does anyone actually "save the day"?

(68 Posts)

Not really a thread about a thread as such, but there seem to be a lot about "save the day" cards, Woulds you really "Save the Day" because you were sent a card like this? I would definitely avoid arranging anything on a close friends/ relatives wedding day but I would expect to be told about the wedding in person, not by a card through the post. If I wanted to book a holiday or do anything really, I wouldn't not do it because someone that couldn't be bothered to tell me in person (in other words, someone that I don't see/ speak to regularly) had sent me card in the post, that from what people are saying on here, doesn't always mean that you are going to get a proper invite, if any, anyway.

petuniapickletits Tue 30-Jul-13 16:08:24

I think people who send save the dates usually have very large weddings or weddings that include lots of travel or around a time of year plenty of notice would beneeded

Otherwise they are just silly.

bumbleymummy Tue 30-Jul-13 16:11:14

Yep, have one for next summer. Saving the day smile Not really that big a wedding either.

fairieswearboots Tue 30-Jul-13 16:14:55

Batman has saved the day on a fair few occasions as I recall

ApocalypseThen Tue 30-Jul-13 16:15:24

I think they're ridiculous, rude and impertinent. I didn't send them. If you're inviting someone, send an invitation. We didn't use them on that basis.

Bowlersarm Tue 30-Jul-13 16:17:35

It depends if I want to go or not. If I didn't particularly then it wouldn't stop me going on holiday.

If it was something I wanted to attend then it would be handy to know about it as soon as possible.

meditrina Tue 30-Jul-13 16:17:56

I've only ever had two actual cards (plus one tip off conversation from groom who was getting married in the back of beyond and wanted to stuff the only convenient hotel with his friends for a weekend long party before anyone else knew to make bookings).

Both cards were pretty useless, as they were family weddings, and we'd been told the date. I just assumed that the hosts had sent them out to everyone they were inviting and really wanted there (easier than trying to remember who said what to whom).

KatAndKit Tue 30-Jul-13 16:20:08

I sent them because my wedding (next week) is smack in the middle of the school holidays and is also a week day. People often book their holiday in the autumn for the next summer so we told everyone the date well before the actual invitations were sent out. As a result almost everyone we invited is able to attend so it worked well

irregularegular Tue 30-Jul-13 16:20:54

Yes, of course, why wouldn't you? For weddings and for other parties. Usually they are informal e-mail invites. The nice, paper invites often come much later as it takes people a while to get organised, but they want to make sure everyone knows the date.

Most children's birthday parties these days I seem to get an e-mail well ahead so that it can go in the diary. Usually a paper invite for the benefit of the children follows, but not always.

It was a long time ago, but I'm pretty sure we contacted all guests about our wedding date well ahead of me getting all the handmade (by me) invites done.

nemno Tue 30-Jul-13 16:21:10

I've never had one. I'll save the day if I'm asked and intending to go obviously. So if I were to be sent one I would do the same.

KellyElly Tue 30-Jul-13 16:23:00

Do you mean 'save the date?'. As far as I'm aware only superheros save the day grin

badguider Tue 30-Jul-13 16:24:25

It depends on many many things whether I do actually 'save' the date, but I do really appreciate getting the card so at least if I do book something that clashes because I consider it more important then I'm doing it in full knowledge.

I can't see how anybody could find pre-warning of a date by post to be something to get offended about hmm but then I learn every day on mn of new reasons to be offended that hadn't occured to me grin

TeWiSavesTheDay Tue 30-Jul-13 16:25:05

I do. Although I have 2 for next year and no 2014 calendar so woke up at 3am last week thinking they were both the same weekend (they aren't)

I quite like them.

ChunkyChicken Tue 30-Jul-13 16:26:11

We sent save the date cards as we knew the date we'd booked for the wedding would be in prime holiday season, but only to those "VIP" guests (& who were probably already aware of the event anyway), and at such an early date that sending a wedding invite wasn't practical or possible to a certain extent & seemed odd - only the vaguest of plans were in place. As soon as the details were "filled in" & the invites made, we sent those. We certainly wouldn't have not invited anyone we'd sent a save the date card & didn't send them to evening only invitees for example.

OrangeLily Tue 30-Jul-13 16:27:17

We sent ours out when the day wasn't finalised and it was quite far in the future. I think about 18 months. We only sent to people we would definitely be inviting to the whole day.

However, we do have very very busy friends and family who do tend to plan holidays and travelling quite far in advance so they were grateful for notice. We then sent out invitations with about 5 months notice.

As for 'rude and impertinent' to be invited to a wedding, and to want your presence so much they give you some warning. Poor little loved you! What a damn shame!

member Tue 30-Jul-13 16:28:25

I'd never heard of them until I started using Mumsnet!

Seems to me that they are another ruse by card/social stationary manufacturers to increase their coffers. I'm convinced that many using them would be better served with cards which state "we've set a date" as an announcement of their impending nuptials.

When I was a bride, I don't think I'd have been horrendously disappointed if someone couldn't have made it due to clashing dates unless they were immediate family/bridal party & I'd have told them verbally if their attendance was that crucial to me.

Should I receive a STD card in the future, I'd most probably note the date on my calendar but wouldn't turn down an alternative engagement until I'd received an actual invitation tbh.

SarahNoDuck Tue 30-Jul-13 16:28:26

wish I'd got one last year. Had to miss an old friend's wedding because the invitation came less than months ahead and that was too late for us to arrange leave from work etc. sad

OrangeLily Tue 30-Jul-13 16:28:27

(And by day being finalised I meant the plans, times, etc.... The actual date was!)

SarahNoDuck Tue 30-Jul-13 16:28:47

less than two

meditrina Tue 30-Jul-13 16:28:48

(I think topping schoolgirls can also save the day, in perfectly ripping ways!)

Not a big wedding, but I tried to call people coming who I couldnt specifically meet in person, to ask them if they would save the day for the wedding (after they already know about the wedding) and I also asked them if they wanted me to send along a save the day card a bit closer to the date.

oscarwilde Tue 30-Jul-13 16:34:20

We did a STD grin email as about 50% of our guests would be coming by air and it was a weekend which hotels like to increase rates for, and babysitting can be hard to come by. I felt it would be rude to issue invites 6 weeks beforehand under those circumstances.

OwlinaTree Tue 30-Jul-13 16:38:49

It's just advanced warning about when it will be. I don't think you need to get upset about it. If you like the people and want to go, you will keep the date free. If you are not that bothered you won't. If you actively don't want to go, you will then have lots of time to think of an excuse!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 30-Jul-13 16:41:38

It's just an advance warning. Useful.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 30-Jul-13 16:44:50

IMO, it's no ruder than a formal invitation. It just means that people who need to make plans have more notice, and invitations can be sent out later. I don't see the problem. Are you expecting the couple to call/ visit every single invitee?

ApocalypseThen Tue 30-Jul-13 16:45:04

As for 'rude and impertinent' to be invited to a wedding, and to want your presence so much they give you some warning. Poor little loved you! What a damn shame!

I do consider it rude and impertinent to ask people to avoid making plans in case you decide to send an invitation. As to what the rest of it means, I'm sure it's supposed to be some kind of cutting insult but I'm afraid I don't understand it.

noseymcposey Tue 30-Jul-13 16:46:47

I think the concept is quite common.. save the date cards for weddings and I sometimes get save the date emails for other celebrations (birthday nights out etc)

Actually think it makes sense, though I've never done it. You might still be deciding what to do/make bookings and what you do might depend on how many can make it. Plus you can get good last minute offers so can be quite sensible to earmark a date and finalise plans later.

MrsDeVere Tue 30-Jul-13 16:47:42

I clicked on this and thought it was going to be 'Did anyone ever actually 'Save the Whale'

I don't know why...maybe I am feeling nostalgic for my teens <wistful>

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 30-Jul-13 16:47:54


Still don't understand your ire. Save the Date is a request, not an order, just as an invitation is. If you can't come you can't come. If you do;t want to change your plans, don't. But it gives you more warning to do so if you can.

thebody Tue 30-Jul-13 16:48:28

sorry I thought this thread was asking if you had ever 'saved the day' like done something emmense?

if so I found an odd bott of white wine lurking in my fridge last night and it saved my day!! 😀

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 30-Jul-13 16:49:27

I've been sent a text for a party - it was indeed a heads up to the date, but the venue hadn't been finalised yet

noseymcposey Tue 30-Jul-13 16:49:47


"I do consider it rude and impertinent to ask people to avoid making plans in case you decide to send an invitation."

That isn't what they are for though. It is what one woman has done on the bridezilla thread, incorrectly, and that is indeed rude and impertinent but she has got the wrong end of the stick.

It's basically the same as someone ringing you up and saying 'put a note in your diary we're getting married on this date, more details to follow later' and then deciding not to invite you after all. Someone, somewhere has probably done this but it's not the norm.

teatimesthree Tue 30-Jul-13 16:51:31

I am usually the first to bridle at wedding impertinence, but I think they are a good idea. Having said that, I would only save the date if I actually wanted to go to the wedding.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 30-Jul-13 16:52:14

me too teatimesthree grin

BackforGood Tue 30-Jul-13 16:52:26

I've only ever had one of these, and it was quite useful as I wouldn't have automatically expected to be invited to the wedding, so it was helpful to know we were going to be, so that year I avoided booking our holiday for that date.
I do think you could generally do it through systems you are already communicating through anyway though - be that speaking to someone or on FaceBook or by e-mail, or putting it in the previous year's Christmas Card or something. It does seem another thing invented by the whole wedding industry for Brides to spend more money on than you really need to.

TallulahBetty Tue 30-Jul-13 16:53:19

Yes, if I was going to go. Unsure if this was i inspired by my thread, but I saved the date for an upcoming wedding (including booking the day off work).

MissStrawberry Tue 30-Jul-13 16:56:10

DH and I have received two save the date cards in the past for a wedding and a civil partnership and we were subsequently invited to both.

When we were planning our weddings I wouldn't have sent out save cards but I did tell my future MIL the wedding date so she could tell the family so they knew when it would be. I was considering the fact that people like to book holidays in advance and go away in the summer.

AngusAndElspethsThistleWhistle Tue 30-Jul-13 16:57:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meganorks Tue 30-Jul-13 17:02:45

I wasn't planning to send them but found out a friend of a friend has their wedding the same day and another the weekend after. So thinking actually a busy time of year and people might appreciate some notice. That and the wedding is over a year away so I'm not in a position to send actual invites but seems silly not to give people a heads up if date is set. Only sending to day guests, and some will already know but don't want to miss people. Will try and tell evening guests in person. And send actual invites with as much notice as I can

ravenlocks Tue 30-Jul-13 17:03:44

Never heard of "save the date" cards being sent to people you don't eventually invite to your wedding - that is rude and that would be offensive.

Otherwise I think they are very sensible esp if the wedding is on a weekend in the Summer. I would avoid making other plans -only if I wanted to and planned to go. I am less likely to misplace/forget about a nice card than I am a text or email. As has been said, they are not an order!!

Jan49 Tue 30-Jul-13 17:14:53

I don't think I'd ever heard of them before mumsnet. Never received or sent one. When I was getting married, it was a very small wedding - about a dozen people - so we contacted everyone and asked them about their availability for the month or so when we hoped to book a date, then booked the date knowing that everyone could come. That would work for a bigger wedding if you just contacted the close family members and friends that you particularly wanted to be there.

whois Tue 30-Jul-13 17:23:58

Yes, of course I would save the date! They are normally sent out when the date has been decided but not all the details like venue and times are fully sorted, gives you a heads up if you need to travel abroad or something.

EBearhug Tue 30-Jul-13 22:35:30

Am I the only one who, every time I read a reference to STD cards, thinks, "I think I'd probably just tell them face to face or by email rather than send a card, if I had to tell them they should get themselves checked?" Maybe it's a gap in the Moonpig market... "You need testing! I've got chlamydia!"

Just me then...

Anyway - I quite like the idea of save the date notification, whether it's by card or email or phonecall or whatever. At work, some of the presentations we set up start with a save the date calendar invitation, usually because the rooms haven't been confirmed yet, but if you don't save the date, you get low attendance, because people end up booking other meetings in that timeslot. I have booked some other weekends away and so on at times which didn't clash with a save the date weekend. I used to have a German boyfriend, and we would book flights a way in advance because it was cheaper, so save the date was definitely helpful then. These days, I'm nearly always free.

dementedma Tue 30-Jul-13 22:53:25

I've never heard of these before. The things you learn on MN!

ShellyBoobs Tue 30-Jul-13 23:07:44

I've got an STD at the moment.

My other half's friend gave it to me the other week.

<fnarr grin>

Being serious for a moment, I'm not sure there's much point to them in most circumstances.

This one though is for a date in winter, in a different country, and from what OH's friend said they were a little concerned that people would use all their holiday's from work and be unable to attend if they didn't do something early enough...

PrettyKitty1986 Tue 30-Jul-13 23:18:43

I sent std's out a fortnight ago for my wedding.

People receiving them (only close friends and family, day invites) already knew...but my wedding is on 1st June, a Sunday. It's prime holiday time so I just wanted to give people an official heads up that they can keep to hand.

I would hope any of my day guests would be pleased to receive one and not 'insulted' or 'offended' hmm

We received one a few years ago. We did std but dh's oldest friend returned to the country to marry his now dw. Dh was best man so i felt dreadful we couldn't go to the original one.
The second wedding was awful and i wish we had at least done a wedding each iykwim.

trixymalixy Tue 30-Jul-13 23:32:34

The last 2 weddings I have been to we have received STD cards and we did STD. I think it's quite useful to get advance notice so you can book hotel rooms etc.

Mogz Wed 31-Jul-13 06:24:22

We sent Save the Date cards as more than half of our guests were flying from either France or Australia to the UK and it would have been tricky to ring them all what with the time difference. We designed them to match the rest of our wedding stationery and got some lovely feedback.

Morgause Wed 31-Jul-13 06:28:34

A young friend sent us a "Save the Day" card saying it was for the wedding and the evening do. She also sent me a text, a message on Facebook and told me face to face.

She took things even further when she took my phone and added it to events.

We saved the day and it was a lovely one.

nkf Wed 31-Jul-13 06:34:10

How much do they cost?

LouiseD29 Wed 31-Jul-13 06:38:09

We had a limited capacity at our wedding venue so we sent save the date cards so that people who definitely couldn't make it would let us know and we could then open the invite up to a few more people who we couldn't originally fit in. The invites were from my parents so wouldn't really have worked to call everyone up. They were only for people who were definitely invited though - wouldn't have dreamt of sending a save the date and then not an invite - that would be awful.

LouiseD29 Wed 31-Jul-13 06:39:38

nfk - ours were designed by my sister and printed by my mum, so just the cost of the card, ink and postage.

louwn Wed 31-Jul-13 06:57:09

I made my own too - bought a personalised stamp (about 20 quid), a fancy shaped hole punch and some ribbon - done! Postage costs were more than making the cards I would have thought! As others have said, if getting married on a popular date they are very useful.

Happiestinwellybobs Wed 31-Jul-13 07:06:01

I have received two: one for a friends wedding which was helpful as we do tend to get booked up at this time of year. I put it on the calendar and have kept the day free.

The other was from husband's cousin who sent us one 18 months prior to the day. However the wedding is abroad and I genuinely don't think we're expected to attend. When I joked with his family whether they were paying for us to go (as I wasn't sure why I needed to save that date) I was told that I was being beyond rude confused

TheDoctrineOfAllan Wed 31-Jul-13 07:31:23

We sent them because people were asking my parents what the date was, plus we flagged no children on the save the date six months ahead.

megsmouse Wed 31-Jul-13 07:34:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marriedinwhiteisback Wed 31-Jul-13 07:43:02

What happens though if a friend asks you to "save the day" you say you've saved it; and then your brother (or such like) announces his wedding and obviously you then have to backtrack.

Whatever happened to sending the invitations 6-8 weeks in advance and if folk were away, otherwise engaged, then they simply had a previous engagement. That's what we did 23 years ago and oddly enough only one one couple couldn't come because of a pre-booked holiday.

meditrina Wed 31-Jul-13 07:43:05

You don't need to pay for a card to give someone a heads up that you will be inviting them to an event (that's marketing). A card is a replacement for a letter, so you can just write giving date and location information (and anything else you think guests need to know early on) and that an invitation will follow.

Of course, those you see, ring or email frequently can be told by those mean, and then it doesn't even cost a stamp.

nkf Wed 31-Jul-13 08:20:26

After reading one of the many STD threads, I googled them (yes, I have very little to do.) One of the bridezalla sites said it was important to get them right because they give your guests the first indication of the type of wedding you were having. Yeah, that's right. I pore over them, gleaning the indication. Start thinking about my outfit. Er, no. I stick them on the noticeboard in the kitchen.

OrangeLily Wed 31-Jul-13 11:07:56

When I made mine I got something's me 500 (unnecessarily large quantity) business cards from a website doing an offer. Only paid £1 something for postage.

Then put them in Christmas cards and gave out by hand.

Cost a total of £1 something and that was it!

DoctorRobert Wed 31-Jul-13 11:19:23

We sent out save the date emails 9 months prior to our wedding. (designed like a save the date card, but emailed to save money.)

We had a very small wedding with just close family (20 of us) so we really wanted to make sure that everybody was going to be available.

To answer your question OP, when we receive a save the date, yes, we save the date. I would assume to be invited after that, and would be pretty pissed off if subsequently wasn't!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 31-Jul-13 11:25:44


Actually, giving someone an STD is the height of poor manners, so I've changed my mind


DoctorRobert Wed 31-Jul-13 11:27:58

What happens though if a friend asks you to "save the day" you say you've saved it; and then your brother (or such like) announces his wedding and obviously you then have to backtrack.

You don't formally RSVP to a save the date. It's just a heads up. So if your brother then announced his wedding for the same date, you don't need to backtrack on anything - you just RSVP that you can't attend when the actual invitation arrives, as you would have done had there been no save the date in the first place.

MidniteScribbler Wed 31-Jul-13 11:30:45

I think they're good, but until I've rsvp'd to an actual invitation, I may choose to accept another invitation. I won't schedule my holidays around a wedding though, my holidays are at set times and a family holiday trumps a wedding..

freddiefrog Wed 31-Jul-13 11:44:20

We sent save the date cards when we got married. We have family dotted all over the place and we booked our venue a year in advance so wanted to give people as much notice as we could

We then sent proper invitations nearer the time and included loads of information once our plans were finalised (I made a block booking at a local hotel so guests could get discounted rates, we organised mini buses as our venue was out in the sticks so guests could leave their cars at the hotel, etc, etc)

We only sent them to people we invited though, it's unspeakably rude to send them to all and sundry and then whittle down the guest list when you send invites out

notso Wed 31-Jul-13 11:55:36

I've just been told off by MIL because she saw SIL's save the date magnet was in the bin.
The date has passed and it was in Las Vegas so we couldn't go anyway hmm

I also got told off for putting photo thank you cards from new baby gifts and weddings in the bin. I am supposed to keep them in an album apparently.

tabulahrasa Wed 31-Jul-13 12:00:43

I've only ever had one - and I knew when the wedding was months before I got it and that I was going to be invited, so it seemed a bit pointless really.

Though I don't have enough things going on that I've ever had a wedding clash with anything else anyway, lol

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