aibu ? bottle if juice.

(72 Posts)
petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 12:18:20

Preparing to be flamed by the 'I did it and my kids survived' brigade here.

DH is an awesome fun dad ..but sometimes he really lacksa bit Iif common sense imo.

We choose to parent a certain way and are happy to admit we probably give off a pfb vibe sometimes.
DD was bf for 16 months when my milk dried up for various reasons.
She enjoys warm milk in a bottle, before bed. This us somthing we are making a conscious effort to discourage now she's older (the bottle not the milk)

Came home from work to find he'd given her pure orange juice in her bottle before bed as he'd ran out of milk. I wasn't impressed and put my point across.
1. we are supposed to be ditching the bottle. .no milk? no bottle!
2. Hello. ..juice swishing around her teeth before bed, shes hardly enthusiastic about cleaning her teeth anyways!
3. She CAN drink from open cups..sippy cups...straw cups.
no need.
4. Pure orange juice? at least water it down!!!
5. its a personal pet hate squash/juice in bottles.

OH thinks im being unreasonable. It transpires his mother told him to do it (no surprise. .his family give nephew cups of tea ..hes three. it disgusts me)

am I? surly he's just stupid.

petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 12:19:51

obviously my typos are phone related. .:-/

Dont see the deal as a once off tbh

NotYoMomma Sat 03-Aug-13 12:25:36

as a one off? here, take this grip

WorraLiberty Sat 03-Aug-13 12:25:37

Meh

It's a one off

inkonapin Sat 03-Aug-13 12:28:02

I would be the same but as others have said a one off won't do any harm. Just chat to dh and explain why its not a good idea and make sure he doesn't listen to mil anymore

imnotmymum Sat 03-Aug-13 12:28:21

And what wrong with tea ... hardly vodka
I agree I hate juice in bottles but a one off , meh! He is her Father

Famzilla Sat 03-Aug-13 12:29:29

YABVVVU.

What exactly is wrong with a 3yo drinking tea? Preferably decaf obviously but tea is the drink of the gods!

maja00 Sat 03-Aug-13 12:29:35

It's a one off so no big deal, but also a bottle of pure orange juice? Forget the teeth that would make my DS shit all night.

If my DP did it, I would say undiluted juice, in a bottle, before bed = not a great idea imo.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 03-Aug-13 12:29:43

What's wrong with a milky tea? Lot's of kids will have that as a treat now and then....

itsallaboutyoubaby Sat 03-Aug-13 12:30:46

I doubt it is much worse than the milk, which is also full of sugar so yabu to allow one but not another.

my dc love a cup of decaf tea btw grin

Turniptwirl Sat 03-Aug-13 12:31:23

Yabvu and very pfb

Her dad gave her juice one time, she will survive and so will her teeth

petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 12:33:56

I didn't get mad..but as Maja said..reckoned it wasn't the best idea and asked him not to do it again. I hope its a one off but he is easily led by his mother...needs to grow some balls there lol

I just can't understand how he thought pure orange juice was a good idea.....but then he did give her two fruit shoots last time he had a day off and wandered why she was bouncing off the walls!!

sorry...but I think giving tea to children is rediculous. They have their entire lives to be addicted to caffeine there is absolutely no benefit to allowing a small child tea!

NotYoMomma Sat 03-Aug-13 12:36:51

isnt there miniscule caffeine in tea confused

hardly harbouring a hardcore coffee addiction. you are way ott lol.

dd has half pure Apple juice/ half water to help with constipation shrug

4thfloor Sat 03-Aug-13 12:39:54

I wouldn't have liked that.

I always think that milk is the only thing that should be in a bottle.

Plus it's not good for her teeth, surely that's just common sense

What was the logic of MIL suggesting this? Has DH said "we're trying to loose the bedtime milk", but not explained it's the actual bottle you want to remove not the milk?

imnotmymum Sat 03-Aug-13 12:41:21

Doesn't tea have anti oxidants or something

imnotmymum Sat 03-Aug-13 12:41:57

and am laughing as all my kids having a cuppa dunking chocolate biscuits. Yum!

it's a myth that there's less caffeine in tea than coffee.

and it's not about the caffeine - it's also about the tanins that stop the body from absorbing iron.
you really shouldn't give young children tea.

OP - i think as long as you're read him the riot act on this, it's all good.
He shouldn't have asked his mum for advice or taken this particular piece of advice.
i assume he knows you're trying to cut down on the bottle?
if so, then he should have offered water in a cup, not juice.

it was unthinking of him, but as long as he knows why, then i'm sure he won't be so daft in the future.

Manchesterhistorygirl Sat 03-Aug-13 12:43:38

This is a definite case of get over yourself.

There are bigger things to worry about than this. Honestly.

Just wait until your pfb starts school.

HollyBerryBush Sat 03-Aug-13 12:44:59

I hate to tell you this, its not YOUR child and YOUR way isnt the only right way. The child has two parents who may sing from the same hymn sheet most of the time but will deviate now an again. Get over it.

stupidlybroody Sat 03-Aug-13 12:45:32

On the tea issue, even though I can't stand the stuff now as an adult I'm told I used to love a cuppa as a child (in a bottle no less) I thought it was completely normal for children to have some tea every once in a while? I've seen all the youngsters in my family with a beaker of tea at one time or another, they all seem fine. I remember wanting tea because my nan and mum would have it and we could all have a tea together. It was fun! Mumsnet makes me think my family are more common than we already are grin

ll31 Sat 03-Aug-13 12:46:49

Yabu ,am slightly amused at the 'we have agreed way to parent.. '. Maybe you've laid down the law but r you sure dh has agreed... Also,he's her parent too,hes allowed to make decisions on what to give her.

imnotmymum Sat 03-Aug-13 12:47:35

Well is no caffeine in decaf tea grin and isn't the tea absorbing iron bit only with food?

coffeewineandchocolate Sat 03-Aug-13 12:49:19

let him change the nappies today after giving her neat orange. If she is like my ds they will be awful today ;-)

ClaimedByMe Sat 03-Aug-13 12:49:20

How old is she now?

Tbh I am more judgy about her having the bottle at all not what is in it but kids able to drink out of a cup yet still use a bottle is a personal hate of mine.

ll31 Sat 03-Aug-13 12:50:04

UandA, He shouldn't have asked his mum for advice? Why not,she clearly managed to get him to adult hood. Would you like ur ds being told never to ask you?

MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 03-Aug-13 12:52:28

You are being slightly ridiculous (by the way - it's r*i*diculous not r*e*diculous - HTH) and sooner or later you're going to have to unclench. Also - tea is not crack cocaine ok? Or absinthe. It's just a cup of tea. It was only a bit of orange juice. Nobody's dead. Take a few of the grips you've bee offered and do yourself a big favour.

Burmobasher Sat 03-Aug-13 12:53:06

It's a one off and by the sounds of it he wouldn't dare do it again.
As for giving your toddler a brew, well I probably wouldn't choose to but I would hardly call it disgusting.

MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 03-Aug-13 12:54:00

(ps - can anyone tell me how to get the crumb of toast out from under my N key? Seriously - it's beginnig to annoy me now!)

imnotmymum Sat 03-Aug-13 12:55:06

blow it? Hairdryer? Shake your keyboard vigourously?

minniemagoo Sat 03-Aug-13 12:55:26

Tbh I'd concentrate more on your communication with your Dh. If u have a plan together we wouldnt have to ring his mum. If you want your Dd off bottles, get rid of them. If they're not there they cant be used. Also let your Dh know what you think are acceptable drinks, does he agree, have a joint agreed plan.
Grandparents are never going to be 100% the way you'd like them to be but a one off oj before bed is not going to scar your child for life and you need not let it impact your Dd and Dhs (or yours!) relationship with his mum.

JenaiMorris Sat 03-Aug-13 12:57:28

You are DISGUSTED by a three year old having tea?

Bonkers.

Calmly explain that neat juice isn't ideal at the best of times and leave it at that. I bet there are things you do OP as a parent that are <ahem> less than optimal.

TidyDancer Sat 03-Aug-13 12:58:28

This is something totally silly to get wound up about.

It's not like he was jacking her up with crack, is it?

petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 12:58:40

uniqueandamazing ..your totally getting me.

Perhaps I am pfb and OTT but whilst some might not consider it an issue if it doesn't immediately harm them..my thinking bis what's the point in giving her somthing non beneficial when she doesn't care for it otherwise? Whatever tiny amount of goodness is in tea is contracted by the caffeine and tannin and general crap. .the benefits can be easily found in better foods. There is just no need for children to have tea at all imo.

Claimedbyme, we preferred not to use bottles at all but she finds comfort in one before bed now there is no boob. She is just over two. Without going into too much detail I have been lenient with it as she has hard a hard time recently, but as mentioned its somthing we are phasing out.

TidyDancer Sat 03-Aug-13 12:58:51

As for the tea thing. Get over it, honestly.

LingDiLong Sat 03-Aug-13 12:59:26

Perhaps if you didn't treat your DH like he was stupid, he'd have the confidence to form some of his own opinions rather than blindly following his mother's advice.

Treat someone like they're incapable and they will generally act that way.

goldenlula Sat 03-Aug-13 12:59:52

Ds2 loves a cup of tea and the iron thing is only an issue if it is drunk with the food, an hour after iron rich food and it isn't a problem as far as I have read. As a one off, the juice thing would not have bothered me and I think it is unfair to say he needs to grow some balls because he took some advice from his mum, do you never take advice from someone else? I know I do, and I am sure there is advice that I have taken that dh doesn't agree with in the same way as he has taken advice that I do not agree with.

Sirzy Sat 03-Aug-13 13:01:01

Meh it was a one off and I say that as a hater of juice in a bottle but its hardly going to do any harm.

JenaiMorris Sat 03-Aug-13 13:01:11

U&A and OP, you are singing from the same totally misinformed and rather embarrassing hymn sheet.

JenaiMorris Sat 03-Aug-13 13:02:37

On and what Ling says - although I suspect the OP and her MIL like it that way. People are strange.

petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 13:03:34

Also just to point out again.. DH is an awesome dad and we parent as a team, he only thinks it unreasonable because it was suggested by his mum iyswim, cos obviously your own mum can do no wrong. . rolls eyes

Really not working myself up over this guys..just thought I'd ask mn opinion. .

general feeling is that im silly for not wanting my girls teeth to rot and clearly insane for merely pointing this out to dh.

well..there you go! all sorted... ill get back to being unreasonable now..

Sirzy Sat 03-Aug-13 13:08:56

One bottle of juice isn't going to make her teeth rot.

I assume you ensure she brushes her teeth well? So stop getting upset about 1 bottle

petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 13:09:55

She doesn't. .Its a fight..every.single.day.

littlemisswise Sat 03-Aug-13 13:11:03

When you say "juice swishing around her teeth before bed" you do realise milk has sugar in it too, don't you? You should be cleaning her teeth after the bottle of milk before she goes to sleep.

A cup of tea at 3 is better than a bottle at over 2 IMO.

ll31 Sat 03-Aug-13 13:12:07

I think general view is your silly for over reacting,for treating your dh as if he's stupid,and for thinking child having tea is disgusting!

NotYoMomma Sat 03-Aug-13 13:12:23

and the point of posting was?

hmm

seriously throw ot the bottles, she is too old for them

I thought milk was sugary anyway?

WorraLiberty Sat 03-Aug-13 13:13:30

It's a MIL thing isn't it OP?

Piss up your Husband's leg next time she visits

That'll teach her to give him advice when he asks for it

LingDiLong Sat 03-Aug-13 13:14:05

Well, in fairness, your original post screamed patronising; the way you listed all the ways in which he had fucked up by giving her juice and even included a 'hello??' for good measure.

Juice in a bottle ISN'T great, of course it's not. But it's hardly worth calling your other half 'stupid' over. Perhaps if you let him be more than 'awesome fun dad' he'd step up and be 'responsible common sense dad' too.

Niceteeth Sat 03-Aug-13 13:17:42

As a dentist I would like to say you are absolutely right! Juice In a bottle (especially before bed) is really awful and I see the results in my surgery every day. Fair enough if he doesn't do it again but please let him know it really is not okay as a regular thing. Even milk isn't great before bed in a bottle, but it is difficult if they're used to it (mine was to be fair). Its all very well for people to say get over it, but it really is something to avoid! Tea I do avoid with mine because of the iron but I wouldn't say it's 'disgusting' as it is quite common.

tedmundo Sat 03-Aug-13 13:19:06

malcolm .. You need a can of air duster. It is a pressurised can of air that blasts away crumbs and dust from IT equipment.

Check out your local IT business, they will have them! About £2.

HTH!

cjel Sat 03-Aug-13 13:22:23

Think you are misinformed about the harm of tea. The way children have it is usually not much more than diluted milk. Do you always have your juice /squash from glass rather than toxic plastic? are dds cups and bottles coloured plastic and her straws??? Chemicals are overused in production of juice (which still has the skin on) do you have organic milk from glass bottles? If not I think you are being vu for thinking tea is bad for your dd. sorry.

FredFredGeorge Sat 03-Aug-13 13:25:17

"We choose to ..." "...I'm annoyed with DP's choice..."

So YABU. Deal with your communication issues, and actually make choices as parents.

Xihha Sat 03-Aug-13 13:28:28

At 2 a bit of orange juice is fine but probably not great in a bottle for bed time, but then imo a 2 year old shouldn't be having a bottle at bedtime anyway (I know weaning them off it can be hard though) and I agree with you about tea, as a rare treat for a 5/6 year old child i think milky teas ok for dunking biscuits in but not too often and 3 I think is too young, I wouldn't go as far as calling it disgusting though.

I think you might be over re-acting a bit and being unfair to your dh though, lots of parents ask their parents for advice and you won't always agree with MILs advice (my MIL and I often disagree too), it doesn't mean dh is stupid to take her advice though.

ll31 - my mum managed to get me to adulthood, but I wouldn't raise a child her way. hmm

ll31 Sat 03-Aug-13 13:30:23

But why do you say the guy shouldn't ask his mother for advice? Seems strange attitude tbh

MakeGlutenFreeHay Sat 03-Aug-13 13:31:42

What on earth is wrong with a cup of tea that's more milk than tea anyway, and has only been briefly introduced to a teabag? You seriously don't absorb as much caffeine from tea, especially given the weakness that our family drink it in. I can't see many people giving a cup of builders brew to a 3yo, it's generally milk with a bit of warmth and colour....

Personally, I'd have been furious about the 2 fruit shoots - there's way more documented evidence about the harm that sweeteners do than a bit of tea or orange juice. But that's just me, each to their own.

JenaiMorris - no, it's about wanting what's best for the child.

she and her dh have a plan, and he decided to overrule it without discussion, when it wasn't necessary and was something that could harm the child's teeth.

I don't see why it's such a problem that she's annoyed with her dh for doing something that wasn't even unthinking- it was consulting his mu, when surely he could have consulted OP in the same amount of time?

as i said a post ago, I wouldn't follow a lot of my own mother's daft ideas about children.

ll31 - because OP said she's got a track record of giving stupid advice/raising children in a way that doesn't fit her own ideals.

LingDiLong Sat 03-Aug-13 13:37:15

'Her and her dh have a plan' - you simply cannot plan for every eventuality with a child. I can't believe that they had a 'ran out of milk' plan. The problem with making your other half follow a 'plan' is they then have no clue how to think for themselves if something outside of the 'plan' happens.

My DH wouldn't have given the juice in a bottle because by 16 months he knew what he was doing with the kids, having been allowed an equal parenting role. If he HAD given the juice I wouldn't be bitching about it on Mumsnet and calling him stupid, I'd have just pointed out that I didn't think juice in a bottle was good for their teeth. No big drama...

Emilythornesbff Sat 03-Aug-13 13:37:43

YANBU to not want her to have juice in a bottle, especially at bedtime (for the reasons you've given)
But how did you react? If you ranted at him and am out that he'd harmed your dd then that was bu. grin
Why would his dm have advised that? I think when weaning off a bottle some ppl advice giving water in the bottle or watering it down a bit. Perhaps he was trying that sort of approach. A one off it wouldn't bother me. But obviously as a regualr thing it's very likely to lead to a habit and a dental problem.
You and dh need to work together really. There are so many more things to be arguing about discussing in the future.

Beastofburden Sat 03-Aug-13 13:38:37

I can see how you might say to DH, no sweet fluids in a bottle, we have all learned a lot about dental health since you and I were babies. But then I am not a fan of sweet fluids full stop, and have seen a lot of kids with acid decay on their teeth and no appetite from having fruit juice as a regular drink. I think milky tea is far better- any trivial effect on iron levels and a tiny bit of caffeine is outweighed by the lack of sugars and acid.

But really, if you are gong pfb, surely the only acceptable drinks are water and milk? Anything else is a compromise, diluted fruit juice in a cup isn't really any better than what he did.

Life being what it is, most of us do compromise and do things that are not perfect.

Thesunalwayshinesontv Sat 03-Aug-13 13:48:52

So, MIL (produced/raised an adult fit enough for you to marry and procreate with) can do no wrong <eye roll>, but you (with a 2yo child) can actually do no wrong <no eye roll>.

Wonder if you will remember this when you are a MIL.

"My DH wouldn't have given the juice in a bottle because by 16 months he knew what he was doing with the kids, having been allowed an equal parenting role."

THEY had a plan - which means that in theory, he also should be able to work out for himself what to do if he couldn't follow it.

TidyDancer Sat 03-Aug-13 14:33:26

The OP immediately lost the fight when she started wildly exaggerating the point.

Just ftr OP, YABU does not equal us all saying you are silly for not wanting your DD's teeth to fall out, and it also does not mean we think you are insane.

This is really a very silly thing to get so upset about. Pick your battles. And respect your DH's choices and the fact that his mother gives him advice. There's honestly nothing wrong with that.

xylem8 Sat 03-Aug-13 15:12:11

his family give nephew cups of tea ..hes three. it disgusts me

Why? decaffeinated tea is a good drink , packed with anti-oxidants. so long as it isn;t given at meal times when it might impede the absorption of some nutrients, it is fine.Unhoik those pants!!

no one said they give him decaff - and it's still got the tannins in.

It is not recommended to give children tea at all.

somewheresomehow Sat 03-Aug-13 15:47:51

kids teeth will not rot from one flaming bottle of juice
kids will teeth rot from drinking juice and coke etc all day long

xylem8 Sat 03-Aug-13 15:53:06

*no one said they give him decaff - and it's still got the tannins in.

It is not recommended to give children tea at all*

that is not what the Public health authority say.

xylem8 Sat 03-Aug-13 15:53:25

They just say not with meals

Wow! Just Wow!
Who would have thought that a thread about juice in a bottle would get so much reaction! grin
OP, yabu to think that your DH is stupid for putting juice in the bottle. Given that there was no milk, what would YOU have given your DC? Does he/ she drink water? and would they have been happy with that?
As for a cup of tea for a 3 yo, I really can't take your comment about it being "disgusting" seriously, tbh.

The so called myth about there being more caffeine in tea than coffee is to do with weight. There is more caffeine in a kg of tea than a kg of coffee, but coffee weighs far more than tea. There is a lot less caffeine in a cup of tea than there is in a cup of coffee.

petuniapickletits Sat 03-Aug-13 16:43:39

Wow..everyone's getting quite hot on this one.

Definitely didn't get mad with OH ..we don't get cross with each other like that and this is very trivial but somthing I felt strongly enough about to need say somthing at the time .. (and to previous poster Re The fruit shoots. .that time really did annoy me!)

MIL is a gem but set in her ways and likes to suggest things to DH that she is aware wouldn't sit well with me, this clouds DH judgement as understandably we have discussed things between us but an outside opinion will always make you doubt yourself.

Also..the stupid comment was light hearted. what meant was...is this a general lack of common sense and lack in judgment or aibu..clearly a mixed judgment on that one!

Considering the amount of helpful advice about getting a grip, I would just like to reiterate that I am well aware this is trivial, I did not threaten to leave him..yell at him or anything else unreasonable like that..I have seen much worse boring and trivial threads grace the AIBU boards ...!

uniqueandamazing...thank you!

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