concerns.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 14:42:51

troll hunting is not allowed. But posts which answer:

"yes out of consideration to people that want to see the film that they paid for without those distractions!" to the question "should people with disablities causing them to make noise stay away from the cinema" are allowed.

Glad that's cleared up then.

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 14:44:25

OK, people with tourettes should be able to go to any screening that suits them. But apparently they will be devastated if people leave.

Why not, for their own sake, go to a HOH screening, where people are less bothered by noise and therefore less likely to cause offence by leaving?

Really, why not? It would be nicer for them that way, no?

You cannot stop people wanting to leave. It will always happen.

Morgause Wed 11-Sep-13 14:45:17

If someone was making too much noise for me to follow the film in a cinema I would leave, no matter who was making the noise. No point in staying if I can't follow the film.

I may well ask the manager if I could stay for the next showing on another screen. Our huge Showcase cinema is rarely full so I think the manager would be ok with that.

IceBeing Wed 11-Sep-13 14:57:52

I want to say thank you to the people forced into the role of educators on this thread. I know you shouldn't have to, and I can't imagine how tiring and demoralizing it must be. But you have 'educated' me and I thank you for it.

I started out reading thinking it was fine for people to leave and get a refund as long as they did it quietly and politely. I don't think that now.

For those people still struggling, maybe the following line of reasoning might help.

Do you think the person in the OP suffering the Tourettes has the right to claim a refund on the basis that his own enjoyment of the film is being wrecked by his own condition?

Presumably people would think that unreasonable....

So the key question is why do you think anyone else has more of a right to enjoy the film uninterrupted than the person suffering the Tourettes?

If he doesn't have the right to a refund then noone else does either.

He gets to decide if it is worth going to the cinema knowing his enjoyment may be compromised by his condition. If he can't face that eventuality then he shouldn't go in the first place.

Everyone else gets to decide if it is worth going to the cinema knowing their own enjoyment may be compromised by someone else's condition. If they can't face that eventuality then they shouldn't go in the first place.

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 15:00:36

My local cinema doesn't have special HoH screenings because every screen is equipped with the facilities for hearing systems.

There is one, child centred autism, showing a month.

I went to the cinema last night. It was quite busy and quite noisy but all of that noise was from munching and slurping. Should I have left in disgust? Or should I be tolerant enough to realise that other people (whether they have disabilities or not) make a fucking noise.

It is so simple. If you can't tolerate other people making a noise, get the dvd and watch at home. That way people with Tourettes and any other slightly noisy disability can watch in the cinema in peace.

He does have a right to a refund though. If his experience was ruined and staff failed to act and didnt compensate in any way then absolutely he should get a refund and I hope he did!!!

usualsuspect Wed 11-Sep-13 15:34:51

I didn't say Strokey was a troll, I said she was goading.

So I have no idea why I was deleted.

Because her posts to Fanjo were goady.

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 15:41:12

I suggest HOH screenings (all films in the UK from all major studios are delivered with AD/HOH files that are compatable with all servers/projectors so cinema's can always play this option, although lower revenue of these screenings puts them off) simply to lower the chance of encountering pricks like the bloke who shouted in the OP. I did not say anyone should be discluded but mearly stated that if someone is noisy, for any reason, then people will inevitably be annoyed, even if they are tolerant. If my son, 16, who is both deaf and has severe SN is having a day where he is hyper or loud he doesn't understand when i try and quiet him so i take him to HOH screenings as most of the people there are far more tolerant, he actually enjoys it more and i don't have the stress of people tutting or being annoyed. He likes the lights and enviroment and I do take him to standard screenings sometimes when i know he is in a calmer mood, he doesn't need the subtitles and he is unable to follow them due to his SN but he enjoys the pictures/enviroment etc - When people are watching a film in the cinema I don't want to disturb their experience with constant loud noises -Some noise is acceptable and expected but if my son tries to tell me what's happening and is signing to me whilst talking loudly throughout the whole movie, which he does when excited sometimes, i would feel uncomfortable. It is about tolerance, but when watching a movie which costs alot of money, it's understandable that people become annoyed with constant noise, even if they are tolerant and can see my son has a disability.

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 15:45:32

Yes but there aren't any at my local cinema anyway.

Don't you think it would be better if people were just more tolerant?

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 16:00:01

of course, and most people are, it really depends on the amount of noise i guess, if it's occasional outbursts it's fine but if it's constant and loud then people, however tolerant they are, will be distracted and probably annoyed, even if they are understanding. It's not a disabilist attitude, it's just fact that any noise, wherever from, will be annoying if you are trying to concentrate. During an action film it may not be noticed so much but if it's a quiet dialouge based movie it will be less tolerated.

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 16:11:01

There is always a certain level of noise in a cinema, it's to be expected, but this is different to having someone shouting throughout the whole movie - Like i said before it's about balance and everyone being entitled to enjoy the movie. The lady in the OP was not bothered by it once the movie started so it was not that bad or loud but if it was constant and very loud, or if the outbursts were to include obscenaties in front of children, then i'm sure views would differ - it's all ok to say the cinema is for everyone but if you were actually there and someone was shouting in the seat behind you the whole movie (extreme case granted) then i'm sure your tolerance would wear thin - would you be upset with the person who obviously has a condition - no - but that would not stop your enjoyment being sacrificed, even if you understood they didn't mean to do it and you were tolerant.

buss Wed 11-Sep-13 16:21:42

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and consciencious stupidity.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Wed 11-Sep-13 16:22:18

Thanks for the lovely answers to my question. smile

I guess it does just sadly come down to what we all (parents of DC with disabilities) face then, doesn't it?

"What the Hell is wrong with your kid?" sad

To all of you with Tourettes, children with it etc you sound lovely and absolutely people I'd love to have in my cinema!

I may not be a fan of being touched but being randomly hugged would feel like somewhat of an honour grin

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 16:25:59

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buss Wed 11-Sep-13 16:27:54

strokey - no-one is pretending they wouldn't notice - people have said they wouldn't be annoyed by it.

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 16:28:00

I don't think anyone has said they wouldn't notice but most decent people wouldn't get all het up and start walking out because of it.

buss Wed 11-Sep-13 16:28:37

referring to a persons disability as noise pollution is vile

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 16:30:38

Good point, Buss. That is an awful thing to say.

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Wed 11-Sep-13 16:32:23

NOISE POLLUTION?! Seriously, what is wrong with you?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 16:34:19

applauds BeerTricks

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 16:35:19

They didn't refer to a persons disability as noise pollution - They are saying that noise, be it from a disabled person or any other source, is stil noise pollution in an enviroment where keeping quiet is expected - They are trying to say that noise is noise, wherever from, and a distraction.

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 16:36:27

Well, if that is intolerable maybe they should do what BeerTricks does? hmm

Pagwatch Wed 11-Sep-13 16:39:07

Is asshat hunting allowed?

<poised over keyboard>

Dawndonnaagain Wed 11-Sep-13 16:39:12

Why not, for their own sake, go to a HOH screening, where people are less bothered by noise and therefore less likely to cause offence by leaving?
My son is 18, almost 19. He is entitled to go to any screening he chooses, just as you are. He is also entitled to turn up without having to fear harassment in any of its shapes or forms. This is what the law states.
Unfortunately it doesn't legislate for intolerant idiots.

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 16:39:49

I don't think anyone should STFU for me. I wouldn't have a go at someone on a phone either. Im not the type. But if I couldn't hear the flipping film Id sat down to watch... Id leave... WHY does that hypothetical situation upset you so much???

Noise pollution is any noise for goodness sake.

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 16:40:09

Pag, it's like going on a bear hunt but much more satisfying outcome. grin

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 16:40:10

Pag, it's like going on a bear hunt but much more satisfying outcome. grin

PartyOrganisor Wed 11-Sep-13 16:40:18

The thing is I am sure that most if not all patents of children with SN are indeed careful to minimize disruption for other people.
All example of telling people around them a good one.
Others can find it easier not to get into a situation where there is a potential conflict.

The problem starts when people expect disabled people to do all the effort and accommodate for the needs of others whilst, usually NT, think they shouldn't have to make any effort.

I can personally see how both techniques can work. And also how avoiding tricky situation might send the wrong message to some people.

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 16:42:20

Someone on their phone during the film would annoy me a huge amount because they should take their phone and conversation outside of the auditorium. And anyway, phones are supposed to be switched off.

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 16:45:53

But no matter what the source of the noise, your enjoyment of the film would be affected.

Stop being deliberately dim. I don't believe youd sit through the length without being able to follow it, nor do I believe it wouldn't annoy you.

2ndryschoolmum2010 Wed 11-Sep-13 16:46:47

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strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 16:47:54

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YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 16:49:02

Don't call me dim.

The phone thing would annoy me because I am a stickler for the rules.

Rustling and stuff doesn't bother me. Someone being disabled and possibly making a bit of noise wouldn't bother me.

I don't think you have the required tolerance levels for being out in public spaces. Maybe you should get a dvd?

Pagwatch Wed 11-Sep-13 16:49:11

When he was little DS2 would cover his ears and hum at certain points in film screenings.
I would have always picked a seat in the least busy part of the cinema and we would sit by the aisle so I could whizz him out if he got distressed (even though he never did)
Ds1 once complained about Ds2 humming
I replied 'what activities do you do for fun'
He listed about 6 off the top of his head
'well this is pretty much it for DS2. The one thing he can do just like anyone else which makes him deeply happy. So why don't you try being just the tiniest bit empathetic'

In fairness ds1 was about 7. And not an asshat.

YouTheCat Wed 11-Sep-13 16:50:03

No she does not. She said she avoids it because she doesn't like other people's (generally) noise.

How is that discriminating?

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 16:51:21

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FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 16:51:43

Am not doing asshat hunting though as it turns into Fanjohunting always

tabulahrasa Wed 11-Sep-13 16:51:56

Avoiding the cinema to avoid all people is not being disablist, a misanthropist possibly, but she's avoiding all people equally.

tabulahrasa Wed 11-Sep-13 16:51:58

Avoiding the cinema to avoid all people is not being disablist, a misanthropist possibly, but she's avoiding all people equally.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strokey Wed 11-Sep-13 16:52:30

Message deleted b