I want what my friend has!

(37 Posts)
areaGL51 Mon 09-Sep-13 11:57:10

I know this is unreasonable, but I'm so jealous of my friend and the way her life is. This isn't bitchy because I really, really like her, but I wish it was me!

Where to start. Well, she's liked by everyone and I mean everyone. You couldn't dislike someone like her. She's very funny - really good at telling witty stories and is great company. She's probably the most intelligent of all my friends and very cultured. She's well travelled, well read, well educated well everything really!

She has a lovely, lovely creative job which she does around the school hours. Her DH earns a packet in a very trendy, well-respected, interesting job.

They have one DD who is practically a mini-genius and is absolutely beautiful. Top of the class in everything and is very popular. Even the parents like her as she's so polite and sensible. Good influence on our DCs and all that.

Her house is gorgeous. Not just spotlessly clean, but shining! Everything is lovely. Lots of quality furniture and intellelectual things! I know this is silly, but I can't describe in depths in case I give it a way. Even her garden is beautiful - think magazine photoshoot standard.

Her DH is also very attractive. All the women we know think so!

She's beautiful. Lovely natural hair, skin etc and an jealous rage-inducing figure. She always, always looks really well dressed. On the school run, she looks like I would after hours of getting ready, and you know it's only taken her a few minutes.

She always seems to have loads of time for nice things in life and is so relaxed. If you pop over, she's always very welcoming and there's always some posh coffee on the go and something baking in the oven. They know a few famous people because of their work, and they're often popping over in the daytime too. It just makes me jealous!

I want her life!

dingit Mon 09-Sep-13 11:59:30

Sounds just like me wink

MrsDavidBowie Mon 09-Sep-13 12:00:04

She probably has piles.

Writerwannabe83 Mon 09-Sep-13 12:01:39

I want her life too!! grin

In a perfect world we'd all be saying, "Be grateful for what you have, the grass isn't always greener....blah...blah.." But the reality is that we all look at other people and sometimes think, "I wish I could be like her..."

It's just part of life and jealousy is just a human and natural emotion.

It is just a case of keeping your perspective and being jealous of her in a nice way, if that makes sense. You don't say anything nasty or bitchy in your post so I don't think there is any malice or anything to your jealousy, it is just natural daydreaming about how we wish our life could be.

Nothing wrong with that in my eyes smile

PaulSmenis Mon 09-Sep-13 12:02:59

It's only natural to feel a bit envy areaGL51 of people like your friend.

A lot of us have a friend like that who seems to have it all. I went through a stage of feeling like you do, but then I realised that I must be pretty awesome if someone like that wants to be friends with me. smile

feelinlucky Mon 09-Sep-13 12:03:45

Mrsdavidbowie, that made me nearly wet myself laughing. I do have very poor pelvic floor though smile

And I bet there's a whole myriad of things that she stresses about, beneath the surface, and that she worries all the time that she's screwing her kid up! grin

If it's just a passing observation of yours, then I'd just be grateful that you have such a nice friend. If it's actually getting you down, figure out one thing that you're going to improve in your life, and work on it. Someone on here (no idea who, sorry for stealing your quote if you're reading this!) once said, in situations like this, their mantra is "Bless them, change me." I like that.

frogslegs35 Mon 09-Sep-13 12:07:23

Her shit still stinks though - don't forget that ;)

Ooh, rather a zen post from me there. <adopts lotus position and hums>
Must mean it's time for more coffee!

FingersCrossedLegsNot Mon 09-Sep-13 12:09:41

God I don't even know her and I'm jealous of her now wink

KoalaFace Mon 09-Sep-13 12:10:18

Ah she sounds great. Like a nice, fun friend to have. And she does sound like she's got a lovely life.

But think about what you've got. And people all over the world who see your lifestyle as something perfect, to be envied. See you as having it all. People who may not have your health. Or family. Or home. Or a spare £1 to spend on a packet of biscuits. I bet you have loads to be content with.

pianodoodle Mon 09-Sep-13 12:14:03

If areaGL51 is a clue to your location can I come over to your friend's with you?!

I could do with some posh coffee smile

monkeybuts Mon 09-Sep-13 12:14:16

I think its so easy to look at others lives and think how amazing it is in comparison. I think there is a very small amount of people whose lives are exactly how you see them..

I had a friend like this once..I loved her to bits but I once caught myself crying rather pathetically over how jealous I was...two months later it turned out her husband had been sleeping with the secretary for three years and she had known all along, was desperately depressed having to keep the world thinking her life was perfect. ..actually it was just a big mess. It certainly taught me a lesson. I still feel awful for her now and that was yonks ago.

mrspaddy Mon 09-Sep-13 12:19:01

Ah, it is natural to compare..maybe use it to your own advantage.. Gradually get into a routine at home and with beauty care so you feel at your best everyday.. I you want to for yourself, that is.

She does sound lovely.. Bit I bet there are a million people who want what you have.. Maybe they don't have children, or are hungry or lonely.. We never know what goes on in others people's lives.

sparkle12mar08 Mon 09-Sep-13 12:23:36

It's natural to look, to campare, to sometimes envy people. But you know what? My life is my responsibility - it's up to me to make myself happy. And there's a lot to be said for being happy and grateful for what you have. It doesn't, and shouldn't, stop us from trying to better ourselves, to improve our lot, but eating yourself up with jealousy will send you round the bend and makes one exceptionally unattractive to others.

Thepowerof3 Mon 09-Sep-13 12:49:33

How did you meet each other?

FaddyPeony Mon 09-Sep-13 12:59:43

This woman might be hiding huge personal problems in her life --sometimes it can be almost a comfort to think so --but equally she might not. Some people do have beautiful, blessed lives, and that's just the way of it! The fact that you say how nice she is suggests that this woman is aware of her good fortune and has a good outlook to life.

1 lovely school-aged DD means that probably she has plenty of time for herself these days: her work, her hobbies, her grooming. Don't forget that! People with more children have less time.

It's normal to envy others, as long as you can laugh at yourself a bit when you catch yourself doing so. smile

NigelMolesworth Mon 09-Sep-13 13:04:01

Yes as monkeybuts says, nobody really has the 'perfect' life. I realised this the other day as I was in a meeting with two colleagues.

We were sat at a table in Carluccio's with the laptop out talking about a project - three well dressed intelligent women with nice clothes living the dream etc etc (OK two well dressed women and me!).

But I know that of the three of us:
- one lost her husband when he died suddenly and is really struggling to come to terms with it
- one was badly treated by a former partner and now her business is struggling
- one has come back to work and is really struggling with confidence

So things are never quite as they seem.

Although, having said that, I do have a friend like yours OP and I am slightly jealous of her life too...!

areaGL51 Mon 09-Sep-13 18:11:13

Ah, yes I know what you're all saying - nobody's perfect, I know. I've known my friend for many years (from pre-DC) as we live near to each other and I did some work for her a few years ago. Our DC are now at school together and we get together socially a lot.

I suppose I'm also jealous of the relationship she has with her DH. They're always very tactile with each other, walk hand in hand, arms around each other on the sofa etc. She only ever speaks very fondly about him and, as far as I can glean from my DH, he's exactly the same about her. Even though they've been together since university, they seem to really enjoy each other's company and don't seem over-familiar with each other. I try to be like that with my DH, but we soon slip into the old routine.

I know I shouldn't be jealous and compare my family unfavourably to hers (I love my DC completely and utterly, of course) but I can't suppress a slight twinge when my DD came home today to say that my friend's DD just past Grade 7 flute at the age of 11, or something like that!

Anyway, yes I should count my blessings, I know. :-)

areaGL51 Mon 09-Sep-13 18:14:50

Oh, and I know a few members of her family and they are, of course, brilliant, intellectual, interesting, caring, good-looking, successful people - aaaaagh! I met one of her brothers recently, who was completely charming and really seemed to enjoy his sister's company. It's all just so comfortable, confident and intellectual. My family talk about the latest buy in Wilkos as though that's important news! :-D

Crinkle77 Mon 09-Sep-13 18:29:31

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Their lives might not be as perfect as you think.

Crinkle77 Mon 09-Sep-13 18:31:06

Another thing-the ones that usually talk about intellectual things all the time normally aren't that intellectual.

everlong Mon 09-Sep-13 18:33:04

This is deja vu!

I read a very similar if not the same thread not that long ago.

Is it you you again? Or maybe it's one of her her other mates!

claraschu Mon 09-Sep-13 18:33:58

I'm jealous of you, having such a nice, interesting friend

MollyBerry Mon 09-Sep-13 18:35:01

It may all be a screen. I know that I, from the outside, have what could be seen as a very enviable life but it's not all ok on the inside. I've suffered from anxiety for many years and had a eating disorder yet people don't know this as I've always kept up a front which I wouldn't let slip.

defineme Mon 09-Sep-13 18:45:12

I think the joy of having my Mum friends that I made when kids were babies is that no matter how different their lives are from mine( yes yes to famous friends/holiday homes/spotless houses) we have always bonded over the inevitable highs and lows of parenting that comes whatever your life is like. Kids waking up/throwing up in the night, friendship isssues, fussy eating etc etc.

I was struck by a story Mel Gibson once told (before madness/racism woes) of the horror of being in a cafe with a child with an exploding nappy. Or photos of Brad Pitt at a souless looking soft play place in a shopping mall. Money makes little difference to these things.

Now the kids are older we bond over kids starting big school/aged parents. It's the same fear whether your child is starting local school/private prep/special school/whatever.

kerala Mon 09-Sep-13 18:51:26

Bizarre how people chip in with tales of doom and hidden misery! Schadenfreude much? Maybe she has a great life and good luck to her.

areaGL51 Mon 09-Sep-13 18:55:48

No, I haven't posted about her before but it wouldn't surprise me if another of her friends has! :-D

We have bonded over parenting things, but honestly her DD always does everything just right. She's like a doll. We've had her for sleepovers a couple of times, and she's a happy, clever little confident thing. My DD is gorgeous, but can be so grumpy and stubborn. My friend's DD will eat anything, whereas my DD eyes anything new on her plate with suspicion. I know my DD's normal though.

My friend isn't an intellectual snob (I wish she was, because that would be a fault!) and is very down to earth. She's just very, very clever and knowledgable. You'd want her on your pub quiz team! She can hold her own confidently in any type of conversation. I've seen her chat about really obscure music with a famous rock star, Far Eastern politics with a knowledgable travel writer, and recipes for homemade play-dough at playgroup years ago. You get the picture!

She seems to have so much time, energy and knowledge. Her home and her life are so tranquil and perfect. I want that!

areaGL51 Mon 09-Sep-13 18:57:23

I hope she doesn't have anything horrible going on in her life. I'm not wanting people to think that's what I'm after. No, she's a fantastic person and is very kind and generous. She's the friend you turn to when you really need someone and she's helped me a lot in the past.

No, I just get bloody jealous and want her life!

wordfactory Mon 09-Sep-13 19:13:26

It's unlikely you'd be able to do everyhting she does, OP, but there's no reason why you can't improve one or two things in your own life grin.

What does she do/have that you'd most like?

LynetteScavo Mon 09-Sep-13 19:18:31

Actually, the touching thing sounds really weird. Isn't that what Madonna and Guy were told to do when they were in relationship counselling?

One thought (amongst many) - think of her as an asset in your life.

Enjoy her company, chilling out in her lovely home, your children's friendship as well as your own, and her good coffee !

Beaverfeaver Mon 09-Sep-13 19:49:10

If people never strived to be like anyone else there would be no ambition.

minouminou Mon 09-Sep-13 20:17:13

Do you know what, OP....she's friends with YOU because SHE thinks YOU'RE great too.

Doubtfuldaphne Mon 09-Sep-13 20:48:01

I want to know what the gl51 thing was all about! That's my area! I can't stop guessing who this girl is. I know a lot of that type though. What makes it even worse is that they're SO damn nice too. Grrrr!

MissMuesli Mon 09-Sep-13 20:57:03

You sounds like a nice to be jealous but only want happiness for your friend! Even though she has the "better" lifestyle I bet there are things about you that he envies!

Bonsoir Tue 10-Sep-13 12:02:47

Don't waste time wanting things that are out of your reach!

I had a tedious time on Sunday when we picnicked with another family. The mother is a single mother of three and she has a very demanding and high powered job she adores. She earns a lot, is likely to earn a lot more in future and, although she has lots of outgoings (two nannies, mortgage), she has significant child support from her ex-husband. She takes several international holidays a year with her DC and lots of weekends away around Europe, and all her DC do many extra activities. The whole family is plurilingual (three or four languages at mother tongue standard) and her DC do competitive sport.

She would like a new husband. Her exH was a real Alpha male and she doesn't want to lower her sights one little bit. The trouble is, she met her first husband when she was 23 and single. She is now nearly 40, with significant baggage and a busy lifestyle on which she doesn't want to compromise. I find it almost intolerable to humour her as she relates her impossible wish-list of qualities for the husband she seeks...

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