I get a million pounds a week in benefits

(186 Posts)
usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 13:49:41

And a 30 room mansion in the country with a swimming pool.

Not to mention all my 45 children have horses and go to private school by helicopter.

Are you jealous? Eh?

Can I have some?

OfficerMeow Tue 23-Jul-13 13:51:11

Do you have a goat and a 52inch plasma tv? If not, not bovvered

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 13:51:14

No it's all mine.

Get your own benefits.

CerealMom Tue 23-Jul-13 13:54:24

Oooo how d'ya manage that?

<sits up, opens note book, licks pencil tip>

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 13:54:43

This OP absolutely convinces me that no one ever takes advantage of the welfare system, and that everyone is receipt is deserving, needy and virtuous. By the simple sleight of sarcasm, all inconvenient facts which point to the contrary is swept aside. So far is this from being a low appeal to the absurd, standing in for an evidenced point of view, that I imagine no one will ever again imagine that there are people who believe the system is often unfair.

dawntigga Tue 23-Jul-13 13:55:10

So where do you keep your goats?


kaytola Tue 23-Jul-13 13:55:22

Pah! Peasant. I get 2 million a week and my own private jet.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 13:55:28

It's easy, you just go down the job centre and they give you a wheelbarrow full of money.

Can I pop round for a dip in your pool? Preferably while you are out?

[post about a thread within a thread about a thread emoticon]

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 13:55:55

Sadly not true usual: not if you've contributed as I have.

pianodoodle Tue 23-Jul-13 13:56:29

Just checked the online calculator and my lazy eye entitles me to a free monkey butler smile

YouTheCat Tue 23-Jul-13 13:56:46

Have you got a shed?

Fairylea Tue 23-Jul-13 13:57:16

Are you Kate Middleton?


Fairylea Tue 23-Jul-13 13:57:44

Oh sorry I see you already have 45 dc.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 13:57:47

Are you wel jel ,Crumbled.

I spent your taxpayers money on fags.

CerealMom Tue 23-Jul-13 13:58:49

So I need to buy <incredulous>, actually buy, a wheelbarrow to get 'my' cash.

Is there a benefit so I can get a wheelbarrow?

ANormalOne Tue 23-Jul-13 13:58:59

Only a million? Clearly if you were an illegal immigrant with over a hundred children you'd easily be raking in £2.5 million a week. It's an OUTRAGE, I tell you.

What box do you tick to get your benefits paid in Zim dollars?

Twirlyhot Tue 23-Jul-13 13:59:25

Do you have a plasma screen goat?

RoxyFox211 Tue 23-Jul-13 13:59:41

grinHa ha ha. Creasing. Thanks for sharing wink

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 13:59:45

Yes there is a wheelbarrow grant.

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 13:59:46

I'm not jealous - just pleased things are going to change.smile enjoy it while you can - the argument is lost.

I don't pay any tax, so meh.

MammaTJ Tue 23-Jul-13 14:00:17

Usual have a biscuit and a brew and I will have one too biscuit brew

We can pull up a chair by your heated pool (it is heated, isn't it?) and you can tell me how I go about it.

pianadoodle do a check for me, I don't just have a lazy eye, I am lazy in my entirety. I must be entitled to more.

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 14:01:02

Chickens - people can be so generous with other people's money. Makes them look good, costs them nothing.

NinaHeart Tue 23-Jul-13 14:01:26

I'm coming rahnd to burgle your gaff this afternoon....

Clearly the OP doesn't know what she is on about. I nearly believed you until I saw the helicopter part. Running a fleet (45 kids!) of helicopters on £52mill a year. Not possible. You've been reading too much Hello! You just try it, go on, you'll see, it's not as easy as all those rich folks make it out to be.

NinaHeart Tue 23-Jul-13 14:04:45

Do you need a car seat in a helicopter? Can you actually get helicopter seats?

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 14:05:02

Ah but the council provide the helicopter.

I don't have to pay for it.

Viviennemary Tue 23-Jul-13 14:07:52

Enjoy it while it lasts. Except if you're a Windsor then you're exempt from cuts.

TabithaStephens Tue 23-Jul-13 14:10:07

Here's a fable for you all:

Back in the early days when men were first hunter/gatherings, the guiding principle was “to each according to his own production.”

So, if a skillful & diligent hunter went into the woods or onto the plain to hunt food for his family, he got to keep & his family got to consume what he produced.

But as time went on the less skillful & less diligent hunters became envious about what the harder working, better skilled hunters were able to produce.

“Give us some of the game you killed,” they demanded.

And if the harder working, better skilled hunters refused, the others threatened to burn down their shelters & harm their families.

Fearing for their homes & families, whom they could not adequately protect because they were hard at work every day, the harder working, better skilled hunters eventually caved in to those that weren’t & reluctantly shared their production with the less skillful & less diligent hunters.

Thus, the welfare state (safety net) was born.

And the continuing focus remains on how the less productive can force even more from those that work harder & have greater skills, instead of how they might increase their own productiveness.

pianodoodle Tue 23-Jul-13 14:10:24

mamma you'll need to get in quick the website just checks crumbled's bank balance and transfers the money directly.

She must be low on funds now some people on here have been a bit greedy ;)

Pfft a million? I get a zilion billion and I waste it all on buying multiple flat screen TV's for my goats to watch.

Crinkle77 Tue 23-Jul-13 14:12:22

Who is this idiot obsessed with benefits?

Is that all?!

How do you survive?! You must be struggling.

chocoluvva Tue 23-Jul-13 14:13:25

Ooh that's nice.

Twirlyhot Tue 23-Jul-13 14:14:21

grin at TabithaStephens. That's actually the funniest thing on this thread!

IneedAyoniNickname Tue 23-Jul-13 14:14:24

I got given an island, plus the money to run it and servants. I feel you've been let down opsmile

Ah Crumbledwalnuts if you got as much as us in benefits you could buy a sense of humour.

Beastofburden Tue 23-Jul-13 14:17:06

I was given the entire country, in fact you all belong to me, I just haven't mentioned it yet.

Is that all, you're not very good at cheating the system are you?

I claim that much I make Bill Gates look poor.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 14:18:25

Was that fable from the little book of conservatives?

HighJinx Tue 23-Jul-13 14:18:36

A 30 room mansion for 45 kids? You want to have a word and get moved. You must be living on top of each other in a place that size.

By the way do you have a big fancy car and can you park it straight? wink

SilverOldie Tue 23-Jul-13 14:18:50

Oh you poor, disadvantaged soul OP. How on earth do you manage? Free school meals for the 45(!) children and food banks help I suppose.

Hope you can get a job soon and could be earning, oo, 15k a year, not a measly 1 million a week grin

ANormalOne Tue 23-Jul-13 14:19:04

That's the biggest load of horseshit I've ever heard Tabitha thanks for the laugh though.

JakeBullet Tue 23-Jul-13 14:19:17

Loving this naughty thread.

Runningchick123 Tue 23-Jul-13 14:19:35

Do you get a free helipad to go with the helicopter - I hope yo do as it would be a shame to ruin the lawn and the goats need the grass to munch.
I don't have a goat or a helicopter, I have a heard of African elephants to ferry me around instead as I like to be different and make a proper entrance - them helicopters are all too common these days with the over generous benefits that people get.

envy usual I had no idea.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 14:20:18

My fancy Q7 is parked askew as we speak.

The bloody chauffeur is crap at parking.

JakeBullet Tue 23-Jul-13 14:21:06

Oh Tabitha those poor, highly skilled and hard working bankers hunter gatherers....

Who looks after the flock of goats? Do you get a goat for each child?

NinaHeart Tue 23-Jul-13 14:21:23

Well loblocks to the lot of you.
I rule the world.

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Tue 23-Jul-13 14:21:26

I bet you need to top up the payments with interviews with the DM though usual? They pay really well.

Honestly, it's so easy to get loads of money and live like royalty on benefits, don't know why everyone isn't doing it.

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 14:21:51

Nice one Tabitha. We don't need to worry that much. The winds are changing - this kind of thing is about all the envious have left to resort to.

JakeBullet Tue 23-Jul-13 14:22:05

Need to get a bloke to park it usual, all that equality bollocks. That'll learn you to get a femal chauffeur.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 14:23:22

The DM does pay really well for a sad photo.

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 14:24:01

Goths - don't worry - I'm getting much more cheerful now the Tories are finally getting a lid on it. smile

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo Tue 23-Jul-13 14:24:59

Wheel barrow? I use my 4x4 and horsebox to collect my millions.

Amateurs! You use a yacht, sail it up the thames and get the minions to deliver the gold to you

HighJinx Tue 23-Jul-13 14:26:09

Have you asked for a luxury coach instead - it's not greedy when there's 40+ of you and there isn't always a helipad at Waitrose, I find.

ActionLog Tue 23-Jul-13 14:28:34

Yeah well I work 248 hours per week despite saving lives on an hourly basis and working in my spare time on a cure for cancer and yet paid 26p per hour and am overdrawn to the tune of the national debt of Spain and have to live under Waterloo bridge. This is because the government take 480% of my income in tax to give to the likes of the OP. Fair, much?

JakeBullet Tue 23-Jul-13 14:28:35

The "Tories are getting a lid in it" PMSL...er...you mean the Coalition.

Anyway, if they are "getting a lid in it" how come I am still getting free food for my free goat?

Lighten up, c'mon. This is a fun thread pushing all the rubbish the DM would have you believe. Unless of course you DO actually believe it.

HighJinx Tue 23-Jul-13 14:28:44

And the continuing focus remains on how the less productive can force even more from those that work harder & have greater skills, instead of how they might increase their own productiveness.

This is enlightening. See, before I read this I thought that the continuing focus remains on how the advantaged can increase their advantage and get even more from their workers for less pay then dump them when they screw up and the business isn't making enough gazillions anymore.

Every day's a school day huh.

Salmotrutta Tue 23-Jul-13 14:31:44

I object to my hard earned money paying for your swimming pool usual

You could at least install a polo field instead.


Twirlyhot Tue 23-Jul-13 14:33:53

FYI people hunted as a group. They worked together. Women could also hunt and gather shock. You don't need a penis to make and set a net to trap birds or gather nuts and fruit. People worked together to gather fuel, hunt, raise children and protect their community.Capitalism wasn't big then. Cooperatives were. Much more efficient and effective.

Let me tell you a fable.

Derek the hunter fell and hurt himself chasing after a stag. He couldn't hunt or provide for his family (luckily Mrs Derek could provide plenty of pigeons but I digress) and it was nearly 2,000 years until Claims Direct would exist. He and his family still got a share of the kill which enabled him to recover. Eventually he got his health back but could no longer keep up with the hunters. He took on the role of protecting the group whilst the others hunted and was still a valued member of the community.

arabesque Tue 23-Jul-13 14:37:18

I bet your 45 children have 45 different fathers.

How do you manage on that small amount usual?

Do you have to make one chicken stretch between 2 people?
I'd have a word with someone tbh. That's not nearly enough.

Swimming pools are very working class you know, every million pound benefit scrounged has them now.

I personally made the council build a theme park in my garden. They did this by knocking down the tax payers houses.
What do they need a bloody house for anyway?

I mean, MY CHILDREN have a right to play you know.
And I can't afford to take them to the theme parks on a million pounds. There's too many of them. And no one to look after the goats.

feelingood Tue 23-Jul-13 14:42:08

Do you have a paddock for your goats?

HighJinx Tue 23-Jul-13 14:42:52

I bet your 45 children have 45 different fathers

Yeah and I bet none of them pay any maintenance and all of them have loads of kids with loads of other women.

Broken Britain wink

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 14:45:21

"The "Tories are getting a lid in it" PMSL...er...you mean the Coalition"

Lol no I don't, the LibDems wouldn't do any of this but they have to hang on by their fingernails somehow to power.

Twirly actually Tabitha's point of view has just been validated on another thread by a poster saying we need to support lazy bad people to stop them resorting to crime.

TheCuntingPigeon Tue 23-Jul-13 14:47:20

Coo. smile

twistyfeet Tue 23-Jul-13 14:51:27

is there a poolboy grant? <fills in forms and requests Hugh Jackman>

Meglet Tue 23-Jul-13 14:52:58

So do I.

Karl runs up little haute couture goat clothes for mine. They chew them a bit, but hey, I can afford it.

CheeryCherry Tue 23-Jul-13 14:53:31

Is that all??
Poor thing sad

Blu Tue 23-Jul-13 14:55:06

Do you get a free car and a Blue Badge? If not it's possibl you are not getting everything you are entitled top. Try the CAB?

arabesque Tue 23-Jul-13 14:57:48

It does seem a very small amount for 45 kids. I mean 45 takeaways every night, 45 fruit shoots every hour, 45 sets of ears to be pierced, 45 Gregg's sausage rolls every lunch time, 45 fines everytime you're too hungover to get the kids out to school, some of the older kids must be nearly in their teens so 45 packets of fags every day........
It must really add up.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 14:59:55

The CB helps with the fags and booze expense.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 15:03:29

I do have a blue badge for my wheelbarrow, so I can park it in disabled parking spaces in Waitrose car park.

kitty1976 Tue 23-Jul-13 15:04:29

I get the equivalent of £37k a year on benefits, i'm rolling in it!!! Oh bugger that is what some people actually get, you couldn't make it up could you!!!!

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 15:06:33

And the rest kitty, and someone didn't just make it up, they made it happen!

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 15:08:17

Oh Kitty, poor you.

Would you like me to come down the jobcentre with you so we can steal some more tax payers money?

Or maybe you could sell some !!!!!

LookingForwardToMarch Tue 23-Jul-13 15:09:14

Did you just recently have a baby?

Is your husband called Will?

GobbySadcase Tue 23-Jul-13 15:10:09

Only a mill, OP?
I get three.

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 15:11:19

Aw. It's sad to lose an argument.sad I understand people need to take comfort like this.

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 15:11:40

Aw. It's sad to lose an argument.sad I understand people need to take comfort like this.

Tweasels Tue 23-Jul-13 15:12:09

"Frothy frothy seeth seeth seeth frothy frothy froth."

I think that's what you said CrumbledWalnuts.

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 15:12:51

Aw Tweasels it's ok if you want to think that.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 15:13:17

I haven't got time to argue.

I'm too busy spending my loadsamoney!

SoniaGluck Tue 23-Jul-13 15:14:22

Crumbledwalnuts What was the argument? And who lost what, where?

Totally lost confused

GobbySadcase Tue 23-Jul-13 15:15:36

The argument is Crumbled wants families like mine in the gutter, for the sake of fairness.

Others disagree.

where was the argument?

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 15:19:53

One thread has been deleted.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 15:21:07

Actually, 2 threads have been deleted

sunshine401 Tue 23-Jul-13 15:22:27

45 children.. bit of a hand full. Surely they are not all under 18 grin

GoshAnneGorilla Tue 23-Jul-13 15:24:11

The funniest thing on this thread is Tabitha's bit about the birth of the welfare state. Dying laughing at that.

Also laughed at the Q7 being askew grin

This is probably a question I shouldn't ask, but those wanting benefits to be slashed, what are you hoping will happen instead, bearing in mind the current job market?

Would you like people to freeze/ or starve to death?

How many deaths would suit you? Is it just the sick and elderly you would like to kill off, or is it an all-ages purge?

cheerfulweather Tue 23-Jul-13 15:25:13

Shouldn't you be off looking after your 45 children rather than mumsnetting angry

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 15:27:30

Gosh: as I say, I've seen the argument today that we need to support lazy wasters (not my words) to stop them resorting to crime. That's from someone who's probably more on your side of the debate.

Beastofburden Tue 23-Jul-13 15:27:35

I dont have a wheelbarrow to pick up my gold. Why should I? I own the bank anyway- why move it around?


Beastofburden Tue 23-Jul-13 15:28:19

btw not treating this as a serious thread, having fun inventing ways to be filthy rich.

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 15:28:57

Crumbled wants families like mine in the gutter, for the sake of fairness.

This is a tremendous way to win an argument! Make up something outrageous, say it's outrageous and who can disagree?! By George Gobby you're on to something there.

SoleSource Tue 23-Jul-13 15:31:22

I think usual has been cloned.


Bloody hell! now you want a gutter. Excuse me my hard earned council tax payment shouldn't be used to provide you and your family with a gutter to live in (or any similar drainage channel for that matter).



arabesque Tue 23-Jul-13 15:41:07

Yes, and who paid for that cloning? The taxpayers, that's who. angry

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 15:46:40

Oooh I can can get my clones to claim even more money.

Great tip,Sole.

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Tue 23-Jul-13 15:51:30

grin grin grin @ blue badge for your wheelbarrow!

Serious note- can we ask MNHQ if we can have a benefits bashing section? Would save a lot of hassle in knowing where to post.

pianodoodle Tue 23-Jul-13 15:51:37


Bloody hell! now you want a gutter. Excuse me my hard earned council tax payment shouldn't be used to provide you and your family with a gutter to live in (or any similar drainage channel for that matter)*

Lol this reminds me of the four Yorkshire men sketch...

"we got evicted from our hole in the ground" smile

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Tue 23-Jul-13 15:52:43

I'm going to buy up some poor/ work houses with my benefits so that I'll rake it in even more soon.

SoleSource Tue 23-Jul-13 16:08:17

I want a wheelbarrow badge! for my Ford Fiesta

MammaTJ Tue 23-Jul-13 16:17:38

Serious note- can we ask MNHQ if we can have a benefits bashing section? Would save a lot of hassle in knowing where to post.

Bring back the workhouse. Those lazy workshy buggers without jobs or disabled can all live there!

I asked MNHQ when I reported one of those goady threads, they didn't answer though. <sobs>

SoleSource Tue 23-Jul-13 16:46:11

What is work? I know what a house is, I have 567876544567 free ones.

arabesque Tue 23-Jul-13 16:48:19

I couldn't remember where my house was when I rolled home drunk the other night. So I just got the council to give me a new one smile.

crumbled Look, I get that you are attempting to have a serious conversation, but seeing as this thread started by talling about goats et al I think you can safely guess that if we are posting on here then we want a break from that particular conversation and are instead enjoying not having to think too deeply about it for a change.

Anyway, back to business. That last paragraph was typed by my goat who was privately tutored to type using taxpayers money.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 16:53:23

You are on the MNHQ blacklist after that logo,Murder.

They're spying on me as I type...

Pixel Tue 23-Jul-13 16:55:19

How many of the 45 are girls? Have they all had their boob jobs on the NHS yet? Don't want them to miss out.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 16:55:44

Off to the tower with you.

Oh no, I own the tower see. Got it as a reward for being workshy.

ouryve Tue 23-Jul-13 16:58:12

You need to get some of those kids diagnosed with SN, usual. You'll be really rolling in it, if you do that. Free cars, free holidays (and they'll be able to jump queues at theme parks), individual tuition at school - the works.

Usual Bring your tribe round to mine. My many council paid butlers and nannies can watch the 100 children and we will have the free government appointed bar keep to make us drinks.

LookingForwardToMarch Tue 23-Jul-13 16:58:43

Viva la revolution Murder!

(Pssst if men in black suits with posh shoes appear at your door DO NOT answer)

I'll use my multi million dollar getaway car if I see 'em!

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 23-Jul-13 17:15:30

See, I don't know what I think now. I'm confused.

See I rake in bajillions of taxpayers money but then I also earn a taxable wage. So technically I'm scrounging from myself and stealing my own money.

I get that I should be outraged but in which direction. Should I be furious that my benefits are being cut left right and centre and that I can't afford to move out of my damp-ridden house or replace my ancient rust bucket of a car? Or should I be incandescent with rage that my tax money is being given to people like me to fritter away on cars and houses in the country?

T'is a conundrum and no mistake.

MammaTJ Tue 23-Jul-13 17:19:59

Randall bless you, are you all confuzzled now? Is this going to lead to depression? I'm sure it is, then you can take the simple route of not working and get oodles of benefits.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 17:20:31

It is a dilemma,Randall.

Maybe you could start a thread and argue with yourself?

MammaTJ Tue 23-Jul-13 17:20:58

ouryve, where can I get these children? I would like to order 10 of them.

feelingood Tue 23-Jul-13 17:23:22

have you acesed school hardship fund and had everything paid all inclusive trip to disney?

Came on to congratulate you on the new addition to your family, but someone has beaten me to it! grin

SoleSource Tue 23-Jul-13 17:25:06

grin @this thread funny!

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 23-Jul-13 17:26:19

Hmm, there probably is a good thread in there somewhere. But where would I direct my rage? I'm now furious with myself for stealing my own money. God damn scrounger angry

My tax money is being given out willy nilly to people like me and I'm spending it on keeping a dog. A dog for crying out loud!

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 23-Jul-13 17:31:11

But then again, the only way I can afford to keep my dog in the smart price dry food to which she has become accustomed is for me to eat food bought exclusively from either the yellow sticker shelf or out of date stuff from Approved Foods. And still the tax credits people have decided to cut my money by £50 per month because clearly I'm living the high life.

Vicious bastards.

(Which box do I tick to get the Q7? I fricking love the word askew)

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 23-Jul-13 17:35:13

I do have an iPad though, and I just bought a load of new clothes because I'm not fat anymore, and I've got sky.

<<head explodes>>

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Tue 23-Jul-13 17:43:23

Wow, I'd be interested to see the reference for the anthropological research for your fable, Tabitha.

All the academic research I've seen into the origins of altruism, suggests that sharing your antelope with the rest of the tribe is an insurance against the day you don't kill an antelope and someone else does. Also, that an entire antelope is too much to eat by yourself without a Swiss bank account fridge.

I haveaccess to most journals through the OU library, so you can go ahead and give the full reference.

<poises pencil>


Lilithmoon Tue 23-Jul-13 18:00:43

It seems that there are some people who in order to feel better about themselves need to feel that they are better then other people. I notice it here and I notice it in real life.
An easy target is the mostly fabricated group of workshy scroungers that the media and government are so cleverly using as a diversion. Of course every cart has a bad apple or two but I believe it is a risk worth taking so that we can look after the people around us, the vast majority are not taking advantage.
People who look down on those on benefits need to have a long, hard look at themselves and the society they are living in. It is a piss poor point of view.

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 18:04:12

Another easily fabricated group is the taxpayers who want their money not stolen or taken advantage of and are thus accused of wanting to throw people in the gutter smile I think another group wants to feel better about themselves by being over-generous with other people's money and I think they're all managing nicely to do that right here!

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 18:06:15

I feel sorry for the poor sods who believe all the spin.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 18:07:18

Imagine living your life thinking the DM is true.

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 18:08:25

You don't need to feel sorry for anyone who thinks the way I do - things are, after all, changing in our direction at last.

JakeBullet Tue 23-Jul-13 18:08:41

Crumbled...calm down, this is a silly spoof thread taking the proverbial out of all the similar threads. Honestly, you should get yourself a sense of humour as they are really very nice.

Anyone who has to claim benefits gets fed up with the constant "scrounger" tab. We all know there are people out there who work the system but the majority do not do so.

You would be forgiven for believing that if you read the likes of the DM though as they want you to believe everyone on benefits lives a life of absolute luxury.

JakeBullet Tue 23-Jul-13 18:10:49

...and bugger all is changing for the people determined not to work. They will find a way round it.

Don't be so bitter....is your life so crap that you have to envy someone on benefits?

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 18:11:42

smile not really the one getting over excited here?

Anyone who has to claim benefits gets fed up with the constant "scrounger" tab.

Well have a go at the scroungers instead of the people that don't like them and I could take it a little more seriously.

There we go with the Daily Mail again. "You read the Daily Mail" isn't really a complete argument, is it? Or even a half of an argument, or even a minor point? It's more a sort of "God what can I say now" sort of thing.

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 18:12:46

Where on earth do you get the idea that I envy people on benefits?

I don't want my money stolen or taken advantage of. I have no problem with legitimate redistribution.

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 23-Jul-13 18:13:47

In fairness to *Crumbled, she does seem to be able to tell who does and doesn't pay tax just by reading their posts so she clearly is an intellectual force to be reckoned with.

Twirlyhot Tue 23-Jul-13 18:15:02

Do I pay tax?

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 18:15:25

Do I Randall? How do you work that out?

There are people who pay tax who don't mind if their money is stolen or taken advantage of - of course there are! I think there must be a few on this thread at least. I'm not one of them. smile

Crumbledwalnuts Tue 23-Jul-13 18:16:39

Well this is nice. Enjoy your goat thing. I need to go and do family things.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 18:18:02

It's because she has such a big brain.

JakeBullet Tue 23-Jul-13 18:18:41

You appear to have a massive issue with it all...that denotes that you feel you are missing out somewhere.

I did not accuse you of reading the Daily Mail, I simply said "the likes if the DM", there are several "newspapers" out there making equally spurious claims.

I dislike the idea that people refuse to work, play the system etc.

However, I would rather the system was still there to pick up the GENUINE claimants of whom there are far more.

What is your problem with a silly spoof thread? I don't like the real fraudulent scroungers but I don't think anyone here is defending them are they? Just having a silly giggle over the "tar everyone with the same brush" comments which come across all too often.

Now excuse me I have to go and milk my tax payer funded goat! <throws in stupid goat comment>

...and I am outta here.

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 23-Jul-13 18:20:13

Well that's me told, I feel suitably ashamed. sad

Twirlyhot Tue 23-Jul-13 18:21:26

How's your goat though?

Catmint Tue 23-Jul-13 18:23:01


usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 18:23:29

But you steal your own tax ,Randall.

So it's all good

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 23-Jul-13 18:28:47

I'm frothing with rage about that though.

HighJinx Tue 23-Jul-13 18:29:57

To be fair Randall, if you didn't steal your own tax the bastard government would only get their hands on it and use it bail out some European country so it's no great loss is it?

Buswanker Tue 23-Jul-13 18:34:00

Are all your kids with the same dad or 45 different ones?

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Tue 23-Jul-13 18:47:26

I don't know what I'm going to do if things change, I may have to sell some of the herd in order to keep me in booze and fags.

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 23-Jul-13 18:56:33

Do you reckon they'd let me swap the dog for a goat?

The dog's really stupid, and she eats stuff that isn't food. She did once shit a fiver though so swings and roundabouts I suppose.

TheFallenNinja Tue 23-Jul-13 18:57:34

Are you IDS?

Boulevard grin

Hey everyone, I found the book that "fable" is from, it's here.

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Tue 23-Jul-13 19:06:38

grin @ RPF's dog.

usual I love this thread but I have to admit that it's taking quite a lot of restraint to keep it funny!

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 19:06:57

You are on fire today,Murder grin

Don't bugger off again fgs.

ouryve Tue 23-Jul-13 19:09:12

MammaTJ - I never talk to my kids and give them loads of red bull. Works a treat. ADHD's the easiest SN to give your children, if you can scrounge a playstation off someone, but put Thomas and Friends on a repeated loop for a few weeks and you might manage some ASD, too.

ouryve Tue 23-Jul-13 19:09:38

Murder grin

RandallPinkFloyd Tue 23-Jul-13 19:10:53

Massive arf @ MOG's link. Priceless!

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 19:11:27

You gotta laugh,Itsokay.

It's less painful than banging your head against a brick wall.

SoleSource Tue 23-Jul-13 19:12:14

I've just opened me giro cheque but there wasn't enough room to fit all the noughts in, so I have sent it back. Cheek!

flippinada Tue 23-Jul-13 19:16:28

Hey everyone, when I was living in my council flat I told them I didn't like the wallpaper and it was making me too depressed to work so they got him that looks like a woman off of changing rooms in and he re-did it all in fifty pound notes instead of wallpaper.

I didn't like it cos it was too distracting from my seven 42 inch 3 Dee Plasma tellys so, I told them that wasn't good enough and they did it again in hundreds. And did mention they bought my son 10 PS3s, 8 XBoxs and 15 Nintendo DSs.

Anyway then I told them my arm was too sore from pulling notes off the wall to put rubbish in the bin or do any housework, so they sent round someone off the telly to clean up every day three times a day.

After that the plumbing broke so they fixed it with gold and platinum taps with all diamonds coming out when you turned them on.

Usual I shall try not to let it get to me so much this time grin

flippinada Tue 23-Jul-13 19:23:54

I also forgot to mention that I got my son diagnosed with SEN, just to get the extra benefits, which was dead easy, I just told the doctor he was hard to control and couldn't concentrate at school, even though I couldn't really be arsed looking after him.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Tue 23-Jul-13 21:15:07

MurderOfGoths - I was suddenly convinced you'd linked to an Ayn Rand book and that story would actually be there..!

Boulevard grin I've never actually read Ayn Rand, so maybe it is

emilyeggs Tue 23-Jul-13 21:49:10

grin Murder! Love it

ClayDavis Tue 23-Jul-13 21:52:16

Why have you only got a country mansion. Surely you need somewhere in town as well? Somewhere in central London should do it.

Fair point Clay, hmm... hey Usual do you think this place would be too small for you?

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 22:05:59

I've rented out Buckingham palace to some other scroungers.

grin Oh them, heard they've just had another baby <tuts>

Salmotrutta Tue 23-Jul-13 22:13:56

Do you get a Mad Cat Allowance usual?

ClayDavis Tue 23-Jul-13 22:18:30

That's good to hear, usual. A little bit of extra income on the side. I promise not to tell anyone or report you.

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 22:26:00

Yy, keep the sub letting under your hats.

The cat gets his own benefits ,Salmo.

He's been to sign on today.

Hope you're making them pay for a cat translator!

usualsuspect Tue 23-Jul-13 22:37:15

He spends his benefits on cat nip grin

I think he deals it tbh.

feelingood Tue 23-Jul-13 23:19:18

benefits = 10% of total welfare budget arrrfff

HighJinx Wed 24-Jul-13 13:20:51

I just saw an article on the Daily Mail website blush about a woman who says "I'm so rich I spent a million pounds on perfume in two months" here

It's you isn't it usual ?

usualsuspect Wed 24-Jul-13 14:58:15

<bathes in chanel no 5 >

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now