To not want to date someone who texts at 6:30 am waking me up

(163 Posts)
justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 08:50:26

I've recently been in text conversations with a guy who seems nice, but possibly a little lacking in phone etiquette.

I would never text someone I didn't know well (except in an emergency) between the hours of 10 pm and 9 am. I have no idea what their sleeping preferences are and I would not want to wake them.

Today this guy decided to text me at 6:30 am, to say nothing very important. I think this was rude, seeing as he does not know me. I could not get back to sleep afterwards so I am now awake, tired (but unable to sleep) and grumpy. My phone needed to be on because it has my alarm clock.

I am now really put off the guy. AIBU to be so fussy I won't date a guy just because he does not follow what I consider to be phone etiquette norms, and woke me up and made me grumpy?

LegoAcupuncture Tue 27-Aug-13 08:52:18

You're being a bit odd. From your reaction I'd guess you're not really into this bloke anyway, so best to end it now if this is how you react to a text.

I think YABU. A simple solution would be to ask him to only text you after 9am but if you don't want to date him then don't.

Mimstar Tue 27-Aug-13 08:52:59

YABU, it's a little thoughtless perhaps but I imagine he just wanted to show an interest. But don't listen to me, I love having a nice text to wake up to smile

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 08:53:21

Probably odd, but like I said, I'm tired and grumpy, and it's the guy's fault.

You're right, I probably should end it.

frustratedashell Tue 27-Aug-13 08:53:29

Can you not politely tell him that you don't like texts or calls between those times?

LovesBeingOnHoliday Tue 27-Aug-13 08:53:57

I understand what you mean but think he's more into you than you are to him.

MonstersDontCry Tue 27-Aug-13 08:54:06

Put your phone on silent if you don't want to be woken up. This shouldn't affect the alarm. Or just buy an alarm clock.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 08:54:36

I could, but I shouldn't have to.

Surely thats just politeness not to wake a sleeping person when its not an emergency?

ArabellaBeaumaris Tue 27-Aug-13 08:54:36

Are you sure the alarm doesn't work even if you have your phone on silent? All my phones, even the ancient ones, have managed that.

redexpat Tue 27-Aug-13 08:54:43

I would dump anyone who tried to contact me a such an hour. If he's a morning person and you're not, it will never work.

MagicHouse Tue 27-Aug-13 08:55:03

That would put me off! If you like him, maybe you could talk to him about it. But I would worry he's a bit obsessed if he's texting at half 6. Especially if you've just been texting rather than meeting. Not always, but people who are overkeen too quickly can often run a mile once the relationship gets going anyway.

usualsuspect Tue 27-Aug-13 08:55:12

You obviously don't like him that much.

So don't date him.

ViviPru Tue 27-Aug-13 08:55:22

YABU if that's his only crime. My crappy phone signal means texts regularly come through at 3am and the like so I have no concept of this being a massive no-no.

Like Lego says, sounds like you're not that fussed about him anyway.

FreudiansSlipper Tue 27-Aug-13 08:55:32

i do not think you are being fussy that is too needy to text just to say nothing at 630

wait until you at least know them

livinginwonderland Tue 27-Aug-13 08:56:03

Put your phone on silent. It's pretty simple. Phone alarms still work if your phone is on silent.

You can't bitch at being woken up by a text if you've left your phone on loud.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 08:56:11

I probably could spend 10-15 minutes fiddling with the phone settings to make it silent for texts/ phone calls, but noisy for the alarm. But it also lit up the screen, so the light would wake me up anyway.

Bit silly to complain if your phone was on noisy.

MusicalEndorphins Tue 27-Aug-13 08:57:32

Buy an actual clock?

RabbitFromAHat Tue 27-Aug-13 08:57:48

You clearly can't like him if this puts you off! I probably wouldn't text someone at that hour, but then I would also assume they had their phone turned off - which is of course the only way to make sure you don't get woken by messages.

Also my alarm still works even when my phone is actually turned off, and it's a £20 piece of crap, so I'm sure yours will too.

PasswordProtected Tue 27-Aug-13 08:59:03

That is nothing, toyboy has been known to send an sms at 04:00 when on nights & a bit bored. However, I can turn the sound off on my phone, but tge alarm still works and rings accordingly. Can you do that?

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 08:59:48

Buy an actual clock?

Why would I go to the effort of buying a clock to stop texts from one guy who I am not that interested in? Surely cheaper to drop the guy?

Poosnu Tue 27-Aug-13 09:00:16

My now DH used to do this before we lived together. I loved waking up to a text from him (I kept my phone on silent when I was in bed). It might have been a bit much on his part but I really liked him so it didn't put me off at all.

I think you probably don't like this guy enough to date him.

nurseneedshelp Tue 27-Aug-13 09:00:41

Think it's lovely to wake up to a text! He obviously really likes you, its not that early tbh!

You sound very very fussy and don't sound as though you particularly like him!

Bunbaker Tue 27-Aug-13 09:01:03

Am I the only person who actually switches my phone off at night?

We have a landline and an alarm clock, so there is no need to keep my mobile on at night. If there was a family problem they would ring the landline anyway.

DizzyPurple Tue 27-Aug-13 09:01:16

Just mention it to him and ask him not to text so early. Lots of people have their phones off overnight and the alarm should still work. He probably was up just thinking of you and wanted to say hi. Think you're making a big deal out of nothing myself.

ChimeForChange Tue 27-Aug-13 09:01:16

You just put the phone on silent - the alarm will still work. You don't need to adjust any settings.

YABU if this is the only thing that bothers you?

Although like others have said, maybe you're not that interested?

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:01:33

Poosnu, you're right, it probably depends how much you like the guy.

If I was actually really interested in him I would look forward to his texts (even if they were at an unreasonable hour)

But currently they are just a bit crap and annoying.

DizzyPurple Tue 27-Aug-13 09:03:03

And 9 seems to be pretty late. After 7.30 may be more realistic esp if you have kids or are up for work (or both!) like most people are likely to be including him??

GoingUpInTheWorld Tue 27-Aug-13 09:03:37

I would be very surprised if someones light on their phone wakes them up.

Your making excuses to justify the fact that your not really keen on him

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:04:03

Dizzy, I would have been up well before 9, most people are.

I would just err on the side of caution, particularly with someone I didn't know well.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:04:45

I wouldn't say I am making excuses.

It's more just that I wasn't that keen anyway, so therefore this has put me right off.

Dumpylump Tue 27-Aug-13 09:08:59

Yep, you're tired and grumpy, and you're just not that into him. His 6:30 text is just an excuse for you to get rid.
You must also be a pretty light sleeper though....I sometimes wake up to a couple of texts that have arrived in the middle of the night - either because friends have been on a night out, or because crap signal means they've been delayed floating about in the ether somewhere. The text alert and phone briefly lighting up has never woken me!

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 27-Aug-13 09:09:20

Why not just explain to him confused

Text at odd times in the belief that my friends will pick up the message at a time suitable o hem. No biggie.

I guess you are right, you are not that into him anyway

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 27-Aug-13 09:10:26

'I' and 'to them' obviously!!

Jarca Tue 27-Aug-13 09:12:01

You can:
- get an alarm clock
- set the phone to silent, the alarm should still work but the texts will not wake you up
- set the phone to fight safe mode, the alarm will work, no text and calls will disturb you

or end it with the guy, if you continue and get together closer, he'll be still waking up at 6:30 and disturb and annoy you. However, I think this is silly reason to end the relationship. You might just tell him not to text you so early.

melbie Tue 27-Aug-13 09:12:52

Hmmm torn. It does seem a bit early. BUT I think if you don't want to be woken up by a text you could put your phone on silent (maybe I have a weird view- all my friends are shift workers and so we all text at random times) Also I would be sort of touched he was thinking about me when he woke up. I agree maybe you are just not feeling it. Otherwise just mention you don't want texts at that time! Seems fairly normal to me though

LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi Tue 27-Aug-13 09:13:54

That would put me off a bit too - not because it disturbed me, but because I would slightly wonder if he was very lonely/a bit over-keen if he texted me at that time, which isn't a very normal time to text.

If you're really passionate about him, you'd have been excited about the text and would have thought nothing of it -so the fact you didn't react like that suggests you're not that interested. Either he is, and so you're not really on the same page, or he's got a rather empty life/few boundaries.

livinginwonderland Tue 27-Aug-13 09:14:07

If you liked him, it wouldn't bother you. You can just put your phone face-down if the light wakes you up. I do that because my old BlackBerry had that red flashing LED and it would annoy me if I woke up in the night!

Before DP and I moved in together, he text me every morning before work (and he leaves home around 6.30-6.40am). His texts never woke me and I loved knowing he was thinking of me when he woke up smile

If you don't like this guy, just end things, but like I said, if you did like him, you'd just put your phone on silent and not let it bother you.

Weener Tue 27-Aug-13 09:15:19

You keep saying you're not too keen on him but you should really be relaying this info to him (in a nice way!) rather than us. Also, most phones these days can be switched off and the alarm still goes off when it's supposed to. Maybe try figuring your phone out instead of lambasting some poor guy on the internet?

BalloonSlayer Tue 27-Aug-13 09:15:44

You can't be that keen on him anyway. If you were you'd have been delighted to be woken up by a text from him.

It's actually a modern way of judging how keen you are on someone.

Is he the one - take our quiz and find out!

- how would you feel if woken by a 6.30 am text from him?
a) excited
b) neutral
c) irritated

- after 3 dates he sends you a photo of one of his erogenous zones. Do you:
a) send him back a picture of one of yours
b) laugh uproariously and forward it to all your mates
c) retch into a bucket

- you tell him you can't afford to go out for dinner as you are broke due to a large bill. He persuades you to go anyway. When the bill comes you offer to split it and he accepts. Do you think:
a) it's only right and fair that a modern woman should pay for her own food
b) shame he forgot I'm broke, I'd kind of thought he would be treating me this time and I'd pick up the bill for the next dinner. I shouldn't have presumed though.
c) the tightfisted bastard! He can fuck right off.

At end of quiz

mostly c)s - bin him

LegoAcupuncture Tue 27-Aug-13 09:18:59

grin Ballon. My answer to Q2 is B.

EBearhug Tue 27-Aug-13 09:19:42

I'd just reply to say please don't text before 9am.

Having said that, I have texted people at unsociable hours, because I knew it would be unacceptable to phone them then, and a text can be picked up when convenient. I figure that if their phone is likely to wake them up when it's not the alarm, that is their problem, and they need to adjust their settings accordingly, because it would be a problem if anyone else texted at that time, too.

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 09:20:14

If that's the worse he does you should marry him confused

You should look at it in a positive light - he probably thinks you are clever enough to knoe how to put texts on silent and place the phone on its face so the light doesn't bother you.

If it takes you '10 to 15 minutes fiddling' you probably need a new phone and a new boyfriend.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:20:20

I'm quite intrigued that several people think the phone alarm will go off even when the phone is switched off. If this is true that is very clever and why did I not know that before?

I've now turned my phone (iPhone 4) off to test it... It should go off at about 9:30.

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 09:21:37

Balloon grin

blueshoes Tue 27-Aug-13 09:22:21

I am clearly behind on my phone etiquette.

I thought people text when it not convenient for the recipient to take a call at that point, which usually happens to be outside of normal waking hours. Of course I did not count on the person who leaves their phone on all night ...

Isn't it an unnecessary waste of phone battery to leave the phone on all night just for the alarm, quite apart from the social misfits who call and text you at all hours?

FreudiansSlipper Tue 27-Aug-13 09:24:05

you have only been texting each other

if this was done after a few dates that would be nice well if you liked him

if you were the one coming on here saying i sent a text to a guy i have been texting at 630 is that too much i am quite sure most would reply yes

it is not sweet at all how can he be in to you if you have only sent text messages

LumpInTheCustard Tue 27-Aug-13 09:24:57

I am inclined to agree with you OP.

I always have my phone switched on (as I would not like to be unavailable in an emergency and I don't have a land line) so would be distinctly displeased to get texted irrelevancies while I could reasonably be expected to be asleep. Yet I had one sort-of-boyfriend who did just that - texting me something inane at just a bit after 6am. And yes I ditched him partly as a result of that text. Because surely sweet nothings can wait until a more civilized hour?

I also eye with suspicion anyone who phones between 10pm and 8am, or calls round uninvited between those hours, It just isn't very considerate behavior IMO.

WhoNickedMyName Tue 27-Aug-13 09:25:14

You need to get yourself to the nearest Apple store for a lesson on how to use your phone.

It takes 2 seconds to put it on silent and the alarm will still go off. It takes another 2 seconds to stop texts lighting up your screen.

Texting guy sounds desperate and yes, you are too fussy.


justanuthermanicmumsday Tue 27-Aug-13 09:25:41

Buy an alarm clock

it was a text message so phone etiquette is tell him it's not going to work and end those so called bad telephone manners. agree with everyone else you're too fussy and fussy for no good reason

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 09:29:02

If you have iOS6 then your iphone will have a 'DO NOT DISTURB' option as one of the first options in the General settings.
You simply switch it on when you go to bed. The alarm will work regardless.

It takes less than five seconds. confused

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:29:43

Bleh: I always wondered what that setting did!

Rooners Tue 27-Aug-13 09:31:35

If someone's texts are 'just a bit crap and annoying' then yes, dump him now.

That's not how it should feel - whatever the time of day issues.

If you need an excuse to dump him though - not sure if this is a very good one.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:32:12

With regards to the alarm going off whilst the phone is switched off, it doesn't seem to be working...

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 09:32:19

It actually takes 1 second to put the. Phone onto DO NOT DISTURB. shock. I timed myself grin

<<overly invested in thread>>

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:34:45

That's very fast bleh, but it did only take me 7 seconds. Mainly because my phone is slow and froze for 5 seconds at the setting screen.

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 09:36:10

Is your alarm the IPhone alarm or a third party App. The DO NOT DISTURB feature will only work with the IPhones alarm.

500internalerror Tue 27-Aug-13 09:37:17

The point of texts is that they are not obtrusive ; the recipient can reply when they want. Combined with sound off, this makes them the ideal way to keep in touch.

6.30 is also not that early for many people - it depends on your life and perspective!

LokiTheCynicalCat Tue 27-Aug-13 09:37:49

I was waiting for someone to say "use the DND function"!

Mine is on a timer. All emails, calls and texts from 10pm to 7am every day are silent and the phone does not light up, unless I'm already using it and the handset is unlocked.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:40:43

Loki, how do you set a timer?

LessMissAbs Tue 27-Aug-13 09:42:03

It could be that you are picking up on something that make you uncomfortable with this. I have had this off guys in the past, and I thought it was because they were checking up on you, that you were alone and could reply, or that they wanted you to know they were checking up on you. If you aren't into that sort of relationship, its very odd and annoying.

Some guys are weird. I'm happily married, but some guy I'd never met off Facebook started liking all my photos, texting me, cue polite, terse reply from me, then ignore. Then the next morning I had a missed call from the same number at 6.06am - really weird.

If you're not into that sort of thing (and I think its a bad sign that someone can't respect the etiquette of another person sleeping) then its very off putting.

blueshoes Tue 27-Aug-13 09:42:30

I wake up at 6.15. 6.30 is not that early for me. Some people text going into work on the train/tube at that time, esp parents. I wouldn't think it particularly creepy or stalkerish to receive a text around midnight or early morning this time - I just assume these people are busy.

I prefer email for non-real time communication but text instead because not everyone checks email regularly.

norkmonster Tue 27-Aug-13 09:42:36

If its an iPhone 4 just toggle the switch on the side to silent and put it face down - alarm still goes off, texts are received but no noise and no light. Don't even have to go into settings....

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:43:18

I'm a teacher, during term time 6:30 would be the normal time I would get up for work.

But I'm currently enjoying the last week of the summer holidays, including lie-ins and was pretty upset this morning to have that lie-in spoilt.

TroublesomeEx Tue 27-Aug-13 09:46:17

Yep, definitely dump the guy.

Nothing nicer than being woken up by a text from someone you really like smile

I text people whenever I think of something I want to tell them. I assume that if they don't want to be disturbed, they'll have put the phone on silent like everyone else does!

My alarm goes off even if the phone is on silent.

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 09:47:20

You really need to learn how to use your IPhone... How about downloading the following free app?

Tip and Tricks - IPhone Secrets

Hassled Tue 27-Aug-13 09:47:53

The Do Not Disturb function is your friend here - I have it on between 11pm and 7am. This was prompted by Orange, the bunch of Spam texting wankers, texting me repeatedly at 2am with shite, and then telling me (when I rang to complain) that there was nothing they could do about it.

So - alarm works, and calls from contacts listed in your Favourites get through (this is for neurotic in-my-head scenarios of adult DCs getting arrested etc). But nothing else.

Hassled Tue 27-Aug-13 09:48:13

But also dump the guy. He seems thoughtless.

blueshoes Tue 27-Aug-13 09:48:30

OP, at the risk of stating the obvious, not everyone works as a teacher with all summer off work. You flipped a switch in your head that most people do not.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:48:49

I think my phone vibrates when on silent, so that would wake me up. I could turn off the vibrate, but I like to have it for when I misplace my phone (fairly frequently) and need to call it.

Usually I use find my iPhone, but sometimes don't have a computer around and it's easier just to use someone else's phone to call mine. If the phone is silent with no vibrate it is much harder to find.

Thepursuitofhappiness Tue 27-Aug-13 09:49:00

With the iPhone it ha a 'do not disturb' function in the settings. This means it will be silent for texts, emails and calls unless it is 'emergency' (you specify people that you want to hear the call from, I.e parents).

Problem solved.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:49:14

Sorry, I should have mentioned, the guy in question is also a teacher (different school)

TheSecondComing Tue 27-Aug-13 09:49:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:49:57

Hassled how do I time the DND?

livinginwonderland Tue 27-Aug-13 09:51:27

Uh, if you don't want your lie-ins spoilt, why risk getting woken up by having your phone on loud? It's not like it's unavoidable, like roadworks or traffic or something. hmm

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:53:42

living, in addition to the alarm, I like to be available in emergencies. I would hate to turn the phone on in the morning to find 10 missed calls and that something terrible had happened to someone close to me.

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 09:55:14

I hope you are not an IT teacher confused

Here is a video on How to Use The DO NOT DISTURB function

It is very easy!

RSVP Tue 27-Aug-13 09:55:42

Dump the guy, just not use the got-a-text-too-early excuse because it sounds very lame.

blueshoes Tue 27-Aug-13 09:56:16

OP, don't you have a landline?

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 09:57:38

With DND you can personalise the settings. You can allow calls from selected numbers or ANY repeated calls.

Watch the video.

Hassled Tue 27-Aug-13 09:59:03

Settings - then under Do Not Disturb is Notifications. Go in there and you see Do Not Disturb again. Go there and there's a timing option.

Mine's an iPhone 5 though - may be different.

livinginwonderland Tue 27-Aug-13 10:01:14

I just think if your phone is on loud, you can't bitch about being woken by text messages or calls. I assume that if people are busy/asleep/don't want to be disturbed, they turn their phone off/put it on silent. If I text you and you get woken up because your phone is on loud, that's your fault, not mine.

Gruffalump Tue 27-Aug-13 10:01:43

Can't believe the drivel I have just read.

Just ditch him if you are not interested. Why waste time looking for excuses?

ArtexMonkey Tue 27-Aug-13 10:02:17

"f you were the one coming on here saying i sent a text to a guy i have been texting at 630 is that too much i am quite sure most would reply yes"

EXACTLY Freudian, I'm with you. Op isn't obliged to buy a new phone, a new alarm clock, find it sweet, feel flattered, etc etc etc etc, she isn't obliged to feel anything except what she is feeling, which is irritated, or do anything except what she feels like, which is like dumping him.

The double standards between what mners seem to expect other mners to behave like (ie perfect) vs the behaviour they expect other mners to put up with from men (ie a bit crap and half arsed) always astounds me a bit.

LokiTheCynicalCat Tue 27-Aug-13 10:02:31

Sorry OP, was working. Mine is an iPhone 4S but it works as Hassled has described it.

HellonHeels Tue 27-Aug-13 10:09:18

YANBU to just dump him if you're not into him.

YABabitU to get pouty over a "spoiled lie in"

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 10:12:56


I wish I had posted this as a reverse AIBU.

I have recently been texting a guy who I am really interested in and would like to take the relationship further. I texted him this morning at 6:30 (just to ask how he was) and I got a text back a few hours later saying "I'm fine, how are you? Please can you not call me before 9am as I was sleeping and you woke me up!"

AIBU to text him this early? If he was sleeping, shouldn't he just have turned his phone off, or put it on silent?

It would have been interesting to see the response of mumsnetters

(P.S. I haven't sent him a text asking him not to text so early, but I am thinking about it)

LessMissAbs Tue 27-Aug-13 10:14:16

Can't believe people think you should do all this phone stuff (or bizarrely, buy an alarm clock!) because someone doesn't have the wherewithal to work out that another person might not want texts while they are likely to be sleeping!

How otherwise would you realise the guy is potentially a controlling freak with boundary issues and monitor him?!

Agreed that if you had said it was you who was texting a guy at this time in the morning, the same posters would most likely have labelled you a bunny boiler. Double standards.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 10:17:34

less: I had never heard of the term "bunny boiler" before now, so just googled it now. Really wish I hadn't!...

whois Tue 27-Aug-13 10:18:26

You are being U.

Texts are unobtrusive and are there for you to look at at your leisure.

Turn your phone onto silent at night, that's what it's there for. I would be very surprised if your alarm doesn't work while the phone is on silent.

livinginwonderland Tue 27-Aug-13 10:23:02

Actually, if you'd posted this as a reverse I'd have said the same thing. If you don't want to be disturbed by a text or call, then put your phone on silent. It's not up to other people to guess whether you'll be disturbed by their messages or not. It takes 30 seconds before you go to sleep and would have avoided all of this.

valiumredhead Tue 27-Aug-13 10:28:09

You sys being odd, its not like he's ringing your land line. Turn your phone off at night.

blueshoes Tue 27-Aug-13 10:28:23

My response to the reverse AIBU would have been follow the Rules, don't text him. Not don't text him at 6.30am.

It is not a crime to text at 6.30am if he thought (erroneously in your case) that you do not switch your phone on until you are awake.

One text at 6.30am does not a bunny boiler make.

LookingForwardToVino Tue 27-Aug-13 10:31:23

I would just think he liked me?

Dp and I used to message each other at all sorts of times!

If you are more bothered by phone 'etiquette' then in what he has to say then just end it. I'm sure he can find someone else that would be more interested wink

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 10:31:39

sorry blue, but what are "the Rules"?

Am I missing some major aspect of phone etiquette here?

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 10:32:18

lookingforward, even before you had gone out on any dates?

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 27-Aug-13 10:34:15

I can't believe anyone would post that reverse. Simply because the response to the text would be oh, okay...I won't text you this early again.

But since you haven't actually asked him politely not to do that, then it's not the same.

And anyway, the actual reverse would be 'my DP has just dumped me cos he says I texted too early!'

LessMissAbs Tue 27-Aug-13 10:34:34

blueshoes One text at 6.30am does not a bunny boiler make

No, but it doesn't create a very good impression, particularly in the first stages of a relationship.

I guess some people need to be in constant touch by text, IMHO I would find that incredibly clingy.

Why should the OP switch off her phone and adjust her behaviour because of a new man on the scene? What if her family needed to contact her in an emergency? Most people do have some awareness that texting before roughly 9am is likely to be a bit overly familiar, rude, or annoying. Its those subtle social cues really. You can't assume that the whole world gets up at 6.30am.

Actually, from reading your OP, it seems likely that you have not even met him yet? In which case, yes, he is overly familiar and this is a red flag.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 10:34:49

I'm not a DP!

We haven't even been out on a date yet!

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 27-Aug-13 10:35:46

Yeah...okay but you get my point!

LookingForwardToVino Tue 27-Aug-13 10:37:56

Well Just we knew each other already from work.

Maybe your right. If I hadn't even met someone and they were continuously messaging me at all times I would think they were weird!

But I think I'd forgive one early text. Had you previously told him your acceptable hours of communication?

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 10:40:39

looking: no, but to be fair its not like we've had a proper discussion, just a series of texts where we have both hinted at meeting up but nothing has been arranged.

specialsubject Tue 27-Aug-13 10:41:02

buying an alarm clock is bizarre?
turning mobiles off at night is bizarre?

well I never.

livinginwonderland Tue 27-Aug-13 10:42:12

Family can ring the landline in an emergency. If you don't want to be woken up, put your phone on silent/on flight-mode/switch it off. It isn't hard and would solve a lot of problems.

If anyone bitched at me that my text had woken them up at 6.30am (I get up at 6 or 5 for work) I'd just say "well, you should have had your phone on silent then!"

blueshoes Tue 27-Aug-13 10:42:17

I switch off my phone when I am asleep so it makes no difference to me what time someone sends me a text. Not that I check the time anyway.

I email at all times and see text as the same in that it is for the recipient to receive it at their leisure without being woken up. In the reverse AIBU situation and OP asked me to stop it, I would because now that I know, I don't want to wake her up. If it happens again, that is more indicative of bunny boiling than the first time.

In a dating context, receiving a text at 6.30am is no great shakes.

ouryve Tue 27-Aug-13 10:44:37

If you don't like being woken up at the not terribly early time of 6:30, don't have children.

i would ditch him. he sounds irritating.

LessMissAbs Tue 27-Aug-13 10:48:20

specialsubject buying an alarm clock is bizarre? turning mobiles off at night is bizarre? well I never

Running around appeasing men to me is more bizarre than complaining about someone's basic lack of manners.

I'm not really comfortable with the notion that women should be so grateful to receive a text from a man that they overlook the fact that its sent rudely early.

And don't kid yourself he is quite possibly pushing the boundaries, as he will know most people will still be in bed at that time.

But then I'm some kind of magnet for sleazy creepy men and I can spot the signs a mile off.

justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 10:48:49

ourvye, that's completely different, a young child isn't old enough to understand what is socially acceptable.

A grown man is.

Leverette Tue 27-Aug-13 10:56:16

I always thought the whole point of texting is that one can send a communication to another at their convenience, whilst the receiver is able to control when they receive/read/act on that communication. Much like sending an email or letter.

justtoopicky Tue 27-Aug-13 11:02:57

I always saw texts as higher priority (need a faster) response than an email, mainly because everyone seems to be on their phones constantly.

Whereas emails (at least used to be) something you could sit on for a day or two if not urgent work business.

I suppose it also depends how you feel about someone you don't really know well at all (never really met) texting you the first thing they wake up in the morning.

Do you think "Oh how lovely, I am the first thing he thought of."

Or do you think "Oh that's a bit odd, slightly stalkerish."

Fuzzysnout Tue 27-Aug-13 11:07:16

I'm going against the grain a bit here. I think 6.30am is a bizarre time to text someone you don't really know & it would make me think that the texter was either sad & desperate or had no social boundaries.

Fair enough it would be nice if you were having a thing & were really into each other but OP is not at this stage. Personally I would bin him off before he gets to the stage of finding out where you live otherwise next thing he'll be peering through your window to watch you sleeping calling round in the early hours.

livinginwonderland Tue 27-Aug-13 11:08:21

I don't see putting your phone on silent as pandering to anyone. If YOU don't want to be woken up early or by people texting in the middle of the night, it's YOUR responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen. You have a means of stopping it (phone off/on silent/on flight mode) so do so. Don't bitch about something you have every control over. I would say the same if it was a reverse AIBU or if the genders were switched.

Groovee Tue 27-Aug-13 11:11:53

who I am not that interested in? Stop using the text as an excuse and do the decent thing and end it all now. Poor guy deserves better than a moaning minnie that he can do no right by.

TylerHopkins Tue 27-Aug-13 11:14:19

Bless, you must have been the first thing on his mind when he woke up in the morning. Either that or he woke with a stiffy and wanted a bit of text sex to sort himself out grin

CleverWittyUsername Tue 27-Aug-13 11:25:27

If you want to keep seeing him I wouldn't start whinging about him texting too early. You might seem really high maintenance. If you don't like him then just tell him honestly. And just change your settings as suggested so you don't have these issues in future. I wouldn't assume he was being clingy, just that he woke up early, going about his day, and thought he would text you before getting on with his stuff. Does your entire friend and family network know your rules about early texts?

LessMissAbs Tue 27-Aug-13 11:27:06

Normal manners would mean you wouldn't text someone that early unless you knew them very well and knew it was ok. I wouldn't even do it with my best friends, because I know it would most likely to disturb them. I certainly wouldn't then tell them it was their own fault if they got annoyed because they didn't have their phone switched to silent mode!

TylerHopkins Either that or he woke with a stiffy and wanted a bit of text sex to sort himself out

This. That's what I mean about him pushing boundaries. Alternatively he could just lack basic social skills.

I sympathise with you OP because I've had it done to me and there is a certain breed of man out there now who counts on a certain breed of women being so flattered by their attention that they will overlook basic rudeness. And I just cannot be arsed with all that carry on.

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 11:55:30

This thread is really, really bonkers. If the OP doesn't want to or finds it too complicated confused to set up the Do Not Disturb function then any normal person would just text back and ask them not to text so early! shock why the need to over analyse the poor guys intentions.

If the OP doesn't want to have a relationship withthe guy then fair enough but to use an excuse of a 6:30 text as a reason is very weird.

I think the guy has had a lucky escape.. And YES I would say that if the sexes were reversed and the OP was a man.

It wouldn't have crossed my mind that someone with an IPhone wouldn't know how to stop texts from making noises.

justtoopicky Tue 27-Aug-13 12:05:57

bleh, why should someone have to change what they currently do to compensate for someone else's lack of manners.

I've managed for many years with my phone on at night, up until now I've never had problems.

I've never had to ask a family member, friend or boyfriend not to text in the night before. They have enough manners to know it is rude.

I shouldn't have to change what I do for someone else, especially someone I am not that interested in.

ConflictDodger Tue 27-Aug-13 12:07:42

Is this a joke? The whole thing? Because if it's not you really don't like this guy and it would be kinder to make it clear to him. Somewhere out there is a woman who will be thrilled to get his text at 6am - or who will have the smarts to a) set phone to silent or b) tell him not to text before 9!

BlehPukeVomit Tue 27-Aug-13 12:35:20

JusttooPicky. 6:30 is NOT the middle of the night though is it? Plenty of people are up then. Getting huffy about a text at that time seems very precious to me. I would just ask them not to do it again and wouldn't give it a moments more thought.
It is such a minor matter.
If the OP doesn't like the guy it's fine but to be angry about a 6:30 text is a WEIRD over reaction.

Phone on silent! Your reaction seems very OTT for an early morning text.

CruCru Tue 27-Aug-13 14:49:56

I think the OP is getting a hard time. 6:30 is super early to get a text. Even if it hasn't woken me, I would still think it weird that they sent me a text so bloody early.

I once got a work email from someone at 4am (we are both in the UK). I asked him whether his email had gone down (meaning that he had sent it in the evening but it didn't leave the outbox until 4) but no. He hadn't been able to sleep so reviewed some things instead. I thought that was a bit weird, mainly because it creates a supposition that I would be able to look at his email first thing or else it gets left with me for a really long time.

If he sends a text, how long can you leave it before responding? 2 hours? 8:30 is still early to text and that would make me uncomfortable.

Groovee Tue 27-Aug-13 14:57:29

Even if it hasn't woken me, I would still think it weird that they sent me a text so bloody early.

I get up at 6am... so if texts have come in overnight to me, I reply to them then. If not then I forget.

FreudiansSlipper Tue 27-Aug-13 15:01:38

so some women would be thrilled to receive a text from a man they are just texting not in a relationship with at 630am

are all single women that desperate hmm

i wouldn't be even if it had not woken me up

livinginwonderland Tue 27-Aug-13 15:10:11

What's wrong with texting at 6am if that's when you're awake? I get up at 6am and if I have texts to reply to then I'll do so before I go to work and don't have my phone on me for 8/10 hours and forget.

Before we moved in together, DP used to text me at 6am because that was the only chance he had before he finishes work at 4pm.

chrome100 Tue 27-Aug-13 15:10:45

I think most people are up by 630am in the week and after 10pm. I would not think it a problem to text at those times and regularly receive texts from others at those times too. When I go to sleep I put my phone on silent. I think you are over thinking it all and are probably not that into him.

FreudiansSlipper Tue 27-Aug-13 15:19:16

yes when you are in a relationship it is nice

but when you are not it is just needy and a tad obsessive

would you ring someone that early to share some random thought it is because you want some sort of response

LessMissAbs Tue 27-Aug-13 17:16:32

Exactly Freudian. I always wondered why all those wierdo men would do stupid stuff like texting you when you might be asleep or stupid shit, but presumably there must be some women out there who dont tell them to get lost!

None of my friends would find someone you barely know texting you at 6.30 am acceptable, this place really doesooen your eyes at times!

TroublesomeEx Tue 27-Aug-13 17:25:09

I suppose it depends on the time your day starts.

I had a text from someone I didn't know very well during a thunderstorm at around 6am because he knew I like them and he just wanted me to know he was thinking of me.

I thought it was quite sweet!

But then I usually get up around 5.30. Not because I have do, just because I do.

samu2 Tue 27-Aug-13 17:25:54

My husband text me after our second date at 6.30am to tell me he was thinking of me.

Because I was mad about him I thought it was lovely and getting that text that early put a huge smile on my face. I was keen so loved that he was too.

Now if I attempted to communicate with him at 6.30 am he would grunt at me and go back to sleep grin

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 27-Aug-13 17:26:30

Put your phone on silent. This being 2013 not 1993 it's really quite simple to do on all phones.

samu2 Tue 27-Aug-13 17:27:42

He wasn't desperate or lacking in social skills.

He just liked me a lot hmm

LessMissAbs Tue 27-Aug-13 17:32:59

So do we all have to put our phones on silent, in case some random man decides to text us at 6am? Because its happened to me with some random idiot off Facebook.

Because personally, I work standard office hours and start at 9 and get up just before 8. I dont want my sleep cut short by an hour and a half.

Just remind me what else we should be doing just so men aren't led I to doing things that might not be welcomed?

FreudiansSlipper Tue 27-Aug-13 17:37:20

but you had been out on two dates

the op has not

personally for me that would be a little too full on

my guess the op's text friend

a/ waited for partner/wife to go to the bathroom before checking up on potential mistress and to show he is free at all times hmm

b/ checking up on op that she can answer as wants to know if she is with someone

or likely in this case

c/ just needy and needs attention at 630am and wants a reply

mathanxiety Tue 27-Aug-13 17:43:58

You're not too fussy. If you don't like it you don't like it and no further questions are necessary. It's always a good thing to go with your gut.

I agree with FreudianSlipper's musings here.

Get rid. No matter what the reason, this is not a good thing and you have recognised that - pat yourself on the back and move on.

TheQueenIsInBed Tue 27-Aug-13 17:52:54

Jesus, if an early text bothers you this much, text him between the hours of 9am and 10pm and tell him it won't work out or go on the date and you'll probably find you hate each other anyway grin

I can't quite believe that I just wasted five minutes of my life reading this thread, more fool me.

AintNobodyGotTimeFerThat Tue 27-Aug-13 18:52:38

I have a few friends who like to text at 2am.
Now that really gets on my wick.
My Mum will phone me during the day and I wont answer it as it's still on silent because I was trying to ignore all the messages said friends send.
I'm too polite to tell them to please wait until a better time fuck off though.

EBearhug Tue 27-Aug-13 20:15:25

I've texted people at mad times of night. Not often, but last time was about 02:30am, and it was, "Forgot to tell you earlier..." (Can't actually remember what I forgot.

I don't always sleep well, and if I really need to be sure I'll be uninterrupted, I put my phone on silent. The notification sound I have for texts isn't that loud anyway, so it would only wake me if I were starting to wake anyway. Ring tone is louder, but then every few weeks, I have to be on-call for work.

Even if I didn't particularly like someone, I don't think a text at an obscure time of day or night would bother me. I'd just reply to them, and say, "BTW, please can you avoid texting until at least 9am?" It'd only be a big deal if someone was a repeat offender, particularly after mentioning it (and if you don't mention it, why would they have any reason to think it's a problem for you?) And if they did turn out to be a repeat offender, you could just block their number.

But there are far more important things to get worried about in life.

Beaverfeaver Tue 27-Aug-13 20:23:16

My phone is on silent at night but the alarm on it still works in the morning.

EBearhug Tue 27-Aug-13 20:24:33

I was pretty grumpy with my phone when its alarm went off this morning. But I suppose it did mean I was in work on time.

LessMissAbs Tue 27-Aug-13 20:26:23

*FreudianSlipper my guess the op's text friend a/ waited for partner/wife to go to the bathroom before checking up on potential mistress and to show he is free at all times hmm b/ checking up on op that she can answer as wants to know if she is with someone
or likely in this case c/ just needy and needs attention at 630am and wants a reply*

You really are thinking the same things about me. Dodgy men are generally text-obsessed. Certainly that creep that texted and phoned me (with no encouragement from me whatsoever) had a girlfriend - photos and everything all over FB. It really is a whole different world...

Its a red flag.

I kind of loved the reply though which encouraged the OP not to voice her concerns to the texter, lest she should put him off her.

Lweji Tue 27-Aug-13 20:30:45

I don't mind messages during the night, because I can't hear them. I just get a bip, and that's not enough to wake me up, even if the phone is by the bed.

In fact, the most recent ex used to text me every day when he left home at the very early hours and I never woke up.

If it bothers you, tell the people texting you not to.

I'd text people during the night because it would never occur to me that it might wake them up, but would apologise if anyone complained.

Yamyoid Tue 27-Aug-13 20:59:03

6.30am is not early to receive a text. It's just a text.

capitalcapitalcapital Tue 27-Aug-13 21:16:46

De-lurked to express my amazement at all these responses to put your phone on silent or use DND!

I have my phone on all the time in case there is an emergency - which by it's very nature might mean someone not in your favourites might call / text.

6.30 is too early to text! Seems hugely selfish to me to think that other people should change their behaviour predicated on what time suits the person sending the text.

Bunbaker Tue 27-Aug-13 22:21:51

"I have my phone on all the time in case there is an emergency - which by it's very nature might mean someone not in your favourites might call / text."

Don't you have a landline? If it was an emergency a text message wouldn't wake me.

Littleen Tue 27-Aug-13 22:30:49

I wouldn't normally mind if texted in the night, if you wake up and can't get to sleep again you should probably put it on silent. yabu.

BlehPukeVomit Wed 28-Aug-13 09:31:54

If you are worried about missing emergency it is easy to allow calls but silence everything else with the Do Not Disturb feature on IPhones.
You then also don't get woken by spammy PPI texts. I only get one or two spammy texts a month but they often come at strange times.

BlehPukeVomit Wed 28-Aug-13 09:33:04

Sorry I meant emergency calls

OhDearNigel Wed 28-Aug-13 09:49:05

As you sound like a right mardy so and so I would dump him so he can date someone who doesn't have a fit of the histrionics when they get a text early in the morning.

SourSweets Wed 28-Aug-13 10:06:48

I used to get the bus to work at 5.30am every morning (now on maternity leave and wishing 5.30 was the earliest I had to wake) and I'd text people at that time because I'd forget otherwise. No-one ever had a problem with it, they just responded when it was convenient for them. Stop dwelling on something so trivial and find someone you actually like, is my opinion.

LessMissAbs Wed 28-Aug-13 10:13:47

Perhaps the OP isn't that desperate for a date Nigel.

You dont have to be receptive to every man that gives you attention, you know.

Latara Wed 28-Aug-13 10:20:58

You are just not that into him.

If there was chemistry then you wouldn't care what time he texts.

But it bothers you so you can't fancy him enough - dump him.

Latara Wed 28-Aug-13 10:30:49

PS. there would have to be chemistry there for me not to think it's too early in the day!

Lweji Wed 28-Aug-13 10:42:59

I think one of the issues is that a lot of people treat texts like phone calls.
Texts should be non-urgent contacts, which can be answered at any time.
Then why have alert sounds that are just as annoying and loud as a ring tone?

By only having a single beep, I can be aware of when I receive a message (if I'm within reach and awake), but it doesn't disturb me at all.

justtoofussy Wed 28-Aug-13 11:29:30

I've had a look into the DND feature, and even though I can see how to turn off phone calls, there doesn't seem to be a turn off texts feature, which is a little disappointing.

I'm also a bit hesitant about blocking calls from non "favourites" e.g. a hospital calling me to tell me a relative was ill/injured would obviously not be in my favourites list, and I would miss the call.

I could put the phone on silent, but I would still be woken up by the vibrations and lit up screen.

I have sent him a text, asking him not to text before 9. I think it's fair to give him a chance. If he continues to text too early despite being asked not to, I'm not going to bother.

LessMissAbs Wed 28-Aug-13 11:32:18

Lweji Texts should be non-urgent contacts, which can be answered at any time

Why? Where does it say that? People use texting differently, personally not one of my friends would dream of texting me at that time in the morning, because they are aware that not everyone would welcome it/have their phone switched to silent or whatever.

Further, the OP wouldn't perhaps have got such quick notification that the guy is a bit odd in relation to boundaries. I agree that if there were chemistry she wouldn't mind, but pushing the boundaries too early or with someone who is unfamiliar with you is totally crass and cringeworthy.

Most animals use various cues which if the male gets them wrong, mean they are unlikely to be received well. To suggest that this basic biological rule doesn't apply to humans because, well, some women are apparently so desperate for a sliver of male attention that they will overlook anything, is ridiculous.

CooEeeEldridge Wed 28-Aug-13 11:47:21

JUST TURN THE TEXT TONE OFF! Is it really this hard? Really?! Who is going to text in an emergency?! Phone calls can still get through then, and texts won't disturb you. I'm up before 6 and wouldn't think twice about replying to texts / email / Facebook at that time, id assume people would have alerts off if didn't wish to be disturbed.

OddSockBox Wed 28-Aug-13 11:52:13

Everyone's different, I turn my phone off at night but the alarm switches my phone on so that's OK.

justtoofussy Wed 28-Aug-13 11:58:54

oddsock: I tested this with my iPhone and it definitely doesn't turn itself on to play the alarm.

As soon as I turned on the phone manually, the alarm sounded (late) but that would only be ok if I were awake at the right time to turn it on to begin with!

BlehPukeVomit Wed 28-Aug-13 12:13:15

Aggghhhh! confused JustTooFussy. You need to set DND to allow calls, NOT disallow texts.

Try this..
Setting > Notifications > Do Not Disturb >

Then Turn on scheduled and choose the times you wish not to be disturbed by text/email etc notifications. This means DND will automatically be activated every night.

Then choose who you wish to Allow Calls From. (I guess you want to allow calls from Everyone

Then you don't need to do anything at night as it is all set up. You will receive calls and your alarm will work but that's it.

If you are still struggling try watching some YouTube videos or asking for some real life help. [

HawthornLantern Wed 28-Aug-13 13:17:17

My iPhone is quite elderly (3GS) but it will play the alarm even when the sound is turned off. So I don't get middle of the night calls and texts (which is important to me as I have people who do call and text and who don't live in my time zone).

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