to have taken kids to visit brother

(36 Posts)
epic78 Fri 06-Sep-13 20:06:35

On one of the final days of the school holidays I took our dc to visit my brother. I admit I had seen him earlier in the holidays too but it has been a rough year due to a family bereavement.
Dh got really ranty about this. Basically moaning that
"this was another day where nothing gets done in the house and that I shouldd do my job during the week so we can have family time at the weekend"
I accept that as a sahm I should do all the childcare and as much housework as possible during the day whilst dh is at work.
However, surely a day out in the school holidays comes under this remit.
Incidentky I also do bulk of chikdcare and housework evenings and weekends too .
Aibu to have got really upset with him over this.

MaBumble Fri 06-Sep-13 20:09:36

Does he want you to start clocking in and out too? Is he always this controlling?

You job if you are are a stay at home mum, is to look after the kids.

Not be chained to the house, doing his bidding.

What does he do around the house in the evenings and weekends? Or is that his 'quality time'?

waltzingmathilda Fri 06-Sep-13 20:10:45

Is your house a pit?

ProjectGainsborough Fri 06-Sep-13 20:11:29

Nope. That sounds pretty U. Is he like this all the time or was he in a bad mood?

"I admit I had seen him earlier in the holidays too" No. You are acting like you have to answer to your DH about visiting family. Tell him to go fuck himself. He isn't your boss and you had the kids with you so you are doing your 'job' anyway.

Madlizzy Fri 06-Sep-13 20:13:11

As you are an adult, no one has the right to dictate where and when you go anywhere. He is being a controlling arse who doesn't want you to go anywhere without him. You should be more than upset, you should be steamingly angry.

CaptainSweatPants Fri 06-Sep-13 20:13:51

Your Dh sounds a twat

Sirzy Fri 06-Sep-13 20:14:55

He is an arse.

Who does he think he is to dictate who you visit and when?

MisForMumNotMaid Fri 06-Sep-13 20:17:31

YANBU. It sounds rather disrepectful of your role and lacking in understanding f whats involved in running a household and doing all the childcare.

I think an overnight in a spa would compensate with him getting the washing, ironing done and running the DC to their activities.

Snapespeare Fri 06-Sep-13 20:17:42

He sounds like he wants to shut down support outside your immediate family unit. Do you have parents? How is he with them? (Apologies if that was your bereavement.)

And absolutely what mabumble said.

WafflyVersatile Fri 06-Sep-13 20:18:39



During the hours he is out of the house working or commuting childcare and some housework around this is your job. When he gets home and at weekends childcare and housework is both your jobs. Part of your childcare responsibilities is getting the kids out of the house during the summer holidays.

CHJR Fri 06-Sep-13 20:19:19

"Nothing gets done in the house" for one day? Do you live in Buckingham Palace or does someone have wildly out of whack expectations? In our house it would be eminently possible to have a day to visit family in the week and still do some family time at the weekend! But I am a layabout, I admit...

StanleyLambchop Fri 06-Sep-13 20:22:18

Taking the children out during the holidays absolutely counts as 'doing your job'. Or does he want the poor children to sit in the house amusing themselves whilst you are tied to the housework? Does he not want them to enjoy their holiday? I would tell him where to stuff the housework. YANBU in any sense .

Squitten Fri 06-Sep-13 20:27:19

Your DH sounds like a controlling arse.

Taking kids out and about in the holidays is part of your job! You sound guilty for seeing your own brother - so what if you'd seen him before?

What exactly does he do around the house? I'm guessing sweet FA...

epic78 Fri 06-Sep-13 20:27:33

Thank you. Sadly my parents have passed away. He got on ok with them when alive but tbh he didn't see alot of them.
Bereavement was a cousin.
The house is not a pit. Although at times it is untidy and cluttered due to toys etc. Laundry also an issue with a family of 5.
He does occasionally load dishwasher at weekend and cook odd weekend meal. Also does diy and garden but thats about it.
I also do virtually all baby care 24/7 as still waking at night.
Not impressed at the moment tbh.

Mamafratelli Fri 06-Sep-13 20:28:11

So you are supposed to stay in cleaning all day? Is your house in a real state or is he just a complete idiot.

Snapespeare Fri 06-Sep-13 20:31:35

So very sorry for the loss of your parents and your cousin. He knows that means he and the children is all you have in terms of family. I suspect he thinks your world should revolve around him?

StanleyLambchop Fri 06-Sep-13 20:32:15

The house is not a pit. Although at times it is untidy and cluttered due to toys etc.

The school holidays are only just over. Most parents will be in the same boat. You wait until school gets back, then start on the tidying. Standards have to slip during the holidays. It is no big deal to a reasonable person!

Sirzy Fri 06-Sep-13 20:38:50

So does he seriously expect you to stay in all day every day cleaning?

WafflyVersatile Fri 06-Sep-13 20:40:03

How many weekday days out did you have over the holidays? And how old are your DC?

epic78 Fri 06-Sep-13 20:43:33

Probably about 7 full days and bits and pieces here and there. Dc are 9 6 and 1

epic78 Fri 06-Sep-13 20:44:38

Well fullish days.

NatashaBee Fri 06-Sep-13 20:45:05

YANBU. Your DH sounds like an arse. If the children are fed and entertained (especially during the summer holiday), with clean clothes and clean plates to eat off, that's perfectly fine. I don't think there's any point trying to keep the house immaculate when the kids are home from school - just blitz it when they go back.

runningonwillpower Fri 06-Sep-13 20:47:20

Fucking hell.

Just that.

Sirzy Fri 06-Sep-13 21:07:50

So one day a week. The poor kids must have been going crazy let alone anything else.

upanddown83 Fri 06-Sep-13 21:45:23

That is not a nice way to live a friend of mine recently left my house in the middle of an afternoon visit to go home and hang out the washing as her dp would have given her a hard time if it wasn't done!
I couldn't believe or understand it the only time my dp mentions housework or the mess of the house is when he can't fit anything else in the laundry basket grin or he falls over the kids toys (I tell him to look where he is going)
Yes you are a sahm but you are not a cleaner or housekeeper!

Sparklymommy Fri 06-Sep-13 21:45:39

My house IS a pit. But only because the holidays have been full of days out/ kids have been playing and their are 8 of us. However, with 4 adults and 4 kids in the house, all the washing has been done, ironing done and everyone's been fed and bathed regularly.

Next week, when the kids are back at school, the BIG CLEAN will commence. and probably end the week before the Christmas hols begin therefore just in time for the kids to mess it up again!!!

DuelingFanjo Fri 06-Sep-13 21:48:48

Stop doing his laundry.

Jengnr Fri 06-Sep-13 22:01:34

Tell him to fuck off.

Your job is to look after and entertain the children. Yes, the SAH parent has a greater responsibility for housework but not to the extent the other is allowed to be a complete cunt about it.

Gretagumbo Fri 06-Sep-13 22:12:57


epic78 Sat 07-Sep-13 14:14:32

Thank you. Also had a 2 week holiday in that time whole family.
Certainly reconsidering our future at the mo.

I think the SAHP has a greater responsibility for looking after the children than the working parent.
Everything else (cooking, housework) should be negotiable between the couple as a partnership.
Even raising the children is still a partnership too, with the working person making their contribution in the evenings and at weekends.
A few days out during the summer with the children is essential to a happy "holiday" for all.
My DH could be more supportive during the holidays too. They just don't get what a big change it is do they ?
- especially for you with a baby.

Hope your 2 week holiday was some sort of break for you - you sound amazing smile

MissMalonex2 Sat 07-Sep-13 14:39:52

He's being a twat. Tell him to pay for a cleaner or do it himself

epic78 Tue 10-Sep-13 14:27:06

Thank you. Did get abit of a break in holidays.

epic78 Tue 10-Sep-13 14:27:43

Sorry in two week holiday.

BuskersCat Tue 10-Sep-13 14:29:03

You need to practice the phrase

'go fuck yourself' grin

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