AIBU to go on holiday?

(155 Posts)

I have a DS, 2.7yrs. I live with DP who is not DS's Dad.

We got offered the use of an apartment in a few weeks in Portugal, a freebie from one of DP's friends. So we only have to pay for flights. It's going to be for 7 nights.

Apartment is in a quiet village, quite a way from the airport, and is in a private complex that isn't full of holiday lets, but generally where people live/ have second homes.

We decided it wasn't really the kind of holiday to take DS on, as we wouldn't be doing much, and that it would give us a chance to relax and get a break, so I have arranged for DS to stay with my parents.

DS hero worships my dad, and they help me out with childcare while I work, so I have no qualms about how he will be looked after, or that he won't enjoy it. My Mom won't be working at the time, and they have plans to spend some time with my sister and niece and take him on a day trip on a train. smile

Ex has gotten wind of it and has made a couple of comments along the lines of him not being able to believe I am 'dumping' DS to go on holiday on my own, and how selfish it is. Also a friend's reaction was that she couldn't leave her DC for that long and won't I worry/ miss him.

Well of course I will miss him! But I know him and his grandparents are going to have a lovely time!

AIBU to go on holiday for a week without him????

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 21:54:12

No you're not. Have a great time.

You know your ds will have fun too.

Edendance Thu 25-Jul-13 21:55:33

No! Do it! There's absolutely no reason not to go. Your ex's opinion is invalid as chances are he won't have your best interests at heart and he also may not realise how close your son is to your parents.

You are the Mother, listen to your gut.

mumblechum1 Thu 25-Jul-13 21:56:30

YANBU at all. The only thing that kept me sane when mine were little (DS1 had really serious disabilities), was leaving them for a week plus a couple of long weekends with my parents every year while DH and I went away and blobbed by a pool to recuperate.

Your friend sounds envious tbh.

holidaybug Thu 25-Jul-13 21:59:02

I wouldn't go on holiday without my DS as that's what a holiday is about for me - being together as a family. But that's just me and I'm not being judgy - I know others do it, but it wouldn't really occur to me to do it

katiecubs Thu 25-Jul-13 22:00:46

No - enjoy!!

Thanks!

Mumblechum - that's exactly why we are doing it. We both work away from home with long commutes, stressful jobs, and DS hasn't been sleeping well lately. I guess I just saw it as a way to rest and recuperate!

Holidaybug - do you get some 'time off' from being a mum in other ways then? Or do you not do it/ feel the need?

HarrietSchulenberg Thu 25-Jul-13 22:02:20

YANBU - your DS is not being "dumped" as he's having an enjoyable holiday too!

YANBU if that's what you want to do. I wouldn't personally but I know plenty of people that do.

guiltyconscience Thu 25-Jul-13 22:03:56

I can never understand how a mother can leave her children for any length of time. It seems so unbelievably selfish. You work op so isn't every available moment with your ds precious and unmissable? I'm sorry op and I suspect I will be flamed to hell and back but I think yabu, take him with you.

So I take it the V's I flicked at the phone in response to Ex's comments were entirely justified??? smile

McNewPants2013 Thu 25-Jul-13 22:06:15

I couldn't leave my DC for that long, but if you feel you can then go for it.

holidaybug Thu 25-Jul-13 22:06:27

Well, I work so I get time off then smile But DH often works away for weeks at a time so then I am full on a single parent. We get the standard amount of holidays so our holidays are precious as a family.

caramelwaffle Thu 25-Jul-13 22:06:56

Yanbu.

Guilty.... I'm guessing that you are of the same mind as my friend.

I do work part time, and I do spend a fair amount of quality time with DS too. I do on occasion feel guilty about not being able to spend more time with him, but then I also do get a lot more time than some.

I probably wouldn't have thought about it all this time last year, but in the last year he has become such a little independent person.... I guess I felt it wouldn't be too bad.

I obviously do have some thoughts that chime with yours. Otherwise I wouldn't be feeling guilty enough to write it up here.

But the other part of me thinks that there is no harm in it, and that actually spendin 24/7 together would be equally as bad for both of us?!?

Numberlock Thu 25-Jul-13 22:12:03

Does that c only apply to mothers?

littlemisswise Thu 25-Jul-13 22:12:08

I wouldn't do it, tbh. Can I ask why you decided it is not the sort of holiday to take your DS on? Portugal is very child friendly, lovely beaches and if there is a pool you could spend time with him in there.

We have just come back from Majorca. It was the first holiday DS1(18) didn't come with us on. I missed him like crazy, it just didn't feel right, there was always something missing.

Each to their own, though.

Numberlock Thu 25-Jul-13 22:12:24

... comment ...

holidaybug Thu 25-Jul-13 22:15:35

He will be fine if you go without him I'm sure but surely he'd love a holiday in the sun, probably access to a pool etc? Could you really relax and enjoy it without him? Maybe you could but think of the fun you could have tool

Little... it's not in a touristy place. Not near a beach, not near any sort of entertainment as such, a bit off the beaten track. We looked at the pics and thought the flat didn't seem particularly child friendly either - balcony with low wall, lots of expensive furnishings, no child equipment to et from anywhere either, so would have to take it all with me.

As I said, it wasn't meant as a family holiday... we took DS to Italy for a few days over Easter. We were offered this as a freebie, and given we would only pay flights we could actually afford it.

justaweeone Thu 25-Jul-13 22:20:17

Yanbu
Every couple needs time away.
My son goes away for a week with inlaws,he has fab time and my husband and I are at work and his teenage sister gets a bit of peace and quiet.
Enjoy x

Boosiehs Thu 25-Jul-13 22:20:33

Blimey, some people on here are very judgmental. What's wrong with spending a week away from your DC. I don't think that makes you a bad parent or love them any less than those who claim they'd spend evy waking moment with their DCs.

Have a fun time!!

soontobeburns Thu 25-Jul-13 22:20:58

Of course YANBU some of my best childhood memories are staying at my GPs when my DM was away. Also going on holiday for a week myself with my GPs.

Remember your DS will love it and he will also be much more content if you and your DH are relaxed and less stressed.

Go for it!

guiltyconscience Thu 25-Jul-13 22:20:58

Op thank you for replying in such a nice way,I suppose things that happen to us that are not in our control shape our thinking. I am a very lucky woman to have 2 dds, I had them after 12 years of infertility and 2 m/c which nearly drove me out of my mind. I realise this has probably made me feel this way and that I am in the minority but I still say take him with you.I'm sure you will all love being together 24/7 and it wouldn't be bad for you at all.

holidaybug Thu 25-Jul-13 22:22:47

I don't think children need a touristy area, entertainment etc although a pool always helps. Safety does need to be considered though.

If you want to go for it, then go but holidaying without DC isn't everyone's cup of tea smile

Nomoredramaplease Thu 25-Jul-13 22:24:20

As long as you would have no issue with your ex doing the same and you know your son will be happy then YANBU. I personally wouldn't, I think a week's a long time to be away from such a little one but if he's used to having overnights away from you then I'm sure he'll be grand. Enjoy your holiday smile

flipchart Thu 25-Jul-13 22:32:44

We used to stay at my nan and grandad's when my mum and dad used to go holiday and that was in the 1970's

We had a great time and so did mum and dad.
To us it was a treat! Nan and grandad used to take us to school as normal and then pick us up. We had loads of treat nd were lowed to go to bed 1/2 an hour later than home! ( woo woo!)

IceNoSlice Thu 25-Jul-13 22:34:13

Enjoy the break. Your conscience should be clear, as you have thought it through, DS'll be happy and I'm sure his GPs will enjoy their time with him.

Everyone is so different. Some can't stand the thought of time away from DCs - that is fine too, and especially understandable if the road to parenthood was not smooth.

And we parents are far too good at making ourselves feel guilty. we don't need others to add to that guilt. I am going back to work soon. Twice this week I've heard 'I don't know why women bother to have children if they dump them in nursery' or similar. Thanks for that, thoughtless people. And sexist (seems it is fine for men).

Nomoredrama..... my Ex does do the same!! I'm the one looking after DS when he does. Only difference is that he sees looking after DS as my job, not his, and doesn't give a second thought to taking time off and going away without him, as I am there looking after him!!

He is used to nights away from me... he does it occassionaly with his Dad and sometimes with my Dad when I need to work, so not worried on that score.

A week is a long time - I can see what people are saying here. It wouldn't necessarily be something I would have planned to do, but this was offered and sounded like a good idea. As I said, we've already had our fmaily holiday for the year, and weren't planning on going again!!

Guilty - I understand. Part of me does feel the same. But also part of me is proud of the fiercely independent little soul I have made, and of the relationship he has with my parents. I'm a wee bit torn I think, which is probably why the comments from Ex and friend resonated with me!

I also was thinking about DP. We've been living together since Christmas, and he is great with DS. But I think he would welcome some time just the two of us - it's not like other relationships where you have time to develop the relationship just the two of you, before you have kids, I thought the break would be good for us too!

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 25-Jul-13 22:40:14

Have a lovely time away

It's good for both parents and children to have time away

Ds will have a fab time with GPS and be totally spoilt and you will relax

I look after many children whose parents have gone away and they enjoy time with me - some happy to speak to parents on phone /face time - others get upset - kinda out of sight out of mind

Ps - is ds dad your ex volunteering to have ds for that week?

If not then tell him to butt out smile

DameFanny Thu 25-Jul-13 22:44:02

Just from a practical point of view, between 2 and 4 yo is fairly tricky to travel with - horrible on planes, needing a lot of attention - old enough to be bored easily, old enough to miss familiar routines, but not necessarily old enough to enjoy seeing new places. Well ds certainly wasn't at that age.

Sounds like your ds will have a fabulous time smile

And you could always write up a series of postcards/letters for your parents to give him at breakfast each morning? We did that when we left ds aged 8 to go on a northern lights cruise, telling him where we were each day and so on, and he really enjoyed them.

guiltyconscience Thu 25-Jul-13 22:44:24

I can see where you are coming from and I know I am in the minority. I suppose some ppl could turn the tables and would say I am very possessive ! Op in your replies to everyone here you have been lovely . I am thinking you would not be considering going on hols if you had any huge misgivings about your ds if that is the case then you must go and not take any notice of your ex or indeed me! You have won me round my dear!

TwoStepsBeyond Thu 25-Jul-13 22:44:56

Yanbu, everyone needs some down time and when you get the opportunity of an actual break, i.e. nobody to look after, total freedom to do as you wish, you'd be a saint not to take it!

DP and I took our DCs on holiday earlier in the year. We got a chance to go away as a couple next month and I leapt at it. Of course I will miss them, as will he, but they will be looked after by their other parents who love them and don't spend half as much time with them as we do normally.

I wouldn't have dreamed of spending a week away from them when their dad and I were still together, as family time was so rare and precious then, but now I am a lone parent and spend 6 out of 7 days with them, I need a break. Anyone who wants to judge, feel free, I don't care!

RumAndBoak Thu 25-Jul-13 22:51:50

It's funny how if your dp was ds's dad and you were considering time away it would be deemed as 'its good for you to be mr & mrs purple rather than just mum and dad' but as he is not ds's dad then people act like you are abandoning him for a new life or something.

My dh and I have a break without the kids each year, It does me personally and us jointly good, probably wouldn't do it if it meant we didn't have a family holiday though, perhaps you could take ds on a mini holiday so he has something fun too.

if you are content with your reasoning then go for it. It's your life you are living and am sure your ds comes first, this is just a holiday, not a lifestyle change! :-)

LeGavrOrf Thu 25-Jul-13 22:52:44

I think it is fine, he will be with people who love him, and you can have a proper break.

I think your son is of the most difficult age to travel abroad, at that age you may as well go to a holiday camp in the UK, hideous for parents but nice for the kids. If he was older, say 7 or so I would say take him with you, but I think it would be very stressful to take him. And you want a break and a de stress. Don't feel guilty for wanting that.

Plus when you come back you will be so thrilled to see each other, and you will feel refreshed.

I would say go for it. No need to feel guilty and don't listen to your ex. Just because you are going away it doesn't make you less of a loving mother. Lots of people wouldn't leave a child that age, but nobody is right and nobody is wrong in this situation, just personal choices.

karinmaria Thu 25-Jul-13 22:53:12

YANBU. As long as you feel your DS will have a good week with his GPs then go and have a week off.

I remember being 'sent' to my GPs every summer. They lived on the Continent so it was an amazing adventure and I still went by choice during uni holidays... It made me very close to my GPs but also more confident. I was never the person worried about being in a different bed or eating different food on school trips for example!

K8Middleton Thu 25-Jul-13 22:57:30

Don't even give it a second thought. Have a lovely time! I am very jealous.

Happy child, happy parent... What's not to like? Christ I wouldn't even miss mine that much. Not for a week of lovely weather, love food, sleep, swimming, wine, sex and dancing.

YANBU. It's nice (assuming pleasant normal grandparents with no serious health issues) for DCs to spend some time with grandparents developing that relationship without the parents there -- it's not as though you're putting him in kennels.

McNewPants2013 Thu 25-Jul-13 23:05:07

Do you know I can't think of a reason why I couldn't do it.

But this is coming from someone who feels guilty if I spend money on myself or treats myself.

I do think time as a couple is very important, so go and enjoy the time with your DP.

facedontfit Thu 25-Jul-13 23:10:43

Enjoy - I'm sure you deserve it! YANBU

holidaybug Thu 25-Jul-13 23:10:55

Never had any issues travelling with DS - I just think you have to get on with it. We have done long haul flights since he was 18 months old.

mumblechum1 Thu 25-Jul-13 23:12:58

I agree, couples who invest time snd energy in their relationship by having some child free time are more likely to stay happily together and therefore make better parents imo

ClartyCarol Thu 25-Jul-13 23:20:07

Go on holiday and have a lovely time Eat, drink and be merry, shag eachother senseless, have late nights and lie ins, relax and enjoy yourselves. Your ds will have a wonderful time with his extended family and you will have a great time with your dp. A week is nothing in the greater scheme of things.

Ignore your ex - so it's ok for him and not you? Sod that.

HappyMummyOfOne Thu 25-Jul-13 23:29:25

I personally feel its a lot to ask of your parents, they already provide childcare whilst you work and now have to do full time care for seven days as you fancy a holiday on your own.

I think holidays should be for families once you have children and personally couldnt go away without DS. Those times and luxuries should be shared.

JADS Thu 25-Jul-13 23:38:12

Yanbu.

Go and enjoy. If you feel a week is to long, could you go for 4/5 days instead? If your ex is so concerned, he can take ds for a week. Bet he isn't volunteering

Onesleeptillwembley Thu 25-Jul-13 23:39:25

I think YABU, you spend time at work, and now leaving him for a weeks holiday. I don't know why you'd want to do that, (obviously, not the working!) and don't want to take him. Wouldn't you miss him dreadfully? Still, there's a lot worse things people do in the scheme of things.

TinaSurrey Thu 25-Jul-13 23:39:54

I wouldn't do it but you know the people involved so your judgement should be sound as long as you listen to your instinct.

If you are (say) 20 something & your parents (say) 40 something then they will probably be ok. My parents are late 60s and a week with a toddler (especially given you said he doesn't sleep brilliantly) would be extremely tiring and more than I would dream of asking for.

I'd be very grateful for a day or maybe an overnight but 24/7 for a week...

flipchart Thu 25-Jul-13 23:39:55

I can't see why you can't have family holidays and child free holidays (if you can afford it)

Up until last year I used when mine became too old to want to go away every school holiday I used to take them away for all the half terms and we had some brilliant times, then I would have a holiday with DH and the kids would go to mum and dad's where they had a brilliant time and then I have a week or so with my mates.
best of all worlds for everyone.

I'm just following in the footsteps of my mum and dad. My nan and granddad were huge travellers so encouraged my parents to go away as well.
My kids (17 and nearly 14) have travelled abroad several times without me and their dad.

WaitMonkey Thu 25-Jul-13 23:44:13

I'm with HolidayBug, its not something I would do or even consider. I have 3 dc and am a SAHM, so don't get a break. But I certainly wouldn't judge anyone else for doing it. Ignore your ex, he's just out to cause trouble.

AnnabelleLee Thu 25-Jul-13 23:44:30

God I loathe the precious moments types. "how can you leave your precious ickle pickle for a minute, its so precious, you selfish undeserving bitch"
Get a grip! If you want to spend every second with your kids, great, well for you. We don't all feel the same. Get the fuck over it and keep your judgey beaks out of others families.

Mumsyblouse Thu 25-Jul-13 23:45:19

I have been going away for 2-10 days every couple of years or so since my youngest was 6 months old. Mine take the opportunity to stay with different sets of grandparents and it has become their special time with them and quite a routine each summer. I certainly don't believe that holidays 'should' always be spent with children, I have been known to go away on my own for a couple of days (I do with work anyway), or with my husband every few years. It's brilliant now as the children look forward to staying with granny and grandpa and I look forward to a bit of time off. We all take holidays together too. Hope you have a lovely time.

Mumsyblouse Thu 25-Jul-13 23:47:49

And- I'm not sure about the insinuations that fit and healthy grandparents in their 60's can't care for a small child. If they are ill, don't want to, find it too much, of course you shouldn't leave them, but out of our sets of grandparents, only one couldn't manage it for health-reasons, the rest are all hale and hearty and love having their children to stay (out of their parents' clutches and doing things their way)!

I stayed with my granny for a week every single year and I still remember how exciting it was waking up in her house. It can be really special (if the children are happy to do it and the grandparents are also health/happy about it too).

flipchart Thu 25-Jul-13 23:48:32

Lovin' all the judgey types who are making assumptions about your parents. Some make them sound as if they should be in the Wonga advert!! You know your parents, they sound like they are looking forward to having him and so are your sister and niece.

It's going to be a holiday for your lad as well!

Jan49 Fri 26-Jul-13 00:28:29

I wouldn't do it but I've never had family that I could leave my ds with. As you know he'll be happy with his gps, then that's fine.

I absolutely think you should do it. You're lucky to have family that are as equally happy to take him as he is to stay with them, and you are to leave him with them! And for those saying that you wouldn't do it: you're not being asked to! No one should judge in a situation where a child is happy and safely cared for, as in this one.

anothershittynickname Fri 26-Jul-13 01:05:09

My eldest two aren't my husbands and when we first met we had lots of "us" time when they were at their dads.

When our own DS came along all that stopped - oh, hang on, no it didn't because I have wonderful in-laws who have him twice a year (long weekends) whilst we bugger off and forget we are parents, employees, cooks, cleaners, referees, educators, etc etc and remember why we fell in love!

We also have family holidays, short breaks, days out! Life is about balance - YANBU to go, go, enjoy and under Jo circumstances feel guilty :-)

anothershittynickname Fri 26-Jul-13 01:06:07

Not sure who Jo is, NO* circumstances ;-)

anothershittynickname Fri 26-Jul-13 01:13:25

*God I loathe the precious moments types. "how can you leave your precious ickle pickle for a minute, its so precious, you selfish undeserving bitch"
Get a grip! If you want to spend every second with your kids, great, well for you. We don't all feel the same. Get the fuck over it and keep your judgey beaks out of others families.*

The sole reason MT should have a like button!

apostropheuse Fri 26-Jul-13 01:20:40

Go for it. It will do you the world of good and your son will be absolutely fine with his grandparents.

Episode Fri 26-Jul-13 01:25:44

I think it's amazing that the precious types seem to ignore the fact that children can have just as good a time without mum or dad, and in fact often do! I always wondered if this extended attachment parenting is to do with satisfying the wants of the parent more than the child. OP go and enjoy the lay ins, adult time etc. Don't feel guilty about having some perspective and more importantly your own life! Chances are he'll enjoy GP's more than Portugal smile

ihearsounds Fri 26-Jul-13 01:26:08

I do it every year. Shocking isn't it. I work as well. Proper bad I am. I also have days away from my partner as well.

Everyone should have some down time. I am not talking about when you are working, because lets face it, that isn't really down time. You are doing other things.

I don't live in my partners pocket. Sod that. We do things separate. My dc's don't live in our pockets either. We do things as a family. But we also all respect the knowledge that sometimes we need a break from each other. Without breaks there is no way would I personally have survived the toddler and teen years. Also made it easier having breaks, when it came time for eldest to go off to uni.

Cannot believe the op was called a selfish bitch. Why is it selfish to want to do something that makes you happy, which in turn is a good thing for those around you?

pictish Fri 26-Jul-13 01:38:49

I'd jump at the chance!!

minibmw2010 Fri 26-Jul-13 07:30:27

Am quite jealous of you. We would love to do that but have no-one nearby who could have DS (2.3 years). Everyone's batteries need a recharge, even Mums and Dads. I spend all his waking hours making sure my DS is happy & healthy. I wouldn't see any problem in a week concentrating on me/DH. I'm sure we'd come home relaxed and recharged and DS can only win from that! smile

middleagedspread Fri 26-Jul-13 07:43:43

I think of it like putting ££ in the relationship investment account. DH & I remember why we like each other on holidays.
Don't feel guilty, DS will have a ball, the GPs will love having him & you & DP can have some couple time.
Win, win for all.

Latemates Fri 26-Jul-13 08:09:05

is it possible that the father is complaining due to not being asked to care for son while you are away. In his shoes i'd be put out that i couldn't have this time with my child.
So NBU to have time with your new partner alone but unreasonable to not have offered this time to the father

Almostfifty Fri 26-Jul-13 08:11:46

So, would people be saying the OP was unreasonable if her ex was taking her DC away for a week and she chose to go on holiday while he was away?

The only difference is that her parents, who he already stays with and loves, will be taking care of him.

Go and enjoy OP, in hindsight I wish I'd done the same when mine were small, instead of me being a martyr.

Latemates Fri 26-Jul-13 08:17:01

oh course that would be reasonable as she would be promoting the sons relationship with father. no reaso why cant go to grandparents but why not father first seeing as he has 2 parents who apart and therefore 2 homes

Almostfifty Fri 26-Jul-13 08:25:14

Crossed posts there late mates. How do you know the OP hasn't asked her ex? She said he goes away without the DC, which makes his stance rather hypocritical.

Musicaltheatremum Fri 26-Jul-13 08:26:00

Enjoy it. I went away with my husband for a few mini breaks when mine were little. As long as they are being cared for that's all that matters. By the time they get to be older they won't remember you have been away but will have a fantastic relationship with grandparents.
My parents sometimes had to go away for business and my GPs looked after me. I just had a great time and my brother did too.

primallass Fri 26-Jul-13 08:28:12

I am not being judgey at all, as it sounds bliss. However, I just wanted to flag up that at 2.5 my DS went to stay with my Mum and my (then teenage) brothers while I was in hospital having DD. It ended up 4 nights. We thought he would love it as they all adored each other, but he ended up with terrible separation anxiety that lasted until he was 6.

Latemates Fri 26-Jul-13 08:29:02

OP states ex has gotten wind of it (so not discussed or looking like she was going to)
Not hypocritical if he goes away when son is with mum tho as son being with him while mum was away would be the same thing.
It would be hypocritical if he left son with his family while son was with h
im to go away for a week

Chopstheduck Fri 26-Jul-13 08:31:22

Go and enjoy! We've done a few holidays without kids, or just with two of the kids. It hasn't done them any harm whatsoever, they are all very independent and confident. He is going to family that he is used to staying with, he will be absolutely fine.

Chopstheduck Fri 26-Jul-13 08:32:59

i didn't even miss them! shock Having a break and a bit of me time makes me a better parent really, I think. I appreciate the time with them more, and I am more relaxed for the break.

Whocansay Fri 26-Jul-13 08:35:22

I would LOVE to be able to do this! Time on your own with your partner is precious and important. Go and have a wonderful time!

ModernToss Fri 26-Jul-13 08:38:36

We used to do this quite often - my MIL (for all her other faults) was great about volunteering to take the kids for a week or so.

We had a great time, they had a great time, it strengthened that relationship ... DO IT.

melika Fri 26-Jul-13 08:40:11

What gets me is when do you know if he goes on a holiday without his DS? Trying to make you feel you are a bad mother, he will be with loving grandparents for Gods sake. No comeback there for him, go and enjoy your week away. Grow a thick skin.

tomverlaine Fri 26-Jul-13 08:40:56

I don't think I'm a precious type but i don't think I could do it- but then my DS doesn't have the same kind of relationship with his grandparents so there isn't anyone I could leave him with knowing he'd be as happy as with me and DP. For me as well being away on holiday with him is a break from the relentless day to day pressures of juggling work/family - so its the best sort of time I have with him and the time when we go do all the fun things.
But I do think it puts pressure on my and Dp relationship to have very little time just the two of us.

StayAwayFromTheEdge Fri 26-Jul-13 08:42:07

I can't see any reason why your DS can't go with you. Sunshine and pool - he would have a great time.

mnistooaddictive Fri 26-Jul-13 08:45:26

I wouldn't do it. A week is a long time in the world of a 2 year old. Also for me, holidays are about family. Could you go for a long weekend and then spend some extra time with your son? I am not judgemental, I just disagree!

vintagecakeisstillnice Fri 26-Jul-13 08:45:55

Go for it

If your ex makes any more comments just say fine what time do you want to pick him up at as you're so worried that he won't be with a parent.

From what you've said I think he'll back off pretty quick.

WaitMonkey Fri 26-Jul-13 08:46:07

I'm not being precious by saying I wouldn't leave my children to go on holiday. I'm not saying I'm a better mum or love them anymore than anyone else. I'm just mentioned the fact that I wouldn't do it, I'd just miss them too much and I know the youngest especially would miss me terribly. I don't care what other parents do, why would I ?

DoctorRobert Fri 26-Jul-13 08:55:33

YANBU

DH and I are going away for a week soon - DD will be 2.6 and staying with my parents.

As a SAHM and AP type, I have spent pretty much the past 2 years constantly with DD...obviously I will miss her, and it will be strange, but I can't bloody wait.

Tattle Fri 26-Jul-13 08:59:04

Yanbu,if your ds is happy to stay with grandparents overnights then you should go for it,spending 24/7 with your children is not healthy imo.

I unfortunately don't have that luxury of my dd 3yr staying overnights at her grandparents no matter how much she loves them.hmm
I almost went on holiday for four days without her but we tried her staying overnight once and it just didn't work.
Iv cancelled my holiday lost money because I'm an idiot,
on the bright side My dd scored a week holiday with me instead.
Tbf I felt guilty even thinking of going on a holiday and leaving her but that's because there was a high chance she wouldn't be happy til I was home.

You should really go.

YANBU though I personally wouldn't like to be away from.my kids for so long. I do think that your ex should be able to have ds for the week rather than your parents if he wants, though.

AaDB Fri 26-Jul-13 09:57:58

I love my ds with my whole heart but I'd run to the airport like I was escaping Alcatraz.

If your parents are happy with the arrangement it sounds perfect. You can have precious moments when you get home.

If your ex is so bothered, he can look after his own child.

Our DC learn about being an adult by watching how we live. I want my ds to know he can be a good parent and have a social life. Your ds is very lucky to have a lot of love an attention from a wide circle of loving adults.

My ds comes first, I love spending time with him. I love my oh and would love a trip away. DH isn't keen and so last year we started going for weekends away with our own friends last year. I couldn't go on a holiday he would enjoy without him. A week relaxing in the sun sounds heavenly.

AaDB Fri 26-Jul-13 10:01:44

I made a decision not to have nights away until ds was 5. Of course I miss him, but he is fine with his Dad. We don't have help with childcare and it makes it difficult to spend time with my Oh. We trend to tag team; not ideal but we make it work.

hadababygirl Fri 26-Jul-13 10:14:41

I wouldn't, I just think a week is far too long and I think it would be easy for a 4 year old, who presumably has already had to undergo his dad moving out and a new partner moving in, to feel pretty rejected. Sorry OP, I do get it but I think in his shoes that's how the world will look.

I want to say yanbu, go for it, it's fine, but I don't think it is, I think it's unfair on your little boy. The fact you have a partner who isn't his dad is besides the point - I'd say the same if your partner was your DS's father, but the fact that he isn't means I think binding as a family is even more critical.

Sorry.

hadababygirl Fri 26-Jul-13 10:15:34

Oh goodness just seen he's 2. shock

pictish Fri 26-Jul-13 10:16:39

Nice going hadababygirl - nothing like a good beating with the guilt stick eh? hmm

I don't agree with you. I think you're being a drama queen.

AaDB Fri 26-Jul-13 10:20:08

OP, it's a shame your ex is selfish and feckless. If he was a good dad, this would be much easier for you and your parents. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Joiningthegang Fri 26-Jul-13 10:21:20

How lovely for you - what a great opportunity.

Enjoy yourself and ignore the haters - especially ignore your ex who I assume spends many weeks of the year away from his son.

Also ignore the "oh I couldn't possibly leave my dc for a week" - with the clear implication they are better mummies than you - stop it with your passive aggressive mummy ness please

Latemates Fri 26-Jul-13 10:24:43

join the gang - their are many fathers who would love to have more time with their children - but if the mother makes it difficult and doesn't promote the relationship then it makes it very difficult

Numberlock Fri 26-Jul-13 10:25:07

I think it would be easy for a 4 year old, who presumably has already had to undergo his dad moving out and a new partner moving in, to feel pretty rejected

Bollocks.

It all depends on how the OP presents it to her son which I'm sure will be along the following lines.

"You're going to have a wonderful time with grandma and grandad and I can't wait to hear all about it when I get back!"

I really don't get this "I never left my child till they were 18" shite and, more to the point, while that type of mum needs to go on about it.

I love spending time with my kids, without my kids, with friends, alone, away with work, with other family members .... and?

hadababygirl Fri 26-Jul-13 10:25:18

I can assure you I'm nothing but a drama queen Pictish.

I want to agree and say yes, go. I could, certainly, try:

'Yes, sure, go, it really doesn't matter in your DS's world who looks after him and he won't miss you and in fact you'll come back and wonder why you didn't stay a fortnight.'

But, I don't agree. I'm sorry but I don't. Children know, and they feel, and they hurt. We've all experienced friends meeting up and not telling you or seeing pictures on Facebook of a night out that you weren't invited to, think how much that gnaws at you especially if you're feeling insecure anyway (and a 2 year olds world is insecure by its very nature) and think how that must feel when it's the person who loves you the most and you are two years old.

I think separation and abandonment issues are probably the most frightening thing a very young child can experience and he has already experienced one parent moving out. People often say 'he'll be fine' about babies and toddlers and what they really mean is 'he won't remember it,' true, he won't,but he will, somewhere.

Lest I am accused of being a 'drama queen' hmm I don't think you'll give him permanent issues OP. I just think its a shoddy way to treat your baby - sorry, but I do.

pictish Fri 26-Jul-13 10:26:06

Get a grip.

pictish Fri 26-Jul-13 10:28:31

So hadababygirl - what if the OP had to travel for work, or go into hospital? What then?

hadababygirl Fri 26-Jul-13 10:28:43

I haven't been rude to you Pictish, unless you think disagreeing with you is rude ...? Perhaps you do.

RatUpADrainpipe Fri 26-Jul-13 10:31:00

Children know, and they feel, and they hurt

hadababygirl - beat OP up why don't you. Just because YOU can't bear to be parted from your offspring (they cut the umbilical cord for a reason you know!) doesn't mean that you have the right to start talking about separation issues and abandonment.

It's a week's holiday - and he is safe with grandparents who he adores.

You go and enjoy yourself OP - have a great time.

hadababygirl Fri 26-Jul-13 10:31:17

That's slightly different isn't it, because its a necessity rather than a luxury.

Plus, it's easier to explain 'I am poorly' is something 2 year olds can process, only on a basic level but they can learn about hospitals and doctors and nurses and visit and gain yet more insight from that.

Less easy to explain 'I am going on a holiday without you because you wold note my it.' That's a slightly more adult concept.

Re the work example - again it can be explained but personally I wold look for a new job. But I do think they are not comparable examples.

pictish Fri 26-Jul-13 10:32:58

I think you're being rude in suggesting that the OP going away for a week's holiday without her child, leaving him in the capable and loving care of his grandparents, will cause deep rooted abandonment issues.

hadababygirl Fri 26-Jul-13 10:33:12

rat I am not trying to beat her up, I'm giving my honest opinion.

Like I say, I want to say go , have a great time, he'll be fine, but I don't think that it is the right thing to do, and this part of Mumsnet des canvass opinions so ... confused I have given mine. I haven't been rude to the OP or to anyone else.

pictish Fri 26-Jul-13 10:34:18

Oh I seeee....so it's only ok so long as you're not having fun?

Pffffft!

What on earth are your parents/in-laws like, hadababygirl, if letting a nearly 3yo visit grandparents for a week is "frightening" and "shoddy"? Of course it matters who looks after a child, but for most DCs a loving grandparent with whom they have a good relationship is pretty much at the top of the list.

hadababygirl Fri 26-Jul-13 10:35:29

I don't believe I said that but I can see you're pretty fixed in your opinion of me and are going to keep reading my posts, writing something completely different and claiming its what I have said so best I just leave you to it I think.

Joiningthegang Fri 26-Jul-13 10:36:17

Op - please ignore hadababygirl she is spouting complete nonsense

All will be fine - your son and parents will have a lovely memorable time - your ds may barely miss you!

You will have a lovely time and I bet you will be super excited to see ds on your return

Ignore ignore ignore

Latemates Fri 26-Jul-13 10:36:45

the father should be higher on the list tho

specialsubject Fri 26-Jul-13 10:37:07

you have of course asked for a beating from all those who think stepping away from a child for more than 30 seconds until it is 18 is abuse.

he'll be fine. So will you. You will both be delighted to see each other afterwards.

hadababygirl Fri 26-Jul-13 10:37:44

Tlliver, I don't actually have any, but that's beside the point. At this age, the child lives with his mother. She goes away with a new partner not taking the child with her - it doesn't matter in a sense who she leaves him with, that's not what I am objecting to at all. I just feel that the child will feel yes, abandoned, and most probably wonder what he did wrong, because they just do at that age - it's all about them.

And a week is a very long time for a 2 year old.

pictish Fri 26-Jul-13 10:39:19

Dh and I leave our youngest kids behind with mil for 5 nights every summer, while we go to a music festival and have a great time without them!
They are 5 and 4 now, and so far as I can tell, aren't in need of therapy.

Woo and hoo! grin

Latemates Fri 26-Jul-13 10:39:44

what makes me laugh is if someone posted on lone parents that the father wanted to take their 2 year old on a weeks holiday but that i dont think he should be away from mummy for that long the poster would get lots of support saying he is too young to be away for a week. interesting how context changes everything

RatUpADrainpipe Fri 26-Jul-13 10:40:01

hadababygirl - when my son was 3 tragic family circumstances meant I had to leave my son with his grandparents for a week. All my son was interested in was the present he knew he would be getting when we got back.

My son is now grown up and doesn't even remember us going away let alone still feel abandoned and upset some 25 years later!

hadababygirl Fri 26-Jul-13 10:43:36

Sorry to hear about what happened rat - I know you didn't go into detail but sounds horrible.

Things happen which are unavoidable, I completely understand that, but a holiday doesn't fall into that category, that's all really. And I'm sure it won't cause long term issues but it will be upsetting for the child, he is very young.

Ah, well! We're all different and I am sure I do many things as a parent which would get me a flaming but in fairness this board does say you can give your opinions and I have given mine, I wish you well OP.

AaDB Fri 26-Jul-13 10:45:47

I'd love my ds to have such a wide community of loving adults willing and able to look after him.

I also hate double standards. I have friends that agree it's ok for the father to go away socially. The situation reversed makes a bad selfish and neglectful mother. hmm

Morloth Fri 26-Jul-13 10:46:53

Sometimes my kids go to their grandparents just because.

I wouldn't hesitate for a second, I am very very pleased that my kids are fortunate enough to have loving grandparents and will have those memories when they lose them.

I spent weeks and weeks at my grandparents as a kid, sometimes just because. I remember that time very fondly.

Why not?

glastocat Fri 26-Jul-13 10:46:59

Wow! Are there really people who never leave their child's side like this? My son has had annual holidays at his granny's house since he was tiny, it's the highlight of his year as he gets spoiled rotten! They have a fabulous bond and my son is growing up to be a happy and confident child, he certainly didn't feel abandoned in the slightest. Go and enjoy your holiday, your child will have a fab time with his grandparents.

Wow, hadababy is getting a hard time. She's only expressed an opinion that's different, she's been perfectly civil in doing so.

This is aibu, people are allowed to express different opinions. Unless we should just all reply happy mummy = happy baby to everything?

I personally think the op is nbu, but why have a thread where everyone has to agree.

AaDB Fri 26-Jul-13 10:51:04

Maybe hadababy would have an easier time if she hasn't insinuated that the OP was neglectful.

flipchart Fri 26-Jul-13 10:57:34

I think Hadababy is getting a hard time as well and I am one of the people who said go and gave my experiences but to be fair we were all older when we started to stay at nans while mum and dad went away.

I did forget that the OP's child is 2 and the father had moved out and the DP had moved in. (or something like that),so quite a bit of change for a toddler I suppose.

We are allowed to have different opinions that go against the grain, like Hadababy's does, It doesn't mean she is spouting nonsense though, she is just sharing an opinion that she has been asked for.

Morloth Fri 26-Jul-13 10:58:21

I remember my grandma so clearly, she has been gone for almost 30 years.

I loved her almost as much as my Mum.

My boys feel the same way about their grandparents, they adore them.

Their feelings about being with their grandparents are very positive. I hope they remember every moment they got to spend there.

flipchart Fri 26-Jul-13 11:01:01

Maybe hadababy would have an easier time if she hasn't insinuated that the OP was neglectful
I don't think she has. She has just given the OP her opinion.

After doing years of childhood studies at various levels and covering attachment theories ( and knowing when theories were misused as propaganda against working women etc) I can understand what Hadababy is trying to say.
Whether people agree with it or not is just down to personal opinion.

PearlyWhites Fri 26-Jul-13 11:01:38

Yanbu at all your ds will have a great time with grandparents , I just wish my children's Gp's were young enough to do the same for us.

LtEveDallas Fri 26-Jul-13 11:10:04

I wouldn't do it, but that's because my parents / PILs are older and would have been (I think) unable to cope with a 4 year old. DH and I choose not to leave DD overnight/days, but that is our choice and just as acceptable as your choice.

If your parents are fine with it OP, and you feel your DS would have a better time at Grans than in Portugal, then I don't see the issue - as long as your DS is happy, and you are happy, then don't beat yourself up.

smile Hope you have a great time.

froubylou Fri 26-Jul-13 11:14:36

I personally wouldn't do it. Especially if money is tight. I would rather the plane tickets be spent on family time together, day trips or a few days on a caravan park or even a last minute holiday abroad in sept that would be suitable for a 2 year old to go on.

Its very important that mums (and dads) spend some time away from the DC occasionally. A night in a hotel or a weekend perhaps. My DD has always seen my EXP and has gone away for long weekends and the like. But I didn't let her go for longer than 3 nights until she was 5 and old enough to understand the concept of 3 sleeps etc.

But I think 7 days is too long for a 2 year old. Even with doting GPs.

I do understand the complexities of new relationships when you have DC from previous relationships, especially if the new partner doesn't have DC or only has weekend contact and is more or less free to do what they want. My DD was almost 2 when I met my DP who has grown up DC. We have been abroad with DD many times from her being almost 3. We would love, love, love a week away together. But once DD was old enough to understand she would have been hurt that we had left her behind and felt excluded. Even though she goes away for 5 days with my EXP every year. But she's a child and allowed to have double standards lol.

So I do think you ABU. Your DC will get over it and won't suffer any long term effects. You and your DP will have a lovely time. I'm sure your DC will enjoy the first day or two of a holiday with GPs but will miss DM more and more as the week goes on. And I personally couldn't live with the guilt of leaving them behind whilst I went on a holiday, even if it was a cheap one that wasn't suitable for DC.

Numberlock Fri 26-Jul-13 11:15:25

I remember my grandma so clearly, she has been gone for almost 30 years. I loved her almost as much as my Mum. My boys feel the same way about their grandparents, they adore them. Their feelings about being with their grandparents are very positive. I hope they remember every moment they got to spend there.

Thanks for posting that, Morloth.

Sadly my mum has dementia and is residential care now so my sons can't stay with her anymore. I am in the process of clearing out the family home and my boys have loved finding all the toys, books and games they used to play with when they stayed with her.

Hopefully this won't be a one-off for the OP's son and he will grow up with the same memories. In which case this first visit will be the start of a wonderful journey for him.

AaDB Fri 26-Jul-13 11:16:53

In my opinion the vocabulary hadababy has use is inflammatory and judgment. On that basis I treat as I find.

10:14 rejected
10:25 separation and abandonment issues -not all 2 yos are insecure.confused
If she isn't "trying to beat the OP up", maybe staying that this is a "shoddy way to treat your baby". IMO this is insinuating the OP is neglectful in her care of her ds. hmm

AaDB Fri 26-Jul-13 11:18:47

Sorry my phone had mangled my posts.

I'm not sure it is beside the point, actually -- I do have sympathy with your general point, really I do, but I don't see that it applies to a holiday staying with grandparents. And maybe that's affected by actually seeing a close loving relationship between grandchildren and grandparents myself. Yes, the OP's DS has had more upheaval in his life than most 2yo, but his maternal grandparents have been a constant, stable, loving presence in his life.

mnistooaddictive Fri 26-Jul-13 11:22:45

I thought the whole point if AIBU was that people expressed their opinion. Sad to see people being flamed for that. It may be different to yours, but it is no less valid.

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 26-Jul-13 11:23:47

Hadababy is entitled to her opinions, the OP asked what others thought.

Given the OP works and the child will spend probably one night and every other weekend with his dad then its not like she doesnt have any child free time. If money is tight, then most parents would either spend it on something all the family could do or save for a little longer. I cant imagine many would use it for a holiday and leave their children behind. Nothing to do with being joined at the hip to your children but wanting all family members to have a holiday.

The OP's parents may feel taken advantage off given they already have the commitment of weekly childcare and are now expected to cover 24/7 as the OP fancies a child free holiday. Its a huge ask of anybody. The money spent on flights could have paid for some childcare to give them a break so they have a chance to go away given you have already had one holiday.

RatUpADrainpipe Fri 26-Jul-13 11:32:00

The OP's parents may feel taken advantage off given they already have the commitment of weekly childcare and are now expected to cover 24/7 as the OP fancies a child free holiday.

I am sure they are more than capable of saying if this is so. 'Fancies a child free holiday' - don't be nasty.

Numberlock Fri 26-Jul-13 11:52:14

I think we can leave the OP to manage the relationship with her parents, can't we.

So does no-one else encourage their children to spend time alone with their grandparents?

Makes me feel very sad about the future if this is the case. sad

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 26-Jul-13 11:56:24

Theres a huge difference between encouraging a relationship and time with grandparents to weekly childcare and 24/7 care when the parents dont want to take the children with them on holiday.

Its perfectly possible to spend time with grandparents and other family matters with no element of childcare being built in.

hadababygirl Fri 26-Jul-13 11:56:51

Well, I honestly don't want to be contentious but I do feel there is a middle ground between 'never spending time alone with grandparents' and 'going abroad for seven days'. If the OP was spending a night away, even two nights, that would be different, I feel.

Numberlock Fri 26-Jul-13 12:02:01

Christ, I'm going to have to hide this thread.

GladbagsGold Fri 26-Jul-13 12:08:45

OP of course YANBU. Hope you have a brilliant holiday!

My dad and stepmum used to have a holiday without kids every year and we'd stay at GPs. It meant we were v close to GPs, we had a great time. It also gave my parents some time to be just them, which is good for any couple relationship but I think v important for one that has kids in it from the start. So it benefited us kids as well, because they have a strong happy marriage, so we lived in a happy home.

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 26-Jul-13 14:02:37

op hasnt replied, hopefully she is already on that plane grin

it is healthy for children to spend some time away from their parents, and in return its healthy for parents to have some me time and be mr&ms purple eater again and not always mum and dsd

ignore anyone who is laying the guilt trip, sure ds will have a fab time with gp's

did ds dad offer to have him if he is passing judgement?

as i said i look after a lot of children whose parents go away, sometimes yes its work or illness but often pleasure and a holiday - they have a great time with me and want/need a pressie when the parents come back grin and parents refresh their batteries - which imho think is important

LaurenSquealer Fri 26-Jul-13 14:10:05

It's interesting that her ex had to 'get wind of it' and hadn't been informed directly.

I would assume in that case that he doesn't have regular contact with his son - and therefore has no legitimate opinion. I also assume he doesn't feel the need to ask permission from the OP whenever he goes on holiday.

AnnabelleLee Fri 26-Jul-13 14:10:51

I have to wonder, if the precious moments folk are so secure in their own choices, why the need to accuse others of being selfish, abandonment yada yada for a simple thing like leaving a child with loving grandparents for a week?
Seems to me like they are deeply insecure (possibly with their own mummy-ishoos) or else they wouldn't give a swinging mickey what other people do with their kids. Perhaps its their inner child that feels hurt and lost, and they are projecting onto OP's perfectly well adjusted kid?

see, we can all do cod psychology made up on the spot, s'easy

Crinkle77 Fri 26-Jul-13 16:57:51

It's only a week. If it were for a month I might say yabu. It might not suit everyone but if you are happy with it then go and have a lovely time

Hello everyone.

Thank you so much for responding, sorry I haven't been back sooner, but life got in the way wink

I have read all the posts, and sincerely want to thank everyone who has made the time to give their thoughts. There are some points I feel I should address, so I will......

DS's Dad, my Ex, walked out when DS was a small baby, less than 6 months old. DS was also very poorly, and had to go through a very serious and dangerous operation at 1 yr old.

My Ex was, initially, resentful and argumentative when attempting to co-parent. There were a number of hospital and doctors appointments for scans, examinations etc which he did not attend.

My Dad, DS's Grandad, attended all of these appointments with me and DS to support us.

Ex walking out while I was on maternity leave, refusing to pay his half of the rent etc, left us in a very difficult position and I was left temporarily homeless. I moved in and spent 6 months living with my parents.

I don't know why I'm sharing all this...... but I wanted to say the following without it being an issue......

My Dad is more of a father to DS than my Ex has ever been. My parents have been the other constant in his life, and have provided support when he/I needed it.

DS hero worships him, and loves spending time with him. I do not have any worries about any abandonment issues occurring from DS staying with his grandparents for a few days.

Hadababygirl..... I can see your point, really I can.

But on serious reflection, I do not think attachment/ abandonment is something I need to worry about.

In fact, I would worry more about leaving him with my Ex.

Ex was asked if he would look after DS for this week, or at least part of it.

He did not want to.

I did not tell him why, I merely asked. He does not need to know what I am doing, and does not check in with me about what he is doing when he does not have DS. He has in the past had leave/ changed our arrangements for DS so he could do something for himself, like go away.

I care not. What he does with his time is his business.

I did try to arrange for this to be an opportunity for DS to develop his relationship with his dad. He did not wish to.

AnnabelleLee Fri 26-Jul-13 20:29:23

Then he has no right to an opinion much the same as everyone else here

wink

I've thought hard about the comments I have received here.

Some were painful to read - because of my own thin skin and existing guilt about this situation.

I love DS, and love spending time with him, and want to do right by him. What parent doesn't?

I do worry/ feel guilty, that DS might miss me.

But on balance, I am also very clear that as an adult, I need time away from children, I need to devote time to my relationship, and both DS and I need to be people independent of one another.

I've thought it all through, and decided I am going to go.

Thank you all.

Thanks AnabelleLee!

I've no resentment towards him anymore, but yes, he is a fuckwit.

I think his comments just tugged at an already underlying guilt I was having!!

AnnabelleLee Fri 26-Jul-13 20:38:08

don't listen to it, you know the reality. Your son will have a great time with people who love him, and so will you ;) It's a win win win win situation!

middleagedspread Fri 26-Jul-13 20:44:04

Have a lovely time.
I left my DS with his GP when he was 3. I felt wobbly on the plane, talked about him endlessly for the 1st day then we got on with the business of having a child free holiday.
We rang regularly but he often was too busy to speak to us.
Your DP & you can cement your relationship & you'll come back happy & refreshed and ready to carry on being a caring, loving mummy.

Pinupgirl Fri 26-Jul-13 20:47:45

I wouldn't do it. I had girls holiday before I had dcs-is'nt that what you do? I wouldn't leave my dcs behind so I live it up with my boyf. But I do understand others have no qualms doing so.

Nights/weekends away are good for parents-a weeks holiday to me is family time though.

Mumsyblouse Fri 26-Jul-13 20:49:54

Its perfectly possible to spend time with grandparents and other family matters with no element of childcare being built in. -why is this the ideal? Many grandparents are love to childcare for their own grandchildren, it used to be very much the norm and still is in many cultures for grandparent care to be common (even suggested that the menopause occurs for this reason to leave youngish but non-fertile females around to care for young).

It's very sad that having grandparents do childcare is seen as a negative thing, of course there can be downsides to the relationship but my parents would be very sad if we didn't ever let our children go and stay with them alone, or ever let them do any childcare. Not everyone is the same, but I cannot understand the mentality that grandparents who want to care (and in this case have lived with the child for 6 months) 'shouldn't' in case it denotes any kind of dependence or obligation. I hope my children let my grandchildren (if I'm lucky to have any) come and stay with me for their holidays, I can't wait!

Jammy321 Fri 26-Jul-13 21:33:18

Enjoy yourself! Go on holidays, don't worry about your little boy and just enjoy the week's lie ins, nights out and some time out. When I was 11 months and my sister 2.5 years old, my parents left us for four weeks to go travelling in America. I'm now 33 and have no resentment to them at all, gee I didn't even remember it. You work, you look after your little boy and are lucky that your parents can look after you little boy, I say make the most of it!! God, I would!

flipchart Fri 26-Jul-13 22:07:18

I love Portugal!!!
Have a great time!

mumblechum1 Sat 27-Jul-13 07:39:16

But on balance, I am also very clear that as an adult, I need time away from children, I need to devote time to my relationship, and both DS and I need to be people independent of one another. I've thought it all through, and decided I am going to go.

I'm sure you made the right decision, OP. smile

So many people don't pay enough attention to their spouse/partner, the relationship goes wrong because it isn't being nourished, and then the children have to go through a breakup with all that can entail.

RoxyFox211 Sat 27-Jul-13 08:24:35

Yanbu if you are comfortable. I'm sick of other people trying to dictate other people's emotional responses. If your families happy that's all that matters.

Inertia Sat 27-Jul-13 08:45:55

Go on the holiday and don't feel guilty ! You have taken ds on holiday already and he wil have a lovely holiday with his grandparents. I have very fond memories of holidays at my GPs house.

Your ex is a hypocritical waste of space. Any man who makes his wife and child homeless and turns down the opportunity of bonus contact time is in no position position to complain about the OP going away for a few days.

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