To be angry at SIL for dangling DD?

(71 Posts)

We met up with SIL and family today at an attraction with a viewing platform which was probably the equivalent of 1 storey high. SIL carried 10 month old DD up and lifted her so her legs were dangling over the side. She had her arm around her waist and then said something like "your mummy and daddy think I'm going to drop you!". Her husband made a jokey comment about the Michael Jackson baby dangling thing.

IABU to have internally freaked out about that? DH immediately went to get her back as he could see I wasn't happy. I didn't say anything as I think they already think I'm massively PFB with DD because I don't leave her to cry it out ever.

Was I being too protective?!?

Was her body over the drop or just her legs?

I don't think it's funny but if DD was safe I wouldn't make a fuss.

Well she was sort of resting her bottom on the top of the railing- supported but not fully sitting as she wasn't properly bent at the hips if you see what I mean?
Think I'm possibly a bit prickly about SIL sometimes so deliberately didn't comment at all. Was annoyed at her comment though as, if SIL thought we wouldn't be happy, then surely she shouldn't be doing it

She's baiting you, what a horrible woman.

FrussoHathor Mon 02-Sep-13 04:31:15

She sounds very immature.

Not pfb or U to me. The thought of dangling child makes me feel sick. But i have 3dcs that would arch their back or twist at random times,

I am glad that your DH got you dd back, to me that shows that he didn't like sil doing this either.
Do they have their own children?

FrillsandLaces Mon 02-Sep-13 04:31:18

I agree with Squinkie, definetly baiting you. Well done for not reacting! I would be really cross if that was my child, well bloody done x

Doubtfuldaphne Mon 02-Sep-13 05:01:36

What a bloody weird thing to do! I would go absolutely nuts if anyone did that to my baby. Why would anyone even do that with someone's baby?

BonaDrag Mon 02-Sep-13 05:11:45

YANBU. What a cunt. I would have knocked her out (after getting my child back) so you were very restrained.

ItWasLightCreamCheese Mon 02-Sep-13 05:21:59

That is something my sister would do. It is baiting; she's setting you up to look unhinged and overprotective when you protest. Why? Because she gets a kick out of it. What a pathetic individual she must be to get her thrills in such a way.

People like that are a waste of your time. I would steer well clear if I were you, OP.

cantreachmytoes Mon 02-Sep-13 05:27:45

Agree. Baiting and YADNBU.

Lilacroses Mon 02-Sep-13 05:32:57

What an idiot. No youare not being pfb. Any parent would freak at that, well I would anyway!

mykingdomforasleep Mon 02-Sep-13 05:44:12

You are so NBU! I would have freaked!

I am PFB about my 5wo DD and I freak myself out just standing next to a window never mind dangling her over a railing! sad
Your SIL is a knobber!

TartanRug Mon 02-Sep-13 06:03:21

Yep, she was def trying to get a rise out of you. Cow.

Yay! Was starting to doubt myself. She's got 2 DDs. Feel much better now. Thanks lovely vipers

ihatethecold Mon 02-Sep-13 07:25:06

Horrid and spiteful
Why would anyone find that funny

pudcat Mon 02-Sep-13 07:31:23

YANBU What a dreadful thing to do. Not only to you but to your daughter. Your daughter only had to wriggle quickly for your SIL to lose her grip. Then to say that to you. That was really nasty.. I would make sure she never looks after your daughter on her own.

bootsycollins Mon 02-Sep-13 07:36:25

I feel sick reading this, vile woman. Don't ever leave dd unattended with her, in fact have as minimum contact as possible life's hard enough.

Retroformica Mon 02-Sep-13 07:36:44

She shouldn't have done it. Would i partially hang a child over a one story drop - no! What if someone had knocked me or I'd tripped

Slainte Mon 02-Sep-13 07:40:02

Hearing about a baby being held like that made my stomach flip with worry. All it would take for a tragedy is one little toddler twist.


recall Mon 02-Sep-13 07:40:24

This would have freaked me out shock

ILoveAFullFridge Mon 02-Sep-13 07:48:18

I might do that with one of my own dc, but never with someone else's. shock

Agree with the other posters- she's baiting you. Well done for not rising to it.

Toizzy Mon 02-Sep-13 07:51:03

What if your baby had suddenly jerked?
My bil had quite a fright several months ago while he was holding his baby boy, 9 months at the time i think, just on his lap and the little lad nearly ended up smashing his head on the hard tile floor when he suddenly jerked it back.
Pretty stupid thing to do what your sil did IMO.

Toizzy Mon 02-Sep-13 07:54:06

Btw please could someone explain PFB?

McPie Mon 02-Sep-13 07:54:16

I have 3 dc, 12yo ds and 6 yo dtwin,s and I freak out when the eldest leans out of an upstairs window never mind the youngest two!
Shes a horrible woman for even thinking that was funny in the slightest, kids are unpredictable and what could have happened if your baby freaked out and she lost control chills me to the bones!

BeckAndCall Mon 02-Sep-13 07:57:26

toizzy-PFB =precious first born

Toizzy Mon 02-Sep-13 07:59:24

oki thanks Beck, so many abbreviations on MN, haven't worked them all out yet!

Bumply Mon 02-Sep-13 08:00:13

I would have freaked as i once read a story (fictional) where the main character was disabled from a childhood incident related to this scenario.

Well I have 3 kids & subscribe to the leave then to it school of parenting but I would NOT have liked that. It makes me feel sick reading it. Your SIL was being an idiot - does she have children herself?

lljkk Mon 02-Sep-13 08:04:18

yanbu, It would upset me, too. :-(

BoffinMum Mon 02-Sep-13 08:05:36

Ooh, seriously creepy goings on there. I would have had a fit.

Lampshadeofdoom Mon 02-Sep-13 08:07:56

Yanbu I have seen a child fall/injured in a similar set up.

Lampshadeofdoom Mon 02-Sep-13 08:08:27

Definitely baiting too.

AnneUulmelmahay Mon 02-Sep-13 08:13:14

Horrible woman. Great that your dh responded quickly

Not easy but can you reduce the times you meet to say birthdays and christmas? One of my siblings is like this and its fkin 'orrible, we can never leave the children alone with the person - a toy or gadget gets broken, a foot gets stamped on or the child gets shoved over. All accidents you understand, from a middleaged person. Nearly 50.

BigW Mon 02-Sep-13 08:14:10

Toizzy Perfect First Born I think.

Two things - firstly, previous posters are right. She was trying to wind you up.

Secondly, slightly off topic, I bloody HATE it when people 'talk' to me through my DS. 'Mummy's scared I'm going to drop you' and the absolute worst is when people put on a squeaky voice and prentend to be the actual baby. 'Oh mummy, I'm scared auntie X is going to drop me over the side'.

angry usually it's because they are doing/saying something tgey don't feel 100% comfortable addressingto your face.

Rant over. Sorry. blush

MoominsYonisAreScary Mon 02-Sep-13 08:34:07

I think that would have made me a bit crazy, well done for not reacting.

Dp lays on the sofa and holds ds3 2.5 up in the air over his head like superman, I don't know how many times id told him to stop doing it before he finally listened.

The other day he did it while laying on the floor and ds twisted and dp dropped him, ds wasn't hurt from that hight but dp had a headache all day from being kicked in the head grin

SubliminalMassaging Mon 02-Sep-13 08:37:31

This kind of thing freaks me out even when I don't know the child involved and I see someone do it.

If someone did that to my child I would probably had a panic attack. Or a very loud, very public row. Or both.

plantsitter Mon 02-Sep-13 08:44:08

Listen, you should ignore people talking about 'PFB' when you have your first small baby. If you have an instinctive response to a situation with your baby, you should act on it.

In this case, even if what your SIL was doing wasn't breathtakingly stupid, you could have been forgiven for grabbing Dd and having a right go at SIL because she was trying to wind you up.

I will admit that as a mother of 2 sometimes it is fun to talk about pfb behaviour as it can be funny - I even do this about things I did when my first was a baby. But it can be very damaging to your confidence to worry about it when you're in the middle of it. Nobody knows what they're doing with their first. No harm in being a bit pfb. Revisit it when she's walking or whatever so you don't over protect when she needs some freedom but really at 10 months you react to your own worries as you need to.

And, additionally, your SIL is a silly cow.

Scrounger Mon 02-Sep-13 08:46:39

My FIL did this with my DS1 when he was about 9 months old, held him sitting on a balcony on the first floor. He had his arm round his waist and I asked him to not do it and bring him back. He looked at me a bit strangely and said that I had a good hold on him. I cannot remember what I said but I politely asked him still to not do it. I couldn't let it continue and he wasn't baiting me, just didn't see that it was dangerous. (BTW he is a great GP, plays with all the GC and is a fun GP, just had a different view on risks.)

BTW OP, if you think that there is a risk to your DS's health or safety, speak up and don't let anyone make you feel as though you are overreacting. He is your child, not theirs so their opinion doesn't matter. As they get older, you let them do more to explore etc but right now, sod anyone who makes you feel awkward about it.

fluffyraggies Mon 02-Sep-13 08:46:41

That's horrible. Horrible undertones.

We've all seen the awful footage recently about the child that got accidentally dropped into that wild dog pen at a zoo in Pittsburgh. I'm sure the person holding the child on the barrier thought it was just a laugh and no cause for concern either.

God - just why risk it!?

I'd be seething OP. It can be hard to stand up for yourself and your child sometimes when it's your first baby. But I'm gald your DH seems on side. Put it behind you now and just keep your SIL at arms length from now on. Your baby - you decide whats on and what's not.

SubliminalMassaging Mon 02-Sep-13 08:53:19

I haven't seen that footage fluffy or heard about it, but I don't think I want to by the sounds of things. sad Please tell me you don't actually see a baby being killed by dogs?

Booboostoo Mon 02-Sep-13 09:18:56

That is a dangerous thing to do to your baby and an awful thing to do to you. If it was my SIL doing this I would tell her that any repeat crap of the kind would mean she would never see my DC again.

fluffyraggies Mon 02-Sep-13 09:25:28

sublininal - it was on the bbc. The footage i refer to was the American news report, included in the bbc report, in which we see an aerial fly by of the zoo, and a few pics of the African Dogs.

I wouldn't want posters to link to anything graffic.

There's no footage of the actual horrific event. It's a sobering report though. And if it makes anyone think twice about dangling their kids over the edge of railings etc. then it's worth it.

Misspixietrix Mon 02-Sep-13 09:32:48

YNBU. SIL is an Idiot and sounds rather patronising tbh. Agree with others about the Baiting. Keep meet ups to a minimum if I were you ~

RedHelenB Mon 02-Sep-13 09:34:17

Moomin - kids love that, you can't wrap in cotton wool. A different scenario to the OP.

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 02-Sep-13 09:35:55

Your sil is a nasty bitch. As others have said she did it purely to bait you and prove a point she used your little baby to do so- awful.
Hope you are ok OP I would have been freaking out and replaying it over in my mind

pianodoodle Mon 02-Sep-13 09:43:16

Listen, you should ignore people talking about 'PFB' when you have your first small baby. If you have an instinctive response to a situation with your baby, you should act on it.

This! PFB is a load of old bollocks it's a baby ffs you're supposed to want to keep them safe!

fluffyraggies Mon 02-Sep-13 09:50:17

piano you're right. It's sad when people titter about women and their 'PFB'.

The first time any of us do anything we have to take it carefully and do it by the book. Worrying about how we appear to others on top of that is only going to cause upset.

I always remember sitting trying not to cry when my newborn DD1 was being passed round a ring of relatives whilst screaming for me. I feel awful about it to this day (she's 20!) but i can forgive myself as a very young first time mum without the courage to go with my instincts and get her back sad Would never in a million years have put DDC 2 and 3 through that. The Tiger Mother had been revealed in me by then grin

Ezio Mon 02-Sep-13 09:50:44

Agreed PFB is a load of shit, when dealing with the situation that could have the worst result possible.

Steer well clear of SIL, what a bitch to do such a thing.

I know full well that young babies can be quite strong, when holding my 4 month old niece at the dinner table, she suddenly turned and nearly out of my arms.

bigTillyMint Mon 02-Sep-13 09:53:03

I agree, she is baiting you. What a totally stupid thing to do. Accidents happen, and even with no accident, anyone with half an ounce of empathy would know that would be torturous for a parent to watch. YADNBU

phantomnamechanger Mon 02-Sep-13 09:57:08

Bloody hell she's unhinged! and YES she was spitefully enjoying GOADING you too, cos she Knew you would feel panicked/uneasy

why why why take the RISK of them wriggling, protesting or just slipping - when the consequences could be so drastic.

Svrider Mon 02-Sep-13 10:21:59

Just from another perspective
I have 3 DC, and my sil has a PFB of 6mo
Whenever were out and about together I try and make sure that my sil is happy and confident with what I'm doing with the baby
(Eg is he ok to have a go on the baby slide etc)

This is because I like my sil and respect her as the mum


I'd keep her at arms length from the DC tbh

oldgrandmama Mon 02-Sep-13 10:27:33

Nasty thing for her to do - you definitely weren't being unreasonable. Bet you won't let her touch your little one again!

I come from the so relaxed i'm horizontal line of parenting but that made me shudder. 10 month olds love doing that rigid back thing (often when trying to strap them into a buggy...) I don't even want to imagine what could have happened if your child decided it was a good idea to fling her legs and back straight. sad

You are most definitely not being unreasonable.

MissDD1971 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:29:00

what an evil witch. to dangle ANYONE let alone a child is awful.

I'd have thumped her or at least shot her evils. And snatched my little daughter out of harms way.

how anyone can think that's funny is beyond me. nasty woman

Thank you all! thanksthanks

I'm starting to care less and less about whether SIL thinks I'm over protective. She is a bit of a strange one. There are a few other occasions where she has upset me (made me give DD's first Christmas presents to her own children to open last Christmas and told me that I "must be doing something wrong" as DD is a bit of a nightmare sleeper) but I try not to say anything as DH is lovely and I don't want it to upset him

It's good to be able to discuss here without causing some sort of family rift!

Ezio Mon 02-Sep-13 11:05:35

Little You dont have to put up with her shittiness, if you dont want too!

lizzzyyliveson Mon 02-Sep-13 11:09:09

Is she your brother's wife or your husband's sister? Either way, I would 'share the joke' with whichever Grandma of your child she is related to. Hopefully she will get her ears boxed put straight.

Dubjackeen Mon 02-Sep-13 11:36:03

Bloody hell, YANBU. What a stupid thing to do. I wouldn't let her hold the baby again, any time soon. Keep well clear, is my advice, and ignore her opinions re your baby.

5Foot5 Mon 02-Sep-13 13:30:06

My FIL did this with my DS1 when he was about 9 months old, held him sitting on a balcony on the first floor.

My FIL did the same with DD when she was about 2yo but when he saw the expression on my face he immediately brought her down and apologised. I am sure he had a good grip on her but could tell I was unhappy and was nice enough to respect my feelings on this.

googietheegg Mon 02-Sep-13 13:32:42

What the FUCK!!! That is so wrong in so many ways. What a bitch.

bootsycollins Mon 02-Sep-13 15:21:59

Arw Red Sil sounds a right one. Don't give the bitch an inch, if she says/does anything innapropriate pull her up on it immediately. How could you upset your lovely dh by defending yourself? it's Sil going out of her way to cause trouble not you. Don't ever let that bitch make you doubt yourself or put you down, if you deal with her assertively and she doesn't succeed at goading you into a meltdown she'll soon get bored and start ignoring you.

Bootsy, you are totally right. Will attempt to keep my cool but not be pushed over either. Thank you

bootsycollins Mon 02-Sep-13 21:08:46

That's it, show her your in charge and her attempts at manipulating situations to get a reaction won't be tolerated or ignored by you. You kept your cool when she dangled your baby girl so I'm sure that you can keep your cool in future with her. Say exactly what you mean to her, she's a shithouse who uses sly tactics so she won't know how to react when you give it to her straight. It'll be really self affirming and a good self confidence boost for you to apply your assertiveness and once you've done it a few times it does get easier. What a nasty piece of work she is, can you imagine doing this with sils baby?, new mums are vulnerable and need nurturing and supporting to make the transition into motherhood smoother. Sils actively trying to fuck with you by using your dd and when you think of it like that it's really sinister isn't it?.

BergholtStuttleyJohnson Mon 02-Sep-13 23:21:34

YANBU. I don't get why anyone would risk this. Some people treat babies like dolls and not actual humans. If she'd fallen she could be seriously injured or worse. Your Sil is a nasty twat.

pigsDOfly Mon 02-Sep-13 23:21:56

What a spiteful bitch. She wants to appear like the experienced mother who knows what's she's doing and can be casual and laid back around children. Stupid cow. No doubt she was waiting for you to freak out and then she would probably have gone on to try to make you look like an hysterical first time mother.

Well done for not letting her goad you OP. But as others have said, do try to keep her away from your baby in future.

Have confidence in yourself and your instincts and don't be afraid of speaking up. You have the right to keep your baby safe.

Lweji Mon 02-Sep-13 23:34:18

If a SIL did that to my baby, it would be the last time she touched him.

Particularly with the comments.

Thanks everyone. So glad I wasn't being unreasonable. I'm pretty sure you're all right re her goading me to react. Pleased I didn't but I do now feel more confident to firmly put her in her place next time she tries something like this. thanks

bootsycollins Tue 03-Sep-13 15:47:50

Excellent thanks

Callani Tue 03-Sep-13 16:26:16

Well my stomach's turned at the thought of dangling a child over a railing like that so YA Definitely NBU

Well done for not rising to it though, as she was definitely baiting you on purpose.

Wishfulmakeupping Tue 03-Sep-13 16:44:36

Glad you feel more confident OP let's hope she doesn't try anything like this in the future

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