TidyDancer's bridezilla thread part 2

(1000 Posts)
TidyDancer Wed 24-Jul-13 23:22:54

New thread. smile

pictish Wed 24-Jul-13 23:27:08

Marking my place!

Keep it cold and factual OP.

Inertia Wed 24-Jul-13 23:27:45

I think the problem with writing an explanation is that she won't trouble herself to read it. You need to be as succinct as possible.

AncientCrone Wed 24-Jul-13 23:29:13

I agree with PP that you need to explain (succinctly) that she's behaved appallingly. Catty comments about STD are just going to make her think that you're pissed off about the lack of invitation.

deleted203 Wed 24-Jul-13 23:29:14

Marking place out of sheer nosiness!

mynameismskane Wed 24-Jul-13 23:29:58

Please

Please

Please

Please!

Send her the link to this thread...

Please!

Angelico Wed 24-Jul-13 23:30:04

Marks place smile I agree with Inertia - short and sweet to get the point across. Love the 'Are you on glue?' but think it would just bewilder someone that cheeky. You're going to have to spell - it - out for her.

Good luck! wink

Januarymadness Wed 24-Jul-13 23:30:23

I think Coco said it well. Hall decorating is something close friend would do. You are oviously not a close friend so it is a fucking cheek to ask. (Paraphrasing)

Angelico Wed 24-Jul-13 23:31:01

Bollocks, I have accidentally done some weird thing with strikeouts confused But the message stands!

YouTheCat Wed 24-Jul-13 23:31:55

Can you contact the other 19 non-invitees and make sure they have a heads up that she's on the scrounge?

Dinosaurdrip Wed 24-Jul-13 23:33:08

Marking place for tomorrow.

<marks place> thank you for linking before the other thread filled up grin

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Wed 24-Jul-13 23:35:16

It's not like you haven't said as much already!

trincomalee Wed 24-Jul-13 23:35:52

De-lurking to say I agree cool and succinct is the way to go. BalloonSlayer's pointing out how RUDE she has been is good.
Or, from Hecsy's post: 'You don't want me at your wedding, but you expect me to help you make it nice for those you did see fit to invite?'

Patosshades Wed 24-Jul-13 23:36:04

Dear F,

When you finally get around to googling what a save the date card is actually for, I hope you have a friend or two left.

I wish you well with your life.

Regards
Tidy

SlangWhanger Wed 24-Jul-13 23:36:28

I have tried to write a reply that I would actually send rather than one that I would like to send IYSWIM

Dear Stupid
I know we talked about this but that was when I thought I was invited to your wedding. Since i have found out that i am not invited I am sure you can understand that I would feel really awkward helping you decorate the reception. I think it is more appropriate for you to ask for help from one of your wedding guests. They may be more inclined to help you.

NayFindus Wed 24-Jul-13 23:37:12

Great thread TidyDancer! <marks place> I'm with the keep cool and don't let her hold sour grapes over you group. She does sound a bit, how would you put it, unaware? So something like

Dear friend (ahem)

I would have loved to have helped you but I'm a bit stretched that week. Can't wait to see the photos!

Best wishes

Tidy

Leave her nothing to get a horrid painted hook into.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 24-Jul-13 23:39:02

if i dont post i wont find this thread again....sorry to be a rubbernecking hillbilly but - seems i am.

just waiting to see if you get any response! i would be very succinct and to the point now.
say it like it is, and move on.

Chippychop Wed 24-Jul-13 23:39:07

What about sending the story to a cheesy mag and going public but sending her a curt response at the same time

mynameismskane Wed 24-Jul-13 23:40:14

Just say,
'Everything you need to hear about this situation is in this link. You have obviously slipped into the realms of twattery so I want to do you a favour so you can get a fucking grip and see yourself for what you are. This link will help you do this. Hopefully it will bring you back to your senses.'

Perfeck!

<bookmarking>

Another vote for sending her a link to this thread. Please smile

NatashaBee Wed 24-Jul-13 23:41:35

Yay! I vote for the Sylvanian family army... Pure genius!

SoleSource Wed 24-Jul-13 23:42:45

.

Ajaney Wed 24-Jul-13 23:43:10

I am in absolute stitches! I have read some great bridezilla threads but this is a whole new level!

Dear bride
Did you mean to be so rude?
Tidy

JerseySpud Wed 24-Jul-13 23:46:10

wanders in

Ooooooo

bookmarks

McBalls Wed 24-Jul-13 23:48:27

Look, I could bullet-point all the ways your request is completely inappropriate but A) you have more important things to be thinking about right now and B) although I'm thoroughly taken aback by this I have no desire to further embarrass you.
I'm quite sure, once the excitement of the wedding has died down, you'll see that your request was very ill-advised.
No, I won't be available to help decorate but hope your day is wonderful.

onedev Wed 24-Jul-13 23:49:26

I still can't believe her nerve - brutal honesty is required!

Ezio Wed 24-Jul-13 23:50:47

Shameless place marking.

nobeer Wed 24-Jul-13 23:51:33

Hell's bells, she's got more front than Blackpool. I had to scroll up on the last thread to see Talkative Jim's suggestion, and I cannot believe that was her reply!

I think Sylvanian families or obscene bunting is the only way forward. Or maybe a combo of the both. You could have some serious fun with this.

NatashaBee Wed 24-Jul-13 23:52:00

Very classy, McBalls! I still hope OP does the Sylvanian family idea though

MissFenella Wed 24-Jul-13 23:53:09

Just send her this, no need for anything else
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoXfiSU_wqE

Lioninthesun Wed 24-Jul-13 23:56:42

I think 'saving the date' would get the message across, she won't dare question you, surely? <repeats favoured post to mark place> smile

RenterNomad Wed 24-Jul-13 23:57:30

"hahaha... enough now!" could do it?

Shamelessly marking my spot and hoping Tidy send the bride a link to the other thread along with what glue are you on?

HepsibarCrinkletoes Thu 25-Jul-13 00:04:35

.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 25-Jul-13 00:05:34

Point out to her that with a save the date card, the clue is in the name.

Is decorating the venue meant to be some sort of consolation prize?

You need to be blunt. She's clearly a twat.

SarahAndFuck Thu 25-Jul-13 00:06:05

So this was her reply to you:

Here it is:

"I'm really sorry, I thought we'd talked about this...

I couldn't invite everyone from the save the date list so I'm sorry you and [DP's name] can't come.

I'd still really appreciate your help with decorations etc. Is there any chance you can do it?

Please? smile smile smile

F"

That's it, names removed to protect the innocent!

And now you need to respond again. Or perhaps ignore her completely and leave her wondering.

Is it worth sending her this link, which includes this quote "Because save the date cards are a relatively new wedding tradition, the rules of etiquette for them are still being written. It is certain, though, that you must make sure every person who gets a save the date card also gets an invitation."

I think you might be as well to be blunt about it now.

I am sorry if I wasn't clear before. I was hoping that you might realise just how rude you are being without me having to spell it out to you.

You cannot send someone a save the date card, then fail to invite them to your wedding and then expect them to arrange childcare and put in time and effort to do you a wedding related favour.

I understand that this is your wedding and you have every right to invite whoever you wish to attend, but I am shocked that you cannot appreciate just how rude you are now being in expecting me to help you organise a wedding you chose not to invite me to, and I am saddened as to what this says about the way you view our friendship.

dontlaugh Thu 25-Jul-13 00:06:25

Why, Bride, you want me to hang bunting?
And don't see your request is a bit cunting?
Be off with you now,
You're being a cow,
And may your honeymoon be filled with much grunting.


I'm going with the limericks, can you tell?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 25-Jul-13 00:09:46

There was a young girl called bridezilla
Who was a right proper friendship killer
She sent save the dates
So her friends could decorate
Because she was a twat

The last line needs more work.

MammaTJ Thu 25-Jul-13 00:12:29

The last line is actually perfect. grin

JollyHolidayGiant Thu 25-Jul-13 00:13:55

Dear F

I will not be helping you decorate the hall. I am also terminating our friendship. Please do not contact me again. Have a nice life.

Tidy

Dear F
Off
Love
TD

Or
Dear F
I do think it would be more appropriate to get someone who is welcome at your wedding to assist.
Best wishes
TD

Hissy Thu 25-Jul-13 00:15:27

Hurrah! A new thread..

<waits>

CalamityKate Thu 25-Jul-13 00:16:02

So.....is she genuinely under the impression that STD cards mean "Save This Date On Your Calendar In Case We Decide To Invite You To The Wedding" rather than "You Are Invited To Our Wedding, This Is The Date But We Don't Have A Time Or Venue Yet"?

magentastardust Thu 25-Jul-13 00:18:14

Can I get a link to first thread pls!

TalkativeJim Thu 25-Jul-13 00:18:36

A relatively serious one:

'Yes, we had talked about it. However I was so dumbfounded at the utter cheek of your request that I actually felt I had to check I hadn't got it wrong: it was the only reasonable explanation I could think of. Your email seems to confirm that you have no idea how massively rude and self-centred this exchange has shown you to be. As for decorating: to coin a phrase, I thought we'd already talked about that. The answer's no. Maybe ask one of your really close friends? That would certainly be more appropriate.'

LucieLucie Thu 25-Jul-13 00:19:24

Balloonslayer's 1st suggestion in part 1 spelling out her rudeness is the best way to go IMO.
That response would make it crystal clear to bridezilla that she is in the wrong for bad ettiquette and brass neck and that you are not just being petty and unhelpful just to spite her for the non invite.

Mimishimi Thu 25-Jul-13 00:20:24

Did she actually respond or was that just a scenario for a likely response?

purplewithred Thu 25-Jul-13 00:21:06

Link to original thread please! I am planning my wedding and looking for bridezillla tips.

LaurenSquealer Thu 25-Jul-13 00:25:53

....

ScrambledSmegs Thu 25-Jul-13 00:27:39

No one can be this dim, surely? Any chance she's twigged this thread and is on the wind up?

Oh, I'd go with 'detached and dismissive' for the next response. Something along the lines of

'You appear to have misunderstood the etiquette of Save The Date cards. Please stop asking for me to work for you for free as you are only embarrassing yourself. Hope you have a lovely day.
TD'

curryeater Thu 25-Jul-13 00:31:15

[devil's advocate]

The word "couldn't" is very interesting, in "couldn't invite". Why couldn't she?
I SMELL EA
Her hub-to-be has -
1. LOCKED down the wedding list, excluding all old friends and potential supporters
2. LOCKED down the expenditure, because he is a tight git
3. INSISTED that the venue be decorated exquisitely, for free, and it is the bride's responsibility
4.YOU are her only hope. Do you mean to force her to go to him and say she has failed? what do you think he will do to her then?

dontlaugh Thu 25-Jul-13 00:31:42

Your dimness is truly alarming,
Any chance it's brought on by you starving?
I'll admit you're gung ho,
But your tone is too low,
Best back off, before I start arming...

marceline Thu 25-Jul-13 00:33:05

Thank you Sarah for reposting the reply, I'd missed it! I am new shades of aghast!
As much as the poems and the Sylvanians ideas are awesome I'd probably go with McBalls' reply. Dignified, classy and to the point!

SarahAndFuck Thu 25-Jul-13 00:43:36

marceline you are welcome. smile

I like McBalls reply as well actually. I think that's the one.

dontyouwantmebaby Thu 25-Jul-13 00:44:23

agree with talkativejim reply above - concise, conveys how utterly rude you think she is whilst confirming that your answer is still NO. it also hammers home the fact you don't consider yourself a close friend anymore.

oh you could throw in a PS "are you on glue, bridezilla?" grin

it sounds like she thinks not inviting you to the wedding (along with all the other 'B-listers' she asked to STFD) is not an issue as "you've discussed it". She clearly thinks that your friendship will carry on as before hence the bonkers request about the hall. Either that or she has absolutely no qualms about massively taking the piss out of her friends.

how about replying with a very elaborate 'save the date' email to her for hall-decorating services? then when she assumes you're doing it, tell her she didn't make the final list 'you've already discussed it" passive/aggressive smiley etc etc.

QueenStromba Thu 25-Jul-13 00:54:30

I stand by my first comment on your first threat that you have won Mumsnet with the sheer unreasonableness of it all.

bookforgoddaughter Thu 25-Jul-13 00:59:06

Go with Sarahandfuck. I wrote a long message explaining why but lost it. It was so convincing but too tired to retype.

Suffice to say, I was in the middle of explaining why Sarahandfuck's response keeps the moral high ground but is very clear.

Tell all your children, she uses Fuck as a pen name and yet has dignity. She's the New Gina Ford.

MonstrousPippin Thu 25-Jul-13 01:01:20

I wouldn't have the nerve to do it personally in case it reflected badly on me with other friends but I would fantasise about agreeing sweetly to help and then just not turning up or cancelling last minute. This would only work if you were the only helper though and not one of many.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 25-Jul-13 01:02:31

I think SarahAndFuck's response is the perfect one, without the first paragraph:

*You cannot send someone a save the date card, then fail to invite them to your wedding and then expect them to arrange childcare and put in time and effort to do you a wedding related favour.

I understand that this is your wedding and you have every right to invite whoever you wish to attend, but I am shocked that you cannot appreciate just how rude you are now being in expecting me to help you organise a wedding you chose not to invite me to, and I am saddened as to what this says about the way you view our friendship.*

dontlaugh Thu 25-Jul-13 01:04:37

Why the heck aren't you getting my point?
I am not decorating your joint.
I can't go to the party,
You must think I'm too tarty,
Please jog on and someone else appoint.

EverythingInMjiniature Thu 25-Jul-13 01:04:46

Please can somebody link to first thread? Pretty please?

FatherReboolaConundrum Thu 25-Jul-13 01:07:38

When you sent me a card
That said Save The Date
I thought I'd be watching you wed,
But you just wanted me
To decorate.
You must have been out of your head.

I tried to explain
Without being too blunt
That it's not something I would do,
Now I'll be more plain
You terrible cunt:
To have asked, you must be on glue.

bookforgoddaughter Thu 25-Jul-13 01:10:05

Tidy, two votes for Sarahandfuck. Thank you. Tortoise.

SlangWhanger Thu 25-Jul-13 01:14:45

Its a vote for sarahandfuck s reply (without the first paragraph ) from me too. It's factual and clear without being overly emotive.

Mollie272 Thu 25-Jul-13 01:17:16
Mumoftwoyoungkids Thu 25-Jul-13 01:35:50

Dear Friend,

I'm really sorry, I thought we'd talked about this.

I can't provide free labour for everyone who sends me a STD card so I'm sorry I can't help you out.

I'd still really appreciate an invite to the wedding. Is there any chance I can come.

Please. smile smile smile

Love Tidy

Wahla Thu 25-Jul-13 01:36:40

This thread is brilliant!

Dear F,

Are you high? Or have you been trying your dress on and laced the bodice up too tight? Oh, oh I know! You took delivery of the Champers and got a bit carried away 'testing' it and have ended up sending out loads of "...you know I love you, right? I love you, your my bestest mate ever, ever, who I love and everything and my wedding would be a disaster <flings arm out dramatically, slopping Champagne over the favours> without you" esque emails?

Except, clearly I don't figure that highly in your hierarchy of friends, do I? Sorry that I haven't wet my knickers over the prospect of using my talents and spare family time to ensure that you and your preferred friends can gaily dine and prance within an enchanted wonderland I have created for your delight but I'm afraid I am suffering from an attack of 'self-worth' which the doctor has said may progress to a secondary infection of 'self-respect'. Apparently these things are not a serious risk to anybody else as long as your in an environment where others also appreciate your value and worth as a friend. If you aren't however, they can lead to complications such as 'wedging sugared almonds up a bridezilla's sphincter' or 'using the seating plan to twat the bride on the upside of her head' and we wouldn't want that would we? No.

Best if I don't come to help then, don't you think?

All the best

Tidy.

Dear F,

Let me clarify: this is not about my being excluded from the wedding. It's your wedding, you can invite who you like!

This is about me being excluded from the wedding and then being asked to give up my time to decorate for it.

Honestly, I think that's laughably rude. You obviously don't. Lets just end it at that and agree to disagree.

To be very clear: I won't be helping you.

Tidy

then go to the church and hand out divorce info to the guests on the way in

Nombrechanger Thu 25-Jul-13 01:43:16

Hahaha Wahla!!

GoodMorningMoon Thu 25-Jul-13 01:52:42

I WISH I had balls as big as Gluezilla.

Also, marking place.

Hi all.

MrsKoala Thu 25-Jul-13 02:23:51

I would have to answer.

'I know you explained it but i had to check as i thought you couldn't possibly expect me to come and help you get stuff ready for a party i'm not invited to, then fuck off when your real friends arrive. And for the record that is NOT what save the date cards are for.

Are you on glue?'

(i had to add that line in as i love it so much)

Thumbwitch Thu 25-Jul-13 02:44:07

I really liked this one:
Dear F
I do think it would be more appropriate to get someone who is welcome at your wedding to assist.
Best wishes
TD

But then I just saw MrsKoala's and really like that one too (although I'd probably leave off the bit about glue).

Short and to the point. If it's too long she'll stop reading, she's too self absorbed.

Her head is so far up her own arse that she'll have to swallow her veil to wear it. Silly bitch.

BlameItOnTheBogey Thu 25-Jul-13 02:44:16

Another vote for SarahandFuck's brilliant response. Use that one Tidy.

Notafoodbabyanymore Thu 25-Jul-13 03:08:55

Dear friend,

You have been excessively rude in your handling of this wedding. From sending STD cards to people you didn't intend to invite, to not even having the courtesy to call and explain in person when the invitations didn't materialise.

To then INSIST that I would love to give up my time to help you decorate so that all of your actual friends could have a nice surprise is beyond the bounds of reason. It is extraordinary that you can't see how ill-mannered this is.

I wish you well but please don't contact me again.

smile

newbiefrugalgal Thu 25-Jul-13 03:28:26

I read part of your first thread. Holy moly -she was not one but embarrased. Shameful

Sarahandfuck's reply is good. Persistent little bugger isn't she.

Zazzles007 Thu 25-Jul-13 03:59:57

Delurking to mark my place as well! Can't believe the gall of the Bridezilla shock

swooosh Thu 25-Jul-13 04:12:55

Ok caught up. BEST READ EVER! grin I like:
- no sorry, I'm saving the date
- maybe next time

IceNoSlice Thu 25-Jul-13 04:19:57

Thank you so much TalkativeJim and Cocina. I knew it would be worth asking. And my response to the Sylvanian idea - hahahahahahahaha!!! Brilliant!!

(That'll teach me to read more carefully next time blush)

SpecialAgentTattooedQueen Thu 25-Jul-13 05:14:21

Marking place. >Passive aggressive smile<

BeyonceCastle Thu 25-Jul-13 05:18:07

Fatherconundrum, dontlaugh and pobble grin

Wedding disco...

Tina Turner (Tune: Private Dancer)

I'm your tidy dancer - you want me for deco
To do what you want me to do
I'm your tidy dancer - i will do the deco
And any old dogshit will do...

Shirley Bassey (Tune: Goldfinger)

Bridezilla, she's the twat / The twat who sends save a date /
/ to decorate / Such a bridezilla / Begs you twice to jazz up her own weddin' / But don't give in

Elton John (Tune: Tiny Dancer)

Hold on in there tidy dancer
Tell her to feck off down the highway
Lay back down in sheets of linen
You have a busy day that day

Kanye West (Tune: Goldfinger)

She sends no invite, ''cuz there's no need''
Yeah she's a triflin' friend indeed
Oh she's a Bridezilla way over time
That shits on me

[Chorus:]
(She sends no invite)
Now I ain't sayin' she a Bridezilla (I saved the date)
But she is messin' wit some glue glue (She sends no invite)
Now I ain't sayin' she a Bridezilla (I saved the date)
But she is messin' wit some glue glue (I'm savin the date)
Get streamers go 'head get some (to not decorate)
Get flowers go 'head get some (I'm savin the date)
Get balloon pumps go 'head get some (to not decorate)
Guess what girl, fo shiz i can't come...

Jimmy Nail (Tune: Ain't no doubt)

She says “I thought you'd want to help. I need you.” She's lying
“There wasn't room for other guests and that's true.” She's lying
“Say you'll decorate the church pleeaassseee darling”
Why does she pretend?

Ain't no doubt, it's plain to see
A woman like that's a frenemy
You're left jilted at the door
She's a damned fool to ask for more

BTW YANBU !!!wink

daisychain01 Thu 25-Jul-13 05:41:16

Morning all! Just marking a good viewing position on the new thread. Joined the previous thread late - 82 messages already and plenty of room for more! When is the actual wedding btw? Just wondering how long TidyD has to get her response back.

hesterton Thu 25-Jul-13 06:13:31

I would be tempted to copy in every single person we both know, invited or not - especially if it includes other members of her family - to your next reply (with the entire email chain.)

'Perhaps someone can help us here? * seems in need of some friendly advice about etiquette...'

CorrieDale Thu 25-Jul-13 06:33:43

Definitely SarahandFuck's answer. I like the first paragraph too

piratecat Thu 25-Jul-13 06:34:14

placename marking grin

FruOla Thu 25-Jul-13 06:37:26

Another vote for SarahAndFuck's reply!

I'm staggered that she can't see how jaw-droppingly rude she is - what planet does she live on and how can she be so excessively stupid?

She certainly gets my vote as Bridezilla Of The Year - I thought the one that wrote to Tantrums telling her why her teenage DC and DH weren't invited to her wedding was bad enough, but this one takes it to a whole new level ..................... shock shock

BTW Tidy, have you told the other non-invited local friend about this?

Marking place so can update dp

lougle Thu 25-Jul-13 06:39:48

must read the rest of the other thread...

PedantMarina Thu 25-Jul-13 06:40:48

Ooh, I like the idea of getting this into a trashy magazine (or maybe even Jeremy Kyle) - might as well make a bit of money off this.

Not suggesting that entertaining this nest of vipers isn't reward enough, natch.

50ShadesOfGreggs Thu 25-Jul-13 06:41:34

De-lurking to vote for SarahAndFuck's answer

<obviously also marking my place, best thread in a long time!>

Moetlovermuvver Thu 25-Jul-13 06:42:06

Another shameless placemarker.

I like the posts explaining to her dispassionately why she is being rude lile baloonslayers, Mcballs or Sarahadfuck's.

Don't send her a link to this thread. You will lose all moral high ground.

A simple explanation should be sufficient, no PA stuff, just lay it out as it is.

When is the wedding?

Slainte Thu 25-Jul-13 06:48:34

I think you should go with Sarah's response.

SlimePrincess Thu 25-Jul-13 06:54:34

Awesome, BeyonceCastle.

KoalaFace Thu 25-Jul-13 07:02:40

Dear Friend,

The sad thing is. Up until recently, helping you decorate for your wedding would have been something I'd have loved to do for you. That's what good friends do isn't it?

However, you have educated me in the fact that we are not good friends.

This isn't about not being invited to your wedding. It's your day, you should (and have) just invite who you want.

But by sending me a STD card you have invited me and then uninvited me. But you are not mortified and understanding about how hurtful that is. You are asking me to come and work on your wedding, to make it a beautiful surprise for all of your real friends whose invitations you actually honoured.

I suspect you still won't admit how hurtful you've been. Which is so sad for our friendship.

I hope your day goes well.

Tidy

MojitoMagnet Thu 25-Jul-13 07:03:16

waiting avidly for OP's response...

ZillionChocolate Thu 25-Jul-13 07:09:12

I like McBalls' response.

With BeyonceCastle's help you could provide the evening entertainment!

TheDoctrineOfAllan Thu 25-Jul-13 07:19:19

Marking place

Notafoodbabyanymore Thu 25-Jul-13 07:26:06

BeyonceCastle grin

OP keep it dispassionate. No swearing, no rudeness, no passive aggression. Just explain to her how rude she's been and leave it at that.

How clueless can someone be?!?

Groovee Thu 25-Jul-13 07:28:43

No is a complete sentance.

Dear Ex Friend

No I am unable to make myself available for your request at this late stage!

Regards

TD

Groovee Thu 25-Jul-13 07:29:08

or maybe Sentence... This is too early in the morning for me.

tumbletumble Thu 25-Jul-13 07:32:44

marking place

comingintomyown Thu 25-Jul-13 07:33:15

Good grief Tidy this just gets better and better !

I would never have predicted such a bare faced response, who wouldnt have thought "What was I thinking asking Tidy" when she got your reply.

Instead she sends her reply.

Priceless

pigletmania Thu 25-Jul-13 07:37:10

Tidy I just would explain exactly how I felt to her, that you considered yourself an old and good friend, knowing herb since primary school. How you were really happy when you recieved a save the date card for her wedding, as they are given to the guests you want to invite, despite what she thinks. So you were hurt that an invite did not follow, but thought it was her day so can invite who she wants. Than a month before the wedding being asked to help decorate the venue as a surprise for the guests. Really that was like a kick in the teeth and very insulting. And just send it Tidy, these people need it spelled out for them as they are too dense to understand

Beyonce you are a genius

It has to be sarahandfuck's response I think. Though the poems are all great smile

CSIJanner Thu 25-Jul-13 07:38:25

splutter She's got some neck on her, hasn't she?

Surely if she want to notify people of her impending nuptials, she would have posted an announcement in The Times? Go with Sarah's response. I know you don't want to keep the friendship anymore but keep the moral high ground.

And warn the other non-attendees that she's scouting for free labour.

Gigaflops Thu 25-Jul-13 07:40:51

The sheer cheek of this woman - unbelievable!!!

Another one who is highly amused by some of the suggestions but thinks it's time to be serious and spell it out clearly, unambiguously and politely. And make sure that any response you send you're happy for the bride to forward on to mutual friends.

Being rude, telling her to fuck herself (in various ways), poems or agreeing to do it and either doing it badly or letting her down at the last minute will just end up with you looking like the cunt not her.

I vote for koalaface's response from 7.02

WaitMonkey Thu 25-Jul-13 07:49:07

How about, Fuck Off, you stupid ignorant woman. Would that work as a response ? grin

FruOla Thu 25-Jul-13 07:53:23

Dear Gluezilla,

You clearly do not understand the etiquette of how to use a STD card. Everyone who receives one must subsequently receive a proper invitation. They should not be sent to an expanded list, 20% of whom you will drop from the final list.

I accepted, with much sadness, that you that you decided not to invite us, after all it is your choice who you invite.

But you are now asking me to do you a wedding related favour, despite the fact that, not only am I not one of your guests but I was a potential guest who you have actually disinvited.

Your ineptness with the STD cards was bad enough, but this request shows you to be staggeringly rude.

Had I been invited to your wedding, I would have been delighted to help you decorate the venue. Had you never told me you were going to invite me in the first place, I would still have been happy to help out an old friend. But as you have actively disinvited me, I am not going to help you.

Cloola Thu 25-Jul-13 07:54:13

Marking my place.....

londonrach Thu 25-Jul-13 07:56:03

Could someone summarize the main events please. When's the wedding. Some of the poems are genius. If you want to respond just say no, if no response just leave it as she wouldn't know if you helping or not.

pigletmania Thu 25-Jul-13 07:56:24

You should also say that you did not realise that when you sent the save the date cards, it was not because you wanted me to share your special day, but to help decorate and nothing else. So you will understand why I will deline and wih you every happyness for the future sort of thing

Another vote for SarahAndFuck

poachedeggs Thu 25-Jul-13 07:58:41

Dear Bridezilla

Sending save the dates without following them with invitations was exceptionally rude, but I can overlook this faux pas as you are presumably lost in the excitement of the preparations.

However, to then request my help in preparing the venue for the benefit of those friends who you did invite is insulting and hurtful. The least you could do is have the grace to accept my refusal.

I wish you well in the future.

Tidy

londonrach Thu 25-Jul-13 08:00:54

Also think you should give her a wedding card with this website and link. No need to sign or say anything else.. Wedding card should be an interesting choice...

pigletmania Thu 25-Jul-13 08:00:57

Koala response is good really

SanityClause Thu 25-Jul-13 08:07:05

The thing is, you are not going to get her to see how rude she is being. So, there is no point in trying to educate her. I would say,

"Dear Friend,

We have known each other for a very long time, and I feel I can be blunt with you.

I believe that asking me to decorate your venue is a big favour - the type you would only ask of a very close friend. I also believe that if we were such close friends, you would have invited me to your wedding, particularly after sending a "save the date" card.

You, on the other hand, believe that you are doing me a favour by asking me to do it.

We will not agree on this.

Please understand, however, that I do not wish to decorate your venue for you.

I wish you all the best for your day."

Tidy

Moxiegirl Thu 25-Jul-13 08:07:43

I liked Sarah's reply.

FruOla Thu 25-Jul-13 08:10:37

london, this is the first thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1807864-to-say-no-to-this-request-from-a-friend. Tidy's OP outlines the issue, so she then sent the BTB an email querying the request and the BTB replied that she thought Tidy would be happy to help anyway; Tidy then sent another email and the BTB's response was that they had already discussed this and to plead with her to help her decorate. I think I've summed that up correctly.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Thu 25-Jul-13 08:11:21

Sarah's response is perfect.

I assume you will be sending a wedding present? Three tubes of a well-known glue would seem to be appropriate.

TidyDancer Thu 25-Jul-13 08:11:54

Okay, I have to take the DCs to DM's house now and go to work but let me just say you are all fucking awesome!

A response to gluezilla (loving that!) will be sent this afternoon/evening when I get home from work.

Thank you again, you lovely lot!

Turquoiseblue Thu 25-Jul-13 08:13:24

Golly Tidy - you re better off without that one in your life. Can't believe the audacity. What s the bets she gripes when you don't send a wedding gift ?
Maybe you could send her a book on etiquette and manners .
Vote for Sarah and fuck s answer grin

<marks place>

Agree that you need to be pretty factual now and avoid any out and out rudeness which she will no doubt interpret as bitterness at not being invited.

IDontDoIroning Thu 25-Jul-13 08:16:15

Another vote for Sarah

Yonionekanobe Thu 25-Jul-13 08:21:42

Yep - shameless marker...

scarletforya Thu 25-Jul-13 08:22:44

I vote for SarahAndFucks reply.

Although I'm loving Wahlas; I'm afraid I am suffering from an attack of 'self-worth' which the doctor has said may progress to a secondary infection of 'self-respect' hahahha Genius!

DollyTwat Thu 25-Jul-13 08:23:48

I have a feeling that had you said you'd help her, she would have left you to do it on your own too

I would make a point of the fact that she has made herself look like a complete idiot by not understanding the point of STD cards. Be patronising about it.

"Yes we did talk about it, and to be honest I felt embarrassed for you when you managed to completely misunderstand the point of save the date cards. After all, it really isn't rocket science is it? I was sure that you probably felt embarrassed about your mistake, but instead you have compounded your rudeness by requesting that I skivvy for you for the benefit of those guests that did manage to get past the "save the date list".

Please understand that I am not offended that I wasn't invited, I am simply staggered that instead of offering an apology for being so rude, you justified your treatment of good friends by maintaining that your interpretation of "save the date" was correct and that we had misunderstood.

I'm sorry but I do not feel inclined to give up my free time to help someone who has such little regard for my feelings. I genuinely hope you have the wedding you deserve.

Regards,

Tidy.

LittleBearPad Thu 25-Jul-13 08:28:06

Defo Sarah's reply.

I'm not sure the more imaginative responses would get through to her!

BasilBabyEater Thu 25-Jul-13 08:28:31

Dear Bridezilla
I'm really sorry to see that the excitement and anticipation of the wedding has had the effect of completely destroying all your boundaries of realism, common sense and basic good manners.

By sending out STD cards, you were making a declaration that everyone who got them was going to be invited to the wedding. In effect, you withdrew a wedding invitation from everyone who subsequently wasn't invited, that is what that sequence of events means.

I can understand that you are very caught up in wedding preparations, to the extent that you appear to be viewing everyone else in your life as bit-players on your stage. However what I can't understand is that being so caught up in wedding preparations, you haven't properly researched the etiquette of STD cards and don't seem to grasp just how insulting your behaviour about this has been, not just to me, but to everyone from whom you withdrew the invitation.

I'm really sorry to see that the wedding industry has created yet another Bridezilla who has lost all her basic bearings and hope that you recover yourself when it's all over. Meanwhile I have to inform you that my basic boundaries remain the same and so no, I'm not willing to play the bit-part on your stage that you've allocated to me.

I wish you all the best for the wedding day and your marriage.

SlangWhanger Thu 25-Jul-13 08:33:57

I like Koalas and sarahandfuck s so far. Definitely something in that style.

diddl Thu 25-Jul-13 08:39:29

I haven't seen S&Fs suggestion-is it on the old thread?

RenterNomad Thu 25-Jul-13 08:43:21

I love AKissIsNotAContract 's assessment of her as "a perdistent little bugger". Please, please use it. It strikes the right note of amused contempt, which is so important for cuttinf off the possibility that you are "just upset and being a bitch, so I was RIGHT not to invite her!"

RenterNomad Thu 25-Jul-13 08:45:12

"persistent"!!!! You don't want her to be able to mock your spelling!

FruOla Thu 25-Jul-13 08:45:31

diddl, it's on this thread - she posted it : Thu 25-Jul-13 00:06:05

PurplePidjin Thu 25-Jul-13 08:47:02

Dear Gluezilla,

When you say you thought we'd discussed this, what actually happened is that you set out your demands, and expected me to comply.

Having been summarily dismissed from both your wedding and any delusions I had that you and I were friends, I will be politely declining your exceptionally rude request that I give up some of my limited and precious time with the family who love and respect me in order to do you the kind of favour normally only asked of family and close friends.

I wish you well in the future, however I won't be actively participating,

Tidy

ChasedByBees Thu 25-Jul-13 08:50:59

Yep, be calm and factual and really spelling out why she's so rude as she really doesn't get it. Don't stress that you're not invited and the save the date card, I think you could look churlish with that and she'll think it's about a lack of invite rather than her lack of manners. I might ask her to run through this situation with a close friend who she can trust to be honest - maybe someone else will get through to her.

Cuddlydragon Thu 25-Jul-13 08:53:43

Oh my god, I can't thank you all enough for making me laugh like a loon on the train this morning. The poems were epic.

Areyoumadorisitme Thu 25-Jul-13 08:54:11

I also like Sarahandfuck's suggestion and Koala's. I would keep it neutral and unemotional as you don't want to look bitter but need to make your point bluntly.

hedgehogpickle Thu 25-Jul-13 08:54:41

Vote for Sarahandfuck' s reply here too (and marking place!)

BalloonSlayer Thu 25-Jul-13 08:55:41

Dear Gluezilla

I have been trying to be vague so as not to hurt your feelings, but you really are not getting this so I thought I will try a longer explanation to save you any further embarrassment.

Yes we did speak about it but I am afraid that explaining why you are being rude does not mean that what you did becomes un-rude.

It is not rude to decide not to invite people to your wedding.

It IS rude, however, to send out save-the-date cards to people whom you even suspect you may not be able to invite. Save-the-date cards are for essential guests - that's the point of them, to make sure that people you really, really want to attend will be able to be free by giving them more warning of the date than the other, more standard, guests. Sending them out willy nilly, making people think they are essential to your day, then not inviting them, is very poor form.

Having spectacularly missed the point of your own gaffe, you only saw fit to apologise for the lack of invitation. As I said, everyone understands that not everyone can be invited; the staggering faux pas here was the sending of the save-the-date cards in the first place, not who was or who wasn't invited. A heartfelt apology for totally missing the point of save-the-date cards and wasting your friends' time keeping a day free for no purpose would have been appropriate at this point, but you did not seem to think you had done anything wrong.

You then compounded this by asking me to decorate your hall as a favour, because your other local friends couldn't because they were coming to your wedding. Oh, and you wanted it to be a surprise for them. Did that not strike you as a rude thing you were doing?

When I declined, saying that I was surprised you had asked me, you inquired if I was serious and asked again. And THIS was the point at which your second heartfelt apology should have been offered!

When I refused again, you still didn't get it. You genuinely don't seem to see how incredibly rude and self-centred you are being. you have asked me a THIRD time.

So for a THIRD time - NO. Do not ask me again.

I have given up hoping for an apology from you for your breathtaking behaviour. But I hope you are not expecting a present from me because if I get you one it will be one on Wedding Etiquette.

FruOla Thu 25-Jul-13 09:04:12

Fab, Balloon grin

pictish Thu 25-Jul-13 09:06:45

"I am sorry if I wasn't clear before. I was hoping that you might realise just how rude you are being without me having to spell it out to you.

You cannot send someone a save the date card, then fail to invite them to your wedding and then expect them to arrange childcare and put in time and effort to do you a wedding related favour.

I understand that this is your wedding and you have every right to invite whoever you wish to attend, but I am shocked that you cannot appreciate just how rude you are now being in expecting me to help you organise a wedding you chose not to invite me to, and I am saddened as to what this says about the way you view our friendship."

This is the best response from sarahandfuck.

I wouldn't say I was 'saddened' though. I would say "and now I am all too aware of how you view our friendship. So it's a firm no."

SugarMiceInTheRain Thu 25-Jul-13 09:07:15

I think Koala's response is good. Keeps it polite but spells it out for her.

DameFanny Thu 25-Jul-13 09:09:07

Your lack of etiquette
Is confirmed by the internet
So I shan't be available to bunt
Because you've behaved like a bit of a cunt

<placemark>

BMW6 Thu 25-Jul-13 09:09:08

This is Sarahandfuck's suggested reply

...I am sorry if I wasn't clear before. I was hoping that you might realise just how rude you are being without me having to spell it out to you.

You cannot send someone a save the date card, then fail to invite them to your wedding and then expect them to arrange childcare and put in time and effort to do you a wedding related favour.

I understand that this is your wedding and you have every right to invite whoever you wish to attend, but I am shocked that you cannot appreciate just how rude you are now being in expecting me to help you organise a wedding you chose not to invite me to, and I am saddened as to what this says about the way you view our friendship....

I also vote for it - it covers everything you want to say, is reasoned and mature so you keep the moral figh ground.

pigletmania Thu 25-Jul-13 09:11:15

Balloons response is great, she really is something isn't she!

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat Thu 25-Jul-13 09:11:30

So many great responses, but I think Balloonslayer's is the best (though I'd probably leave out the bit about wedding presents).

You could even combine it with one of the poems.

"If you still don't get it, maybe lyrical form will help you understand:

[insert favourite poem]"

diddl Thu 25-Jul-13 09:13:06

Thanks for that.

Spells it out clearly-well, to me-maybe not Bridezilla, thoughhmm

Although I also like Dame Fanny's concise replygrin

SarahAndFuck's response is indeed direct and dignified.

But I think Gluezilla has been spending too much time on wedding forums, where the accepted wisdom is that people like to be "part of the wedding". That means giving everyone possible a job to do, so they feel involved. Somewhere there will be a thread saying "Argh, we can't afford to invite everyone we sent STD cards to - what do I do?!" and someone replied "maybe you could ask some of them to help you decorate your venue the night before? Get plenty of nice wine and nibbles in and muck in together". Gluezilla is in that weird bridal headspace where everyone is honoured to be involved in whatever small way, but hopes she can get away with a 2L bottle of Lambrini and a bag of Doritos.

TalkativeJim Thu 25-Jul-13 09:13:27

Whatever you do please refer to her as a gluezilla in your reply - she will be completely nonplussed. It's a bit like calling someone a Wendy.

Ooh yes - she will immediately Google "gluezilla" and be directed here... grin

diddl Thu 25-Jul-13 09:16:33

Ah yes- the consolation (booby?) prize!

pictish Thu 25-Jul-13 09:19:22

""I am sorry if I wasn't clear before. I was hoping that you might realise just how rude you are being, without me having to spell it out to you.

You simply cannot expect to send someone a save the date card, fail to invite them to your wedding, and then request them to arrange childcare and put in time and effort to do you a wedding related favour!!

I understand that this is your wedding, and you have every right to invite whoever you wish to attend. However, I am frankly astonished that you cannot appreciate just how rude you have been, in asking me to help you decorate the hall for a wedding you chose not to invite me to, for the benefit of those who you DO regard well enough to invite!

It is embarrassing for both of us, so you'll have to accept a firm no.

Tidy

A few tweaks there.

nauticant Thu 25-Jul-13 09:19:46

Another vote for SarahAndFuck's suggestion. Although if it were me I'd change "I am shocked" and "I am saddened" to more neutral language. I think it'll make a more effective point if it's stripped of all emotion.

In general, I'm not convinced that opening up a debate about the correct use of Save The Date cards would help. The bridezilla has already rationalised in her head that her misuse was unfortunate but justifiable and so there's no point trying to "win" this argument.

nauticant Thu 25-Jul-13 09:21:53

Or in other words, the changes made by pictish.

scarletforya Thu 25-Jul-13 09:22:23

I get the impression Gluezilla knows now that she's caused offence, not only to OP but to others as well. I'd say she is now surrounded by burning bridges hence the desperation and begging in the latest request.

She's hoping to gloss over the whole debacle and hoping that OP will take pity on her.

If she had only acknowledged the balls up with the std cards and apologised properly then there might have been some hope for saving the friendship.

But by failing to do that and continuing to pressure OP for the decoration favour she is saying; I know I've offended and hurt you but I don't care, the friendship is now fucked anyway so I have nothing to lose by continuing to ask and you might be mug enough to comply

<speculates>

CeliaFate Thu 25-Jul-13 09:22:44

Part of me wishes you would agree to decorate it, just to shut her up. Flaccid balloons and a big banner saying "UP YOUR ARSE, GLUE SNIFFING BITCH".

onetiredmummy Thu 25-Jul-13 09:26:33

Perhaps gluezilla is on nethuns or Confetti or somesuch, with her thread on ungrateful friends who are ruining her wedding grin

I shall check Confetti smile

bootsycollins Thu 25-Jul-13 09:27:56

Morning all grin

nauticant Thu 25-Jul-13 09:29:40

Hmmm, although now the tone of the thread seems to be to post offensive comments about the bridezilla.

If you're going to post that kind of thing, it needs to be funny. Otherwise it just comes across as plain nasty.

onetiredmummy Thu 25-Jul-13 09:30:33

I'm sorry, I tried but I can't do Confetti. Not after this response from a bride:

No kids. I'm even putting it on my invites. They are annoying, make parents have to leave early, cry when they're grumpy and in my purely selfish opinion, I feel they take a lot of the guests attention for looking cute. The attention should be on the bride and groom, not some distant relative's kid in a pink dress. Although I will have a 9 and 6 year old attending (totally contradicting my beliefs) because I have been regularly involved with them since they were born and are friends of mine, not just my friend's kids.

<blocked Confetti>

getting on this thread and voting for KoalaFace's response

WeAreEternal Thu 25-Jul-13 09:33:36

Dear Bitchzilla

I'm really sorry, I thought we'd talked about this...

I can't help out everyone who sends me save the dates so I'm sorry that i wont be able to help you and [DP's name].

I'd still really appreciate an invitation to the wedding. Is there any chance you can do it?

Please? smile smile smile

Tidy

WhereMyMilk Thu 25-Jul-13 09:37:06

Shamelessly marking place as can't wait to see Tidy's response later!grin

so many good possible responces... im glad i dont have to choose on!

i also like sarahandfucks reply. you need something that is straight to the point so she actually 'gets' how very rude she is being

pictish Thu 25-Jul-13 09:40:04

The response must NOT be about Tidy's feelings, but ENTIRELY about the bride's bad form.

Love dontlaugh's limerick!

TalkativeJim's serious response is worth considering though!

I actually had to check Tidy's profile to see if I'm attending this wedding because something about it sounds awfully familiar. Fortunately she's younger than me so cannot be an old school friend of my personal bridezilla.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Thu 25-Jul-13 09:48:57

WeAreEternal grin

pictish is right! No talk about feelings or the clueless butch will turn it back on you!

Januarymadness Thu 25-Jul-13 09:54:10

Come on elinor spill the beans!

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 25-Jul-13 09:54:15

I think Horry could be spot on about the wedding forums. I'd put money on it.

And another delurker for sarahandfuck's note.

Xales Thu 25-Jul-13 09:54:31

I think you should just reply with

Yeah, no...

Yeah agreeing to the lack of invitation. No to helping decorate.

FruOla Thu 25-Jul-13 09:55:18

Good lord, elinor, is there another bridezilla out there who doesn't know the correct form with STD cards? shock

Yes, I agree with pictish and HoldMeCloser.

BalloonSlayer Thu 25-Jul-13 09:59:13

Yes Celia if Tidy does decorate it should be with lots of the classic balloon combination of two-round-ones-and-one long-one-in-the-middle, except with the long one not blown up very much.

BalloonSlayer Thu 25-Jul-13 10:01:25

She could draw hairs on the round ones as well.

< stylish >

KoalaFace Thu 25-Jul-13 10:02:57

BalloonSlayer you have an eye for detail. Maybe Gluezilla should have sent you a Slave the Date Card.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 25-Jul-13 10:03:11

waltermittymisses hasn't been given enough credit for an also very credible reply:

"Dear F,

Let me clarify: this is not about my being excluded from the wedding. It's your wedding, you can invite who you like!

This is about me being excluded from the wedding and then being asked to give up my time to decorate for it.

Honestly, I think that's laughably rude. You obviously don't. Lets just end it at that and agree to disagree.

To be very clear: I won't be helping you.

Tidy "

SecondRow Thu 25-Jul-13 10:03:29

Ooh, elinorbellowed, tell us your story!

Blatherskite Thu 25-Jul-13 10:05:34

Have you replied to the "I thought you'd want to help" message yet? Have I missed one?

I love the poems and exceptionally rude replies but in reality the more polite ones are better.

Yes, this was just blatant place-marking.

MCos Thu 25-Jul-13 10:07:55

I'd hold off responding until tomorrow. Keep her waiting and wondering. (Like all the people following this thread waiting to hear her response/your response...)

Then you need to make a choice, keep it direct 'Sorry, can't...', or go into details as to why not, and how she has made you feel.

AndHarry Thu 25-Jul-13 10:08:24

Amazing ideas on here. I particularly like FruOla, poachedeggs, and FlankShaft responses.

Can't you email her on a break so she might have replied by this evening? grin

RenterNomad Thu 25-Jul-13 10:08:49

Or a categoric: "Look, STD card IS an invitation. Now stop digging; I've had enough of you and your wilful misunderstandings. Have a nice day, and don't cintact me again."

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Thu 25-Jul-13 10:13:44

Ok I was thinking about this more.

The problem is that any explanation of why what Gluezilla is doing is rude, relies on pointing out what is says about her and Tidy's friendship. There's no way to say "you don't value me enough for an invite but expect me to be your slave" without giving Gluezilla an opportunity to say "oh right you're hurt about the invite, this is all about your feelings/sour grapes".

Now there is one way to let her know how awful she is while making it clear you're laughing at her, not crying into your pillow - but that's by sending her a link to the threads which Tidy obviously won't want to do.

So maybe the thing to do is just one line - incredulous "Do you really not see how incredibly rude you are being?"

You could follow that up with "Although you don't value my friendship enough to invite me to your wedding after asking me to save the date, you expect me to value yours enough to give up my day to decorate your hall then leave before all your real friends arrive."

But she will just then come back with "oh I'm so sorry you are being like this" blah blah space and numbers and make it all about how she just couldn't invite you. And when she tells people about this it will be the story of how Tidy couldn't accept she wasn't invited to the wedding angry

QOD Thu 25-Jul-13 10:15:20

<wedge arse in corner>

Dear Twatzilla, just to be clear, I can't help with the decorating as I shall be busy cutting your face out of every photo I possess with you in it

nobeer Thu 25-Jul-13 10:15:41

I vote for balloons.

Figureof80 Thu 25-Jul-13 10:16:51

Dear friend with the massive brass neck,
Your text made me think, "What the heck?"
You said, "Save the date,"
"As a guest you don't rate,"
"Be a drudge in the halls I must deck."

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Thu 25-Jul-13 10:17:16

Oh that's good LadyHarriet. Just light enough that Gluezilla might not be able to turn it back on Tidy.

SoleSource Thu 25-Jul-13 10:17:49

BeyonceCastle brilliant

TalkativeJim gluezilla pmsl!

pictish Thu 25-Jul-13 10:18:08

Which is precisely why the second reply, jokingly asking if she was actually invited after all, was a bad choice. I'm sorry, I know it's done with and can't be changed...but really - it was an ill thought out tactic, as it is now difficult to come back from without looking petty and jealous.

tumbletumble Thu 25-Jul-13 10:19:15

Personally I would focus less on the STD card. Yes she used it incorrectly / rudely, but if she genuinely misunderstood how STD cards work then it was not deliberate rudeness.

The bit that would really upset and annoy me would be that she seems to think it's such an honour / treat for me to help decorate for her wedding even though she has chosen not to invite me (and therefore made it clear we are not as good friends as I thought we were).

So I would focus on that piece of thoughtlessness and self-importance, rather than hammering home the correct use of a STD card.

SybilRamkin Thu 25-Jul-13 10:19:34

Ooh, just read the first thread and this one in their entirety - unbelievable! What brass-necked cheek! Loving the response suggestions, although I suggest holding off on the sweariness and taking the 'polite but distant' route. Less fun perhaps, but leaves you the moral highground (and your emails may be shared with mutual friends!).

curryeater Thu 25-Jul-13 10:21:20

HoldMeCloser, that is exactly it, which is why my suggested reply on the old thread is so ACE (blow, trumpets! blow!) because it airily assumes that the only basis on which she could be asking this, is on a professional one - and attaches a high value to the OP's time.

That answer would still work. It could be really patronising - "oh dear, you are in a bit of a pickle! let me see what I can do -" in a way that positions OP as lofty and kind, rather than hurt or bitter.

OP, do it. Send a smug, complacent, patronising note offering to do the work for £500 as she is "out of her depth" and "in a pickle" and you feel so awful for her after the terrible mix up with the save the date cards, which she must be mortified about.

curryeater Thu 25-Jul-13 10:26:30

Has anyone read that twat Toby Young's book, How to Make Enemies and Alienate People, or something? In it, he describes how he asks someone out in America, and thinks it would be charming to ask the woman to help him move house. He might have been in with a chance, but at this point she says "What? Do you think I am a maid?" Anyway the twat is under the delusion that this would have been perceived as charming and intimate and vulnerable or something, in England. What a tosser. I know there are posh boys who think they are honouring you by inviting you to skivvy for them, but they are twats and women with any sense run a mile.

Anyway. This is what she is doing. Astonishing. OP, is she... sort of... posh? I know you said that she and her husband-to-be have normal jobs, but is her background the sort of thing where she might have a sort of county approach to the little people in the village, type thing? Might she have been brought up to expect people to be flattered by being asked to serve within her noble precincts?

EldritchCleavage Thu 25-Jul-13 10:27:39

If it is to be anything more than a 'LOL, no', then I vote for waltermitty's response.

stickingattwo Thu 25-Jul-13 10:29:25

Wow, this has turned into quite the witch hunt. All because someone's been thoughtless and/or mis-used some Save the Date cards. Nice language ladies. Anyone seen "Mean Girls" recently BTW?

CeliaFate Thu 25-Jul-13 10:31:30

Oh come on! We're having a laugh. The tone of the thread all along has been funny and outrageous.
If it was just someone being thoughtless this would have wrapped up pages ago.

DuelingFanjo Thu 25-Jul-13 10:38:17

I like SarahandFucks response the best, though the others are hilarious.

Riddo Thu 25-Jul-13 10:42:14

I've spent hours reading this thread grin

Marking place

coco87 Thu 25-Jul-13 10:43:49

The thing is you already explained to her in your first reply why it was unreasonable and she answered you back with "are you serious" and then went on to ask you again.

You need to SPELL IT OUT as she is obviously either too thick or too cheeky to realise that it is rude to ask a huge favour (decorating) when at the same time massively insulting you (no invite to her wedding). In fact it is not just that, the way she answers you is really disrespectful. I can't believe she says "I thought we had already talked about this" and then goes on to request your free help. She talks to you with so little respect it's unbelieveable.

I do agree you need to write a serious reply, don't get emotive, just make it clear that her behaviour is completely inappropriate, rude and selfish and she has made a fool of herself and lost your friendship and respect by being so rude. And make it clear that since she made it clear you were not invited, you haven't "saved the date" since you have made plans.

AlistairSim Thu 25-Jul-13 10:44:28

This really needs to be linked to the Entitled thread in Classics!

shock

Iamnotmyself Thu 25-Jul-13 10:45:02

I agree it's best not to be overtly hideous in response, yet I think the woman needs to understand how hurtful and inappropriate she is being/has been.

You need to decline (obviously) as it would be very bad for your self esteem to do that, in the light of not being welcome at the event itself.

You also need to make it clear why you're declining so don't use the response I posted yesterday (no, I'm saving the date) as it doesn't express the reasons.

She's clearly rather obtuse so it's going to take a little coaxing to get the right balance and get your message across.

Perhaps just, I feel hurt that you think I'm not close enough to share your occasion in any other regard than as a helper.

As such I don't feel I want to attend in any capacity. You may think this is sour grapes but honestly, would you not feel hurt at being asked to make it all lovely for the others while not being welcome yourself?

I hope it goes well but please don't expect me there.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 25-Jul-13 10:45:21

stickingattwo
This woman hasn't been a little bit thoughtless, she's been a shocker. The STD card is not so much the issue here, it's treating a longstanding friend like staff.

nauticant Thu 25-Jul-13 10:46:26

Send a smug, complacent, patronising note offering to do the work for £500

The OP should make points in her response which reflect her desired outcome. Requesting things that she doesn't actually want is just messing around the other person and is likely to cause either confusion or aggro.

IceNoSlice Thu 25-Jul-13 10:48:46

Is anyone else reading 'sending an STD' as the, erm, other meaning of STD?

<not marking place, no not me>

NinaHeart Thu 25-Jul-13 10:58:34

Marking my place here.
I liked Balloonslayers response. Gluezilla needs telling.
Although part of me wants to decorate her venue with "used pants bunting"

So glad I happened upon this thread again! Please send SarahandFuck's reply- says it all perfectly

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 11:02:10

I really like Wahla's response on page 3, especially the bit about 'sugared almonds up Bridezilla's sphincter. grin

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 25-Jul-13 11:02:48

If it was me is write something along the lines of,

What part of this don't you understand?

Firstly, save the dates are sent to people you intend to invite. You then didn't invite me but assume I would want to decorate your venue? Clearly you don't value our friendship and are too ignorant to understand how offens

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 25-Jul-13 11:03:14

Oh FFS!

How offensive this is.

PerchedOnMyPeddleStool Thu 25-Jul-13 11:03:27

Bitches be craaaazy!!

OP, you're a star.
Your 'friend' is a loon.
Wait, that's insulting to loons, some of those are quite funny.

PedantMarina Thu 25-Jul-13 11:03:43

Definitely looking forward to Tidy's decision and Gluezilla's response.

Buuuutttt, in the meantime. Tidy, any details about what, exactly, the decorations might have been? I'm very intrigued. Clearly Gluezilla's got some (to her tiny mind, at least) amazing concept going.

[need a life-icon]

Backpaw Thu 25-Jul-13 11:05:46

Debretts says...

Many couples choose to send out printed save the date cards, prior to the wedding invitation, asking potential guests to keep a particular date free.

While an email or simple message in a Christmas card is a possible alternative, it is likely that people will take more note of a dedicated card arriving by post.

The wording should be kept brief, and just include the basic information about the wedding.

Example given:
'Please Save the Date
for the marriage of
Richard Manners and Caroline Debrett
Saturday 17th July 2010
London
Invitation to follow'

I hope the last line clarifies the situation.

FatherReboolaConundrum Thu 25-Jul-13 11:09:19

Wow, this has turned into quite the witch hunt

Er, no, not exactly sticking - we'd have to know who this person was, for starters. Laughing at an unnamed, unknown, selfish, self-absorbed idiot who apparently couldn't take a hint if it was covered in glue and stuck to their hands is not really quite the same as a witch hunt.

OP, I'm sure this has been said already, but have you thought about declining but suggesting the services of a very good wedding planner (also does naming ceremonies, apparently)?

MrsRachelLynde Thu 25-Jul-13 11:13:04

Dear bride

Please explain why you think I would give up half my weekend to help you prepare for a celebration of which you have made it perfectly clear you don't want me to be a part?

You sent me a save the date card. I saved it, on the reasonable assumption that you'd invite me, but you didn't (you can invite who you like, but this was really bad form btw), so I've made other plans. So not only am I not available to help you decorate, I don't really want to.

Yours
Tidy

nauticant Thu 25-Jul-13 11:17:09

I don't really want to is better expressed as it is unreasonable for you to ask and then, to use a good suggestion above, point out that it puts the recipient in the embarrassing position of having to refuse.

grin loving this thread.

Oh and voting for SarahAndFuck too.

MrsRachelLynde Thu 25-Jul-13 11:21:34

Good point nauticant

So, last line to read "So I am unavailable to help you decorate, and it is unreasonable of you to ask."

Trigglesx Thu 25-Jul-13 11:23:11

Personally I'd go for basic, but clear.

"As I have already discussed with you, I am not interested in decorating your wedding venue. I am rather frustrated that you continue to request my assistance, despite my response. I am not sure which surprises me more - the fact that you are so unaware that your behaviour in this entire situation is incredibly rude and inconsiderate or that you honestly believe that you are bestowing some type of favour upon me to "include" me in your plans.

I recommend that you contact either a professional and pay them for their services or infringe upon one of your friends, as they may be more willing to lend a hand."

FruOla Thu 25-Jul-13 11:27:47

I've just had another thought - which has probably already been mentioned on the first thread, I can't remember - but what on earth were the B&G thinking when they whittled the STD list to the final one and excluding Tidy?

"Umm, right we're not going to invite the TidyDancers. But she's helping me decorate the venue. Oh, never mind - I'm sure she'll still be happy to do it anyway. Actually, she'll have more time to do it because she won't have to rush home and change." (or whatever the timing is)

Trigglesx Thu 25-Jul-13 11:30:02

Just out of curiosity - when is this wedding again?

EldritchCleavage Thu 25-Jul-13 11:32:37

Actually, I don't agree that Gluezilla has to be made to understand or that Tidy has to make anything clear. Obviously, her doing so is entertaining for us, but sometimes the less said the better. If Tidy and Gluezilla have mutual friends, or bump into each other regularly, the less drama the better. I think refusing to decorate the venue is message enough, really. Let's face it, Gluezilla is not going to be honest about relaying Tidy's response to others anyway.

stickingattwo Thu 25-Jul-13 11:35:29

OP - here's my suggestion - if she's a good friend then decline politely saying that you're busy and that you are hurt at not being invited. You could also mention that you think it's cheeky to ask you to help out at a do you're not invited to. In a few months, if she is a friend, then she'll have enough time away for her wedding to realise that she's been pretty self absorbed and a bit of a twit.
If she's NOT an actual close friend, which I suspect she's not given the way you're encouraging people to mock and insult her here then accept that you weren't invited, that she used STD's the wrong way( but in the bigger scheme of things so what?), decline and move on.

nkf Thu 25-Jul-13 11:39:58

You could say nothing. Just let it go. What more is there to say? She doesn't get it.

nauticant Thu 25-Jul-13 11:41:11

Alternatively:

wedding invitation: you're a second class friend
being the bride's skivvy: you're a first class friend

In other words, The Little Red Hen through the looking glass.

IceNoSlice Thu 25-Jul-13 11:43:19

Backpaw that extract from Debretts was interesting. And the last line 'invitation to follow' certainly goes along with what I, and it seems the rest of this thread, understand to be the purpose of a save the date card! However, don't you think the bit about 'potential guests' a bit ambiguous?

GoSuckEggs Thu 25-Jul-13 11:45:51

marking my place!

I was struck by the potential guests until I saw the last line.

curryeater Thu 25-Jul-13 11:54:35

I don't think "potential guests" is ambiguous - the invited people have the potential to accept, and arrive on the day (then they are guests); or decline (and not be guests)

Iamnotmyself Thu 25-Jul-13 11:55:17

Mrs Rachel Lynde and Nauticant have it I think.

It's very clear and very concise and doesn't lower the tone at all.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Thu 25-Jul-13 11:59:17

Ooooh, I missed the first thread but am all caught up now and am shock

I'd go for an email/text saying simply 'No', personally. She should realise why you're refusing (if she doesn't really know already). If she doesn't, she's stupid as well as a bridezilla.

Can't WAIT for update!

carabos Thu 25-Jul-13 12:00:46

IceNoSlice - I'm reading "potential guests" from the other side i.e. not that the inviting couple have a get out, but more that they don't know whether the invitees will turn into guests until they respond to the invitation.

If I received a STD card and I knew I couldn't make the date, I would respond to that effect at that point, so the inviter knew not to waste an invitation on me later.

In Gluezilla's case, what fascinates me is that she seems to think it is perfectly clear and reasonable why she couldn't invite Tidy (* I thought we'd discussed this*), and that is why she thinks Tidy is BU.

Hilarious thread.

Betternc4this Thu 25-Jul-13 12:10:32

Ah here you all are !

Pulls up chair, puts kettle on gets full packet of digestives from cupboard .

Never have I been so excited waiting for an update to a thread.

DH asked me if I wanted to go to the pictures tonight - I said 'Not on your Nellie, I'm not missing this' grin

<must get out more methinks>.

comingintomyown Thu 25-Jul-13 12:12:25

Either waltermittys wording or dont bother contacting her again

Notafoodbabyanymore Thu 25-Jul-13 12:12:53

But she didn't discuss it with you did she OP? I was under the impression that you only found out through your other uninvited friend?

SisterMonicaJoan Thu 25-Jul-13 12:19:19

Can't believe gluezilla still isn't getting it!

Loving everyone's responses and the song lyrics!!

Tommy Thu 25-Jul-13 12:19:53

just marking my place too - dying to see the outcome grin

SarahAndFuck Thu 25-Jul-13 12:26:38

Ooh, people are voting for me. blush

Thank you.

I was tempted last night to say just don't reply any more but I wonder if that leaves you open to her thinking you are sulking because she still hasn't invited you after your last message, which she may have thought was you angling for one in exchange for helping her.

So I do think you have to reply. And I still think McBalls came up with a winner at Wed 24-Jul-13 23:48:27.

frumpet Thu 25-Jul-13 12:31:08

I read potential guest as a person who is invited to the wedding but as invitations have not been sent , has not yet replied with their intention of attending .

And marking my place !

Marzipanface Thu 25-Jul-13 12:37:47

I like KoalaFace's responses.

georgetteheyerfan Thu 25-Jul-13 12:38:38

No, I would not like to decorate your venue.
How rude of you to ask me!
It is NOT ok to send a save the date card and then not pass on an invitation, I expect you have upset quite a few people in doing this.....I suppose that's one way to shorten your Christmas card list.
Goodbye

She is incredible. wow.

I love the poetic responses, though!

<<Joins rubber-neckin-hillbilly-VicarinATutu so as not to lose this thread>>

Now I have read the thread properly, I am adding my vote for SarahandFuck's reply. If I haven't missed any votes, I think that is up to 23 for her response now!!

SarahAndFuck Thu 25-Jul-13 13:01:05

23 votes! That's more than the coalition got!

Go me! grin

Mumsyblouse Thu 25-Jul-13 13:03:01

I wouldn't be over the top, as others have said, you may have mutual friends/not want to be as nasty back as she has been to you. You are in danger of losing the moral high ground.

I would just write:

'I am really disappointed not to be invited to your wedding after I saved the date. I just wouldn't feel right coming along to decorate and then disappearing, so I won't be helping out.'

Tidy.

I know some people don't think you should put you've been hurt by this, but clearly you have so I would be honest. What's to be gained by a formal or nasty email, she was a friend and if she has an ounce of gumption will see that she has hurt you even though she didn't meant to.

janov Thu 25-Jul-13 13:06:50

marking my place too smile

Bowlersarm Thu 25-Jul-13 13:07:54

Seems a long time from now until Tidy gets back from her daily business to update this evening. Drums fingers.....

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Thu 25-Jul-13 13:09:14

I like that Triggles

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 13:12:28

Oh I don't know... at this stage, when it seems the bride is a total fruitloop, it might be as well to just say 'How rude. No!'

MadameGazelleIsMyMum Thu 25-Jul-13 13:14:46

Another vote for SarahAndFuck's response.

Bumply Thu 25-Jul-13 13:16:59

I like

the post in this thread by BalloonSlayer Thu 25-Jul-13 08:55:41

and the poem by VicarInaTutu Wed 24-Jul-13 22:31:19 in the previous thread

Trigglesx Thu 25-Jul-13 13:17:07

My prediction - the bride will have a few RSVPs for people that cannot come, she will decide that Tidy can come after all, and then ask AGAIN if Tidy will decorate the wedding venue. grin

waiting.....

SeaSalt1 Thu 25-Jul-13 13:19:40

I agree the OP's 'friend' has behaved badly, but they have been friends for years and presumably this must be for a reason. Why not meet for a coffee and try to explain to her (in a kindly and patient way) why you are upset? You may be able to make her see why her actions are so upsetting. This is what the poster did in the wedding planner thread and it turned out there were underlying problems that led to the new mother's behaviour - if the poster in that thread had just given up on her friend when she behaved badly the outcome would have been very different. Please be kind to her OP, and find out why she is behaving like this.

MrsDe Thu 25-Jul-13 13:21:56

I go with Mumsyblouse's response. You've been hurt by her and her subsequent actions and don't see anything wrong with saying that. I don't think that's giving her any "satisfaction" but helps put it into perspective. Or I also like the "I cant as I'm saving the date" response!!

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 13:22:43

Seasalt, she already had a conversation when she originally wasn't invited, I think to clarify that she wasn't invited despite the STD card and had left it at that until Tidy got an email asking her to decorate the venue.

Look, I could bullet-point all the ways your request is completely inappropriate but A) you have more important things to be thinking about right now and B) although I'm thoroughly taken aback by this I have no desire to further embarrass you. I'm quite sure, once the excitement of the wedding has died down, you'll see that your request was very ill-advised. No, I won't be available to help decorate but hope your day is wonderful.

This, by McBalls, is perfect. To the point, polite, not nasty and not harping on about no invite so she misses the point. And not burning any bridges or giving the bride any potential to turn this into you being the bitch.

SeaSalt1 Thu 25-Jul-13 13:26:00

Yes, understood Youthecat, I just wonder whether, given the development of the decorating request (which I agree is completely unreasonable) it might be worth finding out in a more kindly way why her friend is behaving like this. It must be out of character if they've been friends for so long. Just a thought.

FatherReboolaConundrum Thu 25-Jul-13 13:26:12

SeaSalt you're a better person than I am, because I can't think of any possible legitimate reason why you make an old friend think they were coming to your wedding, tell them they weren't but you want their unpaid help organising it, and then when told "no way" come back not once, but twice to try to get them to change their minds. She's got more front than Blackpool and Morecambe combined.

ViviPru Thu 25-Jul-13 13:28:05

I'm doubtless repeating what has already been said, but as someone who has spent the best part of the last 18 months planning a wedding, I have been up to my armpits in online forums and FB groups, I've read just about every wedding blog going and on top of that, have attended 4 weddings this summer not including my own. And I have a brain. And manners.

Given the above, I feel qualified enough in modern wedding etiquette to state unequivocally that in no circumstances WHATSOEVER is is an accepted norm to send save the dates BEFORE finalising your guest list.

IT JUST DOESN"T HAPPEN. EVER. She is a loon. She needs to realise that she has done a very abnormal and rude thing.

SeaSalt1 Thu 25-Jul-13 13:31:52

Father, on the face of it I completely agree, but I also remember the same things being said about the mother in the naming ceremony thread and it turned out there were underlying reasons for her behaviour that no-one could have guessed. It was only because the OP was kind and patient with her friend and valued the friendship enough to get to the bottom of her behaviour that the truth came out. We may not have all the facts and if they've been friends for so long it might be worth seeing if there's an underlying reason the friend is acting so badly. There may not be but I'd say it's worth finding out.

pictish Thu 25-Jul-13 13:31:53

Seasalt - you're a nicer person than me.
I'd take it as the slight that it is, and strike her off my list.

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 13:33:34

Ordinarily, I'd agree with that sentiment but it has now been 3 requests from the bride and she still doesn't see how rude she has been.

Also, just because you have known someone since school, doesn't mean they are best buddies.

ViviPru Thu 25-Jul-13 13:35:11

Same Pictish I cringe at the thought of 'sitting down for a coffee and a chat' with someone who has irked me so. Much easier to pretend they no longer exist. Perhaps not the most mature course of action, but then I'm immature with these things.

DuchessFanny Thu 25-Jul-13 13:38:03

Hi F !

Oh dear, this is getting embarrassing isn't it ?

I didn't want to point it out before but you send out std cards for people who WILL be invited, so, you know, they can save the date for the big occasion ... so you can imagine my confusion when in fact we were not invited, leading on to astonishment when you wanted me to come and help on the day for those who are ...

Do i really need to point out how rude this is ?

So, no i am now not free on that day ( despite having previously 'saved the date') but wish you all the best !

Tidy

Trigglesx Thu 25-Jul-13 13:38:20

I agree it's a kind of a no-brainer that save the date cards are only sent to those that you are definitely inviting - as obviously if you're not invited, there's no need to save the date, eh? confused

But it sounds like the bride is much too far into bridezilla-land to understand at this point that she's committed a huge breach of wedding etiquette. Nor does it sound like she cares.

I quite frankly don't understand her desperate need to get Tiny to do this, to the point of alienating her. To be honest, I would be embarrassed to ask a guest at my wedding to do the decorating, much less someone that wasn't attending. Even asking guests to help kind of smacks of "hi, here's the invitation to the wedding, please bring streamers to hang and a table arrangement to share. " hmm

I was curious - did she have a hen do for this shindig?

Seasalt the difference between this thread and the baby naming one is that in this thread the bride is not treating the op as a close friend is she, in that she has decided they are not close enough for her to invite to her wedding. So I wouldn't be arsed to try and talk about it either.

rindercella Thu 25-Jul-13 13:41:42

"Look, I could bullet-point all the ways your request is completely inappropriate but A) you have more important things to be thinking about right now and B) although I'm thoroughly taken aback by this I have no desire to further embarrass you. I'm quite sure, once the excitement of the wedding has died down, you'll see that your request was very ill-advised. No, I won't be available to help decorate but hope your day is wonderful."

This exactly. It is perfect and cannot be twisted back as Tidy being ungracious in not receiving an invitation.

ViviPru Thu 25-Jul-13 13:42:15

Good Point YD

EduCated Thu 25-Jul-13 13:43:25

So she wanted people to save the date should he deign to invite them? shock

Trigglesx Thu 25-Jul-13 13:45:06

Yes EduCated It appears she sent out save the date cards so people could save the date just in case she decided they were worthy of an invite. hmm

FatherReboolaConundrum Thu 25-Jul-13 13:54:31

The other thing that makes this different from the baby naming was that the OP on that thread was very quick to think that there must be something up with the mother, because it was so out of character. As soon as someone suggested it was a wedding planner gone rogue, the OP agreed. Tidy hasn't suggested anything similar, which makes me think this isn't the same kind of situation.

I wonder if anyone else who got a Slave the Date card is being roped in to help out?

WeAreEternal Thu 25-Jul-13 13:54:32

I just had a thought.

maybe bridezilla got confused between engagement notification cards and save the date cards

That would explain quite a lot.

nauticant Thu 25-Jul-13 13:55:23

I quite frankly don't understand her desperate need to get Tiny to do this, to the point of alienating her.

Possibly because by this point she is utterly blinkered to anything other than bending circumstances and people to comply to her plans. This doesn't necessarily make her a bad person though.

The most thought-provoking comment on this thread has been this:

I also remember the same things being said about the mother in the naming ceremony thread and it turned out there were underlying reasons for her behaviour that no-one could have guessed

Just because the bridezilla has lost all sense of perspective, it doesn't mean the OP has to go in feet first to provide more drama for our entertainment.

GoodMorningMoon Thu 25-Jul-13 14:09:15

Eternal That is quite possible. However, it makes you wonder why she would still call them Save the Date cards.

"Oh look, dear, Jane and John are getting married. I should Save the Date, so on their wedding day we can have a moment of silence out of respect."

"Oh look dear, John and Jane are getting married. I'll Save the Date and treat it like a Bank Holiday. "

"Oh look dear, John and Jane are getting married. I'm going to Save the Date as a fond memory of when we got this card."

KoalaFace Thu 25-Jul-13 14:19:59

GoodMorningMoon that made me do a very unattractive snort!

I got some votes! I am a distant runner up to Sarah who whacked the nail on the head. grin

WeAreEternal Thu 25-Jul-13 14:25:46

GoodMorningMoon Maybe she is just a moron who still doesn't know the difference.

pictish Thu 25-Jul-13 14:31:46

"Oh look dear, John and Jane are getting married. I'm going to Save the Date as a fond memory of when we got this card."

Bwahahahahaaa! grin

Partyfearsgenerally Thu 25-Jul-13 14:37:31

My helping would seem a good wheeze if
You were off of your nut on adhesive.
May I offer Sylvanian decor
As an answer, you cheap grabby fecker?

SilverOldie Thu 25-Jul-13 14:47:02

I would say nothing more than 'I said no and I mean no'.

PS I'd never heard of 'Confetti' I'm in tears of laughter, one stupid bridezilla is having hysterics because her brother and his partner have chosen a date in April 2015 to get married and her wedding is in November 20015 lol. Here's a quote:

"All of a sudden my brother announces that he and his fiancé of about 3 months are getting married in Ireland in April 2015! Just 4 months before our wedding! I am so upset! They have well and truly stole our thunder! They've got more money to spend on a wedding and she is a beautiful petite little Irish girl and I will never compare! Everyone will be comparing us to them and our wedding will now be just another wedding."

What are these people on?

TweedWasSoLastYear Thu 25-Jul-13 14:47:17

There is another course of action , one so dark , downright discipable and lined with darkness it should only be followed if one has been cast aside from all moral values and is willing to lose this person forever

Heartily agree to help Gluezilla on her chosen day
" Of course Miss Mental , I would love to help to decorate the venue . I can ask Janet and Mary as well if you like as we are all old friends an that"
" It wont take long and I have some bunting and Sylvanian figurines already so shall we say 1pm the day before??"

Then simply do nothing. Go awol on the day and leave her flap and whine and generally have a paddy all on her own , or with stbmil.

FruOla Thu 25-Jul-13 14:52:54

Dear Gluezillia,

Please stop pestering me with requests to decorate your wedding venue when you have actually told me I am now disinvited. Do you realise how rude you are?

Tidy

georgedawes Thu 25-Jul-13 14:54:30

Marking my place

Gaviguzzler Thu 25-Jul-13 15:07:53

Marking my place too. I'm supposed to be working but I'm 'glued' to this thread.....

magimedi Thu 25-Jul-13 15:18:25

I came on to post exactly what Tweed just said.

<evil grin>

ArrowofApollo Thu 25-Jul-13 15:32:04

I am just go smacked at this thread! and bookmarking

I honestly think this Queenzilla of Bridezillas will NEVER get it. I did like Sarah's and McBalls' responses. But I would keep any replies short.

Anyway here is a haiku
"Save the Date" you asked.
No cake for you, only toil.
"Fuck off" you reply.

SlangWhangering Thu 25-Jul-13 15:40:05

HERE is the CONFETTI website forum. There are lots of wedding related problems. shock

I had a read but it felt a bit voyeristic TBH confused

SlimePrincess Thu 25-Jul-13 15:47:13

That is deliciously evil, Tweed. I love it.

MissStrawberry Thu 25-Jul-13 15:48:05

But she did want you to save the date! To decorate the venue rather than be a guest, granted.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 25-Jul-13 16:00:08

I wanna have a dinner partay and decorate the table with Sylvanians.

Ifcatshadthumbs Thu 25-Jul-13 16:00:54

Dear Gluezilla

I think we must have been having two different conversations as our perceptions of this are wildly different. You said you are sorry myself and DP can't come, we CAN come (we saved the date after all) but we are not invited. There is a difference between the two.
I genuinely hope you have a lovely day but I'm afraid I would be incredibly resentful doing all that work for your wedding knowing I'm not actually invited to help celebrate. If I'm honest I feel a bit used.

Best wishes
Tidy Dancer

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 25-Jul-13 16:00:58

I'm gonna send out save the date cards.

Some people will find out they're washing up on the night, or babysitting for other couples' children.

GoodtoBetter Thu 25-Jul-13 16:09:04

Been lurking in ever mounting amazement at Bridezilla's staggering rudeness. Definitely send SarahandFuck's response.

coco87 Thu 25-Jul-13 16:10:15

Actually thinking about it, I think you should give her a dose of her own medicine. She obviously doesn't understand how she is being rude so perhaps the best way to deal with her is to say that you will come and do the decoration and then just not turn up. When she contacts you in a flap you can just act all dumb and pretend not to understand her and say something along the lines of "seriously, I didn't realise you wanted me to come and decorate your wedding venue, I thought you meant painting the wall of the old lady who lives at no.65". Act really genuinely confused and just keep saying you don't understand why she is so upset etc. I think that would be the only way to get revenge/get the message across.

nauticant Thu 25-Jul-13 16:16:05

I think that would be fantastically petty and would have an good chance of back-firing.

NinaHeart Thu 25-Jul-13 16:22:39

I'm going to send out Save the Date cards For my washing up...

"On Tuesday I will be doing my washing up. Please save the Date and be ready to come round and help me. Love Nina"

And I'll try not to be surprised when no-one shows up. Any takers..?

Yonionekanobe Thu 25-Jul-13 16:30:42

Ah, confetti.co.uk

Where nethuns go to get married.

What a hilarious forum! grin

MotherofDragons82 Thu 25-Jul-13 16:41:41

Am collapsed in giggles at the loons on Confetti.

Here's one:
"No kids. I'm even putting it on my invites. They are annoying, make parents have to leave early, cry when they're grumpy and in my purely selfish opinion, I feel they take a lot of the guests attention for looking cute. The attention should be on the bride and groom, not some distant relative's kid in a pink dress. Although I will have a 9 and 6 year old attending (totally contradicting my beliefs) because I have been regularly involved with them since they were born and are friends of mine, not just my friend's kids."

5Foot5 Thu 25-Jul-13 16:46:54

Apologies if someone has already posted this link (it's a very long couple of threads now so I may have missed it) but maybe you could include this in your email to your friend.

The Top 5 Etiquette Mistakes in Save-the-Date Cards

This is number one on the list:

1. Sending them out immediately upon your engagement. You're all excited about the wedding plans, you booked the place, you made a guest list that includes everyone you've ever known. But as time goes on, all of those deposits for the band, the videographer, the photographer, the florist, and more add up. You could find yourself in a money crunch that requires you to cut down your guest list...but you can't if you sent everyone a Save-the-date. This is the #1 save-the-date mistake, because you must invite these people to the wedding now. It's bad form to have them reserve a block on their calendars, not take their annual vacation, not register their kids for camp and so on...and then they don't get invited to the wedding. Major rifts happen in families over this one, so take your time, make sure you know the strength of your budget, and send them out when you're sure you can invite everyone on your list.

Perhaps you could include this line (or one of the similar ones) in your reply to her. Ff she reads what a faux-pas she has made in black and white from another source she might get some inkling as to why you are so put out.

TSSDNCOP Thu 25-Jul-13 16:50:23

Dear Glue,

To be crystal clear, I will not decorate the venue for your wedding.

Yours Tidy (sylvanian representative on Earth)

FruOla Thu 25-Jul-13 16:51:18

I've marginally edited mine :

Gluezillia, (forget the 'Dear ....)

Please desist from pestering me with requests to decorate your wedding venue when you have actually told me we are now disinvited. Do you realise how rude you are?

Tidy

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Thu 25-Jul-13 16:52:42

Where are you, TidyDancer?! I need to know what you've sent by why of reply?!

I would go with something like:

Dear Mad-as-a-Box-of-Frogs Gluezilla,

I feel you are rather missing the point. Whilst I could understand being left out of your wedding due to numbers or budget, it is spectacularly rude of you to have sent me a Save The Date card and then not invited me. Contrary to your interpretation of their function, STDs are intended to forewarn invitees of the planned date before such details as the venue have been finalised. You have upset many people with this particular faux pas.

To add insult to injury, you have then asked me give up my time and arrange childcare so that I can help you decorate your venue in order to surprise your chosen guests; those whom you felt were worthy of an invitation. Despite my initial refusal, you have pressed the matter, clearly demonstrating your total lack of manners and etiquette.

To clarify, I will not help with any wedding preparation. Neither will I tolerate any further discussion from you on the matter. I wish you well with the wedding and your marriage, but I do not wish to hear from you again.

Regards
TidyDancer

ShedWood Thu 25-Jul-13 16:52:42

I would go with what IfCatsHadThumbs said, but with a minor alteration at the end:

Dear Gluezilla

I think we must have been having two different conversations as our perceptions of this are wildly different. You said you are sorry myself and DP can't come, we CAN come (we saved the date after all) but we are not invited. There is a difference between the two.
I genuinely hope you have a lovely day but I'm afraid I would be incredibly resentful doing all that work for your wedding knowing that you don't consider me a good enough friend to attend your wedding, but good enough to work for nothing on the big day to make it special for you - on my planet they call that using, not friendship

Best wishes
Tidy Dancer

ILikeToClean Thu 25-Jul-13 17:03:38

Delurking to say I have spent hours reading both threads in disbelief! You lot are hilarious and very imaginative! Of course it would be great fun to say you are going to help and then not turn up, but I am sure you are a much nicer person than that Tidy and also she will then make you look like the bad guy for letting her down on her special day.

SarahandFuck's response is great, go with something along those lines, although sadly I don't think she will get it, on your original posting you said she had been talking about the wedding since they got engaged, so she is obviously too far down the Bridezilla road!

Must check out the Confetti forum - sounds mental! When will people realise that a marriage is not about one day?! shock

Hurry up with a response Tidy - I am supposed to be working and can't concentrate! grin

SecondStarToTheRight Thu 25-Jul-13 17:03:52

Shamelessly marking place <whistles quietly in the corner>

coco87 Thu 25-Jul-13 17:06:05

That is a good reply Shedwood!

AncientPigeon Thu 25-Jul-13 17:13:29

Another one waiting for a response!

MamaPizza Thu 25-Jul-13 17:17:19

Tweed Your idea is genius! (Please go for it Tidy)

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Thu 25-Jul-13 17:19:28

"On Tuesday I will be doing my washing up. Please save the Date and be ready to come round and help me. Love Nina"

I see your washing up STD and raise you a Plucking My Eyebrows.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Thu 25-Jul-13 17:33:47

Look, I could bullet-point all the ways your request is completely inappropriate but A) you have more important things to be thinking about right now and B) although I'm thoroughly taken aback by this I have no desire to further embarrass you. I'm quite sure, once the excitement of the wedding has died down, you'll see that your request was very ill-advised. No, I won't be available to help decorate but hope your day is wonderful.

I agree this is great.

Thepursuitofhappiness Thu 25-Jul-13 17:48:44

For the purpose of providing us all with ongoing entertainment, I do think the text should include a question to provoke an answer.

Thanks smile

5Foot5 Thu 25-Jul-13 17:52:33

Here's my submission. It's not funny but I think it is generally agreed she needs it spelling out...

Dear F,

It is acceptable to not invite people to your wedding. However, to send "Save The Date" cards and then not follow through with an invitation is both unacceptable and rude. You do not have to take just my word for it, research the etiquette a little and I am sure you will find this is the case. Here I can even get you started <post your favourite link here>

Maybe you will then understand why you have given offence to all of your "B List" friends such as myself.

However, in my case you have further compounded your faux pas by assuming that I will be happy to give up a day of my time, for nothing, in order to decorate your venue for the benefit of you and your "A list" friends.

If you still cannot see why my answer is no then I suggest you show this email to someone close to you who has not yet lost all sense of proportion in the run up to the wedding and ask them to explain.

Regards

TidyDancer.

Bogeyface Thu 25-Jul-13 17:54:04

Dear Gluezilla

I think we must have been having two different conversations as our perceptions of this are wildly different. You said you are sorry myself and DP can't come, we CAN come (we saved the date after all) but we are not invited. There is a difference between the two.
I genuinely hope you have a lovely day but I'm afraid I would be incredibly resentful doing all that work for your wedding knowing that you don't consider me a good enough friend to attend your wedding, but good enough to work for nothing on the big day to make it special for you - on my planet they call that using, not friendship

Best wishes
Tidy Dancer

THIS

MerylStrop Thu 25-Jul-13 18:02:57

I like:

"I do think it would be more appropriate to get someone who is welcome at your wedding to assist."

Link to etiquette

Brutally short and to the point

No, I dont want to decorate your wedding venue. I think its a bit cheeky of you to even ask me to be honest. Lets just leave this now as its getting embarrasing. Bye!

RappyNash Thu 25-Jul-13 18:09:20

I like it, Meryl.

justmyview Thu 25-Jul-13 18:11:37

Instead of posting an entry just to mark your place, did you know you can watch a thread? That'll leave more space for poems & wicked thoughts about Sylvanians

nemno Thu 25-Jul-13 18:17:46

I'd let it go now and just say, 'no, I will not do the wedding decorations. Have a lovely day'

And then Bridezilla really can't complain later to mutual friends without sounding unhinged herself.

dontmixthecolours Thu 25-Jul-13 18:19:26

Tidy, where are you???

lachrymavitis Thu 25-Jul-13 18:23:12

I agree with MerylStrop. Keep it short and sweet, but to the point.

toomanyfionas Thu 25-Jul-13 18:23:23

I think all the bitchy, snarky responses immediately reduce you to her level of rudeness. And they will leave you feeling bad as clearly you are a nice person.

Why not just tell the truth?

^No, we hadn't talked about this. And frankly I am astounded that you want me to decorate for your wedding given that I am not invited. That's not how friendship works and actually I feel quite hurt.

No, I will not be able to decorate the hall for your wedding.^

I wouldn't offer a lecture about save the date cards or etiquette. And you cannot make her understand. You can only let her know how you feel about it - and she can't argue with that.

I have nothing constructive to add - I just want to say I love 'gluezilla'

TidyDancer Thu 25-Jul-13 18:27:43

This is the response I have just sent, courtesy of Sarah and then Pictish:

"Dear F,

I am sorry if I wasn't clear before. I was hoping that you might realise just how rude you are being, without me having to spell it out to you.

You simply cannot expect to send someone a save the date card, fail to invite them to your wedding, and then request them to arrange childcare and put in time and effort to do you a wedding related favour!! The kind of thing you are asking of me is only really appropriate to ask of a guest (and even then only if it's not putting them at an inconvenience) or a professional decorator/planner.

I understand that this is your wedding, and you have every right to invite whoever you wish to attend. However, I am frankly astonished that you cannot appreciate just how rude you have been, in asking me to help you decorate the venue for a wedding you chose not to invite me to, for the benefit of those who you DO regard well enough to invite!

So just to be clear in order that there is no further ambiguity, I wish you nothing but the best for your wedding and marriage, but I regret I will not be able to help you.

Best wishes,

Tidy"

I do think it is only fair to the hundreds or maybe thousands of MN who are posting /lurking that you try to find out what the decorations will be, it won't help you Tidy at all but it would give us all some continuing interesting insight into the Gluezilla world.

Actuall tell her that you have some friends who can help, there's probably enough of us to come and all give her a truly MN wedding venue complete with fake wishing tree, pombears and Sylvanian figures.

Tiredemma Thu 25-Jul-13 18:29:08

where is thread 1 so I can get the full gist of whats going on? Although I have already gathered that the OPs friend is bat shit crazy

TidyDancer Thu 25-Jul-13 18:29:56

I've added a couple of bits myself, but that's it.

I largely resisted the urge to be horrid, but have made it clear where she and I both stand.

Hope I haven't let you all down with the lack of poetry! I have laughed like a hyena this afternoon reading them! You are all totally wonderful!

Mumoftwoyoungkids Thu 25-Jul-13 18:31:04

Excellent reply. Clear and classy.

TidyDancer Thu 25-Jul-13 18:31:28

I will see what I can do re finding out what the decorations are. I will be so disappointed if they are average! grin

Ok maybe your reply was better! Hopefully she will get the message finally.

KoalaFace Thu 25-Jul-13 18:33:34

Well done Tiny! That's a straight talking but classy reply.

Do you think she'll reply or just slither into a corner with her Pritstick up her nose?

SlangWhangering Thu 25-Jul-13 18:34:06

How about (a mixture of my earlier post and various other people's posts)
I am trying to go for a non bitter, straight forward but honest reply. I tried to avoid passive aggression too. confused

GlueZilla,

Now that I have found out that I am not invited to your wedding I am sure you can understand that I would feel really awkward helping you decorate the reception hall. I think it would be more appropriate for you to ask one of your wedding guests.

Your Tidy.

Moxiegirl Thu 25-Jul-13 18:34:37

Perfect! smile

Very good reply. Fingers crossed it does the job.

Please send her this as a wedding present anyway.

KeatsiePie Thu 25-Jul-13 18:35:44

I feel a bit bad for the bridezilla now. She's breathtakingly rude, but I think someone said similar upthread -- she really doesn't seem to realize it. Still unacceptable, but her last email gave me the feel that she doesn't mean to act so self-centered and entitled, but is just genuinely incredibly clueless and has lost all perspective due to wedding stresses.

Not okay, of course, but I do think the financial pressures of planning a wedding can make you feel a little crazy -- you can feel like you have to create an event that will be a perfect delightful representation of you and the groom's personalities and relationship, and that is also perfectly calculated to please everyone who attends in every possible regard. Add financial constraints to that and you can easily find yourself going mad over how the fuck to provide favors for 100 people at 50 cents each, and you can't cut the guest list, and you don't want to, but your mother/MIL/sister/MOH says it would be rude to not have favors, but cheap-looking favors will be even worse, and again, they can't just be any favors, they have to somehow beautifully represent you and the groom ... I kind of suspect she's been having big budget stresses and just isn't handling it well. At all.

Sorry to be a downer on the thread though, it has been fun grin

KeatsiePie Thu 25-Jul-13 18:37:15

Shit! I x-posted with you Tidy. I think you handled it really well. Polite, dignified, straightforward, but not mean at all. Very classy.

GoodtoBetter Thu 25-Jul-13 18:38:19

Excellent reply. Now do NOT respond to anything ever again.

GoodtoBetter Thu 25-Jul-13 18:38:58

do not respond to anything from her I mean...radio silence.

Keatsiepie I tried something along those lines, within 10 minutes of the OPs first post. Don't think anyone is listening. I don't get the feeling that the OP is overly bothered about this friendship, but I do feel that the general response to the bride has been rather harsh, and I hope that I never throw away a friendship as a result of advice on a thread like this sad

Good reply Tidy, I hope she gets the message. grin

SlangWhangering Thu 25-Jul-13 18:43:06

Massive cross post from me too blush

Yours is a great reply.

Ezio Thu 25-Jul-13 18:43:38

Strong, classy and dignified Tidy, better to take the high road.

Excellent response. We will await her reply with baited breath.

TidyDancer Thu 25-Jul-13 18:47:30

Just FTR, yes I was bothered about this friendship. I have known the bride for a long time and I do care about my friends. But if someone sees fit to treat their friends the way she has done then is it a friendship worth saving? Personally I feel at this point that it's beyond that. Had she not started all this about the venue, the likelihood is I would've just let the friendship slip away.

I feel a bit sad that it's come to this, but I figure if she really valued my friendship anyway, she wouldn't have been so rude.

Boomba Thu 25-Jul-13 18:49:48

do you think she will reply?

I find it unfathomable, that this whole exchange has taken place by TEXT MESSAGE?????

Has she not thought it might be better to phone or go round and speak to people?!

nipersvest Thu 25-Jul-13 18:51:14

if that doesn't work tidy, i submit this :

Dear uponesarsebride,

Since you are still not understanding this situation, imagine the scenario, you talk at great length to me about a date on which you would like to have a dinner party. We discuss guests, menu ideas, ingredients, desserts and wine. When I turn up for said dinner party, you look astonished and say 'Oh, I didn't mean that you were actually invited, but everything is in the kitchen waiting for you to cook and if you could do the washing up too, that would be great'.

The most you're going to get is a pot noodle, perhaps you can decorate your wedding venue with those.

regards, Tidy

Ezio Thu 25-Jul-13 18:51:37

Tidy, i've known my best friend for 25 years, if she wasnt at my wedding, i'd cancel, thats how much i value her friendship, shes my DD's godmother and there 2 hours after DD was born.

If you love your friends, you show them, you dont exclude them, try and use them and being rude because you said no.

Boomba Thu 25-Jul-13 18:53:53

im afraid i agree with those saying, they feel sorry for the bridezilla. She will probably be gutted she has lost a good friend. It would ruin my wedding for me sad

If she is otherwise/normally a good bird...Id not let this be the end of a friendship. Id tell her in no uncertain terms that she has been a wanker like, and she can stick her decorations up her arse..but if i loved her, Id get over it sad

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 18:56:45

If she was that much of a friend, Tidy would have been invited in the first place and none of this malarky would have been necessary though.

I like Nipers's analogy.

Boomba Thu 25-Jul-13 18:56:46

actually....im wrong blush...what ezio said. i cant actually imagine my friends uninviting me!!

YouTheCat Thu 25-Jul-13 18:57:35

grin

KeatsiePie Thu 25-Jul-13 18:58:09

Of course you're bothered about the friendship or you wouldn't have been offended or hurt.

You may get an apology down the road, after she's come to her senses (probably after the wedding is over!), since I think you said she never seemed especially entitled or selfish before. I would have been really offended too, and I would have refused to decorate. And it would absolutely change the friendship for me. But if she comes back later with a real what-was-I-thinking apology, then ten years from now it may have just become a long-ago moment when your friend acted like a twat. Here's hoping smile

SlimePrincess Thu 25-Jul-13 18:58:12

Classy response, Tidy.

TidyDancer Thu 25-Jul-13 19:00:31

Please don't anyone worry about bridezilla losing my friendship. This will not gut her, she is not that type. It will certainly not ruin the wedding.

clam Thu 25-Jul-13 19:01:03

If you cared sufficiently that it would ruin your wedding for you if a certain friend was lost boomba, then might it have been an idea to invite her in the first place? Or should that be second place?

FruOla Thu 25-Jul-13 19:02:02

Well worded, Tidy.
You deserve a crown and flowers and probably a large wine now
grin

TidyDancer Thu 25-Jul-13 19:02:12

I will point out as well, that I haven't disengaged the friendship, I have actually left it very open ended and if she does one day realise and accept just how rude she has been, I would certainly listen if she wanted to talk about it with me.

Excellent response!

Definitely not posting to see if there is another reply from Gluezilla, oh no....

TidyDancer Thu 25-Jul-13 19:03:04

Thank you all. smile

I think we all deserve wine, especially you lot for sticking with me all week! grin

I can see what you are saying, Boomba - but it seems pretty baffling to me that she didn't realise how cheeky and entitled her request was, even after TidyDancer refused her request the first time. If she had realised how far she had overstepped the friendship mark and apologised, then maybe the friendship could have been salvaged (because TidyDancer is clearly a lovely and kind person who doesn't hold grudges), but she didn't.

Cross posted with the lovely and forgiving TidyDancer.

WhereMyMilk Thu 25-Jul-13 19:06:26

Well done Tidy-that email was awesome as DS would say! grin

TidyDancer Thu 25-Jul-13 19:07:02

blush thank you SDTG. smile

FatherReboolaConundrum Thu 25-Jul-13 19:10:11

If you end up deciding that you're feeling generous enough to send her a wedding present, you could put together a book of all the poems on these threads: her own personalised volume of poetry!

BalloonSlayer Thu 25-Jul-13 19:12:17

Fab email Tidy

Lambzig Thu 25-Jul-13 19:14:55

I think it is a great reply, clear, not nasty and grown up.

I have just looked at that confetti link. The people on there seem to have no concept of gracious hospitality and have forgotten they are hosts at a wedding and people they invite are guests not an audience.

I particularly liked the smug but ill mannered bride who said that there were going to be a lot of very disappointed people when their invites went out as lots of people who thought they were coming hadn't made the final list.

Januarymadness Thu 25-Jul-13 19:14:55

Brilliant response.

On another note I only just avoided asking someone on the phone at work today if they were on glue. Thanks to this thread for putting THAT in my brain.

BatwingsAndButterflies Thu 25-Jul-13 19:17:18

Oooh... the suspense!

mynameismskane Thu 25-Jul-13 19:21:11

Please can I hav a link to the confetti thread?!

I never fail to be astounded by the gall of some people - how self important they are!

youarewinning Thu 25-Jul-13 19:21:23

Tidy fab response. I totally agree with you re the friendship as well. It's not worth being friends with a drain, but drains can be unblocked and if she has her brain bleached decides to realise the errors of her way then there may be hope to re build what you had.

pictish Thu 25-Jul-13 19:23:06

Well done Tidy - that was the perfect response. xxx

CeliaFate Thu 25-Jul-13 19:23:21

Excellent response, TidyDancer.