to ask why is it frowned upon to remember things some posters' say

(213 Posts)
fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 14:02:24

without actually doing a search, why is it not ok to perhaps ask a poster who previously posted for example "I have twin boys both starting school son" who then asks for advice on how to adopt for example as they don't have children .... "hang on a second, I thought you said last week you have twin boys". why is this frowned upon? people are accused of doing advanced searches when some people actually have a good memory or remember a thread as it resounded more for them than others ... and are asked "eh, what has that to do with this thread". am genuinely asking. wouldn't be for someone following a poster around and tearing shite out of everything they post ... but why cant a poster's posting history be questioned if there are obvious inconsistencies?!

TimeofChange Tue 06-Aug-13 14:04:36

OP: I agree with you.

ceeveebee Tue 06-Aug-13 14:05:35

I know exactly what you mean, I have a very good memory and find it hard to hold back sometimes!
I suppose its effectively troll hunting if you are questioning the truth of their posts. So you should report but not post your concerns?

I think it depends on exactly what has been said in the past, I know that a lot of people change details (number of/ ages of children etc) to remain anonymous, but there's got to be a happy medium.

Arisbottle Tue 06-Aug-13 14:08:05

I am always amazed when people remember posts from other people, I never look at who has posted rather what they have posted.

Obviously the example you gave is a glaring contradiction but I have probably changed the ages of my children if posting something sensitive.

I find it a little odd that you would actively search through someone's history to prove a point but nothing wrong in remembering if you can .

LEMisdisappointed Tue 06-Aug-13 14:10:16

So is that what happened then OP?Cos if it it did, this is a fred about a fred and tis against the rules!! <<heeellleeennnn, Olivviiiaaaaa>>>

I have a very good memory for threads and also look at the nn of the poster, some people say they never notice the nn but I always do!

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking if they've posted before or that the thread seems familiar or seems a bit odd as long as there's no abuse or bullying.

fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 14:21:33

LEM it is a fed about a fed i guess lol but it bugs me that you can't question anything at all. i mean its easy to name change so if you want to be anon about a topic that's there to use. but if you don't and contradict yourself why the hell is it not ok to question it. ah, i dunno! i have a shite memory as not on that often but on a previous site you were shot with a ball of your own shite if you dare question a poster. Justforlaughs there has to be a happy medium i agree. but i feel in an non abusive way you should be able to ask (OP can ignore if they wish) about something that they previously posted if it contradicts.

as for doing a search, if someone accused me of bullying them or lying or something, damn right i will search to back up my point!

cacamilis Tue 06-Aug-13 14:32:19

Firstly how do you name change and when you do is it only for one thread and then you revert back to your original name iykwim?

I have a good memory too and think if its relevant to the thread it should be ok to mention a previous post in a different thread. However I hate when people bring up stuff you have mentioned in a previous thread that has no bearing on the thread in hand, usually you end up been quoted out of context and its done to make you look bad.angry

If someone accuses me of lying then yes I would consider looking up the relevant post, and either prove my point or eat humble pie.

fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 14:34:52

I don't think you can revert back to the other name, maybe you can. but say I change my name to gobshite ( wink ) will all of fluckered's previous posts now be posted by gobshite or will fluckered be eternally lost?

Pagwatch Tue 06-Aug-13 14:38:31

I guess it's because if you say 'hang on op - you said you had twins' you are kind of calling troll/pants on fire when op may have just altered some facts so as to not be immediately recognised?

I am impressed by people having such good memories. My memory is awful.

limitedperiodonly Tue 06-Aug-13 14:40:17

Because you get accused of stalking or being part of a gang of haterz, when in fact the poster might be fond of colourful and contradictory stories which can't help but stick in your brain.

Hence, I don't bother any more.

fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 14:42:49

but why is it calling troll? I mean if you REALLY want to be that anon change name or I dunno ... be consistant with your "story" (not saying lies). as for being recognised? just don't be so open on the internet.

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 14:44:32

Poor Olivia.

Lack of gin is giving her high blood pressure sad

Apparently you can't ask someone why they namechanged to start a thread either, or if they are new, or express any doubt that any minute detail of their op might be impossible.

So if someone posts "I have just driven from London to Glasgow in 34 minutes" you can't express disbelief.

I think the official explanation is that people can change details for privacy reasons. So in your example, the question about twins could have been asked on behalf of a friend, while the op is really trying to adopt. Or something like that hmm

fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 14:45:02

but people only get annoyed when a poster swears blind that they DIDN'T say such and such and are caught out at not being consistent. they don't have to be .... their call, but its rich getting defensive then innit?

(ps. that's my first innit ... did I use it right? wink )

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 14:45:41

I had a post deleted yesterday. I thought I was being subtle.

My post said "I call bullshit". I have no idea why Olivia deleted it.

Sconset Tue 06-Aug-13 14:46:50

It's one of the reasons I barely post now- photographic memory, and it freaks people out too much sad

fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 14:48:39

yeah I see your point Maryz and I struggled not to find an example that wasn't inflammatory but I would understand if someone said "oh yeah, that wasn't correctly true I am trying to stay anonymous" i'd say no more. I totally understand for privacy reasons ... but is it too much to ask to be consistant or to at least realise not everyone is that arsed to advance search and actually DO have a memory for detail or usernames?

navada Tue 06-Aug-13 14:49:32

I can't remember what someone said an hour ago let alone months or even years ago, plus I don't take much notice of posters names.
And yes, I'd feel like a bit of a weirdo/stalker if I remembered what a poster said on an anonymous forum, unless they were offering me fantastic advice - that's different.

Gunznroses Tue 06-Aug-13 14:50:58

OP i know exactly what you mean. I was reading through the Education thread, and a popular poster described parents at a particular school as 'none are ghastly...'. Months ago i had happened to have read a thread about the same school where the same poster had said 'some of the parents are ghastly and i avoid them" it stuck in my mind as i thought it a bit odd (bearing in the poster had never spoken to them before). I just let it go, but thought it interesting, just goes to show, don't make important life changing decisions based on what one Mner has said.

Some things just stick for whatever reason, it doesn't mean we're wasting our time doing thread searches.

FrigginRexManningDay Tue 06-Aug-13 14:53:09

If people want to remain anon then yes they can absolutely change details. It makes sense. I remember posts from usernames that click with me.

And Maryz you were probably deleted because it was not clear whether the shit was bull or cow and to infer it was bull without clear and concise evidence would be inflammatory.

magimedi Tue 06-Aug-13 14:53:45

If you change your name to Gobshite only the posts you made in that name will show up as it. All your fluckered's will remain fluckered.

I know that as I've Yoni namechanged in the past.

magimedi Tue 06-Aug-13 14:54:24


I do like fluckered - I think I might start using that as in: "I'm fluckered if I know.." grin

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 14:54:34

Well, we all know that the real reason posters do it is because they are writing absolute crap, completely made up and designed to stir.

But unfortunately, it is hard to prove that. You can't actually prove whether the op on an anonymous forum is hairy-handed or not, even when many of us recognise the op and know all their posts are a load of bollocks.

There are some very nice people on here who are all for giving the benefit of the doubt in all cases, even for the real wind-up merchants. And there are even more naive lurkers who are incredible gullible genuinely believe the most far-fetched stories and report anyone casting any doubt.

mnhq have a fine line to tread between upsetting the gullible nice posters and pissing off the rest of us. So generally, if an op is not actually causing a riot they give them the benefit of the doubt and tell us to leave them alone.

I'm not bitter about it, oh no I'm not <lies>

FrigginRexManningDay Tue 06-Aug-13 14:55:03

Navada do not,under any circumstances attempt to lick your own elbow.

Will you remember me forever and always? grin

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 14:57:04

grin frigging, yes that's probably why.

There is one disadvantage to being her so long under the same name though. My opinions on lots of things have changed over the years as I have become less naive and more realistic matured, and I'm sure I could be caught out badly on the contradiction bits if anyone had a couple of years spare to trawl through my older posts blush

musicmadness Tue 06-Aug-13 14:57:44

I suppose the other thing is if someone recalls something about a poster from a different thread, then that information is posted on another thread with details about something else it could easily out poster because there is loads of information about them in one place.

I'm fairly sure if someone tracked through every post I've made anyone who knew me would recognise me but they would be unlikely to from any single thread.

Also small inconsistencies like age/gender of children could easily have been edited for privacy reasons if it wasn't an important factor in whatever was being posted about.

I'm another one who is quite impressed some of you can remember what people have posted before tbh, I definitely can't 99.9% of the time.

aturtlenamedmack Tue 06-Aug-13 14:59:18

I'm not sure what the official stance is but my feelings on it are that if someone is posting on this forum, it's usually for advice and support and I don't think 'catching someone out' for being unthruthful is very conducive to providing this for them.
There is such a wide variety of people on here, many with very difficult lives and there could be a massive number of reasons why someone might be inconsistent or lie or exaggerate.
One of these reasons could be that they are struggling to accept their situation, although there are a million others.
I don't feel that rounding on a poster and accusing them of being deciteful shows much compassion and I feel that if there are genuine concerns for the wellbeing of the op there are better ways of handling it than 'outing' them.

navada Tue 06-Aug-13 15:00:10

Okay Friggin - how do I do it? grin

& can you believe I just attempted it!

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 15:02:19

I mostly remember when the poster has been the op of a dramatic thread, with lots of twists and turns.

Or has been particularly vitriolic about something and then come back with an opposite point of view.

Mostly I have no idea who is posting what. And if the thread was a normal advice-seeking or chatty thread it wouldn't occur to me to question it. Just sometimes a poster does something a bit bizarre, and that name then sticks in my head.

FrigginRexManningDay Tue 06-Aug-13 15:04:05

I just told you not to.
Did you feel a bit stupid with your arm bent up and your tongue waving out the side of your mouth?
Unless you have a long tongue and/or really short upper arms its not possible.

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 06-Aug-13 15:12:02

Hullo all,

This is one of those sticky issues that depends a lot on context. It's not against our guidelines to bring up posts from other threads, though we would generally encourage folks to try and take people at face value.

Having said that, it's inevitable that you will, in the course of MNing, remember things about certain posters, and feel it pertinent to involve these things in the current discussion.

We feel, that as long as it's done when relevant, and in a polite and constructive manner, that it's ok.

It only becomes an issue when past posts are used to attack or accuse the OP of being false. In these instances, they'd come under our guidelines, and we'd delete them.

countrymummy13 Tue 06-Aug-13 15:15:36

Or, here's an idea. You could get a life and stop concerning yourself with the minutiae of stranger's lives.

navada Tue 06-Aug-13 15:17:15

You did tell me not to & I still did it - you obviously had a profound effect on me & I shall remember you for ever. Ha.

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 15:18:19

Bloody hell, if this thread is a follow on to the dress for my mother thread which I've just seen, that's an entirely different kettle of fish.

That isn't "remembering the odd fact from a previous thread". That is "advance searching and going through previous posts with a toothpick to try and tear someone to pieces".

Not the same thing at all.

navada Tue 06-Aug-13 15:20:01

Extremely embarrassing Xposts.
I was replying to Friggin.

MrsLettuce Tue 06-Aug-13 15:20:22

what we're supposed to do is report and cite the inconsistencies noticed, IIRC. Is hard sometimes though - I also tend to remember all sorts of random things for no reason at all.

WRT the name change thing - posts pre name change stay as the name they were posted in. Also PMs in an ongoing correspondence are labled as from whatever name the correspondence was started in, from to protect privacy. So, say I send a PM now, then immediately NC to MrsTomato but carrry on the correspondence all the PMs in the correspondence I started as Lettuce will still be from Lettuce even though I may be posting left, right and center as Tomato.

MrsLettuce Tue 06-Aug-13 15:20:59

x posts (many)

Hassled Tue 06-Aug-13 15:22:35

I do like "you were shot with a ball of your own shite" grin

I have a lousy memory and can't remember names, let alone whether they previously said they had a pet unicorn and 3 DDs, and now have a dodo and 4 DSs. But do I think some people change details quite deliberately, but not for any trolling/malice, just so that they remain anonymous and are less outable, and that's fair enough.

I frequently remember stuff about posters because I have an excellent memory for stuff I read (as opposed to being shite at remembering stuff I'm being told grin).

I just don't bother posting about it very often.

I have been deleted in the past for saying that something was clearly bollocks. So I am a good girl now, I say nothing Not a bloody word.
Which is why I have half the sodding board hidden grin

MaryZ where have you been? I havent seen you for aaaaggges

How dare you have a RL?

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 15:30:48

The kids are on holidays Tantrums. And being remarkably well-behaved.

<crosses fingers and thumbs and everything else, for fear of tempting fate>

I tend to be on here a lot as a displacement activity when life is shite. So me not being here is a good thing grin

DameDeepRedBetty Tue 06-Aug-13 15:31:34

If you spend a worrying large amount of time on MN (which I'm guilty of) yes of course you start to notice other regular posters and pick up on the broad sweep of the story of their lives. Especially those who often post in some of the smaller areas of the site.

So when a poster who's talked fairly frankly in the recent past about issues to do with her marriage and financial position starts a thread which ignores these serious issues, issues which would make the scenario she's describing in her current thread impossible, I find it worrying. Either she's been exaggerating problems in the past, or she's airbrushing problems in the present.

Well thats good then MaryZ, long ,may it continue eh? grin

I could happily put mine in the attic for the rest of the holidays. But its not allowed apparently.

kim147 Tue 06-Aug-13 15:36:21

There's one particular poster who I really want to bring something up about from her previous posts in some of her current posts as there is a massive irony in what she believes.

But I can't.

I've had things I've said used against me before. People have long memories.

I'm with you op. it's one thing to alter some details, but when you are giving advice, that you demand insist be taken, you better be talking from a position of knowledge.

If it's shit stirring bollocks, then big off. I too have a photographic memory. People don't like it.

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 15:38:47

I love the holidays Tantrums. ds1 has been off since mid-May and dd since May 29th (both are doing a few days work here and there). ds2 has been off since mid-June. None of them go back until September, so we have rolling mealtimes, midnight feasts and long lie-ins. It's great. The benefits of teenagers.

RedBetty, there is a difference between being concerned for someone and picking them to pieces.

Gunznroses Tue 06-Aug-13 15:39:35

..also some posters tend to stay on specific topics so its always the same people debating the same subject, you gradually start to have a profile of each poster and their leanings.

Ficklefrancis Tue 06-Aug-13 15:39:44

My memory is terrible.....what were you talking about again?

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 06-Aug-13 15:46:42


If you spend a worrying large amount of time on MN (which I'm guilty of) yes of course you start to notice other regular posters and pick up on the broad sweep of the story of their lives. Especially those who often post in some of the smaller areas of the site.

So when a poster who's talked fairly frankly in the recent past about issues to do with her marriage and financial position starts a thread which ignores these serious issues, issues which would make the scenario she's describing in her current thread impossible, I find it worrying. Either she's been exaggerating problems in the past, or she's airbrushing problems in the present.

Nothing wrong with large amounts of time on MN wink

We think that it's fine to mention previous situations, if it done with intention of helping the OP. We might have an issue if it was done in a way that was accusatory to the OP.

For example, say I had posted saying that I'd had an allergic reaction to kitkats, and you'd given me loads of helpful advice about how to avoid kitkats in the future. If I were then to started thread saying "AIBU to eat this massive kitkat for my lunch", you'd be quite within your rights to say, "hang on KateS, seeing as you had a nasty reaction to a kitkat recently, it might be best to give it a miss". However, it wouldn't be ok to say "God, you know that's going to kill you - you're either lying about your allergy or are desperate for attention you silly cow". In the latter example, my posting history has been used to attack me, and infer that I am making stuff up (troll hunting).

Does that make sense?

DameDeepRedBetty Tue 06-Aug-13 15:46:54

I agree Maryz, a thread which has just been deleted (and a very good thing too) was full of nasty remarks. I found it very late on and read it with horror, the OP is someone I've interacted with a lot on here on all sorts of subjects and who I've always felt I would get on well with in RL, although I don't agree with some of her choices.

DameDeepRedBetty Tue 06-Aug-13 15:48:15

xposted with KateSMumsnet.

<cough> semantics.

I get it Kate, but there are some much more serious & emotive cases where the poster has elicited a great deal of sympathy & brought some serious triggers to the fore, only to post something which contradicts, negates or ignores this. It's going to cause a reaction.

No one likes a sympathy tourist.

FrigginRexManningDay Tue 06-Aug-13 15:58:13

Kate it would be a travesty to be allergic to kitkats. Don't even joke about that shit grin

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 15:58:35

Because sometimes posters memories are not as good as they make out and they might be mistaken?

Because it diverts a thread? (Usually into a bunfight)

Because the motives behind doing it may be unkind?

fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 15:59:48

but kateSMumsnet in that scenario if I posted "didn't you just say you were allergic to kitkats" and if I am responded with "oh I see, did you advance search me?" then I would be pissed.

kim147 Tue 06-Aug-13 16:00:38

I have to admit that there are times on FWR that certain people condemn people for the arguments they bring up - which they have also brought up as well on previous discussions but in a slightly different context. It does make them look hypocritical when they do this.

limitedperiodonly Tue 06-Aug-13 16:02:53

I like the idea of a MN buddy-system for serious KitKat addiction.

Though I confess I've posted elsewhere within the last hour claiming not to like chocolate much.

I meant except for KitKats. Especially when you get one that's all chocolate and no biscuit.

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 16:03:13

Good points Honey. It's also because situations can change a lot.

So one day I might be on the verge of divorce because dh is behaving like a shit, but then I might sort it out with him and neglect to tell anyone. So if I then posted that we were going on a second honeymoon (I wish) lots of people would think I was nuts.

We all tend to post about the bad situations, but often don't post when they are resolved. So a memory of a previous thread might be accurate, but won't take into account that the situation may have moved on hugely.

I tend to keep my troll-hunting scepticism for name-changers and "new" posters who are obviously not new.

TheSecondComing Tue 06-Aug-13 16:04:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberLeaf Tue 06-Aug-13 16:04:49

1 Having a shit time/in denial/minimising as a way of coping/needing support not judgement.

2 posting varying made up bollocks to elicit attention.

One of those scenarios deserves scorn, one doesn't.

Those who remember so much detail shouldn't have trouble working out which is which really.

SalIAm Tue 06-Aug-13 16:06:28

Except for certain topics, I'm mostly a reader, not a poster.

However, I felt sorry for some of the recent posters who were accused of troll hunting. Yes, they brought up past posts, and when OP insisted he/she never said x, repeated OP's previous posts from memory.

It might sound as if they were picking a fight, but I think most were out of genuine concern. Yes, we are all just random posters on an Internet forum, but if someone posts long and frequently enough, it's just natural for posters to start caring. If that involves trying to get an OP to see the bigger picture, it can't be all bad, surely.

Saying what someone wants to hear isn't always the kind thing.

FrigginRexManningDay Tue 06-Aug-13 16:07:14

I'd make sweet tastebud love to a kitkat right now.

Absy Tue 06-Aug-13 16:07:27

I agree it's a fine line, and I suppose a lot of the finesse is in how you raise it, e.g. "didn't you previously say you were allergic to kit kats?" vs "you lying CAH you swore blind you're allergic to kit kats, everything you say on here is a lie".

Imagine, being allergic to kit kats sad

fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 16:07:58

that's true Maryz. and in that circumstance if someone posted that things had changed and gotten better in the mean time i'd totally understand. its the defensive nature of some, and other heroes defending them that get my back up. the in your face contradictions that have ye banging your head against the wall and you are wondering why does no one else see this - but YOU are the bully, and the note taker and the troll hunter. I guess in your going anon be anon ... or if querying something being blasé and not give too much detail and if your gonna lie, remember them!

as Judge Judy would say you don't need a good memory if you tell the truth. god, day time telly sucks! smile

fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 16:08:57

I could do with being allergic to kit kats, and fry's peppermint bars, ooo and toffee crisps too.

FrigginRexManningDay Tue 06-Aug-13 16:12:14

Picnic bars. I've rekindled my romance with picnic bars. And twirls.

AmberLeaf Tue 06-Aug-13 16:12:43

fluckered maybe the 'heroes' see it, but also see that having a go isn't constructive in any way?

If its making you bang your head against the hide tread.

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 16:22:35

Stop talking about chocolate.

ds came home the other day with a multipack of Double Deckers, ffs. I'm normally a non-discriminating chocolate eater, but Double deckers are really bleurgh.

merrymouse Tue 06-Aug-13 16:23:32

The thing is, if somebody is a sympathy tourist either:
A) people will ignore them
B) some people will unwittingly give a stranger sympathy, which in itself is pretty harmless.
If you really thought somebody was being fraudulent/malicious, I suppose report it, if not ignore the thread. If this leaves you seething for the rest of the day, perhaps reduce your MN use age...?

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 16:25:07

Chocolate ....good
Coffee ..... Good
Rice crispies .... Good
Nougat.... Goooooooooood

Mix all into a DoubleDecker. EVIL. frankly, they are shit in a wrapper.

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 06-Aug-13 16:30:49


that's true Maryz. and in that circumstance if someone posted that things had changed and gotten better in the mean time i'd totally understand. its the defensive nature of some, and other heroes defending them that get my back up. the in your face contradictions that have ye banging your head against the wall and you are wondering why does no one else see this - but YOU are the bully, and the note taker and the troll hunter. I guess in your going anon be anon ... or if querying something being blasé and not give too much detail and if your gonna lie, remember them!

as Judge Judy would say you don't need a good memory if you tell the truth. god, day time telly sucks! smile

Gawd bless Judge Judge.

You've raised a few interesting points here fluckered. Firstly, if there are blatant contradictions that have really got you puzzled, it's always a good idea to drop us a report to let us know. It may be that they are someone we need to ban.

As other posters have mentioned, it's always worth remembering people and their circumstances change. I could have posted 5 years ago saying I would never have have kids, but if I turned up on a BFP thread, we can't necessarily assume that I'm trolling, as a lot could have happened in the interim.

People may accuse you of all sorts, and get huffy if you mention past threads, but as long as you post in a considerate manner, you know that you're within the guidelines, and there's nothing they can do.

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 06-Aug-13 16:32:43


Stop talking about chocolate.

ds came home the other day with a multipack of Double Deckers, ffs. I'm normally a non-discriminating chocolate eater, but Double deckers are really bleurgh.

DP loves Double Deckers and gleefully bough some "cake bar" versions as a treat. Bad and wrong.

Oblomov Tue 06-Aug-13 16:34:22

MN Helen ; "accuse the OP of being false"
= against MN guidelines.
See, I hate this.
I have a problem with this. I don't think its fair or right.

I have seen threads like this. Many times, over the years. And sometimes the poster gets well and truly caught out. But we're not allowed to say that? hmm

HurricaneWyn Tue 06-Aug-13 16:34:46

I name change for some things because of this. If I'm having a bad time with DH & want a rant, I name change. I'm a terrible drama queen and will agree with everyone that he is an abusive bastard & I should definitely LTB and all the rest (I've never actually gotten this reply BTW, in case anyone worries) but I will have left off all the things I did to wind him up & how I may have been less than reasonable.

I recognise this in myself, so really don't want this following me around when I'm a bit more rational (which is 99% of the time, he's v easy going).

So, I kind of feel that it you don't want to be reminded of the stuff you said previously then you name change. Otherwise, you obviously don't mind.

Does that make sense??

(Doubledeckers are fab. Eat off the nougaty loveliness & then you're left with a lovely rice crispy cake. What's not to like?? Although I do prefer Toffee Crisp as the rice crispy bit is better)

fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 16:35:04

"fluckered maybe the 'heroes' see it, but also see that having a go isn't constructive in any way?

If its making you bang your head against the hide tread."

not very constructive of you either tbf.

limitedperiodonly Tue 06-Aug-13 16:36:04

as Judge Judy would say you don't need a good memory if you tell the truth

Does she say that? I've only watched her a few times but she's very wise. Harsh, but wise.

I clearly remember resolving never to lie again (much) aged nine when I made up an elaborate story to impress a friend. It was all about how I'd gone on holiday to an exotic place with another friend.

I was really envious of the exotic-holiday-friend and knew enough about the place to convince my other friend. But obviously not enough to convince my mum who, when my friend brought it up, said: 'Really? I think Limited's a bit confused.'

It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I can remember exactly where I was when it happened.

My mum was right, of course. It's better to tell the truth, and be more careful about who you spill your guts to in general.

Funny, really, because my mum is quite fond of reinventing the past. And my George Washington-type honesty has made me unpopular from time to time too.

But these days when I see lies on here and in real life I ignore them because it's not just the liar you're unpopular with when you call it.

There have been times when someone says something and I know she's lying and she knows I know. There's an awkward pause and we go on. And I try not to be with them again.

Other people don't like it either because rightly or wrongly they think you're a bully. And sometimes they're in denial about the person too and just want to believe.

It's a bit of a sad state all round.

fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 16:36:34

and Turkish delights are the work of the devil I tell ye!

aldiwhore Tue 06-Aug-13 16:37:19

When you're asking for advice, it's perfectly valid not to give too much of a back story, it's perfectly valid to give your problem, then seek solution ideas.

On the other hand, it's often impossible not to drip feed. It's also perfectly reasonable to have multiple posts that can seem inconsistent...

YANBU to think that remembering previous posts and threads is a bad thing (quite the contrary, good advice often relies on knowing the big picture) but, sometimes, it is also NBU to not relate posts to each other. To solve a problem as it's written in that particular thread.

I think there's a happy fluffy middle ground, and I think it's a question of individual judgement.

In my life, there are problems that crop up that are unrelated to others, there are problems that have very much linked to others too... I will not be made to feel pressured into my life story when seeking a straw poll idea of a solution (and that is all one can ever hope for on a site that loathes drip feeders and long posts really isn't it?) but I do try to keep things simple.

I'm not sure what IS reasonable, not when you've posted before and therefore have a 'history'... I think forgiveness all round would be a good place to start, coupled with an acknowledgement from everyone involved that posts have memories!

I hate Double Deckers.

<misses point of thread>

Blissx Tue 06-Aug-13 16:40:49

I've had a poster in the past moan at a couple of other posters and me for NOT bothering to read up on their previous posts and taking their current thread at face value. Seems you can't win!

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Tue 06-Aug-13 16:41:06

I agree with what Turtle said:

'I'm not sure what the official stance is but my feelings on it are that if someone is posting on this forum, it's usually for advice and support and I don't think 'catching someone out' for being unthruthful is very conducive to providing this for them. ...
I don't feel that rounding on a poster and accusing them of being deciteful shows much compassion and I feel that if there are genuine concerns for the wellbeing of the op there are better ways of handling it than 'outing' them.'

AmberLeaf Tue 06-Aug-13 16:42:19

not very constructive of you either tbf

fluckered, it's very constructive. reading about and posting about someone elses circumstances on MN is not compulsory.

Yes it can be infuriating, but really, just step away.

It's their shit life, not yours. Detatch.

limitedperiodonly Tue 06-Aug-13 16:43:34

Do they still make DoubleDeckers? I did like them but they were a bit rich so I'd only eat half and would carefully save the other half for the next day. Another reason why I'm my mum's favourite child wink

I had a serious Flake Praline habit a few years ago but have kicked it.

I now realise I'm very vulnerable to anyone who wants to call me on the thread where I said I didn't like chocolate very much.

ComposHat Tue 06-Aug-13 16:44:30

So if someone posts "I have just driven from London to Glasgow in 34 minutes" you can't express disbelief.

This I struggle with. I've got two telling offs for troll hunting from MNHQ (one wholly earned, one extremely petty IMO)

Amber makes a very useful distinction. Between:

1 Having a shit time/in denial/minimising as a way of coping/needing support not judgement.

2 posting varying made up bollocks to elicit attention.

I don't put the 'Mum and the designer dress' thread which I assume inspired this thread firmly in the first category, that poster clearly needed help.

The second category exist as a protected species on AIBU and in my opinion will be the ruination of AIBU as a source of support. People here are hugely giving of their time, advice and resources here. If it becomes infested with trolls (as they know it is a safe haven for them as anyone challenging them will be deleted) everyone will suffer and begin to be treated suspiciously, because these emotional vampires are given free reign. Plus you get all these goady twats putting up AIBUs about a family they've heard of who've got 7 cars, 20 goats and 50ft plasma despite being on benefits.

What is described as 'troll hunting' eventually shut down two of the most emotionally exploitative and vile threads on MN. The first one was the poster whose parents had been killed in the Zeebrugge ferry disaster and had been cheated out of her inheritance by a wicked Uncle and another where a 15 year old relative of the poster had been orphaned and was about to be made homeless and at the last minute, lo and behold her dying mother had transferred the tenancy to her (despite it being impossible as she was a child and she hadn't given her consent) and all was saved.

It was posters with specialist knowledge of the benefits system, the law, adoption, housing and social services who said: 'this cannot be happening in the way that you describe it as it is illegal/the system doesn't work like that' that helped others to twig that the poster shouldn't be taken at face value.

Tee2072 Tue 06-Aug-13 16:45:18

No, you're not because that's troll hunting. Report the poster.

Kim it's me, innit? I'm one big ironic contradiction...

Tee2072 Tue 06-Aug-13 16:49:06

Okay, that took me way too long to write...

AmberLeaf Tue 06-Aug-13 16:50:38

I remember that housing/15 yr old one Composhat. I remember posting on it.

I agree that posting something like 'it doesn't work like that' shouldn't be regarded as troll hunting.

kim147 Tue 06-Aug-13 16:51:34

Not you Tee. I really want to bring it up but I won't. Unless I'm pushed.

I think I'm pretty bloody consistent on here. You know where you stand with me.

SelectAUserName Tue 06-Aug-13 16:51:44

On another forum I frequent (yes, there are other worlds out there! shock ) there is an "Anonymous User" function. If you have a sensitive or personal issue to raise, you message one of the moderators and ask if you can use the "Anon" function to start the thread, and they enable it for you. It doesn't get used that often - maybe once or twice a month - but all posts which use the function show up as "Anon" regardless of who the actual poster is/was.

About two years after the function was introduced, a long-standing FM suddenly posted on an "Anon" thread along the lines of "hang on OP, last month you said you were having doubts about getting married because your partner wants kids and you don't, now you say you're thinking of leaving your husband of twenty years. What's going on here?"

Yup, they thought "Anon" was the same person grin

And on that note...Twix. A kingsize Twix. I want a Twix and I want it now!

KateSMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 06-Aug-13 16:52:09


MN Helen ; "accuse the OP of being false"
= against MN guidelines.
See, I hate this.
I have a problem with this. I don't think its fair or right.

I have seen threads like this. Many times, over the years. And sometimes the poster gets well and truly caught out. But we're not allowed to say that? hmm

The reason we have this rule of troll hunting is to protect posters. It may be satisfying on the odd occasion where a troll is caught out on a thread, but without the techy wangdoodles that MNHQ have, there's no way to know for certain whether someone is a troll (and we don't always get it right either). And if you don't know for certain, you're accusing a poster who is looking for advice of lying.

Unfortunately, this has happen enough times for us to know that it really hurts people, so we really do think it's a useful and necessary rule to have.

MorrisZapp Tue 06-Aug-13 16:53:17

What bliss said. I've been given a row for not knowing a poster's back story and just responding to their OP.

As for trolls, I'm with maryz etc. I love MN, but I'd love it even more if I didn't have to pretend to be a credulous fool when faced with errant nonsense.

limitedperiodonly Tue 06-Aug-13 16:53:26

I do also like anything that's chocolatey or chewy or both with little crunchy biscuits or honeycomb bits that aren't actually real honeycomb in it.

<total hypocrite>

Oblomov Tue 06-Aug-13 16:56:18

See, I don't agree with turtle.

On occasion, I think outing someone is o.k.

There have been threads where it made me really sad. Made my heart weep. And I posted support. And then it all turned out to be rubbish. And I felt like I had been 'had'. I thought it best to have a wee break from MN. wink

Surely it's not JUST Me to whom this has happened?

Oblomov Tue 06-Aug-13 16:57:43

x posted with kate.

littlemisswise Tue 06-Aug-13 16:59:04

My mum always told me good liars need good memories.

Whilst we are talking about chocolate, I can't eat it. Not even one Jaffa cake or chocolate digestive. It gives me migraines. If that wasn't bad enough so does alcohol, even a shandy.sad

HurricaneWyn Tue 06-Aug-13 17:00:01

Oh Littlemiss, that is tragic sad

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Tue 06-Aug-13 17:00:48

I also think that before people pile in / wrote something they know is contentious, they should step back and look at the thread in its entirety.

On threads I've seen (err, today!), the accumulative effect, with concerned tough talking posters, and stirring jump on the band wagoners, and the odd vindictive one... Well, nothing was helpful or nice about that.

It made me feel like posting on here is a Russian roulette of support vs assassination. Which makes me fear to ask for help or reveal anything about me, and mumsnet is my main source of support for things I couldn't possibly tell in rl

limitedperiodonly Tue 06-Aug-13 17:01:39

compos I recall the Zeebrugge one that went on for ages and was made up - for what reason, I don't know.

You're right in what you say. And IIRC people were getting angry when others started to question it. I didn't comment and can't see what real harm the poster did.

But I don't think people were wrong for calling it as a fantasy and the people who desperately wanted to believe made me tut more.

ImperialBlether Tue 06-Aug-13 17:02:28

I have a big pack of Twixes and a big pack of KitKats in my fridge right now and I'm the only person in the house.

ImperialBlether Tue 06-Aug-13 17:03:57

It's interesting reading all this as I found out a poster in a big fat lie just this week.

I do go back and look at people's histories if I think I remember their writing style, though of course often someone's name changed for several threads. That does piss me off when you have someone who tells all on a thread then a week later changes her name and posts exactly the same situation again.

ImperialBlether Tue 06-Aug-13 17:04:36

The lie was intended to big herself up, rather than to hide facts.

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 17:04:59


It gets on my tits immensely when people pile in on some poor sod who responds to an op not knowing a back story.

It's just another excuse to justify bullying.

Fine to say, your suggestions good, but the ops situation is a thus, so you come across as harsh given this. But using it as an excuse for a matey pile sucks.

I gave away a bar of lush swiss chocolate with nuts in the other day.

I must be mad.

I think it is really sad that people feel the need to make stuff up.

limitedperiodonly Tue 06-Aug-13 17:08:46

imperialblether You put chocolate in the fridge; therefore though we can be polite, we can never truly be friends

ComposHat Tue 06-Aug-13 17:11:21

Oblomov no you're not the only one. I think we've all been caught out by trolls at one time or another. I know in the overall scheme of things it doesn't matter, but it feels vile and like you've been swindled. In some ways it has jaundiced my opinion of posters on here and I've become mega-suspicious. I did something pretty unforgivable and basically accused someone of making something up and they were in a vulnerable position. I was totally and utterly out of order and I was the one solely at fault, but in some ways the by-product of having been 'stung' in the past.

Morris Zapp is your user name a reference to the character in the David Lodge novels?

TheWickedBitchOfTheBest Tue 06-Aug-13 17:12:11

Some people seem unaware that people's lives and opinions can alter greatly over a period of several years. I NC quite regularly now to avoid some twunt calling me out over something contradictory that I perhaps wrote years ago, as has happened before. And they can be like a dog with a fucking bone.

Have also watched as other posters are hounded for inconsistencies in their lives or back stories and are swiftly labelled as pathetic fantasists with real MH issues.

If you really thought a person had MH issues then what the fuck type of person would you be, to want to hound and criticise them?

SelectAUserName Tue 06-Aug-13 17:12:17

ImperialBlether hmm Wanna Twix sad

limitedperiodonly But Twixes are sooooo nice out of the fridge! The chocolate and caramel peels off much more easily* and you're left with the scrummy shortbread base.

*Except when they sometimes snap because they're TOO cold and brittle. Humph to those Twixes.

ImperialBlether Tue 06-Aug-13 17:12:41

Limited: Yes, but I take it out half an hour before eating it! My kitchen is too hot to just leave it out and that way I would keep looking at it.

Chocolate - fridge - definitely.

I used to put marathon bars in the freezer. nom nom.

MorrisZapp Tue 06-Aug-13 17:15:26

ComposHat yes my name is from the David Lodge character smile

I have reported stuff in the past, often at the same time as others from the replies. I try very hard not to jump in with the visible online troll hunting, because if the OP is telling the truth, then the troll hunting is going to hurt them/scare them away.

littlemiss DP gets migraines from chocolate (same as his mum, sis, nephew, niece) but he is able to eat white chocolate okay. I think because white choc doesn't actually have the migraine inducing bit that is present in milk/dark choc. Would that work for you?

HurricaneWyn Tue 06-Aug-13 17:17:17

But you don't always need to search a history to remember certain things about posters. I'm not on here too often but I know GetOrf changes her sheets daily, I know about MrsDv's daughter & about her problems with the gymbalow in her garden & I know that HoneyDragon immaced her baby. I'm sure there's loads more & my memory's not the best.

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 17:17:51

ComposHat, you have summed up exactly how I feel about this whole thing. Thank you smile

That Zeebrugge one was the tip of the iceberg too, as s/he had multiple threads all over the shop, under reams of names.

He/She has even less of a life than I do grin

ImperialBlether Tue 06-Aug-13 17:18:27

grin at immacing the baby. I didn't know that!

kim147 Tue 06-Aug-13 17:21:46

It seems quite a few people on here know too much a bit about me. But they generally don't bring it up unless it's relevant and I mention it.

I know a lot about people on here - but it's not information I would normally bring up unless they say something which seems to totally contradict their previous posts.

I think if I posted a pro Royal and Gove thread, I might get called on it grin

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 17:22:27

Oh, if you want a laugh at Honeydragons parenting skills I've a doozy of a thread in chat at present blush

Ha! If I remember correctly, the baby didn't just get immaced, but got covered in blue ink just before a parents evening for an older child/ren.

See, this is the sort of thing I was mentioning earlier. I do have a very good memory for things I read/see, and I did look at the pic of the blue baby grin and what made me remember is the fire in the background was identical to one we had at the time. Little things like that.

I normally just avoid posting about the stuff I remember unless it is really, really relevant ( as a blue baby really isn't grin)

TheWickedBitchOfTheBest Tue 06-Aug-13 17:24:19

Last year in one of my previous incarnations I was suddenly targeted by someone on MN that I had never come across before. It was completely out the blue and she really went to town on me and followed me across several boards over several days.

I checked her out using advanced search and saw that she also had a long history of posting on the mental health boards and her life was pretty difficult.

To this day I have no idea why she fixated on me or suddenly wanted to attack everything I said. But out of respect for her situation I didn't call her out on it or draw any attention to what she was doing. I just NC and carried on as I thought it was the kindest thing to do.

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 17:25:02

"Russian roulette of support vs assassination" - very good description, DoubleLife.

Morris, it was TypeAndWank that Zeebrugge one who was convinced you were me grin. Apparently the eejit couldn't see past the M and the Z to see the inbetween letters confused. S/he also accused me of being Paggy, Hully and a few others.

It was rather funny seeing the troll going troll-hunting, despite his/her hatred of alleged troll-hunters.

Hurricane, we all know a lot about each other, but there's a difference between knowing it, and using it to hurt. There's a line. Obviously, we all feel we are on the right side of that line, though I suspect the line is in different places for different people.

ComposHat Tue 06-Aug-13 17:27:14

Maryz cheers, I hadn't realised that the Zeebrugge poster had multiple hairy handed threads all over the shop.

Morris I finished 'Small world' the other week and am trying to find the first Rummidge novel 'Changing places?'

Tee2072 Tue 06-Aug-13 17:28:18

There are certainly things that are MN "legends" for lack of a better word. Most of them can be found in classics.

But it is one thing to go "ha! Honey immaced the baby!" Quite another to go "but you said XYZ last time so which time are you lying?!?!"

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 17:28:38

My lovely old GPlan fireplace got condemned this year Fry, sad. I now have a big hole in the wall.

My favourite comment on that photo was the poster who went

I have exactly the same Peppa Pig shite all over my floor

Solidarity amongst slatterns wink

HurricaneWyn Tue 06-Aug-13 17:32:35

though I suspect the line is in different places for different people

I think this is it. I have seen the OP complain about, for example, her DH not 'noticing the mess' and being all "oh men, what are we to do about them" & someone may come on & say "OP, I know you're laughing about it now, but you've posted about him withholding money, threatening the DC and not pulling his weight around the house. I think you should admit this is a bigger issue" - sometimes the OP will appreciate this eye opener but other times she can get very defensive and turn on whoever is mentioning it.

In turn, someone who gets turned on gets defensive themselves & then the whole thing just descends into nastiness.

cacamilis Tue 06-Aug-13 17:34:09

Well I am we'll impressed, a forum where the moderators actually give clear guidelines and manage not to wade in throwing their "power" in your face. This is a first for me. ( I am not been smart or sarcastic btw.)

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 17:34:12

Oh, yes.

If/when Honey posts a thread where she is very worried that her baby won't sit still for a hair cut it wouldn't be fair to say "ffs, what are you worried about, your baby has no hair, you immaced her"

Compos, I will pm you wink

littlemisswise Tue 06-Aug-13 17:34:32

Fry I don't like white chocolate, unfortunately.

Tee2072 Tue 06-Aug-13 17:38:51

White chocolate isn't actually chocolate at all, BTW.

And that's very true, Maryz. You might want to mention sex toys to her though. grin

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 17:39:41

I agree caca - for the most part mnhq do extraordinarily well with the moderation. Obviously we all (both those who think they are too harsh, and those who think they are too nice) get pissed off occasionally, but we can all start threads in site stuff to talk to them about it and they will always engage.

Are you a chocolate cake by the way? wink

Tee I know it's not chocolate, I think it's made with cocoa butter rather than cocoa solids.

littlemiss shame, thought it might be one possible answer.

honeydragon shame about the fire, I think ours is still in the house we moved from, I remember it really worked well despite advancing years grin

MrsKoala Tue 06-Aug-13 17:51:25

I find this quite interesting. I know that (as Maryz said) i post when i feel despair at a situation. My feelings can cloud the way i describe things (not the facts) but the way they make me feel. Also there is tone which is missing, i think my tone is coming across but sometimes it really isn't and people think i am more upset than i am. I suppose i use too much emotive language.

Also my opinions have changed on a lot of things so i can contradict myself from things i said 4 years ago.

I was accused of being a troll when first on here, i had never even heard of trolls so genuinely said 'what's a troll' (mn is the only forum i have ever used and i know very little about cyber etiquette). So of course i looked even more like a troll grin . My life can be very 'soap opera' so i can see why i look trollish.

Another thing is drip feeding. I get accused of that too. For me i don't like posting long OPs for 2 reasons, 1) as i think no one will be that interested to read a long winded post and then if they are they will ask and 2) I never really know what people will think relevant, so again i think they will ask, and i'm happy to answer any questions honestly. I must say i think my pet hate is people posting 'drip drip drip' and therefore i remember their NN and scrawl it with a compass on a tile i keep face down in the kitchen, i call it my tile of hate and dance on it to 80s electro pop...

Oh and i love picnics, double deckers are fucking disgusting tho

Tee2072 Tue 06-Aug-13 17:53:48

Exactly, Fry. grin

But it's easier to just say "white choc" as everyone knows what you mean, then grin

I must kick myself off MN for now, time to get dinner ready. I persuaded DP to take the kids to the cinema for the 5pm show, so have had a rare bit of peace during the school hols. Hurrah for DP! grin

cacamilis Tue 06-Aug-13 18:06:43

Maryz lol I sometimes regret my choice of user name, it often puts the idea of eating cake in my head and I lack willpower these days? I presume you are Irish?

Thepowerof3 Tue 06-Aug-13 18:08:06

I had someone disagree with one of my threads/opinions and trawl through my history to find something to torment me with, they eventually started harassing me about something I had posted that my MIL had said to me that'd aggravated me and tried to twist things and pretended that I'd said it! Odd

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 18:18:26

Yes, I'm a Dub smile

Some people are just weird Thepowerof3 - and on mumsnet some people are very weird!

Thepowerof3 Tue 06-Aug-13 18:22:31

Never a truer words said Maryz

limitedperiodonly Tue 06-Aug-13 18:31:30

I'm reasonably forward-thinking when it comes to butter. This time of year you only have to leave it out for 20 minutes, but in winter you have to do it for an hour.

Top tip - in a sandwich emergency you can pour boiling water into a Pyrex bowl, leave it for a minute and then tip it out and up-end it over the butter until it goes soft enough to spread.

Chocolate in the fridge is wrong. It breaks your teeth and doesn't taste of anything.

A friend gave me a huge Lindt Easter egg and a little tribe of bunnies. I haven't eaten them yet and now I'm not going to until next month at least because they'll be soft and horrible.

None of the above is made up. I do wonder about people who make things up.

cocolepew Tue 06-Aug-13 18:38:10

I remember nothing.
I love Double Deckers, you are all freaks.
And I keep all my chocolate in the freezer.

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 18:43:34

Oh shush Coco, you keep phablets up yer Vag <<demonstrates memory kills>>

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 18:44:08

<<also demonstrates utter lack of spelling skills>>

Tee2072 Tue 06-Aug-13 19:03:21

What on earth is a phablet?!?!?! confused

American Milky Way bars, which are different to UK Milky Way bars, belong in the freezer. Fact.

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 19:10:36

It's a very big phone Tee.

Tee2072 Tue 06-Aug-13 19:12:08

Okay. grin

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 19:33:52

Erm, I'm not inferring coco has a huge fanjo either.

Just one big enough for her Phone.

celestialbows Tue 06-Aug-13 19:55:36

Sometimes I might change elements of my life in a thread or op just because I am slightly paranoid: if I stick to all the facts would I be recognised from my collection of posts? I don't do it to deceive or start a bunfight.
I also namechange every now and then for the same reasons, I thought lots of people practiced these?

cocolepew Tue 06-Aug-13 20:00:20

Oh but I do Honey sad.
If you listen really carefully you can hear the wind howling around it.

cocolepew Tue 06-Aug-13 20:01:18

Ohhh Tee you can get US Milky Ways in Ards! They are lush.

LeGavrOrf Tue 06-Aug-13 20:05:46

Thinking of that thread where honeydragon confessed that she had immaced her baby never fails to cheer me up.

Slightly depressed that after 6 years on mumsnet the one thing I am remembered for is being the twat with the sheets. grin

LeGavrOrf Tue 06-Aug-13 20:07:42

I envy you your Easter egg limited.

I always like punching fuck out of Easter eggs. Or launching them at the wall to smash them. I remember stealing a big chocolate bunny from dd when I was hungover and smashing its face on a door frame.

LeGavrOrf Tue 06-Aug-13 20:08:09

I am not as sociopathic as that post makes me sound, btw,

Tee2072 Tue 06-Aug-13 20:10:40

Can you coco?!?! It's the one thing I forgot to eat when I was there in July.

limitedperiodonly Tue 06-Aug-13 20:13:52

I am not as sociopathic as that post makes me sound, btw

Of course not, lovey

<backs away slowly>

HoneyDragon Tue 06-Aug-13 20:20:15

Well, now you'll be remembered for having chocolate smeared walls and clean sheets you fucking sociopath, so that's good.

LeGavrOrf Tue 06-Aug-13 20:24:58

NO, you smash them when they are still within the foil. So you can have fun smashing them but the house remains spick and span.

Anthea Turner could be my friend.

cocolepew Tue 06-Aug-13 20:28:57

Yep. We're terribly cosmopolitan in Ards.
You can get them in the shopping centre and my local garage.
See? Sophistication personified.

MrsKoala Tue 06-Aug-13 20:30:04

shock DH smashes them and eats the face first. I think this is horribly cruel. I eat their bodies and leave the face till last, which i always thought was kindest, but when i think about it they can see themselves being eaten away and are forced to watch. So now i feel like a bastard.

LeGavrOrf Tue 06-Aug-13 20:32:21

It's best to snap their ears off the bastards first.

Funnily enough I feel terribly guilty about cutting into a cake with a face on.

limitedperiodonly Tue 06-Aug-13 20:32:56

One of my Lindt bunnies has a bell round its neck.

<here kitty, kitty>


LeGavrOrf Tue 06-Aug-13 20:33:17

If I was having this conversation this is the point where my dd would look at me in horror and say 'stop fucking talking, mum'

limitedperiodonly Tue 06-Aug-13 20:38:59

Anthea Turner could be my friend

Sounds more like she'd be quivering behind a louvred wardrobe door.

littlemisswise Tue 06-Aug-13 20:42:25

LeGavrOrf now you are going to be known as the poster with the clean sheets, who likes to punch the fuck out of chocolate bunnies! grin

Maryz Tue 06-Aug-13 20:47:14

I am very much enjoying this thread

<frantically scribbles on spreadsheet>

Alisvolatpropiis Tue 06-Aug-13 20:49:42

I know what you mean. I remember what people say. Particularly the people I routinely think "twat" about after reading their posts. No doubt some may feel the same about me.

fluckered Tue 06-Aug-13 21:05:23

I must say i think my pet hate is people posting 'drip drip drip' and therefore i remember their NN and scrawl it with a compass on a tile i keep face down in the kitchen, i call it my tile of hate and dance on it to 80s electro pop...



Eats chocolate.

magimedi Tue 06-Aug-13 22:29:18

Chocolate? Why?

When you could have cheese 'n' onion crisps?

YAABVU - Crisps rule & down with choccolate!

<runs away & hides in the crisp aisle>


MrsKoala Tue 06-Aug-13 23:36:39

I have one word for you all saltnvinegarcrispsdippedinchocolateandpeanutbutterstripeyspread (not sure of the sp? but that defo is a word isn't it?)


HoneyDragon Wed 07-Aug-13 00:22:08

Why has cadburys chocolate gone shite


Cadburys chocolate on ice cream and cadburys flake stayed the same?

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Wed 07-Aug-13 02:22:07

Cadburys chocolate sooooo tastes bad now... Or at least, I say 'tastes', more like 'doesn't taste' as its favour less sugary wax now sad (cries sobbing through the night!)

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Wed 07-Aug-13 03:02:15

My children have no qualms when it comes to cakes with faces on, everytime there is an almighty battle for who is going to get the eyes

<lovingly pets brood of mini psychopaths>

<annoys people who hate creepy wee brackets>

<admits to a shameful love of creepy wee brackets and tiny cute psychos who like to eat the eyes of edible inanimate objects>

Morloth Wed 07-Aug-13 03:02:21

It is pointless calling people out on their bullshit here.

Because a good 80% of stuff posted is bullshit.

There are definitely serial offenders for this, I just don't bother posting for those people once I see what is going on - I got caught out once years ago and never again.

So just go with the flow and don't let it get to you...

MrsKoala Wed 07-Aug-13 03:27:19

See i believe everything i read - i am so gullible! How do you get the 80% stat Morloth? (just curious as to why my bullshit radar is broken)

Morloth Wed 07-Aug-13 03:49:18

I just made it up. wink

See, bullshit!

Is easy.

MrsKoala Wed 07-Aug-13 04:06:05

Ha! i suppose i am limited in my imagination. I just can't see what you'd get out of fibbing to strangers on the internet.

Morloth Wed 07-Aug-13 04:22:56

Who knows, I have been here since 2006 (I remember when all this was fields...)

People make shit up.

Which is OK, until they get their stories tangled.

I used to get frustrated with people who just repeat the same mistakes again and again and again and seem helpless to change anything. I don't anymore, it isn't worth the energy.

People are either asking for advice or validation, very rarely both.

And some people are just attention seeking for whatever reason.

nooka Wed 07-Aug-13 04:42:39

I can't see the point in dragging up things from years ago (and I've been around for eight years so could in theory go back a way if my memory supported it) but when you have a couple of 'lively' discussions with the same distinctive OP in your 'threads I'm on' and they appear to be contradictory it is a bit hard not to notice, and having noticed not to comment on it.

Not nice when everyone piles in though, and perhaps that's more the problem. I didn't know that those Zeebruger threads were all made up - what a lot of energy to use on bullshitting! I suppose it must have got a bit addictive. There have been some really odd posters at times here (do people remember the washing themed person, those were fun!)

Morloth Wed 07-Aug-13 05:09:12

I don't recall the Zeebruger ones.

There was a poster who I 'knew' for years and it was like a slow motion train wreck, she just couldn't see that she was the variable - years and years and years of the same frustration.

ComposHat Wed 07-Aug-13 06:46:43


It is still on the boards

There were people on the thread crying and people reading it who knew people who'd died. People were getting really emotionally involved and investing in it. Taken as a whole it reads like a bad Victorian Melodrama.

Morloth Wed 07-Aug-13 07:11:11

Ah, actually quite well written.

Best to be a cynic.

TheWickedBitchOfTheBest Wed 07-Aug-13 08:50:10

I agree with Morloth in that I don't think people can definitively state that 'they caught someone out in a lie' on the internet. How can people possibly really know?

Okay, so someone might have contradicted themselves in a very black and white way and someone else took note. But who is to know which story of theirs was the lie? Both might have elements of truth. The poster might have altered details for a very personal reason. They might have genuinely remembered something incorrectly, or the poster 'catching them out' might have remembered incorrectly.

Unless you have invested lots of time and emotion towards the poster in question (like all that Zeebrugge stuff) then why the actual fuck would you actually care?

If you suspect it's just some twatting about with facts about something pretty pointless, why do you care? You can't actually truly prove or disprove anything, and you can't possibly know the persons real reasons or motivations.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 11:11:43

TheWickedBitch - I have realised someone was lying on here - it is possible. For example, if someone said, "I'm a teacher and teach 5 year olds..." in an effort to win an argument, then within a week or two is saying, "I work shifts and I'm on nights at the moment" then you might assume that both those statements aren't true, mightn't you?

Absy Wed 07-Aug-13 11:15:40

I have something important to say - if you put chocolate in the fridge (like I'm having to at the moment, there was a melty lindt incident last week) and it tastes of nothing, you're eating the wrong chocolate

Wrong chocolate. Isn't that an oxymoron?

Absy Wed 07-Aug-13 11:33:55

nice chocolate (e.g. Lindt dark chocolate with caramelised hazlenuts) doesn't go all horrible in the fridge.

Crap chocolate - Cadbury's/Galaxy - does.

That is exactly the bar of Swiss choc I gave away. A big one.


Absy Wed 07-Aug-13 11:44:11

Exit, that's so tragic sad

Had to send DD for a unexpected sleepover and it was all I had to hand to send with her.

And my dad is keeping his huge bag of bite size toblerones to himself.

How can I have been to Switzerland and have no chocolate confused

ScrambledSmegs Wed 07-Aug-13 11:52:41

I'm too tired to lie. It's far too much effort when you have a non-sleeping baby. For the same reason I'm unlikely to remember what people have written previously. I'm very impressed by people who do remember - TSC seems to have an eidetic memory, so if she says something happened I tend to believe her.

Sadly I've become very cynical about a lot of stuff on MN. I used to take a 'benefit of the doubt' approach, but have realised that if it is a troll I will still have expended time and energy on someone who is at best, a fantasist and at worst an emotional vampire. Sweaty-palmed wankers are generally easy to spot for even the most gullible so I don't count them.

Lindt does a really nice salted caramel chocolate at the moment. I have some of that in the fridge not for long. It can take refrigeration. Try, try...

SelectAUserName Wed 07-Aug-13 11:56:52

if someone said, "I'm a teacher and teach 5 year olds..." in an effort to win an argument, then within a week or two is saying, "I work shifts and I'm on nights at the moment" then you might assume that both those statements aren't true

You might, or then again they may be in a similar position to a friend of mine (not a MNer) who works PT in a school but has had to get a second, unrelated job in the longer holidays because their DP has lost his job. If the "within a week or two" coincided with the start of the summer holidays, for instance, then in my friend's case both of those statements could be true (well, she teaches older than 5yos but the general principle is sound).

I'm being slightly disingenuous as I appreciate this is an unlikely, albeit not impossible, interpretation of that specific example but it does highlight the dangers of assuming 'liar' or 'troll'.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 11:58:47

No, that was an example, but not the real situation. The two jobs she mentioned just weren't compatible. Both were designed to allow her to win points.

morethanpotatoprints Wed 07-Aug-13 12:01:02

I think its because sometimes something you post about is quoted back on another thread and taken out of context or used in a particularly nasty way to make another point.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy Wed 07-Aug-13 12:07:08

I don't think it matters if 'points' is all she won, but it matters when people are getting upset and feeling put down.

I've occasionally seen people make claims where I can tell, and anyone who knew the topic well could tell, that they are at best rather exaggerating what they know, and at worst making stuff up. And that's fine, so long as it's not a topic where someone is invested in it, or where someone is actually taking serious advice.

I know we all know you can't trust people on the net, but trolls/liars prey on the people who are a bit new to all this or who've got sucked in, don't they?

It's the double standard for 'remembering' that I find difficult. I commented on something a while back and got a right slap down from someone who said that 'in so-and-so's circumstances' I should be more sensitive. And I felt a right twit, as I should have done, because I didn't know her circumstances and they were awful, and if I'd known I wouldn't have posted as I did.

So quite obviously, most people do remember stuff.

It is better to stick to what the OP is saying and leave it at that, generally, but there's always a few exceptions.

TheWickedBitchOfTheBest Wed 07-Aug-13 13:20:09

Not necessarily Imperialbleather. You can have absolutely no factual knowledge of their actual personal circumstances, unless you know them in real life.

They might work two part time jobs. They might have only just that week changed jobs. They might once have genuinely been a teacher, and aren't anymore but for some reason decided to speak about their teaching experience in the present tense.

Unless you are very emotional invested in what they're posting about then why would you even care? If you feel their post is crap and full of shit then just move on from it.

What does shining a spotlight on it and crowing that 'Ha ha ha, I've found you out and you are a big fat liar' actually prove? What has it actually won you?

You're just one anonymous poster on a huge message board that who no one really knows much about, congratulating yourself that you've exposed another anonymous poster on the same huge message board who no one really knows anything about.

Bit of a total non event really.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 13:36:05

Wow, don't know where that came from TheWickedBitch.

I said that the example wasn't a teacher. It didn't bother me that the woman was lying; why would it? I just noticed it, that's all.

I'm far more bothered about the way you've just spoken to me than I am that a woman was lying about her job to gain points in an argument.

Posters are real on here, you know. It's not just words on a screen. When you speak to someone nastily, then yes, it has an impact.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy Wed 07-Aug-13 13:38:57

I agree with imperial, I think it can matter a lot. Especially as you can often see that other people are emotionally invested, even if you're not yourself.

TheWickedBitchOfTheBest Wed 07-Aug-13 13:42:25

If you're really emotionally invested then fine, call them out on it.

TheWickedBitchOfTheBest Wed 07-Aug-13 13:47:34

Didn't mean to offend you ImperialBleather, although the start of my post was directed at you.

But then it sort of reached past you to include those who spend their time trying to score points and split hairs and updating their fucking spreadsheets and thinking they're some kind of oracle.

WhiteandGreen Wed 07-Aug-13 13:55:47

Imperial, I have been a teacher and worked night shifts in a factory suring the holidays.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 13:57:37

WhiteandGreen, it wasn't a teacher! That was a job I took out of thin air as an example.

It really doesn't matter. I wish I hadn't said a word, now!

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy Wed 07-Aug-13 14:10:41

wicked - but it often isn't you who is emotionally invested. That's the point.

Do you honestly not get that?

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 14:29:41

Has the thread about the dress (which started this thread, I think) been deleted?

MrsKoala Wed 07-Aug-13 14:53:43

I suppose i always start on discussions with the stance that everyone will be telling the truth - otherwise i don't see the point in discussing things with people if you think they may be fibbing. But i rarely post on emotional threads as i prefer theoretical type OPs, so i can see how if you invest in those it would upset you. What is irritating on the 'theoretical' threads is when someone posts a point and people say well i don't do that, and the other posters which do say you're talking bollocks because they can't comprehend anyone being different. (that happens with the porn discussions - the moment someone says 'my dp doesn't watch porn' posters accuse them of being a deluded sap - like they have more insight into the posters relationship than them.) If you aren't going to believe anyone who disagrees with you then you shouldn't engage in a discussion. I often imagine how that would go in a house of commons debate...'My constituents have complained that x is happening' 'no it isn't, they are talking shit, next subject' confused

TheSecondComing Wed 07-Aug-13 15:25:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWickedBitchOfTheBest Wed 07-Aug-13 19:05:29

I completely 'get the point' LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy. I've said if you ARE genuinely really emotionally invested in what someone has posted and then you really suspect them of not being genuine, then fine call them out on it. If it really means that much to you then do it.

But if you're just passing by so to speak and aren't emotionally invested at all but still feel the need to try and point out perceived mistakes or errors, why exactly are you bothering? What are you getting out of it?

You have no way of actually proving or disproving what is someone else's truth at that moment in time. Lives can change very quickly, situations can change hourly. People might be temporarily skewering their facts for a really genuine reason.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy Wed 07-Aug-13 19:41:04

Erm ... sorry to be boring and repeat for the third time ... but what if it's not 'you' but someone else?

That is, you see, what people have been discussing all this time.

I don't quite get why you're harking back to a subject that's been dismissed yonks ago, but I respect that ... so, now you've done that ... do you have some thoughts for what everyone else is talking about, and has already explained? Or not?

Morloth Wed 07-Aug-13 23:45:35

It is pretty pointless though TSC.

They only hear what they want to hear, which is the 'You Go Girl' crap.

If they don't get that they start another thread, usually with a name change and rewrite the script in their head and on the page so that they can get the needed response.

There just isn't anything to be done about it, so I mostly stay away from them now, got pretty involved/burned by TLES. Is just too depressing.

People can't be expected to just forget about previous threads, even with a name change it is usually pretty obvious who someone is from their writing style/the story they are spinning.

This has just happened on another thread where I am being lighthearted and someone has come on to point out that the op's dh has been having an affair so there are bigger issues than his moaning about the state of the house. Time to back out.

cushtie335 Thu 08-Aug-13 13:12:00

The only other forum I posted on consistently was Digital Spy and in General Discussion and Advice there were loads of troll threads which can stretch to pages and pages of boring "you're a troll"/no I'm not" inane posts. I think it's probably better here that the mods deal with it. It's horrible when someone follows you about from thread to thread giving you pelters. DS were very lax at banning people for that and some really nasty people got away with some disgusting posts. It's much better policed here as far as I can see.

LeGavrOrf Thu 08-Aug-13 15:25:40

I laughed at Morloths 80% bullshit grin I agree by the way. Sometimes I come on here and think that the vast majority of things are bloody made up. Especially in relationships.

You do end up feeling concerned for people, you see people who end up posting in a weird way and you do wonder. But I have been over involved in the past to find out it is all a load of old bollocks so now am more wary.

What is more concerning is when you pretty much know that a thread is started by a bullshitter and yet you see other people getting very involved.

TheWickedBitchOfTheBest Thu 08-Aug-13 17:27:28

Yeah I also agree with the 80% bullshit quota grin

In daily life people tell white lies, they lie by omission, they twist facts and opinions to suit their own ends and they exaggerate ALL THE TIME. Why should it be any different on the Internet?

On the same thread a poster might exagerrate about one aspect of their life but be totally truthful about eleven other aspects of it. Just because they lied about that one aspect doesn't make those other eleven aspects lies too.

Of course I'm sure there are those on here who never ever ever tell even a single tiny white lie for any reason, and spend their spare time polishing their little halos.

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