To have smiled sweetly and said nothing to this school bully

(492 Posts)
DrinkFromMyFountain Thu 05-Sep-13 14:55:44

14 years ago I left school. There was one girl who made my life hell, said a load of nasty things about me and told me I would never amount to anything. She also said I'd end up single and Childless at 30 working in a shop. (NB I see nothing wrong with this, but it was meant in a horrible, nasty, put downy way). This was amongst various other things she said and did to try to make my life a misery.

This morning I took my car to the car wash and saw her working there washing cars.

I ordered my car wash for my naice car with my baby DS in the back and said "fancy seeing you here". She made a grimace of a face and carried on with her work.

Karma you beauty.

Abra1d Thu 05-Sep-13 14:56:54

Give her tip. grin

flyingwidow Thu 05-Sep-13 14:59:00

Just grin inside, and know that karma is a sweet sweet thing!

facedontfit Thu 05-Sep-13 14:59:20

Gloat & enjoy smile

thebody Thu 05-Sep-13 15:01:51

god you are all so nice. I would have complained that she had scratched my car.

Tailtwister Thu 05-Sep-13 15:22:51

Excellent! I love stories like this.

Coast2Coast Thu 05-Sep-13 15:24:42

thebody grin

MalcolmTuckersMistress Thu 05-Sep-13 15:45:33

Hahaha that's ace! I really hope you enjoyed that moment.

There was one particularly horrid boy at school who was a snobby spoilt little shit. He was Mr Popular and have everything his heart could desire. He was always horrible to me constantly making nasty cruel comments along with his gang of evil skateboard friends. (It was so bad that even now I can't walk past large groups of boys without having a fear of panic) he really did make my life a living misery for many years.

Anyway, where is he now? In prison for murdering his dad, who used to buy him all the latest Stussy tshirts and fancy skateboards!

MTBMummy Thu 05-Sep-13 16:06:37

These moments are the ones that used to make me grin from ear to ear - I was a huge geek at school and was picked on, bullied and excluded constantly, was told I'd never marry and I'd amount to nothing.

I recently saw a the popular girl from school - still working the same cashier job she'd had when she was 16. Did a small dance of joy inside

Wearytiger Thu 05-Sep-13 16:07:58

I once went for a family lunch with my dh's cousin. We were in a large group and my dh's uncle was 'instructing' (in a nice but somewhat persistent way) the waiter to take lots of photos of us (lots of 'and another one', 'can you take it from this angle' etc).The waiter did as he was asked and then walked away. As he did so my dh's cousin turned to me and said that she'd had no idea when she booked the table, but the waiter was her old boss, who'd made her life an absolute misery whilst working in a very glamorous industry. Karma indeed.

Lilacroses Thu 05-Sep-13 16:10:07

Brilliant! They do say the best revenge is a happy life!

wheretoyougonow Thu 05-Sep-13 16:11:32

I live moments like this. Last year I bumped into the 'it' girl at school. She used to look down on me and be very catty as she was so beautiful and I had ginger hair.
She had a little girl with the brightest red hair. Bet she has changed her mind about the colour now! grin

Boosterseat Thu 05-Sep-13 16:20:27

Fantastic grin

I had DS very young and remember a lovely young lady hmm telling me I would end up fat, ugly and working on a checkout for the rest of my life as she was off to uni to better herself, digs all the time about my fall from grace and not being as clever as everyone thought I was because I didn't have the sense to use contraception.

Low and behold, 6 years later wearing my size 10 business suit,taking an important work phone call whilst apologising to the checkout assistant for being rude I did a double take shock - she had a face like a smacked arse as she scanned my "naice" ham sandwich grin

Just wished I had polite,charming,drop dead gorgeous DS with me to rub salt in her bitter, nasty wounds.

Ohhh i sound a right bitch blush but she made me feel like shite every single day I attended 6th form pregnant.

silverten Thu 05-Sep-13 16:41:41

I was doing last minute bargain-grabbing shopping on Christmas Eve with lovely DH at the Asda nearest my parents' house several years ago.

Karma gave me an early present in the form of one of my school bullies working the checkouts on what must have been a pretty miserable shift.... smile

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 16:43:18

When I had my first summer job when I was 12, I worked with a 14 year old girl. This girl was let go (the owner of the ice cream shop I worked in paid her 2 pounds an hour and me 1 pound, so she was being cheap. Anyway I didn't know this at the time and it wasn't my fault).

This girl waited for me on the way home, she and a friend shouted at me, called me names and hit me really hard round the face, and jeered at me as I ran off crying.

I was TERRIFIED of these girls, and spent years walking down back alleys to avoid then, they scared me when I was anywhere near them at school, and dreaded it happening again.

Years later, one of the girls was a heroin addict. And the one who hit me, I remember queuing at the deli counter and she was the person who served me, looking miserable, unkempt and wearing one of those vile white hats. I was in my work suit carrying my laptop bag and I remember thinking 'well, fuck you'. All those years scared of this woman now portioning up luncheon meat.

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 16:45:20

I don't mean to be disparaging about supermarket workers btw, my dd works in one.

Boosterseat Thu 05-Sep-13 16:45:21

Loving these sweet success revenge stories.

The best revenge is indeed to live life well

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Thu 05-Sep-13 16:45:48

Argh, I'm so jealous of all your stories. The "it" girl from my school who made my life a living hell has married a very wealthy (albeit much older) bloke and is living in an absolutely FABULOUS house, travels all over the world and generally living it up.

<bitter>

My lovely used to be bullied to bits at school by one particularly horrible girl. She found out that the girl who bullied her is now a teacher, and had to have the whole summer term off because of stress. Apparently she was being treated really badly by some of the other staff. The phrase used was, 'So-and-so is being bullied at school'. My niece liked that... a lot.

Not that I'm condoning bullying behaviour in adults or anything, but just karma, you know?

HazelnutinCaramel Thu 05-Sep-13 16:47:39

boosterseat do you think she was jealous of your pregnancy? Sounds like it!

Boosterseat Thu 05-Sep-13 16:50:04

I didn't think anyone got jealous at 16 for being pregnant. confused
Perhaps, i never really thought about it like that. I just thought she was being a nasty cow.

ILetHimKeep20Quid Thu 05-Sep-13 16:51:28

I recall vividly a snobby swotty type telling me she'd look down on me cleaning the streets whilst she sat in her top floor office.

I've not had my moment yet but I'm sure it will come.

GerardButlersSecretLover Thu 05-Sep-13 16:54:14

Years ago I rescued a friend from being beaten up in a toilet. I am quite a timid person and have never done something like it before or since. I did a Cagney and Lacey type maenouvre and kicked the toilet door open and dragged my friend out. Last time I heard anything about the bully she was a drug addict!

Boosterseat Thu 05-Sep-13 16:54:50

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts I know a lady of leisure who lives it up in a fabulous house, drives an amazing car, goes on foreign holidays x3 per year.

He "D"H is a nasty, feckless sleazeball who likes to chat up young office juniors on work nights out with promises of champagne and fancy hotel rooms while she lounges at home.

Maybe its the same person!

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 16:57:36

Whilst it's nice to see bullies get their just desserts, you're all being a bit mean about shop workers as though it's a lesser job to be scoffed at. I've worked in a shop for yonks and I'd be gutted if people thought I was a failure because of my lack of career.

JenaiMorris Thu 05-Sep-13 16:59:00

YABU - it's an ugly sentiment. But I'd I've done exactly the same (and indeed have blush )

BoozyBear Thu 05-Sep-13 16:59:46

i work on a checkout, i hope no-one i used to go to school with thinks badly of me for it or thinks of themselves a superior for their 'better' job. hmm

im married with 2 kids and i work part time in that job because it pays well and fits in with my life.

SilverApples Thu 05-Sep-13 17:01:21

Nasty, unhelpful and critical co-worker who made me very miserable for three years. Moved jobs.
Ten years later, guess who is applying for a job at my school? The one where I'm a respected and established Good Thing?
No, I didn't recommend her and she didn't get the job.

Toughtimes30 Thu 05-Sep-13 17:01:48

Great thread! All the 'popular' girls at my school who used to look at me and my friends (not popular or geeks) like we were trash and take the mick out of us to look cool ended up pretty much the same as your bully. These girls made us feel so insignificant and pathetic for no reason at all, now I have to chuckle when I drive past them in my nice car with my beautiful baby girl grin

I'm loving how people have had some sort of karma from their childhood bullies but it seems as if this thread is at risk of morphing into a 'you work in retail - your life must be shit' thread.

I dunno maybe I need a beer and then I can take this thread in the spirit it was intended. smile

SilverTen Christmas Eve is actually a pretty great shift to work, you get more happy people in then you do grumpy people. I don't work all year round anymore, I am lucky enough to be able to be a SAHM but I'll be temping at my old employer just for the sheer fun of seasonal retail actually I must be mad grin

nancerama Thu 05-Sep-13 17:07:14

I went to a "naice" secondary school, or so my parents thought. I was miserable and constantly picked on by the popular queen bee, who declared at every available opportunity that I was "so fucking common". Last time I encountered her she was working behind the bar at a really grim nightclub.

Oh goody, whilst I typed that essay of a post I've xposted with others! grin

kukeslala Thu 05-Sep-13 17:08:52

I don't really see what the karma is?

Is it that she was washing cars at a car wash and you think that's a lowly job?

Or that you have a nice car and a baby?

Boosterseat Thu 05-Sep-13 17:09:37

My best friend works on a checkout Boozybear, full time, no children and loves her job. My friend is the one of the cheeriest, polite and chatty people on this earth and does her job with pride and i love going in and being served by her grin

I do not consider myself "better" than her at all, but I cant apologise for my feelings toward a bullying cow who wanted to drill into me every single day how shit my life was going to be because i wasn't going to uni.

I have once worked cold calling for a timeshare company - now that was a job i was ashamed of (it was a complete scam!)

cantspel Thu 05-Sep-13 17:12:21

These people were children when they bullied and looked down on you. Probably with a host of family problems you knew nothing about.

You are now adults so what is your excuse as you seem to have morphed into the very people you hated.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 17:18:45

I agree with cantspel.

I like it when I hear that someone has come face to face with a bully from the past and the bully has been apologetic. That seems like a nicer closure than being smug because of their perceived shit life.

sad

Lilacroses Thu 05-Sep-13 17:19:49

You could very well be right cantspel but I don't think you can be overly judgey.....some people that have been bullied are affected by it for life. What these people are pleased about is seeing a person who previously had power over them no longer in that position. It's understandable.

BoozyBear Thu 05-Sep-13 17:22:00

i was bullied horrendously at school, so its not like i dont understand the feelings of wanting to be glad when someone who was shitty to you got bit on the arse by karma.

But 'karma' isnt a particular job you feel is beneath you.

I try to focus on the fact that i am still loved, successful and happy DESPITE their best efforts to convince me otherwise.. i dont need to know or care what their lives are like.

cantspel Thu 05-Sep-13 17:23:24

But the greatest revenge is to go on and be happy in your life be it on a checkout of tesco or CEO of a multi national. Not to gloat as you now think they are inferior to you.

RedHelenB Thu 05-Sep-13 17:26:57

Exactly cantspel!

kukeslala Thu 05-Sep-13 17:27:32

Cantspel I agree, doesn't make it any less hurtful or right for those victims, but you have it bang on!

Have we all not done things we are ashamed of, with regards to our behaviour when younger.
As adults we have hopefully learnt how our behaviour can effect others and made adjustments.

Also OP, your title says you didn't say anything, you did...

SubliminalMassaging Thu 05-Sep-13 17:29:18

You are very gracious. I might have to have made some catty passing shot as I drove off. I bet it was a great feeling. grin

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 17:30:35

I wasn't jubilant because she worked in a shop. More that she looked like shit, was really scruffy looking and miserable.

Not about shop work or people in lowly jobs, I have worked on factory floors, as a waitress, as a cleaner and in a knicker factory and loathed people looking down on me.

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 17:32:31

Ah your right cantspel and marmalade, i wondered if it came across is snooty when I posted it hence why I said I didn't mean any offence to supermarket workers.

Sorry for any offence, I don't mean to be a twat.

SubliminalMassaging Thu 05-Sep-13 17:34:01

I'm sure the OP would not normally look down on anyone on account of their employment status - it's just that this particular woman was spiteful and superior and she's porven to be just ordinary, and waiting on the OP. I think she can afford to feel a little bit smug in this instance.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 17:34:16

Fucking hell, Here or. Do you live in Coronation Street? Your CV reads like it belongs to Leanne Battersby. grin

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 17:34:42

Here or? GET OFF, OBVIOUSLY.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 17:35:32

It wasn't you GetOrf, honest. Xx

SilverApples Thu 05-Sep-13 17:38:41

I married a clever and talented bloke who thinks I am fabulous.
He's never wrong about that sort of thing, I must be amazing. grin

cantspel Thu 05-Sep-13 17:41:37

I married a not so clever or very talented bloke who worships the ground i walk on. Silly bloke thinks the best thing he has ever done is marry me.

I would hate to upset him by disagreeing with him.

DrinkFromMyFountain Thu 05-Sep-13 17:43:39

It wasn't the fact that she works in a car wash or that I consider that a shit job, it's the fact from what she said in school I know she considers it a shit job after she spent years telling me she was going to be a CEO.

The karma is that I got everything she (and indeed I) wanted.

I disagree with the poster that said I've "morphed into her", I haven't given that I didn't (and would never dream of) saying anything catty or disparaging to her.

It would be nice if she'd apologised, but I don't see it happening. And yes I know it's not nice to be smug, but I can't help it inwardly after how much she affected my life.

Saffyz Thu 05-Sep-13 17:45:32

If someone doesn't see anything wrong with working at a car wash, deli counter, as a cashier or waiter, then why mention their jobs in the same breath as "karma"? Clearly anyone who does this is thinking smugly that they've done "better" than someone with those jobs.

DrinkFromMyFountain Thu 05-Sep-13 17:49:40

Saffy - please see my comment above.

MammaTJ Thu 05-Sep-13 17:53:28

I worked with someone who looked down on me because I had been married before and left my abusive husband, then married again. She used to call me trollop in a 'jokey' way all the bloody time. That stopped when I called her on it one day and reminded her that she had lived with someone, they had split up, he got engaged to someone else, they had a fling and she fell pregnant with her DD.

She also used to say 'My mum is this high up professional my dad was that high up professional and I could have gone to university'. My answer to that was 'I didn't have the opportunities you had, yet we both ended up wiping shitty arses for a living'. I am now off to university to do my nursing degree and she is still a care assistant. (nothing wrong with that, but for someone who clearly goes by money and status is it a bit lowly)

Nancy66 Thu 05-Sep-13 17:55:34

Blimey - let the OP have her moment!

School bully was a complete bitch to her, told her she was worthless and would amount to nothing while she'd achieve great things.

Guess what, it was the other way around. I don't blame OP for enjoying the moment. It doesn't mean she looks down her nose at people in low-paid jobs.

And 14 is old enough to know better (to those saying the bully was 'a child' )

PoisonedApple Thu 05-Sep-13 18:00:40

I met my school nemesis on the day I happened to be driving a friend's beautiful classic convertible car. I stopped outside the local co-op and there she was, bulging out of a track suit, fag in overly lip lined gob, greasy blond tresses in a terrible perm (where it wasn't gelled flat to her head) leaning against an ancient ford Capri. Oh how I skipped into the Co-op!

dirtyface Thu 05-Sep-13 18:02:21

i was a right ugly duckling at school and got bullied loads. however somehow i blossomed when i left and discovered trendy clothes, fake tan and hair bleach blush and suddenly my skinny figure was the must have

and when i was 18 i took out a shitload of car finance and i had a lovely gleaming white convertible Jeep, it was the envy of all my friends

me and my fit boyfriend at the time went to KFC and drove through in my lovely Jeep. and to my JOY, we were served by one of the horrible cows who had bullied me throughout high school

her face was an absolute picture as she clocked both the new me and my awesome car

i was sweet as anything to her and asked how she was etc but i loved that moment grin

My bully used to be the prettiest, most popular girl in our year.

She'd constantly put me down about how I dressed ('dirty goff grunger scum') and my weight. I wasn't fat. I just wasn't as thin and as pretty as her, apparently, which warranted me getting beaten up and humiliated.

Her husband (who played in a 'dirty goff' metal band who tours pubs as a profession) left her for the local barfly. She's morbidly obese these days and looks thoroughly miserable.

I don't gloat over her, the things she did to me in school actually still bother me quite a bit and I can't even look her in the eye, but I can't help thinking that it's quite ironic.

SarahAndFuck Thu 05-Sep-13 18:10:25

One boy who made my life a misery at school walked out on the last day and shouted "The next time you losers see me I will be famous and in the papers!"

And he was right. But not because he became an actor, which is what he always said he was going to be. He was in the court report for burglary and breaking and entering and was just given a prison sentence for it.

I've got to admit, the irony made me smile.

I think the karma posts are not because people think that the jobs the former bullies are doing are bad, but that many of the bullies at one point believed those jobs to be below them and actually used them as examples of how 'bad' their victims lives were going to be.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 18:11:18

What have you got that she hasn't, if it wasn't her job that you are referring to? confused

Saffyz Thu 05-Sep-13 18:13:00

> School bully told her she was worthless and would amount to nothing while she'd achieve great things. Guess what, it was the other way around.

In what way have they "amounted to nothing" if not by the jobs people keep referring to? confused

And now we have "morbidly obese" to add to the list of things to be gloated over too...

ILetHimKeep20Quid Thu 05-Sep-13 18:13:08

My dh was messed around by a firm he worked for (construction) and the man who ran the company held back money, knowing at the time (snowy winter) dh needed it and had little checker of finding other work at that time of year. When dh left we heard he went bust. Dh bumped into him in the garage on day, dh was driving a brand new defender, top of the range (it was a courtesy car but had no signage) whilst his ex boss was in his wife's ten year old Clio.

It fair cheered dh up!

Lilacroses Thu 05-Sep-13 18:19:39

Yes I agree with that definitely Cantspel. Definitely not that it is good to look down on any job ( I've done loads of jobs that other people might think were hideous...manyvof them were enjoyable!). Lovely to see someone when you are feeling happy and positive with your life. It's hard though. My brother was bullied mercilessly at school....it was so awful and I cannot forgive the people who did it. Bastards.

Saffyz Thu 05-Sep-13 18:23:11

Right, let me say a bit more about why this thread has upset me a bit. I was bullied at school, and these days am rather overweight, drive an old car, am not particularly interested in fashion, and have a low-paid job. So while I'm lucky enough to have found many good things in life, it's still not great to read that if only I were glamorous, well-paid and thin, I'd be able to look down on people like myself and think smugly how karma has worked! The people who bullied me are probably wealthier, more fashionable and thinner than I am these days. They're probably happy-go-lucky too and don't even remember being bullies or feel any guilt about it at all.

nancerama Thu 05-Sep-13 18:24:34

For me, facing my bully in adulthood wasn't about feeling smug. It was about finally being able to look her in the eye without me being terrified and about her being nice to me for the first time ever even if she was being paid to do so . It was not about having power over her, it was about having control in the situation for the first time.

MrsGeologist Thu 05-Sep-13 18:24:49

ABF, you met happy people on Christmas Eve in retail? Really? lucky bugger. Christmas Eve was my worst shift because everyone was in a shitty mood about having to shop the day before Christmas.

Ezio Thu 05-Sep-13 18:26:17

I still see a few people i was bullied by at school, tbf, the ones i know are perfectly nice, well adjusted adults, im happy they are happy, im happy and over the past.

If they arent doing well in their own lives, they will feel miserable enough for it, dont need the past and their teenage twattiness to rub it in too.

Snoopingforsoup Thu 05-Sep-13 18:26:54

I reckon that if someone was really mean to you, i.e. was really life-scarringly horrid, then it's only natural to laugh fucking hard in their face when they have to wash your car.

Human nature shapes us to make pecking order judgements whether we like it or not. (My neighbour once explained what a gite was to me in case I wasn't middle-class enough to know - and yes I laughed in her face)

I don't think people here are 'looking down' in retelling their personal Karma tales.

Hullygully Thu 05-Sep-13 18:35:57

<sneers at marmalade just for the hell>

MrsG grin Admittedly the only shops ive worked in have been toy shops and chocolate shops so maybe not the best examples! Maybe it's because I'm so annoyingly happy I just don't notice the customer's grumpiness!

Chocolate shop is the best shop by far to win over grumpy customers.

Customer: You've not got any Turkish Delight in stock? How very dare you!
Me: I'm sorry about that but here, have some chocolate!

Customer walks away happy.

<googles gite>

Snoopingforsoup Thu 05-Sep-13 18:47:45

grin

While you're at it Amazing, google Junior Mag. She offered me her read ones because she assumed I'd never seen it!

If I worried about all the people who judge me I'd never leave the house...the one that's piss poor compared to my neighbour...

But then I was never the school bully / it girl and my conscience is clear.

LegoDragon Thu 05-Sep-13 18:47:51

I loved working in a chocolate shop smile Especially around Christmas because then there was a lot less children screaming about chocolatey stuff they couldn't have, because parents and grandparents were there without them to buy as presents. Everyone was lovely and being in a shop surrounded by chocolate was lovely- after I got over the initial whole drooling and wistfully thinking of eating the product thing blush

MrsGeologist Thu 05-Sep-13 18:53:14

Thy could be it. I worked in Superdrug. Bleh, that was a grim experience I don't want to repeat.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 18:53:53

Sneer at me all you like, HULLY.

I like it. It gives me a wide-on.

Celadorthepinksequineddragon Thu 05-Sep-13 18:54:32

I don't think anyone here is looking down on any particular job.

The point is that a bully made them feel worthless and miserable at some point in their life, and they then found themself happy with their life and being 'served' by that person, i.e. they were in control when they had none before. It's normal to feel happy about this and lay the ghost to rest so to speak.

To imply that someone is looking down on someone else and derail the thread by discussing the validity of various jobs is unfair. We all know that every job is important and worth having, or it wouldn't exist.

Tee2072 Thu 05-Sep-13 18:56:12

I don't really get the gloating either. When my elementary school bully got pregnant at 16 I certainly didn't gloat, but even my mother thought I should.

JenaiMorris Thu 05-Sep-13 18:57:48

Bad things happen to people who are nasty. They also happen to lovely people, too.

It's nothing to do with karma.

The vile bullies at school had parents who were vile bullies and/or generally shit. It stands to reason that their outcomes are pretty dire (thinking here of the thug who is still a junkie in her 40s, and the pretty queen bee who ended up looking miserable bedraggled, aged and bitter, several snot-nosed children in tow, by 22). It's sad.

Having said that, her at college who looked like the Girl from Ipenema and took pleasure in poaching other girls' beaus looks about 60 now, which, at 40, made me grin (assuming it was indeed her I saw in Morrisons and not her mum).

belatedmaybe Thu 05-Sep-13 18:58:05

I can't quite get my head round this thread. For the record the poster who mentioned morbidly obese specified that they don't gloat.

I had a career in finance, was doing very well working from the bottom up and was in the middle of taking my exams to make a huge leap up the ladder. Sadly I was made redundant, totally not something I could help or predict. Applying for new jobs in the same field turned out to be hell. Because I had started my exams I was over qualified for my old job, because I didn't have them yet I was under qualified for the next job... After 18 months it became clear that excellent references and a good work ethic were getting me no where.

I took a care work job working nights as I couldn't do any other hours. To keep my family (single parent) I also take jobs cleaning, gardening, dog walking, decorating - in fact anything that will pay. I will have to do this until I have the time and energy to re start my career -not soon. I often look stressed, I am always rushing and frequently dress badly (who dog walks in the rain in armani?) However I am not unhappy, I don't feel I have failed, I don't consider my position lowly but someone taking a passing glance as I bezz through life may think that.

What I am trying to say is a snapshot is not enough to be able to tell where someone is in life. For all you know your bullies could be fantastically happy with their lot.

summerbreezer Thu 05-Sep-13 19:04:45

We shouldn't judge others by job, body type, wealth etc..

But the point is that is what the bullies themselves used to judge others on.

So when they fall foul of their own shallow standards, we should be allowed some satisfaction.

I've worked in a chocolate shop on Christmas Eve. The run-up to Christmas is generally fine, if busy, but Christmas Eve customers were always stressed, demanding and entitled. Particularly those after 3pm or so, when we were obviously a last resort, and plenty of people came in then with a rather grim expression and no bags, and bought all their presents in one go.

One year, Christmas Eve fell on a Sunday. We closed at 4pm and cashed up promptly so as to be able to bugger off ASAP and get drunk. The number of people who would bang on the windows in horror that we dared close before they'd finished their Christmas shopping... hmm and some decidedly unseasonal language too.

Back on topic, I think in the specific situation where someone has bullied you by saying "you will be x and I will be y" or "you are x therefore you are worthless" and you encounter them years later when they are x and you are y, regardless of what x and y are, you're going to have a little "ner ner" moment.

pigletmania Thu 05-Sep-13 19:13:47

Oooo I love Stories like this, I used to be bullied in primary school, I moved away from the area when I went to uni, nit sure what happened to the bullies. One bully when I was 7 weed on me, wish I kicked him in th nuts. I still feel embarrassed abut it 29 years later

cantspel Thu 05-Sep-13 19:14:07

From my experience the children who were doing the putting down and bullying at school were more likely the ones's who came from a troubled home life. And there pushing their weight around with other kids was the only control they had over their own lives.

I am sure i wasn't so understanding when i was a child trying to avoid them but i am no longer that child and i can look upon their behaviour with more mature eyes and see they are more deserving of my pity than my hate.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 19:14:22

"I was doing last minute bargain-grabbing shopping on Christmas Eve with lovely DH at the Asda nearest my parents' house several years ago.

Karma gave me an early present in the form of one of my school bullies working the checkouts on what must have been a pretty miserable shift.... "

Doesn't tally with...

"I don't think anyone here is looking down on any particular job.

The point is that a bully made them feel worthless and miserable at some point in their life, and they then found themself happy with their life and being 'served' by that person, i.e. they were in control when they had none before. It's normal to feel happy about this and lay the ghost to rest so to speak."

No-one has laughed that their bully has had to stitch their wound in A&E or opened them a mortgage in a bank. It's a very specific kind of sneering reserved for people in retail or similar industries.

I work in retail and could wipe the floor with a lot of people in a lot of things. My job reflects on nothing other than my need for flexible hours and my lack of desire for a career.

Please stop pretending that these people's jobs aren't being mocked. It's very patronising.

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 19:16:39

My daughter has a nice story.

She was terribly bullied at school. In a PSHE lesson they were talking about gay people, we have family members who are lesbians, and dd said that it's normal and gay people are no different than anyone else. Some kids pounced on that, called dd a lesbian, and because she was a sporty and not girly called her a butch bitch and all sorts, there were a group of kids who would push her down the stairs, laugh and sneer at her. Just sustained bullying. It was a horrible time and the school was useless.

She left the school in the end and still, 4 years on she can't bear to back to the village of her old school.

However, 6 months ago one of the bullies messaged dd on Facebook with a heartening apology, saying that she had just come out as a lesbian and she was ashamed of how she bullied dd, and asked to meet up for a coffee to say so in person. Dd went and met her and felt very pleased that the girl had apologised.

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 19:18:13

Dd works in Asda and some customers speak to them like absolute shit.

cantspel Thu 05-Sep-13 19:20:03

I work in retail afer having a career that didn't fit in with my family life. lovely to think people are looking down on me as i would rather work family friendly hours and earn enough for what we need that try to juggle family and work. I work with people who have degrees and others who dont have any qualifications. Neither is better than the other.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 05-Sep-13 19:20:11

I don't give the people who bullied me at school a second thought, see them occasionally.

Yabu to feel smug about it. What she's doing with her should really have no bearing on yours 10+ years on.

pigletmania Thu 05-Sep-13 19:20:35

It's not the type of job, or ifestyle, it's that te bullies made their vctim feel worthless like rubbish, and it's good to know they are comeuppance

pigletmania Thu 05-Sep-13 19:21:41

People's Opinions are for tat bully(s) only and no directed at those working at said occupations etc

pigletmania Thu 05-Sep-13 19:23:04

Op has a right to feel smug if she wants my goodness me

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 05-Sep-13 19:23:56

But it is directed at the occupations. It is disingenuous to say otherwise.

I don't think it's particularly healthy to be so gleeful about such things.

Nobody would be writing "haha my old bully is just an associate solicitor, has never got even close to partner" would they.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 05-Sep-13 19:24:31

She asked was she being unreasonable pig - I answered the question as is my right.

Ezio Thu 05-Sep-13 19:25:13

This thread has reminded me of Ricki Lake show, when people who were bullied at school, got their bullies on the show, to make them see how amazing and beautiful they are, when the bully mostly didnt give a rats arse.

cantspel Thu 05-Sep-13 19:26:04

But you dont know why these people are now working these jobs.

The woman working in the car wash and looking like shit might have gone on to good things but suffered a breakdown due to the loss of a child/ have mental heath problems/ be a single parent trying to earn enough to support her family. You dont know what has gone on in someones life for them to reach the point they are now at.

pigletmania Thu 05-Sep-13 19:26:38

Yes of course Alisvo but it's op right to feel smug, we ave a right to feel what we want and not be controlled by thers

pigletmania Thu 05-Sep-13 19:27:34

Hug a bully day on mumsnet tonight

Celadorthepinksequineddragon Thu 05-Sep-13 19:27:45

MarmaladeTwatkins, thanks for responding to my post. I have no intention at all to be patronising, but I do disagree with you.

If a person is put 'in control' for want of a better expression, it will generally be because the other person is working in the service industry. I can't definitively speak for others on this thread but genuinely believe the focus is on putting themself back in control rather than looking down on anyone.

For what it's worth, I have worked in retail, behind a bar and stacking shelves - exactly the kind of roles you believe i'm being patronising about - they stopped DH and I from starving and I am grateful for everyone of those roles smile.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 05-Sep-13 19:28:29

Yes pig we have a right to feel whatever we feel. However the op asked was she unreasonable and I think she was.

I think snobbery about people's jobs is particularly unpleasant and demonstrates an immature attitude.

Maggietess Thu 05-Sep-13 19:37:55

On an aside, I came across a giek recently who had been an horrific awful bully at my school, I was terrified of her.

Bumped into her recently and she seemed like a really lovely person, admitting "god I'm surprised you spoke to me if you remember me from school, I was a bitch".

She then went on to explain what a crap time she'd been having at home (awful back story actually) , how much she wasn't able for academic work but how getting in to the right job (nail technician) had been the making of her.

She didn't remember me at all needless to say but she's now very successful running a chain of her own nail bars... I should have been jealous but actually she seems kind of nice and I was glad for her...

(realise that most of the bitches were probably just bitches but this encounter kind of let me get over the memory of her bullying if this makes any sense??)

I would like my bullies to feel the same pain that I felt then, and still feel now. I'd like them to imagine how it feels to be suicidal at 14 because of the behaviour of little shits at school - to imagine how they'd feel if it was their child being bullied and feeling so desperate.

I want them to know how much damage they have done to my life. I expect this makes me a bad person.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 05-Sep-13 19:41:44

SDTG - wanting your now adult former bully to be capable of looking back and feeling ashamed of their behaviout doesn't make you a bad person

Back at my parents' house for the summer. I live pretty close to where an absolute bitch from my old school lives, and I just saw her walking past the front garden. She checked her phone and paused for a minute or so and I was just watching her from the window wanting to chuck something at her.
Nice to find this thread now wink

Boosterseat Thu 05-Sep-13 19:43:43

It was the irony for me, she tried to insult me by saying I would end up working in a supermarket and she was the one serving me behind the checkout with cats bum face.

I would like to say that I don't take pleasure in others misfortune but with the spite, physical violence, manipulation and suffering the victims of bullying can go through, fuck it I'd rather rub the salt in.

If it makes me a shit person then so be it. I was lucky and had a great time at school, just 1 girl with a few off the cuff cultish remarks in my situation. Like I said up thread, the best revenge is to live well but I have to call bullshit on people saying they feel not one little bit of joy when the tables are turned.

ProphetOfDoom Thu 05-Sep-13 19:45:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slurredlines Thu 05-Sep-13 19:45:59

I'm with marmalade et al.

I used to have a well paid office job and wear posh suits for work. I hated it, it sucked my soul dry, I wasn't happy.

I got made redundant and became a SAHM and do that most of the time, the rest of the time I do a poorly paid job which I love, and which makes me happy (youth work).

I would find it most amusing if someone from school decided that my hourly rate of pay had meant that they had succeeded and I hadn't.

I have succeeded in being happy. What anyone else does is their business. I wonder how happy someone is if their sense of self esteem relies so much on being materially more successful than others.

timidviper Thu 05-Sep-13 19:49:11

I don't know what has happened to the girls who picked on me at school. They have never been seen on Friends Reunited and not noticed them on Facebook, although they may have different names if married. Although I am a bit curious I don't really care

I am very fat (the only negative!) but have a lovely husband, wonderful DCs, good job, nice house and overall a blessed life and that is enough for me.

AnneElliott Thu 05-Sep-13 19:49:41

I had this too with a girl that made my life a misery as I was keen on working hard. I can't repeat what I said as MN wouldn't like it, but I have no problem with a bit of smugness when you had years of bullying.

Betrayedbutsurvived Thu 05-Sep-13 19:49:49

I interviewed the girl who made my life hell for a temporary factory job. Gave her the job too, but stopped short of assigning her to the department that I ran and shipped her off to the worst another department.

belatedmaybe Thu 05-Sep-13 19:50:09

Wanting them to fully understand it/know that pain is totally different from wanting them to live it - I.e be suicidal because of things they don't deserve or be the parent of a child who is suicidal because of things they don't deserve - it isn't clear to me which you mean sdtg

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 19:55:12

"If a person is put 'in control' for want of a better expression, it will generally be because the other person is working in the service industry. I can't definitively speak for others on this thread but genuinely believe the focus is on putting themself back in control rather than looking down on anyone."

How odd.

So conversely, I work in retail. If someone who bullied me came into my shop and I had to attend to her, would that put her in control? I think not, since I'm not a fourteen year old being cornered in the schoolchildren again.

Control is a state of mind. Bugger all to do with jobs. It's funny watching people making up justifications for this, I must say.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 19:57:57

Cornered in the school toilets, that should say.

Celadorthepinksequineddragon Thu 05-Sep-13 20:00:52

I guess by 'people' you mean me MarmaladeTwatkins, being that you keep typing out my posts grin.

Personally, i'm happy for us to disagree - I think you're completely missing the point, you have every right to think the same of me.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 20:10:35

No. By people I mean the people who are writing the posts that I refer to. There are a few!

I'm not missing the point at all. What point is it that you think I'm missing?!

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes Thu 05-Sep-13 20:11:32

I got bullied at school, being a teenager is a hellish time for most people, 'bullies' included, I'm sure they were doing the best they could in the confusion of that time. Some of them probably had horrible home lives that I knew nothing about. I hope that they are all happy and fulfilled in their lives, I am.

I wouldn't gloat about any of them having become a drug addict any more than I would gloat about someone having cancer. Sneering at people for their job also leaves a bad tast in my mouth.

Holding a resentment towards people from my past is like me drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.

Forgiveness is a gift I give myself. (Sounds a bit wanky I know but it's true)

Fakebook Thu 05-Sep-13 20:14:15

Well the girls who bullied me don't work at all, had their first babies at age 16/17 and now have wrinkle and spot ridden faces thanks to years of drink, drugs and endless pregnancies.
Whenever I see any of them I smile inwardly at their crows feet and old, dull grey faces.

Likeaninjanow Thu 05-Sep-13 20:23:11

I sometimes see the girl who bullied me at school. She's a heroin addict, sells the big issue & is well known to local police.

It's only now that I can see what a terrible life she had at home. I feel really sad for her. She was just a child with nothing, who saw another child with everything.

inneedofrain Thu 05-Sep-13 20:29:56

I know I'm late to the party!

My school life was hell I do not this mildly I mean HELL

Put it this way I was fat, geeky, bookish grade a student and the solo career for my grand mother

I had 1 friend for 10 years a lad that used to get into trouble all the time lets call him j I used to help him out with maths etc he was nice to me ie actually talked to me!

Anyway I got invited to the school reunion I was not going to go dh talked me into as I pull up in my merc, wearing one of my work suits from jaeger and wearing my jimmy c heels I felt a little out of place! In pulls a nice BMW and out get a handsome man wearing a lovely suit and to my delight I was face to face with J despite what every expect he had done exceptionally well for himself, we did a hour of the reunion had people that made my life hell telling me they always knew I would do well, that they really like me BULLSHIT! J had a load of women propositioning him, we both felt Sorry for them and left together and went and had a lovely meal reminiscing and catching up both married etc

I felt sweet for about 5seconds to show them they didn't ruin my life, they i had a great job, wonderful clothes, cr etc they all I felt was pity they never even tried to be anything, they just wanted to pick on a kid, I walked out a d never went back!

Oh and j and I are still friends we are meeting up next month.

dysfunctionallynormal Thu 05-Sep-13 20:31:11

i think we're entitled to feel a little smug satisfaction when we bump into school bullies who made our lives hell and thought they were superior and better than us - and now see them either living the 'ordinary' life we live or not the hugely successful one they thought they would be living.

my story is a little different. i'm asian and i was bullied rotten by 98% of the asian pupils at my secondary school (apart from the first years!). reason being that i refused point blank to follow the crowd, would admit-without any shame-that i was not a muslim and didn't believe in organised religion and would eat non halal meat and hang out with my english friends. i was also very vocal about fighting back against the patriarchy and being my own person. they hated me for it and made my life absolute hell. they almost destroyed what little self esteem i had and pushed me to the brink of suicide. most of the bullies were actually behaving in a non muslim fashion themselves but for some reason the rules were always different for me.

fast forward to today. the majority of those bullies are now in loveless arranged marriages and stuck in a cycle of monotony, dependency and drudgery. i feel no satisfaction to see them in that position because i wouldn't wish that kind of life on anyone, but the temptation to go up to them and say "well, what do you think now? Are you sorry for how you behaved?" is so strong. i'm not going to do that obviously - the look on their faces when they saw me was good enough! lol!

Belatedmaybe - there is a small part of me that would actually like them to experience my pain. They did not care for one instant about how much I was hurting. I know I should be the bigger person, but given that I am currently in a depressive slump, my first since coming off the antidepressants I had been on for over 7 years, because of the depression caused by the bullies (not my first time on ADs either), I am failing at that.

dysfunctionallynormal Thu 05-Sep-13 20:39:21

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius - i know it still hurts sweetheart, that doesn't make you a bad person. but you know what? WE won. WE MADE IT! :-) Look at us all here today having a good giggle over them :-) xxxx

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 20:39:36

"Anyway I got invited to the school reunion I was not going to go dh talked me into as I pull up in my merc, wearing one of my work suits from jaeger and wearing my jimmy c heels I felt a little out of place! In pulls a nice BMW and out get a handsome man wearing a lovely suit and to my delight I was face to face with J despite what every expect he had done exceptionally well for himself, we did a hour of the reunion had people that made my life hell telling me they always knew I would do well, that they really like me BULLSHIT! J had a load of women propositioning him, we both felt Sorry for them and left together and went and had a lovely meal reminiscing and catching up both married etc"

Isn't this similar to Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion?

grin

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 20:40:55

SDTG, you are a wonderful, kind woman and I luffs you very much flowers

dysfunctionallynormal Thu 05-Sep-13 20:41:01

DrinkFromMyFountain - I'd go back to the same car wash each time your car needed cleaning - and ask for her specifically cos she "does such a fantastic job!" :-D

FreeWee Thu 05-Sep-13 20:45:13

My primary school bully got pregnant at 14. She used to bully me because I was ugly and of course no one fancied me. So I saw it as karma because I couldn't get pregnant aged 14 because no body wanted to have sex with me grin

sdtg I don't blame you one bit

for every bully with a terrible home life blah blah, there are ten who are just nasty, cruel, heartless cunts

StuntGirl Thu 05-Sep-13 20:48:51

This is a horrible thread. Gloating at others misfortune and looking down on someone because of their perceived lower status than you is a vile way to behave. And that in no way excuses or justifies the bully's behaviour. But it sure as hell doesn't justify yours either.

SilverApples Thu 05-Sep-13 20:49:43

Mine were boarding school bullies. No escape. For years.
So all you Chalet school types and Mallory Towers fans, you can stuff your fantasies where the sun doesn't shine. grin

slurredlines Thu 05-Sep-13 20:49:46

"My primary school bully got pregnant at 14"

That's just horrible. Poor girl.

How can you enjoy that?

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 20:50:43

SDTG I am so sorry that happened to you. It bloody lasts doesn't it. I remember my dd crying on the way to school begging not to make her go.

Thank god I got her out of that school and her new school really looked after her.

Pimpf Thu 05-Sep-13 20:53:36

To all those saying that the op is wrong, have you ever been bullied? I don't mean a bit of teasing, I mean properly bullied? Where you were physically threatened? Had pretty much whole class gang up on you to join in with the so called 'cool' bully? Have no one talk to you for weeks at a time, unless it was a sneering put down? Have someone who you thought was a friend join in with the bullies? To the point where you are suicidal? If yes, then you are an absolute saint to not feel smug when you see your former bully doing a job that THEY always thought was beneath them.

I would never have a go at anyone's job, I agree that there is a mentality in this country about jobs being beneath us, I think that whatever job you do, you should take pride in it and do it to the best of your ability. I was sneered at in a few of my old jobs, but I loved them and didn't care.

Saying that if I saw my bully working in a supermarket, I would feel smug, because if it were reversed, she wouldn't hesitate in taking a shot at me. Of course she may well have changed and be a wonderful person now (doubt it very much), but that wouldn't stop me finding it funny after the years of hell she out me through. And for those who don't like that, tough shit, you haven't lived my life and been through what I went through.

TheSecondComing Thu 05-Sep-13 20:54:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nice one secondcoming , it's been a while since the bullying victims on this thread were subject to a good bit of name-calling

thanks for remedying that

StuntGirl Thu 05-Sep-13 20:59:05

I'm very sorry for everyone who has been bullied, bullyng is a terrible, terrible thing.

But some of the statements and behaviours on this thread are straddling the bullying line themselves. Perhaps not in actions - but that same wicked, mean mentality is running right through it.

JoInScotland Thu 05-Sep-13 21:00:35

About a decade ago, my boyfriend of 4 years wanted to split up with me but didn't have the spine to actually tell me he thought the relationship was over, so accused me of having an affair. After I left the UK to teach English overseas for a year, he copied all my files and emails (he works in the computer industry) and also leisurely read all my diaries - I started keeping a diary in 1997. He decided I must have been having an affair (I wasn't - he had been working overseas for 2 years, his choice). He emailed me to say that unless I paid him to store my things that were still our flat, he'd just put them out on the street. I didn't have enough money to do that and also pay my overseas rent. So I had to come back to the UK and his anger of the (non-existent) affair.

I moved out, looked for work, and started a law degree. I also became a Special police constable, to see law in action. Ex-partner's very expensively-educated sister (as all the family) had tried and failed to become a police officer. All the training and hours of volunteer work were worth the look on his face when I passed him in a shopping mall when I was on the beat in uniform. He had tried to ruin my year abroad, leave me with no where to live and in a poisonous atmosphere while I sorted out somewhere else to live.... but I rose above all that rubbish and made something of myself. Karma is indeed a bitch, but only if you are.

HappyYoni Thu 05-Sep-13 21:00:57

I agree with marmalade and cantspel etc. a girl who picked on me at school recently was in the local paper for being arrested for crack possession, I just thought it was so sad that she was once a child with the world in front of her and this is how she's ended up.

I can see it from both sides really, she and others bullied me, and in turn, I being a stupid, immature, hormone ridden adolescent with lots of bad stuff going on at home was deeply unpleasant to some other people in our year. I never did anything horrendous buti was certainly guilty of low level bullying...laughing at people and general being unpleasant. I feel really guilty when I look back and when I have had the opportunity to apologise to people I have done so.

I don't earn much money but I am happy in my life and what I do, and I would never sneer at anyone as an adult because I've woken up to the world and realised that you just don't know what people have been through, or how we would behave if we walked a mile in their shoes.
For those who are still feeling the effects of what happened at school, I am really truly sorry that I wasn't a nicer/wiser/kinder teenager, but i think it is true when they say that being happy in your skin is the best revenge.

Sorry for waffling on.

Pimpf Thu 05-Sep-13 21:01:12

I don't wish ill on her, far from it, in fact she's not crossed my mind in years, but I think the op (and others with similar stories) have come in for a lot of stick on here. Whilst there are many stories of people who bully because of shit they are getting at home, there are many others who are just nasty little shits.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 21:01:37

I was bullied badly in first/second year secondary. By the queen bee who had a sister in 5th form so I had the delight of having her friends give me shit too. <sigh>

Thankfully, I fell in with a nice group featuring a girl not afraid of a ruck if someone was giving her friend shit smile In the end, my bully swapped school after I had a fight with her on the tennis court. It had taken me years to retaliate, but I did in spectacular fashion.

I know she is married with kids now and she has aged badly. You get the face you deserve, after all. I judge her on what she did. I couldn't give a shit if She swept the streets or got a job as president of Europe tbh.

Snoopingforsoup Thu 05-Sep-13 21:05:47

crikey
There are a few reformed souls bleating on this thread about being belittled in their job choices.

I read some pr

TheSecondComing Thu 05-Sep-13 21:05:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverApples Thu 05-Sep-13 21:06:06

Does that help the virtuous understand how corrosive and damaging being bullied is, how it can lead to depression, self-harm and twisting a usually lovely and kind person into one filled with such hatred for another person that they wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire?
That's why bullying and victimisation needs to be cut off and dealt with as soon as it rears its nasty heads, and why if your child is beginning to display bullying behaviour then you ought to be clear-sighted and honest about what's going on.
I've known children that were vicious bullies at a young age, and all of them had been damaged and manipulated by others in their lives, even those from fabulous and wealthy backgrounds had something nurturing and empathic missing in them.
Very few are born like that, they are created by the circumstances and relationships they are formed within.

Chottie Thu 05-Sep-13 21:06:14

I was bullied at school over 40 years ago and I have never, ever forgotten how it felt.

I don't know what happened to the person who bullied me and to be honest I do not care. If I ever say her again I would not waste a second of my time speaking or even looking at her.

Until you have been really bullied, I do not think anyone is in a position to judge others. Everyone has to come to terms with bullying and the outcome in their own way. So please, do not pass judgement on others.....

Snoopingforsoup Thu 05-Sep-13 21:08:20

Cut short by my own thumb!

A couple of posters here were damning of someone they'd never actually met for their career and Doc Martin boots not so long back.

How ironic!

SilverApples Thu 05-Sep-13 21:09:41

Victim blaming?
We Believe you?
The only reason that you were bullied is that you encountered a bully, it's not your fault.
Anyone on this thread talking about being bullied by men/boys?

Celadorthepinksequineddragon Thu 05-Sep-13 21:11:21

Marmalade for me, the job the person does is completely irrelevant. The situation in these stories is that the bullies were put in the position of having to be pleasant to and serve the poster in a shop/restaurant, whereas previously they treated the poster terribly.

Most of these posters seem happy with their lives as they are now thankfully, and I would hope that the bullies would recognise this and see the posters have happy lives and have moved on as far as possible.

Some people on this thread have mentioned the possibility of the bullies having difficult lives as a reason for their actions. This is a fair point.

I was bullied terribly at high school by a girl who I subsequently found out was being mistreated by a family member. I am sure this was a major factor in her actions. However, whilst her life was a crock of shit, so was mine. I was bullied at school and came home to a dying mother.

I bear her no ill will and know for a fact she has a good life now. I am glad. However, at what point do her rights override mine and we say that her bad life excuses her actions, and that her treatment of me can be excused? She made the most miserable time of my life even worse.

dysfunctionallynormal Thu 05-Sep-13 21:16:17

JoInScotland - "Karma is indeed a bitch, but only if you are" Love it! I'm pinching that! :-D

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 21:17:58

Doc Martens? Who would ridicule Doc Martens?!

Celador, I'm so sorry to hear that. sad

dysfunctionallynormal Thu 05-Sep-13 21:19:45

those of you who don't understand where we're coming from or don't agree with us - guess what? WE DON'T CARE! WE know what we mean and we're nowhere anything like those nasty pieces of work.

Go away and shut the door behind you.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 21:21:16

Dysfunctionally, welcome to the internet, where people are allowed different opinions to yours.

Dysfunctionallynormal, Marmelade, LeGavrOrf and heartisaspade - you have all brought a tear to my eye with your kindness. Thank you for caring. thankswinecake

dysfunctionallynormal Thu 05-Sep-13 21:24:00

some people forget that these bullies were old enough to tell the difference between right and wrong. they KNEW what they were doing when they were bullying us and the ENJOYED it. you can't excuse their behavior on the basis that they MIGHT have been having a shit time of it themselves - i'm sure plenty of us were having a shit time at home too (i know i was) but we didn't resort to that kind of behavior.

Snatchoo Thu 05-Sep-13 21:24:55

Blimey, everyone's a bit sensitive tonight aren't they?!

I don't think it's outside the realms of normality to be able to feel a bit better that your bully who claimed you'd be doing a shit job when you grew up, is actually the one doing the shit job now - and be able to separate that from the fact that you realise all jobs are fine? Can't you see it's only in relation to the bully and the negative experiences people have had?

I don't look down on people with manual/service jobs, I've done them myself and would do again (BTW, not in a high-flying job at all, just office based) but if I saw my bully looking miserable I might have an inner smile to myself.

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 21:26:35

Talk of doc martens makes me remember when I tried to be one of the cool ones at school. I couldn't afford to buy the cool cherry red boots so I ordered the workman boots from my gran's Kay's catalogue. They were halfway up my shin and had steel toe caps. They all pointed and laughed at my bovver boots, the bastards. grin

BustyDeLaGhetto Thu 05-Sep-13 21:29:29

LeGavrOrf Reminds me of the time I bought some Hi-Tec Max trainers as I couldn't afford Nikes and wrote the word 'AIR' on them in biro hoping NO-ONE WOULD NOTICE.

dontwannasaywho Thu 05-Sep-13 21:31:01

Excellent Op if only we could see in to the future when we were younger we could be stronger back then.
And nobody is slagging off any kind of job on here the Op is talking about what someone said about her, she is not meaning no harm, so just chill people!

JoInScotland Thu 05-Sep-13 21:34:07

Someone asked if anyone was bullied by boys or men. I was beaten up on the way home from school every day when I was 6 - the boy was nearly 9. He had been held back TWICE because of his behaviour issues. He enjoyed running after me, grabbing my special mouse, twisting his head until I cried for him to stop, then punching and kicking me. This happened every day that my mother or sister didn't walk me home. I never told anyone, because as the baby of the family (youngest of 6) walking home by myself was my one little bit of independence. It went on all school year.

Fast forward two years. I was now 8 going on 9. A different boy, aged 11, who I did not know, used to chase me home every day and beat the shit out of me. I have no idea why. Eventually my mother found out, stormed over to his house with me in tow and confronted his mother. When questioned, he admitted he was hitting me on the way home. "Why?!?" asked his Mum. "I don't know..." he replied.

Both boys must have had some problems, surely. But it really sucked to be me. I was always the smallest in my grade, though I was the oldest. I learnt to run really, really fast.....

dysfunctionallynormal Thu 05-Sep-13 21:34:46

MarmaladeTwatkins - thankyou. i actually discovered at a very young age that "opinions are like bellybuttons-we all have them".

i think some people on here don't realize just how traumatic the bullying some people suffered was and how it effects them to this day. for those who are in a very vulnerable state emotionally/mentally some of these inconsiderate comments could possibly trigger an episode and tip them over the edge. some people need to have some compassion.

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 21:34:56

Haha busty grin

I remember in the early 90s where those basketball boots with the fuck off big tongues were all the rage. The cool kids had Nike, Puma ones. I bought the shoe shop own brand cheapies, brand name Nicks, and they took the piss out of those as well.

Does anyone remember a trainer make called British Knights? Bloody dd bought a pair yesterday. I shrieked and said 'I wanted some of those bloody things twenty years ago'

dontwannasaywho Thu 05-Sep-13 21:39:04

Another cheapie trainers victim here too blush, I remember doing P.E in them and sliding all over the place in the Hall as they had no grip!

I think people aren't exactly glorying in the actual job that their bullies have ended up,in - it is more the fact that they know that the bully considered it to be a shit job, and that being in that job would be a negative outcome - that is why they were wishing it on their victims - and Karma has meant that the bullies' ill-wishing has rebounded on them. Does that make sense?

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 21:40:11

I was so jealous of the girl who was the first one with reebok pumps.

She used to let us losers have a few goes at her pump when she was in a good mood.

HaroldLloyd Thu 05-Sep-13 21:40:20

You never know why people are working in shops/bars/pubs they night just want too, and be perfectly happy.

I worked in a shop when I was younger in my breaks from university, I remember a girl from school came in and I served her and she was near orgasmic with pleasure over it. Dickhead.

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 21:40:33

That sounds a bit rude.

HaroldLloyd Thu 05-Sep-13 21:41:49

I have to say it would very hard for even the nicest person to not get a small bit of pleasure from a horrible bully cleaning their car.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 05-Sep-13 21:41:55

I've BEEN bullied! Did you not read my post?

Still doesn't mean I would be gleeful if I thought that a former bully had a shit life. I'm better than that.

HaroldLloyd Thu 05-Sep-13 21:42:39

She said something like why why miss Harold fancy seeing YOU here.

dontwannasaywho Thu 05-Sep-13 21:43:37

Reebok pumps were the biz back then and I remember a girl had purple and white Air Max trainers that I used to want and thought if I got a pair i'd get instant popularity and be super trendy, I was only 12 or something!

Hullygully Thu 05-Sep-13 21:43:45

I have worked in shops

I haven't been bullied

<unsure where to place self>

BustyDeLaGhetto Thu 05-Sep-13 21:45:49

Ha! Reebok Pumps. What was the point? A friend of mine had them and despite the fact that his feet were THREE TIMES bigger than mine I would borrow them all the time. Naturally, I looked like a dick with my great big flapping clowns feet with the big fat tounges like Jaime Oliver.

Do you want to know something frightening ? I went to an exhibition of clubwear at the V&A the other day and they had British Knights and Fila in it. Things we wore in our lifetime are now so retro they are in a museum on display <hyperventilates, dramatically>

SilverApples Thu 05-Sep-13 21:46:44

I used to work in a pub, we often had some very opinionated students in there.
They were gobsmacked when the staff joined in a conversation, but if you are going to quote Suetonius inaccurately, you need to be prepared for someone to object. smile

Hullygully Thu 05-Sep-13 21:47:07

On the other hand, I have sometimes been less than lovely to some people who have not gone on to work in shops. As far as I know.

WHAT CONCLUSIONS CAN BE DRAWN?

<wrings hands>

SilverApples Thu 05-Sep-13 21:48:47

Busty, it gets worse. They make retro programmes like "Life on Mars' about my teen years, or I watch something vintage on TV and my children mock cherished elements of my youth..

BoozyBear Thu 05-Sep-13 21:48:56

I already said i was bullied, horrendously, emotionally, mentally and physically.

I was kicked, hit, spat on, punched, had my hair pulled, my clothes ripped, called names, had my school bag and coat stolen, isolated, ridiculed... all by someone i thought was a friend.. the entire length of secondary school.

Don't tell me i have no idea what its like, i went for weeks with her evil poisonous whispering campaigns keeping everyone from talking to me, being pushed, shoved, poked and the piss taken out of me because of the things she told people. I spent 3yrs of my life hiding at break times in the music room because the singing teacher liked me.

The only achievement i got out of that hellhole was a trophy for being school Vocalist of the Year.

Call me what you like, but i think its beneath me to gloat over other peoples misfortunes. I'd rather stick two fingers up at those people who made my life hell by living my life well and happy, i dont need to look down my nose at them.... like i dont need you looking down your noses at me.

LeGavrOrf Thu 05-Sep-13 21:48:59

Fucking hell Fila in the V and A?

I've been served in a restaurant by my school bully. I have also worked in a restaurant. I didn't stay for the food - I wouldn't trust her not to meddle with it! smile

Here's a nice story for you:

A friend of mine had a niece who was being bullied at school, badly, about three years ago, and she was adamant she wasn't going to her prom because of it.

My lovely friend, her uncle, arranged for a good friend of his to pick her up in his Porsche and be her 'date' for the night. She was suddenly very cool and popular, and had a whale of a time showing off her "date". It probably helped that he was one of the Inbetweeners! smile

I'd have loved my friend as an uncle when I was that age.... smile

BoozyBear Thu 05-Sep-13 21:50:17

oh, and lasting effects? 1 serious anxiety disorder that means i'm on life long medication to even function normally day to day.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 05-Sep-13 21:50:42

Yes, I was bullied. Next question pimpf?

dysfunctionallynormal Thu 05-Sep-13 21:51:10

in junior school i was bullied by a boy. he'd always get me on the way home from school, he'd post his mates as lookout so they would block my way and keep me cornered until he arrived. i'd have to stand there and take a beating, if i ran (he always caught up cos he was quicker) i would get it worse.

i was born with astigmatism in my left eye and had to wear glasses. still do. back then i wore the free nhs glasses and was constantly picked on and laughed at for that and for being "too poor" to afford the decent ones other kids were wearing. i knew i'd never have a decent pair unless i could afford to pay for them myself and by second year in high school i'd had enough and stopped wearing them completely.

now i treat myself to some beautiful designer ones. the only thing i "splash" out on lol!

LesserSpottedFuckwit Thu 05-Sep-13 21:53:24

My experience was a bit like yours, Jo.
I got beaten black and blue all through primary school, and relentlessly bullied by the girls. Small, funny looking, very emotionally manipulable - a bully's paradise, in fact.
I don't think those of you defending bullies have ever been really bullied.
I can say for a fact that I don't give a tinker's continental damn about their pain. My early childhood was an utter hideous disaster thanks to their behaviour, and this was before bullying was recognised, so it was all just 'kids being kids, she needs to toughen up'.

YouTheCat Thu 05-Sep-13 21:54:25

Oh Silver, me too. We'd get the city councillors in, being all high and mighty and bloody annoying. They'd order us lowly bar staff around, never said please or thankyou and were generally twats.

It used to really piss them off when I beat them in the weekly quiz... every week.

I was pretty badly bullied from Primary onwards but I don't really wish anyone ill. I have no problem with karma though.

Pimpf Thu 05-Sep-13 21:56:37

No questions Ali. As I said, if it didn't make you smile to see your former bully doing a job that they felt was beneath them, then you must be a saint.

You deal with what has happened to you in your way and I will deal with things in my way.

lougle Thu 05-Sep-13 22:00:30

I got beaten up by a girl on my third day at a new school, with a complete ring of children around us - at least 40-50 children watching.

I still managed to feel sorry for her when, a few weeks later, she was hysterically sobbing in the bathrooms because she'd lost a hair grip and her Mum was going to give her a complete pasting when she got home.

I was 8 years old.

How can you be delighted by someone else's distress/low self-esteem?

I am not in a good job with a nice car or nice clothes. I am a school governor, volunteer in admissions appeals, volunteer at two schools, am about to volunteer on a charity advice line, etc., but don't earn a penny. My 'career' stopped when my eldest DD was diagnosed with SN.

I was the child that was bullied, not the bully, but would you look at me and think 'karma'??

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 05-Sep-13 22:08:18

Pimpf anything but a saint. They're simply not worth a second thought or indeed a first thought. It's only when I see threads like these I think of them at all really.

Pimpf Thu 05-Sep-13 22:20:37

Same here Ali, and as I said, I wish them no ill what so ever. But I think the way some people on here have attacked the op and others and twisted their words is wrong.

FreeWee Thu 05-Sep-13 22:43:40

slurredlines the primary reason/way she bullied me was to tell me I was ugly, square, no one would ever fancy me etc and to tell everyone how inexperienced I was (not kissed till 15) whilst gloating about being fingered on the swings in the local park. Classy. So when what she's boasting about - how gorgeous she is, how all the boys fancy her - gets her into trouble i.e. pregnant then forgive me if I take the opportunity to point out how karma has well & truly bitten her on the arse. She got pregnant because she was shagging all these boys that fancied her in the park. I was at home with NFI to the places these cool kids hung out because I was ugly, unfanciable, square etc. My gloaty moment was that what she bullied me for (being unfanciable) is what came back at her - being so bloody irresistible she became pregnant.

Celadorthepinksequineddragon Thu 05-Sep-13 23:07:02

Thanks Marmalade, it was awful at the time but luckily we both have happy families now smile. It took me a while to forgive her though.

TheSecondComing Thu 05-Sep-13 23:13:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 05-Sep-13 23:18:29

pimpf I don't think I attacked the OP, I hope not, as that was not my intention! I just thought she was being unreasonable. Not being an unforgivably awful person, I just disagreed.

Pimpf Thu 05-Sep-13 23:29:44

I didn't say you attacked her but some have.

As I've said before, we all deal with things that have happened in our past in different ways

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 05-Sep-13 23:33:29

I know you weren't pimpf, I just meant I hope it hasn't come across as though that was what I was doing.

smile

lisad123everybodydancenow Thu 05-Sep-13 23:38:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pimpf Thu 05-Sep-13 23:40:49

Not at all Ali, I just also wanted to get my point of view across too.

Some people are just shits.

mymateloulou Thu 05-Sep-13 23:41:06

Boosterseat I was thinking the same! We had a really stuck up nasty mum at DS school- would look down her nose at me. She drove a flash car, big house, dripping with jewellery. Transpired that hubby was found shagging the teaching assistant. Of course everyone was sniggering behind her back. Sad thing is when she found out, he bought her a newer bigger flashier car- she's still with him , he's still shagging the TA - who happens to be their neighbour! Cosy. No self respect.

this thread makes me so sad. I was bullied at primary school. it fucked me up big time.

my daughter is now 3 and the sweetest, brightest. most loving little girl you could hope to meet. the thought of her going through what I and others on this thread have gone through, terrifies me and breaks my heart. if anyone hurt her like that I'd want them dead

for those attacking the OP and deliberately missing the point, defending and excusing the bullies, you really have no idea.

TheSecondComing Thu 05-Sep-13 23:54:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

differentnameforthis Thu 05-Sep-13 23:56:32

Ugly thread.

All those looking down on people for working in bars/shops...they have jobs, don't they? Who cares if they didn't get to be the MD of a huge multinational, they have a job, are supporting themselves & their family.

Shame that those who were bullied & took constant taunts about growing up to be in a 'shit job' are now bullying & taunting those in 'shit' jobs.

How the tables turn. The bullied really do become the bullies, hey!

moustachio Thu 05-Sep-13 23:59:05

I nearly didn't go in for my hair appointment as my old school bully was there. Then I was like fuck it, your washing hair and I have a degree. Your getting paid about £6 an hour and I'm having a £150 haircut! She pretended she didn't know me, it was so satisfying grin

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 00:01:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moustachio Fri 06-Sep-13 00:03:54

different name for this I think the point is having been at school with this particular girl, knowing her for over 10 years we had similar family backgrounds and localised opportunities. Her nastiness and unwillingness to be a 'geek' at school and try hard like I did, is one of the reasons she wasn't as academically orpprofessionally successful as I am.

This isn't looking down on people with service industry jobs, but if it is a job where you know THEY aspire to achieve better, it is satisfying they are suffering in the way I suffered. If that makes me a bitch I don't care. She made my life hell and now I am happy and have achieved things she didn't, despite her efforts to downtred me.

moustachio Fri 06-Sep-13 00:05:38

thesecondcoming of course I can write correctly. I'm lying in bed and can't be arsed since its an informal chat room.

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 00:08:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MurielHeslopp Fri 06-Sep-13 00:20:14

It's genuinely made me sad reading these stories of some of you as children being beaten up, avoiding going certain routes home etc. Brings it all flooding back to me how I felt when being bullied and I hope to God none of my children will ever be victims.

It's not pleasant to gloat over somebody who, for years, made you feel utterly worthless and afraid, now looking miserable (or doing jobs they felt were beneath them) but I don't think it's such a terrible thing really.

As long as you're not actually rubbing it in their face and bullying them in return, it doesn't really harm anyone, does it?

moustachio Fri 06-Sep-13 00:20:59

I don't think having an opinion of one persons job reflects on my personality. I do understand your point though.

I would never look down on a waiter if I was in McDonalds or a nice restaurant. Who I am to judge them? I know nothing of their life or story, they may be extremely happy and fulfilled in their employment. A girl I knew for a long period of time, who I know did aspire to great things, I judge her as I know what held her back was the way she felt she was superior to everyone and made people around her she disliked feel like shit. I can find amusement in the behaviour she showed towards me, ultimately back fired I hope that makes sense.

Pimpf Fri 06-Sep-13 00:27:46

Different it's not a case that they are being looked down on for having that job, rather that it amuses us that they are doing a job that they themselves looked down on. There is a big difference

moustachio Fri 06-Sep-13 00:30:23

Well said pimpf!

Secretswitch Fri 06-Sep-13 00:51:56

This entire thread is sad making. I was a one legged fat chick with glasses and spots. My bullies were many and vicious. My friends and family were strong, loving and supportive. I was hurt and sad many times. I would not wish anyone be sat in class having the mean boy whispering pegleg over and over again. I do wish anyone bullied had my parents, siblings and friends there to pick up the pieces, talk about love, hope and staying strong.

MidniteScribbler Fri 06-Sep-13 01:29:19

My moment came at my high school reunion. My bully was actually my maths teacher. Two horrible years where I would cry at the thought of going in to maths class. She would constantly call me out in front of the whole class, pick up my work and laugh at it, and tell me loudly in front of the whole class that I would never be able to get a decent job since I was so bad at maths and I'd better find a good husband to look after me because I would never have a career or be able to balance my chequebook, but since I wasn't good looking I'd probably not be able to find one. I worked my guts out just to scrape through on a pass through those years.

So fast forward to our reunion and she was there. She made a beeline for me and said very loudly "so are you still working at that shop?" (meaning the store I worked in part time during my school years). "Oh no," says I, "I just finished my Masters in Education, with a Dean's award in mathematics, and I'm about to start my PhD." Walked away. Yes, I gloated. But I think it was a moment I deserved.

MyBaby1day Fri 06-Sep-13 01:50:27

HA HA, yes, always believed in old karma hope my bastard enemies get it too grin. Glad your life is going well now OP smile

OK have read all 9 pages (phew!)
I was also bullied, and I'm gonna say, I have run into old bullies in my home town . . . and I don't care what they have done, whether they're fat or thin, a cleaner or a CEO . . . because I'm HAPPY. I am surrounded by postive friends, lovely DH and DC. And I think that shows.
Its a cliche, but really having positive relationships is the most important thing in your life. Sorry for sounding like oprah.
But, I am glad that those who've posted like OP re seeing their old bullies got some comeuppance !

differentnameforthis Fri 06-Sep-13 06:27:12

for those attacking the OP and deliberately missing the point, defending and excusing the bullies, you really have no idea

I was bullied too, doesn't mean I can visit that on other people. It IS shit, but so is this thread!

differentnameforthis Fri 06-Sep-13 06:30:52

She made my life hell...

So that makes it ok to sneer at her? You felt shit & now you want to make someone else feel just as bad, and you don't see the wrong in that?

My mum made my life hell, and I just walked away! I don't care what she is doing now, but I certainly don't feel the need to visit my pain on her.

differentnameforthis Fri 06-Sep-13 06:37:32

FreeWee

Do you not wonder now, while you are giving out your karma crap, why a 15yr old thought it was OK to sleep around & constantly need male attention, so much so that she took risks with contraception (and STDs) & got pregnant so young?

sad

MidniteScribbler Fri 06-Sep-13 06:49:28

After years of put downs and abuse, there is nothing wrong with having a bit of smug satisfaction when you were able to rise above what was said and come out stronger on the other side. It's not necessarily about what the other person has or hasn't done with their lives, but about what you have achieved with yours.

LtEveDallas Fri 06-Sep-13 07:07:53

I don't believe in Karma, if it was true then the lovely people I know wouldn't have had awful things happen to them. Unfortunately just as many school bullies go on to be successful as vice versa.

I believe in living well and making the most of what you have got. I had a horrible boss when I first left school (understatement) but it pushed me into my current career, where I have done very well. Maybe if he hasn't been such a wanker I would still be working there, but then I wouldn't be as happy as I am. He's still going strong, still a millionaire, still successful - I haven't got a patch on him. But I'm successful and a millionaire in my own way (just not cash!)

I'm sorry for anyone that was bullied, truely, but holding on to hate or bitterness will only make you feel worse. Be happy with yourself, what you have accomplished, be proud of who YOU are.

livinginwonderland Fri 06-Sep-13 07:27:38

I work in a shop and it makes me sad that people might view me as being a failure because I don't have some high-flying career somewhere. I was bullied and I see some of the people I was bullied by - I have to serve them and be nice to them as well. I'm sure they think I'm a loser but I don't care, and I think that's what's important.

I don't feel sad for them or intimidated by them anymore - my biggest "fuck you" is the fact that despite their attempts to ruin my life, they haven't. I have a wonderful fiancé and even though I don't have a "career" as such, I'm happy. I don't feel the need to sneer at them, though hmm

Morloth Fri 06-Sep-13 07:37:31

I had a similar moment in the drive through of KFC once.

Was very smug.

Meh OP, as long as you were not actually rude to her, enjoy your smug moment. I did.

It has to be said though, I am a bit of a bitch. grin

Pimpf Fri 06-Sep-13 07:50:10

Living that is not what people have said. I know I don't feel that anyone working in a shop is a failure. But I do know that my bully would have felt it was beneath her, so if she was working in a shop I would find that funny. It would prove to her that she was no better and no worse than anyone else.

It's just one of those great fuck you moments. It doesn't have to be about someone's job, it's more about that as hard as they tried, you're still here and you're successful at what you do, no matter what your job.

If those people are laughing at you years later, it just goes to show they've learnt nothing and they're still a shit person, you however aren't.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Fri 06-Sep-13 08:00:53

thesecondcoming Do you not think it is ironic considering the point that you are trying to make that you are gloating over mustachio not knowing the difference between your and you're?

The only difference is that she did her gloating in her head and you did yours out loud.

I really quite admire 'my' primary school bully. At the time it was horrible and you don't know why they are doing it, but as an adult I can see the many reasons she may have felt she had to make her mark like that.

She still lives in my home town and at various times over the last 30 years I could have felt smug about where she lived and what she was doing for a living. That would have been a waste of headspace - it was circumstance, not 'karma' that put her there.

She's happy now and so am I. We're not the same as we were at 10, so petty point scoring isn't fulfilling.

WreckTangle Fri 06-Sep-13 08:28:35

mumoftwoyoungkids I think she left herself wide open for that. Declaring you have a degree instantly followed by the your/you're is kind of funny.

I work in a shop, I didn't go to uni, never worn a suit to work. To think I'm judged for working in a 'lowly' job is kind of sad.

The ad just below this text box made me laugh - very fitting for the thread.

www.sainsburys.jobs
Part-time jobs available at the new Sainsburys Cafe outlet in Harrogate

moustachio Fri 06-Sep-13 08:33:52

wreck triangle I was stating I had a degree in relation to what I had achieved in my life. I didn't mean it as a boast about my academic prowess. To think I wouldn't know how to correctly use apostrophes is ridiculous anyway. I'm not one of those people who really cares about grammar, I definitly don't care when I'm on mumsnet, on my phone, in bed at 12am!

moustachio Fri 06-Sep-13 08:35:22

If posters still feel that anyone is judging their service industry jobs, they clearly don't understand the thread at all!

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 08:37:09

what pimpf said

Nothing to do with sneering at people working in shops

everything to do with yeah so fuck you to bullies who are doing something they clearly feel is beneath them

I also agree that bullies are usually unhappy etc etc but that is no excuse for hurting the innocent.

No, it isn't, but at primary age particularly, they may need guidance to realise that.

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 08:47:39

Of course! They need massive intervention and support, but they mustn't be allowed to make people suffer simultaneously.

I think there have been massive improvements in tackling bullying in many schools since the 1970s. There certainly wasn't a Bullying Policy when I was there!

I try to communicate what I've learned with hindsight to DS when he's come across low level bullying. That it's some inadequacy in the Bully and not in the Victim that makes them act like that, so that he doesn't have to reach adulthood to see that he's not the one who needs help, or to act any differently.

catinabox Fri 06-Sep-13 08:56:30

I worked in an old people's home at 17 and was 'lovely' and chatty with the residents and much liked by them. (though i was a bit scruffily presented, underweight, smoked like a train - think badly ironed uniforms and badly dyed hair! - (didnt have family to live with so struggling with independence skills !) ) The manager and his wife were awful bullies and didn't like me, messed my hours around then sacked me. They used to listen to me work outside residents doors. they judged me.

I went into sainsburys about 5 years later (while i was running a project) and was gobsmacked when the person at the till said 'I'm sorry for how we treated you' Managers wife!

Boom!

FreeWee Fri 06-Sep-13 09:09:52

diferentnameforthis absolutely but I still think you're missing the point. Am I supposed to feel sorry for her making my life hell, turning my friends against me and telling any boy who might want to be my friend how frigid I was? She was a spoilt only child with doting parents. Yes she was an attention seeker and maybe her bullying me was a way of getting attention from the other kids but do you fail to see the irony that she bullied me for being unfanciable yet got herself into trouble over the very same thing? That is my point. If she'd become a drug addict (for example) I would have felt sorry for her because that's nothing to do with me being frigid/ugly etc. But it's the fact she bullied me about something which didn't end up screwing my life up that I find karmic.

There a definite split of opinion over people who have risen above the bullying and just want to try and be the best they can be without belittling the bully. I, on the other hand, have tried to be the best I can be but it's also (yes, yes in an inner bitch kind of way) 'nice' to hear the nasty horrible bully who made my early years miserable isn't doing too well herself. The juxtaposition of my success and her 'failure' is sweet. To me. Call me a bitch. I don't owe her anything.

WreckTangle Fri 06-Sep-13 09:17:51

If posters still feel that anyone is judging their service industry jobs, they clearly don't understand the thread at all!

Nope, I don't understand it. Try and sugar coat it all you want. The op was looking down her nose at the person working in a car wash. If she had came across this person working as a lawyer/teacher/CEO this thread wouldn't exist.

MarmaladeTwatkins Fri 06-Sep-13 09:27:27

"If posters still feel that anyone is judging their service industry jobs, they clearly don't understand the thread at all!"

Yes. Yes we do. Or are we too thick to understand blatant mocking when we see it? hmm

No-one has said "ooh I saw my bully yesterday and she looked a right mess" or "I saw my bully yesterday and she's sprouted a second head". It has been "I saw my bully and she was working in a shop,ha ha ha, I drove off in my merc swishing my expensive haircut as I did so."

I can read and I can see what is being laughed at.

I am also struggling to imagine an instance where someone would say "I will.never work in a shop because it is beneath my superiority" as part of a bullying campaign. It's an odd thing to use to hurt someone. The bullies at my school would predict things like their victims working as prostitutes or toilet cleaners. Working in a shop is neither here nor there. I can't imagine a bully using a predicted career in retail as an insult, unless they were particularly lame bullies.

catinabox Fri 06-Sep-13 09:56:13

Yes. Yes we do. Or are we too thick to understand blatant mocking when we see it?

Oh god. How completely obvious that this ^^ was the direction this thread was going to go!!

I really don't think anyone is mocking anyone's service industry job...........

OP as someone who has been bulied, I can't help it that your post has made my day a little bit. Sorry to anyone that this offends.

MarmaladeTwatkins Fri 06-Sep-13 09:59:39

Well yes, of course the thread is going to go this way.

Sorry for being offended at a thread being snide about what a lot of us do for a living.

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes Fri 06-Sep-13 10:18:55

I was bullied. Later on I worked in a shop. I'm also a recovering alcoholic.

So do I sneer at myself or not? Did I 'win' or 'lose'? Or actually is each person's success or otherwise based on other things? Like whether they are contented in their own life.

This thread is really sad in lots of ways. I actually think people are holding themselves back by holding onto those old resentments - comparison is the thief of joy no matter which way the comparison goes. The ability to have compassion for those who 'wronged' us is actually incredibly freeing.

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes Fri 06-Sep-13 10:21:24

I'm also confused at those posters deciding that others can't have been 'really' bullied if they don't still want to see those who bullied them brought 'low'. There is more than one way to respond to events. Responding in a healthy compassionate way is equally valid.

CiderBomb Fri 06-Sep-13 10:22:15

I'm lucky in the I was never actually bullied at school. Subjected to a bit of teenage girl bitchiness, but nothing more. Work is a different matter though, one colleague several years ago managed to completely destroy my self confidence and made me wonder if I was capable of working in that particular industry ever again.

She was funny with me from the off. Barely speaking to me unless it was to complain about the way I did something, undermining me constantly and whinging about me to the manager. I was a nervous wreck going to work most days because of it. The sad thing was the other people there were lovely, but for some this woman took against me without even bothering to get to know me.

Imagine my glee when I hear on the grapevine that the fat, miserable cow's husband ran off with another woman not long after I'd left (because of her). No it's not nice to revel in someone's misfortune, but when that someone is so vile to you that they make you feel like a piece of shit it's just deserts. What goes around comes around.

usuallyright Fri 06-Sep-13 10:26:43

a girl who bullied me and was generally really unpleasant to me at school is now a head teacher. I pity her students.

HaroldLloyd Fri 06-Sep-13 10:31:37

I know a lot of hairdressers, at the level of charging 150 a cut they will be earning considerably more than £6 an hour. They also do extra cuts/colours. One went on to open her own salon, another does wedding hair.

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes Fri 06-Sep-13 10:33:57

It's not nice to revel in others misfortune in fact I would go as far as to say it diminishes the person doing the revelling.

Dobbiesmum Fri 06-Sep-13 10:46:31

My bully dropped off the face of the earth for years after we left school and only resurfaced on FB when some of us were organising a school reunion. He joined the group through an invitation from someone. His first post? 'Sorry I can't be there, I'm working in XXX at the moment. I was a twat to many of you at school and I'm really sorry. I've grown up since then.' We all keep in touch now through FB, even the lad who had his life made miserable by the ex bully is friends with him.
Gives me a bit of a fuzzy feeling tbh.

Morloth Fri 06-Sep-13 10:49:47

I love a good revel, and also enjoy a good grudge. Not everyone is nice and nor do they wish to be.

MarmaladeTwatkins Fri 06-Sep-13 10:55:29

That's fine Morloth, but revelling in others unhappiness is a trait you share with those who bully. If you can square that with yourself then there's not a lot to say, really.

Hemlet Fri 06-Sep-13 10:58:29

Oh god. To all saying that it's looking down on whatever jobs, it's because the bully said "you're worthless and will be a checkout girl". So when you see them on a checkout you think "Oh, I thought you said this was a worthless job?"

I don't bloody go into Morrisons and gloat at all the checkout staff thinking they're rubbish.

My life was made hell by one particular girl and I don't care what anyone says, if I saw her looking miserable after saying I would have to be a prostitute charging 50p a go for anyone to ever want to have sex with me as well as other disgusting things, I would certainly not go over and be nicey nicey to her.

She can go fuck herself. Yes I'm still bitter about it.

Hemlet Fri 06-Sep-13 10:59:44

And no she did not have a troubled home life or anything that should encourage her to act that way. She was/is just a nasty piece of work.

I don't get it though. It can't be revelling in people's unhappiness can it?

You don't know what their life is like. If I had been a bully and someone saw me slaving away behind my till serving the masses with toys for their children whilst having to wear a rather unflattering shade of orange polo tshirt, they'd walk away feeling all superior because 'ha! they had to serve me!' What they didn't see was my wonderful children and long and happy marriage and flash car and owning more than one property

<shrugs>

It's just a snapshot. What they have chosen to do with their lives shouldn't make you feel happy, what you have chosen to with your life is what should make you happy.

SpecialAgentCuntSnake Fri 06-Sep-13 11:06:56

Marmalade is spot on.

And I will be on medication for all my life for the torture bullying I endured.

SubliminalMassaging Fri 06-Sep-13 11:07:37

DobbiesMum that's in stark contrast to a one of those loud-mouthed, too big for his boots school bullies I knew. I spotted him recently on the friend's list of an old acquaintance. I couldn't help looking at his profile and his page said 'All you people from school still moaning about things that happened 30 years ago, grow up and get over it.'

Still a great bloke then? hmm

The actual job that the bully has ended up in, is irrelevant. What is relevant is that the victim knows that particular job is one that the bully thought was a shit job - so they wished it on their victim, but ended up in it themselves.

I do not consider any job or any worker to be less worthy of my respect - but I do not have any respect for bullies, unless they have, as adults, realised that what they did as children was bullying, regret it now, and wish to apologise and make amends.

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 11:34:20

I think revenge and schadenfreude are perfectly normal emotions.

That Bastard Gandhis are few and far between.

Morloth Fri 06-Sep-13 11:44:29

I don't lose any a lot of sleep over anything much. grin

DrinkFromMyFountain Fri 06-Sep-13 12:10:49

I'd also just like to point out that whilst I don't see this person on a regular basis I know for a fact that she still says a lot of nasty things about me behind my back. Some very very personal things relating to my previous mental health problems and me being a "fat, ugly, desperate, slag". I literally had to prize this information out of a very close friend of mine who she has been regularly saying this TO.

Half of me wants to confront her and send her a message saying "I know I'm not perfect and I'm well aware that I have my faults and haven't always made the best decisions, but at least I am not a thoroughly nasty piece of work who spends her entire time slagging off someone she hasn't even seen for 14 years".

She is, I can only assume jealous of my life, what else can be the reason for such vitriol?

And for what it's worth the bullying carries on until she was almost 19 when we left school, more than old enough to know better. Bearing in mind I've known this girl since she was 7 and indeed we used to be friends, I'm fairly certain she didn't have a shit home life and id be very surprised if I'm wrong.

Morloth Fri 06-Sep-13 12:24:14

Just make her irrelevant to you drink prising information out of a friend like that must have been hard on the friend.

She only has any power because you let her. So just write her off as a knob.

What she thinks/says about you doesn't matter.

differentnameforthis Fri 06-Sep-13 12:57:01

FreeWee

If you think she slept around because she felt fanicable, you are kidding yourself! She was promiscuous. She saw sex as a way to get affection, probably affection she didn't get at home. And don't tell me she had a fab home life, because you don't know that!

Either way, something was missing from her that she had to sleep around to find it, at such a young age.

Seriously, you make me angry that you think a 15yr old somehow deserved & liked to be nothing short of used by various boys in her life.

differentnameforthis Fri 06-Sep-13 13:04:50

CiderBomb

So she made your life hell, and now you are happy that her life is hell?

Nice. You are happy that she is suffering in the same way you did? Get yourself over to the relationships boards & tell me that she deserves what some of those women are going through.

Infact, go ask one of those women if they bullied anyone as a kid & tell THEM they deserved to be cheated on....go on...!!! angry

FreeWee Fri 06-Sep-13 13:33:40

Bloody hell differentnameforthis you weren't there! Don't tell me what I heard her say! She told me she was gorgeous; she was all right but definitely better than me at the time. I do know she had a fab home life because like a few others on here I used to be friends with her at primary school. When we got older and went to different schools she decided to pick on me and the thing she chose was me looking ugly. She may have had low self esteem but whilst bullies deserve empathy they do not deserve sympathy if they're making someone's life hell over something they could do nothing about. Do you know what it's like being told you're ugly all the time? In front of people who were previously your friends? In front of boys at a very vulnerable time of your life? At the time I'd have thought 'at least someone wants to have sex with her'. No boy would talk to me because she told them I was frigid. Compared to her I obviously was but there were loads of my old primary school girl friends who were having sex at 14. Because they knew I wasn't going to until I was 16 they said horrible things to people who I'd previously been friends with.

I feel like you might have a personal axe to grind here differentnameforthis? You don't know the back story, I do. And she ruined my early teenage years, made me think I was ugly till my early 20s and put me down to make herself feel better. Well hearing she'd become a mother at 14 made me feel better. I felt it was karma. I had low self esteem because she made me have low self esteem. If she's projecting hers onto me then I'm not really sure why I should feel sorry for her. If that makes me a bitch then so be it. I shared my story because I do believe in karma and I felt her getting pregnant was karma for the fact she flaunted how attractive she was versus how ugly I was. She's got a second child and as far as I'm aware she's still with the second one's dad so maybe she is happy. That I don't care about either way.

twistedtoffee Fri 06-Sep-13 13:42:47

Some of these posts are quite funny. But some of them are bitter and nasty.

I really don't like the ones that include the line 'as I drove past in my nice car' as if that is some kind of an achievement.

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 14:05:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 14:15:34

So, by that logic, if Free should have compassion and understanding for the person who bullied her because that person was being made unhappy by someone, where is the compassion and understanding for Free who is expressing her rage at the person who made her unhappy??

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 14:19:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 14:20:50

It never goes away.

We grow up in years but trauma is never far away. Especially that from a young age.

I think that part of the problem is that being bullied can freeze your emotional development in some ways. The mere thought of the bullying puts you straight back in that situation, feeling so helpless, worthless, unloved, unlovable etc etc, and it is hard to react to those feelings as an emotionally mature adult, even if you are one in every other way. So when FreeWee says it is Karma that her bully ended up pregnant at 14, that is the atavistic, emotional reaction of the bullied child that she was at the time.

I am sure that, given the hypothetical example of a girl, sleeping around, believing she is fanciable and special because all the boys want to be with her, she would be able to see how that girl was being used by the boys she sleeps with, and would feel sympathy towards her.

But when she thinks of this specific girl, she is responding to the monster in the closet, the hugely powerful, omnipresant being that blighted her entire life - and so her reactions are very powerful and basic.

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 14:25:21

yes

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 14:25:34

I mean I agree

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 14:27:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverApples Fri 06-Sep-13 14:31:24

I agree Hully. The damage caused by bullying can last for years, decades.
I use my years in boarding school as a touchstone, and so far nothing I've encountered in the subsequent 40 years has ever been as bad.
But now I challenge bullying when I come across it, in my job and IRL elsewhere, and I also work on helping bullies to change into something better.
But I still have sore spots and things that remind me too strongly of those days, and they sometimes catch me unawares. And I don't dance in public. That's one of the things that was taken from me.

Maybe one day she will be able to see the damaged kid instead of the monster. Knowing the damage that bullying does, I hesitate to condemn someone who isn't recovering from that bullying as fast as others think they should.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 14:32:22

Working in a shop or cafe is often used as a put down on MN.

SilverApples Fri 06-Sep-13 14:36:30

Minimum wage jobs as a whole are put down on MN, along with not being able to afford clothes that are acceptable, or having time and money to appear groomed and kempt.
That's nothing new.

Well - I am fucked then. I don't work, am not kempt at all (mainly because I am too fat to buy nice clothes or to look good in the ones I have), and am too depressed to bother.

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 14:41:31

bullying can be every bit as traumatic as any physical/psychological assault. we don't expect people to show compassion for those perpetrators. age of perpetrator is irrelevant to a victim.

SilverApples Fri 06-Sep-13 14:42:23

smile I am unkempt, don't dye or wax and wear Per Una items.
I also have Style and Beauty hidden and have decided to ignore snotty threads about various subjects.
I may well be stuffed in the eyes of many, but I fail to care.

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 14:43:42

I am horribly unkempt

horribly

SilverApples Fri 06-Sep-13 14:44:38

Still agreeing with you Hully, I'm uncomfortable about the victim blaming that is going on, but I've already said that earlier on in the thread.
Sometimes you can't forgive. Even if it would be healthier and better for you as well as the aggressor, you just can't.

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 14:45:44

I work in a cafe and wear mainly Primark or Asda.

I expect that makes me a failure on MN. grin

SilverApples Fri 06-Sep-13 14:46:31

You know how some people shudder when they see a spider and feel physically sick?
The name Sharon does that to me.
Yet there must be many lovely women out there called Sharon.

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 14:47:16

Altho, I will say I haven't noticed those things being put down specifically? Maybe I just don't read those threads...

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 14:48:37

I wear Tu - head to toe. Buy it with my groceries, saves so much time. I don't work in a caff tho. Is there cake?

Yes, silver, I do know.

BulletProofVestyBunny Fri 06-Sep-13 14:49:16

You think you have problems, usual - I have some Per Una in my wardrobe ..

handed down to me by MY MOTHER!

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 14:49:33

Certain things do that to me, not the name Sharon!

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 14:50:13

Heirlooms, Bullet - posh.

<snort at competitive lowlife posting>

usualsuspect Fri 06-Sep-13 14:52:41

Lots of cake, its a great perk.

As well as unlimited coffee, the uniform makes me look like a twat though.

EstelleGetty Fri 06-Sep-13 14:53:36

Some folk were very mean to me at school, made me feel terrified to go in. I was very academic, shy and not at all trendy, so an easy target.

I don't know what those assholes are up to now, and I don't care. I don't have a naice car, I'm not rich, but I have a brilliant DH, lovely family around me and dear, dear friends. The opposite of love isn't hate - it's indifference. grin

Biscuitsareme Fri 06-Sep-13 15:01:46

Bullying IS physical/emotional abuse. Do we tell DV victims they should feel sorry for their abusers? No, we tell them to LTB and there is general glee when the abuser gets dumped by the OW/shafted in the divorce proceedings/let down by friends and family etc.

Similarly, do we tell adult children of abusive parents to feel sorry for their parents? No. I personally find forgiveness one of the hardest things. I was never bullied at school and the people I'm trying v v hard to forgive are relatives, but I certainly understand the sentiments of those who feel schadefreude.

Oh and I don't look down on anyone with a low-paid job btw! Don't feel this is the point of the thread- it's about a sense of revenge and empowerment.

Biscuitsareme Fri 06-Sep-13 15:03:08

opposite of love being indifference- like that one!

SilverApples Fri 06-Sep-13 15:04:02

' it's about a sense of revenge and empowerment.'

The meat of many a Hollywood Blockbuster.

I was bullied in 6th form. Nothing horrendous, but was totally excluded. It was a miserable time. I worked extremely hard when I left to overcome the self esteem issues I had.

Fast forward 20 years, and there was a school reunion. I was sort of invited (by one nice girl who wasn't going herself), but had no desire to go. I did enjoy seeing the photos though. No one saw me gloat, but I think I'd aged considerably better than they had. If I had mustered the courage to go, I wondered what their reaction would have been...Fat Fed Up has lost a bit of weight...

At my junior school there was a pampered girl who was pretty nasty to lots of people who weren't as wealthy as she was. Sadly her father died young and she went totally off the rails and was excluded from school for stealing. She was never nice to me, but I always felt sorry for her. Wonder where she ended up.

I totally understand a bit of the karma emotion and thing that those having a go at the OP are rather missing the point.

Jellybeanz1 Fri 06-Sep-13 15:32:23

This is my favourite story, put a smile on my face grin

sherbetpips Fri 06-Sep-13 15:40:24

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts I was about to say the same as thunderbolts - she may look like she has a fabulous life but probably doesnt

spg1983 Fri 06-Sep-13 15:40:45

I've got a good story...when I was doing my GCSEs there was a boy who was academically very similar to me and we were very competitive...well, he was, I just wanted to do my best. He'd always ask what score I'd got on a test and then accuse me of showing off when I answered him (I wasn't, but according to him, saying a high score in response to a question he'd asked was showing off hmm )

He got more and more competitive and quite mean sometimes, humiliating me if I found something difficult or he beat me in a test. I couldn't win - according to him I was either stupid or a show off.

When we left school I was glad to see the back of him. We did A levels in totally different subjects at separate sixth forms. However we ended up going to the same uni. He unexpectedly sent me an email one day and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee. When we met, he instantly apologised and said he'd been really jealous of me and actually quite liked me but hadn't been mature enough to deal with those feelings at 15/16 yrs old...

Fast forward a few months and we were dating, he even proposed at one point. However I turned him down because the uber-romantic proposal was then followed by "my family are going to be so proud. I've finally found someone who I can guarantee I'll have clever children with..."

I felt a little bit like he was looking for a token wife who had the desired attributes to produce good issue in keeping with his family's reputation, not someone he'd genuinely fallen in love with.

We are both now married to different people and have got baby DDs born within a few months of each other. We are still on good terms and joked the other day about how we hope the competitiveness doesn't re-start in 15 years time with both of our DDs in the same academic year!

LittleMissGerardButlerfan Fri 06-Sep-13 15:48:38

I work in a shop and cafe and am glad it's in a different town to where I grew up as I would hate people to see me and think oh look she works in a shop/cafe she has to serve me.

And yes I was bullied in school, all through high school and also in one of my jobs in one of the big building societies (ironically in the HR department!) which seriously affected my self esteem and still does now.

If this thread was just I bumped into them and they can see how happy I am etc I could understand, but it's the fact that specific jobs are mentioned that bothers me.

I do think retail jobs are looked down on here and in general. I know you won't all agree with me buys that's my opinion.

sherbetpips Fri 06-Sep-13 15:48:39

In our girly gang there was one girl who's parents were extremely well off, she got no affection but lots of stuff which at the time seemed important. She was good looking and she knew it and always acted like an utter bitch. Her rich boyfriend finally got sick of her princess behavious but she still though she was the bees knees.
Her parents finally cut her off and she lives in a dinghy flat in a dinghy area now, no husband, no boyfriend and none of us as friends because she was so awful to us.
If I am honest a little bit of me thinks - ha you deserve it. The other part of me recognises how she could have been if her parents had done their job. I just hope she never meets that rich guy and has kids and starts it all again.

sherbetpips Fri 06-Sep-13 15:53:38

There is something to be said however for speaking to bullies at work. It has happened to me a couple of times but at one agency I worked at it got to the point where I was too upset to deal with these people (I had to brief them on work daily). I could have done the HR route but I find most HR departments useless. Instead I called them both into a meeting and explained how I felt (afraid and tearful) and how what they were doing was upsetting me. I explained that I understood their frustration at my lack of experience in the role but that I needed there support. They were horrified, they still apologise years after when I see them. Women can get a pack mentality of bitchiness when they get together, shine a light on it and sometimes (but not always) it goes away.

twistedtoffee Fri 06-Sep-13 16:15:44

' dinghy flat in a dinghy area now, no husband, no boyfriend'. Quote

Why is being single equated with not doing well in life confused. I have several happy,successful friends who have 'no husband, no boyfriend'.

When folk say they aren't being sneery about someone's job (better than being on the dole eh?) they are lying. Otherwise why mention it all? I was bullied. I am fat. Ive seen many of my bullies since. In the salon i work. In the many bars, pubs, shops restaurants I've worked in etc. Most have maintained a shameful silence and avoided me, some have let on to me all sweetness and light and one memory evading walking Wotsit choked on her own spit when I said at a playgroup "of course you remember me you numpty! You and your mates used to block me in the toilets and soak me with water or douse me in cheap bodyspray because I smelled of wee, beer and nicotine! Honestly woman, you're not suffering from amnesia are ya?" I was bright and cheery. Everyone was silent. I did that annoying ventriloquist thing where I said through my dd in a twee squeaky voice "mummy you made evwyone gwo quiet! Bad mummy!" grin
That was my revenge. I have no idea what industry she is poncing around in and she has no idea that I'll do bad things to her hair if she ever stumbles across my salon.

dinghy flat in a dinghy area So she lives on a boat in a harbour?

Rofl @ "do bad things to her hair".

Mocking someone for misspelling a word - on a thread about bullying? Really?

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 17:47:04

Why are people so determined to miss the point?

If someone is vile to you and makes your life a misery, it is quite normal to wish them ill and be pleased to see that they aren't doing so well.

Why this determination to pity the perpetrator and criticize the victim? It's just plain weird.

Hullygully Fri 06-Sep-13 17:48:21

Of the person that spoilt several years of my life, I would be pleased if their intestines writhed slowly and painfully as they crawled up their throat and strangled them from the inside.

KatyPutTheCuttleOn Fri 06-Sep-13 18:00:05

The 'it' girl who bullied me at school is now a company director and travels all over the world. However, I've been there and done that with the high flying career and gave it up for something that I love doing plus I have gorgeous children as well smile

FreeWee Fri 06-Sep-13 18:09:08

SDTG I think I agree with your analysis in the main so thank you for taking the time to try and understand my point of view. However, along with TSC you're both projecting perceived low self esteem onto my bully. Lots of her friends, my ex friends, hung around with boys and presumably also got fingered in the park. Did they all have low self esteem or were they teenagers being teenagers? I don't know what went on in the park because I had NFI but from what I got told it was 'heavy petting' which presumably escalated into shagging as she got pregnant.

Biscuitsareme yes. Why should I feel sorry for the perpetrator of my bullying? I never had the guts to stand up to her so my childish gloating 20 years later is my little way of getting back at her and making myself feel better. I would never say anything to her face because that would make me as bad as her. But why can't I have my moment of glee on an anonymous Internet thread about oneupmanship of bullies?

Hully thank you for your compassion and understanding.

TSC loads of girls I knew went to the park. Should I feel sorry for all of them? My view then and now was that they were having fun with boys like I could have been (well kissing at least) except she excluded me. I didn't experience the teenage fumblings many of my friends now who I talk about teenage years with did. I still don't think she had low self esteem; I think she was unlucky & got pregnant. I didn't get pregnant because no bugger would shag me because of her!

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 18:15:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

No, TSC - that comment was aimed at YourMaNoBra - mocking someone for misspelling dingy. I apologise if you felt I was having a dig at you.

I am not following you around, nor do I feel you have slighted me in any way. If I have commented on your posts on other threads, that has been because I was interested in that thread, not because I have been looking for threads you are on. Frankly I am baffled by that attack.

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 18:21:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 18:37:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Then your memory is better than mine.

HappyYoni Fri 06-Sep-13 18:39:42

Why do we ask them to have compassion for the perpetrator? Because the perpetrator was a child. The same reason why I see it as different from domestic abuse or workplace bullying. Adults have to take responsibility for their actions in a way that we do not expect children to, because children are learning, growing and changing every day. And yes I do consider teenagers to be children, the hormonal changes and development that takes place in teenagers brains are staggering, no less significant than the changes in a toddlers brain as they learn and develop.

I don't think it's a case where one party 'wins' ie that we should be all fluffy and lovely towards the perpetrators and harsh on the victims who still hold a grudge, or vice versa, I just think it helps to remember that children do stupid horrible things and that does not always makes them a stupid horrible adult.

And I do believe that wishing bad on someone, or judging other peoples position in life, is not a very sensible thing for people to do if they believe in karma, and if they don't believe in karma then I just think they are holding themselves back from true happiness. Because nobody, nobody, who is truly happy, would ever take pleasure from the perceived suffering of others.

I genuinely have no idea what thread you are talking about.

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 18:40:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

That was TSC, not you! happyYoni.

Oh no, harm done, TSC.

HappyYoni Fri 06-Sep-13 18:45:46

Oh cool smile I did have a momentary panic there thinking fuck what thread did I post on by mistake!

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 06-Sep-13 19:12:39

AHEM

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Fri 06-Sep-13 19:21:54

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

reelingintheyears Fri 06-Sep-13 19:25:45

That was most uncalled for SarahStratton, MYOB comes to mind.

They are both big girls and i'm sure they can sort it out themselves.

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Fri 06-Sep-13 19:28:45

Really? So only the poster being attacked is allowed to report? What utter nonsense.

And it's your business, reeling, because?......... hmm

Fuck me, a thread about the effects of bullying ending up like this. Only on MN.

Good post, HappyYoni. I agree with it allsmile

reelingintheyears Fri 06-Sep-13 19:34:14

Of course you can report SarahStratton but why would you need to comment on someone else's disagreement that they appeared to have resolved.

HappyYoni Fri 06-Sep-13 19:34:22

Thanks BeerTricksPotter. Had ANOTHER momentary panic when the big AHEM from above came after my post, but don't think it was aimed at me. This thread is an absolute roller coaster!

I'm confused (doesn't take much really) All I can read of TSC's posts to SDTG is she has noticed that SDTG doesn't seem to like her very much, how is that a personal attack?

HappyYoni grin

Did you think Olivia was telling you off for swearing, Yoni? grin

HappyYoni Fri 06-Sep-13 19:41:16

Fuck yeah smile

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 19:42:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Fri 06-Sep-13 19:43:24

I may not post much now, but I do lurk, and TSC's assertion that SDTG must have been the one who reported her is unwarranted and unnecessary. As is the statement that she is following her sbout. I see no evidence of that, and it was an unpleasant and frankly nasty thing to say.

Dare I say it but I can't help but wonder if LaQueen got reported for her saying on threads that she thinks certain posters are her haterz and follow her from thread to thread?

It's the same thing isn't it?

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Fri 06-Sep-13 19:45:59

Flounced? Not at all. And report away, I'm quaking in my boots, dear.

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 06-Sep-13 19:48:57

OI!

HERE are the guidelines for EVERYBODY who may need a refresh hmm
[stern]

Reporting is STRICTLY confidential but personal attacks are just not cricket.

I should warn that I have very little patience today as long day and no gin

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 19:48:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

silverten Fri 06-Sep-13 19:54:32

D'you know what? I'm not going to apologise for feeling good about meeting my bully working the checkouts on Christmas Eve. I've done jobs like that, nothing wrong with them- but whatever- think I'm a snob about that if you want. I know I'm not.

What made me smile inwardly was the fact that she looked so fucking miserable, not the fact that she was working the checkouts- the place was utter bedlam at the time.

She got treated by me like anyone in that position would have done- with politeness and the usual consideration I would extend to anyone as a matter of course. Part of what made me feel so damn good was being able to rise above it and behave like a decent human being at a time when our positions were somewhat reversed.

Hey, maybe her life is totes amazeballs- I don't know. Maybe she married a millionaire. Maybe she has achieved nirvana on her own personal plane of existence. I don't dwell on it.

So what if she was a child at the time? I managed to be both a child and not torment other people for jealousy, or because my home life was rubbish, or simply the fun of it. Lots of other kids did too.

I don't even think of my life now as a 'reward' for not being a bullying little shit when I was a child. It is what it is- I have what I have and I'm happy- that's the way the cookie crumbled for me. I'm lucky.

I merely enjoy the memory of the few moments when she was apparently miserable and I wasn't.

I like to think that after years of the grey fucking grimness that was my life at school, it evened up the balance a bit.

So what if it's gloating? I don't claim to be a saint. It stays in my head (and in pixels on an anonymous screen, now), because I am mature enough to realise that it's better to keep that sort of thing under control, and actually being spiteful achieves nothing.

everlong Fri 06-Sep-13 19:56:54

But working on a checkout is nothing to be look down on, right?

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Fri 06-Sep-13 19:57:58

Such innocence.

Your post has been deleted now, obviously as it was a personal attack.

And yes, I'm on here all day, every day, as I fairly obviously have nothing better to do with my life

Would you have felt the same sort joy and smiled inwardly if she had looked miserable whilst being suited and booted in designer labels and taking a rather harassed sounded phonecall from a client?

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 20:00:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyYoni Fri 06-Sep-13 20:03:37

But if it's not to do with the shop work, then how can her looking miserable make you feel happy? I genuinely don't understand.

If you took the shop out of the equation, say you saw her walking down the street looking miserable, would that make you equally as happy? Even if logic says she might be miserable because she has a sick child to look after or she's had a bereavement or some other horrible thing has happened to make her feel sad? Does that really make you feel good, to know (or suspect) that someone who was awful to you once is unhappy?

It just does seem like the shop element has quite a lot to do with it. As others have said, if you saw her leaving her top lawyer job or driving past in her fancy car, but looking sad, would that make you feel as smug as it did when you saw her working in a shop?

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Fri 06-Sep-13 20:04:23

Must go, I haven't Advanced Searched for at least 5 minutes, I'd hate to miss out on any mention of me.

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 20:07:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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LesserSpottedFuckwit Fri 06-Sep-13 20:12:38

When folk say they aren't being sneery about someone's job (better than being on the dole eh?) they are lying. Otherwise why mention it all?

Because, for about the twentieth time, the bully had made a real show of sneering about exactly those types of jobs, therefore there is a level of irony in them doing them years later.
I have yet to see anyone sneering at the jobs themselves, only the irony of those who called them nothing jobs years ago, now doing them.

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Fri 06-Sep-13 20:25:57

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silverten Fri 06-Sep-13 20:28:01

It just does seem like the shop element has quite a lot to do with it. As others have said, if you saw her leaving her top lawyer job or driving past in her fancy car, but looking sad, would that make you feel as smug as it did when you saw her working in a shop?

Yup, would have felt just as good to see her looking miserable in a fancy car or posh suit. (I don't actually give a shit about whether anyone has better or worse gear than me, you see, and I don't judge other people's jobs. The only person I really compete with is myself.)

And like I said- I keep this stuff in my head, because I also know it's a bit shitty to enjoy schadenfreude.

You seem determined to focus on the shop thing. I think that says more about you than me, frankly.

Portofino Fri 06-Sep-13 20:28:33

I'm with happyyoni, these were kids. They might have just been horrid, or they might have had extenuating circumstances. Whatever, in MOST cases they won't be like that now. Wishing them ill, or sneering, well what good does it do? It's just negative energy. I have met some truly unpleasant, some creepy, some angry people in my life. And I have met some truly lovely ones too. As a grown up we have to deal with this shit, and not let the nasty ones define us. Ignore and feel the better person. There is no need to sneer.

Fwiw, if I report a thread or post, I do so because I think it is nasty or troll-hunter-y, not because of who the poster or OP happens to be. And I don't go round shouting about it, because I thought MNHQ frowned on that.

But it is MNHQ who decide whether a thread or post deserves deletion, so they must have agreed with whoever did report that thread.

I did see TSC's thread that was deleted, and I did think it was unpleasant and insinuated that the OP of another thread was lying/a troll. I did discuss her thread on the other thread, but I did not link to her thread - the other OP spotted it by herself, as far as I am aware.

Bottom line - if someone has a post or thread deleted, it is their fault for breaking the guidelines, not the fault of people who reported the thread/post.

HepsibarCrinkletoes Fri 06-Sep-13 20:31:09

What a deeply unpleasant thread.

reelingintheyears Fri 06-Sep-13 20:35:11

Quite Hepsibar, of course it's ok to upset people by calling them paranoid though hmm

As I said earlier, I think that bullying leaves you, in some ways, stuck where you were when it happened, so the schadenfreude isn't being felt by a grown up, but by a hurting, victimised child.

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Fri 06-Sep-13 20:38:12

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HepsibarCrinkletoes Fri 06-Sep-13 20:40:21

I don't think any of this thread is ok.

Portofino Fri 06-Sep-13 20:40:50

I have no idea what is going on here but it seems like a bit ironic given the subject matter.

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 20:41:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 06-Sep-13 20:43:32

hmm

SilverApples Fri 06-Sep-13 20:44:56

Would you like some soothing music and a foot rub Olivia, whilst you dream of Bombay Sapphire?

bamboostalks Fri 06-Sep-13 20:45:42

What a bunch of lunatics on this thread!

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 20:46:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nenevomito Fri 06-Sep-13 20:49:23

I think this describes what has just happened here nicely.

testing.gobanana.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/CrashTestDummy-2-8544b.jpg

HappyYoni Fri 06-Sep-13 20:50:38

It's all gone a bit pete tong

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Fri 06-Sep-13 20:51:43

No, I've not been bullied, but thank you for caring. Neither have I flounced, I've been busy with renovations on my house. But a friend of mine was bullied at school, and I absolutely cannot stand bullying, and I will always call on it.

People need to think more about how their words and actions affect others.

Secretswitch Fri 06-Sep-13 20:53:27

This thread has been very hurtful and sad making to a wide assortment of people.

Goodness, the gang's all here, isn't it?

ABF , I think you missed a comma. World of difference between 'no harm done' and 'no, harm done'. The latter looks very much unresolved to me.

TheSecondComing Fri 06-Sep-13 20:55:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

confused

reelingintheyears Fri 06-Sep-13 20:57:17

ABF , I think you missed a comma. World of difference between 'no harm done' and 'no, harm done'. The latter looks very much unresolved to me.

I noticed that but didn't comment, I think it was STDG that said it.

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit Fri 06-Sep-13 20:57:30

I'm so glad you've realised now. I'll go back to the occasional lurk, would want you to think I'm pissy with you. smile

No, I know SDTG said it. ABF said she thought things were resolved between them before all this hoo-ha, presumably based on that, SDTG's last remark.
I thought not.