To wonder why some men feel the need to insult women?

(85 Posts)
dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 17:16:11

I used to get a lot of male attention when I was younger - both 'positive' (if intimidating - catcalls etc and also negative, hostile reactions. Simply for existing, I think. I don't get it so much, now - I dress quite casually and have a few years experience of life, so don't come across as quite so vulnerable.

However, today I was walking past a group of lads who I could see were out to insult passers by. One of them laughed and said: 'pretty ugly' as I walked past. Now I am not ugly (not that it matters!) but I am an attractive, nicely dressed woman who clearly takes care of her appearance. Even if I didn't - what makes these men think that the way a woman looks has anything at all to do with them? hmm

AIBU to wonder why you would want to insult and intimidate someone who is simply going about their daily life? Luckily I have high self esteem and I am very confident about the way I look - but I could imagine some women being really upset by this kind of thing sad.

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 17:18:16

I've had this before. Something shouted right in my ear, to which I very eloquently responded 'fuck off, you wanker'.

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 17:19:26

I just don't get it - why? I would have shouted something back, but they looked a bit rough, so I ignored them.

Whothefuckfarted Thu 25-Jul-13 17:19:31

Shits and giggles?

Very bored with their boring lives?

Who knows, sounds pathetic to me...

GetStuffezd Thu 25-Jul-13 17:21:58

I know!! It says something quite worrying about a person's personality if they get pleasure from seeing a woman's face crumple with upset, or redden with embarrassment at a twatty comment.

I used to get obscene tits comments or, worse, wanker men would deliberately rub against me when I tried to move through a crowd.
Now it's fat this, fat that.

BenedictCumberbitch Thu 25-Jul-13 17:22:17

They think it's likely to get a reaction out of them?

Plus starting on women is less risky than starting on men...generally speaking. I can imagine women saying something back but not actually starting a fight over it...(That being said I nearly thumped some scrotey git that said something similar when I was walking under and underpass once, purely because I knew he thought I wouldn't do anything).

TalkativeJim Thu 25-Jul-13 17:24:42

Not very bright.

Not much going for them.

Literally the only 'power' they have - a bit of mindless swagger.

They grow up and find someone vulnerable enough to accept being bullied by them and become the strutting chirping little bullies of their own castle.

Bloody testosterone and not much else.

It's depressing.

VerySmallSqueak Thu 25-Jul-13 17:26:08

Because they are cowards.And lack the skills necessary to be able to function on a higher level than 'ug fuck'.

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 17:26:26

They got absolutely no reaction whatsoever out of me, so I feel quite satisfied that it must have been boring for them. I'm a fairly impassive introvert, so I don't show emotion easily. Didn't feel much emotion to be fair! They are never very attractive specimens themselves these men.

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 17:27:48

Do they actually think that a nice looking woman will suddenly change her entire view of herself because some idiot drinking cider in the street on a Wednesday afternoon tells her she's ugly?

WilsonFrickett Thu 25-Jul-13 17:28:45

Often because they hate everyone, and shouting at a woman means they can express this hate without getting punched. Sometimes it's because they hate women specifically. But 9/10 times it's because they are angry and unhappy with their situation. And it's easier to turn that anger outward than it is to make changes.

I had this a couple of weeks ago when walking home from a night out

"Oi fatty...why won't you come and talk to us?!"

If I was fat, and presumably unattractive to them vis a vis the nature of their remarks... then why are they trying to attract my attention!?!?

Fannies. The lot of them. I wish I had went over and pissed on them.

Lj8893 Thu 25-Jul-13 17:30:07

I don't get it either.

I have a large chest and used to quite often get comments like "wow, you got massive tits" to which I would feign shock and exclaim that when I left the house they were an a cup and I had no idea where they had come from!
Or they would grab them and make a similar massive tits comment,
My response was to grab their penis and exclaim how small it was.
I'm sure they never did it again.

I once had a guy tell me I was a fat slut, just because I got served before him at the bar.
Big mistake, the doormen (much bigger and "fatter" than me) happened to be close friends of my dad.

HairyGrotter Thu 25-Jul-13 17:30:36

I don't get why anyone feel the need to comment n anyone's appearance. What a shit life you must lead that someone's appearance offends, or garners your attention that you NEED to say something?

I barely notice others, and even if I thought "ooo they look a bit ropey" I would never say that?! Totally disgusting and unnecessary.

I get grief on occasion, I've even flicked a cigarette in a mans car when he was hollering filth out of whilst I was walking along minding my own business. Felt fucking great ha

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 17:30:57

I used to get called fat a lot - at 5 foot 7 and 10 stone hmm. One man even told me my hair was the wrong length.

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 17:32:50

I would have told him his brain was too small.

HairyGrotter- I was walking behind a girl at lunch the other day and the gusset of her tights was down at her knees but she was wearing a mini skirt.

That elicited comments from me. It was horrifying. It was like a penguin in people clothes. I have no idea how she was seemingly unaware of it. (And her friends hadn't told her so there was no way that I was....!)

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 17:33:55

They do it because they are so stupid that they think anyone is interested.

My response further up^ was one from shock at having my eardrums assaulted.

Nancy66 Thu 25-Jul-13 17:44:17

Bottom line is that they're just thick.

lauracutee Thu 25-Jul-13 18:00:43

I think it's because they see a pretty woman, know that they would NEVER stand a chance with her, so because of this they say something to make HER feel bad.

I've been called 'stuck up' before, simply for not responding to leering men. I'm not stuck up, I just don't feel that I have to respond to some stinking twatty fuckwit who craves attention.

Once I was on my way to the gym in my winter coat & jeans - some guy started wolf-whistling & making comments. When I gave him a dirty look, he responded 'Don't dress like that if you don't want attention.' Again, I was in a winter coat and jeans.

quesadilla Thu 25-Jul-13 18:06:22

I think a lot of it is done out of some awful machismo peer pressure certain groups of young men bring out the worst in each other and it becomes a kind of race to the bottom to see how obnoxious you can be.

I remember many years ago being wolfwhistled by some builders and turning around to give them the finger at which point one of them said "you're ugly anyway..."

What I would have said if I'd been quick enough is "well if I'm so ugly why are you whistling at me you thick primitive twat."

Sallyingforth Thu 25-Jul-13 18:07:07

The only reaction they ever get from me is "poor little wanker!", said with the same sad expression you'd use for an injured dog.

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 18:10:41

I had that once, with builders. I was only about 19 and quite shy. Some builders whistled at me and as I walked away one said: 'Nah...cellulite.' sad

TigerseyeMum Thu 25-Jul-13 18:13:16

It's not just men though. I got off a tube late one might and two young girls ran to the doors before they closed and shouted 'ugly bitch' before spitting on me, the doors closed and the train pulled away as they laughed and made gestures.

I also got punched for being a 'bitch' because the escalator was queuing and the girls behind me wanted to carry on walking, I was in their way (as we're about 200 other people).

Male aggression tends to focus on the up close and sexual though - like a man who shouted in my face in a crowded bar 'it's as tight as your cunt in here' and the man who ran up to my face as I got off a train after a long day traipsing the city job hunting shouting 'fucking cheer up you miserable fucking bitch! Over and over.

I can only conclude I must appear both ugly and miserable to casual passers-by to the extent where they find it necessary to comment.

Plus I think it indicates the level of focus on women's looks for both males and females, and an expectation that it's a free for all and people can do what they like without regard for others.

A teen lad commented 'you look like my mum' as I left the hairdressers last week, but as I'm old enough to be his mum I took it merely as a statement of fact grin

PaulSmenis Thu 25-Jul-13 18:20:55

In my teenage years of being a chubby goth, men hurled all kinds of insults at me. basically, some men are just sad little pricks.

Spikeytree Thu 25-Jul-13 18:29:47

In one town close by to where I live, the standard 'chat up' line is 'Get your tits out' shouted across the street. When, for some unfathomable reason, the woman doesn't respond, the follow up is 'Ugly Lesbian'. It has happened so often to me and friends of mine in this town I think it must be taught in the schools.

I did actually ask a bloke recently why they do this after he shouted 'weyhey, you've got big tits' whilst I was crossing the road with my dd.

I even offered several possible explanations for his shouting - did he think I had not noticed this morning that I do indeed have large breasts? Did he get some kind of thrill from shouting sexual comments in front of 3 year olds? Or did he just have a really small penis and want to feel better about himself? He couldn't answer strangely enough and kept trying to walk away. As he was wearing a logo'd top for the company he worked for I called to ask them if they could find out for me.

Can you tell that after 15 years of this shit I'm finally getting pissed off with it?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Thu 25-Jul-13 19:16:11

I have responded to these comments with a high and mighty, snootily delivered ' dahling I have neither asked for nor need your approval on how I look or act so please do keep your opinions to yourself and I will do likewise' if that fails the mumsnet 'ODFOD' works a treat wink

<oh do fuck off dear... there's a love'>

SoleSource Thu 25-Jul-13 19:34:15


Splitheadgirl Thu 25-Jul-13 19:37:04

A lot of men seem to like nothing more than to 'bond' over casual misogyny. My DH was driving through town one summer afternoon, and he saw a drunk, skinny (and pasty, revolting looking liitle man) leave where he was sitting with his 'mates' outside a pub, and chase after a beautiful girl. DH was sitting at lights and heard this guy mock the girl, laughing at her and making stupid gestures. Anyway, DH was so incensed he shouted like crazy outside the door window, then pulled up and got out. He went after the guy who acted like he thought MY Dh was the idiot!!!

I think men like that are useless, attention starved nobodies.

PoppettyPing Thu 25-Jul-13 19:57:34

Street harassment generally never has anything to do with attractiveness. It's an intimidation tactic used by misogynist men, to demonstrate their perceived entitlement to public space. It's an easy way to dominate and intimidate, and it's fucking disgusting. Not to mention it ties in with the expectation that women exist purely as objects to be appraised and found wanting.

Burmobasher Thu 25-Jul-13 20:16:20

Agreed, it's an intimidation tactic. I was on a night out with a mate once and a group of young lads actually barked in her face when we were just walking down the street.

TroublesomeEx Thu 25-Jul-13 20:20:17

When I was in my early twenties I walked past a group of younger teenage lads (probably around 14/15) and one of them shouted "my mate wants to show you his dick" or "my mate wants you to suck his dick" or something like that. Either way, it involved me becoming intimate by this boy's penis.

So I just shouted back that they should come and find me in a few years when he'd been through puberty and had something to show me.

They clearly thought that was a good comeback because they all fell about laughing!

grumpyoldbat Thu 25-Jul-13 20:28:23

Yanbu I am ugly but find it very depressing to be reminded of the fact. I guess they are too stupid to realise that avoiding being offended by my looks is not to look at me. I do try and help by being as unobtrusive as possible.

SoleSource Thu 25-Jul-13 20:29:40

grumpy you're not ugly!

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 20:31:45

Care to expand Sole Source? You're entitled to find me unreasonable - I'd be interested in your view on this.

Can't believe how many of us have had similar experiences with obnoxious idiots.

SoleSource Thu 25-Jul-13 20:41:47

Oh don't be silly! grin

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 20:43:36

grin I take everything too literally.

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm Thu 25-Jul-13 21:21:18

Ignorant, sad cowards. DP gets shit like this. Strangely enough not when we are together. If men got this low level harrassment on a regular basis, things would be very different.

StickEmUp Thu 25-Jul-13 21:24:28

I think most of this is a man's way of saying 'I'd like to put my penis inside you but im too shy to ask and I'm scared of being rejected so i'll insult you instead'.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 25-Jul-13 21:26:52

This gets right on my tits. I am over 50 now, so a tad bored with it all. One explanation, mentioned before, is that this sort of comment comes from the Disposessed. I no longer care why, I'd just like it not to be an issue. I don't care what your problems are, it doesn't excuse you behaving like a twat.

Scarletohello Thu 25-Jul-13 21:29:16

Bloody hell! Some of you should post these comments on the Everyday Sexism Project website, they're appalling...

HeyIJustMetYou Thu 25-Jul-13 21:31:24

Is the 'banter' culture of the youth of today. You can seemingly insult anyone in the most vile way possible and then feign shock when the object of the insult is offended claiming 'is just for the bants love innit'. society has reached a nadir.

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 25-Jul-13 21:33:01

I don't think it is just of today. Lot of it about in the 70's onwards <voice of bitter experience>

stickingattwo Thu 25-Jul-13 21:33:28

You know where you should be putting your stories about this? Heard of the everyday sexism project? Empowering, sharing, liberating - go see and put your experiences there and get heard
@everydaySexism if you're on Twitter - they named and shamed the horribles blokes taking a pop at the new Wimbledon champion for not being, well, whatever they thought she should be other than an amazing athlete...

HeyIJustMetYou Thu 25-Jul-13 21:35:11

I should add this is not a male only thing. a lot of the youth of both genders find this sort of inexplicable behaviour to be part of the wooing ritual.

HeyIJustMetYou Thu 25-Jul-13 21:35:14

I should add this is not a male only thing. a lot of the youth of both genders find this sort of inexplicable behaviour to be part of the wooing ritual.

EstelleGetty Thu 25-Jul-13 21:39:48

I hate overheating casual misogynistic remarks made by men who wouldn't holler at a woman in the street and present themselves as decent. It's so obvious that many of them do it because they feel challenged or threatened or the woman in question just doesn't conform to their notions of what a woman 'should' be.

They insult her looks because they reckon that's her most vulnerable point, what would hurt her most if said to her face. They're too dumb to realise we value ourselves on a lot more than looks. I've had both the pervy comments and the ugly comments over the years. It used to bother me but now I just pity them for making themselves look so stupid for saying these things.

EstelleGetty Thu 25-Jul-13 21:40:51

Overhearing, not overheating, sorry!

ParsleyTheLioness Thu 25-Jul-13 21:52:49

I used to wonder why, but now I don't much care. I think it takes energy away from the issue. Some things are just wrong. They know they are wrong on some level, they wouldn't want it done to their partners or family. So just stop it!

dontcallmehon Thu 25-Jul-13 21:55:40

I bet some of them do talk like this to their partners.

stickingattwo Thu 25-Jul-13 22:29:56

Do it - put it on the everyday sexism thingy! I have andi felt so much better, rather than just being ranty I felt like I was doing something proactive

northlight Thu 25-Jul-13 22:53:00

Hollaback and Everyday Sexism are bringing this to people's attention more and more. Why has no one ever made a documentary about this? With hidden, mini or disguised cameras and a few women of all ages and degrees of, conventional, attractiveness it wouldn't take long to gather hundreds of examples.
There was a thread in the Guardian the other day and in the BTL comments large numbers of men were dismissing the idea that it is prevalent or common behaviour.

mercury7 Thu 25-Jul-13 23:13:08

it's an easy way to score points, it doesnt happen to me alot but there have been a few occasions where a man has said or done something to intimidate me.
I never react, I'm not stupid enough to pick a fight with someone who's bigger than me, but my first thought is usually 'you'd never have done that to a man'

I suppose men who do that must be severely lacking in status and esteem, so intimidating someone who is unlikely to punch them (ie soft target & not much of a challenge) is enough to give them a boost

OctopusPete8 Thu 25-Jul-13 23:57:20

I'm quite fat so sort of invisible to men, dunno if thats good or bad tbh

I'm married so I can't be overly horrendous,

but I do strangely get a lot of inebriated women mid conversation going 'you have a gorgeous face' you have such a gorgeous face' and if they ask a bloke like,
'Doesn't she have such a gorgeous face?' they just go quiet and change the subject, I'm obviously man repellent.grin

MagicHouse Fri 26-Jul-13 00:00:01

I remember (years ago!) getting all sorts of positive/ negative attention like you're saying. I remember going into a bar in my early twenties with two friends and some lad saying "rank, rank and ranker" shock and like you're saying about yourself, we were all pretty nice looking really. My friend retorted "wank, wank and wanker" grin

I think they do it more for their friends than anything to do with the women they're insulting. I think people like that are all completely lacking in self esteem, probably had loads of knock backs, maybe they've been severely bullied in the past.... so they get their confidence through their equally insecure mates, who in that situation will probably laugh/ make them feel like they've said something very witty. Blokes like that operate in packs, they'd never say stuff like that if they were on their own. It's all about getting a confidence boost from somewhere.

dontcallmehon Fri 26-Jul-13 00:47:35

Just as I suspected, this sort of behaviour is incredibly common. It's as if, as a woman, you're public property in some way.

OctopusPete8 Fri 26-Jul-13 07:56:16

Yeah even the loudest,most obnoxious bloke I couldn't imagine saying that on their own.

CuChullain Fri 26-Jul-13 09:06:42

Sadly much of this kind of behaviour is showing off in front of their mates and trying to be ‘the jack the lad big man’, irritating though it is more often than not it is all puff and bluster and they crumble when directly challenged. Most teenagers know what they are doing is wrong but peer group pressure insists they keep up with the ring leader, most grow out of it. Some, unfortunately go on to be white van man, utter Neanderthal pricks who don’t have the folly of youth as an excuse. Ironically these are the same hypocritical morons who would not hesitate to take offence if they heard someone talking to their girlfriend/wife in that manner. I do get a guilty pleasure in making these tossers buckle in front of their mates and lose all respect and credibility.

Flobbadobs Fri 26-Jul-13 09:33:41

I had the last laugh on the builders that tried it with me..
Walking past them on the way to school when they were supposed to be working on a local sports building. They were drinking beer for a start and being loud and obnoxious to everyone. Utter bastards started barking at the women, including me, following me up the road doing it in my ear until I turned round and told them exactly what to do and how to do it. In great detail, very politely.
I then, in front of them phoned the man who had hired the company to do the work and told him. The man was my DH...They were off site within an hour and lost any business with the sports club they could have had. It would have made the company thousands.

grumpyoldbat Fri 26-Jul-13 10:38:02

That's brilliant flob takes me all my strength to avoid giving them the satisfaction of crying in front of them. The best I've managed is s screaming at one 'stop looking then and you'll stop feeling sick'

happyreindeer Fri 26-Jul-13 10:51:26

I think most people feel more cocky when they have their friends around them. Get them by themselves they might be completely different but still...wankers.

Flobbadobs Fri 26-Jul-13 11:04:38

Tbh I'm usually very quiet and unassuming but after a few years of working bars in nightclubs and rather rough pubs I can still channel the inner tough woman and put people in their places!

CuChullain Fri 26-Jul-13 11:23:06

Good for you flob!! Sweet revenge indeed!

I remember when I was out running with Mrs CuChullain and she wanted to do a sprint finish so dashed off ahead for the last 500 meters or so while I just jogged on behind. She finished her sprint and started to stretch her self down, she was so far ahead of me that it looked like she was on her own which is why a couple of twats on a nearby bench drinking cans of beer thought they could be abusive. She ignored it which then prompted one of the blokes to get up and invade her personal space, asking her name, making comments about her tits, he eventually grabbed his nuts, and start giving it the "I bet you want some of this...." banter. By this stage I was not far away, I could see and hear what was happening, the obvious discomfort of Mrs CuChullain and was furious, I also thought it would be a great opportunity for a bit of impromptu rugby training so basically sprinted at him full tilt and shoulder charged him into the river, the tide was out so he just got covered in slime and mud. I asked his mate if he had anything he wished to add to the conversation and he just shook his head. Yes I know violence is not the answer to everything, but sometimes its the only language these knobs understand, I was a little bit in the dog house afterwards.

mercury7 Fri 26-Jul-13 11:24:21

Flobbadobs presumably working in bars & clubs means that you know how to handle thes sorts of situations and have good instincts for who can be safely challenged and who might turn nasty?

I think alot of women would be reluctant to retaliate in case a man turned aggressive..whether or not this is the best approach I have no idea

mercury7 Fri 26-Jul-13 11:30:22

'Ironically these are the same hypocritical morons who would not hesitate to take offence if they heard someone talking to their girlfriend/wife in that manner'
CuChullain isnt this essentially because the moron regards his wife/gf as his property and so if someone insults her they are taking liberties with his property.

It's not that he (hypocritically) respects his wife but doesnt respect other women, rather that, in defending 'his' women he is defending his own honour

Flobbadobs Fri 26-Jul-13 11:30:39

mercury7 kind of, certainly being sober when other people have been drinking gives you an awareness that they lack, but to be honest on that occasion I just saw red. There were loads of small children around, it was hot and I just gave it back. I was probably lucky in that they were shocked and presumably they realised that they were in serious trouble when I pointed out that the hi vis jackets they were wearing had the company name all over them. Mentioning that DH was the man who hired them was probably a smart move too..

Spikeytree Fri 26-Jul-13 18:24:03

Did anybody listen to Laura from the Every Day Sexism project on Jeremy Vine's show today?

This is a link to the Radio 2 facebook page, if you have an account, scroll down a bit and you can see some of the charming comments left by listeners. I despair.

Allthingspretty Fri 26-Jul-13 19:20:11

I reckon people who do this see it as a case of "The best form of defense is to attack" attitude. People decide to get it in there first so that othera dont attack them.

grumpyoldbat Fri 26-Jul-13 19:31:47

My theory is that as a society we measure success by how many people are beneath us rather than what we have actually done. Therefore people have an incentive to put others down to ensure they're successful. The best people to choose are those who are easily identifiable as different from you. So men often choose women to humiliate.

JustinBsMum Fri 26-Jul-13 19:48:29

Wastes of space. The lot of them. Bullying, as that is the only way they can feel big.

Walking through town a few years ago with my mate, a couple of blokes passed us and one looked at me and said 'if you lost 10lb you'd be alright, love'. My mate shouted at the top of her voice, 'I'd rather have a fat arse than a fat head, you wanker!' She was trying to help but I didn't really think I had a terribly fat arse, I was a size 12! Best intentions though!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Fri 26-Jul-13 21:50:08

I seem to remember a thread that said something along the lines of ' I already have one arsehole in my knickers, why would I want another' as a response to some crass proposition from a random on the street, seem to remember giggling at the time and hoping to remember it if ever the need arose.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 26-Jul-13 22:01:57

Next time. And there will be a next time...I shall respond with one of the following:
'Bless you, you're not very bright are you?'
'Your mother must be so proud'.

Splitheadgirl Fri 26-Jul-13 22:05:55

My DH says he doesn't like a lot of other men because of how so many of them treat women. Thank God for him, because otherwise I do think I would believe all men are devolving, thick little shits.

dontcallmehon Fri 26-Jul-13 22:10:00

Odd that a lout on the street would think I was beneath him.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 26-Jul-13 22:10:04

There seems a suprising amount of knuckle-draggers around unfortunately.

Splitheadgirl Fri 26-Jul-13 22:14:10

dontcallmehon, he thinks and KNOWS you are above him, and that is why he is trying to bring you down.

These poor entitled males don't know what to do when confronted with a smart, beautiful, has-it-together woman, because the little shits were taught to believe THEY are supposed to be better and superior.

So they do the one and only thing they do well...insult her.

RoxyFox211 Sat 27-Jul-13 07:40:43

One time me and my friend were walking on the pavement next to a main road going through town and (kid you not) too lads slowed down their car, one reached out the window & smacked my mates bum shockshock then they drove off laughing. Another time when I was drinking on the beach a lad shouted out to me that I "looked like I'd fallen out of Marilyn mansons ass" I still don't know what that was meant to mean. But I was so stoned and pissed I started laughing and couldn't stop - not the reaction they were hoping for- and things got quite hairy for a while. One got their cock out & threatened to piss on my mates head hmm. People....

bragmatic Sat 27-Jul-13 07:48:09

peer group pressure + insecurity.

equinox Sat 27-Jul-13 07:52:16

Personally I would just ignore the mindless twats who have to stoop so low in order to make themselves feel important and give themselves something to do....!

Shows how lowminded and meanspirited some people can be - it is for us to feel sorry for them in a way.

Pagwatch Sat 27-Jul-13 07:53:50

It's actually not just about women.
Try walking around town with a young man with SN.

There is a sub section of young men who's entire self worth is wrapped up in 'owning' wherever they are by being randomly vile to anyone they see as a target.
Personally I am reaching the point where I would like a big gun.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 27-Jul-13 08:35:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheArmadillo Sat 27-Jul-13 09:19:24

I go on a weight loss forum, it's depressing how many women give the reason as to why they put the weight back on after losing it, is that they couldn't cope with this kind of aggression from men. Having been very fat myself for a long time and then having lost most of it I know what they mean.

When you are very big you often become invisible, or the comments aimed at you are not of a sexual nature. When you lose the weight, even men who have known you for a long time start looking you up and down, making comments. Add to that the sexual aggression from this kind of wanker and it is hard not to go back to being 'safe' by putting the weight back on. How fucking depressing is that? It's hard to deal with your body apparently being public property, but apparently that is what many men think women's bodies are.

Also the amount of women who put weight on as a result of sexual abuse in order to protect themselves. One woman said she knew if she was big no one would be physically able to move her or drag her into a car (as has happened previously).

It's fucking awful that women are made to feel like this and that it isn't seen as a big problem as a whole. I have lost respect for several men I know as a result of me losing weight.

mercury7 Sat 27-Jul-13 10:16:29

i think alot of them are just 'knucledraggers'
who act out of blind instinct and never stop to question themselves or reflect on what they do.

Surely there are thinking men out there?

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