First food!

(49 Posts)

So not sure if I'm being petty today... but dd is just give months old and it was her christening today. We had some people to the house after the service and had a buffet etc. family and friends also brought food. DH's aunt came and also brought her cousin who happened to be visiting at the time (saw no problem at the time even though I didn't know her).

So people are chatting and eating and having a nice time, dd bein passed around, relatives showing her off...and I look round again and long lost cousin has dd on her knee feeding her meringues and whipped cream! I jumped towards her at once. DD is five months old, not quite at weaning stage and breast fed withthe occasional bottle (but that has been a nightmare as she seems to be allergic to something and will only drink soya formula).

According to DH's aunt I was rude to my guest and what was wrong with allowing dd to celebrate?! I explained all of the above and said cousin then informed me that SHE didn't believe in 'any of that nonsense'. I was furious.

Was I being unreasonable? They left soon after. Most of the family know not to give her food - she doesn't need it yet. Her older brother was weaned at 5.5 months, so I know she's not that far away....but meringu and cream for her first taste of food?! Really?!

aargh! she's five months old- should have proof read!

Actually I think the aunt is the fucking rude one for bringing along an uninvited guest. Who was also rude. YANBU.

eggs and dairy - not the best first foods especially if she only takes soya formula. YANBU

MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 27-Jul-13 22:00:23

Probably not ideal no, but since it's done there's not a whole lot you can do now so no point agonising about it!

5madthings Sat 27-Jul-13 22:01:19

Yanbu who takes it upon themselves to feed a baby they dont know!!!

And cream and merangue is not ideal esp if she has issurs with dairy.

Rude to bring annuninvited person and then they were both rude and unreasonable for dismisding your concrrns over feeding your dd.

fakebook Sat 27-Jul-13 22:02:49

I wouldn't have cared tbh, if it had been a close family member like a brother/sister/grandparents...but a long lost cousin who doesn't know she's lactose intolerant? I wouldn't have flipped but just calmly taken dd away and made sure she didn't pick her up again. How were you rude? Did you shout?

FirstStopCafe Sat 27-Jul-13 22:05:13


I didn't think I was rude....more shocked really and now annoyed. I probably grabbed dd away rather quickly from her and then tried to get stuff out of her mouth. Didn't look great and spoiled an otherwise lovely day.

As an aside, I wanted to be the first one to feed her solids.

Thurlow Sat 27-Jul-13 22:06:44

It's incredibly annoying, but sometimes I don't know whether older generations have just forgotten what weaning was like or whether it really was different. DM was the same - "ooh, would she like a lick of custard from my donut?"

Did she know that your DD isn't yet weaned and hasn't tried any/much food? If she didn't know that, then she wouldn't know how big a deal this was to you.

YANBU to be annoyed by this, but I think in the wider scheme of things it fits into the 'don't sweat the small stuff' - it's not ideal, but it's done now and first tastes don't have an impact on what they end up eating, as there's a good chance it will be another few months before your DD really gets the hang of food.

pianodoodle Sat 27-Jul-13 22:20:59

YANBU I was at a birthday picnic this week and one of the mums I'd only met recently asked did I mind watching her 5 month old while she went to the toilets.

While she was gone the baby was reaching out for my banana and as tempting as it was to let her try a bit I didn't because I hadn't seen her eat any picnic food and didn't know if mum had started weaning yet.

I would always check first "can he/she have this?" when they're so young it just seems sensible and polite to me.

Whether I agree or not with how they feed their child isn't the point - it's their decision!

OHforDUCKScake Sat 27-Jul-13 22:25:48

I have a baby who nearly died at 5 months old because I fed him yoghurt(bf until then) and he went into anaphylactic shock


Fucking hate it when its considered 'nonsense'.

Yanbu. Granted some kids do crawl off or somehow get hold of less than ideal foods and no harm done. BUT a five month old baby? You would have to be an idiot to go feeding a baby that small anything at all ( in the sense of not knowing baby is on solids) let alone whipped cream and meringues.

Dorris83 Sat 27-Jul-13 22:33:25

YANBU I would go NUTS if anyone fed my DS before DH and I decided to introduce him to solids.

We are really looking forward to giving him his first solids and are already thinking about what his first foods should be. i would be livid if someone gave him anything I didn't agree with.

I am unashamedly pfb but don't care. Both your aunt an long lost cousins were totally out of order and I'm impressed you were so calm.

Thurlow Sat 27-Jul-13 22:35:40

Sorry, I have to disagree with being "an idiot" for not knowing a 5.5mo isn't weaned yet. Guidelines change all the time. A while ago, guidelines were for weaning at 4mo. If you have a kid who is now older, you're not going to be reading up on the guidelines for babies, are you? Why should you suddenly know that 5.5mo babies are now no longer weaned, when yours were weaned at that age?

Not saying it was right to feed the OP's baby these particular foods but, really, does everyone actually expect people to know every little thing that they know?

She was a long lost cousin who probably had no idea probably how old the baby was. Of course it's idiotic to go feeding a small baby two of the most allergenic foods ever. You do not go feeding small babies anything. It's not hard to figure that out no matter what guide lines someone followed 40/50 years ago.

scoobydooagain Sat 27-Jul-13 22:40:52

Soya formula at 5 mths? Hope that is done under a paediatrician.

5madthings Sat 27-Jul-13 22:43:17

thurlow the guidelines changed in 2000, my eldest is almost fourteen and even when he was a baby the advice was 4-6mths but best to wait till 6mths and by the time I had ds2 two years later it was 6mths.

People say the advice changes all the time but it doesn't.

The point is the cousin didn't know the op or her baby and had no right to take it upon herself to feed her. Seriously who feeds a baby they don't know and have only just met?!

karinmaria Sat 27-Jul-13 22:48:02


The guidelines make no difference. A baby that young should not be given anything unless it is checked by the parents first, and this goes for children up to the age of speaking so they can say 'I can't have that, I'm allergic'.

Extremely rude of your cousin to just feed your baby and then be indignant.

littlewhitebag Sat 27-Jul-13 22:49:16

mine were born in the 90's, weaning started at 3 months then. A liitle bit of meringue and cream will do her no harm. Really, truly she will be fine

Thurlow Sat 27-Jul-13 22:50:51

And that was 14 years ago. We're possibly talking about an aunt who weaned 20-30 years ago, and a cousin who hasn't weaned yet. Should they be fully up to date with the guidelines? Maybe they aren't MNetters...

Like I said, I'm not saying it wasn't something the OP should be upset about. But people don't automatically now everything.

MoominsYonisAreScary Sat 27-Jul-13 22:52:33

Guidelines don't change all the time. Even if you have no clue why would you be feeding someone else's baby without asking anyway.

If you think she has an allergy/intolerance you should see a doctor. Ds1 is lactose intolerant and had other intolerances that were picked up by the specialist.

HooverFairy Sat 27-Jul-13 22:52:52

YANBU, I'd have been furious. I found that a lot of friends/family tried to get me to agree to DS having solids before he was 5 months and it really annoyed me. I wanted to take things slowly to check for allergies etc, luckily no one took it upon themselves to feed him anything (that I know of!).

Yes, people can be forgiven for not knowing what age a baby is weaned at, they can also be forgiven for thinking that certain 'unsafe' foods are ok. But there is no excuse for offering a child food without checking with the parent first, especially a baby. Not only was it putting the child at risk because of her allergies, it was also taking away a moment that you wanted to experience first. And yes, anyone who plans on doing anything with my baby must know everything that I do - PFB, absolutely.

5madthings Sat 27-Jul-13 22:53:17

No she may not know about warning, even more reason not to give food to a baby she doesn't even know! Why would you take it upon yourself to feed a baby who you have never even met before?!

DoItTooJulia Sat 27-Jul-13 22:55:41

But if they aren't up to date with the guidelines that's an even more compelling reason not to feed a baby....because they don't know! Who thinks, oh I don't know if this is ok or not. So I will do it anyway?

DoItTooJulia Sat 27-Jul-13 22:56:15

X post, with 5!

It's not about guide lines though is it.

It's about a complete stranger feeding a small baby they have just met. Allergies aside its a choking risk on a baby that isn't ready.

You do not do that. Parents decide the food for babies not long lost cousins or other relatives for that matter.

How hard is it to think- if I feed this she will probably be done or she could be ill or choke. It's a big risk I won't take it.

If she'd posted about feeding a strange cat the op would have a universal yanbu. Yet a small baby and its excused cos "she will be fine" ?

Done? Fine

Oodelaranana Sat 27-Jul-13 23:07:29

YANBU - I'd be fuming. I wouldn't offer a 5 year old food if I hadn't asked the parents first if it were ok let alone a 5 month old.

yanbu at all. I'm not necessarily a big believer in the 6m mark but I'd never feed someone else's kid unless they'd asked me to or OKed it. let alone meringues and cream. and that's without any possible lactose issues!

Whothefuckfarted Sun 28-Jul-13 10:08:23


They should have asked 'Is it okay to give ... to the baby?'

Seeing as they didn't they should most certainly have been apologetic.

'Oh I'm sorry, I didn't think' or along those lines.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 28-Jul-13 10:21:19

YANBU I'd be furious.

But why are you giving soy formula? It's not the recommended alternative to milk, especially in under ones.

YANBU they shouldn't have given your DC anything without first checking with you. I hope that your DC hasn't suffered any ill effects, if they have allergies. On the bright side, it was someone you had never met and will never meet again, so who cares if you were rude anyway. wink

maternitart Sun 28-Jul-13 10:36:45

YANBU to be very annoyed with aunt and cousin but try to put it behind you and give baby her first REAL taste yourself. She is fine and that's the most important thing.

My MIL gave my PFB gin & tonic before I started weaning him. I could have got visibly annoyed but decided to let it go.

neunundneunzigluftballons Sun 28-Jul-13 10:45:35

If your M IL really gave your child gin and tonic and you just let it go then you are outrageous. I presume however she pretended to give your child alcohol. Op you are not at all unreasonable I would have been very cross.

maternitart Sun 28-Jul-13 10:48:54

neun she dipped her finger in her g&t and let DS suck it. She thought I wasn't looking.

How did you let that go? Seriously? Alcohol on an unweaned baby. I'd have gone nuts. You don't ever give the ok for someone to decide what to feed your babies. A baby isn't going to feel left out for not having something and the risk of damage is far to high.

neunundneunzigluftballons Sun 28-Jul-13 11:03:42

Materinaltart I would have gone ape shit I cannot believe you just let it go I would have been having really serious words with her.

maternitart Sun 28-Jul-13 12:09:44

I made a PA comment that made it clear I wasn't impressed. She hasn't attempted to do it again.

I'm not good at confrontation and didn't see what "going apeshit" would have achieved except create a horrible atmosphere (we were on holiday at the time) and give her more fuel for labelling me PFB.

neunundneunzigluftballons Sun 28-Jul-13 12:21:01

going ape shit would have taught her that it is not ok to give your pre weaned infant alcohol to entertain herself. That is pretty far off pfb by almost any standard. If going are shit is not for you why at least did you not say - never ever give my baby alcohol again have I made myself clear ? That would have done the trick .

Baby 1 or baby 20, never would it be precious to have put her in her place over that.

If you didn't make a stand about that then she will have thought you wouldnt care about feeding him anything else.

Your a bigger person than I am, that would never have been so politely done with me.

maternitart Sun 28-Jul-13 12:35:25

Yes perhaps you are right. I felt I shouldn't make a big deal of it. No one in her family stands up to her except her SIL who has basically now been ostracised from the family and DH just shrugged.

I feel shit now. sad

Sorry for detailing OP.

neunundneunzigluftballons Sun 28-Jul-13 12:39:56

Ah sorry I don.t mean to make you feel like shit and I should not have but what I was trying to get across is that it is ok on issues like that to take someone on when you child is involved no matter who they are. You mother in law sounds like an ass.

squeakytoy Sun 28-Jul-13 12:40:46

considering gripe water once contained alcohol, and babies dummies were often dipped in alcohol to supposedly help colic etc, a baby sucking a finger that has been dipped in a g & t will not suffer and going "ape shit" would be a bit OTT.

neunundneunzigluftballons Sun 28-Jul-13 12:40:49


neunundneunzigluftballons Sun 28-Jul-13 12:48:02

Squeaky are you seriously defending any one giving a pre weaned baby a taste of g and t that posters mother in law is a dick for doing that. i can almost understand the mis guided use of brandy and gripe water and put that down to tradition but g and t is just for her own amusement.

It's not about why though is it. It's about people taking it upon themselves to feed babies whatever they like for their own amusement and thinking its ok. It's not. Would've have mattered if it was banana or apple , there's a reason you take it slowly and do one food at a time. Imagine if op had fed her child some banana and a few mins later she reacted. Op would have thought her kid was allergic to bananas avoided them and carried on giving her the food she was really reacting to. The egg or cream. Child is deprived of a healthy food and continues to ba at risk from the real culprit.

There's an easy solution. Mind your own damn business and let the parents feed their own baby

Why? Not about what

KingRollo Sun 28-Jul-13 13:17:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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