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To call the police about my own family?

(87 Posts)
Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 13:33:05

I have posted some threads here about my incredibly toxic and abusive mother and how I am trying to go NC after a blowout Infront of my DD. It's a long long story but basically the whole time I'm NC with her my entire family won't talk to me either. It is something I have come to accept.

She hasn't gone quietly and keeps messaging me like nothing has happened.

When my nan died (from my biological fathers side, so nothing to do with our current family set up) she left me a lot of expensive jewellery. DM has always kept this in a safe as I couldn't be trusted not to sell it. Ridiculous as I'm in a professional job and get by just fine. This isn't a stealth boast or anything but I have quite a lot in savings so really don't need to sell it!

Anyways I asked for it back the other day. She has lost the key and has better things to do than find it apparently. Fine. She then messages me a few days later asking if I want some stuff she has bought for DD ( she always does this, she is incredibly generous as a way of getting you back 'on side' so to speak)

I say that the jewellery is more important and that we need to figure out how to open the safe. You see, DP and I are getting married in 6 weeks and I really wanted to wear my nans wedding ring. DM doesn't know we're getting married as she shit all over our original wedding plans so we're just doing it our way. 2 witnesses, nice lunch afterwards etc.

Anyways, she has unleashed a torrent of abuse. Saying that if I'm going to be petty she wants everything she has ever given us back. Including Christmas presents, DD's pram, cot, everything. And the dog. (we took the dog from her because she was breeding it to death and admitted she couldn't take care of her properly as her other dogs were attacking her. We adore our dog but she cost us £1000's in vet bills & getting her spayed etc so I really wouldn't view her as a gift)

She is saying that my dad will drive round and take everything. I have no doubt that he will, my family have form for doing stuff like this. I am terrified.

I know this is all very Jeremy Kyle.

My SF and DB have been texting me the most horrendous abuse all morning. Both outlining how much they've always hated me and how DM was the only one that made them be civil to me. I havent replied but it just keeps coming. I'm just sat here in tears.

Now, my point is.. Can they come and take all my things? It was all a gift. I'm so terrified they will come down here and smash doors to get to things. I'm scared they'll hurt me Infront of DD.

Can I call the police? Will they let them take things because they bought it? They won't come right now, they'll just turn up at a random time soon.

Sorry this is all so jumbled.

AnneUulmelmahay Mon 02-Sep-13 13:35:45

I think you need legal advide wrt the jewellery

If they come and make a scene/frighten or threaten you then yes, call the police

DropYourSword Mon 02-Sep-13 13:36:25

God you poor thing!

I couldn't say for absolute certain, but I'd have thought SURELY these are your things and no-one has the right to come onto your property to steal them off you?!

DropYourSword Mon 02-Sep-13 13:37:10

Could you phone citizens advice for some help?

Call the police on 101
Explain the situation and seek advice from them
That way it could be documented in case you need to call them at a later date

Thurlow Mon 02-Sep-13 13:39:26

Call 101 now and tell them that threats have been made and you are scared they will come to your houseand try to break in to get the things back.

Yes of course you can and should call the police.
Do it now and make them aware of the harrasment by text and the threats.
They should be able to put you on an alert so if you do call you will be a priority.
So sorry you have such a toxic family.
I'd write off the jewellery as well. It's probably sold off by now so you can probably report her for that as well.
Congrats on getting married. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Enjoy it and try not to think about your horrible family.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Mon 02-Sep-13 13:41:04

Good heavens, Famzilla! No, you WNBU to ring 101 and ask for advice.

I don't know this from a legal viewpoint but I should imagine that whether or not the pram, cot, etc. were a gift from your mother is irrelevant. They were given to you and are your property. For anyone to break in and take them would amount to theft and criminal damage.

Locketjuice Mon 02-Sep-13 13:42:50

They can't take the things, as they were a gift to you, its her word against yours, I would call the non emergency number and have it all logged now so if it does come to it the police will be round within seconds rather than having the explain the whole thing in detail before they send someone out, hope your ok they sound vile!

Yorkieaddict Mon 02-Sep-13 13:43:42

Of course you can call the police. The abuse you are getting is harassment for a start. If they turn up dial 999. They can't come and take things from your house by force. If they really believe they have a claim to it, they would need to see a solicitor and sort it out that way. It sounds likely to me that your Mum has sold the jewelry and is trying to scare you into giving up asking for it back.

Locketjuice Mon 02-Sep-13 13:44:25

Something to do with possession is 9:10 blah blah blah, remember when my ex was threatening to come and strip my house, my aunt who is in law said it and that was the reason he wasn't lawfully allowed to?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

burberryqueen Mon 02-Sep-13 13:46:59

call the police right now, you are being threatened and scared, the fact that it is your own family is immaterial to the police.
btw i would be surprised if you see that jewellery again.

loopyluna Mon 02-Sep-13 13:51:48

Of course they can't take anything back -the baby stuff etc were gifts, cannot be taken back. If they try to take them, they would be committing theft and you would be within your rights to report them. If they try to take them forcefully, phone 999.

The dog, is clearly yours and the vet must have records showing you have paid for her healthcare. No way can they take her back.

Get legal advice re the jewellery.

Then draw a line and have nothing further to do with these awful people. Have a lovely wedding and turn the page.

YoniMitchell Mon 02-Sep-13 13:53:40

Crikey, I'd definitely speak to someone about their threats although unless they actually break in or try to steal anything I'm not sure what action could be taken.

A solicitor could probably help you get the jewellery (do you have descriptions of it and proof it was left to you?). Do you think your mum even still has the jewellery?

ceebie Mon 02-Sep-13 13:53:44

Honey, I'm afraid the jewellery is almost certainly gone. Why not accept that and, sadly, leave the subject alone, and let everything else die down. If you don't pursue the jewellery and don't reply to their texts etc, will it all blow over?

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 13:55:21

Thank you so much for your replies, am feeling very much like a frightened child at the moment. DP has left work and is on his way home, although stuck in traffic.

I have asked them so many times to just leave me alone and they won't. They're saying that I only had DD so I would have some form of leverage over them as I never stood up for myself before she was born.

I'll let the jewellery go if I have to. It's not the monetary value at all, she cared for me for months on end throughout my childhood and we adored each other. I know half of it went to my cousin who was only a newborn when she died though, so maybe she'll let me buy a small bit off her in time.

burberryqueen Mon 02-Sep-13 13:56:42

i think ceebie is right.....if someone is chasing you, stop running....

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 13:58:37

Oh and I don't think it'll blow over. They won't let me go and every time I try they just got so nasty I would give in for an easier life. Until I stepped a foot out of line again, usually by not doing as I was told.

It's a vivacious circle that has been going on for years. Only now it's different because I have my own family.

burberryqueen Mon 02-Sep-13 13:59:12

they sound horrible, can you not just cut them off completely? you say they 'won't leave you alone' - changed your mobile number? cancelled fb?
moved house and not told them the address? all of these things are worth doing.
do take care OP flowers

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 13:59:23

Viscous, not vivacious!

LegoLegoEverywhere Mon 02-Sep-13 14:01:17

You're not sounding jumbled Famzilla. It's natural to feel all over the place when the rage from family starts up again. They cannot take your things no matter how much they bluster. Ring the police and explain what had happened (and no playing it down, they need to know how utterly dysfunctional and threatening your "family" is). This will give you much needed validation and back up, and hopefully it will help you feel better equipped to deal with the nonsense.

mypavlova Mon 02-Sep-13 14:01:23

As hard as this may be to hear, you will never see that jewelry again and I will eat my hat if she didn't sell it long ago. I don't believe she ever kept it for you. Sounds totally out of "character." She is all about selfishness, lying and manipulative controlling, as shown by her setting your family on you, which is known as abuse by proxy. And of course all her current behavior is out of control abusive. You could probably write a series of books of the way she has behaved over the years, it is that obvious just by the current situation.

I do think you should call the police, but just for starters. It is a good plan to keep your wedding to just you, and I encourage you to put that kind of self protection into place in every aspect of your life. Refuse abusive texts, calls, ploys. Be hard to contact. Return contact only on your terms in a controlled environment, go in only with back up like police or soldiers would, have an exit strategy. Answering a call or text from your family is akin to being ambushed and beaten. Don't accept that. All the best to you and a bright future to you both.

Badvoc Mon 02-Sep-13 14:02:13

How can they contact you?
Change phone number and get the hell off FB!!

Elsiequadrille Mon 02-Sep-13 14:03:31

It must be provoking that she won't give you the jewellery. I'm afraid I would be tempted to write it off and cease contact with them.

Surely they wouldn't dare to break into your house to take things back? I'm horrified! Do call the police if they attempt this, certainly.

HerrenaHarridan Mon 02-Sep-13 14:06:04

No they cannot legally enter you house an take "their" gifts back.

If they were trying to claim you had stolen them, they would have to go through the police. If they admit they have given them to you then legally they are yours (this is very clear under law having been tested many times in the case of engagement rings )

Is the dog chipped and registered to you? If so don't worry, if not do it now.

Not only would I whole heartedly recommend calling 999 if they turn up and try an force entry. I would recommend calling 101 now and explaining the situation and asking for their advice re prosecuting you mother for theft of your jewellery.
Was she legally holding it in trust for you as a minor? Breaching the position of trustee of inheritance is taken quite seriously and if she hasn't already sold it she will hopefully return it sharpish when she realises the law is on your side.

I'm sorry your going through this and I'm going to tell your heart what your head already knows...

Anyone who chooses to side with your mother and cut you out for going nc with her is better off out of your life any way.

To be quite honest in your shoes I would w seriously considering, resolving this jeweller issue as beat as possible an moving town with no forwarding address!

You do not deserve to be treated like this ad your children do not deserve to be exposed to these people

LegoLegoEverywhere Mon 02-Sep-13 14:06:51

Im in a similar situation Famzilla. My trigger was having children too. I think the natural love and lioness-type protection felt for my DCs over rode my conditioning. I'm so glad it did even though I lost virtually all of my family despite only going no contact with her.

Good on you for not giving in. Try the police, yes the likelihood is that you've lost your jewelry to your malicious mother, but its definitely worth a shot!

FondantNancy Mon 02-Sep-13 14:13:43

How utterly shit. Regrettably I also think you'll need to let go of the jewellery (although this would make me so mad). If she hasn't already sold it your mother will relish the battle it'll take for you to retrieve it.

So glad you're doing your wedding your way (remember your other thread), it'll be a lovely day.

Jewelledkaleidoscope Mon 02-Sep-13 14:19:24

Oh you poor thing.

Solicitors appointment, 101 pronto

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 14:20:25

Oh I give up with that bloody spelling!

I vaguely remember my grandad writing a list of what jewellery I had, and obviously the will itself says the jewellery was to be left to me and my cousin. My grandad is still alive, albeit in the early stages of dementia but he was exceptionally good at paperwork so hopefully it will be documented somewhere.

That's a relief about the dog, I couldn't live with myself if she went back there. Shut in a small room all day with 4 other dogs attacking her and no walks.

EasyMark Mon 02-Sep-13 14:20:59

Turn phone off
lock the door
call the police
Make an appointment with a lawyer for a restriction order to stop them contacting you or coming in so meny meters of you.
Also change phone number and get caller id
If you rent move house/town
Do not let your dd anywhere near them ever.

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 14:32:10

Right, DP is home now and the doors are all locked.

DP wants to go down to the police station and talk to someone. Is that even possible? I think I should just call 101.

Should I reply to any of these threats with a warning that if they come the police will be called? In my head in hoping it would put them off but I feel it would just open me up to more abuse.

I'm just so terrified they will come when DP is at work and hurt me whilst I'm holding DD. She's only 5mo so wouldn't know what was going on but there is no way I could defend myself against my brother (who I suspect would hurt me).

I think I might send the dog to my best friends for a few days. The thing is she would willingly get in a car with them (obviously).

Sorry, I'm waffling.

burberryqueen Mon 02-Sep-13 14:35:59

they cannot enter the house without your permission can they?
I mean does your brother or anyone else have a key? if he does, change the locks.
honestly I think you might look into getting an injunction out against them if that is your worry
if your partner wants to go to the police station, then go with him.
I don't think you should reply at all, just save them as evidence for the police.

Badvoc Mon 02-Sep-13 14:37:28

Solicitor.
Get an injunction.
Log the threats,
Give copies/show them to the police.

Thurlow Mon 02-Sep-13 14:38:11

If you're scared that they will actually hurt you, please please call 101 now and ask if an officer can come out and see you today and give you advice. If you are that scared then it might even be possible to get a restraining order? (I don't know the ins and outs but it could be worth discussing).

Change the locks. Get a bloody great bolt and chain as well.

ceebie Mon 02-Sep-13 14:42:25

Don't reply to any threats. Would you consider texting your Mum to say not to worry about the jewellery? Would that calm her down at all, since that seems to be where it all started? I'm fairly sure she's sold the jewellery and is being abusive you you as she's panicking that she's about to be found out.

Do get advice from the police. Don't threaten your family with the police though - just be ready to call them if needed.

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 14:48:59

They don't have a key, but they would smash the door down with force. Or smash the glass in our French doors.

I'm not even thinking of a worse case scenario there, they have done it before.

I think we are going to go to the nearest police station now and say that we are being threatened and ask to talk to someone. That way I will be able to show them everything that is being said.

Then I will block them on Facebook, I know it's bad but I really don't want to delete it as I use it to keep in touch with friends that have gone travelling. I could just email them I know, but I like Facebook. Is there a way you can block people from contacting you on your mobile?

Unfortunately we can't move, this is our house and we have a lot of money tied up in it. However we are in a really close knit neighbourhood, which makes me feel safe. I do feel that if they did show up that my neighbours would confront them somehow.

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 14:50:21

It's beyond saying "don't worry about the jewellery". I don't want to write down what she is saying to me but I would struggle to say that to my worst enemy, put it that way.

Badvoc Mon 02-Sep-13 14:51:15

You don't need facebook.
They can track your movements on it.
Change our phone numbers. Not hard.
Go to the police station and report all this.
Make sure it's all logged and then get a solicitor appt.

burberryqueen Mon 02-Sep-13 14:51:36

OK you really need the police on board go there now.
i am not sure how to block mobile numbers but i believe there is a way.

Badvoc Mon 02-Sep-13 14:52:41

Did your report the violence and damage to your home last time?

burberryqueen Mon 02-Sep-13 14:53:28

just change your mobile number and 'deactivate' fb - people you really want to keep in touch with can have your new number and a skype address.

toomuchtoask Mon 02-Sep-13 14:53:39

I would phone the police on 101 for advice. The minute they turn up at the house (if they do) then phone 999.

Get a solicitor to send a letter to say the jewellery must be returned via the solicitors and that all contact must cease unless it comes via your solicitor.

Don't be scared. The police won't let them do anything to you.

Is moving in the future a possibility so literally ALL contact can stop and they no longer know where you are?

Cravey Mon 02-Sep-13 14:54:39

Firstly this is harassment and you need to take legal advice on that and the jewellery. Send a cease and desist letter to your family via a lawyer to stop the messages. With the jewellery was it left to you in a will, an actual legal will of so ask lawyer to draft another letter asking for it back or you will be taking further action. Re the messages call 101 but don't expect them to do a lot other than log it. That in itself is a help though because if they turn up you call 999 and it will be a faster response time to you. Make sure you keep copies of every message.

BobbyGentry Mon 02-Sep-13 14:56:40

I would write off the jewellery, sorry, as it's being used as a form of control.

I would also gather up many of the possessions that were 'gifts' and return them.

Then change number and locks and start afresh; without fear.

Hard times ahead, sorry, but it can (and should) get better if you're prepared to I intervene and stop all contact.

PumpkinPie2013 Mon 02-Sep-13 15:23:41

What a terrible situation for you sad they sound bloody awful!!!!

I agree with the others definitely call 101 and ask the police for advice in particular wrt to the threats they are making about coming round to your house. Explain as well that there are times you are by yourself with your baby. If anyone comes round (even if it looks as if they are not trying to force entry or anything) don't open the door and call 999 immediately and tell them there are people attempting to break into your home.

Do you have a neighbour you can trust? If so, can you ask them to listen/look out for anyone coming round and if they see/hear anything at all to dial 999 for you (even if you do it yourself as well).

About your dog - yes perhaps asking your friend to have her for a few days may be a good idea just until you get yourself sorted out.

I would change mobile and house numbers and only give to people you can trust (but do keep any messages as evidence). Same with facebook - deactivate it and let your close friends know they can contact you on your new phone numbers for now.

I think you need to speak to a solicitor about the jewellery and also (and perhaps more importantly) about getting an injunction against your family to prevent them coming near you or your home or making any contact with you at all.

Best of luck - I hope things improve and enjoy your wedding xx

eatriskier Costa Rica Mon 02-Sep-13 15:36:51

Oh famzilla, she and they just get worse and worse.

You may find that you're waiting a while at the station. If it seems too much of a wait phone 101. Whatever you do ensure these threats are being recorded by the police.

If you want to keep facebook then do, but definitely block them. I've had to do the same with some of my family but I like it to stay in contact with my far flung friends so I do understand that.

Get a new mobile and house number. Your companies will normally allow you one change in circumstances like these for free.

Don't think twice about calling 999 if they come round. Don't wait for them to threaten you or break anything down. After their other threats (we've had similar made against us by a neighbour) the police's advice is to not engage and call 999 asap.

Also definitely ask the police about where you go regarding the jewellery. I think you may have to give up on the idea of using your nan's ring though which is very sad.

And finally, whatever you do, keep your DD away from these awful people.

AnotherStitchInTime Mon 02-Sep-13 15:56:01

Phone 101, they will send someone round. That way someone will be there, they may try to enter while you are at the Police station. That way you can show them the FB messages and texts as documentary evidence of their abuse and harassment.

Phone 999 if they turn up.

You may be able to legally get the jewellery back with a long a protracted fight if it is mentioned in your grandmother's will but do you really want to deal with the repercussions of that in the long run?

IAmNotAMindReader Mon 02-Sep-13 16:06:32

With regards to the jewellery it seems like you can produce a detailed list of what should be yours. What you do about it from now though depends on how much it has become a symbol of you making a stand against their ways.

You could, if it has gone, have your mother prosecuted for theft.

As for the here and now. Ring 101 or go down but speak to someone asap and explain that it is very likely they will turn up and very likely they will become abusive, threatening and cause significant damage to property.

Gifts are precisely that and can't be legally demanded back. The fact they were given as Christmas and birthday presents reinforces the idea they are gifts.

quoteunquote Mon 02-Sep-13 16:13:18

I would ring 101 and make a detailed report of what has been happening, get advice, and both of you keep the reference number handy, as it will speed up interaction with the police if they do turn up, the police can then see the back story quickly without you having to go over it,

is the dog chipped, it will be fine anyway as you have been looking after her and paying bills, if she is not chipped, go and get her done, ring the local rescue centre sometimes they do it cheaper instantly.

Congratulations on your wedding, smart move keeping the toxic people out,

start legal proceeding to get the jewellery back go and see the CAB, I suspect it may of already been sold, but if you do get her prosecuted for stealing it, it will keep her away with an injunction for threatening behaviour,

babies are often a trigger for ceasing to tolerate toxic abuse.

Focus on the good things, your baby and husband, and the negative will have to fade away eventually.

Your Nan would be really pleased you are doing positive things, she will be there with you.

jasmine3663 Mon 02-Sep-13 16:18:15

Go to your solicitor for advice. You need clear informed advice as to your rights and protection for your family from harassment.

CaptainCapybara Mon 02-Sep-13 16:20:36

In your shoes I would call the police and look into restraining orders, how awful that you feel threatened in your own home and that your own brother would hurt you and your baby.

roguepixie Mon 02-Sep-13 16:25:06

What a horrible situation for you.

As far as I am aware they cannot 'take back' gifts given to you. As someone upthread said, they would need to prove you had stolen said items in order to get them back. The onus is on them to prove that you obtained the items through fraudulent means/loans with them etc -and obviously they can't do that.

Wrt the jewelry - the items will be listed in the will as will your Nan's wish to have them left to you - therefore you could argue that your property is being withheld from you illegally. However, given what you have said it would not be as surprise to find the jewelry has gone.

You really need to speak to the police. You can turn up to the desk where the duty sergeant will process your complaint, however, I would be tempted to phone them stating your worries that they will break into your home. 101 for non emergency but 999 if they turn up to hurl abuse/break in. Get your camera out and photograph away - video on mobile as well - it's all admissible in Court.

Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding, enjoy your day and stay strong with regards to these toxic people. You do not need them and are so much better off without them. They need you around to be their whipping boy - don't let them - you have your family now.

Good luck.

EasyMark Mon 02-Sep-13 16:29:46

Hi just to note you should know there is a thread in relationships called dysfuncional families, but we took you to stately homes.

The posters there have gone thru similiar and can give great advice and support.

I know what you are feeling right now and its not nice and shouldnt have to put up with it now you are an adult.

Its the fear and the waiting for them to come that reduce us to wobbleing messes but we are mot children and what they are doing is illegal. Call the police and cut all contact its the only way never to feel that fear again sad

Sallyingforth Mon 02-Sep-13 16:45:05

Yes to 101 and get the police to record the problem. Get a reference number.
Yes to a free 30 minute chat with a lawyer. S/he will probably suggest a letter to them saying cease contact or else. That will cost a little but far quicker than a court injunction and a good first step. If they ignore it then report again to the police - they will probably visit them and give firm advice.
Yes to leaving FB and anything else they can use to follow you.
Yes to forgetting about the jewellery for the moment until the immediate threat has been sorted.

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 17:20:53

Thanks for your messages.

I called 101 and someone is coming to the house soon.

Have blocked them all on Facebook. Mum is still messaging me saying she's going to "wipe the floor" with me and that my dad & brother are coming for the car.

The car was a birthday present to both of us, and a freebie which has just been passed round the whole family (uncles, cousins etc).

Unfortunately we px the car last weekend. What with it being ours & all..

Fuck.

12thDoctorsCompanion Mon 02-Sep-13 17:45:37

is it true shes lost the key or just wants to keep it for herself thinking SHELL sell it?

im with all the posters here.

funny, cos i was just thinking today i wish i could get my 'family' for defamation of character as theyre always badmouthing me. really slandering and accusing.

go for it, OP.

sheridand Mon 02-Sep-13 17:52:27

She probably doesn't want to give you the jewellery because it was given to you, not her. We had a similar situation, where my nan said I could pick from her box, and lo! When I got there, 'twas all gone, bar the costume stuff. Luckily, I loved her costume stuff and was willing to accept the cock and bull about a "robbery" from my relatives. I'm saying; the jewels are not the issue. Your nana loved you, you know it ( mine cared for me too), pick or negotiate for a memory piece ( I got a big bling 40's tat brooch), get out. It's not worth it.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Mon 02-Sep-13 17:56:15

Glad to hear the police are taking this seriously. Make sure you show them all records of abusive messages etc as these will all count towards them being charged with harassing you. Family or not, this is what they are doing.

They can't just turn up and take things from your house - and a gift is a gift, not something to be recalled at random. Everything they've given to you is still rightfully yours.

With regard to the jewellery, who was the executor of the will? There must have been a solicitor involved at some point. If you haven't received what was left to you legally (have you actually seen the will itself?) then there are channels to go through to recover this. However, that may not be in time for the wedding (congrats btw).

It sounds as though your family are entirely toxic and you have moved onwards and upwards in the world, in spite of them. You must be a very strong person and you will get through this. Good luck.

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 18:01:21

DM had nothing to do with my nan, aside from polite chitchat at pick up & drop off.

Her own mother is still alive but they have been NC for years. Although they still send each other birthday and Christmas gifts, very weird setup.

You know I don't even think she has sold it, it's just the last stick she has to beat me with. She now says she'll give it to me if I give back everything she has ever bought or given me (including the dog). From what I can gather, the law is on my side though and if I have to forsake some jewellery to give the dog a half decent life, then that's what has to happen!

Ezio Mon 02-Sep-13 18:08:25

You cant demand gifts back, if you give them willing, they cant take anything, so dont worry about that.

I suggest you do as someone suggested, get restraining orders and go NC.

CruCru Mon 02-Sep-13 18:14:59

That sounds awful. Lets hope they come round when the policemen are there and get arrested.

quoteunquote Mon 02-Sep-13 18:17:08

screen shot all messages.

CruCru Mon 02-Sep-13 18:21:01

Did they say when you could expect the police to come round?

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat Mon 02-Sep-13 18:26:01

What a horrible woman.

I would:
--Tell the police about the threats, showing visual evidence from your phone/FB etc. Also tell them about things they have done in the past so they know how serious the threat is.
--Delete Facebook, obviously after showing the messages.
--Get your house as secure as possible. Double locks, maybe some barrier to the windows (metal, perhaps?) also an alarm system may be good. Perhaps if it could go straight to the police or a company. If the alarm goes off when they are breaking in, I doubt they would continue knowing neighbours/the police are already on their way.

I hate to say it but they sound like complete chavs and I hate that word but can't think of what other word would suit them. People that like throwing their weight about. Thugs, basically. You don't need to be involved with that - blood isn't always thicker than water and your daughter definitely doesn't need to witness this.

They don't get to meet their granddaughter/niece etc - tough shit, they should've acted like civilised human beings, not Neanderthals (that's insulting Neanderthals as they act on pure instinct).

I really feel for you OP.
Keep safe thanks

Famzilla Mon 02-Sep-13 20:26:51

Yeah, I know what you mean. They're always telling me how I think I'm better than them because I don't do the things they do or act like them. I never have, probably because I spent a lot of time at my grandparents who were very 'proper'.

Well, the police have been and gone. Reassured me that it is highly unlikely they could take the dog. Logged the harassment, said to call 999 if they turned up.

Now just sitting here, pretty numb. Wishing they would just leave me alone.

Euphemia France Mon 02-Sep-13 20:35:39

Gits! sad

You've done the right thing phoning the police. They'll come fast if need be now.

YoniMitchell Mon 02-Sep-13 20:44:30

What horrors Famzilla! You've done the right thing in blocking them on FB and speaking to the police. I have no real advice, but wanted to echo the support you've been given here.

kali110 United States Mon 02-Sep-13 21:16:58

Famzilla you ARE better than them. Sorry other poster chav is too nice a word for them!
They cannot take gifts back. Is the car registered to you now?what does px mean in regards to the car?
Glad you've reported it all to the police.
I do agree with other posters that no matter how hard but i would give up the jewellery.
Also please give your dogs to trusted friends for week or so for its safety x

carlywurly Mon 02-Sep-13 21:54:41

Christ, they sound absolutely evil. You shouldn't have to live in fear of your own family. angry For you.

What an awful situation, I'm angry for you op sad

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat Mon 02-Sep-13 22:13:39

Trust me you ARE better than them.
But honestly, that's not difficult with the way they behave, is it?
Just thank your lucky stars you grew up with normal people, OP.
It's like my partners family are completely nasty gits half the time and I am so glad that he was away most of his childhood except out of term time, otherwise he could've turned out like them.
Glad the police have came and given you some assurances and taken your complaint seriously.
Definitely call them if they come around. Have them on speed dial if needs be.
I am sorry you have to even be put through this when you should be enjoying time with your wonderful little girl.

If you're worried about various things like the car, can you temporarily put them somewhere else while this blows over?!

Plomino Mon 02-Sep-13 22:22:31

Famzilla , have you got a cordless landline phone ? Thinking practically , if you have , keep them all charged , and make sure you always have one in your pocket if at home . That way , if you have to dial 999 in an emergency , the landline's immediately traceable even if you can't say anything . Getting subscribers details for mobiles takes a little bit longer , so delays help being able to get to you .

Did the police mention a panic alarm ? Because if you were one of my reports , I'd certainly be asking for one . I'd also be moving your dog even temporarily .

What a nasty bunch of bastards .

Revengeofkarma Mon 02-Sep-13 22:48:20

Ugh. I did say on the other thread it would get worse before it got better, and a huge part of the reason is simply it worked before. If they turned up and broke down doors, whatever, and you're still talking to them then this is all just an extreme power play to show you who is in charge. The big surprise waiting for them is thatYOU are now in charge, and good on you for it.

Which is not to say I don't think they'll do what you say, quite the contrary. The difference is (and this is huge) this time you're empowered and the police are involved. My sad suspicion is they'll be involved further, at which point you HAVE (and I cannot stress this enough) to follow through, even though they will put even more pressure on you to drop the charges, whatever. If you think this is bad, it will be exponentially worse if you back down at that point. This has to be the point where anyone who watches Star Trek says "We've made too many compromises already, too many retreats. They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I will make them pay for what they've done!" Ok, maybe not the last sentence. But that's the only part up for debate.

They're bullies, and abusive bullies at that. The only thing they will respond to is effectively a bigger bully (the police) saying no, this is not acceptable, and we mean it.

I think she has the jewellery. Total power play. A solicitor's letter saying "hand it over or be done for theft" will result in either the key being miraculously produced or a court order for them to pay for a locksmith to bust it open. Lying in the court never goes down well.

When they do produce the jewellery, have it delivered to the lawyers office. You don't need to see them when it happens.

Lawyers ain't nothing but hired guns, baby. And nothing makes lawyers happier than actually getting justice for the little guy. So use them. This is pretty straightforward and thus cheap as legal costs go. And if it goes to court (which is the expensive bit, the losing side pays the winner's costs.)

If you want to keep using FB, in addition to blocking it, consider setting it up with a name change ora different email address to give an extra layer of security.

Revengeofkarma Mon 02-Sep-13 22:51:02

Oh, and for the four other dogs staying with her? RSPCA.

Cravey Mon 02-Sep-13 23:19:34

You need to find out if there was a will re the jewellery. Of not then I'm afraid you will have to let it go. You dd tHe right thing with 101 as I said before its logged now and the response on 999 should be quicker. I really would seek legal advice and pay out for a cease and desist letter as that's the first step towards an injunction taken care of if needed. I would most certainly be keeping the dog in the house just in case. Slightest thing or feeling of unease then call 999 the police will be happy to help.

Revengeofkarma Mon 02-Sep-13 23:32:37

Oh and the timing of this has a lot to do with you cancelling the (horrific) control she tried to exert over your wedding. So if you do manage to shut this episode down with the help of the police, things will start to calm down. But no texting her offering to let go of the jewellery for a quiet life, etc. that's how things were.

How things are from now on is quite different, and much better for you. Actually better for anyone who comes into contact with them as well, but mostly we are concerned with you here.

nocarsgo Mon 02-Sep-13 23:44:58

I read your wedding thread. WOW, I can't believe it's descended to this.

Don't be scared, the law is on your side here. Maybe one day you can move house and never tell them.

Re. FB, have you considered deleting your account and rejoining under a pseudonym? At least then you can keep in touch with the people you WANT to keep in touch with.

halestone Mon 02-Sep-13 23:57:11

Famzilla i hope your ok and that things resolve themselves quickly.

Ring your mobile operator and ask them to ban your mothers number.

Block them all on facebook and also set up your email account so that any messages from them go straight to your Junk mail.

musicismylife Tue 03-Sep-13 01:53:17

Op, I called the police on a family member who was threatening me and my children. The best thing I ever did. Not sure who these peeps think they are angry

musicismylife Tue 03-Sep-13 01:56:14

Well said, revengeofkarma.

QueenStromba Tue 03-Sep-13 15:14:07

If you have a smart phone there are loads of apps that let you block phonecalls and texts from particular numbers. I have Mr Number on my android phone for blocking spammers, I'm sure there's similar for iphones.

Did you mention the jewellery to the police?

eatriskier Costa Rica Tue 03-Sep-13 18:51:46

Famzilla Are you ok? Hope you have had an uneventful night and day.

Famzilla Tue 03-Sep-13 22:08:59

Hey

Yeah I'm ok, luckily they didn't come round last night. I went out all day today and told my very lovely neighbours to call the police if my dads van turned up at any point. They haven't said anything to me so am assuming they haven't! Seen a lot of friends today and showed them the messages, have a feeling I'm going to be relying on them a lot over the coming months. (and MN as always!)

Really want to go to a solicitor about the jewellery, it means a lot to me. I think I may wait until the storm has settled, so to speak. Still feeling pretty fragile.

LemonBreeland Wed 04-Sep-13 14:39:25

What a horrible situation. I think the advice upthread to get a restraining order seems sensible. It is worth going to see a solicitor for some advice I think.

Revengeofkarma Wed 04-Sep-13 19:46:00

See the solicitor now. First, you'll feel better for doing something. Second, it'll take a little time to write and send a letter about the jewellery, much less get a response in time for your upcoming wedding, which is going to be just as you want it if you get it in gear in time.

And finally, waiting for it to calm down is about them, not you. And this (as previously stated) is about what you want (the jewellery) and not what they want (control and you on a string). So go get what YOU want.

(And that's a cheeky order!)

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