New job ruined before i've even started :( (bit long - soz)

(63 Posts)
careergal Tue 06-Aug-13 21:42:04

After 10 years in a really great job that I totally enjoy surrounded by lovely colleagues, I took a chance at applying for a great new job at another place, more money, brill prospects.

I worked SO HARD on my application and during the 2 day long interview process, which I feel like I nailed and I have never said that about an interview, nor would I usually blow my own trumpet to that effect. I GOT THE JOB and was happy, couldn't believe it.

It turns out that I vaguely know the girl i'll be replacing as we went to Uni together - I did not realise until the day of the interview when she was observing one of the group tasks. Since then she has been in contact to meet up for drinks which I have done as I feel obliged since I got the job and she always disguises it as 'handing over' (which she has never done).

At every opportunity she keeps telling me, on a continuous loop that (in a nutshell):

She was the reason I got the job
She put a good word in
They were not going to recruit me until she told them i'd be good
The manager was begging her (after my interview) to take back her notice as they had not found anyone suitable but she managed to convince them

I'm so gutted! I want to tell her to STFU but it will go on deaf ears as she has no empathy and if anything looks shocked when I don't say 'oh thank you so much'! It has really upset me to the point that I don't even want the job sad

Say it's not true, I will still never know without asking the manager and presenting myself as needy and emotional (which I'm generally not)!

How do I get past this and AIBU!

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Tue 06-Aug-13 21:45:47

She is just bigging herself up and she sounds like a bitch.

You got that job all by yourself.

Hurray for you! flowers

Somethingtothinkabout Tue 06-Aug-13 21:45:48

Oh she's just being a cow. Honestly, they wouldn't have hired you if they didn't want you.

Your 'friend' is a bit of a bitch, sorry.

aldiwhore Tue 06-Aug-13 21:46:22

YANBU to feel wretched, YABU to believe it.

Maybe she did put a good word in for you, but I suspect that would have been as far as her fiddling went.

When you start your job, cut all contact.

EvieanneVolvic Tue 06-Aug-13 21:46:22

I say this without a shadow of a doubt...this is all about her neediness and is no reflection on you whatsoever.

Knock 'em dead.

And congratulations

Karen4007 Tue 06-Aug-13 21:48:16

Ignore the silly cow! They would not have offered you the job if they dud not think you could do it.

She is obviously self important and wally.

Go to the new job, knock em dead and in a while when U are settled and know the manager, ask them then if you feel the time is right and you still need to.

Even if they did beg her to stay (which I doubt) she should not have told you.

Go for drinks when she asks you, ignore her crappy comments and when U have settled into the jon never speak to her again!

U will be fab!

Eilidhbelle Tue 06-Aug-13 21:48:19

What a load of rubbish! She'd have to have an awful lot of control over your managers for that to be true, she's just being snide. Ignore her and congratulations on your new job!

ShoeWhore Tue 06-Aug-13 21:49:23

I agree she's being a bitch. She is leaving - there is no way that the people who are staying would have hired you unless they thought you could do the job. I can totally understand how upsetting this must be to hear but look on the bright side - she's leaving and won't be there when you actually start the new job - hurrah!

IJustWoreMyTrenchcoat Tue 06-Aug-13 21:53:04

What a bitch she sounds, drop her like a hot stone. There is no way a whole interview panel would not like you/not think you could do the job and then be convinced by somebody observing a group task. She was a very small part of your 2 day interview process.

I seriously doubt her opinion counts for that much, and as for them begging her? She is bullshitting.

Ignore and hold your head high. Good luck in your new job!

Smartiepants79 Tue 06-Aug-13 21:53:34

Does she have a new job? She sounds jealous and put out at being so easily (and well) replaced.
She is talking bollox.
They would never hire someone just cos she said so.
Sounds like this is what she WANTED to happen.
She is mean. But she is leaving and you never have to see her again!

Gingerandcocoa Tue 06-Aug-13 21:56:13

Don't believe her!! She's afraid you'll do a better job than she's done, and just trying to make you feel bad.

MikeOxard Tue 06-Aug-13 21:56:37

Nope, total bollocks. This is her finding someone she feels she can seem really important to, and she's milking it for everything it's worth (and much, much more). Do the 'yeah, great, thanks' thing until you start the job, then give her the total brush off. She can find someone else to do the unconvincing idol worship if she needs it that much the silly sod.

No way that you got that job on anything but your merits! Congratulations, and I hope it turns out well fir you.

Her behaviour and comments sound really odd, and I wouldn't give them any credence.

NotAsTired Tue 06-Aug-13 21:57:06

You got the job on merit. She is being a bitch. Best way forward is to forget everything she says and then do a damn great job.

Well done!

foslady Tue 06-Aug-13 21:57:09

She's no friend. She's a cow, and I struggle to believe what she said.

Go get 'em Floyd!

daisychain01 Tue 06-Aug-13 21:58:25

Well done careergal, feel proud of yourself because you were the reason you got the job and it doesn't matter what she has said. She sounds insecure, which explains her need to 'big up' her inplausible role in your success.

You mention that you are replacing this person - is she staying in the organisation but moving to a different post? I think it says a lot if she is - because if she was leaving she would not need to comment or connect with you, she would be moving forward independently. Maybe she is going to have to interact with you in your new role - if so, she maybe wants to ensure she puts her stamp of authority on this situation, giving the message "things will only happen for you, if I choose make it happen" "I was here first" - which is effectively trying to disempower you. The key thing is, don't let her!

Whatever the explanation, if possible try not to think too hard about it, so that you don't going into your job with preconceived ideas. Go in with full confidence in the value you can personally add. Remember that you are the new person, so you will need to take time to prove yourself and put your mark on the role you will play. It won't happen in a day or a week. It will take time. Enjoy the journey.

I wish you every possible success and happiness, you clearly deserve it! flowers

SofiaVagueara Tue 06-Aug-13 21:59:19

Course it's not fucking true.

My gut feeling is she's doing a bit of arse covering because when you start you're probably going to find out she was actually a bit shit and not that well thought of and she's trying to save face.

The woman is clearly such a total monumental bitch there is no way she would have 'put a word in' for you.

Also if she had so much influence on the recruitment process how come she was barely involved in it?

Clearly she is has just had her nose put out of joint by realizing that her contemporaries at university have reached the same level as her and that makes her feel like she's nothing special when she had convinced herself she was.

Ignore, she's talking bollocks. If this had happened and she had been nice enough to put a good word in for you she would also be nice enough not to tell you this had happened.

It's obvious she is just trying to make you feel undermined. It's blatant and a bit tragic on her part. She's obviously very insecure.

Beastofburden Tue 06-Aug-13 21:59:51

She is feeling insecure because you are replacing her, so she is showing off about how vital she is to the place. If you asked any of your new colleagues (I know you can't- yet) you would probably get a very different picture of her, once you start you will probably hear all kinds of good reasons why she is leaving.

McNewPants2013 Tue 06-Aug-13 22:00:17

You got the job on your own merits.

I don't even think it is legal for a boss to ask to take back a resignation.

timidviper Tue 06-Aug-13 22:00:20

She sounds like a an insecure bitch who is making herself feel better at your expense.

Just ignore her, get in there and knock 'em dead!

JambalayaCodfishPie Tue 06-Aug-13 22:00:22

Do you think, maybe, shes regretting her resignation, and in some round-about way is trying to get you to quit?

She can the go back, as the amazing angel who saved the company by going back at such short notice?

Panzee Tue 06-Aug-13 22:00:22

Congratulations on your new job.
She is lying. Ignore.

NellysKnickers Tue 06-Aug-13 22:02:08

Ignore the bitch. When you've been there a month or so, meet up with her to let her know how much everyone loves you and how they all keep commenting on "however did we manage without you" and that "you are so much better than the last person who did the job"!!

Inkspellme Tue 06-Aug-13 22:02:56

the job sounds great - I doubt that your new employers would go to that much effort to fill the position and then just let the old employee say who should have the position. It sounds like you achieved this by hard work and effort on your behalf. ignore her and cut contact when she has left position .

oh, and well done! smile

MumnGran Tue 06-Aug-13 22:03:34

As an employer, all the recommendations in the world from a junior would not secure the job for a candidate unless I was 100% happy with the CV and interview. Peiod.

So relax, OP. You got the job on merit.
Some people just like to feel important. Is her degree in bullshit?

TerribleTantrums Tue 06-Aug-13 22:05:06

Stop meeting her, it sounds as though you've met several times already. Be busy and unavailable the next time she tries to arrange something and then send a lovely email saying how much you appreciate her help handing over, what a pity you're going to be snowed under between now and the time you start the new job and if there's anything very important that she still needs to tell you could she please email it to you or document it in her handover notes (that you are sure she is currently writing).

It's all about her, you're fine but she needs to be the centre of attention and she's probably a bit worried that you will be more popular and better at the job than she ever was.

Optimist1 Tue 06-Aug-13 22:05:19

Pull yourself together, Careergal! It was a 2-day interview process and Miss Bitch observed one of the group tasks. You won this job on your own merits and as others have said above, she's just bigging herself up.

Congratulations on the new job! wine

Anniegetyourgun Tue 06-Aug-13 22:05:49

Just smile, say "that's nice" as though you meant it, and make childish finger signs behind her back. Works for me.

You could say to the manager (after she's gone, of course) something casual like "I hear x put in a good word for me" without sounding too needy. I'd put money on him replying "not really". Just make sure they know she did NOT hand over the role in any helpful sense, so they don't think you're a bit thick because of all the time she spent telling you stuff you don't seem to know.

notanyanymore Tue 06-Aug-13 22:06:33

Ha! Relax she's full of bullshit!

LimitedEditionLady Tue 06-Aug-13 22:08:05

Just go in there and show them what you are made of.Sounds to me like she is insecure about the person replacing her.I would cut ties,no doubt she is finding it hard to let go of her old job and i predict she eill be ringing you trying to get info out of you when you start.Dont respond,dont let it be about her.Its about you now,she is not part if your identity.Have a nice first day x

BlueStones Tue 06-Aug-13 22:09:31

Total insecurity on her part - no company offers jobs exclusively on recommendation (especially not a fruitcake's recommendation).

I had a similar (ish) experience - a colleague insisted that every success I had at work, no matter how big or small, was only because she prayed for me. She seriously expected gratitude from me. Never got any, mind.

careergal Tue 06-Aug-13 22:11:58

These comments have made me feel so much better already! Thanks so much. She is leaving the company altogether (and has a new great job) so no idea why she's making it so hard for me. I'm just gutted that there'll always be the doubt at the back of my mind now, though I'd love to believe that she's probably greatly exaggerating her input.

Charlesroi Tue 06-Aug-13 22:21:20

Perhaps she was convinced they couldn't do without her, asked for a payrise because she'd been offered another job and they didn't give her one. Maybe she's nervous about her new job?

Anyway, if this handover stuff is at all official please make sure she does it (in writing). Rule number 1 - cover your arse.

NatashaBee Tue 06-Aug-13 22:28:35

If they used a panel to interview you, then clearly it wasn't just her decision - hiring is rarely based on just one person's opinion these days. HR vet CVs first, then pass them round a selection of people to review/ pick holes in, before you even get as far as the interview stage. She's just being a bitch.

plim Tue 06-Aug-13 22:29:10

God she sounds like a bag of horrors. Insecure and worried you'll come in and outshine her - so plain to see. No business would base a decision purely on one persons opinion - if that was the case why did they bother with a two day gruelling interview process. No, it's rubbish, they've chosen you for the job - they want you based on how you performed in the interview. If you'd done an awful interview do you seriously think that they would plump for you because 'she' said so? Not a chance in hell. Put it and her out of your mind and go and do a fucking marvellous job. Good luck.

Didactylos Tue 06-Aug-13 22:32:43

blatent game playing and clearly trying to undermine you
please dont fall for it
you spent 2 days interviewing and felt you nailed it at the time- dont underestimate this feeling, you are probably right about it, and other posters are correct, what shes saying to you doesnt really add up

Go in there, head held high and do your job as well as you can. Ask for an official, written handover possibly copied into senior to clarify things. And dont even think about going to the boss and checking if her stories are true.

People will judge you on your own merits, and it will be interesting to see what is said about her at the office once she leaves

Needy cow. Do a Malcolm Tucker on her.

I was once second choice for a job when the first appointee turned it down. It was great.

I think

Catmint Tue 06-Aug-13 22:35:47

She is covering herself for all the deficiencies you will find once you are in post.

Well done, you were the strongest candidate.

MalcolmTuckersMum Tue 06-Aug-13 22:36:25

Do a what on her? grin

Mia4 Tue 06-Aug-13 22:38:23

She's lying, she wants the ego boost, I doubt her opinion matters that much to be honest OP. I expect a few weeks in you'll hear lots of people slagging her off.

Congrats, enjoy the new job and do your best- i'm sure you'll show her up smile

GTbaby Tue 06-Aug-13 22:44:53

I went to a local training session and got asking to another lady. When she found out where I worked she made a point of telling me she had turned down my job. I think it's bitchyness.

Ignore. Do a good job. Good luck.

MyNameIsSuz Tue 06-Aug-13 22:49:57

I really feel for you, something similar happened to me. It was a temp contract at my own company, and I guessed during the application process that they hadn't had many applicants as the date for applications was pushed back (after I'd applied). As the person I was covering for was only on leave I had access to her email archives, which I needed to check periodically (so I knew exactly what had been said to certain people about their project). In doing so I found an email chain between her and my boss from the interview period where they were discussing the candidates and how none of us were much good and how they didn't think I had enough experience sad

It was my first week in the job and really got to me, and I shouldn't have let it. It affected my confidence in my abilities, so I was more cautious in decisions and quiet in meetings etc, and affected my relationship with my boss. Eventually I got over it and things really picked up, and by the time I left I got on really well with my boss and had done well at the job.

Just try not to let it get to you, which I know is hard as I know how it feels. They will be happy with your performance if you do the job well, which you know you can as you wouldn't have applied otherwise. And who knows, half that stuff about not wanting her to leave etc they could have just been saying to her to be nice...

Chaaannggees Tue 06-Aug-13 22:54:07

Don't meet up with her again
Congrats !!

Dorris83 Tue 06-Aug-13 23:05:22

Congrats and do t think about this person anymore. You won't be working with her!

You were hired by other people who are NOT this girl, and who want you to work there.

You can now go in and take over the role and really nicely and professionally suggest a few changes to improve how it is done. Basically do it better than her and remember your new boss hired you because you we're the best person for the job, not because the person you're replacing 'put in a good word'

Good luck!

IceAddict Tue 06-Aug-13 23:08:14

I would never take someone on, on a "good word" you got the job because you earned it. Ditch that cow she's no use to you. Enjoy your new job grin

Turniptwirl Tue 06-Aug-13 23:10:05

Ignore her she sounds like a bitch

No employer would go through a rigorous selection process and then end up with someone they weren't 100% happy with

Congrats on the new job!

TheDoctrineOfAllan Tue 06-Aug-13 23:14:59

Ignore her!

tiggytape Tue 06-Aug-13 23:32:49

Ignore her.
Some people get funny about being replaced at work even if it is their choice to move on.
They don't like to think anyone else can match them let alone might be better than them.

Her behaviour isn't about you, your interview or your suitability for the job, it is totally about her insecurity and her ego (saying how brilliant she is and how much influence she has).

brightpinktoenails Wed 07-Aug-13 00:22:20

She sounds like a tit.

You got the job because of your experience and how you presented yourself.

She needs to get a life. Who on earth would go on to their successor "oh I was ace at my job! Oh you only got the job because I said so! Oh they begged me to stay!"

Like I said, sounds like a tit!

ChippingInHopHopHop Wed 07-Aug-13 00:37:13

LOL - she (almost) achieved what she set out to do - but MN was here to save the day grin She wants you to feel insecure, she wants you to think that no-one else thinks you can do the job, she wants you to fail... all to make her look good. Bitch.

In time you will find ways to drop it into conversation and you will see from the responses that what she has said is utter bullshit.

No company does interviews like that, then simply employs someone because someone has put in a good word for them... it just doesn't work that way.

She's a tit - picture one where her face is everytime you think about her grin

TroublesomeEx Wed 07-Aug-13 08:08:42

You'll probably find they've spoken positively about their new recruit at work and she's taken that as a personal criticism.

She's worried about people telling you about how amazing you are and you thinking negatively of her.

Haven't read the other replies.

Is that pretty much what everyone else has said..?

Trills Wed 07-Aug-13 08:15:03

YAB a bit of a drama queen - your new job s not ruined by words from one woman who will not be there.

It doesn't matter what she says because you never have to see her again if you don't want to.

You haven't seen her since university - there is no reason for you to think about her or believe that she says.

Groovee Wed 07-Aug-13 08:24:49

She's talking crap.

WeleaseWodger Wed 07-Aug-13 08:26:32

I'd show up at these handover sessions with notes to take and start commenting on her lack of professionalism if she fails to actually talk about work. If she starts on you again, just look concerned and say something vague about that's not what you heard through the grapevine...and how worried you are about the first month as you've been lead to believe there's a lot of wrongs they're going to need you to sort out. Mumble apologetically that I'm sure she did her best but you've been lead to believe they're looking to improve things now.

Tuppenceinred Wed 07-Aug-13 08:28:12

Stop meeting up with her away from the workplace. Professional handovers don't take place over drinks, and should be initiated by your manager. Here, have a grip, the job will be great!

SelectAUserName Wed 07-Aug-13 08:28:59

The best thing is to ignore her insecure neediness and ask for her handover notes to be emailed to you.

Although I confess I'd be tempted to do a bit of game-playing of my own, OP. Next time she starts her loop, I'd just smile and say something like "it's funny how different people see situations differently, isn't it?" If she picked up on it and asks you what you mean, I'd say "let's just say my experience of the offer process has been quite different and leave it there" and if, as is likely, she continued to press it, I'd say "no, honestly, I shouldn't have said anything. You've got your fab new job and I'm sure it will work out brilliantly for you" and then change the subject and refuse to discuss it further.

MrsHoarder Wed 07-Aug-13 08:44:22

As for the "begging her to take back her notice", for the company its cheaper to keep current staff than have to go through the hiring process, checks, induction, role-specific training etc. So even if you were slightly better than her they might think that its cheaper as a company to keep her.

And my guess is if there's any truth in that, it was a brief meeting where the manager asked if offering x would mean she would stay. Not begging, just trying to cost-save.

Her "putting a good word in" probably amounted to a "oh, I know her, she's nice". No employer will take a person on who doesn't make the grade, whatever his, soon to be ex,-staff member may say. You got the job because you were the best and they could see that you would be good at it. If there was no-one who made the grade then they would have re-advertised. It's not as if there aren't 000,s of people desperate for a job out there, is it? Have confidence in yourself, you got that job because you DESERVE that job, now, enjoy it!

MammaTJ Wed 07-Aug-13 09:17:05

Honestly, my take on it would be that the day she handed her notice in, they all breathed a sigh of relief that someone so toxic was leaving. Give it a month, then they will all be queuing up to tell you how awful she was and how much nicer you are.

She will not just have been like this with you.

TimeofChange Wed 07-Aug-13 09:22:48

Don't meet up with her again or engage with her, unless it is an official handover on the works premises.
Do not be her friend on FB.

Get her out of your life.

Well done you on getting the job.

I've been in the situation where someone "put in a good word" for me for a new job. The difference there was that it was someone (actually, two someones) who had previously worked with me and would work with me if I got the job, not someone already on the way out for whom my employment would have made precisely zero difference. And I still had to impress them by virtue of my own brilliance skills and experience anyway, as OP did.

Good luck with new job. Are you getting paid for these handover sessions, btw?

HoikyPoiky Wed 07-Aug-13 09:26:00

You will have got the job fair and square. She watched one task! She sounds needy and stupid.

To be honest even if she did get you the job which she clearly didnt ALL that matters is your preformance from now on.

Congrats and enjoy

RenterNomad Wed 07-Aug-13 10:20:58

Bah. She can't have any "influence" (which implies leverage to make them do something they haven't chosen to do) because she's leaving.

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