to think you shouldn't post pictures of someone else's DC to Facebook without asking permission?

(82 Posts)
LouiseD29 Tue 27-Aug-13 01:55:56

Possibly being a bit over tired and pfb, but have been having visitors over the past few days to meet my divine week-old DD. Am knackered, but pleased to see everyone and understand they all want pictures of themselves holding the baby. But now they've all started popping up all over Facebook and it's just really winding me up. Not sure exactly why, I just feel it's really rude to broadcast pictures if someone else's baby without even asking first! AIBU?

howcomes Tue 27-Aug-13 02:00:31

Yanbu, I'd be really ticked off too. Afaik data uploaded to Facebook transfers ownership to facebo

howcomes Tue 27-Aug-13 02:02:58

Argh hit post by accident! Was trying to say once pics are uploaded to Facebook you have no say in how they can be used at a later date or who has viewing rights if others have uploaded them.

thatisall Tue 27-Aug-13 02:05:32

It's one of the weirdest feelings when a baby is born isn't it? That people get so swept up thy they sometimes forget thy just a week ago that baby was safe and sound inside you and you might feel quite vulnerable right now,
What will you do? Are you going to ask for them to be taken down?

Oh and congratulations :-)

FondantNancy Tue 27-Aug-13 03:52:05

YANBU. I would be angry, too.

RoadToTuapeka Tue 27-Aug-13 03:58:35

Congratulations on your new baby! You probably are not being unreasonable, but just so it's clear to people, why not just tell them gently that you don't want pictures of you/baby/others in your family posted unless you post them yourself or they ask first. It's not weird or unusual not to want childrens photos up so don't feel awkward asking.

People are probably so pleased to see the new baby and are proud aunts etc so just don't think it's an issue. If they know your feelings then they can respect them!

MidniteScribbler Tue 27-Aug-13 04:21:18

It really wouldn't bother me at all.

BusyCee Tue 27-Aug-13 05:10:33

YANBU. This really bothered us too, and we just politely and asked people to take the pics down and explained why. That was when DS1 was born nearly 3yrs ago, and now we have DS2 we maintain the same principle.

Caused a bit of tension with the evil stepmother (really! Surprised? Me?), but otherwise everyone did as we asked (although I know my Dsis thinks it all a bit odd).

It is a bit of an unusual decision (as so many people seem to live even their most private and intimate moments on social media) but it was a bit of a long term decision for us too. At some point in the future our children are going to have to make their own decisions about what personal information they leave about themselves online, and we wanted to set a (really early) precedent that it is their choice and responsibility. We felt it would be hard for us to talk to them about being responsible online if we've liberally littered social media with photos of them ourselves. Additionally I can't bear the thought that people we don't even know can access images of our children as a result of the structure of FB in particular. It is not the same as friends of my Dads coming into his house and seeing a photo on the wall - it just isn't.

Of course, the DCs pop up in the background of some photos of family events (my DNs recent 1st bday party, for example) but in the main they are not online.

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Tue 27-Aug-13 05:11:46

YANBU. Ask them to take them down (I did).

DropYourSword Tue 27-Aug-13 05:48:16

I'm not asking this in an aggressive way, but why exactly is there a problem with people putting photos on Facebook? Genuinely, can we discuss what the actual issues are?

GillyMac93 Tue 27-Aug-13 06:28:59

Yanbu , but they are probably just delighted with your DD and having a stealth boast holding a beautiful baby ?

catgirl1976 Tue 27-Aug-13 06:36:57

Wouldn't bother me but as it bothers you, ask them to take them down

Tee2072 Tue 27-Aug-13 06:39:49

Dropthesword I have often wondered the same thing.

I am not bothered personally about photos of my DC being online, but I respect others feelings on the subject, and would always ask first. The only exception would be if it was the DC of a couple of close friends I have, we have already discussed it and agreed amongst ourselves that we are happy for each other to post photos of the others DC.

wigglesrock Tue 27-Aug-13 06:41:40

I think it depends - do you use Facebook? Are you friends with them on FB? Obviously they're pictures of your baby, if you don't want them up, ask them to take them down.

But if you usually put photos up.of bits and pieces, I think it's a teeny tiny bit unreasonable for them to immediately think that they shouldn't do it.

Congratulations thanks or maybe brew smile

cantreachmytoes Tue 27-Aug-13 06:42:58

YANBU. It's baby's life and while people may not beams luscious with it, baby is YOURS to share with the world. You've done the work of pregnancy and labour, it's a but much to take away those special moments where you get to share baby and that includes on FB.

And I too agree that it's baby's life and they may not be appreciative at age 13 if 'friends' find their baby photos, or later on a future university or employer.

Ask them to take them down or get DP to do it if you don't want too. You're perfectly within your rights. Then when people go to take photos in future have your camera ready and offer to take a proper one with that and send it to them, adding in the email that you don't want it on FB. Or just tell them at the time.

Anyway, your baby, you're in charge.

WantedGSOH Tue 27-Aug-13 06:46:44


Like a previous poster my DH & I made a conscious decision not to put any pics of our LO online. I think teaching children to have a healthy respect of the Internet & also that what you reveal on it us a choice rather than an automatic reflex is really important to us, particularly after all the sadness caused by the bullying on that Ask site.

You can't protect children for ever but surely noone would argue against protecting them whilst tiny?

Only my Dsis & husbands Dsis were likely to post pics & we just politely said we wanted to be the first to put any pics up.

I know quite a few people who feel similarly to us. It just feels wierd for a tiny baby to have pics all over the Internet.

Mojavewonderer Tue 27-Aug-13 08:09:01

I don't see a problem with people showing off my newborn on fb and I'm not even on fb anymore. I think it's lovely how people are so proud of you they want to show the world what you made.
I also respect your wishes and your privacy so if its bothering you that much ask them to be removed. It's your baby after all.
Do remember though that if you start plastering pics of your baby all over fb you may find people will be a bit miffed.
Congratulations! smile

MyDaydream Tue 27-Aug-13 08:26:45

YANBU as long as you have no photos of baby on your FB. Just ask them to remove them and explain your reasons.
We told everyone before DS was born there would be no photos on Facebook. That's because we don't live our lives on there and really didn't want a bunch of people who we don't see anymore, or if it was posted on someone else's page who we don't even know, looking at photos of our DS. I wouldn't want my baby photos posted around the Internet, and if DS does that's up to him to upload at the time.
There's also the fact most people don't care, and if they do care they can come and visit us. My DP has had people PMing him to ask to see photos of our DS when they can't be bothered arranging a meet up to talk to us. So why do they want to see our son? It's just weird.
There are also some issues with my DPs biological father who we don't want getting in contact just because technically he's a grandfather. It would cause too many problems and too much hurt for him to know, but since you never know who is a friend of a friend really it's easier for a blanket ban.
There have been photos on FB of him, but a simple "can you remove them we don't want them up" does the trick.

Jollyb Tue 27-Aug-13 08:30:23

Wouldn't bother me either. I've got a 5 week old and a couple of my friends have posted photos of them having their first cuddles with her.

Nanny0gg Tue 27-Aug-13 08:37:14

YANBU as long as you have no photos of baby on your FB.

Why? If I choose to publish photos of me and my family to the world, my choice. I don't see how that gives someone else the right to do it. I can choose my privacy settings, I have no control over anyone else's.

comingalongnicely Tue 27-Aug-13 08:43:16

Silly question, what did you think they were going to do with the pictures? If someone gets someone else to take a pic of them doing something, it's usually so they can show it to other people which very often means facebook nowadays, not likely to go on the mantelpiece...

Not sure what you're "protecting" baby from, unless you're going to put a bag on her head when out & about, people are going to see her anyway!

I'm afraid I'd photoshop a fake nose, moustache & glasses onto the picture if you asked me to take it down!!

MumnGran Tue 27-Aug-13 08:43:32

I can understand the reaction, and of course YANBU because this is your baby and you have an absolute right to feel however you do, but..........

I also think it would be wise to bear in mind why those close to you have posted pictures of their first cuddles with your LO.
There is obviously a lot of love (& pride in your achievement) going around ...people post 'first cuddles' pix because they feel it was a special moment - that the baby is beautiful - that they are really fond of you and want to celebrate this amazing new arrival in your life.

So please don't be too hard on them. All of us can be rattled by the things close friends or family sometimes do, but it is also pretty wonderful to have so many people who think so much of you smile
and even more wonderful to think of how much love & care your new baby is surrounded by smile smile

(and congratulations on your new baby)

magichamster Tue 27-Aug-13 08:45:40

Yanbu. You wouldn't take pictures of someone else's baby and publish them in a book, or stick them in the newsagent window, so why post them on Facebook?

I went to a wedding recently and someone was taking photos of the bride coming down the aisle and putting them on Facebook/twitter before she'd even said her vows.

I just don't understand why people feel the need to live their lives on line.

curlew Tue 27-Aug-13 08:46:05

You don't own your baby- other people have relationships with her too!

GrandstandingBlueTit Tue 27-Aug-13 08:48:11

Why? If I choose to publish photos of me and my family to the world, my choice. I don't see how that gives someone else the right to do it. I can choose my privacy settings, I have no control over anyone else's.

Well, it's still someone else making the choice of being online on behalf of your child. It just so happens that it's you.

But - at the end of the day, you're still making that choice on behalf of your child. How is that really any better, if it's genuinely their privacy and right to autonomy that you're trying to protect?

TheBleedinObvious Tue 27-Aug-13 08:48:57

Yab a bit unreasonable.

It would be nice of them to ask first, but what is the harm?

I would understand not wanting your address, birth dates, full names etc but a picture of a baby and their first name is not a problem imo.

There is nothing stopping a complete stranger from taking your baby's photo in a public place and uploading it on Facebook by the way.

JassyRadlett Tue 27-Aug-13 08:53:33

Comingalong, I take photos first and foremost to remind myself of an event or time. Sharing is secondary.

I also think the OP's own Facebook posting habits are irrelevant. She controls her privacy strings, she doesn't control others'.

OP, YANBU. It's up to you to decide what profile you want your child to have on social media until they are old enough to decide for themselves.

My brother and his wife aren't putting any pics of their DS online, and have asked others to respect this, first because they have a strong sense of privacy and second because they wang their son to be able to determine his own social media presence when he's older, rather than them dictating it.

I also think the point about potential conflict between teaching about how to use social media safely and what parents actually do is a good one, and I hadn't considered that before.

JassyRadlett Tue 27-Aug-13 08:58:09

Curlew, parents don't own their children but they are responsible for them.

And make many decisions on their behalf thoughout their childhoods based on what they think is in the best interests of those children. Social media presence is just one of those.

blueshoes Tue 27-Aug-13 09:08:29

I think you are a bit overtired and pfb.

Nobody's baby is that interesting to anyone else. I think people will think you a little grumpy and unhinged if you asked them to remove photos of your baby from fb. But they will do it because they think you are hormonal.

Good luck.

Curleyhazel Tue 27-Aug-13 09:11:44

Yanbu. We are also the 'weird ones' and ask people not to post pictures of DCs on FB. Just stand your ground op and ask for the photos to be removed. If they are friends, they will be sympathetic and if they make you feel bad or ridicule your request, well then don't let them take pictures next time.

Congratulations on your baby, this is such a special time for you and I totally understand that you feel protective about something like this. As another poster mentioned, a week ago your baby was still safely tucked away inside you and it must feel disconcerting to have images of your baby online that you can't control. Saying that, please try not to stress yourself about this as ultimately it's not anything to worry about.

Curleyhazel Tue 27-Aug-13 09:12:37

Jasssy, well said!

Inertia Tue 27-Aug-13 09:14:14

YANBU. We have asked relatives to remove photos of our children - we don't want our children's images to become the property of Facebook, and want the children to have control over their online presence when they reach an appropriate age.

Tbh the only people looking are going to be those with an interest - other family members, friends etc. If it's grandparents & significant others sharing I think it's quite sweet tbh. Unless you have a family member you need to keep at arms length I'm not sure it's a big issue.

More important when they get to 10/11 and are starting to use profile pics eg on Skype etc to teach about Internet safety.

waltzingmathilda Tue 27-Aug-13 09:20:03

Uraban myth that Facebook somehow steals the copyright to photos - they remain the property of the person who took the photo - although Facebook its self is only interested in US law

Although as I said the copyright remains that of the photographer - if you dont want people uploading and passing on photos - don't allow anyone to take them.

I'm not sure what the issue is either, unless there is a protection order in place.

Dackyduddles Tue 27-Aug-13 09:23:44

Ridiculous. They are proud and showing it. Would you prefer they came and didn't mention it? Or said visited bit baby's ugly am not having its photo up with me for all my friends to see!

pianodoodle Tue 27-Aug-13 09:24:45

Whatever the legal position - if I have a picture of someone else's child and want to post it on fb I do ask first. Just seems good manners.

FormerlyKnownAsPrincessChick Tue 27-Aug-13 09:25:05

No you're not bu. This is a huge bug bear of mine because so many people think it's weird not to broadcast your life on social media. The first photo that we sent to our parents of our daughter just after she was born was posted by several other family members (who my mum had sent the picture on to) minutes after she was born and whilst I was delivering the placenta! If we had wanted to broadcast we would have posted ourselves. You can see my leg in the background (ie legs akimbo pushing out placenta!) and I feel exposed and upset. However, it was done and the sentiment of the posts with the picture were beautiful so I liked and made a comment to say we are all well. This is the only photo on fb. Family and friends have been asked politely not to post photos of our baby online. No-one (publicly / to our face) has had an issue. I've said that I don't want facebook to own my family album, I've also said it feels weird. My baby isn't my possession and I want her to choose whether she wants an online presence when she's older. Maybe weird to others but it feels the right thing to do to me. I totally understand and respect other people who want to show off their dc or don't have an issue with others posting. It just doesn't feel right to us. Incidentally, I'm happy to email pictures to family and friends who are interested. I'm also just as hacked off about a photo taken of me, dd and dh by in-laws just a few hours after the birth (me bloated, tired after 56 hours of labour and no make-up) that has been circulated as a home made greetings card by mil. Again, we've had words because I feel utterly violated at a vulnerable time and that my privacy has been trampled.

pianodoodle Tue 27-Aug-13 09:29:37

It doesn't really matter to me why someone wouldn't want a picture up or whether I have the "right" to put it up regardless of their feelings.

It only takes a second to ask "do you mind..?" and if they do and you are a friend you should respect that.

pianodoodle Tue 27-Aug-13 09:33:21

I'm also just as hacked off about a photo taken of me, dd and dh by in-laws just a few hours after the birth (me bloated, tired after 56 hours of labour and no make-up) that has been circulated as a home made greetings card by mil.

That's just thoughtless and I'd be furious.

I know people say no one "owns" the baby but at a week old I was pretty much of the opinion that she was mine mine mine grin

MiaowTheCat Tue 27-Aug-13 09:34:53

I got quite crossbar my mil using our DDS to have a bit of a stealth boast that she breastfed and I wasn't, but that wretched woman has no concept at all of treating me like someone whose wishes deserve any consideration.

Other than that (thankfully she's got bored of fb) I get uncomfortable when it's relatives that have iffy privacy or add anyone and then have to ask me which random relative it is they've just added. But I have a very emotionally cruel father of mine I do not want trying to get a millionth second chance to rebuild relationships and screwing with the kids' heads if he finds out about them, and one very nasty ex in terms of threats who I don't want knowing where I am, my married surname and the existence of the girls - sounds worse than he is before anyone panics, he's a lazy fucker with no transport and he'd never bother coming here, its all armchair mindgames with him but still unpleasant when avoidable (yes, I take comfort from having a fucking lazy stalker if I have to have one!)

silverten Tue 27-Aug-13 09:35:22

No I don't think YANBU. Your baby, your decision.

I have no pics of DD online, apart from one taken from the back where she is only identifiable to people who know her from the context. You can't see her face at all.

I prefer a high level of privacy as these things have a way of coming back and biting you in unlikely and unpredictable ways. The Internet looks all cosy and friendly and you get the illusion of safety partly from being able to access it from your own home in privacy, but the reality is far more dangerous in the sense that there are plenty of people on it who can get up to quite nasty things with very little come-back on themselves.

My mate posted a couple of pics of DD on her page without asking me- she took them down as soon as I asked but in the half hour they were up they'd been viewed and liked by a total stranger (who I then found out far more than I bet she would have been happy about simply by clicking around her profile).

DropYourSword Tue 27-Aug-13 09:36:49

What are people wanting to protect against?

silverten Tue 27-Aug-13 09:40:56

My take on it isn't that I want to waste time trying to second guess what people may or may not do, DropYourSword, and then spend more time working out whether I'm happy about it, and then try and fix my settings so that it's all protected. Life's too short.

Anyone who wants to see DD can come and spend some quality time with her. No one else needs to bother.

hettienne Tue 27-Aug-13 09:44:06

I don't really see the harm?

If someone wasn't on facebook themselves and never posted pictures of their children then I would ask first - but my facebook is full of kid pics so it wouldn't cross my mind not to put up a photo of one of those children.

MrsOakenshield Tue 27-Aug-13 09:49:59

once you post a photo on Facebook it is Facebook's to do what they choose with. They could use a picture of your baby for advertising or anything, without your permission or knowledge.

Also, not everyone has Facebook! And if the parents don't have it, that is presumably because they don't like it, and therefore it's extremely rude to post pictures up.

I have FB but I don't post pictures of friends' children who aren't on FB themselves.

MammaTJ Tue 27-Aug-13 10:03:24

It really would not bother me, but I would ask another parent before I uploaded pictures of their child!

Feminine Tue 27-Aug-13 10:05:36

Wouldn't bother me. I imagine you can hardly see your daughter!

I understand when children get older, its better to keep them off (if they are not your own)

I always check with parents. I think I've only put up one of a friends daughter...I checked first!


nancerama Tue 27-Aug-13 10:05:48

I don't have any problems with other people posting pictures of DS, but I respect that not everyone feels that way.

I grew up in a family that displayed a lot of photos. It always gave me a sense of belonging that my pictures were displayed in aunties, uncles, grandparents houses alongside pictures of other members of the family. To me, Facebook is an extension of that, particularly as we don't see family very often.

I do worry when parents pour out their feelings in status updates though, particularly if they are struggling with their DC. Their kids could read that one day. And divorced parents who bitch about their exes on FB make me hmm too.

Cravey Tue 27-Aug-13 10:11:58

I asked people not to put pics on my grandson on Facebook but I didn't put any on and neither did grandsons mum. There was a good reason though, his dad, my son was in afghan and we wanted him to see pics beofre anyone else. If my son had been at home however it wouldn't have bothered me I don't think. But it's your baby so only you know how you feel. Congrats x

chesterberry Tue 27-Aug-13 10:13:00

I have had this same problem with my DD who is coming up for 3 weeks. When she was first born I posted three pictures of her on facebook with very high privacy settings (so not even everybody on my friends list would have been able to see it) for the benefit of her paternal grandparents and some close friends who I knew wouldn't be able to meet her for a while.

I haven't posted any more pictures as I don't want to play out her life on facebook and think it should be up to her to decide whether she wants photos of herself shared online and who they are shared with. However, several of my visitors have posted photographs of her on their facebook profiles. This really annoyed me as I can't even control who sees them and there are people I don't even know who are friends-of-friends looking at and even commenting on some of these pictures.

I politely asked my friends to take the pictures down and they did and I now specifically say to visitors I don't want her photo shared on facebook. Everybody made out I was being very PFB about it (maybe I am) but they have taken down the photos and respected my request.

TheSecondComing Tue 27-Aug-13 10:15:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparklingstars Tue 27-Aug-13 11:07:29

YANBU. I don't put pictures of my children on FB, nor do I mention them by name. My oldest now has an FB account and has chosen not to have any pictures on there, though she can if she wants - she's old enough to make her own decisions now.


We post pictures of our kids on FB, but since I mainly use FB for keeping in touch with friends and family I don't see very often or at all and finding out in many cases how their kids are doing and sharing how mine are then it's obvious I will. However, I'm always conscious of trying to not post any photos which may embarrass them in the future, and I'm very picky about who I accept friends requests from. I have to get to know them well either online or in RL first.

If I take photos including kids whose parents don't share photos of them on FB I would always ask if it's okay to post them, in fact even if they do I'd probably still check with them anyway. smile

I think that although the photographer retains copyright, Facebook has an automatic non-exclusive licence to those photos - practically speaking, they can't show them to the friends you've selected without that licence, so it doesn't mean they're planning to steal anything. Other users might do so, though.

I would always ask before putting pictures of other people's DC on FB, or certainly post them on locked down privacy settings and without tags (tags make photos visible by friends of the tagged person). I also typically don't include identifying information such as names.

Anyone with a newborn is going to be extra sensitive so yanbu, but when it's family I'm not sure how much control you can reasonably exert. If the grandparents take them out for the day and share photos...?

My DM is good at only sharing those with family (she is FB friends with MIL and SIL, for example, and she also shares with her DB and SIL who are overseas) and asking before she used a photo with the DC as her cover photo. I said no to her using one as her profile picture, but I was ok with cover.

DoJo Tue 27-Aug-13 12:33:27

Waltzing Matilda It's not an urban myth - you don't transfer copyright, but you do grant Facebook a license to use your images in any way they choose and that is what I don't like about people posting images of me/my children. From their Ts and Cs:

"For content that is covered by intellectual property rights, like photos and videos (IP content), you specifically give us the following permission, subject to your privacy and application settings: you grant us a non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, worldwide license to use any IP content that you post on or in connection with Facebook (IP License). This IP License ends when you delete your IP content or your account unless your content has been shared with others, and they have not deleted it."

Fakebook Tue 27-Aug-13 12:38:35

I don't mind if its family and close friends. I trust them enough to know they have their privacy settings set to high so no random person will see them. Saying that, I do have pictures of my children on my Instagram account and that's public. I don't see the problem tbh.

I am on the fence with this one, however a few posters have mentioned instances of people posting photos as soon as the baby is born, before the parents have even made an announcment of birth, this is one of my major bug bears. I am expecting DC2 in April and am already feeling resentful that I will need to add an addendum to any calls we make asking people to not announce on FB etc until we have/we are ready.

I do find facebook sucks the life out of any major event such as weddings, births etc.

LillethTheCat Tue 27-Aug-13 13:00:36

Schools have to have the permission of the parents to use photos so why not others? Its just good manners to me.

curlew Tue 27-Aug-13 13:17:49

Because I have a different relationship with school than I do with my mother?

What about framed baby photos, and Christmas cards with family groups on. Are you saying that people shouldn't display them on their mantelpieces? After all, you don't know who'll come into their living rooms and see them, do you?

silverten Tue 27-Aug-13 14:03:53

Totally different, curlew. Photos on a mantelpiece can't be copied/manipulated, shown to the world and his wife or used for advertising.

FondantNancy Tue 27-Aug-13 15:29:01

Someone asked what the problem is (for those of us who don't want pictures up). Here's my problem:

1. Social media is still a huge and evolving experiment. No one knows the implications of having their photos/info in a huge database. Each to their own, but the level of information people feel comfortable sharing truly shocks me when they really don't know how it'll be used. Technology's evolving so quickly that there are possibly implications none of us can imagine right now.

2. I'd like to give my DC a choice about how they appear/are presented online. Once they're teenagers they can make that decision on their own. Until then, I'm keeping them offline.

gordyslovesheep Tue 27-Aug-13 15:35:08

really wouldn't bother me at all - it's a picture - it's not the actual child - so I am not really worried about people seeing a picture

curlew Tue 27-Aug-13 15:49:13

"Totally different, curlew. Photos on a mantelpiece can't be copied/manipulated, shown to the world and his wife or used for advertising."

Well. I have sent pictures of my children all over the world- I know that a picture of my dd was on my cousin's desk in a busy reception desk of a big hotel in America. I bet more people saw that than say any of my Facebook pictures. And as for manipulation and advertising- does this happen? And if it does- so what?

FondantNancy Tue 27-Aug-13 15:59:44

Curlew - I'm willing to bet those pictures won't be around forever. Images on the internet will be. Like I say, it's possible we have no idea of future implications of social media.

Dylanlovesbaez Tue 27-Aug-13 16:09:36

YANBU! We had this issue with mil. There are no pictures of dd on Facebook, we made that decision before she was born as we were finding privacy settings changed regularly without our knowledge. Mil did not ask but put picture on Facebook, we asked her to take it down and she got very arsey. It's not that we don't want friends to see pictures of dd and we understand that mil would want to share pictures but when her friends 'like' a picture, that then becomes visible for their friends and so on! It's also very easy to take pictures from Facebook, I know that's worse case scenario but really anyone can access them. It wasn't her place to make that decision about our daughter. I do think people should ask first.

FastWindow Tue 27-Aug-13 16:12:35

busycee my sentiments exactly.

soverylucky Tue 27-Aug-13 16:28:40

I am one of those annoying people who puts lots of pics of my kids on facebook because it really doesn't bother me but it is very, very wrong to put pics of other kids on who are not your own without getting permission.

Jengnr Tue 27-Aug-13 17:43:40

I always ask first as I know people are weird about it but seriously, it's a photo.

'Implications of social media'? Like what?

Obviously people who need to hide etc have good reason but I'd imagine those people don't have an online profile so it's no big deal.

Dackyduddles Tue 27-Aug-13 17:47:48

Interesting. Am wondering if age of mum a factor too? Do younger ones mind less?

FondantNancy Tue 27-Aug-13 18:05:41

OK, just one 'implication'...

Facebook tracking cookies are still active when you log out. This means that all the activity you partake in outside of Facebook is still 'sent' to Facebook. This means that Facebook has a huge store of info about each user - sites they visit, what they buy, what they do in their spare time etc. At best, this could be used as targeted advertising. At worst - well, haven't you read 1984?!

Facebook says that they do this to improve your FB experience. But they're a private, moneymaking enterprise and what they do with this data is up to them.

I'll admit I'm a little tinfoil hat about social media. But I work in this field and what I read is scary.

BackforGood Tue 27-Aug-13 18:33:12

YANBU - I would never put a photo of anyone else's children on FB (without specifically checking about a specific photo if I did want to) and I expect others to show me the same respect.

Turniptwirl Tue 27-Aug-13 19:26:49

Did you state that you didn't want photos on fb? If not then yabu to think people wouldn't post them but ywnbu to politely ask for them to be removed.

If you did make your wishes clear then yanbu and should definitely remind people and tell them to remove them.

If you have posted pics on fb of dc yourself then yabu to expect others not to imo

DancingLady Tue 27-Aug-13 19:34:26

YABU. It's just a photo, and if it bothers you ask to be untagged/have the photo taken down. But if a friend took offence at my putting up a photo of their baby I'd think they were being a bit paranoid and weird... YOU might think YOUR baby is the most gorgeous/stealable precious bundle in the world - no one else gives a shit, really. smile

mymagaret Tue 27-Aug-13 19:48:03

I totally agree with your reaction. She is your baby and for a while yet you will be making all her decisions for her. I don't want anybody posting photos of my baby online, if they were really concerned what she looked like they would come over and visit her in person. I think facebook is full of nosey people waiting to judge , I want my baby to stay out of that for as long as possible.

RubyrooUK Tue 27-Aug-13 20:32:32

I don't tend to post pictures of other people's children on Facebook unless I know they are happy with it or they are prolific photo posters who have shared pictures of my DC. I also don't post photos of anyone who isn't on Facebook themselves.

I also work with social media and don't find the future particularly alarming. I actively like the way my aunt in Canada and another in Norway can discuss who my baby looks like on social media by commenting on my photo. I loved when friends posted lovely comments and photos after visiting my recent newborn. Having said that, I only post rarely as I don't want to bore everyone rigid. grin

I am more concerned about the lack of sense current teenagers show in what they post. I have several teen cousins who post not-cryptic-enough messages about sex, parties and drugs without much thought of how easy this is for future employers to access. That is doing a lot more damage in my eyes than some boring photos of them at a party as children would be.

LackingEnergy Tue 27-Aug-13 21:26:35

Wow guess I should remove all the pics of my Dniece and Dnephew (all pics set to friends only) from all our days out over the years.... Yeah, really isn't going to happen unless Dsis tells me to which she isn't

YAB sort of U If you don't want your dc to ever have a photo on facebook that YOU haven't put there then never let them leave the house or go anywhere with their friends (when they're old enough to have them) or family.

They are your family and friends. They want to share special moments with their family and friends, they choose to do this via facebook.

EldonAve Tue 27-Aug-13 21:34:25

YABU. Ask/tell them when they take the photos or just say no photos thanks

Maryann1975 Tue 27-Aug-13 21:46:53

I get that it's your baby and you have the final say in matters regarding what happens to your baby, but I'm not sure how it works saying you never want a picture of your child appearing on Facebook. You may know that none of your friends have posted pictures as you have access to their profiles, but you don't know if someone else took a photo of your child in the school play or at the park or a birthday party. I am more concerned about these photos as I don't know who has access to them than photos my friends post of my children as I trust the people on my friends list as I know them. Do that make sense? Im Just not sure you can stop pictures of your children ever appearing on Facebook unless you stop them going out the front door.

EllaFitzgerald Tue 27-Aug-13 21:53:31

I don't think you're being pfb at all. I wouldn't dream of putting a photograph of anyone, adult or child, on any internet site unless I had their permission to do so. It wouldn't even occur to me that anybody would 'do' anything with the pictures, but it's up to the parents to decide whether their child has their photos on public display or not, not some well meaning friend or relative.

It's the same with adults. I don't have a fb page, I don't put photos of myself on any Internet site because I don't want them out there and my DH knows never to put pics of me on his fb page. On our wedding invites, we even included a request not to put any photos of me on fb. (My DH doesn't feel this way and really doesn't care) And yet I still had several people put photos of me on their walls because they didn't understand why I wouldn't want them to be there. The point is that I just don't and I don't have to provide a satisfactory explanation of why I don't. And if someone thinks that it's acceptable behaviour to ignore that fact, then they are incredibly rude.

Sorry, I get a real bee in my bonnet about this subject!

Littleen Tue 27-Aug-13 22:23:36

I think it depends on who it is and how old your child is! I wouldn't really mind friends and family putting up pics of my child - as long as they were dressed etc. and not in a completely open forum/profile. Some privacy with pictures should be expected, but in a "just for friends" facebook profile for example, it'd be alright for me personally.

I think the sensible thing would be to ask the parent first, if the child is under 12. If the child's over 12, then you'd want to ask the child for sure.

thebody Tue 27-Aug-13 22:38:21

I can understand how you feel but its a loosing battle really.

noone is that interested in other people's children to be honest unless they are friends/family.

your baby is big news to a small circle of friends/family so enjoy it.

don't let Facebook get to you this early😄😄

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