Wibu to complain about this waitress?

(162 Posts)
HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 20:32:22

Dh thinks I shouldn't have complained, I think I definitely should have, who's right?

Went to a Toby carvery, meal was fine and service by the waitress fine until we finished the meal (they don't do much as its a buffet thing). We then obviously wanted the bill so I tried to get the waitress' attention. When she came near the table I made eye contact twice to try and get her to come over. She smiled and looked away then left. Next time she came near I made eye contact and raised my hand, nothing. I ended up getting up and walking over to her at another table and standing waiting for her to finish with them then asking.

We waited another 10 minutes for her to bring the bill. Dh had the card in his hand, and she had the card machine in hers, but before we could ask to use it she had gone. She just put the bill on the table and walked straight off. I then started the rediculous process of trying to get her attention again, I even stood up and called out excuse me after three or four failed attempts. She completely ignored us. This had been going on for another ten minutes.

Finally I managed to get her attention and asked for the card machine, waited another five or so minutes and she came back with it. Dh didn't want me to say anything, but I seriously couldn't stop myself. I was tired and wanted to go home, not play this rediculous game of catch the waitress.

I said that I had been trying to get her attention for ages, that we had wanted to pay by card and she had the machine etc and that it had taken a rediculous amount of time to get the bill sorted.

Her reply: "Well I do have a lot of other customers to attend to, I didn't see or hear you." No apology, and then she just walked off once the payment had gone through. IMO the only acceptable response to this sort of complaint is surely an apology?? I feel it's her job to be attentive to her customers needs, and she had seen plenty of times that we had finished our meals and would obviously need to sort the bill.

Dh thinks I shouldn't have complained and that it would have been enough to simply not leave her a tip. Obviously I don't agree. Aibu?

I think you're overreacting.

bigbuttons Sat 27-Jul-13 20:36:59

life's too short for this sort of stuff you know.

notanyanymore Sat 27-Jul-13 20:37:55

Probably not U as IME staff in Toby Carvery's are horribly rude.

Yep I agree an overreaction, how busy was she?

Flossiechops Sat 27-Jul-13 20:38:10

I agree with bunty, just forget about it!

Forgetfulmog Sat 27-Jul-13 20:38:16

Agree with bunty - no need to make a drama out of a crisis smile

hermioneweasley Sat 27-Jul-13 20:38:23

She sounds pretty poor, but I woukdn't bother complaining - it takes more time! Just no tip.

HollaAtMeBaby Sat 27-Jul-13 20:38:27

Is a Toby carvery like a harvester?

YANBU, anyway.

TimeofChange Sat 27-Jul-13 20:39:06

Could you not of gone up to the counter to pay?

If I'm in a hurry I go to the desk or till and ask to pay.

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 20:39:15

Yabu. She had other customers to deal with.

AuntieUrsula Sat 27-Jul-13 20:39:53

It is annoying when you want to get out of a restaurant and the staff aren't cooperating.
Next time just get up and start leaving. She'll have caught up with you with her little card machine before you reach the door.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 20:39:53

I won't be losing sleep over it, was just wondering if dh is right or I am? It's like a harvester but they mainly do the roast dinners that you get buffet style.

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 20:40:04

Yes,can't you you pay at the till?

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 20:40:36

It wasn't very busy at all, lots of empty tables if that makes any difference.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking Sat 27-Jul-13 20:41:39

YABU. and completely overreacting hmm
Why did you not just go to the bar/counter and pay your bill?

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 20:41:45

I'm not sure if you can pay at the till or not, only been there once before.

TheBakeryQueen Sat 27-Jul-13 20:41:53

I agree with your dh, not leaving a tip would be sufficient.

And your trying to get eye contact was a bit pointless.

If she was busy, you probably needed to be a bit louder & more obvious.

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 20:41:55

I don't think all the staff at Toby carveries are rudehmm

Don't let this take up your head space.

She was a bit of a dud waitress but meh, let it go.

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 20:43:01

You can usually pay at the bar or till.

I would have gone to find out tbh.

DamnBamboo Sat 27-Jul-13 20:43:27

OP, I don't think her behaviour was acceptable, although I wouldn't formally complain. Just do as you did, tell her your problem and don't leave a tip and next time, just get up and pay at the til

MammaTJ Sat 27-Jul-13 20:43:39

Was she at any point chit chatting or sat down? If not YABU, she really was busy. She didn't say sorry because she is not a liar and she is not sorry, she was busy, YWBU, why should she apologise for your lack of understanding?

You may be #1 in your life, but not necassarily in hers.


WorraLiberty Sat 27-Jul-13 20:43:48

It's ridiculous

I imagine she was very busy because I doubt she would have ignored you on purpose.

BumbleChum Sat 27-Jul-13 20:44:41

yanbu to be annoyed, i find it really irritating when it's slow to get the bill and pay - that's the point you are finished and want to be out, and being held up unnecessarily then is really annoying. I wouldn't complain though, just seethe quietly (or more likely watch DH seethe quietly and pretend it didn't bother me).

Norfolknway Sat 27-Jul-13 20:44:49

Meh. Annoying but you could have just got up to pay on the way out. That's what we used to do, no waiting about you see grin

gallifrey Sat 27-Jul-13 20:44:59

One of my pet hates! When you ask for the bill and they don't bring it for ages, then bugger off again leaving you there waiting again for them to come back with the card machine sad

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 20:46:31

Oh no I don't want to formally complain! I mean was IBU for saying anything? Looks like I was!! I am pretty tired and crabby after a long day.

Sirzy Sat 27-Jul-13 20:46:51

If you wanted to pay then get up and go to the counter and pay. Much easier!

NonnoMum Sat 27-Jul-13 20:48:08

She probably had the bastard of a Head Chef yelling at her in the kitchen to get these hot dishes OUT NOW, another customer desperate for a jug of tap water, wash up yelling at her to bring in all the dessert dishes, as they've run out and Table 6 wants their ice cream NOW and was looking round for the random high chair for the family with twins...

So you paying your bill was down her list of priorities. You wouldn't appreciate how much pressure there is in a hot kitchen.

But she could have apologised.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 20:48:21

The only reason I don't think she was v busy was because of the empty tables and she was going to tables nearby to ask if they were happy with their meals, not taking orders or delivering food to tables.

rediculous indeed

HugAMoo Sat 27-Jul-13 20:52:05

I was going to say this isn't The Ritz, this is Toby Carvery, it gets very busy and I imagine the staff were run off their feet.

However, you've just said it wasn't that busy so I do find it odd that she seemed to ignore you. If it was quiet, you must have stood out like a sore thumb, running after the waitress, waiting at another table and waving / trying to get her attention? Maybe you were annoying her?

emuloc Sat 27-Jul-13 20:53:12

I pay on the way out when I want to leaye. I have better things to do than wait an eternity.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 20:53:20

Oh dear, im going to have to tell dh he was right! I accept iwbu by the majority of replies! smile

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 20:55:04

She could have said sorry though.

But next time pay at the till, saves all the drama grin

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 20:55:27

Hugamoo - I promise we were very well behaved throughout the meal. No annoying requests or anything, I just wanted to go home! Big meal + long day + baby's bum in my ribs = uncomfortable pregnant lady!

TabithaStephens Sat 27-Jul-13 20:56:12

Or just leave cash on the plate.

Sirzy Sat 27-Jul-13 20:56:16

Most places like that expect their staff to go to the tables to check they are happy with meals within a certain time of the food being taken to them.

The fact that there were empty tables doesn't necessarily mean she wasn't busy. She could still have been looking after lots of tables and they will have more staff in at busy periods.

MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 27-Jul-13 20:56:43

Oh completely rediculous. I might even go so far as to say it's discusting. Did you loose your temper?

RatUpADrainpipe Sat 27-Jul-13 20:57:04

You are being rIdiculous and are overeating a tad.

Ah, well.......baby AND pregnant.....so you have an excuse?

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 20:57:08

And if we go back I will definitely pay at the till, save all the hassle smile

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 21:00:12

No I didnt lose my temper at all, just said I wasnt happy, no raising my voice or anything, very polite. Just to clarify, no baby yet, just pregnant, with my unborn baby's bum pushed up into my ribs, very uncomfortable. We didn't have cash, so couldn't just leave it unfortunately.

WheresMeJumperOhNo Sat 27-Jul-13 21:01:43

Please, for the sake of my sanity, learn how to spell ridiculous. Please.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 21:04:00

Ooh dear I'm usually quite good at spelling!! <hangs head in shame!>

MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 27-Jul-13 21:05:46

<<<round of applause>>> for Jumper grin

HugAMoo Sat 27-Jul-13 21:06:15

heff no, I meant you may have annoyed her by persistently asking for the bill (a normal request, granted). Sometimes, in these situations the more you ask for someone's attention, the less likely you are to get it iyswim

I can definitely say that not all Toby Carvery staff are rude. I have been three times to the one at Westwood Cross in Margate and the staff there are lovely!!! smile

HugAMoo Sat 27-Jul-13 21:08:03

Yes, how dare anyone post if their spelling isn't perfect confused

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 21:09:58

Someone always comes on and makes sweeping statements that all the staff are rude.

Bit harsh to be so rude about OPS spelling. hmm

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 21:10:29

Well it's been decided by mn, iwbu! I shall put it down to being a tired and cranky pregnant lady.

pianodoodle Sat 27-Jul-13 21:10:51

Pregnancy has been known to make time go slower and people more annoying.

It took me half an hour to find a loo in town today. I was desperate for a wee and no one was getting out of my way fast enough (on purpose, I daresay) and there was a huge queue.

In reality once I'd been to the loo and checked my watch it was only ten minutes since I'd started looking for one, and actually someone had held a door open for me...and there had really been only two people in the queue.. smile

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 21:11:22

In fact it makes you look a bit ridiculous pointing out spelling mistakes in such an unkind way.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 21:14:36

Malcolm - did I spell disgusting or lose wrong too? I didn't think I used those words. confused

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 21:16:26

Ignore the spelling police.

They get on my tits.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 21:17:25

Pianodoodle - I did the loo thing today!! I needed to get from one side of the shopping centre to the other to use the loo (for the third blooming time in 2 hours) and as I was walking the baby was bouncing on my bladder. I got stuck behind every group of old biddies or slow walking teens, and was slightly concerned I might wet myself before I got there!! It felt like it took forever!

LucilleBluth Sat 27-Jul-13 21:18:04

Service in this country is shit and this thread proves why, we just accept it and think that the server is doing the customer a favour.


usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 21:20:25

Another sweeping generalisation.

SaltySeaBird Sat 27-Jul-13 21:20:44

I'll go against the tide and say YANBU.

It is a pet peeve of mine when you are left for ages and ages at the end of a meal waiting to pay the bill. Plus when you did mention it, she should have said sorry, even if she was busy she should have apologised for the delay.

It can be a tactic to make the restaurant seem busy. In some holiday spots they know a busy restaurant looks popular and is likely to bring more tourists in so they try and make you linger (especially if you are near the front) until they get somebody else to fill the table. We once waited 45 mins for the bill to come out despite asking several times. I was on the verge of walking!

I doubt the Toby Carvery applies this tactic though!

Wuxiapian Sat 27-Jul-13 21:20:50

Ignore Malcolm, OP, she's a prat.

Leave the Op alone spelling police!!!!!

OP it has obviously pissed you off no end but don't worry about it, she was v rude and out of order. Just don't go there again.

Get your DH to rub your feet right now!

Xpst usual! <snuggle>

fakebook Sat 27-Jul-13 21:23:10

You're being a bit ridiculous.

Lora1982 Sat 27-Jul-13 21:23:49

Ive always mums always paid at the till

lovelychops Sat 27-Jul-13 21:25:46

To be honest, I think you hovering at another table where she was serving is a bit rude.
To those who claim 'pet hates' are not getting out as soon as they're given the bill- I'd assume in those scenarios the waiting staff are busy and doing their best. They have no reason to keep you there!

mystaplerisevil Sat 27-Jul-13 21:26:49

i went to the carvery today, as an aside have they started rationing the meat? sure you used to get lots more than today!

our waitress was really nice, they always are at our one. We also pay at the till, it's just easier

HamsterDam Sat 27-Jul-13 21:27:59

im a waitress and i can tell you just because it didn't look busy doesn't mean she wasn't very busy. she might have been having to make drinks desserts and coffees aswel as take orders and deliver food.
its about prioritising and thinking ahead also reading your customers. for me i would have prioritised you for the fact you're very pregnant, same for anyone with kids, get them out asap.
some people are better at that than others.
unless she was sitting down or chatting she was doing her best. doesn't mean she's a shit waitress maybe her manager had messed the rota up or was sitting down playing on his phone in the office instead of helping.

HamsterDam Sat 27-Jul-13 21:29:48

i would have apologised to you op but yabu

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 21:30:06

While i'm here, what is the consensus? I'm of the opinion that it is rude to not leave a tip without an explanation, but dh wouldn't worry about it. A couple of posters have said that's what we should have done in this situation. Is it not rude to do that? My dad taught me from a young age that it'a important to tip and which situations to tip in, so I would feel uncomfortable not leaving one with no explanation as to why. What do you think?

BeesGoBuzzzzzz Sat 27-Jul-13 21:33:36

YABU to get so het up about this, although definitely don't tip if service is rubbish.

But you can spell ridikulus any way you like, the spelling poliss ar a payne in the backsyde and deserv too bee anioyed IMO.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 21:33:45

Mysta - the guy carving was really generous with me, saying something about eating for two. It was really sweet smile

Lovelychops - I waited in the walkway a little bit away from the table, not right by it iyswim? I didn't mean to be rude!

HamsterDam Sat 27-Jul-13 21:33:58

i live off tips its not rude not to leave a tip.
abit annoying when the fussy customers you really give first class service to don't but
some people do some don't and i would never tip ifbi didnt think the service was worth it.
im a professional waitress.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 21:40:02

Hamster thanks thats good to know!

lottieandmia Sat 27-Jul-13 21:44:20

YANBU - you are right that she should have apologised when you complained. Generally, you should not have had to go to all that trouble to get your bill even if it was Christmas. I've done a lot of waitressing in my teenage years and could see why this would be annoying.

lovelychops Sat 27-Jul-13 21:45:59

Heffa I see what you mean now smile

As an aside auto correct tries to change your name to Geoff!

MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 27-Jul-13 21:49:05

Yes. Ignore me. I'm a prat. grin grin grin So says someone nobody's ever heard of ............oh, and usual who always takes the opposite view just because she can!

Sorry OP - it's just a particular thing that I cannot stand. I didn't kill you did I? Or send poo? Or call you all the bastards under the sun? grin

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 21:52:14

Yeah ok then.Malcolm, whatever you say.

I have no clue who you are, but you seem to know a lot about me.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 21:53:36

Ok so maybe I wasn't 100% U, if only in that she should have apologised. I do see that she may have been busier than she looked though.

Lovelychops - hehe I don't mind Geoff!! It rhymes with Heff :D

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 21:55:29

You should have started to leave without paying. Someone would have come running then.

Of course you're not being unreasonable; who wants to wait ages to pay once they're ready to go?

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 21:55:48

Malcolm - <checks self> nope definitely still alive and haven't yet received any poo... Still a tad confused re the disgusting/ lose issue though!

MikeLitoris Sat 27-Jul-13 21:57:14

Trying to get eye contact was a bit pointless unless she is supposed to be a mind reader.

She should have apologised.

And as for the spelling issue I can only imagine it was pointed out as the op of a sort of similar style thread made the same spelling mistake.

Stealth Troll hunting.

xylem8 Sat 27-Jul-13 22:00:32

If you all stand up and start putting your jackets on, waiters are there in a shot!

Angelfootprints Sat 27-Jul-13 22:00:47

Its a bit strange as she obviously saw you as she smiled... Unless she thought you were just waving hello?

MalcolmTuckersMum Sat 27-Jul-13 22:04:13

You are quite wrong Mike. Quite quite wrong. I have no idea at all who or what troll you are referring to or why you are even introducing that element.

I've apologised to the OP for my flippancy and she seems to emerged from it unscathed and not urgently in need of counselling. grin

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 22:06:02

I think i've just got it all wrong with waitresses! I thought trying to get eye contact was the non verbal signal that you need something, and if this fails raising a hand? It's always worked before!

And re standing up as though to leave, I would panic they would think we were running off without paying! Or is that the point?

Angelfootprints Sat 27-Jul-13 22:11:38

I think most cafe, restaurant, shop staff etc would realise a customer trying making eye contact means they need help. Its obvious.

Growlithe Sat 27-Jul-13 22:12:22

This is a real pet hate of mine. Toby Carveries are really really hot places. I think they do it deliberately to get you out as quick as they can.

The waiters often don't have to do much. You can't book, so more often than not you have to wait for a table in the bar area so already have your drink.

It's a self service all you can eat carvery, so more often than not you won't want a starter or dessert.

All the waiters have to do on a lot of tables is ask how many carveries, then provide the bill and take the payment. And this last bit all too often seems to be beyond them, so you are left sitting there in their baking hot restaurant just wanting to pay.

I went for loads of Toby Carvery meals a few years ago because my late father loved them. We went through this charade so many times. DH and I used to play a game where the tip would be inversely proportionate to the mount of time we sat there waiting to pay.


MikeLitoris Sat 27-Jul-13 22:12:37


HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 22:13:09

Angel - I thought so too, but a few posters have pointed out that this was a waste of time?

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 22:14:31

I don't think I would wait for a bill if I could pay at the till and leave.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 22:18:15

Usual, that was what I wanted to do, but i really wasn't sure if you could. The bar at the one by me is completely separate to the rest of the restaurant with a separate entrance. Not like at the harvester where it's part of the restaurant iyswim. I should have checked.

Angelfootprints Sat 27-Jul-13 22:18:54

A waste of time?

Well just today thats how we got 2 different shop assistants to help us! Just looked at them, waited for them to acknowledge us, smiled and then "excuse me, but..."

I have been doing this for years. I learnt it from parents. Who have also done it for years!

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 22:20:09

Sometimes it's not clear, but I would have sent DP to ask grin

Angelfootprints Sat 27-Jul-13 22:23:37

Dont beat yourself up Heffalump. Most people would think its reasonable to expect to pay the bill at your table in an table service restaurant!

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 22:23:53

I will admit that dh was happy to wait, it was the crabby pregnant woman me that had the problem. Which possibly links back to what pianodoodle was saying about time going slower and people being more annoying when you are pregnant haha. grin

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 22:25:59

It was a carvery that's not really table service is it?

ubik Sat 27-Jul-13 22:27:29

YABU for going to a Toby Carvery.

Waitress probably fed up

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 22:31:08

Sorry ubik, why is it U to go to a toby carvery? What's wrong with them? They do a cracking roast!

Angelfootprints Sat 27-Jul-13 22:32:32

Oh for goodness sake Usual! Well its half table service then, so you think you be in for at least half a chance! grin

Though card reader does suggest table service to me...

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 22:36:26

Well I dunno, I don't think.I've ever been to toby carvery. But I would assume it wasn't a formal table service type place.

Most carveries you pay at the till.

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 22:37:10

Do you spell carveries like that?

It doesn't look right.

Angelfootprints Sat 27-Jul-13 22:37:48

I might just need to google it now usual...

Angelfootprints Sat 27-Jul-13 22:40:58

I wish I hadnt looked at their website. All I can think about is roast beef and roast potatoes...

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 22:44:58

You can get takeaway carveries, wow.

I wish I lived near a Toby carvery.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sat 27-Jul-13 22:49:18

The roast potatoes are gorgeous. I can't have the beef though as they cook it rare sad I go for the pork instead but still have beefy gravy. It's yummy!! And their stuffing is bloody delicious.

usualsuspect Sat 27-Jul-13 22:53:42

We go to a Wetherspoons local pub often on Sundays for a carvery. Lovely they are.

But I'm impressed Toby do a takeaway Sunday dinner grin

maddening Sat 27-Jul-13 23:14:53

We had a similar thing at a restaurant (but not carvery style ) and asked for ds' meal to come with starters. When it was apparent that his meal hadn't come with the starters I politely asked again if it could come asap - it was the last of the main meals to come - so we didn't leave a tip and won't go back there - didn't feel like arguing the toss with a waitress so voted with our purse and feet.

maja00 Sat 27-Jul-13 23:23:05

I find this irritating too. Better to call the waitress over than just to make eye contact though.

If they are taking ages with the bill I get up and get my stuff together - that usually hurries it up. If not I go to the bar/till on the way out.

MissStrawberry Sun 28-Jul-13 07:44:34


All this she had other customers to see to is crap. She also had the OP to see too!

We have one supplier to buy our school uniform from and they also do alterations. Every time we take stuff in we are told how busy they are. I feel I am just as much a customer as any one else so why make us feel like we are not as equal to the others? Bad customer service and if it carries on I will be strongly suggesting the school consider getting another supplier. The service from some staff is appalling. The quality of the uniform is terrible (£34 for a polyester dress!) and then they don't do most of the work you asked of them.

Firstly, you are heavily pregnant and as such entitled to be Unreasonable at any and every possible opportunity grin

Secondly, if the waitress is busy, it is polite, and in my experience, normal for her to put the bill on the table and explain that she will be back in a moment but she is on her way with the card reader to take payment from another customer who was waiting before you were. She should not dump the bill on the table and walk away without saying anything.

FWIW, I do not always leave a tip, but normally do not make a point of saying so, unless there is something seriously wrong, in which case it will probably not be just the tip that I am not paying.

If you were not happy then you are perfectly within your rights to mention why not.

I hate, as in REALLY hate having to wait ages for a waiter/ waitress to take payment for my meal. If I know that I am not going to add anything to the tab, I will often ask for the bill when I order.

Wuxiapian Sun 28-Jul-13 08:03:37

I hate the drawn-out process of trying to pay sometimes, too, OP, but them I'm an impatient bugger.

You're pregnant, tired and fed up, so, I don't think you are BU.

greenfolder Sun 28-Jul-13 08:13:32

I hate this-and now I do just get up, put my coat on. This results in then rushing to me with the card machine and me saying "so sorry, really got to be somewhere"

HeffalumpTheFlump Sun 28-Jul-13 09:40:33

"Firstly, you are heavily pregnant and as such entitled to be Unreasonable at any and every possible opportunity"

^^ I like this! <wonders what else I can get away with> grin

I'm much less tired and crabby this morning, thanks for the replies even if the majority did decide I was a moody cow grin

xylem8 Sun 28-Jul-13 09:56:12

And re standing up as though to leave, I would panic they would think we were running off without paying! Or is that the point?
yes and it works!

TeddyPickleStick Sun 28-Jul-13 12:54:21

I don't post on MN too frequently these days but even I've noticed malcolmtucker rudely correcting grammar. I called her on it when she did it to a dyslexic poster and then proceeded to question her diagnosis.

Please stop it. It's really rude, snide and it makes me think you have a superiority complex.

Op - you were not being unreasonable

Pollydon Sun 28-Jul-13 12:58:41

Yabu, hospitality places have other customers, you know !

Could you not just have asked another member of staff? You did not need to deal with her only to pay the bill and if another member of staff said you did then you say very directly that you will then be leaving the restaurant without paying because she is ignoring you.

Angelfootprints Sun 28-Jul-13 13:01:44

I dont get that Pollydon. Was the op somehow not one of the customers herself? or inferior to the other customers?

Sorry, but I just don't see any logic in that mindset.

is it not supposed to be MalcolmTucker'sMum???? grin

Correct me if I am stupid, I am only educated to A Level standard!

Oops me trying to be funny and not starting my post with a capital letter!

notanyanymore Sun 28-Jul-13 13:05:14

i said in my experience they are rude. i never imagined people would think i've been to every toby carvery going and interacted with all their staff...

ComposHat Sun 28-Jul-13 13:10:49

she was probably run off her feet and paid minimum wage to deal with ill mannered dickheads with an overblown sense of their own importance.

As others have pointed out, if you really eere in such a hurry you could have gone to the till.

After your outburst op id avoid going back there for a while unless you like you food phlegmish style.

EmmaBemma Sun 28-Jul-13 13:14:23

"Trying to get eye contact was a bit pointless unless she is supposed to be a mind reader."

Eh? It's almost like some people here have never been in a restaurant. That's how you attract the attention of waiters - you try to get eye contact. Then you sort of flash your eyebrows to indicate that you require assistance. Or, if you need to pay, you do the internationally recognised "bill please" semaphore.

EmmaBemma Sun 28-Jul-13 13:15:52

If they're happening to pass your table, you can say "excuse me please", but you can hardly do that from across the restaurant without shouting.

Angelfootprints Sun 28-Jul-13 13:19:48

"Overblown sense of importance"

Ha ha ha ha! Yes, what a dickhead who was just trying to show of her importance by trying to pay her food bill.

ComposHat Sun 28-Jul-13 13:22:40

No someone who had no understanding of the fact that the waitress had other customers to attend to as well and that in a busy restaurant she may have to wait to be served.

diddl Sun 28-Jul-13 13:27:19

I'm sure if you went to the wrong bit to pay, they'd somehow find a way of taking your money!

Angelfootprints Sun 28-Jul-13 13:39:48

She wasn't just waiting for a few minutes! For ages, waitress smiled but ignored her, gave her the bill but walked off etc

Btw way as someone has waitressed I did grasp the fact serving customers was kind of why I was there....

Altinkum Sun 28-Jul-13 14:59:42

I used to work in the Toby and have some very good friends, who still do.

She may not have looked busy, to you're eye, but that's not to say she wasn't, asking if they enjoyed/enjoying their meal is part of the Toby brand service, she could get into massive trouble for not asking.

However a simple apology would have been accetable

HeffalumpTheFlump Sun 28-Jul-13 15:11:24

Compos - I have repeatedly said I realise iwbu, I don't think there was any need to call me an ill mannered dickhead etc.

Forgetfulmog Sun 28-Jul-13 15:20:13

I just love how people get so personal & rude on here. I remember being called some awful names on a thread once, really uncalled for.

AmIthatHot Sun 28-Jul-13 15:26:43

What's with the Toby Carvery bashing BTW

I love our local one - the vegetables are fantastic and you get a bit of everything meaty grin

We sometimes ask for the bill, sometimes get up put coats on and walk to the till, it depends if there is a waiter around. No big deal either way

Capitola Sun 28-Jul-13 16:03:58

I have just had to google Toby Carvey as I've never heard of it.

I bet the poor waitress was really busy.

messybedhead Sun 28-Jul-13 16:21:03

I don't think YABU actually.

I have been in the same situation in a Harvester! grin

I know what you mean about making eye contact and her being able to see you wanted something.

We all do it I restaurants don't we? Unless some people put their hands up like they're in school? Or shout out to the waiter?

When it happened to us it was blatantly obvious we wanted to pay and she kept looking at us but pretended she hadn't. In the end we got another waiter and explained our situation. He was very apologetic and helped us settle our bill immediately.

I normally always leave a tip, but this time I didn't.

BridgetBidet Sun 28-Jul-13 16:27:36

Oh God I love a carvery. My parents are quite posh but we had working class relatives in Manchester and we always used to have carvery when we went to see them.

I am quite ashamed that when they died my first thought was sadness that I would never have a Toby carvery again.

You can stick your Polpo I'll have a Beefeater or a Toby every time.

OP don't worry, you were a bit harassed and overreacted, we've all done it. If you make sure the complaint is rescinded no harm done.

BridgetBidet Sun 28-Jul-13 16:28:22

Incidentally everybody says French restaurants are the best in world and their staff behave like this and worse!

HugAMoo Sun 28-Jul-13 16:32:14

I personally cannot stand keyboard warriors who use Internet forums to call other's names. How very uncouth, compo shat

MalcolmTuckersMum Sun 28-Jul-13 16:32:37

Madamecastafiore - Indeed it should be MalcolmTucker'sMum but sadly you're not allowed punctuation marks in the nickname line.......t'is agony for an uptight pedant such as oneself!

HugAMoo Sun 28-Jul-13 16:33:20

Oops. Damn auto correct. composhat

MalcolmTuckersMum Sun 28-Jul-13 16:34:54

And another thing - before I spontaneously combust hmm - I get called a prat by some child person yet it's ok for another poster to be shouting 'ill mannered dickhead' at the OP? Right. Just so I understand the rules! grin

HeffalumpTheFlump Sun 28-Jul-13 17:47:09

Malcolm - I don't think picking on people's spelling or calling someone a dickhead is ok fwiw.

Angelfootprints Sun 28-Jul-13 18:05:17

"HugAMoo Sun 28-Jul-13 16:32:14

I personally cannot stand keyboard warriors who use Internet forums to call other's names. How very uncouth, compo shat"

Ha ha! Got to the love irony Hugamoo! I know it was a typo.... but very, very funny!

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 28-Jul-13 18:09:48

Only on AIBU would someone criticise you for..gasp..repeatedly trying to get the bill.


FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 28-Jul-13 18:11:17

And sorry but it is illmannered and somewhat dickheadish to take the piss out of someone's spelling.

nooka Sun 28-Jul-13 18:27:43

Looking at the OP, Heffalump says she tried eight times to get the waitress to come over so they could pay the bill and leave, and the whole process took more than half an hour. Seems reasonable enough to make a direct complaint to the waitress about it and as the waitress didn't then apologize or even acknowledge that she had seen the OP trying to engage her perfectly appropriate not leave a tip.

It wouldn't have cost the waitress anything to have said sorry (normal customer service surely), or to let the OP know that another time she could have paid elsewhere. Perhaps she might have got the tip then?

ComposHat Sun 28-Jul-13 18:35:01

Heffalump reread my first comment, I didn't vapl you a dickhead, ot was a comment on the amount of shite that lowly paid service staff have to deal with from customers who all want serving at the same time and get uppity and all consideration for the waiting staff goes out the windo, not aimed at you personally. ..hence dickheads plural.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sun 28-Jul-13 18:44:25

So composhat when angel questioned you calling me a dickhead for asking for the bill, why did you say this:

"No someone who had no understanding of the fact that the waitress had other customers to attend to as well and that in a busy restaurant she may have to wait to be served."

Ie, I wasnt an 'ill mannered dickhead' for asking for the bill, but I was for the above.

Sorry whether you used the plural or not, it was definitely aimed at me, or anyone else who would react the same way in my position.

HeffalumpTheFlump Sun 28-Jul-13 18:48:13

Looking back over the thread it seems there are quite a few other posters who would be ticked off about it, so i don't feel like such an almighty hormonal bitch. grin I will however definitely pay at the till if the situation were to come up again!!

HugAMoo Sun 28-Jul-13 18:50:38

Angel I know, I know. I sounded rather uncouth myself grin

ComposHat Sun 28-Jul-13 18:50:39

I'm sorry you've taken it like that but it really wasn't. Please don't tell me what I didn't and didn't intend.

Especially when I at no point called you a dickhead.

kali110 Sun 28-Jul-13 19:58:31

As i used to be a waitress its unfair to assume she was busy. If we we looked bit empty people would assume we werent busy not having any idea how busy we were behind the doors!id she had been ignoring you on purpose that would have been unacceptable but it doesn't sound like she was, just that she was trying to serve her others customers!if you had called her straight away you probably would have been served quicker,

kali110 Sun 28-Jul-13 19:59:11

Meant to say wasnt busy. I may start an aibu thread about smasjing up my i

kali110 Sun 28-Jul-13 19:59:53

Seriously hate iphones. Worst thing i have ever bought

guiltyconscience Sun 28-Jul-13 20:02:03

she's just an arse take no notice of the silly girl x

Southeastdweller Sun 28-Jul-13 21:39:52

I think the place was short-staffed and she was in a bad mood. I've waited on many tables and she should have told her manager if she couldn't cope as well as come over to you and sad something like "I'm sorry to keep you waiting but I'll be with you as soon as I can". Maybe her training was piss poor. What I found truly appalling is that she didn't apologise when you confronted her. At that point I would have asked to see the manager unless I was seriously pressed for time. Her attitude stinks.

So YANBU. Too many people accept crap customer service in this country and I don't know why.

ImperialBlether Mon 29-Jul-13 11:34:33

What makes you think it was short staffed? The waitress was hanging around with nothing to do but ignore the OP's requests.

mignonette Mon 29-Jul-13 11:41:53

God forbid that serving staff should be courteous and learn to control their own temper/irritation/ or address their inability to understand what the term 'service industry' means.


cornflakegirl Mon 29-Jul-13 12:17:52

I don't think you were being unreasonable. I actually think it's much more unreasonable not to complain. How does the waitress know the difference between someone who never tips and someone who feels they have had bad service if you don't tell her. In your situation, I would actually email the restaurant as well. If their standard process (paying at the table) is causing a problem for their customers, and apparently for their staff too, they need to know about it. If something annoys you enough that you would consider not returning, then give them a chance to fix it. (Of course, if they don't, because it's an intrinsic part of their business model or they just can't be bothered, that's up to them.)

I love the assumption that because its a carvery the waiter/ess isn't that busy. grin

The carvery is the selling point, main attraction etc etc but its also a restaurant. We have a menu for those not into all things meaty or who fancy something different, we do desserts, we have a bar, tea, coffee and not to mention all the 1001 other things none waitressy we are expected to do. Warming babyfood, bottles, calling taxis, being a human A-Z, helping the elderly or infirm to get their food (takes a long time, gets me in trouble for keeping others waiting even though leaving them to their own devices would cause a bigger delay in the long run oh and not too mention because I'm nice and LIKE helping old ladies). We also listen to your dad's or dh's shit jokes, smile politely when you complain about your stuffing balls and clean up the monstrous mess that you'd never make in your own home but find perfectly acceptable to leave here because you paid £5 and a voucher cut out of the South Manchester reporter for the privilege. We're human we make mistakes. Tips are nice but I don't lose sleep over them. If you frequent your local Toby rather often then be nice to your waitress. We can give out free ice cream and coffees where we feel its appropriate... Sometimes its very appropriate. Click your fingers or bark at me then its not appropriate I just fall over you carrying some to the next table. Kidding! Sometimes there is no next table.

cornflakegirl Mon 29-Jul-13 14:09:19

YourMa - there is no suggestion that the OP was anything but polite. She didn't click her fingers, she tried to make eye contact, she tried to attract attention with a hand in the air, and then she went over to where the waitress was. I'm sure you do get some horribly rude customers, but the OP wasn't one of them. And she deserved acknowledgment of, and probably an apology for, the fact that she was kept waiting for somewhere in the region of 30 minutes to pay the bill. She didn't get good service, and the fact that it might not have been the waitress' fault and that she may have been serving other customers really well doesn't negate the need for an apology to the OP.

HeffalumpTheFlump Mon 29-Jul-13 18:45:19

Thanks cornflake. I promise I really was polite! I don't think there is any situation that negates the need for politeness and manners. smile

Actually I wasnt refering to the op so much...

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