That if someone comes to your house with some cakes/scones/biscuits that they leave them if there are only two left at the end

(76 Posts)
nocluemum Fri 23-Aug-13 19:14:39

And not take the two cakes home at the end of the morning like somebody did at my house this week. Ten people in my house and 2 cakes left at the end and the person took them home..... I would have left them as think that if someone is going to have a load of people at their house the least you can do is leave them a couple of cakes for later. What would you do.....

GredandForge Fri 23-Aug-13 19:17:49

A woman I know came to a party once, brought six beers, drank two of them then in the morning rang up to see if she should collect the other four or if I would drop them off! Some people have very odd ideas about possession.

Squitten Fri 23-Aug-13 19:18:35

I would never take food back unless someone asked me to

LillyofWinchester Fri 23-Aug-13 19:19:20

Haha, that's so weird. The correct etiquette is to leave them for the host, of course!

PigeonPie Fri 23-Aug-13 19:19:29

I'd have left them and would generally try to make sure I add a couple of extras so that their DH can have one later!

Certainly would never expect leftovers back - just rude!

trinity0097 Fri 23-Aug-13 19:23:46

If I made them it would be as a gift and I would have kept back at home any I wanted to keep from a batch.

ILetHimKeep20Quid Fri 23-Aug-13 19:24:16

How odd!

expatinscotland Fri 23-Aug-13 19:26:17

I'd leave them.

pianodoodle Fri 23-Aug-13 19:27:30

That is weird!

LanguageTimothy Fri 23-Aug-13 19:29:02

Cakes brought to coffee are a hostess gift surely.

they are all for ME

80sMum Fri 23-Aug-13 19:30:01

Rather rude to take them home, I think! She's obviously very fond of her own baking.

That is weird.

Mind you, some hostesses press you to take a doggy bag home because they've inevitably overcatered. Maybe she thought you'd catered so well you didn't need them.

Floggingmolly Fri 23-Aug-13 19:32:51

Did she actually rummage through the leftovers to ascertain which were hers? Some people shouldn't be allowed out on their own!

LanguageTimothy Fri 23-Aug-13 19:35:48

I once had a lady visit and without a word hand me a pineapple. She was bringing in a pram at the time so I wasn't really sure if it was for me or it was a gift..,

IsThatTrue Fri 23-Aug-13 19:37:14

I would leave them normally.

I have taken half a cake home before but the hostess was on a diet and I left enough for another piece each for her dcs. It was too nice to leave and it get chucked!

miffybun73 Fri 23-Aug-13 19:37:17

YANBU, I would never ever take home any food or drink that I had taken to someone elses house. Very very rude/impolite.

Gracie990 Fri 23-Aug-13 19:43:49

Christ we had guests once who came over, they brought wine x 2.
We ordered takeout, they didn't offer to pay half. They drank our wine x2 one of their own and asked to take it at the end!

We don't have them over anymore just too rude.

nocluemum Fri 23-Aug-13 19:46:23

Had only done a few other bits and these were def the highlight. Glad it is not me being off/rude/ wanting to eat them all!!

Capitola Fri 23-Aug-13 19:50:21

We went to a house party where a couple took a bottle of Bombay Sapphire.

We all stayed the night and next morning, they left and cheerfully took the bottle (which about 1/3 left) with them.

We were all shock

mumofweeboys Fri 23-Aug-13 20:34:55

Food you would leave, alcohol on the other hand if its a large amount I would take. We have house parties as do our friends where all of us bring a crate of beer and few bottles of wine. People tend to drink their own then take whatever is left at the end of the night but then we are all pretty hard up and we all tend to drink at different rates.

DieDeutschLehrerin Fri 23-Aug-13 21:00:15

My husband does this. Usually asks first but still it drives me mad and makes me cringe.

NicknameIncomplete Fri 23-Aug-13 21:01:22

I agree with mumofweeboys.

I would leave food but take alcohol home. However if i am at my friends for movie night i might sneak home some chocolate if i had bought it grin

galletti Fri 23-Aug-13 21:05:19

Anything I take to someone else's house I would leave. IMO incredibly rude to take something back. And usually invitations are reciprocated so works out fine.

TheRedRabbit Fri 23-Aug-13 21:13:01

I had 5 friends come over once when I was pregnant. I slaved away cooking a lovely meal for everyone and a few of them had brought cakes over for tea later. I couldn't eat any tea as had morning sickness and went upstairs to lie down for a bit. When I felt better I came downstairs to find that 4 of them had left and taken all the cake with them! I was very fed up as had been looking forward to eating cake when I felt better! Honestly! Taking cake from a pregnant woman!!!

sazzle82 Fri 23-Aug-13 21:14:25

Generally I always leave what I take, unless the hosts give it back to me. However, once we went to dinner at DH's friends. I had made a cheesecake for desert (my first ever), when our taxi arrived in my drunken state I opened their fridge and took what was left of the cheesecake.

When I found it in my own fridge the next morning I was very blush. I apologised to them and they weren't bothered (so they said anyway). I think I got it to take my tin home, but I can't really remember.

Clary Fri 23-Aug-13 21:19:05

In my book club we often bring food, sometimes that might be a batch of brownies or similar.

I only bring any home if the hostess insists (take these home for your DC, we won't eat them etc) but really expect to leave them. I am taking them as a gift, if we don't eat them then the lovely hostess can enjoy, surely.

Very odd behaviour from your guest OP.

SlobAtHome Fri 23-Aug-13 21:19:30

theRedRabbit Perhaps they felt awkward that their hostess had gone upstairs ill and decided to leave you to it smile Plus cake me upset you if you felt sick... Maybe ?

Def weird OP

BinarySolo Sat 24-Aug-13 07:33:02

Pineapple is a traditional greeting gift for Hawaii apparently so maybe the pram lady was Hawaiian?

If I make cakes for people I definitely expect to leave them behind. Although, at a work do once, where my colleagues were tossers I did take a slice of leftover cake to give to a friend at my pub job which I went to straight after. But it was just one slice!!

MrsKoala Sat 24-Aug-13 08:36:03

I would never take food home - but booze i have.

I had a group of mates and we would invite each other over. Everyone brought what they were planning to drink and stuck to their own all night. Some loads of these evenings would go on till 6am with dancing and lots of drinking. However, other evenings would be more sedate and end about 1am. So everyone would turn up with enough supplies to see them thru the night, but if the 'night' ended at a reasonable hour you wouldn't leave 5 bottles of wine there, you took them home. I think drink you take to a party to drink yourself is quite separate from a gift for the host. I always take both.

ElaineVintage Sat 24-Aug-13 08:40:00

Cakes I would leave with the host, booze I would certainly not. Well if it was a few beers maybe, but a bottle of spirit, no way!

Crowler Sat 24-Aug-13 08:41:06

The planet is brimming over with rude people who have no idea how to behave. Shocking, really.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 24-Aug-13 08:42:27

I'd never take stuff home! Part of being the host is that you get left with a lovely lot of leftovers in the morning! Softens the tidying up!

loopyluna Sat 24-Aug-13 09:03:08

This happened to me too yesterday. Friend called round with 4 DC (her 2 plus 2 nephews.) I had my 2 DDs plus a neighbour's granddaughter. Friend brought a pack of cakes which she offered to my DC and her 2 nephews then whipped out nutella on bread from her handbag for her 2 DC as they don't like cakes... hmm

I provided juice and chopped fruit for everyone, including her 2, who scoffed loads!

When she left, she swept up the remaining cakes and took them with her! I wasn't sure if this was cheeky or not (but I would not have dreamt of doing it.) So glad to read this thread and see it's not just me...

raisah Sat 24-Aug-13 09:03:43

I wenr to dinner once & as we sat down the hosts hovered by, they had already eaten prior to our arrival. We wete served well buy I got this distinct feeling thst they wanted us to eat & leave which is what we did.

MrsKoala Sat 24-Aug-13 09:05:51

If everyone drinks different stuff tho it's rubbish. I don't drink spirits or ale/beer/cider/red wine (altho i do cook with it). So i hate loads of left over booze i wont touch. I don't think it's rude to turn up with a lovely bottle as a gift, AND a carrier bag of what you drink and then drink it or take home what you don't. I mean 5 bottles of wine is £25/£30 i wouldn't leave that in cash as a gift on top of an actual gift. I suppose it depends on the host and if you know them well enough and they would do the same.

livinginwonderland Sat 24-Aug-13 09:12:59

I would leave food but take alcohol.

ZacharyQuack Sat 24-Aug-13 09:28:54

So the lesson here is if someone brings food to your home, you must eat it all before they leave, thus avoiding potential leftover etiquette confusion.

<<stuffs cake in gob frantically>>

I always insist my guests take leftover cakes and wine with them to avoid me consuming it all

Lweji Sat 24-Aug-13 10:20:11

It depends.

Were they large cakes or cupcakes?

Two large cakes I might take back at least half of each, after asking the host.

If cupcakes and it had taken me 3 days to make them, then I' definitely take them back!

QueLinda Sat 24-Aug-13 11:27:53

Anything I brought for a get together or party whether it be food or alcohol I would leave for the host. Very bad manners to take it home with you!

burberryqueen Sat 24-Aug-13 11:29:56

very tight behaviour IMO nothing you can do except snigger inside a bit

Facebaffle Sat 24-Aug-13 11:41:56

I'd leave both food and alcohol.
I have given back bottles of spirits that have only been partially drunk on the basis that they are expensive.

A friend once sent her dc around the next day to collect their unopened bottle of coke that they had left shock

Madmum24 Sat 24-Aug-13 11:45:05

Some people have not been fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of etiquette.

This reminds me of the time someone came to my home and brought me a box of chocolates. It was an occasion, perhaps I had had a baby (can't remember) but when I went to the kitchen to bring in the tea her small son came in with box opened and was scoffing them. His Mum then laughed and said "sorry I had to open them as he was pestering me for one". The height of rudeness! I was going to open them and let everyone have one but I would have preferred to wait until I at least came back into the room.

Floggingmolly Sat 24-Aug-13 11:51:19

Oh God, you don't take alcohol either unless you still do that studenty thing of keeping your own close by you in a carrier bag at all times instead of handing it over to your host like a grown up.
How could anyone go ferreting through the bottles to retrieve the ones they brought without any sense of embarrassment or shame???
Someone mentioned cost; well if you afford to drink it you can afford to leave it behind, there's no logic there.

FastWindow Sat 24-Aug-13 11:52:06

What annoys me is when people come to your party and have form for bringing horrible wine like liebfraumilch, then drink only the good stuff. For those people I wait on them hand and foot and make sure they get what they brought. evil cackle

Thepowerof3 Sat 24-Aug-13 11:54:50

A friend of mine came out for the night with us and my DH paid for her to get into the club and we bought her drinks as she was short of funds. She stayed at ours that night and a couple of days later she rang me to ask for a can of coke she left in our fridge

MortifiedAdams Sat 24-Aug-13 11:59:22

Id leave the cakes even if they were unopened.

I went to a BBQ at a friends and took two bottles of wine which never got opened. She kept texting to ask wheb she could drop them off. I kept saying "just drink them!!" Honestly, some people!

littlewhitebag Sat 24-Aug-13 12:05:10

It depends where and who i was with. My best friend does not have a sweet tooth so i would take home any cake or biscuits i brought but leave alcohol. At New Year if there has been a load of booze at a party i would check if the host would use what i brought - no point leaving a bottle of gin for people who don't drink it! I wouldn't take home wine though. I would leave that for the host.

bootsycollins Sat 24-Aug-13 12:05:28

Gawd it's soooooo cringy when people are tight, it's not an attractive character trait, such a turn off. I've taken alcohol home with me at the hosts insistence but It would never enter my head to take cake that I'd baked for my hosts home with me. Either give with good grace or don't bother. You wouldn't buy somebody a toiletry set, watch them open it then announce that you'll take the bubble bath home with you because you know they prefer showers, would you? hmm

CoffeeOne Sat 24-Aug-13 12:08:18

I have a friend who does this. Arrives with baked goods and expects lots of praise and thanks, you have one and she takes the whole tin home. Although she's the kind of person who if you borrow £1.03 off her she will expect £1.03 back.

saulaboutme Sat 24-Aug-13 12:11:36

It's rude to take anything you have brought unless host wants you to take it I think!

Would love opinions in this...

Dh friend comes over, brings 2x wine.
We are drinking vodka which he joins us in.
wine is unopened, when he leaves he asks if he can take a wine...and does....

I thought it was really rude.

Crowler Sat 24-Aug-13 12:13:47

^^Horrible, saulaboutme.

saulaboutme Sat 24-Aug-13 12:23:08

Crowler...I was gobsmacked, I thought well why did you bother...

Very stingey behaviour, i would personally leave them!

I'd never take stuff home unless absolutely pressed by my host (diet/cake etc). I'd never take alcohol either. Once it's handed over it's theirs.

I leave it, unless the host specifically asks.

sleeplessbunny Sat 24-Aug-13 12:37:48

I do think it's a bit rude to take stuff home, but not half as rude as turning up empty-handed.

Thepowerof3 Sat 24-Aug-13 15:50:02

If you're going to take stuff home you may as well turn up empty handed

nocluemum Sat 24-Aug-13 18:49:58

Liking the £1.03 comment coffeeone. We could be talking about the same person!! Although I think there are probably a lot of people out there like that sad

Lweji Sat 24-Aug-13 19:02:15

It depends, I mentioned taking part of large cakes because usually there's so much left that people tend to divide up remaining food, particularly cakes. And then I take them to be eaten at work.

(sad that no one picked up on the 3 day cupcakes sad - see cakes thread)

Silverfoxballs Sat 24-Aug-13 19:03:38

My friends parents expect to be waited on hand and foot when they stay at her house. They actually bought a couple of bottles of wine and a bag of peanuts when they stayed for a few days last time. Far more generous than usual, they took the half eaten bag of peanuts back with them.

Bumblequeen Sat 24-Aug-13 19:16:01

How tight. I would only take an item home if guest insisted I do because they do not/cannot eat or drink it.

Some people are just out for themselves. It is always about their gain.

I had a friend who was very stringent. I found it annoying doing anything with her. If we went to the cinema she would refuse to buy snacks but take a few of mine when offered. If we had lunch she would buy a mains but no side and ask for 'a few' of my chips. She constantly watched her pocket. She earned more than me at the time as I was a pt student!

chocolateicecream Sat 24-Aug-13 19:23:09

Oh I did Lweji. That thread has been pure entertainment.

Stripedmum Sat 24-Aug-13 20:36:22


Lweji Sat 24-Aug-13 20:42:07

Thank god, chocolate. grin

AaDB Sat 24-Aug-13 21:03:08

Cakes should be left.

Chocolates or gifts should not be opened by visitors or their children.

Booze brought as a hostess gift should be left.

I have lovely friends and we visit each others houses often. The unspoken protocol had morphed into hosts provided drinks, nibbles and main meals. Guests bring wine, cake and small doodah for each of the kiddos. The group is much smaller than it once was. Geggers and tight arsed have fallen by the wayside. No time for unkindness here.

We do have weekend guests that bring wine and take it home, even after consuming vast amounts of our provisions. I think it's rude but see others see this as acceptable. doesn't everyone know you take gifts to hosts?

Bellini28 Sat 24-Aug-13 21:18:46

What the buggery!! I am sorry but this kind of thing makes me cringe. One does NOT leave a hosts home with booze, food or whatever unless it is handed out by said hosts on the way out. If you can't afford to leave it then dont take it..... Seriously poor form and utterly embarrassing as this stuff never goes unnoticed. Quite frankly my self respect and reputation are worth far more than the cost of some wine or cake!

revealall Sat 24-Aug-13 21:56:27

Ah but I have a friend who invites people round but never buys enough food or booze to go around herself.
She'll invite you and then ask you to provide the snacks or wine and puddings and starters if it's a dinner party. So of course if you are designated pudding person you bring two varieties to keep all tastes happy and snack person will usually bring dips as well as crudites/crisps/nuts etc.
Friend then inevitably ends up with tons of everybody elses stuff at the end.That would be OK but it's every time and surprise she can never make it to anyone elses house. We've all started reclaiming at the end of the night now.

I would always leave whatever I take. I would never dream of taking either food or alcohol home with me, ever. It would just be rude IMO.

AaDB Sat 24-Aug-13 23:41:40

reveal, I understand where you are coming from. She sounds tighter than two coats of paint, you are right to take home your leftovers.

We had friends that our now acquaintances. They brought £1 Iceland own brand cake (totally fine). As I mentioned before, guests provide pudding and desserts for our group. They always ate all the nice cake and never their own. Basically they ate and drank like Henry the Eighth for £1. They also had excuses when it came to their turn to host. They aren't short of a Bob or two; just mean, unkind and lazy.

Bellini28 Sat 24-Aug-13 23:54:33

Bloody hell reveal and AaDB do these people really exist!! No shame at all!! I just cannot stand the company of miserly people.

I have been on the receiving end of some rather nasty fizz though whilst noting our vintage offerings were swiftly stashed away. Same kind of thing and sort of funny... But ALWAYS duly noted wink

MrsKoala Sun 25-Aug-13 07:15:18

Flogging - with the group of friends i was referring to it wouldn't be a big party, just 4-6 of us and yes everyone did just keep their booze with them in a carrier bag. I wouldn't do it at anyone elses. We all knew each other from primary school and it was the norm in that group.

I hate most drinks, so i fucking hate it when i go to a party and everyone else has brought red wine (which makes me vom) and i am the only one who has brought a bottle of white wine, but suddenly everyone fancies a glass of white. i have half a glass then have to drink water for the rest of the party. Or when you have a party and people bring beer but ask for wine.

AaDB Sun 25-Aug-13 08:52:45

Bellini, it is the same mentality. we bring with us what we drink and a bit more to share. We don't take cheap versions with the intention to swap on better swag. Some people are selfish and machiavellian at getting what they want. We all go through tough times financially each other out. I can't abide cheap unkindness and miserly shenanigans.

The tin hat with the family was when we went out. The rest of us paid cash and left a tip. The father of this family put the money on his card but only paid the difference, effectively stealing the tip. One of their DC had created a massive mess. It was the tin hat.

wrigglebum Sun 25-Aug-13 09:03:56

Was it homemade cake? I sort of understand if they needed to take the tin home, though the correct etiquette there would be to ask your host if they have another container you can put it into so you can take yours (or collect the tin from them later).

AmberLeaf Sun 25-Aug-13 09:31:25

Someone mentioned cost; well if you afford to drink it you can afford to leave it behind, there's no logic there

If you can afford to drink, you can afford to pay for someone else to drink?

Generally if I have taken a bottle of spirit to a party, I don't take it for everyone to drink, especially when everyone else brings wine or beer then wants to drink my vodka.

A friend who is usually the host drinks vodka too, so I have no qualms sharing with her and would leave any leftovers with her.

Worst thing is pisstakers who bring cheap booze [beer etc] then drink spirits other people have paid for.

AmberLeaf Sun 25-Aug-13 09:32:43

Generally if I have taken a bottle of spirit to a party, I don't take it for everyone to drink

To add; because usually it is a 'bring what you're drinking' rather than 'bring a bottle'

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