To not let him go?

(167 Posts)
Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 09:45:21

My sister wanted to take 5 year old ds camping with her husband in in a couple of weeks. She had the idea that as they are going for a week, ds could go with them for the first two nights while dp and I had a mini break somewhere closeby and then picked ds up on the third day.

At first I was a bit unsure as he's so young and hasn't been camping yet, although I'm sure he'd be well looked after. I also wasn't too sure what we actually wanted to do ourselves this month with regard to holidays as we've not long got back from a week away and dp and I have a hotel booked at the end of the month too for my birthday.

I think that my sister has run away with the idea a bit as she'd started telling ds how at camping they'd go to the beach, he could help set up the tent, how many sleeps away it is etc and now ds is all excited, even though I hadn't actually said definitely yes.

I told my sister I'd discuss it with dp as it would depend on him as he'd be doing the drive down there (3 hours) as I won't drive on motorway by myself.

Anyway here's where it gets a bit complicated, I spoke to dp about it last night and basically, he checked his work planner and he's on call the week that they're going camping so won't be available to drive us down there or for us to have a mini break, but he's only on call because his boss asked him to swap the week. He is also going to a beer festival the first night of the camping trip and his boss is letting him have the first night off call for a favour as dp swapped.

Potentially dp could say he can't now swap but, he doesn't want to upset his boss as he could lose favours in the future, he's getting the first night off call to go to beer festival which also then kills two birds with regards to free weekends for us, and, the opportunity has now come up of us getting a free holiday flat for the followng weekend, so if dp swaps his week back, we won't be able to do that.

Hope that all makes sense. So I suppose potentially ds could still go camping but it would mean I'd just be at home on my own all weekend, then we'd have a 3 hour drive just to pick him up and miss the opportunity of a free weekend away as a family the following week.

whois Thu 01-Aug-13 09:48:16

Can't you take him down on the train to your sister? Then DP could drive to pick him up. Or you stay camping for the weekend too and make a nice time of it and get train home? Or man up about driving in the M-way on your own.

HollyBerryBush Thu 01-Aug-13 09:50:25

I fail to see why DS should miss out on fun because you will be alone all weekend. That is the crux of it, no mater how you dress it up. He's not your companion and amusement. Let him go away and have some fun...... or perhaps you could go camping too seeing as you have nothing else to do.

MalcolmTuckersMum Thu 01-Aug-13 09:51:02

Am I missing the point? You'd be at home alone for the weekend and that's NOT your idea of bliss? grin Would be mine!

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 09:51:27

The getting down there isn't a problem as he can go with sister, but she needs me to pick him up. Dp can't because he's on call all week.

I wouldn't mind train but train doesn't go anywhere near where they're going. And I can't just man up about the driving, I've got no motorway experience and when I have tried I feel as though I'm going to have a panic attack, it may sound pathetic to anyone who does motorways but I don't think I'd even be safe.

MalcolmTuckersMum Thu 01-Aug-13 09:51:35

And also..............what Holly said.

HarryTheHungryHippo Thu 01-Aug-13 09:52:44

Agree with holly

Ragwort Thu 01-Aug-13 09:53:34

Totally agree with Malcolm? What is the issue here - your DS will have a lovely time camping and you will have a nice brak on your own - what's the problem confused?

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 09:53:48

Sorry no I think you're misunderstanding, I don't mind being home alone I just mean it would be a bit of a dud weekend for us as a family whereas we can have a weekend away the following week if dp if dp doesn't swap his on call back, plus dp doesn't really want to tell his boss now that he can't swap.

Yes I could go (not sure if they've got room in the tent but could check) but I'd still have to drive, train not an option.

What is it about motorways that you can't deal with? If you dealt with the problem then there wouldn't be any issues regarding the camping trip.

HollyBerryBush Thu 01-Aug-13 09:54:20

Take the A road rather than the motorway.

Excuses again

thebody Thu 01-Aug-13 09:54:32

why don't you and ds go down and back on the train and camp together with your sis?

I can't do the motorway either. some fears you can't just 'man up' to.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Thu 01-Aug-13 09:54:55

Can't you just explain to your sister that there is no way you could pick him up? That's the crux of it surely?

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 09:55:06

I shouldn't have said I'll be home alone.

The problem is;

If ds goes camping then we won't be able to go away the following week as a family.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Thu 01-Aug-13 09:56:05

Or yes, drive and avoid the motorway? It's usually pretty doable.

HollyBerryBush Thu 01-Aug-13 09:56:13

I dont motorway drive unless I have to - no fear - I just prefer country lanes and pretty scenery and the ability to stop and take photos if I want to.

Im not buying the inability to drive there. Use another road

imnotmymum Thu 01-Aug-13 09:56:33

Dud weekend? Do you do something amazing every weekend?

thebody Thu 01-Aug-13 09:56:39

Binky, you don't know why the op can't go in a motorway. I can't as my dd nearly died on one. it's not something I expect the op needs to discuss really. if she can't she can't.

agree with Holly can't you go A roads?

The problem is you won't pick him up.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Thu 01-Aug-13 09:57:34

But that isn't true OP, it's only the case if your DH has to change his oncall because you can't pick him up. IF you found a way to pick him up then he could go and you would still be able to go away the following weekend?

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 09:57:40

Maybe I DO need to deal with my fear of motorways, but I don't think a 3 hour drive in my banger with ds in the car is really the time to do that.

And train isn't an option, yes I suppose the A road is an option but I think it would take about 5 hours I'll check on the route planner.

The body, that's why I asked what the problem was.

gamerchick Thu 01-Aug-13 09:57:56

Could they not meet you at the nearest train station? You could collect him then.

TylerHopkins Thu 01-Aug-13 09:59:30

To all those who don't like motorway driving I would strongly recommend taking a couple of motorway lessons with an instructor. I did this the minute I passed my driving test and haven't looked back.
Seriously, go for it. Motorway driving really isn't that scary. I promise. Once you try it you will laugh at yourself and wonder what all the fuss was about.

So have you already made plans for the next weekend and told your ds about it?
Because clearly he knows about the camping and is probably looking forward to it.

Why would you then say he cant go because you want a family weekend next week?

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:00:39

No, we don't do something amazing every weekend. But what I'm trying to explain is we wanted a weekend away as a family, one weekend dp is going to beer festival, one weekend we are away for my birthday, which only leave one more weekend in the holidays, and we have the opportunity for a free holiday flat.

It isn't at all that I 'won't' pick him up, it's the driving that's the issue.

fluffyraggies Thu 01-Aug-13 10:01:18

It is quite a long way just for 2 nights. DS shouldn't be whipping the excitement levels up in OPs DS until it's a sure thing.

If the OP doesn't want to use the motorway then that's 5 hours drive. Each way shock

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:01:45

I had never actually said yes to the camping, I'd said maybe and that I would decide when dp and I had decided what we were doing as a family.

fluffyraggies Thu 01-Aug-13 10:02:27

DSIS shouldn't be whipping up excitement.

imnotmymum Thu 01-Aug-13 10:03:00

But if you pick him up then you still get your family weekend away do you? I am a little confused. Can they meet you half way Is you dp on call 24 hours? Do you have any other family member who could do the trip with you?

KellyElly Thu 01-Aug-13 10:03:23

It all sounds a bit of a faff all that travelling for a camping trip. Can't you take him camping somewhere near you instead for the weekend then he wouldn't miss out?

chesterberry Thu 01-Aug-13 10:04:34

I can understand why you don't want DP to swap his days on call if that will mess up the following weekend.

Perhaps you need to explain to your sister that your DH has had to change his work days (I wouldn't necessarily say that he might be able to swap back or make this sound negotiable) and as you cannot drive on the motorway your DS cannot go camping unless your sister is able to drop him back home as well as pick him up. Or better yet maybe you can come to some sort of compromise, is there any way you could maybe meet her half-way so you both drive 1.5 hours? Or is there any way to drive there avoiding the motorway? Or perhaps she can drive him to the nearest train station and you meet him there?

If you explain the situation to your sister, that you will need help in terms of getting him home after the holiday, perhaps together you will be able to find a solution that means he doesn't have to miss out. If it turns out there is no reasonable way to get him home then at least she has been involved in the decision and will surely understand if he isn't able to go this time.

fluffyraggies Thu 01-Aug-13 10:04:51

Well i'm with you OP.

2 nights in a tent etc with his Aunt would be fun i'm sure. But at the expense of 10 hours on the road for his mum i don't think it's worth it.

The boy is getting a weekend away with his family the following weekend. I think he'll live through the disappointment this time.

Crinkle77 Thu 01-Aug-13 10:05:16

Thing is your sister should not have said anything to your son until you had agreed it all. My parents never used to tell us we were going anywhere when we were kids in case we couldn't go for some reason then we wouldn't be disappointed

Have I missed something. If ds goes camping with your sister then why can't you still all have your family weekend?

HellonHeels Thu 01-Aug-13 10:06:18

Some thoughts...

Let him go and use AA journey planner or similar to plan a driving route without motorways. If you have a satnav it can be set to avoid all motorways. OR

Let him go and ask your sister if she would meet you at a convenient point to drop him back to you so you can avoid motorway driving

Longer term - address your motorway driving issues if you can? I know this isn't the point of your OP but using a sat nav if you're worried about route finding / exiting or taking a few motorway lessons if it's just the driving in general might overcome your fear.

Coconutty Thu 01-Aug-13 10:06:25

I would let him go.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:06:46

Right I've just checked the route planner, it's 3 hours on motorway and 5 hours on road, 4 hours 59 mins to be exact. And no selfish I may be but I don't want to do 10 hours driving and I don't even know if my car would make it.

Yes dp is on call 24 hours a day, they do an on call every 5 weeks and he can and does get called out any time of the day or night.

HellonHeels Thu 01-Aug-13 10:07:31

Crafty if DS went camping and the OP's partner had to swap his on-call to drive him there, then he would be on call the next weekend thus preventing a family weekend.

imnotmymum Thu 01-Aug-13 10:10:15

So what does the sister say regarding the pick up matter ? Have you spoken to her?

HollyBerryBush Thu 01-Aug-13 10:10:41

Oh well, you've stated your case. Now who is going to explain to your DS and deal with the disappointment?

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:12:53

Have I missed something. If ds goes camping with your sister then why can't you still all have your family weekend?

Because, dp would be the one picking ds up, and to do that he'd have to swap back to his original on call week, meaning he'd then be on call the weekend we all want to go away as a family. There is also the point here that he may upset his boss as he's already said yes to boss.

I'm getting asked a lot of the same questions, I don't want to drive 10 hours, I don't even know if my car would make it either on motorway or on road. I cannot get the train, my sister knows my fear of motorway she also won't drive on motorway so understand this, but if train was an option she'd have offered that. I know there is no train anywhere near as sister got married down there.

livinginwonderland Thu 01-Aug-13 10:13:00

DSis shouldn't have gotten him all excited. I wouldn't let him go either just because 10 hours drive is too dangerous to get done all in one day with a child in the car, when you're nervous enough as it is.


Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 10:14:01

I think the OP has to, and you also need to think about being more assertive at the beginning with your sister. Your DS will think it's a done deal that is now cancelled because you don't want to drive that far.
I expect he's going to be unreasonable about it and blame the OP.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:14:45

holly I'm sure he'll survive no need to be so melodramatic, I asked if I was being unreasonable but jeez, we've just got back from a week abroad and we'll be going to the seaside as a family the following week.

Oh and also sister husband did say don't worry as they go often and could take him one weekend in the future.

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 10:15:53

Then if it's so easy a solution, why post?
What response did you want?

wonderingsoul Thu 01-Aug-13 10:18:45

can you get some one else to drive but you in the car? can she drop him of at the nearest rainsstation there will be one, even if its not in the same town.

if not, you can only really tell your son its changed..prehasp with the added sleeping in a tent in the garden to softon the blow?

chesterberry Thu 01-Aug-13 10:18:54

It's definitely not unreasonable to not want to drive 10 hours to pick him up. If your sister can meet half-way with him that might be an option as then it would be much less driving, but if that's not an option then maybe you could tell your sister that unless she is able to drop your ds back home he won't be able to go camping. At least that means if she really has her heart set on him going she has the option to drop him off home so that it can go ahead, and otherwise perhaps he will be able to go camping with them another time when it is more convenient.

HollyBerryBush Thu 01-Aug-13 10:19:00

Well it's all about problems isn't it? I have a friend like this: problem after problem which is really excuse after excuse.

I'd have had a little more empathy if you'd said "how do I get him back from his weekend because of XYZ proving problematic" rather than the endless excuse after excuse.

People who cant find solutions to simple problems irritate me - you dont want a solution because you don't want to be alone for the weekend.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:20:42

Honest responses, but hearing some of them and typing it out have just confirmed that I'm probably doing the right thing.

There's no point saying m-up with regards to motorway driving, if you're scared of something you're scared of it. And a 3 hour drive with a young child in the car probably isn't the best time to m-up to it. If I did an had an accident people would be saying why did she attempt that drive knowing she wasn't confident or experienced on motorway.

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 10:21:43

That drive would always have been there though, from the beginning of the suggestion to go camping.
Or is it just a problem for you and your OH wouldn't have minded a 6 hour journey so his son could camp, in addition to working a full week?

MadBannersAndCopPorn Thu 01-Aug-13 10:21:55

Maybe ask a friend (or brother/ sis if you have) if they wanted to come with you (camping) for the second night.
You could treat the friend the first night- meal, cinema, drinks etc and they could drive you down next morning, spend the night with you, DS, sister etc doing camping stuff and you all go back together.
It is a lot of driving but doesn't bother some people (six hours over two days isn't so bad especially if you have a services stop)
I hate motorway driving too, especially the merging on bit..eeek!

Emilythornesbff Thu 01-Aug-13 10:23:10

Whatever you choose will be ok.
Have a good think about your solutions and then tell your DSis and ds what you've decided.
I HATE motorway driving. It terrifies me. For a few reasons that won't help Nyone to hear about.
But I have made myself do it and I feel stronger for that.
My tips are: travel at quiet/ ridiculous times to avoid speeding traffic (actually stupidly busy times have a similar effect but too much queuing)
When I can I take A roads or drive straight through central London.
Plan excessively so I don't feel rushed.

That doesn't mean you have to btw. I have a similar situation that I am struggling with. I haven't made up my mind yet but I'm keeping that to myself wink

TylerHopkins Thu 01-Aug-13 10:23:47

I don't even know if my car would make it either on motorway or on road If your car is not roadworthy then you shouldn't be driving it anywhere!!!

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:24:43

Oh be quiet Holly, I've already said being alone isn't the problem, I shouldn't have even said that as I won't be 'alone', I just meant that we won't be able to do the weekend away as a family which dp and I both want to do.

It would have made sense if dp and I were going to have a break somewhere close by but to do a 10, or even 6 hour drive just to pick ds up seems a bit much.

Emilythornesbff Thu 01-Aug-13 10:24:55

Frankly if some ppl didn't insist on driving like total cunts I'd be happy to drive to anywhere and back.
Racers, tailgaters, lorry drivers reading the fucking newspaper.....

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:27:16

Or is it just a problem for you and your OH wouldn't have minded a 6 hour journey so his son could camp, in addition to working a full week?

What the hell, first of all I work too. And secondly if you read my op properly, the initial idea was that dp and I would go away to somewhere closeby so it wouldn't have been 6 hours in one day. But that now can't happen because of on call/beer festival.

I asked for opinions but I wish people would READ my op properly before responding.

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 10:28:04

So if you knew that the camping place was so far away, why didn't you say no in the first place? confused

TylerHopkins Thu 01-Aug-13 10:28:49

Holly your post at Thu 01-Aug-13 10:19:00 grin

You sound like me. I have absolutely no patience with drama queens who constantly create more issues and problems for themselves. Attention seekers.

OP - that is not directed at you at all by the way.

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 10:29:34

Then if the situation is resolved, what are you asking exactly?
It might have been a possibility, now it isn't.
What answer were you looking for?

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 10:31:04

What a lot of fuss and outrage and strangeness over nothing much in particular. tell DS camping is off for this occasion and deal with the resulting tantrum if there is one.

minniemagoo Thu 01-Aug-13 10:32:04

Solutions where your Dh doesnt have to change his shift:
Drive on A roads (10hrs so you dont want to do this)
Ask sis/bil to meet you half way
Ask sis/bil to drop ds back full way
Ask sis/bil to drop ds to nearest train station (must be one closer than 5 hrs)
Ask a friend to drive in their car, give them petrol money
Ask sis/bil could they change campsite to a closer one, if they go often doing that this once for your ds shouldnt be too big a deal

You are fixated on your dh changing shift prob cause your nose is out of joint at your sis jumping the gun with your ds. Have a cup of tea, appreciate how lucky you are your sis is interested in your ds, plan on meeting up with friends etc without your ds!

Viviennemary Thu 01-Aug-13 10:32:55

Fair enough you are not confident about motorway driving. Quite a few people aren't. Agree with advice to take lessons but that's not going to help right now.

Not a good reason that you will be on your own at the weekend. Your dp seems to have work commitments and can't take him. It is complicated but it would be nice if your DS could go on the trip as he is obviously looking forward to it and wants to go.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:34:56

So if you knew that the camping place was so far away, why didn't you say no in the first place?

BECAUSE, m sister had suggested that dp and I could get a hotel/camp somewhere closeby so that if ds got upset we'd be close to pick him up. We'd get a mini break to ourselves while ds had some fun.

That now won't be able to happen anyway because dp is busy so one of us will have to do the 6 hour or 10 hour drive. And if dp changes his on call week to do the driving it will mean we all can't go away the following week. How much clearer could I be, I'm fed up of repeating myself now. And also I DID NOT ever say yes to this camping trip, I said maybe once I'd discussed it with dp but dsis has gotten a bit carried away with the idea.

My car is roadworthy, but the clutch gets a bit hot after long journeys and dp is going to look at it but that doesn't mean it's not fine for work/school run but don't want my clutch going halfway down the motorway.

And thank you for helpful suggestions unfortunately I would not be able to treat a friend to meal drinks, would not be able to afford to do that and anyway there isn't anyone who would be able or who would want to do that.

Eilidhbelle Thu 01-Aug-13 10:37:04

Why not go camping with your son and sister then?

What a bizarre thread, why are you asking, sorry I`m with Holly on this one, youve mad me exhausted reading this.

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 10:38:06

then stop floundering and tell DS what's happening and why. It won't be the last time that things don't go according to plan for him.

ThisIsMySpareName Thu 01-Aug-13 10:39:51

You say the trains don't go close by, but what is the nearest station? If it is say an hour or 90 minutes away (and I don't believe there are many places - particularly places that have camping facilities that are more than 90 minutes from a mainline station), can your sis not drive DS to the station when you pick him up?

After all, she is the one who is so keen for him to go and you can build up the excitment with DS about the train journey back.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:40:40

My nose isn't out of joint with my sister at all, she got a bit carried away before I'd said yes but she probably assumed it would be ok, plus she just does get excited about things.

She doesn't want to drop him back/meet him halfway understandably because it will disrupt her holiday.

Regarding trains I don't know where the nearest station is but I do know that when my sister got married down there a friend had to get a coach at the cost of around £50, two changes and an 8 hour journey, and still be picked up by sister in the nearest town.

Eilidhbelle Thu 01-Aug-13 10:42:32

So why don't you go with your son and camp with them? Then you get a weekend away and your son gets to go camping.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:44:16

I don't have a tent, I don't think there is room in sisters tent, and even if I went I'd still have to drive there and back.

ThisIsMySpareName Thu 01-Aug-13 10:45:07

What is the nearest town?

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:46:55

I've checked out trains, nearest station is 57 minutes away, at a cost of £69.50 for one adult fair one way.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:48:12

Nearest town is Minehead but no station there, nearest station is taunton which is an hour away.

Squitten Thu 01-Aug-13 10:48:19

I don't think YABU about the driving. It's obviously not convenient for many reasons.

You are however, seeimgnly looking for excuses not to do this without really looking into it. Never mind what your friend told you before, look online now and see where the nearest train station is and if that's manageable. Then ask your sister if she can drop your DS there.

ThisIsMySpareName Thu 01-Aug-13 10:48:26

You can normally get deals - where is it and what day would you need to pick him up?

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 10:48:35


Does your DP have an opinion on this?

Squitten Thu 01-Aug-13 10:48:42


MerrieMelodies Thu 01-Aug-13 10:49:00

Sorry, coming to this just now I don't have time to read it all.

BUT I think you need to write a list of pros and cons and make a guilt free decision either way. That's ok. You can let them take him another time.

Fwiw I have been driving for 18 years and still hate motorways - I refuse to do them if I can go a different way.

TylerHopkins Thu 01-Aug-13 10:51:53

Send him by Royal Mail Special Delivery

<not helpful>

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway Thu 01-Aug-13 10:54:25

Your sister kindly offered something that just doesn't fit in with your plans. I think if you explain she will understand and the offer of " next time " should be enough for your DS. Why on earth you are being put down over this is beyond me. You don't want to drive on the motorway, that's fine. I don't want to drive on the motorway either, it's not a biggy in the whole scheme of things. Perhaps your car is reliable running around locally but a long motorway drive might be a big ask of it, I understand that. You did not once say you didn't want to be on your own whilst your DH is away so, again, why are you being put down over that? Your DS is certainly not going short on the holiday front is he. Hope your DH as a great time at the festival and you have a lovely time on your family weekend away.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 10:57:32

eyesunderarock I'm not being a fusspot. I asked if I was being unreasonable based on what I said in my op, basically meaning should be really leave our family weekend away so that ds can still go with sister.

I wasn't asking for people to tell me to man up and get on the motorway. People have asked me question which I have already stated in my op, or further questions or offered suggestions which I have just being answering.

If I'd just said in my op toss up between family weekend or ds going with sister people would have been asking why which is why I explained.

Yes dp does have an opinion he just thinks it's no big deal as we'll be going away anyway and that, he said he'd keep his original on call week but he'd prefer to swap with boss as it means he'll do beer festival same weekend as on call meaning he'll have rest of Summer hol weekends free.

BeQuicksieorBeDead Thu 01-Aug-13 10:58:55

There will be other camping trips, dont get stressed out about it. Plan something nice to do in the garden instead.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 11:03:18

Thank you overthefields sums up what I'm saying.

It's not that I want everyone to agree with me just the question was probably more, family weekend away v ds away with sister.

Expensive long train journey or 10/6 hour drives just seem rather extreme for 2 night camping, and even dsis would probably agree with this, the original plan was she wanted dp and I to camp/hotel somewhere closeby.

Anyway for those who clearly think I'm bonkers (I'm not) sorry I asked.

nannynewo Thu 01-Aug-13 11:50:31

Why would you miss out on the trip the weekend after?! If you go down with your sister can't she drop you at the nearest train station to come home? Or drive the A roads! It would be a shame to let Ds miss out on a lovely weekend with his auntie!

PolterGoose Thu 01-Aug-13 12:03:57

If the nearest town is Minehead you're talking about the M5. There are lots of alternatives and they really don't take as long as the route planners suggest. If you're coming from the south east you can do the A303 which is a lovely drive, and I expect there are similarly good routes from the midlands.

However, if you have clutch problems the motorway is probably the least likely place for it to fail, because you don't change gear on a motorway confused

Can ds not stay the whole week with them?

nannynewo Thu 01-Aug-13 12:10:48

Sorry I read the rest of the comments after posting! I still think the train would be your best option, there are loads of ways to make train journeys cheaper if you go on thetrainline website. I also feel there was not much point you posting in AIBU because anything anyone has suggested you have disagreed with. So you obviously don't think YABU.

I would definitely have another look through some of these suggestions as some of them are great and that way you would get a lovely weekend to yourself while DS enjoys himself too.

Succubi Thu 01-Aug-13 12:13:57

I asked if I was being unreasonable based on what I said in my op

In which case YABU for all the reasons already stated above.

shewhowines Thu 01-Aug-13 12:24:13

YANBU - it was a good ide but not workable. Explain to DS that he can't go this time as Daddy is working but he will be going to the seaside with you the next weekend. Say that he can go camping with Dsis another time.

No biggie. Children have to be disappointed sometimes and he's got another weekend away to make up for it anyway.

yegodsandlittlefishes Thu 01-Aug-13 12:30:37

YANBU! He is your APB, and your sister should understand about the on call swap and that these things happen. I am sure she will enjoy her camping trip as much without your ds, and hopefully you can leave it sp you can all book something another time with more notice.

Your DS might prefer a tent in the back garden at that age. Or to make his own tipi. That way, he gets the idea of what it is like in a familiar setting, and its fun.

Have a fabulous summer holiday!

Only one piece of advice from me: get a family railcard, it is amazing what a difference in price it makes to travel with a child (although obviously, you can't use it to travel on a train without your ds.)

yegodsandlittlefishes Thu 01-Aug-13 12:33:12

Actually, if it were me, I would be tempted to book into the nearest camp site to home for a couple of nights, just for me and dc.

AnnabelleLee Thu 01-Aug-13 12:34:09

Boiled down; he can't go because you won't drive. Thats a fine enough reason, but the rest is all smokescreen.

yegodsandlittlefishes Thu 01-Aug-13 12:37:15

*He is your APB -> he is your ds.

fluffyraggies Thu 01-Aug-13 12:45:29

why cant you spend umpteen hours on the road to pick your son up?
why arent you driving a better car?
why aren't you willing to spend squillions of pounds on train fares, and taxi fares to get him home?
how on earth is your son ever going to recover from this disappointment?
Finally - how dare you start a thread mulling over all the above.


Welcome to AIBU x

Dahlen Thu 01-Aug-13 12:46:17

I think this is just a classic case of miscommunication with no one being unreasonable really.

DSis shouldn't have really got your DS all excited, but she was doing a kind thing with good intentions and you didn't put her straight straight away. DP shouldn't have organised his on-call rota without consulting with you, but he was trying to juggle work with a family weekend away. You could have put a stop to this earlier before DS got too excited, but you were trying to see if there was a way round it and while I think it's a bit odd to dislike motorway driving, it's a valid POV as is the fact that your car is old and a 10-hour round trip is stretching it in anyone's book.

The fact that you've just come back from a holiday abroad and are off again the following weekend is more than adequate compensation for DS, who will soon forget his disappointment - especially if you can organise a camping trip with DS for some time in the not-too-distant future so he can look forward to it. Don't suppose there's any chance DSis would have him for the entire week?

fuckwittery Thu 01-Aug-13 12:47:15

It was a confusing your OP and subsequent posts, but I've read the whole thread. If there is no way you can get your DS back then your DS can't camp at all, all this stuff about swapping on call back etc and camping vs family weekend is a red herring as sounds like your DH cant possibly swap back when he's already swapped and his boss has made plans, he has to honour that now. So, there's no choice, and no question, you are having family weekend away and thank your sister kindly, DS would love to go but you cant possibly get DS back as DH is working and I'm sure she understands you can't drive yourself as she's your sister. Unless she comes up with a solution for how he can be returned involving some train combo etc you haven't thought of or them bringing him back then can't see how he go, but you will have your family weekend away regardless.

yegodsandlittlefishes Thu 01-Aug-13 12:50:05

I can drive on motorways, but I have a chronic illness and there are times when I don't drive long distances as my concentration and pain levels are not up to it.

I know other people who don't drive on motorways, can totally understand it.

2rebecca Thu 01-Aug-13 12:54:24

I think you're unnecessarily getting a hard time over this.
I think when your sister suggested it you should have said you didn't think picking him up would be possible as you're going away the next week so husband can't get time off and you don't like driving long distances and it would be a 6 hour round trip to pick him up. I would have told her not to mention it to your son until you and your husband have discussed her kind offer and got back to her.
Now you just tell her no it's not convenient and I'd probably add that you're disappointed she mentioned it to your son before you said he could go.
You don't have to arrange your life around your child. The journey would be miserable for you and take most of the day. You're going away the next week so he won't be short of holidays.
You probably should have been more negative with your sister initially but you'll know that for next time she has a bright idea.

Beastofburden Thu 01-Aug-13 12:59:57

It does seem a shame not to let him go. Don't disturb your DH arrangements, do the driving yourself and if it takes longer, so be it.

It's not really all that different, you driving for a bit longer or DH driving for three hours. Three hours is a lot for your DH to do, I expect he will be quite pleased to be let off it. Obviously it feels like more trouble for you, because it is, but its a whole lot less trouble for him. So, sorry OP but I would say you don't have a good reason for not letting him go.

Agree with other poster that you could get some proper motorway lessons because this will continue to get in your way and it is worth sorting out if you can. Also agree with you, that just driving your DC down that weekend isn't the best or safest way to get past this. It might actually make your fear much worse.

Floggingmolly Thu 01-Aug-13 13:06:50

Oh, just go with them, fgs! hmm. If you didn't want your sister to run with the idea that your ds was going, it would have been perfectly simple to say he wasn't...

GoodTouchBadTouch Thu 01-Aug-13 13:07:07

No way on Earth would I bother driving all those hours in a crap car so that my child could have TWO NIGHTS IN A TENT!!

Especially when he has plenty of other holidays.

Mightve been worth it when you could have a break at the same time. Otherwise no, YANBU

NUFC69 Thu 01-Aug-13 13:17:14

I think the thing about this thread which has amazed me more than anthing else is the number of posters who will not drive on motorways!

I am a GM in my 60s and I have been driving since I was in my teens. I frequently come across women of my age who do not drive on motorways, but I had always thought that this was totally a generational thing. These are the women, by the way, who are suddenly restricted to their locality when their DHs die, because they never ever drove any further than their local shops when DHs were alive. I urge all of you who have problems with motorway driving to go and get some lessons, or at least drive more often when with your DPs so that you get used to it.

Lecture over!

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 13:18:02

Can I just say. I NEVER told my dsis or ds that he could go. She mentioned it ages ago and her idea was that dp and I could holiday somewhere closely on our own before picking him up. It was never planned as a Kong drive by either of us solely to pick ds up

I told dsis from the off that I wasn't sure because (a) he's a little young and (b) I didn't want to commit to anything due to not knowing our own holiday plans. I said I'd see.closer to the time. I also said I'd have to discuss it with dp as he'd be the one doing any driving.

I didn't know until yesterday dps work Rota or that he wanted to go to the holiday flat.

No I don't want, or feel able to do the drive. I know how long it would take.

Yes there are other options but they all seem a bit costly/time consuming just for two nights camping, as lovely as it may be.

I've told my dsis the situation and she said best to leave it then as they won't want to drive midweek and won't want to keep ds all week as they want some time to themselves too etc. She understands about motorways as she is the same as me.

I've told ds that he won't be able to go this time and why, he knows mummy doesn't go on the motorway (because in his words I don't know the way and have to take the shortcut), and he just shrugged and said 'well you'll have to take me camping but you'll need a tent' and is currently running around naked with an eye patch and telescope pretending to be a pirate so I don't think he's been scarred for life.

I haven't written off the idea entirely in my own mind and will discuss with dsis when I see her in person the possibility of me going too and perhaps getting a train back depending if she'd be up for dropping me at station (probably not though) or perhaps ds going another time as dsis and her husband go regularly just for weekends this village is like their second home.

ComposHat Thu 01-Aug-13 13:22:25

See, on Google maps you tick a box that says...avoid motor ways and hay presto a route is produced that doesn't involve motorways.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 13:25:24

Fgs I will say one more time. I DID NOT expect dp to drive 6 hours, the idea was that we would have gone on our jollies down south too. noone was ever expected to drive 3, 6, 10 or however many hours just to pick ds up

And by the way, dp has a brand new better, safer car, more economical car than me and I do all the town driving.

And I wish people would stop slagging me off for not liking the motorway, some people don't drive at all, some don't even have cars, it's life.

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 13:25:49

All these posts and all the woffle and fuss and it boils down to 'Tell him things have changed and he's not camping this weekend'
The consequence? He's a happy, nude pirate.
You need to get a grip OP, seriously.
All that flail and wail and an in-depth analysis of your dislike of motorways and your DP's work schedules. And your DS doesn't give a stuff.
Good to know that one member of the family has a sense of proportion at the moment.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 13:28:28

Compos hat, I know that, I've done it, and the journey is 5 hours. That's 10 hours driving in one day.

How many of you would honestly drive 10 hours so that your child could have a camping trip when you were going away the very NEXT week.

if you all would then I hold my.hands up to being a crap parent

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 13:29:40

I'm sorry what waffle and fuss? I've simply being answering peoples questions.

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 13:30:18

I'm the only driver in my house, always have been. So I get to decide what I can and can't manage, and what the boundaries are.
If they don't like it, they make alternative arrangements.

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 13:31:00

What waffle and fuss?

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 13:32:36

I haven't given any in depth analysis of my dislike of motorways, I said I don't like motorways and people questioned me so I answered

You need to get a grip if you've been reading all my posts all morning when you think it's so petty.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 13:34:10

Well if you don't like it you're more than welcome to sod off and stop replying

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 13:34:53

I'm missing my sister, she's a lot like you from the sound of it.
I'm planning a series of lesson blocks for the new term, and I need light relief in between the intensity.
So I have several windows open.

Alertmind Thu 01-Aug-13 13:36:59

NUFC69 - I know someone who won't drive anywhere that involves roundabouts!

Not really sure what answers you were looking for here OP but there's really no need to go repeating yourself if you've made up your mind.

thebody Thu 01-Aug-13 13:38:52

really annoys me when people post and tell or here's to 'get over' a fear!!

don't you bloody well think that the op wants to be afraid of motorway driving? of course she doesn't.

when you or your loved kids have been involved in a fatal crash then you can tell others to 'get over' it. until then respectfully Shut Up!

op you do what suits you as a family unit not to please your dsis.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 13:41:38

I hadn't entirely made up my mind when I startwd thread.

And the only reason I've been repeating is because I've been responding/answering questions.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 13:46:04

And if you're missing your sister why don't you go see her.

My dp is afraid of spiders, dragonflies, moths, so I'm the insect catcher in our house. Everyone has fears however illogical they may seem to others

Firstly, I asked my previous question because it wasn't obvious that your dp couldn't just swap that one day of on-call work to pick him up. Secondly you OP says it's a 3 hour drive to pick him up then later you say that one way and on the motorway so would actually involve 10 hours of driving for you. That was quite confusing because it seemed to imply it was 1.5 hours away, thus you and your sister could each drive 45 mins to meet in the middle - not a lot for anyone. Saying 5 hours in one direction is a bit of a difference.

There seems to be various options.
1. say no
2. Go camping with them (then it's no longer a 10 hour journey but two 5 hour ones)
3. Let him go camping and then do a 10 hour journey

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 13:51:32

I haven't mentioned motorways, or fears. confused
So, the conclusion is that DS is not going camping, he's not bothered, your sister isn't upset and you will get time together as a family.
Everyone happy then?

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 13:55:10

Sorry, crafty no 3 hours one way on mway so 6 hours total as dp and I won't be staying down there.

5 on roads so 10 total.

My post about fears wasn't directed at you eyes now get back to your work wink

Eyesunderarock Thu 01-Aug-13 13:55:55



Fractions here I come.

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee Thu 01-Aug-13 15:42:48

Did I read right that you've just got back from a hOL abroad? If so can't you pretend you're not Infact Judith chalmers and give up the family weekend away fo your Ds can have a fun trip?

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 15:49:42

Yes we could not go but selfish buggers we are we want to take our child to Devon aswell, he will have fun with us too you know!

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 15:52:11

I just had to google Judith Chalmers, I guess we just like going on our jollies!

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee Thu 01-Aug-13 16:01:51

Goodness me you are hard work, I didn't mean he wouldn't have fun with you! Just that camping is a brilliant adventure at that age and he'd be with your sis which is different etc and its not as if you've not been away as a family but nevermind !

GoodTouchBadTouch Thu 01-Aug-13 16:09:13

I think youd be mad to give up your time as a family, and make your DH swap back with his boss just for TWO. NIGHTS. IN. A. TENT.

He obviously wasn't too upset about it, so it would be a waste of your holiday with your DH.. dunno what you've said that's so unreasonable

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway Thu 01-Aug-13 16:20:36

Is this poor woman still getting it in the neck......I wouldn't answer anymore if I were you beautyate, you can't win can you luv.

Beautyatethebeast Thu 01-Aug-13 16:24:58

Neither do I goodtouch but hey ho.

I'm not hard work I was just saying, he's not missing out terribly.

Hands up who'd drive 3 hours each way let alone 10 to pick their kid up from a 2 night camping trip...?

And before anyone starts with why did I start the thread. I've had all day to mull over it

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee Thu 01-Aug-13 16:44:17

I've driven for 4 hours e\w for a day trip before. I didn't get a medal for it or owt though

GoodTouchBadTouch Thu 01-Aug-13 16:53:40

So whats your point Toys?

OPs husband would also have to swap shifts back with his boss, and give up his free weekend.

If she had posted "Is DH being U for not wanting to do this for our son" you and everyone else would've said "stop being so PFB, he is only 5"

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee Thu 01-Aug-13 17:01:17 point....just answering the OPs question.

And thanks for telling me what Id have posted, perhaps I could let you know what other threads I'm reading so you can tell me what i think of them? hmm

GoodTouchBadTouch Thu 01-Aug-13 17:19:02

You didn't answer her question though did you?

"who'd drive 3 hours each way let alone 10 to pick their kid up from a 2 night camping trip...?"

You just stated an irrelevant fact of your own.

Still don't know WTF it has to do with the situation.

ViviPru Thu 01-Aug-13 17:26:47

I'm still curious as to what your sister's proposed solution is given all of the facts, OP?

Betternc4this Thu 01-Aug-13 17:50:05

I've lost the plot completely on this thread I must say hmm

Not really sure what I'm supposed to be answering anymore.

Is it too early for wine ? - I feel I've been driven to it {grin}

See what I did there ? grin

I'll get mi coat.

PomBearArmy Thu 01-Aug-13 17:51:42

OP, You've made your mind up, so I'd abandon the thread if I were you, unless you want to answer the same questions a dozen more times. Let it fizzle out...

somewhereaclockisticking Thu 01-Aug-13 17:54:47

If you're not confident with the driving alone then I'd say sorry but not this time - lovely of yu to offer. It was a nice idea but she's only offering for a couple of nights and that would be a long drive for that length of time - a whole week maybe would be different. She should have waited until you had discussed it with your DP before getting your son excited about it all. Maybe you could suggest that they do something a little nearer to home another time and take your son then but they must check dates with you and DP first before mentioning it to your DS.

somewhereaclockisticking Thu 01-Aug-13 18:07:29

and no way would I drive 3 hours each way just so my child could spend a couple of nights with someone else. Think of the petrol money and the time it would take. I think your Dsis has abit of a nerve if she still expects you to go thorugh with the plans when it's obviousnthat you and your DP can't go along and have a mini break somewhere close by and do the drive back together. I know some people seem to think you are deproving your child of somke kid of incredible experience just because you're being lazy ... it's a couple of nights camping!! And so what if not wanting to drive for 6 hours (or in your case 10) is considered lazy parenting - I think they ABU to expect everyone to live up to their standards.

Thecurlywurlymum Thu 01-Aug-13 18:07:32

Fwiw. Anyone who has a fear of driving, in any situation whether it's motorways, roundabouts? Cities whatever shouldn't be on the roads in the first place.

Rooners Thu 01-Aug-13 18:14:02


Thecurlywurlymum Thu 01-Aug-13 18:19:13

Because they are not competent drivers. Maybe a compulsory re-test every few years wouldn't be a bad idea. We all see lousy drivers everyday on the roads

Rooners Thu 01-Aug-13 18:21:26

I mean, I disagree and think that's an odd point of view.

I've been driving since 1994 and I'm a good driver, well, I say that but what I mean is I drive nearly every day and have never hit anyone, or any other vehicle, and I am not generally nervous about driving.

However I am afraid of driving on motorways because they are a lot faster and more dangerous. You have to have much quicker reactions, you cannot afford to be distracted even for a split second, and other people often go at well above the speed limit and behave in an aggressive manner.

I don't feel safe on a motorway but it doesn't mean I'm not suitable to drive on normal roads. That doesn't even make sense.

Rooners Thu 01-Aug-13 18:23:44

I am a competent driver. I might not be very confident on a motorway but it doesn't mean I can't do it - I just dislike doing it, because it is more dangerous and challenging.

I am perfectly capable of driving elsewhere though.

That's like saying anyone who would be afraid to drive in a tour de France situation shouldn't be allowed on a bicycle.

Rooners Thu 01-Aug-13 18:24:14

Or anyone who is scared to climb mountains shouldn't be allowed up a hill.

Thecurlywurlymum Thu 01-Aug-13 18:27:15

Neither of the examples you gave are likely to endanger anyone else's life.

Rooners Thu 01-Aug-13 18:28:14

Yes they are. Well, as much as me driving on a motorway is.

Rooners Thu 01-Aug-13 18:29:05

Would you like some more examples though? I can go on, quite a bit, if you like smile

Rooners Thu 01-Aug-13 18:30:24

Actually that would be, me NOT driving on a motorway. I don't see why I shouldn't drive on other roads just because I hate motorways.

You haven't explained this.

ChippingInHopHopHop Thu 01-Aug-13 18:30:27

winewinewine & more wine

Sometimes one has to wonder if they're posting in a foreign language doesn't one grin

There's no way I'd be driving 3hrs (let alone 5) in each direction to collect my DS from a camping trip he can do anytime. It's not a one off opportunity!

ChippingInHopHopHop Thu 01-Aug-13 18:34:04

I don't really understand why people don't like driving on motorways (except people like TheBody who have had a really bad experience) - to me they are the 'easy' part of driving... but I think it's completely ridiculous that people say if you wont drive on a motorway you shouldn't be driving at all. There is no logic in that at all. Live & let live - and frankly, to that end, if people aren't happy to drive on the motorway they shouldn't be pushed into it, that is dangerous.

GoodTouchBadTouch Thu 01-Aug-13 18:34:56

Bollocks Curlywurly. Im not competent but I am safe. I don't drive anywhere I don't know. Id never just get in the car and make a trip using the satnav or road signs.

Im VERY unlikely to crash because Im the exact opposite of reckless. Im super careful all the time and never take risks because I don't trust myself.

BTW I passed both the theory and practical both times, but after 2 years of having 4 hours of lessons a week.

dontcallmehon Thu 01-Aug-13 18:38:28

I've been driving a year and have grown in confidence, but still sometimes get nervous in unfamiliar situations. I'd better surrender my driving licence and tell the DVLA that they were actually wrong to judge me safe to drive, because sometimes I get a little bit nervous.hmm

Twooter Thu 01-Aug-13 19:40:36

He's 5. He'll get over it, no big deal. I drive on motorways and I would feel annoyed at being expected to drive that 2 days. Chances are he'd rather be at home with his mum anyway.

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway Thu 01-Aug-13 20:16:08

How very dare you CurlyWurly. I am chuckling to myself , I very rarely NEED to drive on the motorway, therefore I very rarely do. Does that make me incompetent , I recently drove to Scotland, 10 hr trip. I didn't enjoy it but did it perfectly safely. Does ones enjoyment = competence.

rainbowbrite1980 Thu 01-Aug-13 22:02:13

I have a real fear of motorways, don't go on them as a passenger if I can avoid it, and even if I could drive I would never in a million years drive on one, I honestly wouldn't be safe - but DH manages to find a way of going anywhere without the motorway - we drove from Kent to North Wales without going on a motorway! You'll be able to pick your son up without a motorway, trust me - it will be accesssible by some kind of public transport.

I'd let him go, he'll be so disappointed if you don't. If you weren't going to let him you shiould have said so right away and stopped your sister building it up into something exciting.

rainbowbrite1980 Thu 01-Aug-13 22:05:56

oh, bollocks Curlywurly - there are many drivers who arie incompetent because they are cocky and reckless.

itsallaboutyoubaby Thu 01-Aug-13 22:18:32

WTAF is going on with this thread?

Some of you are almost gaslighting the OP! She's not kicking up a fuss or being difficult or anything else, she's just going through her options.

You're making out like she's having a nervous breakdown over it, you bunch of weirdos.

Beautyatethebeast Fri 02-Aug-13 07:37:03

Wow, just wow.

I left this thread because it went absolutely ridiculous. And I'm sick of answering the same questions and explaining myself over and over.

For what its worth I've spoken to dsis who AGREES it would be ridiculous for me or dp to make that journey in one day to pick him up. She also doesn't want to be driving an hour to pick me up from translations or meeting me off motorway junctions and certainly doesn't expect me to be paying £££ for train journeys either.

The whole idea was so that ds could have some fun while dp and I had a child free break.

Ds isn't even bothered anyway not shattered with disappointment like some people made out.

And as for saying because I don't like motorways I shouldn't be on the roads you're decking mental, sorry but you are. I've been driving in a busy city for 12 years with never an accident, I have 100% no claims bonus and I am totally confident. Motorway driving is a totally different kettle of fish hence why there is pass plus. And by the way I HAVE driven on a motorway with dp in the car and once on my own to bring new car home. And I had no accidents. But I don't enjoy it and it frightens me, I don't need to explain myself why.

I wish I didn't start the thread or I wish I'd just asked family hol vs camping trip, but because I tried to explain the why's of it some people have chosen to rip everything I've said apart.

I would double check with your dSIS that there is definitely no train option and if not say to sis and ds unfortunately its not possible this time but you can hopefully plan for it to happen next time they go.

Fallout1977 Fri 02-Aug-13 07:58:24

Regardless of whether the motorway driving is a problem or not you really need to address the issue anyway. We all need to drive on the motorway at some point so its important that you feel confident so you are as safe as you can be. I was scared of motorway driving but i had to get over it so i could pick up my DH when he was on a course halfway across the country. I got hopelessly lost, my satnav packed in and my phone battery ran out and I didn't have a charger but I got there (2 hours late & with 3 grumpy kids, 1 of whom was terribly car sick) but the sense of achievement was fantastic and now I enjoy bombing it up the motorway and can visit my mum whenever I want. My advice is: get hubby to take you on the motorway and get some experience, it's honestly really easy and you can go at your own pace. Don't forget to keep your mobile fully charged (I now have an in-car charger)
Good luck.

froubylou Fri 02-Aug-13 08:08:25

Well I have been driving 14 years. Did every motorway in the country as part of my job just after passing my test in a wreck of a metro.

I have a DD aged 9 and haven't driven on a motorway since having her.

It's not that I don't trust my driving. It's every one else I don't trust. If someone does something stupid stupid at 40mph chances are I getting out of the car battered andbrbruised but in one piece. At 70 mph with 3 or more lanes of traffic chances start reducing.

No one should be made to feel bad for not wanting to drive on motor ways. It's a personal choice and usuallyhhas valid reasons behind it.

And someone who is nervous or under pressure is more likely to make a mistake putting everyone else at risk.

fluffyraggies Fri 02-Aug-13 09:06:51

Morning OP grin

I'm sorry this thread has been such hard work. It goes like that sometimes in AIBU.

Frankly i wouldn't drive more than an hour each way to take one of my DCs on a two night stay somewhere. Unless it was some amazing once in a lifetime opportunity. Which this isn't.

Let alone 10 hour round trip.

I imagine there are many more people reading this thread than posting on it who would not consider for one moment doing a 10 hour round trip for that.

Rooners Fri 02-Aug-13 09:14:55

Beauty, please don't be too upset. This is what sometimes happens on MN. You start a perfectly innocent thread asking a simple-ish question and it gets turned into a massive, massive argument - it isn't your fault, you didn't phrase it wrong or anything.

People kind of jump on and use it as a vehicle for their own issues.

I'd step away now, you have stood well against the onslaught and tbh it's nothing to do with you now - I mean that in a good way, not telling you to leave! It's become about everyone else's issues and I am really sorry it went that way.

Sometimes I wonder if MN is pretty flawed in that sense, it has happened to my own threads SOOOO many times.

WestieMamma Fri 02-Aug-13 09:40:52

Is there any particular reason why your son needs picking up part way through the holiday? Can he not just stay for the week and come back with your sister?

imnotmymum Fri 02-Aug-13 10:15:32

Bunch of wierdos grin itsallaboutyou

Emilythornesbff Fri 02-Aug-13 10:34:59

grin * itsallaboutyoubaby* @ "bunch of weirdos"

mikulkin Sat 03-Aug-13 12:42:59

Sorry you are getting some strange advices.
If you don't feel comfortable driving on motorway then you shouldn't be doing it of course especially with DS in the car.

People are different - I would defo have driven 10 hours for my DS to have fun. I know he wouldn't be scarred or anything not to go on trip but I also know he would enjoy it tremendously and even though he may do it another time, still the chance is here and now. I don't say you are wrong and I am right, different choices.

The only thing which I want to say is that it seems like you have made up your mind and posted a thread just to get support, not opinions. Every time smb would come with some reasonable suggestion (like trying to find cheaper train tickets, or driving around motorway etc) you would just again explain your position. Why ask for advise then? I was reading a thread and thought, oh, ok her dp had better car, she can borrow it from him and make 10 hr drive for her DS, but then I knew if I suggest this you would find some explanation why you can't do it.

So my general plea for people who have made up their mind before posting a thread just not post it.
I don't post many threads myself and when I do, I usually really look for advice..

imnotmymum Sat 03-Aug-13 12:53:11

bunch of wierdos still making me laugh every time I see it

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