To want to sleep in same bed as ds forever

(109 Posts)
Pinkpinot Sat 24-Aug-13 00:38:27

Well, until he doesn't want to anymore
He's nearly 6
We've been away for a lot of the holidays, so shared a bed
He's so lovely and snuggly
And still wants to cuddle his mummy
Even though he's told me he hates me a couple of times this week sad

YANBU

DS is 5 and sleeps with me every night. It's the best smile

gallicgirl Sat 24-Aug-13 00:41:31

Mmmm would be awkward when he hits puberty!

Sleepy snuggles are lovely though, aren't they?

beaglesaresweet Sat 24-Aug-13 00:42:49

hmm, as far it's healthy for him? children who grow up being very attached/clingy to Mum, have lots of problems when they grow up, esp with relationships.

RagamuffinAndFidget Sat 24-Aug-13 00:45:58

What rubbish beagles - how can a child who gets love and closeness from their parents as long as they want it grow up to have 'problems in relationships'?!

OP, I hope you have a good few more sniffly nights ahead of you. I love having my boys cuddled up to me.. although DS1 has developed a habit of sleeping at the foot of the bed so I inadvertently kick him during the night which isn't quite so cuddly!

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sat 24-Aug-13 00:46:44

<<looks at my 6', 13 stone, exceptionally hairy DS17>>
<<shudders>>
I love him to pieces, but NO. Just no!
grin

AgentZigzag Sat 24-Aug-13 00:48:48

Awww, having a cuddle with your mum in bed at 6 YO isn't 'very attached/clingy' Beagle, it gives small children security.

YANBU OP, and I'm sure he's just testing out what effect his words can have on other people with the Kevin-style 'I hate you'.

AgentZigzag Sat 24-Aug-13 00:50:08

Saggy grin

RagamuffinAndFidget Sat 24-Aug-13 00:50:25

*snuggly nights!

'sniffly'? WTAF?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sat 24-Aug-13 00:53:03

Yes, bollocks to all of that 'clingy' rubbish! DS might be 17 and hairy, but he still loves a cuddle! He's hardly Oedipus!
He's banned from the bed though after he lept into it between dp and I the other week and broke 2 slats! confused

MoominsYonisAreScary Sat 24-Aug-13 00:53:08

The little ones yes, the 18 year old not so much grin

Pinkpinot Sat 24-Aug-13 01:02:13

I can't imagine doing it when he's 18, he'll really hate me by them, I'm sure.

LinusVanPelt Sat 24-Aug-13 01:16:39

I have just woken up in dd's bed (she's 3.5) after snuggling up at her bedtime for what was supposed to be a quick cuddle to settle her. I fell into a deep, lovely, cozy sleep, breathing in the smell of her little neck and with her drowsily stroking my hair. It's heavenly.

YANBU smile

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Sat 24-Aug-13 01:19:06

YANBU. But you can't.

sad grin

Bunnyjo Sat 24-Aug-13 01:19:07

I'm about to tuck myself up next to DS, who is 2. I love snuggling him on a night and, as he's just self weaned sad, I want to treasure these moments for just a little longer.

When we were on holiday myself, DH, DD (just turned 6) and DS all snuggled up in a superking bed, despite there being another double bed in the room! If DH got too warm, he retreated to the other bed grin

And, sorry beagles, but you're spouting utter garbage. Google attachment theory, and the studies around it, to see why.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Sat 24-Aug-13 01:19:49

Well, maybe for a little bit longer... smile

AgentZigzag Sat 24-Aug-13 01:23:00

DD2's 3.5 too, and gets in our bed every most nights, fucking hell she's boiling grin

Especially in this weather <phew>

Does it worry you when he says he hates you Pinkpinot? You don't really think he does do you?

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Sat 24-Aug-13 01:25:13

Every night when I put my seven year old to bed, we cuddle in and talk about the day. I hope that never ends.

Too clingy, my arse. A child who knows they are loved can never be too clingy.

MoominsYonisAreScary Sat 24-Aug-13 01:30:07

No im sure he won't, 18 year olds can be really loving. Mines always giving me hugs and patting me on the head as he's so tall. He's just too big and smelly if his rooms anything to go by to have in the bed.

I wish my 18 year old was here now, he flew off Thursday on his first lads holiday

AgentZigzag Sat 24-Aug-13 01:34:40

Don't look at his facebook Moomins grin <sympathy>

MoominsYonisAreScary Sat 24-Aug-13 01:38:49

I bet you my mum is stalking his fb Agent, his phone isn't working for some reason so he's sending the odd fb message letting us know what he's up to

I found myself messaging don't forget to wear suncream last night, I've turned into my mother

Sunnysummer Sat 24-Aug-13 01:47:21

Of course YANBU. I used to do short term nannying, and the clingiest kids were always the ones who were less attached to their parents - because they were less sure that mum would come back. We're just mammals, and all mammal babies sleep next to their mothers! smile

gymmummy64 Sat 24-Aug-13 01:57:44

DDs 11 and 14 still come in for cuddles on many a Sunday morning. It's lovely. And of course, any illness and it's my bed with extra cuddles. I think by today's labels then we probably did a lot of co-sleeping when they were little, but we just did what seemed natural and I don't think it has made them clingy/scarred them for life grin

crazykat Sat 24-Aug-13 02:03:04

I love cuddles with my DCs but not in the bed at night, I like my space too much. Plus even though its a kingsize bed I don't think there's room for me, DH and 4 DCs.

Cloudkitten Sat 24-Aug-13 02:04:41

Pinkpinot, do you have a DH/DP?

Pinkpinot Sat 24-Aug-13 07:42:58

Yes I have dh, would rather sleep with ds
Dh came in at 3am, probably stinking
AgentZZ-he tells me he loves me 50 times more than he hates me. Don't worry

Dobbiesmum Sat 24-Aug-13 07:49:08

It's fabulous to snuggle up in bed, until they starfish and pinch all the duvet. Then they get moved back. The night DS got in with us, rolled himself in the double duvet and then OFF the bed looking like a sausage roll was the night we decided that he could come in for morning snuggles but not in the middle of the night!

autumn51 Sat 24-Aug-13 07:50:47

Yanbu snuggles are lovely!

Pancakeflipper Sat 24-Aug-13 07:53:42

I woke up to find DS1 age 8 in my bed. He'd dropped his Lego model down the loo after a wee and it needed retrieving after having a comforting "it will be ok, I will sort it" cuddle.

My cat is obviously needy and clingy as he spends the night wandering from my bed, to DS1, to DS2 and repeats several times.

Theironfistofarkus Sat 24-Aug-13 07:56:43

I have all 3 DC in with me. I work full time so this is my close time. I love it. Is getting a bit squashy though so am drooling over the mega size beds on the Internet.

I love having the boys in bed and would sleep with them every night - DH is not so keen though. We have cuddles in bed every morning and I never want that to end. DS1 just started in P1 and is a bit wobbly so he's asking for loads of cuddles and handholding and I'm secretly delighted.

Cloudkitten Sat 24-Aug-13 08:13:26

Pinkpinot... not to go all psychological on you but does DS make up some the affection that maybe DH doesn't give at the moment? Sometimes, I have noticed with friends, when a relationship is not going well, or is going through a rough patch, people turn the space in their hearts normally reserved for partners, over to the children, because they feel they are getting a better return from the children, and/or it's a safer outlet for their affections. Really (ideally, healthily) you should want to share a bed with your DH forever not your DS (I know it was tongue in cheek, but I mean the sentiment behind it). Even with raising the light-hearted AIBU, you are still subconsciously looking for validation and comfirmation that pouring the love that might normally be reserved for your DH into your DS instead, is right and/or common.

Personally no matter how much I love my DCs and don't mind them occasionally in the bed, the bed is mine and DH's space. I am very lucky to have a healthy relationship with DH, but I am very aware of common flashpoints like not allowing children "access all areas". Parents need downtime away being a couple and often the only time you get that is either in bed or in the later evenings. It is good to preserve that ideally.

FobblyWoof Sat 24-Aug-13 08:19:16

DD is 18 mo and she won't sleep between us anymore. I really miss it but I think that's partly because if she wakes in the night and won't settle one of us has to go downstairs with her!

Cat98 Sat 24-Aug-13 08:20:56

YANBU but I only have a 5 year old. Ask me again when he's a hulking teenager!

DelayedActionMouseMaker Sat 24-Aug-13 08:22:18

I have a 3.5 yr old who still sleeps in with me. Until recently DH was in the spare room (mutual choice, no reflection on our happy and stable and loving marriage) but he's just rejoined us again.

He said the other day that he thinks ds should be in his own room, but we waited with dd til she asked for her own room (at 4yrs) and we have never ever had a problem with her with nightmares, bet wetting or going to bed, so he's been reminded of that and said ds should stay til he's ready....though I think if he's still here by the time he wants sleepovers we'll have to out out foot down! grin

Floatsyourboat Sat 24-Aug-13 08:24:17

I have always got into bed and cuddled my kids at night during a bedtime story and they aren't clingy but my step kids don't get bed time stories or lots of cuddles and they really are very clingy with me when they come to stay hmmm they never wanna go home either but that's another story.

pianodoodle Sat 24-Aug-13 08:25:09

We'd never had DD (26 months) in bed with us until we visited family and she kept wanting out of the travel cot.

I can see how people get used to it - it was lovely!

Didn't get much more sleep than usual though as I lay awake stroking her fluffy baby-bath scented head - lush smile

Ledkr Sat 24-Aug-13 08:26:17

Dd is 11 and still sleeps with me when dh is on nights.
It's our special time and we love it.
Dd2 is not so welcome as she likes to kick me in the face or stomach. She can remain in her cot!

feelinlucky Sat 24-Aug-13 08:28:35

My ds is 11 and I still have to battle with him to go into his own bed, although he is much better. I used to feel the exact same way as you op. I loved nothing more than having my snuggly little man next to me but it is different when they get older. Ahw, I feel sad about that sad He had his first zit last week and took great pride in showing it to me. I had to stop myself from getting upset. They grow up so fast. You just snuggle away for as long as you can smile

sparklingstars Sat 24-Aug-13 08:31:06

Make the most of it, my two never give me hugs unless they are using it as a delaying tactic to avoid doing something.

tholeon Sat 24-Aug-13 08:31:46

Gave dd 19 months her water cup at four am this morning.. Woke up half an hour later to find it being poured in my ear: lovely!

My 9 year old DS still wants cuddles. Long may it continue. Too clingy, my arse.

Crowler Sat 24-Aug-13 08:34:54

My 7 & 10 year old are in the bed with me all the time. I love it and dread the day they stop.

YANBU.

Pinkpinot Sat 24-Aug-13 08:46:03

Yes Cloudkitten
Probably

Cloudkitten Sat 24-Aug-13 08:59:16

I'm sorry to hear that Pinkpinot sad Is there any means of repair? Is the drinking (I am presuming its drinking) just a patch/intermittent or somewhat more of a permanent thing? In the past my DH went through a phase of going out and getting <slightly> more trollied than was acceptable/normal (he cannot take his drinks) and it was not very pleasant. I found myself utterly irritated by it/him at that time so I know a little of how it feels x

hardboiledpossum Sat 24-Aug-13 09:01:17

Cloud i have a great relationship with my dp and we have lots of time alone as a couple. I still love Ds coming for middle of the night cuddles.

Pinkpinot Sat 24-Aug-13 09:03:00

Last night had been planned for a whole
I'm just fed up , bored and lonely. He does what he wants

KFFOREVER Sat 24-Aug-13 09:15:38

I love cuddling up to 5month ds but he seems to prefer rolling around in bed rather than snuggle up to me. We have a lifetime of snuggling up to our dp's but our babies grow up too quickly.

Buzzardbird Sat 24-Aug-13 09:16:34

You are not alone pink. At least your ds will benefit too from some extra love and cuddles...that's how I see it anyway. It helps. *thanks

Bunnygotwhacked Sat 24-Aug-13 09:17:27

We have only had ours in when they have had a bad night dd and ds2 has always wanted their own space especially when ill I hover around their rooms trying to read stories and give cuddles offering them to come into my bed or go on the sofa but they never do and just want to sleep in their own bed ds1 would come into our bed if he had a bad night when he was 9 never co slept we let him in for a few nights but our bed was a double and only really big enough for me and dp. We always used to all snuggle in on a weekend morning though and have breakfast and watch netflix in our room.

bemybebe Sat 24-Aug-13 09:20:58

"children who grow up being very attached/clingy to Mum, have lots of problems when they grow up, esp with relationships."

LOL

FortyFacedFuckers Sat 24-Aug-13 10:26:07

DS is 7.5 and still sleeps in my bed regularly and will continue to do so as long as he is happy to. I made the mistake of saying so in work once and I was basically told I was some sort of weird pervert confused but to be honest I don't care he's happy and I'm happy.

nipersvest Sat 24-Aug-13 10:36:00

ds is 8 and when dh is away he comes and sleeps in my bed, i ask dd if she wants to too, but she's older, 11 and says ewww no when it comes to sharing with her brother.

Tortoisegirl Sat 24-Aug-13 10:47:03

My DD is 12 and just (2 weeks ago) stopped sleeping in my bed! Her Dad left us when she was 2 and I'll be honest for the first year it was for my benefit not hers. We moved when she was 4 and she has always had her own room but I let her choose where she slept. For the last couple of years I have been reminding her she has her own room but she said she likes being with me and I knew that when she was ready she would move herself. We have the best chats when snuggled up together and as it is just her and me it is a very special time for us.
I redecorated her room over the holidays and she has now decided she wants to sleep there. Very bitter sweet emotions but it is just a new phase of our relationship. I guess it would have been different if I had had more than 1.
By the way she is very independent minded young lady and not clingy at all!

Tortoisegirl Sat 24-Aug-13 10:49:51

Forty, I had that reaction from my Mum and the odd friend who knew, so we just said she slept in her own room! A lie I know but I'm just not prepared to keep justifying my parenting choices.

LalyRawr Sat 24-Aug-13 10:52:25

It would be physically impossible for me to share a bed with my DD and actually get some semblance of sleep.

She's only 18 months but she fidgets, moves, wiggles, throws her limbs about. I woke up once with her backside on my face as she was sleeping horizontally across the pillows. I also regularly get hit in the face or kicked in the chest.

She has also started sleeping talking. Well sleep babbling.

For my own sanity she stays in her own room!

catinabox Sat 24-Aug-13 11:05:41

At risk of being seriously flamed. I really can't see the benefits of sharing a bed with DC!

I like sharing a bed with DH, it is enough for us to put up with each other's thrashing about, snoring, farting. I wouldn't want to inflict it on DC. Also, if we want to DTD then we can't if DC in bed with us!

I have two female colleagues both with DC aged 6 and 7 who have both said that they still sleep with their DC and have done since birth. One rarely gets a good night sleeps, she's got health issues and is often uncomfortable, the other says she doesn't like going to bed without her DD 'snuggled up' with her.

1st one, i often whether colleagues DC manages to get a good night sleep or not and the second one I often think that this colleague is sleeping with her DD to meet her own needs rather than DD.

Surely the sleep requirements of a child and an adult are different and sleeping in the same bed means someone is going to get disturbed?!

I am all up for morning cuddles though. smile

PoppyWearer Sat 24-Aug-13 11:06:02

My DH has been away with work. I've been indulging in some lovely snuggly cuddles with our two DCs guilt-free.

Although I do often wake up in DC2's bed after going to resettle him in the middle of the night and falling asleep myself. blush

Tiredemma Sat 24-Aug-13 11:17:42

My 10 year old DS loves cuddles. I LOVE cuddles with him. I want him to stay little forever (if I could have boxed him up at the age of 6 I would have)

ourlittlestreet Sat 24-Aug-13 11:19:09

My oldest is nearly 11 and still occassionally weekly sleeps with me.

She's not the slightest bit clingy in the daytime.

Layl77 Sat 24-Aug-13 11:21:57

If I am honest I would just love a huge bedroom with a 20ft bed where we could all snuggle up. I think id sleep so well! Bollox to the clingy rubbish. Who so you think would have problems with relationships more, someone who's been cuddled lots or abandoned as a child? Duh.
They soon throw you out, enjoy the cuddles!

littleducks Sat 24-Aug-13 11:25:05

Glad you had nice holiday cuddles. I'm slightly jealous, first night away me and the kids they both didn't sleep until in the double bed with me. I ended up on kids size single. Then the second night ds slept with me and wet the bed. shock

Not my idea of fun!

badguider Sat 24-Aug-13 11:26:36

I don't know a 6yr old who doesn't wriggle and squiggle and throw the covers off and turn through 360deg at least three times in the night, not to mention occassionally slipping entirely towards the floor and pulling back in again, eventually ending up with head at foot and feet on pillows (or up the wall).

Give me Dh any day!

TrueStory Sat 24-Aug-13 15:39:18

Such a genuinely sweet thread ... (unusual on MN, no?!)

As for myself, I love cuddles too! My 10 year old is still my own personal hot water bottle come bed-time.

He still loves to start the night out in my bed, but since he was 6 and grew so tall and fidgety, I do kick him to the kerb to his own bed at some point in the night, as he's all arms and legs; that way I get a good nights sleep. He goes to sleep in my bed usually, and wakes up in his own! So I get the best of both worlds smile.

It works as long as it works and when it doesn't it will be a little sad goodbye.

I work full-time and study, too, so couldn't imagine not sharing a bed with my daughter. I love the hour before bed- cuddles and musical bears and stories until we both fall asleep. Magic.

She's not quite three, though.

cory Sat 24-Aug-13 16:03:40

I come from a culture where letting children into your bed is far more accepted than here. So I tended to go with what was normal for me rather than what the HV's told me was normal. Hasn't made any difference to ds that I can see: he is a perfectly normal, lumbering, semi-grunting teenager.

But I found the quality of sleep was far better with small child than with adult dh. Obviously not a longterm solution since they don't stay small. But now and then when I was desperate for a good night's rest, I was not sorry to see a small figure appear by our bedside. Dh moves around far more and is far noisier.

CustardOmlet Sat 24-Aug-13 16:04:33

I love cuddles with my DS (a rarity with him being a fidgety 8m old) but I would never share the bed with him. My bed is for me and DH to snuggle in and DTD when we please.

Also my area of work means I have met a lot of adults with scarily unhealthy attachments with parents that I would rather not replicate!

CustardOmlet Sat 24-Aug-13 16:07:05

Just to add, I realise that co sleeping is not the only thing the adults I mentioned had experienced, didn't mean to imply it was such a horrendous act!

cory Sat 24-Aug-13 16:09:11

I don't think scarily unhealthy attachments come from one individual thing, like whether you sometimes share a bed or not. Otherwise a large proportion of the world's population would have unhealthy attachments, seeing that invididual bedrooms is very much a Western phenomenon.

But no doubt in a culture where a certain behaviour is frowned on that behaviour can sometimes be a sign that the person is also not following other societal norms- sometimes in ways that might be damaging. So sometimes a symptom, if not a cause. But not necessarily even a symptom- it might just mean that they came from a different culture (like me) or followed a different parenting style.

FingerPicker Sat 24-Aug-13 16:11:07

I would love it.

DD (3) has never come into our bed even for a few minutes. When I wake her in the mornings I sometimes get into her bed and we lie there and have a cuddle. It's flippin' lovely.

Samu2 Sat 24-Aug-13 16:12:23

My four year old still co-sleeps.

Has done from the day she was born. She starts off in her bed now but ends up in mine.

Dh has his own room as he snores due to some heavy meds and I have insomnia so it's just me and DD. Me and Dh always go up at the same time and we cuddle and stuff in his room or mine before we go to our own rooms so we still get plenty of time with it being just us.

DD told me she was going to sleep in bed with me even when she is married hmm

My 14 year old slept with me until he was 7!! he is far from clingy. He is very independent and wouldn't dream of sleeping with me now grin

My 10 year old sometimes gets into bed with me too. He has panic attacks since his dad was diagnosed with cancer so if he gets one during the night he just gets in with me.

I must be weird then because I couldbt think of anything worse. The occasional times that either dd has ended up in bed with me I barely slept at all. They get hot they wriggle I pull duvet up they pull it down and when I do finally drift off I'm woken minutes later with feet wedged into my head.

I dream of a large double bed To myself and a spare room for dp cos he keeps me awake too. All of us would be hell
.

[freak emoticon ]

cory Sat 24-Aug-13 16:28:48

Wheresmycaffeine, you are talking about my dh, surely? grin

The whole point of having the children in bed was that they would absorb the shock from his trashing about and with a bit of luck spread so far his side that he wouldn't have room to lie on his back and snore. They were the only good nights' sleep I had. Now sadly gone.

noddyholder Sat 24-Aug-13 16:30:51

My ds is 19 and still will come in and jump in my bed and lie down Says he prefers my duvet and pillows although his are identical! grin

He does these weird jerks, or snores like a frickin drill, or sometimes even rolls over onto me in his sleep. And on top of that he bloody overheats the bed. I could not be dealing with him and the kids. I'd rather sleep in the shed grin

thebody Sat 24-Aug-13 16:31:15

yes when little. at now 23 and 22 both over 6foot and built like brick shit houses and hairy.. not so much really.

catinabox Sat 24-Aug-13 16:31:15

Also my area of work means I have met a lot of adults with scarily unhealthy attachments with parents that I would rather not replicate

Can you say more about this custard ? i'm intrigued

Feminine Sat 24-Aug-13 16:54:04

Its total bullshit that sharing a bed till a bit older will cause all manner of problems.

I have many examples of where everyone ended up completely 'normal'

This is one. I have some relatives that let their son share the bed ( when he wanted to) till 14-15! shock

He is fine.

He has had girlfriends.

Now he is married with 2 children of his own , I think he is about 28.

Maybe its because he was breast-fed till 4? wink

Feminine Sat 24-Aug-13 16:56:47

that was mainly for beagles.

LynetteScavo Sat 24-Aug-13 16:57:27

YANBU.

He will be big soon and not want to share with you.

My 10yo came into my bed every night for ages...he never does now. sad

Enjoy it while you can. smile

I don't believe for one minute that there's anything wrong with it. I just don't. I think we are meant to sleep in big, happy, family heaps. There's surely a reason why for so many people (I do appreciate not all) it feels so good, so happy and relaxing, to sleep child / parent, or sibling / sibling.

If you think about it, it's odd that current convention has the two adults of a family sleeping together while the smaller family members are off in their own rooms and expected to sleep alone, until they grow up and meet someone and then are expected to sleep with them.

Enjoy it while it lasts. DS2 used to sleep with me most of the time and I really miss it and treasure the memory. He was er ... older than 6 when he stopped.
He's a hulking six footer now but still does great hugs except that he picks me up and swings me round

justwondering72 Sat 24-Aug-13 19:03:02

Biologically there is nothing normal about human babies and children sleeping separately from their mother. Mother, baby and children together for food, safety and warmth. Father somewhere around. No wonder it feels so good to have our babies in bed with us.

Ds age 5 usually comes into bed with us at some point around 4 am. Ds age 2 is happy enough in his own space, but i usually end up in with him having a snuggly morning feed and snooze. We have a massive bed, left over from sleeping all four of us to a bed for nearly the years.

prettydaisies Sat 24-Aug-13 19:11:48

DD(12) will still sleep with me if DH is away!

LynetteScavo Sat 24-Aug-13 19:13:31

When DS1 was born other mothers seemed to be putting babies in their own rooms at 6 weeks. To me it felt wrong. I think when parenting you should do what feels right for you.

Cloudkitten Sat 24-Aug-13 19:44:18

justwondering... but... maybe the reason we did used to all sleep together was necessity rather than it feeling nice as such. It was a practical measure, exactly as you've outlined. Not necessarily pleasant per se, but sensible. We don't all need to sleep together for food, safety or warmth any more here. It's not the dark ages. We have evolved. We have Tescos. Brick-built houses (with alarm systems). Central heating, 10 tog duvets. Electric blankets.

I'm never a big fan of using past times as a measure of how good it used to be.. probably life was shit, back when families had to huddle together for food, safety and warmth. I bet Mrs Cavewoman wished her offspring had a (safe, warm) cave of their own so she could get some downtime with Mr Caveman. For all we know.smile

motherinferior Sat 24-Aug-13 19:53:26

I didn't co-sleep but still share with one Inferiorette or other - they have to take turns now they're bigger - when their father is away.

Mind you the very expression Couple Time makes me feel faintly sick...

MissBetseyTrotwood Sat 24-Aug-13 20:00:44

I love when my little DSs share my bed. One slightly more than the other though. One's super snuggly but the other kicks the covers off, grinds his teeth and talks in his sleep. The latter does wake up and tell me he loves me though while he's still all sleepy so that makes up for it ALL. smile

appletarts Sat 24-Aug-13 20:51:05

Ahh where else does a mum and a child belong... sounds bit biblical but I totally believe the best sleeps for all concerned are when all our primeaval instincts are set to rest with our baby (even at 17!) beside us at bedtime. zzzz. Cots? Not a chance!

Dh is out tonight and staying at my brother's house.
Ds1 7 nearly 8 yo asked if he could sleep in my bed and I can't wait for cuddles, we're going up soon.
know it won't be long before he grows out of it though sad

^^I spoke too soon with my earlier post. No cuddles for me, he's changed his mind about sleeping in my bed, I guess he's grown out of it

Pinkpinot Sat 24-Aug-13 23:39:15

We are at my mums, so another week of cuddles, then back to his own bed, to get ready for the school routine
Making the most of it, don't worry

TokenGirl1 Sun 25-Aug-13 00:16:01

Oh yes, I love cuddles with my little ones, especially my 3 year old who strokes my hair at night. That sends me off to sleep!

MrsDavidBowie Sun 25-Aug-13 09:15:14

I too could think of nothing worse.
I don't even like sleeping with dh.

Would love my own king sized bed with pristine sheets instead of sharing. Dh won't contemplate separate rooms as his parents did (and we haven't got a spare room anyway) i relish time away on my own in big beds.

I used to enjoy the dcs coming in bed for a morning cuddle, and ds 14 occasionally still does that.

DidoTheDodo Sun 25-Aug-13 09:31:53

No way. Sleeping alone is one of life's unsung pleasures.

Parmarella Sun 25-Aug-13 09:45:30

Good posts from cloudkitten

I have seen with quite s few of my friends the scenario where prolonged co- sleeping ( age 4, 6 and up) was what mum wanted, but have not yet met a DH who lived this arrangement.

Very often, behind this set up, is a mum who feels she gets a lot more love and affection back from her kids ( a child's love of its parents is unconditional) than from her DH, and a father who can feel sidelined and wishes he could share his bed with his wife again.

Would be interested to know some men's opinions on this actually

MutantAndProud Sun 25-Aug-13 10:08:54

Our DD is 2 and both DH and I adore having her in the bed. She used to be in with us all the time but lately likes being in her own bed. I'm so glad she's enjoying her big girl bed but both DH and I miss her in the night. She does sometimes runs in to us in the early hours of the morning and when she does both DH and I are really happy to have some family snuggles.

We also nap with her as a family or individually if we've had a bad night for whatever reason.

It's not affected our marriage at all, we're incredibly happy together and both adore our DD equally. She's not at all overly attached to us, she is very independent in the day time.

Even in my early 20s, if I stayed over at my parents house I would sometimes sleep in the same bed as my mum and snuggle. It was lovely and I always cherish the memories (mum died last year).

So co-sleeping isn't always about bad marriages and overly clingy kids. It's about families who enjoy being with each other.

I'd like to point out when I was pregnant I was SO against co-sleeping and was very judgy about those who did. I quickly ate my words when I realised co-sleeping saved our sanity in the early days when DD was a terrible sleeper.

We have our DS's cot fixed next to our bed with one of the sides off, that way me and DP can still cuddle and DS can cuddle during the night as well if he wants to.
He normally sleeps in his cot without any issues, but when his teeth are hurting him or he has a bad dream he rolls over and finds me smile
I guess I have the best of both worlds. DS is 16 months now but will be keeping it like this till he gets better at self settling.

I love getting cuddles from the 2 men in my life.

To the poster above who asked about a mans opinion on co-sleeping I can tell you my DP's. He was never happy with our DS sleeping in the middle of us. He hated being kicked in the back by the baby and hated the lack of intimacy between us.

So we compromised and moved the cot into our room.

Works for both us of now.

motherinferior Sun 25-Aug-13 10:40:33

Well, if a woman's not getting affection from her partner perhaps he should tackle his own behaviour rather then feeling 'sidelined' by a baby...?

Pinkpinot Sun 25-Aug-13 12:00:00

Just ftr, we don't co-sleep usually, it's just because we've been away from home for a lot of the hols and that's how it's worked out.
We are normally all in our own beds
But dh is a pAin to sleep with and I have a much better nights sleep with ds

Pinkpinot Sun 25-Aug-13 12:02:21

I don't want to be cuddled or held or kissed, or a big heavy leg draped over me
I don't want to be woken up every morning when he goes to work
I just want to sleep

LtEveDallas Sun 25-Aug-13 12:12:50

DD is 8 and still spends more nights in my bed that her own. DH and I hardly ever share a bed; he snores, bounce-turns, sweats and kicks too much. I much prefer sharing with DD and will let her stop when she wants. She's not clingy at all so I don't think it's an issue.

CustardOmlet Sun 25-Aug-13 12:15:21

Catinabox can't go into detail (confidentiality etc) but iv experienced first hand some strange attachments between mother and son particularly, which of cause are not just the result of just co-sleeping, but the mother definitely placing the love she should have for a partner onto her son.

Cat98 Mon 26-Aug-13 08:34:48

I very much doubt co sleeping can be blamed for 'unhealthy attachments', given all the people that co sleep its hardly an unusual or abnormal thing to do. It's just not talked about much because of attitudes from others.

MrsHoarder Mon 26-Aug-13 09:06:56

Parm if ds wakes in the night and I go to him I try to get him to sleep in his cot. If dh goes ds nearly always ends up back in our bed. We both love the snuggles even when we're used as a climbing frame

chocoluvva Mon 26-Aug-13 09:24:00

This thread is making me feel like I must be a very cold person. sad My idea of heaven is a double bed all to myself. The joy of deep, uninterrupted sleep.

cory Mon 26-Aug-13 09:29:45

CustardOmlet Sun 25-Aug-13 12:15:21
"Catinabox can't go into detail (confidentiality etc) but iv experienced first hand some strange attachments between mother and son particularly, which of cause are not just the result of just co-sleeping, but the mother definitely placing the love she should have for a partner onto her son."

In that case it's not the co-sleeping causing the strange attachment but her general attitude.

I knew a mother who expressed her over-strong attachment to her child by buying expensive designer wear. Hence designer jackets cause attachment problems? No, they don't. hmm

It is perfectly possible to co-sleep and have a normal healthy attitude towards your child's independence: people all over the world manage it. My db used to share a bed with his partner, three children and three cats. Totally normal well adapted family.

And if you have an unhealthy approach to your child's attachment simply turfing them out of the bedroom won't solve it: it's about bigger things.

everlong Mon 26-Aug-13 09:37:04

Youngest ds is just 7 and is completely gorgeous. All soft skin and cuddly.

But I cannot sleep with him. He moves about 476576 a minute.

But sometimes we will watch a film or you've been framed in my bed and have a cuddle for a bit but then he will go in his own bed.

neunundneunzigluftballons Mon 26-Aug-13 09:45:18

I look to my SIL unhealthy attachment to her parents particularly to her mum and am almost certain they never ever shared a bed as a child maybe the odd time when sick but that is the most.

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