I'm injured, husband wants to play golf

(59 Posts)
Petal02 Thu 01-Aug-13 15:00:26

I had an accident yesterday. Went to A&E, thankfully no broken bones, just badly sprained ankle. Foot is very stiff and swollen, I can only put a small amount of weight on it, meaning I can only just hobble around the house. The only way to do stairs is on my bum.

So AIBU to be annoyed that my husband has decided to play golf with his son this evening? I could really do with some help at home, and I'm still feeling pretty grotty.

youmeatsix Thu 01-Aug-13 15:01:25

put your feet up, grab a good book/chocolate/wine/telly box thingy and enjoy the peace

treas Thu 01-Aug-13 15:03:35

YABU - why miss the chance of time relaxing on your owngrin

Bowlersarm Thu 01-Aug-13 15:06:22

Whilst it would have been nice for him to offer to be on hand to help you, you only have a sprained ankle so don't think he's particularly unreasonable.

YouTheCat Thu 01-Aug-13 15:08:18

That would depend on if you have just you to look after or you have small children that you might need help with.

thebody Thu 01-Aug-13 15:08:27

youmeatsix ^ this ^^

HairyGrotter Thu 01-Aug-13 15:08:44

YABU, it's only a sprain. I'm constantly spraining them and I lived alone with a young DD. You learn new ways of getting things done!

Foot elevated, painkillers and a good book

Petal02 Thu 01-Aug-13 15:11:01

I know it's "only" a sprain but I can barely walk!!! Sorry, maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'd like to sit in the garden and enjoy the sunshine, but I don't think I could negotiate the steps into the garden. I'd like a coffee and some chocolate biscuits but if i made a hot drink I couldn't carry it anywhere. And it hurts too much to try any more hobbling today. Grrrrrrrr. sad

Twooter Thu 01-Aug-13 15:19:36

YABU for thinking that anything is more important than a man being able to do his hobby when he wants to.

Get yourself to an orthopaedic supplier and get an ankle stirrup. Put on. Problem solved! Honestly. smile

And what Twooter said, obviously not

KellyElly Thu 01-Aug-13 15:23:36

Make sure he cooks you a nice meal and leaves lots of snacks within easy reach before he goes, then enjoy the peace!

clam Thu 01-Aug-13 15:26:13

Would you be home alone? Or do you have young kids? And if so, how young?
(Sympathies: just clocking up six months after breaking leg and still not fully mobile)

CinnabarRed Thu 01-Aug-13 15:28:52

Here's a top tip for carrying hot drinks if you're not 100% steady (from my sailing days).

Make the drink as usual, and then put the mug into a saucepan to carry to wherever you want to drink it.

That way, any that slops over the top of the mug won't burn you or stain the carpet.

It's a good idea to take some kitchen roll with you too, as the bottom of the mug will drip....

FWIW, assuming that you're not responsible for others (children, infirm relatives, etc) I can't see why he shouldn't go out.

Petal02 Thu 01-Aug-13 15:29:13

No, it's just me, no kids. It's just that by the time he gets back from his golf this evening, I'll have been alone since 7am, and I've not found it very easy. But maybe I am being unreasonable?

CinnabarRed Thu 01-Aug-13 15:30:43

I'm a bit confused what you mean about not finding it easy - mentally or physically?

Petal02 Thu 01-Aug-13 15:34:36

Physically. I had no idea that a sprain could leave you so immobile.

CinnabarRed Thu 01-Aug-13 15:37:59

Poor you. Yes, they can be very painful.

Will he be home before he goes out? He should make you a 'nest' with snacks and wine.

Bowlersarm Thu 01-Aug-13 15:38:00

That's a good tip Cinnabar

OP, you do sound like your feeling sorry for yourself. Do you not like cricket? I would love not to have my DH home today whilst I had an excuse to sit around watching the test match.......

GladbagsGold Thu 01-Aug-13 15:40:31

I think yabu. Its not going to hurt any less if your DH doesn't play golf. Hope you feel better soon!

Gaviguzzler Thu 01-Aug-13 15:42:01

Before I sprained my ankle I had no idea how bad it could be either. I could hobble about a bit at first like you but it was so painful and hard that I'd end up in tears. so I can sympathise. However, it's just one evening and it's lovely and sunny so I would just let him go and he can make it up to you when he gets back.

CinnabarRed Thu 01-Aug-13 15:42:54

Well, presumably it would hurt less in that OP's DH would be able to fetch and carry for her while she rests.

But, even so, I don't think that's enough of a reason to prevent the DH playing golf with his son.

ilovesooty Thu 01-Aug-13 15:47:05

I don't see that a sprained ankle is sufficient reason for him to stay at home. You haven't got children to deal with. YABU, sorry.

clam Thu 01-Aug-13 15:58:40

I disagree. It's miserable, she's in pain and I think it wouldn't/shouldn't be too much of a hardship for her dh to re-schedule.

I struggled with the drinks business too - you can't hop or use crutches/zimmer frame with a mug of liquid. Once, out of desperation, I put the mug on the floor, shuffled a bit, moved the mug, shuffled some more and so on. After about half an hour, I reached the sofa...

ILikeBirds Thu 01-Aug-13 15:58:43

Yabu to expect him to stay home

Yanbu to throttle anyone who says "it's only a sprain" Bad sprains are often worse than simple breaks smile

Salmotrutta Thu 01-Aug-13 16:00:19

Isn't the current advice to give sprains some gentle exercise?

I sprained mine badly a few months back and I rested when possible, hobbled around a little bit, took ant-inflammatories etc and the saving grace was an elastic bandage which really helped.

I went to work too - possibly not the best choice I ever made.

StuartG Thu 01-Aug-13 16:00:47

YABU unless you have children that require supervision, it's a sprained ankle, not gunshot wounds.

LisaMed Thu 01-Aug-13 16:03:09

It's the back story that's the kicker, isn't it. Wouldn't it be nice to come first for once? You have my sympathies. Hope you feel better soon.

Dackyduddles Thu 01-Aug-13 16:05:09

Dunno about unreasonable but a bit wimpy / pathetic yes. It's one ankle. You have another and two hands yes? Use a golf brolly as a crutch if necessary. Agree very inconvenient but tbh it's not that bad.

could you not get a friend to come and keep you company?seems a but needy to me

Sirzy Thu 01-Aug-13 16:06:48

If you have no children then YABU. There is no reason you can't look after yourself with a sprain - yes some things may e harder and take longer but you just have to adapt.

pigsDOfly Thu 01-Aug-13 16:15:10

Agree with LisaMed, it's the not coming first that's the killer.

Having been married for many years to a totally selfish man (now exh) who pursued his various hobbies several times a week regardless of what was happening to me or the children I learned to manage by myself.

A few weeks ago I fell down the stairs and sprained my ankle, and you know what? I coped. Many people have to if they live alone.

One day by yourself: chocolate, wine, a good book and tv. Nothing wrong with that.

GobblersKnob Thu 01-Aug-13 16:15:28

You have my sympathies, I sprained my ankle four months ago and it is still painful now. I have had three months of physio and will probably need three more. It was excruciating in the first few days after doing it.

However, the next day I was back at uni and spent much of the day on my feet and up and down stairs, albeit on one foot hopping.

So, yabu, to need babysitting sorry.

However you are not at all unreasonable to feel extremely sorry for yourself.

ilovesooty Thu 01-Aug-13 16:18:01

Perhaps my response is influenced by having to cope alone at home after a hip replacement, a broken ankle, a sprained ankle and now elbow surgery. I'm inclined to think that expecting someone to change their plans because you've been alone for less than a day is unreasonable.

Petal02 Thu 01-Aug-13 16:19:53

I think that's just it - I'm feeling sorry for myself. It really shook me up yesterday. Apologies, and thank you for taking the time to respond.

Am now going to watch a DVD Box set, and do some on-line shopping. Using DH's credit card smile

ilovesooty Thu 01-Aug-13 16:21:59

Have fun...somehow when you're laid up spending money is very tempting!

wishingchair Thu 01-Aug-13 16:25:14

YABU. I broke my ankle (and subsequently sprained it - both v.f.painful!!!) but managed to survive when my dh was out all day at work. Get yourself on the sofa, leg elevated, wine, remote, takeaway, book and relax.

And yes the drink thing is the worst. Make yourself a drink but then can't move it so you end up having to drink it by the kettle. I had to hobble around with an over the shoulder bag containing phone, remote control etc as I'd sit down, realise the phone was at the other side of the room and want to weep.

Longdistance Thu 01-Aug-13 16:26:31

Petal, I broke my leg and had surgery on it back in April. I had two metal plates fitted with 19 screws. I am currently under physio with a really stiff stubborn ankle as broke both my tib and fib.

We have dd's aged 2 and nearly 4, and have very long days on my own from 6.30am to 6pm, and then like tonight h has wafted in like a fart, and gone out rugby training. Monday night it's cricket.

If I can do that, I'm sure you can put your feet up and rest. You don't need him there.

wishingchair Thu 01-Aug-13 16:27:41

And I agree - YA-definitely-NBU to feel sorry for yourself. It is so bloody frustrating and until it happens, you really don't realise how limiting it is. Enjoy blitzing his credit card grin

Petal02 Thu 01-Aug-13 16:30:28

Monsoon have a very interesting on-line sale ...... Just going to take a peep.

Twiceover Thu 01-Aug-13 16:33:52

I don't think yabu. It would be nice if he offered to stay home and keep you company. Hope you feel better soon.

wishingchair Thu 01-Aug-13 16:34:14

House of Fraser too ...

thebody Thu 01-Aug-13 16:39:10

spend away, spread that pain to him😆😆

Loshad Thu 01-Aug-13 16:43:33

Hot drinks tip Petal - make pot of preferred beverage, pour into thermos, put thermos in rucksack, bum shuffle, hop or whatever to comfy location, ta dah, nice hot unspilt drink.

I'm not sure if YABU or not? It depends.

1. How often does DH go out with his DS? If it is a long standing arrangement and he doesn't see his DS often, YABU
2. How did you sprain your ankle? I understand that it hurts and you are immobile but you do seem shaken up so the circumstances of the accident are relevant (not that you have to share). If you escaped death by inches and you got a sprained ankle it would leave you feeling more vulnerable than if you missed the bottom step of the stairs for example.
3. Will your DH help you when he is in and is he generally understanding? I suspect this would affect you more if he hasn't shown any concern or offered to do anything.
4. What is it your expect your DH to do? If it is to be at your beck and call then I don't blame him for going out. On the other hand, if you only need him every now and then then why not set yourself up with everything you need and he could go out anyway.

Personally when I am hurt or ill, I am like a wounded animal and like to take myself off and be alone so I do think YABU but we all deal with things differently and we don't have the bigger picture so maybe your aren't.

Helpful, aren't I?! grinblush

Hope your ankle heals soon.

Petal02 Thu 01-Aug-13 16:45:36

Thanks for the flask tip, will definitely try that!

Petal02 Thu 01-Aug-13 16:51:09

I'm actually feeling a bit better now, and DH has just rung to ask if I'd prefer it if he didn't go to golf. I've told him I'm ok, and he said he's only playing 9 holes, so it won't take him long.

So the world is a happy place (apart from my damn foot!). He gets his golf, i get to shop. The art of compromise methinks .......

whois Thu 01-Aug-13 17:35:12

Sprains are really fucking bad!

Still you're a little U to want him to stay home. Make sure he gets you drinks and snacks before he goes out. Coffee or tea in a thermos is good.

It is nice he offered and is cutting short his round - it is better to feel you have a choice in the matter and that he would be there for you if needs be. It is indeed a happy compromise. [wmile]

Enjoy your shopping.

Hercy Thu 01-Aug-13 17:39:21

Do you have a thermos? Fill it up then put it in a bag hooked over your crutches and away you go.

Hercy Thu 01-Aug-13 17:40:45

I see the thermos tip has been covered!

clam Thu 01-Aug-13 18:08:54

LongDistance I think I posted on your thread just after you'd broken it, and were waiting for surgery. I think I was probably a little pessimistic for you. How are you doing?
(I had something similar - tib/fib and ankle - rods, pins and plates)

Longdistance Fri 02-Aug-13 08:05:29

Hey. I'm having physio, but it's not great. My ankle is so stiff and swollen ATM. I am probably 50% there wrt mobility now, but physio was very much saying I need to push it, which I am, but having two dd's so young during the day in my own, really doesn't give me much time to do it 5 times a day. Everytime I've gone to do it, my two end up fighting, an incident happens, my dd's want something. It's just never ending. So have to do it in the evenings.

Sorry to hijack your post op.

Chubbymomie2012 Fri 02-Aug-13 08:18:18

I had a similar situation a few months ago and i was furious that my DP wouldnt cancel his plans to help/ look after me.

After spending the whole day alone!(well alone with 2 youngest kids) I realised i was actually pissed off that if the shoe was on the other foot. I'd be at home looking after im so he wouldnt have to lift a finger. he clearly doesnt have the same desire to"nurse" that i do.

sorry op not very helpful. hope you are feeling a little better this morning

Hulababy Fri 02-Aug-13 08:48:19

Ouch. Poor you an yea it would have been nice for him to stay and look after you for a bit. Everyone likes a bit of tlc at times!

And yes, a sprain can be very painful. When dd hurt her foot she was in a great deal of pain. The break was sore but the sprained toes were far far worse!

I never really understand the 'its only a sprain' argument - sometimes they are more painful than a break!

Hulababy Fri 02-Aug-13 08:52:43

Fwiw dd couldn't have managed getting around on her own at all in first couple of days or so. No pot and no crutches given but just meant he was unable to get about much. Tried school but it didn't work at all. Took a few initial days for pain to subside enough to try hobbling.

fledtoscotland Fri 02-Aug-13 08:57:46

Yabu. Make hot drink in a flask so you don't spill it. Bump down steps on your bum. Enjoy peace and your own company

Mia4 Fri 02-Aug-13 09:00:02

YANBU to feel upset-when we're in pain or poorly we get even more upset or narky. But YABU to be annoyed at him, presumably you wouldn't be if he had no choice but to work late? So is this a thing whereby you feel he never puts you first (selfish arse) and this is highlighting it or is he looking after you but taking a few hours for himself (normal person).

I know how shit i felt after a stomach op, I could barely walk a few steps without needing to stop, breath and les the pain pass. It was horrible and i was in tears of pain and frustration when my DP went to work.

EvaM Fri 02-Aug-13 09:37:53

It's only a sprain, you're not 4.

Put feet up, relax and keep putting ice packs on the sprain.

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