Terrible wedding behaviour.

(407 Posts)
WayHarshTai Wed 21-Aug-13 11:44:53

In light of the recent rash of threads about it, I thought we could have a compilation thread to keep them all in one place.

I'll start with my wedding, and my SIL.

We wanted her DS (who was about two and a half) to be a sort of page boy and wear the same style suit as his dad (best man) and the rest of the 'wedding party' including my DS. SIL said no as he woudn't want to wear a suit. And then promptly went out and bought him, that's right, a suit to wear.

She then asked if we could arrange a vegetarian meal for her despite the fact she is not a vegetarian. Which of course we did, although it smacked of 'making life difficult'. And she then managed to take both veggie meals on the day leaving my actual veggie cousin without a meal (still not sure how this happened).

At the ceremony she brought her DS in eating the World's Biggest Icecream™ which he then sat and slurped in his non matching suit all through the vows.

When we got to the venue she moved all the place settings around because she didn't like where she was sitting.

She then got very drunk very quickly, became very loud, heckled the speeches, announced her recent (six months ago) miscarriage to the room and then coralled me for nearly an on the balcony while she cried and told me how awful her life was.

I just found the whole thing quite funny (well, not the crying) and it makes for an interesting story, so if she was trying to ruin things it didn't work.

Anyway, that's my Terrible Wedding Behaviour story, I know you lot have some corkers, so spill.

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 11:50:48

She sounds manipulative. Not good about the ice cream or the changing of table settings. I can understand her crying, though, if she'd just had a miscarriage sad

Dh's cousins came to the wedding with their baby and the baby screamed all through the vows. The baby's parents then started arguing over who should take the baby out.

The other nightmare on an otherwise lovely day concerned an old school friend who bought two extra and uninvited guests with her. They got very drunk and then took some unopened bottles of wine home with them. In general, they behaved very rudely and apparently told someone that I looked fat in my wedding dress.

QueenofallIsee Wed 21-Aug-13 11:51:06

I posted this before but I went to a wedding as a +1 of an ExP...Invitation said 'guests to wear Black & White'. We duely arrived at the church in said colours - a few folks had not adhered to dress code but it was mostly older ladies and clearly family. Bride arrives in dramatic scarlet gown, looks around at guests and all but screams 'but I said BLACK AND WHITE, no one listens to me, I am THE BRIDE and now i look like everyone else! Noone even GASPED when they saw me'

This was accompanied but what can only be described as foot stamping and tears. It was AWESOME.

dufflefluffle Wed 21-Aug-13 11:55:54

Oh Queen I'd have loved to have been to that wedding!

WayHarshTai Wed 21-Aug-13 11:57:43

I lovethat foot stamping bride one. Brilliant.

This may make me sound like a massive bitch, but the 'miscarriage' was a heavy bleed a week after her mirena was fitted, and the GP said quite airily that it 'could be an early MC', which she took as gospel and became another thing on her long list of reasons her life is awful.

She is much better now and not half as mental.

megsmouse Wed 21-Aug-13 12:00:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SybilRamkin Wed 21-Aug-13 12:02:06

Definitely wish I'd been at that wedding Queen, it sounds awesome!

At my wedding a couple of the guests pinched the wine at the end, but only a few bottles. And another guest raided the baskets of toiletries and emergency supplies in the loos and nicked half the stuff halfway through the evening. But I put both down to them being pissed and laughed about it afterwards.

I know a girl who wore a white strapless minidress to a mutual friend's very Catholic wedding, which was pretty odd, but she looked dreadful in it so no damage done grin

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Wed 21-Aug-13 12:04:35

Close friend's of DH's dropped out of wedding as the husband had been having affair with the best man's wife. All would have been awkward if both couples had been there. In the end only the best man came (affair wife stayed away). Best man then got off (very publicly) with affair man's sister (who happened to be a family friend of ours). No one ever speaks of this, it's like it was wiped from everyone's memory except mine. Very odd.

DuchessFanny Wed 21-Aug-13 12:11:49

ahhh the wedding i attended with an exbf, his sister and mate. The bride was an ex of his and friends of them all, but i'd never met her, or her family.
We arrived at the evening do to what is best described as a bit of an atmosphere, apparently some of the grooms friends had had a massive fight just before we arrived and as we sat down the brides father went on to the mic to ask everyone to 'stop being total arseholes and ruining my daughters day'
The evening progresses, we have a few drinks, the bride comes over to say hello .. next thing we know the brides father is arguing with grooms sister, grooms sister kicks him hard and then goes and picks up a glass and slams in down on the dancefloor, glass flies everywhere, young kids are screaming, the rest of us guests are sat in stunned silence.
A scuffle breaks out and the bride goes up to the mic and says ' can everyone just fuck off please ?' but everyone was too shocked to move/didn't think she meant it. 'no really, everyone leave NOW' we all walked out awkwardly, some people were in tears.
I have never felt more sorry for a bride before, her and groom crying, family still arguing as we left - grim !

WilsonFrickett Wed 21-Aug-13 12:13:32

Drunk bride. Very, very drunk bride. But I can't say more because I would immediately out myself. Darn. It was EPIC though!

(The drunk bride was not me, btw)

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 12:14:31

Actually, I've behaved badly at a wedding. Back in 1997, I went to a wedding with my best friend. It was her cousin's wedding and it was a fab day.

Unfortunately, I proceeded to get very drunk indeed and spent the latter part of the evening sitting on the knee of my best friend's brother and snogging his face off. This was in front of everybody. I'd only met him once before, very briefly.

Luckily, a year or so later the brother and I got married so that went some way to cover up the embarrassment smile We still like snogging smile

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 12:15:46

OMG Duchess! That tops them all! Bloody hell lol!

LtEveDallas Wed 21-Aug-13 12:17:06

Not that I was bothered about it at the time, but at my wedding we had about 10 bottles of champagne gifted to us (mostly tax free from Germany, but one bought at the hotel for about £75 shock). By the end of the night there was only one bottle left because guests had helped themselves. Didn't bother me then (and doesn't really now as we don't like wine/champagne) but I do feel a bit hmm about it. I mean, they were gifts, so it was pretty rude (and actually theft when I think about it).

The only other thing was the guy (who I love) that rushed up to us just as DH was going to do his speech to tell us, very excitedly, that his ex girlfriend had agreed that very minute (by text) to give them a second try grin. He announced it to the room and the room cheered! (They are still together 9 years on).

3ismylot Wed 21-Aug-13 12:18:57

Have told this before but will add it again as so much went wrong its laughable!
(MIL and FIL are seperated and both remarried which I need to state for it to make sense)

At my wedding (only a small registry office with 13 people) My Mum managed to take up all of the hairdressers time so mine didnt get done properly, then she was "too busy" to help lace my dress and I had to rely on the kindness of my make up lady!

Then my Dad drove at 40mph all the way even though it was a 60 limit and when we couldnt park directly outside he drove round round the block and I had to run in my dress nearly half a mile!

Then while DH and I were filling in the legal bits before the ceremony SFIL decided that even though he has a blue badge and was parked in a disabled bay that he couldnt leave the car without paying so refused to leave the car until everyone had scraped together the spare change! Then he just sauntered in while I was waiting to make my entrance (great pic of me scowling at him grin )

Then just after the ceremony the photographer was trying to get shots but MIL was stood in the way taking pics on her crappy mobile phone and wouldnt move!

Then at the reception (meal in a private dining room) MIL and SFIL got drunk and MIL spent the whole time trying to wind up FIL and SMIL (right in earshot of poor DH!) with the crowning comment being "I have only been truely in love once and that is with SFIL" luckily FIL has a sense of humour and just replied "yeah I was just the practice run to have a kid with"

MIL also spent the whole reception taking DTD (4 months old) off anyone else who held her (this being only the 2nd time she had met the twins as she refused to see them when they were born as her dog had to be put to sleep a week before they were born and she was too distressed! The only way we got them down was to book and pay for a hotel and take them out for dinner where they again got drunk!) so she just cried at her everytime!

Then afterwards DH and I were staying overnight in a hotel as we couldnt have a honeymoon and my Mum and Dad were supposed to babysit the kids but when we turned up at 12pm the next day to collect them we were made to feel bad for not being there earlier sad

Luckily DH and I look back and laugh about how badly it went smile

And best of all we now have nothing to do with MIL or my Mum and Dad as our wedding was just a sample of their narc behaviours!

Doubtfuldaphne Wed 21-Aug-13 12:19:23

At my wedding, one of the guests brought his new girlfriend as his guest. she attempted to steal hundreds of pounds worth of alcohol from behind the bar. They obviously didnt think there would be CCTV and my husband was left to confront the lady in question over breakfast the next morning with the manager.
She also pinched my bouquet!

CiderBomb Wed 21-Aug-13 12:20:42

I went to a wedding where one of the guests at the night do got hammered and proceeded to punch the chief bridesmaid in the face because she'd apparently looked her funny.

Pascha Wed 21-Aug-13 12:24:14

Happened after DH and I had left our wedding reception in PIL's back garden.

After we left at around 11pm the guests slowly started filtering away, most were gone by midnight but a few stragglers hung on, notably a couple who lived in a nearby close so no travelling to do. They were evening guests, not close friends, more working aquaintances of DH and FIL invited out of courtesy.

They were very very drunk, much more so than anyone else. The man wandered off to the loo (portable at the bottom of the garden) and did not return, after about 15 minutes FIL found him passed out by the arbour with a big cut on his head where he had walked into it hmm.

Anyway, he got him up with the help of BIL and decided to walk him home, leaving her with MIL - the last ones left at that point. Halfway home he turned aggressive, attacked FIL, was pulled off by BIL and they all fell into a bramble hedge. Cue mass swearing, shouting, nastiness etc. They picked him up and dragged him home, left him on the doorstep and ran back to escort Mrs home to find she had been verbally aggressive to poor MIL (she called her a fucking cunt for owning a nice car! shock)

They escorted her home PDQ and encountered him on his way back for another go, turned them both around, dumped them at their front door and left.

We popped round late the next morning and found out about this from DH's sister who was making a start on the cleanup. FIL had scratches all over his face from the hedge, BIL had a strained shoulder, MIL was still in bed (overindulgence more than anything) and there was a giant bloodstain on the grass where the twat had knocked himself out.

They got a call from the wife a couple of days later to apologise. They were very embarrassed.

CrazyCatLady13 Wed 21-Aug-13 12:26:00

Not as bad as some:

My BIL (DH's brother) tried to get the singer of the band drunk despite being told he was a recovering alcoholic several times.

My PIL wanted us to go to their hotel room after all the other guests had gone as they wanted to talk about the things they didn't like about the day. Luckily new DH told them where to go!

DorisShutt Wed 21-Aug-13 12:27:48

Went to one where the bride's mother got absolutely paralytic and threw up ALL over the toilets (floor, walls, stalls etc)... but didn't tell anyone!

Luckily it was near the end of the night, but there were still a few guests who had to be shipping into other guests rooms to use their facilities before leaving as the hotel toilets were unusable!

MaxPepsi Wed 21-Aug-13 12:30:45

Brides brother having a drunken argument with a guest.

Boyfriend of said guest then tried to start a fight with the brother.

He got the wrong brother and pushed another female guest to the floor.

'Wrong' Brother decks the boyfriend and Groom has to sort it all out.

Meanwhile, SIL, wife of first brother, than starts screaming at the bride that it was her fault and after encouragement from first brother attacks the bride.

SIL loses. Big Time!!

Andro Wed 21-Aug-13 12:31:21

My late SIL ended up with ribena down her wedding dress after one child was given a carton of it in church - she hadn't even made it down the aisle and the stain is obvious in the wedding photographs. Another child shrieked all the way through the service and when asked by another guest to remove the child, the mother refused on the grounds that she shouldn't have to miss the service. A food fight broke out at the reception (unchecked by parents) and the wedding cake was destroyed. I was the maid of honour so had the near impossible task of consoling the bride, whilst the best man (now my DH) tried to calm the groom down. When DH and I were married, these very same parents wondered why their children were not invited...

MidniteScribbler Wed 21-Aug-13 12:33:17

Not my wedding, but one I went to. Bridezilla and groom decided not to provide alcohol, and there was no provision to buy any. But they had an esky behind their table of moet that only they were allowed to drink. The rest of us could have water or orange juice (which was so watered down that it might as well be water). Then the meal was served, and my entree with a sliced tomato, with some olive oil and pepper on it (I'm not vegetarian, this was what was served to all of the guests). Then the main course came out and it was the most pathetic looking salad I've ever seen absolutely drowned in oily dressing. It didn't help that I can't stand raw tomato, salad or dressing, but anyways, where was the real food? Oh, it was up there on the bride and groom's table where the groom was tucking in to a giant steak and bridezilla had lobster in front of us. She's eating lobster and I'm glaring at a fucking salad.

Speeches time. Bridezilla stands up and starts opening all the envelopes in the wishing well (of course she had a wishing well!) and reading out the amounts that were given. Those that she didn't felt had given enough were chastised and told that the wishing well would be put back at the door for those who "needed to top up their contribution".

Groom's uncle goes down the road to the bottle-o and brings back a carton of beer which he distributes among a few members of the family that he deemed worthy.

Wedding dance was to "can't touch this". Classy.

There was a really long queue of people at McDonald's in formal gear on the way home from that wedding!

Fakebook Wed 21-Aug-13 12:34:07

On my wedding (and this is disgusting) someone, well some woman, left a massive period blood stain on a chair. I didn't see it myself, but my sister did and said it was pretty yucky. The chair was ruined but luckily we didn't have to pay extra to have it cleaned.

axure Wed 21-Aug-13 12:43:06

Fakebook that "disgusting" woman may have been suffering from peri-menopausal flooding, it's happened to me.

DumSpiroSpero Wed 21-Aug-13 12:44:34

Pretty tame in the scheme of things but I was less than impressed when DH's uncle (who I'd only met twice and can't stand anyway) started letting off rocket balloons as we sat down for the meal hmm.

I don't know if DH refusing to do a groom's speech counts as terrible behaviour. He did warn me several times beforehand but I thought he was winding me up and would pull it out of the bag on the actual day - I stood in for him and winged it!

ProphetOfDoom Wed 21-Aug-13 12:45:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustCallMeMaam Wed 21-Aug-13 12:45:35

I feel bad for the period stain woman - could you imagine how mortified you'd be if that happened to you? I have to admit I'd also be tempted to shuffle off and not mention it...!

ajandjjmum Wed 21-Aug-13 12:48:36

Goodness Fakebook - I bet the poor woman was mortified. Did you know who it was?

Libra Wed 21-Aug-13 12:48:59

I was very ill before our wedding. VERY ill. It turned out later that I had salmonella poisoning, but when I went to the doctor before the wedding he told me it was just 'nerves'.

I was so ill that I lost enormous amount of weight in the week before the wedding and so the fitted dress didn't.

We were getting married in York. DH is from Scandinavia, as is Best Man. Best Man did not arrive in the UK until the night before the wedding and did not bring a suit because 'he thought he would buy one in York'. Wedding is at 2.00.

Husband to be and Best Man leave the house at around 11.00 that morning to buy a suit (!) I am busy being ill and my mother is busy trying to sew me into my dress, hold me up, and scream at my husband to be and best man to MOVE!!

Best man buys a suit in Moss Bros. It is now quarter to 2. He changes into the suit at Moss Bros and then the two of them run through the ancient and beautiful city of York to the church on the other side of the city. They get there just as my mother is about to combust. They go into the church.

They get there just in time. Best man then realises that he has left the rings in his other clothes at Moss Bros. Best man volunteers to run all the way back through the city to get the rings. Best man has never been to York before, but husband to be thinks that this is a good idea.

I arrive at church with my father in a car. I am half-fainting by this point. We are told to drive around the church until best man returns.

15 minutes later, best man returns and runs into church. He leaves coat in vestry and goes to the front to meet my groom.

Then he realises that he left the rings in his coat in the vestry.

I walk up the aisle as best man and groom run down it. The only person standing at the altar is my MIL, who has decided that this is where she is going to stand rather than the seat my mother has tried to make her sit in.

We do eventually get married, but I have no memories of the ceremony at all (this may be a reason for annulment if I ever need it). We have a nice lunch reception but I have no memories of the reception at all. We have many many photos taken, but I have no memories of this at all. I do remember forcing myself to stand straight and smile for the camera through the pain.

Husband carries me away to our house. Literally carries me and not in a romantic way. We will be spending the night there before leaving on honeymoon. We are supposed to be going out for romantic meal at our favourite restaurant but I can't do it and just want to sleep. Some how, it is agreed that husband and best man will go out for the meal instead. So they sit at romantic table specially decorated by nice restaurant owner and have special romantic dinner. Restaurant staff are confused, particularly since the best man's name is Bent.

Husband returns. I get iller during the night and the next morning I am taken to hospital in ambulance. MIL appears at this point and says triumphantly as she sees me holding my stomach on a stretcher, 'See, I knew she was pregnant!!' Husband has to ring my parents to break it to them that I had to be hospitalised after our wedding night.

I am in an isolation ward for five days. Husband only allowed to visit in mask and after much use of some sort of smelly antiseptic wash.

I comfort myself that at least I forced myself to smile for the photos. We will have the photos even I can't remember the wedding.

It takes five days before husband breaks it to me that the camera broke and there are no photos.

Once out of the hospital I had to write to all guests with a special letter supplied by the health authority warning them that they had been in contact with me and begging them for any photos they might have taken with me and groom in them.

We had no honeymoon.

MIL moved into the house while I was in hospital and opened the presents.

Do I win?

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 12:51:21

I know this is a bit PFB but I was irritated by a man at my SIL's wedding who sat opposite me and my new baby and chain smoked throughout the meal. I should have said something, but in the end I just moved.

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 12:53:23

Some how, it is agreed that husband and best man will go out for the meal instead. So they sit at romantic table specially decorated by nice restaurant owner and have special romantic dinner. Restaurant staff are confused, particularly since the best man's name is Bent.

ROFL! Classic! Poor you though, being that ill on your wedding day. And grrr re. the suit and rings...

limitedperiodonly Wed 21-Aug-13 12:54:24

A colleague's wedding. Loads of us from the office went.

One of our group was whining constantly about how poncey it was. It wasn't, but he's prolier than thou. Unfortunately there was someone else like him there.

They sniped about the other guests, the 'pretentious' food - I don't know whether they were supposed to serve bitter and pork scratchings - even the cigarettes the restaurant sold - they didn't have Benson and Hedges, just poncey 'southern' brands like Silk Cut.

All this was while getting steadily drunker - their objection to the wine didn't stop them necking it.

One of them started a row with the groom's mother who understandably looked a bit catsbum. He then threw a punch at the groom when he stuck up for his mum.

The joke is that whatever our backgrounds, all of us now have very middle-class lifestyles, including this bloke who must hate every moment of living in a very nice house in a very nice part of north London.

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 12:54:28

Oh, and the photos that never happened. Grim. Your MIL sounds a piece of work.

Groovee Wed 21-Aug-13 12:56:02

Dh's SIL gatecrashed being a bridesmaid. Didn't ask and just expected she was one. Had a few issues with us going shopping and loosing her and my then 13 year old niece saying, "she's gone to the maternity department!" My other bridesmaid had to haul her out of there on a few occasions.

Night before the wedding we're staying over at mine. Dh has gone to his mums with his brother. She kept saying something about fake tan and my friend begging her not to do it.

Next morning I wake up and go to the loo. All I hear is "I look like a jobby!" Then all I hear is my 13 year old niece saying "Well you were told not to do it!" (love my niece to bits, even at 28 she still speaks her mind!)

She spent most of the day attempting to scrub it off with bleach!! And not being where she was meant to be because she was in the loo with the nail brush she'd helped herself to from my house!!

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 21-Aug-13 12:56:48

Libra yes you win. That sounds horrendous, poor you!

Groovee Wed 21-Aug-13 12:59:29

OMG LIBRA!!!!!!!

Fakebook Wed 21-Aug-13 13:00:09

No we don't know who it was. I do feel sorry for whoever it was and yes she may have been suffering from a heavy period or something else, but if you know that you're prone to this, then why not come prepared? I suffered from heavy periods before I had children and before going out I used to keep a spare set of underwear, pads and feminine wipes just in case it started out of the blue.

Also, I don't think the woman was disgusting (whoever she was), it was the blood itself.

Edendance Wed 21-Aug-13 13:01:15

Midnite, that is unbelievable!! How could that bridge think that's ok?! Fakebook, don't you just feel bad for the poor woman, I'd have been mortified if it was me! I remember leaking on a chair when I was an early teen, at home while on the computer. Luckily managed to get the whole stain out but have never forgotten how I felt!

WayHarshTai Wed 21-Aug-13 13:01:22

'prolier than thou'.

Oh I am stealing that.

Libra, you win.

shock

DuchessFanny Wed 21-Aug-13 13:01:49

paw it was awful

I have another ...
Went to my BIL and SIL's wedding, they had several bottles of champagne dotted around in big ice tubs so people could top themselves up. My other SIL steals and hides SIX bottles behind her chair and conspiratorially whispers to me " hey Duchess, at least WE won't run out eh ?" forgetting totally i have a newborn and not drinking. She then got so plastered that she fell backwards whilst watching the fireworks display and knocked herself clean out. She was so embarrassed the next day ( and in some pain !)
Luckily there was a doctor there and she was ok in the long run !

Libra Wed 21-Aug-13 13:01:53

Thanks! It was 23 years ago now, so maybe we should try for a vow renewal at 25 years (one I can remember next time).
The awful thing is that this was DH's second wedding and his first wife was also admitted to hospital on their wedding day (allegic thing).
I tell him that he must never get married again on the grounds that third time might prove fatal.

StickyFloor Wed 21-Aug-13 13:03:57

OMG Lbra you win, hands down. Goodness me, what a story.

My wedding, SIL wanted her friends to be invited to the evening do, when I said no, because of the budget and they weren't friends of either DH or I, she took a huff and threatened to not attend in the evening, my reply was Okay, Bye.
MIL moaned for weeks about who was invited, budget again, the colour scheme, the food and how impossible it was to buy an outfit.
Other SIL complained that my wedding would impact on her birthday, a week later, and every one would by focused on the wedding and not her.

Other peoples weddings, Birthday SIL announced to a room full of people that the bridesmaid at her cousins wedding was Fuck Ugly and shouldn't be allowed out, the bridesmaid was 10years old. She also offended her GM, cousin and aunt by announcing that her GM was selfish and ignorant.

My Step MIL stuffed half a tier of weeding cake down the front of her dress, for a midnight snack, and lost half of it out of the bottom of her skirt when she came to shake hands.

Edendance Wed 21-Aug-13 13:05:56

Haha bride not bridge...

quesadilla Wed 21-Aug-13 13:07:07

Not sure if this counts as "terrible" but my SIL accused me of ruining her wedding (screamed this at hundreds of decibels in front of my parents) because I was five minutes late to church.

Unfortunate, yes, but over-reaction much?

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking Wed 21-Aug-13 13:07:32

Marking place for this, I love a good wedding thread but have to go out, so will catch up later grin

BerylStreep Wed 21-Aug-13 13:10:09

Libra, you win.

Fake - you have no idea. I once flooded through three super-sized sanitary towels worn together, plus black knickers and tights and trousers, within half an hour of putting them on. How else should I have prepared? How mortifying for that poor woman.

BlazinStoke Wed 21-Aug-13 13:13:11

Libra, but you laugh about it now, right?

oscarwilde Wed 21-Aug-13 13:13:17

Libra - you definitely win. OH. MY. GOD
Your MIL moved in ? For how long?

Libra Wed 21-Aug-13 13:15:21

Oscarwilde - she was supposed to stay at the house while we went on honeymoon. She did leave after two weeks!

RafflesWay Wed 21-Aug-13 13:16:54

libraso sorry you were so dreadfully ill but your post is priceless. I am sat here with tears rolling down my face with laughing so much. I am sorry as I know we shouldn't laugh but what happened to you is so awful it's hilarious! loving this thread and also loved the Bridezilla in the scarlet wedding gown who screeched at everyone in church for not wearing black and white. MORE PLEASE!!

CleverWittyUsername Wed 21-Aug-13 13:18:04

Some of these are horrendous! My contribution is nothing compared to these. SIL turned up in a bright white outfit to my wedding, despite the fact she had texted me to ask what colours to avoid whilst in a personal shopping appointment at a department store. I had replied saying what colours we were having and added 'obv avoid white haha'. She looked nice but it was weird. Some of our guests stole our cakes from the tower which were meant to be given out so some guests didn't get any.

RafflesWay Wed 21-Aug-13 13:18:52

Oh and what about the SIL from Hell who pinched both veggie meals and gave her ds a giant ice cream in church! Can you believe some people? Makes me feel quite sane!!!

TheMagicToyshop Wed 21-Aug-13 13:19:14

Omg some of these are outrageous.
Not me, but a good friend attended a wedding where the parents of the bride decided that the speeches would be the ideal time to bitterly break the news that they had decided to get a divorce. I think it spoiled the occasion somewhat.

onlysettleforbutterflies Wed 21-Aug-13 13:21:19

I went to a wedding last summer, where half the male guests were topless in the church and at the reception, granted it was hot but [shocked] , it was inevitable that a fight would break out later in the evening, lots of fists, knocked out teeth and blood. OH felt sorry for the couple, so made me try and get the disco going a bit, I shamefully danced on my own, not one other person danced all evening.

We politely declined the invite to their 1st anniversary BBQ.

Sorry Libra, but the picture of your dh and the best man going out for a romantic wedding meal was fantastic. smile

Ezio Wed 21-Aug-13 13:21:22

I have none to add, but some of these are shocking, what is it about weddings that turns people into absolute twats.

Libra, you definately win, and your MIL, talk about taking liberties.

DuchessFanny Wed 21-Aug-13 13:22:47

Libra !!

My wedding, guests had a lovely time, weather was spectacular, i was in love and happy as was my DH.
But i spent the day trying to avoid DM as the day before she had attacked me in my bedroom at home and when i called DBRO over for support (she can be a bit difficult) she slapped his then GF round the face before getting more plastered, and it was only about 11am ... the night of my wedding she tried to interrupt the first dance getting between me and DH and then had a screaming fit at DSM ... such fun !

We're still happily married and don't see much of DM !

Ezio Wed 21-Aug-13 13:23:03

Magic On what planet did the brides parents come from. Talk about hijacking the day.

axure Wed 21-Aug-13 13:23:48

Yes exactly what Remus said. It's nothing like a heavy period, literally a bucket of blood will gush down and there's no stopping it even with pillow sized pads in place.

AndyMurraysBalls Wed 21-Aug-13 13:29:18

axure - I was thinking exactly the same thing. I was actually wondering if this was about me but the bride at that wedding doesn't have a sister.

When it happened to me I told the lovely lady on the reception of the hotel and apologised just before I collapsed and was taken to hospital because everyone thought I was having a miscarriage. I believe the stain is still on the floor of the reception area to this day ......

I couldn't help it, but at least I reported it. It wasn't a miscarriage ... just a normal month for me ....

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 13:31:50

When I was about 12, I was asked by my aunt to be her bridesmaid. This was in 1981 - not fashion's finest moment, as was reflected in my fugly dress.

I was dreaming of a pretty dress but my heart sank a bit when my Grannie told me I was getting a 'teenage style' dress. Somehow, it didn't sound promising.

My first fears were realised on the morning of the wedding. I hadn't seen my dress before. And it was awful. It was very home made looking and had, in fact, been run up by the (very lovely and kind) mother of the groom.

Basically, it was a flouncy tiered skirt that was so big that I had to wear my dad's braces to hold it up. Obviously, the poor woman had been given the wrong measurements. The top was a massive smock with big, leg of mutton sleeves and, for some odd reason, a flouncy pink sailor suit type bib.

My mother was in a bad mood because my sister was the only niece not to be asked to be bridesmaid. Sis was disabled and my aunt (Dad's family) were, in my mum's opinion, not very sensitive about it.

The day was long and boring - the best man's speech took over an hour and wasn't funny. He made embarrassing jokes about the future sex life of the happy couple.

I never wore the dress again.

BerylStreep Wed 21-Aug-13 13:34:23

Nothing compared to some, but my SIL announced to everyone at the wedding meal that she was pregnant, even though DH had asked if she would mind keeping her news to herself until after the wedding.

I was a bit put out to be stood talking to people and then find they broke off mid-sentence to rush away and congratulate SIL. She had a cats bum face the whole day as well.

puffinnuffin Wed 21-Aug-13 13:35:43

This isn't anywhere near as bad as some of your stories.

At my wedding my MIL (who also wore white with a big white hat), agreed in advance to look after DD's 2 sons during the wedding service. Their cousins also wanted to sit with DD's boys so MIL said she would look after them too along with BIL. During our vows I started hearing all this fuss and clattering sounds, doors banging, footsteps,loud talking etc. My MIL let all 5 children go to the toilet in the middle of our vows on their own. I still feel cross watching the wedding video as you can see one child, then the next, then the next all climbing around over the pews being very disruptive. She sat there oblivious. It was rather off putting!

She then took off all their lovely especially made outfits during the wedding and changed the children into scruffy shorts and t-shirts. The photos are full of scruffy children looking like they are off to the beach! I am afraid I did change all the children back into their smart outfits for some more photos.

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 13:37:40

At my SIL's wedding, all the food ran out before half the guests had got their meal.

I think I might have sat through the longest best man speech ever, it went on for 45mins, my aunt was in desperate need of the toilet and stood up to go, the rest of the guests took their cue and also left the room, we were allowed a 15min break and then had to go back to listen to the rest of the speech, another 20mins.

JassyAlconleigh Wed 21-Aug-13 13:43:11

Snooty MIL, hottest day in record, told her bro and family to take the second air conditioned bridal car we had arranged (one each for the two sets of parents) for my DPs 'Let them walk' she honked loudly.

Made snide remarks about my family being a bit out of their depth at our lovely venue.

Shut the fuck up VERY fast when it was her own son (my unspeakable BIL) who insisted on drinking brandy at 11am, picked a fight with the best man and made desperate passes at all my female friends while his wife took their kids home.

I very much enjoyed her squirming as I asked concernedly after his health for a good few weeks afterwards.

jerryfudd Wed 21-Aug-13 13:44:31

Paw - same happened at my sis wedding

wickeddevil Wed 21-Aug-13 13:44:59

Wedding last year lots of DCs make a racket in church rustling sweets, banging the pews etc. Was really proud that mine behaved impeccably, and were quiet and still.

Had a few comments during reception about the noise in church. Yes a shame I agreed. Not my DCs though.

Sadly all of the DCs seem to have been tarred with the same brush. Sisters wedding 3 months later was adults only. Thing is, that sister had made a point of saying as we were leaving the first wedding, to my older DD (who idolised her) you will be coming to my wedding wont you ? Now to me you do not invite a young teen and then not follow through.

Why do weddings bring out the worst in some people?

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 13:51:53

Ha ha Jassy - I like it!

In my opinion, the top wedding peeves are:

Fighting guests
Manipulative rellies
Bridezillas
Inappropriate behaviour re. drunkenness
Crap food, stinginess with booze etc

I have an aunt who is a fucking bitch and was very rude to one of my other (lovely) aunts at both my wedding and my brothers. She was very obvious about it and it was very irritating.

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 13:52:25

Oh, and add to that - noisy kids during vows. And gatecrashers.

StElmo Wed 21-Aug-13 13:53:29

Wow, some of these are hilarious! My fiancé was best man at a friends wedding recently, one of his closing jokes was about how brave the groom was by marrying a Northern Irish girl because 'they can hold a grudge for literally hundreds of years' most people laughed but brides father nearly choked!

Mrmenmug Wed 21-Aug-13 13:55:52

A drunken 'friend' used a whole table worth of disposable cameras (given to guests) to photograph his penis. Yep his penis. At the table. 8 sets of 24 photos. He must have really been proud of it.

dubaipieeye Wed 21-Aug-13 14:00:17

DH's aunty came to stay with us for the week before the wedding (she lives in Hawaii). Spent the whole week demanding to be taken out to do touristy things and generally being a very overbearing and difficult guest ....on the day before the wedding announced that she didn't have an outfit so needed to be taken shopping. DH had to work so it was left to me to trail round Bluewater with her. After a few fruitless hours she announced that actually she did have a outfit but had just fancied something new. Like I had nothing better to do the day before my wedding!

During the wedding ceremony she carried the most enormous white plastic carrier bag which is in all the photos and looks hideous. At the reception, unbeknownst to anyone, she removed all the table decorations (which I had made by hand) from the top table and replaced them with the contents of her big white plastic bag. IT WAS FULL OF HAWAIAN TAT. So our place settings had sand (yes, actual crunchy sand that got in your food) plastic pineapples, mini plastic sunglasses, mini plastic flip flops, lots of those mini umbrella things etc. I was gutted - especially as she had watched me making all the decorations every evening of the week before. dH and I were ceremoniously presented with a maraca (yes) as we sat down. She and MIL insisted on shaking the maracas to announce each speech.

The aunty spent the remainder of the reception getting totally wasted and telling anyone who would listen that a) she is a lesbian and b) where could she buy some weed?

She ain't my favourite person, as you can imagine!

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 14:01:30

Good God, Mrmenmug - what a prat!

eurochick Wed 21-Aug-13 14:02:29

Mine is very mild compared to some of these.

My SIL got hammered and decided that she and BIL were sharing our pre-booked car back to the hotel (no problem). She gets in the front leaving me and my train bunched up in the back with my new husband and his built-like-a-brick-shithouse brother. Oh well, as long as her dress didn't get all creased...

libra's story and the penis photography are brilliant.

ThisOneThatOne Wed 21-Aug-13 14:05:57

Two different couples announced their engagements at my wedding (and it was only a smallish wedding!). I didn't mind but it was a bit weird.

One group of friends travelling by car had an accident on the way and turned up in a recovery truck. Luckily they were ok.

I found out about a year later my obnoxious BIL had offended half of my family and called them 'fucking Americans' hmm. They are Canadians for a start! They didn't mention anything at the time because they didn't want to upset me.

ThatBintAgain Wed 21-Aug-13 14:06:18

My father used his speech as an opportunity to tell everyone how hard bringing kids up is, but at least he stuck around to do (unlike my mother) and the only part that was anything to do with me was the bit where he said I used to talk a lot as a teenager. hmm

He then refused to speak to me the rest of the day and went I went to say goodbye (as I could see he was leaving) he turned his back on me and left.

He thinks he's been a fucking fantastic father and that I'm delusional and insane for disagreeing. sad

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 14:06:24

OMG dubaipieeye what a stupid woman! Especially the sand OMG!

ThatBintAgain Wed 21-Aug-13 14:08:22

(I personally behaved fairly badly at a wedding recently by giving the non smoking bride a cigarette and shortly afterwards throwing up under a table. It was outside and no one seemed to notice, but still...)

ninilegsintheair Wed 21-Aug-13 14:08:57

A friend of mine was a bridesmaid last year where the bride actually kicked her up the arse (she was picking something up off the floor at the reception). Totally unwarranted and left a nice shoe shaped mark on her pale blue bridesmaid dress! shock

Went to a wedding a few years back where the groom refused to dance with the bride. Her face was not a happy one sad

m0therofdragons Wed 21-Aug-13 14:09:31

Fairly mild in comparison but:

My aunt announced to the table that she thought all Americans were very thick - she was sitting next to her nephew and his wife who are American (her sister's son). we sat them together as we thought she'd like to see them as they live so far away. That was 9 years ago and she has now offended all 4 of her siblings and her own children don't even speak to her so we all laugh about her behaviour.

The worst really happened before the wedding - dh's grandmother refusing to come if his grandfathers "new" wife was there (he remarried 30 years before and she was very welcome as we'd stayed with them and she had cooked for us for a week when we visited and they were coming from abroad). Friends of ours got cross as we'd booked the wedding for Reading Festival Weekend (bank holiday and a time all family from abroad could make it). Friends chose the festival over our wedding but did apologise 3 years later!

Letticetheslug Wed 21-Aug-13 14:10:20

An aunt of my (ex) husband gave me a tray of dirty plates to carry back to the Kitchen at my Reception..I was so amazed that I ended up taking them!

peppapigsmummy Wed 21-Aug-13 14:17:36

this was not a thread I should have read with 5 months to go lol

I may have mentioned this before but....

SIL very obviously not wearing bra or undercrackers - very prominent nipples and minge outline in photos.
SIL forces unwilling male guest to spend wedding n

axure Wed 21-Aug-13 14:23:20

Oh dear AndyMurraysBalls hope those dreadful months are now just a distant memory.
In response to OP, worst wedding behaviour I've experienced is a best man who proposed to his girlfriend during his speech, she said yes and they shamelessly hi-jacked the happy couple's day.
I was furious and told DH on no account was he to buy them a drink, lots of people did though angry

Oops bloody phone

Wedding night shagging her loudly. Not a problem but we were too poor to stay in hotel and she'd invited herself to spend night at ours.... Poor DH couldn't perform conjugal duty until they'd finished and tbh we both struggled as were too busy smothering our hysterical laughter. Kidnapped bloke snuck out before sunrise too ashamed to face us. She acted l

I give up.

She acted like it had never happened grin

mirry2 Wed 21-Aug-13 14:28:40

I didn't even go to my DB's wedding as I'd had a miscarriage about 10 days before and my sil (bride to be) uninvited me as she said it would
'put the mockers' (her words) on the day. I was too shock at the time to object. It was particularly hurtful as I would never have dreamed of mentioning it on the day and I've never mentioned the uninvite to anyone in rl

Ezio Wed 21-Aug-13 14:30:23

Mirry, what a heartless bitch!!! shock

SIL invited us to her wedding via email, a save the date, 1 month before the wedding uninvited us, via email, because 'we haven't spoken much, for a while' then was pissed off because DH didn't reply to her uninvited email and slagged us off about it to anyone who would listen.

figrus Wed 21-Aug-13 14:42:26

Binky, did you give them a present after that!

CuChullain Wed 21-Aug-13 14:44:19

When I was a student I used to work in a bar at a large hotel in Bristol, their main trade seemed to be hiring out their function rooms to weddings, most passed off without too much incidence but about once a month you would get two families from the local shithole estate that clearly hate each other squeezed into a small room and fed copious amounts of alcohol. It was always a matter of time before someone said something, usually a disapproving father of bride bemoaning how the groom is ‘not good enough for my princess” and it would rapidly escalate to shouting, pushing and ultimately punches being thrown and a scrum of men rolling around on the floor or over tables with a wailing bride in the middle screaming “leave my Darren alone he aint done nuffing rong”. We would pull the shutters down on the bar and call hotel security who in turn called the police, it was a pathetic sight seeing everyone leave, insults still being traded, ripped shirts, bloodied faces and in some cases the groom in the back of the police van.

Not a chance. DH did go and watch her get married, which put her in a very sticky position trying to explain why her brother had disappeared straight after the ceremony.

ButternutSquish Wed 21-Aug-13 14:52:49

I fell into a ditch whilst walking back to the B&B we were staying at because my now DH didn't want to pay for a cab. It was semi rural so I couldn't actually see that there was a ditch full of mud and stinging nettles.

Oh how I cried all the way to the B&B, shouting at DH, especially as we'd had 'words' on the way back as it was.

Seems funny now, but then, oh no!

wannaBe Wed 21-Aug-13 14:53:31

this is by no means as bad as some of these...

at sil's wedding (she is now ex sil so can now divulge). David Blunkett is a friend of ILs so was invited. He was sat at the same table as us and as the wine was served he said to the waitress "no thank you I've brought my own, but if I could have an ice bucket for it please." Hown wine to about two or three of the guests at our table and nobody else, and asked for some ice to put in it (even though it was in an ice bucket). Now I'm not a drinker of white wine but even I know you don't put ice in what is supposed to be expennsive wine!

Fil's speech went on for 30 minutes! the best man made a speech while absolutely smashed out of his mind and later shagged one of the bridesmaids...

They're renewing their wedding vows next month because it's been ten years, however they booked it three years ago! e then offered his

Cravey Wed 21-Aug-13 14:54:43

My husband took me to a wedding where the father of the bride stated in his speech that he was delighted his daughter had married as he never thought he would be rid of the slut. The same wedding boy enough food for 30 people and there was around 100 there. Funnily enough we didn't stay long. Oh and there was another wedding he took me to where when we left there was a couple fighting in the car park. Screaming, kicking and punching. It was the newly married couple.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Wed 21-Aug-13 14:59:30

At my wedding, my mid-50s year old father spent the whole evening sleazily hitting on my early-20s friends. One he particularly liked kept trying to hide from him because he wouldn't stop stroking her hair and trying to get her to dance with him.

I no longer speak to my father.

At my SIL's wedding, the starters were elaborate boards of cold meats, cheese, hoummous, sundried tomatoes, etc. Really gorgeous. Because other SIL & I are dairy intolerant, we had an extra smaller board on our table just with stuff we could eat. One guest decided this just wasn't on and came to our table to tell us so before taking our platter away with him! SIL was absolutely furious when she found out.

DontActuallyLikePrunes Wed 21-Aug-13 14:59:57

Went to a wedding where the groom started a speech, then turned on his heel and walked right out, mid sentence. Audible gasps from the guests...The bride ran after him and her sister stepped up cover the mutterings. Then she spoke for perhaps forty minutes almost entirely about herself, though she did mention her sister, the bride, in passing.

Thumbwitch Wed 21-Aug-13 15:00:03

I think Libra's story wins hands down but there are some shockers on here.

Worst behaviour I can think of was at DH's cousin's second wedding in Australia - he used to be a pro rugby league player and still had some old friends from that "scene", most of whom had been at his first wedding, including his best man/MC. Memorable bits were:
Father of the bride using his speech to basically plug his own estate agent business
One of the groom's old friends getting so drunk that he smashed the mirrors in the bathrooms and was escorted from the premises, only to try and sneak back in again in a golf cart (it was held at a golf club), when the police became involved
As the groom and bride were about to leave, the best man/MC got everyone together to bid them farewell and said into the mic "Best of luck to Groom and [ex-wife's name]". The bride was utterly mortified, unsurprisingly and ran out in tears.

I managed to avoid most problems at my wedding by not having any disruptive elements there, although DH's other cousin did get very pissed and nearly upset a few guests...

CaptainRex Wed 21-Aug-13 15:01:24

Mine are quite tame by comparision

Firstly as a 10 year Bridesmaid to a cousin, I go to the house at 11am as pre-arranged to get ready. There is no food offered, and wedding is mid afternoon. After being dragged off the second we get to the reception for another hour of photographs (as only tacky 80's photos could get - think through brandy glass couple type) Im nearly fainting on my feet. Eventually get to the reception, where my gran rants that children should be the last to be fed, luckily my mother ignored her as realised we hadnt been fed all day.

At my wedding, various cousins not only dont accept my invite, but get their mum to ring my mum to say they cant come the week before the wedding. Day itself was fine, but had trusted my friends with our video camera, which I then see after our honeymoon that between the afternoon and evening part, they had taken the camera and themselves on a pubcrawl of the local pubs and basically invited any strangers to the evening do (luckily no one took them up on the offer). To top it off, they are videod trying to set up a "you've been framed" style set up of hitting each other on the back with food trays - one of these guys is now a head of history at a secondary school.

Not terrible but always chuckle as we went for breakfast the next morning at the hotel and met a group of friends, DH's BM asks if he managed to consumate the mariage yet, before DH could even respond, another married male mate said "not everyone can do it on their wedding night" his wife went bright red - we werent sure if it was embaressment or anger

CuChullain Wed 21-Aug-13 15:01:48

I almost forgot, I was at another wedding of a uni mate a few years back, everything was fantastic, the location, the ceremony, the food, the other guests. It was not some over the top £30k effort, just a perfectly pitched modest wedding. A whole gang of us, mates of the groom from uni, were sat at a table at the back, all getting a bit merry but nothing too messy. Anyway, one of the girls at our table had dated the groom for a few months while they were students, which was literally over ten years previously and had since remained friends. We were all there listening to the speeches and the last to speak was the groom, it was all the usual stuff, thanking the hotel staff, welcoming the new in laws to the family etc before finally turning to the bride to sign off his speech with the expected “I am so lucky to have you as a wife” bit. As he spilled out his heart felt words to his new wife he uttered the phrase “I have never loved anyone as much as you” to which the girl at our table shouts out at the top of her voice “YOU FUCKING LIAR”………..stunned silence ensues……fair play to the groom, he just retorted with a dead pan “Thank you for that contribution Tanya”…..before continuing his speech, we all pissing ourselves laughing

Cravey Wed 21-Aug-13 15:06:02

I forgot the most recent one. My al got married, love day fab evenig until another pal announced while the bride was having her hair doe that morning the groom was having sex with her. Marriage was annulled this week.

Thurlow Wed 21-Aug-13 15:10:07

Brother's second wedding was a charmer. My family hadn't met SIL's family before - turned out this was deliberate as DB guessed we all wouldn't get along. SIL was heavily pregnant and money was tight so it was just the registry do and some photos outside, then DB and SIL went off with their DS for a family dinner. That bit was fine, don't blame them at all.

But my family and SIL's family did not hit it off well. SIL's dad took all the photos with a flashy camera he couldn't actually use and then and kept us out of most of them. SIL's mum kept screaming at nephew to stay still in the photos. He was 3! (Poor lad is generally kept in the house all day every day anyway because of SIL worrying about things, so he went loopy over the big outside space he was suddenly released into). SIL's two younger, late teen sisters were dressed... Well, as a previous poster has mentioned, the lack of either a bra or underknackers was blatantly obvious on one of them, and if she had bent down in that dress we would have been in for an eyeful. Two sisters spent the whole wedding ceremony trying to insist that nephew liked them more than he liked us and generally tried to keep him away from us.

And throughout it all I was about 3m pregnant with HG and had to keep nipping off to either be sick or try and eat half a biscuit grin Probably best I am only in a few photos, I look distinctly green...

Lovely day!

Oh and the perimenopausal flooding? Unless I am supposed to go about every day for several months with half a pack of towels stuffed in my knickers, there is no way to even predict when its going to happen.

Normal periods for a few months, nothing for 5, 7, 9. 3 weeks and then WOOSH.

At least when I just had heavy periods I had some idea when one was coming along and could prepare! I am just dreading disasters like the one mentioned upthread and feel the humiliation in advance of any unforeseen and uncontrolled bodily function that others might view as disgusting. Don't judge until its happened to you.

back on topic though, can't possibly post anything from sil's or my own sisters weddings last year as I would be outed within about 10 mins.

Thumbwitch Wed 21-Aug-13 15:19:54

you could always namechange, flibberty... wink

DuchessFanny Wed 21-Aug-13 15:23:31

Have a friend who used to work as a waiter to get himself through college and was working at a wedding, said it was going well until the speeches, when the groom stood up and said ' and to my beautiful wife, thank you for being an utter slag and shagging the best man last night' turned on his heels and left - apparently the place erupted !!!

CaptainRex Wed 21-Aug-13 15:27:33

I forgot to mention the lovely wedding we went to, that 24 hrs afterwards half the wedding party (of which a good proportion with from EU), myself and the bride and groom all got norovirus (there were so many ill that the local health authority had to do full tests to decide if it was that or food poisoning). The B&G missed the start of their honeymoon, and many guests missed their flights home.

The wedding in winter, that was so cold I wore my coat the whole time, including the reception in a freezing cold sports hall

This one will out me to anyone who knows me. When I was nearly 9 months pregnant, to my ex boyfriends mariage to my best friend from school (in their defence they did get together many years after we split) but his mum hated all his girlfriends (except for the good little catholic girl who was none of the sort). I was sat at a table of school friends, 3 of whom the groom had also dated at one time or another. The BM's speech began about their first date and then told everyone that that had been at the grooms first date with me (when my bf had come for support). Apparently the BM continued to state that they had both wanted to "get into each others pants during the whole time the groom was dating CaptainRex" which was nice to learn. Luckily I saw the funny side

Mine was a dry wedding in a Muslim country, except we had vodka and wine in the back kitchen and everyone 'in the know' was coming to help themselves. That was fine except for one friend of XH who was late 40s married with 10 kids (wife wasn't there) got very drunk and who sleazed on to my friends, my aunt and even my mother.
Another female (muslim) guest discovered the Smirnoff and was drinking it neat pretending it was water. She danced on a table but then to be fair that's par for the course for this sort of wedding, even without booze.
Some randoms gate crashed at around 2am, again quite socially acceptable but they were hammered and one guy proceeded to basically give the other a lap dance in the corner. My family were all nudging each other with eyes like saucers trying not to laugh while all the locals totally ignored it.
It was all a laugh though!

Chottie Wed 21-Aug-13 15:29:00

DH and I went to an evening wedding reception, everyone looked a bit po faced when we arrived and it turned out the best man had thought it would be funny to circulate photos of the groom DTD on his stag weekend abroad.

They were divorced before their first wedding anniversary

mrsyattering Wed 21-Aug-13 15:29:12

Friend of DH's from school's wedding about 20 years ago. The father of the bride, started talking about when the bride started her periods during his speech...best man and groomsmen (all Royal Marines) wrestled mic off him and made him sit down...was very awkward

VulvaVoom Wed 21-Aug-13 15:29:38

Oooh, I have a good un'.

My DM insisted that I invite all my cousins on her side of the family, I have loads, some I'm close to and some not, so I really didn't want to but she felt very awkward about it. FWIW, if it was now I would tell her to deal with it or pay for them

Anyway, I ended up inviting a cousin (and her husband - who I'd never met before) who lives 100's of miles away and who was kind of estranged from the family, though I had no idea why at the time and still don't now. Her brother and sister came too and they still lived locally.

There was obviously some disagreement about something and my male cousin lamped the estranged female cousins husband. Another close female cousin of mine got involved, had a row with the estranged one, who slapped her. This all happened on the dance floor at my reception, thankfully most wedding guests had gone, as had I - found out about it in the morning. Families eh?

sashh Wed 21-Aug-13 15:31:11

A wedding that was intended to be very small (10) until the mother elbowed her way in and it ended up about 40 for the day and 100+ for the evening.

Bride and groom stick to 'no children' rule. Relatives with children fine, they live about 1hour drive away so would have to leave early if kids were invited. Grandmother not happy her 5 year old gd not a bridesmaid but has to live with it.

All is fine until a couple walk into the evening do with a 5 year old in a bridesmaid's dress. Mum of bride had invited them. They were not family, or friends they were people mum of bride had met a week ago and secretly invited.

Much pursed lips from gm. Much loud, 'No I have no idea who invited that brat' from the bride when evening guests ask about her 'bride's maid'.

Not that bad really, nothing compared to Libra who absolutely wins.

Has anyone been to weddings where there should be arguments/fighting but everyone got on fine?

I went to a wedding in Liverpool, the bride was RC so wedding in RC church. Father of the bride is in the Orange order.

No fights, no arguments, lots of food and drink and dancing.

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 15:32:16

At my SIL's wedding her teenage son got so drunk he vomited all over the groom.

bridalscream Wed 21-Aug-13 15:33:05

NC'd for this as it will out me. When taking my vows I called my husband the wrong name! His name is Kerry, I said Jerry! I was concentrating so hard on not messing up that I did anyway! I don't think anyone noticed.

Then my new husband, during his speech, having had a couple of drinks and obviously suffering the same nerves as I had, called his brand new FIL "Semen" instead of "Simon"! I told him I would love to say nobody would remember, but they definitely will!

Apart from that it was a lovely day, all our guests were wonderful and I have very fond memories!

Albiebee Wed 21-Aug-13 15:33:06

These are all great, I have two examples that stand out.

At my SIL's wedding a friend's wife (now ex) came dressed in black, with a big misshapen black hat (which unfortunately made her look like halloween witch). She got very drunk and then played dirges on the baby grand piano at the reception in the room next to where everyone was eating. Beeezarrrrre.

At my own wedding the new girlfriend of the same bloke above tried to sell handbags from the boot of her car to my guests, she also did a costume change halfway through the evening for some reason. This was the first time I met her, I have not seen her since.

Lollypop1983 Wed 21-Aug-13 15:33:39

This wasn't too bad, but not funny at the time.

We got married abroad, and I was so paranoid about best man leaving rings at home, I took them over, and gave to best man the day before wedding. Wedding was about an hour away from hotel.
During the ceremony, when it was time to exchange the rings, the best man admitted, that he had left them at the hotel....grrrrr!

We got married using best mans ring and my great grans ring. However, I was more annoyed that he worked into wedding speech....'that's the only time X (DH) gets his finger into my ring! blush

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 15:36:17

A friend had a very manipulative future MIL who threatened to cause huge trouble at friend's wedding her ex husband (father of the groom) was invited. My poor friend, her fiance, and her family were worried for months and months.

On the day, MIL behaved fine and even made it up with the FIL. It seemed that she wasn't really going to cause trouble with the FIL but really wanted to cause intense worry amongst the bride's family during the months preceding the wedding. Awful woman.

Pawprint Wed 21-Aug-13 15:37:57

Also - when my best friend got married her husband's ghastly best man gave a speech that included a slide show of all the (many) women the groom had chatted up on his stag weekend.

CuChullain Wed 21-Aug-13 15:39:07

Have a friend who used to work as a waiter to get himself through college and was working at a wedding, said it was going well until the speeches, when the groom stood up and said ' and to my beautiful wife, thank you for being an utter slag and shagging the best man last night' turned on his heels and left - apparently the place erupted !!!

Well that was a bit stupid, waiting till after he had married her to reveal her infidelity and walk out.

Surely at the alter would be better.

Ezio Wed 21-Aug-13 15:40:43

Cu, probably, but atleast was annulment was a possibility.

Thumbwitch Wed 21-Aug-13 15:41:18

Talking of awkward Father-of-the-bride speeches:
1) very odd reception, almost nowhere to sit, buffet was minimal and there was nothing after it - despite the FotB being loaded. He obviously didn't like the daughter getting married as he barely mentioned her, just went on and on about his OTHER daughter and how fab she was. hmm
2) FotB had split with MotB a few months prior to the wedding and insisted on bringing the OW to the wedding with him, and her sitting on top table - first awkwardness. THEN he proceeded to talk about the time the bride had "got into the junior disprin" and had to have her stomach pumped...

Thumbwitch Wed 21-Aug-13 15:42:01

Cu - quite possibly he didn't find out about it until the reception.

WayHarshTai Wed 21-Aug-13 15:48:59

I can also add the wedding where ther FoB speech kicked off with a racist 'joke' and there was no dessert, they just served the wedding cake. This was a 30k wedding in a very swanky hotel with all the trimmings by the way.

Another SIL of mine, her Father and his new wife sat on the top table, her mother was put on the table to look after the kids. Cue lots of people doing 'I didn't realise that was your mother' about step mum and then trying to explain why her mother was relegated to the crèche table.

expatinscotland Wed 21-Aug-13 15:54:44

This thread is hilarious.

The one about the 'friend who's a waiter' is a popular urban legend.

WayHarshTai Wed 21-Aug-13 15:57:58

SGB you were at mine.

Floggingmolly Wed 21-Aug-13 16:11:53

Is this your life, Cravey, or are you just starring in an episode of Shameless? hmm

ProphetOfDoom Wed 21-Aug-13 16:16:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cravey Wed 21-Aug-13 16:18:29

How rude Molly. It's certainly not my life. I myself had a rather lovely destination wedding. My husband on the other hand has several sets of friends who are rather unsavoury. My poor pal though is devastated regarding her short marriage.

snuffykins Wed 21-Aug-13 16:22:10

And here I was getting stressed about mine in two days time! Nothing compared to some of these but sure ill have a moan anyway.

One of my aunts is extremely pissed off we're not having our wedding the way she wants. So she's planning on arriving to the evening reception at 9pm with a 4 year old as her guest. Which is not too bad in itself, until I mention that this aunt is currently single and has no children.

YouTheCat Wed 21-Aug-13 16:23:41

Snuffy, get all the guests to hide and switch all the lights off at about 8.50 wink

snuffykins Wed 21-Aug-13 16:25:42

Tempting!

Ezio Wed 21-Aug-13 16:32:27

and very amusing to see!

YoniRanger Wed 21-Aug-13 16:36:10

My waters broke on the morning of BILs wedding.

Cue us dashing 200 miles home to hospital.

BILs best friend took over DHs best mans duties but being several sizes smaller than DH the pictures are interesting!

I do feel quite bad about it still.

jellyandcake Wed 21-Aug-13 16:36:53

WayHarsh we served wedding cake as dessert! What's wrong with that? It was a yummy squidgy chocolate cake! Hardly on a par with the punch-ups, infidelity revelations and so on in the rest of the thread!

TeamEdward Wed 21-Aug-13 16:44:56

Our wedding was a fairly sane affair, apart from a few relatives who couldn't be bothered to turn up on time and strolled down the aisle behind me.
Also, few weeks before our wedding, DH had an accident at work and lost a finger.
And then there was DH's cousin's fiancé. We'd never met him before. As cousin & fiancé came down the line, cousin kissed us and congratulated us. Fiance just grabbed DH's hand and said "I can get you 3 grand for that." Turns out he was a complete fuckwit personal injury lawyer.
We didn't take him up on the offer...

Pilgit Wed 21-Aug-13 17:02:10

This will out me if anyone knows me. But he ho! Wicked step mother (wsm) caused all the stress at my wedding. 4 weeks before I get a bullying calk from my dad trying to force me to have my half sister as a bridesmaid. She wouldn't be one yet and can't walk so wsm would have to walk with her. For some reason he actually thought I would want the cunt walking down the aisle with me (I have a whole soap opera of crap from her including her being such a bitch that I got signed off work with stress). Then at the wedding half sister is dressed as a bridesmaid. For sisters wedding we didn't tell them the colour scheme but they did try and force the then 22 month old on her as a bridesmaid anyway...

The week before -seating plan. Why can't wsm be on top table? Why is she off elsewhere (with my uncle). Especially when they found iut bestmans wife would be there - qell bm wife luterally had just had an ectopic, was touch and go whether she'd make it then making small talk with people she doesn't know. Oh and she is actually lovely and supportive? Then a disgusting message on dh's voice mail accusing him of being a money grabbing bastard as my parents had discussed and agreed to pay for our honeymoon. This when dad was paying for her son to go to a private school and built houses for her family -none if which I care about it just struck me as a tad hypocritical.

Then in car on the way to service dad will not stop talking about wsm. I ended up telling him to shut up and that they had caused untold stress in the run up and if he didn't focus on me for a bit he could fuck off to the far side of fuck. My one bridezilla moment.

Everything else was just funny - the cake getting knocked over by clumsy staff, spilling wax on my dress.

Pilgit Wed 21-Aug-13 17:02:46

Sorry for typos. Bloody phone.

Preferthedogtothekids Wed 21-Aug-13 17:17:36

Sorry not a wedding story, but a little funeral one...

My MIL fell out with her mother and they never spoke again but she decided to attend her funeral. The old lady had been a fan of Patsy Cline so her DIL had arranged for a song to be played as the funeral guests arrived. It was 'Who's sorry now'...

DumSpiroSpero Wed 21-Aug-13 17:38:50

* bridalscream*

You've just reminded me - our vicar got my name wrong when doing our vows and called me the name of the bride he'd married in the morning.

Luckily DH got it right! grin

karinmaria Wed 21-Aug-13 17:41:20

This thread is madness - what is it about weddings?!

At my wedding there was nothing major just a few hurts drinking so much champagne that there wasn't any left for some of the guests arriving later in the afternoon (we'd bought an obscene amount of champagne too, it was our one extravagance. The venue were lovely though and kept a couple of bottles behind the bar for me so I didn't have to drink dark drinks in my dress!), one guest talking incessantly about how his own wedding was going to be an certainly not like this one, one guest slagging us off on Facebook and other guests during the reception so I got my huge scary cousin to get rid of him, my new DH got so drunk my sister had to hold his tie out of the toilet as he was throwing up and then he wanted to 'go out' after the reception. Luckily the BM is ace and got him to the hotel with me, where he then lost his car keys and we had to search for them the next day.

One of the bridesmaids at my friends very expensive and brilliant wedding couldn't wait to leave and moaned constantly, told her boyfriend she was bored very loudly during the speeches and then was caught taking coke in the toilets. Classy.

No fisticuffs to tell of sadly...

karinmaria Wed 21-Aug-13 17:43:07

*guests not hurts! Bloody phone!

Also forgot my DH told everyone I was 'the only woman who could make him blush with her mouth closed'. Luckily my DF saw the funny side!

DevastatedD0G Wed 21-Aug-13 17:49:29

Fil was a total cunt at our wedding.

Attacked the buffet before it was declared open, at all the children's food then ranted at the caterer. It's not even like everyone was left starving waiting, wedding was 230 and it was 330 when he just started tucking in

Stood on my dress, fine, it's on the floor but when I tapped him on the shoulder he turned, saw it was me and turned away, tapped him again and said you're on my dress, he just glared at me. I forcibly moved him off like you would a child.

He heckled throughout the speeches (not long).

He then was encouraging everyone to leave early to "go to the pub".

Fil, for example, is a total fucking cunt.

YouTheCat Wed 21-Aug-13 17:52:20

My ex fil (at a friend's wedding) got pissed as usual and then started tucking into the wedding cake with a desert spoon, before it had even been cut.

springytoofs Wed 21-Aug-13 17:55:23

Sorry, got to address the flooding issue - mooncup! Changed my life! re hideous flooding - I stopped going out the first day of my period because it was just too risky. I've just PM'd one of you to say that after I got a mooncup I went from that to wearing white trousers on the first day, and every day (if I so chose, of course lol).

I just wish I'd discovered the mooncup decades before.

My wedding story is that I went to a wedding where the bridesmaids got lost. Pre-mobile days. The groom and FIL had booked with the same car company. Same name. So the cars got mixed up and the mother of the bride got taken up the hill in a vast stretch limo, all alone. The bridesmaids were eventually rescued in a guest's brown volvo - all 7 of them squashed in. They arrived half way through the ceremony, which started 45mins late anyway, waiting for the bridesmaids. Loads of guests thought it was intentional having the bridesmaids flying in soundlessly half way through to join the b&g at the altar. They thought it was dead cool and I overheard one guest saying she'd be doing it at her wedding.

IAmNotAMindReader Wed 21-Aug-13 17:57:29

My aunts wedding I was a bridesmaid (one of many and second youngest, this will be relevant later). I got told I had ruined the photographs by rolling down a grass verge with another bridesmaid and getting grass stains all over our dresses.

I was 7, the other bridesmaid was 3 hmm No idea why they thought it was appropriate for a 7 year old to babysit a 3 year old they'd only just met while their parents got pissed on the champers and the fucking photographer had packed up and gone home 45 minutes before.

My mum had to step in and tell her to back off because she had been ranting at me that her whole day had been ruined and it was all my fault.

The marriage lasted less than 6 months and she spent the next 2 years dragging her mother around total strangers weddings, crashing them to get ideas for her next big day. She hadn't even got a potential groom on the horizon.

IAmNotAMindReader Wed 21-Aug-13 18:01:02

Needless to say I was not on the guest list for her next wedding as I couldn't be trusted. Despite the fact that by the time she remarried I was well into my 20's.

Iheartcrunchiebars Wed 21-Aug-13 18:07:22

Not really sure if it was bad behaviour or now. We had a wedding crasher. He totally confessed when I asked him who he was. He got completely pissed on our free bar and tried to get off with one of the guests but left a £20 contribution for the bar for a charity of our choice. Loved him! (Also loads of guests stole booze to take home under their coats apparently.) I thought it was quite funny.

EeTraceyluv Wed 21-Aug-13 18:12:11

Mines insane and will out me grin Three weeks before the wedding, dh walked out of his job after a row with his boss. The place worked was to be our reception venue. We managed t get somewhere else though friends who owned a hotel and offered it to us. Three day before the wedding, ds then one was rushed into hospital with pneumonia and was very much teetering - I spent those three nights in hospital with him not sleeping, worried sick, whilst dh had to cycle around town (we had no car) organising everything. ds made an mazing recovery and came home the night before the wedding. On the day of the wedding, we were both so relieved that ds had made it, we both had a few drink (separately) before the ceremony. I was due to be picked up by some fiends who were travelling from a long way, so everyone had left and 10 year old dd and I were at home waiting. They seemed to be running a little late so called to find out they were over an hour away as had got the time wrong...I had to order a taxi - got the grottiest one available I think (taxi driver lovely though) and got there just in time. By the time the speeches came along I was a bit 'wobbly' blush and made a 'hilarious' speech at which everyone, understanding the situation, clapped politely. By 4pm I had had it and had to go to bed. DH cut the cake with my sister and we ended up in bed with little ds as my mum didn't feel able to take him for the night as had been planned. This is 13 years ago and we're still waiting for our 'wedding night'!

bumblebee12 Wed 21-Aug-13 18:12:28

Bride wanted all the kilted men to dance to hot chocolate and end with pulling their kilts up and showing their bits (Classy) DH didn't go up so she came and demanded he do it as she was the bride. She wasn't happy when he again said no.

A few members of her family got very drunk and started an argument with the grooms father. The grooms brother tried to calm them down but they started to threaten the father and tried to hit him. So he punched one of them (Perhaps not the best idea I know) to stop them. Bride decided to pretend to faint and had to be carried to the toilets. She blames the grooms brother for it all and wanted a written apology for it !

She also told the best mans wife that his duty was to her and her alone on the wedding day and she wasn't to speak to him ! She actually pulled him away from his wife while they were dancing.

gordyslovesheep Wed 21-Aug-13 18:16:24

Oh Libra you so win

we married abroad - it was supposed to be me and (ex)DH ONLY - MIL and FIL invited themselves - which upset my mum who, as a teacher, couldn't come as it was term time

she also invited 2 total strangers (to us) that they new who lived near by.

she sat with a face like a slapped arse throughout the ceremony

afterwards we went for a meal - they came as did their friends ...the bill came and they all looked at the floor ...so we paid

they didn't even buy us a drink

and she called me Lisa through out the whole thing (and throughout the marriage) ...my name is NOT Lisa - but DH's ex was

BlingBang Wed 21-Aug-13 18:22:36

My mad drunk uncle got up in the middle of the meal and started singing opera (badly) to everyone as he made his way out of the room to the public bar stopping on the way to sit on husband's bosses wife's knee (they had only travelled 400 miles) to serenade her (drunkenly spit all over her). It was quite an exit. He had also sat at the meal and stuffed the meal in his mouth with his hands. Oh he was a cad!

These are all good apart from the Northern Irish joke. not surprised that FOTB wasn't amused.

m0therofdragons Wed 21-Aug-13 18:38:04

I love this thread.

I have a good funeral one. At my grandmother's funeral my aunt (who is a nasty piece of work) was welcoming the guests (it was her mother's funeral) and got chatting to one man for about 15minutes. Her son was standing next to her and when the man went to speak to someone else she turned to her son and asked who the man was as her ds (40yo) seemed to know him. Her ds replied "Er mum, that's dad!" They'd divorced 30 years earlier but even I recognised him from old wedding pictures as I wasn't born when they split up and never met him. He came as he was very fond of his mil just not his wife and he'd called my dad a week before asking if he could come as he didn't want to cause upset. Dad liked him more than his sister so said he was very welcome.

foslady Wed 21-Aug-13 18:47:17

The wedding I went to that was the lesson in why you do not choose your brother to be best man purely because he is your brother and your mum thinks it's a good idea

Started drinking that morning and was hammered by speech time. The most memorable bits of his speech being him starting off by thanking us for coming today, wasn't supposed to be for another 4 months but the bride would be about to give birth then. He then congratulated the bride for pinning down his promiscuous brother (brides mother asked if he knew what that word meant to which he replied 'of course I do'), and presented them with a bottle of martini as they were the any time, any place any where couple and went on to ask if they had any good memories of ....and listed off a whole load of 'quiet' spots. Eventually he was told to sit down and shut up by his angrily embarrassed brother.

Luckily the cream that the waiter spilt all down the back of my jacket despite me saying to him that he was pouring the stuff out of the dessert bowls all over the carpet came out and the hotel paid the cleaning bill.....

oldgrandmama Wed 21-Aug-13 18:48:43

Am loving these stories, in a bad sort of way! My first wedding, in 1962 ... reception in a nice hotel in Lewes, but I was still so terrified of my father, even as a now married lady of 20 (!) and remembering his threats that 'if I ever find out you've TAKEN DRINK, you WON'T GET MOTHER'S PEARLS', I didn't even dare have a sip of champagne at my own wedding reception. At the end of the bunfight, my mother caught the Best Man and one of the ushers creeping out with bottles of unopened wine hidden inside their suit jackets, resulting in a massive and very loud row.

On the honeymoon in Cornwall, I had the curse (started just before the wedding) and the groom had the 'flu. Second day, I drank alcohol for the first time ever (barley wine and mead chasers - didn't know any better) and was completely out of it for 48 hours after that (guest house had to call a doctor to me).

Divorced five years later. Subsequent marriages in a Register Office, no receptions. And I DID get mother's pearls!

YouTheCat Wed 21-Aug-13 19:03:58

I had a small afternoon reception (just buffet, no disco/music).

There was a piano that my dad decided to have a play on (nice bit of jazz/swing).

The ex mil had invited various people that I hardly knew (her friends) and one rather large lady decided to have a very loud sing-a-long. Luckily I was hammered. grin

makemineabacardi Wed 21-Aug-13 19:07:58

Went to a wedding where the best man (at mother of the groom's insistence) was her lover. I think the only person who didnt know was her son. It became very obvious in the BM speech that he barely knew who the groom was sad

trikken Wed 21-Aug-13 19:58:11

Mine was a small wedding and was good apart from mum managed to break the cd player so we had no music plus my step father ducked out for some reason and missed the speeches and then complained loudly about missing them on his return and made dh do another speech thanking everyone again. It was very embarrassing. Plus we were told we couldnt invite many as was in mums garden for the reception but at the wedding we noticed was loads of mums friends that she had invited without asking us! Still annoys me six years on. Love dh though.

OwlinaTree Wed 21-Aug-13 20:16:19

Oh, i'm laughing so much at these, tho i'm sure not so funny at the time.

I've nothing to compete with this, only one or two quickies.

During speeches at one wedding, group dressed in black walked past the window. They had arrived to scatter some ashes!

Another wedding, one guest who had recently got engaged spent whole time saying 'oh, we're not having it like this, i much prefer...'

Another wedding FoB made a 'joke' in his speech implying the bride was sleeping around, and another FoB speech revolved around how much he hated his daughter's exboyfriend!

JerseySpud Wed 21-Aug-13 20:22:52

Well where to start.

My evil sil (sil 2)'s DP was best man. Who informed Sil1 (my maid of honour) that morning that he could stop the wedding when he liked. The volcano erupted 2 weeks before the wedding so that was the stress on the run up

On the actual day my fil was late because evil sil said she got 'lost'. 3 of my relatives didn't make it to Jersey intime they made it for drinks. Food was dreadful. Come the evening one tier of my cake had gone missing between reception and evening do and had been eaten by the kitchen staff. Also the evening buffet was all iceland party packs (we recognised it) and there was loads left so the manager asked if the kitchen staff could have that as well as they were hungry

Oh and the DJ was pissed out of his skull and played the wiggles.

GertrudeBellTent Wed 21-Aug-13 20:41:00

(Out of lurkerdom and outing myself with this.)

So, DH and I seem to be very good at the"worse", "sickness", and "poorer" of the vows (but are blissfully happy).

We married when DD was 5 months old. Two weeks before the wedding, building work under our maisonette left the inside of our home absolutely covered in thick cement dust when builders ripped down a ceiling without warning. We had to move out for three days, taking only what we could carry.

Two days before the wedding I went on a token hen do to a nearby sushi restaurant. I felt a bit rubbish on leaving and wondered if I'd had food poisoning. Turned out to be norovirus. I spent the day before the wedding sitting on the toilet, vomiting into a bucket, and being vomited on by a baby who I was breastfeeding round the clock to get fluids into her. I vividly remember looking at now-DH while he brought me yet another glass of dioralyte and announcing through gritted teeth: "we're getting married tomorrow even if I have to carry a bucket down the aisle".

We notified all guests that norovirus was on the menu. Everyone still decided to come, meaning that a third of the guests ended up ill afterwards, including my DSis who was 6 months pregnant. Also, it had snowed the week before and it was hit-and-miss as to whether our overseas guests would make it but fortunately they did. My wedding prep ideas were abandoned and it was all hands on deck to liberally decorate the ceremony room with small plastic dinosaurs.

I wanted a really simple, plain, white dress to wear. I had found a secondhand one on eBay for a mere £15 but DD's arrival also meant a massive increase in norkage so three weeks before the wedding we were driving 50 miles to the nearest BHS to find a dress that would cover the ample bosom. It worked fine on the day, although DH, who laced me into it, laced it incorrectly (not that I noticed or gave a... well, crap).

Ceremony was lovely, reception went well, but I spent my wedding day sober as a judge and unable to eat anything other than imodium. DD's norovirus nappy leaked all over DH's new trousers but he had his jeans with him so that was fine and he was more comfortable in them anyway. I just clamped DD to a boob and got on with the party.

My favourite cousin and her DH fell out spectacularly. It transpired things were Not Good and they separated soon after. Nearly three years on she is happily involved with another of my wedding guests...

Two of my closest friends got absolutely hammered and went missing for three days.

DH and I spent our wedding night in a tiny hotel room, taking turns to syringe rehydration fluid into DD's mouth. Fortunately all three of us are now doing the happily ever after thing rather nicely.

In comparison, it was a breeze compared to my parent's wedding. They were a Protestant and a Catholic marrying in Belfast in 1972. Not the done thing. They had a huge amount of opposition, both within and outside the families. DM's DF was advised that if he went to the wedding it'd be the last one he ever went to. He had to sit in the car park while my great-uncle gave away DM. 41 years later my parents are still married (although I reckon a lot of that is down to stubbornness and two fingers up to the haters).

2children2cats Wed 21-Aug-13 20:50:59

Yes Libra, you win!

Groovee Wed 21-Aug-13 20:55:00

Just thinking that when dh and I were travelling to the reception he told me what had happened that morning at the hotel!

When we had been down to deliver some things the morning before the wedding, the owner said he needed to speak to the best man! So that morning FIL and BIL go to the hotel to hand in the overnight bags for us all. BIL is terrified when he leaves. FIL had gone to the loo and missed it. But the owner had told him that he would have to be the bouncer if there was any trouble shock.

BIL was the one likely to get into trouble!!! BIL had been shitting himself all day and DH found it hilarious. So much so that the driver of our car had to pull over as he was laughing so much at dh about it!

oneofthosedays Wed 21-Aug-13 20:58:57

Mine aren't amazing but here goes.

Mil got slaughtered and spent the evening trying to grab my very reluctant father for a dance and when she did finally get him on the dance floor she kept stroking his bald head!

I'd asked my mum and sister if they could cut my cake up for me (budget wedding) after the buffet and serve it and you'd never seen a more reluctant pair! Did a half arsed job and most of the guests had left by the time they had done it so most of it got wasted.

First dance went hideously wrong because someone's plus 1 had brought her 3 year old who she let roam free and consequently pulled some essential leads out of the dj's equipment so we had to go off the dance floor and were called back 5 mins later!

A friend's wedding I went to recently was fab until the groom, who we barely knew, vomited all over himself completely unexpectedly whilst talking to us then collapsed on the floor. Bride was utterly unfazed and just carried on dancing. It was hilarious

raisah Wed 21-Aug-13 21:22:08

When my cousin got married her mum (my dads SIL) wore a red sari similar to the bride. Bear in mind thst she is 60+ & also dyed her hair a sort of reddish mahogany to match her sari. She looked quite a picture and attracted lots of whispered comments but not of the sort she wanted!

The mother of the bride also walked around the tables & snatched the cards/ money envelopes from the guests by saying "is that for me?" She then proceeded to open the cards & pocketed the cash for herself. I knew that she would do this so I advised all my family to give cheques. My aunt rang me the next day to tell me off for writing a cheque in the brides' name!

ScornedWoman Wed 21-Aug-13 21:30:53

My mum arrived at my wedding with a hangover, wearing the (black mini) skirt she'd been out in the night before and an oversized man's t-shirt. My sister carried out her repeated threat to 'leather' her 3 year old, during the speeches. My dad left early as his shoes were pinching his feet. The video clearly shows my mum mouthing the words "fucking row, this is" whilst gesturing to the (fantastic, imo, and v.expensive) live band, before rounding up her brothers/sisters/friends for a mass exodus to the bar downstairs.
My new husband collapsed on top of our bed, so that I couldn't even get under the duvet, so I had to get in with Ds, who had not gone to stay at my mum's as agreed, due to her nabbing the taxi I'd booked to take my husband and me to a hotel for the night, to take her and her mate clubbing.
Still, it could have been worse; my (v.nervous) brother got so drunk that he wee'd the bed on his wedding night...

reggiebean Wed 21-Aug-13 21:59:13

Went to a wedding once where the groom wasn't really a big drinker. His mates decided to take him out "just for a few" the night before the wedding (the bride was a massive bitch, so can see why they planned this!) and got him absolutely smashed.

Next morning, they're at the altar saying their vows, and right at the part where he's supposed to say, "I do.", he has to sprint out the side doors of the church and be sick all over the place (in full view of the church). Most guests didn't know he had been out the night before, so thought it was actually nerves, and that he was going to leave her at the altar.

He ended up having to go and lie down after the ceremony, so he missed his wedding reception, and they had to get the whole bridal party back together and rent the venue for another day so they could get photos taken.

shock

StepMIL who is Swedish wore a Finish traditional costume to her step daughters wedding, she looked a picture walking through Worsley, we thought she was the entertainment.

Mia4 Wed 21-Aug-13 23:11:40

I've seen a few brides and guestzilla's and a fight break out but the most cringe worthy was actually a really lovely day, great couple, the only thing was the Bride's father made an impassioned speech with a subtle message which we bored people only got after 20 minutes of waffling. He went on and on about how proud he was of the couple, how they had such passion but willpower and dedication and finally used the words 'both going into this marriage pure' and 'saving themselves for tonight'.

No one was going to correct him that a) both bride and groom had had liaisons with others before, b) had been shagging for months and c) bride was actually 7 weeks pregnant.

We just silently pissed ourselves laughing while bride and groom and their other parents looked confused and mortified.

IShallCallYouSquishy Thu 22-Aug-13 09:12:56

I didn't have anything bad at mind luckily. The only thing that pisses me off to this day is when the registrar was handing the signed wedding certificate he said "usually we give this to the best man but I understand there's 2 very special children that will be taking it instead" I was utterly confused and it turns out my mother had decided to have my 2 young cousins be given the wedding certificate so they felt part of the wedding. Why the actual fuck she did that I don't know. It was a small wedding of 50 with just my adult sister as bridesmaid not like I had children and they were left out. Why she felt she had the authority to change something about my wedding ceremony I don't know. It's the actual principle that she did it not the thing itself that pisses me off.

At a friends very lovely wedding, the ceremony was in full swing, vicar saying his bits etc...the church doors open and in walk a couple in about their late 50's/early 60's and start looking around the church, reading the leaflets on the table about halfway down. As in walked past guests and could obviously see our friends, fancy suit and wedding dress on stood in front if the vicar. They stayed about 3-4 minutes looking around the church then left with a loud bang of the church door. Yes ok it's a public venue but you just wouldn't would you?! confused

Mumoftwoyoungkids Thu 22-Aug-13 09:54:48

Ishall At a friend's wedding the BM lost the wedding certificate! He was 25! They had to have a copy made.

DuchessFanny Thu 22-Aug-13 10:02:04

The one about the 'friend who's a waiter' is a popular urban legend.

Just googled and there are definitely similarities to the story i was told, he could have just been livening up my BBQ i suppose grin

frizzcat Thu 22-Aug-13 10:09:02

I attended a wedding, where the reception was held in a hall next to a high security prison. Guests arrived at the reception and were greeted with ITN, Skynews and BBC camera crews, as one of the high security prisoners had taken a bunch of people hostage. Later watch us all on the news, as news teams were keen to know if we felt safe?

I love this thread keep them coming

Pigsmummy Thu 22-Aug-13 10:10:49

Very minor ones, A guest at our wedding got very drunk on red wine during the formal sit down meal, leaving her son aged about 4 running around smacking the backsides of all the pretty waitresses, then she fell over and vomited (red wine colour) all over her pale grey suit outside the main entrance in full view of the (sober) evening guests arriving!

Also another guest wore a white dress and hat, the very same that she wore when she got married the previous year, on the photos she looms like a stand in bride.......

None if this matters though and we had a great day.

WilsonFrickett Thu 22-Aug-13 10:18:21

I actually forgot about my own story! At my wedding one of my male BF's got a little bit ... drunk.

He had a few to 'stiffen his nerves' (he was doing a reading) before the ceremony, then read really badly. Because he hadn't even glanced at the poem beforehand (he was a trained actor, but still).

Then at the meal there was some incident I still don't understand which ended up with DH's then boss wandering around without his trousers.

He was in charge of videoing the speeches and talked over all of them, giving a running commentary about the 'delivery' of each person. (I find this quite funny now, as he's better than the speeches, but still)

When the very expensive band sang 'his' song he jumped up and pushed the singer out of the way to sing. Then forgot the words. When they tried to sing his other 'his' song the singer was having none of it so they had a wrestling match on the stage.

To top it all off, the venue was non-smoking (unheard of then) and he was asked to leave after being caught smoking three times. As he was being ejected he wailed for me 'Wilsooooooooooooon, I can't believe you're standing by and letting this happen' like he was being dragged off to prison or something. Just as the evening guests were arriving.

Twas a great day.

Pawprint Thu 22-Aug-13 10:37:32

I knew a woman, years ago, who had to be the centre of attention of everything. She usually succeeded, for all the wrong reasons. She was a feisty character had a serious drink problem and given to singing, very badly, at parties etc.

At her brother's wedding, which I attended, there was a professional singer who was a friend of the bride and groom. She was an amazingly talented lady with a great voice.

After the professional singer finished her act, the pissed off her face sister of the groom got up and sang a dreadful, out of tune, wobbly "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". She fluffed half way through and had to start again. The contrast between her and the professional was phenomenal.

PixieBumbles Thu 22-Aug-13 12:04:17

DH's best man was living abroad when we got married. He was planning to fly back 8 days before our wedding for the stag do and also to spend some quality time with DH. His wife unfortunately couldn't come because of work and money.

When he moved out to the country he lived in, his visa had been arranged by the school he and his wife worked at. They also arranged his flight back to the UK for our wedding. At no point did anyone actually bother to tell him one of the visa conditions was that he could not travel in or out of the country without his wife (I think because when they first moved out there she was the only one with a job lined up, he got his job after they moved).

He was at the gate, literally just about to get on the plane when he was told he couldn't leave the country. So yeah, that put a bit of a downer on things. I'd been out for the evening, got home at 11 to find DH on the phone on the verge of tears. I thought "that's a bit strange, there's only one person he'd be calling at this time of night and he's supposed to be on a pla...oh..." sad

At the reception one of my friends kept asking my FIL (who's a pharmacist) if he had any drugs. She also took all the wine off the top table straight after the meal (I had hardly any of it! cheeky mare) and had a go at my Dad for changing his outfit for the evening reception!

My wedding was a bit of a blur, but nothing ridiculous happened, just a couple of small hiccups.

One was that we had planned to serve sushi for part of the canapes, which were picked up from the restaurant that made them about an hour's drive from the venue at midday by DH's cousin, who didn't question the packaging (no ice packs basically). When they were taken into the hotel's kitchen, the chef tested the temperature and declared he couldn't serve them due to food safety regs. So they were binned - about £200 worth of amazing sashimi. sad

Then DH lost his speech. He thinks of himself as a real raconteur and bless him he isn't really smile . Well, what happened was that I am very nosy and he had password protected a file on our computer where he had drafted what to say. He had then forgotten the password. Confessed this to me the day before, so I laughed and gave him a list of the things you have to say (etiquette-wise I mean, thanking various people), which he bumbled through. He thanked "the florist" who was the long term girlfriend of one of my staff and I was mortified that he didn't use her name.

Our photographer turned out to be rubbish. Lots of pictures were squint, had people half cut out of them, they didn't do the groups that I had asked for, stuck random people into close family groupings. I still (4 years on) haven't had the album printed, but my mum eventually got the photographers to give us the disk of the full set of digital pictures in highest-resolution so we could tweak them ourselves to try to get them right.

I haven't really been to many weddings. I did a reading at a close friend's wedding at a fancy manor house type venue. She told us a long afterwards that they couldn't leave at the end of the night until they had paid for a tab that a guest had run up behind the bar (guest known for big spending and being outrageously raucous and generous). The bar said that he had put behind the bar his credit card for the tab but somehow managed to just leave the reception without it at the end of the night and they had (as standard) then tried to put it through anyway as a card-holder-not-present but it wouldn't go. I thought this was a massive scam - the venue hadn't actually shown them this card or any other evidence that there was a bar bill. So my friends eventually (it had been more than a year) spoke to the guest to ask him - they hadn't fallen out, just seethed about it for all that time - he said he had indeed run a huge tab, but as far as he was concerned had definitely paid it up without any hint of problem. The venue just fancied getting another £400 out of my friends who were naive enough to let them.

Floatsyourboat Thu 22-Aug-13 12:39:45

At my first wedding my ex got so drunk at his stag do that he threw up all night and I had to sit up with him and nurse him because he couldn't even walk. My ex sil was meant to do my hair but couldn't get it 'right' and left it in a mess so she could get her kids ready. Luckily my mum helped me sort it out.
My ex was so hungover he nearly cancelled the wedding because he couldn't even get out of bed and boy do I wish he had lol my mum was still sore about my dad leaving her and laughed all through the vows and got silly drunk at the rubbish reception which I left at 8 in the evening and went to bed because I was so shattered from staying up all night.
My 2nd wedding was looking like it might go the same way with my family refusing to come if my dad was invited so on valentines day my hubby and I ran away and got married at Gretna green and it was magical! Spent all week in bed after the wedding and everyone thought it was amazing what we did and even threw us a reception when we got home which we thought was lovely considering we had just ran away lol

stickingattwo Thu 22-Aug-13 12:54:27

Accidentally gatecrashed colleagues wedding... 8 of us went, 4 invited to ceremony, dinner & eve do and 4 invited to church & eve do only. As it was in a tiny village in middle of nowehere that took 4 hours each way to get to and we didnt compare invites we all thought we were going to whole thing. 8 hours between ceremony and eve do btw As it was we still had 3 hours to kill in a village that didnt even have a pub - sat around the village green like teenagers!
look on the B&G face when we all walked in for the lunch/dinner bit was priceless but lucikly a few people had cancelled on the day and they squeezed us in... apologised profusely when we discovered weeks later we hadnt been invited to the whole day.oops.

Groovee Thu 22-Aug-13 13:01:33

My brother's 2nd wedding was quite funny. We were told family only at the registry office, so my mum, dad, me, dh, my 2 kids and my brother's daughters, arrive and there is no room for us because all their friends had turned up.

Then after the ceremony they're doing family photo's and call up my 3 nieces. But the eldest one doesn't move. So her dad shouts on her to come up. The whisperings of their friends were hilarious. One asked me who she was. Dh nearly walloped me for saying "That's his eldest daughter, we don't remember who her mother is!" Meanwhile my eldest niece's boyfriend who'd come along too was wetting himself laughing as my niece had warned him about Auntie Groovee.

Get to the reception which was in a "business centre" The bridal party, nieces included this time, have gone for photo's. They come back and my youngest 2 nieces have fallen out this time and one of their stepmother's family tries to cause more conflict with them by comforting one of them while being wide to the younger one. The younger one comes over to me and tells me that's the family member who regularly ridicules her when they all have to meet up. So me and eldest niece decide to save other niece and tell "family member" that she needs to stop picking on 9 year olds! She wasn't amused and stayed away after that.

Then the entertainment in Karaoke for the night confused. This pretty girl gets up and hogs the mic, but she can't sing. Everyone who knows her keeps cheering and egging her on. Except my eldest niece makes a comment and that triggers us all off again on fits of laughter.

My brother starts yelling at us all for being rude, just as our oldest sister and family walk in. They end up having a screaming match and we all leave. I end up with my nieces in my house for the night as they have refused to go to the "babysitters" their dad organised.

Was certainly a wedding to remember.

Groovee Thu 22-Aug-13 13:03:02

Oh and the buffet was chocolate fingers and cheese puffs. We stopped off at the chippy on the way home.

absentmindeddooooodles Thu 22-Aug-13 13:12:19

I had a thread a while ago about my crazy mil trying to wear a wedding dress to my wedding. ( which is in 7ish months time) shes utter bonkers and has made a whoke wedding book about how are wedding should be. Booked appointments for venue viewings picked out dresses suitable for my mum to wear etc etc. Anyway I have one f4om a wedding a few years ago...

Went to xp's cousins wedsing about 500 miles away. Never met them before and were to stay with the bride and groom the night before the wedding. Xp's younder sister and I shared a bed in the living room as we were not allowed to share a room due to being unmarried.

Anyeay, both of us asleep downstairs, middle of the night I wake up to xps sister shaking with uncontrolabke laughter/ half crying. I turned around to see the groom passed out on the sofa, stark bollock naked and xp spooning him wearing my dress for the next day.
Apparantley they had waaay too much to drink and this was the result. The grooms jehovas witness father and mother decide to come xownstairs at this moment ( we were laughing pretty loud by this point) and he goes nuts. Cue everyone waking up shouting ending up in 12 crazed relatives in the living room arguing.

The wedding went ahead and bride saw the funny side. But groom is still not on best terms with parents 6 years later.

sashh Thu 22-Aug-13 13:21:37

Went with a friend to his mother's wedding. Because it would be busy at the house we stayed in the hotel where they were having the reception but were at the house the rest of the time.

The night before the hotel phoned the bride and told her they had double booked. They did offer her another room and she had no option really but to accept.

Got to the reception after the wedding and the mulled wine that was supposed to greet guests wasn't there, bride was about to lose it (was late december).

I went in to bolshy mode and went to the bar to ask for the manager. While I was there someone ordered a drink and said to put it on the tab 'of the wedding'. I asked him which wedding, he said his friend's I asked the name of his friend and as he didn't know the name of bride or groom told the waiting staff not to put it on the wedding tab - they ignored me.

By this time the manager had turned up and I have no recollection of what I said, other than saying that they were ruining the bride's day. Apparently people appeared from nowhere with champagne and the room was miraculously ready.

But the cake was served before the sandwiches (supposed to be high tea) and the other end of the room was a works Xmas party.

The evening do was at the bride and grooms house so we went there and came back to sleep. The room had not been cleaned.

In the morning we were checking out and there was a meal charged to our room. No we didn't eat in the hotel, no we didn't eat the first night, no I know we did not eat here, we were at the wedding evening do eating there, no we are not paying the bill for a meal we did not have, and if we had eaten in the restaurant I would have ordered a better wine.

At my DBs wedding, on the way from the registry office, the extremely racist fOB shared a taxi to reception with the mixed race friend of bride who was a prof camera man who had kindly agreed to do the video. Bless him for not decking FOB for his racist rant all the way to venue.

During the speeches FOB proceeded to tell assembled guests how useless he thought DB was.

Then later during the evening party, there had been a bit of a family issue, and me and DB had a quick confab in the girls toilets (long, complicated story) we had gone into a cubicle and came out to find bride's very very pissed best mate glaring at us.

Brides very very pissed BM then created a massive drama crying and hugging bride as she shrieked in front of all the other guests her her new husband had been shagging someone in the toilet

New SIL was very calm and pointed out that I was new husband's sister...didn't wash! she kept on and on and on...and still sends me daggers if we happen to meet at parties...weirdo!

Pigsmummy Thu 22-Aug-13 13:50:51

DH and me went to a wedding last year that was so weird it was funny.... Invitation arrived from lovely couple on DHs side of family (and they are a lovely couple !!) in the form of a jigsaw you had to put together (everyone knew what it was anyway........ But not the end of the trying too hard unfortunately !) You also had to bring along a piece of jigsaw to the occasion, each numbered, loads of people forgot and the replacement/back up pieces were not the same so it didn't work and we still don't know what the jigsaw was meant to be. The reception was on a petting farm, we were squeezed into a marquee but we had to go into the cow shed with livestock (cows, goats and sheep) and shit (hopefully just cows, goats and sheep shit) for photos, the children were made to eat in the cow shed, it was cold and lashing with rain. We didn't eat a main course until 8.30 at night despite it being a church wedding at 1pm, it's the only wedding that we have ever made our excuses and ran off (across a wet field) back to our hotel by 930pm.

Seeing everyone in their glad rags forcing a smile surrounded by cattle and shit will stay with me for a long time.

ooh, forgot some baddish behaviour of my own.

At Dsis' wedding, couple buggered off at 8 in the evening to leave all guests staying at the venue with nowt to do (we were due to have a post wedding lunch the next day). So me, two DBs and my two BFs went minibar hopping throughout the guests rooms...along with the fab Irish priest who was a real laugh, big, burly, full of great stories.We ended up in his room.

I woke up the next day thinking someone was poking my eyes out (had left contacts in). I had lost consciousness in the priests room and had crashed out on the bed. Imagine my horror to turn round to see said priest tucked up next to me. They had decided just to leave me where I fell, so to speak! Staggering back to my room I was sharing with one of my two BFs at the wedding I found one grumpy BF and one grumpy brother in my bed. Turned out Other BF was, er, occupied with other Brother in my brother' room room. Luckily the bed was the size of a football pitch so we all just went back to sleep for a few hours.

How we laughed.

Sorry, Father Brendan!

Selks Thu 22-Aug-13 14:30:30

Loool @ priest tucking himself up next to you!

blush The Shame, The Shame!

to be fair, I was fully clothed, including shoes, on top of the bed clothes...he had somehow managed to squirrel some space under them for himself...

Pigsmummy Thu 22-Aug-13 14:46:37

MadameD waking up next the priest is my favourite guest one to date, did you ever tell your DSis?

God, yes, its a family story to this day, 20 years later!

She and BIL thought it was hilarious....

Geranium45 Thu 22-Aug-13 15:39:32

Yikes! Some of these are horrendous! At my first wedding, we were totally skint and so had reception at (lovely) exMIL. She opened proceedings by putting on the birdie song and encouraging the guests to join in with the dance. Ex's drunkle then dropped trousers and mooned entire room. Nice.
2nd wedding was lovely, apart from one guest taking industrial quantities of drugs to get through day due to shyness, and passing out in garden, another guest passing out in ladies up against a locked door, and FIL changing out of his morning suit into his fruit of the loom sweatshirt in time for the photos. Ha ha! Worst experience though and pet hate at weddings is not feeding people - once travelled 3 hours to 11am wedding and no food served until 7 although bar open and generous - net result people paralytic, fainting and one hospitalisation. If you can't afford to feed people twice, and who can blame you, get married in the afternoon!

complexnumber Thu 22-Aug-13 15:41:46

I was at a friend's wedding when a young girl with Down's syndrome took a fancy to me (I'm a bloke).

She grabbed my arm and wanted to dance with me, no problem there, until I realised (at the centre of the dance floor) that there was no one else on the floor and this was meant to be the first dance of the evening lead by the B&G

complex, I think that is rather lovely....well done you for dancing with her, I'm sure the B & G were more moved by your kindness to a a young guest (with Down's Syndrome or not) than worried about being upstaged!

Thurlow Thu 22-Aug-13 15:53:39

Complex grin awww!

BerylStreep Thu 22-Aug-13 15:56:18

MadamDefarge Your SIL's BM must think you are utterly depraved - not only shagging your own DB on his wedding day, but also sleeping with a priest.

Anything else you want to get off your conscience?

42andcounting Thu 22-Aug-13 16:09:21

At mine the BM's speech was a really crude made up story about how now I was getting married all the men who had keys to my house should now return them, followed by about 15 men standing up to hand keys in to the top table - including the (now Ex)H's best mate and brother. I wasn't amused.

During the short gap between main course and dessert, the BM went to the loo, and when he came back told the (now X)MIL that he'd shagged his girlfriend in the loo while he was there. (The girlfriend, incidentally, was wearing the sluttiest dress imaginable with clearly nothing underneath it.) XMIL then announced their little liaison to the room at large, from the top table, in the loudest voice possible. Lovely.

When we turned in for the night, BM, girlfriend and a bunch of other guests were playing pool in the hotel bar. Apparently, BM & girlfriend ended up shagging on the pool table in front of everyone about an hour later. I'm so glad my family had all called it a day when we did, I was mortified.

Ezio Thu 22-Aug-13 16:16:51

42 Nice to you that your not married into that family now, dogging at a wedding reception, thats so Jeremy Kyle!!

grin

Ezio Thu 22-Aug-13 16:28:23

Madame, may i suggest that next time you see Miss weirdo, stick a sign on her back that says "Incest", since she seems to think about it so much.

sunshinemeg Thu 22-Aug-13 16:32:24

I was lucky enough to be married in a cathedral, as that's where I was christened and my dad taught at the attached boys school. We used the choir stalls for the wedding so we could gate them off and keep the intimate feeling rather than just fill the first 4 rows in main part of cathedral. We were very strict to both sets of parents that we only wanted guests we BOTH knew. MIL was seen counting seats on visit to cathedral before, even though she knew it wasn't her decision. On the day, my dad walked me in through the cloisters, and just said to me "don't look left" seems MIL had asked extras to come along anyway and they were in the main part of the cathedral!!
After the service we had photos outside before myself and DH were to be driven to another spot for photos, a random woman nearly got in the car with us to take photos!!! When we spotted her in a later photo with the in laws, MIL just said "oh that's X, we worked together 20years ago!!!"

'Twas very very funny though, BM sobbing and clutching on the poor bride bewailing the bride's 'betrayal'

"I'm so sorry to be the one to tell you this...etc!" It was like some Jeremy Kyle moment...luckily she got hustled off by her DH pdq.

Of course she realised it was rubbish the moment she sobered up, but I don't think she can forgive me for being the "cause" of her behaving like a loon in front of everyone!

It was a very lovely, and rather glamorous wedding actually. And great to have a few bonkers stories to come out of it.

Happy days!

I mean, my DB is nice enough looking, but still....!

mindyourownbusiness Thu 22-Aug-13 16:48:40

We had a quite wedding due to some family issues and couldn't invite ones side without the others and so forth so we just went off on our own and did it. Lovely day though beautiful county hall we got married in. On the way home the next day we phoned all immediate family and told them our 'fait accompli'. . We promised them a big night do with absolutely everybody invited of course which we had a few months later. They all congratulated us and were thrilled and understanding of our reasons, all except my DHs eldest son , who would never ever go for a drink or socialise with his dad which has always grieved my DH greatly as his own dad died when he was 15 and he never got chance. His response to our 'good news' was a sulky 'Oh thanks for the invite' . Really spoilt it for DH and l was like this shock. I was really angry at him and he lived with us at the time and he started on his dad as soon as we got home. He was 22 at the time so no excuse. I know it's not as dramatic as some stories on here but it did but a dampener on our day especially for DH. Like l say he never wanted to socialise with his dad or dad and l ever despite much cajoling pleading from his dad. Yet he saw fit to put down our whole celebration with just one sarky sentence.

Cravey Thu 22-Aug-13 16:57:16

Mind your own I have to say I can see your dh sons point of view somewhat. I wouldn't be very happy if my father married without telling me. No matter how old I was. Not saying you should have asked him but at least his father should have told him.

Lweji Thu 22-Aug-13 17:05:42

I was a witness at my brother's church wedding.
ExH didn't go, but I took 1.5 year old DS, who started getting restless and hungry just before they exchanged vows, so I left the church and missed it. Bad boy!
But I was there for the signatures. smile

Lovecat Thu 22-Aug-13 17:07:00

My drunken cousin confronted me at my reception and said "you've married the wrong man - it should have been ME! We were meant to be together!!"

My cousin looks rather like this and insists on being called 'Wolf' (his real name is something far more pedestrian).

I refused his kind offer to run away together.

We also had a gatecrasher, who climbed in through the hotel reception's french windows and danced wildly with SIL, but he was a nice enough bloke and we just thought it was funny, as SIL's h-to-be had decided he was going to take over from the DJ and had been ignoring her all night grin

Flappingandflying Thu 22-Aug-13 17:27:59

The bride's mother had taken on the role of bridezilla and the wedding was organised down to the nth degree. We were singing so didn't know the couple personally but the groom looked very nervous and they didn't quite 'gell'. The wedding reception was at bride's home. Unfortunately that night, in the early hours of the following morning, father of the bride got up, went down stairs and died. Very sad as he seemed like a lovely gentleman. What was wierd though was they insisted on having the funeral in the same church as the wedding, with the same flowers, and some of the same music. Needless to say the marriage was anulled due to un 'underperformance' from the groom, although this is gossip I later heard and don't know the reality. She remarried and I hope was happy.

I watched one of those emergency services tv progs the otherday. A car had driven into a horse and carriage taking bride and father to the church. The driver was seriously injured and nearly died, father of bride had to go to hospital but apparently the bride went onto te church and got married. It struck me as a bit of a downer...

complexnumber Thu 22-Aug-13 17:30:21

As a student in Coventry I would often drink in a rather sleazy pub (The Woodbine?) On one occasion we were lurking in there hoping for a lock in (pubs used to shut in the afternoon then).

The manager ushered us upstairs to a wedding reception. The poor couple! There were only 3 of us, but we completely took over the dance floor. In particular I remember dancing rather energetically to 'Come on Eileen'

At the end one of the invited guests came up and suggested that I might like to make room on the dance floor for everyone else. He was so polite, I couldn't refuse (he really was polite!)

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Thu 22-Aug-13 17:39:26

I went to one wedding where the groom announced in his speech that the bride had slept with him the first night they met. He then added 'now I'm not saying X is easy, but...' The bride's father's face was a picture!

I was sick down the hotel stairs at my dad's second wedding. blush In my defence, I was 17, it was pretty late and my entire extended family had been buying me drinks. My friend calmly went to fetch a member of staff and pointed it out to them while the rest of us hid and I'm pretty sure neither dad nor my stepmum found out.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Thu 22-Aug-13 17:55:12

Also, at a close friend's wedding, one of our other friends got totally smashed. She was wearing a v short minidress and started bending over the bar to buttonhole the bar staff exposing an awful lot to everyone in the room. We kept trying to lead her away but she kept going back.

The barman then served her a pint of Guinness, which she promptly let slide through her fingers and dropped all over the bride's skirt and shoes. She wasn't even that apologetic (probably too pissed), while standing in a pool of beer and broken glass while the poor bride went through gritted teeth 'no, it doesn't matter, I'll have it dry-cleaned'. I went and shouted at the barman for being stupid enough to serve her when he had been watching her and laughing for the last hour.

She then passed out on a banquette and we all breathed a sigh of relief, until she got up again and said she was going for a walk. She has an abysmal sense of direction at the best of times and we were in a rural hotel miles from anywhere and she didn't know where she was. A friend's boyfriend eventually persuaded her not to go out, and she decided to go to bed. En route there she spotted a disabled loo, shot into it and locked the door. She has form for passing out in toilets, so I banged on the door for ages while she told me to piss off and she eventually came out and we got her into her bed. In the morning she had no memory of spilling the Guinness and was horrified at herself.

Complexnumber - your story reminds me of another mumsnetter's wedding story. Her younger sister who had, iirc, Down's syndrome, was asked to the the ring bearer. She happened to be a huge fan of The Lord of the Rings, and decided that she wasn't just the ring bearer, she was the One Ring Bearer, and therefore needed a hobbit costume and cloak.

The wedding pictures are of a beautifully happy family, complete with Frodo the ring bearer. It is one of the loveliest things I have ever heard or seen.

gnittinggnome Thu 22-Aug-13 18:02:02

I went to a v posh wedding at the Jockey Club in Hong Kong, as horse racing (and associated activities) were big for the FOB, who didn't really approve of his daughter marrying a Brit. His FOB speech was rambling, but boiled down to "marriage is like gambling - you can cheat, but don't get caught"....

complexnumber Thu 22-Aug-13 18:10:54

Two Peace Corps friends of mine got married in a small town in Botswana (where we were working). They asked a PC friend of theirs to accompany them on an electric organ...

It was pure Les Dawson.

Another friend then got drunk and spent the rest of the occasion trying to snog the bride, the groom did not object as he was paralytic.

SDTG what a lovely memory!

oldgrandmama Thu 22-Aug-13 19:27:21

Confession is good for the soul ... so here goes. At my daughter's wedding reception at Soho House, two journo mates and I decided to do a trio Karaoke act - drunkenly announced we were The Three Hacks. We sang, sorry, mangled 'I will survive' and I then tumbled off the stage onto my arse. Daughter's new in-laws were watching stony-faced, as was wife of my ex husband (father of the bride). I slunk off home afterwards and threw up all night, but learned later than one of the other Three Hacks had fallen down the stairs at Soho house and hurt himself quite badly.

MutantAndProud Thu 22-Aug-13 19:46:25

SIL was a total bridezilla.

She threw a screaming tantrum when FIL wanted to show MIL the suit he was going to wear. My DH had to separate them as SIL was about to deck FIL (wouldn't have blamed her, he's a twat).

I'd been with DH for a year when the wedding happened and didn't really know his family very well so whilst SIL bossed my DH all day (as he was one of the ushers and the only one who did any proper ushery duties), I was left alone all day and night, was ordered to go to the church before the ceremony to decorate it(!!!) and ordered to film the entire ceremony (I don't know how to work a fucking kettle, never mind a fancy video camera).

After being ignored by everyone for the entire ceremony and reception (my in laws and their extended family are horrible horrible people so on reflection I was probably lucky), SIL then came up to me and shouted at me for looking miserable in front of the entire reception whilst I was on video camera duties.

Then a couple of weeks later, when she made the big 'I'm pregnant with a honeymoon baby' announcement (yeah right) we had to have a ceremonial viewing of the video of the wedding. I made a generic comment about how nice someone's outfit was the SIL glared at me and 'shushed' me.

She threw a massive tantrum because I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid at our wedding.

I really don't like SIL. She threw a massive tantrum when we told them we were expecting DD and said 'that's it, I'm going to try for a baby now because I'm not having MutantandProud having all the attention'.

PiggyPlumPie Thu 22-Aug-13 20:27:30

My DB got married abroad where his DWs family are. They were going for cheap and cheerful.

Her mum bought joggers from a charity shop to wear to the wedding and altered them night before wedding, My DM, DD and DSis had to assemble the favours tied up with wool instead of ribbon, her mum did a display in the reception room of photos of her DD growing up using none of the ones of DB that my DM had supplied, bride got changed in the toilet as she had been at the venue since the crack of dawn preparing it and her DM was nowhere to be seen, my DM was told by brides DM to clear tables after meal as there was no staff...

Could go on.

CorrineFoxworth Thu 22-Aug-13 20:29:00

Is anyone else lurking on this thread to see if their wedding-guest misdeeds are going to be mentioned?

MamaLazarou Thu 22-Aug-13 21:05:26

So many things were wrong with my brother's wedding. A few brief highlights:

My brother delivered his speech in the style of Borat. The whole thing, in a stupid comedy Borat voice. I'm sure it was meant to be funnny, but everyone just cringed (and the Eastern-European waiting staff glared at him).

There were eight speeches in total. Bride's dad, uncle, dad's business partners... Much was made of the fact that my brother was going to work for his FIL after the wedding ("I'm not losing a daughter... I'm gaining an employee!". All v crass). There were no chairs so we all had to stand during this speech-athon.

My brother went missing during the reception, and when it was time to cut the cake, a search party was sent out. He was eventually found in a nearby pub, watching the football.

The food and drink were naff: although the wedding was 3pm - 11pm, no meal was served, just canapes and the wine was Blossom Hill - not even chilled. I later found out they had economised so as to splash out on the second, more lavish celebration in Israel (my SIL's family are Jewish) two weeks later which none of my family were able to attend). We got a takeaway pizza on the way home!

Low point for me was when my brother cheerfully introduced me to his bride's granny with the words: "This is <SIL's granny>. Most of her family were killed in the concentration camps!". With a big grin on his face. WTF?

raisah Thu 22-Aug-13 21:09:52

I just love these wedding stories, people go mad during weddiings & all the problems seem to be caused by in-laws, lack of food & too much alcohol.

INeverFinishAnythi Thu 22-Aug-13 21:20:03

I used to work in a very naice hotel, in the cocktail bar. For weddings we would have the conference and banqueting bar, but that closed at midnight and I would have to keep the cocktail bar open in case any guests wanted to stay up drinking later. This was in the days when you could still smoke indoors and the bride for some reason ended up in my bar before her reception had quite finished, looking for a lighter. Some blokes who were hotel guests but nothing to do with the wedding were in my bar, and lent her a lighter. She then sat down with them, got chatting, was pissed and after half an hour sloped off to one of the guys rooms with him! Still in her wedding dress!!

The groom came looking for her eventually and we at first pretended we hadn't seen her, as didn't want to drop her in it, but after a while of looking for her he was about to call the police and we had to admit where she'd gone. He just stormed off, understandably. In the morning he'd checked out really early, and it turned out the bride had passed out in the other guys room, and stayed there all night, and had no keys to her own room. So she had to do the walk of shame to reception, in her wedding dress, which was full of her friends and family checking out.

I saw a lot of crazy stuff in that hotel, and that was right up there with the best of them!

Ezio Thu 22-Aug-13 21:37:27

Never i wonder how long that marriage lasted, since the bride almost broke her vows on the first night.

izchaz Thu 22-Aug-13 22:18:38

Some of these are particularly insane, very funny, but I imagine horrible to have to witness.
For my part I can add:

My MIL disappearing from the receiving line because she "doesn't do formality", leaving me to flounder over her invites (many of whom I'd not met before) and introduce them to my parents.

One of my poor guests having a huge anaphylactic shock, after I'd painstakingly gone through the menu to make sure she'd not be exposed I sat her next to a child who's mum innocently gave her child a banana.

My uncle raging at my father after dear uncle failed to catch the laid on booze-bus to get him back to his hotel and my father hadn't seen fit to set aside cash and contacts for taxis as well.

The photographer my DM hired turned out to be a certified loon - not only did he take hundreds of pictures of feet (yes, just feet, specifically lady feet), but he took loads of pictures of the same individuals over and over again, botched all the group images I requested AND bolloxxed about with the original digital files in photoshop before giving them to me, so that I wasn't even able to salvage that much out of them.

All of our wedding presents being opened by a "friend" who stayed briefly at our house after the wedding.

From other weddings:

my best friend's mother's wedding presents were opened by her MIL whilst she was on honeymoon, not only that but she neglected to keep a record of who had gifted what, hence friend's mum had to write deeply apologetically to each guest and request to know what they had sent!

The wedding of DH's best mate: the best man went AWOL for three hours prior to the speeches, then midway through the speeches a guest collapsed, had an ambulance called and was worked on for over an hour In situ before being stable enough to be moved. The poor bride was genuinely beside herself. Fortunately the guest did recover and we did receive a positive update before the end of the night.

raisah Thu 22-Aug-13 22:40:19

This should be moved to the wedding board so that bride to bes can take notes on how not to behave from put upon guests.

MadameLeBean Thu 22-Aug-13 22:48:53

Shamelessly marking place smile

CorrineFoxworth Thu 22-Aug-13 22:53:54

Just me then blush

BerylStreep Thu 22-Aug-13 23:17:05

I do remember being a bit put out a few years ago when all the guests had to stand up during the service for one of the bride's loon friends to give a bollocking sermon about how we were all going to hell. hmm

Given the fact that we were forced to listen to his shite for well over half an hour, whilst wearing high heels, I was pretty convinced we were already there.

justmyview Thu 22-Aug-13 23:22:50

At a friend's wedding, a distant cousin offered to do a dance display as a wedding present. My friend said No. The cousin turned up with her dance partner anyway (who she'd described as a young relative, to sneak in, but it backfired as he ended up on the children's table and everyone wondered who he was). The cousin interrupted the speeches and turned on the music, to do her public dance, as a wedding present.

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly Thu 22-Aug-13 23:28:54

I went to a wedding a few years ago where the father of the bride stood up to make his speech, had a massive heart attack, and died at the top table.
Worst wedding ever sad

ProudAS Thu 22-Aug-13 23:32:23

I've been at a wedding where the groom and his mates decided to give us an alcohol fuelled rendition of the full monty.

I (like most of the female guests) wouldn't have called it terrible behaviour but I'm not too sure about the bride.

waterlego Thu 22-Aug-13 23:50:48

Onthebottom That is just so, so awful sad

Corrine No, not just you. I'm lurking to see if anyone mentions a wedding where a well-oiled guest danced a little too enthusiastically and fell onto the edge of the stage, breaking a small but expensive percussion instrument belonging to the Cuban band. I recognise any anecdotes

MrTumblesSpottyBum Fri 23-Aug-13 00:18:25

I was an engagement party once and there was a girl who was dancing rather enthusiastically, and she slipped and broke her leg. As she was stretchered out by the paramedics the dj played 'jack the peg (with his extra leg)' which was rather mean!

MrTumblesSpottyBum Fri 23-Aug-13 00:19:36

Argh! JAKE the peg, by Rolf Harris. Not Jack!

ihearsounds Fri 23-Aug-13 00:50:37

I will never forget my mates wedding. Her mum makes all the mil's out there seem extremely nice and took full control over everything. Mate had learned years ago just to say yes to everything. She even badgered the groom to propose, and ripped out any remaining of esteem from her dd by constantly saying she had to marry him. No-one else would want her. So for a quiet life mate said yes, and simply let everyone else take care of everything.

So dress shopping came. Her mum and me went with her. Mate picked up some stunning things. Her mum ridiculed the lot of them and badgered her into wearing this coffee coloured monstrosity that not only was shapeless but was too big. Mate was a 8/10 at the time, but this thing was a 14, and her mum said it looked a bit tight.. Tried intervening, but omg, the woman had a nasty gob on her.

Her mum decided the wedding would be in home town. Didn't matter that her dd hadn't been back in years, hated the family and had nothing to do with them. Family booked everything up there. Mate just told ooh it's all nice, do you remember such and such place, which mate didn't but was told is was really nice. Flowers all taken care of with some nice flowers. Family said oh we are so nice, we will put up mate, future hubby, her mum, and a couple of mates. They even arranged her hen night.

So we arrives day before wedding. Hen night is that night. Some go off to hotel that had been booked by helpful relatives. Some went off to nice relative. Mate walks in and walks back out of the house saying no way can i stay there, it is disgusting. Thinking she was overreacting a bit walks in, and omg, it was a dump. Still makes me feel ill.. So anyway we get ready for hen night, while her mum and her mums best mate stayed in the house to try and clean up.

Hen night consisted of driving around for hours lost. Kid you not. They had all these plans, but nothing transpired, until about 3 hours later when one of us needed to go loo and ended up in some cheesy disco which was closing in 30 minutes.

Fast forward next day. The flowers looked like something my little pony had puked up. The person who was doing mates hair considered chucking a couple of flowers in hair was fine. Person who was to do her make up, we think her expertise was clowns. So a few of us in the toilets of the registry office trying to make her look good, with her sobbing her eyes out. Older relatives put it down to nerves.

Reception was a 2 hour drive away to the dirtiest, seediest pub you have ever seen. The food was your typical pub lunches of sandwiches and ploughmans. Mate had made 3 request for the whole thing, no marizpan on the cake, no cheesy disco music and no pork. So the cake was more marzipan than anything else, and dj only had cheesy disco music, and loads of pork products which mate doesn't eat. Someone had decided to invite her dad, didn't matter that she hadn't seem him since she was 6 months old, family were still in touch.

First time mates dad spoke to her was to have a moan that she never told him he was a granddad. Her reply was it's not my fault your not telepathic. He then went on to get the best man pissed. Couple of hours later dad decides he still in love with her mum and tries hitting on her, repeatedly, didn't matter his partner was there. Begging her to try again, and at one point asked her to go in the loo with him for a bj for old times sake. Mum hits him and tells him to fuck off. He then comes to mate to tell her to sort her mum out.

Towards the end of the night, one of the bar staff came to us and said one of your guests has nicked my bag so either I want xx or my bag back. Refused and said well, lock down the pub and lets call the police. Staff didn't want to do that.. Just as we are all walking out of the door, after bar staff had found her bag, owner comes and gives bride the bill for the room, dj, food and everything else. She was shocked because she had paid everything already, including putting a considerable amount behind the bar, and then for guests to be charged.. Turns out, cousin had spent the money on other things rather than the reception.

frizzcat Fri 23-Aug-13 01:02:33

That poor girl Mr Tumble - I hope she told her entire family to fuck off to the other side of fuck and then fuck off some more.
That said, an aunt of mine was given money by her dad, my grandad to put a deposit on their reception venue. He was the bill payer so venue had his contact details for billing. 6wks later he got a phone call to from the venue manager saying that they were sorry they had decided not to book with them as no deposit had been paid! The aunt had ordered herself new furniture and a sunbed with the money!

MamaMumra Fri 23-Aug-13 01:26:40

corrine you took the words right out of my mouth. Totally.

SkylerRose Fri 23-Aug-13 01:38:49

Wow makes my wedding look almost normal! Only things I had was a bm who fucked up his speech coz he got nervous, and my dm trying to be friendly and talk to my df... They have been seperated for 23 years and spoken / seen each other less than 4 times in past 10! My dh, myself and an usher( an ex-long story!) were all stood watching them in shock with dropped jaws shock safe to say my df has avoided my dm since then.our vicar was awesome tho came to the reception and is still a great laugh and friend grin.

Pawprint Fri 23-Aug-13 03:31:53

Forgot this - my aunt (by marriage) got terribly pissed on my wedding day. Her husband left the reception and aunt carried on partying.

There is video footage of said aunt flirting with my cousin (her nephew by marriage) and kissing him on the lips.

She's now divorced.

GruffBillyGoat Fri 23-Aug-13 04:15:29

Loving this thread. Pretty tame by comparison but my dad's second marriage was at our house by the pool. I was about 19 and had my bestie as my guest (who was like a second daughter to dad anyway) and my DB had his girlfriend, and a couple of friends who were friends of the family. It was our first time meeting DSM's family and her sisters drunk husband for some reason took a strange liking to me, already having one creepy uncle and not wanting another, I pretty quickly made it clear that we were not a hugging family, and that a polite hello was enough "getting to know each other" for me.

Avoided him throughout the ceremony, which was 5 minutes long and everyone stood around the couple. Before speeches he approached me again and I was far less polite in my response, so he threw me in the pool. I was shocked, got out dried myself off but having left home had no clothes to change in to, and it was a fucking brand new dress that I knew I would never wear again was left in soaking wet clothes.

Went and told my brother and friends about the incident, and before I really knew what was happening 6 teenagers went after this (very fat) man, picked him up and threw him in the pool. We all got told off for not taking his watch off him before throwing him in (myself included and I was just watching in shock), but most people were pretty glad that he went in.

Then to top off our shocking behavior my friend and I went to town, got very drunk, apparently being soaking wet is a good way to get sympathy drinks. Friend then injures her knee and I enlisted some police officers to take us home, then convinced them to turn on the lights when they pulled into the drive to scare dad. Which worked brilliantly.

Thank god dad has a good sense of humor/was smashed.

Costypop Fri 23-Aug-13 04:39:59

I went to friends wedding, there was a group of close friends which we all sat together, towards the back for the church. We've got friend that is partially slighted and on having a conversation with her outside the church she was having a bloke be ungentlemanly towards her. So we went into the church, keeping conversation. Now how we were sat was a few friends on three pews each behind each other. The girl had a text though from this bloke, so she decided to show us all what he sent her. Now as she can't see very well her phone is huge! Talking tablet side thing. Well she stands up and shows us all, a picture of his penis! Full up with a little outfit on, like some sort of pirate outfit on his willy! Now we all burst out laughing, really couldn't be helped! But because of the size of the phone, a fair few older members saw the picture as well; as did the organist who was a little shocked to say the least, she must of been in her 80's-bless her she was so flushed and kept missing notes, sounded awful.

MrsKoala Fri 23-Aug-13 05:28:29

Okay this is going to be epic and looong - My 1st Wedding: My parents offered to pay. We saw a nice hotel and took them to approve the menu etc. The wedding planner spoke thru the options exH and i wanted cheapest, but Dad decided this would be an ample opportunity to massively show off, so the lady asked if we wanted canapes? we said no, dad said yes, champagne on arrival? oh yess! which meal option? the most expensive. He ran the bill up to £8k. exH and i put our £1k deposit and M&D would pay 6k towards the rest and we had another thousand. The venue only held 64 people and as the date approaches dad starts telling me of all his golfing mates who are coming. Apparently they are making a weekend of it and golfing the day before/morning of/and day after. Dad told everyone how much he was paying and got months of 'ooooh you're such a great dad down the pub'. Then he started knocking exH family off the guest list saying, 'i don't know who that is' and 'if they want their family to come they should put their hand in their pocket'. Eventually he even said that exH's parents couldn't come because there wasn't room with all his friends. When it was time to pay the balance he'd decided he didn't want to pay for it anymore so we lost our deposit. Oddly he didn't tell anyone about that!

We eventually married a few years later on our own much smaller budget. But my entire dads side of the family refused to come because, despite us calling and telling them the date and that they would be invited, 6 months earlier, we hadn't sent a save the date card, so it wasn't official and they had arranged to have a bbq for each other on that day (we sent the invitation 3 months prior to the wedding date, but it was too short notice apparently). So no Nan, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins from my side came because they were having a bbq with each other confused . When Nan realised we weren't going to beg her to come she decided the day before that she would just attend the ceremony and my cousin would drive her. We said great - Sat them at the front and invited them to stay the day. I spent time with her after the ceremony before she went home. Asked cousin again if he wanted to stay on - but no, had to get back to the bbq. They returned to the rest of the family and told them we had been really rude and snubbed them. After this none have ever spoken to me or my parents again and were right off at my nans funeral.

Mum thought she was being a right larf and kept heckling the service 'get on with it' 'we all need a drnk' 'where's the bar' etc and during the photos kept telling the photographer to stop now as 'everyone was bored and just wanted a drink' She hoiked the champagne out of the car and swigged it from the bottle. She thought she was being hilarious and 'only saying what everyone else was thinking' er no, sad lush is more apt.

Dad refused to say anything nice about me in his speach because he 'couldn't think of anything nice about me'. He did however do a pete townsend/who impression and swing the microphone over his head. He also threatened to punch mum (seriously thru gritted teeth and with clenched fist) if she didn't stop interrupting him.

My grandad who had barely acknowledged my existence thru my life 'told' me just before we sat down that he WAS doing a speech. I said no, exH said no. During exHs speech grandad ran up to him snatched the microphone and tried to do one anyway. It resulted in 3 people wrestling it off him. He then deciding he would just shout what he wanted to say over exH anywayand spoke entirely about himself. He also went round showing women pictures of him when he was younger and asking them if they would have had sex with him. Oh and he also told my Polish BF he had bombed her town in the war.

Mil who was decorating the hall was supposed to use pink and lilac but decorated it in her choice of black because, even tho i had said no, she knew best and just knew once i saw it i would be converted - i wasn't btw.

Someone who couldn't come passed their invitation on to their son, like it was a concert ticket. He knew no one, got drunk and called my BM a slag and then racially insulted her black husband. Mil, who was looking after taking the cake and gifts home, gave them to him (for some reason) to bring back to the hotel, and somehow he lost it. He thought he left the bag at a bus stop because it was too heavy.

An aunt decided to leave straight after the meal and i looked out to see her loading up her boot with all my 20 table decorations, she had decided she was going to decorate her church with them. I had purposely used living miniature rose bushes, and these were meant to double up as gifts to the bridal party.

exH's family who don't drink rounded up bottles of champagne and table wine before it got opened and put it in bags. They even said quite openly, we are going to give them to friends as xmas presents when i asked what they were doing.

I am surrounded by utter Narcs.

Mixxy Fri 23-Aug-13 06:42:02

Oh god, where do I start with what went wrong with my hilarious wedding?

1. My parents were an hour late because they got all mixed up with where they were going (I got married in NYC). We opened the bar early and waited for them, loads of people half in the bag for the function. Mild compared to what followed.

2. A woman at a different wedding reception below ours, decided she was suicidal and jumped into the East River in NY on the night (Jan 2nd). We had paid for the waterside wedding with the Manhattan skyline view. Wedding photos all feature the NYPD auqa reaponse team and searchlighy-shining chopper in them, trying to rescue this poor woman. My mother, with a joint hanging out of her lip and a whiskey and coke in her hand was screaming at the woman, " if you want to die, STOP SWIMMING, you're ruining my daughters wedding photos" .

3. Our wedding photographer got so drunk he fell down,throwing red wine all down the front of my wedding dress.

4. The following day, our wedding photos were subpeoned because a guest had gotten into a fight at a bar afterwards and the police were trying to establish who was responsible for his drunken condition. I had to meet the wedding photographer who spilled the wine down my dress at the local precinct.

For those concerned, the suicide attempt lady was rescued. It made the papers.

AnyoneforTurps Fri 23-Aug-13 08:08:33

My DH was BM at his best friend's wedding. DH absolutely hates public speaking and spent months stressing about it. He stayed stone-cold sober till after the speech, did it brilliantly smile but then played catch-up with the champagne big-time and was off his face by the end of the reception.

We'd hired a minibus with friends to get home and all 30 of us were sitting, about to leave, when my DH breaks free, runs back into the hotel and, for reasons known only to himself, locks himself in the loo with a bottle of wine and a punnet of nectarines hmm. He has to be talked out by one of his mates and me like hostage negotiators: "Come on DH, you're only making it worse for yourself" while 28 people desperate for their beds wait on the minibus blush.

Geranium45 Fri 23-Aug-13 09:04:16

Koala, that is shocking. What is it about weddings? I hope your second was better...

Trills Fri 23-Aug-13 09:07:25

Have you been watching Clueless?

Geranium45 Fri 23-Aug-13 09:07:32

A punnet of nectarines!! Now I ^am laughing!

Mixxy Fri 23-Aug-13 09:20:38

The Jake the Peg story has me in fits. I'm going to havento text my sister about it because she will collapse laughing. We are horrible people. Dont invite us to your wedding.

ladyjadie Fri 23-Aug-13 09:32:44

Choked when I read "...and a punnet of nectarines" grin

I can leave this thread happy now!

BerylStreep Fri 23-Aug-13 09:49:34

Libra I think MrsKoala has knocked you off the top spot for worst wedding ever.

MyBoysAreFab Fri 23-Aug-13 10:21:56

DH and I went to wedding of a friend of his from uni. Took place in a university hall, very grand gothic, arches, huge fireplaces etc. We didn't really know many people there.

In the evening, there was an elderly lady - granny/great aunt type, who obviously thought she was the life and soul, was dancing all night, giving it laldy, clearly sozzled and showing off. She dragged some poor unsuspecting young man up to dance, was doing over the top dancing, spinning etc, when at one point she made him spin her round and round, he let go of her, and she just kept on spinning, straight into a giant dried flower arrangement in one of the huge fireplaces. I will never forget the sight of her staggering out, covered in dried flowers, she went straight back to the young man and continued dancing.

DH and I were literally screaming with laughter. It is up there as one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

When one of my uni friends got married, they had a ceilidh at night. The dance floor where the reception was held was so highly polished, it was like an ice rink. There were people falling all over the place even trying to walk on it. When the music started, it was carnage.

TattiePants Fri 23-Aug-13 11:36:55

OMG...Punnet of nectarines

Thumbwitch Fri 23-Aug-13 13:34:27

I agree, MrsKoala takes the top spot. Libra's was mostly a catalogue of unfortunacy; MrsK's was made hideous deliberately. sad

notwoo Fri 23-Aug-13 14:38:04

The grandfather of the groom videoed the ceremony but stood literally inches from the bride and groom and hovered the camera right in their faces (getting jn the way of the official photographer who had maintained the respectful distance specified by the church.)

Jollyb Fri 23-Aug-13 15:18:56

A family member is getting married soon. Her SIL to be had the balls to ask if her partner's SIX children could come (in addition to her own 5 child). Neither bride nor groom have ever met said partner.

Pawprint Fri 23-Aug-13 15:24:13

Jolly That story reminds me of an aunt of mine who is a manipulative witch somewhat demanding.

When I got married, the church was very small so we asked people not to bring a guest unless it was their Significant Other.

Aunt and her dh have seven adult children and she was very angry indeed when we told her that they couldn't bring a guest. She wrote to my dad and told her that her children 'thought marriage was an outdated concept' - in other words she was jealous because I was getting the attention on the day and not her family I was stuffy and out of touch.

In the end, most of her kids got into a huff and didn't come anyway. Some years later, most of them are married but not to anyone they were seeing at the time.

Looking back, perhaps I should have just sucked it up and let people bring partners. Ah, well...

Delilahlilah Fri 23-Aug-13 15:36:35

Ours went pretty well, until BIL's gf lost control of her mouth / brain at the Evening Reception. She was drunk and hassling DH about all sorts including a complaint that their invitation to our Engagement Do almost 4 yrs earlier was too short notice- the irony of this was that we didn't know she existed at this point anyway so hasn't actually invited her at all. BIL's friends were telling him he ought to take her home or at least do something bug he was too drunk to notice. I managed to get her away from DH, only for her to start a row with my sister and slag off everything my family had contributed to the wedding.
By this time she had ruined the evening for me. MIL was supposed to keep DS overnight in her hotel room but decided to bring him to ours instead, and then we had to sort out new room keys because BIL and his gf had lost theirs and were being really loud and making a nuisance of themselves in the corridor.
I found out the next morning that she had also been broadcasting personal information relating to DH and myself to other people angry
One of her rants at DH was that they didn't see enough of us, we'll now she certainly doesn't as I avoid her as much as is humanly possible! Why do people think a wedding is an appropriate placd to discuss things? Particularly with the bride / groom!!! Even now I don't trust myself in her company - ooh and, forgot this bit, we married on leap day and she publicly proposed to drunk BIL who said no.....

Floggingmolly Fri 23-Aug-13 15:44:59

He said no!!! That should encourage her to give her gob a rest in future.

WilsonFrickett Fri 23-Aug-13 16:02:54

MyBoys I went to a close family members funeral (no ceilidh obvs) where the floor was like that. I kid you not, at least 20 people slipped over at various points in the day (including me). Was actually a very funny icebreaker. One of my little cousins set himself up as the commentator: 'Here comes Uncle Wilson, he thinks he can tame the floor. Good approach there, holding it together and no - he's over!'

MillicentTendancies Fri 23-Aug-13 16:12:18

I spent my works bonus on a band for our wedding wanting it to be a classy affair.

At the break for the buffettt, some random pissed 15 year old (DHs cousins friend - not invited) stood up and started belting out a horrific rendition of a whitney classic. DH was annoyed I thought it was rather funny.

RegTheMonkey Fri 23-Aug-13 16:15:59

I hope the bride in question isn't reading this. Not my wedding, but my bad behaviour.
My husband's boss was getting married and kindly invited us. It was down in the west country and very posh, old Norman church for the service and then the reception was in the grounds of the bride's parents massive country house. There was a marquee for the actual meal, speeches etc., but first of all we all stood about on the lawn in scorching mid-day summer heat, with liveried flunkies pouring out unlimited Champagne. Your glass was never allowed to be empty, so what with the heat, the long journey, the lack of food, the gallons of champers; I began to feel a bit pissed squiffy.

Eventually in the early evening we were allowed into the marquee, and then there was more unlimited wine. About 10 the disco started and we went back to our hotel to change into less formal clothes. Then at midnight they announced a Hog Roast for those who were still hungry. Up at the hog roast there was a cameraman and everyone was asked to make a wee speech of congratulations to the happy couple (who had by now left to go on their exotic Maldives honeymoon) and the video would be given to them as an extra present when they got back.

Husband managed to say a few words while holding a gigantic plate of roast pork in one hand and a pint of beer in the other. When I came to my turn I could hardly speak, let alone make a speech so I announced to the cameraman that 'I shall express myself through the medium of modern dance' and proceeded to do some kind of sub-Kate Bush/hippy arm waving thing to camera while gurning. Oh the shame. We never did find out what they thought of their wonderful dvd present.

WilsonFrickett Fri 23-Aug-13 16:35:08

Oh GOD Reg that totally reminds me of one of my drunk-fuelled incidents. We were at what was actually a brilliant wedding. The brides sis had a little girl, who was basically the only DC in the extended family, in fact I think she was the only child at the wedding. Very much adored and the apple of everyone's eye.

There was a lot of karaoke at the wedding and this child sang. A lot. She was terrible. However, there was no need at all for me and my friend to express this opinion quite as forcefully as we did on camera as part of the wedding video blush

frizzcat Fri 23-Aug-13 16:51:56

Reg can't stop laughing! grin

Pawprint Fri 23-Aug-13 17:00:30

REG! Love it!

I was bridesmaid at my godmother's wedding. I was 12. The champagne was

Pawprint Fri 23-Aug-13 17:03:01

Oops - the champagne was flowing and I drank at least glasses. I was wasted and ended up falling over and passing out. There is a photo of me, red faced and giggling, in pride of place on my gran's piano.

ourlittlestreet Fri 23-Aug-13 17:41:02

Everyone bar brides mum missed friends wedding, an accident in entrance road to village blocked road for hours (overturned Lorry) causing massive traffic backup not even bridesmaids could get near.

Add to this those going by train ended up stuck for four hours on the train Inbetween stations due to problems on the line.

Vicar only held service for an hour then said he would have to go ahead or cancel.

iamamug Fri 23-Aug-13 19:09:29

Best wedding ever - posh affair between 2 good friends that had been together for years.
A LOT of champagne flowing freely .. the starter arrived - lovely smorgasbord that we all helped ourselves to.
The bride had an amazing 'Patsy' style hairdo - very glamorous.
Until she fell asleep face down in her plate... for ages.. and ages..

None of the guests could be served the main course until she woke up. As we were starving, we all picked the smorgasboard clean.

A lot of us took sneaky photos of her face down with lettuce and prawns in her 'do' but thank goodness it was pre facebook so her dignity remains intact!

Absolutely hilarious!

When she woke up, she just pulled the stray bits of food out of hair and we all carried on as if it hadn't happened.

It was like an episode of Absolutely Fabulous - comedy gold.

I still love her to this day,

meganorks Fri 23-Aug-13 20:13:12

Friends wedding. Some friends (a couple and a single guy) arrived late so missed the ceremony and arrived as everyone milling around with welcome drinks. Soon became apparent that the 2 guys were very drunk and had been out till the early hours the night before. They had also been drinking on the way up while the one's wife drove them. Single guy trying to be smooth to ladies but barely understandable.

During the reception there was some shouting and smashing glasses from their table as drinks were spilt over other guests. Eventually one of the ushers (who was friends with them) took single guy outside and tells him he needs to calm down and sober up or he will get kicked out. Single guy gets really angry and aggressive at this suggestion and starts swinging for the usher and punches him. Usher puts him on his arse and they haveto be seperated. All this happens in full view of other guests through big full length glass windows. No one else is anywhere near as drunk as not even on dessert yet (speeches part way through meal). So couple and drunk single guy have to leave again having been there all of 2 hours. Wife who was driving mortified (although at least it wasn't her DH)

Reg grin and the punnet of nectarines win for the funniest - hilarious thread! Though some sad stories too, ESP MrsK and Libra.

Doesn't compare with the above but DM got so posses at DBs wedding that she fell into an ornamental pond with her best mate.

Pissed not posses. Damned autocorrect.

makemineamalibuandpineapple Fri 23-Aug-13 20:32:00

At my wedding to my now (thankfully) ex-husband, his two cousins got drunk and got into a fight in the toilets. One broke the other one's nose. My ex-husband then joined in the fight even though I begged him not to and the police were called. The only reason he wasn't arrested was because one of my friends, who hated him, lied and said he wasn't involved. I was devastated and cried for most of the rest of the evening sad

HamletsSister Fri 23-Aug-13 20:32:20

Bride very, very drunk. Bride's brother made an impromptu speech repeatedly saying, "I am not going to say fuck, fuck, I just said it, fuck. Ok, no more fucks, it's a family occasion". Bride more drunk. Long speeches. Bride got bored at top table and wandered off to listen to her new husband's speech sitting on her ex boyfriend's lap. Bride put to bed. Guests on my table tried to spike a pregnant woman's drink and kept trying to get me to, "Meet Charlie...." ( cocaine, I later found out.)

Carnage at disco. Bride woken by new MiL to "go away" at the end of the night and was sick over the poor woman.

Marriage works but no mention is ever allowed of the wedding.

hanette Fri 23-Aug-13 20:54:16

Great thread. Been lurking this afternoon whilst looking busy! I particularly enjoyed David Blunkett BYO one.

Which made me wonder, does anyone have a badly behaved celebrity guest at wedding tale? I'd love that. They must get invited to weddings like anyone else.

LoopThePoop Fri 23-Aug-13 22:17:28

My wedding was fab, I had a great day. It was only after I kinda thought hmm

MIL wore white and a huge white hat.
My sister announced her engagement.
My SIL invited her neighbours who approached me and thanked me for the invite and I had no idea what they were talking about, SIL had taken one of our invites from MIL'S house and didn't think we'd mind...
My friend invited her cousins to the evening.
My mother invited a young cousin and lied about it saying it was my uncle who brought her and she knew nothing about it.

The friend who invited her cousins got married the year after.
I had a miscarriage 10 days before her elaborate hen weekend. I still paid in full as didn't want anyone to be out of pocket but went down late on the first night and left the next morn and tried hard to enjoy it for her.
Que me getting cornered and berated for not being there for her, being selfish, not going out because I had now had a child etc, etc.

I ended up holding her hair while she puked and putting her to bed and staying with her until she fell asleep. No mention of that ever of course.

hanette Fri 23-Aug-13 22:31:29

Ha ha that's awful and white outfit on guests is a no no. Am horrified how many people do this.

Just remembered a good one - my sister got so pissed at our brother's wedding she did erotic dancing on the dance floor TO OUR DAD!

hanette Fri 23-Aug-13 22:32:14

Ps our Dad is tee total...

GoneOnHolidayByMistake Sat 24-Aug-13 09:00:22

At mine the BM's speech was a really crude made up story about how now I was getting married all the men who had keys to my house should now return them, followed by about 15 men standing up to hand keys in to the top table - including the (now Ex)H's best mate and brother. I wasn't amused.

The BM did this at my brother's wedding, and for some unknown reason gave a key to our mad old aunty, who totally milked it and did a sexy dance on her way up to the top table. I still can't think about it without feeling queasy.

And yes, Corrinne I am watching nervously. I have form for falling over and worse at weddings.

LillyGoLightly Sat 24-Aug-13 11:18:19

Loving this thread!!

MikeOxard Sat 24-Aug-13 14:19:03

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Yes had forgotten mindyourown 's story.

My DH didn't speak to his DF for 8 years after getting remarried without telling him, so you got off lightly. Mind you it was last straw in a catalogue of fatherly incompetence (including saying he would have the kids for Christmas aged 9 and 7, and failing to turn up to get them, failing to ring to say/explain, failing to apologise...they just sat on their little suitcases and waited in vain).

Silverfoxballs Sat 24-Aug-13 16:08:47

My first wedding the venue had double booked venue so myself and other bride had a bit of a chat in the lovely gardens, we had different rooms but all reception guest mingled in gardens.

My second wedding, MIL told DH mate she always thought they should have got together and got married in front of me.This friend then gets absolutely pissed and ends up berating me about how I had taken so long to decide to marry DH. She then throws up everywhere in the ladies. A friend of mine attempts to get off with the barman, he is petrified. FIL and my Mum get hammered and steal wine from other end of top table, MIL makes an impromptu speech. All my mates are wetting themselves as they know how much she irritates me. You can see all their shoulders shaking with silent laughter on the wedding video. I have a face like a slapped arse during her speech.

AnnaBegins Sat 24-Aug-13 18:21:18

Nothing I can add can come close to these, but:

At my SIL's wedding, her cousin announced her engagement in the middle of the reception. SIL is the least bridezilla-ish person but it really upset her.

Before my wedding (I was told this later), one of my friends cornered DH and stood chatting to him for half an hour or so. His BM had organised a search party by this point as no one had any idea where he'd gone! And then when we went to our hotel room after the reception DH spent the night throwing up...

And the day before my wedding, we all (me, mum, bridesmaids, MIL, SIL) went to the reception venue to set up at around 2pm. Mum hadn't allowed us to have anything to eat all day but luckily MIL and SIL had brought sandwiches which bridesmaids and I fell on ravenously. Mum was apparently embarassed by this so went and bought posh bread, cheese, pate etc. which we were then forced to eat having just bolted down a mountain of MIL's sandwiches! Such weird one-up-man-ship! Mum then proceeded to go off in a huff because we weren't paying her enough attention - strangely enough, we were more focussed on getting the venue ready! Still what to expect from the woman who uttered the immortal words "It's my day not yours"!!

The night before a friend's wedding where DH was BM, we stayed at the groom's parents' house. It was covered in dog hair and dust, the whole house, the bed, the sheets, the floor, the curtains, every surface - you couldn't move without getting covered in hair. Had to brush down groom and DH before the ceremony!

I wore a white dress to a wedding blush But I was 15 and I had no idea it was bad. I had a few tuts from people too. I still feel bad now!

This thread is brilliant though. Keep them coming.

eatriskier Sat 24-Aug-13 20:29:26

My first wedding:
I called xH by the wrong name (his names reversed), which was actually his dad's name <totally outs self for second time today. xMIL told my mother that 'this day is about me and my son, not you and certainly not your daughter so FTFO'. My GM announced loudly that she always thought DF should have married my aunt as she was 'far nicer than DM'. Dad tried to cut in on our first dance. A load of xH family disappeared after the meal to go to watch Arsenal play (our wedding was not a last minute arrangement) hmm

My second wedding was yesterday and the worst we had was DD (2.5) deciding to strip in the restaurant then finding a plastic bag and running around with it on her head.

Stripedmum Sat 24-Aug-13 21:12:14

Not sure if this is that bad but MIL (who I love dearly but went absolutely BONKERS when my DH and I got married) decided that she'd like her brother to be a groomsman and simply bought him the same suit as the others to wear on the day. We had no idea it was going to happen. I still can't believe it actually happened. DH not close to him at all, all of the other groomsmen were young and then there is this bloke we hardly knew handing out the order if service and in all the 'main wedding party' pics grinning with a big toothy grin. Really funny now but it was the cherry on the cake at the time. I can't tell you all the other stuff as it'd out me and, like I say, I adore MIL now - she was just clearly temporarily mental.

ajandjjmum Sat 24-Aug-13 21:28:38

Congratulations eatriskier!

baggyb Sat 24-Aug-13 22:07:45

My 50-something uncle brought his 25-year-old, heavily pregnant GF to our wedding. Despite none of my family ever having met her, he insisted on her being in all the family photos (inc the one of me with just my aunts and uncles). She then spent the reception scowling at me...don't know why, as to this day I've never spoken to her.

celestialbows Sun 25-Aug-13 08:06:05

I just have to add to the perimenopausal flooding / wedding discussion : whilst my good friend was being fitted for her wedding dress I had an unexpected flooding incident all over the seamstress' cream silk chaise longue.
Cue: absolute mortification, humiliation, depression, distress and I truly can't express how embarrassing it was for all concerned .
I could only nervously giggle as I tried to explain my plight.
I do carry around industrial protection but it can come completely by surprise or flood through the protection in no time, I have been embarrassed like this on numerous occasions .
Perhaps we need our own thread for perimenopausal mishaps?

PoisonedApple Sun 25-Aug-13 08:12:35

Mixy your Mum is priceless!

AQuarkTooFar Sun 25-Aug-13 08:30:21

This thread is great.

A week before wedding Dh has an accident at work and rips open the skin around his eye. Thankfully his eye was ok and the nurse did a really good job and you can hardly see it in our pics.

4 days before my dcousin who is Bn gets her hand stuck in a door and rips the skin to shreds on her fingers. Again thankfully her hand is completely mended now but she was all bandaged up and I a lot of pain, poor love.

1 day before table plan is not done as dm and dmil have very different opinions but my Dm won't meet Dmil to sort it out!

Night before wedding chief bridesmaids phones to tell me she has the sniffles so can't come over to help me/stay the night before with me as promised. She then proceeds to off load all of her work problems on me while I am trying manoeuvre 3 car loads of stuff to the wedding reception including the now very late table plan.

Wedding day was going ok until 16 year old DBil got wasted. Dpil completely ignored his behaviour as he wound up guests, damaged hotel stuff by pouring drink over it and almost got thrown out! It's all anyone ever seems to remember about our wedding!

I think the issue with the period flooding bloodstain left on the hotel chair is not that it happened, or that the guest should, somehow, have prevented it - in the absence of a crystal ball, I am not sure how practical that would be, in reality.

My assumption is that the problem is that the guest did not tell anyone what had happened, so it could be cleaned up promptly and easily - instead she just left it. Accidents happen, but just wandering off so some other poor bugger has to find it and deal with it is just manky behaviour, imo.

Ezio Sun 25-Aug-13 12:42:32

SDTG Im with you on that, even if you dont say it was you.

insummeritrains Sun 25-Aug-13 12:52:14

Our extended family is quite close, see each other quite a bit and holiday together on occasion etc. one relative who is known for being an absolute tight wad, after being invited to everyone else in the family's wedding, invited most family to his own daughter's wedding. It was a perfectly lovely wedding and everyone was enjoying themselves. Then came the speeches: father of the bride thanked everyone including 'hangers on' whilst looking pointedly at one table in particular. He then moved on to talk about his daughter..his first comment being about her tits confused

DropYourSword Sun 25-Aug-13 13:03:10

My sister pretty much made me change my wedding date to suit her boyfriend at the time, because on my original date his favorite team were playing an important game!

They are now engaged and due to wed next year... knowing what she is like I expect she will provide bridezilla gold!!

insummeritrains Sun 25-Aug-13 13:05:59

Forgot one from my own day...
Employed a photographer, hadn't met him before but had spoken to him over the phone and had seen examples of his work. On the day, he turned up, I'm ready in my full wedding regalia for my special day. Making small talk I ask photographer how he is? ' not so good, really. Been married 20 years and we've just decided to get a divorce. Been quite depressed'

Yay, happy wedding day..!!!!

LizzieJones Sun 25-Aug-13 17:12:17

SDTG, you are right. It is manky. But let me tell you, being peri menopausal, a bit of less then perfect behaviour is the least of your worries. It can be a meltdown when you fear for your health and sanity, which when set against some admittedly gross cleaning issues for a hotel, results in no contest. Sorry, horrible but true.

stillenacht Sun 25-Aug-13 17:18:45

My SIL ordered a stripper (female) who turned up to our wedding. My dad and best man had to sort it out. Not impressed. Still not impressed 17 yrs later.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 25-Aug-13 17:58:38

This thread is brilliant

I suspect when dp and I get married I will have my own story to tell. The thought of his family meeting mine brings me out in cold chills. Might have to have a dry wedding.

ChinaCupsandSaucers Sun 25-Aug-13 19:38:10

MikeOxard Do you mean getting married secretly without telling anyone is "terrible wedding behaviour" and negative reactions/comments from family afterwards are to be expected?

I've often been tempted, but it is the subsequent fallout when eventually sharing the news that worries me.

Can this thread go in classics please!

MikeOxard Sun 25-Aug-13 19:46:27

China I meant the bitching about the perfectly reasonable thing that the son said! I understand the temptation to go off and marry alone, but I do think you should invite if possible, or at least tell your own children! There's no excuse for keeping it from children imo. With anyone else there can be all sorts of family politics, but with your own kids, you need to suck it up tbh.

ChinaCupsandSaucers Sun 25-Aug-13 20:03:23

With anyone else there can be all sorts of family politics, but with your own kids, you need to suck it up tbh.

I'd rather not get married than put my DD through the drama her Dad will create if he ever found out I was planning it, tbh - but she's still young and I'll no doubt change my mind once all the DC's have grown and left home.

Surely once DC's are adult, they should have the manners to accept their parents choices and celebrate with them in the same way as other family members?

I'd be moritifed if DD behaved like that as an adult, and feel I'd failed as a parent - she won't get on in life if she makes sarkie comments that hurt peoples feelings, no matter who they are!

TrueStory Sun 25-Aug-13 20:24:17

White van story when going to a cousin's wedding - myself and my mother.

We booked at taxi to take us to the wedding but, being in the sticks of Ireland none was available on the day. A huge dirty white van arrived and delivered us to the Church. It wouldn't have been so bad if it had just been an ordinary wedding, but they had decided to make it very posh. Outside the church were bagpipes players and other special people to welcome us, as well as an audience. It was most a most incongruous sight, watching us in our finery being spat out from this huge dirty white van.

brdgrl Sun 25-Aug-13 20:29:50

I meant the bitching about the perfectly reasonable thing that the son said! I understand the temptation to go off and marry alone, but I do think you should invite if possible, or at least tell your own children! There's no excuse for keeping it from children imo. With anyone else there can be all sorts of family politics, but with your own kids, you need to suck it up tbh.
The story was about an adult son, though, and he wasn't excluded from a wedding - the couple eloped and then had a party later, to which he was invited. This isn't unusual at all - I've personally known a handful of couples who were married without any of their family present at all - including most recently, DH's good friend who got married in another country while her teenage son stayed home with his grandparents, the bride's parents.
In mindyourown's post, it is clear that they decided on a completely private marriage with no family present. It's not what many people would choose, but neither is it unheard of or shockingly rude to marry without one's adult relatives there. If there are 'issues' and family conflicts, it makes sense.
The only bad behaviour there was the son.

MrsKoala Sun 25-Aug-13 20:37:18

Some of these have made me grin

Thanks for all the commiserations too. It is unsurprising that we were divorced within a year (as exH decided he didn't wnt dc despite him saying he did for the 10 yrs we had been together and that we only really got married because he wanted to be married before we started ttc) and exH and BFF got together within a month of our 'separation'. While I was crying on her shoulder about wanting him back she was fucking him. When they eventually told me it was said by exH that 'BFF (since we were 3yo btw) is sooo upset by the deceit, that it wasn't fair on her ' hmm

And no sadly 2nd wedding was shit. Not in the same way but worse really. Because, at least at the first i had mates around me and we all had a laugh and dance etc' i just remember feeling so completely happy, my exH was attentive and we were in love. The second was a sad rushed thing, when DS was 3 mo and i was a zombie, I had no friends of my own there as they all sided with exBFF (apparently i was a bitch to not stay friends with her - after all she can't help who she falls in lurve with) and it was in a crappy pub, M&Ds mates just rinsed the free bar and not one brought us a gift. DHs mates 'demanded' we go to a club at 10pm (as the pub was boring) so we left ds with my mum and went to a club neither of us wanted to go to, we paid for them all to get in and of course the club was dead, as we were the first ones there, they all said 'this is shit' and then left. One of dads mates asked one of Dh's female friends and another guest if they'd do a lesbian show for him. He also made everyone nearly miss the wedding because he dragged them into the pub first then ordered another round at 3.55pm - the wedding was at 4. So they all rushed in as it was starting and we had a room of just my parents. I had to get ready with DH alone in the hotel room while looking after refluxy ds. I didn't have time to do my hair. One couple texted about noon saying they had accidentally double booked and were going to a different wedding - that would make sense if they weren't the other side of the country and would have had to travel down the day before anyway confused . DH's 'best man' didn't turn up and he had to call him to be told 'nah, i'm too tired'.i wore a red dress with a white bolero (and still had 2 stone of baby weight) and someone told me i looked like father xmas. DH's parents didn't come or even acknowledge it. I just felt horribly lonely and miserable on the day, and still feel quite tearful when i think of it.

What makes it worse is we rushed it for nothing - DHs work had said he had to go to USA so we had to be married for me to get on the same visa/green card. A month after the wedding DH decided he hated his job and he was quitting anyway. So we didn't go and it was all rushed and shit for nothing. However, DH thought it was great, no fuss, just him and mates chatting in the bar. (i actually don't think DH and i said more than our vows to each other that day). I just felt no love from anyone and total sadness and disappointment.

ajandjjmum Sun 25-Aug-13 20:42:41

That's so sad Mrs. Koala.

MikeOxard Sun 25-Aug-13 21:10:29

But brdgrl it wasn't just that he wasn't there, they hadn't even told him about it, he had no idea about it. He even lived in their house, wouldn't you have the decency to at least mention it at breakfast that morning?

They didn't have to tell him much in advance, but a 'btw we're getting married' at ANY point before the wedding would've been much more reasonable than 'we just got married I bet you're wondering why we didn't invite or even tell you aren't you? Well don't you dare say a word that suggests it, or we'll think you exceedingly rude isn't it wonderful?'. I'm sure he felt pretty confused and hurt at the deceit, and 'cheers for the invite' seems like a very measured response to me.

brdgrl Sun 25-Aug-13 21:23:52

wouldn't you have the decency to at least mention it at breakfast that morning?
Mike, it sounds to me like they didn't tell any of the family. Presumably for good reasons.
If they had reason to think that the 22-year-old son (or any other member of the family) was going to make things stressful - which mind indicates in the first line of her post - or kick up and be unpleasant about their plans to do it privately - then it makes sense.
Is it ideal? No, but obviously it is not a case of an ideal family in which all members were going to be happy and supportive of the union.
The 'wedding' was the party to which the son and all the other guests were invited. The marriage service was private. Again, not uncommon, but thankfully most people don't act like tools about it. The son had the option to stay away from the wedding if he was hurt - but to come and then be rude isn't really ok, in my book.

brdgrl Sun 25-Aug-13 21:27:33

I had a really disappointing wedding, too, MrsKoala. I don't want to post too much about it because I don't want to totally out myself. But one thing that happened was my FIL making a speech about how great my DH's first wife was. I guess I'll see the funny side of it someday...

IceNoSlice Sun 25-Aug-13 21:47:55

My family, DH's family and our guests were great... But the metal stealing gypsies (and yes they were gypsies before anyone accuses me of racism) were not! They nicked the church's copper heating pipes in the dead of night before my wedding. The vicar heard them at it, called the police and was up most of the night dealing with it so forgot to do a sermon! But the village ladies (all mates of mum's and who had also helped to do the beautiful flower displays in the church) brought in electric heaters (my wedding was in the winter) and the church was lovely and warm. I didn't even find out till after our honeymoon. So no harm done smile

MikeOxard Sun 25-Aug-13 22:07:16

brdgrl Not sure if English isn't your first language, or if you're just trying to make an argument quite badly, but for clarity, a 'wedding' is a marriage ceremony; the party afterwards is called the reception.

The son didn't come to the reception and be rude about it - the poster didn't mention if he came to the reception or not. The comment 'thanks for the invite' was the immediate response to being told over the phone 'we got married yesterday and didn't tell you, but don't worry, you'll be invited to the wedding reception we plan to hold'. I don't think that was 'acting like a tool' about it at all. If anything, it's an under-reaction in my book. I don't want to thread hijack though, maybe this subject could be an AIBU on its own!

FreeWee Sun 25-Aug-13 22:30:02

How could I forget my own wedding disaster? If the bride and some of the guests getting food poisoning is a disaster? I DTD with my new DH and began to feel pretty ropey. Sweet drunk DH wants to do some post coital cuddling but I have to spend the night in the --very nice admittedly, think the size of a small bedroom--toilet. I couldn't complain to the venue as I'd made a bit of a fuss at having an outside caterer do a BBQ and knew the venue would blame that. We decided it had to be the Caesar salad lettuce as my veggy friend was very ill and definitely didn't have the BBQ. But I only discovered the extent of the food poisoning over time as no one wants to tell the bride her wedding breakfast has made them ill straight after she's got married. I had a few celebs at my wedding and they all behaved impeccably I'm afraid grin

ChinaCupsandSaucers Sun 25-Aug-13 22:37:59

Ah, now that might be why I'm struggling with it mike - for me a wedding and marriage are quite different things; maybe not everyone sees it like that though?

To me, a wedding is the 'hoopla' associated with the legal process of marriage - I can't imagine my DD would be that bothered about the 'marriage' - after all, the same legal rights and respinsibilities can be achieved through signing carefully drawn up documents in a solicitors office smile

A wedding however, is a public declaration of the commitment made between a couple and a 'reception' is a celebration of that commitment - many guests who 'celebrate' the marriage are not present when it takes place, in my experience!

Weddings, marriages and associated celebrations will undoubtedly create a range of emotions for all family members, guests and those invited. Surely it is every parents desire that they raise a child who is able to cope with those emotions without upsetting the couple who have got married?

brdgrl Sun 25-Aug-13 22:43:00

but for clarity, a 'wedding' is a marriage ceremony; the party afterwards is called the reception.
Actually, I think you will find that amongst English speakers, in the major dictionaries and in Western societies generally, 'wedding' is defined variously as the "act of marrying" and the "celebration of a marriage".
And yes, I see that you don't think he was acting like a tool. You are entitled to your opinion. Why are you being so rude to me about mine? I haven't had a go at you, only at the son.

MummyBeerest Mon 26-Aug-13 00:15:45

My Dad had his 3rd wedding very last minute (after living with his now wife for 11 years prior) at a local pizzeria, about three years ago now.

It wasn't just that when I arrived with DH the waitstaff asked if he was the new maitre d'.

Never mind that during the ceremony we heard the bells going "Ding! Order up!" And a petulant child throwing a fit because he hated pineapples and had some on his pizza.

Forget the fact that my father assigned seats for 15 people "so there would be no gossiping on our day."

Even excluding the fact that because their rings didn't fit, Dad and wife had to butter the rings so they could exchange and wear them.

Wost part was that my Dad did not mention my sisterbor me in his thank you speech but thanked his 2 best men from his previous weddings for being there (yes, using those exact words).

And the photographer took a picture of my cleavage.

All true, hand on heart!

QueenofWhispers Mon 26-Aug-13 00:27:14

So We're an Indian Couple; and we agreed to have an indian wedding...I'm from Texas and he's from London. (6 days of events)

1. (The dholki) The first evening, my dh's mother her sister and her sil undressed my teenage sister by undoing her sari belt in front of a large group of people exposing younger sister to about 100 of my closest 'friends'. Dh's cousin stood outside yelling at people who were parking.

2. (The Nikkah) Second evening, Dh's cousin (the same cousin) decided to establish 'control' over my dhs' relationship with me; told him he didn't need to show up for our bridal portraits for which we had already paid quite a substantial amount. He also told us that the second day was irrelevant because HE was tired and so was his family. So when it came to the event, the grooms side didn't actually show up. Turned out, someone had told my DH that I wasn't interested in marrying him anymore.

3. (The mayoun) Third evening, the night before the 'henna/mendhi' I did get in touch with my now DH who was beside himself because he had been kept away from his hotel room and any form of communication by his cousin, cousins brother (other cousin) and entire side of his fathers family. Groom finally arrived to the third nights activities where my aunt had sent back the caterer as she thought there would be no event like the night before.

4. (The mendhi) night, Dh's cousins proceeded to call my little sisters 'sluts' for dancing and said it was worse than stripping. Then when it came to speech time, he spoke about my husbands nipples (when he was a 6 yr old child) and there were close up pictures of my husband and his childhood nipples on the slideshow. Like 20 minutes worth of pictures.

5. (Shaadi) On the wedding day itself, my DH showed up 2 hours late to wedding (reception was immediately after) his family was another hour late. Turns out, Dh's cousins mother pretended to have a heart attack and his wallet and cellphone had gone missing. He had tried to call me, but I was at the spa getting ready. (my makeup artist also managed to make me look like a clown faced painted prostitute (she literally painted me white with rice powder complete with cherry red lips, angry black eyebrows and hot pink cheeks).

My mother had a nervous breakdown while I was at the spa, so she decided to take a walk and didn't come back in time to help me on with my dress; one of dh's cousins had to do it and managed to tear the back of my DRESS in the process. My sexy orange lace bra was visible through the safety pin job.

Dad also had a hard time regarding the wedding day, so stopped his car on the way to the wedding to have a NAP and was incommunicado.

When I got to the wedding venue, it was stunning and full of people...many of who came to tell me they were honoured to be invited to a family event; especially since they had been searching for their family all of their lives. Turns out, Mil and Fil wanted a large turnout for their side, so filled out some forms on a Genealogy website and invited everyone they were some how genetically linked to in America. (My parents were paying for this wedding btw)...it was really lovely to see all of these lost strangers who had done trips cross country to meet my in laws.

During the pictures, my dh's family photo bombed EVERY SINGLE SHOT. Kept taking the photographers to their tables to make sure to get all of them in various poses.

My uncle, decided that he was going to sing, so got up and sang really badly for 45 minutes. Dh's evil cousins came up and thankfully got him to stop, but only after really hurting his feelings.

Cousins from my fathers side (all over 22 yrs of age) hit on all the under 16 yr old girls.

At around midnight, I had had enough so decided that I'd cut the cake and leave. Dh and I got up and let the MC know what are intentions were, but dh's family were soo noisy no one heard. Our parents came to the cake table when they saw us walking to it---where we cut the cake, posed for our first pictures together as a couple ALL night...and then Dh's dad asked him: "Do you know what to do with her?" then gave him $400.00 to find a decent hotel room.

6. (Valima--the final wedding event) I was wearing a beautiful blue and red outfit, but felt that the whole week had been tarnished soo badly, I couldn't waste the dress on a day I was feeling soo bleak. I did end up wearing a stunning, black, gold and maroon sari that I got quite a lot of heckles for when I walked in. I would have been heckled regardless though. During the meal, they did have a dancer on stage who was fully dressed thank goodness, while she caressed her own breasts and bum for 6 dance sequences on a makeshift stage.

7. The night before we were to depart for our honeymoon, husbands wallet and cellphone turned up, which was good because he didn't have to cancel anything. He had figured it would turn up since there wasn't any activity on the accounts. So we went to sleep thinking all of this drama was over.

When we tried to board our connecting flight from LA to our international destination; I was escorted off of the plane by security. The reason was because my final destination was the UK where I had been denied a spouse visa at the very last minute. When we got off the airplane, we were told we would have to resolve the issue at the british consulate before rebooking our flight. So we decided to check into a hotel. When we got to the hotel, none of our cards were working...they had been flagged by someone who knew my husbands passwords (his mom). I had 20 pieces of luggage--I had planned to move to the UK straight after our honeymoon. We spent quite a few days homeless in LA while we sorted all of this out.

At the consulate, we were questioned over and over about our relationship and how we met. We were also asked about my intentions for coming to the UK (despite us showing our recent marriage certificate). In the end, we found out that there had been a 'tip' about me wanting to come to the UK for 'illegal purposes'.

We never got a chance to go on our honeymoon; this was 7 years ago this month. Actually, 7 years ago today, I had moved into our first home together...and that first year was an epic disaster too.

Selks Mon 26-Aug-13 01:09:44

Oh my goodness, Queen of Whispers.. You poor thing, going through all that! shock

Thumbwitch Mon 26-Aug-13 03:01:08

Good Lord, QueenofWhispers - are you still married? Was it worth it? Sounds like his family didn't really want you in it, what utterly awful things to do to you! sad

garlicbargain Mon 26-Aug-13 03:28:27

Oh. My. God, QueenofWhispers! I've been up half the night reading this thread, and I must say you story make some finale!! I was doing that incredulous so-shocking-you-have-to-laugh-but-so-awful-you-just-gasp strangled noise on every line!

Are you still speaking to ANY of your relatives? I hope not. Except your poor sisters, of course.

Thanks for sharing. I hope you & DH survived!

Thumbwitch Mon 26-Aug-13 04:37:23

I think we have a new "winner" in QueenofWhispers - Libra and MrsK have been knocked off the top spots!

FreeWee Mon 26-Aug-13 07:48:32

I think what makes Queen's story extra bad is that it went on for days! At least non Indian weddings it's one day of hell; that sounds like a week or more of pure misery. How's your relationship with DH & his family now?

Tee2072 Mon 26-Aug-13 08:53:23

QueenOfWhispers takes the lead! I can't believe you're still married. I hope you don't see any of your husband's family any more.

I have nothing as bad as this, just something a bit sad.

A good friend of mine just got married this year. Sadly, her mum died a few years ago. Her half sister had taken it upon herself to do a photo slideshow of the bride's family. Which is a lovely idea except that the half sister didn't put a single picture of the bride's mother in the show. Why?

"Because weddings are for the living." hmm

As a topper on the cake (so to speak) the bride was pregnant but had decided to not tell anyone until after the wedding. Half sister decided to tell everyone instead...

QueenofWhispers Mon 26-Aug-13 09:08:06

Actually, we are still married. He has made some serious efforts to fix and correct our relationship so things like this never EVER happen again.

His family are on their way to self destruction anyway. Each and everyone of them. It's beautiful to watch.

BerylStreep Mon 26-Aug-13 15:25:47

Queen that is just awful - you poor thing.

And MrsKoala that sounds very sad. I hope things are good now.

Thumbwitch Mon 26-Aug-13 15:57:25

I'm so glad, Queen!

SixPackWellies Mon 26-Aug-13 16:02:20

Tee your post reminded me of a wedding we attended less than a month after the Father of the Bride died tragically in a car accident. The Father's close friend was asked to stand in. He gave a speech that never made mention of the FoftheB at all. he said afterwards ' It would only have made everyone cry so I decided not to mention Steve'.

hmm

MrsKoala Tue 27-Aug-13 02:31:50

I defo agree that what makes yours so bad Queen is that it just went on...and on. At least i only had a day of it.

With mine i am so institutionalised by the weirdness and self centredness of everyone around me (there are also loads of other things which people did but it would fill the internet - in fact i think out of 80 guests only 20 people didn't do something hmm ) that it didn't even seem bad at the time. I did what i always do and individualised it and dealt with each thing separately. It wasn't till some normal people who attended pointed out quite how strange a lot of the behaviour was that i thought about it as a 'whole experience' and thought 'holy shit - i'm surrounded by people with quite serious ishooos'

grin

And no Beryl, sadly things are much much worse now. sad Hey ho - i'm hoping 3rd time is a charm wink

Pawprint Tue 27-Aug-13 03:24:10

Ah, another one - at my brother's wedding, my cousin got really, really drunk. He told mum that my sister (who had recently died) was "a bitch".

tangerinefeathers Tue 27-Aug-13 05:47:42

My wedding has nothing on some of these, but I did have one guest (work colleague) show up in a short, white lacy dress. She teamed it with bright purple tights which looked utterly bizarre but maybe she thought that let her off the hook.

The only other issue was that my mother and MIL are both incredibly tight so didn't want to spring for hotel rooms. So the days around the wedding involved those three plus my sister (who'd turned up a month before the wedding to 'help' ie have a free holiday in London at our flat) all hanging around endlessly, fighting over the bathroom, and generally getting in each other's way (we had a cramped two-bed flat so six adults was a bit of a squeeze). I even have photos of doing my makeup and my soon-to-be MIL hanging over me doing her lipstick!

Three years and a baby on we have established much firmer boundaries with the lot of them, but at the time we were just too polite to say "get a hotel for the weekend!!!" It would never happen like that now.....

MrsKoala Tue 27-Aug-13 07:50:19

Oh god i can't believe i've blocked this one out. The worst wedding i have attended was my BM's and her H (the one who got called a slag at my wedding).

They decided to do it on a shoestring. Fine. The grooms aunt and uncle were doing the catering. They hired a 'venue' which was a storage facility for some fairground equipment. The equipment is taken out seasonally the place is on the beach front so friend hired it for the first weekend in March (when it comes out). Bride is a big drinker. As was i and another friend. Other friend (lets call her Sue) despite us reminding constantly didn't bother booking a hotel as she was convinced something would 'come up'. She didn't want to pay the extra £40 to get a family room with me and DH (she was quite rude when we offered). ExH and i give Sue a lift to town of the wedding the night before (with no money offered) as we are helping in the morning with 'last minute bits'. Sue decides she will crash at Brides the night. When i turn up at 10am the day of the wedding. (Wedding at 2.30pm) Bride opens the door with a puffy swollen face from obvious crying, reeks of booze, slurring and with chocolate icing all over her hands. She has ordered 3 different sized birthday cakes to be delivered (as they are cheaper) and is scraping the 'happy birthday' writing off with her dirty faggy fingers then trying to stand one on top of each other. When we enter the flat there is debris of a drunken night, over flowing ash trays etc. Sue is there and they tell me they have drunk all night and Bride is upset with 'nerves'.

The kitchen is full of rolls and sandwich fillings all still in packages and unmade. They were meant to be making the buffet the night before but cracked into the cava instead (and drank almost all of it). So I am instructed to start buttering frantically. Friend then has to go to hair app and leaves us manically preparing food. Not before she informs exH the venue has no cable they need to hook up the ipod she has done for the wedding. The groom is off for a couple of days and not contactable due to stress he just said he'd see her there. So exH is dispatched around a busy shopping centre trying to source necessary wire.

Brides mum arrives and then realises she hasn't brought her outfit. Bride arrives back from hair dressers and discovers she's forgotten to buy serving platters for the buffet so the solution (offered by MoB) is to put all the rolls in bin bags and offer them round like a lucky dip, 'wont that be jolly'. At noon Bride gets a phone call from Grooms relatives who are doing the 'hot meal' to find not only they have not even left (an hour and a half away on a good day) but they haven't cooked the food in advance and are going to do a goat curry when they arrive.

Bride is hysterically crying and decides to go and have a hot soak in the bath (and the heat ruins the curls in her hair) while exH, Sue and I are in charge of carrying all the food in relays down to the venue at the sea front. (none of us are dressed). We swing by the hotel to pick up suits etc and have to change in the loos of the venue and Sue and I do our make up with no mirrors. At one point I am carrying a not stable 3 'tiered' cake across 4 lanes of traffic with a box lid blown over my face so i can't see where i'm going and my dress blown up and am unable to adjust myself.

Groom turns up to the Venue to say he's lost the ipod with all the music.

We go to the wedding. None of grooms family are there and we wait, and wait, and wait. In the end they have to go ahead. Bride arrives and looks frankly like she's been up drinking all night and crying all day. Grooms family turn up, almost an hour late, just as it's over and say angrily 'you could have waited'. ExH is the photographer as a favour so starts doing his snapping duties. On the beach front, freezing and blowing a gale.

The front of the warehouse venue is up as no windows so we are all sitting in baltic cold with random strangers walking in. The Sister of the bride is sitting opposite me with blue lips and shivering uncontrollably. The food is 2 hours late so we all sit there waiting.

Someone on the grooms side offers their ipod so we are treated to aggressive ragga music on loop.

Sue still hasn't found a place to stay and I ask what she's planning to do. She says 'oh i'll just crash at Brides (studio flat)'. Bride says err i don't think so. Sue is pissed off at Brides unreasonableness and at 2am flounces off to 'find a hotel' with one of the male guests. They find one for £250, drink the mini bar dry and sleep past check out and have to pay extra (haha!)

ExH is so drunk he pukes in the bed at the hotel, on my side, and then passes out on his side while i am in the loo. SO i sleep kaying on the floor with no covers. And have to wash the sheets out.

ExH and i decide to make the photographs into a nice gift. But the pics are awful. Bride looks like whatever happened to baby jane. exH spends weeks photo shopping and we put the 3 best in frames and the rest in a naice (expensive) album. We meet up with the B&G when they return from honeymoon and take them for lunch (no fucking idea why we paid) and present them with their gift. They are not impressed. Bride does not try to hide her disappointment and doesn't thank us or exH. In fact she is really rude to exH. So i get her alone (we had been friends since 5yo) and say 'hey exH worked really hard on those, and you didn't even say thank you' and she said 'why should i say thank you, i don't like them, i look awful'. I lost my temper and said 'he's a photographer - not a fucking magician'!

We are no longer friends, and exH is now living with Sue confused . He defo downgraded. grin

SilverApples Tue 27-Aug-13 08:06:07

In my defence, it was a long time ago, back in the 70s, and we were all thoughtless and selfish teenagers.
Boy got girl pregnant and had to do the decent thing. The bride's mother hated the groom, but she put on a proper 70s do, Coronation Chicken, pineapleandcheeseonsticks, white dress and three tier cake. Local village hall, disco to follow.
Many relatives, all avoiding each other.
But what we didn't understand was that she had rationed everything, until she stood at the table making sure we took a sausage roll, a spoonful of coleslaw and no more
There was one glass of wine per guest.
So it was all polite and stilted conversation, and after a bit we...went out and bought a couple of wine boxes and practically the whole menu of the local Chinese take away and brought them back to our table. We then had a party of our own, the groom and his great-grandma joined us and a good time was had.
The rest of the relatives, the bride and her mother were Not Amused.
We enjoyed the evening do too. The off license was open by then.

Groovee Tue 27-Aug-13 08:52:28

OMG Mrs Koala shock Sue's a right one and no wonder you are no longer friends with the bride!

Pawprint Tue 27-Aug-13 09:43:09

Koala!!! gringringrin

Ezio Tue 27-Aug-13 09:44:37

Mrs Koala, that was not a wedding, it was a fancy dress party!!!

Pawprint Tue 27-Aug-13 09:45:38

When I was at school, my 15 yr old best friend got married (on 16th birthday) to a 32 year old man. They'd been together since he was 30 and she was 14...

The marriage was a catastrophe and he eventually moved onto another vv young girl...hmm

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 27-Aug-13 11:22:18

Mrs Koala...that's a classic right there!

Love the image of them scraping 'happy birthday' off the cakes and trying to stack them grin

Oceansurf Tue 27-Aug-13 12:12:36

Had literally 6 mins to get ready ( long story why!)

Heavens had opened, and we had no wedding umbrellas etc so got wet getting into church and dress was ruined shortly afterwards. (the church was even leaking!)

As I walked down the aisle, husband's cousin looked me up and down and gave me the dirtiest look you have ever seen. I might add, I've never met the woman, but the look was literally, 'What the fuck do you look like' (same cousin then came up to me at the reception, and said, 'Can you stand there please so i can take a photo for FB, not for me, but i promised my aunty'. Stunned, I did as she asked. She didn't even say thank you for inviting me, or introduced herself or anything)

BIL made an arse of himself all day with his new girlfriend (who also didn't speak to us, we've never met her..when I bit the bullet and went over to introduce myself and ask if she was having a nice time, she complained about the food!) At £35 a head, given I didn't know her and everyone else thought the food was gorgeous, I'm still a little hmm about her attitude! Plus she didn't even bring a card !!!

The music was on an ipod, and didn't work. Cue lots of repeats of the same track and lots of stopping and starting.

No one asked to see my ring.

No one said that they liked my dress.

MIL didn't congratulate me whilst we were signing the register. All very embarrassing. Then BIL, instead of just giving a gentle kiss on the cheek, decides to give me a huge bear hug around the head - knocking my flower out of my hair and wrecking it (this was obviously before the photos!) . When my face went shock, he just shrugged.

Best bit - MIL told as many guests as she could that our wedding finished at 9pm. By 9.20pm, there were 22 guests left. I was stone cold sober and embarrassed. No atmosphere and a ruined evening (also due to no music working properly!)

Devastated doesn't even cover it! STILL blazing at MIL in particular. She smirked at me the next day when I asked why the hell she'd told ppl it finished at 9pm and said, Oh well I hope it didn't ruin your day. Clearly it did but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of knowing it! I was just annoyed for my family who'd paid for the wedding, and the fact that about 20 ppl had left to go to our hotel and then carried on their drinking/party there because they thought the wedding was over!!! Apparently, they'd had a fab evening in the bar!

By the time husband and I got to the hotel, it was 11.30pm and we were both sober, wide awake and embarrassed. Not a great start to married life!

However, I did get to marry my best friend that day grin and I love him to bits, even if I can't stand the in laws!!!

leastsaidsoonestmended Tue 27-Aug-13 12:13:56

Went to a colleague's wedding, many years ago, which was lovely except for the sermon.
Talking of the devotion required for a good marriage the vicar exampled a husband being bitten by a snake and his wife having to save him by sucking the wound. The sound of him saying " and she would suck and spit, suck and spit " over and over again to emphasise the point
reverberated around the church. It seemed endless and was excruciating. The vicar was well known for being a bit eccentric but I don't think anyone was prepared for that.
I felt so sorry for the bride and groom as it was awful and it has always stuck in my mind so what they felt about it goodness only knows. Hopefully they saw the funny side.

YouTheCat Tue 27-Aug-13 12:32:47

I went to a church wedding many years ago. The bride wore DrMartens under her dress. grin

The guests were passing condoms up to the front and putting them in the groom's pockets.

Kids were running riot down the aisles.

And the organist was absolutely plastered (11am wedding) and his playing was dreadful.

But it was a bloody good laugh. Especially when one side of the church collapsed into giggles on finding out the Groom's middle name was Bernard. grin

TeamEdward Tue 27-Aug-13 12:44:38

We went to a wedding with a similarly painful sermon, leastsaid.
Uni friends married a year after graduation, so there was a little Uni reunion in a local pub before the wedding. Usual (lovely) vicar wasn't available so the substitute vicar didn't really know the couple or his audience that well.
His sermon was about reaching out to each other in times of need, of the symbolism of the rings as a sign of attachment, support, and that they would always be there for each other. Anytime X happens, touch your ring. When X happens, touch your ring."
He just kept repeating "touch your ring". It had 40+ recent students snorting and snurking! Even the bride & groom had trouble keeping a straight face! grin

Also went to a cracking wedding, in a hotel on a lake. Groom was an ex-soldier, and so were a lot of the guests. The whole day was great, a fab atmosphere etc etc.
By 9pm the bride's very lovely but very eccentric mother was skinny dipping in the lake with bride's aunty and load of squaddies. Brides father just shrugged his shoulders...

Pobblewhohasnotoes Tue 27-Aug-13 12:53:04

Bloody hell MrsKoala! Are the B&G still together do you know? No wonder you blocked that one out!

Pawprint Tue 27-Aug-13 14:34:48

Ocean - that's awful sad What a shame about your dress, I bet you looked lovely and that cousin was just jealous of you.

I remember my SIL's FIL hugging and just about ripping her veil off in the process...

My cousin got married, barely eighteen years of age, to someone she barely knew. He was in the forces (being deliberately vague here, in case she is on here and recognises herself) and she was clearly besotted by the uniform, the glamour of a big wedding etc.

I swear on my heart that, by the end of the service, the marriage was over. They ignored one another at the reception, came back from honeymoon after just one day and split up within a year. It was sad, really, because I love my cousin and I think she wanted to escape her very unhappy home life with her parents. Sadly, her new husband started having affairs almost immediately and she spent a miserable time in forces accommodation.

Oceansurf Tue 27-Aug-13 15:57:27

Pawprint Husband is furious! Said he never wants to speak to her again. I'm just still a little shock that anyone would do that to a nervous bride walking down the aisle!

That's sad about your cousin.

smilingbride Tue 27-Aug-13 16:01:39

I am the guest who tipped a full - large - glass of red wine over the bride. The ground was uneven, honest! I think she knew how sorry I was, but just to let you know, XH's cousin - I still cringe. And am still clumsy blush

I am also the bride whose groom refused to dance with her, since he was too busy with the female colleague sitting astride him with her tits in his face angry (No, the marriage didn't last long, but I'd have been better advised to give it up then & there.)

I am the bride who gasped, audibly, "My god, I've married a con man!" at the best man's amusing tale of an insurance fraud he'd helped the groom conduct - the first I'd heard of it shock

To my adult bridesmaids, who whinged & stropped throughout: No, the day wasn't all about you. Tough. My child attendants were fab; I should have left my 'friends' out of it!

To the guest who came in a long, flowing, white outfit - yes, I did get the message, and had already realised you (and all the others) were welcome to him.

And to XH's sister: I did behave badly at your wedding. I am sorry. I was tripping on something, not drunk. One of XH's dodgy mates must have spiked my drink.

All that said ... The three weddings mentioned were absolutely lovely, including my own. I just could have done without other people's emotional investments in it, and would have been better advised not to invest myself in it, either grin

MrsKoala Tue 27-Aug-13 17:21:09

Pobble - The B&G are still together. But he is a notorious lech. He came on to me numerous times before and after the wedding (used to creep into my bedroom and try to get into bed with me/follow me into the toilet etc). He has cheated often. ExH and 'Sue' know this too, but the 4 of them are all still great friends. Bride is one of those people who can see no wrong in him and it's all the nasty, slutty womens fault for tempting him (which is why we are not friends anymore). At my wedding she made a right show of herself telling a 60yo aunt off for dancing near him and 'made' him sit down (by shouting 'behave') and didn't allow him to dance the rest of the evening. She was crying all day of her wedding because she 'loves him so much and couldn't believe she was lucky enough to marry him' hmm

peppapigmustdie Tue 27-Aug-13 19:54:30

At my first Wedding a small hotel affair my now exmil turned up in full funeral regalia along with a black lace hanky!
She was a total fruit loop though who later sent a Congratulations card to my exdh when I miscarried a few months later, well out of that Family!

Pawprint Tue 27-Aug-13 20:05:28

Dear God Smiling and Peppa

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 27-Aug-13 20:09:36

Peppa shock

peppapigmustdie Tue 27-Aug-13 20:27:54

paw and Shipwrecked she is a whole 1000 threads to herself.
She saw the card as appropriate as the MC meant he had been spared bringing up a disabled baby with me.
She thinks that if a baby isn't born they just didn't cut it in the evolutionary process.
Suffice to say she took to me already having a dd when I met her ds so badly she cried for a week.
I should start a thread on her turning up at my house when exdh was away on tour (we are both ex forces) claiming that as he hadn't written for a week that I was some how lying that he was still away and searching every room for him!

garlicbargain Tue 27-Aug-13 20:31:59

Good grief, Peppa! Don't know whether to shock or grin

pictish Tue 27-Aug-13 20:33:20

My supposed 'best friend' was the fly in my wedding ointment.

Dh were never that big on tying the knot, being quite happy and secure as we were....with a mortgage and a son together, we both felt well committed.
However, my mum developed an aggressive brain tumour and went downhill quickly. She asked to see me go down the aisle before she died, and we had no reason not to get married, so a quickie wedding was hastily organised with five weeks to plan it.
Unfortunately my mum died five days before the wedding. As you can imagine, I was devastated.
Anyway it was decided that the wedding should go ahead as planned despite my grief as it was what mum would have wanted. She died with the wedding invite in pride of place at her bedside.

Bf managed to....
Refuse to stay with me the night before with my other friend (the unofficial bridesmaids), as she had "too much washing to do".
Promised to come round with breakfast in the morning (croissants, orange juice and strawberries were ordered), and turned up after lunchtime clutching some cheap scones and Hartleys jam from the Spar next door.
Wore trainers to the wedding.
Rowed very publicly with her boyfriend at the reception, and then spent the entire night sitting at the entrance to the toilets crying, so everyone could see her and ask what the matter was.
Drank the bottle of very expensive champagne that we were given as a wedding gift from dh's brother, herself.
Phoned me at 4am pissed out of her head, to complain about her boyfriend. On my wedding night - 5 days after my mother had died.

Needless to say, although we still speak, we are no longer close friends.

Elektra83 Tue 27-Aug-13 20:51:28

Holy cow, some of you have really suffered! Sorry to you all.

Not much happened at my weddings (Civil and Indian ceremony). A friend of mine did go round telling my other friends that the wedding cake was horrible and not very nice...my MIL had made our cakes and she (friend) was the only one to say it wasn't nice.

At my brother's wedding, my uncle had a fit (he was an alcoholic and hadn't had any booze as we didn't have any on the day)...thankfully it was right at the end of the wedding when all the guests had gone. He was taken to hospital, when my dad (it was his brother) went to visit, uncle's son was there and he nearly punched my dad in the face...(cousin wasn't invited due to a spat at his wedding 10 years previously!).

The only sad thing about my weddings was that my dad didn't come to either of them because he doesn't agree with who I married sad it also meant various family members didn't turn up.

mine are minor

1st wedding to ExH (note no D) we were students and had no money. Got married at local registry office in Laura Ashley dress etc (early 90s). Had reception in parent's local pub 30 mins away. had the beer garden to ourselves (was lovely btw). Before the wedding even happened H to be's family moaned and moaned about how far away the reception was (my parents paid for the reception and were not well off either at the time). The biggest moaner was BIL to be, he didnt drive (neither did my H2B) and wanted to know how he would get home (there were others who could give him a lift but he thought i should organise it) so i said "you know what i will take you home after the reception..." he didnt realise i was being sarcastic. - he didnt come in the end

2nd wedding to the present Mr banana - we had 50 guests and 60 beautiful cupcakes made. We and half our guests didnt get a cake as lots of bloody guests took extra home for the dog/marj next door/the hairdresser. But as it was a lovely day i didnt give a shit really.....and the cakes were fantastic!

MrsKoala Tue 27-Aug-13 20:55:47

After reading these, i just want to say WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? How does their thought process work that they think, 'mmm uhuh, hmmm, yep, that's defo the best course of action in this situation' then do something outrageous. Are they all playing 'Dice Man' and are forced to do terrible things because fate has chosen it - it's the only logical explanation. it couldn't possibly be the result of rational reasoning. So whyyyyy?

peppapigmustdie Tue 27-Aug-13 21:00:58

Garlic I only grin now. I have at least a hundred stories. His second wife even contacted me on the dreaded FB to see if it was just her who had this madness to contend with.

peppapigmustdie Tue 27-Aug-13 21:03:19

pictish that is crap. So sorry for your loss.

insummeritrains Tue 27-Aug-13 21:11:01

Am grin grin at 'suck and spit'!!!

Pipbin Tue 27-Aug-13 21:28:10

I might have to create a new name for my story.

I'm loving this thread, some people's stories are just horrific, and to be honest some read like they are slight bridezillas.

Moxiegirl Tue 27-Aug-13 21:33:29

I once went to a reasonably posh wedding reception held in a stately home venue. One of the guests got so pissed he got his knob out and pissed on the dance floor shock
I felt so sorry for his gf she was mortified!!

Moxiegirl Tue 27-Aug-13 21:35:15

At my wedding to now xh, his dad gkt so drunk he tried it on with the best man's gf (a police officer) and had a mini stroke the next morning!

UnexpectedStepmum Tue 27-Aug-13 22:01:40

My sister got falling around drunk and tried to get off with my stepson (she was a 34 year old mother of two, he was 17). She then accused all of the thirty odd independent eye witnesses of making it up, and refused to speak to me or DH for a year, despite me having my first child. My mother backed her up, firstly saying "they were just being kids" (no, he is a kid, she is an embarrassing adult), then also not talking to me for months.

Apart from this it was a really great day though!

BerylStreep Tue 27-Aug-13 22:06:43

Moxie, my DH farted on the dance floor of a friend's wedding and cleared the floor. I mean completely. It was a miasma. blush

grin at 'suck and spit, suck and spit'.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 27-Aug-13 22:24:40

Just gone back to find the 'suck and spit'!! Genius!

Up there with my mate who chose the owl and the pussycat as a reading at her wedding and her friend (male) with a deadpan face and a challengingly defiant look to all the rest of us....read:

'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
You are,
You are!
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'

YouTheCat Tue 27-Aug-13 22:26:06

snort grin

QOD Tue 27-Aug-13 22:31:57

grin
I wish I had a funny story but for some reason, I totally can't remember my wedding reception grin 23 yrs ago ....

Ezio Tue 27-Aug-13 22:51:38

I think i just died at "O lovely pussy" how did people not fall about laughing.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Tue 27-Aug-13 23:01:02

We were chewing on hankies...

inneedofrain Tue 27-Aug-13 23:01:40

Ok I have been one of those horrible guests!

So family wedding between invite being sent out and wedding my dh died, I was not in the wedding mood but still wanted to go, bride changed my invite to plus one so I wouldn't be alone. Unfortunately the person that was coming with me had to cancel on very short notice ie day before I'm on the phone to the bride appologising and feeling terrible because its a small budget and u know that there have not invited some else etc etc etc

Right I don't drink so had offered to be nominated driver for some other family members.

Unfortunately I have a long standing medical problem that decided to hit part way through the wedding. This meant that I a) pushed the bride out of the way (she was walking to the bathroom in the entrance hall) so I would make it out side fast enough to not make a scene at the reception (this was epilepsy that had been stable etc)
B) one of the best men missed his s peach to sit outside with me as he was a paramedic
C) I of course bite my mouth badly during said fit and my dress was covered in blood bride picked this moment to come and check where 2nd best man and matron of honor where and got to hem of her dress covered in blood
D) the people I was driving home are now drunk and I can't drive obviously this includes brides new mil and dil who were very put out and start screaming at how I have ruined the day etc i should have been more considerate etc etc etc i start sobbing (day been hard on me I'd litter ally buried my dh a week before) groom who is also a paramedic takes exception to what his parents are calling me and offers to put them up at the hotel. His mum takes a swing at me bride steps i front of me to protect me and gets a black eye

This is the last I remember next thing I know is coming to in resus with bride and groom standings over me, apps remotely I had another fit and hit the back of my head on something groom and best man load me ambulance and bride and groom come with me

So bless them they spent there first night of marriage looking after me. And honeymoon photos bride has a black eye

I still feel terrible

inneedofrain Tue 27-Aug-13 23:09:31

Oh and just to cap it off I had offered to take bride and groom to airport at some ungodly hour of the morning which of course I can't do (had to surrender my driving license again) the remote location and time of day means a taxi costs them alot of money

This was years ago and bride and groom do laugh about it now but I still feel terrible!

garlicbargain Tue 27-Aug-13 23:48:01

No point YOU feeling terrible, inneedofrain, you didn't exactly choose to have a seizure at the wedding! I can't believe the PILs had a go at you for it! Love to know what they think a "considerate" seizure would look like hmm Selfish twats.

The wedding couple sound absolutely lovely, by contrast. I bet they still dine out on your story grin

YouTheCat Tue 27-Aug-13 23:55:09

Inneed, you have lovely friends.

The pils on the other hand sound like twats.

MrsKoala Wed 28-Aug-13 00:11:02

Inneed - wedding or not my DH and i would have been more concerned about you than anything else. That's why we married each other! Because we care more about people than anything. It sounds like your friends had their priorities right too.

It sounds awful for you and PILs are pricks (probably why they married each other too). Don't sweat what you can't help.

MyBoysAreFab Wed 28-Aug-13 09:11:58

inneed what a nightmare for you, but good for the b and g for having a perspective on what actually is important in the grand scheme of life.

Shipwrecked we also went to a wedding of two old uni friends where The Owl & The Pussycat was read out by another uni friend, who deserved a medal for getting through it, given all the smothered snorting and sniggering from the congregation.

Pachacuti Wed 28-Aug-13 09:19:53

We had a bit from The Velveteen Rabbit at our wedding and I edited the bit about "things that buzz inside you and a sticky-out handle" because I could just foresee the stifled sniggers. I think The Owl and the Pussycat would have finished me off...

ShipwreckedAndComatose Wed 28-Aug-13 09:46:54

I tried to joke with the bride about it later (perhaps a mistake) and she really didn't see the funny side at all and told me deadpan that it had always been her favourite poem.

The rest of us didn't see it coming until he had started the poem and got to that bit...then there was the dawning realisation...
I thought the reader handled it so well. Read the lines slowly, deliberately and looked at us defiantly!!!

soverylucky Wed 28-Aug-13 10:43:08

Nothing really to add without outing myself but I have also been to an 'Owl and the pussycat' wedding. What is the matter with these people???????

neunundneunzigluftballons Wed 28-Aug-13 10:49:31

The groom who in his wedding speech sitting 2 seats up from the priest described his wife as like a good bottle of red wine. Full bodied and goes down easy. Wife, her parents, his parents and older family did not see the funny side we did though.

Oh neun, that reminds me of DH being asked to help with an old friend's bridegroom speech. He got a draft sent by email, read it with an eyebrow steadily rising and frown deepening, then once he was completely bemused he showed me. The whole thing was just a cut-and-paste of lots of 'wedding speech jokes' from websites. Nothing whatsoever about them personally, unless you count "don't you agree my [pause] wife [pause for hoorays] look lovely today" or "x makes me the happiest man in the world". I know not everyone can be a great raconteur, but he hadn't even started with a few things he wanted to say and padded it out with website jokes.

Haggischucker Wed 28-Aug-13 23:26:45

Mine is from own wedding with a very random guest. A uni friend brought bf and seriously think both were on drugs. He steadily hit the booze too and by mid evening reception had tried to snog mil, bridesmaids x 2 and me (talking tounges) He then proceeded to strip off to dance and upon returning to bed and breakfast stole alcohol out owners fridge.

It didn't spoil the day, has provided some funny memories. Friend is still with him, we only catch up very rarely but hope he has calmed down somewhat. Thankfully all relevant menfolk did not take offence to behaviour but could have potentially been a little messy!

belatedmaybe Wed 28-Aug-13 23:58:02

At my wedding all of my large family attended including my uncle who has a name for being tight fisted. He takes it to a whole new level actually and is almost never seen with his hand in his pocket! Anyway, he was caught at the bar by one of his brothers who thought it would be funny to announce to the other couple of people in the bar that he was buying a round. Predictably word got round and the bill was over £200 by the time funny brother managed to get the lid on the situation

The first I knew of any of this was the next day on checkout when I found a rather large round had been charged to my room shock

Luckily that was the only difficult thing that happened - apart from dm getting rather jolly and falling over a lot. .. oh and a different drunken uncle dropping my sleeping child on his head confused

Mumoftwoyoungkids Thu 29-Aug-13 09:34:23

Wow - some of these are amazing / shocking.

Nowhere near on this scale but at dh's relative's wedding, said relative had a bit of a chequered past with 3 kids and 3 who between them had 3 dads. Anyway, she decided to get married in a church and the vicar decided to save her soul.

Cue over an hour of sermon about"appropriate behaviour" which wouldn't have been so bad but:-

1. The vicar had a really strong accent. The type that you have to listen to really carefully to to make out the words. So no one really took in what he was saying. (We pieced it together at the reception.)

2. Practically every member of the congregation had a small child so every 30 seconds or so there was a wail, followed by a parent shushing followed by the sound of yet another parent taking their children out. What was particular amusing was the couple behind us having a whispered conversation about who would take their two year old out. "I'll take her." "No darling, you stay, I'll take her." "It's fine - I really don't mind." I can't blame them - at that point I was considering prodding beautifully sleeping dd so I would have an excuse to leave.

As it turns out - the vicar had a point. Less than 10 months after the wedding she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Who DNA tests proved was not her husbands....

Ezio Thu 29-Aug-13 11:50:01

Mum The Vicar must have had foresight about what was gonna happen, apparently she didnt manage to stay faithful in that first month.

olidusUrsus Thu 29-Aug-13 13:33:08

Some of these are shocking! Others, well, are a bit, umm... suspect bridezillay

Laurensdad Thu 29-Aug-13 14:03:44

We opted to get married in a registry office, with just 2 close friends as witnesses.
After the ceremony, one of our friends took just one wedding photograph.
We will be celebrating our 30th in 2014, and 'the' wedding photo hangs in the lounge of every house we have owned since.
At the time we weren't certain that such a 'minimalist' wedding was the best of ideas - but after reading some of these stories - I know we did the right thing!

ALKN Thu 29-Aug-13 14:32:41

At my brother's recent wedding I sat between my elderly hard-of-hearing grandfather and my 18-month-old son. I was trying to keep my son entertained throughout the vows with a game he was refusing to play, and my grandfather, watching him, said at full volume, 'He doesn't want to!', oblivious of the fact that the vicar had just asked if anyone knew of any just cause or impediment why the couple should not get married!

Pawprint Thu 29-Aug-13 14:35:12

ROFL ALKN!

Ezio Thu 29-Aug-13 14:40:04

ALKN That is a classic!!!