To think its not my fault workmate slept on train station and 'could have got mugged'

(45 Posts)
Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 12:09:05

Someone at work is causing trouble, telling people I have said pretty bad stuff about them etc. Its caused arguments and also problems with people who think I have said these things, made it that the job i loved is making me ill. She's actually seeking me out at work I front of clients and workmates to say 'whats this you have said about x, infront of x.

It all started out on a work evening event, working event rather than works night out, I live further away than others and no bus after 11pm so booked a cheap hotel. All others bar L and S get home easily.

S asked how I was getting home, told her and she asked to share so I booked twin room. L was present when this was arranged and also lives further away but didn't want to share.
Me and S are both a lot older.

Anyway come after event everyone goes out, by 1am me and S leave as unlike the others we have kids and both have to be back early. the others want to carry on, L starts kicking off she has no where to stay. She hasn't paid but I offer her to share as long as she comes back now. She isn't happy at this and wants to stay out. I tell her we are going back, if she wants to share she comes back now.

Next day she isn't speaking to me.

Another work person said she could stop at hers, they were both so drunk other woman couldn't remember were she lived then when she did find it she had no key and smashed window to get in. L ran off.

She turned up at hotel at half four we were asleep and hotel wouldn't give her a key to room. She ended up sleeping on train station until first train.

Apparently its all my fault, she could have been mugged or worse and i would have caused it hmm

My boss has got involved over the alledged slagging off of others and although he says he believes me he has to discipline us both as things have been said infront of clients we work with.

Its like being in bloody preschool.

Peachy Tue 27-Aug-13 12:12:26

She has MASSIVE responsibility issues!

If you did say things in front of a client then boss probably has a point on that- 'we will discuss this LATER' in a freeze out voice is only response no matter what is said when clients present. However you should get understanding for the position you were in, she should get a serious disciplinary.

shock Being disciplined because your colleague doesn't know how to behave like an adult?
Have you said things at work about it?

Shakirasma Tue 27-Aug-13 12:14:19

I would put on a formal grievance against her.

If it was work event, her employers may have some legal duty towards her actually, but unless you are her line manager then it all sounds rather weird.

kali110 Tue 27-Aug-13 12:16:38

Thats awfull! Sounds very childish. She may not recall clearly what happened if she was so intoxicated. Why are you being disciplined though, did you say things back?

timidviper Tue 27-Aug-13 12:16:39

Document everything, discuss nothing with your colleague (do as Peachy said) and put the whole lot in as a formal complaint, making it clear that the stress of your colleague's poor behaviour is making you ill and you expect the company to fulfil its duties in dealing with this.

HotCrossPun Tue 27-Aug-13 12:18:36

She sounds very childish.

Don't speak to her or other colleagues about this again, you are going to be drawn into a petty 'she said' 'no she said' thing.

Speak to your boss privately about what has been going on and how it is effecting your working environment.

Tiredemma Tue 27-Aug-13 12:19:26

where do you work? what has this got to do with your boss??

put in a formal grievance against her.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 12:21:42

All I have said I front of clients is 'i don't know what your talking about L but this isn't the time/place.

Our team is small and we work very closely with same clients for 3 - 6 months, L has boundary issues and can be a bit inappropriate (we got banned from press nights because of her harrassing celebrities,)

My boss pulled me in because I was having a really hard time with a poorly sen dc at home then this at work and I got upset in staffroom and someone told him.

redexpat Tue 27-Aug-13 12:23:48

You have responded in exactly the right way. You sound like a top professional.

quesadilla Tue 27-Aug-13 12:27:42

Put in a formal grievance. She sounds unhinged, frankly, and you don't want to leave your professional reputation in the hands of someone who is being actively spiteful about you.

If it were just a minor he-said-she-said thing I'd maintain a dignified silence but if she's saying things that are slanderous you have to take a stand.

Be as cool and professional as you can with her to her face and don't get dragged into a public slanging match but put in a formal complaint to management, get something on record and make it clear you want it stopped.

If you belong to a union, I'd recommend going to them for legal advice too on an informal basis.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 12:29:57

Moaning the event ended at a time she could have got home, she decided to stay out round town.

I booked a hotel because I live MUCH further away and knew if work event ended just minutes late I would be stuck.

Basically when it got to boss he quizzed L about what had happened and she said she had heard some stuff from others even though she was telling others SHE had heard me say it angry

We are both being disciplined because he has to be seen to be making a tough line about professionalism I front of clients .. Apparently.

I called HR but they are in another building/city and said its up to boss to deal with it.

specialsubject Tue 27-Aug-13 12:32:07

your response in front of clients was entirely correct. Keep repeating this.

if she swills the booze until she can't get home that is not your problem.

I agree that you need to put in a formal complaint and get this sorted, as she is clearly a liar as well as a drunk and has some childish grudge against you. Take the initiative before the wrong story gets believed.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 12:34:52

Basically I have apparently said X doesn't pull her weight at work, y is a lazy bitch and given dirty looks to clients confused I have also said apparently someone else thinks she's all that and she's shit and that z is a slag who needs to keep it in their pants.

Its all pathetic, id laugh if I didn't have other shit to deal with.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Tue 27-Aug-13 12:35:18

You MUST put in a formal grievance against this awful woman. She is having a detrimental affect on your professional appearance both as an individual and a company. The bit about being banned from press events because of her behaviour around celebrities is just obscene! I can't believe she hasn't been fired already.

Don't take this lying down. Stand up for yourself and keep talking to your boss. HR cannot refuse to deal with this. I suggest writing a formal letter.

Would ACAS be an appropriate place to seek advice?

comingalongnicely Tue 27-Aug-13 13:30:30

I would also suggest you raise an appeal or grievance against the disciplinary you received.

If it was due to a colleague accosting you in front of clients then it's not your fault!

Good Luck

Groovee Tue 27-Aug-13 13:34:27

I would call ACAS for some advice.

limitedperiodonly Tue 27-Aug-13 13:52:10

All I have said I front of clients is 'i don't know what your talking about L but this isn't the time/place.

If that's really all you said in front of clients you should not be disciplined. Did you say the other things? Who's saying you did?

Your HR department appears confused as to their job. This is exactly what they should be doing. Go back and point that out.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 14:04:18

No one is saying I said anything other than that I front of a client. Basically boss said we are both getting a warning because her saying stuff I front of clients means they have been brought into it which isn't professional looking for company and a client got involved and argued on my behalf over it (he had been present during an incident I had supposedly said something) so boss isn't impressed client has got involved is warning us both because I cant prove I didn't say it.

Its hard to explain without giving away what my job is but basically we work very closely to clients for 3 - 6 months and they go out with us and such.

Peachy Tue 27-Aug-13 14:07:26

Agree with limited.

HR should also be helping you with the SEN child, depending on the level of SEN: we have children with autism and certainly HR have been able to help us work with this in the past, if you are a Carer you have certain rights.

Given that, I would certainly recommend ACAS and I wish you luck.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 14:10:21

Will call Acas thanks smile no union.

quesadilla Tue 27-Aug-13 14:14:12

Call ACAS but I would also recommend going to talk to a lawyer if you can afford it, even just for one session (some lawyers wil offer initial consultations at low rates) to see what your rights are.

I would also put something in writing, very respectfully and professionally, stating that you are blameless in this incident, that you want this to go down on your employment record and that if any further action takes place on the part of your employer which implicates you in this situation you will take legal action.

limitedperiodonly Tue 27-Aug-13 14:21:51

That sounds awful. Your boss sounds like a bad manager and a coward who doesn't want to tackle the problem.

Talk to HR. This is exactly their job. I'd be worried that it would be a formal warning. Even if not, it won't solve the problem. She won't accept any responsibility and will carry on behaving badly.

Something very similar happened to me but at least it wasn't a formal warning and there were lots of us roped in to share the blame because my manager couldn't face dealing with it properly.

BashfulBunny Tue 27-Aug-13 14:29:58

What a nasty situation. I think your boss is being lazy. It does not give a professional impression to unfairly discipline a member of staff. If he is worried what clients think then he should be making sure he deals with it transparently and properly - and that is not the same as being heavy handed. If a client came to your defense then they are not going to be impressed with your boss either.

Don't just take it. A disciplinary will go on your HR record and could affect your next job.

You should be being vindicated, she should be put on review.

Agree about contacting ACAS. Sounds like you need some support since HR have forgotten their jobs.

nickelbabe Tue 27-Aug-13 14:32:34

i'm not impressed that HR isn't getting involved - you have asked them for their help as you have been treated unfairly by your boss, and all they've said is that your boss has to deal with it?

NatashaBee Tue 27-Aug-13 14:35:15

This is exactly what HR are there for! I would definitely call ACAS.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Tue 27-Aug-13 15:46:45

This has got constructive dismissal written all over it.

Andro Tue 27-Aug-13 16:05:24

Unless you have said more than what your are admitting to, your boss is being sloppy. Taking what you have said on here as truth, you have been calm and professional. Your colleague's behaviour on the other hand, would be professional misconduct (possibly graded a serious depending what was said an infront of whom) where I work.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 16:19:38

Hr aren't getting involved because they believe its a minor issue the boss should be able to deal with.

limitedperiodonly Tue 27-Aug-13 16:40:32

That's bad. Please try and get proper advice in case it's something that might hurt you.

In my case it didn't really matter because it wasn't anything formal. It was just annoying to have to listen to a 'let's just knock their silly heads together' lecture because my boss was too chicken to confront the real troublemaker alone. And, of course, she ignored it.

sisterofmercy Tue 27-Aug-13 16:40:33

Hope this info helps, doomladen lampshade....

holidaysarenice Tue 27-Aug-13 16:42:30

If that is all you said in front of clients and ur certain, then appeal in writing the disciplinary.

If that is all u said it is unreasonable to discipline you.

limitedperiodonly Tue 27-Aug-13 16:57:00

Also I'm intrigued with your talk of press nights and celebrities. It's my job too. You don't have to out yourself though grin

A colleague of mine got very aggressive when drunk and accused many people of being 'tight bastards' when they declined to buy her yet another bottle of wine.

She once called a valuable and blameless client an arsehole before stumbling into the taxi he'd just flagged down for her.

He'd turned down her invitation to accompany her home.

Luckily for her he laughed it off, no matter how much we tried to persuade him to complain. She has rather a good job.

Charlesroi Tue 27-Aug-13 16:57:11

If it is as you stated, then you have done nothing wrong. Your boss is taking the easy way out in disciplining you both - of course you can't prove you didn't say something - utterly feckin ridiculous. What you can prove is that L acted unprofessionally in front of a client.
I wouldn't accept this and would appeal your warning, involving HR. Say you want to see the (independant) evidence against you i.e. someone other than L who heard you make comments about staff/clients. After exhausting this procedure involve ACAS.

nickelbabe Tue 27-Aug-13 17:13:03

Lamp - it's really not a minor issue.
He's putting your professionalism into question because he wants to discipline you the same.

the issue is with both your colleague and your boss- he's not treating the issue fairly, and it is within your rights to go to HR because of this.

You should put the facts of the case into an email and send it to HR, stating that you want them to be involved.

nickelbabe Tue 27-Aug-13 17:14:22

you are basically being punished for someone else's misdemeanour.

StuntGirl Tue 27-Aug-13 17:35:46

Your HR department sound shit.

You should not be accepting this disciplinary and your manager sounds like a wet fucking lettuce.

Document EVERYTHING. I always tell this to people and they go 'yeah yeah' and never do it - DO IT! A diarised version of events is incredibly difficult to argue against, it can show timelines, an increase in frequency/aggressiveness, you can use it to note down witness names so you can have someone back your claims up. It's priceless.

Put everything in writing. You need a paper trail. Contact ACAS for advice.

zipzap Tue 27-Aug-13 17:58:57

I would also ask both boss and HR what exactly you are supposed to say if L accosts you in front of clients again because you've been told off for saying what the rest of mn thinks is a polite professional answer that tried to shut down the conversation ASAP.

If they can't tell you what you should have said that was different from what you did say, given that you have no control over what L says to you, and you have no control over what she says to you in the future, then how can they caution you for what you said previously or guarantee that you won't be cautioned again if you find yourself in the same situation again, through no fault of your own.

Definitely sounds like boss and HR can't be bothered to do their job properly and you're suffering as a result of this.

I'd also post this in legal as there are some really helpful people that will be able to give more detailed advice than you've had here - although you have had great advice hee too, I think everyone thinks yanbu to be upset about the way you have been treated and on legal they can get into the detailed specifics.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 18:52:49

Thanks sister will have a look,

Thanks all, I think boss view is L is very young and doesn't know any better. He has said he believes me That I didn't say that stuff and I said to him I feel like I am working in a playground not with adults. He agrees with me to my face anyway but says he has to be seen to do something.

Limited it sounds like you and I are working with same person!

Its not a formal warning according to him, basically he wants us to sit down together and talk it out and warn us it can't continue. I told him I am not continuing anything.

Andro Tue 27-Aug-13 19:20:27

but says he has to be seen to do something.

He's quite correct in stating that he needs to be seen to do something...he needs to be seen to be disciplining the person who can be proved to be acting unprofessionally.

maddening Tue 27-Aug-13 19:55:51

I think you need to raise a complaint against both your boss and the colleague - the boss for the warning when you are not at fault - tarnishing your work profile and her for her behaviour.

Mia4 Tue 27-Aug-13 22:26:41

Do everything regarding this over email OP. If your boss so much as talks to you over it then follow up with a confirmation email stating 'regarding the conversation we had today'.

You need to raise a complaint with HR about the whole thing, you also need to make it clear if they don't stop being lazy and fannying about that the complaint will also be against them. You need to get that warning removed.

Joanne279 Tue 27-Aug-13 22:33:24

If you never brought it up in front of clients I fail to see how YOU can be disciplined. If she did, then she should face action.

Where SHE sleeps after a night out is HER responsibility. X

cumfy Wed 28-Aug-13 15:16:28

Is your boss shagging her ?

If the allegations he is making are factually incorrect, you should surely contend the whole matter, and insist they follow the formal disciplinary procedure.

Email him and HR, make it clear you are contending the facts, request copy of disciplinary code.

Failing that get a union involved.

At the moment it seems like you are being bullied.

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