That you should of helped

(247 Posts)
bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 14:08:31

Was running 10 minutes late past school pick up time and rang my friend to ask if it would be okay
If my dc could stop at her house til I got there to collect him from her house. She said no,she was going out and couldn't, fair enough.
Anyway I got to the school and no sign if him, I got held up at a hospital appointment that over ran when it shouldn't of as it was at 1.50 pm so plenty of time I thought to get back.
I got a call a disgruntled call from my friend to say that dc had turned up at her house.
Turns out that her husband opened the door and wouldn't let my dc in as he thought that I had sent my dc round there and then her husband said that my friend was out. But my dc heard her from the kitchen talking.
My dc asked if he could get her to ring me and tell me that he was there.
I know that I was in the wrong for not being there on time , but I would never do that to a child who had the good sense to go to a friend for help in this situation.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 14:10:22

They don't sound like very good friends and I wouldn't put your DC at their mercy again. And sorry to sound pedantic but it's "should HAVE" not "should OF". It's a real bugbear of mine.

Depends firstly on how old your child is (presumably secondary age or the school shouldn't have let him leave) and secondly whether this is a habit and your friend has had enough.

On the face of it as a one off she probably should have helped. But in your shoes I'd call /text her apologising for the fact that your ds turned up at her house when she'd already said she couldn't help but that you'd tried to get in touch with the school to stop that happening

YouTheCat Fri 06-Sep-13 14:13:15

How old is your dc?

Tbh I'd be more annoyed with school for letting him out without an adult. I reckon calling the school iif you're going to be late is the best bet then they know to hang on to him. They don't tend to mind if it is a one off (as this sounds like it is).

How come your child knew to go to your friends house?
How often does this happen?
How often are you late?

SaucyJack Fri 06-Sep-13 14:13:55

You don't say how old your son is.

If he's 4, YANBU. If he's 14, YABU.

NothingsLeft Fri 06-Sep-13 14:14:47

How old is your DC? Doesn't sound very charitable of them.

SoonToBeSix Fri 06-Sep-13 14:15:21

Yellow most primary schools let children leave alone, mine does in Juniors so age 7.

Whocansay Fri 06-Sep-13 14:15:42

On the face of it YANBU, but if you've done this lots before and been late / taken the piss then she has every right to say no.

LineRunner Fri 06-Sep-13 14:16:04

That does seem a bit crap, yes, but I suppose it depends really on whether the adults are actual friends or just acquaintances, how old your DC is, distances etc. (Although I would never turn a child away without at least offering phoning the parent - unless were 16 or something and with a history of being a right pain in the backside.)

My DCs had house keys even in primary school because I would rather they were home alone for a short while than at the mercy of uncertain arrangements, if I ever got held up like you did.

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 14:17:09

What Quint said.

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 14:17:53

It was a total one off and not something that happens me
Ever running late for primary school pick up.
There has been many occasions that I have looked after her
Dc,s and I haven't minded helping out at all with doing it. I just think that there was no need for them both to lie that she wasn't in and then not let ds into the house.

YouTheCat Fri 06-Sep-13 14:18:51

In that case she's a bit of a cow.

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 14:19:43

Doesn't matter. She said no. You should have made other arrangements or told reception at the appointment that you needed to leave to collect your child.

Don't do anything more for this person in the future. She's not a friend.

Isildur Fri 06-Sep-13 14:20:04

If your child is young enough to need collecting from school, you should impress upon them the need to stay put if you are late, not wonder off to random friends houses (who may well have plans of their own).

For whatever reason, your friend could not have your child in her house, and told you so. She may have been dealing with something serious/personal.

SaucyJack Fri 06-Sep-13 14:20:28

If he's still at primary (not middle) school, then it's the school you should be taking issue with.

Your friends sound like arseholes tho.

BrokenSunglasses Fri 06-Sep-13 14:20:55

If you were only ten minutes late, how come your child went to her house instead of waiting at school for you?

If it really was only ten minutes, you could have called the school to give him a message to wait there.

Nanny0gg Fri 06-Sep-13 14:22:34

If he's at primary, why didn't you ring them? They would have kept him till you got there.

No child should leave school premises unless they are collected or have permission to walk home.

ballstoit Fri 06-Sep-13 14:27:13

How old is your DC? I'd be pretty cross with DC tbh...if you usually pick up, and weren't there, they should have gone back into school.

Wonder why they went to friends house? Seems a bit odd...if they're not old enough to walk home alone, why would they think it okay to walk to your friends confused

ballstoit Fri 06-Sep-13 14:27:50

But then, you should HAVE rung school to ask them to keep him with them.

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 14:35:08

Ds is year 5 and the school let them out without adults present to collect. I thought ds would of waited for me to collect but sometimes he walks part of the way with his mates, my friends house is on the same route.we have been friends for the past 15 years so he would of naturally thought of her as somewhere to go to of trust. I did say to him that he should of waited for me. But part of me thought that he was sensible to think to go to our friends house for help.

NatashaBee Fri 06-Sep-13 14:36:02

That was pretty shitty of her and her husband. But you need to impress on your child that they shouldn't just wander out of school if you're not there - tell them to go to the office next time.

somersethouse Fri 06-Sep-13 14:40:06

would HAVE!!!

YABU, your children are your responsibilty.

Soontobesix your 7 year old child is let out alone? Really? I'm not doubting you just totally shocked. My eldest son is the same age as yours - 7 - and his school insists that parents collect from the playground. They line up with their teachers and are only allowed to leave with an adult. I don't know any schools around here that are different for this age group. Although I don't think it's unreasonable in the op case that they let a 10 year old leave unaccompanied

WiddleAndPuke Fri 06-Sep-13 14:44:54

Year 5 is 10-11 years old isn't it?

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 14:45:08

Ds went to a friend for help and was basically turned away because they chose to lie. I totally accept that it was my fault because of my lateness. I just thought that a friend would not do that to a child or any child. Sorry for my literacy skills, it was not my strong point at school. And now I am the one forever correcting ds,s grammar, my bugbear aswell...

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat Fri 06-Sep-13 14:45:18

What a mean friend.

However, she did say that she wouldn't be there so you should've said to your DS that he should wait as friend wont be there. If you didn't think that he'd actually go there though I understand why you didn't mention it to him that she was busy.

I don't think he did anything wrong and it was a bit rude for her to say she was going out if she wasn't. But if you have asked her to do favours quite often then perhaps she just couldn't be bothered to do it again. Or perhaps there was something up like a family upset that she just didn't want company.

Doesn't mean her or her husband should've been rude to your DS though, that's never called for and nobody should turn a 9 year old away.

MadeOfStarDust Fri 06-Sep-13 14:46:02

Ours can go home alone from when they start juniors too.. So Y3... age 7/8....

Tee2072 Fri 06-Sep-13 14:46:16

Would of should of could of get over it people !!!

redskyatnight Fri 06-Sep-13 14:48:17

Well you have no idea why your DS was told that your friend wasn't in? TBH if a random child turned up at my house and I didn't want to see them, I'd tell them to go away. In your particular scenario, going to the friend's house wasn't a sensible thing for your DS to do - he should have waited at school or gone into the office to announce he hadn't been collected.

And as they rang you and told you that DC was there - what else did you want them to do? He wasn't hurt, needing any immediate assistance or had even waited for very long.

gobbynorthernbird Fri 06-Sep-13 14:49:35

Given that none of us know why the friend declined to look after the child (and she most definitely did), it's a bit off to be slating her. For all we know there's a thread starting along the lines of 'I told my friend I couldn't look after her DC after school, as I had an important appointment once I'd done my school run, but he turned up anyway'.

tiggytape Fri 06-Sep-13 14:52:06

A 1:50pm hospital appointment is optimistic for being on time for school collection (unless your hospital is next to the school I suppose). What is you plan for DS if you are ever late normally - what is he told to do?

Your friend was petty and mean not to let him in but really you should have rang the school to tell them to keep hold of him or at least tell him to wait outside the gates as soon as she said she was unavailable to have him. What had you arranged once she said no?

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 14:53:03

Aintnobdy. It was a total one off asking her if she could help.
So nothing to be pissed off with me for. I never got pissed off when I looked after her dcs sometimes with no notice just turning up and springing them on me.

trice Fri 06-Sep-13 14:56:03

She is not your friend. She is a cow. Even if she thought you were rude enough to send your child over after being told not to it was not your sons fault. She and her dh should have rung you or at least spoken kindly to your ds.

Beamur Fri 06-Sep-13 14:57:52

Your 'friend' was a bit mean - I'd certainly help a fellow Mum with a spot of crisis child minding - as I might need it myself one day too.
Perhaps what it has shown you is you need to have an agreed strategy with your DS about what to do if you are late and no-one else can meet him?

BrokenSunglasses Fri 06-Sep-13 14:59:23

You don't know what she had going on today that made it inconvenient for your child to go to hers. She or her husband might have had issues that were none of your business that she didn't want to discuss, so she told a little white lie so that she didn't have to offend you or divulge personal information that she didn't want to share.

I think you are quite out of order to keep going on about her lying.

The fault here lies entirely with you. You should have called the school to tell them to tell your son to wait, especially knowing that he sometimes wanders away from school with his friends and that you and your friend weren't going to be available.

What if your friend and her DH really had been out? Then your ds would have been stranded not knowing whether to go back to school or try another friend or what.

Your friend does not have to justify why she couldn't have your ds this afternoon, she said no, and you allowed him to turn up anyway!

SconeRhymesWithGone Fri 06-Sep-13 15:01:50

OP, please do not apologize for your literacy skills. I think everyone on here understands your posts. smile

redskyatnight Fri 06-Sep-13 15:03:47

trice the friend did ring OP.

From the friend's point of view ... "I'd just received some bad news about a family member (insert alternative crisis as required) so was feeling very down. A friend rang me to ask if I would have her DS after school as she was stuck at the hospital. I really wasn't up to talking to anyone or dealing with more than I had to and I didn't want to go into the reasons why so I just told her I'd be out. She was fine with this. However her DS turned up at our door anyway, so I still had to ring her and let her know he was there. AIBU to think that she should have made alternative arrangements?"

Crowler Fri 06-Sep-13 15:04:39

The only explanation here is that 1. your friend is a cow 2. she feels taken advantage of by you and is putting her foot down.

RedHelenB Fri 06-Sep-13 15:06:14

I think YABU because by your son turning up at her house, it looks as though you hadn't accepted her "no" as an answer. Maybe you need to give him a key to let himself into your house - he should be able to be trusted for an hour on his own at that age. Can't really see how school has anything to do with it tbh.

somersethouse Fri 06-Sep-13 15:07:55

brokensunglasses puts it perfectly.
Almost think this thread is a joke, you ask someone, they say no. You are late, in the wrong, do not phone the school, how can it be anyones fault but your own?

But I am an existentialist. smile

ilovebabytv Fri 06-Sep-13 15:09:10

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quoteunquote Fri 06-Sep-13 15:09:38

Find another safe place for the child to go to so if in the rare event he is in the situation again he can go to a responsible adult,

and find better friends, don't have anything to do with these Twonks again,

Some people are just shit, at least you know these two are, and will know not to waste any energy on the idiots again.

Isildur Fri 06-Sep-13 15:13:26

But the friend did nothing wrong.

There are times when it would be impossible to have a child's school friend over, clearly this was one of those times.

A family crisis, medical issue, evening class, activity, whatever; the OP's friend made the required call and did not have to explain herself.

Sirzy Fri 06-Sep-13 15:13:55

why didn't you phone the school to say you were running late?

TheOriginalSteamingNit Fri 06-Sep-13 15:16:02

Sorry, you should have rung the school and ds shouldn't have left by himself.

redskyatnight Fri 06-Sep-13 15:16:35

OP- you've been friends for 15 years. You must have a pretty good idea what they are like. I find it quite sad that your first thought was not "why did my friend lie to me - is something the matter?" but to have assumed that your friend was purely being unhelpful.

Is being unhelpful how she normally is? Or does she normlly support you and put herself out for you?

lunar1 Fri 06-Sep-13 15:23:12

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cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 15:24:39

Something similar happened to me. When my DS was at primary school I used to go up to the school for him every day, not to "collect" him as he was perfectly capable of getting home on his own but to walk the dog. We'd then go up to the park with a woman who had been a "friend" for 10 years with her DS who was a few years younger than my DS and really did need an adult to collect him (he has SEN).

Countless times she'd be "running late" (from what I don't know, she didn't work) and would ask me to collect her DS and sometimes take him home to my house until she was able to come for him. I always did this without hesitation, even when it was seriously inconvenient.

Anyway, big long boring story cut day I was running late and texted her to say "Running late, please tell my DS not to wait for me at school and just make his own way home (he had his own key) to which I got a snotty text back saying "If I see him, I've not got time to stand around waiting for him".

I was really angry and made a point of not helping her out after that as she'd totally shot herself in the foot.

My tenuous point is that sometimes people can let us down badly and disappoint us even if we've known them for years.

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 15:27:23

When I rang to ask her if she could help, she said no because she was going out to do food shopping. When ds turned up at her house her husband said she was out doing school pick up. Her dc were in after school club until 5pm that day. She was in the house. We are friends and if there was a personal crisis with her than she would of told me. Sure none of my business if she didn't want to.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 15:30:50

She's not a friend. I couldn't turn a 7 year old away.

And stop with all the bloody correcting the OP.

Makes you look like dicks.

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 15:31:42

Don't help this person again, ever. Make that very clear, too. If she springs her kids on you, text her and tell her to be there in 15 mins. or you're reporting her. And tell her why.

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 15:33:38

If she's a friend then tell her! 'I was really disappointed today. I can't help you with your kids anymore.'

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 15:34:12

wot usual said

friends help, no matter what, especially a kid.

TimothyClaypoleLover Fri 06-Sep-13 15:35:58

I think your friends are mean. Mine would never do that. FFS, it was 10 mins of minding your child and for them to not let him in the house is pretty poor behaviour. I appreciate there is speculation that maybe your friend was having some sort of personal crisis but if it really is a one off of you being late then I just don't get what the problem is.

Yes you should have called the school to say you were running late. At least you now know not to rely on your so called friend for a favour in future.

pigletmania Fri 06-Sep-13 15:36:21

Yanbu she does not sound like a nice person. I would have at least let your ds telephone you

pigletmania Fri 06-Sep-13 15:37:09

I would cool te friendship adapter this, not help her out anymore!

pigletmania Fri 06-Sep-13 15:39:04

Some of you are Melanie's not to help a friend in need!

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 15:40:09

Would you trust him with a key,so if it happens again he can let himself in and call you?

renaldo Fri 06-Sep-13 15:40:42

Would HAVE
YANBU by the way she sounds mean

Viviennemary Fri 06-Sep-13 15:43:47

She was being very unreasonable indeed. I would not be doing her any favours in future after this. The only excuse she could have is if you are constantly ringing up when you're running late. And this obviously isn't the case. School should not be letting 7 year olds leave alone. But if your 'friend' had said she couldn't help why didn't you ring the school if you knew you were going to be late.

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 15:47:54

YY, I'd get him a key.

redskyatnight Fri 06-Sep-13 15:48:10

The DC is Year 5, so 9 not 7.
On the basis that your friend said she couldn't watch him because she was going out, is it not possible that she was literally on the verge of leaving as he arrived? Or were you expecting her to change her plans?

SoonToBeSix Fri 06-Sep-13 15:58:15

Yellow yes they just open the junior door and they go out in their own. Obviously I wait by the gate and pick her up as do most parents but plenty don't.

Vivacia Fri 06-Sep-13 16:02:06

I think you should apologise to your friend and explain why your son turned up there even though she'd said no. Then, if there's no reasonable explanation forthcoming, such as a bereavement that day, I would never ask her for a favour again and never do her one.

Well, I probably would, but only once I'd forgotten about this.

BTW Your insistence on using 'of' rather than 'have' in every post, despite it being explained to you, is making me laugh.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 16:07:03

I would use 'of' in every post I ever wrote if I was the OP.

Just to piss off the grammar/spelling police.

Tee2072 Fri 06-Sep-13 16:08:43

I would of, usual, and I could of. Maybe she should of?

Tee2072 Fri 06-Sep-13 16:10:00

And I agree. The OP should of given him a key and should give him a key in the future.


usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 16:18:00

I think some posters clicked this thread just to correct the 'of'

They should of just ignored it, all that bug bearing must be exhasting.

TSSDNCOP Fri 06-Sep-13 16:18:07

The OP should of phoned the school to say there was no child care. I cannot see where she's answered that question.

Tee2072 Fri 06-Sep-13 16:20:29

I know I'm exhausted reading it, usual.

They all could of just ignored it.

Me too Usual. In fact I wish I would of thought of that first.

The grammar correctors just look like smuggy, superior, dickheads. No need!

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 16:24:15

I know I spelt exhausting wrong,before you start.grin

"Ooh look an op in a tizz, worried about her son, annoyed and probably a bit upset that a long term friend has let her down. Shall I help her?"

"Fuck that, let's slate her grammar instead, for I am such a very clever clogs and I want to show everybody on the Mumsnet how big brainied I is".

Buzzardbird Fri 06-Sep-13 16:25:32

Your friend was a dick OP. I hope your hospital appointment went ok (even though they held you up)?

<goes off to google what 'bugbearing' is, hope I don't regret this?>

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 16:27:33

I don't think bug bearing is a thing, I made it up grin

Buzzardbird Fri 06-Sep-13 16:31:13

No, it really is a 'thing' I am frightened now! Also discovered that a Bugaboo is a bogey-man, thought it was a pushchair? confused

Buzzardbird Fri 06-Sep-13 16:32:14
Toocold Fri 06-Sep-13 16:35:20

Why is it when someone asks a question, someone jumps in and corrects their grammar or spelling etc?!, why can't people just answer the question?, that's a bug bear of mine...

Op, I think your friend should have helped, yanbu if it was a genuine lateness.

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 16:36:01

I wonder if the grammar police would do this in real life?

I should of thought that would get you a poke in the eye.

Its SO annoying. Its a million times more annoying than any error.

GAH! Its my bugbear. RUDE!

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 16:39:54

It's quite ironic that all the posters moaning about the grammar being corrected are doing a much better job of derailing the thread and ignoring the actual question the OP has asked.

I think plenty of people have posted to insult the grammar correctors and not a lot else, adding nothing to the thread.

So far they've been told to "fuck off" several times and been told they "look like dicks".

None of the so called "grammar police" have been as insulting, goady and unpleasant as this. So well done. I think I know which ones "look like dicks".

digerd Fri 06-Sep-13 16:41:04

I walked home and had to cross a road when I was 9. From the beginning of the juniors, I walked home, or caught the bus.
However, as you have looked after her DC at times and you were at a hospital appt. and were delayed, I feel she was very off with you for refusing. My DH may not have been delighted to let him in but he would have and been nice to him. And would have phoned you as your DC asked.
They are not friendly so can hardly be called friends.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 16:41:47

I gave the OP some advice.

You should of read the thread.

Tee2072 Fri 06-Sep-13 16:43:44

I agreed that the OP should of given her son a key.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 16:44:02

And you've also made about 4 posts that contain no advice whatsoever, just nasty insults. As I say, well done. I think I know who the "dick" is.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 16:48:21

Wot,like your last two posts?

I really wish all the high and mighty pedantic language police could take a hike.

As a foreigner, I keep being amazed at the mockery that is made of both dialects, colloquialisms and imperfect use of English.

JessieMcJessie Fri 06-Sep-13 16:57:27

why couldn't your son go to after school club with your friend's DC?

Toocold Fri 06-Sep-13 16:58:24

I do believe I answered the op...I also did not call anyone a name, it never ceases to amaze me what people will say on the internet but not in real life, you are being mean to the OP, it is not necessary.

Op, I hope you sort it out.

ilovebabytv Fri 06-Sep-13 17:05:40

jessie, i may be wrong, but afterschool club isn't a drop in club for everyone to use in an emergency? It is usually pre arranged on a scheduled basis, otherwise they wouldn't make any money and couldn't guarantee everyone spaces. Common sense surely?

somersethouse Fri 06-Sep-13 17:06:21

Aside from all the crap and bad language, bad grammar, the situation was the following... 'can you take my DC after school' reply' no I can not'
This is the end of this story.

How can it be otherwise, she was told 'no', she took no notice and now is moaning about it. Would YOU do that to a friend, just think 'she can look after Dc anyway' Would you leave your DC without putting other provision in place, because I would NOT.

What should the friend have done, I just do not understand, at ALL why she is at fault, the OP should be apologising to her and feeling really embarrassed, I sure as hell would be. She should also apologise to her DC.

BrokenSunglasses Fri 06-Sep-13 17:06:34

What happened in the end?

Did you pick you son up from her doorstep, or did he walk home?

You cannot be certain that she would have told you if she had something going on, people quite often keep stuff about their own marriages or whatever private, and you just wouldn't know.

You aren't being a very good friend to her either if you can't accept that she said no for a reason and leave it at that.

Have you apologised to her for allowing your son to turn up at her house after she said no?

MammaTJ Fri 06-Sep-13 17:10:54

You have had her DC for her and never asked her for help before! I would never ask again but also be sure to be bust washing my hair every time she asked for help from now on!

Having said that, I help my friends a lot, as they do me but I don't usually have other people's children when I don't have my own! If hers were in after school club that she had paid for for some child free time, maybe she was not being unreasonable but she should have told the truth!

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 17:11:29

Her DS was very sensible to go to a trusted adults house.

He didn't know the 'friend' had said no did he.

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 17:12:06

I was sticking up for the OP actually. I would be very pissed off if I posted a problem on here and got a load of people correcting my grammar.


OP, your friend might have thought you were taking a liberty as shed said no, however leaving a child on the doorstep is not nice, she should of let them in.

somersethouse Fri 06-Sep-13 17:14:16

She should have said whatever she bloody liked, she couldn't take the OP's DC. End of.
A real friend would not impose and would take 'no' as 'no'.

NO is NO.

Vivacia Fri 06-Sep-13 17:16:20

Yep, I think you've for the wrong end of the stick there, Somer.

Also, I agree with cushtie. Those calling names and those taking the mickie with the 'of's have caused far more derailment and unpleasantness.

MammaTJ Fri 06-Sep-13 17:17:38

The OP didn't impose, her DS went there without her telling him to!

I would never turn a child away in those circumstances but then I wouldn't lie to a friend either!

Tee2072 Fri 06-Sep-13 17:19:09

It wasn't the OP who took no notice, though. There was a distinct lack of communication from the OP to her son, true, but she hardly told her son to go to the friends house.

Talk about not reading the thread.

The OP's point isn't that the friend couldn't help. It was that the friend then lied to the OP's son when son found himself at her house.

The OP's mistake was not ringing the school as soon as her friend said no.

And would of thought y'all could of realized that in all the other crap on this fucking thread.

And yes, I do talk to people like this in real life. And I have tons of friends.

BrokenSunglasses Fri 06-Sep-13 17:19:28

Usual, her ds would have expected to be picked up from school as OP was planning on being on time to collect him.

I would be going crazy at my year 5 child if he had decided to wander away from the school when he was expecting to be picked up.

The sensible thing for him to have done would have been to go back into school and tell them that his mum wasn't there, or just waited as OP insists that she was only ten minutes late.

MammaTJ makes a good point, the friends children were in after school club when both she and her husband were around. There has to be a reason for that, even if it was just that they wanted an hour alone without their own, or anyone else's children.

Retroformica Fri 06-Sep-13 17:22:28

Your child shouldn't have left school. Maybe ring the school next time? But also your friend, even if she didn't want to ring/have contact, shouldn't have pretended not to be in.

Wuxiapian Fri 06-Sep-13 17:23:01

She's no friend, OP.

Don't be so easily available for her when she wants you!

In my sons primary, children not picked up on time wait in reception. They would not just leave the school.

I also dont understand why your dc would have gone home to your friend without prior arrangement from you, when friends children were still in school at the after school club!

So what is it? Did you tell your child to just go to friends house if not picked up on time? If so, you must have known you were running late.

Tee2072 Fri 06-Sep-13 17:27:46

The child is certainly old enough to have decided on his own to go to friends house when mum wasn't at pick up. Especially if the school just lets them out without checking there is a parent, which it sounds like they do at his age.

And quite right, too.

Op I apologise to you for my participation in derailing your thread, it's quite obvious you're feeling confused and upset about your long term friend's behaviour.
What you do not need at a time like this is people adding not much helpful content and yet seeking to pick apart your grammar.

It happens time and again on here, it's rude, unnecessary and makes some MNetters look like tools!

To say "I'm sorry to be pedantic, but..." No, you're clearly not sorry, you're judt loving getting the boot in.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 17:29:58

The OP has already said her DS sometimes walks part of the way with his friends.

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 17:30:15

Thing is, the 'friend' is in the habit of springing her kids on the OP. She's a user.

So now it needs to be clear to her, 'The one time I asked you for help, you said no. That's fine, but you lied to me. No more favours for you. You spring your kids on me, I'm reporting you,' because then she'll just not bother asking the OP by sending them her way.

And feel no shame in doing this OP, because this person isn't a friend.

I don't know if you would feel comfortable speaking with your friend about today op? She may have a good reason for it, she may not. You can make a more informed decision on how to progress your friendship (or not) from there. I'd definitely hesitate to do her so many favours in the future.

Your Ds made a sensible decision in going to somebody he knew and trusted, just ensure he knows to go to a teacher if there is ever a next time. It's a shame, but we can't always rely on the folks we think we can.

So now it needs to be clear to her, 'The one time I asked you for help, you said no. That's fine, but you lied to me. No more favours for you. You spring your kids on me, I'm reporting you,' because then she'll just not bother asking the OP by sending them her way.

This ^
Clear and definitely to the point. It needs saying. grin

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 06-Sep-13 17:40:11
TheCrackFox Fri 06-Sep-13 17:42:09

I would follow Expat' s advice.

Tee2072 Fri 06-Sep-13 17:48:34

Yes. What Expat said.

And Kate seems to have caught Olivia's bad throat, with added link! grin

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 18:11:24

I would also schedule an appointment with the school's head and have strong words with the head about their policy. And bring it up with the PTA.

Get your child his own key, teach him how to use it and how to get hold of you on your mobile. You can make a bracelet for him to keep in his bag with beads that have your number on it if you don't want him to have a mobile just now.

We live in a small, rural village and recently, a man has followed three children, separately and on three different occasions, of about your son's age who were walking alone.

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 18:12:56

For years now I can see our friendship was one sided. I always take her shopping, hospital/doc appointments, school visits, friends houses. A lot of the time no petrol money offered, or a please or thanku. It's just assumed I will do it. One time I did say I couldn't do something for her she never spoke to me/ answered my calls/text for a while afterwards . Some might say why be friends with her then? I suppose i am niave.Well it certainly has taken what has happened to give me a slap in the face as to was it really a friendship?
I'm gutted that a few posters think that my grammar is wrong, it's not intentional.

RedHelenB Fri 06-Sep-13 18:15:08

For goodness sake expat, a 9/10 year old is plenty old enough to go home alone if parent is happy with it, talk about wrapping kids in cotton wool!

WreckTangle Fri 06-Sep-13 18:16:05

Our school let the children just walk out the gate from Primary 2 (age 5/6) It's only the p1's who are accompanied to the gate to wait for a parent.

I don't think yabu at all op. you know what to do next time she asks you for a favour. I have 1 or 2 friends I can call if I'm running late and vice versa. Your son didn't exactly demand to be let in her house for a drink and biscuit fgs. Some people.

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 18:23:47

'For goodness sake expat, a 9/10 year old is plenty old enough to go home alone if parent is happy with it, talk about wrapping kids in cotton wool!'

She said he was 7.

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 18:26:09

Do you feel able to confront her, bongo? If not, cut off her gravy train. Just refuse to do anything more for her. She springs her kids on you, send them back to her house or ring her/text her and tell her to come and get them.

Honestly, you must be very firm with her as she is a pisstaker.

RedHelenB Fri 06-Sep-13 18:31:51

No. expat, if you read the thread she said he was Y5 ie 9/10 years old. Think someone else mentioned the age of 7

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 18:34:42

And she was not happy about his going home alone. That's the point. So speak to the head because others were also shocked that the policy is to let them lose without an adult or permission from the parents to walk home. But please continue trying to derail the thread and make it personal aside from the OP and her issues with this 'friend'.


AvonCallingBarksdale Fri 06-Sep-13 18:53:43

If he's in year 5, he must be 9 and, possibly, nearly 10. OP, I think a chat with your DS about what he should do in future, should a similar situation arise, would be useful. Your "friend" may have had her reasons but I don't know many people who would turn a friend's child away on their doorstep! Don't worry about the grammar cops - if you're bothered it should be should have etc etc, but that's not really the point of the thread, is it!

RedHelenB Fri 06-Sep-13 18:53:50

But at that age a child is old enpugh if they weren't met to go back into school to say. Juniors in most schools are just let out, infants teachers ensure they go to an adult.

happyyonisleepyyoni Fri 06-Sep-13 18:55:47

I can't imagine a scenario where I, my DH, or any of my friends would turn away a 9/10 year old on the doorstep. Find some other friends OP!

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 18:59:14

ds now has keys to home should I ever not be there for him. I should of rang the school but was in a bit of a rushed panic. And because they let them out on their own anyway I thought ds would of waited for me. He didn't, wrong of him. But he did what he thought was best and went to a friend. Not to put his feet up snd stay for dinner,or impose on them. Just for help in a time of need.

MissStrawberry Fri 06-Sep-13 19:03:32

OP, did your son know that your friend was going to be out so he wasn't to go there or did he just think he would go with the friend anyway and they could stay alone at the house?

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 19:03:33

ds now has keys to home should I ever not be there for him. I should of rang the school but was in a bit of a rushed panic. And because they let them out on their own anyway I thought ds would of waited for me. He didn't, wrong of him. But he did what he thought was best and went to a friend. Not to put his feet up snd stay for dinner,or impose on them. Just for help in a time of need.

PurpleGirly Fri 06-Sep-13 19:09:54

The thing is none of us know what was going on - kids in after school club, parents at home, said "no" to OP, talking in kitchen (phone or visitor?).

The friend was put in a situation which would really have angered me. She said NO. That means no. In normal circumstances the friend may have helped but none of us know what was happening in the house.

The OP surely knows that she is in the wrong - perhaps looking to blame someone else for her mistake?

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 19:13:19

Miss, no ds didn't know she wasn't going to be out as her house always has somebody in. He took a guess and was probably thought it would be ok. Point is that they both lied to him making out that she had gone out. I'm at a loss as to why they would do that. It was only going to be while I was ten minutes away and I literally turned up when she did phone to tell me he was at hers.

expatinscotland Fri 06-Sep-13 19:18:43

So she regularly relies on you to do on the spot favours but lies to you the one time you ask her to do one for you?

Seriously, OP, time to start telling her 'no'. From the sounds of it, she fucks off the second you aren't doing what she wants, anyhow.

Listentomum Fri 06-Sep-13 19:22:35

If her children are I. After school club till 5 then why would she be at the school to be able to get your son anyway. And if she is collecting from school at 5 then food shopping then she would have been home when you dds turned up. It doesn't make sence.

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 19:23:11

Purple. I asked if she could, she said no because she was out doing the food shopping, I said ok. Ds went there without knowing. Her husband said she was out picking her dc,s up from school and not in. She was in and her dc,s were in after school club for another hour and a half. So lying.
I'm hardly looking for someone else to blame for yes my mistake of which I have said.
I can't see why it would of angered you if a child had knocked on your door looking for it a friends child or a random child, I myself would of helped.

Whocansay Fri 06-Sep-13 19:25:55

She is not your friend. She is a user. Cut her off and start telling her 'no'.

And ignore the grammar police. I don't understand the posters who like picking OPs up on spelling and grammar when they are asking for help. It takes a special kind of arse to do that.

Jinty64 Fri 06-Sep-13 19:33:51

If any friend asked me to collect their child as they were running late it would not matter what was happening or how inconvenient it was, I would do it. It's every mothers worst nightmare. She could have waited at the school with the child until OP arrived to get him if she didn't want him in the house. Yes, OP should have realised there was a good chance of running late and should have phoned the school but that's what friends are for.

I wouldn't do her any other favours and start looking for new friends.

In our school children are taken to the gate to meet the parents for the first week. After that they are let out of the class room when the bell rings. The onus is on the parents to meet them or have them met. The only children kept back are the ones going to the after school club.

somersethouse Fri 06-Sep-13 19:34:54

It just doesn't make sense. None.
Her Dc's are in afterschool club, as a poster above said, she would not have been there anyway.

Surely you would have phoned the school. Why didn't you just phone the school... I am sorry, I do not get it,
If the friend never does you favours why would your Dc go there.

somersethouse Fri 06-Sep-13 19:37:00

Also, if you had posted saying the story (having phoned school and asking them to make DC wait) I may have felt differently about your friend, although she is still entitiled to say no FGS. But she said no and you did nothing.

Do you see what I mean OP?

Nanny0gg Fri 06-Sep-13 19:37:56

I understand you being upset with your 'friend' but the bottom line is, you should have a plan in place for this kind of thing. And the safest thing would be for your son to stay at school till you collect him - unless you are happy for him to have keys to maybe have to let himself in at home and stay there alone till you get there.

PopiusTartius Fri 06-Sep-13 19:40:02

This thread is madness.

a) It was your responsibility to PHONE THE SCHOOL to tell them you wouldn't be there on time.

b) If you have a system where your son routinely walks part of the way on his own/with mates (so you're clearly not there on time all the time, are you?) then why on earth would you expect him to wait on school grounds if you weren't there? What you've said doesn't add up.

Discuss with your son now what you want him to do in future if you are not there, as is clearly often the case. Either he is allowed to start walking on his own or he isn't but NONE of this is your friend's responsibility. It sounds to me like they were already feeling pissed off with you. Only you know what that is but I suspect we are not getting the full story.

And I am SITTING ON MY FUCKING HANDS about the grammar.

Listentomum Fri 06-Sep-13 19:42:00

Similar senario I call diss can you grab dd for me I'm literally 10 mins away....sorry I'm not at school docs have football training. Ok no probs.

I then call school in my case I'm running late old make sure dd waits for me in reception. Dd much younger so n our case I would call school. I'm running late could you get message to ds to wait for me at home.

No confusion or upset...

Listentomum Fri 06-Sep-13 19:43:12

Arg iPad I will proof read next time

TakingThePea Fri 06-Sep-13 19:45:53

I would never get my partner to lie to a 9/10 year child alone on my doorstep. YANBU to be upset with your friend. Make sure your DC always waits at school from now on.

Some people on this website are so uppity.

ProjectGainsborough Fri 06-Sep-13 19:48:34

Ok, everyone has already picked up on the fact that it's obnoxious and irrelevant to point out the flaws in someone's OP. So I won't do that.

I think regardless of whatever issues you might have with someone's parents or their requests for favours, it's pretty shitty to turn away a child at your door who asks for help. I wouldn't do that to a sixteen year old who turned up at my door, let alone a seven year old. If I was annoyed with the parents for some reason, I would address that separately.

OP, I would cut ties.

somersethouse Fri 06-Sep-13 19:49:38

PopiusTartius has summed it up perfectly. This issue has no logic to it whatsover.

phantomnamechanger Fri 06-Sep-13 20:14:12

OP, I think this is all a misunderstanding. You MUST see how this looks from her POV - to her it looks like she said no can do, but YOU SENT him anyway! Why on earth did you not ring the school?

she does not have to be accountable to you or tell the truth about why she could or would not help today. It is significant that both parents were home and the DC were in a club. They do not have to tell you their business. They both gave different excuses because the wife had no idea your son would turn up anyway and so had not tutored her DH with the correct fob-off, so the DH was thinking on the spot and just wanted to get rid of him. Another day it may have been convenient and she might have said yes.

The fact that this looks like a rather one sided friendship is another matter, but even a genuine friend of yours would be entitled to feel a little pissed off for what they THINK happened today.

BrokenSunglasses Fri 06-Sep-13 20:18:10

Point is that they both lied to him making out that she had gone out

No, it isn't the point! And she did help your son, you are making out like she put him on the kerb and forgot about him.

This woman could have been your friend for 115 years, she still doesn't have to tell you the truth about why it was inconvenient for her to help you out this time. And she certainly didn't have to tell your primary school aged child! She is allowed to lie

At what point would it have become acceptable for them to fib about their whereabouts to a child?

Maybe when telling the truth and still giving an answer acceptable to you would be 'Of course you can come in and wait for your Mum sweetheart, lets hope she's not too long so that my husband and I can get back to our cheeky afternoon shag'?

Or perhaps when the truth would be 'no, you can't come in and see X's Mum just now. Sorry son, it's just that we're waiting to see whether a little blue line will appear or not, and she might get a bit upset'?

Aaarghh! I don't know why I'm getting so wound up at this thread when it's so blatantly inconsistent, but I am!

phantomnamechanger Fri 06-Sep-13 20:19:24

I really don't believe all the goody goodies on here saying things like this If any friend asked me to collect their child as they were running late it would not matter what was happening or how inconvenient it was, I would do it

I consider myself to be a good friend and often put myself out and do favours, but there are times when MY personal life and crises come top trumps over and above a friends problems and especially when there is a perfectly safe, sensible alternative for them - ie phone the school and get them to keep him at the office till you arrive.

eg would you really want someone elses kid on you hands when a debt councillor was coming over, or a police officer was coming to interview you as a victim or witness, or you were awaiting a vital call from your bank/mortgage lender?

phantomnamechanger Fri 06-Sep-13 20:21:01

I agree with everything you've said on this thread broken sunglasses

somersethouse Fri 06-Sep-13 20:25:35

so do I!

redskyatnight Fri 06-Sep-13 20:28:30

There is one big unknown here - why did the friend lie to OP? The fact that she had her own DC in afterschool club suggests that she had a genuine reason (not just being unhelpful) for not wanting to look after him. Plus as her own DC were in afterschool club she would have to make a separate trip to get him - which whilst still not beyond the realms of helpfulness makes it a rather bigger favour than just picking him up if she's there anyway.

When DS turned up on her doorstep she was understandably pissed off. However, OP has said that the friend did ring to say DS was there - she didn't just send him off to sort himself out - she did do the responsible/helpful thing.

On the flip side, the OP, despite knowing that she was running late did precisely nothing to make sure her DS was safe. As about a zillion people have said, if she'd rung the school they would have told her DS and he would have sat in the office until she arrived and there would have been zero problem. Instead, OP does nothing and assumes that her DS is sensible enough to know what to do - which it turns out he isn't (deciding to go to the house of friends that are in after school club so good chance there is no one there, even if you gloss over the fact he shouldn't have left school grounds).

FannyMcNally Fri 06-Sep-13 20:29:15

Everything broken sunglasses said. But also ds said she was talking to someone when he arrived. Someone who needed a shoulder to cry on perhaps? Perfectly good reason to 'lie' in my book.

ProjectGainsborough Fri 06-Sep-13 20:33:57

But the child had to ASK if he could phone his mum. Why put a kid in an awkward situation? Surely you could pop him in the kitchen while you spoke to the debt collector, or whatever (I accept that the shag might've more difficult grin ).

Take your issues up with the adult, don't make the child feel bad.

Ooooh, I think I have just slightly fallen in love with PopiusTartus. Well done for getting to the gist of it. While sitting on your hands, no less! grin

kmc1111 Fri 06-Sep-13 20:48:48

I don't understand why your DS would wander off to a friends place for 'help' if you were only 10-15 minutes late. If he'd been waiting an hour, had gotten someone at school to ring you and gotten no answer, then it would make sense. But he's old enough to assume you've just got caught in traffic or held up if you aren't there right when he walks out the gate. I don't understand what he thought he needed help with, or why he would go straight to this friends. You say you're rarely if ever late and this friend does you no favours, so why would he immediately go to her if that's not a regular thing. Surely at that age the usual response would be to wait at least ten minutes then talk to a teacher. If he's going to wander off every time you're a few minutes late you have a problem.

I understand your friends annoyance. You asked, she said she was unavailable, your DS showed up anyway and she made the reasonable assumption that you ignored her saying no and told him to go to her house anyway. She obviously didn't want to tell you her reasons for saying no, and she shouldn't have to. She knew from your earlier call that you were on your way, she contacted you to say he'd come to hers. So your son had to wait outside for a few minutes, hardly a hardship. You don't seem alarmed by the fact he wandered off to this friends house alone, so the fact he had to wait outside the house shouldn't be a problem.

As for the lying, your friend obviously doesn't want to tell you her reasons. Which is fair enough. Last week I had a miscarriage, and I told a ton of lies to get out of various things. I'm still putting people off with half-truths. There are so many reasons why someone might lie about the things she did. Even if it's just that she'd had a shit day and didn't need an intrusion, frankly her reasons are none of your business.

MissStrawberry Fri 06-Sep-13 20:52:36

You really should have told your son what to do in the case of you ever not getting to school in time.

I assume you have now told him not to ever go to this person's house again?

Capitola Fri 06-Sep-13 20:55:49

Yy to PopiusTartius.

I'm sitting on my hands too.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 20:56:51

I hope your hands go so numb you can't type then.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Fri 06-Sep-13 20:57:17

There is obviously something going on here with the family or why would they have their kids in after school club when both are at home during the day. Yes - they obviously lied but it may be that whatever it is is intensely personal and they don't want to discuss it with you (or your 9 year old!) They are not obliged to just because you asked them a favour.

So I don't think they have behaved badly today.

Whether they are generally a good friend is another issue.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 20:58:03

Or you could always start a thread,sneering at other posters mistakes.

I mean we don't get many of them do we?

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 21:02:40

No matter who is at fault, how cheeky it is, what the OP should or should not OF done, I wouldn't leave a child standing on a doorstep. It's not his fault, take it up with the mum later.

I'm sitting on my hands about people sitting on their hands about grammar.

MrsDavidBowie Fri 06-Sep-13 21:23:24

What has it got to do with the PTA?
They have nothing to do with decision making in the school.

bongobaby Fri 06-Sep-13 21:23:33

I'm being taken the piss out of for my poor Grammar on here. Shocking to feel picked on for it.

phantomnamechanger Fri 06-Sep-13 21:27:18

MrsDavidBowie - ??

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 21:27:41

Just ignore 'em, Bongo.

Makes them feel superior.

Listentomum Fri 06-Sep-13 21:29:35

Ignore bongo, it's is often the case when another poster really is clutching at straws they pullout the grammar card. It shows they have no real argument.

MrsDavidBowie Fri 06-Sep-13 21:35:26

Someone mentioned up thread about telling the PTA.

well i wouldn't be too quick to help her out in future. she's not much of a friend going by what you're saying...

PurpleGirly Fri 06-Sep-13 21:38:11

OP I would be angry that I had told my friend I couldn't collect their child and the child turned up anyway, which would suggest that friend had ignored this and not found any alternatives.

Of course I would help the child but I would not call the friend a friend anymore for ignoring my answer. I would be angry to put on hold anything that I had planned because someone else had messed up.

LolaCrayola Fri 06-Sep-13 21:39:23

Your son didn't have good sense to go to his friends house. If he was demonstating good sense, he would have stayed at school. Why on earth didn't you phone the school? He is year 5 and plenty old enough to make his own way home, but why not just phone school so they can let him know. Your friend probably was going out, I wouldn't have been too happy if he had just turned up after telling you it wasn't convenient. She probably also just expected you would phone the school if you really were only 10 mins late.

somersethouse Fri 06-Sep-13 21:40:03


usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 21:43:30

Her DS didn't know her mate had said no.

phantomnamechanger Fri 06-Sep-13 21:59:07

the fact that the son does not ordinarily go to this friends after school or get picked up by her, makes it look even more like his mum TOLD him too, even if it is just a coincidence.

and 10 mins late is nothing - our school would not even be ringing you by then OP! BUT given that it is usual for him to start walking to meet you, it was wrong of you not to tell the school to stop him doing so.

MrsDavidBowie - PTA indeed an odd suggestion in that case! I thought you may have posted on the wrong thread!

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 21:59:25

Ignore them Bongo, it's petty and childish.

They wouldn't do it in real life I bet.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:04:07

HaroldLloyd. I doubt very much that many would say in "RL" what they would in RL so your petty argument is pretty redundant. Hows about you give it a rest?

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:07:44

I think it's weird to come on here to get your little kicks pulling someone's grammar apart.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:09:18


usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 22:09:50

Me too.

I can't see any reason to do it, unless it's to try and make the poster who made the mistake look stupid.

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:10:01

Oh cute you've got an irony klaxon as well as a grammar buzzer.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:11:02

And you have no sense of your own limitations, but hey ho...

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:11:38

Your getting a bit strange now.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:12:11


usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 22:12:23

They always say 'it's a bug bear of mine' too.

Like that excuses it.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:13:17

What a pair of sad sacks you are.

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 06-Sep-13 22:13:40


usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 22:13:48

I think custie has malfunctioned.

bigbuttons Fri 06-Sep-13 22:13:55

Bloody hell, I would NEVER turn a child away from my door, whatever the age. the woman is a heartless cow.

MissStrawberry Fri 06-Sep-13 22:14:12


HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:14:17

It's like arguing with my 11 year old nephew.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:14:37

No sweetheart, perfectly functioning here.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 22:14:43

She started it grin

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:14:56

I think cushtie has been taken over by her bug bears.

MissStrawberry Fri 06-Sep-13 22:15:14


cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:15:18

Your 11 year old nephew must have the patience of a saint

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:16:50

That's right I'm such a sad sack.

I would of thought with your superior grasp of the English language you would of come up with something a little better than that.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:18:00

That's your comeback? Sad sack pitched it just right then.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 22:18:03

Yes,sad sack is quite a poor insult.

I expected better of you,sweetie.

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:19:04


cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:21:32

Yup. Sad sack it is. Anything more cerebral and interesting would have been totally wasted.

VivaLeBeaver Fri 06-Sep-13 22:23:18

I opened this thinking I bet 194 people have come on to say HAVE not OF.

AvonCallingBarksdale Fri 06-Sep-13 22:23:26

I'm a total pedant, it's like the proverbial albatross round the neck to be fair and probably makes me something of a dullard, but, genuine question, what is so wrong about letting someone know they've made a mistake? Why is it so bad when it's to do with grammar? It seems to really polarize opinion on here. <ponders with more wine >

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 22:27:42

It was more than one person telling the OP she was wrong.

It's almost done with glee on this thread.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:30:32

Hmm...almost like the "glee" you've indulged in telling everyone to "fuck off" and "being a dick" for pointing it out. As I said, Irony.

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:30:38

I'd hate to deprive you of that superiority complex Cush.

Your right it's the only language I understand.

LolaCrayola Fri 06-Sep-13 22:30:40
HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:33:07

But really who cares? WHY CARE?

And even if you think it's the correct thing to do, when you see 100 people have already done it, why mention it again?


HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:35:09

I don't know, maybe it's just all too much for my little sad sack of a pea brain.

MrsDavidBowie Fri 06-Sep-13 22:35:09

"you're" grin
sorry, couldn't resist.

I have been known to go into shops and tell them the apostrophes on their signs/windows are in the wrong place...also schools who have mistakes on their websites.
I am like TrekkieMonster in Avenue Q , singing "The Internet is for Porn".

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:35:14

Glad you have figured that our Harold. The irony overload in that last post is quite delicious. But as you're not a grammar aficionado you'll never know that, will you?

MrsDavidBowie Fri 06-Sep-13 22:35:39

"you're" grin
sorry, couldn't resist.

I have been known to go into shops and tell them the apostrophes on their signs/windows are in the wrong place...also schools who have mistakes on their websites.
I am like TrekkieMonster in Avenue Q , singing "The Internet is for Porn".

MrsDavidBowie Fri 06-Sep-13 22:36:06

Apologies for that.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Fri 06-Sep-13 22:36:40

It's just fucking rude to point it out. It's worse than the original mistake, however grating that mistake is. It illustrates a lack of good manners at best and a whopping superiority complex at worst.

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:37:37

As long as its not one of your bug bears your forgiven grin

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:37:57

Well "Harold". In my particular case "100 people" hadn't already mentioned it and I presented a disclaimer of an apology initiallly before offering the OP advice. Unlike you and similar others who decided to jump on the bandwagon of being insulting to the so-called "grammar police". More Irony.

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:40:16

Did I mention your name Cush?

I said it was rude, I think it's rude. You leapt on my post like a bug bear then called me a sad sack.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 22:42:35

Bug bearing or sad sacking.

Which one is worserer?

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:42:52

Ah, the old straw clutching back pedal.

Listentomum Fri 06-Sep-13 22:45:25

*Add message | Report | Message poster cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:04:07
HaroldLloyd. I doubt very much that many would say in "RL" what they would in RL so your petty argument is pretty redundant. Hows about you give it a rest?*

That makes no sense what so ever.

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 22:45:29

How am I back pedalling? Please enlighten me.

cushtie335 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:45:30

Anyway OP. Sorry your thread has been hijacked. No doubt you've lost interest in it now or possibly wish you'd never bothered posting it. I hope you get to the bottom of why your friend lied and left your son feeling abandoned and unwanted. Hopefully you will resolve your differences. I wish you all the best. Goodnight.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 22:47:01

She posted that she was upset that her grammar had been picked on.

Did you miss that post?

AvonCallingBarksdale Fri 06-Sep-13 22:48:47

Sometimes it does matter though, doesn't it? Sometimes it changes the meaning of things a la Eats Shoots and Leaves. Granted, in this OP it really doesn't matter at all. Just think it's interesting that one of the cardinal sins on here is to point out a grammar error. You can think it and be aware of it, but you mustn't ever mention it. And, yes, of course, pointing it out gleefully isn't on at all.

guiltyconscience Fri 06-Sep-13 22:51:40


noelstudios Fri 06-Sep-13 22:55:24 has impeccable grammar.

noelstudios Fri 06-Sep-13 22:56:42

I read this for the grammar. Why keep getting it wrong though?

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 22:59:55

Who cares, it's a chat forum.

Notmadeofrib Fri 06-Sep-13 23:02:41

bully for you noel

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 23:06:43

I read this for pissing about on the internet.

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 23:09:03

I opened this to see how many people corrected the grammar. It was a good turn out today.

Notmadeofrib Fri 06-Sep-13 23:09:04

exactly and I have no life grin

ArgyMargy Fri 06-Sep-13 23:10:18

So OP is happy to come and moan about being corrected for her grammar, but doesn't answer the key questions about all the holes in her story...

Listentomum Fri 06-Sep-13 23:13:28

"Add message | Report | Message poster noelstudios Fri 06-Sep-13 22:56:42
I read this for the grammar. Why keep getting it wrong"

That's pretty nasty

Listentomum Fri 06-Sep-13 23:18:11

"Fuck off you sad cunt" by pm from Cushti....that's lovely, you must be so proud of your self!

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 23:20:54

what the fuck is aoll this shit?

Is everyoen two?

AvonCallingBarksdale Fri 06-Sep-13 23:21:25

Gordon Bennett!

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 23:25:07

Blimey that's a bit bonkers.

Listentomum Fri 06-Sep-13 23:27:37

Looks like chushti has left us already. Must have been a bridge dweller

musicismylife Fri 06-Sep-13 23:32:53

Sorry, OP, not read all of thread but who do you have down as emergency contact for the school? If it's friend, yanbu, if t isn't friend, you are.

musicismylife Fri 06-Sep-13 23:40:09

Sorry, OP, not read all of thread but who do you have down as emergency contact for the school? If it's friend, yanbu, if t isn't friend, you are.

musicismylife Fri 06-Sep-13 23:55:53

If your friend's children were at after-school club, friend was most likely naked (which is why your child was told she was out) sprawled on table, waiting for hubby and then your child rocks up (even though he had been told not to) and puts a dampener on their five minutes of passion.

I'd be fuming.

usualsuspect Sat 07-Sep-13 00:02:59

He wasn't told not to.

HappyYoni Sat 07-Sep-13 00:07:15

Blimey and I thought the bullying thread got heated!

HaroldLloyd Sat 07-Sep-13 00:13:58

Music your life sounds more exciting than mine, I'd probably be taking the chance to clean the toilet.

LinghamStyle Sat 07-Sep-13 01:07:27

I was just having a pee and a giant black beetle took a run at me!

LinghamStyle Sat 07-Sep-13 01:08:31

Wrong thread! Sorry! blush

Thanks for the pm Cushtie you're a proper charmer aren't you?

Address your 'problem' with me on the thread or not at all, bitchy, sly, malicious digs via the pm system make you look even worse.
Your advice was neither "sympathetic" nor "understanding" especially when juxtaposed with your hasty attempt to shred the op's grammar.

I see others have received similar, I think maybe you need to examine your own behaviour in the context of this thread.

Sorry MNHQ, just defending myself from a personal attack.

LinghamStyle that did make me laugh, if it had happened to me, I'd have died. Died I tell you. grin

Listentomum Sat 07-Sep-13 06:53:54

She pmd me too Alex.

Buddhagirl Sat 07-Sep-13 07:10:49

Should have. Now I didn't know that sad /thread jack

CadleCrap Sat 07-Sep-13 07:12:41

pmsl @ irony klaxon and grammar buzzer and the beetle in the loo.

Give DS a key OP.

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