To consider not going to my big sister's wedding?

(87 Posts)
ClaireMammaBear Mon 29-Jul-13 23:31:17

I would love a bit of impartial advice on this one. My sister is getting married on 26th October and my due date is 30th September. I am really stressing myself out thinking about whether or not I will be able to attend the wedding, we live in Bedfordshire and the wedding is in Edinburgh so a very long drive/ train journey with a newborn and still recovering from labour, especially if little one is late. I definitely do not want to leave him with someone when he is that young. Loads of family members have told me it will be OK and they can travel that young but it sounds like a nightmare! They have also said not to make any decision until baby is born so I can see how I feel about it but I would rather tell her sooner rather than later so we don't waste her money and so we can cancel the hotel. To add to it my sister has also fallen out with my Dad and has asked him not to attend the wedding, I am still close to my Dad so I am worried that she will think I am siding which is absolutely not the case.

Its my sisters wedding and I would love to go but at the end of the day baby has to come first now so I am thinking it might be best to sit it out. AIBU?

phantomnamechanger Mon 29-Jul-13 23:36:36

I would not even contemplate going TBH, really I wouldn't!
Baby might be 2 weeks late - you might have a rough time(hopefully not, but recovery is not always easy!) - you will certainly be trying to get to grips with being a new mum and the tiredness and hormones and trying to get into a routine.

you don't need the added stress of family politics - if they cant see you need to put you and baby first, just try to shrug it off.

Can you just explain to her how you are feeling and ask to decide after the birth? I would be fine with this if I were bride

BlackeyedSusan Mon 29-Jul-13 23:37:29

two weeks late and a c section? ouch.

two weeks late and infected stitches.

sugarandspite Mon 29-Jul-13 23:38:41

Could you say to her that you're hoping to go but will have to see how you are recovering once DC has arrived?

You might have an easy, straightforward birth and enjoy the trip up (I'd def go by train so you can sit and feed comfortably without having to worry about stopping at services again )

Or DC might be very late, you might have a c section or a tougher birth and be shattered and still in your pjs.

I really think you should wait and see. It would be a shame not to go if you can make the journey as easy as possible if you are feeling well. And honestly, newborns are the MOST portable of any stage. I would much rather do a long trip with a newborn than a toddler!

saggyhairyarse Mon 29-Jul-13 23:41:40

I would make the effort to go. Baby will hopefully be a month old by then and, besides, it is your sisters wedding!

Baby will more than likely sleep a lot in the car and you can stop regularly on the way if need be. More than likely you will be fully recovered from labour by then and feeding will be established.

Often we worry about things in advance when they are new experiences but 9 times out of 10 the reality is not half as bad as what we had imagined it would be (this has been true for me going through all the major milestones with babies like weaning, establishing sleep routines, going on first holiday with baby, potty training, starting nursery school etc to name but a few).

Of course you are going to be concerned if it is not something you've done before but it would be a shame for you to decline the invite when everything is likely to be fine and you might actually enjoy yourself (and get to show off baby at the same time).

JassyRadlett Mon 29-Jul-13 23:43:03

What does your sister say?

Honestly, you just can't say whether you'll be up to it or not. If you're overdue and/or have a C section, then I think it would be pretty difficult.

That said you may be a bit early or have an amazing recovery. You may have a baby who is brilliant in the car - I went away with DS when he was 7 weeks and he was a dream on the journey, though awful on short car trips.

If your sister needs a definite answer now I'd say no, because there are too many uncertainties. But if she's keen to be flexible so that if you do feel up to it at the last moment, you can go,then it might be nice to keep that option open as long as you don't think it will increase the pressure on you closer to the time or heighten your sister's disappointment.

I didn't attend my brother's wedding for (different) good reasons. My other brother didn't attention mine, for ditto reasons. We all understood, and we're all still close.

saggyhairyarse Mon 29-Jul-13 23:43:27

^ + two weeks late and c-section delivery aside wink

2468Motorway Mon 29-Jul-13 23:43:35

Honesty wait and see. You might feel good and want lots of family cooing over your little bundle. Or you might have your baby 2 weeks over with a complicated delivery and just want to stay close to home.

Just wait, people would understand if you felt rubbish and didn't want to come a few days before. You are her sister. On the other hand don't miss out if you don't have to.

I took my first baby into work the week she was born. I felt ok and it was lovely to see people who really knew me (rather than midwife and health visitor).

If you have to give a definite answer now, I'd say no. It would be better to decide after the birth if you can, though, as some people sail through ok.

Do remember that babies can't be in a car seat for more than 2 hours without a break, so the journey there might take a while. Also, I bled very heavily (think gushing) for about 3 weeks after the birth, to an extent it would have made attending a wedding difficult. It's also difficult to anticipate how you'll cope with sleep deprivation.

canyou Mon 29-Jul-13 23:45:33

I would wait and see how you feel tbh, My DSis was a bridesmaid when her dd was 9days old at our older DSis wedding and all went well, she bought her Sil as an extra help/baby carrying person and everyone who would have been visiting her and the new baby at home saw the baby at the wedding and did not bother her at home. Also the photographer took some beautiful pics of. the baby which older DSis paid for

Tobagostreet Mon 29-Jul-13 23:46:36

I'm sure your sister will understand that you will need to wait till nearer the time to fully confirm your attendance.

Just make sure she knows that you do really want to be there, but the obvious complexity of being so close to your due date, may make it too difficult.

To counter some of the other posts, you may have your DC early (my 1st was near 2 weeks early!) and may be fit and we'll to attend smile.

Twirlyhot Mon 29-Jul-13 23:48:00

Have you thought about [[ the sleeper train? You could pick it up at Rugby or Milton Keynes. You would have a berth instead of a seat and might find it easier to cope with.

Twirlyhot Mon 29-Jul-13 23:49:06
3boys3dogshelp Mon 29-Jul-13 23:49:37

I have managed to have very bad timing with both my babies so far - I was a bridesmaid when ds1 was 5 weeks old (2 1/2hours from home) and again when ds2 was 6 weeks (about 6 1/2 hours from home, in the woods!!). First time I was dreading it, but bride was my best friend. It was fine, actually fun in the end. Second time I was much less worried. I agree tiny babies are amazingly portable as long as you feed them they are asleep most of the time, ESP in the car.
I would speak to your sister, tell her you want to go but might not be able to if baby is late etc and see what she says. If she is easy going about you possibly changing plans at short notice I'd try to go. She us your sister and will only be doing this once.

tableandsofa Mon 29-Jul-13 23:49:50

We traveled abroad when DT's were 3 weeks old after I had a CS, it was easy so don't worry. Traveling with babies when they are tiny is much easier than when they are toddlers. If you stress about it then it's going to be so much harder than it needs to be. Have a great time at the wedding smile

MrsMongoose Mon 29-Jul-13 23:51:32

I'd go. I'd have been devastated if my sister missed my wedding. She's my best friend in the world.

Twirlyhot Mon 29-Jul-13 23:51:44
BuildMeUpButtercup Mon 29-Jul-13 23:54:09

Honestly? I would go! (Assuming you're not bedridden or whatever!) Your baby should be approximately a month old by then.
It's only one single day and an overnight stay. It's your sister's wedding. Go.
(Said by someone with two children.)

LazyMonkeyButler Mon 29-Jul-13 23:54:25

It's your sister. If it were my sister, yes I would go. However, I appreciate that all three of my DCs have been induced early & all three have been vaginal births. Therefore, recovery time is minimal.

I'm not sure how I would feel travelling from Beds to Edinburgh with a newborn after a C-section, for example. But if it was humanly possible, I would be there.

I know it's different, as I hadn't actually given birth at the time BUT I was in hospital (on the ante-natal ward) the night before my DB's wedding with pre-eclampsia. I was discharged at 7am on the day of the wedding & went back to hospital at 9am the day after. There was no way I was going to miss it!

thebody Mon 29-Jul-13 23:55:27

wait and see as you can't possibly predict these things.

reassure her you want to go and will do so if at all possible

ignore the dad complication that's between them.

libertine73 Mon 29-Jul-13 23:58:05

just leave the hotel booked, chances are all would be fine, I would go. can't you get flights?

Swallowing Mon 29-Jul-13 23:58:23

That is a month apart, even if the baby is late you could still do it. My 3 week old was brought 4000 miles to meet her family.

Tweasels Tue 30-Jul-13 00:01:50

Your sister will have to understand that you won't know until after the baby is born. I think if the baby is late it will be a struggle.

However, if baby is on time or early, it's actually easier travelling with a new born than an older baby, especially if you're choosing to breastfeed.

I know not quite the same but we took DD to stay in a hotel for 3 nights when she was 8 weeks. It was so easy, easier than taking her now at 2

SeeJaneWin Tue 30-Jul-13 00:09:05

Talk to your sister. Is it your first baby? Honestly, even if you are late, you could still feel absolutely fine to go in the car or on the train (Top tip - book early and go First class when travelling with baby). It so depends on how your pregnancy is going, and how you feel after the birth, which is not something you can plan in advance, unless you already know you are will have a c-section or will need extra time to recover for any reason. If you let her know that you may need to decide at the last minute, will she be ok with that? These things make all the difference. Good luck!

justanuthermanicmumsday Tue 30-Jul-13 00:11:36

My thoughts are the same as poster saggy.

i have to travel to shakespeare country from edinburgh its about 6 hours in a car sometimes longer. i have 4 children its easier when they are tiny babies, all they do is sleep through the journey. No moaning mostly no worries about vomiting although one of my babies has severe nausea, i don't think that's common though. No worries about pee accidents in car, fighting siblings etc. if you breastfeed express milk for journey and when you have a service stop breast feed in car or some services do have rooms for feeding and changing. Otherwise bottle of milk is easy just arm ache hanging over the feed the baby but they don't have much when they're tiny so your arm won't fall off from the ache. The main headache is being prepared pack baby flask for bottles get refilled in services they're very good with that. Nappies, tissues, wet wipes, carrier bags for rubbish and dirty clothes, change of clothes to hand in case baby is severely sick.

I never used to get travel sick but 6 -7 hours in a stuffy car no matter how luxury the car is made me sick. I take tablets now before this long journey and carrier bags in case I'm sick forget the kids lol

Supposing you have a straight forward birth no complications in a month you will be good to go. Tired yes but you sleep let partner drive, that's wht i did.

I think i would regret not being at my big sis wedding I'm sure you will too say you will go unless you are late delivering or there are complications which require a c section.

I wish you all the best with your labour, i hope it is a simple delivery smile

littleoaktree Tue 30-Jul-13 00:15:30

Both my dc were 1-2 wks early, I had easy labours and quick recovery - I would definitely go and would be v upset if my dsis hadn't made my wedding in those circs or if I hadn't made the effort to go to hers in those circs. However as others have said you don't know how you'll feel so I would decide after the birth.

Also I would plan to drive so you can easily take all the stuff with you and I would plan to break the journey up/back eg in York. That way you could do it in pretty easy 3ish hour sections with a couple of stops in that time. Then if your dc doesn't sleep well/you're uncomfortable you'll have only quite a short time in the car. Honestly it won't be as bad as you fear smile

GeordieCherry Tue 30-Jul-13 00:47:26

Don't stress yourself out with making yourself decide now. Talk to her & see if she has a cut off for definitely knowing & decide then

It's totally doable if the ifs are right & most importantly you feel up to it

We went to a wedding with 2 week old DD but as it was only an hour away we decided on the day (agreed with the bride & groom!). She got to meet lots of people all in one go so it saved us some visiting later on smile

BackforGood Tue 30-Jul-13 00:58:50

Just let her know there's a real likelihood you won't be able to make it, and ask her how late you can let her know without letting her down 'at the last minute'. If anyone tries to push you into committing, then let them know that the answer in that case will have to be no.

Reiltin Tue 30-Jul-13 01:03:25

I'd plan to go. We did two weddings in baby's first month, one of which was a weekend away. Really got us used to getting out and about!

Goooooooooooooooooooooood Tue 30-Jul-13 01:03:33

I think it is fine to wait and see how it goes. Tell her you are planning to go but can't promise it. Her caterers may allow a little flexibility. I would double check you can, if need be, cancel the hotel at a later date. If not cancel it now and rebook one where you can cancel up until the day before (if this is practical / possible).
I drove myself about 150 miles with a 2 week old, a one year old and a three year old and it was easy. However, there have been times when just taking them to the local park was hellish! You just cant tell.
I generally felt ok after my births and was up and about but tired.
I wouldn't worry about it and see what happens.

Hope it all brilliantly thanks

Goooooooooooooooooooooood Tue 30-Jul-13 01:04:45

...oops missed out 'goes'

Hope it all goes brilliantly blush

Sunnysummer Tue 30-Jul-13 01:19:58

Can you be really enthusiastic about it for now, and then if you do have to cancel it, your family will understand that it's just circumstances getting in the way.

Like people say, you really have no idea how you will feel until afterwards, and it may be sad for family relationships not to attend.

MrsKoala Tue 30-Jul-13 01:23:21

As others have said wait and see. Then if you are late/have a rough time she can see that it really isn't you siding with your dad. Tell her you really want to be there but make sure she understands sometimes it can't be helped.

You just can't predict. I was in an NCT group of 7 first time pregnant women last year. One was 4 weeks early (mum and baby fine), so would have been easy to go. 5 others all had babies around due date (give or take 5 days) 2 were fine, 1 had a blood transfusion and lots of stitches and 2 had emergency C-sections where one had to stay in hospital with infections for 8 days. And 1 poor fucker was 2wks late, 3 day labour, forceps, tearing, stitches, double incontinence and was in hospital for 5 days.

I would say out of the 7 of us, 4 would have been fine to go and 3 wouldn't. So based on my totally unscientific research you should be fine smile

CocacolaMum Tue 30-Jul-13 01:35:56

Speak to her. In these situations, communication is key. From your sister POV though I am surprised that she hasn't addressed this with you - its common sense that Bedfordshire to Edinburgh is a hell of a trip having just given birth.

WafflyVersatile Tue 30-Jul-13 01:40:53

Another wait and see.

Plenty of people do travel with a very young baby.

NapaCab Tue 30-Jul-13 01:47:41

We traveled from Edinburgh to London when DS was 5 weeks old so it's possible but in your case of course, you don't know yet when you'll deliver and how the delivery will be / how your baby will be. We took a Virgin train first-class from Glasgow to London, driving from Edinburgh to Glasgow first, and it was pretty comfortable.

It depends on how important it is to your sister for you to be there. If she really wants you to be there, you should make the effort as she is your sister after all but if she has said she's OK either way then don't put yourself out. Make sure you send her a nice gift and card instead!

Primadiva Tue 30-Jul-13 01:54:18

I had very different labours (DS1 a week early, long labour; DS2 2 weeks late, easy peeeeeasy quick labour) but pretty hard recoveries with both (4th and 3rd degree tears respectively) but neither were enough to have stopped me seeing my sister get married. Even with nowhere special to be we went on pretty long journeys after both boys to take advantage of paternity leave (and stop us going stir-crazy)! I totally agree newborns are easy to travel with but I also know my sisters would understand if I said I had to wait to see how things go. Yours and your baby's well-being are your priority and you don't need any added pressure so explain you'll do your absolute best but that it's out of your hands to commit.

You also need to consider practicalities - I got pretty bad mastitis this time (DS2 only 16 weeks old so still pretty fresh) and I wouldn't have fancied bfing through it on a train (!) so, as with all things newborn, planning ahead is probably key wink Your sister is no doubt as concerned about the arrangements as you are and of her wedding causing you additional worries. Talk to your sister, enjoy the end of your pregnancy and, all being well, showing off your beautiful month-old bundle while watching your sister walk down the aisle. Good luck! xxxxx

Babies of that age are hugely portable and often far easier to travel with than an older children.

My DD was born on 30th September, and we (we meaning me and DD) flew home to Germany on the 21st October. Two hours to the airport, three hours in the airport, two hours on the plane, forty minutes in the airport, an hour in the car and she was absolutely brilliant. A month later we drove seven hours to the ferry, twelve hours sailing, four hour drive and again she was fab. We travelled all over the place during her first year, due to being an Army family based overseas and it was always totally fine.

She's now a toddler, and it is SO much harder.

I also had a ridiculous amount of stitches, but after three weeks they were fine.

If you want to go your LO will travel fine.

She's now

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Tue 30-Jul-13 01:56:00

I did this, DS1 was born three weeks before my sister's wedding by c-section and a week past his due date. I had an infection, was sent back to hospital for an extra week two days after baby and I were first discharged and my sister lives an hours flight away. We still went, as it meant so much to me to be there if I possibly could.

The likelihood is it could difficult for you, baby will be fine. It was hard and my memories of the day are a blur but I am glad I went. I strongly recommend you fly if possible.

justanuthermanicmumsday Tue 30-Jul-13 02:16:08

Flying is more hassle in my opinion. the baby won't be a problem since he/ she isn't mobile. you pay for separate seat or hold the baby. since its a newborn a separate seat would be better, so thats another charge.but in terms of time its a bit less than a car journey. add on the time to travel to the airport, Plus 2 hours early for checkout.Then lots of waiting around standing dragging luggage, hassle of getting in with the baby just settle down sigh of relief sipping into tea plane up down, announcement we are Landing already. I found it more stressful.

But you could try it you may like it we are all different.

littlewhitebag Tue 30-Jul-13 06:37:44

I took DD2 to a wedding when she was a few days old. It was absolutely lovely and she was a complete star. DD1 wasn't even 2 so we had our hands full but there were plenty of people around to amuse her. It is your sister. I think I would try and make the effort. Traveling with a small baby is so easy.

Oriunda Tue 30-Jul-13 07:27:51

The train journey from London-Edinburgh is only 4.5hrs and is actually very pleasant and relaxing, even in standard class. Your seats are prebooked and you can even buy baby a ticket (they travel free but it worked out cheaper to buy our DS a ticket rather than just us 2) so you have an extra seat for space. If you book in advance, first class is really worth it as you get free tea/coffee etc and the seats are very comfortable. You could pick up the train in Peterborough if that made more sense than coming down to London.

I wouldn't fly personally, as stated above too much hassle.

londonrach Tue 30-Jul-13 07:34:10

My sister was due to give birth a week before my wedding. I completely understand she might not be there. It's only a wedding and my husband and I wanted a marriage. As it turned out baby was born 4 days before and my amazing sister against medical advice turned up for the service only which is the bit that matters. I have one precious picture of her outside the church. As we took loads of pictures of the venue she says she felt like she was there. See how you feel nearer the time and good luck with the birth. X

StayAwayFromTheEdge Tue 30-Jul-13 07:43:02

I would do it - we've travelled with DS1 to Scotland when he was a month old, and took DS2 to France at 6 weeks and camping at around 10 weeks. They are far easier at this age than when they a toddlers.

FirstStopCafe Tue 30-Jul-13 08:17:35

I was invited to a wedding a fair drive away a month after my due date. Bride was really accommodating and said I didn't need to confirm attendance until 3 days before when final numbers were given to venue
Could your sister do this?

I really wanted to go but ended up with an emergency csection 3 weeks before the wedding and wasn't recovered enough to make the journey sadly

Branleuse Tue 30-Jul-13 08:25:46

assuming everything goes ok and its a normal birth, I dont see why you wouldnt be able to go?

FullOfChoc Tue 30-Jul-13 08:27:36

I couldn't have gone with my dc1. She screamed the whole time we went anywhere in the car. The train might have been a possibility but 1 mth in I was still in a state of shell shock.

I agree wait and see if you can.

bluestar2 Tue 30-Jul-13 08:29:22

There will be no probs with little one. Far easier as a newborn than toddler so really it's down to how you feel and how you hve recovered. I would plan to go but make sure sis knows it may not happen.

newbiefrugalgal Tue 30-Jul-13 08:32:42

Personally ask to closer to the time.
You can cancel some hotels with 24 hours notice, check yours.
She will be upset if you cancel too early, after the baby arrives you will know how you feel. You would hate to be home that weekend twiddling your thumbs with a baby that just feeds and sleeps (?)!)
Keep your dad out of it.
You will get so much attention at the wedding and might enjoy the break from routine.

maddy68 Tue 30-Jul-13 08:33:37

God I don't know why people are telling you not to go.
Babies are easy to manage its when they are toddlers journeys are difficult

My family are scattered from kind end of the country to the other. And I and the baby coped easily in the early weeks driving round.

In fact I took mine abroad at 4 weeks

It's your sisters wedding of course you can get there. Just don't stress about it. Have plenty of good stops on the way. Allow loads of time. Stay in a hotel the night before and the night if the wedding so you are more relaxed. And enjoy it. You will be find smile

xigris Tue 30-Jul-13 08:35:46

I was my best friend's Matron of Honour 3 weeks after DS1 was born apart from looking slightly shell shocked in the photos it was absolutely fine! As many others have said, newborns are very portable. I do agree very much with (I think) summer who suggested being very enthusiastic at the moment but then if you really can't manage / face it, cancelling then. I don't think you should fret too much, if you can all go then brilliant, if you can't then you do have very good reasons for not going! Best of luck!

Asheth Tue 30-Jul-13 08:39:07

If you have a normal delivery then around the 4/5 week mark travel should be fine. I did long journeys (E. Anglia - Cornwall) at 4weeks with DS 1 and 3 1/2 weeks with DS2, so they could meet elderly family who weren't up to travelling. In some ways it was quite nice! DH drove, the babies slept so I could also doze! So I'd tell your sister you're really hoping to be there, but if there are any problems you'll have to take medical advice about whether travel will be ok.

DuchessFanny Tue 30-Jul-13 08:45:34

Wait and see ... In all reality it's all you can do as you don't know how you will be feeling.
We had this with my DH eldest brother, we live abroad and the wedding was in Scotland, so not only was I worried about timing of baby arriving, and how I'd feel, but getting the passport sorted was a rush !
But I worried for nothing, it all worked out and baby got lots of lovely cuddles but it helped that my DBIL knew we may not make it and was completely on board with us letting him know later in the day as it were .

DuchessFanny Tue 30-Jul-13 08:47:20

^^please excuse my writing, just woke up ! Grammar is not yet my friend !

SoftSheen Tue 30-Jul-13 08:57:59

I would wait and see how you feel.

My SIL came to our wedding with her 11 day old newborn shock
We certainly would have understood if she had decided not to come, but she wanted to and seemed to cope OK. She had her husband, mum and sister with her both during the day and the night before/after at the hotel, which helped. We also did everything we could to make sure she had somewhere comfortable to sit and feed etc.

However, SIL had a very straightforward vaginal delivery with no complications, and the baby was her second. If this is your first baby, or you have a CS/ complicated delivery, I think it would be completely understandable if you didn't go.

maddy68 Tue 30-Jul-13 08:33:37
God I don't know why people are telling you not to go.

Because it's not just about the baby, is it?

I had a CS with DD, and at 4 weeks afterwards, I was still struggling to stand upright and being in a car was really painful. And I didn't have complications.

OP, each birth is different so I would go with the posters who are suggesting a wait and see attitude. Keep the hotel booked for now and talk to your sister so she understands you want to be there but need to see how things turn out.

My sister flew from the Far East to the UK for my wedding with her 6 week old baby - it was wonderful to have them over, and it was nice for them to share the baby around too.

Make a decision nearer the time, you should be able to cancel a hotel with around 48 hours notice - check what their terms & conditions are. You may well regret not going if you have a good birth and are feeling well.

UnexpectedStepmum Tue 30-Jul-13 11:15:54

Personally I would say that I won't be going, if your sister is a reasonable person and you get on well she will understand. You don't need the stress of worrying about this now. In my experience of weddings you see very little of the happy couple on the day, surely it isn't too much of an issue if you're not there after just giving birth.

ClaireMammaBear Tue 30-Jul-13 11:16:41

Hi everyone, thanks so much for your advice, its nice to hear that people have done similar if not longer journeys with newborns! This is my first baby so taking a step into the unknown! I'm definitely going to do my research on trains/sleeper trains, looks like with the normal train we would only have to change once and it's only 4 hours. Its going to be impossible to tell how I'm going to feel, fingers crossed everything is straightforward!

I think I need to have a good chat with my sister and see what she says.I had been putting it off really becuase she has been so stressed with wedding arrangements and the fall out so I just don't know how she is going to react. I'll let you know the outcome!

Bowlersarm Tue 30-Jul-13 11:23:44

Agree with making a decision nearer the time.

You will feel that it is by far the easier thing to not go. And it would be. But surely supporting your sister on her wedding day would be worth it? You may look back in future years and regret not making the effort.

On the falling out between your dad and your sister make it clear now with both of them that whether you go to the wedding or not is simply a question of how you are coping after the birth of your child, and absolutely not a question of siding with one or other of them.

janey68 Tue 30-Jul-13 11:27:47

Agree that you should wait and see. Ok, worst case scenario is 2 weeks late and csection. But the baby could be 2 weeks early and a natural birth.

Personally having travelled to Scotland in various ways- plane, train and car- I would go with car. That way you can pace your journey, stop when you want etc
Tbh traveling with one newborn is probably a lot easier than several young children.

mrsjay Tue 30-Jul-13 11:30:58

tell your sister of course you want to go to her wedding but you will need to see when the baby comes and just leave it at that she will need to accept it, your baby might not come on your due date or whatever

OrangeLily Tue 30-Jul-13 11:33:18

My niece attended my wedding at six weeks old. Her parents decided not to come originally but we said we'd keep spaces for them and the week before decided to come. It was a 4 hour drive for them but they broke it up so took about 6 hours. They are now really glad they came but at no point were yet pressurised. As long as your sister is happy for you to tell her later I would keep your options open.

dreamingofsun Tue 30-Jul-13 11:45:31

we did a 3 hour trip and 30th birthday party (with accommodation for the weekend) with our first born when they were they were a month old. we also went to france for our holidays when they all our kids were 2 months old.

its perfectly doable. i found it more hard work when they were toddlers to be honest, running around everywhere

theluckiest Tue 30-Jul-13 13:01:13

Yep, I reiterate much of what has been said. You will need to play it by ear. I was due around the date of my friend's wedding and it looked very likely we couldn't make it. However, I had high blood pressure, was induced and had Ds early.

Which meant I went to the wedding with 2 week old Ds. Was 3 hour drive away and it was absolutely fine. In fact, much, much easier with a tiny one as, as long as he was fed regularly, he just slept in a carrycot (in fact, we popped him under the table during the meal!)

I agree that it is much trickier when they get older, wrigglier and need 'entertaining'. A tiny newborn is a piece of piss (in relative terms!). The important thing is that YOU feel okand up to it. But don't make it a definite no just yet.

ilovechips Tue 30-Jul-13 13:12:43

I took dd2 to a wedding at 4 was close family and I desperately didn't want to miss it. It was at the other end of the country to us so we booked flights - sounds extravagant but tbh it worked out not much more expensive than the train and it took 50 minutes. Dd was fine, slept the whole flight. I did have a normal delivery though, which helped I am sure.

curryeater Tue 30-Jul-13 13:36:10

The baby will be fine (probably) - the question is how you are.
I don't think you can promise to go.
If you can leave it open, do. But then you have to sort of decide whether you are going with the expectation of enjoying it, or as a duty. It may be possible, but nasty and you decide not to. That is fine. But you might have to lie and say "I couldn't do it" rather than "I could have gone, but I would have cried with exhaustion for a week afterwards so decided I couldn't face it". Make your peace with that in your own heart, but be pragmatic and prepared about how you express it.

Prepare a card and present in advance and send them on in advance with something lovely written in the card so you can forget about all that whether you go or not.

If you go, book a train seat and take help - trained help - help that will not expect you to lift a finger. You will not change a nappy, fetch a cup of tea, even rummage in a bag. If your dp is the "did we bring...?" sort, expecting you to spend the trip with your arse in the air pulling things out of bags and producing wipes, snacks, etc, then reverse that now. You will be sitting in state. He will be rummaging in bags producing items to satisfy your every whim and making sure you are never, even momentarily, without tea and cake. Get a mei tai and tell him that if the baby needs to be rocked to sleep he will be walking up and down the train with it. (this is unlikely. the baby will probably just fall asleep on you between feeds) If you do not see your dp doing all this, don't go, or get someone else, or get someone to tell him what to do and that this is his job.

mrsjay Tue 30-Jul-13 13:41:22

Op look into flying up it might be just as cheap to fly than train although you wont know how many to book for it takes an hour and a bit by plane

I think if I was your sister, I would want you there so would make provisions for you and hang the expense if you really didn't feel up to it.

She may not be quite so understanding if she doesn't have any children herself though.

(I also made a long journey, driving myself, when my twins were about 5 weeks old. Our car broke down on the motorway so a 3 hour journey was a 10 hour nightmare! Plus, it was snowing.)

Branleuse Tue 30-Jul-13 13:50:48

I went to my grandmothers funeral and wake with my 4 day old ds2. and to France to visit other relatives by the time he was 6 weeks. Didnt wait much longer after dd either.

Branleuse Tue 30-Jul-13 13:53:04

you can fly luton to edinburgh for less than £30 with easyjet. babies free

Branleuse Tue 30-Jul-13 13:53:43

actually, no, baby would be £20

Squitten Tue 30-Jul-13 13:54:29

I wouldn't make any firm decisions just yet - you may find you can do it.

I sympathise though. My brother is getting married 2 DAYS after my third DC is due. I'm not planning to go!

pooka Tue 30-Jul-13 13:55:43

Why not fly? If you no far enough in advance the flights should be less than the cost of petrol I think.

curryeater Tue 30-Jul-13 14:10:31

Won't there be a problem with flying because the baby can't have a passport till (s)he has a birth certificate and can't have a birth certificate till (s)he is born? Chasing around doing all that admin the day after you gave birth won't be any fun. Also airports are in stupid places and train stations are in city centres.

pooka Tue 30-Jul-13 14:12:06

You don't need passports for internal flights. With my dcs, only 1 has a valid passport at the moment but we fly semi-regularly to Cornwall. I take birth certificates in case, but have never needed them, just my own photo driving license.

mrsjay Tue 30-Jul-13 14:17:56

there is a great bus service outside edinburgh airport to the city centre and you dont need passports to fly when we went to belfast years ago it was just me and Dhs Id we needed we didnt for the children although we had them with is,

Beastofburden Tue 30-Jul-13 14:28:49

Book a hotel where you can cancel up to the last minute, then you don't have to decide.

Plan to travel in as much luxury as you can afford. Otherwise you won't fancy it, however well delivery etc go. Perhaps save money on new outfit (won't fit, if it fits now, will never fit again, will get sicked on in any case) and fly up, with a car to meet you.

Tell her that if baby comes early/ on time and if feeding and recovery go well, you'll be there. But nobody can be definite in these circs, so that's the best you can do.

Be prepared, if its your first, that you may seriously just not feel like meeting a whole load of strangers and doing a big journey. If that is how you feel, listen to your body and stay home. You shouldn't overtax yourself just after birth, it can make you vulnerable to low moods or worse.

Enjoy the baby!

cathpip Tue 30-Jul-13 14:40:07

My sister travelled 250 miles for my wedding with a 4 week old, my sister was supposed to be 8 months pregnant but dc arrived very early. The only problem is if you need a section, then I would not want to travel that distance.

cottoncandy Tue 30-Jul-13 15:14:48

I agree with the posters who are saying wait and see - I would have thought it would be fine unless baby is late and you have a difficult delivery. I think tell your sister you really hope to go but hope she understands that if things don't go to plan you might have to cancel.

I took DC1 to a wedding in North Yorks (we are SW London) at 2 weeks old and it was fine (exhausting but fine!), then DC2 to a christening in Manchester at 2 weeks old (harder work with DC1 in tow!!). I was bridesmaid to DSis when DC2 was 6 weeks. At my DSis's wedding a couple turned up with their baby who had been born less than 48 hours earlier (I was very impressed) so it can be done!

HolidayArmadillo Tue 30-Jul-13 15:24:23

We took dd to a wedding at 4 days old and drove to Ireland when she was 6 days old {long way from our house}. See how you go. I'm sure you'll be fine. If my sister cancelled on me at t is stage I'd just assume that she didn't really want to come and I'd be quite hurt and pissed off. If after the baby was born and she was struggling I'd be much more understanding.

whoneedssleepanyway Wed 31-Jul-13 11:11:49

I went to my brother's wedding when Dd2 was 2.5 weeks old, I travelled 250 miles on train to get there.

It was fine, I was worried but DD slept a lot, I BF her whenever needed in a private room they arranged and left the do at about 930 and took DDs back to sleep. Looking back I can't remember loads but am glad I went have lovely photos of us all there and think if I hadn't gone I would look back and regret missing it.

In your circa I would go.

martini84 Wed 31-Jul-13 11:57:17

I would do it. Maybe fly or train it. Obviously cancel nearer tge time if physically stuggling after birth.

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 31-Jul-13 12:00:04

I would go- in fact wouldn't even have considered not going after both babies, although I did have straight forward deliveries, though second degree tears.

martini84 Wed 31-Jul-13 12:01:47

I would do it. Maybe fly or train it. Obviously cancel nearer the time if physically stuggling after birth.

honeytea Wed 31-Jul-13 14:04:50

The only thing that would put me off is the amount of germs your new baby will come into contact with, a train journey or flight and then a wedding would scare me as October is the beginning of the winter virus season.

I felt fantastic after ds's birth, I took him out loads and to big family parties, he caught rs virus at 5 week's old and went blue because his airways clogged up, he was in hospital for a week on oxygen and very nearly needed to be tube fed.

If I have another baby in the winter I will be keeping them away from large groups of people as much as possible.

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