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to not want to go to an Indian resteraunt while suffering horrendous 'morning' (haha) sickness

(144 Posts)
Makqueen Mon 26-Aug-13 11:28:59

Dh parents arrived today. They love an Indian resteraunt near us and want to eat there everytime they visit. I usually love it too (I am half Indian but a crap cook so it's like a taste of childhood going there).

However, I am 9 weeks pregnant and puking round the clock. The only things I can eat (this week) are soggy cornflakes and for the past two days I am having trouble keeping anything down, sometimes even fluids.

I can't open my own fridge without gagging so the thought of sitting there smelling all those spices is filling me with dread.

I've told dh to go on his own with them tonight, but he won't as the evenings is when my sickness spikes (I passed out on the bathroom floor thur night), but I am gettin guilt tripped by all of them. They say they will miss out if we don't all go and won't get a takeaway as its not the same.

I don't want to ruin thier trip, but I can't go. They are saying I can just nibble on some rice. It's the smell, and the fact that I am exhausted and can't keep anything down.

The resteraunt only has one loo and I don't want to be hogging it.

God, I feel like shit and just want to sleep!

eurochick Mon 26-Aug-13 11:31:12

Your husband is being unreasonable. He should go with his parents and stop making a fuss about it.

EllesAngel Mon 26-Aug-13 11:31:35

YANBU They are being selfish.

RobotHamster Mon 26-Aug-13 11:31:40

Of course you aren't being unreasonable! They can miss out on their curry for one visit. Hopefully next time they come down you'll be over the MS and you can all go.

Don't be pushed into it - why can't they just go by themselves?

MrsRoss26 Mon 26-Aug-13 11:32:13

YADNBU. They should not be pressuring you into going. As it's so regular an event they'll hardly be missing out, will they? Please stick to your guns and stay home!

Bunbaker Mon 26-Aug-13 11:34:17

Just say that you don't feel up to it and you don't want to ruin their meal by throwing up on the table.

HearMyRoar Mon 26-Aug-13 11:34:29

Wild horses would not have dragged me to an Indian restaurant when I had morning sickness. Like you mine was worst in the evening and usually the most I could manage was some oat cakes and pretzels. Just the thought of it would have had me weeping with horror.

Tell them to go without you or get over it. I am sure they would survive just this once.

RobotHamster Mon 26-Aug-13 11:34:33

"stop making me feel guilty for not being able to go tonight, I can't help being this sick. I'm not deliberately ruining your plans, but if I'm going to spend the evening being sick I'd rather be in my own home thanks"

Your DP shouldn't go either,esp if you're so ill you passed our the other day.

Selfish fucks

I would just say "hello, growing a baby here, do you think I care about you having a flicking curry" and if you can manage it puke on their shoes at the same time for added emphasis!

What can pil go on their own if its so god damn special and necessary to them?

CatsWearingTutus Mon 26-Aug-13 11:35:19

Tell them if you go there is a very good chance you will lose control and get sick all over the table when the food arrives. That should put them off their plan!

Makqueen Mon 26-Aug-13 11:35:35

They were giving me daggers and saying they will just miss out if I'm not up to it. MIL the. Started on about how she and SIL just carried on as normal when pregnant.

I'm typing this from the bathroom floor as there is little point in me leaving the room at the moment. I feel truly awful all day, everyday with no let up.

I have a much older ds and had HG in that pregnancy, so I've been here before and it's not nice.

PrincessFlirtyPants Mon 26-Aug-13 11:36:10

YANBU, does your DH want to stay home and look after you? If so, that's lovely. Why can't you IL's go out for dinner on their own?!

GilmoursPillow Mon 26-Aug-13 11:36:38

eurochick her DH isn't being unreasonable, he doesn't want to leave her in the evenings because she said she passed out one evening through sickness.

And no OP, you're not being unreasonable.

YANBU you have offered alternatives, they go without you or get a takeaway, and they won't accept them. That's their lookout but refuse to be drawn anymore. Next time they ask tell them I've explained why that's not possible and then change the subject or retreat to the upstairs and leave them to it. What sort of arsehole behaves like this when you're clearly so ill?

thanks For you and I hope you feel better soon.

And do they realise when baby arrives its unlikely you will be taking them out for a curry on every visit! In fact, if they are always this selfish, I would refuse visits unless they stay in a b&b

thebody Mon 26-Aug-13 11:37:14

good grief!!! of course they all either don't go or just your inlaws without your dh. if you are passing out then you shouldn't be alone.

of course you shouldn't go. to be honest you puking up isn't going to do it for the other customers or the reputation if the restaurant. stay home.

SparkyTGD Mon 26-Aug-13 11:37:53

YANBU, definitely! Don't go.

Have you tried any anti-sickness meds? I had hyperemesis when pregnant with DS and eventually couldn't even drink fluids, the rubbish OOH Nurse gave me anti-sickness tablets, which of course I puked up!

Ended up in hospital on a drip & anti-sickness suppositories (ewww, I know but they worked grin) helped after that. So much so that when we went out for indian meal one night, I puked on the pavement on the way there, went into a pub loo to use my 'medicine' and was happily eating a curry 30mins later!

If you find yourself this bad, get to GP.

Hope you feeling better soon.

PrincessFlirtyPants Mon 26-Aug-13 11:38:04

Well, isn't that lovely for SIL and her! angry

AND (sorry op, but I feel very strongly about this) every pregnancy is different! Lucky mil and sil they didn't have any issues.
Selfish selfish selfish.

How dare they make you feel like this in your own home. Kick them out and kick dh in the arse. If you can't leave the bathroom, I'll come round and do it for you!! grin flowers

Ragwort Mon 26-Aug-13 11:39:36

You DH needs to grow a pair, speak firmly to his parents, tell them that he and they are going out so that you can have some peace and quiet to vomit . I can't believe they are all being so unpleasant to you. Don't invite them to stay again if this is how they behave.

Why on earth can't they go with your DH (most ILs wouldn't care about leaving a DIL behind grin) or own their own if they like the restaurant so much?

SparkyTGD Mon 26-Aug-13 11:40:32

Cross posted OP, you will know what to look out for with HG.

MidniteScribbler Mon 26-Aug-13 11:41:02

This is a perfect example of why the phrase "fuck off to the far side of fuck and go fuck yourselves" was invented.

Iamsparklyknickers Mon 26-Aug-13 11:41:29

Next time your MIL starts wittering on about her pregnancies being sooo easy offer her a "well done" with a raised eyebrow hmm

Balls to them - you've offered up compromises and now they're sulking. Tell them to go on their own if it's going to ruin their visit that much - but you're done talking about it - it's a fricking curry and will still be available in 9 months. It's not their last meal.

heidihole Mon 26-Aug-13 11:44:58

Jesus YANBU

I've passed that stage now (16 weeks) but not so long ago I couldn't open the fridge, couldnt cook, couldnt eat and would rather slit my wrists than go to an indian restaurant.

Your husband needs a huge dose of understanding...or preferably food poisoning so he knows where you're coming from!

Makqueen Mon 26-Aug-13 11:46:43

I was in hospital regularly after week ten in my first pregnancy as I kept getting dehydrated. But they wouldn't give me any mess. Well, one would but scared me so much about possible birth defects that I struggled on. I was sick until ds turned up at 37 weeks.

Dh has just come in to say he should go out with them.

They are STILL going on about it. They are pissed off because they want to spend the day in our city and I can't go, they are pissed off because dh doesn't want to leave me for the whole day.

They are normally reasonable people.

The last time I was pregnant earlier this year I had a MMC. I was feeling like this, but I dragged myself round London for the day with them, then Went for a bloody curry (I was sick all night) and I felt awful for the next three days. Started having cramps, had a scan and the baby was dead. So that is always in the back of my mind, I often wondered if I pushed myself too much that day when I was exhausted sad

MidniteScribbler Mon 26-Aug-13 11:50:33

Good god, they are inhuman. It would be the last time they were permitted in my home until they learn how to be a human being.

What a bunch fof selfish fuckwitted bastards they are!!

I will give your DH the benefit of the doubt, and assume he doesn't ant to go with them as he doesn't want to leave you alone in case you need him (you mentioned passing out).

But I would still read the riot act to DH and tell him to get his bastarding parents off my case and behaving better towards me or they can just fuck off back home now.

Why in god's name are they even visiting now since you are so unwell?

EllesAngel Mon 26-Aug-13 11:52:55

They sound worse the more you post about them OP. Nasty, selfish people. Your DH needs to have a word with them about their behaviour.

Iamsparklyknickers Mon 26-Aug-13 11:52:56

Tell your DH to tell them to back the fuck off.

It doesn't matter that their next door neighbours, aunties, cousins, best friends, first teacher went sky diving at 12 weeks, neither of you give a shit.

They can keep their opinions to themselves because neither of you are interested, if they don't want to alienate and offend you both further they need to remember their manners and keep the dissection and moaning for afterwards when you don't have to listen to it.

I'm getting really annoyed on your behalf angry - they really need to be told they're being fucking rude, bullying and offensive. They're visiting your home, not on fucking holiday.

If they want none stop entertainment they need to fuck off to First Choice and book themselves a trip.

Abra1d Mon 26-Aug-13 11:53:30

Ask them what they would have thought public opinion would have been about Kate Middleton being dragged off to an Indian restaurant when she was suffering from pregnancy sickness.

Iamsparklyknickers Mon 26-Aug-13 11:55:42

Abra1d - I bet they were in the camp who thought she was being precious.

The camp that thinks 'it's actually none of my business' is unfortunately the quietest one around..

thebody Mon 26-Aug-13 11:56:03

and is your own mother near or aunty? if you were my dd or neice i I would be round there like a shot to face down the old cow bag.

I might give your dh a kick too.

I am in worsestershire if you need me and right in the mood for a bloody good row! 😄

NatashaBee Mon 26-Aug-13 11:57:47

I'm with the poster who suggested puking on their shoes.

Oh god, I had HG myself and if one thing made me want to kill it was people saying " I just carried on as normal" - I don't think they understand that it isn't just mild nausea, it's constant 24-7 and it's utterly exhausting.

At this point I would say hormonal ranting is permitted. Remind them that you are seriously ill, vomit x times every single day. Can you remember a time when any of them had food poisoning? If so, remind them of it and how awful they felt, tell them to imagine they'd felt like that for x weeks and then point out they wouldn't have gone within a 10 metre radius of a bloody curry

On another note - give serious thought to getting medication. I had to take two different types at the same time with DD but it did help. In my case it was Cyclizine and Metaclopramide (sp probably!).

Oh my god my blood pressure has just shot through the roof for you. Dh is a wimp, he should tell them to go on their own.

They should be annoyed with DH if anyone, not you.

I thought you were NBU from your OP, but after your sad update about mmc I'm even more sympathetic.

Would you rather be at home alone feeling sick? In that situation I'd rather DH fucked off went out and left me to it, and if he was entertaining the in-laws at the same time, so much the better.

I gather antiemetics are much better nowadays so please don't suffer in silence.

Makqueen Mon 26-Aug-13 12:01:55

Dhs parents have long been a bone of contention. He adores them. Honestly, it's a case of the apron strings having never been cut.

After the mmc things have changed, thank god - in that pregnancy I'd had a scan the week before the came down which showed a slightly slowed HB. The consultant told me to rest as much as I could, take good care of myself and to come back for another check in ten days. Dh was horrible about his parents visit, it was all "but my parents are coming" he was mailing me feel guilty and saying his parents meant more to him than a baby which wasn't born yet. He guilt tripped me into walikg around London for 8 fucking hours when I felt like I was going to drop down dead from exhaustion, so that they would be happy.

After the mmc I told him I wanted a divorce. He said things would change and he'd put me first. Tbf, he's not guilt tripped me at all about today, so he has changed, and he cant do enough for me in this pregnancy, he's taken over everything so I can rest.

But he'd never tell them to stop going on and he still wants them to be happy.

longjane Mon 26-Aug-13 12:02:52

Why can they not get a take away?

Iamsparklyknickers Mon 26-Aug-13 12:03:38

Pondering further on this, considering DH actually wants to support his wife, his parents are behaving even worse.

Why are they sulking enough to put him in the middle? I take it they're fit and well - they can entertain themselves surely?

Gits.

Makqueen Mon 26-Aug-13 12:03:51

Dh doesn't see them as much as her like - they visit every 5/6 weeks for a weekend. So when they are here he wants to spend as muh time with them as possible and I feel he resents me for getting in the way of that.

Yanbu - at all. I had terrible sickness to the point of hospitalisation in both pregnancies and many smells set me off but currry was the absolute worse. If dp wanted it, he had to go by himself or get a takeaway and eat it in the park, and then go for a swim, a shower and to clean his teeth before he came home!

The anti-sickness tablets didn't help me either tbh. I'd be sick before they could get into my system. And when I was hospitalised and given the injections instead (can't throw up an injection!) I had an allergic reaction. Not fun!

Tell dp that you are going to bed. He can entertain them or they can go out. It's not your problem.

The only thing that helped me even a little bit was sucking on lemonade or orange ice lollies. Worth a try? Not sure if you can even still buy lemonade ice lollies though.

You poor thing. It is horrible.

But he is guilt tripping you by not standing up to them.

Seriously, you asked for a divorce after the mmc (quite likely), I would remind him of that tbh. He promised you he would look after you, this isn't looking after.

Loobylou123 Mon 26-Aug-13 12:05:52

Oh dear, am I right in thinking you posted a little while ago about them making these plans? It's horrible no one has listened to your needs. Bravo Mil and Sil for carrying on but maybe they were just pregnant not ill. You are actually pregnant AND ill. She is actually being very inconsiderate and unsupportive in belittling how you are feeling. Hypemesis whatever it's called is a pregnancy related illness. I think resolve it what is needed. You are NOT going out. If they want to go then so be it but do not feel guilty about putting yourself and your little one first. Get rid of them and curl up on the sofa with whatever trashy film you can't get enough of and whatever refreshments stay down longer than 5 minutes smile

mypavlova Mon 26-Aug-13 12:08:08

Indian is my absolute favorite, but when I was expecting I couldn't abide even the thought of it. Don't fight against the aversion. They need to make allowance.

WitchOfEndor Mon 26-Aug-13 12:08:43

I think you should go, but make sure you don't make it to the bathroom and puke on MIL instead.

Remus, r whites do lemonade ice lollies!

Iamsparklyknickers Mon 26-Aug-13 12:08:53

Urgh - being happy does not mean kowtowing to their every whim. As a group of adults (related or not) compromising and taking peoples needs into consideration is a normal thing to do.

Strong arming people into doing what you want is selfish and rude.

That doesn't help at all, I realise that, I just can't bare grown men and women sulking, especially when it's to someones detriment.

Why they're insisting on dragging you along when you've made it clear they're all very welcome to carry on without you is absolutely ridiculous - What exactly do they think you're going to get out of it or add to it? Are they just looking for more excuses to point out how fabulously they coped with pregnancy?

TheSmallPrint Mon 26-Aug-13 12:09:26

You should go and then puke over their plates - that'll learn them. grin.

Sorry, not helpful. I also suffered with an incredibly sensitive sense of smell for the first four months of pregnancy and any strong smell made me heave. I was particularly affected by leather which was bad as we had a leather sofa and leather seats in the car! My only option was to shove tissue up my nostrils to avoid gagging anytime we went out in the car. Is there anyway you can do this subtly? If not then just point blank refuse.

Loobylou123 Mon 26-Aug-13 12:09:27

Crikey, after further reading I think your DH should tell them how ill you actually are, apologise and send them home. Then maybe a trip to your hospital pre natal ward if they have one for done reassurance and fluids!

Where are you OP? We'll bring a load of lemonade ice lollies round and tell your pils to leave you alone!

Makqueen Mon 26-Aug-13 12:13:25

I've already told dh I am going to have to go to the hospital tomorrow (I am under the care of EPU as I had horrible complications when I misscarried) as I've got a urine infection as I've not been holing water down and it's getting worse.

I am waiting for the 'but my parents are here' line about that one.

Curleyhazel Mon 26-Aug-13 12:16:09

You are definitely not bu! Your dh's parents are behaving inconsideratly.
Even if you just ate something small/light, it's the food smell or, even worse, the smell of the restaurant bathroom that could easily trigger nausea. Stay at home, put your feet up and take it easy.

Tell them to fuck the fuck off! And tell them to take ere no good son with them.

Coffeenowplease Mon 26-Aug-13 12:17:59

Jesus. Ive just read your last post.

If my own mother came to my house while I was pregnant and unwell and behaved like this I would honestly tell her not to be such a selfish fuck and throw her out until she was going to behave better. ( History there btw)

I can only imagine if my inlaws tried it.

As for your DH well. He needs to grow a pair. Or i would do it for him. Although i appreciate you are not well enough to atm. Would you like us Mners to come round and explain to your inlaws ?

Lovecat Mon 26-Aug-13 12:18:15

shock

Do they know that your miscarriage happened because/after you were schlepping round all day after then? If they do, then they are selfish, wicked arseholes and I would have no compunction in throwing them out of my house (having lavishly puked on them first).

If they don't, perhaps it's time your 'd'h told them. It might (although if they're being this childish and ridiculous over going out for a curry I doubt it) make them stop and think.

Your DH needs to tell them they are being utterly shite and make it clear that you are in no fit state to do anything or go anywhere and his place is with you.

So angry on your behalf!!!

"After the mmc I told him I wanted a divorce. He said things would change and he'd put me first. Tbf, he's not guilt tripped me at all about today, so he has changed, and he cant do enough for me in this pregnancy, he's taken over everything so I can rest.

But he'd never tell them to stop going on and he still wants them to be happy."

"Dh doesn't see them as much as her like - they visit every 5/6 weeks for a weekend. So when they are here he wants to spend as muh time with them as possible and I feel he resents me for getting in the way of that."

I am so sorry, but your husband needs to grow a pair, a spine, whatever it is that makes a person old enough to be an adult into an actual adult. Bottom line, you can say he resents you sad. And as Glaikit says, by not standing up for you he is guilt tripping you sad.

I do think that shock tactics might be called for here. Remind him of his promise to change and to put you first, and yes, remind him of what prompted him to make that promise - that he and his behaviour re his parents had DRIVEN you to want a divorce, and here it is happening again. I'd even push for them NEVER staying with you again but going into a hotel should they visit again. So sorry sad.

Coffeenowplease Mon 26-Aug-13 12:19:08

(It may just be possible I am a right bitch)

hermioneweasley Mon 26-Aug-13 12:19:16

What LoveCat said.

They can fuck right off.

OP, I really think you should get to the hospital today. You really don't need that UTI getting worse.

I just can't believe your in laws can be such utter dicks sad

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 26-Aug-13 12:21:43

Sorry, but have things with your DH really changed that much since the last time? If you're expecting him to say 'but my parents are here' about you going to hospital then he's still being selfish and inconsiderate towards you.

Even if he isn't guilt-tripping you, he needs to tell his parents in no uncertain terms to back off and leave you alone while you're ill. Tell him that if he doesn't say that to them, you will.

IJustNeedANap Mon 26-Aug-13 12:22:03

YANBU if your DH knows your to ill in the evening to be left alone then why on earth can he not see you'll be to ill to go sit in a Resturant with loads of smells and people?

Don't wait until tomorrow to go to the hospital, go now. Your health is the true priority, fuck your unsupportive H and his scuzzy parents, get yourself to the hospital.

Mumsyblouse Mon 26-Aug-13 12:26:54

I'm sorry but all the resentment that you had that drove you to want a divorce is about to resurface big time. They are utterly utterly unreasonable and personally I would want them out of my house, let alone give a shit about their night out having a curry.

Your husband has gone back on his promise to put you first. Get him upstairs, lock the door and have a frank chat of a very blunt variety. Explain it is happening again, you are ill, you need peace and quiet, you are already going to have to go to hospital tomorrow, and that his parents simply have to come last in your priorities otherwise you are at risk again- an uncontrolled infection, exhaustion, constant sickness that could lead to dehydration- all of these could compromise you and your baby. Tell him that if something bad happens again you will never ever forgive him for not having protected you and put you first when you were ill (even if this is not the cause of it, his failure to protect you, his pregnant wife is really appalling).

These people don't care about you and your baby, they care about their curry night. A similar thing happened to me, being pushed to exhaustion in pregnancy with my in-laws and I have never ever forgiven them, although I've made my peace with them because it showed me they don't really care about me deep down or have my best interests at heart, so I have to put my own first.

As for what your husband said about caring more about his parents over his unborn child, he may have promised things were different this time, but they are not. I am shocked by this statement and think the time for pandering to them all is over.

I wouldn't allow them to stay in your house again, make them go to a hotel. And tell your husband your marriage is on the line if he can't look after you in pregnancy or stop his parents from actively putting you at risk and not respecting your needs.

I feel angry on your behalf (projecting perhaps!)

CaptainCapybara Mon 26-Aug-13 12:27:14

Go to the hospital about the UTI, if your H says one word about his parents not being happy chuck the whole lot of them out on their ear.

CookieLady Mon 26-Aug-13 12:28:41

FFS. What utter fucking selfish wankers. I'm livid on your behalf. I've suffered from HG in both of my pregnancies and absolutely hate women who state that they "just got on with it".

Stand firm and. Tell them to fuck off. I seriously would. angry

Mumsyblouse Mon 26-Aug-13 12:29:02

In fact, I agree with everyone, go to hospital today and get checked out for the UTI, it will be making you feel terrible exhausted, and coupled with the sickness could be really bad. Just get in the car/taxi, take your other child and go. These people cannot be trusted with your health, take action yourself and if they mention the curry night again, tell them to fuck off (really).

MidniteScribbler Mon 26-Aug-13 12:32:07

Do you have a mother/sister/aunt/friend that would come and get you and take you to the hospital and/or would let you stay at their place? Quite honestly, I'd be leaving this manchild and his fuckwit parents to their own little bubble of arseholeness.

CookieLady Mon 26-Aug-13 12:32:16

Try drinking cold lemonade or coke. I couldn't drink water and those were the only two liquids that stayed down.

Iamsparklyknickers Mon 26-Aug-13 12:32:58

I think you should contact the EPU and go today - if you need to you need to, logically things aren't going to clear up by themselves so there's no point in waiting another 24 hours feeling any worse than you have to. You have to be your own priority. Personally I would call a friend or family if you have some nearby and tell DH to keep the hell away from me and entertain his precious parents.

I would also want to know exactly why dragging my puking, exhausted arse out was so essential to going out - do they enjoy your company so much the day just isn't complete? No, because that would mean they would be concerned about your welfare, they want you to go because they feel guilty because they know you're unwell and going off on jollies and leaving someone whose poorly is a shitty thing to do.

Bollocks should you have to play act feeling up to it just so they can have a guilt free day without having to face the fact they're absolute knob-jockeys.

thebody Mon 26-Aug-13 12:34:45

call your midwife for advice or go to the hospital.

sorry op I can't say anything printable about your dh or your inlaws.

today is the first day of putting you and your baby first.

thebody Mon 26-Aug-13 12:36:33

and yes agree can you call your own mum, auntie, sister or any if your relations or friends to come around and stand up to them all in your behalf? you arnt well enough for this shite.

goonyagoodthing Mon 26-Aug-13 12:40:20

he was mailing me feel guilty and saying his parents meant more to him than a baby which wasn't born yet.

I don't want to add to your troubles but your DH needs a flogging. Shame on him. Have you anyone who can come and fight your corner? Mother / sister / friend who can just tell it how it is. Take care of yourself and your precious little baby and let them piss off to the indian and I really hope they get food poisoning and are made drag themselves for a day out in London while both ends are exploding at regular intervals.

Makqueen Mon 26-Aug-13 12:40:41

I don't have any family if my own, part from my father who is elderly and has dementia, but if my mother were still alive, she'd have kicked thier arses into next week.

I have rung the hospital, no one on EPU unless emergency, so they said to to A&E and they will do a urine test and can give me anti biotics. I thought there was nothing worse than sickness, but sickness with the discomfort of a UTI is hell.

Dh just waving them off for thier day out, I'm going to talk to him and then call a taxi to the hospital to get this sorted (it's only three stops on tube, but I am not up to it), I think I am getting a temp, so I will get myself checked out today incase it gets worse.

God, will probably be accused by mIL of making stuff up to go to the hospital now.

And under no circumstances am I going to the Indian.

Makqueen Mon 26-Aug-13 12:42:16

Oh and luckily my older son is on holiday with his father for a couple of weeks, so I don't have to worry about him.

Iamsparklyknickers Mon 26-Aug-13 12:45:08

I would understand why you wouldn't want to, but I think if it was me I'd be making DP read this thread while I was gone.

I get that your family are your biggest influence, but the man needs to see exactly how UR they are.

Ok, hospital, NOW, temp and uti are bad enough, but combined with the sickness you are probably dehydrated. Call taxi now and then tell dh what's happening, do not get into the ins and ts of it now.health first, tear dh a new one, later.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 26-Aug-13 13:08:36

Agree, get to hospital now and get yourself sorted out. Then, as Glaikit says, tear your 'D'H a new one grin

trikken Mon 26-Aug-13 13:09:31

poor you. hope u feel better soon!

Sorelip Mon 26-Aug-13 13:17:15

I hope you get seen quickly, and that you feel better soon (I haven't had HG myself but my mum did with me and my little sister, so I sympathise).

I haven't got anything constructive to add, other than that your inlaws are cunts, and as for your DH, he is the luckiest fucker in the world that you didn't divorce him on the spot for that email, let alone what happened after. He needs to spend the rest of his fucking life making up for that.

PrincessFlirtyPants Mon 26-Aug-13 15:14:11

I'm shock at your DH saying that his parents happiness is priority of your unborn child's life... Just shock I could not imagine my DH saying this in a million years, I'm just so sad that you lost your baby after that. flowers

Please, get these horrible people out of your home. A visit every 5/6 weeks is clearly too much when they are this poisonous. Do they not care that their behaviour is risking the life of their unborn DGC?! What lind of people are they?? I just cannot believe people like this exist!! How horrible! angry

PrincessFlirtyPants Mon 26-Aug-13 15:16:01

*kind

OP I had HG until 16 weeks and it was rubbish. I still can't be around certain smells, curry being one of them, because it sets me off.

Go to the hospital and get looked into

Makqueen Mon 26-Aug-13 16:06:26

Just to say a big thanks to those who said go to hospital - it gave me the push to go to A &E.

I'm very glad I did, I am being kept in as there ia blood in my urine and I do have quite a high temp and my blood pressure is horrible, dr said it was a good job I came in sooner rather than later and I was seen very quickly, thankfully.

Still in A&E waiting to be taken to a ward and dh has popped home to get me an overnight bag. He's left me with his phone so I can have 3G at least, but he text his mum from it a when the dr said they wanted to keep me in and she just text back with 'handy'. !!!!!!!

Ffs, if that was my ds pregnant wife, I'd be concerned!

Am being rehydrated and given antibiotics so hopefully will be on the mend soon, I feel better just being here though and not coping on the bathroom floor tbh.

PrincessFlirtyPants Mon 26-Aug-13 16:10:30

Glad you are at hospital, Makqueen hopefully you will feel much better soon.

What a bitchy text, is no one allowed to be unwell when they are pregnant?! angry what a cow!!

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 26-Aug-13 16:11:29

'handy' shock God, she's an evil cunt!!!!

OP, so sorry you're unwell but I'm so pleased you've been seen and are getting sorted. LOOK AFTER YOURSELF AND YOUR BABY. FUCK THE REST OF THEM.

Yes, I shouted that grin thanks

CaptainCapybara Mon 26-Aug-13 16:14:47

Hope you feel better very soon, rest as much as you can. Your MIL is a shitty troll, I would be telling your H that she better not be there when you get home.

I'm absolutely gobsmacked at what a complete fuckwit your mil is! At least you're in the right place fr medical attention and I hope you feel better soon. Ignore anything she might say and give your Dh a kick up the bum if he doesn't stick up for you.

RSVP Mon 26-Aug-13 16:16:52

Stay focused on getting better. You are in the right place.
Don't waste any time thinking about them, they are not worth the energy.
Seriously, your MIL, what a cow!

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 26-Aug-13 16:20:31

Blank your bitch of a MIL out of your head and just focus on you and getting better. Wishing you a speedy recovery as well as lots of flowers and cake for you!

Handy!!! Did you reply? I would be saying i didn't want them staying over again.

RobotHamster Mon 26-Aug-13 16:30:37

I'd have to sit on my hands to resist replying to that text! Cheeky bitch.
Actually, I'd happily reply, so she knew I'd seen it.

Hope you feelbetter soon

CleverWittyUsername Mon 26-Aug-13 16:46:23

Handy???!! What an absolute bitch. I would be so tempted to reply. I hope you are soon feeling better.

ems1910 Mon 26-Aug-13 16:55:20

I'm so glad you got checked out. Take care of yourself xx

As for mil, what an evil cow, esp after your previous loss sad Think no more of them, what did dh reply?

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain Mon 26-Aug-13 17:00:20

Jesus wept. I started this thread wondering how bloody special this curry house is. Don't get me wrong, I have my favourite restaurants but if one of my friends, let alone family, was that ill I wouldn't dream of forcing them to go and would even not go myself if there was anything I could do to help. I cannot even.comprehend their mindset - this is the wellbeing of their daughter in law and future grandchild.

Then I got to the MMC part, and MIL's 'handy' text... Oh, I'm sorry, of course, you're just being melodramatic and faking a trip to.hospital to get out of a curry with them. Jesus. How can two people be so utterly lacking in compassion.

OP - I genuinely hope you're feeling a little better soon. If I'm honest,it's quite depressing seeing all the well wishes you've had on MN whilst knowing that your own family can't even muster basic concern. You need a serious chat with your DH. These people are a complete drain and, from your post, offer nothing positive to your life. They need sorting out and sharpish.

IJustNeedANap Mon 26-Aug-13 17:03:28

I'm so glad you got yourself to hospital! Your DH is a complete arsehole and his parents are alot bloody worse! But enough about that you need to focus on you and not stress about them idiots thanks

FondantNancy Mon 26-Aug-13 17:05:36

Handy?! What an extremely nasty thing to say. Does she think you cajoled the doctors into admitting you so you didn't have to go for a curry? hmm

Hope you feel better very soon, OP, and your pregnancy is a healthy one.

OP's husband: grow a spine. NOW.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse! What a cow bag your mil is.

I would be tempted to text her back, telling her to get out and stay out she is no longer welcome in yr home.

However, you must concentrate on being well again for you and your baby. I sincerely hope your dh mans up and stands up to his toxic parents. And defends you and your relationship.

If he doesn't ill happily tear him a new one for you.

Get well soon flowers

heidihole Mon 26-Aug-13 17:22:56

HANDY! HANDY! i'd fucking stick a rocket up her arse and light it, OP

Your DH needs to stand up to them right now. It will only get worse once baby is born.

eurochick Mon 26-Aug-13 17:23:22

What a cow!

goonyagoodthing Mon 26-Aug-13 17:26:33

Jesus Christ, some people are bonkers. Does she really believe you could FAKE blood in your urine? I am amazed at the ignorance and utter lunacy of some people. Your DH should have replied to that message with a "Would you ever fuck off".

goonyagoodthing Mon 26-Aug-13 17:27:35

And OP I think you said in an earlier post that they are usually reasonable people. I doubt it, its just that they have kept their ignorance and bad manners under wraps until now.

Musicaltheatremum Mon 26-Aug-13 17:29:16

Heidi. I couldn't have put it better myself.

chocolatemartini Mon 26-Aug-13 17:31:29

Yadnbu. They are being very selfish.

thebody Mon 26-Aug-13 17:33:57

take care op. I think in your heart of hearts you know what to do.

make sure you tell dh that his parents mustn't be in your house when you get home. the 'handy' text is unspeakably cruel and vile.

Booboostoo Mon 26-Aug-13 17:43:03

Handy?!!!!!!!!!!!! I think she wins an MN award for worst MIL ever for that alone.

Take care of yourself OP and have some serious chats with your DH when you're feeling better.

Nanny0gg Mon 26-Aug-13 17:49:00

I sincerely hope that this is your IL's last visit and that they'll be gone when you get home.

Get well soon OP.

You have to reply to that one, even if you just ask her what she means. angry

CatsWearingTutus Mon 26-Aug-13 18:02:25

Tell your DH that his horrible mother has caused you to have one miscarriage and is doing her best to trigger another. If I were you I'd be screaming at him to get that bitch out of my house and I'm amazed at the restraint you've shown. But if I were you I'd make it a condition of him staying with you that you don't have to see or speak to those people until you've had this baby (and perhaps not after either) and that he needs to make sure they have left the house before your return tomorrow. I am seething on your behalf!

tinypumpkin Mon 26-Aug-13 18:02:52

Really hoping that you start feeling a bit better soon, that sound truly horrid. I have no words for your ILs, unbelievable.

Mumsyblouse Mon 26-Aug-13 18:35:33

What worries me about that 'handy' message is that as well as being contemptuous and disrespectful of you, they are in cahoots with your husband. They expect him to get the text and agree with them, as they all talk about you behind your back. That's a horrid message to send and it's a message that betrays the real state of play between your husband and them. I would have extremely harsh words with him when he arrives and ask his parents to go and stay elsewhere as you need the time and space to be ill (carrying his child) in your own home without their digs and spite and lack of care.

Coffeenowplease Mon 26-Aug-13 18:48:02

Fucking bitch. shock

You are being very restrained. Id have phoned and asked exactly what the fuck she meant by that then told her to get out of my house. I hope your DH is being supportive.

CookieLady Mon 26-Aug-13 19:21:18

Op, make sure that fucking evil bitch isn't at your home when you are discharged. angry

You need a good chat with your DH about this.

Amy106 Mon 26-Aug-13 19:59:40

Your ILs are unbelievable and their behaviour needs to change immediately or they should not be around you. Take time to feel better and then have a serious talk with your dh about his role in all of this. Pregnancy is hard work. You need to know he is completely on your side, actively looking for ways to support you and reduce your stress levels. I hope you feel better soon. flowers

Handy????

angry

They HONESTLY think their enjoyable weekend minibreak is more important than your pregnancy, and you're making a big deal out of things to ruin their fun and be spiteful, don't they?

PLEASE respond to your toxic MIL to say "DH has gone to get me an overnight bag and left me his phone. Miscarrying a child wasn't particularly handy last time. Will you be this crass about your grandchild's health once they're born?"

dubdurbs Mon 26-Aug-13 21:02:40

MermaidAvenue-perfect reply. While I'd be tempted to blow a gasket with MIL, and tell her to fuck right off, you will have her in your life for some time, so pulling her up on her, quite frankly, appalling lack of empathy in a nice way is what you should do.

Vile people :@

Mia4 Mon 26-Aug-13 22:22:24

Your MIL is toxic, your DH is pandering to her and despite his promises OP his actions are speaking much louder.

Honestly I don't think I'd want such a big cunt in my child's life, and your DP is on very think ice too. I'd go with mermaidavenues response, then I'd tell DH that they will not be in the house when you return nor will they be returning until here is much apology and actions showing as such too. If DP wants to pander he can go up to them and give you the breathing room to decide what you want to do about his sorry arse.

Mia4 Mon 26-Aug-13 22:23:02

*thin Ice

Loobylou123 Mon 26-Aug-13 22:23:53

What a vile woman!
I think DH needs some stern words about support and family. Your family. A family of 3 that he needs to put first or check out of! I'm sorry he hasn't been supportive and that you've become so unwell. I hope the hospital puts you right.

AintNobodyGotTimeFerThat Mon 26-Aug-13 22:29:27

No, I think you're at perfect liberty to decline.

Even after I got past the morning sickness stage, which took til about week 22 I went to an indian restaurant and ended up throwing my guts up outside about 10 minutes later whilst waiting for the taxi (just glad it was not in the taxi, otherwise I'd have got a hefty bill).

I felt very embarrassed though.

The only other thing is to perhaps go for the socialising and eat somewhere else first and perhaps just have a poppadum or two.

But that would seem pointless to me.

AintNobodyGotTimeFerThat Mon 26-Aug-13 22:30:21

Oh and just ignore the woman -

In my experience life is too short to worry about an ignorant woman's attitudes and what she thinks of you.

She'll think bad of you if she wants to and positively of you as long as you aren't overtly nasty and I don't see any of that in your OP.

Dancergirl Mon 26-Aug-13 22:37:21

OMG!

Unbelievable.

OP, how are you feeling today? I really feel for you. I wish you a speedy recovery and hope the rest of the pregnancy is easier xx

Nanny0gg Mon 26-Aug-13 22:47:47

AintNobodyGotTimeFerThat You might want to read the rest of the OP's posts - it's gone a wee bit past worrying about the restaurant...

MidniteScribbler Mon 26-Aug-13 23:22:01

I'm not usually someone who jumps on the LTB bandwagon, but I would be having a serious think about my relationship my husband hadn't immediately kicked my MIL out the door after a text like that and told her not to come back.

Fionnabhair Tue 27-Aug-13 01:02:39

Go and puke in their food. They'll soon learn to not underestimate the effect smells can have when pregnant and won't be so dismissive in future.

hackmum Tue 27-Aug-13 07:51:48

They obviously think you're a drama queen, with your showy-off morning sickness and urine infection that requires hospitalisation.

Seriously, though, they do sound like horrible people, and I felt very sad reading this thread. If they're like this now, I don't suppose they're going to get better when the baby's born. I hope you feel better soon and can work things out with your DH - he sounds like he needs taking firmly in hand.

mumtorobbie Tue 27-Aug-13 08:20:44

Get yourself down to the docs ASAP OP.

I had dreadful morning sickness and cyclazine was the only thing that got me through.

Makqueen Tue 27-Aug-13 09:19:01

Hi everyone, thank you for all the kind words and support. Am still in hospital, feeling ok and I got put in a side room, result! So I have managed to get some sleep. I'm feeling so much better already, I was really dehydrated.

Don't know when I will be discharged, depends on todays urine tests and blood tests, but hopefully I will be home by tonight.

I don't know what she was thinking with the text - I didn't reply and dh arrived back with my phone a while later so I am posting from that now. He was upset when I showed it to him, he called her and yes, she thought I was faking to get out of spending time with them.

Quite where she got that from I don't know, I have always bent over backwards for them. The only thing I can think of is that they have only seen me 'healthy' once this year. The other times I was pregnant the first time from end of Jan, then was told about the mmc, then had the miscarriage and was ill in the aftermath. Now I am sick again so maybe that it, but none of that was my fault or under my control so I can't see how they could hold it against me.

Honestly, I'd have to be a pretty good actress to score a hospital admission, that's really stung.

Dh stayed with me until 8 last night and then went home to bed, they went out by themselves. He's asked them to stay in a b&b round the corner tonight (we are paying) as we live in a tiny flat and they are staying in ds room while he is at his dads house. I've posted about it on here before its very small and impossible to rest when there are people staying.

They actually understood though, once dh had told them how bad I was and that I would be kept n last night and posibly tonight too. I really don't want to return home to a mess and other people's stuff everywhere.

Dh is obviously coming here to the hospital today and he text this morning to say she'd been a bit of an arse about that too - she assumed that as I was in hospital, he would spend the whole day going out with them as he has the week off work. He did put his foot down and told them he was going to be at the hospital with me today.

I am still incredibly pissed off at her attitude and lack of any compassion, especially with regard to today - surely any husband would be at the hospital.

MaMattoo Tue 27-Aug-13 09:25:47

Yanbu at all. Sickness is not funny and if you are passing out then you do have a serious case of it.
Be polite but insist on staying back, if they then choose to not to, then it's their problem not yours.
Alas, this is the start of all the putting foot down business that comes with a baby!
And congratulations by the way!!! thanks

TheBleedinObvious Tue 27-Aug-13 09:34:23

Yanbu!!

I wouldn't even allow them to bring takeaway curry into the house!

Tell them to go without you and the subject is not up for discussion.

TheBleedinObvious Tue 27-Aug-13 09:37:50

Omg! Just read some more of the thread!

I cannot believe they are being so horrible sad

Hope you feel better soon flowers

DrinaDancesInParis Tue 27-Aug-13 10:16:11

Sorry you are so poorly flowers

I'm glad your H has started to stick up for you a bit. Hope it continues.

I would stop engaging with her at all and let him deal with her- as long as he has his priorities straight.

I'd also be having a stern word with him that this kind of bollocks putting pressure on you for his parents' sake when you are ILL is NOT to happen again or divorce will be back on the cards.

CookieLady Tue 27-Aug-13 11:32:17

I'm pleased that your husband will be with you today. Your mil is a nasty piece of work. angry. You take care of yourself and focus on getting better. flowers

Mumsyblouse Tue 27-Aug-13 12:08:56

My IL's are really similar to this, down to similar episodes, and the only way to cope is for you and your husband to be a very united front and spell out to them what you will and won't put up with. I am glad your husband is supporting you today but sorry it had to go this far to get them to understand you are his priority.

They won't change, they may even make ok grandparents (but you will have to make sure they look after the children properly as their needs will dominate there as well) but you will always know they are very selfish. So, from now on, you always have to ask yourself 'does this suit us?' 'what do we need from this situation' and put yourselves first with them, plus stick together.

They can moan from the sidelines but it won't be your concern.

ems1910 Tue 27-Aug-13 18:28:17

How are you now Makqueen?

Makqueen Tue 27-Aug-13 18:56:40

Hi, I'm ok thanks. I was discharged at 5, on anti biotics still but they let me come home. Got some anti sickness meds (took one at 4pm but got sick about half an hour go).

In laws are not here thank god. In bed with the laptop and dh is cleaning the house!

ems1910 Tue 27-Aug-13 19:06:39

Glad you are ok and are on some meds for your uti and sickness! Take care x

Glad they have gone too! ;)

Good for you and DH! smile

IJustNeedANap Tue 27-Aug-13 20:17:50

Glad your home OP and you've got rid of the ILs for the night.

My MIL was abit similar, when PG I got admitted to hospital and she tried to talk me out of going then I got admitted and she texted the next morning basically saying "see I told you it was a waste of time going and it would be fine" p, she didn't know they admitted me and when I texted back telling her she soon STFU. I hope your DH keeps supporting you thanks

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 28-Aug-13 08:18:51

Glad you're feeling better, OP, and also that DH shows some signs of getting his act together! thanks

SparkyTGD Wed 28-Aug-13 10:21:39

Good to hear Mak

MIL sounds a proper pain

Loobylou123 Wed 28-Aug-13 14:39:09

So glad that you're feeling better and that DH has come around for you grin

tinypumpkin Wed 28-Aug-13 21:07:15

How are you doing today? I do hope your DH has had words with his DM, she is unbelievable. Truly.

Hope you are doing better today.

PrincessFlirtyPants Wed 28-Aug-13 21:09:00

Yes, Makqueen are you feeling any better?

Has 'D'MIL stayed the fuck away today?!

Hope DH is still being supportive

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