Away for a week

(31 Posts)
mendocino Mon 29-Jul-13 22:20:40

My sister in law who is lovely has asked if my sons can stay for a week in the holidays. She is in London, we live in the North West. Their cousin who is 22 would take them down by train. They are 4 and 8 and I really don't want them to go. I work full time as a teacher and really look forward to my holidays with them. I also fell uncomfortable with my younger son making the journey with his cousin and being so far away. My husband thinks IABU and has walked out of the room ( I told him yesterday how I felt but he has gone ahead and made the arrangements).

ImNotBloody14 Mon 29-Jul-13 22:22:23

Is that the only week you have off or are you off for longer?

Bowlersarm Mon 29-Jul-13 22:23:09

I think a week is a long time. Could you go for a few days with them, and leave them for a night or two?

Sirzy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:23:48

Can they not go for a weekend?

Can you not stay in London so your nearby if needed but let them have fun with their aunty?

AngelinaCongleton Mon 29-Jul-13 22:23:58

I have a 4 and 7 year old and wouldn't like it either.

MalcolmTuckersMum Mon 29-Jul-13 22:24:01

Is it about the time off together or are you anxious about their wellbeing at your SIL's place?

dontcallmehon Mon 29-Jul-13 22:26:58

I wouldn't like it either. Just say no. Your husband'll get over it. Or all go for a short visit. Not everyone is comfortable with the dc going away without them at this age. 4 is v little. What is they got homesick?

LemonPeculiarJones Mon 29-Jul-13 22:28:05

YANBU. You don't request a week with someone's kids. It shouldn't be about her need to see them, on her terms.

Your Hi s being an arse.

dontcallmehon Mon 29-Jul-13 22:28:31

My son would be distraught at a week without me. He is nearly 4. It's a long way for you if he wants to come home.

Veuveandlilies Mon 29-Jul-13 22:29:56

I really treasure the time my nieces come and stay with me in the holidays, and I'm so grateful that my mum can bring them, and the time they spend with my dc, but it's slightly different because both their parents are working.
They are similar ages

I don't think 4 is too young to stay away from home when you are with family who love you and I'm sure they'll have great fun

Xihha Mon 29-Jul-13 22:32:07

The cousin is 22, i wouldn't be worried about the journey as the cousin is an adult and I'm guessing wouldn't be taking your dcs unless they were pretty responsible.

I do understand you missing the children but it's only a week and presumably you are off for a few weeks yet?

mendocino Mon 29-Jul-13 22:35:10

We do visit regularly but always together. I know they would be well looked after but my 4 year old can be unpredictable ( he is sometimes a runner). Mainly I am probably being selfish. I would just miss them.

mikkii Mon 29-Jul-13 22:35:18

Dd2 had a sleepover last week with a school friend, having previously stayed at her Grandmothers and with her cousins, she was homesick. She is 6.

YANBU

MinginInTheRain Mon 29-Jul-13 22:40:00

Why does she want them to stay? Does she have young children too? Very sweet of her to offer but not unreasonable for you to say " thanks but not just yet - maybe when they are older".

Why is your husband bothered? Does he want time alone with you or is he afraid of upsetting SIL?

katatonic Mon 29-Jul-13 22:41:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deleted203 Mon 29-Jul-13 22:45:05

I'd be blissfully happy if someone wanted mine for a week - and you do have 6 weeks off, so plenty of time to spend with the boys.

However, if you don't want them to go, then YANBU. It's your choice. One question - has anyone asked the BOYS if they want to go?

DH is happy - you are not. But what do the children want to do?

mendocino Mon 29-Jul-13 22:53:19

Thanks everyone for your replies. Katatonic, your reply struck home. My older son would definitely enjoy it but it needs to be limited for my younger son. A few days would be better ( I am still pissed off with my DH however!).

whois Tue 30-Jul-13 00:14:20

I have fantastic memories of staying with my aunt as a child without my parents. It's great to encourage good relationships with family.

Maybe you could compromise - cousin takes them down, they stay for a few days without you then you join for a few days and bring them home?

Kids can often be much better behaved with other people so being a bolter might not be a problem.

whois Tue 30-Jul-13 00:15:20

4-5 days max - means you can just do loads of spoiling and keep reality at bay - which really is what being an Auntie is all about ...

Very true!

trinity0097 Tue 30-Jul-13 07:37:38

Think of it as a great time to get all your school stuff sorted for the new term without having o look after the kids, or just some quality you time! Stop being selfish about your feelings to let your kids have a great time with their aunt.

sparkle12mar08 Tue 30-Jul-13 07:51:23

I'm happy for my two to stay with family at 5 and 7, and would be happy for them to stay at SIL's too, but it's the length of time your SIL is proposing that is the problem. A full week of seven days and nights is a very long time, perhaps suggest an extended weekend, say Weds/Thurs through to an early return on Sunday?

jkklpu Tue 30-Jul-13 07:54:34

Maybe your dh had lots of surprises planned for you that week? Sounds as though the compromise is to say yes to a few days instead of a blanket no.

PuggyMum Tue 30-Jul-13 07:58:54

This is one of those dilemmas in life. How many people come on here with no family support etc and would love to be in this situation.
I had great ideas of sending my dc's off to stay with granny for a week in the summer hols but we lost her quite suddenly last year so this can't happen now. I feel sad for the memories my children won't have. I was always away with family as a child and has the best times.

I believe in the phrase 'it takes a village to raise a child' and have said this on threads a few times now. My best friend never let her son out of her sight and struggles as he's older now and wants to be off doing his own thing so I know it can be difficult.

You can only do what's right for your family. Sometimes that's not whats right for you but for yours dc's.

I can also see your dh's pov. Maybe he'd love a week without the kids and had plans to treat the two of you? He could've been a bit more diplomatic but if its his sister maybe he feels like you don't trust his family?

PuggyMum Tue 30-Jul-13 07:59:34

Xpost with jkk!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 30-Jul-13 09:43:58

A week sounds a long time but a few days could give you and DH a break and DCs a huge treat, maybe DS1 slightly more so. Ages left of the holidays to enjoy together

AaDB Tue 30-Jul-13 10:16:54

Just had a similar dilemma. My ds 6 went for two nights and had an absolute ball. I looked on it less about me and him and more about ds building a great foundation with his wider family. We don't usually have family support.

It sounds like a lovely offer. Is let them both go. Arrange to collect your younger child if needed. Your DC will have a great time.

IsThatTrue Tue 30-Jul-13 10:27:34

As a mum a week is hard personally. I've had to do it since DS was 3 and dd was 5 with XH and I get no contact at all in that time but that's another thread it's awful. Now they're 6+8 it's easier, but I still miss them a lot.

YANBU even if it is just that you'll miss them. If you're happier with a few days suggest that.

UC Tue 30-Jul-13 10:35:26

I think you need to ask the children whether they want to go or not.

I'd let them go, but you could suggest Mon - Fri or a shorter time than a week for their first time. Or make the journey down there with them, stay for a couple of days then come home for a few days before they do.

I do think you're being a bit precious.... Sorry! But maybe that's because my DCs are on holiday with their dad atm. They've been away nearly 2 weeks. Maybe I'm just hardened because I'm used to them coming and going for 5 days or more at a time, and they've been doing this since they were both under 4.

TheFuzz Tue 30-Jul-13 10:41:50

4 is a bit young. Go with them and enjoy a week doing things with your SIL.

Apileofballyhoo Tue 30-Jul-13 10:47:15

Can you go with them? I wouldn't like to be away from DS (5) for a week and the only people I would leave him with is DH or my mother. Maybe my sister for just 1 or 2 nights, depending on how he was (he really loves her children).

WilsonFrickett Tue 30-Jul-13 10:57:20

I think if you feel it's too long, then focus on that, rather than making up excuses about the no-doubt perfectly capable 22 yo being able to cope with 2 children on a train journey. If that was your tack, I don't wonder your DH got a bit exasperated.

But if you think it's too long for the 4 yo, then that's fine. Either send them for just a few days, or just a few days on their own and you go down for a few days then bring them back. Or would your eldest fancy it on his own?

Generally this sort of thing is good for kids.

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