to feel hopeless and weepy after another horrid day with my daughter

(122 Posts)
wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 21:16:23

I love my daughter beyond description and feel very blessed that she is healthy and so am I. However, since she was born 13 months ago I feel like I've been waiting for her to get to the next stage and be happier but it just isn't happening.For eexample, when she was newborn she wanted to be carried 24/7 and I thought it'd get better when she could sit up. It didn't. I thought she might be more content once she started solids. She won't eat. I thought she might sleep better when a bit older. She doesn't. She is attached to me literally 24/7 all day every day. I have a constant headache from her whining. She won't eat any food despite me reducing feeds dramatically. I can't go anywhere, do anything or talk to anyone because of her constant whining. The past few weeks I've been thinking it might get better once she can walk independently but I think I'm just kidding myself. It's not as if I could even put her in nursery to get a break from her because she won't eat. I feel absolutely hopeless and dread another day of the same tomorrow. AIBU to feel miserable despite having a much wanted and loved child?

thewhitequeen Mon 29-Jul-13 21:19:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emeraldgirl1 Mon 29-Jul-13 21:22:11

Oh dear I am so sorry to hear you are having a miserable time sad
YANBU it is really tough.
My DD is only 5m and I have had a day like yours today, she is teething and I couldn't even go to the loo without her screaming the place down for me.
DH doesn't get it, he knows the days are tough but he has no idea how tough!!
I can't really offer any advice, like you I keep thinking DD will be more settled when we do this or that... However she is only 5m so not at your stage yet.
I am sure it WILL get easier, hang in there, you sound as if you are doing wonderfully xxx

McNewPants2013 Mon 29-Jul-13 21:23:33

Could you get someone to have her for a few hours to grab some rest.

HollyBerryBush Mon 29-Jul-13 21:23:37

No child starves them self .... is it the hot weather that is making her more fractious than usual?

TBH, I would put her down and just not pick her up. I would put fruit and veg chunks in a bowl and not fret over set meal times. And I would be arranging for her dad to take her for an hour of an evening whilst I went for a walk round the block. But I'm very old school.

Have you seen the HV?

Roses12s Mon 29-Jul-13 21:25:07

Hi sorry you feel so blue. I had a hard time with my first child. I was the first of my friends to have a baby, my dh worked away, I was new to the area and my family live aboard. Sometimes I wouldn't leave the house for three days. It was horrible. Please know that how your feeling is valid. You must find some help. If you can afford to put your child in nursery then do so. Don't worry that she won't eat there, it's more important that you have respite. Just knowing you have a few hours a week to yourself will help you cope with the rest so much better. Don't feel guilty ultimately it will be better for your baby.

Faithless12 Mon 29-Jul-13 21:25:43

She won't starve herself. Let someone look after her for a little while so you can get some downtime, everyone needs a little down time.

RandomMess Mon 29-Jul-13 21:25:45

sad that sounds such such such hard work and I have for dc, had three in three in years so I've had it tough at times!!!

I would honestly try taking her to cranial osteopath just to rule out that she has any headaches from pregnancy/birth. Going to work to have a break does sound like it would help you enormously!

Mitzyme Mon 29-Jul-13 21:25:59

Yanbu I had my DD sobbing down the phone this morning about her own DD. 2 1/2. Hitting, tantrums. It will get better, I keep telling her that. Unfortunately no one knows when! Sorry not much help to you.

SisterMatic Mon 29-Jul-13 21:26:24

You need a break.
Everything seems so much harder when you are immersed in it 24/7.

Take a break, do something for you, and come back to the situation feeling a bit refreshed. It really does make a difference.

Have you got anyone around you to help?

McNewPants2013 Mon 29-Jul-13 21:27:01

There is light at the end of the tunnel, dd is a crier always has been. She is now 4 and I can reason with her a bit.

I can now tell the diffrence within her crys. It also helps that she goes to school in September ( has been in public nursery for a year) she doesn't cry when in nursery so it just seems to be me.

Roses12s Mon 29-Jul-13 21:28:27

Forgot to say ds is now a well adjusted 16year old who's gone camping for a week. Packed and organised himself all I had to do was give him money. So yes things get easier. Baby steps. Each stage gets a little easier eventually.

She won't eat? Was she a windy baby? Quite unsettled?

I'm speculating but wondering if she's got silent reflux/tongue tie/food intolerances which will impact on solids and sleep...

Lonelybunny Mon 29-Jul-13 21:29:14

Mmmm sounds like my 12 mo DD. she gets to the point where I can't even unload the dishwasher/hang up washing without her holding into my legs screaming , I can't even go to the toilet alone , it is very very overpowering isbt it , and I thought she would be easier being my third abd all. I must say tho she is usually better wheb we are out and about within reason such as a soft play place or swimming , I'm sure she will grow out of it , but u may find she will always b a bit clingy. Is she breastfed ? I'm just wondering as mind is but my other 2 weren't just wondering if that was the cause ?

ACtually, assuming that you are 100% certain that there is nothing wrong with her, i think you really need to set some guidelines for yourself. If she whines, you know what? Let her whine. Don't pick her up ever time, just give her something to play with and leave her in a playpen/ travelcot or wherever, somewhere safe obviously. It's honestly ok not to make a fuss everytime they winge for something and nothing. I was a single mum for several years and my DS was a nightmare, in the end I had to accept that nothing I did was going to make him happy and so I would put him in his cot and go and listen to music in my room for 20 minutes.

KingscoteStaff Mon 29-Jul-13 21:30:28

Oh my goodness you are not being U AT ALL, that sounds more than most people could cope with.

No solids at all at 13 months seems unusual in my experience - I'm guessing that you have already asked HV and doctor for advice?

There must be someone who could give you a couple of hours break - to sleep or just do something for yourself for a bit?

Lonelybunny Mon 29-Jul-13 21:30:59

Also my DD doesn't eat a lot either , some days she will go with almost nothing , I'm so seeing if that's adding to them shinning and just being blooming miserable

MisForMumNotMaid Mon 29-Jul-13 21:32:37

YANBU. You need a sanity break. To buy time for this phase to pass. It will. I'm mum to three and I stand firmly behind the saying what ever it is its a phase.

My DS1 is autistic so I know a little about challenging behaviour, DS2 didn't sleep and just clinged onto me his early years. At 7 he's still my little monkey climbing up me like a tree for a cuddle. DD, my youngest, slept through from day one and is very laid back. This sort of reassures me that issues with DS1 and 2 weren't down to poor parenting.

You mention you can't use nursery because she won't eat. Is this a medical concern? Have nursery refused to have her? Could half days work, to buy you that little bit of sanity and getting things done time? If she didn't eat for half a day, if no medical issues exist she'd survive.

DS2 went a couple of mornings at 18months having firmly previously stated no child of mine would be sent to nursery. He absolutely thrived. So did I. By two I upped him to three full days which allowed me to work the same.

Do you have a friendly health visitor you could talk through the eating thing with?

Lonelybunny Mon 29-Jul-13 21:33:15

Whinning not shinning , I agree with the above , leave her to cry , it can be a bit distressing but u need to get things done and you do need a break. Sometimes I don't get anything done because I can't deal with the crying but we can only do so much

Carolra Mon 29-Jul-13 21:33:23

If you can afford it, I would give nursery a try... I went back to work when dd was 9mo and she wouldn't sleep during the day anywhere but on me... I was worried she wouldn't sleep at nursery but they managed to get her down most days. Kids do things at nursery that they don't do at home (like eat broccoli) and you sound like you could use a regular break. Maybe try 2 mornings a week rather than a full day so you can feed her if you're worried.

Good luck, my dd was incredibly clingy so it was hard for us both when I had to go back to work. She's 18mo now and can still be really clingy but other times yells "bye bye mummeeee" as she runs away in the park.

invicta Mon 29-Jul-13 21:33:50

I'm sorry to hear that you are finding things difficult. However, are you unconsciously encouraging her whining? Do you always give in when she whines? If so, she may have learnt that if she wants something, then all she has to do is whine. If her whining is her demanding something, then you may have to go 'cold turkey' and refuse something. She will probably scream and shout, but when she gets used to you being firm, then she will know the ground rules.

This isn't a criticism. I know I have been sucked into the demand/whine cycle in the past. It's easily done.

xylem8 Mon 29-Jul-13 21:36:19

Is she bored? I used to find mine at that age needed a change of scene and different activities to satisfy them

Twattybollocks Mon 29-Jul-13 21:36:28

Echo others, sounds like you need a break. Is she gaining weight and growing, if so, don't worry about what she will and wont eat, I have a daughter who eats like a dustbin and a son who seems to exist on fresh air. He is 9yo and today has eaten a bowl of readybrek, 2 slices of toast and half an egg, and about half a bowl of spag Bol for tea. He is a skinny little bugger but not excessively so, and is the picture of health and vitality. He has always been like this with food. I've given up worrying about it.
Do speak to your gp about it as you do sound quite down, and that old chestnut "happy mum happy baby" really is true, if you are depressed and feeling trapped and resentful (who wouldn't in the circumstances) then she is likely picking up on it and is looking for reassurance in the only way she knows how.

jenbird Mon 29-Jul-13 21:38:56

YANBU. That sounds tough. It will get easier. She will soon be able to communicate in a way other than whinging and you may start to find out what is going on. FWIW my ds2 (dc3 of 4) did not eat properly for a long time. He had quite a severe tongue tie but because he put weight on fine nothing was done about it. It didn't stop him from crying though as when he fed he took in enormous amounts of air and had terrible wind. When it came to solids it was almost as if he couldn't use his tongue at all and so therefore never bothered.. I don't think he ate solids properly until about 18 months. I would just put a variety of food items on his tray and hope he would become interested at somepoint.
I really hope things get better. Def have a chat with your HV if you haven't already.

Whereisegg Mon 29-Jul-13 21:42:42

Man oh man was I smug with my first born.
Slept through at a few weeks old, weaned beautifully, literally never naughty.
Then I had my second.
He cried and threw up for 6 months solidly.
Didn't want to be in his stroller. Or car seat. Or basket. Or cot. Or on a playmat. Or under a gym. Or in the bath. Or in a sling.
Jesus, it was honestly horrific.
He didn't sleep through until almost 18 months.

It is literally NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING YOU ARE DOING.

If you know she isn't ill, wet/dirty or starving, leave her somewhere safe and read the paper with the radio turned up.

Enlist anyone you trust for an hour here and there so you can sleep/clean/shower/cry in peace.

I would chat to mine as in a ridiculous sing-song voice as he screamed bloody murder at the kitchen door baby gate, which bizarrely seemed to help.

You are not alone x

wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 21:47:37

No she wasn't windy as a baby. She'd happily eat yoghurts/ice cream/my pudding all the time but obviously I can't let her do that. HV just said to drop breastfeeds which I've done and has made no difference. I have no one to take her for me. DH works away and she's even worse when he's here. My day today consisted of:

Her being happy for approx 2 mins after waking.
Her knocking my toast out of my hand in temper as she wanted me to hold her hand and walk with her.
Her refusing breakfast.
Her having me walk around in circles holding her hand while she whines.
Her screaming throughout my shower.
Her climbing all over me while I try and get dressed/brush hair and screaming at me.
Her crying after 2 mins of going out for a walk and practically throwing herself out of pushchair.
More whining and circling at home.
Her refusing lunch.
Her whining so much I can't be bothered to make myself lunch.
Her having a nap, on my lap as always.
Going to supermarket and not really getting anything useful because she wants to walk, whining and pulling things off shelves.
Trying to go to park/feed ducks. Her whinging and refusing to go in trike.
Her hanging off my legs while I try and cook.
Her refusing dinner.
Her whinging throughout bath.
Her crying because she hates getting dressed.
Her biting me because I dared get a drink before going to bed at 8pm with her, because otherwise she won't sleep.
Trying to go to p

McNewPants2013 Mon 29-Jul-13 21:47:57

I think food refusal is the most challenging thing a parent can deal with ( apart from SN)

With ds the dietician recommend spatone as it had all the vitamins he needed.

Quangle Mon 29-Jul-13 21:48:31

oh op - you poor thing. Your post brought back some miserable memories! Mine always ate actually but the whining was unbearable. And the screaming when I left the room. And DD was a bit late to walk but didn't crawl so I remember having to bend double to "walk" her everywhere or she would scream, for a period of about six months from the time when she might feasibly have crawled but didn't to the time when she finally started walking. Awful, awful, awful.

But agree with justforlaughs. If she is actually healthy and just resistant to eating and just a bit of a moaner - you need to set your limits and stick to them. If she won't eat, just walk away. No aeroplanes, no just one more for mummy, nothing. Just take the emotion out of it and step away. If it's "just" moaning and obstruction (not wishing to downplay the awfulness but just to distinguish it from a physical or serious mental block with eating) then perhaps nursery could actually help? It's amazing what they can do that you can't, simply because they are not emotionally involved. Apologies if it's much more serious than this - not sure from your post whether this just general toddler crap (technical term) or something else. If you think it is more than this, have you spoken to health professionals?

PS it does get better. My life got better at 18mo and then again at 2 and then again when the youngest reached 3. But I still rarely get to go to the toilet by myself.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm Mon 29-Jul-13 21:49:11

YANBU.

NOTHING is more life-sapping than a whingy, clingy child.

McNewPants2013 Mon 29-Jul-13 21:49:51

Could you afford to put her in a private nursery for 1-2 days.

What about checking for tongue tie? That will put babies off swallowing lumps. I do wonder if there is something up.

If not can you try getting her in a cot for the start of the night at least?

Anyway, can you get her to nap in a pushchair?

Liara Mon 29-Jul-13 21:54:02

She's only 13 months. Repeat the mantra 'this too shall pass'

Some people seem to be naturals with babies. Others of us just have to endure the first few years so that we can have wonderful children.

It will pass. And sooner than you know it she will be a lovely bundle of laughs and you will even be willing to contemplate another.

Whereisegg Mon 29-Jul-13 21:54:39

I think you need advice on the only napping on you, and only sleeping with you in her bed first and foremost.

If you literally never get a break from her then everything else seems soooo overwhelming.

I know from other threads on here that there are gentle ways to seperate yourself from your child at sleep times that don't involve cc, but don't know enough about them to advise myself, sorry.

We've all been there and it's hard I know. My daughter went to nursery and wouldn't eat, she was absolutely fine!

Maybe try an afternoon?

littlewhitebag Mon 29-Jul-13 21:54:54

Nursery is the answer. My DD1 was a bit of a challenge at that age and the bliss of sending her to nursery two days a week cannot be explained in mere words. You may find that she even starts eating other stuff in nursery when given to her by staff with no emotional investment in her. You can then have some sanity restoring time.

DD1 is now 20 (years) and is the best company and such fun but the early days were difficult.

Quangle Mon 29-Jul-13 21:56:39

oh sorry xposted with you.

She sounds v challenging OP and it's no wonder you are wrung out. The wanting to walk thing when they can't is something I really found awful and physically very draining. And I remember those days of trying to get a child happy in this spot, then in that spot, then in the carseat, then in the bumbo, then in the highchair, then in the bouncer, while they moan and moan and moan and moan.

It's obviously nothing to do with you - but this might not help you in a sense. Your walking her round and round doesn't make her happier. It's not actually in your power to make her happier atm because she's in a frustrating phase and you can't get her out of it. Tough to hear as a mum when you are devoting your life to her and having quite a miserable time of it as a result. But we have our limits. We cannot make the world magically better for them - we do our very best and no more. Nursery sounds like a damn good idea to me. They will have seen it all before and they might even be able to help with the eating because they will not be so involved emotionally.

RiceBurner Mon 29-Jul-13 21:57:58

YANBU. All kids are different and it can be really tough.

Agree you sound like you need a break if you can manage to work out how to get one. Even one hour away from your responsibilities/on your own might help? (Go out for a walk, a coffee?)

It's the lack of a break which can wear you down. So the more breaks you can wangle the better.

I could never have managed my 1st born without help/breaks. He wouldnt sleep more than 10 mins at a stretch, cried and cried and generally terrorised me! (Even both my DM and my MIL found him v difficult, which made me feel a bit better/less of a failure!)

My 1st born is now 23 and a v nice young man ..... living, working and enjoying his single life in a different country. And not terrorising anyone! (Who'd have thought?) I am very proud of him.

So plse don't imagine all mums sail through the early years. Some do, many don't. (I didn't!)

I was exhausted and depressed for at least 6 months after my 1st, & then I decided to get pregnant again, as I didnt want him to be an only child and I feared I would never have the courage to do it again if I waited. And somehow having a 2nd child helped! (Hormones? An early playmate for the 1st born so he would be less reliant on me for amusement?)

It was a bit mad to have a 2nd child when I wasnt doing too well with the 1st one, but we were too tired to be rational about the decision & luckily (somehow) it worked out fine.

We even had a 3rd child soon after the 2nd! (Then we stopped at 3.)

Now, when I look back at those busy, sleepless yrs, I think the 1st year was definitely the worst. (Such a change from being a free agent.)

So, acknowledge that it's v hard for you at the moment, that your child is not an easy child, (like some others are), & that your feelings are normal/valid.

It will hopefully get better soon. And one day, you will look back and be proud that you managed to struggle through it!

HTH

Lonelybunny Mon 29-Jul-13 21:59:47

Sounds just like my DD , I find some days worse then others , but I make a rid for my own back as I feel guilty leaving her

maddening Mon 29-Jul-13 21:59:57

have you spoken to the hv? Could be something as simple as reflux?

Lonelybunny Mon 29-Jul-13 22:00:27

Sounds like the breastfeeding makes them like this as my dd is breastfed unlike my elder 2 and they were never this bad

wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:01:08

She used to nap in a pushchair, but only a moving one. Some says I'd walk ten miles during her nap. Now she hates the pushchair. I can't really afford nursery even if they would take her. I don't 'give in' to her whining as far as I can see, otherwise surely it'd stop at some point?? She wriggles to get down while I'm making breakfast for example, I put her down. She whinges because she wants me to walk with her. I walk with her to her toys. I go to bring breakfast, she whinges because I leave the room. I try to eat breakfast, she whinges to sit on my lap, if I let her she then whinges to get down - whatever I do, or don't do, the whinging is non-stop. She's been asleep next to me for 2 hours and my ears are actually ringing from it.

ringaringarosy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:02:58

I am going to go against the grain and say that if she is whining to be picked up then you should pick her up.If she doesnt want to eat then dont worry,she wont starve herself,like someone else said put some food in front of her while shes eating and let her get on with it,or not!

I dont think seperation helps anything in these cases,and when it does its usually superficial,some kids are more needy than others,just go with the flow (if you can)and follow her lead,it wont be like this forever,she wont still be crying to be held 24/7 when shes 20.It will pass,trust me i have 5!some wanted to be held 24/7,in which case i co slept,used a sling etc,and others fed every 4 hours and slept through in their own cot at 6 months,it will be fine in the end.

Fourwillies Mon 29-Jul-13 22:06:37

I think firstly you need a glass of wine.

You sound like you're trying very very hard, darling. All I can say (and this is going to come out as patronising and I don't mean it to) is that if she wasn't your first, you wouldn't put up with this nonsense. By the sounds of it you have a healthy baby who is also a trickster and it's just a matter of finding ways through that.
And if all she will eat is pudding, give it to her and cut yourself some slack! X

SamHamwidge Mon 29-Jul-13 22:06:51

This probably sounds facetious but will she suck on a dummy to stop her whining? Sometimes you just need a break from the noise. I would have gone insane if not for dummies. Of course this advice may be useless if so apologies. This will pass but just trying to help out with the here and now. Also if more BF made life easier I would ignore the HV and go back to it.

Kat101 Mon 29-Jul-13 22:07:35

Ds3 was like this, exactly. Same age, same behaviour. I got a part time job to get away from him 3 days a week, i put him in nursery and I really believe it saved me from depression. Only broke even as nursery cost so high, but it was worth it for some sanity.

He's nearly 3 now and much better. But it was a horrible time.

wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:07:42

I have an older child too Liara but find that makes this harder as she wasn't this bad though she was high maintenance compared to friends babies. I feel like I'm neglecting my elder dd as my youngest demands so much attention and I miss her desperately. She's been great with her sister and doesn't complain about her but I feel bad that I can't spend time with her without baby climbing all over me and whining.

ringaringarosy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:07:50

i have a friend with a dd whos about 2 who sounds the same and i do sympathise,sometimes i just dont know what id do,sorry i know thats not much help!it could be an age thing too i guess.

Lonelybunny Mon 29-Jul-13 22:08:08

Thing is sometimes the only way u can get sleep is when they co-sleep , I totally know where you are coming from OP , I'm in exactly the same boat as you , it's a phase that will pass , try taking her to the sure start centres which a lot are free to allow her to focus on other things if you can't afford nursery . It's very very draining , but you can't change a child at this age as they don't understand , we just need to be patient and feel flattered they love us so much smile

Fourwillies Mon 29-Jul-13 22:08:29

Sorry, I'd assumed totally wrongly this was your first. Profuse apologies. And more wine.

Booboostoo Mon 29-Jul-13 22:09:25

I feel for you. DD was a very needy baby and then a very needy toddler. It is only slightly better now that she is 26mo but it took a long while for things to look up.

Can you try some very immediate reward method for good behaviour like giving her stickers everytime she does something good? It's a cheap and quick reward and she might get the idea.

Nursery helped my DD a lot too. She only does for 2-3 hours, 2-3 times a week but that is enough to help. If that's not option for you could you try a mother and toddler group where you could encourage her to interact more with other children.

Another thing that helped with mine was to give her options and then stick to them, e.g. 'would you like to sit on the sofa or on your chair? No you cannot sit on mummy, you can chose to sit on the sofa or on your chair.' I appreciate she's a bit young for understanding but she may surprise you and she may feel happier if she has some control over some choices.

Sorry I can't help with the food issue other than to say keep trying loads of different ideas and hopefully something will take her fancy.

Cravingdairy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:09:36

I would really consider nursery or a CM for a couple of days a week if you can afford it. Children do all sorts of things in childcare they won't do at home. It's no reflection on you, it's part of being in a totally different environment. Also at 13 months your baby won't come to harm from not eating much for a day. You are obviously under a lot of strain and need to meet your own needs too. It won't always be like this but in the mean time there is nothing wrong with getting a bit of help. Good luck.

Doingakatereddy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:09:54

I think you need to recognise that you are doing everything you can, but you need help.

This level of whininess & demands would stop even super bloody nanny. The 'this will pass' thing really doesn't help I suspect.

I would suggest speaking to health visitor, looking at any day care possibilities even if it means cancelling something else (hols, sky etc)

Block the problems into sections - eating, walking, sleeping etc. Then focus on one a week / fortnight. Look at strategy e.g with food just trying favourite meals all bloody week.

This will take a lot out of you, do you have anyone who can help?

ringaringarosy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:10:08

also this wont be popular but it think girls moan more!i have 3 boys and 1 girl and she definitley moans a lot,sometimes i get a stomach ache from listening to it if its one of those days when nothing seems to make it better!

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 29-Jul-13 22:10:44

DD (3) can be like this sometimes and used to be like it a lot more - but at nursery she is always an angel and eats everything

You sound down - understandably - and maybe it feels too daunting to make any changes.

But you are the mummy, you are in charge. Try and find a plan for getting her into her cot at the start of the night. Or get her a toddler bed and lie next to her until she sleeps then take if from there.

I felt trapped when I was going to bed with my dd, she napped with me every day and was a grump. However she did have reflux and tongue tie. In the end I worked on getting her in her cot for at least a couple of hours of an evening. then it got better from there.

Try and make a change to give yourself space. Yes it will be difficult but til you do it, you will feel drained and it has an adverse impact on you and your daughter.

wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:12:39

She isn't that interested in bf now either Sam, otherwise I'd be very tempted to use it just for peace! She's never had a dummy and don't think she'd take one at this stage but worth a try, thanks.

HansieMom Mon 29-Jul-13 22:14:51

I have two suggestion, child gate and nursery. But since nursery is out, I would get a couple child gates. Put one in kitchen to keep her out, and use the other one to keep her out of the bathroom, or to keep her in her room.

purplewithred Mon 29-Jul-13 22:15:10

I just want to come over and give you a hug and take dd away with me for a few hours while you have a sleep and some wine and chocolate. flowers

OHforDUCKScake Mon 29-Jul-13 22:15:49

OP how does she sleep at night?

OHforDUCKScake Mon 29-Jul-13 22:17:09

Honestly, if I had a child that unhappy then I would be looking into what was hurting or bothering them.

Children arent naturally predispositioned to be that deeply unhappy all of the time.

All of the time during teething or illness, but times that stop.

marriedinwhiteisback Mon 29-Jul-13 22:18:07

hmm. I had a dd who whinged and needed to have part of her body touching part of mine until she was almost four. (the second child btw - and a girl). It was easier because ds hadn't been like it and I knew it wasn't me and it isn't you either op. I wouldn't get wound up about the eating - offer the food give it 5-10 minutes - if not interested just put it in the bin. She'll be hungry at the next meal.

The only other thing I'd say, is can you get a play pen to anchor her for 15-20 minutes just so you can have a shower, do your hair, get dressed, have a cup of tea. OK she'll cry but at least she won't be knocking the tea out of our hand.

They do grow out of it - oddly enough - dd ran into school and never turned back - ds didn't although he wasn't like that as a baby. DD is quiet thing, who obeys rules and likes security and I think needed extra security as a baby. Will never know why but she's quiet and diffident even now but paradoxically knows her own mind and has never been led or misled by others.

Today she has been to Camden Market with a friend and then they got the bus back (several I think) to High Street Ken; tomorrow they are going to Chessington. She's fifteen and it's really quite unbelievable how they come on - yesterday she put all the photos on a cloud and hooked up dh's computer to his new printer but that's not to say she didn't drive me nearly mental when she was 1, and 2, and 3, and 4, and 6 .....

wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:19:12

It's the sleeping that concerns me least I think as at least I know she will be peaceful at night if we co sleep and that I'll get some sleep. If I was up all night with her crying as well as the whinging all day I think I'd go nuts.I ffeel bad for her as I assume she must be hungry but she literally won't eat anything besides yoghurt and even if I let her have it she still isn't content.

girliefriend Mon 29-Jul-13 22:20:36

Bless you, you have bought back memories of my dd at that age.

I found being strict with structured routine helped me!! Not sure if it helped my dd but I felt more in control and able to cope with in turn made me a more positive mummy rather that feeling worn down by it all.

I did not have the patience to cope with constant 'entertaining' so if dd was whinning I would pick her up and put her in another room with toys and then continue with whatever I was doing, she would normally cry and come back and i would just repeat until she eventually decided she would play by herself.

Re sleep put her in a cot, tell her its night night time and leave her to it - I know many mnetters frown upon cc but seriously if it's that or having a nervous breakdown cc wins.

Re food, put it in front of her and leave her to it, make food fun and let her muck about with it and play with her food. Do not get stressed if she doesn't eat. How much milk is she having? I would keep this to a minimum until she ups her solids.

Have you got any other mums in rl that can support you or meet up with and relate to where you are at.

My dd is now 7yo and lovely, so it does get eaiser but I found the baby/toddler years hard work.

Lamazeroo Mon 29-Jul-13 22:21:37

Can I just tell you my DS was a total turd of a baby? I did not enjoy a single day with him until he was 18 months old. So many times I would have given him away, so many times I wished I'd never had him (being bluntly honest). Love being with him now, really enjoying him. On all those horrible days I kept telling myself it couldn't possibly last forever - and it didn't.
Now his sleep is another issue... Once again though, I'm sure if can't last forever and one day (one night!) he will sleep.

Lonelybunny Mon 29-Jul-13 22:22:59

When DD eats something we clap and say "yeaaaaa gooood girl" this helps a bit a meal times and it's fun too seeing her laugh and smile , maybe you could try that ?

wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:23:06

She sleeps fine as long as I'm there. She has teeth coming through which has increased the whinging today admittedly but she's still much much more hard work than any baby I've known every other day.

FrogsGoWhat Mon 29-Jul-13 22:25:26

DD was like that. It was hell. Going back to work saved my sanity. I remember 12-14 months being especially bad.

Another thing that helped was using a sling - I'd sling her on my back and just get on with stuff - as long as I kept up a commentary and was out and about or doing things she was entertained and happy. And if she whinged, well, she was next to her mummy and I could sort of block her out.

She did have a tongue tie though. Really would advise getting it at least looked at.

DD is now 25 months, and although still pretty high maintenance, she now runs off to play at playgroups and playgrounds on her own.

wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:28:12

Lamazeroo - I keep telling myself it's not forever and I know it won't be deep down. It's just hard when I literally cannot do anything or talk to anyone because of her. I feel like I'm counting down the hours til bedtime and wasting my life. My other daughter is great about it all and I cannot wait til baby is more settled so I can spend one on one time with her. It just feels a long way off.

Sparklyboots Mon 29-Jul-13 22:29:38

My now-brilliant-eater (2.7yo) didn't really eat anything much until he was 15mo - would lick and pick things but never ate anything approaching a meal til then. Is it that she's eating nothing or just such a pitiful amount that it amounts to nothing? Because if it's the latter, don't sweat it, she'll get it.

You sound very unhappy yourself, who do you talk to on a regular basis IRL? Because decompressing with sympathetic adults is the only way to survive the tiny times - I speak as someone who really enjoys baby and toddler stage (I've got one of each at the moment) but I could not be sane without regular intellectually (rather than emotionally) demanding conversation.

It does sound like you are sort of giving up on now because the future will be okay? Which hasn't worked because the future hasn't been what you envisaged and anyway, now is all-consuming. From the outside, the easy-to-say, harder-to-achieve solution is to find things in the now to enjoy, to bring respite, to celebrate. This might not be related to your DD's achievements or development - but living for a better tomorrow the whole time is a way of wishing your life away.

wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:30:00

She used to be happy so long as I was busy Frogs, but not anymore. Will get tongue tie looked into, thanks.

girliefriend Mon 29-Jul-13 22:31:16

Oh yes and I second going back to work p/t, although I dreaded it I found everything felt so much better when I knew I had 2 days a week being me!!! Also dd thrived at the cm and loved being around other children. Infact that seemed to really help her settle down and learn how to play in some ways.

NapaCab Mon 29-Jul-13 22:34:15

It sounds rough, weary. I found the 13 months phase was particularly hard. My DS was a relatively cheery-natured baby but even he went through a really grouchy phase when he was learning to walk. I can't promise anything but hopefully it will get better when she is able to walk independently. At the very least, you won't have to walk her around all the time!

Other things that worked for me when DS was in this frustrated phase were:
1. Playing music in the background - this never failed to calm him down a little
2. Distraction - looking through family photos, 'sorting' through our DVD collection aka wrecking it etc
3. Going for a drive in the car - when I would have a rough day with DS and he was whinging endlessly, I would take him out for a drive and even he continued whinging, I would put the radio on and listen to some calming music. At least it gave me a break from the endless pawing and clinging!

Could you hire a babysitter too? Even someone coming in one morning per week could be a godsend.

I hope things get better soon. My DS is much happier now that he is 21 months and learning to speak and able to run, climb, walk where he wants.

wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:36:22

Sparkly she literally eats nothing. Not a morsel. She'd eat 4-5 yoghurts per day if I fed them to her but would still whinge and obviously can't go on like that forever. I talk to my elder dd in rl and thats it. I can't talk to dh on phone as can't hear him over baby. We used to walk at the weekend while she slept so we could talk but now it's impossible. I do feel precisely liking I'm wishing time away but baby's rather than mine. If she was happier I'd be perfectly happy. I start every day optimistic and remain positive and chirpy but it makes no difference.

OHforDUCKScake Mon 29-Jul-13 22:40:01

Weary I PM'd you.

marriedinwhiteisback Mon 29-Jul-13 22:40:21

I think you need to stop stressing over the food. I remember endless battles with my mother over food - me refusing to eat because it was something I could control - her going on and on and on. Let her eat what she wants and stop making it an issue. I'm 53. By 30, fortunately, I was a recovered anorexic.

wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:40:21

Napa - I always have music on to distract/drown out. She's much worse without it! I take her for drives to get some personal space too, she's only recently starting liking the car and it feels heavenly to not be pawed even if it is only for half hour.

Roses12s Mon 29-Jul-13 22:45:13

My Hv recommended butter for my dd who wouldn't eat. Said it would stimulate her appetite. It seemed to work but was trying other strategies at once so unsure which worked. I made sure my dd got lots of fresh air every day. Stimulated but never over stimsted. I
had to establish a very strict routine. Bedtime was also just before she got too tired (took a while to work that out) seemed to help. Dd is a v demanding child even now at 8, some say spoilt (mostly mil and my m). But some peace reins with v strict routines, between ds and dd don't know how I'm still sane. Middle dd was and is an angel smile dd is very head strong and demands to be center if attention. But found now she can read she is a nicer easier to manage. Maybe it's the sense of frustration and as she can do more your dd will be happier??

maddening Mon 29-Jul-13 22:46:21

sorry to repeat myself but have you ruled out reflux?or silent reflux?

HSMMaCM Mon 29-Jul-13 22:48:11

I agree with the cranial osteopath and a couple of days a week at a nursery or experienced childminder.

wearyandweepy Mon 29-Jul-13 22:52:43

She doesn't seem to have any signs of reflux. Never had any problems breastfeeding, not sure if that means tongue tie isn't possible?

RandomMess Mon 29-Jul-13 22:55:38

Please take her to a cranial osteopath I personally know 3 dc for whom it has worked miracles - miserable sad babies to wonderfully happy ones with only a couple of treatments making the initial huge improvements.

Canigotosleepyet Mon 29-Jul-13 23:03:23

Wow - sounds like you're doing an amazing job in incredibly tough circumstances. I can't offer any great advice but just wanted to say well done on surviving this.

Nursery sounds a great idea if you can swing it somehow, plus it might give you some time with your eldest who sounds like a lovely dd. And I think that some other rl mum friends might help - I'd go over the edge without someone to offload on. If you haven't had the chance to meet many, then perhaps you could give us an idea as to where you are? I'm sure many of us would be glad to meet up to help compete with the noise.

Take care and try to find some time and peace to look after yourself too.

ProphetOfDoom Mon 29-Jul-13 23:05:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oh crikey OP I feel for you. Nothing worse than constant whinging and food refusal and you've got both. In spades.

She's too young to reason with isn't she? Would she respond to "Mummy can't understand you when you whine. Use your normal ("big girl"?) voice" then "Oh DD I would love to pick you up! I love picking up and cuddling little girls who use their big girl voices!" or "no, you can't walk and whinge at the same time. We'll walk when you are finished whinging" then "Walking with such a big girl who uses her big girl voice..." etc.

Oh wait, she is only 13 months.... Ok, I have nothing.

Except bags of sympathy.

((hugs))

Sparklyboots Mon 29-Jul-13 23:10:46

Crying literally all the time does sound out of the ordinary and worth investigating. Is that all the time, all the time, or all the time while teething?

Agree with others - an experienced childminder, investigate her possible health challenges, take any pressure off for food as she's either resisting because she's ill (so battling isn't worth it) or resisting because you're pushing (so battling isn't worth it). Get her checked for possible intolerances, tongue-tie, reflux, and digestion problems but also consider sensory issues - that she only eats yoghurt seems so particular, is she okay about mess? Is she okay getting mud on her hands etc? In addition, find some mum and toddler things to do nearby? Start a meetup group? Anything to get connected to other, rational adults.

Interesting to see that you think you are wishing away her time. Because it is your time too, the way you say it, it's like you don't count or something. You've also said if she was happy you'd be but in that sense your happiness depends entirely on a grizzly 1 year old. I know we've all felt that at times our children do hold that sort of power over us and they are that important, but on the other hand, it's too much to ask of her; it's not working; you're locked into whatever bump she's going over; it puts her in charge of your emotional weather and not you. Is there another way to handle it other than 'trying to be positive'? You could take a two-pronged approach: 1. accept that she's not going to be positive and try to connect with her emotional reality - commiserate rather than resist, as it were; and 2. take charge of your own emotional reality and find things - or create them - in your current life to focus your happiness and sanity on.

Iwaswatchingthat Mon 29-Jul-13 23:17:43

OP - I read your post with lots of sympathy.

I could have written it six years ago.

YANBU it is very hard work and babies who whine are difficult to enjoy unfortunately.

You sound lovely though and a great mum - you are doing a brilliant job. Get some rest and take some breaks.

AcrylicPlexiglass Mon 29-Jul-13 23:17:53

Sorry you're having such a tough time with her.

I think I'd gradually try and set up quite a strict routine sergeant major-like routine with her, concentrating first on establishing a proper nap not on your lap. I think you might feel a bit more in control, even if it doesn't lead to miraculous improvements.

I would start by putting her in her cot at 1pm and trying to get her to nap via controlled crying. Check on her at 1 min, 2 min, 5 min then every 5 mins until she goes to sleep or just keep doubling the time if you want to be hard core. If she hasn't given up and gone to sleep by 2ish give up but try again the next day and every day after that for a week or so. I really think you need a break from her presence during the day and getting a nap going if possible might be a real sanity saver. It would also set up the possibility of putting her in her cot to sleep at night, if it worked. I realise it could be a long shot but worth a try, maybe? Some of her behaviour might be due to chronic overtiredness as well.

Re food; Can you mix stuff into the yogurt to make it more filling and nutritious? Fruit, cereal, baby rice, etc? Yogurt isn't unhealthy in itself.

Fairylea Mon 29-Jul-13 23:20:44

Do you think maybe she needs more daytime sleep? Especially if she is that active.

You say she has one nap - how long is this?

I ask because I have a VERY active 13 month old ds who literally spends all day walking about hanging ontomy hands (and moans if he isn't) and he has two naps of 1.45 hours each (and sleeps 6-6). I'm not saying that to be smug but I do wonder if some of it is overtiredness?

Have you tried encouraging a nap about 2.5 hours after she wakes in the morning and then a midday nap too?

I do understand how you feel, some days I feel I'm going insane with ds. Dd is now 10 and she was never the mini tornado ds is!

It could be possible. Speak to the HV about her food refusal and the GP too.

DoJo Mon 29-Jul-13 23:39:16

I agree that getting out to some kind of group might help - since about 9 months I have found that my son really gets bored of being in the house, and taking him out not only tires him out but has made him really independent which is nice (although sometimes I am a bit [hmmm] when he tries to leave with other families!).
Can you engage her in whatever you're trying to do, so give her a wooden spoon to play with whilst you're cooking, get her a beaker of water when you're having a drink, give her a sieve or something to play with whilst you wash dishes, anything that she sees you doing that you could 'share' with her so she feels like she's involved without having to be there in your face?

Joanne279 Mon 29-Jul-13 23:49:26

My eldest went thru a stage like this. I eventually put her down and played with a toy to distract her from not being picked up. If she climbed on my lap, she went straight back down. It was hard but she eventually leant to amuse herself with toys. I'm not having a go hun, but when carrying her around, you're not giving her the chance to learn to play by herself. Yes, she will whine, but it will be worth it.

Its the same with sleep. Unless they're put down and given the opportunity to learn to self settle, they'll never do it.

As for the food, I maybe check with the health visitor about withholding milk for 24 hours. (Offer water maybe) I know that sounds awful, but like someone else said, kids don't starve themselves of hungry. Maybe she just needs a little push smile

Hth and huge hugs x

Joanne279 Mon 29-Jul-13 23:51:25

If you try the putting down thing, why not ask a friend to stay with you all day. That way then, you'll have some moral support instead of feeling so alone smile x

Ham69 Mon 29-Jul-13 23:56:22

Wow, I can really empathise OP. She sounds exactly like my DD. Please just hang on in there and take it a day at a time. You will look back one day and congratulate yourself for getting through this. My DD (2nd child) screamed from morning to night. She gave me an hour off when she woke up first thing if i was lucky, so I got as much done then as possible. Just cleaning my teeth at night would be traumatic because I'd have to put her down! She would never let anyone else hold her either. I co slept with her til she was about 2.

She's now a very well adjusted, bright and fun loving 4 year old who's extremely independent. She loves going to nursery and can't wait to start school in September. She's been sleeping through the night for the last 18 months too. She's stubborn and still has a fair few major tantrums but is also extremely loving and plays really well without me interacting for ages. Her imaginitive play is quite something and she has lots of friends. I'd go as far as saying she's fairly easy now!
It WILL get better. I always say that as much as I adore my DD, she was the best contraception ever grin.

I haven't read all the posts but if you haven't already, please, please buy the book 'My Child Won't Eat'. It's very reassuring. My DD wasn't bothered about food til she was 15months and she's now a bit picky but pretty good at eating.
Good luck OP, you are not alone. I think wine may have helped me through those first couple of years.

Ham69 Tue 30-Jul-13 00:01:10

Also getting out as much as possible helped too. I found that much easier then staying in with her because the constant white noise seemed to settle her a bit. Check out as many toddler groups, local libraries, etc, as possible.

timidviper Tue 30-Jul-13 00:03:48

It's a long time since mine were like this but my second child was a lot easier than the first because I didn't give in to whining, tantrums, etc as I knew it would be harder in the long run. Being honest, do you think you are pandering to her? Establishing good habits is hard but worth it if that is the case.

littleblackno Tue 30-Jul-13 00:17:03

She sounds like a combination of my 2! DS was very clingy and screamed all the time, it was exhausting, he did go to nursery and loved it. DD didn't eat - at all (well thats what it felt like) Turned out she just prefered to feed herself. I swear she ate nothing but raisins for 6 months until she was about 18mths old! I wouldn't stress too much about the food at this point but talk to your hv if you are worried. Getting out as much as possible definatly helped with ds as he was entertained by things going on around him. It will get easier. My DD is now 5.5 and has a very good appitite, she's still quite fussy but not too much.

justanuthermanicmumsday Tue 30-Jul-13 00:32:46

my latest addition is about the same age she was born last april.

she went through a period of not eating solids so i reduced milk feeds drastically. I only give her milk in the afternoon and evening. I followed written guidelines but milk feeds between meals i think it was too much for her little stomach.

Give your baby solids before any milk that way she will hopefully be hungry and eat more solids and less milk. In between meals give the minimum milk . for example my daughter only had 4-5oz never went above that so i give half of that. ive noticed if i give her 4oz in between come the next meal time shes not hungry. at night she can have a bigger milk feed. It's working for me give it a go.

she was also a bit of a moaner but you have to give a bit of tough love. If you're always picking her whenever she moans she will learn quickly i can get mum whenever i want if i moan a bit. So let her moan a bit 5 mins it won't last much longer. I often put mine in her highchair if she moans too much. I give her a toy or finger food whilst i do some chores. Before you know it its time for her morning nap, hallelujah!

You will get through it and yes you do need a break if help is on offer take it, I'd do anything for a break.

FrogsGoWhat Tue 30-Jul-13 09:26:41

I do disagree with a few comments on here along the lines that - you need to put her down or she'll never learn. You need to let them "self-settle" or they'll never learn.

Well they do learn both - just on their own timescales! It depends how much sanity and patience you have left.

DD would NOT be put down EVER. Turned out she had tongue tie and reflux. The tongue tie was privately sorted at 5 months but left a lasting legacy. The reflux was never addressed.

Anyway, by using slings, and co-sleeping I met her need for having her mother in touching distance. Went back to work part time for sanity but found a good childminder who was willing to give her as many cuddles as she wanted.

So, at the age of 2 she is now sleeping through, and rarely wants picking up. I still sling her on my back when out though as she's not very good at walking in the direction we want to go! (Very stubborn and strong willed smile )

At 13 months though I was pulling my hair out as that was a particularly bad time - but it just gradually got better and better from there.

proudmum74 Tue 30-Jul-13 09:48:10

I think you need to go back to your HV / GP & talk to them again about her eating problems. Also mention her behaviour, as the chances are the 2 could be linked.

DD was very clingy when she was younger & had problems with eating at first, we were referred to an Occupational Therapist & dietician, which helped - turned out my food was too bland! blush i blame Annabel Karmel & her pureed pears...DD now has no problems & will eat anything in sight.

Embracethemuffintop Tue 30-Jul-13 09:51:44

I wouldn't worry about the food thing if I were you as long as she appears healthy. I would use a sling and remain close to her at all times -clearly that is what she wants. Keep her busy doing things she loves. My youngest dd is 3 and would be extremely grumpy if I didn't hold her most of the time and be extremely close when she does get down to play. She has never been in a pram and hates being in the car unless I am next to her, so I do very short cars runs unless daddy is with me and I can sit next to her. Her sister was exactly the same and at 5 she rarely wants to be picked up and doesn't need me right there like she used to. I have 4 DCs and would say if they are winging a lot it is there way of telling you they aren't happy. It's tough though but maybe just think about how lovely it is that she wants you soooo much.

dozily Tue 30-Jul-13 10:11:48

Have you had her weighed and measured recently? Is she actually underweight or managing to get by on the number of calories she's getting?

Dd2 was a very whingy baby (still is now to a lesser extent at age 4) and it is so wearing. It really helped me when she started nursery at 13 months, and strangely she has never been whingy at nursery so I guess the environment / extra stimulation suits her too.

MyNameIsRio Tue 30-Jul-13 10:50:49

YANBU.

Also, if you are weepy, a good cry will make you feel better.

mrsshackleton Tue 30-Jul-13 11:13:16

My second was like this. I was very depressed for a long time. She is 6 now and the most delightful child you could hope to meet. These things do pass, but it's hard and horrible at the time and you have all my sympathy.

ThisIsYourSong Tue 30-Jul-13 11:34:55

What if you add the yoghurt to something else? DS will eat a big bowl of porridge (milk oaties ) if we put lots of yoghurt in. Mashed banana?

I'd be tempted to give her the 5 yogurts a day or whatever you can get into her for a week and see if her mood improves.

I've had a TT baby and a reflux baby and it doesn't sound like either. I wouldn't rule out TT though. But it's not normal and babies need food to grow and develop.

I used to bath with DS when he was really miserable.

I'm afraid I'm another one who thinks this just doesn't sound right. What does your GP say?

roundtable Tue 30-Jul-13 11:44:07

Many, many sympathies op. I hope it's all a hazy memory soon.

Big hugs.

Ezio Tue 30-Jul-13 12:30:03

Weary Are there sure start centres near you that do parenting classes.

You can learn techniques and coping strategies, and get advice on those issues, it might help you gain some control back.

Wannabestepfordwife Tue 30-Jul-13 12:48:31

Are you me op my dd is 13 months and exactly the same wont sleep unless I'm with her, hates her pram, I would prefer to give birth everyday rather than wean.

I've found talking to other mums helps especially a good rant over a glass of wine.

Just remember you have been on call for 24 hours 7 days a week for 13 months if you had worked the same in a job you would have probably been signed of for stress or had a breakdown it might not feel like it but you can cope and your doing an amazing job.

stopgap Tue 30-Jul-13 12:54:21

Definitely get help. My son is almost two, and still prone to the odd bit of whining, but mostly he's a delight, incredibly sweet-natured etc. whereas he was the most difficult baby who whined all the way through teething, had silent reflux for a year, wouldn't go to sleep without forty minutes of vigorous rocking, and lived in a Beco carrier until he was fifteen months. He cried in music classes, wailed at strangers, and our visions of taking him out to restaurants for lazy Sunday lunches went well and truly out the window. It was utterly draining.

If you have no family close by, please consider getting a sitter in for a few hours a week, so that you can take a nap or do something frivolous. High-needs babies are awfully hard to deal with.

Branleuse Tue 30-Jul-13 12:59:55

give her a spoon of calpol, and pour yourself a glass of wine

ringaringarosy Tue 30-Jul-13 13:11:04

branleuse i hope thats a joke!

sleeplessbunny Tue 30-Jul-13 13:15:27

you sound very down, OP, understandably. You really need a break. I think you should consider getting someone else to care for her for a couple of days a week (family/CM?) a different person and routine might have a good effect on her eating but more than anything it will give you some time to yourself which it sounds like you really need.

going back to work saved my sanity. DD had some of the traits you mention (particularly the eating thing) and going to the CM completely changed her habits. I have no idea why but she just seemed to snap out of it (other kids maybe?)

Also, when I come home from work I have so much more energy and patience for DD, our relationship is 100% better as a result of our time apart.

Things do change with babies/ children.
It just happens very slowly.
But mine are now 14 and 11 and building a tree house (of sorts !) at the end of the garden !
Not that that's any better really !

I'm sure she'll get better at eating soon too (and then be much more stable and less dependent on you), and be more independent when she gets walking soon. Two immanent things to be looking forward to !

Viviennemary Tue 30-Jul-13 13:23:47

I expect most people will be horrified but I'd get a playpen. I got one for my DD because we had moved house and having work done. Didn't leave her in it for very long at a time. About half an hour at most and not on her own in the room for more than a few minutes. It wasn't an instant cure by any means but at least it gave me a bit of time to do what I had to do.

It's not really doing your nerves or health any good putting up with this level of aggravation. My DD hardly ever had a sleep during the day after about the age of one. I agree about not stressing over food I at the age of one. If she wants yoghurts just spoon feed them.

selfesteem Tue 30-Jul-13 13:31:22

I would log everything she eats/drinks and establish if she really is not eating and drinking enough calories. The unhappiness and lack of sleep could be due to hunger if this is the case it is important to know this. There may be a medical reason why she cannot eat. I know of a case where the NHS took until a child was 8 to establish the medical reason for no appetite. Until you log it all it is difficult to determine if the lack of intake could be the problem. Also need to see how weight compares to height to assess this not just weight in isolation.

JohnnyUtah Tue 30-Jul-13 13:33:47

She needs to go to nursery part time to give you a break. Think of the money as being for the benefit of your older child, if you can't justify doing it for your own sanity.

ThistleDown Tue 30-Jul-13 14:15:00

Ds4 was just like this. The whining was horrendous! He's 7 now and a lovely even tempered boy.

He refused to eat anything except porridge. Like you I was worried that he wouldn't eat anything else (although he would take custard sometimes). My HV told me to mix a tiny drop of other foods into his porridge. So 3 times a day he had porridge but had whatever we were having mixed in. We started with a tiny amount and slowly build up the porridge/other food ratio.

Yes, it was gross (porridge/shepherds pie mix anyone?) but it worked! He is now a good eater who still loves porridge. I

xylem8 Tue 30-Jul-13 15:20:31

Is she happy when she is doing something fun with you?
Does she drink lots of milk?

minouminou Tue 30-Jul-13 15:44:40

Yikes - sounds like my DD - she's four and a bit now.
It was bonkers! She still is quite bonkers as well...very demanding.
She was also slow to wean - didn't really start solids until she started nursery at eight months of age.
She went to nursery for two afternoons to start with - ten precious hours of relative peace (even though I was working!). Like some PPs have said, a couple of afternoons or mornings, as long as she has a feed beforehand, won't do her much harm at all, and it's possible that seeing her peers and new chums will encourage her to start eating solids a bit more.

Total sympathies - my head, neck and shoulders were agony sometimes - you need a break.
I know how trapped you're feeling, but you're actually not trapped, my love.

minouminou Tue 30-Jul-13 16:00:50

Actually - just reading some more PPs - ProudMum74 at 9.48am talked about her DD finding her food too bland (sorry, PM74!).

My DD loves adult-strength chili and other quite exotic-for-a-UK-baby/toddle/preschooler foods, including Stilton cheese, wasabi (yes, really!), sushi, curry and so on. She actually chanced upon a bird's eye chili by accident one day (I thought I'd fished them all out of her portion), screamed for a minute, then carried on eating her chili!

Might be worth a shot to give her some humous, guacamole and the like, with or without breadsticks. DD loves Swedish ryebread - the harder the better. Anything crunchy, spicy, pungent.....olives, chopped bell peppers, unsalted corn chips, sugar snap peas.

Liara Tue 30-Jul-13 20:40:08

Having read a bit more, have you ruled out an intolerance of some kind?

Does she seem like she is in pain/discomfort? Is she gassy?

Buddhagirl Tue 30-Jul-13 20:58:44

I vote playpen just for a bit, you need a rest.

tattyteddy Tue 30-Jul-13 21:09:38

Hi OP, sorry that you're having such a tough time. I just wanted to agree with an earlier post that they do behave differently at nursery! Mine DD 2.4 eats all sorts at nursery and it has really helped with her development. Also speaking to your HV or GP if you're worried about her eating may help you x

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