To argue with my DH because he is WRONG.

(96 Posts)
BoozyBear Mon 02-Sep-13 21:23:40

DH seems to have some issue over the use of "this" and "next" for naming days in the week.

To me NEXT Thursday is the 12th. THIS Thursday is the 5th.

DH disagrees, he says NEXT Thursday and means the 5th

We have been arguing about this for years and my BFF agrees with me but he says we're trying to confuse him! Obviously it has caused some problems when talking about plans but he he refuses to believe us that he has it wrong.

So if someone says Next Thursday to you, which do you automatically assume they mean? 5th or 12th?

HoneyDragon Mon 02-Sep-13 21:24:30

You are right. This Thursday is the 5th.

Sparklymommy Mon 02-Sep-13 21:25:04

The 12th. He is wrong.

ButtonBoo Mon 02-Sep-13 21:25:15

YOU are right. Any fool can see that!!

It's THIS Thursday and NEXT Thursday. As in, not this one, next one.

Simple!!

Poppanicolino Mon 02-Sep-13 21:25:25

You are right, he is wrong. I hate it when people say 'next' when it's the same week angry

FairOfFaceButFullOfWoe Mon 02-Sep-13 21:25:38

I agree with you. He probably knows he's wrong but has gotten in so deep with the argument now he feels too silly to backdown.

You are right.

So what does he think you mean by this Thursday?

What about when you say next week? Does he think you mean this week? hmm

AnythingNotEverything Mon 02-Sep-13 21:27:07

The key thing with communication is to be clear. If the person you are speaking to has a different understanding, then you cannot communicate clearly about this, and therefore need to add clarity by supplementing with a date.

Neither of you are right or wrong.

bringbackopalfruits Mon 02-Sep-13 21:27:13

I'm with you OP, but it does confuse people and i'm always surprised! It seems to particularly confuse my DH and MIL. So I end up saying "next Thursday. Next week, not this Thursday". Odd smile

Yama Mon 02-Sep-13 21:27:32

Where on earth does your dh get his wrong ideas from? You need to get to the bottom of this. Poor, poor deluded man.

Nancy66 Mon 02-Sep-13 21:27:54

If somebody said 'last July' - would you think they meant July 2012?

BumFunHun Mon 02-Sep-13 21:28:00

You're right. But you know that. Your DH is clearly just not wanting to back down and probably has been feeling a muppet for nearly as long as your argument has been going on.

When would THIS Thursday be to him then, if not....erm...this Thursday?!

Tobagostreet Mon 02-Sep-13 21:29:44

12th of course!

He's clearly just not as clever as you (or I).

grin

ButtonBoo Mon 02-Sep-13 21:29:54

I like creatures comment.

Ask him that. When is NEXT week? That'll shut him up!

muchadoaboutsomething Mon 02-Sep-13 21:30:21

I agree with you, but for what it's worth dh agrees with your dh. It causes us no end of difficulties making plans. Dh is also not accepting of the simple fact he is wrong!

mrstigs Mon 02-Sep-13 21:30:22

Maybe he thinks of it as 'the next Thursday coming' rather than 'Thursday next week' which is how I would interperate 'next Thursday' myself.

Rollermum Mon 02-Sep-13 21:32:09

I have to confess I get this wrong, am with your DH unless I stop the think about it.

I tend to think of next and next next smile! But only in my head. It's because I take it literally and think of the next Thursday to come along.

Either way I always end up clarifying...blush

DoJo Mon 02-Sep-13 21:32:09

My husband has the same belief - he isn't just backed into a corner, he thinks that 'next' Thursday means 'the next Thursday that happens' and he thinks this is just as logical as thinking of it as 'the Thursday of next week'. I can almost see his logic, but it does mean I always check what he means.

mollymawk Mon 02-Sep-13 21:34:01

I've encountered this before. I'm with you OP - "next Thursday" means "Thursday next week" and "this Thursday" means "Thursday this week".

And yes Nancy66, I think "last July" is "July last year". If I meant July this year I would say "this July" or just "in July".

BoozyBear Mon 02-Sep-13 21:34:16

this thursday = this thursday coming.

next thursday = thursday next week.

why are people struggling with it? lol.

Zoe909 Mon 02-Sep-13 21:35:32

you are right. a day that is 48 hours away is 'this _day

Nancy66 Mon 02-Sep-13 21:36:33

mollymawk - thanks.

Quite often in journalism 'last July' would mean the July we had a couple of months ago and I always think that the reader will interpret that as July of the previous year.

BoozyBear Mon 02-Sep-13 21:37:16

next means immediately adjacent or following.

for it to be adjacent/following, there has to be one for it to be adjacent to/following.

so for it to be the NEXT thursday, there has to be a Thursday preceding it!

Morgause Mon 02-Sep-13 21:38:02

He's wrong. YANBU.

DH used to think that way but I persuaded him of the error of his ways.

chesterberry Mon 02-Sep-13 21:38:07

I agree you are right, although as DoJo has said I can see the logic of thinking 'next Thursday' means the next Thursday to happen rather than Thursday of the next week.

You are right OP. so if this Thursday is next Thursday to your DH is last Thursday this Thursday???

Argh confused <head explodes>

Twooter Mon 02-Sep-13 21:39:24

Nah, I'm with your husband

BoozyBear Mon 02-Sep-13 21:40:23

i have no idea Porkpie, lol, he refuses to discuss it anymore, says me and BFF are ganging up on him, lol.

rumbelina Mon 02-Sep-13 21:43:08

I'm with you, OP, however my mum would say 'Thursday week' as she likes to avoid confusion in such matters.

Shakey1500 Mon 02-Sep-13 21:43:39

Oh you are definitely NOT bu.

DH and I debate this. To me it's clear.

THIS Thursday is the 5th and NEXT Thurs (i.e after THIS BLOODY THURSDAY) is the 12th.

GRRRRR.

This Thursday is 5th. Next Thursday is 12th.

Gets more complicated when a weekend is involved though.

If it were Sunday today then I wouldn't be sure whether "next Thursday" was the next Thursday to arrive (ie four days later) or the Thursday in the next full week (eleven days later).

Similarly, if you talk to me about "next Saturday" I'd check whether you meant 7th or 14th.

It never occurred to me that 'this' and 'next' had different meanings and I can honestly say that I have never had a problem (as far as I know!) but now you explain in the way you have, OP, I reckon you are right and your DH is wrong.

I shall go and quiz my DH on what he thinks later. He always likes to nit-pick about words too. grin

McNewPants2013 Mon 02-Sep-13 21:45:54

next Thursday is 5th as it is next, also this thursday is also right.

contortionist Mon 02-Sep-13 21:50:10

This Thursday is the 5th, Thursday week is the 12th.
Next Thursday is ambiguous, and best avoided.

I'm with the OP on this one: This Thursday is 5th as it is in this week, and next Thursday is 12th, as it's in the next week coming along.

littlewhitebag Mon 02-Sep-13 21:59:52

You are right OP. This Thursday is 5th, next Thursday is 12th.

DadDadDad Mon 02-Sep-13 22:15:35

next means immediately adjacent or following.

for it to be adjacent/following, there has to be one for it to be adjacent to/following.

so for it to be the NEXT thursday, there has to be a Thursday preceding it!

By that reasoning, if I was with you at a bus stop and you said "let's catch the next bus", we'd have to wait for one to go past and catch the one after that. Although I think I probably use "next Thursday" the way you do, I don't think you can use pure logic on it - it's language and it depends on usage.

AnythingbutEverything's comment is the most intelligent.

DadDadDad Mon 02-Sep-13 22:19:10

On Thursday (the 5th) if you talk "next Thursday" does that still refer to 12th? Does it still refer to 12th on Friday? On what day will the phrase "next Thursday" tick over to refer to the 19th?

DadDadDad Mon 02-Sep-13 22:22:25

Sorry - mistype: AnythingNOTeverything

Lweji Mon 02-Sep-13 22:27:10

I wouldn't assume and confirm which day it was.

Surely it can't be that difficult.

You are right.

He is wrong.

LTB.

grin

shoofly Mon 02-Sep-13 22:54:26

You are right, he is wrong, but his brain obviously works the same as Dhs... (who is also WRONG)

jkklpu Mon 02-Sep-13 22:56:44

Is he a native English speaker? In many other languages, the equivalent of "next xxx-day" is used when we would say "this xxx-day".

Budgiegirlbob Mon 02-Sep-13 23:03:30

I'm with your husband, up until about Tuesday! Today, next Thursday is 5th as it is the next Thurday coming. However, from about tomorrow, next Thurday will be the 12th, 5th will have changed to this Thursday! My poor DH never knows what day I'm referring to, so we always check dates!

BoozyBear Mon 02-Sep-13 23:13:11

I refer to dates usually as i have big planning calendar.. and i use 'thursday week' with my family more than 'next thursday'.

Its awkward with DH because while he's a native speaker, he's not local ;) Im a brummy and where he was bought up 'thursday week' wasnt used, so he tends to just look at me blankly when i say it.

This argument only ever crops up when he's trying to arrange a social date with my BFF (also one of his friends) as they dont specify dates, just 'this' and 'next' xxxxday and it causes problems.... which it wouldnt if he worked the same as us, lmao.

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 02-Sep-13 23:13:52

You are right. He is wrong.

Oddly my dp also does this. Stupid menz grin

Graceparkhill Mon 02-Sep-13 23:45:11

In my mind the 5th is "Thursday coming" and the 12 th is" a week on Thursday". Easy peasy !

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Tue 03-Sep-13 06:27:49

You are right.

But get this: my husband doesn't say 'this Thursday' or 'next Thursday' at all. He merely says 'the Thursday' as in 'I've arranged to take the car for a service on the Thursday'. How helpful is that? He always does it.

Me (British): this Thurs = 5th, next Thurs = 12th.
DW (not British): next Thurs = 5th, no special term for subsequent Thursday.

I suspect this is a Britishism that the Internet is starting to challenge.

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 03-Sep-13 07:54:14

LadyMac

Captain Vague or what?! grin

Love your username btw.

Lazyjaney Tue 03-Sep-13 07:55:58

I agree with the op but ive come across quite a few people who use her dh's convention ( next, following) too.

BlazinStoke Tue 03-Sep-13 07:57:17

I'm with you OP but have never met anyone who thinks the same way - glad that according to this thread that I am right and everyone else in RL is wrong smile

lottiegarbanzo Tue 03-Sep-13 08:15:48

You are right. Sounds like it is your DH's problem though and he's the one not concerned about communicating clearly with his friend.

I was going to suggest 'Thursday week', I used to hear that a lot as a child and don't now. That could be to do with a move from the north east to East Midlands, mixing with many southern people but I think it's more an old-fashioned British useage not used by Americans, so not heard on TV so much.

But essentially, this week / next week so this Thursday / next Thursday.

HerbWoman Tue 03-Sep-13 09:37:40

I'm mostly with your DH. 5th would be this Thursday and 12th would be a week on Thursday. If it were Friday today though, the 12th would be next Thursday as it would be the next one we come to. For today, as Thursday is only 2 days away, it would just be Thursday. "I'll do it on Thursday." But I know people have different ways of saying it so it's just easier to clarify which one at the time.

ToysRLuv Tue 03-Sep-13 11:21:28

In my native language/culture "next" would mean literally the next. Not next week. That used to confuse me a lot when I first came here..

Same with the time. "Half" meaning half past instead of half of/to.

Sunnysummer Tue 03-Sep-13 11:24:22

YANBU, he is a madman, who must be astonishingly gifted and/or lucky to have survived so long despite such a fundamental chronological malfunctioning.

Spindelina Tue 03-Sep-13 11:39:48

Can you settle our argument too? When is "this Monday" (today being Tuesday)? Is that yesterday (as in Monday of this week) or the Monday in six days' time?

ToysRLuv Tue 03-Sep-13 12:05:53

"This Monday" in Britain would be the Monday in 6 days, I guess?

nickelbabe Tue 03-Sep-13 12:07:09

THIS Thursday is the Thursday of this week.
NEXT Thursday is the Thursday of next week.

nickelbabe Tue 03-Sep-13 12:09:47

arguments about "the next Thursday to happen"

then it's the next Thursday, not Next Thursday.

Tiredemma Tue 03-Sep-13 12:10:27

Im with you.

mrsbeano Tue 03-Sep-13 12:10:44

To add confusion, my DH says Thursday week to describe what I would call next Thursday (12th). Everytime I say next Thursday, we have to clarify.

Bloody Irish ;-)

nickelbabe Tue 03-Sep-13 12:12:49

DadDadDad your bus analogy doesn't work, because there has been a bus preceding the one you're waiting for.

it's "this bus" if you can see the bus and "the next bus" if you can't.

nickelbabe Tue 03-Sep-13 12:14:03

Sundays start the week, so next monday is the 9th

nickelbabe Tue 03-Sep-13 12:14:30

this monday is yesterday, because it was This Monday

fackinell Tue 03-Sep-13 12:14:34

I had a problem with this in Fife, where they seem to say next for this one and next again for the following one. Had a shift change disaster with that one!

LegoLegoEverywhere Tue 03-Sep-13 12:50:56

Nancy not sure anyone has answered you.

Yes 'last July' is July 2012. July 2013 is 'July just gone'.

CHJR Tue 03-Sep-13 12:51:01

Not with you, OP. To me "next Thursday" means the very next Thursday that comes, whether today is Sunday or Thursday or Friday. "This Thursday" must be the Thursday within this same week, whether it's already hit (ie I'm speaking on Friday) or not yet (we're Tuesday now). Americans started using "next" and "this" in the distinct meanings OP suggests in the 1960s, but it didn't become common in British English till the 80s or 90s. In our house we are stubbornly old-fashioned and always refer to the Thursday beyond "this" Thursday as "Thursday week," which does I fear make me sound like my own MiL wink and usually it degenerates to getting out of the calendar and looking up the date. You should see the confusion that can ensue if anyone makes the mistake of saying "pants" or "chips" in our mixed household grin

DadDadDad Tue 03-Sep-13 12:51:46

nickel - er, but there's been a Thursday preceding the 5th (it was last week).

I think you've missed the logic of my analogy. OP in a later post said:

"next means immediately adjacent or following.

for it to be adjacent/following, there has to be one for it to be adjacent to/following."

So argument is that there are two Thursdays in the future (5th and 12th as we speak), so 12th has to be the next by virtue of following something else. (I can't quite see why that "something else" could not be last Thursday, so that next Thursday would then be 5th).

If there are future buses due in 10 minutes and 30 minutes, OP's logic would be that "catch the next bus" would refer to waiting 30 minutes, as it follows something else. I think we would agree that "next bus" would refer to the 10 minute one (currently out of sight).

Again, I feel it is natural to talk about 12th as next Thursday, so all I'm saying is it's not a question of logic, just one of agreed convention.

Moment of revelation: is it that we think of 5th as THIS Thursday because we feel like we can "see" it - it's in this week - just as we say THIS bus for the bus we can see, and NEXT bus for one behind.

DuchessFanny Tue 03-Sep-13 12:56:16

My DH and I argue about this too, both my DH and your DH are wrong. We are right.

That feels good ! < goes to show DH>

nancerama Tue 03-Sep-13 13:02:01

You are right. My DH agrees with your DH - he is wrong. DH cooked a massive roast dinner for 7 people 2 weeks running because of this kind of foolishness.

nickelbabe Tue 03-Sep-13 13:15:01

Daddaddad - you know that's a silly argument, don't you?

anyway, you oculd also argue that you've said "the next bus", so by adding a definite article, you are saying it's the next thing that happens, in bus terms.

same as saying "the next Thursday" takes you to the next thursday that will happen.

Your husband fills me with uncontrollable rage.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Tue 03-Sep-13 13:35:32

It's next thursday because it's happening next week! This is this week (or does he think this is next week?). Daddaddad's theories are ingenious, but that's because they have to be, because it's wrong! grin.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Tue 03-Sep-13 13:37:24

You are right. We missed my friend's husband's birthday party as she sent an email invite stating next and meant this.

SarahBumBarer Tue 03-Sep-13 13:40:52

If you said that you were going to catch the next bus would you take the first bus that came or the second?

The first obviously.

He is right. You are wrong.

YABU grin

DadDadDad Tue 03-Sep-13 13:41:31

I'm glad you appreciate my ingenuity. smile

But that is the point that I'm trying to make: that you can't really come up with a logical theory to explain either position, because language is not logical. Language relies on agreed conventions, and the problem is OP and DH have grown up with different conventions.

DadDadDad Tue 03-Sep-13 13:42:47

Sarah buys into my "theory" just as I distance myself from it... grin

TheOriginalSteamingNit Tue 03-Sep-13 13:44:22

Well yes language is a system and all that, but next Thursday is the Thursday that happens in the next week - which is not this week, and I don't see how that's anything but logical, actually!

Mind you, I might not be making much sense, because next week is a really stressful one for me, and I've got a lot on between now and Friday. Roll on the week after next...

DadDadDad Tue 03-Sep-13 13:53:37

Nit and anyone else: I'm fine with your interpretation (although I still don't think pure logic can be used to justify it). I'm curious now whether it exactly works the same for everyone:

If "next Thursday" means 12th when you say it today, I take it that it will mean the 12th if you say it on Friday (the 6th). Will is still mean that on Saturday and Sunday? At what point, does "next Thursday" tick on in your mind to refer to 19th? 00:01 on Monday morning?

kim147 Tue 03-Sep-13 13:53:59

So when's next Sunday?

If someone said on Tuesday that they would see you next Sunday, when would you expect to see them?

I think it also depends on how far away the day is.

I've had big arguments about this and now clarify it to make sure.

kim147 Tue 03-Sep-13 13:55:54

We're going next weekend?

Well is that the one coming up?

Does it alter if you say it on Monday or Friday?

BoozyBear Tue 03-Sep-13 14:00:33

next sunday is the 15th.

this sunday is the 8th

the one we just passed on the 1st is just sunday or 'sunday just gone'

last sunday was 25th

kim147 Tue 03-Sep-13 14:02:25

See - I'd have to disagree with that.

But if you asked me Friday, I would agree.

Last Sunday was the 1st grin

DadDadDad Tue 03-Sep-13 14:05:30

BoozyBear - OK, we might be closer to answering my question.

1. On Monday (ie yesterday), you would have referred to 8th as "this sunday" - correct?

2. On Friday (6th), when you say "this Thursday", you would be referring to 12th - correct?

TheOriginalSteamingNit Tue 03-Sep-13 14:07:47

Dad Whilst we're still not in 'next week', then I would use 'next Thursday' to mean Thursday 12th. On Monday, I would say 'on Thursday'. Because on Monday, it will be what we now call 'next week', but will then be 'this week'. So yes - next Thursday until Monday morning, just as you say.

You can say that's illogical if you like, but to be honest I don't think there's any need for philosophizing - as though Monday morning is some kind of arbitrary and illogical time to think that a week begins confused. I think your best chance of being understood and arranging plans for when you want them to happen is to use next Thursday to mean the Thursday that will happen next week, and to assume that - however illogical and peculiar and arbitrary - most people consider that a week begins on Monday.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Tue 03-Sep-13 14:09:12

kim if I were going away on the 7th, I'd say I was going away this weekend, or 'at the weekend'.

kim147 Tue 03-Sep-13 14:17:00

And that's why it's good to clarify when someone says "next" to you.

I've learnt that lesson.

BoozyBear Tue 03-Sep-13 14:19:59

as i said DadDad, i dont tend to make the qualification in conversation, i use dates to avoid confusion for myself and other people, unless i'm with my birth family who are all singing from the same hymn sheet as me and all know what we mean with the use of 'this' and 'next' and 'last'

DadDadDad Tue 03-Sep-13 14:27:04

Nit - again I'm agreeing with you, and I think my usage is that the week starts on Monday, so "next week" changes reference every Monday morning.

I was just wondering if an argument might start over which day the week begins.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Tue 03-Sep-13 14:28:14

I can't imagine that it would - anyone?

lottiegarbanzo Tue 03-Sep-13 15:11:48

Oh well, I believe that traditionally, the week began on Sunday - look at a week to view diary. Most people think it begins on Monday though, so I'd say that's the current convention.

I would think this Sunday was the one coming, not just gone, partly because I suppose i see the week as starting on monday. Next Sunday is the 15th.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Tue 03-Sep-13 16:15:27

My week-to-view starts on a Monday. This weeks started with this Monday, and next week's with next Monday, and so on.... grin

The church week begins on a Sunday.

My university week ran Thu-Wed and I never got used to it

Osmiornica Tue 03-Sep-13 18:09:01

Next thursday is next week and this thursday is this week. However if I say ' ' ... on the next Thursday' it means this week just to confuse things.

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