To be annoyed about friend's behaviour?

(55 Posts)
Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 16:45:04

Regular, name changed.

This has been praying on my mind for a few weeks. Went for a bottle or two glass of wine at friends, there was a group of us there who get together on a regular basis....with kids/without/with husbands etc.

Having a lovely time, chatting, laughing etc. one of our friends wasn't there, let's call her A. Friend B and I were having a dance. I stupidly asked her something that had been on my mind nosey for a while.

I asked friend B why she goes round to Bs in the day for alchol with Dcs in tow......because I did this with A and B once and did not enjoy it. I couldn't relax, the Dcs did quite a bit of damage.....let DS's pet rat out.....weed on DS (9) Lego collection and broke models up. Also, they are quite open about the Dcs running riot, getting out of the house etc while they drink. The Dcs are 5.

I know I shouldn't of said it but was curious. Anyway B was livid, ranted on and on.... Shouted at me when I tried to calm her down then when I burst into tears she said say thank you when she comforted me..... I was a bit taken back and felt uncomfortable so didn't say anything, she then repeated sternly say thank you... I did.

Aibu to be angry and find the thank you think odd?

rubyslippers Sat 03-Aug-13 16:49:08

am confused - sorry

Friend B goes to B's house??

petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 16:49:25

What a weirdo. .she demanded you thank her after she reduced you to tears??

RobotHamster Sat 03-Aug-13 16:49:40

Bit confused. B goes rounds to A's in the day while the kids play and run riot (though breaking up Lego models is hardly the end of the world), and you asked her why she does it? confused

Also - presumably you mean they weed on the Lego, rather than on your DS wink

WorraLiberty Sat 03-Aug-13 16:50:02

I'm a bit confused here to say the least

Were your kids smashing stuff up too and escaping while you all got drunk?

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 16:50:15

Sorry B goes to As house

RobotHamster Sat 03-Aug-13 16:51:26

Do A and B get shitfaced while the kids wreck the place then?

CaptainSweatPants Sat 03-Aug-13 16:51:36

When do they drink then? Boozy lunches or let the kids stay up late?

firesidechat Sat 03-Aug-13 16:52:02

I think you should cut out the wine altogether because I can't understand your post at all.

RobotHamster Sat 03-Aug-13 16:53:10

Have you been at the wine ? grin

rubyslippers Sat 03-Aug-13 16:53:26

i think it all sounds nuts

was your friend cross because you sounded critical of her kids behaviour and hers?

if you were all there gettign drunk and the kids getting out of hand then you're all culpable

So they drink during the day with the children unsupervised who then cause havoc?

You asked why they did it.

B got upset at you asking , you burst into tears, she comforted you then demanded that you thank her?

It sounds hard work, perhaps you should distance yourself from them.

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 16:54:01

Ok breaking up Lego wouldn't be a big deal but are DS's prized models, Dcs told not to go in his room.

My Dcs were not running riot but playing and from what my older Dcs have said it was not them causing damage but visiting Dcs, my Dcs would happily inform on each other! I wasn't getting drunk but had 1 glass of wine while they had 2 bottles and do regularly.

WorraLiberty Sat 03-Aug-13 16:55:07

Oh I get it now...

You basically accused her and your other friend of being drunk in charge of their kids and neglecting them.

She too offence to that and shouted at you

You burst into tears

She comforted you but demanded you say thank you?

I expect that was because she felt you didn't deserve it after the accusations.

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 16:55:08

Sorry........tired. blush

rubyslippers Sat 03-Aug-13 16:56:12

i would distance yourself TBH

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 16:57:53

No accusations worra. I didn't enjoy it and was curious to why they would. My idea of relaxing is when Dcs are in bed or dh is at home the I hit the wine.

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 16:58:33

The fact my house got trashed didn't help.

Vivacia Sat 03-Aug-13 16:59:09

I don't understand. You invited them both to your house, they got drunk and the children misbehaved? You then decide not to do this again. However, A and B continue to do so, and you asked one of them why?

Did you ever challenge them on their children's behaviour when they visited your house that time?

WorraLiberty Sat 03-Aug-13 17:00:20

Well what were your exact words?

Surely if you just said, "Why do you enjoy drinking with A while you've both got the kids in tow? I don't enjoy doing that."

She wouldn't have started shouting at you? confused

So perhaps it depends on the exact wording or the way you said it?

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 17:00:33

vivi I did speak to them about the Dcs behaviour.

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 17:02:02

I said, Why do you still go round to As house, after the shit time we had here?

LooplaLoopy Sat 03-Aug-13 17:03:02


Did you think she'd take it well?

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 17:03:38

I know I shouldn't have initiated the conversation, was alchol fuelled nosiness and thought she would either fob it off or explain...with no drama.

MrsKeithRichards Sat 03-Aug-13 17:05:15

Stop drinking?

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 17:05:40

loopla I didn't think she'd bat an eyelid. <naive>

Vivacia Sat 03-Aug-13 17:06:19

"I did speak to them about the Dcs behaviour."

I was wondering if you asked about their arrangements because there were still things left unsaid from the havoc they caused at yours. Why had this been praying on your mind do you think?

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 17:08:00

viva I don't think so. I think it's because I don't get it.

LineRunner Sat 03-Aug-13 17:11:27

How did your house and stuff get trashed at A's house?

Vivacia Sat 03-Aug-13 17:12:48

Didn't you understand it in some way to have taken part previously?

imademarion Sat 03-Aug-13 17:13:49

This entire series of posts is why I no longer drink.

Weed on Lego? What larks.

xylem8 Sat 03-Aug-13 17:15:19

Have I got this right? So, the first time they all came round to yours, you served them drink(?)or they brought drink and everyone got pissed , your house got trashed and you didn't like it.Then next time the 2 of them did it without you, and you asked them why?

1)a 5 yr old should know better than to piss over somebody else's lego and let their pets out whether or not they are b eing supervised.Maybe they were acting out, because they were frightened by their mums being drunk (and possibly loud)

2) If you have been involved with it once, I think it is a bit rich to then call them on it.

3) I can understand whu she cried but have absolutely no idea why you had to thank her.

you all sound a bit bonkers to me!

BeKindToYourKnees Sat 03-Aug-13 17:17:03

Tired and emotional, OP?

MonstrousPippin Sat 03-Aug-13 17:17:11

I don't know what you expected her to say to the question of why.

Surely the only reason why she'd continue to meet up for a drink with A is because she enjoys it, unless you thought you were going to get some elaborate blackmail plot that forces B to drink wine with A with her DC there?

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 17:29:55

Nope I don't understand...because I didn't enjoy it. I wasnt calling her out on it...just stupid curious.

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 17:31:04

Ha monstrous who knows?

Obviouslyanamechange Sat 03-Aug-13 17:32:05

Have Mners gleaned enough info to give the verdict?

Vivacia Sat 03-Aug-13 17:48:23

I can understand why you didn't enjoy it (we're another alcohol-free household) but you must have some insight in to the attraction 'cos you did it at least once. What got you to try it?

scarletforya Sat 03-Aug-13 17:58:24

Sounds like she felt judged and felt you were trying to rub it in about the previous episode I reckon.

ENormaSnob Sat 03-Aug-13 18:01:31

I blame wendy.

DoJo Sat 03-Aug-13 19:01:15

Presumably if you were drunk enough to ask her a question which could really only have had one answer, she was drunk enough to respond in a way that was a bit OTT and weird. Perhaps you both need to recognise that sharing after drinking doesn't work for either of you and just start afresh!

Oblomov Sat 03-Aug-13 19:06:56

Op is clearly deluded. She said ' I didn't call her on it, I was just curious'.
Er no, you did call her on it, in a really judgemental way. How you can not see this, is beyond me.

Oblomov Sat 03-Aug-13 19:11:26

They were drinking at your house. Their kids misbehaved and you didn't like it. But you were drinking too. Not as much as them. 2 glasses, instead of 2 bottles. But you still drank.
And then on top of all of this, the WAY you asked her ' why are you still doing this , when it was do shit when we did it'.
You sound like a complete nutter.
And yes , I drink , with my nursery mum friends , at lunchtime , whilst having 6 kids jumping in and out of paddling pool etc.
I certainly wouldn't invite you again. You sound like a snobby judgemental bore.

ThePowerof3 Sat 03-Aug-13 19:17:06

It reads to me like the pet rat weed on OPs DS rather than the friends DCs pissing on lego

candycoatedwaterdrops Sat 03-Aug-13 19:22:54

I have no idea what this is thread about. Am I alone in this?

Nottalotta Sat 03-Aug-13 19:26:01

I think your friend was a bit wierd for demanding you thank her. people with small children often get drunk during the day while said children run riot??

FunLovinBunster Sat 03-Aug-13 19:28:40

I think you're all fucking nuts.

FunLovinBunster Sat 03-Aug-13 19:29:28

I am referring to OP and "friends"

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin Sat 03-Aug-13 19:30:42

Oblomov, I thought you were coming out as B! grin

(or is it A...?)

Viviennemary Sat 03-Aug-13 19:33:06

You all sound a bit mad to me. Why not cut out the wine and stick to sparkling water and see if that improves things. If not time to call it a day with these friendships.

GreyWhites Sat 03-Aug-13 19:39:21

As far as I can see, there are a lot of people getting very drunk and very emotional and not really making a lot of sense. You ask why your friend behaved in this way, I think the answer really is: booze.

Drunkenly questioning your friend's motives for associating with another friend clearly offended her, but the fact that the pair of you were 3 sheets to the wind at the time meant that the conversation got out of hand.

Clearly the answer is not to get so hammered. Or if you do, don't waste too much time wondering why everyone is behaving so strangely and why things get so chaotic.

The joy of sobering up and realising you have said something that has offended a friend.

You are both unreasonable.

Famzilla Sat 03-Aug-13 20:46:03

I think you all need to stop drinking so much.

Asking someone why they do something they obviously enjoy is never going to end well.

CrapBag Sat 03-Aug-13 21:59:51

"Why do you still go round to As house, after the shit time we had here?"

This does not sound like a curious question. To me it sounds like "why do you go to hers when we all had a crap time together" and makes it sound like you are being left out and don't like it. I'm not surprised that you got a bad reaction, it sounds a bit shitty actually. Although the bit about making you say thank you for comforting you is odd.

It doesn't make much sense tbh. So they regularly sit around in the middle of the day, get hammered and let the kids run riot? Not sure I believe it, how does the other one get home? How do they continue to look after their children?

Oblomov Sat 03-Aug-13 22:06:30

Not A or B wink
Am not drinking now , or drunk when looking after kids. But I can have a pimms or a glass of wine during the day, and still be totally in control of ds2 and not be slurring my words, at the school gate, when picking up ds1, you know.
Drinking, during the day, when you have your kids , is not a Crime, you know. Although OP seems to think it is.

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