To not want to work as a childminder during the holidays.

(50 Posts)
MrsLouisTheroux Thu 25-Jul-13 21:47:08

I am a teacher and I have been asked to look after a a friend's DS every Monday starting next week because I am off work and she has no childcare.
I am looking after my neices for 10 days (spread over the 6 weeks) because their parents are at work and have no child care.
I also have another friend's child every Friday over the 6 weeks.
I get 65 days paid holiday. The minimum paid holiday is 28 so I understand that I get a good deal but is it right that I am seen as free holiday childcare?
This latest request has p'd me off.

Chattymummyhere Thu 25-Jul-13 21:48:51

Just say no, I stay at home so doubt will get asked a few time but unless its an emergency I will say no..

I don't stay home for others to earn money I stay home to be here for my children and make work life easier for my other half.


Fraxinus Thu 25-Jul-13 21:50:46

If you like doing it, then just say, yes except these 2 weeks when I am on holiday myself. If you don't want to do it, don't. Hasn't got any childcare= hasn't FOUND any child care. If you said no they'd keep looking.

The 6 weeks can be tricky, I am sympathetic, but you need a well earned rest during the time too, and should say so.

Loobylou123 Thu 25-Jul-13 21:51:17

Yanbu - your holiday should be just that no matter how much you get. Besides, there is still classroom prep and planning to be done in all teacher's holidays. Just say you can't commit to every Monday but may be able to help out once or twice. Can't say fairer than that smile

Jinty64 Thu 25-Jul-13 21:51:45

I don't have childcare in the holidays so I pay for a holiday club. Your friends should do likewise. I have friends who are teachers but would never ask them to take ds. If it was just a single day or in an emergency it would be different.

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 25-Jul-13 21:52:20

I hadn't thought about SAHM being in the same situation! My DC's holidays don't coincide with mine next year ( different LA) I think I'll ask that friends use their A leave to look after my DC for me!

MortifiedAdams Thu 25-Jul-13 21:52:53

YABU. You have been asked thus allowing you to.say yes or no. Grow some balls grin

GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate Thu 25-Jul-13 21:54:10

Yanbu, I can see this happening to me when DD reaches school age. Perhaps you should ask those parents to return the favour by representing you at all the school plays, assemblies and sports days you will never be able to attend?

RoadToTuapeka Thu 25-Jul-13 21:54:20

Yanbu to say no. It was a bit cheeky of your friend to ask! As a one off maybe ok, but an ongoing committment is a bit much. Maybe if she had explained the situation, said she would pay etc that might be worth talking about but you are not given holidays to take on other people's childcare!
Just say no, you have other commitments, no need to feel guilty about it.

Squitten Thu 25-Jul-13 21:54:23

So just say no. What's the big deal? They can ask but more fool you for doing it!

jammiedonut Thu 25-Jul-13 21:54:43

Learn to say no. Or charge. They're cheeky buggers for asking definitely!

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 25-Jul-13 21:56:02

Looby I am paying for my DC to go to clubs for 4 days next week so I can get everything done for next year!! It's only 1 week out of 6 but is costing ££s!

nannynick Thu 25-Jul-13 21:56:20


Caring for someone else's child is a responsibility and being tied to do that every week can soon become a burden. Helping out a friend every now and then is fine, doing it every week is expecting a bit much in my view.

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 25-Jul-13 21:57:03

mortified grin Yes, you are right!

YANBU not to want to, so just say no.

It is only a request after all, and therefore you have the option to politely decline, with or without a good reason.

If she reacts badly, then that is very telling. You are under no obligation to use your time off to provide free child care!!

However, if she is a good friend/ family, might you be able to offer something to help them out?? If I were in a position where I were off, I would like to think I would do a little to help at least. Although like you, wouldn't want to sacrifice my whole holiday

MerrilyWatkins Thu 25-Jul-13 22:00:18

Ask them if they can have your children every Sunday during term time whilst you do your weekly planning. Seems a fair exchange.

sandiy Thu 25-Jul-13 22:00:57

Say absolutely that's no problem in return you can have my children at such and such time consider it free baby sitting in evenings so you can go out in term time Or just say no.I think it's a bit cheeky there are countless holiday clubs etc available

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 25-Jul-13 22:03:33

giant I do want to help out and that's why I am looking after nieces and my other friend's DC but that was planned and is on the calendar I know where I stand. I agreed to it. This other friend has got wind of it and is chancing her luck I think. I would have offered if I wanted to do it. I'm just going to say no, sorry, got too much on.

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 25-Jul-13 22:04:51

Oooh merrily THAT is a good idea!! grin

Dahlen Thu 25-Jul-13 22:13:26

Of course YANBU to not want to do it. YABU possibly for having a moan about being asked. A request is just that - you can say no.

If said friend is an entitled madam who will pout, tell her where to shove it and I'll give you a definite YANBU wink. Otherwise just say no.

I've been guilty of leaning on friends a little bit lately as I've had a few let downs with my organised childcare. I wouldn't dream of putting on people who are unwilling though, and always express my gratitude through gifts or reciprocal good terms. My friends know they can say no and I'd be mortified if I thought they were pissed off with me for even asking.

Blondeshavemorefun Thu 25-Jul-13 22:47:20

Course you aren't U

It's your holiday time and different looking after neices - plus you have one day a week already planned so if you agree to this the. Will only have 3 spare days a week - over 6 weeks summer holiday that's 18 days - minus the 10 agrees with Nieces so that leaves you with 8 days to call your own if you agree to help

Your friend can pay for holidays clubs / cm / temp nanny or sort out play dates with 6 parents so each one has the child once

Redlocks30 Thu 25-Jul-13 23:02:18

Just say no-you don't want to be tied down. Don't say you'll do it and then moan all summer and wish you hadn't agreed.

Oooooh well I don't know MrsLouis , 'tis a rum do you know..........
You are used to a whole class of 25+ little anklebiters , day in, day out.

What's one or two tiny little angelic children for a few days....
<<Wanders off tutting to self>>

YANBU- family ,okay, fair enough. You help out.
But friends, only if you really want to, not because they see you as a freebie babysitter.

NaturalBaby Thu 25-Jul-13 23:31:48

If they expect you to look after their dc's then suggest it's only fair they look after your's for an equal number of days/hours. They do understand you have planning and marking to do don't they?
Charge the going rate for local childminders and see what your friend says then. Don't forget about any extras for food and activities.

thebody Thu 25-Jul-13 23:32:21

you are most certainly NOT a childminder unless you are Ofsted registered, insured, have a recent paediatric first aid certificate, home and car insurance, policies and procedures.

you don't legally need these for your nieces as family but you certainly do for a friends child if she is paying you or you are breaking the law.

anyway she's a cheeky cow so tell her to sod off.

you need a break.

Mumsyblouse Thu 25-Jul-13 23:32:29

I can't imagine the situation where I ask teacher friends to have my children in the school holidays, it's just ridiculous to ask. I might ask a mum who has children to swop once or twice in an entire holiday (I don't even do that) but I just pay for childcare/take time off work and so on. This is really incredibly cheeky and I would just say no to anything else.

zatyaballerina Thu 25-Jul-13 23:34:48

Say no, you're too busy. Nobody's making you work as a childminder and you're only being asked because this friend sees you willingly taking on other peoples kids, she won't be pissed off if you say no, she's just trying her luck.

deleted203 Fri 26-Jul-13 02:08:05

YANBU. I'm a teacher and I'm not looking after anyone's kids for free (or even for pay) in the summer holidays. No way, thank you.

BTW - you don't get 65 days paid holiday. Your annual salary is split into twelve equal portions - so if you worked an extra 37 days then you would be entitled to the extra pay.

What did your friend think she was going to do every Monday whilst she worked? She should have sorted out childcare.

Mimishimi Fri 26-Jul-13 02:13:16

Just say no. It never works out well. Sometimes they even tell their friends, whom you don't know from jack, that you are available for emergency/backup childcare angry

nokidshere Fri 26-Jul-13 03:17:40

I'm a childminder and I don't want to work during the holidays either grin

GingerBlondecat Fri 26-Jul-13 06:35:45

Hang On.......... You are paying for childcare/activities for your own children, but, this 'friend' wants free childcare....... from You ?hmm

Yeh, sahm's get this all the damn time, unfortunately. SMH

flowers wine and Chocolate OP.

Roshbegosh Fri 26-Jul-13 06:41:26

You said yes and now you are moaning. You must like being a martyr. Next holiday decide whether you prefer the martyrdom or the break and then stop moaning.

GingerBlondecat Fri 26-Jul-13 07:05:01

^^ NO she didn't

MrsLouisTherouxThu 25-Jul-13 22:03:33

giant I do want to help out and that's why I am looking after nieces and my other friend's DC but that was planned and is on the calendar I know where I stand. I agreed to it. This other friend has got wind of it and is chancing her luck I think. I would have offered if I wanted to do it. I'm just going to say no, sorry, got too much on.

YANBU, there is no way that I would do it and there is no way that I would expect a teacher friend to do this. Heck, I won't even ask my DM or MIL to look after mine more than once or twice a year. If I want to work when my children are not at school then I pay for childcare. Surely that's part of the deal.

ProudAS Fri 26-Jul-13 07:14:22

Is your friend likely to return the favour when your dcs' term dates don't correspond with yours or they have a ted day or is she using you as free childcare?

Summerblaze Fri 26-Jul-13 07:32:57

Its your holiday and you are entitled to do what you want with it. If you only want your niece and your other friends child then that is your choice and obviously depends on how close this other friend is.

Personally I love helping my friends out in the holidays. I am a SAHM so am a good choice for them.

I don't think you need any special certificates unless you are getting paid for looking after them, family or friends.

YoniMitchell Fri 26-Jul-13 07:35:42

If she's not offering a reciprocal deal, as in taking your DC another day each week - assuming that's appealing to you, then tell her no. It's really that simple, surely?

Poppy4453 Fri 26-Jul-13 07:54:07

"Sorry no I'm really looking forward to my holiday."

People are very cheeky.

formicadinosaur Fri 26-Jul-13 08:32:32

Say no sorry, I'm already doing too much child care t his break. Then outline your commitments care wise.

GingerBlondecat Fri 26-Jul-13 08:48:28

I wouldn't give her too much information formica.

it just leads to trying negotionations.

pigglepaggle Fri 26-Jul-13 08:50:57

YANBU. You're on holiday and also having a break from other people's children. It seems there's a bit of a fine line with helping out your friends (cos that's what friends do) and providing free child care.

I used to be a childminder and the amount of times friends asked me to look after X for a day or collect X from school as I was 'at home all day' No I wasn't at home all day I was working with a set number of mindees who paid for my services.

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 26-Jul-13 09:18:11

YABU, just say no if you dont want too but its sad when friends cant ask a favour without being slated just for asking.

Unless i had plans, having an extra child or two is not really any extra bother if it means helping out a friend. Every day for the whole holiday is different but ad hoc days isnt too much to ask a good friend to do assuming it works both ways.

curlew Fri 26-Jul-13 09:25:53

Why is this friend being slated for asking? Seems perfectly normal to me- "I'm really stuck for child care is there any chance you could help me out?"

MrsLouisTheroux Fri 26-Jul-13 09:33:40

Thank you everyone!

I think part of the problem is that some friends have told me how lucky I am to have 'all these holidays' and how lucky I am never to have to find childcare as I am off during school holidays.

I do have good holidays but often mine don't coincide with my own DC's and I pay for holiday clubs! For example, at the end of the summer, DC go back 4 days after me so they are in a club then. Every half term next year is different to mine and one week of Easter is too! DC will be in clubs!

Thanks for your thoughts, I phoned my friend this morning and said that I couldn't do it. She sounded a bit miffed but didn't say much else, just moaned a bit about the cost of the clubs and said she thought it might have broken up the week a bit for her DC. Oh well, it's done now!

MrsLouisTheroux Fri 26-Jul-13 09:40:31

curlew because it's sometimes hard to say no if someone asks. When I have been really stuck myself, I have always paid for DC to go into clubs. Occasionally, I've told a friend what the situation is and they have offered help but it's never something I have relied on or seen as a preferred option.

MrsLouisTheroux Fri 26-Jul-13 09:41:36

Preferred option as in first option/ option to get me out of paying for childcare.

curlew Fri 26-Jul-13 09:48:18

I know it's not what this thread is about- but I hate the fact that people aren't supposed to ask for help. sad I would soooo much rather somebody asked me straight out than I realised 6 months later the they were struggling and hoping I would notice.

Groovee Fri 26-Jul-13 09:55:58

Just say no. I'm helping a friend out. Last summer I helped out because her FIL was diagnosed with cancer and her MIL was struggling. The kids are the same age as my 2, so we had some fun days out. But she did say if you don't want to just say.

This year it's only 2 weeks which will be fine. Easy oozy.

Blondeshavemorefun Fri 26-Jul-13 14:20:03

glad you said no and tough shit friend is miffed

she can pay for childcare or send to another friend to break the week up hmm

GingerBlondecat Sat 27-Jul-13 00:42:03

curlew, I do understand.

(((((((((((((((Hugs You)))))))))))))))))) You are Lovely <3

I think the difference is in this case, the asker only wanted Yes as an Answer. And wasn't prepared to hear NO.

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