To think this woman will probably never speak to me again?

(48 Posts)
Threewhiskeys Wed 07-Aug-13 19:52:04

Dd is 3.6 and has a good friend at pre school.

The little girls mother obviously has a good career and is middle class. Im only saying this as it adds to how I'm feeling right now.

Im working class and I also do not have many friends and I'm awkward and shy. I have no self esteem.

Ive often thought about plucking up the courage to talk to this lady but have never had the confidence. Anyway, yesterday as we were collecting from pre school, our two daughters were playing and she started talking to me. Basically how her daughter is always mentioning mine etc. We had a bit of a natter and said goodbye.

Whilst they were getting in to their car my dd started really playing up, not listening and running off. I went to get her and she ran really fast towards a road. I had to bolt after her leaving my other toddler screaming in her pushchair!

I caught up with dd and then she sat on the floor wouldn't move etc. I looked like a real twat. As I dragged her to her feet this other lady drove past.

To make matters worse we popped in to the shop on the way home and both dds were still whinging , whining and not listening. And who happened to be there?! This lady and her well behaved child.

Im so annoyed at dd. I know she's only 3 but I feel like that lady will have crossed out any ideas of a play date after seeing today's spectacle.
I feel so sad and pissed off. AIBU?

Lagoonablue Wed 07-Aug-13 19:53:46

Am sure her child has tantrums and misbehaves too. Don't worry about it. Just be friendly and see what happens.

flossy101 Wed 07-Aug-13 19:54:56

She probably didn't give it a second thought. Whenever I see a child misbehaving I just think "thank god it's not just me".

Peacocklady Wed 07-Aug-13 19:55:05

Don't worry! All kids do stuff like that and you can talk about it next time!

Tailtwister Wed 07-Aug-13 19:55:11

If she doesn't speak to you based on this once incident then she's not worth your time. There's not a child I know of who hasn't behaved badly at some point or another and her daughter will be no exception.

I'm sure she was just glad her dd was behaving at the moment in time.

Naysa Wed 07-Aug-13 19:55:29

Completely disregarding class here, but if this woman chose to not speak to you because your 3 YO was playing up after preschool is she the type who you want to be friends with.

Would you feel any different if she was working class?

IfYouLeaveMeNow Wed 07-Aug-13 19:55:51

This has happened to us all - her daughter will have played up at somepoint - you can be sure. I'm sure she did not think badly of you at all - more likely relieved it wasn't her! If she did judge you, she is not worth being friends with! Speak again, make a play date and get to know each other better.

ediblewoman Wed 07-Aug-13 19:55:57

Yes, you are totally BU! We've all had those days middle class, working class any class. She has, presumably, seen you picking up and collecting on other days so knows a little of you anyway. But honestly even if it was the first time she met you she won't have been judging you.

WorraLiberty Wed 07-Aug-13 19:57:15

Stop putting people on pedestals

It's really silly

No wonder you lack confidence if you think other people are better than you and your family.

catinabox Wed 07-Aug-13 19:57:41

You don't have to worry about how this woman view you. If she thinks negatively of you because of that or because of the class thing then she is not worth knowing.

Let her get to know you and your DD. I am sure she has has moments with her DD too. If in doubt 'smile and laugh, smile and laugh' Some one said that to me once and i know it's stupid but it bloody works!!

phantomnamechanger Wed 07-Aug-13 19:58:00

if she is going to judge you or your DD based on one afternoon, she really is very shallow and not worth worrying over!

Kids play up, she knows that.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Wed 07-Aug-13 20:17:57

I'm middle class and have a good career. Until 10 weeks ago I only had one (fairly) well behaved 3 year old.

I have still been the mother carrying her out of soft play screaming and kicking.

It happens to us all!

NapaCab Wed 07-Aug-13 20:20:51

Kids do have a way of mortifying you at the one moment when you need them to behave!

if she is a normal mother like the rest of us, she won't pay any heed to your DCs' tantrums as I'm sure her DD does it too. If she is worth getting to know, she won't care what you do for a living or where you're from. So I wouldn't let it intimidate you, just keep chatting to her and being friendly.

I do hate public scenes with my toddler as well though, it's always just when you want them to stay quiet!

SofiaVagueara Wed 07-Aug-13 20:24:47

Even Prince George will have tantrums. Fact.

Salmotrutta Wed 07-Aug-13 20:26:25

I'm always banging on about this but I don't believe in "class".

We are all just people - some with more money or different careers or jobs.

Don't sell yourself short OP and yes, her child will undoubtedly have behaved like that at some point!

Coconutty Wed 07-Aug-13 20:28:14

Of course she'll speak to you again. All kids do this sort of thing at sometime.

namechangesforthehardstuff Wed 07-Aug-13 20:29:53

I'm middle class and have a good career. I am also the first person in my family to get beyond GCSE level at school. Don't judge a book by its cover.

MrsLouisTheroux Wed 07-Aug-13 20:31:09

Don't think of people as being above you. They are not. It doesnt matter how much money they have or what lind of house they live in. You are her equal and are just as worth talking to as every other Mum.
If anyone ever thinks otherwise, they have a problem and you should avoid them.

Serialdrinker Wed 07-Aug-13 20:32:36

I didn't experience the terrible 2's I am however emerging from the fecking awful 3's! Like others have said if she doesn't like you because you shouted to stop your child running into traffic and were then seen strugling round a shop with your NORMAL child then you don't want to friends with her!

Salmotrutta Wed 07-Aug-13 20:37:41

Hear, hear MrsLouisTheroux - all this class crap does my head in.

How can you "classify" people based on career/income etc. hmm.

itsallaboutyoubaby Wed 07-Aug-13 20:39:09

I don't get why you were embarassed? Why did it embarass you? [CONFUSED]

Spartacus101 Wed 07-Aug-13 20:40:32

Where are you based op? I'm sure there are lots of us around of all different classes grin with (at times) badly behaved 3 year olds who'd have a coffee with you.

The mothers not the 3 year olds grin

colleysmill Wed 07-Aug-13 20:40:44

when I used to play a lot of netball in my younger days we had a saying that the weather was a great leveller. I find that children are also the same.

I really wouldn't worry - we've all been there! smile

itsallaboutyoubaby Wed 07-Aug-13 20:41:54

"after seeing today's spectacle"

In the nicest possible way I doubt anyone noticed or remotely care. You think you were a spectacle? You sound a bit self absorbed, sorry.

Wuxiapian Wed 07-Aug-13 20:42:27

You need to work on your esteem. That's all.

twilight3 Wed 07-Aug-13 20:44:27

I would have only thought badly of you if you HADN'T run after a three year old who was determined to get herself ran over.
Perfectly good parenting on your behalf. Don't worry about it.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 07-Aug-13 20:46:54

Three please be kinder to yourself. The woman will NOT judge you unless she is a twat. Which she doesn't sound. Your DD will make LOTS of friends...talk to the parents of all of them...be yourself. xxxx

softlysoftly Wed 07-Aug-13 20:47:38

She spoke to you showing she couldn't give a crap what class you are she just wants to be friends with her daughters friends.

She really really won't care, in the nicest possible way you need to buck up a bit and stop being silly.

MrsOakenshield Wed 07-Aug-13 20:49:59

well, I'm as middle class as they come and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. Please don't think that middle class people don't have DC who run them ragged! You do sound like you have low self-esteem, but please take the fact that this woman came and chatted to you, and that your DDs are friends as a real positive. I'm sure you'll be round each others houses swapping horror stories soon enough!

SimplyRedHead Wed 07-Aug-13 20:51:33

Whenever I see anyone struggling with a tantruming toddler I always a) see if they've got a magic technique I can steal when mine kicks off later and b) feel really sorry for the parent.

I'm sure she will have thought 'thank goodness she (you) moved quickly enough to stop her child in the round - well done!' and 'poor woman (you), that looks really stressful. I hope she has a stiff gin when she gets in'.

If I was her I would've been pleased that you were human and had a 'normal' child who does normal stuff.

She spoke to you because she wants to get to know you - I bet that hasn't changed!

*by normal I mean not perfect!

SimplyRedHead Wed 07-Aug-13 20:52:44

*stop her child running into the road not round!

PrettyKitty1986 Wed 07-Aug-13 20:55:11

It's just Sod's law. At least she seems nice and probably won't mind.

There is this really snotty cow at school who is the mother of one of ds1s classmates. She is constantly talking about how great her dc are, looking down her nose at everyone else.
Anyway, one day last month she made a huge spectacle at home time as her ds came out to say he'd gone on to level 7 in reading (only Reception so level 7 is awesome and far ahead of the rest).
I was rolling my eyes to myself and hoping that ds1 would have made some spectacular achievement that day to shut her up. Ds1s teacher then called me over to hand me a plastic bag and tell me (audibly) that he had wet himself that day.

The mum actually smirked as she heared and went past, still cooing over level-seven-kid. Not much of a come back from that! Her smug smile still makes my teeth itch!

zatyaballerina Wed 07-Aug-13 20:58:38

I find other mothers breath a sigh of relief when dd tantrums, I do the same, she was probably feeling very lucky that at least it wasn't hers!!! All young children tantrum and every parent with a child over a certain age knows that, she wasn't judging you.

The problem is that you think she's better than you, she isn't. You are as good and as worthy as anyone else, be kind to yourselfsmile

Patosshades Wed 07-Aug-13 21:01:13

I really doubt she'll have her judgy pants on judging you and your children. More likely if she gave it any thought at all she was thanking the gods it wasn't her child this time.

LoveWine Wed 07-Aug-13 21:03:06

Out of pure curiosity (and because I'm not originally from the UK) what is considered middle class these days? In this example, how much would the lady be making and what profession would she have for it to be considered middle class? I'm just honestly asking as I don't really get how it works in this country.

thefuturesnotourstosee Wed 07-Aug-13 21:10:43

Relax. Please relax.

DD has been at a private school since nursery. I've seen children having tantrums, throwing things, shouting, refusing to do as they're told etc. etc. The very vast majority of parents are what you'd probably define as middle class professional types.

Honestly children's mood swings do not discriminate by class. Even Princess Kate will at some point face a tantrum from Geroge.

Ring her up, suggest a playdate, make a friend have fun and please don't worry

Mumzy Wed 07-Aug-13 21:35:13

Don't worry about it. This time it was your dd next time it'll be hers. She probably thought there by the grace.... She sounds nice keep up the small talk with her and keep being friendly.

I am middle class with a good career and a toddler DD. My DD is well behaved for most of the time (I'd guess she is average), but occasionally isn't. And sometimes that is in public. Sometimes I just wish the ground would swallow us up but I generally manage to remember that most DC have moments like that. The most embarrassing was when she decided she didn't like her friend any more half way through a play date. I was mortified and just couldn't talk her into behaving properly. If I see someone else's child play up then I tend to think "yup, DD's done that too". I certainly don't judge as I am sure with DD that pride comes before a fall and if I judge then DD will be twice as bad within the next day. It wouldn't occur to me not to speak to them again.

parkin2010 Wed 07-Aug-13 21:44:10

Happens to us all!!!! Please don't feel like that you sound a lovely person x

maddening Wed 07-Aug-13 21:44:19

Well if she judges you to the point of not speaking to you then there's no loss on your part.

maddening Wed 07-Aug-13 21:46:20

Ps I generally wouldn't judge a person negatively for having a day of whinging baby and pre-schooler - surely this is what most parents of young children experience - we've all been there and have oodles of empathy.

schmee Wed 07-Aug-13 21:48:16

I'm reasonably posh and I'm mortified when my kids do this. When someone else's kid does I feel really relieved and think a playdate might be ok because mine won't have to be perfect.

Poosnu Wed 07-Aug-13 21:51:48

You are being ridiculous and thinking about this far too much! If class bothered her in any way (absolutely no reason why it should) she wouldn't have spoken to you. She will have experienced misbehaving children just the same as you.

internationallove985 Wed 07-Aug-13 21:56:28

All children have their moments, yes her D.D included. It's hardly shocking that a 3 year old had a tantrum is it. xx

Threewhiskeys Wed 07-Aug-13 21:59:01

Thanks for all the replies. I did have a feeling that I was being a bit oversensitive and daft.

I feel loads better now thanks to your replies! [Flowers]

hamab Wed 07-Aug-13 22:02:40

Don't worry. Three year old behaviour has nothing to do with class. It's undoubtable that she's experienced it herself.

Minshu Wed 07-Aug-13 22:08:29

I have a relatively easy-going and well-behaved 3 yo DD. She does kick off sometimes, and that can be embarrassing if in company. But, am I the only one who gets the little voice piping up about how naughty other kids are while she is being good? Now that is just as mortifying...

Do you think being middle class and having a career means your children don't play up? grin Noooooooooooooo

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