To not allow this child on my property?

(63 Posts)
Porridge05 Fri 30-Aug-13 16:19:42

Background info: We live in a terraced cottage, in a terrace of roughly ten houses. The driveway to our house is accessible by driving down a narrow track in between our terrace and another terrace next to it. To get to your own driveway is is neccessary to drive across each others driveways to reach your own, and each house owner is given legal right of way to travel across each, until they reach their own. We live almost at the opposite end of the track and therefore we have legal right of way over everyone's drive, whereas the child I speak about lives 3 doors down from the track, so they do not technically have right of way over our land.

The little girl I am talking about is an only child of about 7 or 8 who lives with her mum. She plays out around the back of the houses on the driveways as it is much safer than playing on the main road at the front. I have never before had a problem with her playing on our drive before now and actually thought it was lovely to see a child enjoying the great outdoors.

However, a few weeks ago she took it upon herself to make a mixture of stones and mud in her back garden and rub it into the bonnets of several of the neighbours cars - including my partner's brand new shiny BMW (She seems to have gone for the expensive cars as mine and my friends little runnabouts were left mud free) :/ . Our friends who live next door, at the end of the terrace caught her in the act, confronted her and told us what they had seen. Her mother came out, told us that it wasn't her fault and didn't apologise for her child's behaviour at all!

Thankfully after carefully washing it all off there isn't any really obvious scratching so we haven't taken it any further. This child now keeps coming to ride her bike up and down our property - I have politely asked her not to do so after she tried to purposely damage peoples cars but I keep catching her doing it anyway when she thinks I'm not watching. Would it be unreasonable to have a very firm but polite word with her mother about this?

Faverolles Fri 30-Aug-13 16:22:49

I have no idea if I'm being OTT, but the mother sounds like she's not really bothered that her dd was vandalising cars, so if it happened again, I'd probably ring the police about it (but not 999, that telly would be OTT!)


LeaveTheBastid Fri 30-Aug-13 16:25:08

As long as she stays away from your cars then leave her be, she's a child fgs. She's doing no harm by just riding her bike.

Plus it doesn't sound like you'd get far with her mum.

Porridge05 Fri 30-Aug-13 16:38:48

LeavetheBastid, I really have no problem with her riding her bike, she's been doing it for a while and I used to say hello and have little chats whith her whilst she did.
However, after she essentially vandalised our and several neighbours cars I'm a bit reluctant to allow her on our land whatsoever. Technically neither her or her mother have any legal entitlement to be on our land. I'm worried that by letting her carry on playing on our land that I'm basically saying we're not upset or bothered that she tried to damage his car, IYSWIM?

LeaveTheBastid Fri 30-Aug-13 16:43:51

Can you not talk to her if you were once on friendly chat basis with her? Explain what she did was wrong and could have been very expensive and if she does it again you'll not be allowing her onto your property at all in the future? Her mum doesn't sound like she gave her that talk, so maybe you could instead?

Porridge05 Fri 30-Aug-13 16:47:15

LeaveTheBastid, I already have... more than once :/ It doesn't stop her having another go when she thinks I'm not looking.

toffeelolly Fri 30-Aug-13 17:13:09

YANBU You have. a right to say something if she is in your property because by the sound of the mother if damage was to be caused am pretty sure she would not pay for it .

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Fri 30-Aug-13 17:21:29

I'm not sure a 7 yr old rubbing mud onto a car would really constitute vandalism, especially as it didn't do any damage. I would just tell the kid not to go near the cars again and leave it at that

spongebob13 Fri 30-Aug-13 17:34:45

it was a mixture of stones and mud and if there was damage the mum would most definitely be liable to pay.

hermioneweasley Fri 30-Aug-13 17:37:40

After that little stunt and the mother's response, she had lost any good will. Tell her to stop. But sure what you can do if she continues though.

pigletmania Fri 30-Aug-13 17:42:08

yanbu at all, you have every right to say who goes on your property, LTB, only playing, she is vandalising property and mum is not taking any responsibility, she is repeatidly doing this, so op has every right to ban the little girl from her area.

usualsuspect Fri 30-Aug-13 17:44:41

I'd let her ride her bike.

pigletmania Fri 30-Aug-13 17:45:52

usual, even if she damages your car hmm

usualsuspect Fri 30-Aug-13 17:46:42

She damaged the car,once.

I'd tell her to stay away from the cars.

usualsuspect Fri 30-Aug-13 17:47:21

Well actually she didn't do any lasting damage to the car did she

pigletmania Fri 30-Aug-13 17:48:10

no usual, she is repeatedly going for the cars, telling her once should be enough, again now way would she be allowed on my property

pigletmania Fri 30-Aug-13 17:49:58

thats not the point usual, she is doing someting that is unacceptable, it is somebodies property, would you like it if she did that to your car, and kept doing it after you told her not to. She is 7 not 17 months, even my ASD dd 6 would understand no, and would get a right telling off if she did that

Strictly1 Fri 30-Aug-13 17:50:31

YADNBU. I would be livid at the mud and stones stunt as by that age she knows that is not right and her mum should definitely know better.

pigletmania Fri 30-Aug-13 17:51:44

it is up to her mother to take her somewhere safe to ride her bike, not rely on the good will of the op. hopefully if op does not allow this girl onto her land, she will learn not to vandalise cars, she is old enough

Crabbypink Fri 30-Aug-13 17:52:53

Be careful ... parents who take no responsibility also know their "rights", and you may get sued if the child falls and injures herself in your garden, especially if she fell over something you left out. Best to ask the girl again. Failing that, you could get an injunction against her ... oh, now we just sound so American, don't we?

pigletmania Fri 30-Aug-13 17:53:06

if the mud mixture is runny enough it could get under the bonnet into the engine and cause damage

usualsuspect Fri 30-Aug-13 17:56:33

Shes repeatedly riding her bike,not rubbing mud into the cars.

pigletmania Fri 30-Aug-13 17:58:21

no usual, if you read the ops posts she is repeatidly rubbing mud and stones into the cars

LeaveTheBastid Fri 30-Aug-13 18:00:07

Piglet she is not repeatedly going for the cars, she is repeatedly riding over OPs driveway when she has asked her not to for rubbing mud onto the car once.

That's it.

I got up to much worse when I was 7, I'm sure most of you all did too.

EldritchCleavage Fri 30-Aug-13 18:00:09

Is she out a lot, usually on her own?

My parents had some local kids start petty vandalism around their street. My mother realised it was an attention-seeking thing by lonely, neglected children. They did speak to the parents when their back windscreen wiper was yanked off, and the parents paid to replace it. Otherwise, they tried to ignore it. Once they weren't getting a reaction from my parents or the neighbours the poor little things started going elsewhere.

LeaveTheBastid Fri 30-Aug-13 18:01:02

Think you need to read the last paragraph again, piglet.

usualsuspect Fri 30-Aug-13 18:01:59

Op, did you mean shes rubbed mud in your car more than once?

because i read it that she doesn't want her to ride her bike.

pigletmania Fri 30-Aug-13 18:02:30

i would give her one last chance, if you catch or she does it again noway

pigletmania Fri 30-Aug-13 18:04:53

usual it is a bit confusing, if it just happened the once, or she kept trying to wreck the cars after you told her not to do it and saw her attempting to do it again. or was she just trying to ride her bike up and down but not wrecking the cars?

Bowlersarm Fri 30-Aug-13 18:05:43

Yes i think she deserves another chance.

Although that is easy for us to say. We don't have to live with any damage she might do.

mysteryfairy Fri 30-Aug-13 18:11:42

Is the access to your land definitely restricted only to the people further down the terrace? When we had a similar arrangement our deeds were such that every property had rights to go across all the gardens. I assume that would have been more straightforward to draft.

CharityFunDay Fri 30-Aug-13 18:23:22

Personally I wouldn't allow her on my property again, and I would explain to her exactly why that is. Might help establish some boundaries.

And the mother needs a kick in the cunt.

DamnBamboo Fri 30-Aug-13 18:26:04

FFS Charity what is wrong with you!


CoffeeTea103 Fri 30-Aug-13 18:30:20

YANBU, she was very naughty to think up something like this. And her mother not even apologizing for this only would give the girl a wrong message that it is acceptable.
To avoid any more future incidents like this you should stop her from entering your property.

LEMisdisappointed Fri 30-Aug-13 18:38:57

Get yourself a big old rifle and stand at the back door shouting "gerrof my land" alternatively, be the bigger person

WinningBread Fri 30-Aug-13 18:40:15

This sounds a little like bearing a grudge against a 7 year old.

It's just her riding her bike. Sure - if she starts to damage put mud and stones onto your car, tell her to leave.

If she's just maliciously riding a bike in a safe area, I'd just let her.

GibberTheMonkey Fri 30-Aug-13 18:48:09

I think I would be putting my foot down about her going on my land. Not just because if the mud/stones incident but she has also ignored the ops repeated requests. She obviously can't be trusted to listen and I would want the responsibility of her being only property for both her sake and the sake of everything also on that property.

GibberTheMonkey Fri 30-Aug-13 18:48:41

*on my

GibberTheMonkey Fri 30-Aug-13 18:49:15

Having said that she's already ignored the op so not sure what else the op can do really.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Fri 30-Aug-13 18:59:21

I'd say YANBU to bear a grudge against the girl's mother. It's no wonder the girl herself thinks she can behave in this way if her mother takes no responsibility for her child's actions. Yes, she is a child, but 7yo is plenty old enough to understand that you don't scratch cars with mud and stones.

I think you'll struggle to stop her accessing your land if her mother isn't setting proper boundaries and enforcing punishments. I just know that if that had been me, my parents would have had me washing all the cars in the neighbourhood for free for a month by way of apology. And they'd have paid for any damage too, not just shrugged it off. That's the first thing any rational person would offer to do - pay for damage and be hugely apologetic, not ignore the issue.

Porridge05 Sat 31-Aug-13 10:22:16

I actually feel quite sorry for her, as she is often on her own and her mother isn't exactly the nicest specimen Of humanity, which is why I used to quite happily talk to her little girl when she was playing out.

I think it's the deliberateness of her actions, to mix up mud and stones in her own back garden, then proceed to carry it 7 houses up and rub it all over someone's car (5 people's cars actually, all 'premium' type cars) that bothers me :/ and then her mother who complained that it wasn't her fault and refused to apologise.

She hasn't done it again since, but I'm not keen to give her any opportunity to do so.

I'm certain that she has no right of way over ours, I think it's in the deeds from what I recall

Porridge05 Sat 31-Aug-13 10:24:23

Same here wibbly, I would have been washing that car until I saw my face in it, and I would have made my kids do the same! As it happens her mum didn't offer any such thing, but she does give us a lovely set of 'evil eyes' when we drive past.

pigletmania Sat 31-Aug-13 10:46:41

Op i dont blame you, though you could give her one more chance, if it happens again, no more

cansu Sat 31-Aug-13 11:18:17

Think you are over reacting a bit. She did something wrong once and you are going over the top now. A seven year old put some mud and stones on a car once. It's hardly crime of the century. Give the child a break. If anything else happens you may have a point but at the moment you sound a bit unhinged, going on about the legal ramifications of her riding her bike over your driveway.

greenfolder Sat 31-Aug-13 11:23:16

no practical way you can stop her playing on your drive

child will not understand the finer points of any of the legal position.

you would be far better off, now you know that mother has no intention of supervising or admonishing to just tell her direct. you must not put mud on the cars.

and move on.

littlemog Sat 31-Aug-13 11:27:24

And the mother needs a kick in the cunt

Fucking hell. confused

Let the kid ride her bike. Speak to her about what she did that one time to the cars and then stop holding a grudge against a 7 year old girl.

nennypops Sat 31-Aug-13 11:33:07

The kid's 7 years old fgs. You have no evidence that she was doing anything deliberately malicious with her mudpies, nor has she demonstrated any other propensity to be malicious. Children at that age are really not good at working out the consequences of their actions. If you've had a good relationship with her before, surely you just need to have that talk with her and tell her that if she steps out of line once more she will be barred from your land.

Cerisier Sat 31-Aug-13 11:54:01

At age 2 mine knew not to go near neighbours' gardens or cars. I would be very careful OP as this little girl is not being taught how to behave and is perfectly capable of ruining an expensive car when your back is turned.

PresidentServalan Sat 31-Aug-13 13:29:11

YANBU - it's your property and she shouldn't be playing on it. And the mud was vandalism. If you see her, tell her to go away from it. There are a couple of boys who play at the end of my parents road, outside their house (my parents' house not the kids') and they keep throwing stones at one of my parents' cats - they hit the window the other day. So i know what it is like having irritating kids outside!

Wibblypiglikesbananas Sat 31-Aug-13 13:33:45

See, I think the OP is getting a rough ride here. If I were her, I'd be immensely frustrated that the girl's mother wasn't doing more to teach her child acceptable behaviour. Yes, the girl herself may not have been aware of the consequences of her actions the first time she made a mud/stone/scratch the nice new car you've worked hard for pie, let's give her the benefit of the doubt hmm but her mother should know fine well what's right and wrong. By behaving as though the neighbours were in the wrong for daring to say something, she's effectively told her daughter she can get away with this.

Resprays are expensive. Multiple resprays more so. I'd be keeping a very sharp eye out from now on.

littlemog Sat 31-Aug-13 13:58:42

But this little girl has not touched the car since!! And am I alone in thinking that little girls are more important than BMWs anyway? I think that perspective is required.

Idocrazythings Sat 31-Aug-13 14:10:34

I think the mud incident is very strange behaviour. My 7 year old would never do that and I don't think my 5 year old (who gets up to lots of mischief) would either. I don't blame OP for bring very cautious of her, but maybe keeping on going onto her about it might make the problem escalate, and put ideas into her head?

Did the mother mean it wasn't the mothers fault or the little girls fault? Not that you should have to, but for peace of mind could you put one of those car covers over the BMW?

Wibblypiglikesbananas Sat 31-Aug-13 14:23:21

Well, obviously little girls, as in live human beings, are more important than a piece of metal labeled BMW or whatever littlemog hmm - if you're looking at this completely objectively.

The point is, if you've worked hard, saved, bought a nice new shiny car and then a child who appears to have no boundaries comes along and wilfully tries to damage it - and what's more - gets away with that behaviour as their parent is apparently blameless here too hmm then I think you have the right to be upset.

BarbarianMum Sat 31-Aug-13 14:34:30

The reality is that there is very little you can do to stop her unless you are willing to install gates and lock them. If you are - do so. You know talking to her mum isn't going to help.

I'm not sure her behaviour necessarily constitutes 'willfully trying to damage a car' Wibblypig sounds just like heedless playing to me. I once painted my dad's car with mud - never thought about scratching it - cars seemed big and indestructible to me as a child.

HollaAtMeBaby Sat 31-Aug-13 14:36:25

Are the cars parked on their own driveways, or on the shared track along the back of the terrace? Couldn't you just get a gate at the end of your drive?

mimitwo Sat 31-Aug-13 14:42:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mimitwo Sat 31-Aug-13 14:44:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilsonFrickett Sat 31-Aug-13 14:48:06

She did something stupid. Because she's 7. There is no way a 7 yo would understand what she was doing could actually damage a car, I only found out a few years ago that mud could scratch a car.

Yes, her mother's reaction was less than perfect (understatement) but that really isn't the little girl's fault. And she hasn't done it again. So let her ride her bike.

littlemog Sat 31-Aug-13 14:50:02

I know, it's just that she hasn't done anything to the damn car since so why hold the grudge? She's just a little girl and I think to say that she 'has no boundaries' is silly. She clearly has or she would have carried on putting mud on cars!

Whereisegg Sat 31-Aug-13 22:03:35

I find it odd that the girl would listen about not touching cars, but not listen about being on your land.

It made me wonder if her mother has told her she is allowed to ride her bike up and down, and doesn't have to listen to you.

kali110 Sat 31-Aug-13 22:14:20

I dont think op is being unreasonable. She did it to 7 cars! Her mother basically said it wasnt her fault. Op has asked her not to ride on her property and she still does.
At 7 i knew not to touch other peoples cars and if a person said to get off their property i would!
Just because shes 7 doesnt mean that she shouldnt do as shes told.
I would be wary letting a child who has been messing around with expensive cars go near them, especially as shes knows she wont be in trouble with her mom.

I wonder if the discussion had with the girl's mother was confrontational and so she got defensive. I think if it happened to my car I'd be annoyed, but would probably want to talk to the girl's mother myself before doing anything else.

DoJo Sat 31-Aug-13 22:47:14

It sounds like it it more the reaction of the mother which has made the OP wary - if she had apologised and taken responsibility, then I imagine there would be no problem, but knowing that any further poor behaviour is likely to go unchecked doesn't exactly fill one with the urge to give a child the benefit of the doubt.

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