To think my husband has been spying on me?

(33 Posts)
midori1999 Sun 01-Sep-13 18:27:56

We had a row today and I went out. He text to ask where I was and I said in the car. He then said 'if you're anywhere near xxx can you please collect xxx'. I was near there as it happens.

I've just checked my emails and I've got one saying my iPhone has been found at xxx. (Where I was today) I haven't put an app like this on my phone, although it did used to be DH's phone. However, it's now linked to all my details/my iTunes account etc but I don't know much about phones etc so DH set it all up for me.

I've asked DH what the email is about and he's denying all knowledge.

AIBU to think he's put an app on my phone to spy on me and to wonder if he's got a guilty conscience for doing so?! I'm 34 weeks pregnant FFS. What exactly does he think I'm doing?! confused

PoppyWearer Sun 01-Sep-13 18:35:03

I don't think it's an app as such, it's a setting called "Find my iPhone".

I've used it once when DH was doing a race of some kind and I used it to track where he was. IIRC I did it from his iCloud account.

It sounds like your DH may have used "Find my iPhone" to find out where you were, yes. Maybe he was worried about you?

midori1999 Sun 01-Sep-13 18:38:10

Thanks for explaining, I don't understand how it all works.

However, if it was innocent, why is he lying about it now? He's claiming not to even know my iTunes password, which must be a lie as he set the phone up for me. sad

squoosh Sun 01-Sep-13 18:39:41

Hmmm, yes it does look as though he was having a snoop as to your location. Brave new scary world with all this technology. It's meant to make life easier but just seems to bring out people's inner stalker.

So not as bad as hacking into your emails but definitely too Big Brotherish for comfort.

flipchart Sun 01-Sep-13 18:43:28

Change your password and see what happens next.

McNewPants2013 Sun 01-Sep-13 18:45:19

If it was innocent then why didn't he tell you.

midori1999 Sun 01-Sep-13 18:46:23

I don't even know how to change my password.

I've just asked a friend and she's not sure you need the password anyway and thinks you can just use the phone number, but who on earth else would care where I was?!

He's still denying it and saying he doesn't know my password.

contortionist Sun 01-Sep-13 19:07:27

DW and I use 'find my iPhone' to check where the other one is from time to time. Nothing sinister in that I don't think, but doing it without prior discussion and then lying about it is obviously a bit creepy.

He would need your password for this. Assuming you have your own apple id, change the password here: http://support.apple.com/kb/HT5624?viewlocale=en_US

If you share an apple id with DH, you can set yourself up a new one (same website).

Possible it could be 'Find Friends'?
But then he'd have had to approve a request from himself on your phone for him to find you.

Oh wait, no. Your iPhone was 'found'. My bad.
I wouldn't be too worried anyway.

Isetan Sun 01-Sep-13 19:34:47

Learn from this experience and learn how to set up and maintain your phone yourself, it isn't hard. If you really have no clue, call Apple or go visit one of their so called geniuses in-store. It appears that he has activated the 'find my phone' service (there is an app also but the service was probably enabled when the phone was set up), he either forgot or couldn't access your e-mail to cover up his snooping and now has lied about it. I would be very upset if my partner did this to me and I would be having a very frank discussion about his invasion of your privacy and his lying.

NeedaWee Sun 01-Sep-13 19:47:07

Sometimes my app backs itself up every so often and logs my location automatically. Quite normal

AgentZigzag Sun 01-Sep-13 19:55:17

Don''t know if iphone's work like this, but can you see what date the app was downloaded? Maybe in a download folder somewhere on the phone or on either of your apple accounts?

littlewhitebag Sun 01-Sep-13 20:00:23

I am always looking to see where DH on the "find friends" app. Not stalking, just interested, especially when he is on his way home and i want to get tea on.

TheWomanWhoMistookHerHusbandFo Sun 01-Sep-13 20:02:13

It is an app and anyone can download it and log on to any iTunes account from there phone to look at where any other phone is. So yes your husband has been spying.

AgentZigzag Sun 01-Sep-13 20:05:00

Presumably that's something you've both agreed on/consented to littlewhite?

I'm not fussed about having a poke about on DH's phone/comp, I don't as a rule, but I've got no qualms against doing it, it's within my interests.

But covertly installing an app that's on the same level as spyware (even if it's marketed as something else) (and if that's what the DH has done, although there are a ton of other ways this could have happened legitimately) is pretty creepy.

AgentZigzag Sun 01-Sep-13 20:06:50

It used to be the DH's phone TheWoman, I can't remember every app I've downloaded over however long.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 01-Sep-13 20:15:50

I am fairly sure that "find my Iphone" is part of the icloud and doesn't need to be downloaded to a phone as its part of the OS.

midori1999 Sun 01-Sep-13 20:17:11

He's now admitted it. Apparently it's my fault. It always is....

I'm not sure why he felt the need to do it and can't help wonder if he's got a guilty conscience tbh. He is often away with work etc so obviously I have to tryst him but I wonder why he feels the need to know where I am at all times.

Sadly, he's also recently kept from me that he sold an air rifle and used the money to buy another. We'd discussed him buying a different one, but I felt that as he'd only shot the bloody thing once in two years, if he was going to sell it we could really do with keeping the money. Obviously it's his to sell, but I feel he deliberately kept it from me.

So this isn't the only thing he's lied to me about and if he's prepared to lie when it's so obvious he's lying, it makes me wonder what else he's lying about.

TheWomanWhoMistookHerHusbandFo Sun 01-Sep-13 20:17:13

confused eh? I was answering op Agent

He sounds dodgy as fuck. Any other red flags you can think of?

AgentZigzag Sun 01-Sep-13 20:23:22

Sorry, I wasn't having a pop TheWoman smile it just looked like you were categorically saying the DH was spying on her and I thought he could have downloaded it when it was his phone.

But the OP's said he overstepped the control mark, so you were right.

That's fucking bad midori, very creepy and sinister IMO.

TheWomanWhoMistookHerHusbandFo Sun 01-Sep-13 20:41:28

Because I was, I knew he was! smile

Sorry op, not good at all. You need to change your iTunes password and have a serious talk about boundaries.

kali110 Sun 01-Sep-13 21:19:37

He could have downloaded it when it was his phone, but he had to have logged in the comp to see where the 'lost phone' was. Its not usually an app preset on an iphone but one you download yourself.
I hate findfriends bloody app, my mate put it on my phone and if I'm running late says hmm well you did leave the house late.

I'd be angry. Not for the checking up (which could be excusable- you're very pregnant, you'd rowed and maybe he was worried), but for not admitting it. Plonker.

WafflyVersatile Sun 01-Sep-13 21:41:27

Take it into an apple shop. Get them to go through it and remove stuff you don't want and change passwords.

midori1999 Sun 01-Sep-13 23:56:27

Well I'm still angry about it. I think he had downloaded an app onto his ipad to find my phone from what I can gather.

I haven't really spoken to him about it and horribly had to dash off to the emergency vets with one of my rabbits who has sadly died, so I don't really feel like talking to my DH about all this. Suffice to say though, he is still blaming me, I 'keep going off' apparently... hmm

Bogeyface Mon 02-Sep-13 00:00:14

I hate to tell you this but you are more likely to be check up on and accused of doing something/being somewhere you shouldnt by a cheating person than an innocent person.

I smell projection.

Sorry sad

ShellyBoobs Mon 02-Sep-13 00:11:02

He sounds dodgy as fuck. Any other red flags you can think of?

Yep, see if you can pin anything else on him.

BitBewildered Mon 02-Sep-13 00:12:53

OP, you can turn 'Find My iPhone' off by clicking on:

Settings

Privacy

Location Services

Find My iPhone

and then click the blue 'ON' and it will become a grey 'OFF'.

kali110 Mon 02-Sep-13 00:22:51

Op he may have downloaded it before he gave you the phone, it was first app i ever downloaded, but then never told you what it was for when he gave you the phone and used it to see where you were.
Do other posters think hes really playing away? Suppose he could use the app to check where you were, as he knows you wouldnt know about the app.

CSIJanner Mon 02-Sep-13 05:03:20

My DH downloaded this onto my phone but with my full knowledge and permission. I'm crap for putting things down and then not remembering where I left them. He did use it the week when I "just dropped by" to leave a birthday present and then left about 1hr later. DC2 was hungry and he kept looking at it thinking he needed to cook, and that I was gabbing again. He was right.

On a plus note, you can remove the app by following these instructions

However, enough about me! YANBU - he should have told you that it was on. It isn't your fault for "going off" as sometimes just some time out helps with an argument. It's his for being dishonest about it. Compounding the lies with the airgun sale does not help either. There are trust and boundary issues here.

CSIJanner Mon 02-Sep-13 05:05:57

Oh - and just downloading the app is bollocks as you have to have the iPhone at home on the cloud to register it on. He then would have had to turn your settings on and then add your apple ID to the app. He's talking bollocks.

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