to be pissed off that everyone is saying I will "need to move house"?

(84 Posts)
MortifiedAdams Fri 26-Jul-13 22:32:07

We have just informed the family that we are expecting a second baby. The first things out of, without a doubt, each of their mouths has been about us needing to.move.

We live in a two bed ground floor victorian terraced flat. The rooms are, pardon, fucking huge. The children will be two years apart so will share a room,.and probably the most.of their toys.

So.whh why why do.people need to question it? With actual serious concerned faces? My friend has a newbuild three bed which, while.it is nice, is smaller, square footage wise.

It might be the hormones but I would just like a grin and a "congratulations". FFS my Dad is scpurong the net looking for 'reasonable' three beds....like.we are in some.sort of emergency situation. I love my flat!

PunkHedgehog Fri 26-Jul-13 22:33:40

Congratulations! grin

NewAtThisMalarky Fri 26-Jul-13 22:33:45

Congratulations smile

MortifiedAdams Fri 26-Jul-13 22:37:27

Haha I love the grins and congrarulations! This is what baby news should be met with!

PunkHedgehog Fri 26-Jul-13 22:38:45

Seriously, you'll be fine. The one-room-per-child idea is very new, when your house was built people used to manage fine with half a dozen in the same room. Probably with only two beds between them.

Friends of mine shared a room until they were 14 and 16 (despite there being a spare bedroom in the house) at which point they got separate rooms so the elder had quiet revising space. For opposite sex kids you'll need an extra room a bit before that, but still not for years and years.

Tee2072 Fri 26-Jul-13 22:39:04

Congratulations!

And ignore them all!

SarahAndFuck Fri 26-Jul-13 22:40:14

Congratulations. grin

And actually envy at the sound of your flat. I used to live in such a flat. The hallway was bigger than my living room now.

ubik Fri 26-Jul-13 22:40:53

Well I had three in a two-bed flat and the girls had a huge room and loved sharing up until DD1 was 8 and we decided to move as she wanted her own space. That said many, many of her friends share quite happily with 2 or three to a room.

if yu love your flat, stay until you feel the need to move

and congratulations

Congratulations!

We live in a 2 bedroom house, with 2 children with a 4 year age gap and manage just fine!

MortifiedAdams Fri 26-Jul-13 22:44:07

Sarah it is the only street like it in at least a mile.radius - if I moved, I might be able to get a third bedroom.and a square of grass at the back but I feel like I would lose so.much. Ive wanted to live on this street since I was a child.

We have a massive park about two mins walk away and I never had a garden growing up so I dont want to compromise for something I dont care about grin

vintagecakeisstillnice Fri 26-Jul-13 22:44:59

Congratulations!

We viewed a Victorian flat that sounds like yours but at he time we thought we couldn't afford it, I so regret it. . .

Anyway congratulations again and I come from a big family when there was only my 2 youngest sibs left at home they choose to share a room even though they & DPs were in a 5 bedded house.

Splitheadgirl Fri 26-Jul-13 22:45:45

OP, I am from an Irish Catholic family, so NO ONE says that to me - even though I have three children in a two up, two down box!!

My neighbour where I grew up, had 21 children (I kid you not) in a three bedroom house.

You'll manage. That is what parents do. You'll be just fine!!!

BiscuitDunker Fri 26-Jul-13 22:47:17

I live in a massive 2bed flat and have our second baby on the way and weirdly,next to nobody has asked told us about "needing" a 3bed place!

We know this baby is a girl and we already have a dd so they can share a room and we will move to a 3 bed in years to come but its certainly not a priority and I don't understand people that seem to think it should be! To me all having a second kids bedroom means is just another room to tidy up and trip over toys in lol

vintagecakeisstillnice Fri 26-Jul-13 22:47:35

Oh and before the DPs extended, there was 5of us in one HUGE bedroom, we still 20+ years later talk about the silly games and stories we shared.

ButtercupsAreFlowers Fri 26-Jul-13 22:47:45

Congratulations! No need to move. So annoying when people make these kinds of comments - I always feel judged by it, and what I hear is that people think we are inadequately housed. And of course children can share rooms - so ridiculous, the idea that every child must have their own room from the word go. We lived in a very similar-sounding flat with two DCS - finally moved to a bigger place when they were 8 and 4, but there were lots of reasons for the move. Enjoy your pregnancy, and your home!

MotherOfSuburbia Fri 26-Jul-13 22:47:51

We were in a small 2 bed flat with 4 kids till last year. You'll be fine!

softlysoftly Fri 26-Jul-13 22:50:27

Congratulations! I actually want a house with less but bigger bedrooms as the dds would LOVE to share but there isn't really room so in 2 rooms.

MrsMook Fri 26-Jul-13 22:51:39

Congratulations.

My cousins grew up in a "3 bed" semi. One in the box room, and 3 in the larger bedroom with a cabin bed and bunk beds. They've had the usual sibling spats but are incredibly close.

DH was one of 5 children in a 3 bed bungalow. The two girls shared what is barely a double room, and the 3 boys shared another cosy room. Two sets of his nephews have shared rooms through choice.

Doubtfuldaphne Fri 26-Jul-13 22:56:24

I grew up in a house with six bedrooms and yet my sister and I always shared until we moved at the age of about 15! Definitely no need to move at all. Plus why would you want the stress of moving while you're pregnant?!

BlackeyedSusan Fri 26-Jul-13 22:57:52

congratulations.

also a two bed with two children, though their bedroom is not huge. our living room is spacious enough though and if we lived in a house, one would have to sleep in a shoe box and there would be no floor space to play.

LilacPeony Fri 26-Jul-13 23:00:38

I live in a 2 up 2 down and my dds are 6 and 9 and we seem to be managing fine. I had a room on my own growing up and i remember lying there petrified of burglars/ghosts etc. I think i would have found it reassuring to share with a sibling.

Friends who shared until they left home said it was fine when they were kids but they would have liked a room of their own as teens, so i am hoping to move by then.

grin at 21 children in a three bedroom house.

hothereinnit Fri 26-Jul-13 23:01:06

in a similar situation to doubtful - we live in a 6 bed house, yet my 2 girls insist on sharing a room, and have done for the last 5 years (since dd2 began climbing out of her cot to go and visit her big sister! grin)

congratulations, OP, and here's to happy sharing smile

I always think the issue is not having a bedroom each but more the size of the house and living space so your flat sounds ideal. Not sure why everyone is so concerned.

We have one DS and a two bed house. Both bedrooms are a decent size but we don't have a separate dining room and a tiny kitchen so when we have another child we will probably move because of that, nothing to do with needing a bedroom each.

MousyMouse Fri 26-Jul-13 23:03:41

you will be fine.
we lived in a two bed (small rooms) flat until dc were 2&5 and only moved because the bedrooms were too small. even though we now have the space they share a bedroom.

WonderBarbara Fri 26-Jul-13 23:04:38

Congratulations smile no need to move, little ones are fine to share as everyone has said

mummy1973 Fri 26-Jul-13 23:04:54

congrats. UANBU. Sounds lovely.

LilacPeony Fri 26-Jul-13 23:05:06

My mum had three sisters and they used to share a room with 2 bunk beds. grin

LilacPeony Fri 26-Jul-13 23:05:39

Her brother had a box room on his own like some sort of king! grin

dietcokeandwine Fri 26-Jul-13 23:08:09

Congratulations OP. And your flat sounds flipping lovely.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Fri 26-Jul-13 23:09:51

Congratulations!
You are right, it is a rude comment for people to make. It is passing judgment on your living arrangements (which sound perfectly adequate anyway!).

MrsGSR Fri 26-Jul-13 23:10:38

I know this doesn't apply to you, but from what I've read under the 'Bedroom tax' legislation 2 children are expected to share a bedroom up to the age of 10, regardless of sex, and up to 16 if they are the same sex. So you are definitely not being unreasonable to expect 2 kids to share!

SaucyJack Fri 26-Jul-13 23:21:24

Congrats smile

I'd bite anyone's hand off for a three bed meself, even if the rooms were half the size. My second dd went in with dd1 around six years ago, and noone's had a decent nightis sleep since.....

Do whatever suits you tho.

Harrin Fri 26-Jul-13 23:24:18

I grew up sharing a room as there are 11 of us and it was fine. In fact my parents still have 7 dc under 16 living at home now, 4 girls in one room and 3 boys in another and they HATE it smile

123rd Fri 26-Jul-13 23:44:01

I grew up with 4 siblings and me and 2 sisters shared a room until I was 15-I was in the top bunk of a bunk bed. My dh wants to move as our ds has the 'box room' he has his only bloody room !!! What's the problem ???

BridgetBidet Fri 26-Jul-13 23:44:12

Congratulations. You will be fine if they are the same sex. However if they are a girl and a boy you will at some point need to move. It's incredibly embarrassing as they get older and a boy at my school was mercilessly teased about it.

We currently have 4 DCs at home with DH and I, in a 3-bed semi. At our most crowded we also had pfb and his fiancee living with us, and we managed just fine.
I do second the people who've said about brother and sister not sharing a room as they get older, but there's no reason you can't just partition your existing room off - it still doesn't necessarily mean you will have to move at all.
Just smile sweetly and nod and ignore grin

WilsonFrickett Sat 27-Jul-13 00:16:21

Congratulations!

I just had a similar conversation with a gay friend (who doesn't want children) and his DM has been bleating about him having his own front door for years! I think it's a generational anti-flat thing, rather than a number of bedrooms thing myself. Tell them to do one. Then go and look at your ceiling height. <still misses her Victorian ceiling heights>

Jan49 Sat 27-Jul-13 00:52:51

Congratulations!smile

I'd feel the same as your family. I'd want a bedroom for each child, so they could either share or have their own rooms depending on what worked best, and a garden so they could play outside whilst I did other things and as a place to hang washing out.

I grew up sharing a bedroom and always wanted my own, so I always said I wouldn't want a dc that had to share. As it happens I only have one dc, now an adult, so he got his own bedroom anyway.

But your flat sounds lovely.smile

GingerBlondecat Sat 27-Jul-13 00:54:49

Congrats flowers
ehh, you'll be fine.

Theexisapsychocunt Sat 27-Jul-13 00:57:26

I'm in a 4 bed house 2 rooms aerial empty because dcs insist on sharing

Theexisapsychocunt Sat 27-Jul-13 00:57:48

Congratulations btw

MariaLuna Sat 27-Jul-13 01:24:26

Congratulations!

When the time comes you can always put in a room divider if the rooms are that big.

Cheaper than moving!

ravenAK Sat 27-Jul-13 01:34:08

Congratulations!

We ended up with 3dc in the smaller bedroom of a Victorian terrace - two in bunks, one in a cot. We moved when the oldest was 5.

You'll be fine for years yet!

MorganMummy Sat 27-Jul-13 01:58:07

Congratulations!

My MIL was boasting about her niece's move from a house the size of ours (currently 2BR) because they 'needed it' with their second (same sexed!) baby. Even though MIL knows full well I have fertility issues and would love a second baby. I told her I thought children should share rooms and it teaches valuable life skills to avoid being spoilt - as she also thinks I was born with silver spoon in my mouth. Despite my parents bringing us up in a 5 BR house my sister and I shared a room till I was 8 or 9, it was great.

I have issues with this clearly, totally resented the implication that I should move or was less good than wonderful niece for not having the money too even if I wanted to! Currenlty revelling in an evening at home while DH has taken DS to see hideous MIL so i dont have to! Congrats again to you.

AnotherStitchInTime Sat 27-Jul-13 02:17:51

Congratulations thanks

I agree, why move?

I have just found out I am 13 weeks pregnant with number 3.

Dd1 and 2 already share the largest bedroom of our 2 bed flat.

New baby will be in with them eventually. 1 set of bunks and a cot, then bunks and a single bed.

I shared with my little brother until the end of primary school, we had a great time.

LessMissAbs Sat 27-Jul-13 06:51:08

Lucky children, sharing a massive bedroom when they are young! Perhaps the critics live in very small roomed modern houses? I once converted a spare reception room in a Georgian flat into two large double bedrooms, the smaller of which was still around 10 feet by 12 feet!

Oh, and congratulations!

redcaryellowcar Sat 27-Jul-13 07:00:03

Congratulations! I think sharing is good, my sister and I did uuntil we were teenagers we lived in 3 bed house and third bedroom was 'spare' and smaller than our shared room. I think it was more normal 25 years ago and when we have next dc they will share with ds even though we have three bedrooms.

peteypiranha Sat 27-Jul-13 07:02:08

I grew up in a big house but always used to sleep on my brothers floor. I wouldnt of minded sharing a room, and its much better to share a room than miss out on a sibling, who will be a friend for life.

elliejjtiny Sat 27-Jul-13 07:02:10

YANBU. My older 3 DC's share a massive room and DS4 will go in there as well at about 6 months ish.

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 27-Jul-13 07:14:12

Oh congratulations! No need at all to move - we've got three bedrooms but DS and DD share a room so we still have a spare. You've got years and years to work out whether you will need another bedroom.

Yanbu that's an idiotic thing to say

greenhill Sat 27-Jul-13 07:40:17

Congratulations smile

Do you have high ceilings? You can get loads of amazing storage, when you've got a lot of walls.

Why move? Your location sounds great.

smile

we have 3 kids sharing a tiny bedroom and have done for years. they love it! you'll be fine!

noisytoys Sat 27-Jul-13 08:14:08

YANBU. I live in a city and don't know anyone with DC's who don't share a room. Most people I know with DCs sleep in the living room and their DCs share the bedroom. A bigger place is just beyond everyone's reach.

KoalaFace Sat 27-Jul-13 08:21:51

Congratulations!

I'm pregnant with DC2 and we live in a 2 bed bungalow with big rooms so we'll not be moving. If anyone tries to tell me that we need to I'll be extremely unimpressed!

LoveBeingItsABoy Sat 27-Jul-13 08:40:04

I've got a boy and a girl sharing, tis fine for a couple more years

LoveBeingItsABoy Sat 27-Jul-13 08:40:15

Ps congrats!

meddie Sat 27-Jul-13 08:50:47

My dd and DS shared until they were 9 and 10. (The had the master room as it made more sense to accomodate allt heir toys etc.
I grew up in a 2 up 2 down terrace, me sis and little brother shared the one room until I was 11. That house was tiny. We survived.

carabos Sat 27-Jul-13 09:09:10

My 2 DSs always shared, even in 3 bed house. We kept the third bedroom as another living room so they could have their desk, telly, games consoles friends and what have you in there.

MortifiedAdams Sat 27-Jul-13 09:16:27

We used to use the Master as the Lounge, the Lounge as a dining rm nd the 'little' bedroom was ours. Then when dd came along we moved into thw master, lounge into the real lounge and dd into the back bedroom.

In essence, we could swap rooms, once they start wating sleepovers etx, and the room.is big enough to split into two large rooms if needed.

Rooners Sat 27-Jul-13 09:18:11

We live in a similar flat by the sound of it, but one of the bedrooms isn't huge, it's pretty small (room for a bed and possibly one other thing, but that's about it)

But I have already got two larger children and have just had a baby

I'm now sharing with ds2 and 3, ds1 has his own room

It is getting difficult.

You should be fine though.

MadeOfStarDust Sat 27-Jul-13 09:19:15

We live in a 3 bed - but our 2 DDs decided to keep sharing anyhow...

FoofFighter Sat 27-Jul-13 09:23:46

We live in a one bedroomed cottage and I am about to have a baby, we've also had the pressure from the out-laws to move, but why? Most babies end up sharing the parents room for at least 6 months anyway so what's the point in rushing?
Yes, we accept that by a year old we really will need to get a 2 bedded place but I'm not knocking myself out moving whilst pregnant, sod that!

signorapacino Sat 27-Jul-13 09:30:00

Congratulations thanks Start praying that your second dc is the same sex as your first or everyone's head will explode!!! If its a different sex the will be all "well that's it you'll def have to move now.........." Stick to your guns op and good luck with your pregnancy. X

MrsOakenshield Sat 27-Jul-13 09:30:41

out of interest, are you English OP? The reason I ask is that my Glaswegian mum and all my Glaswegian relatives grew up in/live in huge 3/4 bedrooms flats in Glasgow or Edinburgh and it seems this is much more the norm up there that in England, where we are obsessed with having a house and a garden. And it's very common on the Continent, isn't it, living in flats with no garden? Friend in Paris (English, as a matter of fact) couldn't understand why a garden was neccesary - 'that's what parks are for!')

A friend had a similar problem in that they were in a huge 2 bed flat but wanted to move to a house (girl/boy sharing, older girl age 7 getting a bit fed up of boy's bad sleeping) and found it nearly impossible to find a house with similarly proportioned rooms, or indeed more square footage.

Oh, and congratulations!

MrsOakenshield Sat 27-Jul-13 09:31:40

oh, and I grew up in a 4 bed house but my sister and I shared for years, at one point in bunk beds in the smallest room! Loved it.

ShoeWhore Sat 27-Jul-13 09:33:22

Congratulations OP!

My younger two share and it's fine, lovely in fact. The majority of their friends share too. I can see them wanting their own space in years to come but I think you are a good 10 years off that!

EnlightenedOwl Sat 27-Jul-13 09:33:22

we had five of us plus mum and dad house small 3bed semi bed 3 being boxroom.
two boys in boxroom (just!) three girls in the other bigger bedroom and mum and dad in other largish bedroom
easy!
only concession they made was put an extension on the downstairs to create more living space.

amandine07 Sat 27-Jul-13 09:46:04

Congratulations OP! smile
You are definitely not BU, your flat sounds fabulous, I live in a new build flat and while it's lovely, modern and new there just isn't that much space.

Older properties, especially flat conversions, have the high ceilings and much more floor space.

Sorry your family/parents are reacting like this, they sound like mine. I mentioned us starting a family next year with the OH and my parents were insisting "but you don't own a property yet" and that we need to do things in the "correct" order.
This made me laugh as both my younger siblings had babies before getting married and one was still renting a flat (the horror!)

Well, I'm heading towards 36 and so don't have time til the property market becomes affordable- we need to just get on with it! Having a baby that is...

I've got friends/family members who are waiting to buy a bigger home before trying for baby no. 2 or 3
I can see the sensible side to this but equally, having a baby is not always that easy when you come to trying- I think you may as well just get on with it.

Sorry I am rambling...

As a teen my darling cousin lived with us. Female and same age as me. More like my sister than a cousin.
Enough bedrooms in parental home for one each but we chose to share and have spare room as teen living room. Was fab grin

Bunbaker Sat 27-Jul-13 10:00:38

Congratulations.

I grew up in a 2 bedroom ground floor flat, with large rooms and a huge garden. It was in a naice area as well. My sister is 17 months younger than me and we shared a bedroom. We weren't deprived in any way.

I must admit that I hated sharing with my sister as she was extremely untidy and I am very tidy, but other than that it didn't do me any harm.

I guess that if your children are of different of different sex then it will become important when they are older, but that will be ages away.

"I grew up sharing a room as there are 11 of us and it was fine."

shockGulp

Ah, pff. You stay where you love.
You never need move at all. Partitioning is very flexible and used a lot for a reason.

IfIonlyhadsomesleep Sat 27-Jul-13 10:12:44

The best "oh but we'll have to move now" argument I heard was from someone who felt they'd need an extra bedroom when number three arrived otherwise they would have to share when their occasional overnight visiting mother came. They might want to move, but need was very far away from the truth.
Op big bedroom to share trumps shoebox on your own IMO, although both are fine.

DigestivesAndPhiladelphia Sat 27-Jul-13 10:32:05

Congratulations!

I know just how you feel and it is very annoying. We went from 2 to 4 children (obviously the twins bit was unexpected) in a 3 bed flat. I got totally fed up with being quizzed about where they would all sleep (we have two in each room) and told "You'll need a bigger house" from people who hadn't even said congratulations.

We are planning to move at some point but we're happy as we are for now. I had one friend (who I no longer think of as a friend because of this) who greeted me with : "Where will they all SLEEP?" as soon as I saw her, without a congratulations. She then questioned me about it the next time I saw her (after I had patiently explained the sleeping arrangements). THEN, this friend visited in hospital when I was recovering from a crash c-section... and she started questioning DH in detail about the size each room and how the sleeping arrangements would work!! hmm Even DH thought it was bizarre and most things go over his head.

She is otherwise lovely, but the constant interrogation about bedrooms has really put me off this person. She happens to live in a huge house and I could only feel as though she was judging me in a negative way and that she was unable to hide it.

Anyway, sorry to digress there, it's obviously still a bit of a sore subject grin

Congratulations again!

smokinaces Sat 27-Jul-13 10:45:19

I moved from a three bed to a two bed with two dcs! Their room is bigger, the house is bigger and in a nicer area and at five and six they can share for a long time. This whole needing their own room thing is very modern.

Congratulations!!

MidniteScribbler Sat 27-Jul-13 15:23:56

I am slightly obsessed with british real estate porn, but it always astonishes me at the people moving "for more space" when I look at their houses and think "or you could just throw out half the crap you own".

I actually dream of downsizing to a small place. I want minimal house space, so a lot less cleaning (not to mention several acres of land to maintain). I'd love a little two bed place for DS and I with maybe a little terrace (the aussie in me must have some outdoor space). It would actually force me to spend more time getting out and about and seeing things, rather than rattling around in a big house that takes ages to clean, and costs a heap in maintenance.

Good for you OP. Enjoy your house and your new baby.

treacleturkey Sat 27-Jul-13 15:45:45

i grew up as one of five kids; my 3 sisters shared a room til they were 18, and myself and my brother shared til we were 11 and 13 (not as bad, i know!)

Some people dont seem to realise how lucky most of us are in this country just to have a roof over our heads and food to eat.

treacleturkey Sat 27-Jul-13 15:46:35

ps. Congratulations! grin

deakymom Sun 28-Jul-13 00:28:09

i had to move as there is and eight year age gap between my daughter and my son now we have had a third and people are squeaking about moving but the room is plenty big enough

the thing that annoys me more is people telling me get rid of you cats they will KILL the baby umm they live outside and they HATE babies and avoid them at all costs

ChippingInHopHopHop Sun 28-Jul-13 00:31:38

Congratulations!!

People are weird - ignore them smile

TheBitchInTheHouse Sun 28-Jul-13 01:54:20

Congratulations, and also THANKYOU for starting this thread. I live in a small house, one large bedroom and a small boxroom. I have two, a boy 2.5 and a one year old girl. I had the same reaction as you "you'll need to move" and "how will you manage with two". Well i manage just fine. I don't want to break my back paying off a massive mortgage for the sake of having more space. My mortgage is low and so I don't have to stress so much about it. I'd rather stay where I am and be a happy stress free mummy. Most importantly my daughter was born in this house so I don't want to leave. I didn't realise there were so many others in the same situation and fine with it. Thanks, everyone.

everlong Sun 28-Jul-13 01:57:56

Ignore if you can, easier said than done I know.

People are just dicks sometimes.

Congrats!

everlong Sun 28-Jul-13 02:03:43

Just remembering when I was pg with ds5.
We had 3 other ds's living at home which was a 3 bed 2 reception rooms, kitchen and dining room cottage.
Beautiful but small.

We had just been for our 20 week scan and was on the way out when I bumped into someone I knew.

She was flabbergasted at me being pregnant and said ' what and you're still in that house ' well that was enough for DH..,the week after the house was on the market and we moved into a bigger house when ds5 was teeny. All very stressful.

Some people need to think before opening their traps.

ThereGoesTheYear Sun 28-Jul-13 02:04:40

Congratulations! We have an empty room because my DC prefer to share. I felt the same as a child and much preferred to share a room. (I would creep into a sib's bed as soon as I could.)

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