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to want people to stop shortening my name? (first world issues!)

(107 Posts)
lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain Thu 25-Jul-13 14:02:39

I have a very traditional, slightly long name. Without specifically mentioning it, it's the name of a former British queen who wore black a lot.

So why, without me asking, do people feel the need to shorten it? It drives me mad. For the record, I have no problem with other people who choose to use said name. However, when I was at primary school (oh yes, it goes back that far) there was a girl who was actually called the short form and she was an absolute cow. Since then, I've really hated being called it.

What's worse, is now it's people in a business context doing it. I would never shorten someone's name unless there was an 'oh, please call me xxx' or they signed their emails that way.

AIBU to be irrationally irritated by this?

GemmaTeller Thu 25-Jul-13 14:05:06

No, I'm with you on that one, I beyond hate it when people shorten my name!!

When people shorten it I immediately say the correct version of it.

No YANBU I have this too and it drives me crazy, especially as the shortened version sounds just like cursed.

phantomnamechanger Thu 25-Jul-13 14:08:09

No, I agree with you - just politely correct them when they do it -"actually, it's longname , please"

I have once had a susan tell me it was not sue, & that's fine, I never did it again

if someone persists, retaliate by saying their name wrong on purpose and see how they like it - better still, ignore them till they say the right name

RNJ3007 Thu 25-Jul-13 14:08:52

I feel your pain. I just about tolerate it from my siblings, but no one else! Drives me mad!!!

mynameisslimshady Thu 25-Jul-13 14:09:05

People lengthen mine. I find it very irritating. They ask my name, I tell them then they say 'oh so its xxxx then?' NO ITS FUCKING NOT, ITS THE NAME I JUST SAID angry .

Sorry for that rant, but I feel your pain.

phantomnamechanger Thu 25-Jul-13 14:10:15

whiter, I was wondering what name had an abbreviation that could possibly sound like cursed - was trying to think of anything that might have the letters "ursed" in it - then the penyt dropped when I said "cursed" aloud!

Oh noes at cursed, oh dearie me.

Op yanbu

Davsmum Thu 25-Jul-13 14:12:37

YANBU

Everyone shortens my son's name - The long version is lovely - but the shortened version sounds horrible.
When anyone talks about him to me and they use the short version I always correct them - because its NOT the name I gave him.
I don't mind what they call him if I am not there or am unaware and I know he isn't that bothered about it that much.
To me,.. the horrible name just isn't 'him' !

quesadilla Thu 25-Jul-13 14:12:38

I agree... Have a similar name which people take it upon themselves to shorten.

I don't actually mind when its people I know well or have known a long time. But when people I have just met do it -- or worse, do it in a professional context -- I think it's incredibly presumptuous. Asking me if I mind costs nothing.

IneedAyoniNickname Thu 25-Jul-13 14:13:22

People do it all the time with my dc, so I'll introduce them as Christopher and Samuel (not real names) and people say "hi Chris, hi Sam" makes me angry

Vivacia Thu 25-Jul-13 14:14:01

I can think of two shortened versions for your name last do you like neither of them?

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Thu 25-Jul-13 14:14:04

YANBU - I can not stand the standard nickname for my name. There are many reasons I don't like it, and I think I have every right to be called by my chosen name - it was good enough for my mum to call me, it is good enough for the world to call me.

I can just about cope with my preferred shortening, but then only by my DH.

Morgause Thu 25-Jul-13 14:16:35

I always ask children in my classes what they like to be called.

Adults I would say, "Hello, Christopher." And he may say, "It's Chris."

Then that's what I use, otherwise it's Christopher. Both DCs have names that I like the shortened form of.

Vivacia Thu 25-Jul-13 14:17:40

I think it's friendly when people shorten a name. I like long names for having so many potential short variations.

CaptainUndercrackers Thu 25-Jul-13 14:19:08

Yep, I hate this too. People should call you by the name you give when you introduce yourself. I hate my name being shortened and will put people right (politely) if they do it. My closest friend persistently shortens my son's name - she never calls him by his full name ever. Every time she says it I repeat his full name (e.g.how's LittleCap?' 'oh, LittleCaptain, he's fine thanks.'). But she never twigs and it feels like it's a bit precious to tell her not to use a nickname for him. But it secretly drives me bonkers!

daisychain01 Thu 25-Jul-13 14:21:11

My name gets shortened only on the odd occasion and it grates like mad, so I nip that in the bud very quickly. Its very presumptuous to change someone's name when they have not told you that its OK - So, absolute YANBU!

The protocol should be that its your name so - unless you introduce yourself as [shortname] - people should presume that you are only known as [longname]. Sometimes, I know it happens that if you are close to the person and it becomes a term of endearment over time, then its maybe time for them to call you [shortname]. But not OK for people to assume - as they don't know if you have negative associations with [shortname]!

Although ironically, sometimes its the other way round of course, the [longname] has associations with being told off by DP's! Then its [shortname] every time and its maximum impact when you want the person to know you are v annoyed with them smile

Salmotrutta Thu 25-Jul-13 14:24:29

This is partly why we gave our DC short names!

My husband has a short name - it can't be shortened but one of his acquaintances tried to years ago. He got short shrift.

(Think along the lines of "Er" for Eric - but it's not Eric! grin)

SelectAUserName Thu 25-Jul-13 14:24:53

YANBU. I always introduce myself with the long version of my name. Some old friends call me by the abbreviated version and that's fine. If I introduce myself and the person asks "do you prefer Longname or Shortname?" I usually say I don't mind. But if I introduce myself as Longname and they immediately assume they can start calling me by the short version, especially if it's e.g. a sales rep cold calling me at work, I hate it and make a point of correcting them.

I feel the same as you OP... When people (as you say - business contacts!) shorten my name I usually look so surprised that they normally notice and then say - oh, are you a short-name or a long-name. I am firmly a long-name though I notice that insisting on this makes me look stuffy and square. Sod it though, the short-name version just seems a totally different name to me.

I have a new colleague and I noticed some people were calling him by his nickname. I asked him which one he would prefer to be called by. He said he didn't mind!? Well that's confusing, I can't decide that for you!!

Twitterqueen Thu 25-Jul-13 14:25:49

Last Lastnight LastnightIwenttoManderleyagain phew...

My RL name is 9 characters long with 3 'e's in it. And I get really, really pee'd off if people shorten it and also if they miss out one of th 'e's!

I do actually correct people who do this in emails because I think to get someone's name right is just basic respect.

WafflyVersatile Thu 25-Jul-13 14:26:56

I tend to stick to whatever the person uses to introduce themselves as and don't really get people shortening them uninvited past school.

I have had someone say 'oh so do you get called waffle or waffly?' to which I replied 'wafflyversatile is fine'.

JohFlow Thu 25-Jul-13 14:31:01

I'm with you too daisy.

My long name is very rare and makes me feel special. It has the added benefit of being deliciously difficult to pronounce lol. The shortened form was adapted by my Dad (who has been absent for 20 years now). Being called by the shortened form just reminds me of the past.

I agree it is always better not to chance it and to ask someone what they would like to be called.

Some names have powerful connotations

mrsravelstein Thu 25-Jul-13 14:31:07

i have a long name which is easily shortened. i only ever introduce myself by my actual name, but probably at least 50% of hte people i meet will instantly start calling me by one of 2 shortenings, i think without even realising they're doing it. i don't take offence as it's clearly not meant.

and i've got to admit i struggle with all the millions of double barrelled first names little girls seem to have now... ellie-may, ruby-grace, etc etc, and will automatically just call them by the first of the 2 names.

mrsravelstein Thu 25-Jul-13 14:31:43

twitterqueen i'd put a small bet on it that we've got the same name...

mrsspagbol Thu 25-Jul-13 14:36:56

Please put me out of my misery and private message me the name that sounds like cursed? My head is about to explode trying to figure that out confused

SelectAUserName Thu 25-Jul-13 14:39:59

mrsspagbol I assumed it was a name very similar to that of the actress who stars in the Twilight films but with a couple of the letters in a slightly different order...

x2boys Thu 25-Jul-13 14:42:41

I have a double barrel first name which I use not being arsey, its just what I have always been called. People will insist on calling me just the first name think Sarah -Jane[not that obviously] so i had student at work calling me Sarah for ages yesterday I just ignored him as I didn't think he was speaking to me he,s been there for six weeks ffs and I introduce myself as my full name I have had it for years now I think its rude but tbh I cant be bothered correcting people now

Twitterqueen Thu 25-Jul-13 14:42:57

Mrsravel does it begin with M and end with one of the 'e's?

It's a lovely name and that's why I won't let anyone shorten it! People only do it once...

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Thu 25-Jul-13 14:47:21

People always, always shorten my name. I actually much prefer the long version but I've given up expecting people to use it because it's 3 syllables as opposed to 3 letters!

I shied away from long names for the dc precisely because I didn't want people to shorten their names. When it came to dc4 though, there was a particular name I was in love with and it has at least 3 shortened variations, one of which we really don't like and the other 2 we use ourselves. If he prefers to be known by his full name, then that's what we'll do. Will have to wait and see!

NoComet Thu 25-Jul-13 14:49:56

I've always been shortened and don't turn round for my full name, but I still got the rage when someone sent me a job rejection letter to short name, when I hadn't used it anywhere in the form.

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain Thu 25-Jul-13 14:52:49

Vivacia On the assumption you're thinking of the two I think you are, there's actually a third which I quite like and those close to me call me. It also reflects my grandfather's nationality which I like.

LilyAmaryllis I agree with the perceived stuffyness of making people use the full version. The way I see it though, I wouldn't go up to someone and say 'oh, your name's <insert ostentatious/flouncy/dull/daft name here>? I don't like that so I'm going to call you <completely random name> instead'.

I have to say, I do quite like having a name that can be shortened as it suggests a familiarity with certain people, though I like it to be on my terms!

x2boys I have that problem, too. My name actually is the one you gave in your example. I have started to feel like a "Sarah" now and it makes me sad, because I prefer my longer, statelier, slightly rarer name.

Anja1Cam Thu 25-Jul-13 15:03:31

I'm sorry to say but it's a British problem :-) And it really really winds me up too so I feel for you OP!

I'd never experienced it before I moved here 20+ years ago.

Where I grew up (German speaking) all kids were called by their their full names, or the versions they presented themselves with, many of which had/have at least 3 syllables and several double-barrelled ones too. Now my own double-barrelled first name I accepted at dropping the second part - only my parents call me that and it's no big deal for me.

Now I've been quite careful when choosing my kids names so they can't be massacred grin and they do have proper middle names rather than hyphenated first names like me.

squoosh Thu 25-Jul-13 15:08:19

Is your husband called David perchance? wink

I don't mind at all when people shorten my name, I think it's friendly. But it's your name so you have the right to be called by the name you prefer.

People who get offended when people shorten their kids' names though irritate me no end. New flash annoying parent: It isn't your name to control, it's your child's.

YANBU, it's quite rude to not use and/or edit a person's preferred name. Names are very personal, regardless of what country you live in.

olidusUrsus Thu 25-Jul-13 15:11:55

My cousin has a shorten-able name and does shorten it. But if you call him that infront of his mum, she gets really offended and shouts "it's LONG VERSION".

I've never met anyone who calls DSS longname either. It's on his school reports and looks really formal and weird.

But no YANBU, it's your name. Why not just tell them "sorry, no, it's longname not xx"? Nip it in the bud 'n' all.

olidusUrsus Thu 25-Jul-13 15:12:44

Ooh I just forgot! I have a shorten-able name! But IDC what anyone calls me, so it's somewhat of a mute point. As you were...

sonlypuppyfat Thu 25-Jul-13 15:15:21

I had a thread on this not too long ago I'm a Deborah who everyone wants to call Debbie agh I hate Debbie its so twee. Why people feel the urge to shorten names is beyond me its so rude.

squoosh Thu 25-Jul-13 15:17:28

I don't think it's rude, they probably have no clue that if offends you so much. It's only rude if they continue to call you Debbie once you've corrected them.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou Thu 25-Jul-13 15:17:45

YANBU. I also have a queen's name. It drives me up the wall but when I meet new people I have to put such a massive effort into not coming across as odd that I let it go.

VianneFox Thu 25-Jul-13 15:18:52

I can see where you are coming from OP- you have a lovely name (I gave it to my daughter as a middle name) and it is far nicer than the typical shortened version. It would annoy me too!

My DCs have 3 syllable names that could be shortened. They will both be very firm and clear with anyone who tries it. DD in particular is good at the Death Stare while saying "My name is Xxxxxxxxxx" in a don't-mess-with-me-tone.

I'm a teacher and would never dream of altering the names of my pupils, yet it's her teachers who are the worst.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Thu 25-Jul-13 15:31:07

YANBU to get annoyed if people don't call you by your proper name.

YABU to call it a first world issue. So people who are from other areas don't care what they are called??

SideshoBob Thu 25-Jul-13 15:35:52

It's a bit precious to get particularly worked up by it really. Generally its people being friendly and less formal when they shorten names, I doubt most people even think of it. Fair enough if ask people (nicely of course) to use the longer name and they don't but most people aren't trying to offend, most people do have shortened names after all.

Re: the cursed name.

Think of the first names of Alley, Allsop, Young, Gallacher. But spelt it a y ending.

In fact by name is that and then -Anne, so it doubley annoys me to be referred to as cursed angry

mrsravelstein Thu 25-Jul-13 15:43:45

twitterqueen (or may i call you twitty?) yes!!

ILoveAFullFridge Thu 25-Jul-13 15:44:07

I knew a teacher who insisted on calling all the children by their full names, even if nobody else ever used them. It really annoyed many of us (including the children) and I was soooo tempted to address her by the nickname form of her own name, rather than Mrs Xxxx. See how she liked it! But decided to rise above it because children need to see their teacher treated with respect. She was, in all other ways, an excellent teacher.

IShallCallYouSquishy Thu 25-Jul-13 16:12:27

I have a short name so not really a problem for me, however it annoys the hell out my sister. Hers is a longer name which is very commonly shortened and she has so many people assume that's what she wants to be known as. She always corrects them but finds it very annoying she had to tell people that her name is her actual name.

MmeGuillotine Thu 25-Jul-13 16:31:53

I hate it too. People frequently shorten my name to one that I absolutely loathe (I'm not at all keen on my given name either to be fair but it's a smidge better than the usual shortened version). I get that they're just trying to be friendly or whatever though so try not to get all snappy about it. I do tend to think repeat offenders that I've gently reiterated my full name at are being a little bit rude if they continue to use the shortened version however.

cardibach Thu 25-Jul-13 16:40:48

Why did it annoy you, ILoveAFullFridge? SHe was calling them by their actual names, yes? And loads of people on this thread have said how annoying it is when people don't use the actual name.
I am a teacher and always use pupils' given names unless specifically asked not to.

I really dislike my given name and have just about resigned myself to living with the shortened version, however my MIL will not call me that name, I'm sure it's deliberate, so I'll phone her up and say "Hi, it's Kate" and she'll say "oh, hello Katherine". I mean, what is that about?? And I get even more annoyed when people call me "Katie", as I think it sounds like a little girls name. angry

I have to admit that I am finding this thread hilarious, with people giving clues to their real names, which are easily identifiable. Surely, you either don't care whether people know what your name is - in which case just say it, or you do, in which case keep it secret confused

Oh, and don't start me about teachers shortening my DCs names without asking. My DCs don't like the shortened version of their names but don't have the confidence to pull their teachers up on it. While I will happily do so, I feel that it makes me sound like a "fussy" mother who can't bear to hear their names shortened, it's not about what I like, but what they want.

fedupofnamechanging Thu 25-Jul-13 16:51:24

OP, I was given your name when I was born and my mum spent the first few days of my life telling everyone not to shorten it because she really didn't like it.

Everyone ignored her and by the end of my first week I was given a new name! My nan had just had the christening stuff engraved, but tough shit - she really ought to have respected my mum's wishes.

squoosh my dd has a long name and I reserve the right to be pissed off if other people call her something completely different, that I haven't actually chosen. When she is of an age to decide for herself, she can pick any name she likes, but while she is little it is my choice. I did not spend 9 months carefully selecting a name for some for some stupid fucker to call her something they prefer!

Coconutty Thu 25-Jul-13 17:03:16

Am trying to work out a 9 letter name starting with M, with 3 e's and ending with e. Keep getting stuck on Michelle!

I often shorten names, only if I like the person, as a sign of affection. Waves to Kirst, Sarah and Vic.

Coconutty Thu 25-Jul-13 17:04:23

People aren't saying their RL names on here do its not searchable.

squoosh Thu 25-Jul-13 17:12:06

Karma yes while she's a baby/toddler you can instruct people to address her as you choose. You clearly feel very strongly about it. Maybe you should relax a bit though because as soon as she has her own voice she'll be the one who decides. I really pity the poor sods whose mother pipes up 'How dare you call him Sid! His name is Sidney'.

Yes you give your child a name but once it's bestowed it's out of your control. It doesn't belong to you.

Madeleine?

I hate it when people shorten my name.

The fact that I spent the first forty years of my life introducing myself as the shortened version has no relevance. I demand to be known as Longname now grin

Actually, after always being known as Shortname, when I opened a new email account using Longname, my own mother didn't know who was sending her these emails <eye roll>

gintastic Thu 25-Jul-13 17:47:03

Opposite problem here! My full legal name is a short version - when I introduce myself people always say "oh is that short for xxxx or yyyy" (2 common longer forms. One woman started a row with me when I said "neither, just zz". Apparently it 'must' be short for something and she 'doesn't use nicknames'. I think I know what my birth certificate says!

DiseasesOfTheSheep Thu 25-Jul-13 17:49:13

Not unreasonable at all. I once shortened a friend's name (same as yours!) when we were at school and had a lesson together. I just presumed people called her that, then once I asked if it was ok (god knows why as I'd been calling her it for ages!) and she said she hated it. I still feel bad now [shame]

PipkinsPal Thu 25-Jul-13 17:50:25

Some of my friends shorten my name which doesn't bother me. No-one in my family does and my name was never shortened in school but it really p's me off when people who don't know me abbreviate my name.

neversaydie Thu 25-Jul-13 18:05:30

I have an unusual two syllable name, which is similar to a much more frequently-used three syllable one. So, I tell people my name, they don't listen properly and promptly call me the wrong name. Or one of the many not-really-variants that just happen to start with the same letter.

When I protest they proceed to call me by the first syllable only. Hence my user name...

CunningAtBothEnds Thu 25-Jul-13 18:11:06

I have the same name as you. However its always been shortened. I dont particularly love it but what annoys me most is when people spell the shortened version "wrong" as in with a Y or an IE. I dont find it irksome if it is a one off but people who have seen my name written by me, should at least be able to replicate it!!

I have recently married and now introduce myself as full name surname as my shortened name sounds naff!

KittyTwatknicker Thu 25-Jul-13 18:15:49

It infuriates me when my daughter Lucy is called 'Luce'. I deliberately chose a short name, but it still gets shortened. It sounds like 'loose' which is awful!
My name however is always shortened, except by my mother!

Ds (3) hates being called by a shortened version of his name (e.g. Sam instead of Samuel). He will say to people 'I'm not Sam I'm Samuel', still doesn't stop people doing it though. Have recently thought that maybe it is because he has a good friend who has always been known as Sam. I've realised that to him it's not that he thinks that they've got his name wrong, but that he thinks that they genuinely thinks he is his friend, no wonder he gets upset that people he knows well still can't tell the difference between him and his friend. I don't tend to challenge people but always use his full name, it seems precious to challenge but am a bit sad for him that he feels that people don't know the difference between him and his friend.

HuevosRancheros Thu 25-Jul-13 18:29:27

My mum, Jennifer, died last year.
She was Jen to my Dad, Jennifer to everyone else
If anyone called her Jenny, I knew they weren't a 'true friend' wink
When I talked to the vicar about her funeral, he said 'and I assume she was 'Jenny'?' When I said 'no' he said, 'oh, most people aren't that fomal these days' hmm
Or maybe they just like their name!
YANBU,

Fluffyears Thu 25-Jul-13 18:35:58

My given first name is Melissa, don't mind telling you. I don't mind getting Mel but some people make the mistake of calling me Melanie, I was bullied by an evil witch called that so they get the death stare! I've noticed it tends to be family who use the long version mostly. One exbf called the house one day when I lived with parents and asked for Mel my dad said 'no one of that name lives here' and hung up. The ex used to call me meliss which I didn't like why not just say the a at end if going that far!

emblosion Thu 25-Jul-13 21:31:52

See, I really don't mind what people call me. I've got a hyphenated first name, which I like & use, but most people call me just by the first name or a shortened version.

They all feel like 'me' , I suppose it'd be different if there was a version I hated. My mum is another Jennifer & is known as Jen, Jennie or Jennifer to different people...

I would never presume with anyone else though, I always ask people what they prefer to be called (an a hcp)

emblosion Thu 25-Jul-13 21:32:28

am an hcp

tigerlilygrr Fri 26-Jul-13 08:37:50

YANBU. My name is readily shortened (think Elizabeth although it's not that). I much prefer one short form which is also a standalone name in its own right although much less common (like Beth rather than Liz). I have all my email addresses in the name of bethsurname, any form that is not government correspondence etc gets the shortform and so on. Therefore that's what I expect people to call me and they do. The same courtesy should apply to you with your long name.

I was surprised though recently when my friend told me her dad had specifically picked her and her sister's names so that they couldn't be shortened... Camilla and Annabel? I was confused...

formicadinosaur Fri 26-Jul-13 08:47:35

When you introduce yourself to new people, just say you hate it being shortened. Word will get around.

Bumblequeen Fri 26-Jul-13 08:56:38

I understand. I have a rare name too. Growing up people asked my mum for the shortened version. Mum said "No, call her by her full name".

Names often lose their appeal when shortened:
Alexander/Alexandra - Alex
Isabella - Issy/Izzy
Rebecca - Becky

I hate it too OP.

My name is three letters, 2 syllables ffs. People STILL shortenen it... that 2nd syllable is obviously just to much like hard work. It's a fucking 'a'.. seriously!?! Now when people do it I immediately say 'ah', to which they look perplexed and then I say I like all three letters said.

EugenesAxe Fri 26-Jul-13 09:16:52

I have just spent a good few minutes wondering how 'cursed' could ever translate into Vicky or Vic, until I realised you were talking about yourself whiter, and that your name must be Kirsten or Kirsty. I'm such an idiot sometimes.

YANBU but I am terrible for messing about with people's names. I often sign off 'Em' when dealing informally with someone; it still takes me by surprise when people actually call me Em though. Although it doesn't bother me, of course.

I called a Louise 'Lou Lou' the other day, and a lady called Fiona from church 'Fifi'. WTF actually. I really should stop - it seems to mostly be when I'm saying goodbye e.g. 'See you later Fifi!'. I hope though that I would be able to sniff out people I could tell wouldn't appreciate me being that familiar with, and refrain from doing it with them.

Kitty - I kind of hate this too, but unbelievably still do it myself to my own daughter. My name fiddling tendencies are that out of control. It always makes me think of that slimeball from 'While You Were Sleeping' when he sidles up to her in his Dad's apartment and says 'Hey, Luce!'

HooverFairy Fri 26-Jul-13 09:37:35

ILoveAFullFridge - WTAF? Really??? You wanted to call the teacher a shortened version of her name because she didn't shorten names? So, nevermind that your teacher was polite enough and respected the distance within the teacher-student relationship to use full names then? I've lost count of the amount of times my students have told me to use a shortened version of their names only to have their parents pull me up on it at parent's evenings; the most problematic ones being Charles and Rebecca.

IMO full names should be used in any formal and unfamiliar situations, shortened names are for family and friends and only at the person's request.

My name isn't one that can be shortened so outside of my friends no one really does, but my friends sometimes try and I like it when they do as it shows the familiarity of our friendship. I doubt I'd like it if it was everyone though, one of my close friends can't stand it when people shorten her name. I agree with her, it's like the shortened name is referring to a different personality! Doesn't suit her at all.

Belchica Fri 26-Jul-13 09:41:19

I have the opposite problem in that I use the shortened version of my name. It is a common nickname for 2 names, one quite popular, one less so. Mine is the less common/slightly foreign version. Lots of clever people like to assume what my name is and instead of calling me by the nickname which i use to introduce myself/sign/on business cards etc...they take it upon themselves to (incorrectly) call me by the popular longer version. When I correct them, 9 times out of 10 I get a disdainful look and a 'ohhh, get you!' response.

IT'S MY EFFING NAME. I AM NOT TRYING TO SHOW OFF OR BE 'EXOTIC', I AM JUST CORRECTING YOU BECAUSE YOU GOT IT WRONG!!! it drives me mad.

ILoveAFullFridge Fri 26-Jul-13 09:48:01

HooverFairy, when parents name their child Evelina, say, purely to please the grandparents, but call her Eva all her life, and put Eva down as the "known as" name at registration, or name their child Patrick James but always call him Jim, and put Jim down as the "known as" name at registration, what right has the teacher to impose Evelina or Patrick on them?

Do you know how alienating and uncomfortable it feels to be called by a name you don't recognise, or associate with unpleasant situations, and be obliged to accept it? If an adult feels uncomfortable with being called by the wrong name, how much worse for a 5-6-7yo? I have been that child, myself.

Turniptwirl Fri 26-Jul-13 10:52:13

I have a shortish name that's quite difficult to shorten, which my parents did deliberately. As a child I was always full name

Since moving to Wales everyone shortens it to a horrible or syllable NOISE!

Nicknames are fine but not a random noise please!

HooverFairy Fri 26-Jul-13 12:20:42

I do see your point ILoveAFullFridge but honestly, it's difficult to remember which children have shortened names and which don't. Clearly, there are obvious ones so yes, if the parent has stated a shortened version as a preferred name then it should be used, but out of politeness the full name should be used when in doubt. Some parents have short memory's when it comes to those forms though, I know I usually use the full name unless I know that the parents are definitely in agreement. And it is not possible to know the preferred name of every student in a large school.

I think there are worse things than being called your full name, some names which can't be shortened are worse. But if your parents informed the school then your teachers should have been thoughtful enough to use your shortened name.

fedupofnamechanging Fri 26-Jul-13 16:30:55

I've never understood this thing of putting one name on a birth certificate and then calling the child by a completely different name. I know people do it to appease grandparents, but calling a baby Patrick James, for example and then calling him James everyday, negates any purpose in having the Patrick there in the first place - it's only a tribute to a relative if you actually use it.

Vev Fri 26-Jul-13 17:58:35

I hate it, especially when you get asked "who am I speaking to" give full name and they automatically shorten it. Is it because they think they're being friendly. No one close to me shortens my name, usually colleagues who don't know me very well.

Relaxedandhappyperson Fri 26-Jul-13 18:13:27

YANBU.

I too have a name like that and I am for ever telling people that it's [MY NAME] not [SOMEONE ELSE'S NAME WHICH IS A FEW LETTERS OUT OF MINE]. It makes me very angry that people think they're being friendly. They're not - they're being rude and I automatically mark them down in my personal tally of how nice a person they are.

Though last week I was on a telecon with a shorter version and there was someone getting a bit confused as to who was which and I cut him a tiny bit of slack.

TidyDancer Fri 26-Jul-13 18:31:49

I have this with my name. It's a long name, which has a reasonably common two syllable shortening. I don't mind people using that, but it's when they use a one syllable shortening that bothers me. My best friend uses it and it's fine, but that's because it's my best friend!

ArgyMargy Fri 26-Jul-13 18:33:29

YABU. Get over yourself, queenie. I don't give a toss what people call me (as long as it's not rude!).

ThePowerof3 Fri 26-Jul-13 18:40:19

It doesn't bother me but I would never do it to others as I know some people can't stand it, it does suggest an intimacy that isnt always there.some people do seem do get disproportionately upset about it though

YoniSingWhenYoureWinning Fri 26-Jul-13 18:43:34

I'm sorry but it does amuse the hell out of me when people say "My DC is called Samuel but no-one may call him Sam because I don't like it."

Yep, good luck with that. You are in for many, many years of seething.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Fri 26-Jul-13 18:47:46

YANBU! I get the opposite - I have a shorter version of a potentially longer name and for the last thirty-odd years, I've been addressed by the longer version, particularly by people in positions of authority. Honestly, you'd think they'd have the courtesy to respect that I know my own name and consequently introduce myself as such!

Anyway, another one here who feels your pain.

ThePowerof3 Fri 26-Jul-13 18:48:23

I agree Yoni

NicknameIncomplete Fri 26-Jul-13 18:56:35

I hate name shortening. Out of my whole family (which is about as big as 3 football teams) there is only one person who shortens their name.

Calling someone Matt if they say their name is Mathew i think is actually changing that persons name completely.

LegoAcupuncture Fri 26-Jul-13 19:39:37

I have a name that can be shortened, along the lines of Melissa/Mel. I prefer the long version, can't even sign my name off the shortened version, it just doesn't look right.

I don't mind people calling me the shortened version if they know me and I hate it when people who are in a professional level or who I've just met call me it straight away.

It's rude to assume someone wants to use the shortened version if they've used the full version to introduce themselves.

LustyBusty Fri 26-Jul-13 20:59:04

My name is like Catherine. I get called Catherine when I'm in trouble, Cathy day to day (including my work email address!) and Cath by those I like and trust. I'm not aware of shortening people's names by default, but the only person I can think of that does actually use their full name is my little cousin (eg Thomas, not Tom) I was 15 when he was born, and he was introduced as "Thomas. Not Tom, Thomas". He's still Thomas 12 years later! Or have a name like my mums, which in its only possible abbreviation sounds like a delicate, ladylike sneeze! grin

NotMyChashkaChai Fri 26-Jul-13 22:28:43

Yanbu! It's very rude for people to automatically assume that it's ok to shorten your name, especially when you have deliberately introduced yourself with the long name.

OP - as an aside, I love the third shortening of your name! We had your name on our list for dd and if we had used it, we would definitely have used that shortening. The main reason that we didn't use it as we aren't keen at all on the two more common shortenings.

apostropheuse Fri 26-Jul-13 22:34:12

Why don't you just say "We are not amused" with a grim look on your face?

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 26-Jul-13 22:38:50

Yanbu.

My name is only two syllables. I have always hated it being shortened. I live in Cardiff but my friends from elsewhere in Wales really struggle with the idea that shortening it isn't ok. Welsh people - they'll add syllables where they shouldn't be at any available opportunity and yet are damn determined you'll have a nickname is what I've learnt grin

AllBoxedUp Fri 26-Jul-13 23:20:45

I have a 4 syllable name and it drives me crazy when people shorten it to a name I don't use so yanbu.

It's more common for my name to be shortened to the first two syllables but in Scotland it's reasonably common to shorten it to a version of the last two syllables (I live in England now). I don't mind being called long name or end short name but I think it's rude to immediately shorten a name when you've just met someone. I also don't want to be known as 3 different names and didn't have much choice as to which shortened version my parents chose.

I'd actually rather be known as the long name but it seems about 30 years too late and I think it would seem a bit pretentious. My short name is a bit naff but it's mine - and even though I know this I still get a bit prickly when people tell me it's a horrid name and I should use the long version or a different short. What is wrong with people that they think saying this to someone's face is ok?

WonderBarbara Fri 26-Jul-13 23:28:07

YANBU. my name has two shortened versions, one I hate but is most popular, the other I love. No matter how many times I introduce myself as one, I end up as the other. Glad I gave my DC names that cannot easily be shortened.

Mollie272 Sat 27-Jul-13 01:24:45

YANBU
My dd is called Elizabeth, but has always been known as Lizzy, which I love. She is named after a Lizzy who was very special to me. However, I HATE It being shortened to Liz. She's only 3, but I'm going to train her to say "Lizzy not Liz" to anyone who tries to shorten it.

deleted203 Sat 27-Jul-13 01:30:02

You are not unreasonable! One of my sisters is called 'Ginny' and has had people insist on calling her 'Virginia'. It's actually short for 'Ginevra' which she fucking hates and would not wish to tell people. She gets really pissed off with having to tell people 'Don't call me Virginia - it's not my name!'.

Tiptops Sat 27-Jul-13 01:45:56

YANBU. That would really irk me.

My parents deliberately chose names for us that couldn't be shortened grin

CalamityJ Sat 27-Jul-13 01:56:57

I always reply how people sign themselves off. Or if no sign off (bit rude) then the name in the email address e.g. Andrew.Brown@nowhere.com if he signed himself Andy he'd get Andy back, otherwise Andrew. My email is the shortened version of my name because I prefer it and passionately dislike my full name But equally you are perfectly entitled to expect people to use your full name if that's what you call yourself. It's your name; you get to decide! There's a woman at work called Elizabeth who is only Elizabeth. I watched a colleague call her Liz. The face that launched 1000 cats' bums!

MaBumble Sat 27-Jul-13 01:57:09

I totally understand. I have a name that cannot be shortened. It just can't. My mother specifically picked lovely names for all off us because she hated her shortened nickname.
A wife of a friend has decided to call me by a nickname that sounds like a French poodle. I have told her that I don't like it. Nothing, still carries on. She's really nice, I understand she's doing it out of affection. I still may kill her.

mrssprout Sat 27-Jul-13 01:59:09

Here in Australia it is very much a "mateship" thing to shorten a name. My name doesn't really shorten so in high school my friends found a way to make my name longer so they could shorten it to a nickname. I didn't mind & I'm lucky that I don't get too upset about a wrong name. My married surname is always said wrong & as a foster carer I have been called Mrs..........(insert surname of every child ever in our care) when ever I take a child to an appointment

WandaDoff Sat 27-Jul-13 02:47:58

Most people, call me by an abbr. of my name. It has the same amount of letters so not really an abbr. but not my actual name.

I don't mind, as long as the aren't calling me fuckface, or halfpint or fatso or some kind of derogatory term.

My Dad used to go mad if anybody called me anything but the name he lovingly chose for me, & it makes me smile if somebody calls me by my given name now, as it reminds me of him smile

nooka Sat 27-Jul-13 04:51:06

I have a longish very unusual name which can have a very common (well for those of us born in the 70s!) shortening. My mum trained me very early on to object to that shortening and so I've never used it. I did in my teens try and invent all sorts of nicknames because I thought it was a sign of being popular, but from university onwards have always used my full name. On the whole people have very rarely tried to shorten it, although occasionally I get asked if I use a short form.

I did once have a teacher who tried to call me by the common shortening and was really surprised when I didn't respond, but it's just not my name so it doesn't ring the 'this person is talking to me' bell

My family use a different short form and I've never really had the heart to stop them, although it does feel really strange when I meet someone through my family and they call me that name. I do find it slightly surprising that only one of my siblings has noticed I never use the name (it's been 20 odd years!)

Mixxy Sat 27-Jul-13 05:33:55

I like the longer version of my name but I also like the shortened one too. BUT it depends heavily on who is calling me by the shortened version. All my family call by my shortened name as do my close friends (but not my DH for some reason). If somebody is being over familiar and just assuming they can do it, I bristle. You can't say anthong then though, without saying "I just don't like you as much as I like others".

MrsMook Sat 27-Jul-13 06:37:58

OP your name is my middle name, and I suspect if my names had been arranged differently, I'd have the same problem as I really like the full version.

My first name is much shorter and can only be shortened to something very colloquial. I don't mind when good friends do it occasionally, but it really gets my back up when strangers do it.

My DCs have traditional names. Generally people can handle "John" but our friend was trying his luck with "Johnnie". We thwarted his game by mauling his son's name and singing a song about it in a George, to Georgie Porgie kind of way. Our "joke" was far more annoying and the point was quickly made.

When we were naming "Benjamin" we accepted that he will probably end up being a "Ben". We love his full name and will use it until he's old enough to express an opinion.

When I meet a new class, I always ask as I take the register- Sarah-Jane or Sarah, Thomas or Tom. I do it where there is a common, established short version. It gives the pupils the confidence to tell me what they prefer. I have sometimes said that I would prefer not to call them x as it's too informal e.g. "Iz" short for Isabelle. I once had a pupil who didn't respond to his name at all just Dingle- he and his friends must have been soap fans!

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