To not want to see my MIL'a colostomy bag again

(94 Posts)
AQuarkTooFar Thu 05-Sep-13 21:57:27

Once was enough, the second time was just not necessary!

No reason to show me it, she just thought I might be interested. Bleurgh not close enough for that chat.

My DM is now listing everyone she knows that has had a colostomy bag including the Queen Mum! hmm

AQuarkTooFar Thu 05-Sep-13 21:58:06

MIL's not MIL'a!

CharityFunDay Thu 05-Sep-13 22:00:03

HM QETQM did not have a colostomy bag.

AQuarkTooFar Thu 05-Sep-13 22:02:46

Thanks Charity I will inform my DM.

Oh grow up OP. Lots of people of all ages have a colostomy. There but for the grace of God go you in fact. I'm not lining up to see them but getting all 'Bleurgh' about it is just juvenile.
Just change the subject of conversation and thank your lucky stars your gut works as it should.

ShatnersBassoon Thu 05-Sep-13 22:03:37

Bah, toughen up a bit. She thinks she can trust you to be sympathetic and sensible about something unpleasant she has to cope with.

KenDoddsDadsDog Thu 05-Sep-13 22:04:54

Wise up OP.

auntmargaret Thu 05-Sep-13 22:04:55

YABU

runningonwillpower Thu 05-Sep-13 22:05:01

I'd rather see one than have one.

Fairylea Thu 05-Sep-13 22:06:29

Maybe she's looking for some sympathy and support?! They're not particularly pleasant things to have (my mum has severe crohns disease and has had two at different times).

SilverApples Thu 05-Sep-13 22:06:48

Gods, how old are you?
Older than my nephew who had one, glad his sisters were more accepting. Your DM sounds fab!

somersethouse Thu 05-Sep-13 22:06:50

YABU

MissBetseyTrotwood Thu 05-Sep-13 22:07:04

Oh it's only a colostomy bag fgs. Good for her she's unbothered by it.

She wasn't asking you to take a sip, chill.

AQuarkTooFar Thu 05-Sep-13 22:10:28

I am being sympathetic and glad she will be getting the op she needs so she won't have to have it on for much longer. I'm sorry I was obviously wrong but we are not that close so I found it a bit odd that I have been shown in great detail the workings of it twice now.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 05-Sep-13 22:11:23

I can see why you don't want to see it, that is not unreasonable.

But I would imagine your MIL is perhaps trying to get to grips with the fact she has one, showing you, talking about all the people she know has/had one might be part of her getting used to it and normalising it. It's probably less about you than you think.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Thu 05-Sep-13 22:12:42

My gran has a colostomy bag. I hate seeing it. It reminds me how much she has suffered last few years. 4 years on I still get a lump in my throat. I dont blame you for not wanting to see it. But really I think you should get over yourself. If she is unbothered by it I think its only right you should not be too.

NappyHappy Thu 05-Sep-13 22:13:00

Dh had one for years, we named it Ripley.

Chill, be glad your guts work.

Well it's a pretty remarkable thing tbh. I think it's much healthier for mil to be interested in it - and sharing that - than ashamed or frightened.

OP - had it even occurred to you that there could be mumsnetters with bags? I'm sure there must be. That's kind of why we need people like your mil keeping us in the loop because this is not uncommon.

Moxiegirl Thu 05-Sep-13 22:16:30

Yanbu, I wouldn't want to see it either.

my story Here's a story on the colostomy website from a woman who could easily be a mumsnetter. Lots of other info on there if people need it.

Conina Thu 05-Sep-13 22:18:14

I think she's probably quite scared about people being nasty and looking for a little support. A close relative whos had a colostomy was mortified once leaving a toilet when some girl walked in and made a comment about something she took to be about her, and was tearful for literally weeks.

Be kind OP if you can. Kindness to someone who's not well and by the sounds of it feeling vulnerable would be compassionate. Not lecturing, just a little sad for the mil.

Don't know how the my story got in there - it isn't mine but it is very interesting!

MohammedLover Thu 05-Sep-13 22:23:10

There was a fantastic section of Radio 4's Woman's Hour where they talked about colostomy bags. Very interesting and informative. I would recommend a quick search and listen again.

morethanpotatoprints Thu 05-Sep-13 22:23:18

Ah, OP I wouldn't want to see my mils if she had one either.
My Dad, bless him had cancer and had one and even though I saw it occasionally it isn't something I relished.
I do think its as others have said she is probably coming to terms with having to have one for a while.
Just be supportive and pleasant when she shows you for the umpteenth time and be glad she will be better soon. thanks

AQuarkTooFar Thu 05-Sep-13 22:24:03

I am sorry for any offensive caused, I think I only really said bleurgh because I really am not that close to my mil and its not the sort of thing we share. She is

AQuarkTooFar Thu 05-Sep-13 22:24:36

Generally fit and healthy apart from this and I am helping her anyway I can.

OK Op, fair enough. She must really trust you anyway - which is lovely to know isn't it?

lunar1 Thu 05-Sep-13 22:28:38

She may be insecure about it and being open about it helps her cope. I'd try and find some empathy for her.

TheYoniWayIsUp Thu 05-Sep-13 22:32:13

My dad chose a colostomy bag over death. Pretty grim choice.

So sorry you've had the trauma of seeing a colostomy bag, that must have been dreadful for you hmm

CharityFunDay Thu 05-Sep-13 22:34:36

I think the OP is getting an unnecessarily hard time over this. I wouldn't want to see someone's colostomy bag either. Perhaps once, out of curiosity, but no more. And if I had one, I certainly wouldn't show it to other people -- same as I don't go around showing my arsehole to other people.

Rainbowshine Thu 05-Sep-13 22:35:56

Speaking For myself, who had to have a catheter bag for a week and tried (unsuccessfully) to hide it from visitors in hospital, it must have been a brave thing for your MIL to show you this. No it's not pleasant, but perhaps she sees you as an ally and someone trustworthy enough to share something so personal with.

MyDarlingClementine Thu 05-Sep-13 22:38:12

If I didn't like my DIL much I might show her mine wink I might even ask her to help me empty it.

duchessandscruffy Thu 05-Sep-13 22:40:54

Do you not like your MIL generally? God I would imagine that having a colostomy bag would be hideous, and if people were like 'eeeeew' if I tried to show it to them it would make me feel even shittier.

duchessandscruffy Thu 05-Sep-13 22:42:12

Oh god that wasn't meant to be a pun in my last post blush

whatareyoueventalkingabout Thu 05-Sep-13 22:45:04

poo isn't particularly nice to look at for anyone except possibly Gillian mckeith, maybe feign interest and be thankful that she isn't upset or embareased about it, but ask her to refrain during mealtimes? reasonable compromise?

rlhmum Thu 05-Sep-13 22:52:49

my eleven year old had an ileostomy ..it isn't pleasant and she would rather not have it but she has no choice . she lives everyday knowing thst most people think its bleugh !

My lovely friend had one before she died of bowel cancer. sad I still miss her. I felt very honoured and privileged that she was willing to share information with me, and that she trusted me with something so personal. It wasn't easy for her.

OP, best wishes to your MIL, and I hope you can continue to support her. It's lovely that she felt able to discuss it with you.

ExitPursuedByADragon Thu 05-Sep-13 22:55:19

Cliff Richards?

Silverdaisy Thu 05-Sep-13 22:56:47

Perhaps OP may regret starting this thread?

A colostomy bag is nothing to be ashamed of and will provide a better quality of life for the individual.

Personally i wish my parent would talk more openly about their bag.

OP, my guess is that you are really quite young and have never been involved in the care of someone with severe health problems.

Your post isn't even offensive, just silly and self-centred.

AQuarkTooFar Thu 05-Sep-13 23:02:47

Nope I don't regret starting this thread because you have all made me realise I have been silly for being bothered about it. Thanks.
Again I apologise for any offence caused.

wannabestressfree Thu 05-Sep-13 23:02:51

I am relatively young (thirties) and have a colostomy bag permanently. It's bloody awful but I had no choice - have severe crohns and early bowel cancer. I honestly forget after being chopped open so many times that other people are squeamish about it. I stroke with it, play with it, it makes noises and fills up at an alarming rate and if I am really lucky leaks all over me in the night! I take 30 Imodium after a very recent discussion with a specialist to control it as it has a life of its own.....
I would feel honoured as sometimes I feel desperately lonely that no one just wants to chat about it.....(apart from a lovely lady on here)
It's not a nice thing and for some of us it can't ever be reversed

CharityFunDay Thu 05-Sep-13 23:06:32

ExitPursuedByADragon

I'd heard that Cliff has a colostomy bag before, but in his latest pin-up calendar (God, the things I google in the name of research), there are topless shots and no sign of a cb or a corresponding scar, so I think we have to write that one off as urban myth.

Petula Clarke on the other hand...

ExitPursuedByADragon Thu 05-Sep-13 23:08:22

Hmmmm. You may be right. Cliff and the Queen Mum may not be true.

idiot55 Thu 05-Sep-13 23:18:34

Why do mumsnet terms give people a hard time like this.

It's a fact not everyone likes seeingmbody parts etc, she didn't say she wasn't interested in her Mil s colostomy or didn't have sympathy, merely she didn't like to look.

Jeez folks calm down

valiumredhead Thu 05-Sep-13 23:23:39

Thank your lucky stars you don't need one OP! Poor mil,I feel sorry for her thinking you might be sympathetichmm

I've seen a bag, in fact I've helped an elderly lady change hers, I was only 18 at the time and it was such a non event. Stop making such a fuss about nothing.

valiumredhead Thu 05-Sep-13 23:25:08

I just read the whole thread and see you've had a change of heart-that'll teach me to rtffgrin

valiumredhead Thu 05-Sep-13 23:25:27

RTFT

YouAreMyRain Thu 05-Sep-13 23:33:45

I had to have life saving bowel surgery at the age of 39 and there was a very strong likelihood that I would end up with a colostomy bag.

My illness came out of nowhere, there but for the grace if god OP.

Glad you have had a change of heart.

reelingintheyears Thu 05-Sep-13 23:40:18

Well I don't blame you, I would not want to see anyone's colostomy bag either.
Shame that they have to have one but that doesn't mean I want to see it.

Full credit to the OP for taking views on board. It's nice to read an AIBU where the OP is open to opinion smile

Montybojangles Fri 06-Sep-13 08:37:08

Op, you say a couple of times that you aren't that close to your MIL, perhaps this is her way of trying to get closer to you? She may think sharing something so private with you will make you feel closer, and trusted perhaps.

mrsjay Fri 06-Sep-13 08:49:31

I think you have seen it once then twice that is enough now sounds like she has no filter and needs to stop showing it , I am assuming it is a recent operation and she is adjusting to change isn't she so of course she wants to talk about it,
is it you mum or mum in law i was confused If it is your mum just tell her to put it away , if it is your mil just nod and change the subject or just tell her she needs to put it away, of course she was ill and of course this bag has probably made her life a bit easier I hope she stops showing it off soon,

mrsjay Fri 06-Sep-13 08:52:28

just read the whole thread and it is your mil glad you are just going to let her show you and all that, but i do think there is a time when she needs to stop showing you she will adjust to it though, I had my bladder removed and I have a urostomy bag I dont show anybody my pee I dont know why anybody would want to know or see it tbh

Londonderrysue Fri 06-Sep-13 08:55:03

I've got a permanent ileostomy (like a colostomy only better!) and while my mum saw my bag, my dad hasn't, and none of my friends have. I didn't show them my bum, so why would I show them my bag. They all know about it, but no one has ever said they feel left out at not seeing it.

My lovely aunt has one.

She told me she got her baptism of fire when her dad once rang her in bits as he had a problem with his, and could she come from work to help him.
She said she felt really reluctant but then thought "Heck, lets do this, one day it could be ME with a colostomy bag". How right was she!? 20 years down the line but even so.

KurriKurri Fri 06-Sep-13 09:27:42

Perhaps talking about it with others is your MIL's easy of coping with what has happened to her (a pretty traumatic thing I imagine) and normalising it, so that people don't think she is odd. Its quite common for people who have had serious illnesses or conditions to feel slightly shunned by others, because people are embarrassed, or want to distance themselves from any kind of illness.

But the reality is that all sorts of unpleasant and 'not very socially acceptable' illnesses happen to lots of people. Hard enough having to cope with all the physical and emotional stuff surrounding such things, without having people think you are 'yuk'.

And those of us who have had some sort of medical procedure that makes us different from others, shouldn't be made to feel ashamed. More people would go to the doctor and get their problems dealt with before it is too late, if society wasn't so utterly hung up on things being yuk or embarassing.

I don't mean to be harsh to you OP - because you have agreed you WBU, but I think it is important to debate these things and bring such topics out into the open and discuss them sensibly and sensitively, because ultimately it can save peoples lives.

dreamingofthefuture Fri 06-Sep-13 09:33:44

I had to have an illeostomy bag without warning, it was that or death.

I am a very modest person but all of a sudden I kept "whipping up my skirt" to friends and relatives to show them my bag.

I felt it was dirty and I struggled to come to terms with it, in fact at first I did not even realise what was coming out of my stomach.

I think I had to show everybody as a coping mechanism and also to gauge their reactions. Luckily I have fab family and friends and nobody flinched, my sister in fact had an unhealthy obsession with it.

I am one of the lucky ones who has had a reversal and now I look back I cringe at how I kept whipping it out but I would please just ask anybody in the ops position to be sympathetic and not react. It is impossible to even begin to explain how having the bag affects you and your mental state.

RevoltingPeasant Fri 06-Sep-13 09:40:12

MrsJay hello fellow kidney sufferer grin

The thing is, I think talking about something can be a way of processing the shock. My kidney disease and subsequent ops came on quite suddenly. I have always thought of myself as quite stoical about health - don't go to the GP at the drop of a hat, self-mend where possible, train through injuries etc - but I found myself unable to stop thinking about it.

Something like disease in a major organ, big op etc, can be an intimation of mortality. I am 34 but my kidney problems made me feel old. I was suddenly in a ward with people with serious diabetes complications, and...and... stuff that I just thought would never happen to me! It actually made me feel weirdly humiliated and fragile.

Your MIL might just be having an 'oh hell I'm getting old and going to die one day, possibly of a horrible disease like bowel cancer' moment. She'll get over it. Glad you have.

Jelly15 Fri 06-Sep-13 09:40:18

My DM has one and she was traumatized by the whole illness, operation and coming to terms with the bag. She showed me and my sisters and described the contents regularly. It turned my stomach but I hid my feelings as she was so fragile mentally. Eventually she got use to it and she never mentions it.

wannabestressfree Fri 06-Sep-13 10:13:33

Revolting peasant you put how I feel so eloquently. I spend a lot of time in hospital and its predominantly older people. I was so blasé about my illness but suddenly it's hit me that I may die prematurely. I am due another op to resite my stoma which is flat and I know how an ever growing hernia behind it.....
All of a sudden I don't want it done. It's so liberating to write this as I haven't discussed it in real life. I am petrified of dying whilst in surgery as I have has other problems and don't heal well (due to crohns)
Thank you again for saying so eloquently what I have been struggling to say for so long....

NappyHappy Fri 06-Sep-13 13:13:30

Hi Wanna. DH was on the ward with the older folk too. We went through alot of fobbing off then only when he nearly died on me (the first time) did anyone take notice. Bag or die. It got put in 3yrs later that herniated then he had a left hemicolectomy (2nd time of nearly dying on me). We used to get followed round ASDA as the security thought he had a chicken up his top!!

SummerRain Fri 06-Sep-13 13:20:21

Sil had one for 5 years after a horrendous accident. I can't imagine having to live like that for 5 years, she was 20 at the time of the accident sad

I never saw it but she and mil talked about it pretty matter of factly. Because it was part of her life at the time and an inescapable and limiting part at that.

No it's not pleasant. So can you imagine living with it attached to you?

mrsjay Fri 06-Sep-13 13:39:44

MrsJay hello fellow kidney sufferer

Hi lovey grin you did put it well these things take a lot of acceptance, and it can take a while to realise that your body is ill and your body is changing and you have an extra bit attached to you still wouldn't show anybody

Talking about being on a ward I was 17 and on a ward with old dearies with problems down there and men with prostrate problems also ^down there^grin

wannabestressfree Fri 06-Sep-13 13:51:11

Nappy that made me laugh and I needed it today. My worst so far was a very unsympathetic virgin worker asking if I minded removing it whilst on flight with them as it poses a security risk (I rang them to inform them I wear a bag)...... I asked to be put through to someone who wasn't an idiot......

Even my own grandmother screwed up her nose and asked how my partner felt about it when I told her I had to have it put in. I responded he didn't have one so I assumed he was fine!!! That still makes my mum laugh.

I am not saying you have to have it out all the time. Mine is opaque so not really noticeable. You can buy underwear and swimwear so life carries on. It's just not that easy sometimes

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 06-Sep-13 13:55:35

my sister has had a colostomy bag for years and we are very close. I would still not like to see it and she has certainly never offered!

Theas18 Fri 06-Sep-13 14:02:34

OP good on you for listening. THis come under the category of " stuff that should be talked about more but isn't" y'know, like ...whispers.... periods... 20yrs ago.

My teenage DD texts her dad if she needs sanitary supplies and I'm stuck at work and neither of them bats an eyelid.

Taking about stomas and other slightly icky medical stuff helps them get accepted - the person on the end of the " poo bag" hasn't changed after all. The son of a very good friend (and close mate of DS) had a hell of a time recently and ended up with a stoma. The lads have been very accepting of all his paraphernalia, "belly farts" and the occasional leak at school. Poor guy would have had an even more miserable time than he did if his mates hadn't coped fine ( though they don't like him getting drunk, apparently that IS stinky!).

BadSeedsAddict Fri 06-Sep-13 14:08:14

Don't think you are being unreasonable at all, talking about how it affects you is one thing but if my MIL took me to the toilet to see something that had been round her gut I would find it very weird. It's possible to have sympathy with someone about something without having to look at their waste. Fair enough if they are concerned about it, but having emptied colostomy bags for people in residential care I certainly wouldn't be getting mine out to show to relatives.

BadSeedsAddict Fri 06-Sep-13 14:09:01

Agree that talking about it more is good though grin

NappyHappy Fri 06-Sep-13 15:46:06

Chest farts in inappropriate places too winkwink

The chicken was the prolapse, it was funny seeing the look on the guards face when explaining what it was. shock

A friend of ours has a stoma, again life or death situation and she has had a hell of a time with hers hmm but shes said talking has helped her but she doesn't show 'Harry' to anyone.

mrsjay Fri 06-Sep-13 16:25:30

I agree with BadSeedsAddicts we wouldnt go in and have a look at our mother in laws poop every day would we, of course talking about it is good she is coming to terms with it but she needs to keep it under cover imo

wannabestressfree Fri 06-Sep-13 16:29:20

Why does she need to keep it under cover. She clearly wants to wipe it out and talk about it. Good for her I say......

mrsjay Fri 06-Sep-13 16:33:28

you know there has to come a time when MIl needs to see this as a part of her and by not whipping it out to show people is what she needs to do eventually

ITCouldBeWorse Fri 06-Sep-13 16:37:45

I think most people would view a bag in a Matter of fact way - a bit like any visit to the loo. Mostly people would not call you to have a look before flushing and I think op responded like that.

I'm sure her mil is processing this new thing and talking about it is part of this.

Necessary evil I guess, like so much in life!

I have a relative with one. She didn't talk about it to anyone (though we knew) and only recently could speak to me about it as she finds it difficult - she had to explain that she can't stay at anyone's house unless there is an ensuite bathroom she can have for her own use. She can't visit us because of this - and I know she was mortified to talk about it. I assured her I had dealt with three children under three and poo was no longer capable of making me embarrassed; no help to her I'm sure, but at least I wasn't embarrassed - which would have made her feel worse.

Does anyone have this problem with travelling - any suggestions?

mrsjay Fri 06-Sep-13 16:40:32

I'm sure her mil is processing this new thing and talking about it is part of this.

Necessary evil I guess, like so much in life!

yes she is just adjusting to it she will eventually stop showing it to whoever wants or not wants to see it, but I never felt the need to show mine to anybody ever, my mum when I got it as she wanted to see but I wouldn't show it to anybody else not because I am ashamed as I needed it obviously but just because I didn't like anybody would want to see a bag of urine,

Longfufu Fri 06-Sep-13 16:44:06

My husband who's 31 has a bag, i don't mind it...better than him "losing control" he had an IBD for 8 years. Got to admit i didn't like the see through bags that he had in the early days to help him with fitting.

MissAntithetic Fri 06-Sep-13 16:44:37

I wouldn't want to see a bag any more than I would want to see an arsehole. But then I'm pretty unfazed as I have looked after many people with a bag so it doesn't bother me any more than a butt, a boob, a false leg whatever.

Although they do make some rather odd noises at times grin

midlandslurker Fri 06-Sep-13 16:54:27

YANBU

I can fully comprehend your MIL wanting to share her experience and fears with those she is close to,but surely that can be conveyed verbally ? "show and tell" should be left in the classroom.

phantomnamechanger Fri 06-Sep-13 16:58:59

I think this is part of her adapting to this - and is comparable with a toddler proudly showing you the contents of their potty. Part fascination, part seeking some sort of acknowledgement from others.

I find it humbling to read of so many younger people going through this so bravely and acceptingly. All power to them.

Oblomov Fri 06-Sep-13 17:18:16

I wouldn't mind if my mil showed me hers, but then
a) I like my mil a lot.
b) I quite like shit/pooh/gore/verrucas/ vile things on health /Trypopophobia etc.
So if anyone showed me their blood/warts etc, I wouldn't really care.

Andro Fri 06-Sep-13 17:54:21

I thinks it's perfectly reasonable to not want to see a person's colostomy bag, that lack of desire doesn't for minute detract from how much someone may care/be concerned/have empathy for the person.

RachelHRD Fri 06-Sep-13 18:59:19

YABVU

My DD had one from the age of 5 weeks to 18 months and it's far more unpleasant to have one and live with it than to look at one. I'm guessing she has it due to health issues so I hope she is getting plenty of support.

mrsjay Fri 06-Sep-13 19:48:49

I am sure the OP is very supportive of her MIL and her medical condition,

BadSeedsAddict Fri 06-Sep-13 20:07:16

The OP is not being very unreasonable, she has a right to not have to see someone's colostomy bag. It is unreasonable to expect her to 'toughen up'. This isn't her saying she finds stomas in general disgusting (who would say that?). She's wondering if it's within her rights to ask her MIL to stop making her look at hers. Yes it must be a big thing to deal with. No she shouldn't have to look at it, except in particular circumstances. My MIL may have to have one and despite us being pretty close I wouldn't ask to see it even if we were close, because it is a private part of her body. Equally, I would expect to feel uncomfortable were she to offer to show me it.

mrsjay Fri 06-Sep-13 20:09:01

because it is a private part of her body. Equally, I would expect to feel uncomfortable were she to offer to show me it.

^ ^ this

MrsDeVere Fri 06-Sep-13 20:17:01

I think people are being a bit harsh.
Its not really something you want to look at.

If my OH had one or my children it would be a part of my life but if it was my MILs (unless I was her carer) it wouldn't.

I would be happy to chat to her about it. TBH I wouldn't mind looking at if if she really wanted to show me but I have been a carer for years so it wouldn't upset me.

But its not everyone's cup of tea.

My lovely dad went into hospital to have a bag fitted and he never came home. Fucking MRSA and negligence saw to that.

One other related story. We went to Disney Paris with the Black Cabs. They take sick kids there.
I went to the loo and I heard crying. It took me about 10 mins to coax a young girl out. She was distraught, it was her first time away since she had her bag fitted and it was all just too much for her.

Poor baby. It was 8 years ago. I hope she got better and I hope she doesn't have to cope with that bag anymore.

pud1 Fri 06-Sep-13 20:56:07

My wonderful dad had his illisiostomu ( not a clue how to spell it). Fitted in April. He had cancer of the bowel and is doing chemo now. He has shown me his stoma and his bag on many occasions and it was pretty obvious that it was part of his coping strategy. It was not a pleasent sight when he has the trainer bag that was transparent but now he has the non see through one you can't see the contents anyway. He has been through hell after the op. he has major pain. Blockages, collapsing small intestine as well as the chemo side effects. He has dealt with it all so well and often says he would rather have a bag than be in a box.
If me looking at and taking interest in his stoma and bag is helping him even slightly I will happily do that when ever he wants.

BergholtStuttleyJohnson Fri 06-Sep-13 22:02:19

I've emptied a fair few colostomy bags, not the most pleasant job but not a big deal is it? I actually find it quite interesting, not the emptying bit, just how it all works and whatnot.

BergholtStuttleyJohnson Fri 06-Sep-13 22:05:56

By "no big deal" I mean it wasn't for me to empty it. For the person who has one it obviously is quite a big deal.

WandaDoff Fri 06-Sep-13 22:23:11

I've never emptied a colostomy bag, I've emptied my MILs catheter bag many times. Helped her onto the commode & wiped her bum afterwards too.

A colostomy or catheter bag is a private thing that takes a lot of getting used to. Your MIL is probably finding it quite hard to get used to it & looking for reassurance from those she cares about.

By offering to show you, your MIL is showing a great trust in you, she must feel close enough to you as a person & family member to share it with you, it might not be the most pleasant thing, but you must try to be supportive even if its distasteful to you.

I sympathise, totally, it's not nice.

Here, have some wine smile

WandaDoff Fri 06-Sep-13 22:25:04

Sorry, had it in my head it was your MIL.

Same difference though, she's looking for your support.

AmpullaOfVater Fri 06-Sep-13 22:28:50

"Personally i wish my parent would talk more openly about their bag."

Christ, I don't! My dad had one for a few months and I saw it far more times than I would've liked. But before I get flamed I was a wonderful, supportive daughter.

YANBU.

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