Is this tradition still about??

(95 Posts)
OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 10:51:18

my dm rang before, becuase I said I haven't put much thought into getting my bridesmaids presents, and she rang up to say . well they need one really, so she said she'd get something.

And to talk to my florist mate as the Mothers b/g get a bouquet on the day???
I've never seen this???
Aibu to think this must not happen anymore much?
confused

Nanny0gg Sun 25-Aug-13 10:53:49

It does to the best of my knowledge.

I got a bouquet at my DC's wedding and all the bridesmaids got a keepsake.

Depends on how much help the mothers have been though I suppose. Have they had any input or have you done it all on your own?

jacks365 Sun 25-Aug-13 10:56:19

My bridesmaids got jewellery and the mothers got flowers as thanks. Never been to a wedding where it hasn't happened.

TallyGrenshall Sun 25-Aug-13 10:57:41

It's happened at all the weddings I've been to. The last one, the bridesmaids got some jewellery to wear, the ushers got cufflinks and DS got a keepsake mug with his name and page boy engraved on it.

DM got flowers and a present for making the cake

izzydazzling Sun 25-Aug-13 10:58:30

I didn't do bunches of flowers for the parents or presents (for my one BM). My wedding was small and on a tight budget. Tough titty to anyone expecting something.

EST0106 Sun 25-Aug-13 10:58:49

Yep, bridesmaid got a present and both mothers got flowers at my wedding. Seems pretty standard at all the weddings I've been to. Yabu.

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 10:58:55

They are helping now, I had just nver heard of it.

my maids' haven't feel took the steering wheel in anything thought even my MOH (anotherthread)I organised my own hen do pretty much , I felt cheeky asking them to pick up so nick nacks, so errr, as mean as it may sound I didnt think it really warranted a present.

montymum Sun 25-Aug-13 10:59:15

Yes we did presents for bridesmaids and flowers for mother of bride and groom. But we did this because we wanted to not because my mum told me to. Find it a little strange she is reminding you to buy her flowers! Have a lovely day

trikken Sun 25-Aug-13 10:59:40

not heard of the mother one. We bought expensive necklaces which they obviously kept after the wedding.

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 10:59:43

* a lot of spelling mistakes apologies.

meditrina Sun 25-Aug-13 11:00:52

The bridesmaids gifts were usually from the groom.

Mothers of the couple would get a corsage (not bouquet).

SarahAndFuck Sun 25-Aug-13 11:01:21

Yes it still happens.

My bridesmaids all had gifts but instead of flowers we bought both mothers a figurine.

They are usually presented by the groom during speeches at the weddings I have attended.

Lweji Sun 25-Aug-13 11:01:28

Is she contributing in any way?

Soupqueen Sun 25-Aug-13 11:02:03

I gave my bridesmaids a gift and my mother got a bottle of gin instead of flowers. Tbh my bridesmaids did naff all, but I still got them a gift.

Boosiehs Sun 25-Aug-13 11:04:14

Mothers get flowers and bridesmaids get a small present.

I thought this was just good manners?

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:04:21

Haha it is slightly odd, she started with asking me about the bridesmaids y.day.

We on a tight budget too izzy, I was like 'were sending thankyou cards to everyone?' I'm aware I sound a bit tight , I'm not just clueless.

Where would they put the flowers for the remainder of the night,

were unconventional though we arent having speeches as I don't really like hate them.

Nanny0gg Sun 25-Aug-13 11:05:41

Yes the bridesmaids' presents (and for the ushers and best man) are from the groom.

The corsage and bouquets were two different things.
The corsage is usual for the mums along with buttonholes for the wedding party (years ago, they were for everyone!)
The bouquets or arrangements for mums are (if wanted) a 'thank you' for input, help, finance or just because you love them and are 'leaving' them.

Again, if wedding small or on a tight budget, not necessary, but the tradition is not unusual still today.

tiggytape Sun 25-Aug-13 11:05:57

The tradition is that it is a bribe not a gift for helping organise things.
It stems from the belief that a bride might worry about being targeted by bad luck / evil spirit / a curse when all conspicuously dressed up for her Wedding Day.
Having another woman (or other women) stood next to her also dressed up would confuse any evil spirits and therefore protect the bride.
Basically it is danger money!

mrspremise Sun 25-Aug-13 11:06:07

Something small to show affection and appreciation is lovely; we had a teeny budget when we got married but still managed to afford a bunch of flowers for my DM and my DMIL. The bridesmaids each received a pretty bracelet (not expensive). I don't think people 'expect' a gift, but I think it's still a nice gesture to make. I also think that the 'tough titty...' comment above was an unhelpful and frankly horrible thing to write. I am staggered...

FirmYoungCarrot Sun 25-Aug-13 11:06:30

The bridesmaids and ushers got presents but no flowers for the mothers. It never occurred to me and would have annoyed my mother. The reception was as at my parents house and there were flowers there already. Perhaps I should have bought my M-I-L something. I just hadn't really come across it before.

Do it if you really want to otherwise don't bother.

goforthejobular Sun 25-Aug-13 11:06:31

You don't need to do any of this OP.

Nanny0gg Sun 25-Aug-13 11:06:38

They leave them on a table till it's time to go home (I had an arrangement not a bouquet).

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:06:40

I'm a v, young bride btw.

before anyone starts frothing about how I've obviously been raised by wolves or something along those lines & and chiming about my 'bad manners'

Yup I got the bridesmaids a gift and the mothers flowers. One of my bridesmaids was fantastic and really helped me before the wedding and on the morning. I love her to bits and wanted to get her a thank you prezzie. I got the other bridesmaid one just because I couldn't be mean enough to only buy one (she was a bitch throughout and we don't speak anymore).

The mothers got flowers just because that's what you do... I've never been to a wedding where this hasn't happened either.

NoComet Sun 25-Aug-13 11:07:43

At one DDs got pretty children's necklaces in fancy comerative boxes with the date.

At the one she did recently DD2 just got to keep everything she was wearing, dress, shoes, pretty hair comb and cheep pearls.

I'd have been blush if she'd got a present as well. The bride and her sister took her shoe shopping and home with them the night before the wedding and treated her like one if them, despite her being an 11y from the grooms side. She got her hair and make up done and had an absolute whale of a time.

The pictures of her looking utterly beautiful and totally in her element are better than any present.

FirmYoungCarrot Sun 25-Aug-13 11:08:21

Ooh Soupqueen my mother would have much rather had a bottle of gin - what a great idea.

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:08:39

Haha really tiggy! thats wierd.

CocacolaMum Sun 25-Aug-13 11:09:48

I gave my BMs a brooch which matched the one on our wedding cake and DM & MIL received a brooch from my bouquet all in engraved silver gift boxes which I thought was more special (and longer lasting) than a bunch of flowers. Was way cheaper than it sounds too ;)

DinoSnores Sun 25-Aug-13 11:10:28

I didn't do any of this on the wedding day, partly because most people were travelling to where we live. I arranged for flowers or hampers to be sent to the people who had helped over the next few days when they would be back home.

badguider Sun 25-Aug-13 11:10:47

bridesmaids gifts are usually done in private so entirely up to you what you think is appropriate.

mother of the b and g both usually get flowers during the speeches but if you're not having speeches then I guess it might not be missed... not sure how or when you'd give them without having speeches...? confused

wonkylegs Sun 25-Aug-13 11:14:52

Bridesmaids got a necklace, mothers didn't get anything but they hadn't had any input on the wedding at all and my mum had been on the cusp of being uninvited up until the week before our wedding because she'd been such a bitch about my dad (she announced out of the blue 2days after we got engaged that she was divorcing my dad because she was having a mid life crisis and didn't want to be upstaged by our engagement )

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:15:00

I might do it privately, seems a bit odd tbh,

I'd feel a bit awkward doing it so publicly.

OP, it's fine that you hadn't heard of this, and you don't have to do any of it. It's pretty standard. My bride got me and the other bridesmaids lots of gifts and a lovely card. If money is tight, I'm sure a lovely card will be fine.

However, flabbergasted at the person that said tough titty! What a horrible attitude. If you are on a budget, don't have bridesmaids. Don't accept help and favours and wedding gifts from people that you aren't going to thank. I bet you were a bridezilla. grin

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Sun 25-Aug-13 11:20:08

I got my maid of honour a teddy (she loves forever friends - she is an adult, but a gift she adored) and my bridesmaid a money box (my DD - she was 10 months).
As for parents gifts - I didn't give anything. My Dad was no help at all, and complained from the minute he got to mine on the morning of the wedding till he went home 2 days after the wedding.

But if your family have been helpful it is a nice tradition.

Wineandchoccy Sun 25-Aug-13 11:21:58

I gave my 2 bridesmaids a necklace, and a bracelet for 1 and earrings for the other. I got them in the sale so keep your eye out and you may not have to spend lots.

We gave my mum and MIL a orchid each as they were staying the night at the hotel and I didn't think a bouquet would survive very well. My dad and FIL we gave a bottle of wine.

Ushers we got them a wallet each, we got married in May but I got these in the Xmas sales in Debenhams.

Best man and chief bridesmaid are married to each other so we baby sat and paid for a night away for them as they did lots for us.

We had 18 months to plan our wedding so the cost was spread out and we thought it was nice to thank the key people.

We wrote thank you cards the day after our wedding and hand delivered/posted them that day because it annoys me when you don't get a thank you for a gift or it comes 6 months after the event!

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:22:25

I don't really think izzy was that unreasonable tbh,
the average wedding guest doesn't really get the obscene amount of money its costs,
you get a paid for meal, buffet in the case of bridesmaids a free dress!hairdresser,make up. If they haven't done much I don't see where they really deserve anything else.

Depends what your maids are like I suppose.

Groovee Sun 25-Aug-13 11:26:37

We gave our bridesmaid, best man and ushers a small gift. The mothers both got a bunch of flowers.

izzydazzling Sun 25-Aug-13 11:27:03

oh dear, well I apologise if my use of tough titty has offended anyone...

how often do you hear people say they can't afford to get married? loads. it doesn't actually cost that much to actually get wed but it's all the extras that soon mount up and this is what makes it unaffordable. I managed to scrape together just enough to have a small bouquet for my daughter and I (total £30) I would've had to go into debt to buy flowers for my mother, MIL and SMIL. What's wrong with a heartfelt thank you? Why does a thank you HAVE to be a gift? It IS about expectations, not necessarily from the mothers/BMs but it's obvious from this thread that it's the done thing. Well I'm sorry but I simply couldn't afford an expensive wedding with all the trimmings, I just wanted to BE married. And I am. If my mother, MIL and SMIL are mortally offended well it's....not my problem.

jacks365 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:30:50

The average wedding guest does understand because they have been there themselves. The thankyou for the bridesmaids is supposed to be to thank them for their time ie dress fittings shoe shopping etc that is the only favour they need to do you. What is the point of a free dress that will never be worn again or a hairstlye that is just that a style. The perks you are mentioning are for your benefit not theirs.

Silverfoxballs Sun 25-Aug-13 11:33:32

I got jewellery as a gift as a BM and gave mine jewellery as well. It does not need to be really expensive stuff. I think Mothers have got flowers at every wedding I have been to even though some did not deserve them due to bloody awful behaviour

I love your raised by wolves comment

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:40:29

you'd be surprised how many don't jacks365.

Thanks silverfox, ]

unless its a dreadful satin creation why can't you wear it again.

jacks365 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:45:31

Because the type of events you can wear bridesmaids dresses to whether chiffon, satin silk etc is very very limited. My dd have dresses in their wardrobes that nice as they are just aren't suitable for anything else.

izzydazzling Sun 25-Aug-13 11:48:37

I don't want to hijack the thread but I do think I should reply to the bridezilla comment as IMO, and sorry to disappoint, I was not demanding in any way shape or form. I went to the registry office in my dads car (he offered) , in a £75 dress, wearing shoes that I had before I even met my husband, my sister did my hair and makeup (she offered) my ONE BM/flowergirl was my DD (because yes that's ALL I could afford), photos were taken by my friend's DDs (and we gave them £50 for their time and effort) and we went to the pub after. Bridezilla? I think not. Makes me laugh when people say they had a small budget then spend thousands of pounds.

To the OP - I hope you have a lovely day. Don't be pressurised into spending money you haven't got just to conform. You do sound like a nice young lady, not raised by wolves at all, lol. Unlike this fishwife blush

OwlinaTree Sun 25-Aug-13 12:42:30

You are thanking the bridesmaids for their time as jacks said. The average guest does know how much it all costs as many of them will have done it themselves and don't forget their costs to attend, new outfit, drinks, travel, gift etc. Of course these costs are not a source of resentment if you want the guest there and they want to come.

You are under no obligation to give gifts but you should be thanking people for their support, if not in the speeches then in thank you notes after the event.

Tbh every wedding I've been to has had flowers for the mums.

BackforGood Sun 25-Aug-13 13:04:29

I agree with Izzy - it's not compulsory, and I personally don't like the whole "show" of giving a bouquet to the mothers during the speeches. Spoken / written heartfelt thanks to those who have helped you are far nicer and more appropriate

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Sun 25-Aug-13 13:10:18

Very normal, I've never seen it not happen.

MinnieBar Sun 25-Aug-13 13:23:30

I gave my bridesmaids plain silver bracelets as gifts as we were all getting ready - they all wore them on the day, which I didn't expect and I'm pretty sure the genuinely liked them (mildly peeved when one bridesmaid recently told me she'd asked her boyfriend for a plain silver bracelet as she didn't have one. Me: What, like the one I gave you? Her: Er, umm, I've moved house a lot since then).

My mum specifically said NOT to buy her a bouquet as it was a waste of money (plus all the flowers went back to her house the next day, so she didn't need any more!) and so it we didn't give a bouquet to MIL either, not least because she didn't do anything to help with any of the planning/didn't pay a penny/didn't thank us or my parents/sat with a face like a slapped arse at the meal the night before, etc.

We didn't have favours either - other than having a registrar and two witnesses, the rest is up to you!

pianodoodle Sun 25-Aug-13 13:25:41

* I didn't do bunches of flowers for the parents or presents (for my one BM). My wedding was small and on a tight budget. Tough titty to anyone expecting something*

Snap grin

Yonihadtoask Sun 25-Aug-13 13:26:26

Meh. Only do it if you want to.

I bought our bridesmaids a small piece of jewellery each - to wear with their outfits. Presented these to them prior the ceremony though.

Also we did buy bouquets for the DMs, but we gave these a couple of days afterwards. in private.

I am not one for sticking to tradition, and felt no need to have to do this at the reception.

Yonihadtoask Sun 25-Aug-13 13:28:15

We didn't bother with traditional 'favours' either.

Contributed to Cancer Research and guests had a badge on their name cards if they wanted it.

OldRoan Sun 25-Aug-13 13:31:53

I've been to a few small weddings where they have given the flowers from the table centrepieces to the mothers/bridesmaids as a thank you. Obviously they did it at the end of the day, instead of whipping them off the tables halfway through!

Nanny0gg Sun 25-Aug-13 13:32:10

To be fair, the OP asked if this tradition still happened and she's been told that on the whole, it does.

No-one has said that it's compulsory.

EstelleGetty Sun 25-Aug-13 13:42:28

You should do exactly as you see fit, OP. I don't give a rat's ass about tradition when it comes to weddings. It's not traditional for the bride to give a speech at her own wedding, but I sure as hell wasn't standing for that! grin

Presents for bridesmaids seem excessive when you'll already be paying out so much for the wedding. My DSis was my sole bridesmaid and she was happy for me to pay for us both to have a sausage roll and Irn Bru the day before! And I can't picture my DM being thrilled about carrying around a big, fussy bouquet when she needed her hands free for dancing and holding her wine!

Seriously, OP, the only rules you should respect re: wedding are those which mean something important to you. smile

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 25-Aug-13 14:14:12

Bridesmaids get a small gift and the mothers have corsages.

We got married 23 years ago. Flowers never occurred to me tbh. MIL Was 3000 miles from home and it wouldn't have been practical and the reception was at home and there flowers everywhere!! More would have made people laugh I think!

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 25-Aug-13 14:15:34

300 (wishful thinking)

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 25-Aug-13 14:22:28

I think my DM had a corsage (she org'ed herself)
but knew she and my MIL would be taking home the flower arrangements after the wedding so we bought the mums a scarf with flowers on it. (lasts longer innit)

Shenanagins Sun 25-Aug-13 14:27:04

I gave my mum my wedding bouquet and my exmil my bridesmaids bouquet. I gave my bridesmaid a present as a thankyou more for pretending to listen to all the wedding woes! All the centre pieces to the aunts. Everyone was happy and no flowers went to waste.

Pumpkinnose Sun 25-Aug-13 14:27:34

I gave my parents and bridesmaids gifts to say thank you for all their help and support but not during the speeches. In my experience this is how it is usually done at the weddings I have been to - i.e. no gifts during speeches.

Floggingmolly Sun 25-Aug-13 14:40:10

the average wedding guest doesn't really get the obscene amount of money it costs. Really? hmm Most of them do, you'll find. You're not the first one ever to get married.

Allalonenow Sun 25-Aug-13 14:47:38

The groom traditionally buys the bridesmaid a keepsake, often a piece of jewelery, the mother of the bride gets a corsage.
A gift for your Mum is a lovely idea, but should be done privately, rather than during the speeches.

cranverry Sun 25-Aug-13 14:55:06

We didn't give flowers but we did give our mothers a gift. And our dads too.
And I gave my bridesmaids some jewellery. It's not compulsory nor always expected though, I was bridesmaid for a friend and I knew she couldn't afford lots of extras on the day so no additional gifts other than my dress which I got to keep ( which my mum then gave away to someone needing a prom dress!)
Hope everything goes well at your wedding. Sorry your bridesmaids aren't being too helpful.

My wedding didn't cost an obscene amount of money, but we did pay for bridesmaid dresses; offered hair & make up for them (one wanted, the other did not), paid for their shoes to be dyed to match the dresses, paid for accessories for several of the wedding party, AND got flowers and gifts sorted. All in I think we spent about £4200.

(Although that was over 10 yrs ago, I know compared to most of my peers, it was a low cost even then).

Should add that I hope all goes well for the big day, and agree that the bm's should step up a bit.

Blueberryveryberry Sun 25-Aug-13 15:08:24

izzy you did not offend me smile I also did the 'just registry office' and friends were invited to my DMIL's place for some food (lovely DMIL knew we were skint so she paid for the nibbles). That was all. I sent thank you cards to all who attended (some did not give me a gift -I wasn't expecting any ).

TarkaTheOtter Sun 25-Aug-13 15:24:11

We gave bridesmaids a silver necklace each to wear for the wedding and keep. Anyone who'd made a large contribution (either time or money) got a rose plant and a letter of thanks at their place. That was my mum, mil, my aunt (bridesmaid's mum)and granny. I think dh give ushers and bmen something in the morning before the wedding.

I still have and treasure the jewellery box I was given as a child for being my aunt's bridesmaid.

Ginnytonic82 Sun 25-Aug-13 15:30:03

We gave my mum a bottle of champagne, because she was going away so flowers would have been a waste. We also got my bridesmaids all a half bottle of pink champagne and a silver photo frame with a little message of thanks on the back. Mil got a bottle of Cava because she contributed siltch to the wedding apart from commenting that it was a good job my dress had good seams. But that's a whole other thread!

I'd say, it's still pretty common but you don't need to go over the top.

I'm getting my bridesmaid a present - probably jewellery. But not getting my mother anything! I started out with 2 bridesmaids - my sister and my friend. But vvvv close to ditching my sister for being a complete arse!

Weareboatsremember Sun 25-Aug-13 16:59:17

Being young doesn't automatically mean that you aren't expected to do things op! I got married at just turned 21 and didn't have much money to spend. We gave the 3 top table vases with flowers in to my mom, mil and my nan, personalised bottles of wine to the ushers and best man, and a nice gift to my one and only bridesmaid. It doesn't need to cost a lot, the 3 flower arrangements cost about £10 each and would have been on the top table anyway, it was just nice for people to have a token of thanks for their love and support (although my mil hasn't spoken to us in the 7 years since, but that's a whole other story!). Do what you feel is right and nice, but a cheap bunch of flowers or a hand written card and trinket are often gratefully received by people.

Sparklymommy Sun 25-Aug-13 18:03:35

I married on my 21st birthday, so therefore consider myself to have been young. I had 5 bridesmaids, 4 children and an adult. I think I bought, or paid half of each bridesmaids dress. I bought hair combs, shoes, socks, bags, the whole co boodle.

During speeches each bridesmaid was given a gift (I seem to remember mugs and fairy teddy things). Best man got a tankard, usher and usherette got glasses, both mothers got flowers (we didn't have flowers on the table. Only my bouquet and the bridesmaids arrangements). After the wedding I gave my bouquet to my step mother.

Dd1 has been a bridesmaid three times. My wedding, my mothers where she was given a silver locket and her aunts where I am sure she had something but for the life of me can't think what!

Ds1 was a pageboy for his godfather and was given a build a bear dressed in wedding get up. He was rubbish at it and didn't do the job properly! Lol.

I have been a bridesmaid four times and always had a gift, not that I expected one. I still have them all and the range from jewellery to a decorative teacup and saucer!

It's up to you. Our wedding was done on a budget. I think in total we spent about £3000. It was important to me that our day was special. This was 9 years ago. We are still happily married and that means more to me than anything else now. And I have my memories of the day which are priceless.

CalpolInMyEar Sun 25-Aug-13 18:29:56

I went by my mother's example when she married my step-dad. No flowers for the mothers, but a special piece of jewellery instead (both ended up getting rings as it happened), we gave the bridesmaids necklaces and the groomsmen hip flasks.

But then where we grew up giving the mothers flowers doesn't seem very commonplace, I've only been to two weddings where this has happened come to think of it!

ChoudeBruxelles Sun 25-Aug-13 18:31:57

I got the bridesmaids a necklace each. I bought my parents a present as they had been brilliant. Didn't get the ils anything as they were completely unhelpful

My DS paid for all the make up that was used on the day in our make overs and we got to keep it. Also flowers for Mums.
At my wedding, I bought personal gifts for bridemaids and Mums (not flowers)
My DSil, bought necklaces for bridesmaids to wear on the day and they got to keep them.
You don't HAVE to do it, it's up to you. Some brides still go with the "wear something old, new, borrowed, blue", I didn't - MY choice!

TheBookofRuth Sun 25-Aug-13 18:40:54

I had pearl pendants and hair clips hand-made for my bridesmaids to wear on the day, which they kept afterwards as their gifts. They also kept the dresses.

My mum, MIL and step-MIL all got a bouquet of flowers.

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 20:45:33

Being young doesn't automatically mean that you aren't expected to do things op!- you've misunderstood me, I mean by being young I have not had the influx of friends getting married so both my guests and I are to the naiive end of how weddings work inside out, which also ties into my guest comment, I can guarantee most of mine won't get it. I'm 23 btw so still v. young.

Mumsyblouse Sun 25-Aug-13 20:59:38

I think it all depends what type of wedding you are having, if it's a fairly traditional one then these type of things (gifts, favours, flowers for mums) might be expected. My wedding wasn't anything like that, very simple, few family and no bridesmaids, and it was the best day ever. If your mum is expecting the flowers, perhaps no big deal to get them, but this type of thing is exactly why I'm glad I did it the very casual way in which we departed from so many traditions, it didn't really matter.

mrspremise Sun 25-Aug-13 21:04:41

I think sometimes more effort is put into the wedding than the marriage. Just saying... but today I found out that another couple I know (who had a huge blow out wedding) are splitting up. Maybe I am just feeling sad...

LondonInHighHeeledBoots Sun 25-Aug-13 21:15:23

I'm giving my bms their jewellery as their present, and for the mothers we are dispatching an usher to boots with an sd card with a nice photo of us and the mother in question and putting them into nice frames and that will be their present. totally pinched this idea from a wedding I went to a while ago!

I think we'll also send my parents on a nice holiday after as they've done si much for it all. mil hasn't so she just gets the photo.

liquidstate Sun 25-Aug-13 21:31:00

I just wrapped up the bridesmaids necklaces (£3 in the sale from M&S) that they were to wear on the day and wrote a nice card for them.

For the mums I didn't get bouquets because we had a lot of fresh flowers at the venue which they took with them the next day. Instead I ordered a plant for the garden called 'wedding day' which cost £8 and arrived nicely wrapped.

But honestly don't feel you have to get anything if you don't have the funds. A lovely card would be enough.

selsigfach Sun 25-Aug-13 21:52:55

Both mums had to stay over and travel for our wedding. I arranged for flowers to be sent to my mum when she got home. my mum had helped loads financially, decorating etc. MIL offered no help whatsoever and grumbled about the date - how could she possibly get a room in August? I didn't get her any flowers as a thank you as she hadn't done anything to say thank you for.

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 22:49:31

I'm getting thankyou cards for all guests anyway. well day guests.
some good ideas here.

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 22:50:35

The idea of my mum buying flowers , that I end up giving back to her grinning inanely is hilarious grin.

OhDearNigel Sun 25-Aug-13 23:00:49

I work in a hotel and I've never seen a wedding where the Mums didn't get bouquets

Xmasbaby11 Sun 25-Aug-13 23:33:31

Yes - flowers to both mothers. Gifts to bridesmaids. It doesn't have to be anything huge. I bought mine necklaces and wrote them cards thanking them. It's a keepsake of the day and a thank you for taking part.

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 23:39:45

would wine be better than flowers?

valiumredhead Sun 25-Aug-13 23:41:41

Yes,the mums always get flowers.

BackforGood Mon 26-Aug-13 00:18:03

If you read the thread Valium - you will see that there is no always about it. It's quite common, but certainly not "always". In fact, thinking about it, the two wedding Receptions I went to last year, it didn't happen at either.

raisah Mon 26-Aug-13 00:53:55

Yes, it is mainly to say thank you to all the kind souls who had put up with your diva behaviour! I got my mum a sari & my b/ms jewellery from this place called Bees.
www.shopbees.com

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain Mon 26-Aug-13 07:37:18

I gave the BMs earrings and DH gave the best men pocket watches (bit of a family tradition - DH wears his a lot but then he does wear a three piece suit well --skinny git--)

For our mums we adapted the tradition slightly and gave them a David Austin rose each. They each send us photo texts when they're in bloom! There are normally enough spare flowers drifting around after weddings anyway (people were instructed to.leave with our centerpieces which were vases of roses) so we wanted to give them something that would last a bit.

SilverApples Mon 26-Aug-13 07:52:02

DD has several small pieces of jewellery from her bridesmaiding days.

OctopusPete8 Mon 26-Aug-13 08:18:13

lol I'm not even remotely a diva, esp. with BM's I've had to be tougher in order to get things done.

my mum/mil maybe.....I advised told them to buy a certain colour so they would look better and more co-ordinated in the photos . grin

SHarri13 Mon 26-Aug-13 09:58:05

The bridesmaids got a necklace that they wore on the day but we didn't do bouquets for the mothers (3 as I have step one in there too). We did get the three sets of parents gifts though, restaurant vouchers for two and a print for their wall for another. A present for them both to enjoy.

thegreylady Mon 26-Aug-13 10:05:07

The groom gives gifts to the bridesmaids etc. As mum I have been given jewellery twice, flowers twice and nothing once :-)

valiumredhead Mon 26-Aug-13 12:36:10

I did read the thread. The OP asked if this was tradition or not. It IS tradition, whether you choose to follow it or not is entirely up to you.

marriedinwhiteisback Mon 26-Aug-13 13:39:38

You told your mum and mil what colour to wear !!!!!! I know times have changed but that's awful - they need to wear what they feel happy wearing.

Floggingmolly Mon 26-Aug-13 14:33:50

Why on earth do your mum and MIL need to co-ordinate in the photos??
It won't "look better" at all. Why not make everyone wear a uniform and be done with it? Something dead classy like Team Octopus" t-shirts maybe?

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