Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

Was I BU to challenge friend on FB who made horribly prejudiced comment and photo posting?

(104 Posts)

An acquaintance on FB surreptitiously took a photo of a very overweight lady sitting opposite him across two seats on the morning commute and captioned the photo with "Fat tax for rush hour trains?!"

I commented on his photo and horrid opinion saying "there ought to be a 'dislike' button on FB, there's no need to be so rude".

He posted a reply which he later deleted asking if the lady in his photo was a friend of mine and there was no need for me to "get all high and mighty". Then he posted that he agreed there should be a dislike FB button for photos that we're disgusting ie the lady in the picture.

I was so angry, poor woman minding her own business on her way to work being secretly photographed and humiliated on FB. BTW, I've no idea who the woman was, but I feel that disgusting attitudes like this need to be challenged as silence in the face of this kind of prejudice just condones it in my view.

Just needed to vent. Going to 'unfriend' the bastard angry

snoozysleeper Wed 21-Aug-13 18:50:21


You can report the photo I think?? So hopefully it's remived. Then unfriend him... I've never really understood people who laugh at/mock others whom they deem to be less fortunate than themselves sad

snoozysleeper Wed 21-Aug-13 18:51:15


whatsaduckdo Wed 21-Aug-13 18:53:32

Ugh, how horrible. YANBU.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 21-Aug-13 18:55:46

YANBU. What a prick.

crazyspaniel Wed 21-Aug-13 19:06:44

I had a facebook "friend" do something like this recently. She wasn't a friend, in fact, but someone who was the class bully when I was at school. She sent me a friend request and it slightly freaked me out, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt thinking that, since we are now in our mid-30s, she had probably grown up and become a more civilized person than she had been when she was 14. When, a few weeks later, she posted a picture of an overweight, unfashionably dressed woman that she had been standing behind in a queue for a cash machine, I realised that she hadn't changed a bit since those days and promptly deleted her.

LimitedEditionLady Wed 21-Aug-13 19:48:35

I hate this,how can people be so cruel?and i greatly get mad that someone has had their picture taken without knowing.How dare they?no respect.

Yes limited that's partly why I felt so cross. She has been photographed secretly and mocked. Her face is fully visible too, so no anonymity at all.

I only ever post things on Facebook that I would be prepared to say to someone's face.

Some leopards never change their spots do they spaniel?

LimitedEditionLady Wed 21-Aug-13 19:56:27

I hate FB to be honest.Thats really sick,what if she or someone who is close to her saw that.Thats disgusting.Sick sick little coward.

peppapigsmummy Wed 21-Aug-13 20:14:46

I deleted someone recently because they wrote a status about how angry they were they'd been held up on the motorway because someone had attempted suicide on an overhead bridge. How selfish it was and that she haf 'somewhere to be'


IfYouLoveSomebodyLetThemSleep Wed 21-Aug-13 20:19:38

Yanbu, some people are just mean.

I would report it. A friend of mine had her photo on one of those 'spotted' pages where she had her bum crack out. I reported and it got removed so its worth trying.

waltzingmathilda Wed 21-Aug-13 20:25:49

Meanwhile, any journo could be snapping away and writing articles for any press and provided they did a little pixellation, no one would say a thing

LimitedEditionLady Wed 21-Aug-13 22:14:59

This is why i hate fb well there are more reasons than friends know that theyre not to put my picture on it.i cant stand it.

YANBU! That's disgusting. Why would anyone do that? Someone minding their own business ends up having their face on Facebook, without permission, with people mocking them angry

He's a shallow, and on occasion, a nasty piece of work.

Women flock to him when they first meet him as he is rather attractive, but surprise surprise! He has never had a proper relationship or one that lasted more than a month or two.

Will see if I can report nasty picture (not very FB savvy)

WandaDoff Thu 22-Aug-13 07:49:09

Fucking arsehole angry

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 08:38:30

YABU he makes a good point. If you're going to take up 2 seats then you should be paying 2 tickets. Just wait until airlines start charging based on passenger weight then you'll have something else to bitch and whinge about.

How cruel.

I wish I'd known you can report stuff like that. I was horrified that a 'friend' posted a picture of a woman on the bus with 'greasy, skanky hair'.

AKAK81 would that make it ok to take photos of fat people and take the piss out of them then? Maybe they could have a board up at the airport? You sound charming!

amatuermummy Thu 22-Aug-13 08:57:08

A FB 'friend' of mine went on holiday with his daughter and girlfriend and then continued to post photos on FB of women sunbathing topless around the pool and on the beach. They had no idea that he was taking pictures of them and was posting comments about them on FB.
I felt really uncomfortable about it and unfriended him.

Misspixietrix Thu 22-Aug-13 09:51:10

AKAK81 I dont think thats what the OP meant. The woman had her photo taken without her permission and put all over a social networking site. That's publishing and in my eyes I find the admins of such pages a bit fucking weird stalkerish yo be honest. One recently had a photo of all the Mums and Children in a Market Town. Young Children in full view and the Parents obviously oblivious that some random weirdo was Taking pictures of THEIR kids. The caption was something along the lines of "Oh look must be Benefit Day". Does that make it right for the photo to be published? no. Neither did it make OPs Friends Opinion of a poor unsuspecting woman make it justifiable to ridicule her ~

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 09:51:16

Fair game for piss taking and I say that as a fat bloke

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 09:52:57

Photos in public places are fair game. If anyone has an issue with that they shouldn't be out in public.

IWipeArses Thu 22-Aug-13 09:55:17

Fair game for piss taking? Fuck off. How would you feel if that was your Mum?

CatelynStark Thu 22-Aug-13 09:56:15


BeCool Thu 22-Aug-13 09:56:38

YANBU - your friend is an a-hole.
But you know that.

PleasePudding Thu 22-Aug-13 10:01:54

My brother in law takes surreptitious photos and seems to think its fine - seriously why? I fucking hate it. I hate that one which is all local on FB and you shame people and I hate creep shots - yes of course if you are in public you can have your photo taken but to do it without consent is extremely discourteous and to be mocked or perved over is loathsome.

What is wrong with people that they think such cruelty is ok.

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 10:09:09

My children/stepchildren know never to photograph me if they plan to FB the picture. I refuse to have anything to do with it. FB is for kids.

Misspixietrix Thu 22-Aug-13 10:13:29

Photos in Public are not Fair game. I know the two excuses used and they wouldnt hold much weight against someone who will one day have the funds to Lawyer up against this type. One the press excuse is Stupid. The Press even pixalate out photos of people Who's permission they do not have. A little something called the Data Protection Act they have to comply with. Before I also get the 'but cctv does this' line too. No they dont. Cctv images are to captured to be used in a Court of Law for Evidence for the Prevention of.Crime not for the purposes of being smashed all over Facebook! There is a world of difference between somebody innocently Taking a photo of someone in the background and not getting their permission beforehand and secretly taking photos to upload on to a networking site ~

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 11:59:06

Photographers are free to use photos taken in public however they wish including for commercial gain.

SunshineMMum Thu 22-Aug-13 12:03:38

YANBU That is just nasty!

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Thu 22-Aug-13 12:09:32

Photos in public... well, not something I can realistically be up in arms about in the age of digital camera, CCTV and mobile phone cameras.

However, photos taken for the purpose of mocking someone on a global platform is cruel, unnecessary, and clearly the mark of a total cock.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 12:17:34

Its not really mocking though is it? Its a factual demonstration of a good point.

Feminine Thu 22-Aug-13 12:32:03

AKA really

fackinell Thu 22-Aug-13 12:35:09

How creepy and disgusting!! That poor woman. Yes, I'd delete him, I hate being photographed and uploaded without permission. I have a tag filter for this reason (not that it helps this poor lady or others in her situation.)

I'm hating FB ATM and thinking of deleting it. Ive not seen any nasty RL photos like some of the others but there is a Muslim hating, supermarket one is doing the rounds right now (you can tell it's purely a made up scenario.) It makes my blood boil!! Some people just love to breed hatred. angry

SunshineBossaNova Thu 22-Aug-13 12:37:06

YANBU at all.

HopALongOn Thu 22-Aug-13 12:38:34

Doesn't matter if he has a legal right to take the photos. He shouldn't have taken it then posted on the internet for the sole purpose of mocking her. It might be legal, but you have to a vile human being to think it's OK.

Report and unfriend. What a total bastard.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 12:43:18

Really it does illustrate the point quite well. Its not like its picking on them for the sake of it. I could understand it if it was a ginger person and the comment was 'how about a ginger tax' as hair colour has no impact on anyone else however a fat person taking 2 seats on a packed commuter train does impact other people in the same way as someone taking up a second seat with a bag.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 12:44:31

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 22-Aug-13 12:45:05

Oh dear. AKAK81, you come across as rather unpleasant.


OKnotOK Thu 22-Aug-13 12:45:40

This is one of the main reasons im not on Facebitch.
There are enough dickheads to piss me off in everyday life, i really dont need to go looking for more online.

He sounds like an utter prick.

OKnotOK Thu 22-Aug-13 12:48:31



Sanctimummy Thu 22-Aug-13 12:51:06

Please don't report it, there are far worse things on Fb that DO need reporting. Unfortunately when someone takes offence to something so minor and reports it, it takes up valuable time of the people sifting through the reports stopping them getting to the really important stuff that needs attention fast.

I read about a moderator who got to a report from a young girl who said her uncle was abusing her and had put pictures of her on his facebook, and could he please help her and also remove the pictures. She said that he was coming over again at 2pm. He didn't get to her report until after 5pm.

doormat Thu 22-Aug-13 12:54:11

Yanbu i dont agree with these taking pics without ppls consent n posting them on fb

zatyaballerina Thu 22-Aug-13 12:55:50

yanbu, report the photo and report his account as abusive. There really needs to be a law governing the use of photos that are used to invade, abuse and humiliate people on social media. The technology we have now requires the law catch up to the 21 century to protect peoples privacy and dignity from this type of gross invasion.

AKA - go & lie down dear, you're coming across all unnecessary. Of course taking a photo of someone minding their own business in order to mock them on FB is indefensible. It's um, obvious.

Frankly, AKAK, you sound like a bully. Vile, horrible people like you are why I have depression and am suicidal.

If I saw a picture like that, and those sorts of comments, it would probably push me over the line from thinking about suicide to doing it.

But you would think that was funny too, wouldn't you? You arse.

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 13:05:56

Just <<ugh>> at imagining the inadequate creatures who either do this or think that is it an appropriate way to deal with a grievance whether legitimate or not. I imagine the kind of person who also supports bomb threats to those they feel threatened by?

angry that these inadequates appear to be on this thread too.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 13:15:53

I really see no issues. Its stating the bleeding obvious. As far as all this hand wringing and reporting to FB you all need to get a grip.

Sanctimummy Thu 22-Aug-13 13:17:42

Please don't report it, there are far worse things on Fb that DO need reporting. Unfortunately when someone takes offence to something so minor and reports it, it takes up valuable time of the people sifting through the reports stopping them getting to the really important stuff that needs attention fast.

I read about a moderator who got to a report from a young girl who said her uncle was abusing her and had put pictures of her on his facebook, and could he please help her and also remove the pictures. She said that he was coming over again at 2pm. He didn't get to her report until after 5pm.

NicholasTeakozy Thu 22-Aug-13 13:19:02

YANBU in the slightest. Degrading somebody like that is disgraceful. AKAK, you come across as an immature idiot.

zatyaballerina Thu 22-Aug-13 13:27:06

Sanctimummy; public bullying and humiliation of someone damn well should be reported. That could have horrible consequences for someones self esteem if they saw themselves abused like that, it could push an already vulnerable person over the edge. People have the right to go out in public without fear of being publicly mocked over the internet for their personal appearance.

It's facebooks responsibility to make reporting on their site more effective, they are responsible for what they allow up there.

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 13:27:50

God preserve us from a world populated by the 'speaking the bleeding obvious brigade'. AKA being pig ignorant-rude.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 13:28:17

Jesus I hope none of you never become the subject of a meme - you might actually explode. Nothing offensive was even said about this women it was purely factual. There are plenty of things out there to be more offended by. People on here are just so uptight.

I bet none of my bullies saw anything wrong in the things they said to me, AKAK - never mind that it has destroyed my life. In my opinion, it takes a very special sort of stupidity to fail to understand the real damage and hurt done by this sort of nastiness.

What is wrong with a bit of kindness in life? Why actively go out of your way to be unkind and nasty to people? Why would anyone want to be the sort of vicious, inadequate bully who needs to make fun of other people who have done nothing to harm them? Or the sort of vicious inadequate who thinks at that sort of behaviour is in any way acceptable?

Do you have daughters, AKAK? Do you want them to grow up in a world where a total stranger could judge them so cruelly and publicly? Or do you want them to grow up into the sort of bully who does this sort of thing, with no conscience?

The woman whose photograph was taken and displayed for public ridicule is a human being, with feelings. Why is it OK to ignore this, just for 'a laugh'?

I know I am wasting my time - people like AKAK have no conscience and are incapable of caring about the pain their ilk inflict on others.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 13:32:29

Also there is no presumption of privacy for individuals in a public place.

Shrugged Thu 22-Aug-13 13:34:25

People can be so bloody cruel. It doesn't even have to be online. I was walking down a street in my home town yesterday and three women in their early twenties sitting outside a cafe all suddenly did big cartoonish 'choking on my icecream sundae', and burst out shrieking with horrified laughter. I looked round to see what was so funny. The 'joke' was two very overweight girls in their late teens, one pushing a baby, both wearing tight sleeveless tops, both blushing and embarrassed because the laughing girls were making no effort to keep their voices down.

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 13:34:37

Civilised decent people reject the posting of a photo designed to mock another human being whether they be a celebrity or not. You AK do not sound decent. You sound rather cold and cruel. God help your children if you have them to be taught that it is reasonable to mock others. And it is mocking.

No - but there should be a presumption of decency from other people. I struggle with my weight - should I stay indoors until I have won that struggle, because there are people in society who,think it is OK to see me and make a deliberate choice to be vicious, judgemental arseholes?

You don't know the issues I struggle with, or my mental state - yet you would happily hold me up to ridicule, and shrug when I took my own life, just because I have the nerve to be outdoors whilst being fat?

I can change my body shape - you will always be the insensitive, conscienceless character you are, to paraphrase Winston Churchill.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 13:40:14

I see nowhere where it said this was posted for a laugh? More like a factual observation to me. I'm usually mocked and have the piss taken out of me on a daily basis but quite frankly I couldn't give a shit - I dunno maybe I'm just thicker skinned than most people?

Sanctimummy Thu 22-Aug-13 13:41:33


I disagree. This isn't important in the grand scheme of things. Clogging up valuable time of moderators with reports of this type is irresponsible. Child abuse, animal abuse these are the things that should be reported.

A photo like that will not be removed, it's a waste of everyones time reporting it. Tell the person what you think and hide the photo. end of story.

Don't waste peoples time when they could be stopping the next potential rape of a child, except they didn't get there in time because loads of people report things that aren't bloody important and they were too busy sifting through that bollocks to find the really important stuff!

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 13:46:18

If there should be a fat tax because of what the overweight cost us then what about a tax for all those unnecessary sports injuries? How about a tax for people injured doing DIY they are not skilled enough to do? How about charging all those injured in RTA's? How about taxing all those who burn themselves on BBQ's? How about stopping child benefit for children? After all nobody forced us to have them? That possibly childless overwieght photographed woman likely works hard to subsidise your children AK. I have plenty of patients who are overweight because of their medication or because of Myxedema, not because of what they eat. You are extremely ignorant *AK8. I pity your children if you have them.

And clearly being a figure of fun has made you bitter AK. Thick skinned? Not a good quality in your case.

Floatsyourboat Thu 22-Aug-13 13:46:30

And that is one of the many reasons I deleted my fb account which lead to my whole family and quite a few friends deleting theirs!
Spiteful cunts who use fb as a tool to be cruel and disgusting about other people should be shot!

It wasn't posted for any kind or caring purpose, was it, AKAK? And reading between the lines, it is pretty clear to me that the FB post was intended to make a joke out of this poor woman.

And yes, most people have feelings, and most people would be hurt to be pilloried in this way - and no-one with any decency would deliberately do something like this, when anyone with any compassion would know the hurt it would probably cause.

'Spiteful cunts' - thank-you - that is exactly the term I was looking for, Floatsyourboat.

Misspixietrix Thu 22-Aug-13 13:52:17

If you are talking about Professional Photographers the type that have Insurance make their clients sign permission forms etc (clue for you). Your point is valid. However we are not we are talking about FB amateurs who do it for the SOLE purpose of Ridicule.

zatyaballerina Thu 22-Aug-13 13:55:02

Sanctimummy; so presumably you wouldn't report an assault/racial abuse on the street/mugging/burglary or any crime which would be 'minor' compared to the big ones like murder and rape because it might distract the police by clogging up their valuable time with relatively unimportant offences? Of course not, that's ridiculous.

The more reports they get, the more they are held accountable for what is on their site, the more people they will hire to do that and the more effective it will become.

In the meantime the biggest problems on social media sites are vulnerable people being publicly ridiculed, abused and bullied and many youngsters (and not so young) are being driven to suicide as a result. Those who don't kill themselves are still suffering damaged self esteem and mh issues from being bullied like that. It is a big deal. The majority of rape pictures btw are of drunk teenage girls being molested/raped while out of it, suppose we shouldn't waste time reporting that either, on the off chance they might know what they're doinghmm

ethelb Thu 22-Aug-13 13:59:11

Taking a covert image for no other reason than to mock is morally reprehensible. And causes real problems when clarifying the law on using covert photography for public interest reasons.

However, as someone who uses public transport more than most, i do find the way you cant comment on how much of an impact the obesity epidemic is having on the general comfort of other passengers. Yes some people have medical problems and we need to be understanding about that. But maybe the airline sustem could be extended....

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 14:00:00

I love the assumptions people are making about me. I'm probably more overweight than most of you and am on medication with a side effect of weight gain so fuck you for judging. Of course there should be fat tax where people are taking more space and fuel on trains, planes etc.

Sanctimummy Thu 22-Aug-13 14:03:19


We're talking about a picture of a larger lady and the piss being taken on FB.

Comparing that to assault/abuse on the street is a really thin argument.

Did you read the link I posted?

Of course 'rape' type pictures should be reported. That's the point I am making. having to sift through a million 'I reported this picture because I don't like the fact that this person is being mocked' stops them getting to the stuff they need to get to. Fast.

Besides anything else, it is a waste of time. The picture won't be removed.
I reported a video of a small cat having petrol poured on it and set alight, where it then proceeded to run all over completely in flames. It was not removed.

They have very specific rules for what to remove and because there were no guts/insides/blood showing on the video, it didn't break their 'guidelines'. Shocking but true.

My eldest son is mocked and laughed at or moaned at fairly frequently when out and about minding his own business. My skin is pretty rhino like, but it also has brought home to me how utterly vile that type behaviour is. If someone took a photo of him and uploaded it on FB with the word spaz next to it or something I can't actually detail how I would respond, but I doubt it would be pretty.

I did see someone working in Virgin (when it still existed) mocking a customer before so I reported them.

People minding their own business have the right to walk around without being mocked. I can't imagine why anyone would want to defend that behaviour.

Sanctimummy Thu 22-Aug-13 14:08:37

So, AKAK, would you like your daughter/wife/mother/frankly any friend or relative mocked like this? Would you still applaud the person doing the mocking?

Why is it a good or desirable character trait to be so spiteful and unpleasant? Would you be happy if one of your children was caught doing something like this? Would you reward them for telling the truth and not caring about the hurt caused?

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 14:18:12

I have made no assumptions about you AK. Not an assumption to say that you sound vile. Regardless of your size. My best guess is that you are actually Michael Ryan because of course charging somebody extra for a weight gain that is medically induced is no different to charging a wheelchair tax is it? Or at least restricting the amount of disabled people allowed on each flight.

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 14:21:51

Coffee How about secretly photographing your acquaintance and posting the photograph on here or another public forum? After all this person is clearly a fan of trial by photo. We could all vote on whether we think this creature should be allowed to freely walk the streets - tongue-in-cheek-grin

Sanctimummy Thu 22-Aug-13 14:24:03

zataya presumably you wouldn't report an assault/racial abuse on the street/mugging/burglary/

Of course I would, but I wouldn't call the police to report that I witnessed someone being called fat and having the piss taken. They would tell me I was wasting their time!

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 14:24:46

Well I would always encourage kids to tell the truth. I think its wrong to teach them that sometimes its ok to lie. However I guess it depends on the comment. Lets take this situation as an example. For someone to comment "ha ha what a fat bitch" would be totally unacceptable but to agree and write "yes trains should introduce a fat tax" would be fine. My mother is mocked frequently by friends in the same way as I mock their mothers/sisters/kids whatever. I heartily suggest that none of you go to see Frankie Boyle - he's hilarious but I suspect people like you would be frothing at the mouth being offended on other people's behalf.

aturtlenamedmack Thu 22-Aug-13 14:28:18

I'd shame him on every day sexism if I were you.

Didactylos Thu 22-Aug-13 14:33:18


yanbu to unfriend and report the photo: hes a shallow little shit

Dawndonnaagain Thu 22-Aug-13 14:33:45

1) Whilst there is no presumption of privacy in public places the if the photograph taken is used for harassment, then the person concerned has a case. This could reasonably be termed harassment.
2) AKA You have decidely unpleasant views. My weight varies for a number of reasons, all of them medical and linked to whether or not I"m taking steroids at the time.
3)Your views are invalid as you are unable to construct a clear and coherent sentence, punctuate properly and spell correctly.
4) Bugger off now, there's a dear, your results will have arrived.

aturtlenamedmack Thu 22-Aug-13 14:35:44

Samctimummy - that article is a pile of shit, I've read it before.
Facebook are trying to use emotional manipulation to try and discourage people from reporting.
I have absolutely no doubt that those who moderate Facebook are faced with horrific images on a daily basis, however Facebook is a multi billion dollar company and if they are struggling to deal with their responsibility to moderate content then they need to employ more people or refine their systems and methods.
They have a responsibility to protect their users from distressing images or images which break their guidelines, that's why the report system is in place and should be used to report offensive images.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 14:36:53

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Sanctimummy Thu 22-Aug-13 14:41:31


It's not a pile of shit, it's true.

aturtlenamedmack Thu 22-Aug-13 14:41:50

And it looks like it's working.
How many rapes do you think Facebook prevent?
I'd say no more than the one mentioned in the article and I think even that's a stretch.

VerlaineChasedRimbauds Thu 22-Aug-13 14:43:18

It's a pity you are so thick-skinned really AKAK81 - otherwise you might be able to absorb a little human kindness from others.

I would hope to teach my children that, whilst truth is important, kindness and tolerance are also important. There is no need to "tell the truth" if telling it is merely an excuse for spite or mockery. "I was only tellling the truth" is a phrase often used by whining bullies.

aturtlenamedmack Thu 22-Aug-13 14:44:23

It's manipulative. The facts might be true but the way that they are presented is designed to tug on hearts strings and make people feel guilty for reporting. It's facebooks way of weedling out of their responsibilities.
And what about the suicides which could be prevented by removing bullying and abusive pictures?

Well, AKAK - the the things you have said on this thread are exactly the sort of things that someone judgemental and ignorant would say, so I think we are pretty spot on in thinking you ARE judgemental and ignorant.

FYI - it is not a virtue to speak the truth when doing so benefits no one and causes hurt to someone. The sort of bluntness you are advocating is a very fine line away from bullying - you would be happy if one of your children's 'truth telling' was bullying someone else, would you?

Like I said earlier - I am wasting my time trying to teach decency to someone who has none.

prissyenglisharriviste Thu 22-Aug-13 14:49:35

I'm fat. I think it's your attitude that needs fixing AK, I don't give a flying fuck if you featured on some miserable 'too fat to leave the house' show. Believing that the op's friend is an innocent who was merely commenting on commuter pricing makes you look woefully ignorant about human nature.

He was displaying a photo to get his mates to laugh at a fat woman. For you to be so 'oh it doesn't matter, get a grip' makes me think you're more affected by your own weight than you claim. Protests too much etc. either that or you're just one of those folk that pick the opposite point of view to get everyone all riled up. I'm normally a huge fan of people that stand up for their own beliefs and don't run with the crowd, but on this occasion you are effectively saying that you think it's okay to humiliate people in public for their weight. And that makes you a cock, whatever size you are.

AKAK81 Thu 22-Aug-13 15:04:41

No I just really couldn't give a toss about strangers' opinions of me. I'm ambivalent at best. This obsession that people have these days about what people think of them is just idiotic. I really can't be arsed to debate this any more so I'm off.

Don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out.

[MN will be better without this sad, inadequate excuse for a human being emoticon]

mignonette Thu 22-Aug-13 15:29:27

Posting an anonymous photo because the person is too cowardly to address somebody or an issue directly has got nothing to do with being 'honest' AK. Rather a poorly thought out example.

You are judgemental and ignorant AK . Nowhere did I say you were of normal weight. In fact you appear to have internalised prejudice as Prissy suggests and clearly unable to read. Your bitterness exudes from every word.

Nor did I assume you are healthy. In fact you are temperamentally and attitudinally very unhealthy. Like I said, I pity your children immensely to have you as their parent.

And I have a cunt yes. A rather lovely one in fact.

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 22-Aug-13 17:24:32


Can we please introduce our Talk guidelines

Clearly some of you have forgotten them or need a refresher perhaps?

Pennyacrossthehall Thu 22-Aug-13 17:59:07

In response to the OP (not the subsequent frenzy):

Taking and posting a picture of one individual - pretty unpleasant.

The general point of pay for the number of seats that you occupy - entirely reasonable. I say this having once spent a long-haul flight (which was not cheap) sat next to a lady who was so overweight that I was unable to use the movie controls on my side of the armrest because her rolls of fat hung over them. That was a deeply unpleasant experience.

It is a lot worse living within that sort of body 24/7, Penny. And I know that the solution is easy - fewer calories, more exercise - but due to my depression and my abysmal self esteem (due to bullying, hence my reaction to AKAK), I have really struggled to like myself enough to look after my own health, and to find the necessary motivation. If I tell you that I often have to fight to find enough motivation to get up or to brush my teeth, maybe that will help explain why finding the motivation for the huge task of losing so much weight is beyond me much of the time.

I am making small steps - going regularly to the gym, trying to cut down on fat and sugar, but when I have a depressive attack, as I did last weekend, it all goes to pot.

Pennyacrossthehall Thu 22-Aug-13 18:14:40

Hi SDTG I know that the solution is very obvious, but much less easy to implement.

My 2p is that willpower is much easier to exert in the supermarket than at home: ie if I buy the chocolate/crisps/nuts I will eat them, it's easier not to go down those aisles in the first place!

exoticfruits Thu 22-Aug-13 18:21:13

I would assume that if AKAK can't see the problem then she must be the one with the problem.

You are right, Penny - and actually that is another good argument for doing the weekly shop online, because there is less temptation.

prissyenglisharriviste Fri 23-Aug-13 00:36:19

Yes, sorry Rebecca, I should have said 'that makes you LOOK LIKE a cock'.

DanicaJones Fri 23-Aug-13 00:52:32

Before the summer holidays i was walking along a street holding my 6 year old dd's hand after school and I looked behind me and there was a boy in high school uniform who had obviously been taking a photo of us as he sort of guiltily put down the phone when I looked round. I then carried on walking and looked behind me again and he did the same thing. I am a size 16/18 and had on a long cardigan which covered my bum. I assume he must have been going to post it on some site where people post photos of fat people but i didn't think i could have looked that ridiculous as 16/18 in a long cardi and jeans (rather than if i had been wearing skin tight skimpy clothes) is not that unusual. I was confused

Rosduk Fri 23-Aug-13 05:35:34

'photographers are free to use photos taken in public however they wish including for commercial gain'-

Not true. As a photographer you cannot use a picture for commercial gain that has a recognisable face unless the subject has signed a model release.

However, unfortunately you can take candid photos and put them on Facebook and mock the subject as much as you like, but that just makes you an arse-hole.

Doesn't matter if you agree with fat tax or not, a photo of someone taken without their consent did NOT need to be used to make that point.

daisychain01 Fri 23-Aug-13 06:40:44

Rosduk you are correct regarding usage of a photograph of a recognisable person, for commercial gain but there are somewhat tricky nuances. My DP is a professional and leisure sports photographer and he knows someone who took exception to his recognisable photo appearing in a specialist sports publication. He got legal advice about whether to pursue the photographer for damages and was told not to bother, he was on a hiding to nothing these days! Ubiquitous cameras on phones, tablets, SLRs etc makes it so difficult to draw the line between a "face in the crowd" "an innocent, naive bystander" being recognisable, due to pinpoint quality of today's digital imagery. It would make lawyers very rich and the vulnerable individual very poor.

My contention about Hatebook, which I withdrew from over a year ago, is that it is a free-for-all. It is a social media tool, put into the hands of a dangerous mix of idiot people, many of whom are ignorant and haven't got a clue about the concept of ethical guidelines (which are deemed to be overarching rules of decency based upon The Nuremberg Code). People tend to have an innate sense of what feels right, decent, just, but many people have never had that moral compass or boundaries. They are the ones who spring up on Hatebook with filth like coffee highlights in the OP.

Taking photos of people and publishing their images without their consent not only goes against their right to privacy, it contravenes their ability to give full informed consent, and can humiliate them (either knowingly or in absentia) especially if posted with derogatory comments. So that's not one but three ethical guidelines they have ignored. Fakebook proliferates this behaviour by enabling Tagging although they were pressurised into having the additional feature which gives the ability to suppress it. I found it unacceptable and it wound me up having photos of me in a group appearing on other people's profiles without my consent. And tagged, eughhh! After a while I just sucked it up came off the bloody thing and now its ignorance is bliss, I just ignore it, its a circus.

I feel very sorry for that poor woman in the photo, being mocked about her weight by a stupid idiot. For all he know she could have had thyroid problems, how dare he. I am gratified people on here are equally shocked, its the modern day social disease, making fun of people on Fb sad

AKAK, despite your huffy flounce, on the off chance you come back to this thread I would like to point out a few things which seem to have spectacularly passed you by:

The issue I wanted to raise was the cruel and spiteful targeting of a stranger just for kicks. I am not interested in a debate on paying for two seats, that can be for another thread (if you are brave enough?!) wink

As a previous poster said, you appear to have no moral compass whatsoever, and as a result I'm not surprised you have developed a thick skin, god knows you seem to need one.

I'm sorry you have medical and health issues and that you have had a rough time in the past but one would think this might make you a little more sensitive to others, no?

You are either emotionally illiterate or extremely obtuse.

mignonette Fri 23-Aug-13 09:22:34

AK 'flounced' because she/he lacked the intellectual ability and verbal dexterity to argue coherently. The abusive foul language is her/his only refuge.

A creature to be pitied.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now